#i know im very vocal about my emotions even though i don't have to be

[cloudcountry]

guys im so sorry depression and evil thoughts have been kicking my ass again and ive come to the realization that i will always have to live with them. not fun but i am going to sleep now so hopefully i feel better in the morning.

#if you guys are going through the same thing this time of year #because i know it's a tough part #you're not alone #this is a safe space for you #i know im very vocal about my emotions even though i don't have to be #but it's because it's so important to talk about it #i just have to get through finals and i'll be okay again #but right now im not and i think it's alright to admit that #anyways. i'll stop saying all the things i can't say irl on here #and let you guys know that i love you #depression might be kicking my ass but it's only left me with bruises #those heal so i'll be alright #auburn's rambles <3 #tw depression #tw mental health

[omegalomania]

fall out boy live performances i think about Often

the reunion show medley. how many goats do i have to sacrifice for you guys to do this one again.

disloyal order of water buffaloes, specifically the version that opens with the piano and the rest of the band comes crashing in at the second verse. my GOD man what do i have to do to make you do this version again

death valley live. thats all.

the time they did their stayin out all night remix live with wiz khalifa

the thriller aol sessions version is so good that i thought it was the studio version with mild reinstrumentation at first lol

the medley they did in 2015 where they mashed up all their hits and even managed to sneak in the uma thurman riffs at the end

can i link the entirety of the knights of columbus set? i'm gonna do that. go watch it. it's glorious.

i feel like not enough people talked about how good church sounded live. i actually kinda like it a little better than the studio version. patrick drops down an octave for some bits of the final chorus and i always love hearing his chest voice.

obviously i have to link one of the few times they've played headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet live. they did (coffee's for closers) at this show too and i think about it always.

they didnt do where did the party go live that often because it is MERCILESSLY heard to sing live but my GOD. when they did it. my god.

that one performance of the kids aren't alright where pete screams alongside patrick for the entire last part of the chorus ruined me in ways i have difficulty articulating.

the way way early version of sugar we're goin down they played live in 2004 before they changed all the verses

anytime they'd do just one yesterday live and patrick would do the bridge and kill it every time

the acoustic version of sophomore slump or comeback of the year they did for a private show in 2007. (they did this acoustic again in 2013 and i love that version too)

that one time they segued seamlessly from the chorus of alone together to my songs know what you did in the dark

MISS MISSING YOU LIVE YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME

any of those rare rare times they would do yule shoot your eye out live

when they did patron saints of liars and fakes at one of the reunion shows. don't touch me.

the acoustic session of tttyg songs (grenade jumper, chicago is so two years ago, saturday) they did that's on the my heart will always be the b side to my tongue dvd. they are so so so SO small!!!!!

save rock and roll live is like. so important to me personally it never fails to bring me to my knees. but specifically the time they did it for the mda telethon in 2014. joes backing vocals come through sO clearly and its SOOOOO AAAAAA

also the time they did save rock and roll live for vevo. BIG ouchie.

okay also the time they dedicated save rock and roll to bowie after he passed because pete gets VERY VISIBLY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS and i can't handle it.

we don't take hits we write them literally Only exists in live format so i have to give a special mention to that. what i would give for a studio version though...

it's hard for me to pick a favorite moment of the time they played wrigley field during mania tour. i was lucky enough to catch a livestream of most of the show and it was frankly magic. someathing has to be said for the energy in the way the show began...and for the way it ended.

im incapable of not bringing up the immortals acoustic version they did during boys of zummer. i cant NOT. joe and patrick sound sO GOOD TOGETHER VOCALLY, OKAY

i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off, acoustic sessions.....im okay.

remember when they opened some of the monumentour shows with THIS IS THE TAKE OVER, THE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK'S OVER cause. i do.

if youve never seen the stripped-down piano version of young and menace and only heard the studio instrumental i beseech you to watch the live version. i will never forget hearing this live. the whole stadium got so, so quiet in what i could only describe as reverence.

you know that one text post that talks about patrick getting all emotional during a performance of what a catch, donnie and then just sniffs a little and says "i'm a loss for words...which is a good thing i have a microphone, right? so i can keep talking." well this is that exact performance.

#fall out boy #*making poasts #this started off as me hunting down more live performances to rip for my work ipod #i have most of these already. not all though. #anyway it turned into a list of me having big emotions. unsurprisingly.

[caspersickfanfics]

*busts door open* IM BACK

I’m not gonna be too weird about this but- ironically- today was a day of much crying, and from that I was re-reminded of few things that got me thinking about the other nights rants so I have just a few more considerations~

again- not necessarily a fit for the current fic situation BUT. Types of crying. I feel like Cyno really doesn’t cry much at all. And maybe this was a given lol but I wanna talk about it anyways 😭

He’s just that kind of person and I feel like that tracks with canon. Even if he isn’t bottling up emotions, like if he’s sad and he’s letting himself feel sad, even then he may not cry that much. but if he is crying- or sobbing due to fever-addled hysteria- it’s him doing everything he can to keep it quite. Like muffled sobs, or just tears spilling uncontrollably, and so much, sniffing. That kind of crying you get when you just can’t stop crying even if you really want too. Maybe because it’s so stifled it lands in his body, so he’s stiff, or hunched or shaking a little. And! I feel like it’s so much easier to slip into hyper ventilation when you’re not breathing cuz you’re trying to hold back tears.

I think under Tighnaris care and comfort he’d be a bit more vocal? Maybe? Or!! Or when it gets really bad and he can no longer help it that’s when his sobs sound like, well, sobs. And that’s new territory for nari and cyno both. I think Tighnari would need some serious comfort after all this himself because it’s scary seeing your partner in so much distress even if you know they are okay and kinda just out of it.

I think cyno would try really really hard to communicate well, but he’s struggling cuz he’s sick enough and emotional enough that he’s not quite making the most sense? He’s stumbling over his words and he’s not quite sure how to explain what hurts and in what way- But he knows that he’s worrying nari and so he’ll try his damndest to make sense, and at the very least be honest. Maybe not at first but once they settle into his recovery I think he’d try 🥺

I also was thinking about more comical things Cyno would get upset over? Idk if it’s the vibe at all lol, but if his fever is high enough or if say the meds he’s on add to the loopy ness, I can picture him being very very distraught over just how *pretty* nari is. Maybe not full on crying but I can see him just starting and pouting cuz his partner is just…too perfect??? And if anything happened to him what would he do??? His EARS!! They are so soft- and he falls apart

idk these aren’t as fun as the ones from the other day but oh well lol 😑

WELCOME BACK AHH!!! I'm sorry you had a crying day and I'm sorry to post this so late when you sent it ages ago!!!!!!!! I hope you're feeling better now and if not, I'm sending you all the hugs!!!

This ask has me in a chokehold because I do think about characters crying a lot and I agree with you I don't think Cyno cries much at all. Even though I want to make him cry all the time LOL. Honestly though him and Tighnari both, especially in the canon world, I really have trouble picturing them crying.

100% agree that Cyno would be pretty quiet. My instinct was that he cries without realizing it and that's why he's quiet but I am now obsessed with your (paraphrased) "he is quiet on purpose which can lead to hyperventilating" like. Yes. And that progression to sobbing is really intriguing, definitely seems like something I'd like to explore if I can work it in somewhere!!!

I also headcanon Cyno as being very honest with Tighnari! I could see him downplaying stuff unintentionally - like, he's always a little banged up, so he brushes off discomfort without a second thought sometimes. And he might initially resist Tighnari urging him to look a bit more closely at that, but he'll cave eventually.

I also could definitely see Tighnari having a hard time with Cyno really crying, depending on the situation............ and at the same time I could see him actually being reassured by it. Like, finally, Cyno's letting himself being completely open. Finally he's letting himself be honest and feel things fully. But also Tighnari is going to frequently check his temperature to make sure it's not gotten to a dangerous place to be causing this. And freaking!! Absolutely to Cyno crying over how pretty Nari is and how much he loves his ears/tail/claws/etc. Maybe apologizing for "springing Collei on him" all those years ago and Tighnari is laughing because, like, he adores Collei and is so glad Cyno brought her to him.

I've also been thinking about Tighnari and crying. I picture him as a nonchalant but infrequent crier. Maybe some anxious/frustrated crying in extreme situations, but generally if things aren't going well, he compartmentalizes to figure out a solution. If something is upsetting to him and it's really shocking, maybe he'll shed a few tears without realizing, but then he'll wipe them away and do what needs to be done. If he's in a lot of pain, he'll cry but be really reassuring ("It just hurts a little, don't worry. Could you possibly help wrap this? My hands are a bit unsteady" tears running down his face) to anyone who's around the whole time, while treating his injury if he can. And... I think if he finds out someone he really cares about had something bad happen to them, he'd respond with rage. Even, like, Collei with her Eleazar - if anything worse had happened to her, I don't think his initial response would've been to cry. It would've been "I'm going to fucking murder who or what ever caused this disease." And then when things calm down he'd go to his hut, hide under the covers, curl up into a ball and sob.

Hm. I dunno if you've picked up on this by how much I wrote but. Personally..... I think this was just as fun as your previous asks sdjkfsdjksfj thank you so much for sending ittttt ily <333

#relevantlucidity #sick cyno hc #cyno genshin impact #genshin impact hc #tighnari hc #headcanons #cas chats #<333 #i'm forgetting how to tag stuff oml am i stupid #i'll make an organized tagging system one day sob

[tadpal]

Brick red, red ochre, rosewood, and mahogany? Get well soon sweaty☆~▪︎•○□♡☆

thank you !!! i had work today but it was only a short shift so im resting again now!!

brick red: have you ever been in an abandoned building?

YEAH LOADS!!! when i lived next to my little uncles+aunts we would all go down to the abandoned houses lot in this wooded area after school!! they were easy to get into but the open window on the first floor had a wasp nest growing in it which was always a challenge to get past... not for me though (wasps love me and always have. wasp whisperer)

red ochre: are you inclined to watch a tv series if a lot of people on the internet are talking about it?

i definitely am! i like to be able to form opinions on things even if it's only only a brief, i watched the first episode and didn't like it, type opinion. i definitely have that sort of fear of missing a cultural phenomenon... less these days but definitely very strong when i was younger and fresher

rosewood: have you ever had a penpal? would you like one now?

i have about 3 regular penpals (letter every 2-4 weeks) and then 3-5 off season friends who i write to only when i have something to say or send, but i love writing as a way to keep in touch! the formal structure and the slowness of it really appeals to me and then keeping the letters as momentos!! adore it!! i probably wouldnt want another regular pen pal, im a bit swamped with letters i need to write atm but i will always write to anyone if i can! just last week i sent a letter off to some friends i struggled to keep in touch with and they sent ones back and it's just so sweet!!! idk just love it!!

mahogany: what is your favourite musical instrument, in terms of sound?

i am a very strong and vocal harmonica defender bc i really like the way they wail and screech, so emotive and strong, but actually my favourite is probably something more soft. maybe a banjo or spanish guitar with lots of finger plucking? but i don't know, i have a terrible ear for making out individual instruments in a song

#ask tad #thank you 😊!!

[fabulouslygaybean]

For the hyperfixation ask game: 📌💔🏳️‍🌈

ohoho here we go

📌 - how did you find your hyperfixation?

i basically went down a rabbit hole and eventually ended up here lol. back in mid september, i was feeling nostalgic at like 2am and decided to look up some tmnt stuff because i used to be SUPER into the 2012 series when i was in elementary school, and i saw some folks talking about rottmnt. some of it was about the great animation, and others were 30+ year olds whining about how different it was, and that was enough to hook me in lol. i found the premiere/pilot episode that nickelodeon uploaded to their facebook page, then i saw the trailer for the rottmnt movie, and i watched both seasons over the course of the following week.

💔 - tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.

i don't like either of the sando brothers, unfortunately </3 i just think they're both kind of annoying, and not in an enjoyable way. i know they're more or less just one-off characters used to add more villains and such, so they're obviously not gonna be as well developed as the rest of the villains, but i just. don't like them very much :')

🏳️‍🌈 - do you have any headcanons that are important to you?

YES YES YES. okay so, like,,, im usually not super concrete about my headcanons and such bc i like playing around with this stuff, but i DO have some that stay pretty consistent:

leo - gay trans man w/ adhd <3 he/they, bc why not. plays guitar but sucks at it bc he barely practices (projecting onto him lmaoo). sneaks out of the lair to go to shitty concerts sometimes, both in the hidden city and on the surface. medic of the team, but tends to pass off the more severe stuff to donnie.

donnie - bi, queer, and masc aligned nonbinary (or agender maybe. kinda like both headcanons so i can't pick between them). they/he, but he doesn't really care about terms (masc/neutral are usually used by others, but they don't mind fem ones either). autistic, but idk if that counts as a headcanon since it was confirmed as canon recently? but yeah. loves plants and botany in general, even though tech is still his wheelhouse. second most capable when it comes to cooking (behind mikey, of course), he just doesn't do it very often. also sneaks out like leo does, but he usually just does stupid and/or mildly to moderately unsafe shit bc dude likes the adrenaline.

raph - unlabeled queer. he just doesn't feel the need to pick a label, y'know? he's just raph, and that works for him. folks usually use he/him bc it's familar, but he has no real preference most of the time, so any work. autistic + possibly some other flavor of neurodivergent. picked up knitting at some point and he sometimes makes gifts for his family. the only brother with a decently strict sleep schedule.

mikey - pan + either genderflux or demiboy. any pronouns, but his preference changes pretty often. adhd, dyslexic, and probably autistic. lots of vocal stims bc i like projecting <3 him + raph used to be closer, but they drifted apart a bit as they got older (they're still close, of course, but it's different compared to when they were kids). his favorite season is either spring or fall. despite how seemingly adept he is at handling other people's negative emotions, he SUCKS at handling his own. buddy tries to bottle that shit up and it does Not work out.

aaand those are my current favorite ones i think. ive got some, uh,,, slightly more embarrassing ones ig? nothing objectively bad obviously but. just might talk abt them in the tags bc i can <3

#asks #this turned out a LOT longer than expected but it was really fun to ramble about it for so long :'D #anyways. onto the Secret Extra Headcanons because im easily embarrassed and im too chicken to say them in the actual post lmao #so. i project onto these guys a fair bit. not to the point where they're unrecognizable but still quite a bit. #aaand i. umm. think it would be kind of funny if leo and/or donnie enjoyed the Devil's Lettuce. because yeah. #they're TEENAGERS in NEW YORK. come on. it's not uncommon. #im definitely projecting onto them bc i am also a teenage enjoyer of that shit but. i just think its fun to imagine. it ain't hurting - #- anyone. y'know? im just some teenager having fun projecting onto teenage characters. #ive got lots of more personal headcanons but they'll never see the light of day. those are between me and my notes app <3

[caelumsnuff]

you have a lot of complaints and criticisms for mostly everything erik does, do you enjoy any of the storys? not every piece of media is gonna be how you like and some things are gonna get handled differently than what you'd prefer, long as it isnt problematic then like whats the problem?

I wasn’t going to at first, but i think i'll actually assume good faith with this ask and respond to it genuinely.

I understand why you would think I don't like anything about his content. I’m not here to gush about his characters, or talk about my fanfic ideas, or make friends with other people in this fandom; I made this blog exclusively to complain about it, so that’s going to be the majority of what you see on here, me complaining. And if i'm being honest, critique and criticism, or just complaining about the media not being as good as it could be, is a normal part of being in fandoms. This is a part of fandom culture, one that is just somehow remarkably absent from this fandom, which is still very surprising to me.

You're right about one part of this ask. No, not everything is going to be written exactly the way i want it written, and thats because I didn’t write it. But again, complaining about writing, and brainstorming how things could have been written, and even retconning the writing of the content is a part of fandom culture. Do you know how many fan rewrites i have seen and read in my day??? This is just A Thing that people do. 

There are plenty of things that i enjoy about Redacted’s content, im just not usually here to talk about them, but I guess ill take this chance and do it now. I think Redacted has a beautiful voice, and it has been really fun to see him get better at using it in these past two years. In my opinion, the improvement he’s made is kinda remarkable. In the first videos of David’s, he was just using a grumpy tone of voice, but now he’s able to push his voice down into that lower octave and add vocal fry, and it’s gorgeous. He’s gotten better at using accents, which you can really tell with Sam (how he sounded in his first appearance versus now), and the emotion that he’s able to convey with his voice is something i admire (as someone who talks with a very flat tone most of the time). I even think some aspects of his writing are genuinely good. He writes characters that are easy to fall in love with, including the “bad guys” (Regulus, Marcus, my beloveds), and i think a few of them even have complex personalities. And like, yes, i did complain about the way the d(a)emons are written, but only because they’re part of a racism allegory. I still love even them, there are very few characters that bore me or that i hate. And I have said it before on this blog, but i think Redacted’s writing really shines when he’s diving into dark territory; When he is writing gaslighting, and manipulation, and darker content like that he excells and that’s when i think he has moments of genuinely good writing. I also think the man is good with words, he writes beautiful, emotionally impactful lines sometimes. This man is good at writing and delivering lines in a way that makes my heart beat a little faster. Every once in a while i might slip into a post how much i love a character or plotline or aspect of Redacted’s writing, but like i said, im not here to talk about all this, so i don’t do it often.

I really am confused about the last part of this ask though, because half of the things im talking about are ‘problematic’ (as much as i hate using that word). Like…… the entire reason i made that post specifically about the racism allegory is because it is ‘problematic’, its downright offensive and quite frankly racist. The only reason I refused to use the word ‘problematic’ in that post because i think its dismissive for just how bad that allegory is. There’s also a reason i didn’t explicitly call that allegory racist in that post, because of the way this fandom is and how it has a tendency of idoling Redacted. I didn’t do these things to avoid invoking emotional reactions, and i figured that my point would come across without me doing them, but apparently it didn’t for some. I keep talking about and bringing up the bridging SA allegory because its also offensive, and quite dismissive to victims of SA. I keep talking about all of these things he has put in his videos, the racism allegory, the bridging SA allegory, the possibility of Marcus/Love being an allegory for anything, for a reason. Because they are offensive, and thats the problem with them.

Now not all of the things I'm talking about are ‘problematic’, some of them are just the previously mentioned changes that I would make to the writing. Not that these things are bad in the same way the SA and racism allegories are, but some of them are just subpar in terms of writing quality. Again, critique like this is a normal thing that people in a lot of fandoms do.

I'm clearly not the only person to feel these things, but with this fandom the way it is, people don't often openly talk about things wrong (using this word loosely) with the content. There’s this strange idea that has become very popular in recent years, and its that if you have any complaints about or can critique any part of something you're engaging with, that you hate it and should stop consuming it. This idea is so prevalent in this fandom and it’s honestly ridiculous. I have been watching Redacted’s videos for two years, and even though they have dropped in writing quality, I’m invested and I want to see him get better again. And it's not even like this isn't a thing that a lot of people do when they get really into something, this is the exact reason people sit through 8-14 seasons of a show even long after the quality of the writing has gone to shit. I very clearly enjoy his videos enough to continue listening through them, and i’m going to keep doing so. 

With all this said, I am also going to continue posting my criticism/critiques in the main tags when I write them with intent and seriousness. My posts that are just “waaaaahhhh my poor little meow meow’s writing sucks” aren’t going to be in there. If seeing either of these types of posts is going to ruin or otherwise negatively affect your experience, I do politely ask that you do us both a favor and just block me. 

I hope this answered your questions. Thank you for the ask anon, have a nice day

#anon #ask #redacted asmr

[enhypia]

JS ; exes

exes answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: park jongseong x gn!reader

genre: angst, mild fluff

words: roughly 1.7k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - jay speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and jay speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking, swearing, neglect, breaking up

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hello, i'm (y/n)

and i'm jay

we're (awkward eye contact)

uhh we're exes

[you guys were invited here today as exes for a fun little drinking game, you guys were aware of that right?]

yes

yup

*interviewer shuffles awkwardly

sorry it's just, our friends were the ones who signed up for us

yeah, we just found out about it three days ago

[but are you guys still okay with doing this?]

we're okay

just give us a few minutes to get used to environment

*(y/n) chuckles

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. are you guys ready? should we start?]

*jay nods

ready as i'll ever be

[how long were you guys together?]

we were together for almost 3 years

[how long have you guys been broken up?]

about a year and a half now

[who broke up with who?]

i did they did

[why did you break up with him?]

so this was all a year and a half ago okay? no coming for jay, he's grown, we've grown

thanks?

you're welcome

*jay laughs

uhh.. it just really reached a point where i felt neglected in a way? and it was just tiring? i kept thinking 'do i deserve this treatment?' and i hated that i was doubting everything, including his feelings. so i just said let's talk about it and then yeah we split up

*jay drinks and (y/n) laughs

sorry sorry

nah i just needed that

[okay, how about we officially start the q&a portion between the of you now?]

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, jay wins

*he picks up a card and facepalms after seeing the question

goddamn

should i be scared?

not sure, but you might opt to drink though

[do you blame me for what happened to us?]

oh my god *(y/n) laughs

i know right

so we're unpacking emotions today? okay noted

you can just drink if you're not comfortable with it

i'll drink but i'll still answer, might ease your mind no?

*jay couldn't stop his head from nodding

*(y/n) drinks

i admit that i blamed you at first, but then i got to thinking that it wasn't just you, i was also at fault too since i never really vocalized what i felt? i just let it build up until it reached the point where you couldn't do anything about it anymore, and i couldn't too.

yeah but it's more of my fault since i felt something was wrong but i just brushed it off, i brushed you off.

....

shot?

*jay smiles slightly and both raised their glasses to cheers before drinking

we were both at fault and i don't blame you, jay. i hope you stop blaming yourself

*(y/n) smiles softly then picks up a card to stop any reply they might get from jay

god why are these questions so heavy? it wasn't like this from other episodes

*jay and crew laugh

okay, hit me

[what's your biggest regret about our relationship?]

what the fuck

SEE ?!

*both laugh and jay drinks

okay, next question

no, i'm answering

[we won't stop you but just reminding you both that it's okay not to answer if you drink]

the alcohol releases the unhinged-ness

in other words, this is really just us using the alcohol to actually say what we feel

i think you already the answer, and it's that i didn't do anything about us even if i felt something was wrong. i just kept on focusing on my career that i reached a point where i brushed everything off as nothing. and in the end, while i got the success i wanted, somehow i also feel like i'm on the losing end really.

*(y/n) drinks making jay laugh

what? it's my first time hearing all this !

it was a rough break so

omg is this our closure ???

*jay's eyes widened

and it's filmed ?!?!

*everyone laughs

couple goals *(y/n) does a hashtag

oh wait *(y/n) looks at jay

exes goals *both do a hashtag pose

*they laugh, ignoring the sting in their hearts

okay, okay moving on

*jay laughs again

is it a heavy one again?

nope

[do your friends hate me?]

*(y/n) bursts out laughing

please 😭

we have the same friends

we share a lot of mutual friends

that's why there was like tension for a month in the friend group because no one knew what to do

i'm sorry you had to endure all that friends

remember when they literally made an organized schedule to hang out where we wouldn't see each since the break up was still fresh?

yeah like i got heeseung on tuesdays

and i got him on thursdays

😭😭😭

we love them though, they did their best to console us both

thanks guys <33

*(y/n) picks up a card

goddammit

[do you think we could've actually worked out our problems?]

i think it's unfair that i get a lot of heavy questions

i have the power of god and anime on my side today

i think we could've, if i just had taken the actual time to reflect and sit down and talk, we could've worked it out.

*(y/n) slaps jay's arm

i told you, stop blaming yourself

k

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

*jay picks up a card and

oh

what?

*he is stuttering guys, he is fidgeting

[do you wish we were still together?]

oh

yeah

.....

*both drink

i mean-

*jay has been paralyzed, he did not expect (y/n) to answer

i'm happy where i am right now, maybe there are moments of weakness that the thought crosses my mind but i don't dwell on it too much. i think we're both still learning and growing.

*jay doesn't want to think about the fact that (y/n) never said a clear yes or no

*(y/n) picks up a card and groans

please just drink to this

why?

[what do you think of me now?]

....

drink.

no?

why?

because-

why?

i'm answering

why?

i want to?

no.

right now i'm just really proud of you.

*WORLD PAUSE, (y/n) is malfunctioning

it's a little sad that i didn't get to witness a lot of it but i promise i watched from afar and i'm so proud of you. like it makes me feel lighter in a way? knowing that you're still going and pursuing your dreams. it just made me at ease that -

*(y/n) drinks, looking very much like snow white's apples

are you blushing?

jay i will kick you

*he laughs and pinches (y/n) cheeks making them redder, (y/n) slaps his hands away

i won't hesitate bitch

how about you huh?

[what do you think of me now?]

*jay you should know not to tease too much or else it'll bite you back

i think you're absolutely amazing.

*jay could only blame himself

i am in constant awe and there's this pride that i have in me whenever i see you thriving. it's weird because i thought i'd be bitter about it, but since i knew of your goals and how passionate you were, all i felt was pride. it did hurt a little that i couldn't go "that's my baby!" anymore.

*alert! jay's ears are red and it's spreading to his cheeks and neck

okay next question!

*he quickly picks up a card making (y/n) burst out laughing

everything i said was true though.

hajima. stop. pause. i'm not listening

*(y/n) laughs at flustered jay

this is the last one.

[question for both: if you could tell me anything, what would you say?]

sheesh

same

rock paper scissors? loser goes first

*jay wins

*(y/n) drinks

can you turn around for this one, like don't look at me.

*jay followed

i want to say that,,,, that it's not your fault for putting your future first. it kind of stung since you made me feel like i wasn't a part of it but i know that wasn't your intention. i understand your actions and i don't blame you. if i was in your position i probably would've been the same. i'm sorry that i didn't try harder, like you said we could've made it work but i just got so tired, i hope you can forgive me for that as well.

okay i'm turning around as well, your turn

*(y/n)'s eyes are glassy, but jay doesn't need to see that

i want to say that i'm sorry for neglecting you. i feel like you're tired of me saying sorry but that's really all i could do. i forgive you by the way even if i don't get why you're apologizing to me. i also want to say that, it wasn't you. it sounds cliche but you weren't the reason i became like that, it was me. it was never you. so please don't blame yourself for anything. please don't question your worth because you were more than enough.

yah i didn't want to unpack that

well i still know you and i was given the chance to say it now so

*(y/n) turns around wiping tears, jay is sniffling

i need a drink damn

*(y/n) pours a shot and jay as well, both drink after clinking their glasses

[you guys good?]

*both looks at each other and chuckles

we're good

i can't believe we have to thank our friends for setting this up

*jay groans

[care to answer one last question that is in everyone's minds' right now?]

oh god

is it what i think it is

[will we see you guys be featured again? maybe exes to couples again?]

let's drink!

*both take one last shot and waves to the camera

*(y/n) shrugs and jay winks

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments (peep last one)

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: i was planning to post this sooner but my pharma prof suddenly dropped a 6-page activity lmao rip, im scheduling the timestamps i forgot to post last update sorry sorry. my angst skills are subpar forgive me but i tried my best. i hope you like this one too !! jake's will be uploaded next ! please look forward to it <33

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #speak or shot #enhypen series #enhypen fluff #park jongseong #park jongseong imagines #enhypen jay #jay imagines #park jongseong x reader #enhypen park jongseong #enhypen angst #park jay #jay scenarios #enhypen jay imagines #enhypen jay scenarios #enhypen jay angst #enhypen jay x reader

[antifainternational]

Im vocal about supporting antifa and now im afraid a local altright/fascist group has my contact info (email, phone, address, pictures) because they've been using my email to sign me up for alt right mailing lists and one of em send some of my holiday pictures in a string of gore-y photos in a political group chat (hes banned now) .. is there something i can do? Im really scared even though i know thats exactly what they want :/

Oh, we feel for you.  A lot of us have been in your shoes in the past.  So we reached out to some experts for advice for you; here’s what they had to say, followed by some of our own advice: “Well first of all, what a fucking nightmare. This sounds really hard and terrifying. It seems to me that yes, they already have this persons info so my recommendation would be to start wiping their info from public places and use a service like DeleteMe, if they have the option. It is a paid service. At this point the fash are already engaged in a harassment campaign so it’s likely the worst is already happening but you can’t be too careful. If they have the capacity to get a new email, I would suggest it. As well as a phone number. If they can’t get a new number or don’t want to, they can avoid answering calls they don’t recognize the numbers for. I would say that they can continue to be open about their support for antifa but be mindful of what might happen. I’m happy to help w emotional support or practical support in terms of changing contact info, getting linked up with deleteme, etc” “If you want to keep their current email address, set up a spam filter to reject the alt-right stuff, and mark it as "Spam" when it comes in. They should also set two-factor authentication on every social media account they have. If they want to remove their data from the internet, so that this doesn't happen again, have them either buy a DeleteMe package, or else follow the steps in this free 30-page guide to remove their data from every peoplesearch engine.  In my experience, if you put in about a half hour a night, you can have it done in a month or so. From what I've seen in past harassment campaigns, they don't tend to last very long. The far-right is great at conducting kind of 24-48 hour blitzkrieg campaigns, but they don't have a lot of staying power. After two days, it's usually over unless their name pops up in the news again.” In addition, we’d recommend reading this article from Crash Override, which covers how to protect yourself if you’ve been doxxed.  That probably covers you digitally, but let’s talk IRL as well, Anon.  If they have your address, you should consider moving if it’s possible.  If you are staying put, you should beef up your private security.  Install floodlights outside and better-quality locks.  Consider a home security system and/or cameras.  If you’re tight with your neighbours, let them know you’re being harassed and encourage them to call you, the police (if you’re comfortable with that), or both if they spot anyone/anything suspicious going on around your place.  Set up a code w/ friend where you can call them or text them a single word & they’ll drop everything and come running.  Maybe have some friends stay over with you for a few days; maybe even sleep in shifts so someone’s always up & keeping an eye out for stuff.  If you are in a place where you’re allowed to own a firearm, consider it; if you decide to get one, get trained up on its use. You might want to let your school or workplace know what’s up as well so they can be on the alert.  Try to not stick to your regular routines - change up where you shop, the routes you travel, the times you’re out in public, etc. to make it as difficult as possible to surveil you. If you haven’t taken any self-defence or martial arts before, consider committing to it for a year or two.  Everyone is going to tell you a different style is best for self-defence (we’re partial to kali/escrima for close-combat weapons fighting/disarming + muay thai for striking + Brazilian jiu jitsu for takedowns, grappling, and groundwork ourselves).   This is probably all very overwhelming for you.  Please take a moment to take some deep breaths, know that people have your back (even people you haven’t met yet like us!), and that in most of these cases, the threat blows over after a few days when the nazis lose interest/move on to their next harassment target.  You can get through this, Anon, and you will be safer & stronger having gotten through it!

[ajaxdishsoap]

HII NIKO <3 I hope u dont mind the bomb im gonna drop on u (/lh + hj)

Ares, Hermes, Euterpe for Nayuta aaand Hera and Thalia for your polycule w/ Reiji + Ranmaru !

ehehehehehe /pos this is gonna be so much fun

nayuta

ares: are you ever protective of your f/o? are they ever protective of you? YES 100% I AM VERY PROTECTIVE OF HIM (ash can confirm i'm super protective of everyone i care about) i would throw hands for nayu in a heartbeat, though mostly my protectiveness takes the form of reminding him to take breaks and stopping him from over-working himself he's not quite as protective of me because he knows i can handle myself really well, but oh boy if i'm in a situation he knows is triggering for me (around certain people mostly) he Can and Will defend me when i can't defend myself

hermes: was it love at first sight? slow burn with lots of pining? how fast did your relationship progress? slow burn with lots of pining AKSHDKSJDHF mostly oblivious pining, we're both terrible with emotions so literally everyone around us noticed before we did, and the relationship progressed really slowly because we both tend to be closed off for a while until someone earns our trust

euterpe: what song(s) suit your ship best? any particular lyrics that fit well? the main two songs that always come to mind are without me by gyroaxia and love like you from steven universe "without you, without you, i am nothing. just letting you know that you are not alone" is an especially fitting line from without me, and "if i could begin to be half of what you think of me i could do about anything, i could even learn how to love like you" is a really fitting one from love like you

whispers in the dark (reiji and ranmaru)

hera: how did you first start your romantic relationship with your f/o(s)? how did the way you feel about each other evolve to get to that point? surprise surprise (/s) i haven't actually thought much about this for any of my f/os. i just kinda vibe thinking they're pretty and then at some point go "fuck yeah that's my partner- wait What." KSJDHFKSJDHF- i don't really have a good answer for ya bestie sorry</3

thalia: discuss any fluff ideas you have for your ship. what kind of affectionate or sweet scenarios do you like best for this ship? OKAY SO we're all musicians so one of my favourite scenarios is late night jam sessions when they're both home from work, reiji coming up with fun vocal melodies while ran-ran and i play our respective instruments and sometimes throw in a harmony here and there, it's so soft and i love thinking about it another one i like to think about is cooking together, three people in a kitchen can get a bit annoying but it's really fun to cook dinner together and swap around who gets what job every night

send me a mythology ask!

#i legit can't answer hera for any of my f/os help #niko's self-ships #niko answers #mutuals<3 #nana!! #whispers in the dark triad #asthmatic vocalist support group

[katsuukiwii]

Could I get a matchup for AOT, Black Butler and MHA, please? 😊

Personality: I push myself REALLY hard. I have a lot of willpower and am VERY stubborn. I try to be highly independent, usually to a fault. I don't like asking for help and it takes me a very long time to realize and admit I need it.

I'm distrusting and cynical and have been through a lot. I get stressed out really easy and am anxious and depressed. But my anxiety is usually hostile/aggressive. When I get anxious or stressed, I usually lash out or try to control things. When I'm depressed I usually shut down completely or dissociate really bad. (Wow this sounds so negative when I type this.)

This combination (being stubborn and refusing help, but also being very handicapped) is harmful to myself and I've begun to finally realize that. I've been gradually trying to accept help from others more and allow myself to not live up to unrealistic standards. I would need someone who is supportive of this and someone would help me stop pushing myself into oblivion.

On a more positive note, when I'm not stressed or being combative, I really love life and am one of those people that appreciates seemingly insignificant things that most people take for granted. I'm also very sensory oriented. Even something really small can greatly lift my mood, like a nice breeze or rain or a flower. I like being outside for a part of the day because of this.

I can be a little weird and don't really care too much tbh. I do weird or sometimes childish/childlike things like chase/stalk geese or immitate animal sounds. I can also be very mischievous if my mental health has been doing well for a long time and I am happy. I will pull pranks or be evasive when speaking or play (not malicious) mind games.

I also tend to love VERY deeply when I fall in love. I feel very strong emotion and affection towards that person, am fiercely loyal and am usually sacrificial to a fault for them (again, push myself too hard).

I'm easily crushed if that person I love abuses my love or neglects me.

(I also hate very intensely too and can be very petty, spiteful and vengeful. Just strong emotions, I guess.)

Sexually, I honestly can't see myself being dominant even if I tried. I probably would try, but would fall apart. I also have a very big masochistic streak. I like very intimate sex. Not necessarily soft, slow or gentle (but it could be these), just physically and emotionally intimate.

That's it cause I don't want to type too much and make this super long! Thank you very much, you are great! 😞 Matchups can be hard, I appreciate your effort!!

Matchups!

No, no, thank you for making this long! I got a lot of details from it! I appreciate the appreciation! It SOUNDS negative, but I know people PERSONALLY who have experienced similar things to you (from what I read) and have seen these sorts of things, so I hope I gave you good results! Im glad you were willing to be so open, even if it’s through anon, that stuff can be hard to talk about ^^

Attack On Titan:

I ship you with Reiner Braun!

He doesn’t know EXACTLY what you’re going through, but he does his hardest to try and understand so he can help you out. He’s dealt with some issues on his own, and knows that its no fun to experience it on your own!

Your can get aggressive, all good! Reiner knows you truly don’t mean any harm towards him, you just have a lot on your mind that you need to let out.

He wants you to come to him if anything is on your mind, good or bad! He wants you to know that he’s there for you, and that he loves you no matter what! He gets so happy when you say that you want to reach out to people, and get help

Now, onto happier things! He loves taking you on walks, especially if it’s raining! He likes to get outside too, so he doesn’t mind a bit!

He’s uh...not the smartest, so mind games can confuse him! He loves to pull pranks with you, usually on poor Connie, or Jean.

He understands that you like to be independent, but he also knows that nobody is capable of doing everything! He likes for you to admit if you need help with something, since it helps you learn, but if you refuse to he’ll just try and have you do something else while he helps. It doesn’t work often, but he still tries!

He doesn’t mind your weird side! He’ll watch you stalk geese, but won’t actually join you. It doesn’t make him ashamed, it’s just not his thing. As usual, if you REALLY want him to, he will.

BUT he does like to try and imitate animal sounds with you, he thinks if silly!

For sex, you’re submissive, all good! I picture him being more of a top anyway! So, you like something kind of rough, but intimate, and loving, and he’s totally cool with that as well! It fits him perfectly! Plus he’s a big guy, so sometimes he can unintentionally hurt you (not horribly), and he’ll apologize even if you liked it.

Aftercare g o d. Always makes sure you feel okay, and comfortable about what happened! He’ll make sure you’re nice and clean, and then give you some snuggles if you want!

Runner-Ups: Erwin Smith and Armin Arlert

My Hero Academia:

I ship you with Eijiro Kirishima!

It takes Kirishima a minute to get used to your hostility (only when you have those moments, ofc). He doesn’t really know what to do until one day, where he doesn’t force you to do anything. He speaks to you in a gentle voice,

“I’m not going to force you to do anything. But I would really appreciate it if you just....opened up to me. I’m not sure how to help you out, I need you to show me. So can we talk, please?”

You try to be more open after that, and in all honesty, it didn’t just help you, but it helped him. A LOT. He just wants to do his best for you!

Yes, maybe he has called people whiny before, but he still knows that emotions are very important. Everybody has to let them out every now and then!

He will NOT take your for granted. Not just because it’s “manly”, but because he cares so much about you, and he wants you to know that you aren’t alone!

Now, he, unlike Reiner will TOTALLY chase geese with you AND imitate animal sounds! He’s a child at heart as well. He’ll take a walk outside with you! He prefers to be inside, but he doesn’t hate it! Plus he loves to see how calm you are when letting the rain fall on our hand, on taking in the vibrant colors of a flower!

He’ll catch on to SOME of your mind games, but he can get stumped! You often pull pranks on him, and he still laughs about it and has fun! What a sweetheart!

During sex, he’s all good with being on top! He will be a bit reluctant to hurt you if you ask, but eventually you’ll make him comfortable enough to be a little rough, nothing to far though!

He IS a switch, but he’s absolutely fine with you wanting to be on bottom! The only thing is that he is very sensitive physically, so he can get vocal. SO even if he is on top, his face could be bright red with his eyes shut tight, it’s cute!

Runner-Ups: Hizashi Yamada and Shouta Aizawa

Black Butler:

I ship you with Sebastian Michaelis!

This man is probably one of the BEST options for you, honestly!

He knows just how to calm you down almost right off the bat! Of course, everybody requires a bit of adjustment, but for him it was a piece of cake!

Of course, he can get a bit annoyed if you get SUPER aggressive, but that doesn’t mean he hates you! He still cares about you so much, but it can be a lot, even for him. 

He makes sure you get the help you need!

Let’s be honest, most of us know that scene with Beast. He CAN be manipulative, but he would N E V E R do it towards you. He’ll tell you and show you. So he will praise you in bed if you need it, or even if he feels like it.

You absolutely cannot play mind games with him. He’s too smart. If anything it’ll turn into him playing a (not malicious) mind game on you. He likes to tease you, but he makes sure not to take it too far!

Absolutely will not chase geese. It’s not for him. He will only do it if you wanted him to catch one. In that case, he could probably catch a few with his skills!

He doesn’t imitate animals sounds with you...in public, that is. In private, he likes to as well! He’s not quite sure why.

And now, for sex! We’ve seen the scene with the nun. This man goes HARD! Of course, he can be gentle, but it’s in his nature to be rougher than the average person. If you want him to be gentle, he will. BUT if you do want a little pain he is totally down. Definitely a sadist. He fine with you being on bottom!

Runner-Ups:  Adrian Crevan and Claude Faustus

#matchups #aot matchup #mha matchup #black butler matchup #liv ships you with ___!

[bloommelon]

Everything Is Blue

WARNINGS: severe angst, suicidal themes, suggestive sexual content, eventual suicide, mental illnesses, eventual character death, unhappy ending, suicidal content, graphic suicide

A/N: please don't read if you're depressed, this is a very sad story but im proud of it because I actually finished something for ONCE. NONE of this is based on real life, it's all fiction. Jaehyun just fit my idea of this character, and I hope no one gets the wrong idea that I tried to glamorize suicide. And also, I do not feel suicidal and I am not depressed because of writing this, i simply got this idea while thinking I should try and write angst. On another note, I hope whoever reads this likes it or at least it makes you feel some type of emotion. Thank you. *i did not proofread at all btw*

Song: Colors by Halsey

✖✖✖✖

August 3rd

Jaehyun and I sat in a field of Nemophila by the river, the sun shining and clouds floating above us eating strawberries and our laughter filling the hot summer air. Jaehyun had taken me to the museum to see his favorite painting an hour beforehand, telling me it reminded him of me. It was a simple painting, blue sky with fluffy white clouds on a sunny day. I'd almost stayed home that day, not wanting to go anywhere due to a flurry of sudden panic attacks that week. "When you're feeling anxious, come here and call me and I'll come as quick as I can." At that moment, I'd been filled with happiness due to Jaehyun's caring nature but I should have been the one making sure he had somewhere to go when he was upset, but his feelings of sadness weren't noticeable back then. Giving him a hug wasn't enough to stop the pain he felt daily just from living. Laughter hurt, and so did seeing me smile making guilt rush through him at the fact that I brought him some happiness, but not enough for him to change his mind.

September 19th

Jaehyun wrote poetry about clouds and sunshine and the color blue. He would have  painted himself blue if it was socially exceptable. Most of the poems he let me read brought tears to my eyes, ruining my mascara. He always wiped the mascara off, then he'd kiss all my tears away telling me that's how poetry should make me feel. I told him many times how intense it felt, the emotions brought out by the poems he wrote and he'd stare at me and say" that's how i feel about you." Intense. Wildly. Airy. Bright and warm like sunshine shining down through clouds. Most people tell you to write when you're feeling blue to get whatever you're feeling out of your system so that you can feel yellow and bright again,but he still wished for the sun to poison him. He wished for dehydration and shock to take him away instead of writing useless poems.

October 13th

Friday the thirteenth. Bad omens were shown, I just didn't recognize them. I look back now and something had been off about Jaehyun that day. His smile wasn't the same. It was crooked in a way that it was almost a frown, but to outsiders it passed as a normal expression of happiness. He painted sometimes just like writing, and his paintings left me feeling blue just like the blue sky in august, like the painting in the museum, like the color of the walls in his room. It wasnt even a sad painting-he'd painted a red rose in a field of baby blue eyes by a river at night. It wasn't even sad, but when i touched the paper after it dried, I just wanted to cry. He'd held me telling me about the meaning behind it. "It's supposed to make you appreciate things and people that are different, but still appreciate the normal things and people too. No one should be left out. That everyone and everything is more than meets the eye, you just have to look deeper." The way he talked made me want to cry, and he could sense something was wrong, but the fact that I couldn't look deeper to notice his sadness made me tell him everything was fine. I pretended I was fine and I pretended he was fine, so that in the moment, I could feel like everything was fine when nothing about that day was fine. That night he'd went home and cried himself to sleep, and he'd almost done something heartwrenching but I couldn't ask him a simple 'are you okay?'. He would have lied anyways, but maybe if i would have pushed him to answer he wouldn't have cried alone that night or almost took a razor to his skin.

November 7th

Jaehyun and I would sit in my room for hours in comfortable silence, him drawing while i read books. He'd been noticeably upset on this day. To the point where I kept asking him what was wrong and was everything okay. He started rambling about death and blood to the point where fear bubbled up inside of me, spilling out into the world and when he noticed I was terrified, he had cried and apologized repeatedly. He'd thrown his drawing pad in the middle of all of this, it getting lost behind my bed. I'd held him for hours after that, hoping he would feel better and calm down. It worked on the outside, and I foolishly believed I'd helped him on the inside as well. He wasn't okay, and the way he had talked about blood and death so freely spoke volumes about what he thought of daily. If only I'd tried to look deeper. Most of us take what we see on the outside and assume that there's nothing more to see and we should look away as to not disturb the normalcy of the world.

December 25th

Christmas day was snowy and beautiful, the sun fighting it's way through the clouds to shine down on everything to try and melt the snow, but the snow was relentless and the roads icy. The gifts didnt matter that day as everyone was together and that made Jaehyun filled to the brim with happiness, which mattered a lot more. That night we lay together wrapped in nothing but the warmest blue blanket we could find, the snow falling against the window and the christmas lights above us in my room shining down us painting our faces in green and red. He was happy, but that didn't mean the pain had suddnely disappeared and that family made the bad thoughts run away, he was just hiding them. That night he whispered how much he loved me , lips against my temple. He told me I was the only gift he needed. He didnt know that he was the only gift I needed, and that him staying could have been so much better. Maybe that's selfish. On Christmas some people expect everything they want to be given but give nothing to others. That year, I was sadly part of the people who expect and was given everything I wanted but I gave nothing.

February 14th

Jaehyun's birthday. I had thrown him a surprise party that he loved, wearing a blue dress with pink hearts on it since it was also Valentine's day. Once he opened his gifts, which was a copy of the painting with the clouds on a sunny day that he absolutely adored and a necklace with my name on it in the shape of a cloud. His dimples stayed out all day, like I wish they would have stayed for life. As a Valentine's gift he gave me a blue rose and a painting of me by the river sitting in the field of Nemophila. That night I ended up in only his blue flannel with marks of his love on my skin the next morning,his whispers of "i love you more than anything" ingrained in my thoughts forever. I'd told him the same, but it didnt count as much since he said it first, and knowing now that that wasn't enough for him to stay breaks my heart all over again.

March 2nd

We spent the day walking around despite him being vocal of not feeling like getting out of bed, and he was a bit angry with me until I got him laughing by singing embarrassing 80's songs and dancing awkwardly. We both danced until we got tired, our legs exhausted and breathing was a difficult feat. I told him that he didn't deserve to be sad and he told me "i deserve whatever the world throws at me" which made me worry about him for weeks. I didnt tell him that, although maybe I should have. I just didn't want to make him feel bad when i started having panic attacks again because of it. He didn't know and didn't mean to, he just was in so much pain.

April 20th

He'd cooked for me on this day, telling me he felt a lot better. He appeared completely calm and peaceful like how some people get after doing things they love. Which he was good at cooking and enjoyed it, so I was extremely happy. He hadn't cooked in months-not like this. He was also baking. He wouldn't let me go in his kitchen. "It's a surprise, darling. Just be patient" Although he acted normal enough, whatever normal means, i sensed sadness coming from his being. After we ate, I felt nauseous. He turned into a concerning boyfriend rather than a happy one which made me upset since I knew he was keeping his sadness a secret. While he went to clean the kitchen after throwing a blanket on my cold body, I felt even more nauseous and after contemplating on whether or not to run to the bathroom my body decided for me. Vomiting isn't something anyone is fond of, and Jaehyun was even more concerned when he found me lying on the floor against the bathtub. He threw all the food away after that and blamed himself for me getting sick, though It was just a case of me eating way too much. Once in his bed, he kept apologizing and ended up crying but I held him and told him everything was okay. He didn't tell me that every small thing affected him so horribly it'd leave him wishing he'd never been born. He didn't know that those small things were things he couldn't help, but his brain told him that he ruined everything.

May 27th

Sitting in the field of Baby blue eyes with him felt different this time. More peaceful. We laid down side by side watching the clouds, he always said he wanted to float in the clouds but not anything about how he wanted to be buried like the roots of the nemophila we laid on. He didn't tell me he didnt want to grow anymore, not by himself and not with me-not with anyone. Instead he told me how much he loved me, that he'd die for me and told me it all day. He wouldn't let his hands off of me, never letting go of my hand or arm or hips. He wouldn't let go. He asked me to stay the night and keot me in his arms until I had to work the next day, getting upset when I left. He didn't tell me I'd only have a week or two left of this. Left of being in love, left of seeing his pretty smile and those dimples he was known for showing almost all the time. He didn't tell me he was looking for reasons to stay, trying so hard not to give up.

June 16th

When I'd woken up, a feeling of dread left me near tears all day. I hadn't seen Jaehyun in three days and it'd gotten late in the day without a word from him which was unusual. I pushed the uncomfortable feeling to the side until I'd decided to leave to go see him after calling him and texting him repeatedly. While walking out the door I remembered that day when he'd terified me with that talk of blood and death and him throwing his drawing pad. Worry filled my being, making me feel sick as I pushed my bed onto the side to find his blue drawing pad.

Tears stream down my face at the drawing I found. In my hands was the reason for all his weird behavior,all his guilt and all of his pain. He wanted to die. My Jaehyun wanted to disappear from this world forever. I throw the drawing pad in a random direction and run. I call all of our friends and his family, wanting to know if they had seen him. None of them had. I didn't want it to be true.

My legs carried me to the field of baby blue eyes by the streaming river, the sun shining down so brightly and the clouds reminding me of the painting Jaehyun loved so much.

My legs were already cramping but I pushed through that pain to find the love of my life laying in a field of nemophila, his wrists slit so terribly blood is all you could see. Flowing from his wrists to drip onto the plants under him, it was so red and gory I stopped breathing, running over to him to begin screaming while on the phone with one of his best friends. Johnny knew something was wrong, his voice got further away as he told Mark to call someone. To call 911, to get help.

In Jaehyun's hand was a a razor blade and I grabbed it, throwing the wretched thing far from us. I kept shaking him and screaming at him to get up. Nothing worked. Around his neck was the cloud necklace, and despite the horror I could see, he looked extremely peaceful, his eyes shut permanently. My Jaehyun was gone, and he'd died where he loved, but he'd felt so unloved to come to this place.

I'd never enjoy bright sunny days or museums again. I couldn't, not when I couldn't see Jaehyun's dimples or hold his warm hand. As much as he wanted to burn, he'd left the world cold. The sun still shined so brightly down on us as if nothing had ever happened in this place.

🌹

#angst #jung jaehyun #jaehyun angst #nct angst #jung jaehyun angst #sadness #possibly very triggering #bmwriting #bloommelonwrites

[thesagedahlia]

💔Vanessa Hudgens & Austin Butler💔

This was a request that I should have hopped on when I had the chance, because I PROBABLY could have prepped y'all for this. I'll be honest, I wasn't drawn to it right away because I felt a proposal in the air for them & I figured "oh, they're doing great, there may not be that much to report on 🥴😵"...boy, was I wrong. Little did I know, 'proposal in the air' meant literally. I did come across an interview that Vanessa had with People TV back on the 23rd of May, just last year. She was briefly asked about if she & Austin were going to be walking down the aisle, before insisting to move on (which kinda struck me as 'she prolly sick of that question, she prolly ask it too much her damn self'). But her response was as follows; "As a woman, y'know, I'm not the person to be like 'hEy, EyE'm DoInG tHiS', it's all about the man (making the gesture). When it comes to that, it's like, it's in the guy's court, y'know?", & as the interviewers asked "so, if he takes the lead, you'll be there to follow?", to which she replied, "I mean, I've been her for 7 years, I don't think I'm going anywhere." (.....oh, you went somewhere sis 🤭). But as the interviewer wanted to know if she's been pressing the issue, she proceeded to shoo the topic away, as it was getting "too personal". 🤔🤔 didn't think much of it, UNTIL I thought about putting myself in her shoes...why would EYE stick around for 7-9 years & NOT even have the topic discussed? Most importantly, since it clearly WAS discussed, what sort of hold up would you be willing to sit through to be "strung along"? That's when it hit me...somebody didn't want to get married...& from the interview that I saw...I had to guess it wasn't Vanessa 🕵🏾‍♀️🕵🏾‍♀️

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

💔What caused the breakup❓💔

I'm picking up on a fear of a new cycle or transition within their commitment, & it feels like it is coming from Austin. I'm feeling he wasn't totally ready to be locked down in that way (I'm feeling marriage), & Vanessa felt she had to walk away. She began to make it clear what she wanted from him out of the relationship, & Austin doesn't seem to be in a place where he knows what he want. He seemed to be moving very slow in actually proposing to Vanessa, & she wasn't in the position to be holding out for him any longer. Austin was very much back & forth on his decision to propose & get married. He was becoming clouded & confused by the bigger picture, & he wasn't thinking or looking deeply into making the gesture. He basically self-sabotaged his sure deal with Vanessa, because he was reluctant to open up to the opportunity. I'm getting that his intuition is clouded. Im also getting a lot of inner conflict on his part, whereas Vanessa was very adamant & vocal on what she wanted out of the relationship. I'm feeling very strongly that Vanessa wanted marriage, & he was of course very aware of this. Though marriage was to be the next step for them, I feel like she intuitively knew she was going to be single for a while. This was a disruption in their relationship, but it doesn't feel permanent; they feel like they've spent past lives together. I feel divine guidance in the connection, where they may be able to work things through & get back together. It feels like eventually they will return to each other. This break up feels like it needed to happen so they can each take time out figure out what will truly make them happy.

💔Vanessa's current feelings toward Austin❓💔

She feels like their relationship was due to take on a deeper level of commitment, & I feel like she was emotionally prepared for it, but she ended up waiting some time for him to take the lead & make them move. It feels like she has been holding out for Austin to propose. She began to see herself as single, since there wasn't an official declaration of engagement. Her patience in waiting & investing in their 9 year long relationship began to wear on her emotional, & she came to realize that he may be stringing her along just to keep the balance in their relationship (not purposely, but not quick to propose). I feel like even family members of hers had their opinions; the typical 'when are you getting married already?' or 'it's taking him awfully long to propose it's been what, 9 years now?'. She may also feel like his busy schedule has distracted him or delayed the process.

💔Austin's current feelings toward Vanessa❓💔

He acknowledges that he was devastated when she left, but he also felt he was working & providing for the relationship, & that he felt a family & marriage couldn't happen unless he was fully capable to do it financially. He also felt that they were able to succeed & grow until then, & he was ready to build a legacy with her. He didn't feel he had enough to offer her financially as he was comfortable, but he also wasn't in the right amount of emotional stability to make the loving gesture to propose; he was focused on the finances of it all. So ultimately, he didn't feel ready for marriage. He wasn't prepare to be open to taking the lead to propose, & I feel like he needs to come into some clarity regarding something that he feels like is keeping him from being open & comfortable to propose, & it feels like a lack of emotional comfortability. He was detached emotionally, which led to her departure; he in turn need to work on that if he ever expects to win her back (he better have that ring in hand❗)

💔What lies in the future for this connection❓💔

As I said before, Vanessa has stopped waiting for Austin to make the move she has been anticipating. Austin knows damn well what he has to do if you wants to get Vanessa back, because as of right now, she's single, & I wouldn't be surprised if she's mingling. He seems to be well aware of where Vanessa stand with him & what she will need from him in the relationship, & he seems to be needing to listen to his intuition when it comes to the relationship. He seems to be trapped in fear at this time, & he may be using his work as a distraction. He seems very stubborn and unwilling to compromise, even though he is deeply saddened by this loss. The ball is in his court, but he is fumbling. Austin will need to begin to take the relationship seriously & honor his commitments with Vanessa, & that will be sacrificing his comforts and facing what he truly fears when it comes to marriage. It's safe to say he is holding back at this time, & Vanessa is moving on. She is hopeful for her own endeavors, & she is entering a new phase in her life. She is also having patience that she will have a family someday with someone who will be emotionally committal, even if that isn't Austin. She plans to continue standing her ground when it comes to her love life, because she has a deep seated passion to get married & settle down. If they come back together, it may take some time & effort before they become anything serious again, but as of right now they aren't speaking with one another.

#ask sage #readings by sage #celebrity readings #celebrity culture #celebrities #celeb news #celebs #celebrity #celebrity requests #celebrity predictions #celebrity psychic readings #hollyweird #hollywood #vanessa hudgens #austin butler

[lowkeyorloki]

hi phoebe anon again! hahahah okay i have so many opinions on the lorde thing you have no idea but most of them end up boiling down to some form of “shut the hell up none of you know what ur talking about!!!!!!!” or “keep my wife’s name out ur fucking mouth”. LMAO

like 1) why are you guys just now circulating these videos as if the melodrama tour didn’t happen 3 years ago, 2) the people being like “imagine paying to go to a concert just to have the singer shush you” ...guys it was literally for 30 seconds at the end of a very dramatic song. you guys the album is called Melodrama i need you to understand this. please. this is not like a routine thing that she does. she is so sweet at her concerts and is very appreciative. and 3) the people that aren’t her fans being so offended by it (the ones making the most jokes about it) are making me so 😭😭😭😭 like we all know she’s a little bit weird!!! and that maybe it was a bit over the top!! and that’s okay!! like i think famous people are a little weird sometimes! i love you for saying that the crowds singing at concerts are annoying though that’s SO valid lmao

sorry i am totally rambling but this just reminds me of this one tweet that was like “Phoebe Bridgers is allowed to be annoying on twitter because she wrote motion sickness. the same cannot be said for the rest of you.” and like. yeah when you (not you, you know what i mean lol) make albums as good as Pure Heroine and Melodrama then maybe you’ll be permitted to make fun of her.

long story short these people need to leave my wife alone i had like five people ask me “omg did she shush you🤪” when i told them i went to see her and it just makes me really sad that that’s all people think of her now😭😭😭 idk how it got so out of hand lmao

also i actually haven’t seen Juno! but it’s been on my watchlist forever and i’ve heard it’s really great so i will definitely be watching it when i get the chance❤️ anyway goodbye i’m sorry that was such a long response that im sure you did not want lol

Yes to all of this! Also not to harp on my prev. point but "imagine paying to go to a concert just to have the singer shush you” okay imagine going to a concert only to not be able to hear the person you paid a gross amount of money to see only to be unable to hear them because of a tone deaf and flat audience???

i've also seen a bunch of viral tiktoks of people saying they don't care she shushed the crowd they just care that lorde 'sounds bad.' it gave me flashbacks to when i was a theatre kid in high school (gross) and everyone in the plays with me would judge broadway performers for not being perfect all the time.... like.... we were 16 and the people who were so vocal about criticizing the actors weren't getting more than ensemble in a high school production and i always just wondered where they thought they got the credibility to shit on people's careers. i have such a vivid memory of this one girl saying she hated the "good for you" number from dear evan hansen because dierctors "would force whatever actress playing evan's mom to try to sound like alanis morissette". girl what. they're just sounding angry lmao emoting anger can only be so unique. i know that gets into iffy territory of "if you don't have (x) you can't have an opinion of (x)" but i feel like with something like talent and voices it's fine to look at a bunch of 16-23 year olds who have decided they can hit whistle notes and tell them they might not have a single clue what they're talking about, lmao. lorde puts on a performance much more than she just... sings her hits. her "'''bad''''' singing is part of that. like you alluded to... lorde wrote pure heroine/melodrama and she has a record deal and we don't, so... :)

lmao i bet we sound crazy to everyone reading this but this is exactly why i left acting and singing it's just not enjoyable and even if you find someone who isn't balls to the wall judgmental they're obnoxious. in my shakespeares studies course in COLLEGE i was the only non theatre major and all the girls said that hamlet is shakespeare's most misogynistic character. HAMLET. like. miss ma'am every single male character in titus andronicus and taming of the shrew are right there...

ANYWAY ty for talking i was just SO curious what your opinion was haha! and you should totally watch Juno, i think it's on hulu right now. It's an early 2000s movie with Eliott Page and Michael Cera and tbh that should be the only incentive you need, lmao

#put this under a read more bc idk if anyone cares abt my thoughts lol #ask #phoebe anon

[clarz-cc-archive]

answered June 15, 2020

Q: this is very out of the blue but i hate that it makes me sad when i see people criticizing bts... like *I* criticize them in my own head, but it makes me feel so shitty to see criticism of them on my tl... sometimes it'll bring down my whole mood. i guess this is bc im in quarantine and dont have much constructive to focus on, and also because i incorporate them too much into my sense of self:) i wish that i could fix that though and feel the joy they give me while also being able to take talk about their vocal ability or attitudes or w/e without feeling down.

A: i feel this too though! despite my strong philosophical stance that We Are Allowed to Criticize BTS, i will also often feel sad and weird when i see criticism of them on my tl without expecting it, and it can bring my mood down. i think for me it's because it's very different to criticize them in my own head, or to be in the middle of a conversation with a friend in which the topic comes up naturally, versus seeing it on my tl seemingly apropos of nothing. twitter is weird because it's constantly like walking into the middle of a conversation that's already been happening without context, and so i feel like things tend to feel... louder (?) to me for some reason because of that.

i do think it's good that you're doing things like thinking about whether your attachment to them is healthy, but i also don't think that your feeling disheartened by seeing criticism of them in a space where you expect to see them being loved is, by itself, necessarily a bad or wrong reaction to have, or even something that you need to "fix"! the feeling itself is there and is okay to have, and what matters is just how you decide to deal with it! personally, whenever i get in a weird mood from something on my tl, i make myself close twitter and try to go do something that i think will cheer me up, like go for a walk outside or do something that makes me feel productive, like a chore i've been putting off. it could be one of those things for you, or maybe you could seek out other bts content that you could rewatch that you know will make you feel good and proud of them. whatever works!

for what it's worth, i think you're doing great, since a) you recognize that they're not perfect, b) you don't seem to react to seeing criticism by taking it out on any of the people doing the criticizing, and c) you're already thinking introspectively about your own reactions and recognizing what brings them on. our initial emotional reaction to a situation isn't really something we can control, and so feeling bad about it just makes us feel bad without accomplishing much, but what we CAN control is how we deal with that initial emotion, and we can redirect it into something else!

asks in response to this one: #1, #2, #3

#bangtan #fandom culture #navigating online fandom #mental health #i am not qualified to give advice

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 2 - "I DON'T WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE" - Ellie

At the tribal, Ping was voted out of the Pendragon Tribe nearly unamimously. Tribal immunity for this round is Pictionary.

I bet all these bitches know i voted for Keith and now they are going to come kill me in my sleep if i die i blame dylan

yass round 2 i either think im in the best position on this tribe or theyre all secretly coming for me thats all

Tribal went as well as I expected it to go. No major drama. It seems like Keith is in real trouble if we do go to tribal again though which would put me in a very tricky spot. For now, though, I will be trying my best in the upcoming challenge. The problem is, however, timezones and schedules. Jon is going to be our drawer, but he can only do it tonight or in the early afternoon tomorrow which I will not be there for. Additionally, Keith is asleep so we have no idea what his schedule is going to be so we basically had to schedule the challenge without him. And Nya could only do right before the deadline tomorrow which Jon cannot do. I hate this for us, truly. I just hope that Moth and I can rub our brain cells together for this one so that we can pull out a win. OR somehow the other tribes fail horribly. On the bright side, I am finally starting to catch up on Duolingo exercises. They're a lot easier than I thought, but it is still going to be tedious af to save up enough coins for some of the higher end products at the shop. As a final note, I am going to work with Nya in the long term as we promised each other to. Hopefully that actually works out. Time to actually be loyal and be a hero this time around. Need to try something different.

If we lose this challenge, I will be very upset. We went so hard on this challenge!!! I believe that we can at least get second place, but I don't know how crazy the other tribes are. So, let's see what goes on

Ayyyyy soooooooo looks like the four, Colin, me, Ava, and Brayden are officially in an alliance!? I’m really hyped to be working with everybody and already have sights on who should go if we have to go to tribal 👀 but like I’m gonna feel so bad if we go to tribal and I orchestrate a whole plan to take someone out I gotta do it when I’m not in my feels and the planets aren’t fucking with my emotions too heavy. But go alliance ! This means I’ll be able to stay safe until hopefully a merge and hopefully we can avoid a tribe swap till then which I get those vibe from it !! But I’ll be here to survive two more tribals just in case which is pretty rad. Other then that hopefully me offering to draw doesn’t end us up in the bottom and we can keep killing ! But anyways that is it as off know hopefully I have a lot more coins tomorrow morning and I get hit the hat shop bright and motherfucking early.

Just got asked to be apart of an alliance <33333 the besties in the group trust me which maybe ain't the right move but for now we gotta love the bonding. exciting!!!

YAY FOR ROUND 2! Okay, so I meet once again with the Hat Shop and... third times the charm! Except,,, the charm is getting nothing AGAIN lmao I'm not complaining though, still got that extra vote :P I stayed up at 1 AM for this challenge, and I honestly think our team popped off. Anastasia was guessing a ton, and Riley was amazing at drawing real quick! I have a relatively good feeling about our performance, so I hope I wake up to the news of our tribe being immune :D

so yesterday I set myself on a mission to get an alliance. I wanted Ava + Brayden + Toph + me as a majority alliance. it was our day off from tribal so I thought it was the perfect day to do it!! I talked to Brayden about it first because he's the person I feel the most comfortable with, and then after a lot of coordination and careful communication I was able to pull it together!! I think the most important thing when making alliances is making everyone feel like they're a big part in it. So I was careful to ask each person how they feel about the others, about the game, and made a point to say that I wanted to work with them specifically. Some may call that a little manipulative, but I wanna make sure that I'm an essential part of the alliance!! i need everyone to feel like they need/want me there.

all of this happening so soon into the game is a testament to how aggressive I'm playing this time around. I usually like to lay low and just rely solely on my social game in the start, but I'm trying this out to establish myself early on! I wanted to play the tribe leader and I think I'm doing that in a smart and subtle way!!

so yes now we have a 4 person majority alliance named "duolingo owl hate club" because fuck that guy. I think we're the 4 most active and present people on the tribe so it's only natural for us to work together, but I think it's definitely worth noting that I was the one that was pulling the strings here.

We just did the pictionary challenge, I have a good feeling about it!! Toph was an amazing artist, and if we win, all credit rightfully goes to him!! I think the guessers also did great of course, but like come on, the artist has to be the mvp. I'm really hoping we pull through!! I don't mind going to tribal, but I genuinely don't wanna vote anyone out yet. I'm fine just playing the game in a precautionary way. I know I'm in a great position if we do go to tribal, but it's always preferred that we don't go.

Everyone else on my tribe: doing the challenge and kicking ass

Me: I’m sleep

Riley (Tumblr has once again chosen violence so only the first 10 get banners 🥲)

I think our challenge went pretty well! My team were good guessers. Feeling like I've established some Integrity now. Hope it keeps me safe later!

Toph Soooooo we finished the challenge with 32 points and like wig !! I was a quick as drawer for 32pts expect when my internet lagged, but still ! I think we whooped some ass and if we do go to tribal I know it won’t be me going, thanks to Duolingo owl hate club but I’m also worried same could have and advantage because they seem pretty kean on learning a lot in like 3 hours and then tried to cover that statement to not seem so threatening but like babs s a huge threat too apparently they love Duolingo and know 5 laugnes ? This is from brayden but If so go babs ! That’s absolutely iconic for real Life but fucking scary in this game ! I gotta be buddy buddy with them so hopefully if they do have something it won’t be them going home first and it will be Ava. But I’m thinking we might get second place again unless someone is a fucking wizard at this.

Dennis hmm i think we did well enough in the challenge to not see tribal tomorrow but who knows i guess we shall find out tn

the way ellie was so on top of stuff yesterday only to oversleep the challenge makes me giggle maybe shes freaking out about it which makes me also giggle but i dont think its really a big deal

anastasia asked me to call yesterday and i was like sure lets talk but it is damn near impossible to hold a conversation with her idk i tried BUT she did tell me “yeah i just got off a call with ellie” im like i see. she says shes down to work with ellie but that quickly switched from ellie being ~experienced~ but good to know ellie is also playing hard. anastasia also mentioned that she talks to riley a fair amount who i still have yet to connect to well. but dat makes me think ellie is def talking to riley too miss debate team is definitely a talker. but good on her for the social game i guess

kenneth keeps being like haha we’re the same person and im like yeah👁 i bet we are👁

i just wanna win and not think about tribal just keep it slow and chill for now keep learnin my welsh i guess

Ava Second challenge was Pictionary and I had a ton of fun playing. The tea is: toph did a great job. He was pretty vocal about not being a great artist but really I think he did great. However, Babs was super inactive yesterday and ~too late~ said they were a great artist and should've been picked to draw. It was kind of like.... k babs thanks for the belated "help". They did do great guessing which scored a point in my book. Brayden was supposed to play but last minute logged off without saying anything so we did the challenge without him :/ sorta a bummer. Anyway the lack of participation from Sam is kind of popping off so we'll see where that leads them... Overall a fun game and fingers crossed we did well!

Moth I think we did okay at the challenge. Today I am dying from the heatwave so I’m not thinking too straight! Stay cool everyone

Ellie So yesterday Anastasia and I called for about an hour!!! I’d say we’re definitely way closer, she’s someone I really wanna work with although the idea of her and Brayden eventually being on the same tribe is kinda scary cause I know how close they are. Still she’s so fun to talk to and I just love her energy so much!

Pictionary challenge results: Jenkins Tribe wins with Penadragon second, Hatter Tribe has to go to tribal council on the following day.

Ava Well well well seems our bob ross, toph, didn't pull through (y'all think babs would've pulled it out for us or slept through our challenge like they said they almost did?) I can't wait for tribal. I'm in it for the drama. I'm hashtag voting Sam off - didn't even bother to be apart of our challenge and not too sure they've even been online for a full 24 hours. Weed out the weak.....

Anastasia

Brayden https://imgur.com/n60Lz0c

guys i dont know what to do someone help me out

Dennis i hope damn brayden gets the boot

Raffy Woo! We don't have to go to tribal again! We stan!

Ellie So I figured I’d go idol hunting today cause the shop was about to close and I just wanted to see what had been bought and what possible hats there were, I see that there’s a hat I have enough for that hasn’t been bought and I decide fuck it let’s get it

APPARENTLY ITS SOMETHING THAT IM NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS OR HOW TO USE IT YET???? THEY SAID ILL FIND OUT ABOUT IT LATER

I DONT WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE

Sam Well you see. I like all my tribe people. And I think we did real good on that music video! So, I think rather than voting anyone else off, I think I should just vote myself off if that is possible! Ahhh

Babs So sad to see Sam not only go but go through what they're going through :( same w Toph :( they all seem so lovely

Keith Not sure if i submitted a confession after the last tribal. But if I didnt here it is.

Happy I made it out of that tribal. I had raffy backing me with whom I played. Last time we played. We were at odds. We didnt work together but whats worse that we were against each other. It was either him or me goin out. Hopefully thats the past n we can work together. I jus need to keep things calm n show that Im not here itching to make big moves. So they dont feel threatened by me. N its easy cause right now. I havnt made that kind og bond with anyone on my tribe. To even think of such moves. Lets see what round two holds for me.

Colin so uh

we lost! :(

I was really bummed tbh. Like I thought we did well but circumstances with the challenge were just really unfortunate, from conflict about who wanted to be the artist to people disappearing the moment the challenge started, I think we did well despite all of that. Except we did kinda get stomped anyway. Oh well!! The game moves on. Tribal has to happen.

Initially I was gonna push for Babs, just because I feel like I don't wanna attach myself to them too early on. I've seen how much of a bitter player they can be, and lets just say I'm not the most loyal ally to have. however! 9 minutes after we lost, Ava announces to our alliance that she's voting Sam. I wasn't surprised, Sam has been the one not really pulling their weight. But I had some good connections with her!! we both did colorguard and shes so sweet and easy to talk to. I was really conflicted for a little bit, debating on whether or not to actually push for Babs. I think brayden sensed my hesitance but we both knew there was nothing really I could do to stop Sam from being the vote. At first tribal, the initial name always spreads like wildfire.

However, my mess was stopped abruptly by Sam asking to be voted out. welp!! okay then!! babs stays i guess!! i'm not too bothered. I'll never turn down an easy vote hehe.

Pretty sure there's a swap tonight. I'm kinda scared of that

uwu

Brayden

i almost forgot to upload this but dont worry i just remembered

Colin screams

Toph So we’re going to tribal in 20 and all I have to say right now is if there is a tribe swap after I’m gonna so scared but I ducking called I had a vibe and it was right that’s what is gonna win me this game trusting my intuition. I’m holding on now and gonna be the biggest comp beast next challenge in case I get fucked on this swap !!!! Or at least if it is a swap 🤔

Riley I don't know what this announcement's gonna be I'm worriedddd... Ginny said it probably means we're swapping teams but I don't wannaaaa I like our team.

Toph Sam self sacrificing made this the easiest vote ever and me being safe is a plus I guess 😎

#episodes

[kumarvarun13]

LOVER INITIAL LISTEN TRACK BY TRACK

1- i forgot that you existed

this so literally so cute. homegirl said bye bitch. SHES SHITTING ON CALVIN HARRIS!! OMG IM LITERALLY GOING CRAZY. SHES SAID I WENT TK YOUR SHOW EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ELSE DID. SHES GIGGLING. SHES SAYING CALVIN HARRIS IS IRRELEVANT. LOVE THAT.

2-cruel summer

come in production. i'm actually getting chills now. the chorus sounds so pretty. this sounds like if 1989 and reputation had a baby. *chefs kiss* that bridge. is. so. heartbreaking.

3- lover

brb i'm just going to go find a man/woman fall in love and get married k bye. this bridge is making me cry. for the 23rd time today. bc i cry at how cute this is. ILL SAVE A SEAR FOR YOU AT SVERY TABLE!! this woman is an amazing writer. and the vocal and harmonies are *chefs kiss*

4-the man

come in complexity. YES A BOSS ASS BITCH. alpha type hell yeah. this is such a bop. my ass is shaking in my bed. IF I WAS A MAN ID BE T H E MAN. we love a hard working queen. she's literally not saying a single thing wrong. women are so powerful like men could never. SHE SAID BITCHES. I- ID BE A BITCH NOT A... she's pissed at men bc we suck. i know. i'm sorry. well this is a song i can't play at work. and i oop. this production is so cool. jack? you did that if this is you. oh it fades out. so pretty

5- the archer

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuckkkkk.

i'm going to cry now. not the speeches. fuck he drums are coming in. i'll start taylor *cries* the pre chorus is so good. like. ugh. all of my hero's die all alone. who thinks of that. like. so powerful. also still not over the they see right through me part. fuck it's humpty dumpty. all of my enemies started out friends. i can with her. and i've listened to this song for exactly a month. i know what happens and i'm still shocked. ugh *chefs kiss*

6-i think he knows

what in the ass shaking is this. my ass can't stop shaking. she's so cute. yes taylor. spit barzz. that falsetto. this is my favorite chorus so far. i'm only on track 6. i have 12 tracks. this is so groovy. yes sing those ad libs. the HARMONIES UGH. BREAK IT DOWN. love this so much. one of my favs. she's slowing down. please tell me she picks it up again. she is. it's coming. this is my favorite so far. updates to come

7-miss americana and the heartbreak prince

oh this is slowing down. what in the reputation. this is so good. she's talking about the dark times. this is so complex. so much is going through my head. i love the screaming. THE STRINGS. she's a bad bad girl.

8-paper rings

stay stay stay is shaking. this is red. red is back. this is going to be so cute on tour. i want a paper ring. this is stay stay stay part 2. someone make me a paper ring. yee haw 🤠🤠this is such a fun song. i love the key change. so good. i want your dreary monday's. ID MARRY YOU WITH PAPER RINGS. INCANT. SHES IN FUCKING LOVE. LIKE SO IN LOVE.

9-cornelia street

this production. this is so simple but so powerful. this chorus. silence to the beat picking up. this is so cute. this isn't about joe. is it? wait. they almost broke up. and then they didn't. this such a beauty. omg i'm starting to tear up. this is good. wait it's not over. that bridge has the same tune as invisible. this is what everyone thought the album after 1989 would sound like. it's a more mature 1989. this is so deep

10-death by a thousand cuts

what's happening. the guitar. the pop. omg. this is the morning after a breakup. she's literally going through all the phases in love. omg. i don't know. this is a really pretty song. this is her facing the reality of what happened. this is giving me a thousand years vibes. idk why but it is. this is so good. i'll be alright. this is taking the spot for my favorite(sorry track 6)

11-london boy

this is literally already so good. this is joe's song. omg she's in love. DARLING I FANCY YOU. she's talking all about london. she's putting a fake british accent for some words or is that just me making it up? either way. this is so good. shout out to london. this might be my favorite production so far. it's different.

12-soon you'll get better(ft. the dixie chicks)

shit.

13-false god

what's with the sax. the sax is actually really nice. false god = a toxic relationship or the hard parts. this is a really good song. this is the coffee shop taylor i want. this is really good

14-you need to calm down

my ass is shaking again. damn it's 7 am. SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY. WE ALL GOT CROWNS YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.

15-afterglow

this is mellow production with such amazing and complex lyrics. i love this. my heart dropped. this is so good. i love the flow of the pre chorus. this is a pretty chorus. this is the baby that wildest dreams and out of the woods had after 1989. this stripped back bridge with her vocals and just the drums this is going to be a favorite.

16- me!(feat. brendon urie of panic! at the disco)

i like the song. not my favorite. but the placement of the song within the album is def a plus. it's really fits where it's placed. is "hey kids spelling is fun!" in the final album version? let's see. it's coming.... THEY TOOK IT OUT. i actually liked that part. it was cute and made the song less serious and much more of a fun song. plus it fit with the lyrics in the bridge.

17-it's nice to have a friend

idk how to feel about the steel drums. tbd. this is a simple song. very taylor and a simple beat. i actually like that. come in trumpet. this is a very calming song. the chorus oohs are really nice.

18-daylight

oh this is nice. this is really nice. it's a self reflection. i sounded the good and trusted the wicked. that's deep. this is really good. a nice closer to the album. oh it's picking up. love is golden. this is good. a good good closer. i love this final chorus. step into the daylight and let it go. this voice note ending. it's so raw. and personal. and an insight.

final thoughts: this might her best work. lyrically and production wise. there's not a song i didn't like at first listen. i know there is one song (track 11) i probably won't listen to that much because of how emotional it made me.

my initial top 5:

1. death by a thousand cuts

2. i think he knows

3. afterglow

4. paper rings

5. the archer

#lover #taylor swift #paper rings #archer #daylight #afterglow