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lorebite · 1 year

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HERO OF THE DAY | L.K

↳ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: being an anti-B.O.W agent has never been easy; and you more than anyone else know how lonely it can get in this line of living. However, what you didn't expect was to have your heart stirred when you set eyes upon one Leon Kennedy - the newest recruit. ↳ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. fem reader. cursing. 2 part smut; voyeurism, implied masturbation, handjob, switchy vibes. some sweet gentle love making, Leon cumming too quickly bc he's too fucking sensitive (i swear, i couldn't resist it 😩), age gap relationship (younger man x older woman), reader is Leon's CO, pet names used for reader: Lieutenant, miss, sweetheart, honey. very subtly implied depression, PTSD and sducidal ideations, rookie!Leon. ANGST (beware. i mean it) but also some sweet, sweet fluff. reader is a smoker. mutual pining (kinda?). idiots in love (or lust?). reader shows questionable behaviors at times. title is taken from a Metallica song by the same name. this fic is a prequel to my return to ashes fic but it can totally be read as a standalone as well. in this universe, Sherry Birkin and Jack Krauser don't exist cos i think it makes better sense for this fic that way. very inaccurate depiction of military training and whatnot. also, terribly OOC.

In the beginning, the whispers were overbearing. Nonsensical. Rare was a time a new recruit managed to cause such a stir at the base. And this was even long before those sweet eyes became a constant presence amongst the rest.

You were vexed. Much more you cared to admit even to yourself. Leon Kennedy – this fresh-faced ex cop who witnessed the hell that was unleashed upon Raccoon City. You were certainly empathetic; having the unfortunate title of a walking hoard of scarring memories yourself, you held significant regards for the young man. And besides that, most recruits hadn’t the first clue about the horrors of your shared reality.

However, you found it very hard to close your eyes to his bold antics. The same way every other one of his superiors – your colleagues – seemed to do.

A real troublemaker, this boy. Not that you have ever caught him in his roguery. But you knew. That face was telling enough on its own; the permanent look of mischief in his eyes and the faint quirk of his lips that made it seem as though he was always up to no good. And of course, word was always quick to spread around the base of all the shit he liked to do.

This boy had been caught out after the curfew one too many times; and for what goddamn reason each time, you could only wonder. You have seen him, multiple times, being dragged by the ear to someone’s office many early mornings. And you had to admit, he still had quite the mouth on him despite the number of troubles he got himself into. You were only grateful to have never been the one to deal with his shit, your patience too little to put up with such behavior.

But it didn’t help that he was one of your combat trainees. And those times offered a glimpse into the cracks of his well-behaved façade. He always made sure to stand ahead of everyone in the training field – just within your line of sight where he could have your undivided attention. And he knew he had it. Fully and completely. It was easily impossible for you to ignore the way his clear eyes glittered in the sunlight or how his hair glowed like molten gold. And he knew all of that.

Even during partnered practices – those times when you treaded between the rows of trainees – those were when he truly shined. He would deliver his blows a little bit harder, grunt a little bit louder, or boast more self-righteously to his opponent. Just to draw your eyes to him every time you walked past him. It was as if he’d made it his days’ mission to pester you until you snapped. Because, obviously, you couldn’t punish him for just being a cocky showoff, could you?

Now, to you, this wasn’t some peculiar behavior. You were used to becoming the currency for the attention slot of the younger men at the base. You were a hardened, experienced agent after all. An exceptionally talented yet young lieutenant with enough wins to your name to make an average man quiver in his shell just from your mere presence. The bonus factor was your incredible physic and a pretty face to go with which never failed to make heads turn. Therefore, very few and far in between were the times you were openly disrespected and many were for the recruits to seek your praise.

However, often times, you spared no more than a few curt words of affirmation to your trainees; which you were confident they lapped up like starved puppies. It was entirely out in the open and this was also why you weren’t a stranger to being at the receiving end of your coworkers’ relentless teasing. You only imagined this to become even worse if it ever got out that you were involved with one of the recruits.

But with Leon, it was different. With him, everything was different. He forced you to notice him even when you deliberately intended otherwise. It was too easy for him to walk up to you and gather enough courage to touch your shoulder when he threw his head back and laughed at your dry humor or palm the small of your back to guide you through a door. Almost as if he was driven by this quenchless greed to have your eyes on him at all times and envy when you didn’t.

You could only wonder where you went wrong with him.

Because it was sorely pathetic. Truly. The stupidly large smile that would part his face into two upon the simplest words of praise out of your mouth was comical. And perhaps, on your better days, you found it endearingly entertaining.

That was until your suspicions were proven correct. You had believed for long enough now that Leon Kennedy was nothing but a troublemaker and soon, you came to see for yourself why.

It was just another restless night for you; a regular one that fell into the damning familiarity of blood curdling nightmares, riddled with a crippling fear that trapped you within your shell and gripped your throat until it decided to let you go. The cruel souvenir of your missions and endless reminder of all you left behind and not.

You woke soaked to skin with cold sweat, heart pounding painfully fast against your ribcage. You were still at the base in that shoebox you called your room. You were safe. You tried to remind yourself as your thoughts shifted to overdrive. Fast and unyielding.

Moonlight filtered through the small window overhead, shedding columns of dancing shadows across the floor. You couldn’t let yourself just sit there and wallow in the darkness. You needed a distraction. So, you grabbed your lighter and a packet of cigarette and wandered out into the halls of the base in hopes of tiring yourself out enough to go back to bed for another hour of sleep.

But you had only made it to the mess hall when you heard it.

Moaning. Giggling. They were hushed and cautioned but they were definitely there. It made your pulse leap and your hand freeze on the double doors leading into the kitchen once you turned one last corner. Your cigarette sat loosely between your lips as a trail of potent smoke flitted out into the air. This was beyond your fucking pay grade.

Hell, you didn’t believe you could recognize it but you did – the piercing tone of Leon’s voice was unmistakable. He was the loudest of the two, his small hoarse whines hitching every time his body thudded gently against the wall. Holy shit, you nearly blurted out; your eyes finally finding him in the darkness. His arms were pinned by his head, a nameless face buried in the crook of his neck and fuck if he didn’t look gorgeous like that.

You should’ve just turned around and walked away. You knew you should’ve. You should’ve resisted. But your brain failed to make that very simple command to your body. It instead flooded you with vivid thoughts of all you couldn’t see when you ducked back behind the corner of the wall, igniting a rebellious flame that quickly engulfed you whole. You stood there rooted to your spot, obtusely searching in the darkness as your ears rang with the shameless cacophony of pleasure.

What the fuck am I doing? That remaining sliver of rationale screamed in your head, the burning heat of your cigarette creeping dangerously close to your lips. You were trembling, breaths labored, your one hand against the double doors clenched into a fist.

It had been too fucking long. You were smothered in work and work and more work. Taking something for yourself, just for your own plain indulgence was never an option. Or rather, you never left the room for that option to grow. Now you were loitering – cowering in the dark, listening to your bratty trainee get fucked into the wall while you ached and questioned everything you once stood for. Really. What were you doing?

You bridled at your newfound vulnerability in such a darned situation. So, you turned on your heels and hurried back to your room. Insomnia be damned. You had a throbbing need to nurse now.

“Son of a bitch,” you muttered begrudgingly to yourself as soon as your back turned to the closed door of your room, fingers pressing ardently over your exhausted eyes. “Fuck. That was—”

But you shook your head, not allowing yourself to give anymore voice to your racing thoughts as you slipped back in your cot, twisting yourself in the thin white bedsheet and scolding your own misbehaving mind.

But too long. It had been just too long. You’d almost forgotten you harbored all these emotions deep inside that cavity which was meant to hold your heart. Years and years of working yourself like a machine finally collapsing to bits over your head. Why did it have to take him for you to realize? Why this?

And maybe one of these days, you’d curse yourself for it. But right now, you were brimmed full with want and it didn’t take long for your fingers to slide between your thighs and seek release to the filthy thoughts of that same recruit you’d sworn yourself off of. Oh, how shameful indeed. But this was your reality now.

Weeks after that night were hellish. Purely torturous. You could no longer be around Leon and not be reminded of that mouthwatering image of his fucked-out face burned in the back of your mind and the memory of what you did with it; as much as it made a gnawing guilt rise like a choking lump up your throat.

Leon’s goal to claim your attention was ever set in stone. And now, he intended to plant the seed of desire in you as well. Or perhaps, this was probably just you. You were almost convinced you were deluding yourself. But ignoring your newly budded suspicions offered very little resolution. Because you couldn’t ignore him. Not once did he yield his ways.

His touches had become more constant and lingering. His eyes practically two devouring maws downing you in one gulp. He only needed to open his mouth and he would dig a hole for your resolve to lie in. Yes, Lieutenant. Right away, Lieutenant. The way his tongue rolled around your title, and the way his voice swooped into a low melodious hum whenever he spoke it made your pulse race every damn time. The obedience and politeness a stark contrast to the devilish look on his face.

It was indeed infuriating the level of power he seemed to hold over you now. It was as though your places had been swapped. You were now at his mercy – of what he found frustratingly entertaining at your expense.

And finally, one late afternoon, his advances became much more targeted.

Mere minutes. That was all it took after your training ended for him to come barging into the changing room. You were only dressing back into your uniform when the door creaked open. You looked over your shoulder long enough to see Leon stepping in before you turned back around.

“Trainees aren’t allowed in here.” You commented flippantly. Though you didn’t believe that was enough to convince him to leave. He hardly ever sought you out privately like this so it had to be important. “And you forget how to knock?”

“I need to talk to you, Lieutenant.”

You hummed, sliding your fingers beneath the straps of your leather harness as you turned around to finally face the young man, brushing off the warm jolt of your heart upon hearing your title from his mouth again.

His eyes trailed the movement of your fingers donning your gloves. Those strong, deadly hands who were the despair of many enemies. He wondered how gently you’d take to him if you had the chance, burying such care and tenderness into his skin that could make him melt in your arms. The mere thought of it was making his knees grow weak.

It took him a moment before he offered a hurried salute, a furious blush fanning across his cheeks. You bit your lip as it forced to twist into a playful, knowing smile.

“I think I might need some help with my—with my form.”

You arched a brow. Leon didn’t need help. He was the golden boy. Any recruit would be damn lucky to possess a shred of his prowess. But you decided to humor him nevertheless.

“But you’re acing all your trials. What’s the problem?”

And there it was. That charmed grin that broke upon his face immediately at your remark. An amused smirk finally tugged at the corner of your mouth as you waited for whatever excuse he was going to come up with, his intention growing quickly evident to you.

“More training never hurt—right?”

Your smirk widened. “You mean you’re not sick of it, yet?”

A small smile ghosted over his lips, his eyes growing soft with fondness as he cocked his head. It made the hair bristle on the back of your neck, taken off guard by the sheer delicateness of his behavior.

“I could never get sick of you, Miss.”

“That’s the spirit, rookie.” You sat a gentle hand on his shoulder and his eyes flickered down to where it touched him. Your crooked smile returned to your lips. “But don’t worry. I’ll push you so much you’ll be begging for it to stop. There’re still months away from your first mission.”

“You really think I can make the cut?”

“Depends how bad you want to become throwaway meat.” You snarked, scoffing a laugh.

Leon frowned and the cold pinprick of realization of your own words swept over your face. Perhaps it was too soon to start talking to an overeager recruit about the indefinite lows of being an agent. You didn’t know anything about his motivations or what he really believed he was going to get out of this decision that begged a lifelong commitment. But then again, he, of all people, had to know what the future held for him… right?

“Listen—” You breathed out a sigh, squeezing his shoulder fondly before letting go. “Let’s focus on getting you through the rest of your trials first. One step at a time, hmm?”

He gave a slow nod, fingers clasping in front of him, wringing and fidgeting. The conversation seemed to be over now but he remained there, lips flickering wordlessly as if he wanted to speak yet again.

“What is it? You wanna say something?” You prompted.

Leon began chewing his lip, immediately drawing your gaze to his mouth. You swallowed dryly as you drank in the tempting pink of his plump skin turning white under the assault of his teeth. Your mind instinctively wandered to the sweetness of his mouth upon yours, the warmth, the delicious moans he would utter against your lips. Fuck, snap out of it, you chastised yourself.

“Well—you know how none of the other trainees can keep up with me.” He started, cheeks endearingly flushed red, breath stuttering when you stepped closer to him. “You’re the best around here and I know you can take very good care of me.”

Even though he was peering down at you, that mischievous look on your face didn’t fail to make his heart stagger. As if you could see right through him. And of course, why wouldn’t you be able to? A woman of your caliber had her fair share of admirers. He for one knew what the boys in the barracks whispered about you when the lights were off. Hell, he was sure even some of your colleagues had the eyes for you. And to say that made him jealous was laughably undeserving of its true nature.

“I know one on one training with you would do me good.” He smiled. “And maybe you, too. I’m sure you’re aching to get your fists on something.” He tilted his head to the side, gaze burning deep into yours. “I’d offer myself.”

You tossed your head back and laughed. It wasn’t cruel but sure as hell, it carried a hint of condescendence. There was a reason you refused to get on the training field with the rest of the recruits. After sweeping the legs from under one of the boys when he pestered you about ‘not enough hands on experience with a pro’, none of them dared to challenge you again. The memory of it was still fresh and yet, here Leon was making the same request to you.

“I like your ambition, rookie.” Your voice tapered into a low giggle; so seductive in tone, it woke goosebumps on his skin. “It’s adorable.”

He bit the corner of his lip before quickly letting go. It made your eyes trace back to his mouth again and he suppressed a smile. Two can play at a game, Lieutenant, he thought. All the cards were on the table. Weakness after weakness. This was a fair but draining fight, an aggressive push and pull that could only end with one side going against the currents. And it seemed as though you were both playing to make the other lose first.

“Please, Lieutenant. I really need your help. I’d do anything.”

He pleaded so longingly; it made warmth flutter dangerously low in your belly. Those round eyes and wet plump lips were your forbidden fruit. His hair looked so silky and soft; it gripped you with temptation to grab a fistful of it and pull without mercy until he was reduced to nothing but a whining, pathetic mess.

You smirked. “Then meet me after dinner at the gym. I might take you up on that.”

Leon was the first to make it later that evening. He had leapt from his seat as soon as he ate his last spoonful to head for the cramped indoor gym just across the mess hall. Adrenaline had already begun scorching under his skin and he hadn’t even seen you, yet.

His mind roiled with the thoughts of being in your proximity; to have your fingers touch him and your warmth caress him. To have your pinpoint focus on him and only him. Those simple thoughts excited him more than it probably should’ve and he quickly found himself adjusting the front of his pants and palming himself with a vexed heave of a grunt, desperately trying to tame the hardness growing just under the fabric. He flinched when he heard the double doors flutter open.

“Miss.” He quickly turned in your direction, fingers touching his temple in salute. “You’re early.”

Your hands were stuffed inside your pockets and a small smile adorned your face. The bitter tang of tobacco burned his nose as soon as you were close. You had just come from a fresh smoke, he could tell. Strange. He was just now starting to realize he’s actually smelt that somewhere before. Not just around the base and at the training field where he usually caught you with a cigarette between your lips but… somewhere specific.

“You know those stuff will kill ya.” He commented and you merely hummed, the sentiment not fully sinking in. He waved a hand at you. “I saw you start your second pack just earlier.”

You shrugged. “We all have our vices.”

Vices, vices. Of course. Though faded it was, the memory was slowly coming back to him; the vast darkness of the mess hall, a silence ruptured by the voice of his own desperation. And that familiar smell. Humiliation quickly reared its fanged mouth to sneer at him.

“Let me see your hands.”

Leon offered his white wrapped fingers and you took them carefully into your palm, turning them and eyeing the handiwork before unlacing the white strips to fix the looseness around his thumbs. Your attention drew to the furiously red scabs on his knuckles as they revealed themselves and you frowned.

“I better not hear you’ve been overdoing your training.”

He didn’t respond. His eyes followed your strong arms as they finished his wraps before stepping away to shoulder off your jacket and hang it over one of the machines. You turned to him with a cocked brow, gaze expectant as you rolled your white sleeves up to your forearms, leather-clad fingers shining under the ceiling lights.

“You—you were there that night, weren’t you?” Leon croaked; his throat uncomfortably dry as he swallowed.

Your eyebrows twisted into another frown. At first, you were confused but the deep red of his face was all the explanation you needed to make your pulse throb in your ears. Leon scoffed impatiently, his entire body growing visibly tense as he threw an accusatory finger at you.

“Don’t give me that look. You know what I’m talking about. That—that fucking cigarette smell.” His head trembled as if he meant to shake it but couldn’t manage enough strength to do it. “I knew I recognized it. I smelt it on that night, too.”

You opened your mouth to protest but words failed to come to your aid. You only stole your gaze from him and pinned it to the ground.

“Why didn’t you stop me then?

“It was none of my business.” You met his eyes again, your hands curling into loose fists in a futile attempt to steady yourself as your entire body began to quiver. The look Leon gave you was enough to let you know he didn’t really believe your excuse. “You’re upset I didn’t? It’s not too late. I can still write you up.”

“You were watching me.”

Your fists gripped painfully tight, the velvety leather squeaking from the pressure, teeth gritting as you felt your resolution quickly ebb.

“Is that why you kept it to yourself this whole time?”

“That’s enough.”

Leon nearly recoiled at the cutting look of pure fury in your eyes. His lips fluttered but he couldn’t find the words to speak, his face tingled with the cold wash of embarrassment.

“Are you done running your goddamn mouth, Kennedy?”

He bit his lip. “Yes, Miss.”

“Good. Now give me ten laps around the posts.”

He choked down the complaints burning on the tip of his tongue, defeatedly making his way to the nearest column. He could see you in his periphery as he readied himself; arms crossed tightly over your chest, the worn look on your face replaced by one of contempt. You weren’t trying to run away so that had to amount to something. This was a conversation to be had later. He was going to make sure of it.

You weren’t paying much attention to him once he began; Leon could clearly see it every time he ran past you. You stared off into the distance, only occasionally raising your head to announce the number of the laps he finished. He resented the heft of the silence that weighed down between you, the tension that seemed to be winding only tighter and tighter. The stinging in his legs were slowly fueling his frustration the longer he went on and he was nowhere near done.

“Why are you doing this?” He grunted as he circled you once again, his eyes only fleeting over the vacant look on your face. “Are you really that fucking scared to talk about it?”

You were scared. Very much so, in fact. Underneath the stern, hard mask you’d donned sat the trembling frame of a simple woman stewing in the barrage of her own harsh reality. You were already riddled with the shame of all that you have done in the confinement of your own privacy but Leon continued to dig at your core, persisting to exhume the emotions you tucked away behind a veil of indifference and authority.

Your arms gripped themselves more firmly across your chest, pushing yourself to ignore the distance that was shrinking between you as he progressively tightened the circles he ran around you. Your nails hooked themselves in your flesh, teeth gritting nervously.

“I just want to talk.” His voice came from behind you this time. He spoke so gently, it gripped at your heart. “I’m not upset. I just—” You felt the warmth of his hand caress the crook of your neck, carefully urging you to turn around. “I just want closure.”

You remained steadfast to stay very still, afraid to meet those bright eyes again, fearful of how terribly your own body might betray you. You merely offered a small glance over your shoulder.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

His fingers slipped down your arm, his body nearly pressing to your back. You could feel his all too welcoming heat embrace you like a cocoon, the gentle waft of his breaths over the shell of your ear. The closeness was enough to make you feel light on your feet. He sounded much more annoyed when he spoke again.

“I, on the other hand, think there’s a shit ton to talk about. So, turn around and look at me when I speak to you.”

You did. You spun slowly on your heels and finally faced him. His lovely face was crumpled. He looked utterly defeated. Debilitating shame began nipping at your heart again. Had you only stayed away that night – had you resisted temptation and did the only right thing.

“I asked you a question.” He demanded with a heavy frown, his grip turning iron tight on your arm and you stifled a grimace.

You didn’t have it in you to be honest but at the same time, you couldn’t find the will to spit a lie straight to his face. Your features distorted into a scowl to match the one on his, teeth clenched and bared through an ugly snarl. What you did next shocked even yourself.

Leon didn’t see the fist flying towards his face in time and he stumbled back before he could retaliate, releasing your arm to catch himself against the column behind him. His eyes were wide and disbelieved; a hand plastered to the rapidly blossoming flush on his cheek.

“I’m still your superior, Kennedy.” You growled. “You fucking respect me.”

A smirk, though faint, formed at his lips as he straightened himself. “Right now, you’re nothing but a desperate little coward to me. And since you’re too damn afraid to admit it—” He cocked his head, his glittering eyes hiding in the shadow of his unkempt fringe. “I’ll say it for you. You were there that night. I know because I smelt you.”

You stalked closer to him and in that instance, Leon suddenly felt truly unnerved. You no longer looked at him as if he were just a cocky recruit trying to get under your skin. You looked at him like a predator on a prowl, claws brandished to slash. Your shoulders were stiff and straight, your heels echoing menacingly in his ears as you walked closer towards him.

“You better shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” You said, low and deep, eyes twinkling dangerously. It made goosebumps rouse on his skin but he held his ground.

“You’re fucking pathetic.”

He knew very well he was playing with fire. He’d never seen you look so furious. So terrified. You were visibly shaking, furrowed brows twitching above your narrowed eyes – a cornered wounded wolf. That was what you were now. You were driven by anger or impatience and both were equally petrifying; the brilliant solider had leapt forth to project unto you.

“Did you really think you wouldn’t get caught?” A teasing laughter bubbled up his throat. “Be honest with me just this once – did you touch yourself, too?” The look on his face grew more wicked at your prolonged, struggling silence. “Mhm, I bet you did.”

“Don’t flatter yourself—rookie.” The nickname came with much more bite this time and a pang of offense began growing deep in Leon’s chest, tugging immediately at his brows. “You’re barely my type.”

That was enough to push Leon into motion. His punch shot straight for your throat. You dodged just in time for his fist to dart past your neck. Raising your leg immediately, you kicked him in the stomach and he staggered back against the column with a pained groan, clutching at his shirt as he curled into himself.

“That’s bullshit.” He panted, struggling to straighten himself back up, lips giving in to an unseemly smile. “I’ve seen you checking me out, sweetheart. Especially, when we train – you practically eat me up with those eyes of yours.”

A sharp, angry breath escaped through your nose, fists winding tight once more. Leon chuckled darkly. Bullseye. It was so easy to draw out those unspoken reactions that told enough all on their own; the stark change in your posture and face at every turn of his words was laughable.

He grinned slyly as he continued, “can’t say it doesn’t stroke my ego a bit. You don’t give anyone the time of day. Yet, here you are.”

Your eyes narrowed into slits, chin tilted up as you stared at the young man down your nose. He held your gaze with his unwavering smile, knowing he now had you exactly where he wanted you most. Trapped with no way out. That was bound to make you finally spill your guts.

“So, you might be saying one thing but everything you’ve done so far, isn’t convincing me.” He finished with a nonchalant shrug, his boyish smile growing wider across his lips. “It’s okay to have favorites, Lieutenant. Just admit it that I’m yours.”

You were stuck. Leon was adamant to do you in until nothing was left of you but the toxic concoction of your emotions; until you were stripped down to nothing but the bare bone of that terrifying truth hiding just within. You were truly stuck and you could feel yourself sink rapidly into despair. The quicksand you’ve created finally starting to swallow you whole.

“I know you like the big boys better and I promise you, Miss – I’m very big. I can show you. You just have to ask.”

“Do you have any idea what you’re asking for right now?” You rasped, face stricken with one look of pure defeat. Your inhibition slowly becoming lost to the beckoning cry of desire.

He nodded. “I know that I want you. Really fucking bad. And I told you I’d do anything.” He carefully reached for your wrist and held your hand close to the front of his pants. Your eyes fell on the bulging tension of his crotch and you swallowed, breath hitching in your throat. “So, I’m asking you to touch me and see for yourself. I’ll be good for you. Promise.”

You hooked your lip between your teeth, eyeing Leon’s pleading face before letting your gaze drop again to his crotch. He squirmed ever so slightly under the weight of your probing eyes, his fingers twitching over yours as they held onto you. This was it. You could finally have him.

He moaned shakily once your palm enveloped him, head lolling back against the wall. His hand gripped your shoulder as if you were his lifeline and he would collapse if he didn’t cling to you. Heat rushed through you as his hardness poked your hand and a wry smirk curled the corner of your mouth, confidence returning to your words.

“So hard already?” You chuckled teasingly. You leaned into his ear, breathing gently against the side of his face, your voice turning deep and husky. “Who’s the pathetic one now?”

Leon whimpered incoherently and a wicked grin broke upon your lips. You began pressing a trail of wet kisses to his jaw, humming softly against his skin the more he moaned, intrigued by the generous reactions coaxed by such simple gestures. Any louder and he could be heard through the doors had someone walked by.

“Such a needy little puppy. You’ve been dying to find a way to get my hands on you. That’s why you wanted to train in private, didn’t you?” He only whined in response, writhing against your hand to seek a rougher friction in spite of your miserly touch. You giggled. “Not so cocky now, huh?”

“Please—please, Miss. I—I—”

His trembling fingers pressed your hand harder to himself, holding your wrist firmly just to slide your palm back and forth over his cock. You let him have it, relishing in the succession of high-pitched moans that slipped through his lips.

“If you want something from me then I need to hear it first.”

“More. I – I need more.” He rasped. “I need to feel your hand on my cock. Please.”

You smiled as you kissed the corner of his mouth, your fingers starting to fidget with his belt and undoing his pants as quickly as you could. He breathed out a quivering sigh once the fabric grew loose and began slipping down from his waist. You slid a finger under the hem of your glove but Leon stopped you immediately.

“Keep them on. I don’t mind the leather.”

Your smile broadened, twisting into a crude crooked grin at the corner of your mouth. Leon laughed breathlessly.

“God—that look in your eyes…” He sat a hand on the side of your neck, looking up at you through his long lashes, eyes sweetly round. “You’re dangerous. You could ruin me and I’d fucking let you.”

You shushed him and he nodded obediently, sinking your gloved hand in his boxers with teasing speed. A loud moan erupted from Leon as the cold smooth leather engulfed him entirely. He bucked unwittingly into your touch, slipping clumsily in and out of your hold once you began stroking him.

He plastered his palm over his mouth to sheath the uncontrollable noises tumbling freely out of him. You couldn’t help but snicker and his face immediately glowed a pretty flushed pink, a window of apprehension opening through the dazed look in his eyes.

“You’re so fucking cute—gosh.” Your mouth pressed to his ear and he shuddered as you growled, “I want to eat you up. I want to fucking eat you all up.”

Your lips slipped below his jawline to trace the span of his soft neck. He gasped at the first kiss, a tiny giggle rising in his chest as his head jerked at your ticklish touch. You gripped him more tightly and the jovial bounce in his throat waned into a loud whine. His hips twitched at the firmness, his hand lightly pushing at yours as if he was suddenly too sensitive to touch.

“S—so rough. Mhm!” He whimpered.

You eased your hold on him and his shoulders instantly relaxed, a content huff of breath escaping his parted lips. But soon, he began moaning a complaint. “Use me. I can take it.” He mumbled through the slow pumps of your hand. “Don’t hold back on me, honey. Please.”

No more needed to be told. Your speed upped instantaneously and so did the tone of Leon’s moans, piercing and loud, and he had to muffle them against his palm again. Your teeth latched onto the delicate skin of his neck, roving and bruising every bit of free expanse they claimed.

His curses were strangled, his moans purely made of inaudible sobbing sounds, spitting and shrill and filtering with ease through his fingers. He was getting close and you could also tell by the way he throbbed and leaked in your hand; and by the simple way he couldn’t get a proper string of sentence out to let you know.

“I’m… I’m… I’m gonna cum. You’re gonna – you’re gonna make me cum.”

“It’s alright.” You cooed under his ear. “You can cum for me. Go on, sweetheart.”

And as though you tugged on the strings of his orgasm like a puppet master, he came apart with a sonorous and dulcet moan, pouring himself into your fist. You carefully withdrew your hand as his erratic breaths slowly turned calm and even.

Leon eyed the glistening sleek coating your gloved fingers as they went back to hang at your side again. You really did it to him. Him. That was surely the unthinkable and he couldn’t believe his stroke of luck. His lips parted with a grin; a gesture which you returned as well until your eyes sought the large clock on the wall and a faint frown pulled at your face.

“Guess you have to skip laundry day this time.” He tried to earn back your attention as you turned away from him and slid off your gloves. But it was pointless. You weren’t looking back at him anymore. Worry quickly weighed down on his eyebrows as he busied his hands with his jeans. “But what about you?”

However, you were already moving towards your jacket. He was confused. What happened?

“I have to be up in a couple hours.” You sighed, adjusting the lapels of your jacket. “I’m going on a mission. If things go according to plan, it shouldn’t take more than a day.”

It was as if he was struck by the full weight of a crushing wave at the news. He knew this was your job and soon to be his. But he hadn’t anticipated the anxiety to hit him as hard as it did now. The lines of worry etched deep between his brows. You smiled.

“Don’t look so nervous now or I’ll start thinking you actually care about me.”

He scoffed in defiance but he didn’t say anything. Of course, he cared about you. But he couldn’t bring himself to speak it. It was embarrassing and he doubted this – whatever this was – went beyond just plain entertainment. Not that he minded. But your assumption felt like a stinging stab of insult.

“I’m only doing a short protocol run in Raccoon City. But I won’t be on my own.” You explained. As if that could help.

His eyes shot up to yours at the mention of the city and you immediately regretted ever opening your mouth, muttering a curse under your breath. He strode towards you and gripped your shoulders.

“I’m coming with you.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re staying at the base just like the rest of the recruits.”

“But—”

“None of that.” You raised your palm defensively. “My job right now is to protect you and this isn’t up for debate.”

“I’m perfectly capable. I survived an outbreak. A small protocol run is nothing. I can do it. I know I can.”

You raised your voice, your tone growing biting and authoritative. “You listen to me, Kennedy. I don’t care what your status was before you came here but right now, you’re not a soldier. So, when I say you can’t come along then you won’t. Am I clear?”

Leon turned solemn. His eyes, now hopeless and downcast, fell to the ground. You heaved a heavy sigh, sitting a gentle hand on the young man’s shoulder.

“Look, I can only imagine what you’ve been through,” you started, voice hushed and soft. “And I can tell that city means something to you. And I promise, one day, we’ll go there together. But today – try not to be a hero today.”

He nodded even though you could see how hesitantly, and you finally let your hand drop from his frame, a content smile ghosting over your lips. Leon reached for your wrist once you turned to walk away, his fingers pressing gently to your skin.

“Please be careful.”

You nodded. “Always.”

You were gone by the time Leon woke to begin his day. Training wasn’t the same without you as the substitute soldier watching over the field only reminded him of your absence. It shouldn’t have taken more than a day. So, he awaited your return impatiently.

But how naïve he was to believe that? Of course, you had to have been merely comforting him. One small look at that pitiful look on his face and you leapt to remedy his worry. Because now it had been more than a whole day. Days even. And yet, no sign of you or the team who had gone with you.

He asked around the base for you, the mission, anything that could ease the deadweight of dread in his stomach. However, the unresponsiveness was driving him insane; and learning to expect the worst since not long ago, he couldn’t stop from convincing himself that something had gone terribly wrong.

Then, at long last on the eve of the third day, your helo showed in the clear sky over the base. But the air was already heavy as it landed and the soldiers deplaned, their number significantly less than when they first left. Something had truly happened.

Leon held his breath as he sought your face amongst the rest, his pulse quickening more and more the longer you remained missing. And finally, the helo took off back towards the sky without you ever even showing up.

He felt his stomach sink, his knees nearly giving away underneath his weight. His eyes frantically searched the perimeter filled with the returning soldiers and the crowd gathered to welcome them back, hoping he had somehow missed you walking among them.

“Did you hear what happened to those poor fuckers?” He heard a voice pipe up beside him. “Almost found none of their remains. Makes you glad you aren’t one of them, huh?”

Another voice chimed in. “It sure makes you believe in the cross and the lord.” A muffled chorus of laughter rolled between the bunch.

Leon didn’t wait any longer to hear the rest of conversation, rushing back inside the base to where he could get a proper fucking word from someone. (Y/N), please, please, please be okay, his mind reeled with the thoughts. Fuck, I knew I should’ve convinced her to take me with them.

Without thinking twice, he turned the corner that led down to your office. He blinked and instantly, realization dawned on him. You were always there for him whenever he sought you out – always in possession of the answers he was looking for. And now you weren’t here to quell his fear like you always did. As he neared the polished wood of your door and raised his knuckles to knock, he feared you wouldn’t be there to welcome him like you always did. He feared that the unfortunate fate of those soldiers had befallen you as well.

All of a sudden, his eyes were drawn to the passing figure just down the hallway, catching enough sight of it to quickly realize the man was one of the soldiers accompanying you into the mission. Leon called out to him, his voice lost in the commotion, chasing after him through the narrow walls.

“Sir. A moment?” The older soldier only spared a brief glance at him, not stopping to fully acknowledge him. “Where’s Lieutenant (L/N)? Did she – did she make it back?”

For a long moment, the man remained silent and Leon thought his question was going to be unanswered yet again. Then he began dreading the actual answer – if it was going to put the seal of confirmation on his worries.

“She’s in the interrogation room.”

That was all that came through that tight-lipped mouth before the soldier hurried off. Leon’s steps slowed to a stop. He was a dizzying turmoil of emotions; relief that, finally, he had word that you were okay and the ebbing adrenaline giving way to mere confusion. What had happened that’s sent everyone into such a feral panic?

It took him a while but eventually, he managed to find you. Or where he believed you to be. A few soldiers loitered outside a door, waiting for something. White light flared from the small window that peeked inside the room. He stalked closer, heart hammering in his chest to having had at long last found you – safe and alive – sitting behind a table.

Across from you was a person, wound in obscene layers of chains, head completely sheathed within a thick wrap. Their shoulders were slouched, shifting erratically with every breath they drew as if they were shaking. They were very still for a few seconds until Leon noticed your lips move and they shot straight to their feet, too keen to lunge at you before they were promptly subdued by their restraints; and they slumped back in their seat.

You were rather calm, a loose fist flexing slowly on the tabletop. But a faint frown tugged at your brows and that was enough to let Leon know you were frustrated. The conversation, whatever words being exchanged, wasn’t going too well.

It didn’t take long for you to finally resign and walk out of the room. The soldiers outside straightened to your attention, awaiting your commands. Only then Leon noticed the sling over your shoulder and his pulse began to race once again.

“Lieutenant!” He beckoned impatiently as soon as the door fluttered shut behind you.

A weak smile crossed your lips, nodding at him before turning your focus to the other men in the hallway.

“Alert the medics right away. She needs DEVIL.”

“But, ma’am—” Objected one of the soldiers and you interrupted. “We don’t have much time left. We need her compliance if we want any information out of her.”

The bunch nodded and offered their salutes before entering the room to follow your orders. That was when you slumped against the wall, a worn breath heaving in your chest. Leon came to your side immediately.

“Jesus, (Y/N)—I was so worried.”

His lips pressed to your forehead, fingers gently cradling the back of your neck. The kiss was lingering and firm but relieved. It almost managed to wash away the exhaustion weighing on your shoulders. You smiled timidly at him once he leaned away.

“I came back a few hours ago – I’m alright.”

“You’re hurt.” He bridled, gesturing at your arm. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve — I should’ve done something.”

“Leon, I promise. I’m fine.”

“What the hell even happened out there?”

“We just ran into a nasty surprise.” You rubbed your eyes with a deep sigh, struggling to keep the wearing impact of the mission at bay. “Found a survivor. Can you believe it?”

“Her?” He motioned with his head at the window, the bound person inside the interrogation room and you nodded.

“She’s damn lucky we found her when we did. As much as she dealt us some damage.”

He waved a hand at the cast around your arm and you suddenly felt the urge to shrink away from him. The fury was pure evident in his voice when he spoke again, his voice low and gruff. “She did this?”

“Calm down.” You scolded gently. “She’s been through it. If you can’t tell, that’s not her right now.”

You started down the hallway, the same path Leon had come earlier to find you, and he trailed behind you like an orphan puppy, continuing to pummel you with his arguments.

“Which means It’s stupid to show her this level of mercy. Did no one learn from what happened?”

“Leon,” you breathed out another sharp sigh, turning your eyes to glance at the visibly annoyed look on his face. “This was a group decision. Do you trust your superiors?”

The silence he responded with grew questionably long. You stopped and he only did so a few steps ahead of you, turning his shoulder hesitantly, knowing fully well you were expecting him to say something.

“Do you trust me?”

He nodded. “I do. Yeah.”

“Okay. Then I promise you, this is for the best.”

Then it hit you; a stab of debilitating pain sending your vision churning as if you were stuck inside a blender. You braced a hand against the wall as you groaned, eyes squeezing shut. Leon looked horrified. His gaze fell on the dark splotches of blood seeping through the white bandage of your arm and he began to panic, rushing to hold under your good arm.

“I’m fine.” You croaked, willing yourself to move without his aid but the blood loss was finally taking its toll.

He frowned. “Really? You’re bleeding.”

And with that, he dragged you to the hospital wing despite your irritated objections.

You were fine. You continued to insist and insist much to Leon’s disdain. Of course, this wasn’t anything you couldn’t recover from and you made sure that was ingrained in his brain by the time you were nearly done with your blood transfusion. And by then, he had shot down every one of your complaints with a lenient glare which did little to silence your petulance.

He kept his distance until your nurse stopped frequenting your bedside and then he crept closer to you like a scared stray. As if he was afraid to set something off and send things into a spiral. Though the look on his face told you he was still slightly irked.

“You’re insane. In case I haven’t told you, yet.”

You laughed drowsily, a bitter edge to the otherwise joyful sound. Leon’s hand slipped over yours, hesitantly at first, then he gripped them tighter, fingers threading together.

“You worry too much, rookie.” You offered a lopsided smile, taking in his face that was silhouetted against the fluorescent ceiling lights. “There are much bigger things than me here.”

“Don’t.” He choked out and your brows furrowed, initially confused by the sudden change in his voice until you noticed the glistening line of tears coating his lashes.

“Oh, Leon—”

“Jus—st stop saying things like that.” His eyelids flickered rapidly, blinking back the impending fall of hot tears. “It’s not fair. Why does it have to be you?”

You scoffed another laugh. “Jesus. I know I don’t look like it but I’m still alive, you know.”

His lip began to quaver and he bit it into his mouth, stealing his face away from your eyes as a streak of tears streamed down his cheeks, his fingers trembling between yours.

“Leon, look at me.” You crooned sweetly, squeezing his hand. He refused, his gaze still glued to the ground. You smiled. “Come on, baby. Look at me.”

The soft tone of your voice, the pet name, captured his ears, and he finally returned his attention to you. His rigid shoulders sank as you slid your hand from his grasp to pat on the mattress. His glossy eyes locked onto yours momentarily before he sat down on the edge of your bed and helped you sit up.

You brushed away the wet trail of tears with your thumb before holding the side of his face, pulling him in just slightly before he eagerly closed the distance between you, kissing you chastely on the lips. The anxious tension thawed out almost immediately, giving its place to a swelling comfort.

“I’ll be fine, okay?” You murmured once you let go. “I don’t want you to worry so much about me.”

Leon nodded but his eyes weren’t looking at you anymore. They were pinned down to where your fingers sat woven together on the hard mattress.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, almost inaudible. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want anything happening to you. But he couldn’t speak those words, fearing it would turn real. That he would curse the one good thing he had going in his life for once. “I know you got this.”

“Is this – what is all this about?”

He hooked his lip between his teeth, the warmth of his hand leaving your fingers. You waited patiently for his answer – if there was going to be any. His silence was enduring and heavy and all of a sudden, you felt as though a thick wall of glass erected between you.

“It’s nothing.” He murmured.

Your lips curling into a sweet compassionate smile. As much as he fought to hide it, his fear was laid bare before you. You could tell what could be going through his mind when he was faced with the possibility of loss. Something you had to experience many times – with loved ones and otherwise. You never got used to the grief and you could easily understand him.

“I was a bit younger than you when I first signed up,” you started. “Back then, I thought I was only running away from my old life; but I was also leaving someone very close to me behind. Someone who loved me more than anyone ever had.” Leon glimpsed at you from the corner of his eyes and at the bitter quirk of your lips as you recalled the memory. “When I left, I became a dead soldier walking in her eyes. Then that goddamn outbreak happened and… and…” You drew a shaky gasp, shaking your head lightly at yourself. Your fist folded against your chest, clasping around a pendant hiding beneath your shirt. You heaved a sigh before you continued, “when I went back to the city for the first time, this was the only thing left of her that I could find.”

The dull silver dangled over your shirt, the frail thing blackened in parts, no doubt an aftermath of the government bombings of the city; the locker’s tiny hinge was askew and its delicate carvings had almost completely melted off. A sullen huff of laughter pushed through your lips.

“In a twisted way, I was the one who outlived her. That doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

Leon remained quiet. He didn’t know what to say. He knew this was a realistic way of seeing things, almost expecting what your next words meant to be. But he couldn’t shake the bothersome weight of cynicism laced in your tone – in everything you said. It all sounded much too bleak.

But maybe this was what everything meant to be: bleak. Bleak and unredeemable.

“What I’m trying to say is—” You breathed out another sigh. “You can’t keep guessing what cards you’ll be dealt. You just have to put your best one down.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” He mumbled in weak protest.

Your shoulders shifted in a lazy shrug. “I really hope so.”

They codenamed her Banshee; that strange woman who ambushed the mission team and ended up being held captive at the base.

Leon never saw her since the morning of your return. You were strangely secretive about it unlike how often you were there to ease his mind in the past. The confidentiality was troubling him even more. What was so important about this woman? What information could be needed from her? Why was she being held like a prisoner?

All the suspicions and the questions were why he discovered those agonized shrieks himself – one night when he passed the infirmary room on his way back to the barracks a little before curfew. Or rather, snuck. Because you had refused to take him with you. Again.

The mazelike hallways leading to the infirmary was restricted for most, he soon came to realize. Guards littered the vicinage. Security cameras hung from every crevice with every corner he turned. Just what the hell were they trying to protect? Leon had to find out. He had to know what ungodly things were being done to Banshee to rouse such gut churning noises out of her. If she was treated then this was blatant torture; and that altruistic part of him couldn’t close his eyes to it.

Of course, he wasn’t capable of much in his position. But now, your words weren’t enough to convince him anymore. For once, he was doubting you. Because he’d seen you on the very same night he snuck into the heavily guarded unit. You were definitely in on the matter, you knew the complete extent of it; yet, you refused to confide any in him, pretending things were sound and fine. Lies, lies, lies. It was driving him up the wall.

Though maybe his haste had fueled his recklessness a bit. As much as he moved calculatedly, making it on the precise minute the night guards were changing post, it was completely lost on him that a higher rank soldier could arrive at any given instance. Because that was how you caught him.

You saw the faint shape of a shadow shed onto the floor, its source evidently cowering just behind the corner of the wall. It remained completely still as you squinted with suspicion into the distance, one hand reaching slowly for the pistol in your holster and brandishing it.

“Who’s there?” You called out, cocking your gun. “Show yourself.”

Leon looked to his side where he had just come from. The new guards were going to assume post soon and they were going to find him here if he didn’t do something quickly enough. He could hear your slow footfalls as you crept closer to where he stood in hiding.

He raised his palms, sheepishly slithering into sight beneath the pale red ceiling lights. You breathed a relieved sigh, lowering your arm. But then, a deep look of anger struck your features.

“Somehow I knew you’d still come here.” You said through teeth. “Do I wanna know what you’re even up to?”

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant.” He choked out.

You rolled your eyes, stepping closer to him and he grew visibly tense; straightening his neck, eyes avoidant and staring right past the top of your head. His throat shifted as he swallowed thickly. Your frown deepened, eyes turning narrowed.

“Wrong, Kennedy. What are you doing here?” Your voice was low as if you didn’t want to be heard.

Leon fought himself to meet your eyes again. You were (Y/N). He didn’t need to fear you. But he was quickly losing faith once his gaze crossed yours again. His words were crippled by his anxiety and he merely gaped as your heated glare remained fixated on him.

A snarl twisted your lips at his helpless silence. You grabbed a firm hold of his wrist and began walking up the hallway, dragging him along with you. He trailed behind like a ragdoll, letting you force him through the winding ways and evade the incoming guards until you found a vacant room and shoved him inside.

He stumbled into the room as if his feet had gone lame, only slowly turning around to face you when you closed the door and flickered the lights on. Of course, you still looked furious and he hadn’t yet found the words to defend himself with. Not that he had prepared much for when he was going to be caught.

“I’m waiting.” You said curtly, the scowl on your face never changing, slipping your gun back into its holster.

“I—well, I—I don’t know. I just wanted to see what was going on.”

All of a sudden and without any warnings, you charged at him and Leon recoiled into the edge of the desk behind him, eyes blowing wide with shock. Your curled knuckles sat against his chest, pushing at him firmly.

“You decided to go against my order. And here I thought you trusted me.”

“I do—” He stammered, voice shrill with panic. “I do trust you.”

“This doesn’t look much like it now, does it?”

“I can explain.”

“Then fucking explain.”

He swallowed again, eyes fluttering rapidly as they shifted around in search for an indefinite point of focus until they found yours again. Your jaw was clenched, a single furrowed brow twitching with frustration. He had to say something to remedy the damage.

“I just think this isn’t humane.” You arched a brow and his remaining sliver of courage began to dwindle. Thinking of the words to say, he was quickly realizing how idiotic what he did truly was but he continued to speak what was truly on his mind, “it’s not right to do all these experiments on her.”

“You think that’s what’s happening here?”

“No. I—I don’t know.”

You scoffed. “Was it worth it then? Getting in trouble for this. What if someone else saw you?”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated himself timidly.

“Jesus, this isn’t about that,” your voice rose an octave. “This is dangerous. You could’ve gotten fucking killed.”

Leon stared at you with a slack mouth, eyes wide and scared. You shook your head and stepped away from him, suddenly caving into the sharp strike of pain through your shoulder, a grimace distorting your face. Your hand instinctively rose to put pressure over the bandage dressing your wound.

He so terribly wanted to hold you and soothe your aches, to place kisses to your hair and comfort you. He hated seeing you so hurt. He reached a hand out towards you, fingers nearly beckoning but they dropped limply back at his side again, thinking better of it.

“One word out of your mouth,” you lifted your head to say with a cutting glint in your eyes, voice almost breathless from that brief episode of pain. “One fucking word about tonight out of your mouth and I’m signing your papers myself. Am I clear?”

He nodded. “Yes, Miss.”

A deep sigh rushed through your nose. “Does anybody else know about this?” Leon shook his head no and your lips pursed into a crooked line, something slightly akin to a smile. “At least, you were smart about that – come on.”

You gestured with your head towards the door and Leon frowned in confusion, his eyes shortly darting to the pristine white wood before returning to yours. You could easily read the unspoken question written on his face.

“I’m walking you back to the barracks. I can’t have you wandering around on your own.”

The way back to the unrestricted sector was slow yet comfortably quiet. Your focus rest upon avoiding the main hallways where soldiers stood guard and cameras roved the vicinity. He felt oddly safe despite the circumstance – safe with you.

Leon walked alongside you, the back of your hand warm against his. His fingers begged to spread over your palm and clasp tightly around it. They traced coyly across your wrist and right then, he caught you glancing at him from the corner of your eyes and this might have been a trick of the shadows but he could swear he saw a smile form on your lips.

Your fingers threaded through his. “I’m sorry for lashing out back there.” You whispered, squeezing his hand before raising it to see the healing scars strewn all over his knuckles. You kissed them with caution and Leon drew a gasp, shivering from the gentleness of your touch. “I was so scared for you. I kept thinking about what would’ve happened if someone else—”

He interrupted, “(Y/N), I know. You don’t have to explain.”

The shadows cast over your face made the soft frown tugging at your brows much more twisted as you continued to stare ahead into the darkness.

“You’re not gonna pull this shit again, are you?” Leon almost didn’t hear you with how quietly the question came. “I was serious about it being dangerous.”

An oppressing silence settled between you as he pondered your words. You tilted your head to glimpse the troubled look on his face. Of course, the curiosity wasn’t going to just vanish all on its own. And knowing him, you were quite certain it was only a matter of time until he found another way to the infirmary. You sighed. Maybe sharing some information wasn’t entirely terrible.

“Banshee’s had some interesting developments since getting her first dose.”

Leon perked up at that. “What do you mean?”

“She’s very strong. Three men can’t hold her down when she starts throwing a fit.” You explained. “And she heals quickly. Tooquickly. The medics have a hard time keeping her IVs in. They think it has something to do with her infection.” You looked at him again. “She still has her intelligence, so combined with everything else – that’s too much power for just one person.”

“What’s she being kept for?” He asked but he had a feeling he already knew even though you refused to answer anymore.

“Just promise me that you will stay away. For your own safety. And stop asking questions for fuck’s sake.”

He stopped and the link between your hands held you back as well. You turned with a frown. Leon’s face was cloaked in the shadows but you could still see his glistening eyes. He tugged you forward and cradled you against his chest.

“And what about you? Aren’t you supposed to be safe, too?”

“Leon—”

“I know we talked about this. I’m not doubting you. I just—” He trailed off, biting his lip before he started again, “I don’t want to lose you.”

There. He finally said it. But your silence was too telling. Then you slowly began to pull away from him.

You were startled, the plane rawness in the confession making your skin crawl with goosebumps. This – all of this – erased any remaining shred of distance between you. Intimacy had become such a stranger to you after so long, it was difficult for you to welcome it again now. Affection lending all but true comfort, you had come to learn years ago.

“You can’t. No.” You protested, shaken with panic, pulse racing.

Leon’s grip became tight around you, keeping you firm against himself. “It’s you who can’t. Listen to me—” He gave your shoulder a gentle jolt when your head began whipping around as if looking for a way out. “I won’t let you keep treating yourself like you’re disposable. You’re—you’re so much more than that to me.”

A fragile lump knotted in your throat as your eyes met his again, your lip quavering of its own accord. He held your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek as an adoring smile curved his mouth. You shook your head but to what question or depiction of disagreement, you couldn’t tell anymore. You only knew you were protesting the silent wailing of your heart that called out to him.

But this felt right. He felt right. Everything about this snippet of time was perfectly that – right.

“Please, (Y/N)—let me show you. Just one chance. Just—just for tonight.”

Your eyes searched his face in the darkness, your heart beginning to hammer in your throat. He was so close to you that you could feel his cool breaths feathering over your skin, slow and even – unlike your sharp ones. His arms held you protectively as if he could shield you from yourself. And in this moment, the idea of letting go seemed all too inviting.

At last, you nodded sheepishly. “Okay.”

Leon followed you again as you led the way to your room. He had seen your office many times before; the flourishing link between you afforded him confidence to seek you in solitude at times. However, he was never once inside your private quarters.

The room hardly looked lived in; the bed was clean and made, the desk against the wall barren of any belongings – a room fit for a soldier prepared to depart as soon she was called upon. It all was cold and vacant except for a small pot of plant which sat on the windowsill. The leaves were young and fresh, swaying slowly in the breeze wafting in from the small crack in the window.

You distanced yourself to shut the window before turning your eyes to the tiny plant, stroking it carefully between two fingers as a smile adorned your lips. Then you peered back at Leon who was still standing at the door, watching you silently with a warm expression, gaze soft and loving. Your heart began to flutter again.

“I’m all yours, Leon.” You admitted quietly, longingly.

He approached you slowly, arms twisting around you once again, engulfing you in his warmth. His lips were merely a breath apart from yours, caressing you ever so lightly. You could feel their tempting softness from this small distance. So sweet. So incredibly sweet. You were already growing weak in the knees.

Leon held your face and at last, his lips pressed gently upon yours. His kisses were paced and sensuous. Careful. His fingers sank in your hair to brace against the back of your neck, his thumb caressing your cheek absentmindedly. Your fist gripped loosely over his chest, the collar of his shirt crumpling between your digits and pulling him tighter to yourself.

A breathless moan escaped him as he stumbled into you from the force and he giggled against your lips, leaning away to smile down at you.

“You’re so beautiful.” You whispered and his face became flushed, his smile growing bashful. You pushed away the hair from his eyes, letting your fingers rest within the soft locks. Leon pressed a small kiss to the heel of your palm. “Will you promise me something?”

“Anything, honey.”

“Please never cut your hair.”

An adorable, boyish grin lit up his pretty face. “I take it you like it then?”

“It makes it easier to boss you around.” You finished as your grip tightened on his roots and his eyes squeezed shut, his jaw becoming visibly clenched. A tight-lipped moan trembled on his tongue.

“Always have to make a point to be so mean to me.”

He offered no time for you to gather a response, dropping his hands to your knee and lifting it just slightly over his own leg. “Up,” he muttered and you jumped, coiling your legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he caught you against his hips. His lips were back upon yours soon after.

His head was tilted, mouth parted and tongue flicking teasingly at your lip. Your hand flexing in his soft hair coaxed moan after moan from him before his fingers dug mercilessly into the flesh of your thighs, leading you both down on the edge of the bed. His hands slipped under your shirt, spreading wide over your back as if to claim you beneath his touch.

It was almost instinctual to begin grinding against him, shifting your hips again and again over his cock that slowly became tangibly hard under you. Leon moaned sharp and drawn out, stuttering them against your lips as his kisses grew slow and clumsy. He pulled away a mere hair’s breadth with his eyes still closed, forehead pressed to yours.

“I want to make it up to you.” His nose brushed yours, his wet lips agape and desperate to be put to something as they traced the air, blindly looking for yours again. “Can you lie down?”

You nodded and his hold tightened around your waist, helping you down gently against the hard mattress. His fingers soothed your clothed thighs as he seated himself between your legs. His smile was soft when he pressed a kiss to your knee, nodding approvingly once you began stripping your jeans.

Leon discarded the article onto the floor once it came undone, his hand then quickly returning to your legs to push them carefully apart. He moved with a certain care that made a shy smile grow on your face and a pleasant warmth in your cheeks. You bit your lip, unable to hold in the giddiness that bubbled deep in your throat.

“What?” He crooned with a soft smile of his own, fingers still caressing your legs.

“Nothing. It’s just – this is perfect.” He cocked his head, eyes bright as you spoke. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Leon smiled again. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

The ensuing silence that formed between you was gentle and comfortable, sitting with its featherlike weight in the air as you both relished in each other’s warmth, doing nothing but merely sharing delicate touches and chaste kisses in between soft loving glances.

It was as though time had slowed to a stop in the room; no worry or caution waiting to cast doom upon your little square of joy. The turbulence of the vast world lost under the delightful heft of peace seeded within this very moment. Nothing could steal this away from either of you.

When the quiet broke apart, it was you who had reached a hand between your thighs to hold Leon under the chin. He closed his eyes with a content smile before he tilted his head to press another small kiss to your knee, his fingers gliding slowly up the side of your leg.

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” You confessed, voice low and timid. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it soon enough.”

He shushed you softly, leaving a trail of kisses lower and lower on your thigh, carefully making his way down to the throbbing wet center awaiting the warmth of his mouth. His gaze flickered up to yours once his lips were a breath shy of your swollen clit.

“We have the rest of our time to make up for it, honey.”

And when the sentence reached its last, Leon’s tongue sat flat against your pussy. Your chest hitched from the heated contact, breath knotting in your throat. Your core gripped with need as your clit became embraced in the wet heat of his sweet mouth and pinched playfully between his slippery teeth.

He took to you carefully; his eyes attentive to the flitting emotions on your face and his ears to the soft noises escaping your parted lips. He took in the small movements of your hips as they circled slowly against the mattress, writhing and coaxing bigger moans from you every time you met his mouth more firmly.

Your fingers soon sought purchase in the thin white sheets below you, gripping them tightly in your grasp as Leon upped his pace. He moaned heatedly once your other hand – the same hurting one –reached for the mess of hair on top of his head and threaded through the roots gingerly, pushing his mouth tighter upon yourself.

That was what he needed to lose all sense of self and bury his face into your cunt with a low groan, mouth panting and reeling against you. He took you onto his tongue with fervent vigor, making himself more and more breathless with every flutter along your clit, spurred on only by your encouraging moans and sharp gasps.

“Mmmgod… you taste heavenly, sweetheart.” He moaned breathily, his senses whelmed by the clear flavor of your pussy and your soft smell that made him want to dig into you with the neediness of a starved man’s first supper. “Want my tongue inside you—yeah? Want me to fuck you with my tongue, baby?”

You whined softly at the twist of desperation in his voice as his tongue continued to flicker rapidly over your clit, his mouth slurping your sleek through the urgency of the question. You nodded quickly, moaning your approval right before the firm tip of his tongue slithered into your folds, making you arch your back at the assault of heat lurching deep within your core.

He slid his tongue in and out of you swiftly, moaning as he downed more of your taste, the lucid flavor sending his mind into a feverish turmoil – the focal of his attention stranded in only your pleasure alone. He returned to suck on your clit with a newfound tenacity, his breaths coming short and shallow against your fevered skin.

“God, you’re incredible,” he muttered through a mouthful. “I need more… I need more.”

The small cot squeaked as Leon began to grind himself against it, his fingers digging crescents into the meat of your thighs, his own desire reaching a melting point as the winding heat in your body mounted the delicious borderline of collapse. Your fingers gripped tighter in his hair, your body growing tense with the anticipation of your release.

“I’m so close. I’m gonna – I’m gonna…”

But the warning came too late as your orgasm coursed through you like a storm and you came with a soft cry, pushing your head back against the mattress, the heat at last breaking loose inside your core. Leon’s lips roved your inner thighs as your high gradually ebbed, pressing slow gentle kisses to your skin. He listened to your soft gasps of breath, relishing in the gentle way your fingers continued to flex in his hair.

You were strangely meek and sweet in a moment like this, Leon thought to himself; so vulnerable, so… human. The perfect soldier lain on a cheap hard cot, reduced to a whimpering mess at the mercy of his mouth. It made him smile adoringly as he raised his head to look at you.

“You’re still with me?” He said with a soft huff of laughter, noticing how your dazed eyes are still pinned to the ceiling as your chest rose and fell heavily, ever lost in the throes of an utter bliss.

Your head inclined in a small nod before you finally met his gaze with a lazy smile. A nearly silent chuckle slipped through your lips.

“Yeah. Still here.”

Leon lifted himself and over your body. His thumb reached for his own mouth to swipe at the smear of your arousal glistening on his kiss swollen lips. You linked an arm around his shoulders, letting the other sit comfortably down at your side, urging him closer to yourself. He met your lips with his, giving you a small kiss before parting once more. He fingered the side of your face as he looked down at you with a soft look in his eyes.

“You’re amazing.” The smile on his face was broad as he spoke, his thumb brushing over your cheek.

You rolled your eyes with a ghost of a smile on your lips.

“I mean it.” His eyebrows raised, giving you a stern nod. “You are amazing. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

You sat a gentle hand against his cheek. “What are you doing to me, Kennedy?”

A cheeky, lopsided smile quirked the corner of his mouth as he leaned down and pressed the tip of his nose to yours. His fingers slipped from your face to your hair, brushing through it with care but that playful expression was ever persistent on his face.

“Right now? Probably blowing your mind.”

You rolled your eyes again but a chortle erupted in your throat, making Leon laugh with you in return. He traced his pinky finger over your lips, teasing them apart as his eyes became transfixed by them; his own mouth parted slightly as if in anticipation of another kiss. He looked back up in your eyes once more.

“I just want you so bad right now.” He whispered, his voice a low scratchy rasp, waking goosebumps down your spine. “I’m sorry. I know it’s a lot to ask for. I just—”

You interrupted him with a kiss, holding the side of his neck to bring him even closer. His content sigh flitted against your mouth as he melted in your embrace. When you pulled away to look at him again, his bright blue eyes were half-closed and smoldering with lust.

“I want you, too.” You smiled.

Leon gave a quiet laugh, his cheeks bright with pink. “You do? You sure?”

You nodded and his smile widened even more. He began speaking something but the sudden spike of excitement in his voice made the words string together in a mess of incomprehensible words as he stood to his feet to rid himself of his clothes. You chuckled as you watched him discard the layers without even looking, an infectious grin carving his face in two.

An amused smirk curved your lips as Leon climbed over you again. He blushed furiously upon noticing that devilish, teasing look in your eyes. He laughed breathlessly, running his nails over the side of his flushed cheek.

“Don’t you dare tease me about this.”

You laughed more loudly. “I didn’t even say anything.”

He leaned down with a faint smile, his eyes flickering over your face as he squeezed your thighs tightly between his long fingers.

“I know that look, sweetheart. You don’t need words to drive me crazy.”

You raised an eyebrow, still smirking. A playfully stern look crossed his features, his fingers slowly reaching higher for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your stomach.

“See? You’re doing it right now.”

“Christ, Leon!” You exclaimed through another fit of laughter.

Leon’s gaze softened again, his thumbs brushing over your exposed ribs, his lips curled into a dreamy smile. “You have no idea how much I love it when you call me by my name.”

A gentle smile turned your mouth as you drank him in – as if you were looking at him for the first time. You pressed your fingers gingerly against his face, tracing a borderless map across his smooth skin, brushing your fingertips over his lips, his nose, every line, every crevice. He smiled down at you as your touch wandered his features, making a face at you once your eyes met his again.

“I can’t believe my luck.” You whispered with an endeared smile.

Leon nodded his head, a mischievous smirk sat in the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, me neither. I mean, let’s face it. I’m quite the catch.”

“Shut up.” You scolded gently, your voice roiling with a small chuckle.

“Make me.”

A wicked smile tugged at your lips as you buried your fingers in his hair and forced his lips upon yours. His small delicate moan of surprise stifled against your mouth before he gave into you with a small murmur, his fingers caressing your cheeks as he reciprocated the kiss. Then he giggled and leaned away just enough to speak again, his breath one with your own.

“Alright. Point taken.”

You gave an easy laugh, shaking your head, your fingers still threaded in his hair. Leon smiled down at you again, a much more gentle, sincere one that made your heartbeats stutter.

He slid his hand over your torso, slowly making his way up to your chest. Two of his fingers slipped beneath your sports bra, soothing over the curve of your breast before his nails grazed your nipple, drawing a soft gasp through your lips.

A glint flashed in Leon’s eyes at the sound – a sweetly inquisitive light. His pupils were wide, like two pools of ink; but the mirth was laden there somewhere in those depths, leaping forth through the burning lust. It made his face soften once more as he peered up at you, a tender yet impish smile curling his lips. He moved his hand again, his touch picking up in confidence as he swiped his fingers over your nipple once more.

Another small sigh of pleasure escaped your lips and all of a sudden, Leon was brimmed whole with the need to put his lips to your skin again. He pushed his mouth against your ribs, his tongue flickering out to claim a taste as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to your skin. Then he remained there, his lips trailing a wet path up to the middle of your breasts before his fingers began peeling your sports bra back.

You let him unravel you even more, carefully prying the tight fabric away from your skin. He stared down at your exposed body with his mouth parted in awe. His tongue swiped over his lips before he surged forward again, driven by a need that he rendered to your breasts, taking each nipple with renewed fervor.

Your chest arched into his touch, moaning breathlessly as he began moving towards your neck, his face practically burying itself in your skin with how hard he was pressing his mouth onto you. His kisses were much less forgiving now, fluttering from his lips with bruising intensity, as if each lustful stroke meant to strip your soul down more and more.

Leon raised his mouth to your ear, his breath warm and uneven against your hair. “God, I need you,” he whispered hoarsely, his voice no longer bearing its previous hint of airiness, a rich beckoning of desire taking its place instead. “I need you so fucking bad.”

The breath knotted taut in your throat as you searched for words. You nodded fervently, moaning something incoherent before you rasped your agreement, weaving your fingers through his hair to push his face deeper against your neck, pulling a sharp breath from his lips.

He thumbed your sides as he glanced down between your bodies, his temple pressed to your collarbone, he lifted his hips just enough to position his hard cock between your thighs. His tip pushed gently against your entrance and a soft groan escaped him as though he was already too sensitive.

“Is this okay?” He paused to meet your eyes again; his face so close, his nose bumped against yours as he shifted his head.

You nodded with a reassuring smile, coiling one arm around his shoulder as he squirmed ever so slightly, bringing him closer to yourself. A trembling breath flitted through his flushed lips once his hips thrust forward gingerly, the movement slow and cautious, yet his cock finally managed to slip through your sopping cunt.

Another heated groan rumbled in Leon’s throat once he burrowed himself deep inside you, the noise quickly morphing into a desperate, breathless moan. He had to stop for the briefest moment to gather himself, his breaths already short and labored.

“Oh, my god,” he whined softly, readying himself to move. His face was nestled in your neck, his mouth pressed to you with every single breath flickering like a hot spark against your skin. “You feel amazing. You feel so amazing.”

Your walls burned deliciously as they molded around his cock, the sensation rousing a satisfied noise from deep within your chest. His entire body was so incredibly warm and the weight of him pushing down onto you was nothing but pleasant; his skin was smooth beneath your gentle fingertips, a sheen of sweat glistening along his neck. He trembled like a leaf as though any moment, his threads were going to come undone.

When Leon began to move, he pushed into you with deliberate care; each thrust was slow but each sank deeply within you, drawing through your walls like a match engulfing in flames. He downed sharp gulps of breath, each exhale then leaving him in quivering wisps. He whimpered softly under your ear, his fingers pressing indents into your hips. He simply refused to pick up his speed.

His words came rushing through his warm mouth. He kept murmuring incoherently under his breath, the sentences – if you could even hear a proper one, for that matter – twisted into high moans and shaky whimpers as soon as they toppled over his lips. He was a mess. It was pure evident that he was teetering on the brink already. And with how you kept clenching so tightly around him, his will to hold himself at bay was quickly fading.

“Oh, baby… oh, baby…” He kept chanting hoarsely in your ear, the words never finding a fruition, the sentences never fully realized. But even you could tell now: he was close.

You wound your legs around his waist, bringing him even closer to yourself; your fingers moved to his hair again, coiling tightly through the soft locks. Leon whined deliriously into your neck before he raised his mouth to press it clumsily upon yours, his breathless noises flitting against your tongue as it flicked coyly at his.

The movement of his hips have become erratic, almost shaky, his pace only slightly faster now. His hands held your thighs in a vice grip, the skin beneath his fingertips beginning to protest the pressure but the ache only stoked the pleasure building to crescendo within your core.

“Fuck—I’m so close,” Leon groaned. “Oh, god, I can’t hold myself back anymore.”

You pulled his face to yours again, your lips colliding roughly with his; and you whispered through the kiss, “go on then. Cum for me, baby.” To which he shook his head vigorously.

“No, no. I want you to cum with me. Please.”

He slowed his speed without waiting for your objection, returning to plowing deep thrusts inside you instead. He grunted with every effort, sweat rolling down the side of his face. You could see this was taking more out of him than he let on. He scrunched up his face, his teeth sinking into his lip. He was just so close. And it was taking every shred of will within him to not just empty his load inside you right then and there.

“Come on, baby. What are you doing?” A soft frown curled your brows. “I want you to cum.”

You glided your fingers over his back, caressing the skin along his spine. You cooed a string of encouragements to him but he continued to shake his head at you, his body practically vibrating against yours now. You held his face, forcing him to meet your gaze. His eyes were half-lidded and shiny, his breaths leaving him in short rapid bursts.

“Leon—listen to me. You’re gonna be good for me and cum. Alright?” He didn’t respond immediately and the small frown on your face turned into a stern raise of a brow. “Are you gonna be good?”

Leon gave a resigned whine and nodded his head at last. “Fine. Okay. Fine. I’ll be good.” He sucked in a quick breath and finally, he upped his speed once more. “I’ll be good for you. Fuck.”

“That’s it, sweetheart. I want you to let yourself go for me.”

He nodded eagerly again, his lips, once more, seeking refuge against the soft skin of your neck. He bade your ears whimper upon whimper – those sweet delicate sounds that tickled your senses, growing more and more pronounced the closer he crept on the edge. He continued to shake and you had to wonder if he was still fighting against his own body.

“You can go faster than that. Come on. I know you can do it.”

A groan escaped from somewhere steep in his throat and now you knew, the last of his will had finally ebbed. He began fucking into you with much less reverence, the small cot beginning to squeak beneath the both of your weights. You arched your neck as a sudden tide of pleasure broke over your body, your mouth parting for a soft moan to flee.

“Yeah, keep going like that. You’re doing so good.”

In response to your words, another breathless whine rushed through Leon’s teeth as he kissed along your throat, his hands rising to your sides and gripping you tightly against himself.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—I’m so close again.” He moaned into your skin, his voice small and high-pitched, nearly breaking as it bounced lazily over those few words.

“I know, baby. I know. Don’t stop now. Just keep going.”

Leon groaned softly beneath your ear. His hips snapped against yours in a few short successions before his body grew suddenly still upon yours. A choked whimper rolled off his tongue, a desperate attempt to muffle himself as he prodded his face deeper into your neck again. His warm cum gushed through your folds, burying the seed within you as he continue to remain between your legs like that.

His breaths flickered sharp and heavy against your skin as he slowly came down, his grip over your body loosening ever so slightly. Once that blissful haze dissipated, his lips began tracing your neck again; but this time, the kisses were much softer, bearing a sated gentleness that made your heart swell with warmth.

“I’m sorry,” you heard him mumble, his face refusing to lift from the crook of your shoulder. Then he finally leaned away to meet your eyes; his cheeks sweetly red, an adorable crooked grin curling the corner of his mouth. “I don’t know what came over me.”

You chuckled, your fingers dancing coyly on the back of his neck, toying with the silky wisps of hair plastered to his damp skin.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” you reassured him but then, a wicked smirk grew across your lips. “You’re way too cute though.”

He rolled his eyes, scoffing softly, with that ever persistent smile still adorning his face. You snickered when his blush deepened, spreading all the way to his ears; and he gave a loud embarrassed groan, hiding his face against his own arm.

“Stop it,” he whined.

Your laughter grew in volume as you reached for his chin, holding it gently between two fingers before you turned his face towards yours again. His eyes were glassy and bright, a translucent shade as they peered down into yours with a lingering hint of sheepishness.

“You’re so fucking cute,” you repeated, your voice a low growl through gritted teeth as if your heart couldn’t contain all the fondness it bore for your rookie.

Leon shook his head slowly, a small giggle bursting from his lips. His eyes were twinkling when he looked at you again, his lips giving into a doting smile.

“You’re unbelievable.”

You gave another chuckle in response before he rest his head down against your chest. He took in a deep content breath, his fingers falling to your waist to begin trailing aimlessly over the skin. Your heart thumped slowly beneath his ear and he couldn’t help the smile that overcame his lips.

“Can we stay like this for a while?” He asked, his eyes slowly falling close, his voice barely a mumbled whisper. “This is… nice.”

“Of course.” You smiled when he gave you a short hum in return and you looked down at him, noticing the calm and the sweet innocence which had now replaced everything else on his face. You ran your fingers along his neck again. “You didn’t even hear me, did you?”

He was already fast asleep.

Something loud stirred Leon from his sleep; an obnoxious wailing of a siren that startled him awake. It took him a moment to gather his surroundings, finding himself still naked from the night before, tangled in your thin white sheets. He blinked drowsily and frowned at the realization of your absence and then panic began to set in his stomach.

“Shit, shit, shit!”

He nearly staggered to the floor in his haste to get out of the cot, clumsily reaching for his clothes that were scattered around the small room. His breaths were already short and labored as he got dressed and rushed out into the hallway, grimacing once the blaring noise embraced him whole.

The only thought on his mind was to find you.

He took off in the direction of the mess hall, his eyes widening in surprise when a group of armed soldiers hurried past him, bellowing demands over the shrieking noise. This wasn’t just a regular drill, Leon quickly realized, his cheeks tingling from the cold wash of dread. He caught up to the commanding officer whose face was red with sweat and distorted into a scowl.

“Kennedy! The hell are you doing here?” He yelled gruffly.

“What is going on?”

Leon flinched as the loud echo of gunshots rang out through the space, instinctively grasping his head between his hands. A light tremor broke over his body, his heart racing at the very possibility of something truly horrifying.

“We’re on lockdown. Get yourself to the hangar. NOW.”

He nodded fervently in response and began running again, finding another group of soldiers who were headed in the same direction and followed them out to the warm air of the early morning. The dawn was slowly breaking in the distant horizon as he made it to the hangar.

It was easy to make out your frantic voice above the agitated chatter in the room. You were yelling about something but this time, your anger was turned towards another high ranking soldier. He was a much older man. Someone he could tell to be your superior. However, that didn’t stop you from leaning close to his face to scream at him.

“Corporal, with all due respect, that’s the worst choice in this situation.” Leon heard you spit angrily as he stopped in the front of the hangar, standing just ahead of the rest of the crowd of soldiers. “We can’t use the recruits as fucking bait.”

The older soldier straightened his back, his chest puffed out, leaning forward in your space in return to your defiance; a snarl was set deep in his features, his tall domineering stature doing very little to quell your confidence. You didn’t back down. Not even slightly. You held his gaze with as much fortitude even though you had to tip your head back to keep glaring at him.

“We need all hands on deck, (L/N). My word is final. Hand out the damn guns!”

Leon walked closer to you as Corporal distanced himself. He put a careful hand on your shoulder, his heart skipping a beat when you flinched in response to his touch. Your wide eyes met his immediately, a gentleness growing amidst the feral fury within them as soon as he offered you a small but strained smile.

“You’re okay, Lieutenant?” He asked softly, leaning closer to your shoulder. “What’s going on?”

He watched quietly as you heaved an exasperated sigh and knead your eyes before you turned fully to face him.

“Banshee broke out of her restraints at some point in the night. We’re trying to take her down but—”

Leon frowned, his grip tightening slightly on your shoulder, waiting patiently for you to explain but anxiety was threading deeply through his body like thorny vines, clutching painfully at his pounding heart. You sighed again and a speck of that previous anger returned to your voice once you started speaking again.

“But we dealt some fucking casualties already. Now somebody,” you sneered begrudgingly, throwing a sharp thumb over your shoulder at Corporal, “came up with the idea to dispatch the recruits.”

His pulse throbbed in his ears as he listened to you, a soft frown weighing on his features, trepidation sinking deep in the pit of his stomach. Eventually, he let his hand fall slowly back to his side and managed another pursed smile.

“I can do this—”

“NO!” Leon cringed at the unexpected raise of your voice. You grabbed his shoulder and peered deep into his face. You looked scared. More scared than he’d ever seen you. Your eyes were blown wide and your pupils were trembling; a thin veil of glassiness coated them, making them glisten, almost as if you were tearing up. “I cannot – I will not let you. You’ll stay here.That’s an order.”

He smiled again, much more kindly this time, a warm look in his eyes. He squeezed your hand on his shoulder with his reassuringly, before raising his fingers to touch your face.

“With all due respect, if we’re going to fight then we’re fighting together. Besides,” his lips curved into a warm smile, “I’m not letting you go out there without me.”

You shook your head in disbelief as you heard your own words thrown back at you, tears welling up in your eyes. Leon fought the urge to engulf you in his arms right then and there, his chest gripping with ache at the sight of your distraught face. His thumb began brushing over your cheek.

“I can handle this, I promise. Let me come with you. I feel safer that way.”

Your fists curled tightly as you averted your eyes, gritting your teeth. You were in war with yourself, caught in the crossfire of your heart and your mind – the urge to protect Leon and the sensibility of letting him take care of himself. At last, you let a sharp exhale through your nose and gave him a defeated yet determined glance, your head dipping in a small nod. Then you, albeit hesitantly, handed him a gun.

“Stick close to me. Am I clear?”

Leon smiled, letting the gun mold comfortably in his arms. “Yes, Miss.”

“Alright.” You turned your attention towards the room. “We do this as Corporal planned. Everyone, assume your positions.” You unsheathed your own pistol and cocked it with a dirty glare. “We’re taking down the mutant.”

A deafening silence surged through the hangar as recruits sought their assigned groups, their thudding heels against the ground the only noise tearing through the thick air of uneasiness.

Leon stood closer to you, his skin crawling with goosebumps as a new wave of anxiety crashed over him. This was really happening. The only thing soothing his nerves was your mere presence beside him, filling him with a calming sense of security even as you stood with just one good arm to go into the battle with; the pistol sat in your palm as if it could belong to you alone.

You turned to him, your face grim as you addressed him once again. “It’s on sight, Kennedy. You see Banshee, you shoot. And you don’t aim at anything but her head. Understood?”

“Yes, Lieutenant.” He nodded curtly, donning a courageous look as he cocked his own weapon.

“Good.” You turned to the crowd once more, yelling much more authoritatively this time when you spoke again, “we’re moving out!”

Everyone moved quietly. It was as though their feet were gliding upon air as the formation of the recruits hurried outside towards the base, the first rays of the morning light shedding a blanket of pale gold over the moving bunch.

Leon trailed close behind you the entire way, watching you make gestures with your hand once near the building, ordering the formation to dispense and cover as much ground as possible. Then you turned over your shoulder to look at him as Corporal joined your side.

“We’re going in. Stay on guard.”

You nodded once at your superior and without hesitation, he kicked the double doors open. Your small group rushed inside, enfolded once again by the shrieking siren. Disembodied demands were hurled constantly, the words faint over the thunderous noise as you led the way inside.

Gunshots reverberated through the halls, distant agonized screams bouncing off of the white walls. Mutilated bodies littered the once pristine tiled floors. The thick stench of blood was overbearing, its sight a constant nauseating presence.

Leon was overwhelmed. His mind kept flashing back to Raccoon City, his thoughts racing with those tainted memories that were quickly riling him up. His grip began to shake on his gun, his heart practically hammering in his throat and all of a sudden, he froze. The sight of the pile of carcass through a corridor was enough to lock him up inside his own brain.

“LEON!”

He heard the yell too late, only coming to when another shot was fired. He recoiled as the unexpected sound ripped through the fog of his thoughts, his eyes snapping to yours. You grabbed his arm and hauled him to a safe corner as bullets hailed down upon you.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, slowly gathering his bearings again.

His eyes searched you and a frown quickly formed at his brows. You slumped to the floor with a hand clutched tightly at your stomach; blood seeped through your fingers, spreading rapidly over your shirt like ink. You were shaking, panting, and your eyes were wide with panic.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Leon dropped to his knees beside you on the ground, his voice low but frantic as he took in the dire state you were in. “Stop, stop. Calm down, sweetheart. Please.”

He pressed his hands over your wound, trying his damndest to ignore your shallow erratic breaths, the awareness of what had happened dawning on him. His broad, terrified eyes staring at the gaping void in your stomach that continued to gush with blood.

“Shhh… shhh… please, baby. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. You—you’re going to be okay.” His eyes raised to yours, sweat beaded at his brow. He spoke in a hushed yell, “why the hell did you do that for?”

Your panting finally slowed when you tackled the initial bout of panic but your body continued to tremble. Leon chewed his lip as he watched you; your eyes were lidded. He could see the hard movement of your chest as you heaved every breath with difficulty. This didn’t look good. He struggled to shove down his mounting terror as he stared helplessly at you, his hands still covering your wound with pressure. Warm tears began stinging the corners of his vision.

“Leon…” You muttered weakly, reaching your bloody fingers to his face. “I’m so sorry. I…” You trailed off, never finishing that train of thought.

He leaned into your touch as your hand palmed his cheek, gritting his teeth and blinking back the downpour of tears.

“I’m – I’m dying, aren’t I?”

“Please stop talking.” He said hoarsely.

“It’s okay. I’m not scar—” You were caught off by a rattling cough, blood spitting through your lips. “I’m not scared of dying. I’m content. For once.”

Leon held your wrist and clutched your hand against his chest, his tears wetting his lashes, his nostrils pink and flaring.

“Take care… alright? You’re my – you’re my favorite vice.”

Vices, vices. Of course. You were struggling to speak, to move, to breathe. He could see it. His heart sank when more blood trickled down your lip. He held the side of your face as your neck began to go limp, lifting your head and forcing you to meet his eyes again.

“Don’t you die on me. Please.”

You managed a small smile and gave him a weak nod of your head. “It’s gonna be okay.” A futile attempt to comfort him as you squeezed his hand with the last sliver of your strength.

His bloody fingers raked through your hair, unable to do anything else but watch the glimmer fade in your eyes. Once your grip over his hand was gone, he knew that you were, too. Yet, the revelation dropped like an anchor in his stomach. His hold tightened in your hair, moving your head from side to side as if he was trying to wake you from a deep sleep.

“(Y/N). Please, no!” His voice wavered as he spoke. “Oh. Oh, god…”

But he had no time to mourn; a hand soon found his shoulder and forced him back to his feet. His eyes broadened as he watched you get farther and farther away from him, his feet moving against his own will.

“Let’s go, rookie.” He heard Corporal whisper to him in a gentle tone – one unheard of him until then.

Leon’s eyes fleeted over the older man’s face. The wrinkles between his brows were drawn deeply, his lips pursed as if he was holding himself back from speaking anything more. But the heartbreak glistened in his dark eyes as he stared straight ahead, his hand still wrapped securely around his arm.

“We have to get her.”

“We will.” Corporal responded with a firm nod. “But first, we survive.”

And survive they did.

It was a few hours of sheer hell. Many were slain and, in the end, Banshee escaped after nearly wiping out the entire base. However, Leon stood among his remaining comrades outside in what was once the training field, taking in the ruin which has become of the base. Smoke wafted over the white roof of the building, uncoiling like a black serpentine, a taunting dance of defeat in the clear sky as the sun slowly set over the horizon.

Leon fell to his feet in exhaustion; and as he laid there on the dirt, staring at the fading skies overhead, the weight of reality finally crashed down over his head. So many great soldiers dead. So many lives felled. And you. He drew a deep, quivering breath.

You.

The last few months of training were an uneventful blur. The surviving recruits were moved to a different base and Leon felt utterly lost. For the first time in a while, he didn’t know what to do. It was as though he had survived Raccoon City all over again. But this time around, there was no you to help him navigate, to forget. Even if only briefly.

Alas, he managed to finish those months that seemed to drag on end. He knew that was what you would’ve wanted from him; to live on – hence why you weren’t there anymore to see him graduate. But if that was all it took to help him through day after day, he was going to hold onto it like his lifeline.

After graduation, the first place Leon visited was that same city you had promised to go with him one day, to show him around the ruins and rubbles of what once pledged a great change to him. The same place that led him down a spiral instead, a cursed shadow now hanging over his head which only seemed to grow thicker and thicker.

He wasn’t going to miss it. Not this damn city. And certainly, not your absence. As he emerged slowly on the brink of Raccoon City, returning from his visit with one of his old commanding officers, he turned to look at the demolished skyline one last time as the first winter snow began to fall, the white beads glowing shyly against the vast darkness of the night.

The wait was over now. He could finally go out there and leave all of this behind.

His warm sigh left him in a pale cloud as he slowly turned away and towards the flaring headlights of the military truck behind him. Without looking back, he walked to the car and slid into the backseat. He met the driver’s eyes through the rearview mirror and gave him a small nod.

“I’m ready to go.”

He leaned his elbow against the car door as the engine spurred to life, his eyes momentarily flickering to his side at the box of his belongings, that fresh and young pot of plant which was once yours sat atop.

A faint smile shadowed over his lips as he picked the plant up with one hand and held it under the passing blur of streetlights that poured inside the vehicle. He stroked one of its leaves between two fingers, his smile turning downward as he sighed again.

It’s gonna be okay, he thought solemnly to himself.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy smut #resident evil smut #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy x you #resident evil fanfiction #leon s kennedy #re2 #resident evil x reader #resident evil leon #resident evil 2 #leon x reader #resident 2 remake #resident evil #re2r leon #leon scott kennedy #leon resident evil #leon kennedy

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neowinestainedress · 2 years

Text

happier | lee haechan, lee jeno

title: happier (finale) | part two | masterlist

pairing: lee haechan x oc/fem reader, lee jeno x fem!oc/reader | side member: huang renjun

genre: song-fic, (light) angst, smut, fluff, lovers to exes to ?, friends to fwb to ? | requested and inspired by happier by olivia rodrigo (and 1 step forward, 3 steps back and favorite crime)

warnings: angst, implied past bullying and depression, one mention of vomiting but no mention of an eating disorder, smut, sex with multiple partners (not all together), protected and unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), multiple orgasms, semi-public sex, jealous ‘sex’ (not rough), thigh riding, mainly written from haechan’s pov.

summary: Haechan can’t live with the weight of losing her forever, he can live even less with the fear that she might be happier with Jeno. He wonders if he’s still in time to fix what he tore apart or if he’ll have to pay the price for what he did forever.

words: 20.600k

taglist: @thisbabydontstop @jaehyunsprincess @brightestmark @jellymoonbear @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @alalyahs @soobsfairy444 @hyuckscore @w3bqrl @rbf-aceu @liliansun @donutswithjaminthemiddle @champagne-n-yachts @kundann @kpopwh0r3

@bluegothsizzler @rllymark @reagiie @cherryblossom1818

a/n: can’t believe this series came to an end :( I’m sorry if I made you wait so long for this but I didn’t want to ruin everything by rushing it. Compared to the others it follows the song a bit less since there’s more plot. I hope you’ll like it, but I know there will be divided opinions about the ending so I’m curious to know your opinions! Let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or asks ♡ Also I’m not sure all the tags worked, it kept finding or not finding certain accounts based on where I put them, so I’m sorry if you’re not actually tagged, it did the same with the taglist in the masterlist and I don’t know what’s the problem.

It had been almost a year since they broke up and Haechan should’ve been the last one to feel this way. Yet, here he was. Broken.

It had taken him time, too much time, to realize what he had lost and all the pain he had put her through, and now the guilt was eating him alive.

Haechan truly thought he didn’t love her anymore. He thought that his heart was detached from everything that had happened between them and all she used to mean to him. But he was hit by the realization when she started to show up with their group of friends at Jeno’s side.

It wasn’t even when Jeno started to drag her along again, his doubts started to creep in long before that. It was like Renjun got off seeing him suffer and loved to remind him every second how happy she was without him. His friend was smart, he never brought her up straightforwardly, not while he was talking directly to him. But Renjun kept saying how happy she was, how more beautiful she looked, how it looked like she had found peace.

For a while, he thought Renjun was lying, that she couldn’t be happier without him. But apparently, she was.

Haechan started to suspect something was going on between her and Jeno when his best friend started spending his day on the phone, always with a dumb smile on his face. And Haechan wanted to fight him so badly but he knew he had no right to get in between their happiness.

Haechan had fucked it up. And there was nothing he could do to fix it.

He could only sit in silence and try to don’t boil in anger every time she sat on top of Jeno when they hung out all together.

“You okay?” He could hear Jeno whisper, his chin resting on her shoulder as he smiled at her. And Haechan felt a twinge in his chest when she looked down at him, nose scrunching up, smiling at him and telling him she was fine.

That was his place.

Or maybe not, because now that he thought about it, he never asked her if she was okay or if his friends were overwhelming. Now that he thought about it, he never let her sit on his lap, and caressed her hands, because he couldn’t stand being so close in front of his friend, too busy thinking about their judgment than thinking about loving her.

Haechan couldn’t help but be tormented by them. She truly was shining, and Jeno was so sweet with her, he couldn’t stop wondering if she had forgotten about him and what had been between them.

And when their eyes met for a second and he couldn’t see her familiar gaze anymore, he wondered; did it mean she forgot about him?

And Jeno probably spent days telling her she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and that was what she deserved. But Haechan couldn’t stand the idea that she told the same to him.

He couldn’t stand that she did the same things she used to do with him.

She loved seeing Jeno dancing. From the stage, Haechan couldn’t help but look at her only to be disappointed because her attention wasn’t on him.

And when the show ended she ran to Jeno and not to him. They didn’t kiss, not on the lips, at least, but the way she hugged him tight and kissed his cheek was enough to make his heart fall on the floor and let an elephant step on it.

She complimented his smile way too much. And Haechan could only think about their evenings spent together, when she would lay on top of him and poke his cheeks, kissing his lips softly before telling him how much she loved his smile. He couldn’t believe that maybe she was doing the same with Jeno, that she was tangled up in someone’s bed and that was all his fault.

Every time they were together it got a bit worse, they were always closer with each passing day. Physically with light touches. And mentally, finishing each other sentences, and laughing at the same jokes.

It shouldn’t have fazed him, but Haechan felt his stomach twist every time. He hurt himself even more wondering how serious their story was getting. Was Jeno seducing her with the ‘eternal love bullshit’ he never believed in? Or were they just playing around? He didn’t think it was a way to make him jealous, but was it necessary to act like that in front of him? Acting as if he wasn’t there. Acting as if he never existed.

And Haechan tried to find flaws in Jeno, trying to hate every good thing about his best friend just so that he could sleep at night. But he couldn’t find it, he knew him, and he could, unfortunately, see how happy Jeno made her.

Haechan tried to hold back the bitter, disgusted grin on his lips every time he saw her laugh or smile at his words. He wondered if Jeno gave her butterflies, if Jeno made her feel a bit of what he made her feel, if her heart beat just as loud as it did when they were together and if she ever showed him her real laugh. But the more he cut them apart the more he only got one answer, an answer he didn’t like.

Jeno gave her butterflies.

Haechan tried to move on, find other girls after Bora — no, it didn’t work out because Bora wasn’t her, because she couldn’t get him, because she couldn’t understand him the way she did.

And no other one-night stand could fill the void he felt in his chest. It wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t about a brief sparkle of happiness. It was about love. It was about the person of his life, then one he lost because he put foolish things before her.

Days started blending into nights as he tried to find another reason to wake up every day and move on with his life. He felt like shit, the bags under his eyes getting darker and his cheeks getting hollow as the food in his plate dimmed more and more.

He was once again falling into the hole she got him out of. And he needed her. But not because he needed saving, not because he could leave her again once he was out of that, he needed her because he loved her. If things cracked in their last months together he realized that the so-called ‘freedom’ he wanted to have was nothing compared to having her.

He thought he needed to mirror himself in somebody that was like him but he didn’t realize that the reflection in the mirror that was distorted and he couldn’t recognize anymore was his, and not hers.

He needed to change. He needed to be better. He needed to grow.

Because she was still there.

With her comforting smiles. And her little clumsy dance steps. And her passion for history. And her flowy dresses she loved twirling around.

She was his reason, not because he was crawling on the floor again, but because nobody else could ever take her place.

So, he was getting on his knees, begging for forgiveness, low eyes staring down at the rug in front of her door because he couldn’t find the strength to see the disappointment in her eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

Her venous voice was enough to hurt him, to hit him straight into his heart like an arrow, not a Cupid one but a hate arrow, piercing him, making him bleed.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he confessed, voice so low she could barely hear what he was saying.

“Do what?” She asked, staring at him, feeling her heart twist when he lifted his head and his eyes were red and glossy, and tears were streaking down his face.

“I can’t be without you anymore.”

She snorted before slamming the door close, but his hand was faster at blocking it, his broken eyes silently begging her for another chance.

“Don’t,” she warned, glaring at him, voice cutting in her throat.

“Please, please, just one more chance,” he begged, voice broken, lips shaking and she had to close her eyes because she wasn’t going to let him have so much power over her ever again.

“I don’t need your crocodile tears, Haechan,” she replied, trying to push the door close, but he was stronger than her and she could only give up.

“I’m honest, now. I lied to you enough, and look where it led us,” he said, staring into her eyes, showing her that he had never been more honest than this.

“Quick, tell me what you want, and then leave.”

“I want you back,” he said forwardly, and the look in her eyes should’ve made him take a step back, or maybe run away immediately, but he didn’t. Haechan could see she was mad, but he had to try. “I was an asshole. Now I know. I should’ve seen what I had when I had you. I should’ve paid you attention. I should’ve cherished you and yet I took you for granted.”

“And that’s not my problem,” she replied sternly.

“I was too dumb, I was so focused on me and my dreams that I forgot you were part of my dreams too.”

“You’re only mad because I’m not yours anymore. You hate seeing me happy with someone else, you hate that I’m happier with Jeno than I’ve ever been happy with you.”

His lips started shaking. “That’s not true,” he mumbled. “You’re not happier. I know you’re not. You can’t be happier with him.”

“Why not?” She asked, daring him. “What have you done for me in the last year, Haechan? I was like a toy for you, sitting nicely on one of your shelves, covered in dust, and broken, and instead of taking care of me, instead of treating me right, you went and bought another toy. And what a shame, it turned out it didn’t work, too.”

“It didn’t work because she wasn’t you, no one else will ever be you.”

She sighed deeply, trying to push back the tears, Haechan could see she was close to crying, she would always squeeze her eyes and nervously pinch the skin on her hand, he never got why, though. “See, that’s the thing with you, you think everybody owes you something. You think you can come here, cry a little, scream about how special I was, and everything will go back to normal as if nothing happened.”

“But —”

“No, let me talk,” she stopped him, tone stern, leaving no space to retort. “Being with you it’s a fucking roller coaster. It’s always one step forward and three steps back. I don’t know if you love me, want me, hate me, I don’t know. I have no idea what will strike a nerve and get you mad.”

“I know what I want now, I know I want you,” he replied, trying to reach for her but she stepped back.

“And have you wondered if you are the one that I want? You got me — you — fuck,” she cursed, clenching her fist, and throwing her head back. “You got me so fucked up in the head. You have no idea how much you made me doubt myself. I couldn’t see myself beautiful anymore, I hated my face, I hated my body. I thought I was unfunny. I thought I wasn’t smart. And,” she sighed, wiping away the tears that were rolling down her face. “I hate you, and I hate myself so much because I gave you so much power. I let you take away everything of me.”

“I can fix it. I know you felt like shit too since we’ve broken up. I know you miss it. Please,” he begged. Even though he felt unworthy, and guilty for all the things he said and did.

“It’s so easy for you,” she whispered. Going back in time hurt now, she was healing, slowly, but she was moving forward, and he was once again making her go back in the line of their story. “It’s back and forth with you. It’s a continuous push and pull that drove me insane. Every time wondering if I did something wrong, or maybe it was all your fault. But I never blamed you, I never thought that you were the problem in our story. I always blamed myself. And you have no idea how much that broke me.”

“No, I’ll do anything to prove to you how much I love you. I can mend your broken heart, I will give you mine if it’s what it would take to fix you.”

She lowered her head, and he couldn’t see her face, but he knew she was biting her lip to stop the sobs from rolling out.

“Remember what I promised you? What we promised each other? That we’d never part because we fit so well with each other and nobody else could come close to that.”

She chuckled bitterly, “I wasn’t the one breaking that promise apart.”

“I know, I’m not blaming you. It’s my fault, I was immature, I hurt you so bad. But I won’t do it again. I won’t break your heart again. I won’t make you feel like you’re not enough.”

“I just don’t get it. You had me in the palm of your hand, Haechan. I was right there, I would’ve never left. All you had to do was stay by my side and love me, and you didn’t. You left me the second I wasn’t as interesting anymore, the second I felt like a habit, an old one that you hate. How can I be sure you won’t do it again? How can I be sure there won’t be another Bora?”

“I’ll prove it to you. Test me. Do whatever you want.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want us to become toxic,” she said. “I don’t want to truly be the psycho-obsessed girlfriend that you always believed I was, because I wasn’t, and I’m not. I need to trust you, and if I started doubting that, it was because you gave me a reason.”

“Then how can I gain your trust again?”

She sniffled, resting against the door, feeling too tired to do this anymore. She looked at him. She couldn’t give him another chance.

“Work for it,” she replied weakly. “Prove me you care for me. Prove me you love me still. Do all the things you never did when we were together. Show me that you won’t turn to look at somebody else the first second I won’t be at my best.”

His eyes lit up, and he took a step forward but she stopped him.

“We’re not back together, Haechan,” she said sternly. “You have to woo me. You need to make me fall in love again, because right now, I don’t love you anymore.”

And those were the last words she said before closing the door, leaving him outside with the wind blowing on his face.

I don’t love you anymore.

That tore him apart. But if he made her fall once, he was going to make her fall twice.

And Haechan didn’t waste time.

The first thing that he did was send a bouquet of flowers to her place. He picked out her favorite flowers and also wrote a note with the lyrics of her favorite song. He wanted to give them to her, to see her reaction, but he decided to leave them out of her door, sure she would’ve loved the surprise after coming back from work.

And it worked.

She didn’t mean to be so happy about it but her heart flipped in her chest when she saw the flower lying there.

Then one morning when she was leaving for work she found a heart-shaped package full of chocolate on her car and a small note saying ‘With the hope that your day will be just as sweet.’

“No, why am I smiling like this, damn,” she cursed, opening the car door to get in, trying to calm her heartbeat. She surely loved the attention and nothing else. Haechan was long gone in the past and this was just her revenge to make him believe that he had a chance of taking her back. So she dropped the chocolates in the backseat and drove off to work, hoping to leave him behind.

But Haechan was firm. He had lost her once, he wasn’t going to make it happen twice. So he texted her a lot, telling her that a song on the radio reminded him of her, or sending her a video he found online sure that she was going to laugh, he even started sending her good morning and good night texts.

Haechan wasn’t even hurt that sometimes she didn’t answer, at least she wasn’t blocking him so that had to be good news, right? She had told him he was under a test and he wasn’t going to fail.

“Hi,” he cheered, waiting for her outside of work.

“Jesus, you scared me,” she replied, holding a hand on her chest and taking a deep breath while glaring at him. “What are you doing here?”

Haechan didn’t answer, he only lifted two tickets in his hands, waving them in front of her face.

“What are those?” She asked, starting to walk to reach the metro, but Haechan pulled her back, hands reaching for her wrist before she could slip away.

“There’s a Van Gogh exhibition in town. It’s for the 170 anniversary of his birth,” he explained, watching her eyes light up just hearing the name of the painter. She couldn’t say no, he was one of her top artists ever and she had told him countless times how badly she wanted to see his works.

“That’s — that’s so unfair,” she muttered, hugging her body after pulling away from his hold.

“You act as if I can infect you or something,” he replied annoyed.

“I just don’t want you to get too close to me, I know you and your…” she sighed. “Don’t get your hopes high. I’m only coming because I’m selfish and I want to watch the exhibit.”

But Haechan couldn’t care, it was a win for him anyway. He got to spend time with her and make her live an experience she wasn’t going to forget easily.

“So you are in?” He still asked, eyes lighting up in anticipation, watching her lips twitch as usual when she tried to hide her excitement.

“Yes, and let’s go before I change my mind.”

He let out a little cheer of victory before turning around and starting to walk toward the right metro that would’ve let them to the exposition. Fighting the urge to reach for her hand was hard but he couldn’t risk it now with bold moves that would’ve only scared her away.

“So, how was your day?” He asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, if they were physically restricted he couldn’t do anything dumb.

“Good,” her answer was quick, almost stern if he wanted to look into it, and it made his heart clench.

“Can we not?” He asked, glimpsing at her. Hair flying in the air, eyes slightly narrowed, forming a cute furrow on her face as she tried to don’t let the wind bother her sight. But her features weren’t relaxed only because of the weather, he could feel the negativity come out of her.

“Do what?”

“Your answer and you being so distant to me.”

She sighed. “How can you expect any different? Try to appreciate I didn’t tell you to fuck off as soon as I saw you.”

Haechan didn’t answer, it was better than nothing but it wasn’t what he wanted, and he probably liked the silence of his phone not buzzing back when he sent a text over the silence she was reserving for him now. So he kept quiet for the rest of the walk, trying to convince himself that it was better than nothing. It was better than nothing.

“It’s interactive?” She asked when they entered the palace, skipping the line for the tickets since Haechan already bought them.

“Partially,” he explained. “I hope you’ll like it anyway.”

She only hummed, looking around to follow the signalled path and see the first paintings.

It didn’t go exactly as Haechan planned, she was roaming around the room keeping her distance, admiring the artworks on her own, and the few times they ended up watching the same panting she would move to another.

He hated it.

But he tried to take the best of the experience, she was cute with her small furrow as she studied the details of the artwork, or when she tried to read the description at the side. And he couldn’t hide the smile on her face when she snapped pictures, even if it hurt when she asked some other to take one for her instead of reaching out for him.

“Can I ask you why you like him so much?” He asked, finally blocking her in front of Wheatfield with Crows, Van Gogh’s last painting.

“Because he was lonely.”

He saw she was trying to find the words and waited for her patiently.

“He had this type of pain inside of him that makes him so real. It was like nobody could read him, not even his closest friends or lovers. And yet his pain was all there, in his works.”

“It’s sad.”

“It’s sad that people never hear others’ cries for help, it’s sad that we can only stop at the surface and never get deeper. It’s so easy to say that the world and humanity are rotting now but things weren’t so different decades ago.”

“I feel like you’re throwing shade at me.”

She chuckled, shaking her head, “Is it shade or is it the honest truth? You stopped seeing into my pain and started calling me crazy, and only when you realized what you lost you crawled back to me. Maybe if you went beyond, if you listened to my cries for help, we wouldn’t look like complete strangers having awkward conversations now.”

“What’s bugging you?” Jeno asked while he stared at her, she was swinging in the oval chair in his living room, looking outside, nervously chewing her nails, ruining the pink polish.

“Nothing, just work,” she said, partially it was true. They had all graduated but she still felt lost, she had found a job in a museum and she liked it a lot, but she still didn’t know if she wanted to be a teacher or an academic researcher, both jobs required a lot and she felt inadequate.

“Why don’t you come here and relax?” Jeno asked, patting the empty spot next to him on the couch. He felt there was something else going on. He had seen how she and Haechan seemed closer once again and he couldn’t help but feel paranoid.

No, they weren’t dating. Not even if they spent so much time together, and their hands were always intertwined when they walked, not even if he often dropped her to work before going to his. Not even if her head rested against his shoulder when they watched tv. Not even if they stayed up all night to talk with each other.

He knew he still didn’t have a place in her heart, he wondered if he ever would’ve had a place there. But he tried his best to make her happy. Being her friend still was something and he liked what they had, no matter how messy the whole situation was.

“We could watch a movie, maybe it will keep your mind off it,” he proposed, smiling at her when she sat next to him, as always cuddling to his body.

“Or we could talk,” she said, not even knowing why she was choosing such a risky path. Talking wasn’t her forte, especially if it was about love.

“Sure, if it would make you feel better. So, what’s wrong?”

She sighed, gulping before words came out of her mouth, “do you ever feel like… no matter what you do it will always be wrong? I’m not talking about fearing what people think, but what it will be of yourself, and your life. As if every choice could lead to a terrible mistake.”

Jeno hummed, “Sometimes.” I felt like this when I spent nights up trying to decide if I should’ve talked to you or not. He didn’t say it, he tried to come up with another example, or something that wouldn’t have made her regret deciding to open up to him. “But I also think that when it feels like this we should follow our heart. Yes, it might end up tragically but at least there’s the chance we had fun along the way.”

“Oh,” she whispered. “I never thought about it that way, but I guess it makes sense.”

“It’s not about work, is it?”

She bit her lip, shaking her head. “I mean, yes, it’s… it’s,” she sighed, rubbing her temples. “I just feel that in the last year everything went downhill, I make choices thinking I’ll be happy and then it never feels as good as I hope it would feel. I want to be happy, but it seems like I can’t reach the happiness I want.”

He hummed, he wanted to ask if Haechan had something to do with it but he didn’t want to talk about him. He could see a part of her was still stuck there, in the past, and he reminded himself of that more than enough.

“It takes time,” Jeno replied instead. “So many things in your life changed, you need to give yourself time to adjust to what came after.”

“Yeah but it’s so different from what I imagined,” she replied, voice getting thinner as she pushed her tears back. “When I still went to Uni I knew the real world was going to be harsh but I always imagined I was going to have somebody by my side. And now, I’m alone. My house is emptier than it ever been, and…” my heart is emptier than it ever been “...and sometimes it gets so hard to wake up all alone and come home to four empty walls.”

He pushed down the bitterness in his throat, where was he in all of this? “What about your friends?”

“I love them, deeply. I love every single one of you so much, don’t get me wrong, but… this is not the life I imagined.”

“Did you have plans… with him?”

She snorted bitterly, shaking her head. “So many.”

“Do them by yourself.”

“What?”

“Do what you wanted to do with him but by yourself, or with friends. Maybe it will make you feel like some of the life you expected can still be there. Start from what you can fix, not what you can’t.” Jeno reached out, caressing her hand. “Start brand new by threading what ripped in the past.”

She chuckled, “have you always been so wise?”

Jeno playfully pushed her away, and shook his head. “It’s that I get you, I feel the same.”

She sighed, nervously pulling the hangnails on her fingers, feet tapping the floor as her brain drifted away, trying to think quickly if she could do it, take the past and leave it where it belonged and open her arms to the future that seemed to be brighter. It was possible, she started to do it, but then Haechan came crashing down like a wrecking ball again and all the walls she started to build up again, fell apart.

“I should do what you said,” she replied, words slipping out of her mouth even if her heart wasn’t so convinced about it. “I can do many things we had planned even if I don’t have him by my side and then I just need to trust myself walking on my own.”

Jeno smiled, daring hand moving up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, thumb caressing her cheek, making her skin burn up. “You’re like a baby giraffe.”

She laughed, “A baby giraffe?”

“Yeah, you’ve never seen a video of them when they’re born? They walk so weirdly.”

“Oh, that,” she replied, still giggling, “I’ll take that as a compliment, then.”

He nodded, another bright smile curling his lips as he stared at her a little longer, “It is for me. I love giraffes.”

Her smile dropped for a second at his words but she tried to mask it with a slightly fake one. It still didn’t remove the heavy weight she felt in her chest. She didn’t know if she could call what she felt for him love. Maybe it was infatuation, maybe she enjoyed his company. But love? It was still such a big word, and she felt so guilty. It had been six months now, and she was still making Jeno walk on a tightrope with her doubts and fears. She felt like shit, he deserved somebody that made up their mind, somebody that knew exactly what they wanted and she still didn’t know anything.

“Should we do something, now?” Jeno proposed, bringing her out of her thoughts, sensing the shift in the air.

“Yeah, I think it’s better.”

The evening passed with no other awkward interactions, but it felt like something was slightly different. The touches between them that usually were normal, now felt like they brought a new electricity with them, as if something was pulling them closer, a connection that felt scary.

And when Jeno asked her to stay, because it was late, and it was better if they ate something together and then he would’ve dropped her home, timidly touching her hand, she couldn’t say no.

So they were there, on his couch, tangled up to each other, a bottle of soju at their feet as the sky got darker outside of the open window.

“We should dance,” she proposed, surprising him as she stood up and searched for her phone to turn on the music. “Are you rejecting a proposal to dance?” She asked, dragging him up from the seat.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, chuckling to hide the awkwardness.

“Why not? We make a quite great couple when we dance,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Sure, I’m not as good as you but you make it up for me.”

So Jeno didn’t complain more, his hands wrapped around her waist and they started dancing, bodies swinging to the rhythm, and hands daring to be braver on each other.

When their lips brushed, they were both surprised, but they didn’t pull away, they stayed there, eye to eye, silently waiting for one of them to make the first step.

And Jeno was the one doing it. He leaned in again, fearing a slap that never came. Her body relaxed in his hold and before they knew, the kiss heated up.

“Need you,” she whispered against his lips, fingers tangling in his hair, tugging lightly.

“You are drunk,” Jeno said, pulling away, and shaking his head. Probably telling those words more to himself.

“I’m not, I can take a bottle of soju,” she replied, trying to reach for him but he walked away, giving her his back.

“You don’t want me.”

“What makes you think that?” She asked, now standing behind him, waiting for him to turn around.

Jeno didn’t answer immediately, he only stared at her. He wanted her badly, so badly that he couldn’t describe it with words.

“Are you going to regret this?”

She shook her head. She never did anything like that before, but people always had random sex with people or friends, so what was so hard about it? Everything would’ve gone back to normal after, right?

“I won’t.”

Jeno was hesitant in his movements, every brush of his fingers made her shiver, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been touched, and even worst, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been touched like that. As if she was a precious diamond that would’ve broken. The last times with Haechan had been blurred memories, random quickies that felt like rushes to get off of a pleasure they were killing with each other just for morals. But this… this felt… different.

“Look at me,” she whispered, lifting his chin up. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Jeno bit his lips, humming before hardly swallowing the saliva. “I just… I don’t want to rush it. I don’t want to make you feel like I only care about sex. I…” he sighed. I like you a lot, maybe I even love you, if I feel masochistic enough. “I care about you and I think you deserve respect.”

When her lips curled in a tender smile he cursed himself mentally, what a fucking loser. She surely wanted something different, something that felt like sex and not love, and here he was, being pathetic.

“I know, I just wanted to check in we were both into this.”

Jeno nodded, breath still shaking but he tried to hide it by kissing her again. “Should we take this to the bedroom?”

The walk between the living room and his bedroom was a blackout with Jeno’s strong arms carrying her up to his bed while he never let go of the heated kiss.

And everything that came after that felt like striking a new match.

To her it felt all so different, the only man she ever had in her life being Haechan. But Jeno dreamed of this for so long, maybe not this, he at least tried to don’t think of her in those situations but he still wanted her nonetheless. And she wasn’t a dream anymore, or his best friend’s girlfriend he liked so much. She was his, at least partially, but partially was better than zero.

“Jeno,” she moaned, fingers tangling in his hair when he moved between her legs and started eating her out. His hands were spread wide against the back of her thighs, pushing her legs apart to have better access to her most sensitive spot.

“Feels good?” He mumbled against her, vibrations running in her lower abdomen, already making her stomach twitch in anticipation.

“So good,” she cried out, throwing her head back, trapping her lips because somehow it felt embarrassing to be this loud with him. What if she let out strange sounds? What if she did something wrong? Maybe fucking with somebody you’re not that intimate with wasn’t that easy for everybody. But Jeno was still good enough to fog her doubts with pleasure. More than good enough to be honest, he knew what he was doing, skilled mouth taking care of her most sensitive parts, sucking and licking with precision.

And she couldn’t help but loosen up a little, letting out soft whimpers and moving her hips against him to reach the high.

It didn’t take long to reach it when Jeno was so good at it, and the way his light touches on her thighs and waist added to it, pleasure running under her skin with his every move.

Jeno moved up, meeting her lips in a rougher kiss, his hands searching for hers.

“Fuck,” she groaned when he pushed two fingers inside her, pumping slowly, barely giving her time to recover from the first orgasm. She wanted to talk but the words were dying in her throat, and she could only pant underneath his strong body and whimper muffled moans.

“Wa-want you,” she moaned. “Please, Jeno. Need more,” she slurred when his fingers curled exactly where she needed them, pumping her wetness in and out with lewd sounds.

“Are you sure you can take me?”

She nodded swiftly, looking into his eyes, moving her head to kiss him again and again while whispering ‘please,’ through every kiss.

Jeno pulled away and shuffled through his bedside table to look for a condom, ripping the wrap as soon as he grabbed it and rolling it on him swiftly.

And in all that she studied every move, his muscles flexing, his skilled fingers rolling it down his lenght, and his eyes looking at her with intensity.

He didn’t add any words when he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him before sinking into her wet walls.

“Fuck,” he moaned, eyebrow knitting while her warmth wrapped around him.

Her head rolled back, and her nails sunk into the bedsheets, feet planting on the mattress while her hips bucked up in reaction to being filled perfectly.

“Are you okay?"

She nodded, chuckling, “I’m fine, it’s not my first time," she giggled, caressing his face. “I won’t break."

His hips started moving back and forth, speed increasing until he found the perfect rhythm, eyes fixated on her, from her face to her boobs heaving fast.

“Don’t hold back,” he ordered with a deep tone, thumb crazing her lips to free them from the hold on her teeth. “I want to hear you. Is it good?”

She nodded, humming.

“Then don’t hide it, let me know — fuck — let me know I’m making you feel good.”

Her lips parted, finally letting go of the real moans and whimpers she was holding back.

“Wanted you for so long,” he moaned, kissing her roughly, “you sound so pretty when you moan like this, fuck, keep — keep doing it.”

A scream of his name came out of her mouth when he grabbed her ankles and rested them on his shoulders. “Shh, babe, you can take it.”

She hummed, eyes closing again, the new position giving him the chance to move better and reach her sensitive spot better, bringing her close to the edge once again.

“Feels good,” she cried, wrapping her hands around his neck before her nails ran down his back, leaving red marks. “I’m close...”

“Fuck, I can feel you,” he moaned, leaning in to kiss her, “Come with me,” he hummed, hips moving faster while one of his hands reached down to stimulate her clit, giving her the last push she needed to come, triggering his orgasm too, their moans dying in each other’s mouth while they kept kissing messily.

They stayed like that for a while before Jeno pulled out of her and rolled to the side, throwing the used condom in the bin next to the bed before turning around to kiss her again.

“Can’t believe this happened,” he whispered, staring at her in awe, the afterglow of the orgasm still on her beautiful face.

She smiled, turning to the side to move closer to him. “Neither can I,” she replied, caressing his arm, enjoying the way his fingers were doing the same on her back. It was a different sensation, but she liked it, she would’ve tried to stay up and talk with him more, but sleep took over her soon, doing the same short after with him.

And it was better like this, their heartbeats were better than words that would’ve led them down a dangerous path.

When the morning came, she was alone in the bed, the sheets at his side crumpled up but cold. Lifting her body up she looked around the room, rubbing her temples and thinking about the night that had been and all the consequences coming with it.

Sighing loudly, she stood up and walked out of the bed, looking for her clothes, but not finding them anywhere.

“I hope he won’t mind,” she murmured, grabbing one of his shirts from the closet before making her way outside.

And there he was, cooking in the kitchen while the radio played in the background, only wearing grey pants while his back was exposed, signs of her nails visible on his skin.

The urge to drag her feet to him and hug him was big, but she felt that wasn’t something she was supposed to do. It would’ve been another domino card pushed down, causing a bigger mess. All of this felt like it was already getting out of hand, so why was she attracted to him?

“Rice?”

“God, you scared me,” Jeno jumped, turning around with a hand on his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say,” she chuckled, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

“No, it’s fine, I imagined I had to come wake you up with breakfast in bed,” he smiled.

“Breakfast in bed?” She asked, biting the inside of her cheeks.

“Was it too romantic?” She could feel the panic in her voice and smiled at him. “I would’ve loved it. Might as well go back in bed just to have it.”

Jeno let out a sigh of relief before turning around to don’t make the food burn.

“Yesterday was… great,” he whispered, eyes low on the food. They were halfway through breakfast, and there wasn’t an awkward silence, but it was clear that so many unanswered questions were flying in the room.

She hummed, swallowing a bite, nervously playing with her nails. “Do I have to be the one making the hard question?”

He shrugged, briefly looking up at her.

“What does it make us?” She whispered, throat closing up and when Jeno didn’t answer it only got worst.

“What do you want us to be?”

She almost choked when those words slipped from his mouth. And as time passed she could only stare into his eyes.

She didn’t know what to answer.

The answer never really came, after slurred words and half-truths drunken up with white lies, the conclusion was that ‘they were trying,’ whatever it meant. Too many doubts haunted both of them, feeling that one bigger step was going to make them slip down a treacherous rope.

So they were there, in that hazed state coloured of sepia like an old photograph, somehow making it work. All the blurred lines, drawn and erased and re-drawn again just to be ripped and glued together.

All the shy kisses turned into heated sex.

All the laughs on the floor with the glasses of wine at their sides.

All the touches getting braver every day, under plan daylight, in front of strangers’ eyes.

All the talks about the future, a future that was blurry like the lights from the window pane when it rains.

But it was comfortable and warm, just like their relationship had always been. It was listening to each other after a long day, hanging out at lunch when they had the same break and even wake-up next to each other in the morning when they were too tired to slip out of each other’s bed.

Falling into him didn’t seem as scary as it used to do. If she looked down there was a safety blanket, ready to catch her if the impact had been too hard, but she still held tight on that window from the tenth floor, terrified of the height that parted her from the ground.

It was too soon.

It was too good.

“I think we need to stop drinking if we don't want to end up here every time,” Jeno joked, looking at the ceiling while he tried to regain his breath.

“You’re funny, it's your fault,” she replied, turning around, head kept up by her bent arm against the floor. Jeno’s features were relaxed, and she wanted to caress his face so badly, but it felt like there was something holding her back every time. She didn’t even know what it was. Was she afraid of the freefall? Was there even a risk of falling and crushing on the ground with him? Jeno was comfort, everything about him felt safe, from the way he looked to the way he acted. Was it the fear of falling in love again? Was it the fear of hurting him with the wrong choice?

“I’m not even that funny,” he chuckled, shyly moving his eyes to look at her. “Stop staring at my lips.”

“I wasn’t staring, I was reading them. You’re funny to me.”

He snorted, shaking his head a lifting his torso from the cold floor, looking back at her, forearms resting on his knees.

“Why are you smiling like that?” She asked, sitting next to him, caressing his hair back.

Jeno sighed, diverting his gaze, making her fingers brush against his skin.

“It reminded me when we first got close, you would always lay on the floor after dancing.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Please, I want to forget about it. I was terrible.”

“You were passionate, though.”

“Passion doesn’t lead you anywhere," she replied. “Anyway, you promised you were going to bake a cake for me.”

“Not now,” he said.

“Oh, come on, we can’t spend the entire afternoon on the floor, drinking wine and laughing.”

Jeno shrugged. “I like it actually,” and then fell backwards again, dragging her with him, making her yelp.

“It’s not fair,” she screamed when he started kissing her cheeks. "I wanted my cake.”

“Fine,” he gave up, rolling to her side again and getting up, reaching his hand to help her do the same. “But you help me bake it and then we’ll watch something together?”

“Deal.”

It was too soon.

It was too good.

“What are you doing here?” She asked when she opened the door and found Haechan standing there.

“Taking you out,” he replied as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

She raised a brow, tilting her head. “Taking me out? Excuse me, did I miss the bit where I forgive you?”

Haechan sighed, shaking his head. “Be ready in ten, I’m waiting by the car.”

“You’re not taki—”

“Yes, I am. Dress however you want,” he said, turning around. “Anyway, anything looks good on you.”

“I heard you,” she screamed, trying to hide the smile on her face and the way the smile she could feel was on his lips made her heart flip.

“Good, wanted you to hear it.”

Sighing loudly she closed the door again and walked to her room. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do. Renjun was busy with some friends, and Jeno still didn’t answer her, so spending some time with Haechan couldn’t be so terrible, right? She had spent years with him, a few hours weren’t going to hurt.

Not to say that he was trying.

She never imagined he was going to put so much effort into trying to get back to her, but he was surprising her. So she picked his favorite dress with too much hype, not even thinking it through until she entered the car and he pointed it out.

“It’s a coincidence,” she mumbled, looking out of the window as he started driving.

“Sure,” Haechan smirked. “Things with you are never a coincidence. You like to have everything under control.”

She scoffed. “Acting like you know me?” She turned around, staring at him, watching how his face was more relaxed compared to the last times they saw each other. What if things were changing? But what was changing?

“I do know you. Better than anybody else does, and will,” he replied and she only turned over again because she didn’t feel like she had many theories to prove him wrong. Nobody got so deep under her skin. For now, she liked to think, but she wasn’t confident about it.

“Not curious to know where I’m taking you?” He asked, breaking the silence that filled that confined space, strangely it wasn’t uncomfortable, but he couldn’t help but fear that she still hated him, and talking to her eased that tension.

She shook her head but turned to stare at him. “You should know I like surprises.”

Haechan smiled. “Yeah, but this is not really one.”

“You didn’t tell me anything, and I trust you. I want to keep this a surprise, want to see if you will let me down.”

When they arrived at the spot she was surprised but confused, it was a park, and there was a small wooden house with a porch with small lights hanging outside after walking along a path.

“Can we even be here?” She asked, hesitating to cross the door when Haechan entered. “Are you making me do something illegal?”

“I know the park keeper, he gifted me this for the night,” he reassured, giving her his back.

“You didn’t take me here thinking I would fuck you just because there are some candles that I love and my favorite flowers and my favorite food, right?” She asked, smile immediately dropping when she started to feel mixed emotions. This was exactly what she loved the most, the types of cozy dates that didn’t require lots of money or crazy things.

“You think I would screw up all those months trying to make it up to you for sex?” He asked, hurt by her words. He knew that it was hard, but did she really think that low of him?

She sighed, nodding, and then whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“You told me you always wanted to do something like this,” he started explaining, “well, you wanted to rent a small chalet in the mountains, but this is all I can give you for now. Thought it was the closest thing we have in town.”

“So, you listened to me sometimes?” Her tone wasn’t mad, light enough that her words were followed by a tender chuckle.

“I did, I just never showed you I listened,” he replied, serving the food on her plate. “Next time I’ll cook it myself, but asking the keeper to order it and place it for us was the only option I had now.”

“It’s fine,” she reassured, smiling at him. “Is this his?”

“He’s not the owner, but they are not here, so it’s like it is his,” Haechan explained, sitting in front of her. “You usually have to pay for this, but at night the park it’s closed.”

“He must really trust you. How do you know him?”

Haechan gulped. He couldn’t tell her that was the place he ran to when he needed time alone, silently crying while he felt like shit because he missed her, right?

“I come here a lot.” Yeah, that was a better option. “And I once stayed after the closing hour without realizing, he found me, and we talked about…” You. We talked all night about you. “…a lot of things.”

She hummed, taking a bite and waiting to swallow before she spoke again. “He must be nice if you opened up that easily,” she said with a small melancholic smile on her face. “Well, or maybe you changed and open up with people more.”

“I needed help, let’s say, I was at my lowest.”

Her eyes met his. “Was it… six years ago?”

He shook his head, “No, my second time hitting my lowest.”

She placed the chopsticks on the table and reached for his hand, “Why didn’t you come to me?”

Haechan sighed, looking at her hands on his, the same old delicate touch he knew, the touch that saved him many years ago, full of worries he now felt he didn’t deserve. He pulled away. “I was… I was at my lowest because of you.”

She didn’t answer, gulping and grabbing the chopsticks again, trying to concentrate on the food instead.

“I’m not blaming you, by the way,” he specified when he couldn’t read her face. “I put myself in this situation.”

“Yeah, I — I got what you meant, it’s fine. Should we enjoy this before it gets cold?”

“Yeah, I think it’s better like this.”

Dinner went unexpectedly smoothly. Probably they became masters at avoiding trick conversations, but anyway it was a pleasant time together.

Haechan couldn’t believe she still didn’t throw something at him or stormed outside with a sudden rage against him.

And she couldn’t believe Haechan looked like a completely different person. Or, better, he looked like the same Haechan she had fallen in love with. Attentive and caring, genuinely interested in the things she was saying, and with a different glow in his eyes, a glow that five years ago he only reserved for her.

They talked and talked and laughed and it felt like in the air there was the same magic that surrounded them on their first dates. The cheap ones at the fast food that made them go home smelling like oil, or the ones sitting under a tree as they enjoyed the light spring breeze caress their faces, or even the ones at the arcade when Haechan still cared to teach her how to play games and wouldn’t get mad at her if she got her character killed.

But this magic was dangerous, it smelled like something they couldn’t have. It smelled like the past. And as much as they both clearly wanted this to be the future, the road ahead didn’t seem as clear as this.

“Remember when we used to go to the old library downtown?” Haechan asked, a small smile curling his lips while his fingers played with the corner of the napkin.

“Yeah, I could drag you there only cause there was a game shop beside.”

He chuckled, “don’t pretend those weren’t your favorite dates. We would both take time to understand each other’s passions even if we hated them.”

She smiled at the memory, "and then we would sneak into your bedroom. You trying to teach me how to play and me failing. So I would just watch, or read my books in silence.”

“Or out loud. I loved it when you read out loud, there’s something about your voice… Before we started dating and you came over I… I sometimes recorded you, it was the only sound that made me sleep at night.”

Her lips twitched in a melancholic grin, holding back tears, “Your screams during games wouldn’t have made me sleep so I'm sorry if I didn’t record them.”

Haechan laughed, shaking his head. Remembering that actually she often fell asleep while he was playing, and not noticing immediately he didn't lower his voice, and they still didn’t wake her up.

“But I loved watching you. It was the only time you were yourself, without trying to impress others that never even cared about you. You know, I think that even if you became more confident with time you never stopped caring about what people had to say. I… I don’t want to justify you but I tried, God if I tried when I didn’t want to accept the truth, and I still blame you but… I guess for you it made sense to be with someone like her and not me. We were fine until you started becoming more known and started meeting more people like them. Dancers dating dancers, people with big goals in life, unlike me. You started changing not only with me, but even with yourself. I hope you stopped now, I hope… I hope you don’t let other people’s opinion of you define you.”

Haechan didn’t reply immediately. How could she still read him so easily? How could she know him so deeply? He couldn’t blame others for his terrible choices but it was true that he let voices around him get to his head. The fear of being a loser once again was stronger than a lot of things he should’ve taken care of.

“I don't…”

She smiled, hoping it was true, regardless of them, and what they were going to be, she still hoped he had stopped letting the demons from the past torture him.

“It’s raining,” she pointed out when she heard a loud sound outside and, after turning her back to the window, she saw the drops hit the glass.

“Let’s go,” Haechan said, timidly grabbing her hand, surprised when she held his back and let their fingers intertwine.

“Wait, wouldn’t be better to wait till it calms?” She asked, stopping for a second.

Haechan smiled. “I don’t want to go home.”

“No? Then where are we going?”

“Do you trust me?” He asked, gathering all the courage in his body, terrified of the answer.

But the words slipped out of her mind before she could rationalize them. “Yes.”

He couldn’t describe the happiness he felt in his chest at her words and the enthusiasm with which he pulled her out of the small wooden house.

“We’re gonna get soaked,” she said when the heavy rain hit their bodies.

“Wasn’t this on your bucket list?” He asked, grabbing both of her hands and staring into her eyes as the water wet them more. “Didn’t you always want to dance under the rain?”

Her lips parted in surprise, enthusiasm, and thrill, he couldn’t exactly point out the emotions on her face, but when the biggest smile crossed her face, he felt happier than ever. It was like having her back, he could feel the happiness and serenity radiate from her body and that was the only sign he needed. No matter how this was going to end, she didn’t hate him anymore. She felt safe and happy.

“There’s no music, though,” she chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck, shivering when Haechan’s hands wrapped around her waist. None of them could remember the last time they had been so close and intimate, it had surely been more than a year considering how their story had crumbled apart long before the end.

“I also have that planned,” he said, before pulling out his phone from his back pocket and starting to play her favorite song.

“You still remember…” she whispered, and Haechan couldn’t tell if her eyes were teary or if it was the rain.

“I will always remember all the small things about you.”

She didn’t answer, only hummed before they started dancing to the rhythm. And they danced, not caring about tiring, letting the rain soak them completely, laughing and pulling each other closer. It felt good. It brought them back to the nights up in the kitchen when Haechan used her as a — terrible — dance partner and then they ended up waltzing together.

Or to be fair, it brought them to another world where they have never been, because this didn’t feel real. They weren’t in the past anymore, she got better now, and even if she missed a step, he didn’t mind. And now the world outside didn’t seem so loud, no other opinions to tell them what to do and condition them to make mistakes.

It was them.

Under the pouring rain.

Wearing their biggest smiles as their fleshes moved together as if they were made just for that.

When their lips met in a kiss, the magic exploded around them, making them fly in the sky before reality crashed on them again, the unrealistic bubble of happiness imploding, the strength so harsh that pushed them to the ground.

“I didn’t —” Haechan tried to justify when she pulled apart, even if he had no idea who started the kiss.

“Don’t,” she stopped him, taking a step back. Cursing herself mentally, wiping the drops of water out of her face.

“But I —”

“I said, don’t,” she retorted again, finger lifted up to don’t make him take a step closer. “You can’t, you can’t just crash in and take everything of me again. You can’t be so sure that I will take you back every time. You’re messing with my head and you know what you’re doing.”

“I’m trying to get you back. Like you told me. I’m proving to you that I love you, that I care about you. I’m not tricking you,” he explained, not moving to don’t scare her away, but he couldn’t understand this reaction. Weren’t they fine just ten seconds before? Why was she so afraid? Why was he so hard to trust?

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Why did you kiss me back? I’m not even sure I was the one starting it. You know what’s the problem? That you still love me, no matter how much you tell yourself you don’t, no matter how much you fuck with Jeno, pretending that he makes you feel the same. You love me still and you hate it. You hate that you know you will never be happier with anybody else.”

“God, you’re so full of yourself and so… so, God,” she groaned, clenching her fists and turning around, starting to walk in the park, under the rain, wrapping her arms around her chest, not even to shield herself from the cold but to support herself, a self-hug to don’t fall apart again.

“You can’t leave without me,” he said, pulling her closer, chest to chest, as her eyes looked up at him. The rain still hitting them, coming down harder, almost as if the rain was mad too. “Don’t leave me.” The last words came out like a plead, or like a prayer, begging her to don’t ruin this perfect night together. He knew he was the problem, one thing good and three wrong, but he was trying to get better. He was doing it for her.

Haechan felt his heart tighten when her eyes filled with salty drops, he couldn’t read her anymore, or maybe he never learned to, so that was why it hurt so much right now. They both needed to correct years of mistakes, wrong words, and misunderstood acts.

He couldn’t tell what was going on in her heart. If she was mad because he kissed her, or if she was mad because they shouldn’t have been there, getting mad over a kiss that still could’ve been theirs if only he didn’t fuck it up.

“Can we keep dancing? Can we pretend?” He whispered, caressing her wet cheek, kissing her forehead, her eyelids falling shut at the tender touch. “At least for tonight, then I’ll promise, I’ll stop running after you if you already decided what to do. If you want him instead of me.”

The sound of the metal shelves rustling back and forth filled the small room while her hands wrapped tightly around the bar of it in the storage room.

“Jeno, fuck,” she moaned, ass arching back to meet him halfway. His strong, fast thrusts already making her stomach twist.

“I told you to keep quiet,” he whispered close to her ear, wrapping a hand around her mouth while the other was firm around her waist. “The others are practicing outside.”

She hummed, eyes falling shut, trying to keep quiet. The music of the choreo could still be heard playing in the background, and she hoped it was just them playing it for fun and that the training didn’t start again. Maybe sneaking into a back room during the break wasn’t the smartest thing they could do but she needed to shut her mind off, too many thoughts running through it, and lately, Jeno was the only getaway.

“You feel so good,” Jeno muttered against her neck, nibbling her shoulder, and crumbling her skirt higher up on her ass.

Her fist clenched harder around the bar when he started to thrust into her with more force, the sound of their skin slapping against each other filling the room.

“Jeno,” she screamed as soon as he pulled his hand away.

“I told you to keep quiet, fuck,” he cursed, shushing her again. “You really want them to find us out, don’t you?”

She shook her head, feeling her breath falter and her heart race faster as the orgasm approached.

“No? Are you sure this isn’t a sick game of revenge?”

“Jeno, what? Please keep — keep fucking me, you’re so good.”

She didn’t see the furrow on his face, the disappointed one, not the concentred one, eyes dropping off their usual light before he tried to snap back into the mood again, fixating his gaze on her ass. But it wasn’t enough to fool himself anymore.

“Je-jeno?” She asked, noticing his hips’ movement slowing down until they came to a stop. When he pulled out she whined, thinking for a moment he was playing some game, that he wanted to tease her, but when a dead silence filled the room she gulped and turned around, seeing he was dressed once again.

“Are — are you okay?”

“You’re avoiding me,” Jeno told her, shyly meeting her eyes.

“I’m not,” she chuckled nervously. “I’m right here.”

“You only call me when you want to fuck. You barely even text me if it’s not for that.”

“That’s not true, I — I’ve been busy lately. I thought we both were okay with this.”

He sighed, he thought that too when he hoped sex would lead to something more. “I know you don’t love me,” he said, making her stop midway while she fixed her skirt. “It was foolish of me to believe I could mean even half of what he means to you.”

“Jeno, no, you mean a lot to me.”

“Yeah, but not like that.”

“I — that’s not true.”

“It’s not?” He raised a brow, challenging her with a cold stare.

“Haechan wants me back, and I’m making him believe he has a chance because I want him to hurt. I want him to understand what it feels like to run after somebody like that, I want him to understand what it feels like to bleed for love.”

“Be careful of not making bleed somebody else in the meanwhile.”

“Jeno, I,” she said, trying to block him from opening the door.

“No, I just… you know how this is going to end,” he said, looking into her eyes, sure more than ever she wasn’t feeling what he felt for her.

“No, it won’t end like you think.”

He didn’t answer her, slipping out of her hold to walk back to the practice room, not even ready to face Haechan.

She let her back fall behind, slumping against the wall as she sighed and felt hot tears stream down her face. Why was it so difficult? And why was it so unfair?

She was stuck in a labyrinth in her mind and it seemed like there was no way out.

And she kept thinking about it all the way home. Maybe Jeno was right.

Because all those attentions from Haechan were making her walls fall down even if she didn’t want to. He never treated her like that, well, only at the start. No, for the first four years it was like heaven, so where did they go wrong?

Maybe talking and tearing their story apart would’ve been better than those games. Better than all the push and pull. Because like this, they weren’t going anywhere.

And of one thing she was sure, she didn’t want anybody else to come out of the battle with wounds and tears.

“You need to stop showing up at my door like this,” she said when she opened the door and Haechan was standing there. A white tee, his black jacket, black jeans, and his brown boots. She wondered how they were still intact considering how much he would wear them.

“I wish I could,” he replied, voice off, and cheeks red. Only when her eyes looked at him better, she realized he was drunk. “You’re so beautiful,” he added, eyes trailing down on her figure, she was wearing house clothes, just a lilac sweater, and black sweatpants, while her hair was kept up by a clip. But to him, she still looked mesmerizing.

“Why are you here, Hyuck?” Her voice had a worried edge in it and that made him smile.

“Did you call me Hyuck? So, you forgave me for the kiss of the other day?”

She sighed, gulping and drifting her eyes from him. Drunk Haechan was her weakness, especially in the last times, when he would let go of himself only if he had at least two bottles of soju running in his bloodstream and she could still take a glimpse of the same person she had fallen in love with. “It’s 1 a.m, you should be in your bed or somebody else bed.”

“I can be in yours.”

She laughed bitterly, “No, you will be in every bed but mine.”

“Did I push you away?”

“We already talked it through, it happened. We’re fine.”

“Then why aren’t you answering my texts? Or my calls? You didn’t even go out with us the other day. Did you fight with him, too? Found your answer?”

“Okay, calm down. I need… I need time alone, Haechan. This is…” This was a game to make you suffer, leading you to think you could have me back, but it backfired and here we are, here I am. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“You should answer me,” he said, taking a step closer. “You should talk. I thought we learned where not talking led us.”

She sighed, looking down when he was face to face with her. “How much did you drink?”

“Not enough to drown you out of my mind.”

She sighed, blinking away a tear that was menacing to fall. “Did you drive here?”

He shook his head, “Took the metro,” he said before he smirked. “Afraid for my life?”

“Yeah, because I know your ghost would haunt me more than you do now,” she replied, a bitter hint of a joke in her voice, before she stepped to the side. “Come in.”

Haechan didn’t let her repeat it twice. He looked around, studying how the house tasted of her. Her plants, her books on the shelves, the wall with framed vinyls, the lamps at every corner, the candles on the windowsill, the pillows on the couch, and the faint aroma of her cooking still in the air. He missed all of that so much.

“Are we alone?”

“Unfortunately,” she replied before disappearing into the kitchen.

“I love you,” he said, looking at her while his body blocked hers on the door of the kitchen.

“Don’t,” she said, shutting him up with a finger raised. “You need water and then… and some sleep.”

“I need you.”

“I won’t cure your migraine tomorrow or stop you from puking all over my floor.”

“But it’s what you’re doing.”

She glared at him, handing him a glass of water. “Drink,” she ordered. “I’ll make your bed on the couch.”

He grabbed it reluctantly, and then said, “we already shared one.”

“Shared.”

Haechan rolled his eyes but drank the glass anyway, coming out of the room to see her walk into the bedroom to get the sheets.

“Why can’t we sleep together?” He asked when she let the white fabric fall on the open couch.

“You know why,” she replied, looking at him.

“If you made up your mind you should just talk to us and put an end to this.”

She sighed, if only she didn’t hate this conversation so much she would’ve found it funny how disordered his replies sounded like. “I didn’t invite you here, Haechan.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Here we are again.”

“Here we are again, what?” She asked sternly, standing straight again to stare into his eyes.

“You called me Hyuck before.”

She laughed, “you think that has a meaning for me anymore? It just slips out of habit.”

“So, I mean nothing to you?”

“Why are you here?” She asked instead, closed fist on her hip and feet tapping the floor, her patience was wearing thin, she wasn’t used to this anymore.

“Because I was out at a club, and I could only think about you.”

“That’s not enough, that’s not enough to come back here and… and do whatever you want with my heart,” she replied, hands moving frenetically in the air to try to help herself find a sense in all of this.

“I can’t find you in people’s faces,” Haechan snapped. “I can’t let you go, it would be so much easier if I could just… forget, but I can’t. I can’t because nobody makes my heart race like you do. It’s not fair, it’s like you put a spell on me to — to curse me, to make me pay for all the pain I put you through. I can’t have you back and I can’t win you anymore and I don’t know how to live without you and it sucks, it sucks so badly you have no idea.”

She chuckled, bitterly. “I have no idea?”

“You moved on, found someone new. Someone who brings out the better in you.”

“Then why are you here? If you think I won’t take you back, if you think I found my happiness, why are you here?” Her voice raised, clipping in her throat when she met his eyes and had to stop hers from breaking into a pathetic cry.

“Because I don’t want you to be happier,” he confessed. “I hope you’re happy, but not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go. I know you found someone great, but I hope he’s not better than me. I want to see you happy, I just...I just don’t want you to be happier.”

“You tore us apart.”

“I know,” he whispered. “But can you tell me how to forget you? How can I make this pain go away? How can I go back home after work and don’t feel a twist in my chest every time I realize I don’t have you there? How can I stay in that place that we were supposed to call home and has nothing of you? How can I wake up every morning and don’t have you by my side?”

“You can.” She lied. You can’t. Well, you can, eventually, you have to. But you can’t ever make that tingly feeling go away when you think of all the ‘could’ve been.’

“You didn’t tell me how,” he said, moving closer, hands wrapping around her waist. “How can I drown you out? How can I move on when I see you every time I close my eyes?” he whispered, eyelids falling close as he leaned in, nose brushing against her cheek. “If my sweatshirts still smell like you? If it kills me that the only time I can hear your laugh is when Jeno makes you laugh.”

“You had to think about this before,” she replied, pushing him away, hands moving to brush off the crease on her clothes, to brush him off of her but he was like fingerprints buried deep into her bones, she couldn’t dust him off when he was carved in her. “You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying. I’ll prepare the bed and then tomorrow we’ll pretend this didn’t happen.”

Haechan chuckled. “Why do we have to pretend?” He stared as she started parting the bedding and when she didn’t answer, he only sighed loudly. A bitter smile curled his lips as he watched her fix the sheets, bringing back painful memories of when they used to fix the bedding together during their morning afters. When they would wake up in a tangle of sheets and sex of the night before, and in that mess burn up again until they finally decided that waking up and having breakfast was a wise move.

“It’s done,” she said, fixing the pillows and probably wiping away a tear. Haechan couldn’t see her face clearly in the dim lights of the house, and in the position was keeping her face, low on the floor. “There’s another glass of water with aspirin on the coffee table, take it if you don’t want to pay the consequences of your bullshits in the morning.”

He nodded, sitting on the freshly made bed and watching her disappear into the other room. Silence and loneliness dropped on him as he stared at an empty spot in front of him.

A gut feeling telling him that was their finish line, that she made up her mind and he wasn’t in her final plan.

And he tried to sleep, but somehow the pain was bigger than the others nights now that the only thing separating them was a wall. This could’ve been their reality, this could’ve been all different. He could still have his dreams and her, and instead, he played his cards like a fool and lost the only real thing he had ever known.

“What are you doing?” He asked when he opened his eyes and saw her sitting in front of him. He blinked repeatedly, but it wasn’t morning, and when his eyes landed on the clock in the room, he saw it was barely past 2 am.

“Thinking,” she replied, twirling the cup full of a hot liquid in her hand.

“Thinking?” Haechan raised from the bed, elbows supporting his upper body up, watching her relaxed face in the dim light. She was beautiful even if he could clearly see she was exhausted.

She nodded, looking down, inhaling the scent of the tea in her hands.

“About?”

“How everything could’ve been different if only one thing had been different. Remember all the plans we made? How we wanted to rent a house together after college? How we were worried it wouldn’t have worked if you started touring around the world,” she chuckled bitterly, their nights spent together planning a future that never came replaying in her mind like the scene of her favorite movie. “Fixed the problem in another way.”

“I didn’t do it for that,” he defended, sitting to look at her.

“I know, but it’s ironic, isn’t it?” She drank a bit and then placed it on the table, jumping out of that to sit next to him on the bed.

“I was also thinking about how much I hate you,” she said, caressing a strand of hair from his face. “We could’ve had it all. We could’ve made it work. And look at us, a mess crumpled up in a made-up bed in my living room while we talk about the ifs and buts.”

Haechan didn’t answer, he only stared at her. How enchantingly beautiful she looked even if she was finding a way to tell him they were over. Again. It was like a stab on the same wound, but every time it hit deeper and made him bleed some more. He knew he deserved it and even worst.

“You’re mesmerizing even if you look like a mess,” he let the words slip out, thinking she would’ve slapped him when he realized what he did, but she only smiled, and searched for his hand.

“You should’ve told me more often when we were together.”

“I know,” he replied, hand touching her cheek, thumb moving in circles, making her rub against it like a cat when it purrs.

“You should’ve bought me flowers when we were together.”

“I also know that.”

“You shouldn’t have made me feel stupid,” she sighed, throwing her head back. “But we can’t change the past, right?”

He nodded, pressing his lips together and breathing deeply. “We can change the future.”

“Or we can ruin it by making the wrong choice,” she said, leaning in, not even knowing why she was searching for his warmth.

“Does one mistake make a difference between thousands of others?” He asked, leaning closer, standing now eye to eye.

“I don’t know.” Her voice came out like a vibrato, while her eyes fell on his lips. Oh, those lips. How much she missed them. How much she craved them. But she wasn’t the only one missing that feeling. Feeling the urge to test if one mistake could lead to a catastrophe.

He kissed her, slow at first, shy, fearful, but then their hands tangled into each other’s hair, and ran on their backs, and pulled and squeezed, almost as if they were trying to rip parts of each other and keep them to themselves, forever this time.

And none of them wanted to stop.

It was just a mistake over many mistakes.

“Hyuck,” she moaned when his leg started rubbing between her legs, the motions on her throbbing clit sending sparks up in her bones.

“So, it’s Hyuck, again, uh?” He smirked.

She didn’t answer his teasing remark, head reclined back when his fingers moved past the elastic band of her pants.

“We shouldn’t,” she said but her body kept rocking against him.

“Kiss me,” he ordered, letting her words fall forgotten, the other hand cupping her ass and pulling her on top of his thigh better. “And keep grinding on me.”

And she did, not caring that humping him like this was pathetic, head falling in the crook of his neck, inhaling his perfume and letting it fill her senses.

“Did you miss this?” He asked when his fingers started moving on her clit in circles, making her throw her head back while louder moans rolled out of her mouth. A grin on his face as he stared at her bliss-filled face. “Not answering, uh?”

“Shut up,” she replied through gritted teeth, head falling on his shoulder to hide the embarrassment, moans getting louder as the pleasure grew bigger with every move.

Haechan chuckled, “I don’t need your words, I still know your body, babe.”

“Then listen to it and make me come.”

“So greedy, aren’t you?”

“Haechan,” she cursed when he stopped, slipping his hand out of her pants.

“Touch me,” he ordered, unbuckling his belt and lowering the pants on the floor while struggling to keep her body up. “If we can make each other bleed, we can make each other come.”

She hummed, hand wrapping around his hard cock, pumping it with the same rhythm he was using on her clit now that his hands were buried again between her thighs.

“Did you think of me when his hands were on you?” He asked, kissing her roughly, nibbling her lower lip when they pulled away. “Did he make you shiver just at the slightest touch? Does he know you like I do?”

She groaned, holding back a moan and a cry because the answer was negative. Jeno didn’t know her like he did. He didn’t touch her like Haechan did. It was good, but it wasn’t this. And she hated this.

“Hyuck,” she moaned when his fingers slipped inside.

“Hyuck, what?” He groaned, cupping her chin, forcing her to stare right into his eyes and don’t hide in the crook of his neck.

“I — l,” she mumbled nonsense.

He snickered when the words died in her mouth. “You feel guilty? Feel like shit because you’re here with me and not with him? Because you’re letting me fuck you after you pretended you wanted me to leave?”

“Don’t,” she groaned.

“Don’t tell the truth? Don’t tell that if you weren’t so fucking strong headed you would’ve crawled to me months ago begging for me?”

She groaned, throwing her head back, holding back the tears as the orgasm felt closer, slamming a hand on his chest.

“Where is he, now? Thinking about you? Maybe thinking about texting you — fuck — to tell you how much he misses you?”

“We’re not dating,” she replied, “and don’t bring him — don’t bring him up.”

“No?”

“No,” she replied. “I’m — I’m close.”

“Keep moving your hand on me, then, or I won’t make you come.”

“You can’t — fuck — you can’t make up your own rules.”

Haechan grinned, fingers stopping inside of her, making her whine. “You used to beg me to tell you what to do, what changed now?”

Her breath faltered as she tried to grind against him to selfishly ride the orgasm but Haechan pulled away.

“Think I don’t know your little tricks?” His eyebrows knitted. “Think I can’t read you with my eyes closed?”

“You never proved it to me,” she replied, sniffling, heart racing and burning in her chest, the pleasure of the sex mixing up with the same, unbearable pain only he could put her through.

“Don’t fucking lie,” he said, slipping his fingers inside again, lifting her up, and caging her body underneath his once he had turned her over, pressing her against the mattress. His fingers started moving faster, not caring that she wasn’t paying attention to his aching boner. “You’re underneath me, not him. And you know when he has you like this, he doesn’t make you feel half of what I make you feel.”

She stopped trying to retort because she knew it was the truth. Jeno was good, so fucking good, but three months couldn’t compare to five years. He couldn’t compare to the one that made her discover all her kinks, the one she tried so many things with, the one she felt safe to even laugh or crack jokes during sex.

“That’s it, that’s better,” he moaned, grinding against her thigh, trying to feel some pleasure too. “I don’t like it when you lie to me.”

“I’m gonna come,” she moaned, throwing her head back, nails digging into the sheets.

“Only if you tell me I’m better than him,” he ordered, moving his fingers faster, making them curl right where she needed while his thumb moved in circles on her clit.

“No,” she screamed.

“No?” He asked, tilting his head, pulling out to let out a light slap on her clit, making her hiss and moan. “Lie again,” he ordered and she shook her head, lifting her hips up to meet him but he clicked his tongue. “Lie again.”

“He’s… he’s better than you.”

Haechan’s fingers slipped into her again, picking the same rhythm as before, making her stomach twist and her muscles shake. “Repeat it.”

“He’s better than you.”

“Again,” he ordered, growling as he felt anger and sadness mix.

She cried out, thighs clenching around his wrist. “He’s better than you, fuck, Hyuck.”

“Come, if I can make you come. Maybe we should call him, ask him if he can make you feel better. Should we send him a picture of you now? Would he hate you or would he hate me?”

His words were barely registered in her brain when the orgasm washed over her, leaving her breathless, ears buzzing with static noises, and tears streaming down her face as guilt plunged over her.

“Fuck,” she cursed, pushing him away, rolling to the side before she got up on shaky legs and then turned around to talk.

“Don’t say it,” he stopped her. “I know, but I don’t want to hear it.”

She sighed, nodding, and staring at him. “When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to find you here.”

That was the biggest mistake they could do.

And they just did it.

“When did you plan on telling it to me?” Renjun snapped, staring at her with wide eyes, almost dropping the piece of cake she had offered when he arrived at her place. When she called panicking he expected everything but this.

“Never,” she replied, a puff of air coming out of her mouth loudly as she let her body fall against the couch.

“After all the steps forward, you want to get back to him?”

“I don’t want to get back to him. I don’t know what to do…”

Renjun rolled his eyes, sitting next to her after placing the plate on the coffee table, he had lost his appetite anyway. “So that’s why he’s always around you and you let him. All the special things you got lately…”

She nodded, biting a hangnail on her thumb, making it bleed.

Renjun rubbed his temples. He sensed something was going on. All the flowers piled up in her living room. All the boxes of food sent to her workplace during the break. The tickets for a gallery they went together that she had by ‘pure luck’. The first print of her favorite book that was impossible to find. But he always imagined those things were coming from Jeno and they simply wanted to keep their relationship private.

“But why?”

“Because I’m dumb, and because I thought he was going to fail me again and maybe that would’ve made him suffer and at the same time helped me to forget about him at all.”

“But he didn’t let you down…” He finished for her, sighing loudly.

“He didn’t, and not only that but he’s surprising me, he… He proves to me that he listened to me and my passions, that maybe I’m not as dull as he made me think I was and he’s once again fucking with me. I don’t know if I can trust him, I don’t know if it’s for real.” She wasn��t going to add the detail of the other night, knowing well that if she did, Renjun was going to cut her head off, and he was right.

“And Jeno?”

“Why do you need to bring him up now?”

“You said you don’t know what you feel for them. He treats you right,” Renjun said. “He treated you right since the very first moment,” he pointed out, raising a brow. Now, it wasn’t like he was siding with one of the two but… okay, he was. He just didn’t feel like Haechan was trustworthy, while he knew Jeno was genuine and cared about her a lot.

She hummed, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. “He’s nice.”

Renjun’s mouth widened, “Nice… that’s it?”

“He… he’s a lot of things, okay? He’s sensible. He always encourages me, praises me, and tells me everything I need to hear. He respects me, my spaces, and my needs. And I know that I sound so ungrateful because I couldn’t ask for anything better than him but… I feel fine, I just feel fine…”

He held back a loud, disappointed, sigh and shifted closer to her, caressing her hair. “And isn’t that good? You know that love doesn’t require pain, right? You don’t have to suffer to feel something.”

“I know, but I never felt pain with Haechan… not until things broke. I miss the rush, I miss what we had before. Jeno doesn’t bring the rollercoasters, the stomach twisting in excitement, the goosebumps on my skin… and I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing.”

“I think it’s a good thing,” he said, smiling at her, playfully pinching her cheek. “Why don’t you focus on the other side? What does Jeno bring you?”

“He makes me happy, and he makes me feel safe. I like him. And I like being with him but… I feel like there’s something missing.”

“What Jeno doesn’t have?”

She sighed, looking into her friend’s eyes, and then shook her head, lowering her gaze because she didn’t want to see the disappointment in them once she answered.

“He’s not Haechan.”

“I should’ve stayed at home,” she muttered under her breath struggling in the small bathroom of Renjun’s friend’s house, trying to clean her dress. She was there all alone because he had disappeared and Jeno didn’t even spare her a glance. After that ‘fight’ they had, he stopped talking to her at all, and she felt hurt once again. It didn’t hurt like a break-up but she couldn’t stand the silence between them. She missed him, a lot. But Jeno probably hated her. And she wasn’t even so sure about reaching out, afraid of hurting him more than she — apparently — already did. Maybe being aware of the pain we cause to others wasn’t as easy as she always thought, trying to survive every day we rarely see the bat swing we do around.

“I was looking for you.”

She definitely should’ve stayed at home.

“You’re drunk,” she blurted out, turning around, taking in Haechan’s flushed face. “Go home.”

Haechan shook his head, blocking her from going out, pushing her back inside the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” She stuttered when he closed the door behind him.

“Shh,” he shushed her, leaning in, trying to kiss her.

“You’re drunk,” she repeated, moving her head to the side, and slipping out of his hold, making him face the wall.

“I only had a glass,” he replied, lips curled in a smirk, and she had no idea if it was the confined space, or the music that could be faintly heard in the background, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. It had been weeks since they had been this close, but trying to push them both out of her life wasn’t leading anywhere.

And when Haechan moved close to her again, her breath faltered, eyes looking up at him, but this time she didn’t move. She let his hand wrap around her waist and the other rest behind her on the mirror.

“I looked at you all night,” he whispered, leaning closer, nose brushing against her neck. “You never danced like this with me.”

Her head was thrown back when his lips brushed on her skin. “You never looked at me,” she replied, squeezing her eyes because she didn’t want to think about that. About all the times she tried to get his attention just to be ignored because she wasn’t good enough.

“I missed out so much, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby,” she retorted sternly. “I’m not your baby.”

“I could make you mine again,” he said, staring at her. “I could make you feel so good.”

“I didn’t forgive you, Haechan,” she said, shaking her head and pushing him away, reaching for the door before he could stop her.

It was tempting, too tempting. Fall back in his arms, letting him touch her like only he could. But she wasn’t sure that was the wise thing to do, again. It only messed up with her more. Sex was never a good solution, and it was the very thing that led her to this even trickier situation.

And she didn’t even realize that tears had started flowing down her face when she sat outside on the small step out of the main door, the breeze freezing her.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why was it so hard with him? With them?

Why did Haechan break her heart whether he loved her or not?

“You’ll get cold.”

She didn’t lift her head, she didn’t need it to know that he ran after her and now his jacket was resting on her shoulders to keep her warm. She didn’t even need to turn around to know he was staring at her now that he was sitting at her side. But she had no idea what he was thinking about as he stared at her. She felt like she couldn’t read him anymore, or maybe she didn’t want to dare to read him anymore since the last time she tried, they ended like that.

“You know I hate you, right?” She whispered, voice faltering while her eyes focused on the pebbles on the floor.

“I know,” Haechan sighed, staring at the same spot, their legs brushing together, his jeans heating up the exposed skin of her thigh.

“But you know I can’t get enough of you. You know I can’t forget about our past. And not even about our future, even if it doesn’t exist.”

“It can exist if you want to,” he pointed out, tilting his head to look at her, but her eyes were still focused in front of them.

She chuckled bitterly, “Is it on me? Or is it on you?”

“You have to forgive me.”

She nodded. Of course, the responsibility was hanging like a knife, swinging back and forth, on her head. One wrong move and it would’ve hit her. No matter how it would’ve gone, she had a feeling the only one to come out of there battered and bruised was going to be her.

“I don’t know what to do Haechan,” she whispered, head falling against his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. Her eyes closed as she inhaled his scent deeply. He smelt like himself, not like Bora, or some other girls. It was just him. Home. Or at least what once felt like home. “I want to strangle you, and then I want to kiss you. I want you dead, but I fear I won’t be able to live without you.”

“Weren’t we always like this?”

“No,” she replied. “When we first met, I wanted to strangle you because you wouldn’t trust me and let me in. Now I want to strangle you because I —,” she stopped, intercepting the words that were about to slip out of her mouth before she could trip into a confession she wasn’t sure about. “Hate you. I hate you.”

Haechan chuckled, or sniffled, she couldn’t get what sound came out of his mouth. “You know, I can’t blame you for feeling that.”

“I just… I wish to know why,” she sighed. “Weren’t we enough? Weren’t we the best thing that happened to each other? We had so many plans, so many dreams, and all of a sudden you decided they weren’t enough.”

“I was dumb, young, and superficial. I wasn’t insecure about you, I was insecure about me. I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror and instead, I pushed you out of my life.”

She nodded, biting her lips harshly, pretty sure in a minute they were going to start bleeding, but the physical pain would’ve felt less painful than the mixed emotions she was feeling right now.

“I don’t know if I can get over it,” she confessed. No, she didn’t make up her mind, but at this point, she felt she was never going to make her mind up, stuck between the past, the future, and the future she had dreamt of for so long.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun said, only seeing her at first before his eyes landed on Haechan and he groaned. “Haechan.”

“It’s fine,” she said, standing up, and adjusting her dress. “We were talking.”

“You should come inside, it’s cold here,” he said, looking at both of them, seeing that she was wearing his jacket. “Jeno’s looking for you. He needs to talk to you.”

“I’ll come,” she said, following him on the steps.

“Don’t go,” Haechan stopped her, grabbing her wrist.

“Hyuck, please, let me go,” she whispered, pressing her lips together. “If you love me let me go.”

And he did, fingers slipping away from her wrist, watching as she disappeared inside, brown wooden door slamming in his face.

He tried to let her go, to don’t fixate his eyes on her as she talked with Jeno and then danced with him. Why were they dancing? He overheard they were taking their distances, that he was hurt because she didn’t love him, and now? What could happen in ten minutes to get them like that?

If she wanted to make him jealous he was sure he wasn’t going to use Jeno, so was that a bad sign?

‘come home with me’

‘please’

‘just to talk’

Haechan wanted to talk to her, there weren’t many steps to take to reach her, but they felt like miles now that he had a gulp in his throat, so texting her seemed like a better option, but she never answered. He couldn’t stand there and watch other pairs of hands run on her body, pulling her closer, feeling her in a way only he used to do. And now he understood even more how terrible it must have felt for her, how much seeing the person you love, give intimate attention to somebody else.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t move his feet on the ground, friction keeping him in place.

He couldn’t take away her happiness now that he had lost her.

He should’ve started to deal with this, with the pain, with the boulder on his stomach, with the realization that he had lost her and it was all his fault.

Haechan should’ve started to get used to this sight, Jeno holding her, hugging her, touching her, loving her, not more than he did, but surely better, because apparently, what he did wasn’t enough.

And he would’ve. From tomorrow. Not tonight, not now after giving her one last look and walking out of the house, feet dragging on the concrete of Seoul’s sidewalks.

From tomorrow.

Yeah, it was a good start. Like all the projects of life. Tomorrow. It’s easier than today. It’s easier to set a goal far in time and manipulate your brain to think that you’ll have the strength to do it if some more hours pass by.

It couldn’t have been so bad, right? If she moved on, if all of this courting didn’t move her at all after five years together, he, the one that led them there, should’ve forgotten about her in the blink of an eye.

But as tears started streaking down his face, Haechan feared that maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy. That maybe starting tomorrow wouldn’t have been enough. Not enough time to take his feelings and throw them away. Not enough time to stop being selfish and keep alive the flame in his heart that wanted him to be the one she was going home to, the one taking her dress off her, the one she would lay her head on after.

It wasn’t his place anymore.

And the only person he had to blame was himself. He took her for granted, and now he was paying the price.

Because no amount of flowers, chocolate cakes, books, or nights out, was going to take back all the pain he put her through.

And as if to hurt himself more he went to the place that reminded him of her the most; the park where he used to hide when he wanted to see nobody, nobody but her. Their bench was still there, with blue paint coming off and other signs of time, but it was still up, unlike their story. They had shared their first kiss there, if he closed his eyes he could still remember it. It was a warm day in April, and as usual, he was sitting there in silence, and she approached him without saying a word. His past self hated speaking, especially after certain terrible days, and she knew it, but at the start, they didn’t need words. Or maybe it was her, she had so much to give that she didn’t need words to let it be known, and somehow he managed to don’t understand. Somewhere along the lines, he got lost in translation and blamed her for not being the one able to communicate anymore.

Another flow of tears started streaming down his face as he realized he wasn’t going to feel her lips ever again. He hoped Jeno was going to cherish every single one of her kisses. The gentle pecks on the cheek or forehead in the morning and before bed. The small, quick kisses on the palm of his hands when he told her they were cold. The long, passionate ones when they were making love. The cheeky one when she wanted something.

And when the hands of the clock moved too far, he got up, head low, hands in his pockets as the sky broke out in a louder cry than his. He had lost all his chances and had been taught a rough lesson about not taking the people he loved the most for granted or leaving them at the slightest rough turn.

And it was a small consolation that the night sky was crying with him, it was like a shoulder to lean on, as if the upper hands were telling him that maybe there was going to be a rainbow after this storm, that even if he screwed up this one, he was going to find another one, another one that simply wasn’t the one.

Someone that wasn’t her.

Tomorrow.

He repeated in his head as the water seeped into his clothes and stuck his hair to his forehead.

Tomorrow the sun would’ve shined again, his brain would’ve stopped repeating the scene of her dancing in another man’s arms, or her words as she let him know there was no more space in her life for him.

But tonight was going to be the loneliest as he walked alone without the best half of him. Only half a man carrying an empty shell in the dark, loud and frenetic streets of Seoul. People running back home barely paying him attention, reminding him once again how lonely you can be in this cruel world if you push the people of your life away.

It was only a fair punishment he deserved to have.

But he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t painful.

Not when he still breathed her, not when she was the best part of him.

And when he reached the steps of his house he didn’t feel the relief he imagined to feel.

Those four walls brought him so much emptiness already, he didn’t want to imagine the feeling now.

But he had no other choice.

So he took a step forward, sniffling and squeezing his eyes.

Haechan.

He chuckled bitterly. Voice replaying in his brain, sounding just like when she would scream his name when he used to run away from the school cafeteria to hide from the bullies.

Haechan.

He shook his head. Voice replaying in his brain, sounding broken just like when she would find him in the bathroom with his head in the toilet, vomiting everything he had just eaten.

Haechan.

He stopped. Voice sounding a bit too real for him to be playing tricks in his mind.

“Haechan.”

There she was, soaked in the acid rain, crying, looking at him while her lips quivered, and her body was shaking.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, incredulity filling his voice and eyes.

“I was at a party, dancing with another man,” she started saying, sniffling. “A man I’m sure loves me so, a man I care about so much, too,” she stopped, taking a deep breath. “And I could only think about you.”

“You said you can’t pass over what I did. You told me to let you go.”

She nodded, squeezing in her coat, this was just like when they ended this. “I know… but I would only hurt myself trying to hurt you. And I would even hurt people that don’t deserve this at all. What’s the point of pushing you away if I look for you in every face? What is freedom if I can’t have you? Why am I forcing myself to believe that I can heal if I don’t have you?”

“So, you’re hurt.”

“I am, and I hate you so much. I hate you because I can’t truly do it. Because somehow you got so deep inside of me that if I push you out, if I kill you, I’ll kill a part of me, too. I hate you because you’re so… so irrational, and you never think twice, and this makes you do so many dumb things and last time it played us.”

“You don’t have to take me back… as much as I want you, I can’t force you into this.”

She shook her head. “You’re not. I’m the reckless one that’s jumping into you again, because I would jump into you even if you were an ocean full of sharks, Hyuck. I’d jump into you if you were a volcano. And I know that right now, right where we are, it sounds so toxic and wrong and that Renjun will stop talking to me,” she dramatized with a light chuckle. “But I don’t feel alive when I’m with somebody else. They’re not you. They will never be you.”

When Haechan didn’t reply she got that she didn’t convince him, and smiled bitterly.

“We did a mess, didn’t we? I let you treat me like that because I loved you so bad. I would’ve done, and I did, anything just so I could call you mine. I was your willing accomplice. And you know the funny thing? I’d do it all again. I’ll take you back any moment because maybe, after all, we were both going down but didn’t see it with clear eyes. Because we… we are not so different from each other, we are two cowards, we run away thinking things will fix themselves and then act surprised when they fall apart. But if I can’t have you, I see no point in wanting somebody else. Because after all you are and will always be my favorite crime.”

“You’re better than me,” he replied, voice shaking, eyelashes clamping together with tears and rain.

She shook her head, taking a step forward.

“I hate you,” she said with a smile on her face. “I hate you so fucking much Lee Donghyuck. You made me fall in love with your dumb self again, I was so sure you would’ve failed...You should’ve let this fall apart, you should’ve given me a reason to hate you but God...I’ve fallen in love again.”

“I love you,” he said, smiling back, reaching her, caressing her wet cheek. And kissing her. This wasn’t like their other past kisses, this was to seal a promise. This was to wash away the pain with the rain. To look at a brighter future that had rainbows shining in their sky.

“But if you do it again, if you hurt me half of what you hurt me this time, I won’t be so gentle. I won’t take you back. I hate feeling like I’m going down, Haechan. I can’t take the same pain of the last year together. I can’t deal, and won’t deal with cold stares, and small replies. I won’t tolerate made-up excuses. I’m not like I used to be, I now know my worth. I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m beautiful, I’m a shining diamond and I want to be all of this with you by my side. But if you’ll leave me in the dust again I won’t waste a moment leaving you forever. You lost me once, you won’t get me thrice.”

“I won’t ever hurt you like that. I learned my lesson,” he replied. “And I’m sorry, I truly am. For all the times I didn’t remind you how much I loved you, or how beautiful I found you. I’m sorry for looking as if I wasn’t listening to you or paying attention to your passions. I’m sorry that I put you in the last place every time. And I’m sorry for betraying you. I’ve spent nights up realizing how wrong what I did with her was. I couldn’t see it, brain fogged by other things that shouldn’t have been my priorities but I promise it won’t happen again. Not with her, not with anybody else.”

She hummed, “you better because I’ll leave you in the rain if that happens.”

He chuckled and then lifted her up, her legs wrapped around his waist as she let him carry her inside, the warmth of the house surrounding their freezing bodies immediately. But the cold seeped in their bones again when their wet clothes met the ground on the way to the bedroom.

“I need you,” she whispered, leaving kisses all over his face, gasping when he let her body fall on the mattress.

“I’m here,” he replied, kissing her neck, and then her collarbones. “I won’t leave you this time. I will never leave you again.”

And he made sure to prove it to her with facts, time would’ve talked for his true intentions, but now he had her right there once again and he had to start proving it to her. So he did what he knew she liked best, just like he used to do when they first started dating and he still showed her how much he cherished her.

“Haechan,” his name came out like a whisper, followed by loud moans when his lips latched at her mound.

His tongue slipped inside her cunt before pulling out, lips wrapping around her clit sucking with intention. It was like Haechan had a mission, make up for the lost time. His nails dug into her thighs, spreading her wide enough so he could move better and take care of the whole area. It was messy, wet and even loud but none of the two could care.

The idea of hiding or pulling her legs closed didn’t even cross her mind, just like trying to muffle the sounds of pleasure, letting out moans and whimpers and chants of his name while her hands wrapped around his brown hair and pulled him closer.

She could feel Haechan grin against her, his chuckle vibrating against her before he pulled away, replacing his tongue with his fingers. “You needed this, didn’t you?” It wasn’t a mock, more like a teasing remark that put his heart at ease when she hummed and nodded. She needed him. She missed him. And he was so unsure of that, that he couldn’t believe it was real and not a product of his fantasy.

When he dived in again she knew she wasn’t going to last for long. Haechan knew exactly what to do, how to please her, how to get her weak in the knees.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, lips still pressed against her pussy as he sucked and licked harshly. “You’re always so wet, so so excited for me.” He would’ve liked to ask if it was the same with him, if Jeno ever got her this excited, but he honestly just wanted to forget him. And make sure he didn’t cross her mind.

When his fingers started moving faster into her and curl deeper, her hips started moving, meeting him halfway.

“Uh, uh,” he clicked his tongue, his left hand leaving her thigh to press flat against her stomach, “need you to stay right there, baby.”

“I’m gonna —” she didn’t finish, orgasm ripping out of her thanks to his swift and precise movements, tongue, lips and fingers working together in a deadly mix that left her trembling underneath him, moaning loudly.

“Haechan,” she called when he didn’t stop, lifting her head to look at him, biting her lips when their eyes met. The way he was looking at her cutting her breath short and making her heart jump. “I don’t think I can…”

“Take it?” He asked, pulling away, breath fanning on her soaked clit. “Babe, was it seriously so disappointing? Not used anymore to come over and over again until you’re nothing but a mess underneath me?”

She hummed, closing her eyes, pressing her feet against the mattress. “I… I am, it’s just…”

“It’s just?” He teased, curling his fingers, hitting the sweet spot inside her, making her scream.

“You’re too… too good at this,” she confessed.

Haechan smirked proudly, lips attacking her clit again, sucking with strength, pushing her over the edge for the second time.

“Stop, stop, stop,” she mumbled, thighs closing around him and hips bucking messily.

He scoffed. “I need to put you on the right track again.”

She looked at him with foggy eyes, skin burning up as she stared at the way he was pumping his cock slowly.

“You’re so beautiful,” Haechan whispered, running his hands on her body, caressing the curves before he leaned in to kiss her, moving his body between her legs. “Are you on the pill?”

She hummed in agreement, biting her lips, and spreading her legs more. Haechan’s hand placed next to her head, while the other held his cock as he rubbed the tip against her slit.

“Please, I need you,” she whined, hating the way he was teasing her. It had been too long since they had each other to play these games.

“How much do you need me?” He asked, kissing her lips before doing the same on her neck, biting it enough to make blood come up on the surface.

“So, so much,” she whispered through gritted teeth, breath shaking at the say he was still teasing her entrance and her clit. “Need you to make me forget about everything and everyone, please.”

With a low groan, he slipped inside, thick tip enough to light a fire inside of her and make her hands reach for his back, pulling him closer.

“Always ready for me,” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and letting his head fall in the crook of her neck as he bottomed in. “Always so tight and wet, fuck.”

“For you,” she whispered, rolling her hips against him, signalling him to move. “Just for you.”

The world disappeared for real when he started moving with calculated and long thrusts, one hand supporting his body up and the other wrapped tightly around her hip.

“Fuck, missed you so much,” he mumbled through gritted teeth, pulling back from her shoulder to look at her face. “Missed your thighs,” he whispered, gripping her there, pulling her legs further apart, and pressing them against the mattress. “Missed your lips, so fucking much.”

She moaned in the heated kiss, hands wrapping in his hair and tugging, making him groan.

“Nobody comes close to you, no matter how much I tried to — fuck — convince myself,” he whispered, a string of spit still connecting their lips.

“Harder,” she whimpered, “I — I want you to mark me.”

Haechan groaned, and obeyed, starting to suck on her collarbones and bite on her skin while his hands squeezed tighter around her skin, on her thighs, on her hips, everywhere he could.

“Mine,” he groaned. “Always have been mine, never stopped being mine.”

She knew it was true, that no matter how much she tried to fool herself there was something that was always going to tie her to him.

“Never stopped loving you,” he whispered against the skin of her neck before his hands moved her body closer to his, angling it so he could hit better inside of her.

“Fuck,” she moaned, head rolling back and her hand hitting the mattress at her side. “I’m close, again.”

“Come, baby. I told you I’m not going to stop.”

And another orgasm washed over her, but Haechan gave her no time to recharge, fucking into her with the same rhythm that drove her crazy.

“I — I can’t believe this is real,” he whispered, sitting straight, eliciting a disappointed sound from her lips at the loss of contact. “I dreamed of you every night, it was like a — fuck — a nightmare. And it still wasn’t close to this, to you. You’re a dream and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you enough, I’m…”

She moved up with difficulty, pulling him close to her again, kissing his fears, and tears, away. “I’m here now. And I won’t leave if you won’t leave me behind.”

Haechan sniffled, shaking his head because this wasn’t the time to be vulnerable. “I won’t. I won’t hurt you anymore, I promise.”

“Good,” she whispered, falling against the bed again, smiling when he got closer to her and started kissing her, a long, sloppy kiss while he kept fucking into her.

“You feel too good, I’m gonna come,” he hissed, the pace of his hips slowing down because he didn’t want this to stop. He wanted more. He wanted to stay buried inside of her all night until they were nothing but a mess of limbs and bones that for some miracle still fit together.

And she knew exactly what was running in his brain. “Come, you can fuck me again. I don’t want you to stop.” It might’ve been a lot to take but she needed it. She needed it with him. To feel their skin rub against each other, and have the room filled with their lewd sounds of fleshes and wetness and moans.

Her words were enough to push him over the edge. White cum spilling inside of her while his hips came to a stop against her ass.

“Want to ride you,” she whimpered, placing her hands on his chest when he calmed down and making him roll to the side.

Haechan didn’t complain, why would he anyway? And let her adjust on him, grinding on his cock, not even giving it time to soften.

“I love you,” he murmured, looking up at her, sliding down on his cock slowly, the light from outside lighting up her features and her curves. “So much I can’t believe I was so stupid to let you go and not treat you right.”

“Yes, you were,” she said, nails scratching his chest as she started to move her hips slowly, feeling him rub against her inside just like she wanted, filling her like only he could. “But I’m,” she stopped, words dying in her mouth. “I’m here, and I don’t want to think about it.”

Haechan hummed, hands wrapping around her waist, guiding her movements.

She rolled her head back, mouth hanging open since she couldn't hold in any sounds, the stimulation of his cock and her clit rubbing against him was making her go crazy. And Haechan knew it, she was still an open book and he remembered how to read her again.

“Fuck, babe,” he moaned, cupping her ass and squeezing the flesh hard. She started bouncing on him faster, hands steady on his chest before one reached for his neck and wrapped around it tightly.

“Revenge?”

She chuckled, “I should kill you to get revenge but, fuck,” she stopped, thighs shaking and hips faltering as she could feel they were both so close again. “I love you too much.”

“That’s it, fuck, keep moving like that,” he hummed, eyes moving from her face to her boobs that were bouncing up and down.

Her moans got higher, fingers grazing his skin and hips slamming messily against him, Haechan started moving against her, meeting her halfway. And in a few seconds, they were both coming, this orgasm stronger the last one, leaving them panting on top of each other.

“I got you, I’m here,” he whispered, caressing her back and hair when he heard small sobs from her.

She hummed, hiding in the crook of his neck, staying silent for a while, enjoying his caresses and the way he was still filling her, lulling herself in the warmth of his body and the delicateness of his hands caressing her back while he whispered sweet nothings in her ears.

“Please, don’t ever leave me again. I don’t even want to choose between having you in my life or not.”

“I won’t. I promise I’ll treat you right just like when we first met.”

“I love you,” she whispered, rolling to the side, snuggling close to him again, leaving pecks on his shoulder and chest.

“I love you, too,” he replied, caressing her hair and pressing his lips on her forehead. Still unsure this wasn’t all a trick of his mind and that she was truly there, in his arms. And it sure, it was going to be a long path trying to fix what was broken, but he couldn’t care. He was in his happy place and that was all that mattered.

Things would’ve fallen into pieces, step by step, eventually, with time, tomorrow.

Now, it was fine like this, with the storm raging outside and their hearts beating as one, lulling them to sleep as they found peace realizing that with others they were happy, but together they were happier.

a/n: I hope you liked it, please let me know your opinion whatever it is, I’ve read so many theories before publishing it and I’d like to know what you think after reading it (be polite ofc). Also, let me know if you’d like to read another part, I feel bad for Jeno and I had in mind to address how his relationship with the mc ended better here but then I decided to end it like this, mostly because it was already long. If you’d like to read more, though, I’d write it. And also let me know if you want to be kept/added to the taglist in case I’ll write more.

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stuffeddeer · 6 months

Note

just thought of the most rom-com scenario ever. reader is the new hire for the ADA and immediately off the bat, dazai is dazai. reader just takes it as the typical sense of humor and just laughs it off, thinking he’s not actually interested considering his many various ventures. eventually the two of them are assigned to missions quite often (with atsushi as a third wheel) and the two get along great in terms of humor, personality, work in the field… it boggles atsushi’s mind that the two of them aren’t at least going on ONE date. one night dazai tells him in a drunken stupor over the phone he has feelings for y/n but doesn’t want to ruin what they have. y/n ends up telling atsushi they don’t know what to do if they keep getting missions with dazai because one of these days they may slip up due to him just BEING there. he ends up confiding in both yosano and kunikida about it when the two are out of the office and they both just go “y/n and HIM??? anyone deserves better than THAT” but yosano means it in a more teasing way and kunikida means it in a serious way because. kunikida. thus begins a quest for atsushi; to bring the two together, and it drives him NUTS because the two both don’t think the other likes them. dazai assumes y/n would rather have interest in any other guy and y/n assumes dazai would rather have interest in any other person. this ends up with many funny scenarios such as:

1. atsushi leaving a note on dazai’s desk that reads “i want to talk to you in the hallway at __ time today.” and leaving an identical one on y/n’s desk so they can cross paths outside of working together and possibly start a convo and go somewhere. it backfired and the two just say “weird coincidence. everyone must’ve got this!” and wave bye

2. atsushi trying to subtly tell dazai y/ns favorite flower and he just says “oh, that’s great! are you getting them a birthday present early or something”

3. even kunikida being forced into trying to help by asking dazai if he is interested in hanging out with him and y/n (so he can pretend to end up being sick and it would just be dazai and y/n) and dazai saying “oh, is this some sort of elaborate scheme you’re planning on order to have a date with y/n and so it won’t be awkward with just the two of you? i’ll pretend to be sick when it happens for you!” LIKE GOD DAMM DAZAI STOP BEING INSECURE ITS YOU BOY?!

basically stuff like that goes on so much to the point where when the ADA is out celebrating a successful year of missions at a karaoke bar atsushi just yells out over the mic: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH THIRD WHEELING HERE!!!!! Y/N AND DAZAI YOU BOTH likeeachother-“ and they’re just. WHAT

(SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT LMFAO)

anon you literally wrote this for me idek what to say you’re so cool

Atsushi’s eyes widened. “What?! I can’t go on this mission, I have, um… an appointment.” Nailed it. “Dazai can take my place! He’s not doing anything right now.” Normally, Kunikida would have pointed out this obvious lie, but he remained quiet - pretty much everyone in the agency knew what he was up to.

Dazai actually was doing something for the first time in a while, but surely this mission was much more important. The brunet took off with you, headed out on an actually very unimportant mission you definitely could’ve taken care of on your own while Atsushi planned.

The tiger boy was quick to tell you and Dazai upon your return about tonight’s important karaoke celebration! And when you tried to weasel your way out of it, Yosano had practically dragged you down to the place. You were ushered next to Dazai as Atsushi and Yosano chose songs for everyone to sing. They said it was to make sure Dazai didn't pick something depressing or you would try to bail out again - this way, everyone had to go. But also... this way, you and Dazai would be stuck singing a romantic duet.

Of course, the two of you took it horribly wrong (in Atsushi's opinion), you both fully committing to the "joke song" Atsushi selected, wholly pretending in the moment. He'd wanted some romantic moment where you two realized you were destined to be together, but you both are just so stupid—

Atsushi had been up next, and was gripping the microphone tightly. He wasn't one to let his anger take over, but this was just getting ridiculous. As the opening notes played to the song he chose, he shouted out your deepest secret, and Dazai's as well.

You both like each other.

With slack jaws and wide eyes, every agency member stared at Atsushi in shock. He'd turned pink as he realized his mistake, muttering apologies as he placed the mic back down. Tense silence filled the air, the only sound being the scraping of Ranpo's spoon along the ceramic ice cream dish he'd ordered.

After a moment, Yosano started clapping. "Someone had to say it, and we all knew they wouldn't."

The rest of karaoke was horribly awkward for you and Dazai. You'd moved ever so slightly away from each other, completely embarrassed. What if Atsushi had just made up that Dazai likes you back? What if Atsushi had just made up that you like Dazai back? All either of you knew is that he had yelled out your biggest secret, and neither of you were too excited to sing anymore.

The lights had been turned on and everyone was gathering their things. It had been a fun night out, all things considered. Yosano got completely hammered and Ranpo couldn't direct his way home if his life were at stake, so Kunikida and Atsushi led the both of them back to their homes (with Kyouka right on Atsushi's tail). The Tanizaki siblings had left a bit before everyone for whatever their reasons were, so just you and Dazai were left standing outside the karaoke bar, awkwardly gazing out at the quiet city.

"So... tonight was different, huh?" You spoke anxiously, picking at a loose thread on your top.

"I didn't expect Ranpo to be that good a singer," Dazai replies with a polite smile.

You sighed. The last thing you wanted was for things to turn awkward between the two of you. "Listen, Dazai— "

"Do you want to walk home with me?" He cut you off.

You smiled softly, letting out a small chuckle. "Of course."

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yuri-is-online · 8 months

Note

Congratulations on your 500 foll and I hope you well.

I would like to request for a friend too, the character would be Azul and Silver. No. 9. Would like to see on their perspective, how they felt that the prefect wasn't invited by the time they came. And unknowingly they talk to prefect, is not like the prefect can say it's them they talking to.

9.You weren't technically invited to this event but it's a Masquerade! It's not like anyone will notice or care if you sneak in, so you do just that and find a really depressed friend of yours lamenting they won't get to dance with their crush.

Thank you my dear, as your friend has requested I have written this strictly from Silver and Azul's point of view. If you are curious about the prefect's point of view, I received a second request for Azul that can be found here. If you or your friend would like another character since Azul was technically already requested you are more than welcome to message me and make another request, there is no time limit on that.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, same music for Azul used in the first part and I have linked them again in case this is the first part you read. Silver is a dense boy. The other event requests can be found on my masterlist.

Azul

What a waste of a night. Even if Crewel hadn't woven some extra magic into these costumes everyone is wearing some extra sort of wig or hat in addition to their mask that means he cannot tell who most of these people are. He can pick out Leona and both of the twins, but Leona can also pick him out and has no problem telling him so. The twins are another matter entirely, but he is content to let them be someone else's headache tonight. Azul seldom wants to be alone, usually he has his work for company, but tonight he has to be here and actually listen to his thoughts.

And his thoughts have drawn him out here to the balcony in an attempt to convince himself he is not upset at the way the Masquerade is turning out.

"Play me a song you're the piano shriiiimpy~" An exasperated sigh draws Azul out from his kitchen, mug clasped in both hands to avoid tempting fate and dropping it if he gets too caught up in the moment. Floyd has apparently taken to misquoting song lyrics to annoy Yuu into ditching their cleaning duties to play the Lounge piano. Again. And again he cannot say he minds no matter what he is going to say to Floyd later. The music begins to soothe his exhaustion, smile flickering into something more genuine and gentle as they fuss about trying to play a song that "fits the atmosphere" that he recognizes as the piano part of a larger jazz piece. He considers moving to close the gap, and any other time seeing someone struggle with something he had so firm a grasp of would be cause enough...

But then Yuu starts to sing, sing about love and guilt in a manner that almost feels targeted directly at his sense of self with how well it suits his establishment. It's perfect, they're perfect and he wants nothing more than to enter and give himself away completely-

And then his mug shatters in his hands from the strength of his longing (certainly not from his grip, that would be undignified) keeping him from playing things by ear, at least for tonight.

There is someone watching him play, he can sense the confusion in their gaze as he turns his thoughts towards a more grounded song. Not that he can bring himself to make it less longing. The stranger claps politely, clearly not having intended to stay so long but to leave now would be awkward. And Azul excels at punishing the awkward.

"I am sorry for interrupting you." Tries the stranger and Azul laughs to himself slightly. Oh he bets they are.

"Oh it's no trouble really." Azul stands in an attempt to appear unbothered, sticking the landing in a way that does fill him with a degree of pride. He would have struggled with using his legs like this just a year ago and now he practically appears human. "I was just helping myself, really what were the hosts thinking leaving such a lovely piano out here all alone? It's practically begging to be played."

"Of course." The person shifts, not wanting to be impolite but also not wanting to stay and talk much longer. That suits him just fine, go and leave him to his longing, he has a white whale to pine after. "You chose such a unique song for it too, I couldn't help but be distracted." He fails to hide his emotion for just a moment, hand involuntarily dropping back to the keys tempted to begin his playing anew. How happy it would make him if Yuu was the one to say that.

"It is isn't it." It would make all of it worth it. "A... friend of mine taught it to me." It's a lie, but that's most of what he does, a thought that draws him away from the conversation and into his own mind. This person will forget this conversation and be unable to recall the tune, so what harm is there in telling the truth? "I have been practicing it for them. For tonight." Because he had. He had been planning to get Yuu alone, the Masquerade had been a convenient setting to set the mood. He would find them and keep their attention for the night, dance with them, talk with them from under his mask but keep things light so there was some plausible deniability when midnight struck and the masks were removed.

"I should let you get back to them then." The stranger bows gently, content that their obligations have been fulfilled and to leave him to his... he is not sulking but there is a chance this uneducated person might misinterpret his tone as something similar to that.

"They're not here sadly. No thanks to me, if only they had thought to ask for my help..." He knows why they didn't, but it still stings. But does he have anyone to blame for this but himself? He might see the prefect as a student just like any other, but Crowley doesn't. Maybe he could have gotten away with asking Yuu on a date, make things awkward enough for the Headmage that he had to allow it, but then he would have had to ask Crewel for permission and he never would have gotten that. The music returns to his fingers, even as the stranger walks away. He should keep up the pretext, play the Mermaid Princess's song so no one can use this against him or target the prefect. But he has to know why-

"It's got to be an important song to them if they remembered how to play it... right?" He mutters it to himself, but he wants so desperately to know. If he had succeeded, if Yuu had been invited and they had gotten to dance until the end of the ball...

If he had taken them back to the lounge and played it for them, complete with the words, would it have made the impact he wanted? Or was he making assumptions again. He doesn't know, and the stranger dissipates into the night without his answers, not that he knows they would have had them to begin with.

Silver

"My my, aren't you all a handsome crew." His father is laughing, darting around with his phone snapping pictures with such joy that it should be enough to make Silver happy. Sebek is practically bursting with pride, and his lord certainly seems content if not happy, but Silver...

He tries hitting his cheeks to make himself smile, but the only thing it accomplishes is worrying his father, who floats down to his side to check him over before smiling ruefully up at him.

"I bet you don't know why you're upset, do you?" Lilia clearly seems to think he knows why, something that deepens the creases in his forehead behind the mask.

"I'm sorry, Father." The last thing he wants to do is ruin Malleus's excitement with his poor mood, though it feels more like he's starting to get sick than upset. "I'm just... tired is all."

"Hardly unusual." Sebek huffs. "Really Silver you need to get it together this is an important night for-"

"You don't need to worry, Silver." Malleus brings everyone's attention to him with a simple shake of his head, and Silver finds his heart warming just slightly at his lord's comfort. "I'm also displeased with our friend's absence." The mention of the prefect brings back the strange sick feeling, though he finds himself standing up just a bit straighter as their group finally makes it into the ballroom.

"Yes it is such a pity." His father is laughing, but not cruelly. It sounds more like he's plotting something. "Perhaps I'll bake them a cake to cheer them up." The strange sickness starts squeezing his natural worry into something so painful he almost doubles over.

"If you are still awake by the end of the party, you can accompany me to visit them at Ramshackle. I'm certain they would be pleased to see you." Malleus's lips have stretched into that smug smile that suggests he is privy to something Silver is not, but the thought of seeing the Prefect lightens his steps and relaxes the knot in his stomach to something more manageable.

Perhaps it relaxed him too much, the last thing he really remembers is going to get something to drink close to the beginning of the Masquerade and now someone is shaking him awake. Their costumes hides their emotions, but his squirrel friends seem almost smug as they jump off their shoulder to rub their noses against him.

"Are you alright?" Asks the stranger. "I thought you were just enjoying the music but your friends seemed really worried." The squirrels stare up at him waiting for... praise? Or maybe a reward, Silver quietly apologizes to them explaining that the people food isn't the best for them only to get indignantly screeched at

Don't be an idiot! Go for it Silver!

Go for what? He doesn't know but he picks them up all the same and bows in apology to the stranger.

"I'm sorry they bothered you, but thank you for waking me up." The squirrels bounce off away from him with a groan and he frowns in confusion before turning back to his new friend. "It's a good thing you woke me up, I need to find Lord Malleus and make sure he's alright." The stranger, strangely, doesn't stiffen in fright at the mention of his lord but Silver barely notices. "I don't suppose you know if the school ghosts would let me take a to go box? Fa- Lilia wants to bring a friend of ours something as an apology but I would like it to actually be edible." The stranger coughs and Silver wonders if maybe there's a bug going around the school that he's passed onto this stranger briefly before they respond.

"I'm sure they won't mind too much." Their voice is strained, maybe they have a sore throat. He moves to pour them a drink.

"That's a relief," he passes over the drink and makes sure the other student at least takes a sip "I wonder if Crewel will let me keep my mask a bit longer..."

"Aren't they yours to keep? I though that's what the cr- I mean the Headmage said." They sound somewhat bitter.

"I was asleep during the announcement so I don't know. That's why I didn't realize Y- my friend wasn't going to be here until today." The other student sips their drink quietly, hopefully it soothes their throat as Silver stares down at his own.

"I bet you don't know why you're upset, do you?"

He leans back trying to avoid falling asleep again as the other student stands listlessly, concerned about his well being probably.

"I am upset." He says, more to himself than the stranger. "I wanted to spend some time with them tonight but..." that should be normal. It's normal to want to spend time with your friends. But Silver doesn't really recognize this want, nor does he have time before the booming voice of Sebek hustles it's way towards his location and scares off his new friend. Pity, he would have liked to try introducing them to Malleus. Something in the back of hid mind says they already would get along well.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #silver x reader #500 followers celebration

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fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Note

🎵 But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you’ve been here before? - Pompeii by Bastille

Hi can i request and spencer reader for scarlets concert please

# milestone celebrations

Hello lovely Anon! Kind of a rewrite of 15.04 Saturday I guess. Artistic liberties were taken in that the Jeid confession never happened (like we all wish it hadn’t). Also the way Spencer talks about Pompeii is actually how the lead singer of Bastille described the meaning of the song in an interview.

I am still taking song lyric requests for my milestone celebration 🎵

Pompeii

Gif does not depict the appearance of the reader.

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Summary - Spencer Reid is stuck in a rut, bored by his mundane life. But one conversation with a stranger prompts his whole life to change. And he knows he’ll never be bored again.

CW - slightly miserable Spencer, therapists, a lot of talk of Mount Vesuvius eruption and death, Spencer and his uncomfortable info dumps, self depreciating Spencer, one swear, mostly silliness and cute dog interactions.

WC - 4.3k

Spencer Reid was, for a lack of a better word, bored. Unfortunately for him, given his incredibly high IQ and his brain's need for constant stimulation, it was easy for him to feel this way.

For a long time now he’d felt like he was living a Groundhog Day. His life became a series of tedious events that seemed to recur over and over again in the exact same way.

His days started with coffee and the newspaper, whether he was at home or away on a case. He showered, towel dried his errant hair and dressed in some version of the same outfit everyday.

Then he went to work, taking the metro at the same time everyday he was in DC or jumping into one of the SUV’s, always in the back seat, if they were away.

The cases always seemed much the same as each other these days. People were being murdered, it was their jobs to stop the unsub.

Time and time again Spencer found himself in front of a map working the geographic profile or he was utilised if there was a lot of literature as he was the only one who could get through it fast enough.

He spoke to Garica over the phone, sometimes watched interrogations through the two-way glass, rarely conducted them. And when they had a suspect, he got on his Kevlar and piled into the SUV with the rest of the team.

Whether they stopped the unsub before it was too late or not meant very little to him these days.

And then he’d crawl into bed, sometimes his own, sometimes a random hotel bed in whatever town the team found themselves in. It didn’t much matter, they were all equally as lonely.

And Spencer was just bored of it all.

When he closed his eyes, it almost felt as if nothing had changed at all; like he’d been here before. The monotony of his days was getting him down. His impressive brain wasn’t being used to its full capacity and he felt it withering away inside of his skull.

He didn’t feel challenged in any aspect of his life. His job had grown stale and maybe if he had something else to keep his mind occupied it might be ok. But climbing into an empty bed was by far the most soul destroying part of this perpetual deja vu loop he’d ended up in.

How was he supposed to be optimistic when life kept giving him reasons not to be?

Along with the boredom, Spencer started spiralling into a vicious pit of misery. It’s not that he was necessarily depressed, but he certainly wasn’t happy.

He became snappy with the people he called his friends. He was easily irritable, quick to anger. Everyone had noticed. It didn't take a profiler to see Spencer wasn’t himself.

But much like they always did, they buried their heads in the sand, busy enough with their own lives so they didn’t have time to worry about the youngest member of their team. It was a pattern he’d grown used to, another mundane facet of Spencer’s life. They cared, he knew that, but maybe they didn’t care enough.

His days off were always the same too.

He spent the mornings with coffee and a newspaper, showered and dressed before leaving his apartment. The home he’d once loved, his fortress of solitude, had grown so impossibly lonely that he couldn’t bear to spend more time there than he had to.

Those four walls in which he’d lived for close to two decades now seemed hell bent on provoking him, reminding him how isolated he’d become.

So he went out, to coffee shops, bookstores and museums; always in that order. He hated the rut he’d found himself in but he couldn’t for the life of him snap himself out of it. As much as he hated it, repetition was something he was good at.

But something had to change. He had to find a way to banish the grey clouds that rolled over the hills, shrouding him in a constant darkness.

And that was how Spencer Reid ended up on his day office in a therapist's office.

His first three sessions went exactly the same, a constant theme in his life. His therapist would ask him what brought him here and what he hoped to achieve; in response Spencer would pretty much clam up instantly.

In their fourth session, things played out a little differently.

Doctor Santiago didn’t have her notebook on her lap when he entered her office like she had the other three times. Her hands were laced in her lap, her glasses pushed up on top of her head. Her expression was less amicable than usual.

“Spencer,” she spoke before he’d even gotten comfortable. “I don’t mean to sound callous, but is it really worth wasting your money and what precious free time you have, coming here when you aren’t going to talk about why you’re here?”

He looked at his shoes, one of which was tapping against the carpet, then he looked at his hands. He didn’t look back at Doctor Santiago when he spoke.

“I’ve been reading a lot about Mount Versuvius and Pompeii.” He drummed his fingers against his thigh in time with his foots rhythmic tapping,

“Ok…” Doctor Santiago frowned a little but hoped if she didn’t say too much so he would continue.

“All those people who were just going about their days, lost in their own vices and then boom, it’s all over just like that. Posed forever in time as the dust settles around them. Do you know that approximately sixteen thousand people died in Pompeii?” He glanced up at her, his own expression contorted in confusion.

“I didn’t know that.” The Doctor shook her head. “So you’ve been thinking about death?”

“No.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “Although I suppose that would be the more obvious trail of thought. But once you get to know me you’ll realise my trails of thought are anything but obvious.”

“I’m not sure I understand where you’re going with this then.”

Spencer huffed out a breath, frustrated even though he was used to people never understanding him.

“I’ve been thinking about stasis.” He mused and he watched as his therapist's brow furrowed. “Just imagine it, how boring must it have been, emotionally speaking, in the aftermath? Just stuck in the same position for hundreds and hundreds of years.”

Doctor Santiago’s brow was furrowed so deeply her eyebrows were practically in her eye sockets.

“But they were dead.” She stated the obvious.

“Logically I know that. But for some reason I just can’t help thinking about it. I keep having imaginary conversations in my head as if I were one of those people. Stuck in some kind of like, tragic death pose and having a conversation with the other people also resided to the same fate.” He frowned himself now as he spoke it out loud.

It sounded even more ridiculous hearing himself say it. Was he really so bored that these were the kind of thoughts he spent his time nurturing?

The doctor leant forward with her knees on her elbows, it was her job to quickly make assumptions about the things her patients told her and to read between the lines.

“You feel like one of those people. Stuck in time while the rest of the world continues to move around you.” She stated it is a fact, didn’t ask.

Spencer winced a little at her summation but nodded nonetheless.

“People always see my IQ as a blessing, but actually a lot of the time it’s more like a curse. Boredom is so much easier for me to fall into, if my brain’s not being stimulated enough.” He ran his fingers over the crease in his slacks, hoping it would work to distract him from talking about himself.

“And you feel like you aren’t getting enough stimulation?” She narrowed her eyes on him.

“Not anymore. Not for a long time.” He agreed. “I love my job but it’s just not challenging me anymore. I feel like…let’s say the BAU is a city, like Pompeii. I used to love that city, but now it just feels like all the walls are tumbling down and I’ve been left covered in rubble, left in this monotonous death pose for all of eternity.”

God that sounds morbid and very over dramatic, what is wrong with me?

“You’re stuck in a rut.” Doctor Santiago didn’t seem perturbed, she’d probably heard a lot worse.

“Undoubtedly.” He agreed.

“You’re going to do something for me today.” She sat back in her chair, a smile toying at her lips which Spencer wasn’t sure he liked. “You’re going to go somewhere you wouldn’t ordinarily go, not a bookstore, not a museum. Somewhere new for Spencer Reid.”

“That’s all?” He frowned sceptically.

“No,” Santiago chuckled with a shake of her head. “I want you to have one conversation with someone you don’t know. Don’t talk about work, or your routine. Definitely don’t talk about Pompeii or death poses.”

“See, here’s the thing with that,” Spencer swallowed. “In case it wasn’t clear, I am exceptionally socially awkward. I can’t just talk to a stranger. How about I come up with some conversation topics and next week we can discuss them and then-”

“Spencer,” she cut him off. “Today. It’s time to break you out of your rut, ok?”

Goddamnit, why did I ever come here?

***

The park was just about the least Spencer Reid place to hang out that there was, aside from maybe the beach, and he felt inherently uncomfortable.

He was a middle aged man in a suit jacket and shirt, wandering a park on a Saturday afternoon, alone. He actually found himself willing his cell phone to ring and being called into work rather than go through with this.

One conversation with someone he didn’t know. It was at its core a simple enough task. At least it would be for most people, people unlike Spencer who didn’t feel paralysed at the thought of talking to strangers.

It was different at work, where part of his job was to talk to people all the time. He had some sort of authority in those situations, his presence was helping catch a killer. In the park he was out in the wild, thrown to the wolves. He was so far out of his comfort zone it made him feel nauseous.

But for the first time in months, he wasn’t bored. And maybe Doctor Santiago had been onto something.

He scanned the area as he meandered down the tree lined path that cut through the park, in search of someone who looked normal enough for him to strike up a conversation with. Most people weren’t alone, with their families, partners or kids or both. The only other people he noticed on their own didn’t look what Spencer would deem as normal.

He spent almost an hour wandering with the bright DC sunshine beaming down on him. Eventually he started to feel sweat gathering at the base of his neck and at his temples and ambled to the nearest bench.

He shucked off his jacket and rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows. Feeling dejected and slightly fed up, he pulled his book on Mount Vesuvius out of his satchel and started reading it for approximately the seventy-sixth time.

When Spencer was reading, his brain blocked off everything else that wasn’t directly on the pages in front of him. He couldn’t hear the sound of people chatting and laughing in the park, he could no longer feel the heat from the sun. He was lost somewhere in Pompeii.

It was because of this that he didn’t notice the large, fluffy mutt running directly at him, or hear its owner calling for him to stop. It wasn’t until he felt something heavy pressing against his knees and his book being snuffled out of the way by a wet nose, that he looked up from the pages.

The dog with its piercing blue eyes and a soft, fuzzy face stared at him, paws on either of Spencer’s knees and its tongue hanging dopily out its mouth. Spencer stared at the mutt for a moment or two, somewhat perplexed, before it dribbled on Spencer’s slacks and Spencer groaned in frustration.

“Gross,” He grumbled, giving the dog a soft push. “Get down.”

The dog dropped back to the grass, but continued staring at Spencer while he found a handkerchief in his satchel and wiped his pants.

“Beau! Beau, what are you doing?” A panted voice caused Spencer’s eyes to snap away from the dog and up to a woman running his way.

Spencer felt his chest tighten as he watched the grace with which you chased after the errant dog.

“I’m so sorry.” You fought to catch your breath as you stopped in front of him and the dog. “He’s so much faster than me.”

“He dribbles.” Spencer tucked the soiled handkerchief away.

“Yeah, dogs will do that.” You laughed, clipping the leash to the husky’s collar.

“I could have been allergic.” Spencer stood up from the bench.

“Allergic to dogs?” You cocked a curious eyebrow at him.

“Dog saliva. A study showed that dog saliva contains at least twelve different types of allergy-causing protein bands.” He told you, stuffing his hands in pockets.

“Right, odd thing to say to someone you just met, but sure.” You shook your head.

“It was reported that a seventy year old woman had a severe infection of bacterium called capnocytophaga canimorsus, which likely came from her Italian Greyhound’s saliva.” He continued despite himself.

“When was the last time you talked to an actual human being?” You pulled a face, patting Beau’s fuzzy head and causing him to mewl happily.

“I talk to human being’s all the time.” He frowned, not understanding the question.

“About dog saliva?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Never about dog saliva actually.”

“Maybe don’t make a habit of it, it's kinda weird.” Your lip started to slowly curl up into a small smile.

“Duly noted.” He shrugged awkwardly. “Does, uh…would you say this counted as a conversation?”

Your brows knitted together, almost immediately wiping the smile from your face.

“What would you class as a conversation?”

“An informal talk between two or more people, in which thoughts, feelings and ideas are expressed.” He quoted the dictionary definition of the term.

“Well, this seemed pretty informal. I shared my thoughts about you coming across as weird, as you shared your ideas about my dog’s saliva and my feelings towards it are discomfort. Seems like a conversation.”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.” He sighed to himself. “My therapist wanted me to have one conversation with one person I don’t know today and I guess I achieved that so please, don’t feel like you need to stand here and humour me any longer.”

“I’m your homework?” The smile spread back to your lips.

“I mean, that makes it sound clinical.”

“This was kinda clinical.” You chuckled and Spencer’s heart felt lighter than air at that sound. “Why don’t we try again. Hi, I’m Y/N and this is my dog Beau.”

Beau barked happily at the sound of his name, his giant front paws tapping on the grass in excitement.

“Spencer.” He nodded with a tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry if I offended you or your dog.”

“Luckily for you, neither of us are very easily offended.” You smirked, sidling past him and sitting down on the bench.

Spencer faced you with a soft frown.

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting, isn’t that obvious?” You crossed one leg over the other and unclipped Beau’s leash again. “Off you go boy.”

Beau did as he was told and joyfully bounded away, but made sure to stay in your field of vision. Spencer looked between you and the husky as he started exploring trees with the use of his nose.

“You aren’t worried he won’t come back?”

“He’s very well trained. And besides, I have his favourite treats.” You patted your pocket.

“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded and reached down for his things. “Well it was nice to meet you I guess. Have a good day.”

“Where are you going?” You stopped him before he could walk away.

“I, uh, was going to leave you to it?” He cradled the book and his satchel under one arm.

“You said you needed to have a conversation, so I sat down so we could have one.” You chuckled again and it was quickly becoming Spencer’s favourite sound.

“Oh. Oh. Really? You want to have a conversation with me? After I talked about the bacteria in dog saliva?”

“Yeah, I don’t really understand it either. But you seem…” You trailed off, unable to find the right word.

“Lonely? Creepy? Pathetic?” He tried, again causing you to laugh.

“Oddly endearing.” You corrected him.

It wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever been called, and he’d take what he could get. He slid back down to the bench, ensuring to keep a comfortable amount of space between you and placed his bag and book in his lap.

“Uh, just as a forewarning, I am not very good at small talk.” Spencer raked one hand through his hair.

“Oh don’t worry, I already gathered that.” You glanced away from him towards Beau briefly before looking back at him. “So, can I ask why your therapist is making you have conversations with strangers?”

“I’m stuck in a rut, I suppose.” He confessed, finding it strange how easy it was to want to open up to you. “My job, my personal life; it’s the same thing day in and day out. I’m just a little bored of it all.”

“What do you do?”

“If it’s ok with you, I’d rather not talk about it. I’m trying not to focus all of my energy, all of my personality into what I do for a living.” He rolled his lip between his teeth.

“Ok.” You shrugged. “What are you reading?”

Spencer looked down at the hardback in his lap and turned it over to display the cover. He ran his fingers over it remembering Doctor Santiago’s specific instructions.

Definitely don’t talk about Pompeii or death poses.

“It’s about Pompeii and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.” He blurted out.

“Oh, just some light and cheery reading then.” You laughed and if you kept doing that Spencer may very well fall in love with you.

“It’s…meditative in a way.” He shrugged. “I was told

I shouldn’t talk about it.”

“Your therapist told you topics of conversation?” You raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“More like she told me topics of conversations to avoid. Specifically, my thoughts on the boredom that must have been felt by these people trapped in these perpetual death poses after the eruption.” He mentally scalded himself as the words tumbled out his mouth. “Yet here I am, talking about it anyway.”

You glared at him, noting your dog nearby out of the corner of your eye, but focusing on Spencer. He drummed his fingers awkwardly on the book cover.

“Wow,” you inhaled sharply. “That’s gotta be one of the most depressing things I’ve ever heard.”

“Probably why I was advised not to talk about it.” He sighed.

“You’re a pretty dark dude.”

“In my line of work it’s hard not to be.” He shrugged, he’d already gone against one thing Santiago told him not to do, he may as well go for broke. “I’m an FBI Agent. A profiler. I use psychology to track down serial killers.”

Your expression didn’t change much, something which surprised him. You quickly glanced over at Beau again who was now making friends with a much smaller dog, before looking back at him.

“That’s the same thing day in and day out?” You frowned.

“Not physically but mentally I guess. I, uh, I’m pretty smart…no that’s not true, I’m a certified genius. And that means I can grow bored easily. I guess I need a higher level of stimulation than most people.” He shrugged, noticing the way your eyes started to sparkle.

“A higher level of stimulation, huh?” The smirk adorned on your lips and the way you spoke the word stimulation made his ears turn suddenly red.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, his mouth dry and he had to look away from you. “Mental stimulation. Jesus Christ.”

You smiled to yourself at his obvious embarrassment, enjoying the way you’d made him blush. You decided to change the subject, as much as you enjoyed it, you didn’t want to make him too uncomfortable.

“So, a certified genius?”

His eyes snapped back to you and he swallowed with a nod of his head.

“Yeah.”

“Well I can’t be very stimulating for you then? Mentally speaking of course.” You couldn’t help yourself.

As predicted his blush spread to his cheeks and neck and he fidgeted with his bag on his lap. What you didn’t know was that he was trying to conceal the fact your words were causing a bulge in his pants he desperately wanted to hide.

“Are you trying to fluster me?”

“Is it working?” Your eyes sparkled again.

“Very much so.” He confessed. “For the record I find you utterly stimulating. Mentally speaking of course.”

“Good to know.” You nodded, looking back across the park and spotting Beau staring at you. “Beau, heel!”

The large and playful dog immediately started in your direction, bounding delightedly towards his owner. When he reached you, he slumped down on the grass by your feet and you popped a treat in his waiting mouth.

“So usually after our walk I take Beau to a little cafe where they sell doggy cupcakes and I grab a coffee, unwind.” You pushed yourself to your feet and clipped Beau’s leash in place once again.

“Oh, ok.” Spencer nodded, tucking his book inside his bag. “Have a nice time.”

You narrowed your eyes on him, trying to ascertain if he was really this clueless or if it was just an act. You were quick to realise it was the former.

“It was an invitation, dummy.” You chuckled. “Do you want to come with me? I love my dog but he’s not exactly…stimulating.”

Spencer had to take a moment to compose himself before he stood as his legs trembled a little. He inhaled sharply and pushed himself up.

“You want me to join you?” As asked by way of clarification.

“Correct.”

“Even after I talked about Pompeii and death poses?”

“Even after that.” You nodded with a smile.

“You don’t have to invite me. I was only strictly required to have one conversation so I think you’re off the hook now.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder before stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Are you really so naive that you don’t understand when a girl is asking you out?”

“You are?” His eyes widened dramatically.

“Yes!” You laughed. “Surely you’ve been asked out before?”

“No, never. I mean, I didn’t know you were asking me out so maybe I have and I didn’t realise it.”

“You are utterly precious, Spencer.” You shook your head. “Come on, let’s go. Unless you want to go back to your rut?”

“No, no. I am happy to be rut-less.” He nodded and the two of you, plus Beau, fell in step with one another.��

He let you lead him through the park, stealing glances at you as he did so. He’d never felt more outside of his comfort zone before and it was exhilarating.

So many of his days had fallen away with nothing to show for them. Days upon days of the same, tedious tasks again and again. Nothing had changed for so long, every had felt the same, every time he closed his eyes.

But finally things had changed. Letting you into his life would bring with it a shake up of his previously monotonous routine.

He didn’t know it at the time, but his future would hold walks in the park whilst learning to enjoy the company of a dog. Random two am phone calls when you couldn’t sleep. Waking up next to your sleeping form, deep, meaningful debates in the middle of the night which would end up with lips silencing the other and body parts entwining.

He had to look forward to your surprise visits to his office with baked goods and coffee. Sending flower arrangements to your work just to say he was thinking of you. Unplanned weekend trips to New York or Baltimore or wherever the two of you ended up. Spur of the moment date nights and spontaneous adventures, just you, him and Beau.

But all of that was yet to come, the great unknown unfurling before him. All because he had one conversation with one person, and finally Spencer’s predictable life didn’t seem so predictable anymore.

Much like the citizens of Pompeii, who had to grow and adapt to their new city in the wake of the eruption that had destroyed so much, now it was his turn to embrace the new and uncharted.

And quite honestly, he’d never been more excited.

You glanced at him as you walked, a soft smile on your features and you boldly reached out and took hold of his hand in your free one.

Spencer felt his chest explode at your touch and he already knew he never wanted to let you go.

“So, tell me,” you asked as you strolled hand in hand. “Are you still bored, Spencer?”

He couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips and he gave your hand a soft squeeze.

“I can honestly say, I’ve never been less bored in my entire life.” He sighed in content, slightly disbelieving how much his world could change just from a simple conversation.

Today was one kind of Groundhog Day he would happily repeat over and over for the rest of his life.

#milestone celebration #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction

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dervampireprince · 3 months

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youtube

ASMR | Elisabeth das Musical - Der Tod x Listener SFW Death Becomes Entranced And Seduces A Lonely Prince

[M4M/GF4M] [Prince! Listener] [Seduction] [Manipulation] [Kissing - no character death, lore here is Death's kisses can kill if it's 'your time' but if it's not they don't but they're still cold and cause temporary frostbite-like symptoms] [TW implies the listener is depressed and has been experiencing suicidal ideation, Death at points advises the listener to kiss him which would kill them, please skip this audio if you think these issues could affect or trigger you and if you are affected by these issues please seek help and contact hotlines in your country. This audio is fictional, Death's attempts to be a voice of suicidal ideation should not be taken seriously nor applied to real life.]

I've been wanting to make this audio for so long. While I've left it ambiguous enough to be enjoyed as an original audio, this character is actually from my favourite musical 'Elisabeth das Musical'. It's a German-language dark queer historical romance where Death (Der Tod) is drawn to those who think about him, in particular it follows the life of Elisabeth, Empress of Austria, and her son Rudolf. The musical does deal with serious mental health topics and some historical events from that time including the rise of fascism so please know that going in, but if you think you can handle such topics then I couldn't recommend the musical enough.

The original 1992 Vienna production is on Youtube with English subtitles, that is my favourite production and means a lot to me as Uwe Kroger as Death is just... perfection to me, very much gender envy and has been a big influence on me and helped me with accepting myself and my gender expression, and his characterisation of Death as this genderfluid, pansexual otherworldly being is just beautiful. And if you enjoy then I'd also recommend the 2005 Vienna production which is also on Youtube with English subtitles mostly for the few extra added song and Serkan Kaya's performance as Lucheni.

For those of you in my Patreon Discord server, I streamed this musical last Sunday in there for you guys and it finally felt like the perfect time to bring this audio to life. And if Kronprinz is still around, I know you were requesting a Der Tod audio for a long time and I hope you're happy with this one. The listener in this audio series takes the place of Rudolf, but you don't need to know anything about the musical to understand these audios. I chose to present them more like my original royalty series audios as Elisabeth das Musical is not very well known outside of mainland Europe and Japan, so I hoped by framing it this way with a photograph of myself cosplaying Death from a couple years ago would entice more people who aren't familiar with the musical.

I love this musical so much, European musicals in general are my biggest interest and if you go searching for them it wont be long until you find my sfw account @emptymasks posting too much about them. If you're interested in learning more I have some masterlists and info posts pinned on my emptymasks Tumblr, but also as part of my subathon rewards I am doing a stream on my Twitch explaining about infodumping about European musicals and I've been working on some video essays for years that I hope to get finished this year that will be up on my emptymasks Youtube channel. I also run @europeanmusicals . If any mutuals or followers from my main or side blogs finds this... well hello there, I find myself nervous to drop this in the euro musical tags, as if people are going to find this format of fanwork weird but well... I had fun, I hope you guys are nice about this (nice doesn't mean you have to like it, but please don't be mean about it if you just don't enjoy asmr or audio content).

Something something if I had a nickel for every time Prince voiced a personification of Death from different fandoms I'd have three nickels.

Old public spicy audios on sound gasm (link in pinned post). 2 Exclusive spicy audios on Patreon every month. I also stream on Twitch every week @ dervampireprince . [minors + ageless blogs dni. this blog is for 18+ only.] [do not repost/reupload/edit any of my content]

#elisabeth das musical #todolf #der tod #european musicals #der tod x rudolf #death x rudolf #der tod x reader #der tod x listener #the vampire whispers #royalty kink #Youtube

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anja-the-sane-panda · 10 months

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An Over Analysis on Jack's Facial/Body Language in Locked out of Heaven

Note this is all my take on the map and my brain is literally broken so take this all with a fist full of salt.

Also this is SUPER LONG, so I apologize for giving y'all a collage essay on this.

VERSE ONE:

First let's talk about the face where he stares into the player's soul

It's pretty much a poker face which makes sense with his background. He probably perfected it over the years to just keep his mother quiet and not jump on him for not liking her plans. (Too much anyway)

But then he does the first move and his cocky side comes out in a blink of an eye. Like it's almost scary how quick he went from stiff and expressionless to sassy and confident. He's hyping himself up for the performance like how other performers would do quick vocal exercises or doing a quick shake to get their bodies and mind ready. Especially since this takes place after Witch where he looked both depressed

Now the pre-chorus

He is so happy to perform

this entire pre-chorus you see him grow a true smile that just gets bigger until he gets to the top when he goes into his full routine. You can feel his excitement right through the screen. He is ready to give the people what he wants and he is going to love every moment of it Hell he even winks to us. I mean that doesn't add much but I feel the need to point that out for the Jack Rose fans.

Now in the chorus we get to see full Jack Rose, complete with sassiness and confidence. Though we also can see the same smile from the pre-chorus, which makes sense! He is having the time of his life performing and he obviously loves his fans with how he is constantly pointing and smiling at them any chance he gets.

Now the second verse/pre-chorus are pretty much the same as the first except the fact that he seems for focused than cocky when in the room of mirrors (Most likely due to his mother watching him from the reflections) And he seems more excited the closer he gets to the stage.

But now we get to the juicy stuff in the bridge hehehe

Now this part is a little obvious with him pointing to his fans during the "Can I just stay here? Spend the rest of my days here?" He is pleading to whatever deity is listening to just let him stay on that stage with people who actually love him and he loves them back, even if it's just because of his voice/performances he is taking whatever love he can get. That's his heaven, but a certain ✨slaying✨ witch only lets him bask in it for a little while before locking him out it again and again.

K in the final chorus

Small detail I didn't notice the first time but at this part it looks almost like he's reaching for one of the helicopters whilst singing "I've been locked out of heaven" (Yeah this isn't beating my theory that those copters were sent from Night Swan to watch her son during his performance)

Now that Swan tower has lit up behind him and has even taken over the screens in the stage Jack is facing the complete opposite direction, with the most he goes towards it is when he faces the player completely and a few spare glances to the crowd behind him

He knows what's behind him but he doesn't want to think about it. Also at these last few repeats of the chorus he seems to almost be belting it in some spots. Like he's trying to drown himself in the song and stay in the zone forever. But alas, it has to end

That face when his mom waves him off tells us all we need to know. He's used to her actions and distain, but it also stings a lot for him.

Also while it isn't noticeable at first you can actually see him sigh after his hand goes all the way down and he looks at the floor.

In conclusion: Jack needs a hug yesterday and this sets up his reaction to seeing Wanderlust and his fans get turned in majesty. Is he cocky? Yes. But does he love what he does? Well when it comes to performing, yes

thank you all for coming to my Ted Talk, cookies are in the lobby

#Tldr: Mikael's acting in this map is so godamn good #If we get a movie and/or show I need him to stay as Jack #just dance 2023 #jd jack rose #I cannot wait to see where they go with Jack's character #even though I've been spoiled by Instagram about some of it #Gahhhhh

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mersei47 · 11 months

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Marble Hornets - Amsterdam: Thought Process

so I already told everyone that amsterdam is my favorite song but I also chose this song because the lyrics are very appealing to tim's situation

When I listened to this song I personally thing it's about people with depression or people that disappoint in their way of life

in these frames I portrayed tim's past when he was just a child and that his mom, Janet, had to admit him to hospital because of his mental illness reason. I like to think tim originally had this symptoms and operator just making it worst later when tim starting seeing it (I dont think there's no clear detail if tim get this symptom because of it or not but it clearly affect tim later on)

these 2 frames I purposely made it to seem like a 2 different side of tim. the first is when tim has grew up. He received proper medication and therapy later on. He thought that he's getting better but the operator just won't let him go. as you can see in second pic (I refer the operator as tinman, when I heard of tinman word I thought of these words: emotionless, unmovable, cruel)

I represent the woods as the more he gets involved in this story, the lesser chance he has of getting out of this alive or chance of going back to normal

the black backgrounds part is to show both amy and alex's fates. the alex one means that even if alex tried to hide/run away from the operator or (paper getting torn apart) the operator still there and won't stop haunting him (paper pieces got taped back and blood part refer to when alex decided to kill (or lie to) his friends so that "the operator sickness" won't spread further)

the sea part match with lyric part "congratulation, you are all alone" in totheark font (hoody mocking alex). even thought I barely show hoody in any frames in comic, i tried to show his perspective to situation by using totheark fonts in it

I like to play with colors contrasting each others

I interpret the lyrics "rain wont fall on us, sun won't shine on us" as, not everyone got what they want or have the ending they decided for. Hoody tried very hard to fix things (even if some of it is not really pleasant way of helping) that he gave up brian persona, he still died. I also interpret the sun part as even if it seems like thing might actually getting better or think that the story might actually end in a good way. Jay is still died. even if Jay finally start to get help like Tim wanted, he still died

the "I wouldn't have it any other way" meant that even if tim tried to tell alex that he can help him, alex still believe in his own belief. so it leave tim no other choice

"your time will come" part I used the same pattern as jay's frame. because it's jay that wanted to help jessica but now that jay died now tim got to continue what jay left

I used skully symbol because its totheark caption matched with tim's situation like, "so much more than time has been taken" pretty much sum up it all and implying that skully is still out there

I forgot to write in image but the second frame where tim driving out of Alabama you can see that the woods at first is very thick then it started to fade away

yeah the camera part I had to trace from sony manual book. and about jay's jacket, after jay gone tim probably still had his stuff? don't know what he gonna do with it but I dont think he gonna threw them away

"cause these walls they're crashing down" this part I interpret as the whole "marble hornets" thing is no longer relevant anymore

and that's all! thanks for reading I'm very happy how it turned out so I hope you enjoyed this as I do too

#idk what to tag this #docs #yeah probably that

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bronx-bomber87 · 9 months

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Happy Saturday everyone. I always forget Eric’s wife had a spot on the show. Every time I get to this episode its a reminder. Also fair warning he’s gonna make me extra feral in this one. He is in a suit and yummy street clothes in this episode. Gimme gimme all day. I blame Eric for all my reactions in this ep for how he looks haha This is also a shorter review like last time but good stuff in it none the less. Off we go.

2x16 The Overnight

We start off with our lovely ship at American Idol auditions. A guy is getting arrested giving out meth smoothies. Lucy has to go back for his backpack. As she does she gets roped into an audition because it has his audition sticker. I’m surprised there wasn’t a gif set of her singing. It's such a good scene. I did my quick made one above with my phone. But a really good set should be produced. We get to hear Melissa’s wonderful voice again. It's in a much better context this time. Not a soul crushing and depressing way. She chooses a song from Aretha Franklin. 'I never loved a man'. She CRUSHES it.

I hope she gets another opportunity to showcase her voice in the future. The ending of this cold open cracks me up so much. The judges are impressed by her audition. Ready to give her that coveted golden ticket. Lucy hears Tim’s voice and bolts LOL Him bringing her back to reality. Their 'No no no' is so damn funny as she runs towards Tim. I love it so much. Tim having no idea what just happened. Thinking she's just running behind for no reason. Such a great cold open.

I love this scene for quite a few reasons. First and most importantly we get Tim Bradford in a suit. Sweet baby James. What a visual to start off the episode with. I need more this is my life. He should go to court more often. Honestly should be illegal to be that damn fine. *fans self* Second I find it very sexy he donates blood so often. I mean of course he does. To quote Lucy. Most Tim Bradford thing I've ever heard heh Tim as a person is just so friggin attractive.

Lastly I adore Nyla giving him a hard time. Doesn't waste a second before calling him a machine LOL Tim's face in that third gif is too cute. He's commending her shot and only shakes his head. How far Tim and Nyla have come. Reached a playful joking stage I love it. You know Lucy is enjoying someone else giving Tim crap. The proud wifey smirk of hers when he gets tossed his ball. I love them.

Lucy is running the front desk since Tim is off at court. She meets a reporter Valerie Castillo from the Herald asking for public arrest reports. She is looking for a scoop on recent robberies at 5 star hotels. Asking if Lucy has heard about them? Lucy says no. Valerie goes on to say she is trying to get away from Hollywood stories. Do something more impactful. So she can be taken seriously as a journalist. Lucy being her empathetic self wants to help her out. Lets her know the reports she’s looking at don’t have enough info. Tells her she wants CAD reports instead. Valerie asks what those are?

Tim comes striding in with the answer. Looking like sex on a stick in that suit. Good lord he can wear the hell out of that thing. Look at that fit on him. Thank you to his tailor. *chef's kiss* But I digress…Tim is clearly not a fan of this woman and what she is asking of Lucy. His cop gut going off and not liking this interaction at all. Tim instantly distrusts her and doesn't hide it.

Does crack me up they wrote Ros in as a character he can’t stand LOL I’m sure they had fun with this. Tim clearly doesn’t like the media especially her paper. Says her paper has a bias against cops. She bites back ‘Like the bias you have against me?’ She’s not wrong ha Tim says that's cute but isn't buying what she's selling.

Tim tells Lucy to get those reports back from her ASAP. That they’re gonna hit the streets as soon as he’s changed. Ooh lord the way he unbuttons his jacket and barks out his instructions on the move. Mercy. It shouldn't be that hot and yet here I am always a puddle. Ever the model just as much walking away as he came in. My god he's attractive haha It's truly not fair. Valerie says Tim shouldn't talk to her like that. Lucy is bemused by this statement.

Says he's her T.O. and its just his style with a smile on her face. (We all know she loves his style heh) I do love how this scene finishes out. Valerie saying ‘If ass is a style...but he sure can wear a suit’. Indeed madam indeed. Then proceeds to watch him leave LOL Checking out her own husband as he exits the scene haha Cracks me up. He does look damn fine in that suit. I can not blame her.

Tim instantly tries to steer Lucy away from Valerie. Telling her she’s bad news. Saying reporters always have an agenda. Lucy tries to be snarky and replies 'To get truth? Sounds Horrible.' Tim continues on despite her snark and says they aren’t to be trusted. Lucy being her sunshine self wants to see the good in Valerie. That she’s doing this to help the victims of these robberies. Tim thinks she’s being naive with this woman. Lucy battles back he just doesn’t trust anyone. Well that’s not true. He most definitely trusts you Lucy. With his life. But she has earned it ten fold out of him which is why she has it.

I’m with Tim on this one.(No surprise there I know ) That trust is something to be earned. I am the same way. It’s not something I just hand out like candy either. You have to prove to me you are worthy of that trust. Once you're in you're gold but you have to earn it first. He knows how trusting Lucy is and he doesn't want her to get burned by this person. This is his way of watching her back and trying to protect her from a potential disaster. Lucy doesn't heed his warning and it shows in her sassy face she gives him above. Lucy is so sure she is the right one in this situation. Like she is humoring him by listening.

They get a report of this idiot trying to use his snake to get out of paying for his car repairs. He pulls it out as a threat and It backfires pretty badly. As he waves the snake it bites him... (Like I said an idiot) I adore Lucy taking command of this situation. Also her heart for any living creature. I’m not a snake girl myself but I do love her taking the snake's side over this guy’s haha

This is our marriage scene of the episode. Tim says EMTs won’t step foot in here till the snake is neutralized. Tim says he’ll flush it out and kill it. Lucy is against this plan and tells Tim he can’t kill it. Their banter in this scene is primo. He is sassy right back asking what are they gonna do? Snuggle it? LOL Lucy ignores his sassy jab as she hops down and decides to do something herself. Tim isn't a fan of this plan since the snake is venomous.

Tim looks very concerned as he watches her. The way he raises his gun ready to destroy this thing if it goes after her. I love his face as she talks to the snake. Calling it by it's name, telling it she isn't going to hurt it haha He is wondering what she’s going to do with this thing. Then is impressed af when she traps the snake in a tire. What a bad ass moment for her. Snake whisperer can now go on her list of skills on the job ha Lucy proudly walks back to him with the best reply ‘Not his fault his owner is an idiot.' LOL I love this.

Valerie catches Lucy on the way out for the night. Claims she got her story about a Murphy scam. Rich men hiring sex workers then the sex worker has a partner. They rob and steal from them. The victim can’t report the crime without copping to their own. Says she came by to thank Lucy with a drink. (Mmhmm....)

Lucy is hesitant and says she shouldn’t…. You know that cop gut of hers is telling her it's wrong. Valerie asks 'Is it cause Tim wouldn't approve?' Lucy looks behind her like she can sense Tim’s disapproval from afar. Valarie sweetens the pot telling her she can be her inside person. Lucy concedes and decides to go. This can only end badly Lucy….

They make it to the hotel and Lucy quickly realizes they’re not there for a just a drink. Valerie has tracked one of the women who’s been scamming these men. Lucy is upset and feels betrayed. Says she can’t arrest people on her own. She’s a rookie. Valerie notices the man being scammed is a big time movie producer. Says this will get her a killer story and her a high profile arrest. You can see the regret written all over Lucy’s face.

Lucy tells Valerie she is texting Tim. I love this. She knows she’s in over her head at this point. So she is going to reach for her lifeline. Tells Valerie as such letting her know she could get fired as a rookie. That she needs a senior officer on scene. Also she really needs him to rein this in TBH. This has gotten way out of hand and needs Tim to come help her.

Tim arrives and Lucy thanks him for coming. (Like he wasn’t going to come and bail his girl out.) Doesn’t even have to say I told you so. This entire moment is doing it for him really. Lucy doesn’t fight or deny the hot water she is in. Not even a little. Just says ‘I’m in trouble aren’t I?’ His sexy Mm-hmm will do just fine for her. You know she’s just so relieved he's there to get her out of this. To save her from herself in this moment. The way she looks at him like he is her saving grace. Makes my heart happy. Doesn't even care she is in trouble just relieved he is there. So much said in such a small scene.

He looks sinfully handsome in that denim jacket *oh my lord.* Valerie says she’ll write a story about Tim if he punishes Lucy for this. Lucy panics and tells her not to do that. Tim isn’t phased at all by her intimidation of a story. The cocky way he walks into the room. Takes control of the situation. Says the cup against the wall trick doesn’t work. You know Lucy is rooting him on while he does this. Tim makes a joke about there being an app for that. Valerie believes him cause he walks in so confident and says that so damn smoothly. She can't help but reply 'Really?'

The way he says ‘No’ to her LMAO I'm dying. He is having a little fun in this moment messing with her. I love this man so much. Why is he so damn attractive in this moment? I actually know why ha. He's protecting Lucy and trying to do damage control at the same time. Also by taking control back from Valerie, by putting this situation back in his court. Tim calls in backup to help them if the accomplice even shows up. Tells Valerie she’ll be far away from the action if it comes to that. Not gonna let her get her story after potentially endangering Lucy for it.

The accomplice ends up arriving and Valerie has a ‘See’ look on her face. Thinking she is validated in all she's done to this point. Getting to watch Tim in action and in street clothes? Don’t mind if I do. They’re about to go after the guy when they notice Valerie is missing. She’s gone out on the balcony to get a photo. Clearly back tracking on her 'Killer Story' that'll get her taken seriously for a paparazzi shot instead.

She ends up getting her shot on the balcony but slips and Tim has to rescue her. She is refusing to let go of her phone as she hangs on to the railing. Lucy tells her to let the damn thing go. The guy sees them rescue her and takes off. Tim gets her up and takes off after the guy. Leaving Lucy with Valerie while he does so. This is the last we see of our handsome hero him in this ep sadly. The accomplice ends up getting arrested by a grumpy and tired Lopez in the lobby of the hotel LOL

Lucy’s SL wraps up with Valerie signing her statement. I love Lucy telling her like it is. Letting her know how wrong it was to take advantage like she did. Lucy is inclined to trust people and it bit her in the ass this time. (What he was trying to protect her from.) Unfortunately for her Tim was right on this one. She did have an agenda. Tim didn’t rub it in her face but also didn’t say she wasn’t in trouble for it haha Lucy has a mic drop moment with her. Telling her instead of going for the serious story she sold her on she went for the cheap shot. Gets up and walks away from her. Boom. Once again not a ton to content but still enough goodies ❤️

That wraps up 2x16 for our ship. Thanks as always to you all for your likes/comments and reblogs. Forever appreciate them. Can't believe we're almost done with S2. 6 left to review in this one.

~~~~

Side notes- Non Chenford

Always enjoy Nyla’s SL’s. When I first watched this ep wanted her to her back with Donovan. But glad she didn't much better fit with James but we’ll meet him later down the road.

Wopez engagement ❤️ They so cute. I love them. Happy for Angela and Wes.

See you all in 2x17 :)

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #s2 #2x16 The Overnight #The Rookie 2x16 #waiting for s6 #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well #otp: some things matter more #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

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jilegogreengiantstories · 8 months

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WHY ILLUMINATION SHOULD Turn The Sing movies into a series (episodes) or a graphic novel series

(Sorry if it's to long I just need to write what I think)

I love the sing movies as much as the next person, its probably one of illuminations best franchises. As much as I lobe the movies and the main characters, I wish they would explain their backstories before meeting buster, And with the third one in development, I'm hoping they do just that. But what if they don't. Well that's what I keep asking myself, how they could show the audience the characters stories or their lives, after and before. Well I've come up with an idea on that. I have 2 possibilities a series (episodes) or a graphic novel series.

Here let me explain what they could do and why.

A series (episodes):

If the writers don't have time to make movies for sing, they can(could) make a series to show what the characters are doing and their development or introduce new characters in the story. And also talk about their life and things that have happened during the movies. It could also have side stories or parts 1 or 2 episodes to see what each character and storyline is doing, and also help character traits be developed in a character, see what their relationship with each other is like, and even help bring in new songs to the show and have each character show their skills. And most importantly answer questions each movie leaves about, and explain things that happened before.

Graphic novels:

We can learn about the characters and their backstories and new characters that might not be mentioned in the movies (or series) And they can address serious topics like death of a loved one more seriously and it can mainly focus on one character and their past and how it happened. And most importantly it would save illumination a lot of time and keep people from asking or waiting for something to happen. And if the characters have a dark backstory, and the people at home don't have to complain that anything risky is put it on theaters or TV and get complaints about it on what their viewers are watching. And ok it's not like animation studios haven't done anything like that. I mean look at Disney & pixar, they've done things parents might not agree with, or things that might scare kids, or done things that people should discuss or things that shouldn't be hard to tell kids and DreamWorks has been doing those things for years it wouldn't surprise me if Illumination did that to. Not that I have a problem with it, I'm glad that animation movie studios are having characters be or talk about things that make them feel real, like family drama, discrimination, Sexuality, mental health, depression, trauma, etc. And like most animation Companies who have not recently but not too long ago have Done these things to give "life" and personality to the characters, but because of the backlash and criticism that that many entertainment studios have gotten, (like Disney and pixar) studios have taken less risks and been struggling with either doing what critic's want and certain audiences want, or doing risks and doing what another certain audience wants or the other way, and if Illumination is worried about taking a risk of any of those things I mentioned, and are afraid that a franchise will be be ruined or canceled because of it, they should make a graphic novel series to explain things or to continue it. There are so many things I would like to say about entertainment studios and criticism and backlash they could get, or the unfair criticism their movies can get, but I'll save that for another post.

Anyway That's my opinion, but what's yours? Answer in the poll and if you have your reasons or opinions comment on what you think, If you don't let my opinion that's okay.

And when the votes have been done, I'll explain more about it.

#sing movies #question/answer #illumination #sing buster #sing moon crew #sing johnny #sing ash #sing meena #sing rosita #sing gunter #sing mike #sing big daddy #sing stan #sing barry #sing 2 ryan #sing 2 porsha #sing 2 nooshy #sing 2016 #sing 2021

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eyedove · 8 months

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alright whats up fuckers get timelined.

you want your deep taagnus fankid lore, this might be the only spot ya get it for a while. also included: a little on lup's first kid, a LOT on taako having a bad time in general, some relationship details btwn taako and magnus past and present, casey character development to follow it up, and then a little bit on the twins. the, like, little twins, i mean. the ones that taako and magnus have.

warnings for taako’s general, like, everything: identity crisis, his issues socializing, loneliness, depression, gender dysphoria (weirdly enough, not pregnancy related), his experience with chronic pain, and later being diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder, which in itself is not a trigger warning but moreso his dealing with it is not particularly healthy and could be sort of self-harm-y in a way. and for magnus: his RSD is mentioned, his self-worth issues are alluded to, mentions of past self harm, he gets very emotional about family planning in regards to past relationships, his death is eventually mentioned but isn’t part of the timeline nor is it gone in depth on.

in general they’re also just… taako and magnus. they’re kind of shitty guys and kind of immature and kind of fucked up. they’re good to their kids, they’re just still, y’know. taako and magnus.

i can not stress enough, pregnancy and issues relating to this. difficulties conceiving and postpartum depression are IN. HERE. everything turns out and everyone involved is perfectly fine, it just takes some time to get there and it’s a rough road, but they ultimately end up doing it twice and they’re both pretty firmly in the camp of it being worth it.

anything else that needs to be mentioned please let me know holy shit and i’ll exercise my best judgment, cus i know some of it might be wild to read, but i want to get triggers down for the most part. stuff that’s not triggering, like… oops, sorry, but. it’s taagnus mpreg what do you WANT FROM ME. if i listed everything that people might not like it would just be another 6k words.

basics:

lup’s first kid, missy, is about 5 years older than casey, who was carried by taako, and is about 3½ years older than elodie, who’s a few minutes older than rian, both of which were carried by magnus.

tl;dr coming soon. and by tl;dr i mean a shorter version that’s been picked through and had all of the bullshit unnecessary garbage taken out. :)

timeline:

- after story & song magnus and taako do not talk for like a year. it’s rough. they correspond a little, magnus sends him funny good things he finds like fuckin. silly chainmail messages and pictures of stuff he thinks taako might like, but he’s trying his best not to overstep any boundaries. taako has not actually established these boundaries. magnus has just sort of assumed them. unfortunately, taako is not a guy who goes out of his way to go to magnus’ place of residence and yell at him.

- but he doesn’t keep it up forever. he does go fucking find magnus. and he does go yell at him. and magnus does kind of have a fit about it. but it’s fine. it’s taako, and he also knows that getting down here was probably. a hell of a lot. and he does appreciate it.

- they immediately click though. because of course they do. and a year and change is a long time for them to go without each other while also actively knowing that they’ve gone without each other. it’s weird. taako one minute is living in lup’s empty ass house because she’s at work and kravitz is at work and he hates everyone who has any time to spend with him, and then the next, he and magnus are picking out like. the color of the accent wall in the livingroom. what kind of flooring should be in the hallways. (magnus wants hardwood, taako refuses to go with anything except shag. carpeting.)

- it’s sort of nice! taako stays a homebody but he’s not completely disconnected. weirdly enough, he sees more of lup. and kravitz. and barry and merle and davenport and everyone. mostly because he doesn’t avoid outings as much. and because he starts going to parties. and goes fishing with davenport. and gets all of his and magnus’ weed from merle that he felt too fucking sick to sit home alone and smoke himself. magnus still has like, a business to run. and taako kind of does, too, sort of, even though he’s been really fucking that up recently and taking a huge backseat on accident.

- anyway, they settle. taako’s doing okay. magnus is doing okay. they had already decided years and years and years ago they weren’t gonna get married and EXTRA aren’t gonna now. magnus doesn’t want to get married again. taako hates it as a concept. it’s complicated. but they’re together. it’s semi-open. taako occasionally sleeps with other people. rarely. listen, he barely goes out, let alone fucks around, and magnus knows it.

- lup has missy like 2 yrs after taako moves out. which does mean that she got pregnant only like a year after he left (elven gestation w/ their slow ass metabolisms), which he’s a little peeved about, but whatever, he gets it. he’s happy for her. he’s not as absolutely gutted as he thought he’d be if it ever happened. is he numb? he can't tell.

- turns out he's… not? maybe? yes, taako being dissociated and numb usually results in being a little more blase about stuff than hed normally be, but he feels. in it. he has an attachment that he's used to having, because it's lup, and it feels almost natural again. almost? there is no way he's picking this feeling apart. they will remain complicated forever because a child is definitely not something that he has to confront (all lies he knows he knows better.)

- weird concept: so how about confront it?

- taako is weirded out by this Thing. lup’s proud of it, though, and magnus is immediately and irreparably damaged by holding this baby, taako can see it in his stupid face, the way he just fucking. grins. and tears up and holds this thing so gently. lup is looking at taako like do not let this guy squish my baby, i’ll kill you, and taako’s just thinking the whole time, yeah, i get it, but like. fucking look at him.

- anyway rightfully she doesn’t let magnus hold the thing for more than like ten minutes before she wants it back but it’s fine - they all relax, taako worries about something else for a change, gets his heart ripped out of his body still beating by this thing crying, everything’s good.

- and now he’s obsessed. partly just with missy, lup’s baby, because she’s hilarious and she’s cute, and she literally just keeps getting FUCKING cuter, but partly with the idea of. baby. like. he could have one of those. he’s got everything for it. like, a house, and a boyfriend, and… financial stability. emotional stability? yeah, man! like, he’s super getting there, isn’t he?!

- he and magnus talk one night. taakos literally sat on his chest over the top of him and starts asking him abt this fucking coffee table lup bought when she first moved into her house, and magnus is like oh yeah, i like that thing, it’s really cool, i kinda wanna make one just like it, but it feels like it’d be copying, at this point. and taako’s like holy shit EXACTLY. exactly correct. but what if we did anyway. just, like, in our own. way. y’know? it’d be different if we did it. we could handle it. we have space for it. if we both worked on it maybe we could like. take care of it. sides, it’d be nice to just. have more shit that has some of you. in it. that will last a long time. so i don’t have to like, go out and replace it later, and i… know that it’s from you, and everything, y’know.

- anyway they keep having this conversation. like, every day, taako brings this up. talks about hey, listen, i know that this is uncharacteristic. you gotta take me seriously here, though. i’m so serious. and magnus is like… serious about… buying a coffee table? and taako’s like NO. i mean maybe, if the conversation must go in that. direction. later, but we’re fucking. capable, are we not?? of doing it ourselves? or we should at least find out?

- eventually magnus asks him, hey, are we… talking about… the kind of coffee table. that you and me, have, uh, tried to make. before? and taako goes LOL, tried?! no. we’ve never had the time or resources to get it like, anywhere near a real project. pal, have we maybe accidentally started on it, and then had that shit totally made useless like every other bodily state ever over and over for ninety nine years? i genuinely dunno man, if we have, that’s between our respective guts, the coffee table, and god only. and magnus just goes ohh. so we are definitely talking about the same thing. okay. oh wow.

- they decide they want one! theyll fucking. build a damn. coffee table. okay.

- and so they start! and they work on it! and they fucking! try! they do eventually get to the point where they can say aloud that they’re trying for a baby. it takes an embarrassingly long time. they are not known for their healthy communication. but taako forces it out into the light eventually. he's okay with being silly about it on a basic level but listen, someone has to rein magnus in a little bit on that. a little. (magnus actually hadn't expected taako to go for it, calling what they're doing having kids, so it's a huge surprise and an extremely positive one, because as much as he's stalwart in the idea of honoring the concept, he also kinda gets it.)

- they don't tell people at first. this is entirely because they KNOW people will be weird about it. but the moment he needs someone to complain to he tells lup and then it quickly gets around elsewhere - which. fairly, most people are kind of skeptical. it’s taako. taako? child? lup, though, kinda knows. she still has early adulthood memories of conversations complaining about the world and guys devolving into if i ever have kids... and how early on taako did show interest. how it kind of became a thing he stopped talking about over the decades. she believes him. and her believing him makes it easier for everyone else to kind of fall into place about it.

- and taako has a few freakouts. a couple total meltdowns. but they got it. they get it, after almost two years. they get it down, and both of them flip their absolute FUCKING lids but taako way moreso than magnus was expecting in any way shape or form. yeah, it was taakos idea. yeah, its taako whos carrying, so hes probably way excited about it. he just didnt expect such an explosive reaction out of him. given that he's, y'know. taako.

- literally every problem taakos ever had becomes an issue. his bullshit tolerance is now: none. his energy level is now: none. his heat tolerance is now: none. his blood pressure is now: none. his ability to cook and feed himself is now: uhh, very little. which that second thing is not super abnormal, but the first one kinda sucks more than usual. this also peaks right in the middle of summer. hes convinced hes dying. (hes not. they absolutely make sure hes not.)

- he DOES like having a good excuse to make everyone else do everything for him. not a huge fan of the genuine doting, but having someone on call for a bucket any time any where is a power he didnt know he wanted. he doesnt use it genuinely very often, but magnus is GREAT at coming when called, and thats funny.

- they pointedly do not know the sex. it is partly performative. it is partly because taako is in the THICK of a gender crisis (had been before he got pregnant even, it hasn't gotten particularly worse, but it's still there) and if someone in his life found out and started prescribing shit even on accident or coincidentally based on the thing's genitalia he'd fucking lose his shit, so they just don't know, they're not gonna know, it's not a big deal, leave him alone.

- taakos naturally a toe walker. not abnormal for elves from the two sunned plane. their feet are just built for it. he manages to maintain this for a little while. he's always fluctuated in weight, he's fine - but his balance does indeed get so bad, even with his tail, that he has to start walking on his whole foot so he doesn't lean forward.

- this makes him like four inches shorter than usual. this makes him like five inches shorter than magnus. this makes him SHORTER THAN LUP. and he fucking. despises it. he's still taller than magnus BARELY when he has his ears straight up but this is all he has, and those ears rarely stand up for any long amount of time without extreme effort. they’re HEAVY.

- it does make magnus hugs nice though. magnus won't bearhug him + break his back anymore for the time being, which he misses, but he gets to stuff his face into magnus' chest. which he likes. hes starting to think MAYBE. maybe after he has this baby he MIGHT occasionally get down on his heels just so he can do this. SOMETIMES. but only around select people. there are only a handful of chests hes cool with being smothered in. magnus definitely tops this list.

- it fucking HURTS his HEELS. fuck his ankles or whatever, his heels!!!! he's not used to putting any weight on them. theyre bruised and blistery and he hates it. magnus will now be carrying him forever. (he says this but ends up being the most hermited motherfucker of all time, worse than taako's normal, which is not good, but whatever. people like to come over to HIS HOME and BOTHER HIM, so he doesnt need to go to functions he can't drink or smoke at anyway).

- he is, however, feeling really fucking good about how fucking AWESOME he is, currently. like, one, everyone had to admit that he’s taking things super super well, and two, he’s being SO open right now. he’s being so chill. he’s being communicative, he’s being honest. he’s not being NICE because that’s just not on the table for taako, but he’s kind of enjoying having a good excuse to be a little more snuggly. a little more needy. sometimes. when he’s not so pissed off he could scream.

- magnus is a fucking. wreck. hes good! hes doing good! but hes crying ALL the TIME. and its PISSING taako off slowly more and more. he knows its just because hes worried or overwhelmed or whatever. who cares. its annoying. he is nice though. maybe the nicest hes ever been to taako. there are a significant number of people who are being nice to him, actually, which is hilarious, and also extremely frustrating. LUP. even lup wont fuck with him in the same way. he has to keep pressing her buttons harder and harder to get her to react. HOWEVER: one person is still ready to pick on him.

- lup's 5 y/o daughter. is RELENTLESS. and honest to god one of the most stable and delightful things throughout the whole pregnancy. this kid has only the vaguest idea of what's going down, is extremely nice, but also compromises NO asks. if she wants him to make her breakfast she WILL cry about it. if she wants to play with his hair, she'll figure out how to do it, even if shes gotta ambush him. great tenacity on this girl.

- they have casey, their first kid, spring-ish? early spring. they have her at home. it sounds like a great idea at the time, and it turns out perfectly fine, but there is the ego barrier of describing to people the story of your firstborn child being PLANNED on being delivered by a lich and the grim reaper along with the boyfriend and then ending up getting stagefright. this is good, you might think, this means grubby corpsehands aren't on your newly born child! and you would be correct, instead it's just magnus, who is crying MORE than the baby and taako combined and it's FUCKING annoying, and lup's not even there to make it funnier. it's fine. it's like, bonding. and shit.

- shes small. smaller than taako would have thought and also would have hoped, and shes bald, and her ears are fucked up somehow, they dont have anything, like, in them to move them around or whatever it seems like, but maybe she'll grow into that. maybe that's fine. not a whole lot of info out there currently on babies who are half alien elf half alien human. so yknow. as long as she's eating and breathing and warm and clean they're pretty happy.

- taako can not let this thing go. magnus occasionally gets to hold her or feed her, but for her first nine/ten days, taako has her almost exclusively and wont put her down. he started sleeping later into his pregnancy because it required less effort than meditating (altho it takes more time), but hes back to it now, so he can keep this baby, who he has still not named btw!, in his arms and remain alert enough to sleep with her.

- two weeks. three weeks. she's FINALLY getting a little bigger. MAYBE taako can manage to have people over to see her in person instead of just showing photos. maybe. the amount of people that technically know about this kid's existence even is a ridiculously low number. the amount of people in the public that knew he was having a kid is most, since he made a statement about it, but the kid herself was never, like. announced. he just doesn't. want to share. at all.

- gets rough. gets really rough. having lup and missy over nearly kills him. he cant even let his TWIN SISTER hold his baby. what the fuck is wrong with him? what is wrong with their relationship? why does he feel like it somehow makes him a better parent when it does not? why has he lost all control of what emotional stability he had? he'd been worried he wouldn't be attached enough to her, that he'd fuckin, abandon her or whatever, and it's so nice that that fear was unwarranted that he doesn't want to confront that he's overcorrecting.

- missy gets to hold casey before lup does. and taako feels bad about it, kinda. BUT: she didn't technically hold the baby on her own, taako just held her while missy put her arms under her as well, but still. then lup. this was a few visits in. casey is still not technically named yet, but taako knows already. kinda.

- she gets her name by two months. it's not elven, like he and lup had, but it's got the same basic rules, which is a compromise he and magnus come up with. once she gets old enough, if she wants something else, she fuckin' names herself. if she wants something else for like. gender purposes, they'll deal with that when that comes up. for now she's casey. burnsides? maybe.

- she stays FUCKING BALD. taako can not get over it. he has hair. magnus is COVERED in it. why's she bald? why's she SO BALD?

- magnus is audhd and taako is autistic. they know that she's gonna probably not necessarily follow the average infant timeline. this turns out to be extremely true. she's very quiet. she makes noises, but even as she gets into multiple years of exposure, she doesn't speak common or elvish, except repeating certain phrases she's heard often (some of her favorites are calling magnus mean names and 'i don't want to', because the former makes her parents laugh and the latter makes uncomfortable situations resolve a lot of the times it's used).

- she also doesn't walk. ok, she kinda walks, she gets up on her feet and uses walls and objects to walk alongside them, or walks slowly with a leg to hold onto. she's very particular and delicate about her foot placement, but still ends up with her ankles out. magnus thinks she might be rolling them? but she seems okay? they get that checked out, though. definitely. make sure she's not in pain or anything. she ends up with some braces for her ankles and heel, but she's still more than a little pigeon toed.

- casey is a shy little thing. very observant. she likes watching people do things. literally anything. she will sit and watch taako cook, she likes to watch the aquarium, she likes to watch people write and draw and cast spells, she likes making other people play with her toys so she can watch. she sleeps with taako and magnus more often than not, either being held by taako while he meditates or lying between them on the mattress once she gets a little older.

- missy ADORES her. missy is a little upset that she doesn't like dressing up and having her hair played with, but she loves casey's dark red hair, thinks shes super cute, loves her floppy ears, just adores her. this is, to her, her baby sister, and taako and lup do nothing to dissuade that. basically are sisters, right? who cares. they live right next to each other, and see each other almost every day, since taako does a lot of watching them during the day now, which… admittedly, he's still working on, but he's got like 8 years of experience by now, three of those with his own baby, so he's. like, getting it. he's understanding it.

- this is around the time taako starts hiring out losers to watch the children (or child, sometimes just casey). ie he makes angus do it when possible, or alum he's still pals with from some of the first years of the school's establishing, or other family friends who are around. merle's off limits. as is she who shall not be MENTIONED in his household.

- with a tiny bit of time alone magnus and taako find out that … they want another kid. taako brings it up. another baby. oops.

- again, taako brings it up, but magnus is fully on board. except… hold on not really: shit was ridiculously rough on taako specifically, and he’s really, really not excited to have taako go thru it again. which is fair. definitely in the top 100 shitty wild things that have happened to taako, if only for the relative novelty of it and how much it sticks in his memory (haw-haw), but like. he wouldn’t say it if he wasn’t willing to do it one more time. like, just once. he’s got it in the bag now, he knows what’s up. plus, he would not at all mind having like. a year off. of just being sick and hanging out with casey and missy. magnus is skeptical. their decision is easier this time, though, even with everything considered.

- they talk about it briefly but they’re pretty into the idea of magnus carrying, maybe. if they can get it to work. they had some fuckin issues last time, so, like. what if they start trying (stressful but cool), see if it sticks (lower amount of stress, more casual) and if it does that’s cool, and if it doesn’t, oops, must be something that’s not gonna happen? magnus is an older guy at this point, which was factored in but ultimately didn’t keep them from giving it a shot. once again they start trying without actually telling. anybody. except each other. mostly because it’s not set in stone.

- funnily enough? performing in this way specifically gives taako weird dysphoria. there’s also a little scene in which magnus, who’s been out as nonbinary for like, 15 years at this point, talks about how he’s totally cool with carrying a child, doesn’t bother him, he’s nonbinary, NOT that it’d be weird if a man did it, because you did it taako and that was fine, and that also makes taako squirm a little. he’s working on it. he’s spent so fucking long getting that like, femme in a masculine way thing down, why’s it bothering him now?? ugh.

- luckily, doesn’t take a whole lot of trying. unluckily, taako is a little annoyed that magnus gets pregnant so easily. whatever. he still gets his baby out of it. (yeah, casey is his baby, this baby is their baby, since he can’t claim it all himself, but it’s still definitely partly his, duh. casey is just his though.)

- angus starts doing babysitting stuff for casey. taako ALSO ends up getting his GODDAMN… joints checked out. fine. whatever. for casey, because she’s having issues with her joints too, obviously, and he can talk about how he feels slightly more than his mostly nonverbal toddler. he’s forced himself to be verbal over the fucking. centuries. so he gets it. he can handle maybe informing whatever genetic thing she’s fucking got, cus he’s kind of always known that lup doesn’t have nearly the same difficulty he does with chronic pain. so this is on him. this is on him now.

- taako gets himself a nonspecific hypermobility disorder diagnosis. so, like, sweet, i fuckin guess, he’s gone like 300 years without it. also, they don’t even have an actual name for it. thanks. feels awesome. after years and years of forcing it down, he’s forced to actually pay attention to the pain and it Fucking Sucks. not a project he thought he’d be starting on while magnus was pregnant, but whatever. it’s fine. life is FINE.

- magnus is actually faring really well. which is also jealousy-inducing in taako. anyway, magnus is sort of miserable about how low energy he is, suddenly, though, but that’s about the most of it, since his brain doesn’t slow down to match the pace of his body. not in the traditional sense, anyway. taako does not understand what he means by this because to him magnus is still bouncing off the walls. he is, however, a great source of humor at the time (as he fucking ALWAYS is, taako always finds him ridiculously stupidly too fucking funny for him to even be REAL, ugh).

- double appointment day. taako sends casey off with angus, and they’re gonna do… whatever they do. he’s given angus some free rein on what he does with the baby. he kinda trusts angus’ instinct. a little more than he did when casey was an infant, anyway. this is a decision he will eventually regret, because while he is getting the shit annoyed out of him by being quizzed on his pain and fitted for digitigrade AFOs he doesn’t want to use (the other braces recommended arent as bad since his like, fingers aren’t so different from most people’s, it’s just just feet and legs that need extra special shit) and then getting slammed with the major whammy of the fact that up until now magnus has been RIGHT: they’ve been missing a TWIN at past appts, and twins are now for sure confirmed. plus, angus is doing unspeakable things, ie he has been introducing casey to lucretia even though taako has said this should not be done at all. today, lucretia makes the mistake of seeing if taako has been teaching her elven sign language.

- magnus is beyond stoked, taako is torn between being excited and being extremely, outrageously jealous because if one of them was going to have twins, it should have been him, goddammit. but whatever. they tell the relevant parties: ie again it stays mostly under wraps except to really close family.

- casey continues seeing lucretia. it’s not a SECRET, it’s just not being said out loud to taako, exactly, is angus’ reasoning here. they both know that it’s going to get out eventually - and it happens sooner rather than later, for sure. what ends up breaking it wide open is one night taako is watching casey and she makes a motion at him that he’s absolutely certain at first is a sign, but it’s just mixed in with a bunch of other hand waving and other movements she’s prone to doing. so it can’t be. plus, he hasn’t been teaching her elven sign. nobody has, have they? So after she goes to bed, taako stands in front of magnus and makes the same series of movements - nonsense and all, and gets confirmation from magnus that it looks a lot like sign language, but magnus denies teaching it to her.

- lup also denies teaching it to her. lup and taako haven’t used it in tens of years, and when they aren’t using it, there isn’t a reason for the other birds to use it, given that it was mostly used for taako to communicate. plus, very few people on faerun use it, given that it’s a language that doesn’t even originate on the goddamn plane. she’s not learning it from angus, probably. probably? FUCK.

- taako confronts angus about it and he immediately folds and tells taako everything on lucretia’s behalf, because he knows it’s going to get rough if they have to be in the same room together. taako is. devastated. and angry. but angus explains to him that he’s always there, he makes a super good middle man, casey LOVES lucretia, they get along really well, she hasn’t been telling casey anything controversial. casey isn’t even old enough to like, get lucretia’s life story. she’s not getting lucretia propaganda, taako. but she has been um, maybe, using elven sign language, because they thought maybe you’d been trying that, too, because she hasn’t been verbal. Taako confirms he has NOT been, he hasn’t used it since cycle 99 started, because he had it fucking TAKEN from him, is the thing.

- but magnus also starts using it again. starts speaking in ESL to casey. taako gets mad about it, but he can’t deny that it’s much more comfortable for him most of the time, and that he can use his limited energy being more expressive bodily when he doesn’t have to curate his voice specifically like he does when talking aloud. magnus is into it! and he makes sure to tell taako this. taako starts using ESL more. a little. to see if casey will pick it up.

- casey does pick it up. casey picks it up much easier than common or elvish. she has some coordination issues in her hands like taako does, exacerbated by her being like four, but she can communicate a little better and it’s. weird. it’s weird. taako is weirded out by it. but everyone else in the house just keeps - even lup gets in on it, so…

- he gets to talk to casey more. it’s so sweet. she’s an asshole and he loves it. she is a lot like taako in so many ways. it is a weird thing to witness. she’s not exceedingly social. she’s kind of . aloof. which is something he knows he’s been accused of, but he didn’t really get it until he saw literally his fuckin. weird self reflected back at him. he realizes pretty quick that she’s definitely a person. she’s fairly independent and at this stage ENJOYS sleeping in her own bed. she likes the routine of brushing her teeth before bed. she hates socks (so does taako), she loves bugs, but she’s scared of dogs. she likes magnus’ woodwork, but doesn’t like powertools, and has next to no interest in magic, but she does like watching taako cook - she also has strong opinions about food, which taako is a little frustrated about at first, but soon finds is fun to work around. he likes flexing his cooking creativity for the first time in years.

- taako fucking. eventually uses his braces, but only because he wants casey to also use them. she has such a hard time walking and he absolutely hates the idea of her being in any amount of pain, much less pain comparable to what he went through as a kid before he made himself deal with it quietly. neither taako nor casey are big on the sensory input these things provide, but they get through it together. they are just kind of on the same wavelength when it comes to sensory overload - so even if taako doesn’t realize it, given that he’s had hundreds of years to perfect masking even to himself, once casey’s had about enough of it, taako can pretty reliably tell that it’s probably time for him to give himself a break, too, if he can manage it. she’s helping him out a lot, even if she doesn’t exactly know it.

- that winter is when elodie and rian are born, in that order. not at home this time, which magnus is a little indignant about because he’s the tough guy here, but ultimately there’s not a whole lot of fight about it. this is partly because magnus burnsides is a bird, and gets whatever he wants, and if he wants a parade of like 20 goddamn people present, nobody, not even a medical professional, has the power to stop him. this time, names were picked out beforehand, mostly because magnus was DEAD SET on not waiting until they were multiple months old. they get these names assigned to them in the same way casey did - as child names, if they want to change them, or permanent if they don’t, or whatever the hell they want to do. magnus takes immediately to calling them duckie and goose, respectively, because he knows that everyone will back him up if taako tries to tell him he can’t call his newly born children what he wants to call them as nicknames. (they do fight about it. everybody is, indeed, on magnus’ side, if only because they’re tired of the naming scheme taako is perpetuating, here.)

- he has also been calling casey bunny for a few years at this point because of her floppy ears (taako wouldn’t let him get away with ‘dumbo’ any longer), so it fits the theme. (he later gets a duckling, a gosling, and a bunny tattooed on him. they can change their names all they want, but their childhood nicknames are his forever now!)

- magnus, uh, DOES have a little stint of oh god what have i done. turns out that weirdly enough, having taako baby him a little bit makes him feel better. having taako be kind and surprisingly understanding about his feelings is weird and puts him on edge at first, but really, taako was like this when he was pregnant, too, where he’s a little more open and a little more emotionally available, so it’s not super surprising in a way that makes it impossible to believe that taako’s actually willing to give him space to grieve and think and worry and wonder.

- elodie and rian are also digitigrade, but their ears are more solid. not quite as mobile as taako’s, but they have some muscle in them instead of casey’s little floppy thing she has going on. they’re cute and all, but the biggest thing taako can’t get over is the fact that they are both born with hair. istus just keeps fucking kicking him while he’s down. magnus doesn’t even worship her, what the fuck.

- they’re both VERY LOUD. casey wasn’t a crier, the twins are. they’re loud, they’re rowdy, they’re babies. they’re, like, real babies, and not little weird creatures like casey. casey is a bug, not a baby, elodie and rian are infants. taako has already set a precedent of being a nighttime caretaker, given that magnus needs 8 hrs of sleep/night and he needs 4 hrs of meditation. so this continues, for the most part.

- yes, they have two infants. they also have a little girl who is now getting finally also fitted for orthotics which is cool. she’s also learning ESL. magnus, taako, lucretia, and lup all know it. basically everyone in her life knows sign language. magnus is a little rusty, but he’s taking like. ‘lessons’ from taako. this is also being taught in moderation to the twins, but the twins have their own shit going on between each other. taako gets to watch these things develop twin language WITHOUT HIM. it’s fine.

- lucretia becomes a slightly more… common… occurrence. he sees her at parties and gatherings now - they start being invited to the same things. they’re not involved with each other closely, but they’re adjacent. they talk SOMETIMES. if there’s a buffer between them. mostly at these gatherings, and only when taako’s sober. the moment he’s imbibed anything magnus physically gets between them. it becomes missy and casey’s jobs to watch the twins and magnus’ to watch taako to make sure he doesn’t say or do anything too fucked up.

- elodie is a huge casey fan. loves casey to death, but they have the sibling dynamic going on where casey is so focused on being fully enamored with an looking up to missy that she sort of ignores elodie, and elodie is so focused on casey that she ignores missy, who just wants everyone to be friends together so bad.

- the twins are definitely a step up in complicated parenting. casey was a good first step. somehow? got what is the beginner-friendliest baby. some fucking how. these guys, though. elodie is a very curious kid, a very energetic kid, a very intense kid. playful, extroverted. chatty even when she doesn’t have like. language down yet. rian less so. rian’s more like casey in this regard. less chatty. needs a lot of quiet time.

- magnus used to have a stim where he would ball up his fist and slam it into his chest or shoulder, which definitely, definitely was not good for him, given that he eventually got very strong and was giving himself some pretty gnarly bruises and lacerations with it. he also used to (still does, but slightly less) deal with really bad RSD. it kind of fucks him up watching rian go through the same things. taako is just kind of like “yeah, dude, the dark mirror, we’ve all been peering into it” and magnus is like wow. huh. this is wild. i’m sorry, little guy.

- rian ends up sharing a room with casey once he’s old enough (not permanently, but it’s an option for him). he does better in a quiet environment and elodie is not super conducive to this, but casey is, with her also preferring no loud or repetitive sounds. she also relies more heavily on ESL than the other kids, which rian uses with her quite often while he feels more pressured into speaking verbally to others.

- by this time magnus has made casey what he calls her rabbit hutch - basically, as a toddler, she always ended up like, under her bed, or in her closet, or what have you to sleep. taako’s solution to this was ‘oh baby come sleep in my bed then’, but she didn’t want this, so magnus makes her a little doghouse style thing. A canopied bed, but with solid walls and a weighted base, and a tighter space inside. it doesn’t last her into her teens, but she does use it a lot as a little kid. it’s like a permanent blanket fort. taako’s embarrassed that his daughter lives in a fucking dog house his boyfriend made, but she loves it - and eventually starts letting rian in there, too.

- elodie also likes going in there but 3 kids can’t fit at once, and also she gets bored really fast so most of the time it’s casey and rian time only. and they just sit silently in there.

- listen i have a ton of twin lore in my brain but it’s very difficult to put down in a concise way. i’ll get it out. some day. til then have basics. elodie is a big girl, she’s a tough little girl, she likes being able to help out her mama. (even taako is not allowed to call magnus this. elodie and rian, however, are. for taako is it papa strictly. papa bear will also be tolerated. encouraged.) she loves AXES. she wants one so bad. she’s like six and it’s all she wants for every gift-giving event ever is a REAL AXE. taako and elodie absolutely have a Real Sword type conversation. elodie thinks it’s hilarious, but also kind of frustrating because no, dad, she really does actually want a real axe.

- elodie ALSO isn’t really a dog person. they’re okay! she likes them! she’s just not like, dog obsessed. despite magnus’ best efforts, she does not develop canine special interest, which he’s a little sad about, but it’s okay, because he does eventually get it with rian, thankfully. SOMEONE fucking likes dogs in this goddamn household.

- elodie does however LOVE their cats. she’s neutral on the fish and shrimp (did i mention they have a huge saltwater tank. they do. taako raises shramps). she wants a goat. she’s not the pony kid, that’s rian.

- rian is fucking obsessed with animals in general. he loves casey’s stuffed animals. he loves garyl. he loves dogs, especially the big rough guys, mostly because they can handle some roughhousing. he and magnus wrestle, which magnus loves, and they do a lot of work with the dogs, which is GREAT, because by the time rian is 8 or 9 magnus really, really just wants to get back to working regularly, doing dog training and stuff, and he loves having angus and rian around to help.

- OKAY ALL I REALLY KNOW BEYOND THIS IS THAT casey gets really into rollerskating. she likes drawing, but doesn’t stick with it. she likes roleplaying games. taako and lucretia are keyword kinda reintroduced to each other’s lives after a LOT of strife and a lot of fuckups. casey lives with taako for quite a while. idk about the twins yet, but i know that casey is not really ready to go do her own thing for quite a while, and even after she does move out, she’s always got her dad on speed dial, and out of everyone in the universe once magnus is gone, she is one of the only people he will ALWAYS pick up the phone for. every single time, doesn’t matter what he’s doing.

ta da there’s more, obviously, but like. this is where i’m at. currently. with my fucking. six million words (realistically more like 40-50k, it’s hard to compile when it’s spread out across many text docs and google docs and shit.)

#taagnus #taag bbs #pregnancy #pregnancy w #I MEAN IT AS PREGNANCY WARNING BUT PREGNANCY W IS ALSO TRUE KINDA. IDK HOW TO TAG FOR THAT BUT ITS IN THE DAMN TEXT BODY TOO SO LISTEN #caseyposting...#i think that counts as caseyposting.#ask for trigger tags seriously. but it is also all under a readmore with a trigger list beforehand. so.

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