#i might have to make her a deal

[steddie-as-they-come]

my friend: you should add smut to the bed monster eddie au

me, who once got so nervous writing a makeout scene that i passed out:

#to be fair. i was 15 #BUT my point stands #even nowadays i am a whole entire adult and i still have to change my font color to white #in order to write anything spicier than kissing #i might have to make her a deal #‘if i write smut no one can ever talk about it. i don’t want to hear about it irl.’ #‘do not tell me how much you enjoyed it in the dining hall bc then i’ll be forced to die of embarrassment’

[heartslobbf]

hater alert! far too many people say that juri’s character arc ‘isn’t about her being sad about being gay, it’s about being sad about unrequited love that happens to be gay’ and. well. that is not true and by saying that you are completely flattening the brilliance of juri’s character arc which literally culminates in her being able to accept her own lesbianism despite her unrequited love, despite all her shame and self-loathing, despite this pursuit by Some Fucking Guy to try and ‘save’ her from these feelings. like if you think juri’s entire character is just ‘sad about shiori’ how do you appreciate even a modicum of the emotion packed into that final juri duel. it is both about shiori and, even broader, her lesbian identity and what that means to her intrinsically as a person, removed from romantic relationships and just purely as like. you know. Who She Is. the idea that even when juri’s locket is cut from her neck she is still a lesbian that’s still who she is and she cant change that and, crucially, she doesn’t want to even as she is agonised by these feelings. that’s why she forfeits the duel!!!! she’s clocking out she’s quitting she’s saying no!!!!!! this is me and ive got to be ok with that this is me and i can accept that this girl might not love me and i can keep living despite that. like. god im so normal arisugawa juri im so sorry that no one understands you and your intrinsically unapologetically lesbian storyline like i do

#ok got that out of my system now (rewatched ep 29 duel too many times) #revolutionary girl utena #rgu #idk i just see that argument so much and it makes me so sad #bc i get where ppl r coming from there r a lot of unnuanced ‘sad bc gay’ narratives out there #but juri’s whole arc is about actively challenging and deconstructing that idea #and it deals with the sadness that comes with being closeted with knowing youre gay and not really liking that about yourself #and eventually she does accept and embrace that aspect of herself but CRUCIALLY she doesnt do it via romantic validation #in fact she does it in the face of like. All Opposition Ever #no one says hey juri if you were gay that’d be totally fine actually haha #ruka tries to save her from her lesbianism!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!! #it is juri and juri alone who makes this resolution and that is just So Fucking Important to me #shes so. she is the queer character of all time to me i literally dont care no one else will ever come close #LIKE!!!!!!! THE CASTLE WEEPING ON HER WHEN SHE MAKES HER CHOICE!!!!!!! #accepting that part of yourself and having the symbol of matrimony and heteronormativity WEEP over you #no one ever validates juri’s choice to accept her queerness but she keeps making that choice #and her in episode 37…….. god i just might keel over and die girls when juri utena touga parallels…… #anywayyyyyyy love and light i love juriposting #shut up daisy

[aroanthy]

kiryuu sibling stasis post-32 is so interesting to me. nanami tries to leave and is (temporarily but also, crucially, violently) prevented from doing so by touga and akio. after this experience she puts distance between herself and them: she leaves touga’s phone in the car, she resigns from the student council (though she dons her old uniform still), she repeatedly dismisses and undermines the authority of the rose code, of end of the world, of akio, of touga. but she’s still in ohtori, isn’t she? uncomfortable with the idea of leaving, uncertain if it’s really possible. she tried before, and it hurt her. deeply. it’s so interesting to me, nanami’s agency and how she limits her exertion of it after 32, when she realises it for what it is. contrast that with touga, who accepts this weird stalemate between them, who is, really, uninterested in having any relationship of any kind with nanami if he can’t gain something from her. he’s very passive with her after 32, compared to the passivity he’d always feigned towards her before in order to stoke reactions from her and then exploit them. i was thinking about how touga has always been able to sever his relationship with nanami, but chosen not to; first out of a sense of obligation (‘we should live to help each other’) then a realisation of how that could be exploited. i was thinking about how nanami has never realised her ability to leave, in part because it is limited by touga and the harm he does her. i was thinking about the desperation and confusion akio calls out to anthy with as she leaves. i was thinking about how different that is to the kiryuus’ strange semi-breakdown; touga doesn’t want or need nanami, and nanami might love her brother but she cannot trust him or feel safe around him, doesn’t want to see him anymore; she’s itching to leave, and just a little scared (you know, because last time she tried that her brother assaulted her), and he’s not doing anything because ignoring her means he doesn’t have to deal with the emotions of her leaving or staying. something something gendered power dynamics something something tragic siblings

#local kiryuu sibling enjoyer has thoughts about them #i wrote this like three days ago but it’s getting posted now i have to speak my truth #touga loves a bit of inaction #nanami doesn’t but what the fuck else is she gonna do?? be brave? she tried that already #and she WILL try it again and i don’t think touga will try particularly hard to stop her #i think he might try a little but in doing so he’ll just become more aware of how much he doesn’t want to do that #and is only doing it bc of a vague sense of obligation to a perspective on life that he’s already questioned a la utena #im just. i have so many feelings about them. i bet none of you were aware of that fact already #i am once again wondering: does touga love nanami? what does that mean for each of them? #and im concluding: i really don’t think he does #i think he’s felt obligation to her and turned bitter towards that emotion and her in turn #i think he has no idea how to feel about her so he ignores the problem and exploits HER feelings as he thinks he understands them #until he realises that he doesn’t and has to deal (a little bit) with the ramifications of that #touga and anthy when nanami makes them self reflect. or swagever. the 32 way. neither of them would ever admit this but it’s true #dais.txt #her tragedy her triumph

[lovegrowsart]

no matter whether ppl are trying to make zk's canon relationship out to be sibling coded or associative friends or whatever else ppl make up i feel it all comes from this place of people that don't ship it being unable to handle zuko and katara's canonically deep and intimate friendship at the end of show without (whether subconsciously or not) perceiving it as some kind of threat to whatever katara or zuko ship they DO ship (usually either k/a or z/s or m/z)

they don't know how to acknowledge/write zk (and i don't think them being a m/f ship is divorced from this) having their canonically close friendship alongside whatever they ship because that closeness, no matter how platonic, can't supersede the romance of their own ship. so they just lazily write it off as "siblings" or convince themselves they weren't ever that close in the first place or that katara still secretly hates zuko or something in order to get out of the bind of allowing them to be close friends even if you ship them with other people 🤷‍♀️

#holly talks bs #zutara #atla fandom critical #hot take maybe but i do genuinely believe zk have one of if not THE mutually closest relationship in the gaang #because it's not about screentime spent together it's about the depth of what those scenes communicate about the characters and #their relationship #katara is the only one zuko ever marginally opened up to about his scar and his banishment and what he thinks and feels about it #zuko is the only one in the gaang katara talks about her mother in depth to #yes she's acknowledged the loss before and uses it to connect with ppl like haru and jet #but zuko is the person katara tells the whole story to #in fact zuko is the person who hears all three perspectives of kya's murder #and is yknow the person that actually GOES WITH HER on her journey to the centre of her deepest and most defining trauma #and then there's just the whole finale where they's essentially attached at the hip and he jumps in front of fucking lightning for her #brb just gonna jump in front of lightning for my associative friend #no big deal or anything we can barely talk to each other without someone else in the room #even tho zk have several scenes alone together while yeah they're not making out but they ARE usually talking about something #deep meaningful and personal #they spill their guts out to each other at the first sign they've found someone who might actually understand them

[blue-rose-soul]

For hazbin hotel au: what if alastor arrives at young age? Let say an incident which both he and his ma die at same time but because of his heritage, he got sent to hell, forced to survive in the streets until he meet Charlie and the rest of the hotel residents. How do you think will happen if he meet Lucifer?

Oh, so an AU of the AU? Sounds fun! Let me think...

Well, my first thought is that Alastor's demon form would be fairly different, since it's so closely tied into the manner in which he died. Buuuuut... I really like him as a deer demon, so I'm going to handwave that away. I'm also going to have him keep his powers associated with radio, despite him not yet having become a radio host, with the justification that listening to the radio shows together with Nicaise and making her laugh by perfectly imitating the radio man's accent were such fond memories for him they carried over to his demon form.

Ultimately, this version of Alastor still becomes the Radio Demon. But unlike the Alastor who died as an adult, nobody knows what the Radio Demon looks like. He's a mystery, known only for his radio broadcasts and striking down Overlords from the shadows. So when this little red kid with deer ears shows up on Charlie's doorstep introducing himself as the Radio Demon, she and Vaggie are understandably skeptical.

That skepticism dies when he blasts Sir Pentious's airship right out of the sky.

Alastor still brings in Niffty and Husk - two of the only people who know who the Radio Demon really is - still fixes up the building, and still acts as the facility manager. But everyone involved in the hotel keeps his identity a secret, at his request.

When Lucifer arrives at the hotel, he's in sheer disbelief that the hotel's manager is this tiny kid. Never mind Alastor frequently pointing out that he's around a hundred years old now. That doesn't really clarify anything for Lucifer who's several millennia old. He's less of a condescending jerkass to Alastor at first, seeing him as a kid, but Alastor doesn't take kindly to being treated like a child. So Alastor does what Alastor does and prods under Lucifer's armor. He starts throwing himself at Charlie, hanging off her arm, acting like a precocious kid and interrupting Lucifer's attempts to bond with her while shooting the King of Hell smug looks.

Charlie finds it a bit weird given Alastor usually acts more like an adult, but she does think it's kind of cute so she allows it. Lucifer is furious. He frequently refers to Alastor as, 'that damn brat,' and casually picks him up and teleports him to other rooms of the hotel for 'a time out' and generally treats Alastor like he's a nuisance, not a member of the hotel staff.

And then... Alastor's parentage comes out.

Lucifer is just as awkward with the childlike version of Alastor as he is with the version who died as an adult. That awkwardness just manifests differently. He keeps trying to make amends by treating Alastor as though he's an actual kid, lavishing him with gifts, inviting him on trips, so on and so forth. Alastor really doesn't think he should have to decline a trip to Lu Lu World more than once. Charlie tries to step in on his behalf, but she's not so great at dealing with Lucifer's awkwardness either.

One of the most insulting gifts is a pet, similar to Razzle and Dazzle, who is supposed to keep Alastor safe.

Alastor explodes.

He died when he was ten and he's been keeping himself safe ever since then, thank you very much! He was strong enough and clever enough to become one of the most feared Overlords in the Pentagram, all without ever showing his face once! And it's been over a hundred years since then! If Lucifer wanted to be his dad, he's about a century too late!

Unfortunately, one of the downsides of being stuck in a child's body is that sometimes his adult emotions are too big for it. All the anger and frustration comes out as tears, which only makes Alastor that much angrier. Lucifer tries to offer comfort, to pull Alastor into a hug, but Alastor melts into the shadows before Lucifer can even touch him.

#ask #anonymous #Hazbin Hotel #the Devil's Bastard AU #kid Alastor AU #the poll results are in! #although this is a spinoff AU... #I started writing out the whole history of kiddo Alastor waking up in Hell and rising to become the Radio Demon #including him making a deal with someone who HATES Lucifer #then I realized I was going off topic #but some other changes that come with Alastor dying as a kid: #he never met Mimzy when she was alive. they might have crossed paths in Hell but she doesn't come running to him for protection #since she doesn't know Alastor IS the Radio Demon #Vox still has his obsession with the Radio Demon #but since they never met face to face and never became friends it's more of a straightforward rivalry #Vox has no clue who Alastor is and doesn't care #kid Alastor is friends with Rosie still #she doesn't know how powerful he is but she has some guesses #she treats him a bit like a stray cat who swings by her shop every so often stays a few days begs for treats then dips #Rosie has offered to let Alastor live with her permanently but he refused #since Alastor didn't attend the Overlord meeting in person he didn't learn about the exorcist's death the same way #his shadow attended and reported to him later #and he went to investigate Carmilla himself later on #his relationship with Niffty is mostly the same #Husk doesn't like kiddo Alastor drinking and keeps trying to stop him #with no success #They're relationship is pretty similar to canon but Husk is the tiniest bit sympathetic #since Husk can just look at the age that Alastor died at and know how badly that must have fucked him up

[the-sage-libriomancer]

can't stop thinking about Ayame. he's such an outlier to the zodiacs in so many ways:

-the only (adult) zodiac member not living on Sohma grounds.

-the only zodiac member who genuinely likes themselves and actively practices self-love.

-the only zodiac member with a sibling in the zodiac.

-the only zodiac member Akito hasn't harmed either mentally or physically (because she can't stand him lmao).

all of it makes him feel weirdly isolated from the Sohma family's trauma and the story as a whole. he isn't under the Sohmas' thumb. he isn't bogged down by hatred or self-loathing. he's never experienced Akito's wrath the way the other zodiac members have.

and it's fascinating to think about how he must've had a completely different experience from the other zodiacs. when he was growing up, Akito hadn't hurt any of them - Shigure and Kureno both had immunity, Hatori never caused problems, and the rest of them were too young or too obedient. Ayame never hated himself, nor did he ever find himself alone and friendless. he moved far away from the Sohmas, started his own business to make his own money, and hasn't had them breathing down his neck in years. he has, for all intents and purposes, escaped the Sohma family and its mountains of trauma completely unscathed.

and you know. i wonder if that's something else Yuki hates about Ayame. that all of the zodiacs have a horror story about Akito - that Rin got thrown out a window and Hatori lost an eye and even little Kisa was beaten half to death, that Yuki himself had to endure years of intense isolation, psychotic episodes, and literal fucking torture at the hands of Akito -

and Ayame never got hurt.

not even once.

#i have a character analysis of ayame stewing in my drafts #he's the kind of character that makes me ramble like crazy #anyway i do wonder how much ayame knows about akito's reign of terror #bc it's possible shigure/hatori told him about drama in the main house #but it's also possible that they didn't #(either bc they were protecting him or bc they didn't think he'd care) #so like. how much does ayame know ab zodiac trauma at the hands of akito #he's literally never had to deal with akito in crazy mode #he might not know much ab yuki's time with her except maybe vaguely that it was Bad #does he understand what sort of shit yuki went through??? does he fully appreciate the EXTENT of it??? #questions that keep me up at night #fruits basket #ayame sohma #yuki sohma #akito sohma #analysis #sage speaketh #edited for your convenience #(<-capitalized names and tweaked some wording)

[katierosefun]

modern family is all fun and games until you get to the scenes where you burst into tears because the once-vaguely homophobic dad now refers to his son's husband as family, and also the academically gifted daughter realizes that her dorky, clumsy dad was always really proud of her and just never surprised because he just assumed she could do anything, and also the eldest daughter who eloped comes crawling back to her parents' room and whispers that she still wants her parents to be present for her wedding, and also the anxious queer lawyer character admits that he was terrified that his husband would just leave him alone with their baby daughter, and also that the once-vaguely grouchy dad looks at his stepson and tells him that what makes a family is who sticks around, not who you're blood-related to and anyways what was i saying

#caroline talks #modern family #god. . .. the way i really do love this sitcom. like have all the jokes aged well? ehhh not really #there are some jokes that land pretty badly now but i still do love this show so much and i'm so sad i'm on the final season #it's like. oh yeah. family is complicated! it's rough! #but everyone can change and grow. people can become better. it won't be perfect and it'll suck sometimes #but everyone is trying their goddamn best. #i will say though i burst into tears at hayley coming to claire and phil and going '. . . i was going to elope but i realized #that i really wanted you guys there :(' #and god also how i love gloria and jay and claire and phil and mitch and cam's relationships #and like i love the kids but the adult relationships make me cry the hardest #because it's like. when claire explodes on phil bc 'YOU NEVER TAKE MY ADVICE YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING SOMEONE ELSE'S!!!' #and phil goes up to claire and presents her with this photo album and goes '. . . honey i'm ALWAYS following your advice.' #and when i think about mitch freaking out bc he thinks he might have had another kid and he thinks cam might ditch him for it #and cam is just like '. . .. mitchell i love you.' and is just like. we'll deal with this together. #and it's just like!!! ough!!! ough!!!

[mayfieldss]

👏stop👏hating👏millie👏bobby👏brown👏for👏being👏a👏loud👏woman👏

#i personally love loud woman and they should be celebrated #in a world where woman are constantly silenced and criticized for having opinions of their own we should be supporting each other #not tearing others down #stating what she likes and or doesn't like and making her presence known in the world does not make her a bad person #it also doesn't make her a difficult person #I'm sick of people praising men for knowing what they want and knocking woman down for doing the same #powerful woman are not annoying woman #why is there a difference between a man that is a boss and a 'bossy' woman?? #she's a boss bitch who has to deal with y'all criticism every day of her life so yeah she might say things that are blunt or on the nose #but y'all would praise her honesty and laugh at her jokes if she was a man #so shut ur hating ass mouths before i shut them for you #eva rambles #millie bobby brown #stranger things cast #mbb #damsel netflix

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:

tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH

#heads up! here comes the director's commentary: #16 Carriages - now listen. i love texas hold 'em as much as the next daddy lessons supremacist #but holy shit. it doesn't hold so much as a candle to this track. #just unbelievably stunning. i'm begging you to give it another chance if you skipped over it the first time #Don't Forget Me - me and kayla and apryl all having ms rogers in this month's list... i think we might be better than everyone else actuall #End Of Beginning - good GOD we couldn't gatekeep djo any longer but it's worth it if only for all the bear tiktok edits. #and thus i have fallen for this track all over again. yes CHEF #Showtime - now if you've known me long enough you'll know i'm an absolute sucker for british indie rock bands #especially if their frontman looks like they might not make it through another winter #so you can imagine catfish has had an inexplicable hold on me. anyway their comeback single is actually pretty good #This Is The Life - fantastic tune. 2007 if you can believe it? #what a time to be alive and at the school disco and you're singing the songs and thinking this is the life and so on and so forth #Loving You Will Be The Death Of Me - tom odell can do no wrong in my eyes (ears?) anyway. lovely lovely new album #Never Need Me - been loving rachel for a while now and this single is brilliant. highly recommended. #plus the video features florence pugh and if that doesn't sweeten the deal then christ i don't know what will #Baby Now That I've Found You - i didn't even realise this was a cover of the foundations until hearing it again recently #because alison krauss just has an incredible way of making them her own and thus it's been on repeat. #Deeper Well - okay so now i'm seeing the country thread through this month's picks. #this is another lovely new one. hearing it on the radio and the fact that they have to censor “i used to wake and bake” is hilarious to me #shoutout kayla again because great minds.. #Stay For Something - CMAT is phenomenal and if you haven't listened to her yet i can't recommend her entire discography enough. #she had her arsecrack out at the brits last night and well. i would die for her #(speaking of the brits. raye... i literally cried for her. go find the recording of her live at the royal albert hall. #-watch it twice and then come back and thank me) #artists-wise - most of these guys are consistently up there. #katie melua is a new feature this time because all my amy macdonald-ing put me back onto nine million bicycles. #used to get that one mixed up with 99 luftballoons but they're really very different. i'm a fool #so tl;dr: fantastic tunes. do listen #tag #receiptify

[harvestmoth]

heres my one page thesis on why hinomori mafuyu real

#back on this again. apologizes but the newest event hit me across the face #they found her in a wet cardboard box all alone… #also all of l/n call her babygirl its just that mafuyu only knows this from kanade who in turn has only heard honami say it #anyways heres my thoughts on the hinomoris and why they should get to keep mafuyu #uh. #so everyone knows how mafuyu has the mask she puts on yea. but i dont really see people mention how shiho and shizuku. also have that #in different but still similar ways #with shizuku putting on a perfect act where shes always smiling for her idol job and as to not worry her friends and shiho #while shiho puts on her act of not caring and pushing everyone way so they dont have to deal with her or the people who target her #so as we can see here. they both put on a mask and are self sacrificial about it for the sake of others #mafuyu does that too but instead of doing it for her friends and those that actually care about her. she does it for her mom who does not #idk. anyways something something these three have a similar way of dealing with things by bottling it up until they no longer feel it #do you get me #do you understand what im on about #if not idk i might be making it all up i havent had a chance to watch all of the events and ive been kind of skipping around on them #like watching the newer ones first which is probably not the best idea #okay im done now i just want others to see the vision and do my work for me #project sekai #mafuyu asahina #shiho hinomori #shizuku hinomori #oh last thing. shiho and shizuku absolutely beat up asahina its what they all deserve #asahina mother i mean. not mafuyu. they beat each other up in the losing at card games way while they beat up asahina mom with a steel chair

[wonder-worker]

J.L. Laynesmith taking the 'Buckingham Did It™' route for the murder of the Princes in the Tower AND the rumors of Edward IV's bastardy ... I have to laugh

#my post #history media #this was in her book 'Cecily Duchess of York' which I have ... Thoughts on #I really liked it overall - it was meticulously researched and gave me information that I hadn't previously known about Cecily #However this often contrasts with Laynesmith's own very evident biases assumptions and conjecture #and the effect is very jarring #This becomes slightly more pronounced after 1464 and actually ridiculous after 1483. #She also suggests that Henry VI may have genuinely died of a melancholy-induced stroke like Edward IV claimed which is just...lmfao #I don't know what to say at this point lol #To be fair she does specifically note that he died shortly after Edward arrived in London and that most contemporaries believed #it was far too convenient #which is far more acknowledgement and culpability than she gives Richard III whose culpability for the 'disappearance' of his nephews is #literally never touched upon - the blame is conveniently dumped on Buckingham #honestly the whole Deal with Buckingham is so odd. dude was a political neophyte; was given a primarily ceremonial role by Edward IV #throughout his reign and was younger than Richard (who was a seasoned politician). What makes you think Buckingham of all people #was some kind of political genius and making decisions over RICHARD of all people lol? #anyway #This book was pretty decent with Margaret of Anjou which was great #it was less decent with Elizabeth Woodville which was not so great :/ #some of the assumptions it made (for Cecily's benefit naturally) were so weird #and the way she 'reassessed' Elizabeth's role in 1483 was very distasteful #I might make a separate post on that because it was very annoying #(also claiming Henry Tudor landed with 'a small band of Lancastrian exiles' - yeah no. the majority of the 'exiles' who supported him were #Yorkist aka Edward IV's supporters who opposed Richard. because this was very much an internal civil war between the dynasty #and Henry became a claimant only after being chosen by Yorkists after the October risings made clear the Princes were dead #the claim that challenged Richard's was Elizabeth of York not Henry's. let's not twist words here) #(ALSO I'm sorry but William Stanley certainly did not choose to commit his troops to Henry Tudor because Henry was 'his brother's stepson' #he did that out of loyalty to Edward IV and his children as Henry was the chosen claimant of the Yorkist faction #hence why he may have betrayed Henry VII in the 1490s for Perkin Warbeck who pretended to be Edward's second son. so jot that down) #you really see these small minor details which are very much chosen purposefully and paint a very different picture lol

[indigodawns]

.

#been sitting here for 1.5 hours now trying to decide if i should go see my friend as promised #or not. basically i texted earlier like heyy sorry can we do tomorrow im all over the place (mentally extra unstable*) i don't wanna #make you deal with that #but she said she might not be able to do tomorrow and she's told me she hates when ppl cancel bc so many ppl have been #cancelling on her and yk. feels bad. so i really should go but im also just. ??? #idk what it was but today is just so not it ive been crying a bunch and barely working and i v much needed #my noise cancelling headphones on the train and then i just kept them on for 1 #and then i just kept them on when i got home and ive just been on my bed scrolling and trying to decide dhsjsjdjd #yes i was supposed to work 8 hours today 💀💀💀 #so that's the other part like if i go see my friend i know tomorrow will probably be rougher and i also need to work then yk #ugh anyways i should go we can just chill im sure #* headphone context for myself bc im just like 🤨🤨 am i just kinda sad and tired today or do i really need to rest #anyways. Thoughts? dhsjjdjdjd #other context is that my friend rly isn't doing good at all and i haven't seen her in a week and it's been #even longer since we could talk 1 on 1 #like 2 weeks rip #maybe i just need food tbh ive mostly had sugary stuff today rip

[solradguy]

Man. I wish sol still had long hair in the promos. Give that man back his ponytail!

I miss his long hair so much it drives me crazy. Apparently he's still a Gear and all the other humanoid Gears have long hair so maybe it'll grow back out or something. He just looks like some guy without it lol

#asks #I suspect it might have been a covid era development shortcut removing the ponytail entirely #Less to animate and easier than making a new head model with long hair #He doesn't need the limiter anymore so his hair would be long on top too like with Dizzy and Testament's hair #But long hair like that is SOOOO HARD to animate. It's reasonable that with everything else ASW had going on that they wouldn't- #-want to have to deal with that if there was a believable way to just get rid of the long hair entirely #As much as I don't like that decision lol #I opened the Strive Jack-O' model in Blender once and saw all the nodes they put in her hair to animate it and my soul left my body

[angelboybreakdowns]

im so tired

#its exhausting living here #im the bad guy in every situation #every time i dont accomodate her stupid bullshit whims im evil and creating conflict #dean you arent allowed to get lunch for yourself bc she wants to do a baking project &youre too Disgusting to be in the same room as her fo #*food #dean you arent allowed to listen to music out loud in your room but she can play her music in the living room while you have a migraine #dean you have to ask her what food she wants from town bc she doesnt feel like texting mom herself #dean you have to stop laughing because she thinks your laugh is annoying #dean you arent allowed to eat the bread that was bought for you because she decided she wanted it #dean you arent allowed to wear the one piece of mens clothing youve ever gotten to buy apart from plaid shirts bc she thinks youre too fat #dean you arent allowed to correct her when she says things about you that are objectively untrue #dean she wants to hang out in the living room go back to your room so she doesnt have to be around you #dean she wants a book for english class you have to give her one of yours #dean you arent allowed to be angry at her for ripping the cover off one of your favorite books & nrver apologizing that was years ago #dean you arent allowed to make plans with your friends this weekend bc she might want to hang out w her friends & wants to keep moms schedul #schedule open to drive her #dean you arent allowed to eat until she serves herself #dean if youre making food & she refuses to eat bc you were in the kitchen thats your fault #dean how dare you say her hair looks like sam winchesters #dean you cant be angry when she calls you fat & ugly & disgusting & tells you to kill yourself you shouldnt let it get to you #sui mention #dean you cant get new pants bc she wants to buy this dress that she’ll never wear #dean its not a big deal when she misgenders you she waa just joking #dean shes not ableist bc youre the only autistic person she thinks is faking it for attention #im just so goddamn tired

[rillette]

I love spectre Bc hal is so scared to be a dad that he became a mom instead

Literally <3

#asks <3 #ty for the ask!! #i love u spectre (2001) i love u so so very dearly #u guys should read it if you haven't its sooooooo (explodes and dies) #hal being in a bad place mentally and then scrambling to deal with the loss of his brother and being completely unprepared for helen #hal wanting to be there for helen and do right by her vs his deep seeded self loathing and guilt complex FIGHT #hal's depressive spiral vs the magical whismy of a little girl FIGHT #i love helen so very dearly u guys #i need to reread spectre SOOOOOO bad but i am eeking through kyles run rn #might make a reading guide bc i have problems issues with a lot of other ones and i desperately need one for the parallax and spectre shit

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70% #i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op) #but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself' #and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time? #and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging