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kaldurcalm · 3 days

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Someone shared a post about the pear of anguish, saying it was used to torture slaves, and I thought its design was interesting but something felt slightly off, so I looked it up.

The first thing you see when you look this thing up is that its usage is disputed.

Apparently the mechanism doesn't seem to work the way it's said to work? It's said that people would slowly enlarge the opening in order to spread an orifice wider and wider, and that it could even break jaws.

The thing is, this device does not seem to open in this way. It seems to spring open. The screw mechanism is for closing it.

I relayed this information, thinking this was someone who would actually care about fact checking. "It might not actually have worked in this way. Its usage is disputed."

For some fucking dadblamed reason, they took this as me... questioning the existence of racism? And denying the suffering of black people?

I do a little more digging, and it's basically the same thing over and over. One guy insists that it's totally a torture device, because why else would it be in torture chamber museums?

I don't know, buddy, maybe because people like to make up stories and scare others.

That's one running theory for the existence of this thing: people wanted a good story. They wanted to be able to sell that story in order to make money. So they made elaborate devices and charged people to see them, or displayed them in order to scare their guests.

This part of the speculation, by the way, is from medieval times. There are no modern accounts of this item's usage.

We have so many accounts of slavery. We have so many ways to spread information. We're still able to converse with some of the children of the people who are still alive. We can still see the documents they left during that time.

Why would they leave this out? If it were actually in use, why would they relay the whippings, the confinement, the rape, the starvation, the harsh working conditions, the lynchings, the forced assimilation, and just... not mention this part?

Their friend piled on. I told him my statement was based on the way the device functions, and not "white people wouldn't do that." I told them that I didn't expect better from him, because I didn't know him, but I did expect better from them.

Apparently this was me making assumptions.

Gonna be honest, I didn't read the entirety of their responses, because this sort of thing is maddeningly upsetting to me. I thought I was safe to say something because, when I accidentally sent them a video by Alexis Nelson, they called it funny and informative. I know that doesn't seem like much, but... honestly, Alexis isn't going to be up everyone's alley, and sometimes that's due to bigotry. So I thought they would actually care, and not be mad about being checked. I've been in that situation plenty of times, and I normally don't say anything if I don't think I'm going to get through. I only say something if I have hope for that person.

I thought I might actually have a potential friend, and said person responded to "Hey this information might not be accurate" with... honestly, I can barely even parse the way they worded things? Something about slavery happening whether it was disputed or not.

I just wanted to fact check an unsourced facebook post.

#this has contributed to me feeling like no one wants to listen to anything i have to say and every relationship i have is doomed to fail!!#which I recognize is unhealthy!!#fellas is it splitting to get mad and unfriend someone for this nonsense #hm. maybe not what splitting is.#it's just so frustrating when someone is self righteous about their victim mentality #and every additional 'I'm not attacking you actually!' statement is perceived as an additional attack #I know I've done that but I'm WORKING ON IT #so it's frustrating to encounter in the wild and it sends me into the stratosphere #the fuck do you MEAN 'slavery happened even if it was disputed' i meant the SPECIFIC DEVICE YOU'RE MAKING CLAIMS ABOUT #I'm wildly oversimplifying. it was one hell of a sentence.#WHY DO YOU WANT MORE PAIN #THERE'S ENOUGH AS IT IS #WHY IS BAD IF I SAY THIS MIGHT NOT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN USED TO HURT PEOPLE #WHY AM I THE ENEMY #WHY AM I THE ONE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS #I THOUGHT WE COULD BE FRIENDS #sorry I'll go try to forget about this now #between this and someone saying she needs ai because commissions are too expensive and free images aren't good enough i just...#don't feel like saying anything to anyone anymore #and I missed my window for productivity today. I should have sat down to write and I didn't #and now I'm tired and frustrated because bg3 glitched wyll's cape away and i don't know which save to load to get it back #or if it's my compute #it already ate my opportunity to get everything from dammon #i might need to reinstall #personal #why did i even try. i was shaking so bad. why does it hurt this much.#torture device

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cerise-on-top · 1 month

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hey! its been a while since i last requested (ive been busy), and i loved what you wrote for skittles with the anxious s/o! you wrote it really well imo. is it alright if you write something for skittles with an s/o who really likes to bake?

- 💾

Hey there! Welcome back! It's more than alright! Baking is a good and lovely hobby, and I think Skittles would love nothing more than to join you on your endeavours!

Skittles with an S/O who Likes to Bake

I could honestly see Skittles loving to bake himself. Sure, he might not always have the ingredients for that sort of thing, but when he does, he loves to bake a cake, some cookies, some cupcakes. You name it, he’ll likely make it for you. It’s among his favourite pastime activities since no one ever expects some baked goods from anyone. Loves handing those sweets goods out to anyone willing to eat them, or to anyone who seems like they might need some good cheering up. Ergo he loves you loving to bake. Will always join you when he’s not out and about. And even if he’s not home, he’ll call you and ask you if you could kindly wait for him so that you both can indulge in your hobby together. Despite being such a kind grunt, he’s still fairly strong, so if you can’t stir the dough by yourself then he’ll gladly do it. Since he’s a very chatty grunt you can count on him to make some small talk the entire time. Maybe your conversation will derail into something more proper as well, though. Like the time Hank tried his cupcakes and said they were good! He just loves talking to you and will do so any chance he can get. If you’re not low on flour then he might play around and put some on your face just to mess around with you. Although he loves baking, it should be fun as well, in his eyes. Has probably tried to drink a drop or two of vanilla extract before and wasn’t a big fan. However, when you put your creation in the oven and wait for it to finish, he might ask you for a dance in the kitchen. Skittles thinks it’s very romantic to dance in the kitchen together. Besides, it passes the time and you won’t be leaving the oven out of sight either. He’s not a bad dancer either, he knows a few moves. But it’s really all to just grow closer to you. Once your baked goods are done, he’ll take them out of the oven and let them cool. You will always be the first one to get a bit from them, though. You should be the first one to enjoy what you made together. Afterwards he’ll take a bite as well, but he just really wants to see you light up first before he does. Whether what you made will be handed out or not depends on whether or not you want to keep it for yourself or not. If you’re alright with sharing it, then Skittles would be more than happy to give his siblings a slice of your cake as well. Something this good should be shared with the world.

#madness combat #madness combat x reader #madness combat skittles #skittles x reader #I used to bake when I was at the hospital. I loved doing it it was always so much fun #plus the people there also really liked the marble cakes and cookies I made! so it was a win-win for everyone involved #one day I'm gonna bake another cake because I do miss baking. even if I can't eat my own cakes anymore #but I'm gonna take my cakes to work so the people can eat them there!#I can see Skittles getting into just about any hobby his beloved one might have though #as long as it's not needlessly and obviously violent he'd be down for just about anything #and baking is good and nice so naturally he'd bake with you and have fun doing it as well #if there was ice in Nevada I feel as though he'd love figure skating as well #he'd be pretty good at it too in my opinion #this grunt has lots of hobbies to indulge in. doesn't have time for all of them though #he's just always out and about and needs to do something fun and nice for other people #I know I say it every time but he's such a sweetheart #they should nickname him Nevada's Sweetheart

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jewishsuperfam · 2 years

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man gideon really never had agency in her whole life huh

and the first choice she made that was really hers, no matter how shitty of a choice it was, was to die for harrow. to die and be used as the fuel for harrow's lyctorhood. and that choice didn't MATTER, because harrow refused to use her that way, and then jod stuck her back in her corpse as a revenant, without even removing the wounds that are the physical embodiment of said choice

she's trapped in a body that is an ever-present reminder of both her lack of agency and the futility and pointlessness of the one choice she ever made that she'd thought had MEANT something

no wonder she goes off about "not caring anymore"

#still not sure where i come down on whether she actually MEANT it #or if she was deliberately putting on this persona so they wouldn't know what she really wanted to do on the ninth #or if she's just mad and sad and still cares too much and is trying to convince HERSELF that she DOESN'T #or if she rly is missing part of her soul and it's affecting her ability to genuinely care #or some combination of the above #but. if she really DOESN'T care about anything anymore. i mean #can you blame her?????#every conscious moment of the past 6 months have been literally her worst nightmare in every conceivable way #the locked tomb #the locked tomb spoilers #nona the ninth spoilers #ntn spoilers #gideon nav #kiriona gaia

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stupid-dyke · 2 months

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I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.

#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy #because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP.#Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity.#AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME #BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis.#no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl #haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha #cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to #and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli #outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone #friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened #by you anymore and you never hear from her again #its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of #I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever #my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic

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hauntedtotem · 4 months

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one of my favorite childhood games got a ""remaster"" for the switch but they replaced the music (arguably best part) and it looks so. So much worse than the original, and they want 30 dollars :/

Unrelated, now accepting eShop gift cards 🤲

#/Jk.....unless? 👀#No but it's worth maybe half that because they butchered it so bad. I'd pay the 30 if they kept the original music tbh bc idc about graphic #But I'm salty removed literally one of my favorite most nostalgic OSTs..... I cannot bring myself to pay for that lmao #I'd still genuinely enjoy the gameplay no matter how shitty because I miss the original so so so #so much and modern computers can't install it anymore for whatever reason. I keep getting errors when trying to reinstall #Very sad #Switch moots if you see me playing a shitty horse game eventually no u didn't #Also I promise the original 2008 pc game was amazing pls do not judge it on the shitty switch remake #RIP The music....... 🥺🥺 Genuinely devastated #I could still pull up the original soundtrack on YouTube and play with that on I guess #I'm just mad bc they knew the OG was a bop- they used it in the eShop trailer. They. used the original music in the remake trailer 😭😭#But cut it out of the game itself?? (Looked up gameplay to confirm) Wth #The only reason I found out they remade the game was bc I was looking for the music on YouTube and found a review calling it #''The worst game available on the switch''#Anyways. I'm too angry about the injustice done to my silly little horse game I spent hundreds of hours on as a kid #I do like the new outfits and coat patterns available tho bc the original had a total of 4 options lmao #man. I miss this game so much

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born-to-lose · 7 months

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Btw I feel so fucking good for cutting my ex out of my life finally

#it was about time i did. i let him lead me on and confuse me and give me anxiety and depression for six months #and now i'm finally free thank fuck i broke off contact for good with him now #he hasn't replied in two days so i think it's fine with him too but i mean what's the use in talking to your ex #who you can't ever have a conversation with without it turning into an argument or bitter discussion #who posts about how much he misses you and regrets leaving you but when you ask him what's up with that he says he doesn't want you back #and gets defensive mad at you for seeing his posts and asking him to make up his mind #i'm just sick and tired of it and done with it and him and it's so freeing to know you don't have to deal with that anymore #no hate on anyone and i'm not gonna elaborate but i'm so happy i can move on with my life in peace now #mel talks

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domsaysstuff · 11 months

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Spidey!Robin AU

this au from this post is still rotating in my head to the point of insanity so here are some ideas abt it

ronance|side-steddie

Robin didn't like spiders.

She wasn't afraid of them but most of them made her uneasy and she would rather not deal with them. Still, even with her uneasiness she could not bring herself to kill one. Which normally isn't a problem, Steve even if he himself was afraid of them, and Robin knew that, like Robin knew everything about Steve through years of exposure to him and extortion and possibly a case of their brains melting together, he would put a brave face and take care of it for her.

But Steve wasn't here right now and there was a spider on her desk. To top it, the spider itself was looking weird, almost intelligent. Maybe Steve was right and she was studying too much and her brain was going to fry up but she could swear there was something about the spider that made her think it could understand her.

"Here goes nothing." She mumbled to herself. "Okay little guy, I'll take you out the window but you need to stay put, no funny tricks!"

The spider predicably didn't respond.

"Jesus Christ Buckley, you're starting to talk to fucking spiders." She rolled her eyed and then sighed, and moved towards the spider with a sheet of paper. "I'm going to scoop you up on this thing buddy and then carry you to the window."

Still no response. She took a stabilizing breath and did as she said. The Spider, because at this point he deserved to be addressed with capitalized letters, was still staying put and letting itself be moved onto the sheet.

"Huh, this is easy." Steve always moans and complains all until the spider is out their apartment. But then, there rarely is a moment when Steve doesn't complain. Dustin always says he's like a grumpy grandpa, Robin just calls him bitchy. "We're almost there bud."

She opened the window and moved the sheet onto the window still. And then things happened so quickly she could barely blink. The Spider moved towards her hand and she went into the panic mode.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, get off, get off, oh my god, get off, this is not what we agreed on!" Trying to shake it off her hand she also moved closer to the window and that's when she felt it. A small pinch, barely noticeable through her panic. "What the fuck! You bit me!"

The betrayal she felt was almost as strong as her panic, she shook her hand even harder and that's when the spider fell of right into the open window.

Her first thought was, thank god.

Her second was, I'm never laughing at Steve when he needs to throw out a spider ever again.

The third was, oh god it bit me. I'm going to die.

So turns out she was not going to die.

After a panicky call to Steve and a visit at the hospital, it was confirmed she was fine.

So, she's not dying, great, mostly after a week the Spider was almost out of her mind.

And that's when she starts feeling weird.

After that, she discovers she has powers, she tells Steve like, the next day because she can't not tell Steve, c'man, they don't keep secrets so she becomes spiderwoman

Okay so Robin is a freshmen in college and she lives nearby campus with Steve who is also either a freshmen (had a one year gap) or a sophomore

Steve is the og man in chair but they need some way to hack the police radio to get intel and that's where they involve Dustin (bc Steve still is the babysitter, just without the upside down shit) and his tech knowledge, how Erica gets involved is anyone's guess (maybe she makes the costume, i feel like Dustin would definitely be the one to suggest a costume, the lil comic nerd) but she does and so the Scoops Team is like Robin's team of operations

Four months in and Robin is starting to get this vigilante shit. Unfortunately, she's not very, uh, discreet. So the city gets a hero, but also the mystery. Who is Spiderwoman?

Enter Nancy Wheeler. Nancy, the leader of the campus newspaper. Nancy dedicated to become someone big, someone important, Nancy committed to breaking out, hungry for a story that would put her name out there.

So obviously, obviously, she wants to know who spiderwoman is more than anyone. And she's not used to not getting what she wants.

Robin to sway her away from her trail joins the newspaper.

"Why can't you do it Steve?"

"Okay first of all, no one would believe I want to join the newspaper and besides, Nancy is my ex-girlfriend!"

"Yeah! So you know her the best! You know how to distract her!"

"Did you miss the ex part?"

At first they have a bit of enemies flavor to them, because Nancy doesn't know why would Robin do this and also Nancy is publicly anti-spidey and Robin absolutely blabbers and ruins the two times she tries to defend spiderwoman (which actually, i think is just fucking flirting, you can't say Nancy doesn't enjoy a good argument and i think Robin thinks she flunked it but she actually made a few points that had Nancy thinking about them later like, huh, maybe there is something to her point and that makes Nancy feel all warm and fluttery inside, she just enjoys someone who can challenge her) but as they work together they start to have a bit more closer relationship

And she can't help it, she can't help it but develop a crush on Nancy fucking Wheeler of all people. But it's just she's so pretty and actually kind and stubborn and fierce, how was Robin not supposed to have a crush?

But Nancy Wheeler has a boyfriend. A boyfriend that also works for the newspaper. Jonathan Byler is a photographer for the campus newspaper and the biggest issue with him is that Robin actually fucking likes the guy.

And the thing is that at first Robin only really faces off against some petty criminals, like no one supernatural, for all she knows she is the only supernatural person in the world

Then Venom appears and Venom wants to fuck shit up. The guy is practically on a big power trip™ and Robin must stop him.

She can like spidersense him but only if she's really close to him, usually it works better, but this is almost like he's masking?? She doesn't really get it but she knows it it screws with her spidersense

And either they think its eddie munson because its just fit with the crime places and shit (but he's human) or one day her and Steve are walking through campus and they pass Eddie Munson and her spider senses are tingling™ (because he's spidey, bc spideys as a queer metaphor my beloved, also just imagine just how funny it would be if Eddie asked Robin if Steve is also like them (meaning queer) and she took it as meaning spidey so she's like "he wishes" chuckling and then starts talking how great and supportive he is tho, so Eddie thinks Steve is straight but a great ally snssj)

Either way Steve needs to get closer to Eddie Munson ("why i have to spend time with Eddie the freak Munson?" "Because i just joined the newspaper last month dingus! It's your time to pull your weight, besides your kids beg you like all the time to play their dice game! It's a good excuse!") so he starts sitting on hellfire meetings that is less a highschool club now and more of a friends meeting up together after Eddie graduated, under the disguise that he finally caved in with the kids begging (if he falls for Eddie Fucking Munson it's noones but his and Robin's business)

Venom is obvs Billy

Also! Also! A scene of Nancy sort of coming out to Robin, but not really Robin but spiderwoman and admitting her crush on Robin to her, on like some rooftop of a building after Robin saved her or some shit and Nancy is like "i feel like you would understand, constantly feeling torn between two words and identities" and it's like this vulnerable moment for Nancy and it's very bittersweet for Robin because now she knows

But she shouldn't have known. She shouldn't, she should have stopped Nancy before she said anything because she has really no right to know. Nancy didn't tell it to Robin Buckley, she said it to Spiderwoman. And after that Robin is a bit weird around Nancy because she KNOWS but she SHOULDN'T and oh god, she's gonna puke

And then Nancy finding out abt Robin being Spidey and feeling betrayed but also rejected because she now knows she revealed her crush to Robin and in turn Robin started acting weird so she takes this as rejection and it's this miscommunication between them and also maybe at this moment Robin also feels like a shit spiderwoman because Billy hurt Steve, who tried to protect the kids and she was unable to stop it and Steve is hurt and Nancy is mad at her and she can't be a superhero and she can't be just a normal girl and she feels so mad and tired

Anyway that's all i have, if you read this far I'm giving you a big kiss on the forehead 💖

#also also like Robin being mad at Steve for 'being a superhero' when it was suppsed to be her why cant he stop #selfsacrificing himself for just a moment why wont he let her be the hero and hes such a dingus #also also spidey eddie being like im no hero like you buckley ESPECIALLY after steve gets hurt because its like STEVE IS JUST HUMAN and yet #he's so brave and all eddie thinks he is good for is running #there is also a version of this where nancy hates spiderwoman because she didnt save barb (not for robins lack of trying)#and there is this scene where Robin holds Barb and she takes off her masks and she tries to talk to Barb bc her and Barb used to be friends #and cman Barb talk to me you know i hate silence cman Barb dont do this to me and Barb is like Robin? Robin im so sorry we stopped being #frineds why are we not friends anymore? 'its not important Barb we can be friends again just stay awake for me please' its a nice idea bein #your friend i think i would like that robin 'yeah? yeah i would like that too' i missed you i'm #i'm sorry i stopped being your friend *dies* 'barb? barb i missed you too cman Barb! Barb!'#but thats like a bit too much hurt for my poor heart #platonic stobin #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #ronance #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #spiderman au #stranger things #dom's au idea of the day

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l-x-x-i · 10 months

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I need to VENT my apologies

#i miss having someone fully obsessed with me and ecstatic to see me all the time #feeling so genuinely loved for being me #3 years werent enough!!!#i still sometimes think ill come home and youre back #i want to be mad at you but i miss you too fucking much im just sad #youre probably flirting with everyone and dont give a shit about me anymore #i hope youre miserable tho!! i loved you fully and so fucking hard

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emile-hides · 1 year

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Top ten reasons to cry today: My brand new phone’s max brightness is 3 stages lower than my old phone’s max brightness

#Emile's Arts #IT'S SO DARK WHY IS IT LIKE THIS #I'm going to take forever to get use to this I hate it I hate it I hate you change #I have a lot more complaints like for some reason all the notifications pile up at the bottom of the home screen instead of the top #And I can't seem to??? Change that????#Also the font they used for the time is different than it was on my old phone.....#I hate this I hate this my old phone isn't even like busted or anything it's just too old for apps to update on anymore #and out of storage space #OTHER THAN THAT IT WORKS PERFECT #I hate change I hate it I hate it I'm crying and I'm mad fuck you my phone works FINE #It comes with 64 gigs of space and 34 of them are already being used by stuff that CAME WITH THE PHONE #I hate technology I hate it so much #anyway if I miss something the next few days this is why I apologize #I hate this very much curse you decay of technology

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nursc · 6 months

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little tag drop for verses and ships.

#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ KEEP ME STEADY ⟩ i'll forgive the world as long as it has you . ， 𝚋𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎 / whtwclf. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE LOVE ⟩ without you i'll never be home . ， 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 / mcnificat. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ I'VE BEEN LOST ⟩ the only person who has ever been able to find me . ， 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 / sanitatcm. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ PINING AND ANTICIPATION ⟩ my one and only / my lifeline . ， 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 / sanitatcm. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ WE ARE A CROOKED LOVE ⟩ i miss you too much to be mad anymore . ， 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 / sanitatcm. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ SOULMATES ⟩ somewhere between lovers and best friends . ， 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 / sanitatcm. ´ˎ˗#(i'm doing okay skye i promise)#˗ˏˋ ― ⟨ BUILD BY YOUR SIDE ⟩ you are sacred ground / my forever homesite . ， 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 / exastrisnonnocere. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― a flower of melodrama in eternal bloom. ， 𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― bleeding from an unstitched wound. ， 𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚛. ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ ― she smiles out of habit，like a nervous tick. ， 𝚐𝚘𝚛𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚞. ´ˎ˗

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sunshinebarbie · 6 months

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i wish you would (Taylor’s Version) 🥲

(the one song i would dedicate to my ex-girlfriend…but we all know why that ended)

#tay tay #1989 taylor's version #taylor swift #1989 (taylor's version)#I wish you would come back #i wish we could go back and remember what we were fighting for #I wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore

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therevengeoffrankenstein · 8 months

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i am no longer as fiery. that's consolation.

#he rarely ever crosses my mind anymore. that's progress.#myevilposts #surprise healing arc. thank u boys ❤#i don't miss being mad at him. i miss the passion and the confidence the anger gave me. but not the anger.#i can't believe how much crazy shit i got away with saying about him. did no one see ANY of that???#it was like. painfully obvious the whole time too.#i am a better person now. i just think it's funny that no one cared.#did you all think that was a character? that i was being tongue in cheek?#fucking ridiculous. to those of you who know: do you forgive me for my envy?#do you forgive me for wanting him that much?

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ervotica · 5 months

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“C'mere, sweetheart-“ & “Breathe, just breathe-" with finnick please 🤍

a life of our own

pairing: finnick odair x reader

summary: finnick helps you find yourself again when you’re rescued from the capitol. you’re desperate to trust him again.

warnings: hurt/comfort, a lil fluff, a lil angst, r was tortured and brainwashed in the capitol after catching fire (i got sooo carried away with this but i luv it! hope you enjoy, please remember to like/comment + reblog!)

hunger games masterlist

Your chest is red-hot with anguish; it’s all you feel lately. Confined to this white room, locked in, spending all your time waiting for something that won’t come.

Nothing is real anymore. Your life is a thick fog that you can’t decipher, can’t tell which bits of it are real and which were planted by the Capitol. They made you a weapon against the revolution, against Katniss and Coin and Finnick.

You know him, that much is evident in your unconscious reactions. The way your chest tightens and squeezes when he walks into a room, how your breath catches and you hunger after his touch despite not knowing exactly why. But you know that he’s familiar and that - at one point or another - you loved him.

He visits routinely like clockwork, every day at around the same time. And each time you don’t push him away, don’t flinch at his touch like you do the others, his confidence grows.

Your doctor has been practicing memory games with you, which parts do your life are real and which are fabricated. You repeat them in your head over and over and sometimes they slip out when you’re talking, too. You’ve been incorporating opinions on top of the basic facts you know, and you’ve been including what you know about him.

You rock on the bed with your knees to your chest, feet tucked underneath you as you recite everything you can remember about him. You mutter it under your breath, tongue clicking as you whisper.

The door creaks and you stop dead mid-sentence. Finnick slips in without a word, pulling a chair up to sit by you. He doesn’t miss the way you eye him warily, watching every movement, every tick of his jaw and twitch of his muscles. You’ve always been perceptive- it’s one of his earliest memories of you. How you watch people.

He sits and watches you in return; you trace every inch of his body with your eyes, the bruises on his arms, the points of his shoulders, the slope of his nose and chin, the curve of his jaw.

“Finnick,” you say. He smiles; his fingers rest on the edge of the bed.

“That’s right.”

You reach out to touch him; he stays dead still as instructed by your doctors, but lets you lift his hand to place it in your own much smaller one. You turn so you’re sitting cross legged facing him, holding his hand in your lap. His heart could burst with the way you’re looking at him, a cocktail of fear and longing in your eyes. Something else lies deeper than that, like you’re being pulled through the rubble of your own mind and to the surface. Something a lot like love.

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice is small, more timid than he’s ever heard from you.

“Anything.”

“You love me. Real or not real?”

“Real,” he murmurs.

“I think I love you, too. I know I did before. I just don’t know which parts of my brain are real.” You fiddle with his fingers, the pad of your thumb rubbing over his knuckles methodically. If this is the only way you’ll ever touch him again, he’ll take it. He’ll take every scrap, every morsel of affection he can eke out of you. Whatever you’re comfortable with.

“We can figure that out together.” He’s soft as he speaks to you and it’s a voice that you remember. A very distinct one in your memory.

“Finnick,” you say again. He nods and shifts closer.

“Sometimes you call me Finn,” he starts, pressing lips to your knuckles. “Or honey. Or idiot if you’re mad at me.”

You smile and he catches a glimpse of you in there, engulfed by everything you’ve seen, everything you’ve been told. But he knows he can pull you out.

“I don’t think I’d ever be mad at you,” you mumble. He purses his lips thoughtfully.

“Well, sometimes I am an idiot. And I know you tell me that because you want to keep me safe.”

You’re in agreement there, not knowing everything but knowing undeniably that you would do anything to protect Finnick.

You shuffle over in the bed and tug at his arm. He tilts his head curiously, knowing what you’re asking but not wanting to be presumptuous.

“You want me to come sit up there with you, sweetheart?”

“Yes please.”

“Okay.” He settles himself next to you, legs outstretched where yours are tucked up tightly to your body. “If it gets too much, you tell me and I’ll go, okay?”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Then I won’t.”

You shuffle round and swing your legs over his own so you’re almost completely in his lap; his arm comes up and over your shoulders automatically, like muscle memory. This is how you are in your clearest memories- together, a tightly knit partnership. He’s holding his breath, waiting for you to realise what you’re doing and lose composure, but that moment doesn’t come. You just sit and close your eyes, ear to his chest, listening to his heart beat.

“I’m tired,” you croak.

“You want me to leave you to sleep?”

“No.” Your voice is thick and uneven where you’re full of all these new emotions that you can’t quite place. “Will you stay?”

“I’ll stay as long as you want.”

He pulls the thin blanket over your body and smiles as you needle in close to him, face in the juncture of his neck. Hiding with him instead of from him.

“C’mere, sweetheart.” You relax at the pet name, your body going lax against his own as you start to fall asleep.

You can’t be asleep for more than 30 minutes before you start to stir. You’re muttering in your sleep as you start to twitch and reach out for something.

Your brow knits and it forms a crease in the middle of your forehead as you start to cry.

“Honey, c’mon,” Finnick murmurs, his hand pressed to your neck in an effort to rouse you. “It’s just a dream.”

His chest aches; he can’t bear seeing you in this state, knowing there’s not much he can do to make it better. Thinking it’s his fault for not getting to you in time.

You scream and wake with a start, wide-eyed and frantic. Your eyes flit around the clinical looking room as you try to gauge your surroundings and reorient yourself.

“Honey, it’s okay. It was just a dream, you’re safe.”

You scramble back and push him away, curling yourself up into a ball at the foot of the bed. Tears paint your cheeks and they shine in the harsh white lights, hiccuping sobs. He crouches a metre or so away, palms up, arms outstretched in hopes you’ll make contact again.

“Breathe, just breathe,” he says. “You’re okay. I’m here, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

You’re like a wild animal the way you look at him- panic-stricken and agitated, frenetic in the way you move.

“Honey, it’s me. It’s Finn.”

You swallow thickly and nod, your body slowly starting to unfurl.

“Finn,” you sniffle, holding out your arms. “Finnick.”

He creeps closer still and you practically throw yourself into his arms, face against the hollow of his throat, arms locked around his middle like a vice.

“I have you. I’m right here,” he says, over and over like a mantra. A promise.

“I don’t wanna live like this anymore.”

“You’re not going to,” he whispers. “I’ll be here until you feel well enough and then we can start planning our life. Together.”

“Okay.”

Your fingers card through the short hairs at the nape of his neck, wet eyes meeting his.

“I love you. I know it now, I can remember that.”

“I love you too,” he says, craning his neck to meet your eyes. “You’re my girl.”

You’re hesitant as you tilt your head up to press a kiss to his lips but he welcomes it, his thumb and forefinger holding your chin in place as he pecks you a few more times.

“We’re gonna have a life of our own, I promise.”

“A life of our own.”

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