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symbioticsimplicity · 1 year

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Okay so @sothatwassomething made this here post and it made me a little feral, so here is the promised essay.

So, I watched this show when I was really young so I didn’t originally notice, but having rewatched it recently, it’s flagrantly obvious. Buffy’s male characters are fucking terrible.

The original post is about Buffy’s boyfriends but I’m including Xander because he has committed too many crimes to not get a mention.

He’s supposed to be the funny best friend character who’s kind of a dumbass but you love him anyway. That is not what comes forward though, not even close. He has a crush on Buffy from the moment he meets her and he does not hesitate to make it her problem.

He makes every effort to insert himself into her life and constantly oversteps boundaries. Not to mention constantly being at least low grade misogynistic, which is admittedly both a product of the show’s time as well as J*ss Wh*don being on the writing team, but still it’s gross for a show that’s supposed to be all about girl power to have a prominent supporting character that’s like that.

He also constantly devalues Buffy’s feelings (when she tells him she doesn’t like something he or someone else is doing he’ll try to talk around it to change her mind), ignores her misgivings (Literally every time something is afoot she pretty much senses it but he tries to tell her she’s wrong or paranoid more or less), gives her terrible advice (See the whole thing with Riley, just that whole talk when she said she wanted to break up with him the first time which honestly makes so little sense to me since he didn’t even like the guy), interferes with parts of her personal life without telling or asking her (multiple times gatekeeping other people from talking to her without asking if she’d like to talk to them, ie Spike at Joyce’s funeral), won’t listen when she’s upset over something (This happens so often I would just say pick an episode it’ll happen at some point), and worst of all tries to talk her into not believing her own thoughts and feelings. It’s not isolated to a single episode or season either, he is just consistently this bad throughout the show.

Despite all that, the narrative treats him favorably and clearly tries to frame his actions as justified because he likes Buffy, like he’s looking out for her. He’s treated like the “nice guy” who doesn’t get the girl but probably should have. He gets along with Buffy, sure, but I genuinely think that’s only because the narrative forced them to.

Now juxtapose him with Willow. She’s introduced as the cute quirky girl who’s maybe a little nervous but sweet. That’s true for about the first half of the first season. Willow gets so much character development in a way that Xander never really does. It’s almost like meeting Buffy started her on a journey to line up all the little parts of herself she either hadn’t known were there or hadn’t thought she had room for.

She immediately bonds with Buffy and proceeds to be ride or die with her in a way that triggers personal growth for both of them. She helps her with her homework, makes every oportunity to spend time with her that she can with no strings attached, doesn’t pressure her to do things she doesn’t want to do, including telling them Slayer related things.

Willow is who Buffy goes to for emotional support, she’s who she tells her secrets to, and she proves that her trust is not misplaced over and over. There are a few times when she’s not as good a friend as she could be, but it’s rare, and it makes their relationship feel more realistic. She’s usually very supportive and takes the initiative to help Buffy in whatever situation they find themselves in. She started practicing magic as a way to be more helpful to the group and ended up finding a passion for it.

Willow and Buffy continually build each other up, and there’s a genuine sense of comfort between them. They lived together for an entire season, and almost every scene depicting that had so much domesticity to it. They were the calm, soothing moments in the middle of a season full of chaos and change. They give off comfy cottage lesbian vibes and I will defend that to my GRAVE. (Was lowkey frustrated when they made Willow a lesbian but DIDN’T put her with Buffy like why????)

Then we have Buffy’s relationship with Angel. Which. Oh God where do I start??? Oh, I know where to start, at one of my least favorite aspects!

So their entire relationship is an allegory, we know that. It’s the timeless tale of a girl dating a seemingly nice guy, everything being great, then when she “gives it up” to him, he suddenly turns into an asshole. (Especially with younger girls and older guys as was the case here) Great, thanks I fucking hate it.

But, in addition to that, they made Angel the flattest freakin’ vampire ever. Like if y’all think Edward Cullen wasn’t based on this mo’fo right here, I’m sorry but you’re wrong.

Buffy is great at banter, it’s one of the things the show is known for, but almost every quip she made smacked into Angel like a brick wall. Like yes, he is being eternally tortured for being the most massive douche in a whole species of assholes, but still. He has a lot more chemistry with freaking Cordelia of all people than with Buffy. He and Buffy get along best when they’re tragic and dangerous together, which yeah, is chemistry but it’s not long term, and it once again doesn’t suit the vibe the show is trying to foster.

Angelus had great chemistry with Buffy, but in the villain way which is actually one of the only ways she does get to have decent chemistry with a dude. But you know, he also stalked her, killed her friends, and generally terrorized her that entire time so not real great on the boyfriend vibes there.

Now contrast him with Faith, who was also an absolute nightmare.

Faith was clearly intended to be a narrative foil to Buffy. But the minute those two got anywhere near each other, holy shit. There’s magnetism there, there’s tension, and most of it is sexual. It feels as if Buffy is being drawn into Faith both by the promise of freedom she’s never gotten to taste, and the allure of Faith herself. She’s dark, she’s dangerous, and she can absolutely keep up with Buffy in every way. She’s who Buffy could be if she weren’t bound by the rules she keeps to. (She’s who Buffy could be if she weren’t so well loved.)

She shows Buffy parts of herself she hadn’t known existed, makes her confront things about being the Slayer that she’d never put to words before. She understands her in a way that no one else really can, and she’s not shy about letting Buffy know that.

She immediately moves in close, and while the plot frames her as trying to get close to Angel because she wants what Buffy has, I think it’s also to do with wanting to be closer to Buffy. It would be easy to argue that’s part of the confusion of being young and queer and not knowing if you want someone or want to be them. Especially for a character as love starved as Faith.

These two got on like a house on fire and they were every bit as dangerous to each other as Buffy and Angel were, but in a way that made me want to watch them for as long as they could draw things out. Honestly they could have dropped everything and made out and I would not have been in the least bit surprised.

There’s bad blood, there’s distrust and hurt and apprehension but there’s still that same magnetism underlying every interaction. I HATE that this show was made in the 90’s-00’s because goddamn would I like to have seen where that could have gone.

Which leads us to my absolute least favorite of the boyfriend bunch, Riley. I wanted to like him. I really really fucking did. He seemed like he was going to be the all american himbo, and honestly Buffy being the girlboss she is could absolute have vibed and thrived with a himbo.

But no. That’s not what they did with him.

Rather than just giving Buffy a pretty, sweet boy to protect, they gave her another asshole with an agenda. First of all, ACAB. (I know he was technically some bullshit sort of special ops, I don’t care, they acted like cops, they’re getting lumped in) Riley was another case of a guy who seemed pretty nice on the surface but just turned straight to suck as they got to know each other better.

He was portrayed as a supportive boyfriend but just about every time it came down to actually supporting Buffy, he either failed to do so or gave her the absolute wrong thing. I don’t know if the writing team just got tired of writing for him or what, but his downward spiral was terrible.

It was entirely centered around Buffy being stronger and more competent than him.

Seriously.

In a show, that’s main selling point is having a heroine who’s literal job it is to kick ass and take names, we’re going to give her a boyfriend who gets his feelings hurt about that very thing?? Riley was the champion of the fragile male ego (I could go on about how his whole character was pretty much just a male power fantasy run wild but that’s a whole other post) and it was a pretty consistent theme throughout their relationship that he felt inferior to her. But at the end it just went off the rails. A vampire blood drinking den hooker?? Really Riley???

Not to mention he had all the personality of a dry biscuit. He wasn’t even Buffy’s type to be honest, which even he knew. Their whole relationship felt like Buffy trying to force herself to be normal, to force herself to be something she isn’t. (Cough Lesbian symbolism, cough cough.)

Which brings me finally to Spike, my beloved trash man.

First, it should be said that he absolutely has some of the flaws outlined above. He started out a villain and did his best to stay that way for quite a long while. That said, he also went through a lot of character development.

One thing that never changed however was his chemistry with Buffy. He plays off of her beautifully, although he has a good rapport with pretty much every character. He's great at their style of banter and his attitude has him fit in pretty nicely with their sass. He’s a great foil to Buffy in a similar way to Faith. He constantly tempts her to live outside her comfort zone, outside of what people think of her and he encourages her to seek out whatever it is she wants. Buffy is more reluctant to latch onto that in Spike (she’s already seen where that leads with Faith, and she has plenty of history with Spike that tells her he’s untrustworthy) but ultimately ends up pursuing him as well.

Spike, for his flaws both in their relationship and as a person does one thing most of the rest of these characters don’t or aren’t able to do for Buffy, which I think ends up drawing her even further in.

He gives her emotional support.

That’s something absent from a lot of Buffy’s relationships in any capacity (JOYCE I’M LOOKIN’ AT YOU HONEY YOU WERE A FUCKING TERRIBLE MOTHER) and I think it adds a lot more depth to their connection than Buffy has with Riley or even Angel.

Spike is shown multiple times to pretty much be one of the girls, it’s played for laughs but it’s still there. He watches soap operas with Joyce and genuinely gets invested in them, he’ll talk about boys with Dawn even though he really has no reason to, and in one of the earlier seasons he kidnapped Willow and pretty much just…vented to her? Talked about his problems and his feelings about them. It’s really rare for any of the characters to do that, much less any of the male ones. Spike for all his mischievousness and villainousness has quite probably the most emotional intelligence in the entire group. (Which I suspect is part of why he gets girlfriend-vibe privileges.) His relationship with Buffy was the shortest and they spend a good chunk of it trying to force it not to become deeper (which is also pretty telling in itself) but I think it settled into one of the best she had, if not the best. Had they gotten time to work through their issues, I think they probably would have been the best canon relationship Buffy had.

But this whole issue is pretty easy to see even in some of Buffy’s more brief interactions.

Kendra the Slayer. She was only around for a few episodes, was wildly different from Buffy, far more rule oriented but just as dedicated to her job and eventually loyal to Buffy. They had a rocky start, but ended up bonding pretty well before Kendra’s death.

That one dude Buffy dated for like three seconds before Riley appeared that broke her heart for literally no reason other than to emphasize that every nice seeming pretty boy is going to be a jackass underneath it all. They barely even spoke before Buffy had a thing for him. He was supposed to come off as charming but pretty much just talked about himself, used a bunch of lines, and was a cheating asshole. Willow verbally incinerated him.

I don’t know how this show managed to be so utterly bad when it came to it’s hetero relationships, but it sure did. Almost every single male character (with the exception of Giles, Spike, and Oz before they volleyball spiked his character straight into the ground, pretty much) was crap in some capacity which lent itself to the reverse version of the “Every woman in this show is a cardboard standee so we have to ship the guys together” syndrome. Buffy had much more going with the women in this show and it’s a shame she never got to kiss one.

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