#i just read dead republic and ...... oh my god
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One of the things that piss me off the absolute most about popular academic Frankenstein analysis is the “Victor Frankenstein is sexist” take. Like I know I’ve spoken about this quite a lot before but god damn it’s like people just look at the text and see, “(I) looked upon Elizabeth as mine—mine to protect, love, and cherish. All praises bestowed on her I received as made to a possession of my own.”, and they just immediately go, “Oh! Oh! Sexism! Misogyny! Victor Frankenstein is a sexist! Why does he want to create the perfect man, huh? *gasp* is it because he thinks women are inferior?”
When if those people pulled their heads out of their asses for five minutes and read the rest of that paragraph, “On the evening previous to her being brought to my home, my mother had said playfully, “I have a pretty present for my Victor—tomorrow he shall have it.” And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine (…)” along with the fact that Victor explicitly says he was “about five years old”, they’d maybe consider, “huh, maybe it’s very fucked up of a mother to give her to her son as a gift and spent her entire life basically shipping these two adopted siblings together until, on her death bed, she says, “my firmest hopes of future happiness were placed on the prospect of your union. This expectation will now be the consolation of your father.” Wow, maybe that’s kind of fucked up. Maybe painting, again, a five year old, who was honesty for all intents and purposes pretty much just manipulated into thinking it was his duty to marry his adopted sister out of respect for his dead mother’s last wishes who died when he was seventeen, as a wife-beating woman hater who reanimated the dead to spite half the human population, is very very fucked up!”
Like I can’t stress this enough – both Elizabeth and Victor are victims here. Of course as the story goes on a bit and Victor is a grown adult man who’s still avoiding his feelings and fucking off across the continent with his buddy pal best friend every five minutes instead of facing his mistakes and emotions, yeah, he is honestly more or less to blame for Elizabeth’s death, but that isn’t misogyny. Avoidance of everything is like one of his integral character flaws.
And I mean if you thought the 1831 republication had some creepy undertones, look at the bloody original 1818 version.
“(My uncle) request(ed) my father (…) take charge of the infant Elizabeth, the only child of his deceased sister. “It is my wish,” he said, “that you should consider her as your own daughter, and educate her thus.”’
So just explicit incest, basically. And again, if you thought Victor’s mother was a bit creepy and pushy in the republication,
“I have often heard my mother say, that she was at that time the most beautiful child she had ever seen, and shewed signs even then of a gentle and affectionate disposition. These indications, and a desire to bind as closely as possible the ties of domestic love, determined my mother to consider Elizabeth as my future wife; a design which she never found reason to repent.”
“………A desire to bind as closely as possible the ties of domestic love?” My brother in Christ you were groomed. Fun fact, I read the 1818 version first and read that in the middle of form class and sat for a good five minutes staring flabbergasted at what the fuck I was reading.
So no, dear God no, nowhere in the text does it imply Victor Frankenstein hates women. I mean honestly it’s kind of shown in the way he talks about the Creature’s Bride that he doesn’t view women as objects and does, in fact, view them as people.
“He had sworn to quit the neighbourhood of man and hide himself in deserts, but she had not; and she, who in all probability was to become a thinking and reasoning animal, might refuse to comply with a compact made before her creation.”
My guy basically says “well what are we expecting her to do here, immediately marry you just because she was told to?”
(Just a fun little comparison I noticed there – not to turn the conversation back to my whole “does Victor is gay” theory but I think it is interesting that Victor thinks that, that he does go “well she can’t just be expected to marry someone just because she was told to!” and then suggests to himself that she would probably rather “turn with disgust from him to the superior beauty of man” – interesting, Victor. Like Clerval’s “form so divinely wrought, and beaming with beauty”? Interesting as well that after Victor comes to that conclusion and destroys the Bride, the Creature immediately then kills Henry and only then does Victor finally go “well. I finally have to marry Elizabeth.” Feeling disheartened by sparing her your predicament only to be thrust even deeper into your own, are we?)
But yeah. “Victor Frankenstein is a full-blown women-hating misogynist” takes really piss me off. Another case of “oooh yes let’s cherry pick the text scouring it for anything we can possibly use to turn things back around to the same few analysis points we’ll reuse over and over instead of possibly considering that just because a text is written by a woman doesn’t mean that it’s a massive rant on the patriarchy disguised as a science fiction novel.”
Maybe that’s kind of sexist itself. Maybe women can just write kick-ass gothic horror sometimes. And maybe just because a work definitely has undertones about sexism and misogyny (like, fair enough, a lot of Elizabeth’s character definitely does) that doesn’t mean that the male protagonist wants to kill all women! And surprise surprise as well, works can comment on misogyny and patriarchy and acknowledge that women are treated badly in society and have been in differing ways for hundreds of years, without going “all men are inherently evil and fuck them all”. Bit of a side rant that I won’t go all into here, but just worth mentioning that after seeing this over and over again in media and analysis of media over and over again, hey, misandry won’t fix misogyny. It just makes everything considerably stupidly worse. –your friendly neighbourhood bisexual
#gothic lit#classic literature#gothic literature#goth lit#classic lit#frankenstein#frankenstein weekly#frankenstein or the modern prometheus#Victor Frankenstein#Elizabeth Lavenza#Frankenstein analysis#Clervalstein#(kind of)#frankenstein everyday
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His Dark Materials Season 3 - Full Season Thoughts
When I say that I’ve been waiting for this not just for two years since S2 but also for 15-ish years since I read the book, I truly am not exaggerated, I just know that I’m going to be a MESS and bawling at the end of it.
Warning: not only for spoilers under the cut but also because I’m fangirling AND screaming a lot about this series so… yep! Be prepared!
Episode 1: The Enchanted Sleeper
I HAVE MISSED THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH
AMBER SPYGLASS ADAPTATION HERE WE GO 10 YEAR OLD ME IS CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING THROWING UP
Will looking for Lyra 😭❤️
The fact that in her dream-state, the first thing Lyra asked for was Pan, and me knowing what’s coming??? Oh, this season will truly break my damn heart-
ROGER ROGER ROGER 😭😭😭😭
THE TITLE CREDITS CHANGED AND I SAW THE LAND OF THE DEAD AND HARPIES AND ALSO THE MULEFA ASDFGHJKL
DADDY ASRIEL BELACQUA IS BACK ASDFGHJKL
Stelmaria is so bloody beautiful, oh my god, Asriel truly has such a beautiful dæmon
THE GALLIVESPIANS ASDFGHJKL HOLY FUCK EVERYONE ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER
Am admittedly a little disappointed they’re not riding dragonflies or anything
ASRIEL IS WAGING HIS WAR IT’S HAPPENING
I’m so ridiculous, I fangirled seeing Ama because I was like “I REMEMBER HER FROM THE BOOK”
The BSL between Mrs Coulter and Ama omg I was not expecting that but I was literally captivated the entire time they were on-screen, 11/10 choice
Pan weakly asking Mrs Coulter to let them go 😭 also hi Kit Connor, I keep forgetting you’re the voice of Pan in this series
Why is Father Gomez… hot tho 💀
THE GAY ANGELS KISSED THIS IS GOD TIER FUCKING CONTENT GOD FUCKING BLEEEESSSSS
Baruch and Balthamos, yet another reason my heart is going to fucking shatter tonight
Ogunwe’s eldest daughter being “soulless” and Asriel explaining it by explaining his and Stelmaria’s bond and saying what happened to the girl is the same as cutting his dæmon/soul away 😭
Lyra managing to escape but she’s so weak that she didn’t get far and Marisa caught her 😔
The mother-daughter dynamic is so interesting in such a messed up way, like Marisa truly thinks what she’s doing is right and will protect Lyra but also her method of keeping her daughter safe is to drug her and keep her asleep in a cave/hideaway somewhere, truly unstable and unhealthy parenting techniques here
Ama saw her chloroforming Lyra oh my god 😦
IOREK LOOKING FOR LYRA OH MY GOD 😭 HE LOVES HER SO MUCH I LOVE ONE BEAR DAD AND HIS HUMAN DAUGHTER
Will really sliced Iorek’s helmet like it was butter, no wonder Iorek was like “nope I’m not fighting I can’t fight a knife that does that to my armour”
Not Father Gomez sniffing Mrs Coulter’s (?) dress 💀
Oh no no no not the spy fly things being sent after Mrs Coulter, Jesus H-
Marisa telling the monkey to leave her alone and he just doesn’t??? Like he wants to try and comfort her but doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t say anything but she knows what he’s thinking??? Their dynamic is so messed up, I love it
“Welcome to the Republic of Heaven, Commander” CHILLS LITERAL CHILLS
They ended the episode with an “in memory of” for Helen McCrory (the voice of Stelmaria in S1&2) and I nearly started bawling oh my god
Episode 2: The Break
“Nearly 400 years with Baruch must have mellowed me” - OH MY GOD T H E M
“We feel as one, though we are two” - THEY ARE SO…?!? THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL
“And you’ll find a way to protect the one you love” - 😭😭😭
SPYFLY?!
I know it’s been three years since the end of S1 aired and obviously the young actors grow fast, but damn is Roger’s voice deeper than when he died
“They’re hurting me” - NOOOOOOOOOO
“Just tell me where you are and I’ll find you!” “... The Land of the Dead” - FUCK ME
Lyra screaming for Roger like that, I feel so sick
Pan’s little ermine noises are so cute omg
“Where did you go? I... I couldn’t follow you there.” (Pan to Lyra) - NOT THE FORESHADOWING, JUST RUN ME THROUGH WITH A KNIFE AT THIS POINT, IT WOULD FUCKING HURT LESS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
QUEEN RUTA SKADI AAAAAAHHHHH
“It would take more than a little crash to put an end to the pair of us” - I swear to fucking god, if this is more foreshadowing-
(it’s been a few years since I read TAS, okay, give me a break if I’ve forgotten anything)
AAAHHHH MARY MALONE I MISSED YOU
Wait did she just walk into Ogunwe’s camp???
“Something happened here a few days ago and now they’re everywhere” - WHAT ARE??? IS IT THE BUZZING???
The way I tensed up seeing Marisa approach Ama jesus christ i do NOT trust that woman
Also Ama’s outfit reminded me of Lyra’s Jordan College outfit from the film, like the red pinafore and blue dress underneath I mean
ROKE??? AND HE MENTIONED LADY SALMAKIA AAAAHHHHHHH
“When is Lyra not in danger?” - LMFAO true though
“You dismiss Lyra too easily” - Exactly, thank you Stelmaria! Was not expecting her to come through for Lyra but I’m pleased!
“Eve was the Mother of Creation, Lyra is simply the creation of Marisa and I. She is not Eve, she’s a little girl” - OOF
“She must have some information they need or some skill we’ve overlooked.” “Other than being able to read the Alethiometer, she has very little, I’m afraid... other than a nose for trouble” - DAMN ALRIGHT CHILL ASRIEL
The way that Stelmaria snarled so angrily at him talking about Lyra like that oh my GOD
“What??? What would you like me to say?” “The truth.” - FUCK YEAH, Stelmaria, call out your human like that!
“There are angels above the camp” - OOH SHIT
“What are they doing?” “They’re fighting” - OH FUCK WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER THIS NO-
I AM NOT READY TO LOSE BARUCH YET NO NO NO NO FU-
“He’s leaving us” — NO FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I FUCKING CANT DO THIS TODAY-
“My Balthamos” - IM NEVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS, NEVER, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL
HIS LAST WORD WAS “BALTHAMOS” I AM GOING TO SCREAM
Yes we got gay angels kissing but at what cOST 😭😭😭😭😭😭
BALTHAMOS FEELING IT WHEN BARUCH DIES ASDFGHJKL NO I CANNOT COPE, IM GONNA BE SICK, THIS IS SICK, PHILIP PULLMAN IM HIDING UNDER YOUR BED
“This is your fault… you forced me to come here! I wanted us to stay together, I wanted to go with him! They’ve killed him!” - literally STAB ME, it would hurt FAR less 😭
Father Gomez is so hot but he has a spider dæmon so it’s a hard no from me 🙈
“I once killed an innocent young boy in order to harness it (Dust)” - yeah, and we still haven’t FUCKIN forgiven you
Not Asriel straight up torturing Alarbus in his Dust experimenting chamber :l though he DID kill Baruch so...
“You think you’re significant - He does not even know your name” - DAMN, what a sick burn
“We have a life in the resistance; we can read, write, learn... all those things are forbidden by the temple, especially for-” “Girls.” - oh damn. It’s obvious that this is a commentary on teachings by the church or whatever, especially how it used to be in the past. (My brain is tired so I can’t do full analysis, but I’m sure other people out there will do it better than me)
The girls wanting Mary to stay “to rest” and then asking her about why she’s looking for the girl while pouring her a drink... feels very ominous to me and I hope I’m wrong
(Spoiler alert: I was wrong)
The Magisterium straight up sending out a death squad to kill Lyra, Jesus Christ it’s almost hilarious how far gone they are that they can’t see why killing a teenage girl is wrong, like mother of sin or not, that is still a teenage girl
Will to Iorek: You attract too much attention - YOU DON’T SAY LMAO HE’S LITERALLY AN ARMOURED BEAR
Of course Balthamos knows sign language, that literally makes so much sense because he’s an angel so of course he’d know literally every language in history - and so of course he appears and translates because she can’t hear Will and he doesn’t sign. I love it
I know only a small amount of BSL but I felt so happy when I was able to read Balthamos signing “W-I-L-L” and Ama finger-signing her own name
“But no mother could possibly be this cruel.” “This mother would.” - DAAAAAAAMN
She’s growing sunroot, which is a waking medicine oh my gOD I love Ama, she is truly an icon in her own right even though she’s only in two episodes
Will smiling a little when he sees Lyra sleeping :’)
THE WAY I JUMPED AT MARISA’S VOICE OMG
“I always suspected that you were coming, but I didn’t think you’d be the first” - oh my god, she KNEW Will would come sooner or later, she knows how much he cares for Lyra
Her offering him tea and my first thought being “do NOT drink anything she gives you, do NOT do it”
“I’m keeping her here because I’m her mother, and I love her” - BITCH, you’re straight up drugging her, mother or not you are NOT showing your love in a healthy way
See, I get that she says she’s trying to keep Lyra safe because she knows the Magisterium want her dead, but like... drugging her? Keeping her there against her will? Ma’am, please-
“Because she hates me, Will, and if I woke her she’d run” - damn I’m not surprised, you’ve not exactly been the most loving of mothers at this point
“Wouldn’t your mother do the same for you? A child needs their mother. You understand that, Will. You need your mother” - oh NO, no, no, do NOT bring up Mrs Perry!!!
“And here’s the trick they never tell you: your mother needs you�� - oh she’s a goddamn SNAKE
“You promise that you’re keeping her safe? That you’ll carry on keeping her safe?” - Will, nOOO do NOT leave her there
Oh, she nearly CRAPPED herself when he mentioned going to Asriel
“I have seen them together; where one goes, the other follows” - literally everyone else notices it, they’re really not subtle
“You would use your own daughter as a trap?” - yeah, no, that really doesn’t shock me at this point, the man has no fuckin morals anymore
Oh okay PHEW, Will actually has a plan and isn’t just blindly trusting Marisa, I’m resting a little easier now
“I’m counting my steps - we’ll return by them in another world” - OH SHIT HERE WE GO
Nah, that monkey is STILL giving me the chills, fucking hate that monkey so bad
“Your mind is muddled” - this episode has featured so much Stelmaria calling Asriel out, and that’s content I’m honestly living for
Marisa giving the monkey a massive rock and going “do your worst”... AND THEN SHE LOWERED HER HEAD AND HE SMACKED HER OVER THE HEAD WITH IT WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON I LITERALLY GASPED, like she clearly was telling him to do it but WHYYYYY???
Ama was so ready to go with Will and help him, we have to stan
So now Marisa looks battered and bruised...? I’m guessing she’s got some kind of plan here???
Ohhhh okay, I get her plan now: she looks all beaten up, she tells Gomez that Will has come and taken Lyra, it looks like Will has hurt her when he stole Lyra, Gomez will then hopefully leave thinking that she doesn’t still have Lyra... got it. Bit extreme to have your dæmon beat the shit out of you though
“You know, he had several hundred miles and the boundaries between worlds to cross, and yet... he still managed to get here before you. Bravo.” - LMFAO the shade
“... I am going to take Lyra now, Mrs Coulter” - Oh he didn’t fall for it in the slightest lmao he was like “well, at least you tried”
“you gave her the terrible punishment of her existence” is such a cruel line, jesus christ my dude
He’s not even trying to hide the fact that they want to murder her daughter omg
THE WINDOW IS FORMING ASDFGHJKL WILL IS COMING
Is she trying to distract Gomez so he doesn’t see Will and the knife?!? Is she actually doing something good???
Pan hopping into Will’s coat pocket omg that’s so cute I love it
THAT MONKEY IS FERAL
SHE WHACKED HIM OVER THE HEAD OH MY GOD
“Oh dear… perhaps you were right about that strength” - LMAO she’s so iconic
Not Marisa thinking she’s coming with him and Lyra 💀 I don’t know whether I feel sorry for her or not at this point
“Do you think it’s that easy to dispose of me? Is that what you do, Will? Was your mother as easily disposed of? Where did you leave her?” - ACTUALLY NAH YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t feel sorry for her at all
His mind isn’t empty enough, she’s distracting him, he’s gonna break the knife 😭😭😭
THE KNIFE BROKE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT DAMN
NOT HER THREATENING WILL WITH A GUN AND LYRA STANDING IN FRONT OF HIM TO PROTECT HIM
AH THE GALLIVESPIAN STINGING HER YESSSSS
The airships shooting at them and Iorek immediately jumping to defend them I’m-
“Iorek’s here?” - YES, HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH 😭
Ama jumping on that soldier and Will killing him before he can kill her I’m-
Asriel really arrived super late to the party, literally all the fighting is over and done with 💀
Ohhhh he’s seen Marisa 👀
Lyra taking Will’s hand as they lie together under the stars 😭❤️
Episode 3: The Intention Craft
I’m gonna try to keep my notes a little bit briefer because it took me two hours to watch a 57 minute episode on episode 2 :’( this is 8 hours worth of tv, it’s currently 00:20 am and we’ve only done two episodes so... yeah
NOT THE SHOT OF THE DÆMON (presumably Pan) ALONE ON A DOCK ASDFGHJKL; YALL THIS IS SICK
“Whatever happens... we’ll be together” - having read the book is both a blessing and a curse because on the one hand I’m somewhat able to prepare myself beforehand but on the other I KNOW how painful this is about to be and I can’t stand it
Oooh Marisa is Asriel’s prisoner :O
I think Asriel is enjoying having her as his prisoner a bit TOO much
The way he was right behind her, so close he was literally breathing on her neck as he tied her up... asdfghjkl;
“You could be standing here beside me, you know” - NOT THE MARISA/ASRIEL FEELS asdfghjkl
*taking her necklace in hand* “still wear this?” - ASDFGHJKL did he give that to her?? Or is it just one of those “oh you still wear this?” things???
“How could you and I have produced another Eve?” - no but same, I’m still wondering that lmfao
Not him calling Lyra a “wretched girl” and acting like it’s her fault Marisa turned up to whisk her away?!
Did they collar and chain up her monkey dæmon too??? Damn, he knows her well lmao
“You seem different.” “So do you.” “...you’re staring.” - oh my gOD
Not Salmakia spying on them :’) “I haven’t been hiding, you just haven’t been looking” LMAO
“How do I know you won’t cut into another world?” - umm because the knife’s broken??? It ain’t cutting shit right now
Ahhh she’s got her Alethiometer back! All is right with the world :3
“Since he’s died, I’ve done none of the things he’s asked me to do” - awww Will :(
Are we gonna meet the Mulefa this episode? The next one? :O
“Because Roger’s dead body was in a cage! In a cage that he made, he killed him!” - when she puts it like that, I’m not shocked she wants nothing to do with Asriel anymore, damn
“to work alongside a murderer?!” - 1) Will is a murderer? 2) The reason she trusted Will was because the Alethiometer told her he was a murderer?? But I get what she means
I don’t like when Will and Lyra argue :(
“Lyra is pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do.” “Oh, she is her mother’s daughter!” “You don’t trust her?” “She’s also mine.” - LMFAO TRUE ENOUGH
The device Asriel is using to communicate with Salmakia with is so cool omg
Father MacPhail really just sitting there in the dark all like “where have you gone??” I think he’s losing it a little
RED PANDA PAN AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
“You’re not always right, you know that?” - LMAO I love Lyra and Pan so much
“Your father was right about you - you are insufferable” - OOF DAMN
NOT THEM LEADING THE MONKEY ON A CHAIN LIKE A DOG
At least they gave her new clothes I guess?
“I have been the worst mother in the world” - NO SHIT
“I didn’t think of her for years - and if I did, it was only to regret the embarrassment of her birth, the humiliation-” “Ridiculous! I have never understood why a child born of our love should be a humiliation!” “An illegitimate child and a murdered husband! That is quite something to carry on my back” -- Damn, this trial literally just became a couple’s counselling session for Marisa and Asriel??? And Asriel straight up admitting he loved her??? That they loved each other???
I will not ship them, I will NOT ship them, I WILL NOT-
“What if Iorek’s not there?” “He wouldn’t leave without me” - AND WE ALL KNOW IT ASDFGHJKL
“I know it wasn’t real, but once or twice I woke up and she was holding me... never been held before” - I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE-
IOREK AND LYRA REUNITING, HER HUGGING HIM IM SOBBING ACTUALLY I LOVE ONE GIRL AND ONE BEAR-
There’s something very special to me about Lyra sitting against Iorek’s flank, I can’t explain how soft it is
“Huh, still a Silvertongue” - asdfghjkl; he’s the one who gave her that name, it’s literally a title he bestowed on her, I love it :’)
Oh no, is Dr Cooper the one from Bolvanger??? Am I remembering correctly???
“Ah yes... you always were easily impressed by what he made” - DAMN I should NOT have cackled like I did
I can’t get over how charged the scenes between Asriel and Marisa are, my goodness-
“The inventor of hideous machines, capable of tearing children apart” - you’re one to talk, remember what you did to Roger????
“But along comes some foul mouthed arrogant little brat with dirt under her fingernails, and ohhh you can love her! You cluck and you settle your feathers over her like a mother hen-” - JESUS I’M-...?!?
The way he slammed her up against the intention craft after she spat at him, his hand on her face... I thought they were gonna kiss, holy SHIT
“Every hideous thing that you’ve done in his name... and it was all a lie” - DAMN, this episode is cutting so deep in all the best ways
It’s the way I know what’s going to happen, I know the knife is fixed, and yet I’m still nervous
“Find what matters!” *glances to Lyra* - oh they are NOT slick, they’re so obvious about this and I’m all for it
Imagine being Will and waking up to see a massive looming bear standing over you, omfg
YAY, the knife is fixed! (I knew it would be but still) I love that it looks more twisted, at least in my opinion
“You will always be a welcome visitor to Svalbard, and the same is true to you, Will. You are worthy of each other. Goodbye, Lyra Silvertongue - I hope we do meet again one day.” - NOT ME CRYING OVER AN ARMOURED BEAR’S RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL
Now why is Asriel showing the prisoner angel to Marisa, no good will come of this-?
“He’s beautiful.” “Everyone’s beautiful.” - this plus the way he keeps leaning and shit around her... at this point, everything Asriel has done this episode just straight up seems like him flirting with Marisa lmao
Eyyyy Balthamos is back!!!
Balthamos: so, you ready to go to Asriel yet? // Will: LOL sorry nope
And just as soon as he was back, he went away again :O
“my mum’s always said if a friend needs help, you should give it” - Will Parry is his mother’s son through and through :’)
“That no doubt depends.” “On what?” “What Asriel does to him.” - oh god he’s gonna fucking kill that angel and cause more chaos, I can feel it
NOT ASRIEL AND MARISA TEAMING UP TO TORTURE THE ANGEL AND DESTROY HIM
Damn even Marisa looks kinda freaked out by Asriel torturing the fucking angel oh my god
LMAO SHE RAN SO FAST TO THE INTENTION CRAFT
“Goodbye Asriel” should NOT have hit me so hard, oh my goodness
Yeah, no, I don’t think the knife can cut through to the land of the dead? Which makes sense all things considered
OH, the last world he could cut to before the land of the dead is the desert wasteland one from Lyra’s dreams! :O
Pan like “wait, this doesn’t feel safe” and backing away whimpering :’(
IS THE SAD THING GONNA HAPPEN NEXT EPISODE NO NO NO I CANT HANDLE IT
I thought we’d have until like episode 6 or something :’(
Episode 4: Lyra and Her Death
Judging from the title of this episode... FUCK I AM NOT READY WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE AT THIS POINT ALREADY
(If it’s not this episode then it’ll probably be the next one, either way I’m not READY)
Pan: *whimpering* // Lyra: Pan, stop that - :’(
“Then where are everyone’s dæmons?” “We’ve been in plenty of worlds without dæmons before, just get in my pocket and we’ll be fine.” “There are people here who should have dæmons but don’t.” - PAN IS GONNA MAKE ME SOB THIS EPISODE ASDFGHJKL
Not Marisa running straight back to the Magisterium jesus christ girl why
“Good. This is good.” - NO IT FUCKING ISN’T LYRA
“How long do we wait?” “Until you die, of course!” - well, I mean, it IS the land of the dead so...
I genuinely cannot tell what is going on in Gomez’s head at this point O_o he’s so creepy
“Somewhere out there is a tempter, a serpent, and I had to keep them from meeting” - but here’s the thing: the angel told Mary that she was to play the role of serpent, and she and Lyra have already met. But also, Marisa maybe thinks the serpent is Will, which adds a whole new layer to this whole situation???
“And the way he (Asriel) is fighting, Hugh... it’s is terrifying” - oh look, me and Marisa agree on something for once!
“Sometimes your devotion is hard to read” - lmao true
“You have my mind, my body, and my soul (...) He could never resist temptation, whereas you... your abstinence is magnificent” - exCUSE ME WHAT MARISA????
I deadass thought he was about to try and force himself on her then
“Remember what we did together... our lives are entwined” - UMMMM??? I’m not the only one reading into that in a slightly sexual way, right??
Who knew that the waiting area in the land of the dead was like your everyday doctor’s waiting room, complete with grating elevator music??
I both want to know what’s in the chest Gomez gave Marisa and I also do not want to know O_o “it’s how we found you, a kind gift”?
Is there some generational mother-daughter trauma theme going on here or...? Because she said “mother” and he said “she was only too happy to help”, and her response was “of course she was”?
Is Mary in the Mulefa world right now???
“Feels like we’re in a horror film.” “... Why would you want to watch a film that makes you feel horrible?” “...You make a good point.” “I like the film with the bear.” - ASDFGHJKL, THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION XD Also the reference back to S2 where they were watching Paddington omg
“Everyone has a Death. Goes everywhere with them, all their life long.” (Lyra: Isn’t that scary?) (Larissa(?): Not at all, dear. It’s natural) “From the moment you’re born... your Death comes into the world with you. And it’s your Death that takes you out. There’s love in that.” - Pan’s little face :’(
“When you’re ready, they say it’s beautiful. Your Death says, ‘easy now, easy child, you come along with me’. And you go with them, to the boat and the boatman.” - not me getting emotional over the talk of death, fuck me-
Pan retreating back into Lyra’s pocket sadly, like he KNOWS he won’t be allowed to go with them, I hate it here-
DAMN, Marisa slaying in that purple dress with heels, holy shit-
“If you won’t stop...” “You’ll do what, exactly?” *dramatic music stops* “... I’ll fetch support.” “Good. We all need support.” - BAHAHAHAAHAHA This show is a fucking comedy at times oh my god
The fact that any part of the dæmon guillotine design is being reused is horrendous, let alone as a fuckin BOMB
“*casually* Oh. They’re here for me.” - LMAO
“Wait: can we talk about this?” - Will asking the REAL questions here omg let’s not do this please
Lyra: You were on my side. // Pan:... I thought I was by your side.” - STOP RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU
Lyra’s Death is there?!?! And she’s just leaving Will?!
Pan running after Lyra as she walks with her Death, I’m about to sob
Not them taking a lock of Lyra’s hair from Marisa while she sleeps??? And her sending Roke after Gomez, she was pretending to be asleep asdfghjkl
They’re using the lock of Lyra’s hair that Marisa has kept to aim the bomb at Lyra?!? Jesus fucking Christ, and they still think they’re the good guys here???
“I’m always here. I’ve followed you your entire life. I am a special devoted friend who’s been beside you every moment of your life. Who knows you better than anyone. Who knows you better than even you know yourself.” - oh shit
Also Pan being like “that’s not true!”, like he’s so offended by her Death saying that when he’s right there
If I remember correctly, wasn’t Lyra’s Death male in the book? Or...?
“I don’t want to be exceptional. Maybe once I did. My parents... that’s all they care about. I just want to be good. I just want to help someone, and Roger needs me... and I wasn’t there the last time he needed me.” - oh my heart is hurting so bad right now because in S1E02 I’m pretty sure she said to Pan that no one ever thought they’d be exceptional etc, and also the fact she still feels guilt for Roger’s death :’(
I’ve spent 15 years trying to imagine what a mulefa looks like... and now finally I know! Oh my goodness?!?! And it brought Mary food?!?
“You take me into the BEST places, you know that?” - LMAO Will’s so funny when he wants to be
“What else is there left to do?” Oh, I don’t know, Doctor Cooper, maybe NOT make a fricking bomb??? Also eyyyy Roke stung her!
“Arrogance. Sheer arrogance. I underestimated them” - yeah, no kidding, Marisa
Oof Marisa’s on a damn warpath, she’s gonna destroy the Magisterium and I’m so here for it
“What if we don’t come back?” “Then we’ll have died doing something important” - I’m way too emotional for this episode, I’m already losing my mind and emotions and I know it’s just going to get worse and worse :’(
Marisa calling out MacPhail as a sinner oh this is delicious the tea is so delicious today
“You have no right here; you are a wanton woman who has always wanted what she didn’t have. Your husband was killed by your lover, the heretic Asriel, and your illegitimate child was abandoned until she became sin itself.” - OH DAMN
“You will address me as Father President or Your Grace” - damn, man is on a freaking power trip?!?!
“I’m sorry? This is where your loyalty lies? Not with that above? Not with truth but with power?” - Marisa is spilling ALL the truth today oh my lord she did not come to play around
“This is all you really are: an incoherent, emotional woman. Why should anyone trust you? You can barely string a sentence together” - OH YOU LIL BITCH I’M ABOUT TO THROW THESE HANDS
He took her locket?!?
“And when we sever your dæmon, you will be the bullet to kill Lyra Belacqua and to save us all from sin” - on the one hand, isn’t it ironic that her own dæmon severing technology is about to be used on her? But on the other, this man is one cruel motherfucker and I’m raging right now, FUCK this dude
“Take her to the cells... and bring her dæmon to me” - nah man, I’m about to be sick, fuck these motherfuckers. Fucking MEN, AM I RIGHT
Oh no. Oh no no no we’re at the docks and Pan is whimpering already I’m not strong enough today for this-
“I’m sorry, one of your party is unsuitable for travel at this time” - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-
“We have to follow the rules. A pain, but necessary. No passage. Not for him.” “But he is me.” “If you come, he must stay.” “I don’t think you understand, if we separate we die.” “But isn’t that what you want?” - I’m really about to be crying at 2:30am over Lyra and Pan again aren’t I????
Pan running away because he knows Lyra will follow and he thinks it will stop it from happening, my HEART
“No, that’s not right, I don’t leave part of myself behind, why should she?” “Yes, you do, absolutely, you do. It’s her misfortune - or luck - to be able to see and talk to the part she must leave. You will not know until you are in the water, and by that time fortunately - or unfortunately - it will be too late for you to do anything about it. But you must all leave that part of yourselves here.” - NO NO NO NO NO I’m just going to keep chanting it until it stops fUCK
“We’re gonna get on the boat. Don’t worry.” “Lyra, you’re not listening to him, he won’t let us.” - AND LYRA BRINGING PAN ON THE BOAT TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM :’(((( she even tries to pull the thing herself but she can’t, I’m siCK-
“We can’t separate... we can’t...” :( :(
“I’ve taken millions across... none have come back.” “We will. You don’t know Lyra and you don’t know me, but we’ll find a way. Another way. So since we’re doing that, be kind, boatman. Let her take her dæmon.” - Will trying so hard to get them to take Pan, even brandishing the knife, but it’s not happening asdfghjkl
“How many ages do you think I’ve been ferrying people? Do you think if anything could hurt me, it wouldn’t have happened already? You think the people I carry come with me gladly?! No, they struggle, they cry, they bribe, they threaten, they fight! Nothing works!” - :(
The entirety of the Lyra and Pan exchange had me outloud sobbing, clutching my chest in pain, I’ve got to share it all with you...
Lyra: I don’t want you leave you here.
Pan: We can still turn around.
Lyra: But I can’t not do this.
Pan: You can, Lyra.
Lyra: What about Roger? And Sal? They never got a chance to grow up.
Pan: But it’s not Roger and Sal, is it? Roger’s dead, and Sal is gone! And it won’t be Lyra and Pan, you’re leave me here, alone! What will I do?
Lyra: But our dreams…
Pan: I didn’t have those dreams! They were your dreams, I didn’t even want to come here! This is your choice!
Lyra: But we’re together…
Pan: Not if you do this.
Lyra: Please… I can’t betray Roger. It’s my fault he’s dead and now he needs me.
Pan: I need you too! Why can’t you see that? … Where will I go?
Lyra: I’ll find you… okay? I will go to the Land of the Dead and I’ll come back, and I’ll find you. I’m not leaving you… ‘Kay? I’m not leaving you, not forever. Will and me will find a way out of here, and we’ll go to Asriel’s, somehow you’ve got to get there too, but I have to do this.
Pan:… Then you’ve made up your mind. You’ve chosen Roger over me.
Lyra: No, Pan… please don’t, don’t… please… there’s no other way. I’ve got to… I love you.
Pan:… Just… go.
The way Lyra turned her head to watch him, the way Pan came up to the very edge of the dock and started crying, the two of them watching each other as they drifted further and further apart, the soundtrack... I am a fucking MESS
“My heart...” 😭💔
Lyra’s pained screams oh my GOD and Will holding her I’m not OKAY
Episode 5: No Way Out
My heart is already broken from last episode, I don’t know how much worse I can feel at this point 😭
Oh good, we’re starting with mulefa hijinks! (Sort of)
Mary stopping and having a moment of “what am I doing?… following a talking elephant” 🤣
IT SKATING AROUND ON PODS ASDFGHJKL
Lyra and Will: *having literally the worst times of their lives* // Mary: *playing with the Mulefa and living her best life*
The Mulefa having their own language oh my god and the orange subtitles fading to the white English ones omg because she’s learning their language
Baby Mulefa 😭❤️
Oof we’re right back to pain 🤡
“What does it feel like, being this far away from him? From Pan?” “It’s like an iron hand is gripped around my heart and is yanking it out between my ribs.” “And it’s mental too, right? As if some private secret thing’s been dragged out into the open?” “…yeah.” — 😭
“You know, you always said I must have a dæmon and I never believed you… and now it feels like I’ve known her my whole life. Maybe she’s with Pan now.” - ASDFGHJKL KIRJAVA IS COMING IM-
“Wait. If my dæmon’s still at the jetty, can you give him a message?” “I can tell you now, he won’t be.” 😭😭😭😭
Oooh Land of the Dead here we go!
I’m still curious as to why exactly Marisa and the monkey can separate so far? Have they already been intercised or something? Like they can REALLY go far from each other 🤔
“They intend to sever you from your dæmon!” “… Good.” — EXCUSE ME MARISA???? She really hates the little thing doesn’t she, damn
“It’s not made of rock… it’s made of people’s things” - oh damn
Oh my gosh the dead 😭
“They don’t like it if we talk to each other.” “Who don’t?” - OH SHIT THE HARPIES
The little dead children talking about their dæmons 😭 “Mine was called Sandling. He used to think he’d be a bird, but I hoped he wouldn’t because I liked him all furry.” “My Kasta used to curl up in my hand and go to sleep.” “Mine was called Matapan” 😭😭
Not MacPhail going to touch the monkey but being interrupted by Father Gomez schooling him on how it’s forbidden 💀
HE JUST SLAPPED GOMEZ OMG
Nooo not her losing Will
NOT HER THINKING SHE SEES PAN NOOO ITS NOT REAL
“You left me on the jetty to die (…) I’ve always known deep down how selfish you are. You really believe you’re here for Roger - you already killed him. You came here for you, to assuage your guilt, to play the hero” - 😭😭😭😭 I know it’s not really Pan but still my heART
ROGER 😭💔
“I missed you. I’m so sorry, about everything. I should have let you go with the Gyptians and the kids… I shouldn’t have taken you to Asriel. If I’d have let you go, you wouldn’t be here, would you? You’d be…” “It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to go with you.” — 😭 my heart is a literal mess I’m blubbering
“Stop it! You think I want to go back to the real world? Like this?” - oh Roger…
Will not being able to cut a window out and it sounding like the knife is being grated over rock 😳
NOT THE HARPIES THIS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL IM-
“What kind of son abandons his own mother?” - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-
“You have destroyed the lives of everyone you’ve ever cared for… you’ve come here for you, to feel special… if only Will had never met you” - I would very much like to go back to Jordan College and rooftop adventures now thanks-
“I thought about us, and everything we’ve been through… I didn’t let them get into my head” 😭❤️💔
Not Fra Pavel deducing that Mary is the serpent and she’s in another world, and now Gomez is going to go after her 💀
Oh damn, the imagery of the snake and Eve painting(?) in the background as Gomez prepares himself
I SAW A GLIMPSE OF AMBER IS IT- IS IT TIME FOR THE SPYGLASS
MARY IS MAKING THE SPYGLASS THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD COMING TOGETHER
Oh. My. God. The view through the lens of Dust… ‘Sraf’ is Dust… oh my god. This is beautiful. The colours are beautiful.
“The trees are dying.” “And so are we.” 😭
“What do you remember about Jordan? You remember it, don’t you?” “… Jordan’s gone.” - stop that right nOW
Not the flashback to the very first episode of them in the cellar drinking Tokay 😭
The light appearing as they remember Jordan College together, talking about the roof and the rook with the broken leg 😭❤️ and all the dead people coming to listen, I’m gonna start bawling all over again
Lyra and Will speaking to the crowd and promising to try to get them out of this horrible world, rallying them 😭
“What will happen to us if we leave?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? If I will or won’t be able to see my son again?” “We can’t know until it happens - I’m not gonna lie or pretend. But in here, it’s just thoughts; out there, real things matter.”
“When we were alive, they told us that when we died, we’d go to Heaven. That’s why so many of us gave our lives, and spent years in prayer and silence, and all the joy of life went to waste around us. I don’t care what happens to us when we leave - anything is better than this.” - damn, this series really said fuck religion and fuck the church making people spend their lives in servitude/repenting for sins they haven’t even done
Damn, the harpies are NOT happy
“Will you tell us some stories? So we can remember too? Real things.” Ohh no, no, I will not cry over this, I will not cry over Lyra and Roger talking about Jordan College-
“I won every time.” “No she didn’t, she cheated every time” - yep, sounds like Lyra to me
Lyra recounting how she made the omelette with the shells in for Will 🤣
Lyra talking about Iorek 😭❤️
I have absolutely no love for that blasted monkey but seeing him all sad in the cage as they’re about to be severed… definitely made me feel sad, can’t believe I feel sorry for him
It looks like Marisa’s been strapped to an electric chair, like she’s about to be executed, and the imagery of that is 👌🏻
“When we created this technology together, you believed you were doing the right thing - we all did. But we were wrong. It has to stop.” - Damn, you don’t say! Of course it was wrong to sever children, glad you see that finally-
“Do not explain my own technology to me.” - OOF
“You still have time to repent - let me give you your final blessing” - MAN DO NOT FUCKIN TOUCH HER YOU FREAK
“Keep your hands off me… there’s too much blood on them for that.” - DAMN, MARISA
Everyone listening to Lyra’s stories 😭❤️
“… But you felt safe with Mr Scoresby. He was the first grown up I ever trusted.” - STOP THAT RIGHT NOW IM ALREADY CRYING I DONT NEED TO CRY AGAIN
“I will come with you. We… We will come with you.” - YESSSS
HOLY FUCK THE HARPY DESIGN IS SICKENINGLY HORRIFYING DEAR GOD AND THE WAY IT WENT RIGHT UP TO LYRA’S FACE
“What’s your name? You must have one.” “… No-Name.” - Oh gosh I think I remember more of the book now hang on
LEE SCORESBY AHHHHHHHH
LEE AND LYRA HUGGING 😭❤️ MY HEART I CANNOT BEAR THIS
LYRA DIDNT KNOW LEE DIED 😭 and he thought she was dead but he was so relieved she wasn’t 😭
“You found the Knife Bearer - you beat the shaman to it. Lyra Silvertongue, just when I thought you couldn’t blow my little mind enough times” - 😭❤️ I missed Lee so much ASDFGHJKL
IS THAT METATRON??? ENOCH??? OH MY GODDDDD
“If she had only stayed with us, and given her life to the Authority as she once intended, she would now be on the path to the kingdom” - oh my god MacPhail shut the fuck UP
Come on rOKE HURRY UP AND SAVE HER
NOT THE INTERCISION MACHINE V2 AND THE MONKEY LOOKING SCARED
Dr Cooper having second thoughts omg
SHE STOPPED IT LAST MINUTE OH GOD THE GASP I LET OUT
“… I will not be a part of this (…) I will not hurt her.” - YES DOCTOR DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE
FATHER MACPHAIL STRAIGHT UP MURDERED DR COOPER HOLY SHIT-
The Church REALLY are not coming across well here
NO NOT ROKE LEAVE HIM ALONE
KILL HIM MARISA KILL THAT BASTARD RELIGIOUS MAN
OKAY BUT YES ALSO TURN OFF THE MACHINE PLEASE DESTROY IT IF YOU CAN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS TOO TENSE
FATHER MACPHAIL COMMITTING SUICIDE AND SACRIFICING HIMSELF HES FUCKING INSANE IM SORRY THE HATRED HE HAS FOR LYRA IS THAT STRONG???
Thank FUCK she stopped the machine last minute although I kinda wish MacPhail had died lmao
THE LIGHT HOLY CRAP-
“You think Dust can make you Gods… let use see how you fare without it.” - OH SHIT OH SHIT
THE MACHINE SEVERED MACPHAIL AND HIS DAEMON AND SHE DISAPPEARED
NOOOOO NOT THE BOMB NOT THE BOMB TELL ME THAT AINT THE BOMB-
I know she’s not dead, I’ve read the book, plus there’s still 3 episodes left, I’m still freaking out though
Episode 6: The Abyss
Three more episodes and then it’s all over 😭 I don’t know if I’m ready for it to be honest
“In the beginning, Man was given the gift of Dust. It ignited his mind and freed his will. But that free will has corrupted mankind. Dust shall be drawn into eternal darkness once more… That which was given shall be taken away.” - oh my gOD what a narration to start an episode Jesus Christ (pardon the pun)
Marisa dragging herself across the floor to get to Lyra’s hair???
Please tell me Roke isn’t dead 😭 (spoiler: he is)
Marisa going to Fra Pavel with the hair and asking him to consult the Alethiometer on whether or not Lyra survived 😭
I still get chills at the opening theme, ngl, like we’re three whole series in and I’m STILL feeling chills seeing the opening credits
Eyyyy Serafina Pekkala!!!
The earth is literally crumbling apart and Asriel’s laughing 🫢
MARISA AND THE MONKEY ARE BACK AT ASRIEL’S
Stelmaria just being like “… It’s her”, as if there’s only one “her”
“She’s dead, Asriel. Lyra is dead.” - NOOOOOO OH NO NO NO
Nahh Asriel is so unbothered about Lyra being dead???
“Would you like me to tell you how your daughter died, or would you prefer to keep tinkering with your toys?” “If what you’re saying is true, I’m very sorry. But what I’m doing here is of the utmost importance - it’s going to change everything.” - DUDE YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD (or so it’s thought at the moment) HOW ARE YOU SO UNBOTHERED
Like we knew he was a shit father but YIKES
Marisa straight up telling Asriel it’s his fault their daughter is dead because he pissed off Metatron with his war crime, she disabled the bomb but the light triggered it… DAMN. Just… damn.
“You’ve taken my daughter from me… and I will never forgive you.” - ☹️😔
Roger trying to wake Lyra up 😭 thankfully she does wake but still-
Stelmaria telling Asriel he shouldn’t go down there, it’s reckless… Mate, listen to your fucking dæmon once in a while please, she got all the sense the two of you possess and you’ve got none I fear-
WHAT’S HAPPENING TO RUTA’S DÆMON HE DROPPED LIKE A STONE INTO THE ABYSS (the one where Asriel is)
“He can’t hear me…” “Stay with him” “I can’t stop him, the darkness is drawing him in…” - NO NO NO NO
Noooo SERGEI (her dæmon) DIED AND SO DID RUTA FUCK SAKE MAN
Lyra and Lee hugging again because they’re so happy to see each other okay 😭❤️ truly a better father to her than her own one ever was
Is there an abyss in each of the worlds? 🤔 because there’s one in the land of the dead too as well as where Asriel is
Will panicking because he’s scared he won’t be able to get these people out, and Lyra taking his face in her hands, “Look at me, look at me, look at me… it’s fine. We’re going to get out of here. It’s just… this chasm. I can feel it too. Look at me.” 😭
Lee whooping when Lyra jumped that chasm, we love a proud father!
Roger and Will disagreeing over who should go next and Lee just doing it instead 😂
“I am Serafina Pekkala, Queen of the Lake Enara clan, and I demand to know what happened to my sister” - YES WITCH QUEEN 👑
“It pains me to tell you both that what happened to Ruta was not death, but worse again. That abyss out there is a rupture in the multiverse, sucking all Dust deep down inside the void between the worlds. I bore witness to her dæmon Sergei falling inside… and it is my belief, that no being, flesh or Dust, will ever emerge from its darkness.” “… so there will be no peace for her? Part of her soul, forever falling… forever in limbo…” — NOPE, NO, NOOO 😭💔 poor Ruta I hate it here
(Turning to Asriel) “… You did this.” “No.” “Your arrogance, PLAYING WITH FORCES YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF!” - SHIT SHES RIGHT THOUGH
Sorry, what the FUCK are those things beneath them with the glowing eyes???
“We’ve seen worse. Do you remember when we freed the kids from Bolvanger? And then the three of us and Iorek squashed into Lee’s balloon and just flew away?” - lmao bless
“Iorek’s this armoured bear-.” “I know who he is, I’ve met him.” - damn, there’s some tension here between Roger and Will? Or is it just me?
“Can’t imagine him (Iorek) in a balloon though” - LMFAO
“It wasn’t just any balloon… it was a real beauty” - DAMN RIGHT IT WAS LEE
Is Will a little jealous of Lyra and Roger walking together and reminiscing or…???
“Hey, did I ever tell you about the crazy shaman who made me a bacon sandwich?” - OH MY GOD LEE 😂 (also it’s been a while since S2, but I think he’s talking about John Parry???)
Marisa really thinks she’s allowed to just leave 💀
Marisa telling Ogunwe that Lyra is dead, and him saying “Asriel didn’t tell me”, it hits hard because he has daughters of his own and I just know he’s probably confused because surely Asriel would have mentioned his own child dying but nOPE
Marisa yelling at the monkey to come and he just… doesn’t? He just walks away? Their dynamic is so interesting but in a messed up way
Will is looking for his father and he wants to be sure that his father will find his way out 😭
Lee realising that Will is the shaman’s son oh my GOD?!? And he thinks he has a way to summon him??? Oh I love Lee so much
“Are you sure about this?” - Stelmaria asking the only real questions
IOREK!!! 🐻❄️
IOREK STRAIGHT UP SMACKING ASRIEL DOWN WHEN HE APPROACHED LMFAO I LOVE HIM
Wait this is SVALBARD??? All the ice and snow has disappeared?!? And it’s all Asriel’s fault?!?
“My bears starve because you blew a hole in the sky!” - oh shit!
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t KILL YOU!” “LYRA SILVERTONGUE!” “Why do you speak to me of her?” “You renamed her. You loved her. Tell me of her.” “She is everything you are not.” “Perhaps I should have known her better. But she is gone, and if you kill me now she will never be avenged.” — this whole exchange 😭 Iorek loves Lyra so much, Asriel saying he should have known her better (no shit, sir)…
“You do not understand. Lyra went to the Land of the Dead.” “The Land of the…?” “Yes. But she walked in the line.” “How did she enter that place?” “With the knife.” “The knife is broken.” “I fixed it. She went after her friend, Roger.” “… the kitchen boy.” “Another reason why I should kill you!” - IOREK GETS IT ASDFGHJKL HE’S A BETTER FATHER THAN ASRIEL EVER WAS FUCK ASRIEL WE ONLY LOVE IOREK AND LEE AS FATHER FIGURES NOW
Asriel laughing because “my daughter is staging a prison break” 💀
NOOO NOT LYRA FALLING INTO THE ENDLESS ABYSS
THE HARPY SAVING LYRA FROM FALLING INTO THE ABYSS HOLY SHIT
Marisa telling Serafina about torturing that witch in detail, Jesus CHRIST, she literally wants Serafina to kill her at this point :( but Serafina sees right through it of course
“If you won’t do it out of anger… then please just do it out of mercy.” - 😭 now why am I sympathising with Marisa
“Love… makes us fragile in ways we cannot fathom.” “I didn’t love Lyra. I wasn’t able to” - SURE you didn’t love her, Marisa 🙄
“Even my own dæmon rejects me” - yeah no can’t say I blame him honestly
Serafina talking about how she lost her son that she had with Farder Coram 😭 and how Lyra gave her hope
“When I first heard that prophecy, it terrified me. (…) Because I was always taught to believe that Eve was guilty of something shameful.” - yep, religion will do that to you!
“All Eve did was dare to experience - it’s an act of bravery. Of great beauty. You were a monster, but look what experience did to you… what love did. It changed you.” - oh my god the religion criticism is on point today holy crap
Will hugging Lyra and asking if she’s okay 😭❤️
Lyra wanting to give the harpy a name to thank it 😭
“Names can’t just be given!” “Mine was… by a friend.” - exactly, Lyra!
“Gracious-Wings.” — … Interesting name, Lyra but okay
“You can’t take it back now!” - I have NO intention to and neither does Lyra 😳
The harpies kinda do make me sad because like… they don’t have names. They’re frightening to look at. They live in the land of the dead. They’re trapped just as much as the ghosts are, and feared for how they look which probably contributes to their behaviour. So Lyra showing some kindness must be a brand new experience for them.
“You cannot tell the story of my name if you do not get out.” “… You like stories, don’t you? True ones.” - ohhhhhhhhh I get it! Awww, so Gracious-Wings wants Lyra to escape, not only because she’s been listening to her stories but also because Lyra can then tell the living about Gracious-Wings and the truth that she’s not so scary/completely evil, so maybe people when they die will be less afraid to meet her? Idk
“True stories are nourishing. They feed us, we had no idea there was anything but lies and wickedness.” “If those who follow behind tell you everything they saw in the world, everything true… could you guide them here so they could be set free?” - god I forgot how deep and clever this whole section was in the book
“Do not lie to me.” “I won’t.” - for once, I actually do believe she’s telling the truth
“Do we have a deal? The prisoners’ safe passage in exchange for their stories?” - YESSS OMG
“It’s alright, they’re going to help us! Just tell them your stories - stories from your lives, and they’ll guide you up. Tell them stories.” - nahhh I’m not crying you are 😭
Asriel telling Marisa Lyra is still alive but she doesn’t believe him at first 😭
“It makes sense: the Authority cows us with the threat of heaven or hell but even that was a lie, it’s all purgatory.”
“Please… my heart won’t take it.” - this woman has gone through so much, she’s not a good person but damn she’s gone through a lot
“You said yourself, she’s extraordinary… to free a soul from the Land of the Dead” - well you’ve changed your fucking tune
“The witches prophecy… they believe two things about Lyra: that she is Eve, and she will defeat Death. (Smiling/Laughing) That’s what she’s doing. The prophecy is right. We must help her, Asriel.” - ASRIEL AND MARISA ACTUALLY WORKING TOGETHER FOR REAL THIS TIME?!? Like actual parents?!? Who’d have thought 😭
“There’s someone here to see you.” - LEE BROUGHT JOHN PARRY TO WILL IM CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS
“I hate fighting. I’m not who you want me to be.” “No… no, you’re so much more.” - AND THEN THE HUG 🥹😭
“All this time, I thought that when we eventually found each other… we could go back to Oxford together.” “I did too.” - 😭😭😭 they deserve so much better, I can’t-
“If we get out of this awful place…” “We won’t be going the same way.” 😭
I’m sorry, okay, this whole episode is just one big CRYFEST AT THIS POINT
Lyra saying she thought Roger was braver than her 😭
“I don’t even know if I can do anything. I’m just so tired, and my chest…” “Because you’re away from your dæmon. Separation across worlds weakens your bond, Will. She’s pining for you.” “How do you know?” “I guided her to Asriel’s republic. As soon as you release these ghosts, you must cut through and find her, Will.” - KIRJAVA IS COMING WE’RE GOING TO MEET KIRJAVA ASDFGHJKL
“Don’t try to live in a world that’s not your own. No matter how tempting it may seem. You and your dæmon… you won’t survive it.” “But you did.” “No. I felt it, like an ache, every day. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. You deserve a full life with your mother.” 😭❤️ but also foreshadowing what will happen at the end of the series I feel unwell-
“What will happen to you?” “The same that will happen to every soul trapped down here: I’ll be free. I’ll be connected again to every living thing, thanks to you.” - Damn, right in the feels 😭
John telling Will he’s so proud of him and them hugging 😭❤️💔
Serafina saying she’s gonna send Kaisa to search for Pan because she knows that Pan can’t enter the Land of the Dead and so he’ll still be there, I’m so ready!!
“If it is true, and Lyra is going to free the dead, she and Will will have achieved something remarkable… far beyond your rebellion. Lyra is your focus now. Do not fail her.” — YESSSSSSS come on Asriel and Marisa, be good parents for once
WILL DID IT HE CUT A WINDOW OUT OF THE LAND OF THE DEAD AHHHH, and it’s opened out onto a beautiful paradise ❤️
“My dad said you’ll be free. You’ll drift apart, but you’ll be out in the open - connected with everything to love.” - 😭❤️
ROGER SAYING HE’LL GO FIRST ASDFGHJKL AND LYRA SAYING SHE’LL MISS HIM SO MUCH
“You’ll be okay. I know you will. You’ve saved your best friend. When you go back to Jordan, go to the roof for me.” - AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCH 😭❤️
“I’m ready” 😭😭😭 GOODBYE ROGER
AND THEN LEE SCORESBY HUGGING HER, “No need for that, it’s okay” because she’s crying, “thank you”, tipping his hat to Will
“I’m gonna be with my Hester” - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW 😭❤️
I’m literally just full on sobbing at this point like my heart can’t take anymore at this point and there’s still TWO episodes left 😭
Marisa asking her monkey if she can sit with him?!? They’re so disconnected despite being the same person, I can’t-
“It hurts when we’re apart. I pretend that it doesn’t. That first time I sent you away… it was awful. I don’t know why I do it. At first I think it was curiosity… But now it’s become something else. A way to not feel what I can’t bear. I used to think that I was the strong one… but I was wrong. It was you. All along. I am so very sorry. Please… come back to me.” - NOOO WHY AM I HAVING EMOTIONS OVER MARISA AND THE DAMN DEMON GOLDEN MONKEY?!? AND THEM HOLDING HANDS?!?
Asriel and Marisa standing with their dæmons together… damn. Shit must be serious if the two of them are together on something
“The final rebellion has begun.” - OH SHIT HERE WE GOOOO
Episode 7: The Clouded Mountain
Two episodes left… 😬
Before we get into the episode, quick prediction: I feel like this episode is going to largely focus more on Asriel/Marisa and maybe bring that story to a close, and then the last one will be more Lyra/Will centric? Idk, we’ll see!
“We just have to keep Metatron’s forces away from the girl and the boy long enough for them to be reunited with their dæmons, to get to a safe world and… fall.” - oooooohhh
“How can you possibly know the nature of Metatron’s attack?” - LMFAO arguing like a married couple I see-
Okay, I was wrong, we are seeing Lyra and Will in this episode!
Will planning to get their dæmons himself and Lyra can wait in the nice world and he’ll meet her there 💀
“We’ve come this far and you still don’t understand: we’re in this together.” - 👏🏻
Every scene with Marisa and Asriel just seems like they’re flirting lmao
“I’ve given the girl nothing but at the very least I can buy her time” - 😭
“You’d do that for her?” “Not just her.” - THE WAY HE MOVED EVEN CLOSER TO HER ASDFGHJKL THEY ABOUT TO KISS OR SOMETHING
“Even if you get him to the abyss, you do understand it’s not just death down there? It’s eternal oblivia.” - DAMN, he’s committed I’ll give him that
“Your love for Lyra is your salvation and your downfall. When you think of her, I can read you as easily as a reflection in still water.” 😮
“Right, so we are doomed.” - Basically, yeah.
“Some of us will die today” - NOT A GREAT WAY TO OPEN AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH, ASRIEL 💀
Asriel is really on a mission to kill God in this series, that’s it summed up
“But thanks to my daughter, thanks to Lyra, we need no longer fear that fate! From today death is no longer an ending but a journey back into life!” - okay I take it back, his speech is pretty good
“Our children shall experience paradise but they will know it down here on the earth… today, we are free!” - YESSSSS 🙌🏻
OH SHIT is that Metatron’s soldiers/forces?!?
“I’m glad I said we didn’t have to win this fight” - LMAO
THE ANGEL KNEW LYRA AND WILL WERE CUTTING THROUGH AHHHH AND NOW ASRIEL’S ATTACKING LET’S GOOOO
It’s the way Lyra knew Pan and Will’s dæmon will be looking after each other 😭
“Metatron is releasing the dæmon eaters - he is turning all creatures against us” - AH HELL FUCKING NO
Are they the same as Spectres?!?
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO THIS IS MORE NIGHTMARE FUEL
YES MARISA DOING HER PART AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THEM BECAUSE SHE HAS CONTROL OVER THEM
“I’ve found Pantalaimon” - Oh my god YES give Pan back to me please
To be fair I don’t blame Will and Lyra for not immediately blindly trusting Ogunwe at this point, barely anyone is trustworthy in this series at this point
RED PANDA PAN
“They left us.” “I know. But they’ve come back for you.” - 😭❤️
AHHH KIRJAVA AND SHES A BEAUTIFUL CAT WHEN WE FIRST SEE HER AHHHHH
They can both still change but still AHHHHH SOON
“All I know is Asriel’s proud of you” - yeah, he just has a shit way of showing it
These noises are straight out a horror movie oh my GOD THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS THOSE GHAST-Y THINGS
Not Metatron (?) whispering into all of their heads asdfghjkl
Metatron telling Marisa she should join him and her and the monkey having this moment, “you know what to do” 😭 and he looks like he’s gonna follow her because he puts his paw on the bridge but he doesn’t 😭 can’t believe I’m having emotions have that goddamn demon monkey
ASRIEL CALLING FOR STELMARIA AND THEN MARISA INSIDE METATRON’S PALACE(?)/FORTRESS 😭
Can I just say that the visuals are STUNNING, oh my goodness I’m literally in awe of this imagery and the visuals it’s far better than 10 year old me imagined
Marisa saying that she loves Lyra and hates that she does 😭
Metatron taking on Asriel’s form so now we’ve got James McAvoy vs James McAvoy, truly Multiverse of Madness 💀
“No one cares for you.” “Marisa does.” - the way my jaw dropped, oh my
Not Asriel calling for Marisa 😭 no I will NOT ship them, I refuse-
“You care for her still? If only you knew the disdain in which she holds you. She’s giving you up.” “No… never… I love her.” - oh my god?!?!?
“She would never betray me…” “I can give you Asriel. He’s trying to protect her.” - NOOO DO NOT DO IT
HE KNEW SHE WAS CLOSE BY HE KNEW IT IM-
“Marisa, no…” - GIRL DO NOT DO IT I SWEAR
“Your dæmons are in the tower - cut them through to a safe world. I’ll find you wherever you are.” - I’m starting to remember how the book ends and my heart is hurting, it’s coming so soon…
“So… you did come.” - YES SHE DID PAN 😭 please forgive her
WILL SEEING KIRJAVA FOR THE FIRST TIME 😭❤️ and her going “… Will.” 🥹
“How could you bear it? Leaving me behind?” 😭
“We should be together. Please.” But the damage is done… if you’ve read TSC, you know 😭
What is that monkey doing? Is he helping them escape? HE PULLED THE LEVER ASDFGHJKL
“For Lyra.” 😭❤️
MARISA HELPING ASRIEL UP, ASRIEL AND MARISA GRAPPLING WITH METATRON TOGETHER, and then STELMARIA RUNNING AND JUMPING AND THEM ALL TUMBLING INTO THE ABYSS 😭😭😭💔💔💔 IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS-
The monkey and Lyra looking at each other 😭 and she knows, she knows her mother has helped them-
NOT STELMARIA FADING TO DUST 😭
LYRA AND THE MONKEY REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER AND HE STARTS FADING AWAY NO NO NO
NOT ME GETTING UPSET AND CRYING OVER THAT DAMN BASTARD GOBLIN POS MONKEY 😭😭😭
Lyra having to wipe her eyes 😭 same, me too-
I knew this episode would end the Asriel/Marisa/Metatron storyline, I just knew it
“Cloud’s gone. It’s all gone. The war’s over.” 🥺😭
I know we’ve still got an episode left but I’m already weeping because I’ve waited 15 years for this adaptation to come, to see this whole trilogy adapted right, and now it’s happened
Ogunwe seeing his daughters 🥹
“Can we go now? I wanna see Pan.” - YES 😭👏🏻
DAMN ONE EPISODE LEFT
Episode 8: The Botanic Garden
Just from the title alone I know this is going to cause me pain but let’s DO IT
Damn, they didn’t even do a recap on this episode (or at least my iPlayer didn’t?)
LAST TIME LETS GO WE DIE LIKE (WO)MEN
Lyra waking up and the first thing she asks for is Pan 🥺
Also Lyra going for a swim because she’s all dirty, don’t blame her quite frankly
“After everything we’ve been through and now we’re here… doesn’t seem real” - same
Lyra knows her mother is dead :(
“I should be relieved… there’s so many things I don’t understand about my parents (…) like why they weren’t honest with me. Why they did such horrible things. Why wasn’t she interested in me for 13 years and then suddenly she was… why did they abandon me?” 😭😭😭
Lyra saying she doesn’t hate Asriel but can’t forgive him, and “I have the strangest feeling he’s gone… which means I’m alone” 😭 and Will saying no she’s not ❤️
Will splashing her and then jumping in 😂
“What?” “Nothing… I’m just glad you washed” LMFAO
“She doesn’t look like she misses me. She seems fine.” - oh Pan :(
“Think how good it will be to be with them again. To be close.” - Kirjava ❤️
“What if it doesn’t feel the same? What if it never does?” “Lyra loves you. We’re finally in the same world, we’re safe here.” - 1) I’m sad because of TSC all over again and 2) I’m sad because I know how this ends
NOT FATHER GOMEZ I FORGOT ABOUT HIM ASDFGHJKL
No but where did the clean clothes come from???
“But there’s someone else we need to meet.” - IS IT MARY??
“I don’t feel torn apart, and I know he’s safe.” - 😭🥹
AHHH LYRA AND WILL SEEING THE MULEFA HERD AND BEING LIKE “they’re riding on wheels!”
I like that Will’s reaction to this new creature speaking a different language is just “… Hello :D”, I love him
MARY AND LYRA REUNION 😭❤️
Mary going “oh god look at you” because Lyra is so grown up 😭
Oh my gOD FATHER GOMEZ FUCK OFF ALREADY
I wanna squash his dæmon, I don’t care, I wanna squish it and murder it
Not him shooting and killing the local wildlife, fuck you dude
“They have less Sraf than you” - ahhh because they’re still teenagers and Mary is an adult, and Dust is what causes dæmons to settle/kids to become adults, I get it
“No pods, poor things” - XD
“I’ve been all over the place but I think this is my favourite world” - same, Lyra, same, it’s so peaceful
“How do you treat a tree with respect?” - quite easily I think, Will???
“We have the stupid idea as humans that we’re the pinnacle of evolution, but we’ve got so much wrong” — 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
“It’s the answer to the question to the question you asked me in Oxford - whether Dust is sin (…) it’s the spark that means we’re alive, it’s consciousness.” “So Dust isn’t sin… it’s just as good or bad as we are.” 👏🏻🥹
The trees dying is truly heartbreaking omg 😭💔
“It’s the Dust disappearing. It’s just flooding out of the world: thought, imagination, feeling all blowing away” 😭💔
There’s got to be a way of saving it, surely…? Like this world can’t just disappear??
“… So when Pan’s a wolverine, you know you’ve pissed her off” OMFG 💀🤣
“Like a nun-nun from our world?” Will omg 😅
“Mary, tell them stories” - YES PLEASE DO
Mary’s story oh my god
“And then I met someone… she wasn’t like the other academics” - LESBIAN MARY MALONE I REPEAT LESBIAN MARY MALONE
“Years ago when I was at school, those butterflies in the pit of my stomach, that ache to be close to someone… I think I had just been too afraid to recognise it before, but I didn’t want to forget it this time.” - AND THE SHOTS OF WILL AND LYRA AHHHHH
“I knew I couldn’t go back to the convent after that, I just couldn’t bear the idea of living without ever feeling that alive. And I thought… will anyone be better off if I just go back to the hotel and say my prayers, and promise to never fall into temptation again? And the answer came back… no. No one will. And I realised, there was no one there to reward me for being a good girl or no one there to punish me for being wicked. There was no one. And it was… it was liberating.” — the fact that Mary is Irish adds a whole other layer to it because of the whole “Irish Catholic guilt” thing, but also just in general… wow. Just wow.
“I wanted to experience love. (L: And did you?)… yeah. (W: Were you scared?) Oh my god, I was terrified. I was risking everything and I was sure I’d be rejected, but… it was worth it. It’s rare when it happens, when you feel that way you have to grab it. It’s funny, isn’t it? One little moment… all she did was offer me a sweet and it changed my life forever. For the first time I was doing something with all of my nature, not just a part of it.” — I CANNOT TAKE IT, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL
I can’t get over the looks between Lyra and Will, I knew it was happening obviously because of the books but stILL to actually see it onscreen???
“Where are you, Pan? There’s so many things I want to talk to you about.” 😭
Dear GOD DUDE FATHER GOMEZ GO AWAY IM SO DONE WITH YOU
Oh Mary totally knows something is going on between them even if they don’t yet
“What if she settles as something really bad, like… a mosquito or a slug or a fish?” “I heard of a man whose dæmon was a dolphin, but he’s a sailor so it’s fine” - I REMEMBER THAT STORY ABOUT THAT MAN FJDKDKDKD
Nooo not Gomez seeing them together I wanna punch him so bad-
“I don’t think anyone can understand… apart from you.” - oh my god Will 😭
“I think she’s… right… about a lot of things” - oh Will is NOT subtle in the slightest is he-
Lyra stepping closer, “yeah? What things?” ASDFGHJKL
“Dust… trees!” - smooth, Will, real fuckin smooth 🤣
Gomez was about to shoot Lyra while she was frolicking in the water but an Angel stopped him oh my god
ITS BALTHAMOS
“Desire is not sin. Love takes a million forms, each of them beautiful, each of them worthy. You who judge, just afraid.” 👏🏻
BALTHAMOS SQUASHED GOMEZ’S DÆMON, KILLED GOMEZ, AND THEN HE DIED TOO AND HIS LAST WORD WAS “BARUCH” 😭❤️
There’s something very innocent about these two teenagers clearly falling in love and sitting by the water in their underclothes and not realising why that would be seen as wrong because it’s so innocent and sweet and new 😭
WILL AND LYRA KISS I REPEAT WILL AND LYRA KISS I SCREAMED SO LOUD OH MY GOD
AND THE DUST SETTLING OVER THEM AND THE DUST RETURNING TO THE WORLD ASDFGHJKL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL
“The prophecy has been fulfilled. The love of Eve shall heal the earth and all the world shall feel it. Nature will be restored, hope will spark in darkness as innocence turns to experience, all will be in harmony once more.” - OH MY GOD AND THE SHOTS OF THE DIFFERENT WORLDS AND PLACES ASDFGHJKL
Those shy little smiles after they finished kissing omg
“Do you think Pan knows? I think he guessed” - he probably did let’s be real here lmfao
“I want to show you Jordan… proper Oxford. We can go to yours too… go to the cinema again.” - oh these kids are so hopeful 😭🥺
Pan and Kirjava!!!
“One who has given the world such a gift deserves a name… Kirjava.” — AHHHHH
Pan: Kirjava… suits you — 😭👏🏻❤️
“Why aren’t you with Will and Lyra? Are you still punishing them for their betrayal? But you love them still, don’t you? And you are not severed.” “No… we’re still one. But it was so painful.” - 🥺🥺🥺
“They will need you for what is to come” - OH BOY HERE WE GO
Pan and Kirjava coming back to their humans 😭❤️
“Pan…” “You left me. I’ve had to travel so far to find you again.” “I’m so sorry. I’m so grateful. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. I missed you. I love you.” “Lyra…” AND THEN HE RUNS AND HUGS HER 😭
“I hoped you’d settle as a pine marten… suits you.” “I like it too.” 😭❤️
ALSO PAN SETTLED?!?!
“I’m… Kirjava.” WILL MEETING KIRJAVA PROPERLY
WILL AND LYRA TOUCHING EACH OTHER’S DÆMONS, THE MOST INTIMATE OF ACTS WHEN DONE CONSENSUALLY, I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS-
“Thanks to you, the multiverse is healing.” “I barely did anything.” “You showed two innocents what it was to dare, and by discovering their love, they have drawn Dust back into our worlds.” “Is that really all it took? Something so small and ordinary?” “Love is never small to those who discover it for the first time.” — brb, crying yet AGAIN over this series
“For centuries, Dust has been flowing out of the universe… what Lyra and Will have done has turned that tide. But their love alone is not enough to sustain it forever.” - oh no, no no no, it’s about to happen
“Every window that exists must be closed” - 😭😭😭 I know what’s coming and I hate it
“Each time the knife makes a cut, the flow of Dust increases and from the tear in the space between worlds some darkness is released, bring destruction across all of the worlds. It can take the form of many things: a plague, a spectre…” - 😭
But also does this mean that Covid was a result of the subtle knife??? 💀😳👀
“But if Will can’t use the knife, and if we can’t leave the windows open, then how will we…? We have to choose worlds, Will’s or mine?” “You can’t live in someone else’s world for long. Our dæmons wouldn’t survive. It means we can’t stay in the same world together.” - THERE IT IS 😭💔
“No! You can’t come here and just say that! After everything we’ve been through, it’s not fair! … it’s not fair…” 😭😭😭 they’ve literally just fallen in love and they have to separate already
Them walking away holding hands 😭
Oh nooo she’s already lost the ability to read the Alethiometer 😭😭😭
“It’s not broken, Lyra… you’ve changed. You’ve grown up.” “So… that’s it? I will never be able to read it again?” “The knowledge still exists but you’ll have to learn it, like those before you. You read it by Grace, and you can regain it by work.” “What’s the point? Why did we get here? Why did we go through everything we went through just to be forced apart?” — 😭
“I didn’t know it was possible to feel this bad.” “It won’t always feel like this.” “I don’t want to not feel like this about Lyra… I only want her.” - NOT WILL AND MARY’S COVERSATION IM TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER SO BAD
“You know all those stories that say the greatest love is the one you can’t live without? The one that you’re prepared to die for? That’s not right. That’s not what love is. I know it seems romantic to die for love but it’s much more romantic to live for it.” — 😭💔
“You will never lose what you have with Will, you have shaped each other forever. And I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will have a future, Lyra” - and Lyra is just sitting there crying 😢 I hate it here-
“If humanity set their minds to discovery and their hearts to compassion, they may create enough Dust for a single opening to remain. But you already know where that window must be.” “The Land of the Dead.” “We can’t close that window, it’s the most important one.” — 😭💔
Will has to break the knife once they’re back in their own worlds 😭😭😭 and the angels will help close the windows
“There are fates even the most powerful have to submit to.” - 💔
“I love you. I’m not gonna stop loving you until the day I die.” “I love you.” - KILL ME. It would hurt FAR LESS
“We will come back here, when we’ve lived our lives, we’ll go through the Land of the Dead and we’ll tell Gracious-Wings everything we’ve done. We’ll find each other here. I’ll be drifting about until I find you.” “And I’ll be searching for you every moment. Every single moment.” “When we do find each other again… no one will be able to tear us apart. We’ll be joined so tightly… Every atom of me and every atom of you. When they use our atoms to make new lives, they’ll have to take two; one for you and one for me. We’ll be in the flowers and in the sunbeams… we’ll be joined so tight.” — okay no I’m full on sobbing and crying and shaking, I can’t cope with this, I can’t do anything but cry now
Lyra and Will embracing and holding each other, just clinging to each other on the floor as they cry 😭💔
“Don’t forget us, Mary. Keep telling stories.” - 😭💔 this whole episode is just a massive HEARTBREAK I CANNOT-
We’re back to Lyra’s Oxford 😭
NOT THE BENCH, NOT THE FUCKING BENCH NO I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE BENCH FUCK YOU PHILIP PULLMAN
“You know you could see your dæmon too, if you wanted” - oh my god yes?!?! I KNEW she met her dæmon at some point, I knew I didn’t imagine it!
“There you are.” - AHHH HER DÆMON IS A BIRD
“We can come back here every year. You in your world and me in mine. Midsummer’s Day. Midday.” “And I’ll be there. I’ll be there every year, my whole life.” “And if we do meet someone we like, we must be kind to them - we won’t compare them. We’ll come here, just for an hour… we can be together.” “Every year. I promise.” - ASDFGHJKL THIS HURTS MY HEART IT HURTS
“Just do it!” 😭😭😭 she wants him to just do it because she knows it’s going to happen and hanging around prolonging it is just so much more painful
Lyra and Mary hugging goodbye 😭 “I’ll never forget you” - STOP
“I’ll break the knife as soon as I’m through because I’ll know I’ll just want to come back to you.” - THIS POST IS JUST ME SOBBING NOW EXCUSE ME-
“What is it?” “I’m just trying to imagine what you’ll look like when you’re older.” “Handsome of course.” “Very.” - EXCUSE ME
Will stepping through the window and going to close it, stopping and them then kissing 😭 “Lyra.” “Will.” AND THEN THEY KISS AND HE CLOSES THE WINDOW FUUUUUCK-
Lyra: *crying* // Me: BITCH ME TOO
“Just think of her” (to break the knife) - and it’s a series of flashbacks of her and him throughout the whole series I feel SICK-
The snow falling on Svalbard and Iorek 😭
Lyra’s back at Jordan College 😭❤️ but so much has changed
Will going back to his mum 😭💔 and then them hugging as Kirjava watches with a little smile I’m-
ONE YEAR LATER?!?! ONE YEAR LATER I’M-
She’s dressed like a student I’m-
ARE THEY GOING TO THE GARDEN?!?
“We can come back here every year. You in your world, me in mine. We can be together. I’ll be there every year. My whole life. I promise.”
THE FADES AS THEY GET OLDER AND WITH EACH YEAR, THE SPLIT SCREEN OF THEM AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BENCH, THEM REACHING OUT TO HOLD EACH OTHER’S HANDS, WILL’S MISSING FINGERS
“Lyra.” Being the last line of this show, oh my GOD.
THE ENDING TITLE CARDS
“Will and Lyra continued to return to their bench at the same time, every year. They kept their promise to each other, going on to live full lives in their own worlds. Will became a medical student and later, a successful surgeon. Lyra went on to be educated at St Sophia’s College in Oxford, where she was taught how to once again read the Alethiometer… Which would come in useful one day, when Lyra and Pan would go on to have a further great adventure. But that’s another story…”
THE BOOK OF DUST/THE SECRET COMMONWEALTH ADAPTATION CONFIRMED?!? IS THAT WHATS GOING ON?!?
Okay… wow… okay.
I’ll admit that in S1, I had issues with the show as a longtime fan of the books; perhaps I was too busy comparing it to the movie or whatever else, but also I had complaints about the lack of dæmons on-screen and how that really hurt the first series as a result (eg. The Billy Costa scene). Thankfully in S2 and S3, that issue was resolved and not a problem in the slightest, which I’m so glad for. I feel like for me personally, Subtle Knife (S2) and Amber Spyglass (S3) had the benefit of not having been adapted for the screen before (unlike Northern Lights/S1), so it was able to stand up as it’s own adaptation easier and not necessarily have the movie looming over it (if that makes sense). Because while I agree the movie was not great and didn’t do justice to the books, it was still an expensive blockbuster with hype and big names attached.
Right now I really want to reread TAS - I reread TSK when S2 was airing so it feels right to reread TAS now, but I’m reading Outlander still so I’ll have to put it off a few days 😭 - and also I want to take the trip to the Botanical Garden in Oxford where Lyra and Will meet every year. I don’t know if other fans do that but it’s something I’ve wanted to do a while, and now I want to do it more than ever. I’ll have to remind myself closer to the Midsummer’s Day to do it!
Honestly, I’m so emotional over this whole series. Was it a perfect adaptation? No, no adaptation is 100% accurate or perfect, things get changed or cut for whatever reason. But it was beautifully done, and I’m so unbelievably happy that it was finally done justice. I truly don’t think I could have asked for a better adaptation of a series that has meant so much to me for fifteen whole years. I’m so grateful that I live in a time where this series has been given the love and attention it deserves, and I can only hope that people viewing the show first have gone on to read Philip Pullman’s books, that it’s inspired them to read those too.
The cast have been spectacular throughout, especially the main cast members: Dafne Keen, Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, Amir Wilson… gosh, all of them. And then of course the voice cast have been amazing too, especially Kit Connor as Pantalaimon since that’s literally the main voice role throughout this whole series. I’m just so blown away at this point, I can barely type it.
#his dark materials#hdm#hdm season 3#his dark materials season 3#lyra belacqua#lyra silvertongue#will parry#pantalaimon#iorek byrnison#lord asriel#asriel belacqua#marisa coulter#serafina pekkala#mary malone#dafne keen#amir wilson#ruth wilson#james mcavoy#lyra x will#philip pullman#simone kirby#baruch x balthamos
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LUISA READS FOURTH WING :)
Right fam, time for some dragon riding (non sexual… from what I have been able to gather)
Ngl, but reading (listening) the "a dragon without its rider is a tragedy, a rider without its dragon is dead" after seeing so many tiktoks about it and them being all epic, has me giddy, has me excited. Here we go.
So far we have a cunty yet caring elder sister, a dead dad, a rude as fuck mum, a dead brother (who apparently was beloved above all) and a girl severely lacking in calcium.
"you won't get any special treatment just for being my daughter" my sister in christ, what special treatment? so far you have been nothing like an ass.
I cannot judge Violet for wanting to take her books with her....but babygirl from what I have seen you truly have no strength.. so like..sugar.. either develop some muscle or like let it go.
What's so wrong about being a scribe? like what do you all have against academia?
Okay no wait... what are they prepping her for? What the fuck is this subscription day? isn't it like just first day of uni?? Is she fighting? is it a race? to like the first dragon they can find? the first tunnel of their respective career?
aaaaaaaand here comes the childhood friend with soft brown eyes that laughs with his whole body.
Seems like extremely poor parenting to send your extremly untrained daughter into such a challenge... like she has to climb some rocks... and like run a lot, there's going to be wind. Like no. And for what? for the glory of your name? SHE CAN'T EVEN LIFT HER OWN BOOKS!
Gotta love a "This isn't America's TOP BEST FRIEND" moment.
I'm sorry but how is conscribing (?) all children from the traitors to the best school in the kingdom/republic/empire/country and give them a solid ass chance of becoming riders, and therefore climb to the top of the social and military pyramid a fitting punishment? They should have ended their respective bloodlines. You rebel you and your entire bloodline die.
Colombian brain translating Xaden to Xavier.
I should have asked... can dragons talk in this world?
What is the parapit?? Is that how it is written?
Mira (?) is a badass. Queen behaviour.
Mira being like "don't die Violet, I'd hate to be an only child." And having seen her mother? Honestly same. Like no. Hard Pass.
Wait is the blonde guy she is befriending the one with the scar from the betrayal?? Dylan? yes? no?
Oh and they get to marry after graduating. Why do I feel I am walking straight into another early 20s marriage.
Most riders are legacies... good to see nepotism is alive and well. Neporiders.
Oh so Xaden has tattoos from his wrist up to his jaw.. okay, okay.
AND HIS FATHER KILLED HER OLDER BROTHER. AND THEY WERE ROOMATES!
My girl really went "He is #SoTall and #HandsomeAsHell"
I don't get what this challenge is about and apparently Dylan is not making it, he liked slipped or smth and is like hanging...
yeah no he fell to his death. RIP Dylan.
My girl is like screaming history facts to distract herself while she [insert the challenge.... I think it's walking a very slippery bridge]
Okay so Jack is an asshole... it's giving Cato.
Kinda want to bet that he will try to eventually fight Violet and Xaden will defend her.
Got confirmation, it is in fact a bridge.
Rihannon made it. Which is a personal win because she seems sweet.
Oh my god Jack focus on your own thing, you are being and asshole, no one cares. Fuck off, fall to your death, shut up. Like why are you so pressed about this random ass calcium lacking girl. GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER.
Not her reciting the codex lol it is giving Elizabeth Swann citing The Pirate Code to Captain Barbossa. Babygirl, bless you, but he clearly does not give a fuck.
Violet truly made that crossing out of delulu energy and history facts and honestly? respect.
Wait, hold the fuck on... this audiobook is 21h long? what on god's green earth is going to happen in this book? oh my god this thread is going to be huge. Apologies to all.
omg Jack why are you still talking? either shut up or jump infront of a dragon and die. LIKE WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH HER? He is giving blonde guy energy (but not the one you gave Dylan. RIP Dylan. You will never be forgotten)
aaaaaahhh there we go Jack threatened her and when he makes the move to kill her Xaden will be like "the fuck bro" and kill him instead.
Here comes the childhood best friend. I feel he is hot. Dane? Dane Atos?? Kinda hot of him. Wait he is Squad Leader? that's hot.
#Luisa reads#Luisa reads Fourth Wing#I remember a year ago I was desperate to read it so here's hoping this is an entertaining read#a lot of mutuals love it so the hopes are high#Fourth Wing
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Liveblogging Dead Friend Forever Ep 8
Shit has hit the fan and is going to continue hitting the fan this episode. Let's go!
Tee didn't steal the cash Non gave him to pay off his mafia debts? I am, honestly, shocked. I am not, however, shocked that mafia uncle thinks that Non is a police spy. This is not going to end well for Non but at least mafia uncle ends up in jail.
creepy teacher keng is going to get his ass a pair of cement shoes and I am here for it. dude, you are a math tutor why are you trying to investigate the mafia. They really are not trying hard to hide the fact that this is a mafia front. "the bathrooms are off limits, order food and get the fuck out" indeed. The closeup on the water jug makes me suspect poison but instead we get the frankly hilarious getting hit by a car scene, i hope that's how he dies.
OOoof, this favoritism from Non's mom is painful. Like, we knew she probably loved New best but hearing it...yikes. Non's not a good kid, like New is! Non can't do anything right, like New can! Poor Non.
Non's breakdown is so sad. this kid is Going Through It on all fronts.
oh my god, those voices reading the tweets...the salacious tones. so gross. Be On Cloud is Making A Point. very well done.
Non writing out the kills exactly how they happen 3 years from now. Either Non is (one of) the Killers or the killers found the script. So like, YES this is a revenge story! That shouldn't be shocking or disappointing to you, it was telegraphed! The fun is in how we get there not in complicated twists for twists sake! ok, moving on.
Tee being ordered to kill Non...i see i see. Tee doesn't like Non at all but is still horrified at the thought of killing him or his uncle killing Non. because Tee IS still a highschool kid himself, no matter how long his uncle has been making him do mafia shit is probably wasn't that. Tee's still got some goodness/innocence in him, which is probably the side he shows White.
LMAO at the netizens causing problems. yeah that sounds about right!
i am dying to see the awkward conversation between Jin and Non about Non coming back to finish the movie.
Tee being suspiciously nice. he's either plotting to kill Non to prove himself to his uncle or feeling incredible guilt that he's going to take Non to his uncle to get silenced. Or a mix of both! if I was Non i would not trust that water lol.
Jin stares at Non but can't even meet his eyes when Non looks back at him. GOOD. I don't care if he was upset about his crush 'sleeping with someone else', you don't just record people like that! He is, in fact, old enough to know that, even if he has poor impulse control because he's a dumb teenager.
is the prop an ACTUAL AXE. lol. lmao even. how did none of you realize this was going to end badly?!
Anyway, the knife being Non's, actually, is so fun. Just another little detail that the killers wanted the boys to recognize the calling card that's why Por got cut up a bit after he got stabbed by the branch.
You tell them, Non!
Oh, Top getting stabbed and Fluke having to take care of him...part of what Fluke was talking about how it's always him taking care of those things. I'm glad Non got to stab Top a little.
Jin trying to apologize for everyone but let's play some One Republic ft Timbaland 🎵🎶Because It's Too Late! To Apologiiiiize! It's Too Late! 🎵🎶
LMAO I was right to be suspicious of the water!!!! man did that kick in at just the right moment.
LOL Jin lying to the cops is just painful. You can tell that he's lying from a mile away, especially when he says that Non and Mr Keng truly loved each other. I do think it's interesting that they plotted to have the story be that Non ran away with Mr Keng.
Jin winds up the Final Girl of the version Por wound up shooting, even though Non had changed the script to everyone dying...them going back to the valley mansion because of Jin leaving the country...it's all about Jin, just like i've been saying! everything is connecting!
lol they all know Non is probably fucking dead and not with Mr Keng.
Tee, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.
i knew it! I knew those were going to be Phi's last words to Non and it was going to eat him up! It's going to drive him insane and he's gonna murder people about it!
using the actual footage of Non's murdery breakdown in the movie...evil. Phi going to the movie premier... Iconic.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#dff#i am so pleased with everything this show is doing#it's so much fun
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…sore demo, kimi wo aisu yo.
notes ; pt 2 of sekai wa zankoku da (please read this first to understand the context), clotted cream x gn reader, post breakup, hurt/comfort with happy ending, de attacked creme republic in my au btw, mentions of dead bodies
a/n: you don’t understand i have had so many brainrots about this man
dark enchantress is just jealous she couldn’t get bitches, that’s why she went to war 😔
you’ve made two big mistakes in your life.
the first was leaving the creme republic just before it was under attack by dark enchantress’s forces. that was a terrible, terrible move by you— as the heir of house (cookie name), the family who had long been supporting the ancients by providing them with their weapons, how could you have fled your homeland and left it to defend itself without your help? aside from ruining your house’s glory, it was just not right for a noble to leave their citizens defenseless and run away to save themselves instead.
the second was leaving clotted cream cookie behind in the creme republic.
you grit your teeth and tap the wooden railing impatiently. the airship was taking awfully long to reach the creme republic— understandable that services would be slower lately, due to dark enchantress’s attack on the republic— but still not ideal. for now, besides complaining about the god awful speed of the airship, all you could do was to pray that most citizens left unharmed and that not much damage was done to your beloved homeland.
oh, and hope that he’s still alive, you suppose. a humourless smile forms on your lips when you recall the last conversation you two had before you left the republic, completely unaware of the disaster that would soon befall the land at that time.
a part of you wonders if he had deliberately sent you away because he knew of the incoming disaster and didn’t want you to get hurt, but you shove the thought away, convincing yourself that he wouldn’t do that. the clotted cream you know is ambitious, cunning, and a backstabber. unless…
anyway, you don’t wish for him to be harmed by the catastrophe. while it is basic human decency to not wish harm onto others, you can’t seem to believe the fact that you want him to escape uninjured only because you’re a good person. in fact, it felt an awful lot like something stronger than just a stranger’s care. it seems you still had lingering feelings from before your breakup.
the captain’s announcement about landing soon makes you perk your head up, and you hastily prepare yourself to leave the flight immediately— maybe even before it lands. the airship is painstakingly slow when it lands, and your feet bounce anxiously. you jump off the moment it makes contact with the landing pad, sprinting off towards the direction of the main catastrophe.
while running, you turn your head around to witness some of the survivors tending to their wounds by the sides of the road. you feel apologetic and a strong sense of guilt and wish to stop to help them, but this isn’t your main mission now. the air gets thicker and more suffocating the nearer you get to the main catastrophe site, and your heart shatters at the sight of said location. thunder strikes every few seconds and purple fog clouds the entire area. there’s a hint of pomegranate smell on the motionless bodies covered in jam; the unfortunate victims who unfortunately faced pomegranate cookie while trying to escape. the rest hobbled around, trying to cover their wounds and retreat to a safe area. despite the republic’s leaders’ attempts to get everyone to safety, it seemed that not everyone was lucky enough to get mercy from the cookies of darkness and their leader.
clotted cream cookie stands right in the middle of the chaos, helping an old lady reach the tent put up for medical attention. you rush over to him without thinking. he notices you, eyes widening, but before he can react, you sling the old lady’s arm around your shoulder and help her walk to the tent, all without breaking eye contact with him.
“you’ve got a lot of explaining to do after i bring her to safety,” you glare at him. he can only nod dumbly.
the second the old lady sits down to rest and a healer tends to her, you run out of the tent and find clotted cream waiting for you right outside. the confident and charming consul you once knew was no more. concerningly dark bags adorn his eyes and they no longer shine like they used to. his usual smirk is replaced with a sheepish smile and his right hand cradles his left elbow— a poor attempt at hiding his wound from you. you click your tongue, annoyed, and pull him over to a secluded corner.
clotted cream thinks he’s in for a good scolding, or a slap or a punch, but he most definitely does not expect a bone-crushing hug from you.
still not completely processing your actions, he cautiously moves his arms to wrap around you, but before he can fully return the hug, you pull back and raise your hand to hit his cheek with a satisfying ‘smack!’. ah, there’s the slap he was waiting for.
“newsflash, hoe,” you spat, “not everyone is as good as deciphering hidden intentions as you are.”
“sorry,” he helplessly chuckles. “if i hadn’t tried to drive you away using that method, you would’ve stayed back no matter what.”
“and i would!” you retort. “why wouldn’t i? how could i possibly let the citizens face the disaster alone without my help, or leave the one i love behind?”
you splutter out a few incoherent words, unable to form another argument in your frustration, so you decide to crash into his chest again. he gladly wraps his arms around you and rests his head on yours.
“do you,” you start to talk again, and clotted cream almost tears up hearing the tremble in your voice, “have any idea how worried i was when i heard, dipshit? i had to know that my ex lover stayed back to protect the citizens of the creme republic from dark enchantress cookie through bird mail. bird mail! can you believe it?”
“i sure can’t,” he murmurs, reaching a hand up to rub the back of your head, “your ex lover must be an asshole.”
“he sure is,” you choke out a laugh between your tears. “i’m glad you agree.”
clotted cream sighs dramatically, but does not remove his arms from your frame. “well, whatever shall i do? my ex lover has returned to save me despite my efforts to drive them away, and we happen to be short on manpower. we sure could use a swordsman right now.” you hide a smile at his words, knowing he remembered your strengths in swordsmanship. pulling away just slightly to see his face, you’re almost surprised by the shy smile that he puts on when he asks, “what do you say you help us out since you’re so conveniently here and free to help?”
you’re immediately reminded of the times when young clotted cream cookie tried to ask you out with the exact same shy smile he had on right now. initially, after your breakup, you thought that reminiscing the good memories you had with him would make you feel miserable, but now, you only feel bliss.
“since our consul so kindly asked me,” you play along with him, slipping your hand into his, “i’ll help to defend our homeland and save our citizens.”
he squeezes your hand twice to say thank you (for agreeing to help him and for coming back to him). the two of you walk towards the site of disaster together, hand in hand.
clotted cream cookie always plans in advance.
he had expected you to leave the creme republic in tears after your breakup, which you did. he had expected you to not interact with him while you were gone, which you also did. yet, he most definitely did not expect you to come back for him because you were worried.
he can’t quite say he doesn’t like this unexpected outcome, though.
#r.writes#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#cookie run kingdom x reader#cookie run x reader#clotted cream cookie#clotted cream cookie x reader#cookie run sfw#cookie run kingdom sfw
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The Dragon Republic
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐; rin making bad decisions like they’re going on sale at the market, arms full of regrets, guilt, mistakes, and self-destructive coping mechanisms: i can fit in one more
Oh?? 👌😉😏
rf kuang gave us an unflinching exploration on the cycles of violence and oppression, dissected the ever-escalating chain of vengeance, and the good good of eastern-inspired mythology?? like ma’am.....the good food im eating at your feast.....ive been so hungry
the lore deserves its own point. it was so effortlessly woven into the story, especially the way it tied into certain characters’ backstories. i can’t say much more because spoilers but if you like integrated worldbuilding and you like chinese-inspired magic systems get over here!!
the friendships. namely rin 🤝 kitay. miss kuang you know what really matters, and its not 10398 handsome men, its one ride-or-die bff holding you back or yeeting you into the midst of battle as needed
grimdark, but not oppressively depressing? im not sure how to describe it..the story gives you enough adrenaline to power through with the sheer speed of reading to find out what happens next, but doesn’t pull its punches. i think its partly that rin herself ploughs through the narrative like she’s trying to outrun the events, giving the reader the momentum to move with her
No.. ❌🤢🤮
i took a screenshot when my friend and i were planning to do a buddy read together. the trigger warnings took up an entire page. do not screw around with this. there’s no shame in tapping out for any book, but especially this one
some characters die, and i specifically blame rin for it. i mean there were a lot of other factors, but in the spirit of the phoenix herself i am choosing to close my eyes to the rationality of working through my feelings of grief in a healthy way and plunge straight into being pissed off about it, forever. *wipes tear* just like rin taught me
did suffer from a bit of middle book syndrome, at least to me. i mean, i finished an 800~ page book in 8 hours of reading time, so maybe don’t believe me, but the first half of the book dragged more than i remember the poppy war did. i will admit a lot of that was because rin was in no position to be a rational, active protagonist. the narrative needed her to flounder, and she did.
Summary:
Rin goes unhinged 2: water dragon boogaloo (ive tried and tried to write an actual summary for this book but i don’t think i can top this throwaway line i wrote as a placeholder)
Concept: 💭💭💭💭💭
Where to start? There are historical influences, commentary on social issues and the impact of violence on communities both physical and otherwise, the slow and terrible descent of a beaten-down protagonist. Basically a checklist of stuff I like exploring in high fantasy settings!
This is the second book in a trilogy - spoilers ahead!
Execution: 💥💥💥💥
Rin doesn’t like politics, and I think that made the narrative drag a lot initially as the moving parts tried to be interesting but through Rin’s jaded lens were stripped of their veneer. Kuang was more than ambitious with her sophomore book, and I know that she was open about struggling with the pacing of TDR while she was writing it - still, I think there’s more than something to be said about shooting for the stars! I didn’t think any part of the book dropped the ball, but the nature of all the heavy topics it was trying to handle became a hefty meal to swallow
Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤
Like I said, I read this book over 3-ish days in 8 hours. The library copy I had said it was 800 pages. I felt as powerful as Rin when I finished. The first half was a little dead in the water (which is a pun, yes, how many damn times did someone fall into the water and nearly drown in this book?? smh) but nothing I couldn’t handle with a little exasperation at Rin’s...*gestures* mental landscape. But when we reached the lore about Su Daji, and the Trifecta, and their chosen gods....i broke into a flat-out sprint. I was naruto-running through the plot.
Favourite Moment: it’s a battle to the death between the scenes with the trifecta backstories and the rin 🤝 kitay scenes
Favourite Character: chaghan, because i loved his backstory so, so, so much....also I didn’t know that handholding scene in the mountains was like. canon. and not fanon. rin really looked homosexuality in the eye and said ‘huh?’ with her whole chest.
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NAME CHANGED: wisegirl06 -> the hyperfixationspeedrunner
Header by @evafoxz
Hii 👋
Just here to say what I ramble about and how often because things here are... chaotic to say the least
So, here's the list:
Taylor swift (igndnrktkgkfnsnrngfnfke <- cannot describe my love for this album another way)
Epic: the musical (it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week it's this week )
911 (current big hyperfixation)
The folk of the air (I NEED MORE OF THESE, A TRILOGY, A NOVEL AND A DUOLOGY ARE NOT ENOUGH)
Star wars (hyperfixation dies then comes back every time something is released, so currently obsessed with the bad batch and can't wait for high republic)
Percy Jackson (as soon as there are any news on season 2 I am going insane but right now things are quiet)
Marvel (not big on it right now but this bitch likes to come at the most random times)
Six of crows (another one that from time to time likes to come around and take over my life)
Heartstopper (will go batshit crazy the closer we get to season 3)
Fourth wing (recent hyperfixation, will come back when iron flame gets out in my country)
Five survive (absolutely love, deserves more attention)
The lunar chronicles (just read the first book, will ramble about it once I finish the collection please don't spoil it)
Renegades (still missing supernova, but oh my god this series, wanting to finish the last book to go batshit crazy)
Good omens (on the end of first season right now, looks like a future hyperfixation)
agggtm (love it so much, can't wait for the show gkejrnt)
The hunger games (not something that I ramble a lot about but love it so much)
Stranger things (kinda dead, maybe will come back when the last season drops, maybe not)
Eragon (don't have a passion for it, but there's gonna be a series, apparently so I'm excited for that)
Harry Potter (also kinda dead, hold dear in my heart but his time has passed (also, before anyone says anything, fuck J. K. Rowling))
That's it for now, will try to update, but I can't promise anything, bestie has ADHD and can't keep things updated
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The Hamilton Affair, review
It’s needed to be said that this book was written by a historian which I found out after reading 4 hundred pages and which was a total shock to me considering I was adamant the whole story was written by a “history enthusiast” as we politely call a person without degree but with a passion about the topic at hand. Frankly speaking I’d never guess it wasn’t written by a fan of the musical Hamilton if I didn’t google Elizabeth Cobbs by sheer accident. That being said I won’t judge historical accuracy since even I’m not arrogant enough to challenge authority of a person with PhD. I’ll satisfy myself with judging the quality of the story only.
God help me, this was bad. Nightmarish. I would never expect a historian to write such a thing, honestly, she should have known better than this.
1. Weird view on slavery. I won’t claim it’s what Dr. Cobbs actually believes in or the choice for a story but I will put my foot down here and say loud and clear. I can’t say whether she knew Hamilton was a slave owner or didn’t, but she did knew he bought slaves for his friends and clients and you can’t look me dead in the eyes and call Burr hypocrite for educating his slaves and calling them as capable to learn as free white people and yet owning slaves (which is fair) but then go and say that Hamilton isn’t one for participating in the slave trade because “he’s lawyer not a judge”. Honestly, this is some weird take for a narrative and it does feel farfetched for Hamilton’s honor sake. It is a comfortable stand to take if you want to paint your main character in better light, no arguing it. But it doesn’t work very well and leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth. No. Bad.
2. The writing in general. Oh lord, please, please. You can’t just put the bunch of events and push them in one paragraph with character basically enumerating them. It’s a book. You’re supposed to narrate them so the characters and their stories would unfold around these events, it’s not a textbook. Nor do I find the writing style particularly good. Wasn’t amused by comparison of breasts to rising bread nor by “Little Alex came along one night when Big Alex came along too quickly”. Why would you want me to read such a thing?
3. I’m not usually the one to kinkshame but damn foot fetish is a strong way to start describing a sex scene. Feels like a bucket of water dumped on your head. Nor did I like her “pretty little triangle”. Nor by Maria’s radiating power from her vagina. That does nothing for me. Well, except for making me laugh.
4. The huge problem of the narrative when it comes to Burr. Oof. I really was holding back a lot on this one. I won’t judge historical accuracy I promised, so let’s imagine I think Burr was villain as well. Was Dr. Cobbs able to show it in her book? No. She really failed on this one. To summon a visual for you. Till the last 30 pages of the book was appeared in the narrative exactly once. The author enumerated some of his faults and then painted him defending Hamilton by saying he was a brave soldier not a coward as his conversational partner was insisting and complimented his conduct in Yorktown. Hundred pages later she again says he had no moral or principles and ends up mentions he represented Maria in court and didn’t spill the information about Hamilton’s affair with her. As a reader I was confused cause both things seemed like compliments to me. So everything that goes on in the end of the book feels especially weird, almost like the author decided to switch direction she was going in or she didn’t try really hard with this part of her story cause the next thing we see is that Burr is rascal, immoral, can destroy republic as Cataline. Was it what Hamilton said about Burr in 1800-1801? Sure. Do I as a reader believe his opinion or take his side from what I’ve seen in the book? No. You can’t put a bunch of misgivings in a single paragraph and expect your reader to be satisfied by any way. “Why don’t we have enough water to put out fires, Betsey? Ask Aaron Burr. Surely you recall when he begged me for a loan so he wouldn’t lose his house. And then took forever to pay us back? Remember when he said I ought to overthrow the Constitution since I headed the army—that, for a great man, anything is moral?” Nice, the best writing ever. Would love to see it being IN the story one day. I know all of it, even tho I have a different view on every single one of these complaints, but the average reader don’t. Why does Dr. Cobbs expect her reader to have a deep knowledge of the events from somewhere else I know not.
5. Once again I’m sitting here and saying that I’d love to see an author that doesn’t try to over romanticise relationship between Betsy and Alexander. No offence but I don’t think that making the dynamic between them saccharine you’re doing any favour to the people in question. While I genuinely enjoyed the chapter about Betsy’s social work and charity, complimented it even, I think it’s one of the few moments the poor woman got actual fair treatment in the story. At some point the narrative went in the direction of “well we didn’t have sex for a few years so really what did she expected” and I had to close the book for a second a walk away.
6. Every character in the narrative is bland and lacking in every way. Maybe my take is odd but I’d love to see characters to be themselves even if they might be unlikable sometimes. I would choose it over this “good husband and good man and overall saint” man who is supposed to be Alexander Hamilton.
At the end of the day, The Hamilton Affair is unoriginal novel, just one of the many barely distinguishable stories that were written in the last two hundred years. As many others it still loses to The Amorous Intrigues and Adventures of Aaron Burr as being the cringy but funny and deeply entertaining. This book doesn’t really try to be serious nor can’t you perceive it to be one which I can’t say about The Hamilton Affair. I can’t judge the other books in Dr. Cobbs collection since it’s my introduction to her works (unfortunately, not a positive one) but I can say that writing of novels is probably not her strength and that this book specifically, to my deepest regret, doesn’t compliment her list of publications in the slightest.
#tha#anyone I’m finally free you’re finally free#you can finally have your rest from me while I’m getting through pride and prejudice which won’t take that long but yeah#break
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I am LOVING combing through all of your wizard au posts for never-seen-before lore. I've been reading the patented isabelguerra wizard au since 2020 and I have had just one (several) question all these years..... WHAT IS GOING ON WITH CODY AND LISA IN THIS AU!! What was up with Cody's boggart!! What was the traumatic event!! Why can Lisa see thestrals!! These two are so mysterious and enthralling and I've been thinking about their appearance in your boggart fic for sooooooo long. If any of this is spoiler free I would love to hear it.
Aw thank you!! god the 2020 era isabelguerra blog…. thanks for being here so long :’) Back then I just wasn’t letting the blog/au be something I could do for fun, hearing people actually LIKED them and came BACK is nuts (touching). its nice having something connecting you to a community. heres some answers for you:
Cody and Lisa in wizard au!!!!!!! So this AU was made before ch6, before Davy, and idk if the headcanon has died out now but people used to LOVE headcanoning cody+lisa as twins. That, plus my personal preference for their designs in ch1, meant that Wizard Au Cody and Lisa are twins and also Filipino. Different houses, same family.
And oh man Codys boggart. ok. You MIGHT be disappointed here, but. Codys boggart was a very subtle drawn-out jab at pnat’s then-recent canonization of the existence of vampires. I hated it. I was SO mad. So I did some digging on vampire lore and found apparently they can’t cross running water. So when Max overheard Stephen theorizing ‘oh jones has a water fear I bet hes some kinda vamp’, then getting yelled at by Lisa for jumping to extreme conclusions when REALLY he just had a very normal but bad experience as a kid, the underlying message there is me the writer going “vampires are the most nonsensical direction [canon] could be taking right now this makes no sense and in addition to hating it personally i’m going to make it explicitly clear that I will Never include it in my own story”.
Which is so silly. but you know if there’s one thing I love its literary symbolism. so whatever. That said, that was years ago and hey maybe i’ll change it! I’ve been working on rewriting boggart fic for republication and maybe i’ll mess around with it more. i’d love to hear your theories!!
As for Lisa seeing Thestrals, that part was initially added as an addendum to ‘Max wonders why nobody else can see Thestrals’, a bit i wrote to get an Angst Reaction before i realized A). it made no sense since isabels grandpa is literally dead B). i’ve evolved past shock value writing. so now it’s max, isabel, and lisa- max and isabel are obvious, but I really enjoyed Lisa’s pre-school store reveal characterization as ‘mysterious weird girl who just kind of knows creepy things somehow’ instead of ‘underground rebellion runner with tabs on literally everyone etc etc’. For this characterization purpose thestrals, as creatures only someone who has seen death can see, fit her really really well.
Essentially I liked her mystery and felt giving ‘Why Can Lisa See Thestrals’ an answer would be redundant in its purpose. Why can she see them? We just know she can. Maybe Cody knows, as her brother. Maybe Violet knows, as her best friend. But the story we follow as Max, Isabel, and Johnny has no reason to have that information. Much like the true nature of Cody’s boggart and the conversation they have following it, that’s a private moment we don’t have access to. Some things we aren’t meant to know. Some things don’t have an answer.
So that’s Lisa and Cody’s deal! I hope this was a fulfilling answer, I love getting asks about the au and I love writing it. Feel free to (as in please I’d love to hear them) send your other several questions! I love theorizing and I LOVE hearing theories others make about my work. Ty for the ask!!
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do you by any chance have any more boba facts? 🥺🥺 i love it if you would grace me with your vast boba knowledge 🥰
i’d be happy to oblige, friend! here are some more miscellaneous boba deets, courtesy of the EU/legends 😊
though there are varying portrayals by different authors re: boba’s take on collateral damage, one of my favorites comes from one of the earliest boba fett stories. in it, boba is hunting han solo (of course) some time after the events of the original trilogy, but during the mission, things go awry and a civilian character is mortally wounded by a blaster bolt meant for han. boba, who in this timeline has never killed the wrong target before, proceeds to let han solo run away so he can check on the woman and, once he realizes that she’s too far gone to save, he administers something to ease her passing and kneels by her side, holding her hand until she passes away. it’s a surprisingly tender scene and goes to show that, as ruthless as he is, boba just isn’t willing to let someone die a slow, painful, lonely death for his fuck-up.
speaking of han, as boba gets older, he becomes deeply embarrassed by his “rivalry” with solo as a young man and will insist to anyone who brings it up that it wasn’t a thing and that han just tells everyone they’re “nemeses” for the Drama Of It All
this is infinitely more hilarious if you’ve read early EU work in which boba’s rivalry with han consisted mostly of boba obsessively hunting him while han is like “GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING WEIRDO”
speaking of things boba finds embarrassing once he’s older, at one point, he’s trying to verify the legit-ness of someone claiming to be telemetric (able to read memories off of objects), so he gives the man a necklace belonging to another bounty hunter he was romantically involved in as a teenager. boba is very skeptical and not expecting much, until the man starts reciting pick-up lines boba used at the wise old age of 16
cue boba just about dying inside
like, his thoughts are literally just, “OH GOD, IT’S ALL TOO STUPID FOR HIM TO BE MAKING UP ON THE SPOT, HE FUCKING KNOWS”
honestly, they’re less pick-up lines and more just. a very sincere list of reasons he likes this other bounty hunter.
“YOU’RE GOOD AT SHOOTING THINGS. YOU’RE PRETTY??? I TRUST YOU???”
love that apparently boba’s idea of flirting as a teenager was just frantically chucking heartfelt positive statements at someone in no particular order
to his credit, it did work 😂
the lowest amount boba has ever killed someone for is three credits. this happens bc boba is trying to save the son of a clone, connor, from his creditors, initially by offering to pay his debt of half a million credits for him. when the creditor rejects boba’s offer and insists that he’d rather kill connor, connor fishes into his pockets, produces three credits, and goes, “HEY, FETT, I’LL GIVE YOU THREE CREDITS IF YOU KILL THIS ASSHOLE FOR ME” and boba’s like, “u kno what, fuck it” and does just that.
boba in the aftermath of fucking up all the shit, standing next to connor in a room full of dead bodies, including one rancor: “you owe me three credits :/”
okay, now for some cultural stuff, starting with mando’a!
though boba in the mandalorian seems at least able to read mando’a script, in the EU, he doesn’t start to learn mando’a until he’s much older
naturally, some of the first words he picks up are curse words LMAO
man is a stoic, battle-hardened bounty hunter and he still learns languages like a fucking fourth grader
aside from cusses, two words he has particular reactions to are aruetii and ba’buir
aruetii means “outsider” or “non-mandalorian” and boba feels weird and self-conscious using it bc, uh... that... probably includes him in the eyes of most mandalorians, huh?
ba’buir means “grandfather.” in the EU, he does indeed have a granddaughter who calls him this and he becomes quietly attached to the it as a term of address—to the point where, when his granddaughter refers to her grandmother as “ba’buir” as well, boba has a moment of “hey wait, that’s my word >:(”... before remembering that the word can be used for both. GENDERLESS NOUNS, BAY-BEE
boba has... mostly negative feelings about the mandalorian view of the afterlife or the manda. basically, it’s a collective consciousness of every mandalorian who has ever died. non-mandalorians don’t go there bc according to traditional mandalorian belief, non-mandalorians don’t have souls
it’s quite telling that the normally not-very-expressive boba winces when the topic of the manda is brought up. and then when he’s asked what his problem is, he has a whole list of questions/objections to the manda as a concept. what if a mandalorian doesn’t want to go to the manda? do you have to spend eternity having your consciousness mixed with real monsters like tor vizsla and montross (mandalorians associated with death watch responsible for orphaning/betraying boba’s father)? what if you have non-mandalorian family members? are they allowed to come? and if an exception is made for them, why not the rest of the galaxy?
it’s interesting, bc clearly this isn’t a subject boba doesn’t know or care about; he’s obviously thought about it a lot to have all this to say about it. honestly, i wouldn’t be surprised if he put so much thought into it bc it may very well have been the afterlife jango believed in.
also, to end on a lighter note, boba is hilariously bad at all the like... leadership parts of being mand’alor.
there’s one scene where beviin drags him to a town hall meeting and all the other mandalorians are arguing over whether they should involve themselves in the new republic’s conflicts or not and boba’s like, “wow, this is really interesting. let me just quietly listen to all these different points being raised and think about—wait, why is everyone looking at me—oh. oh shit, they’re expecting me to actually say something.”
POOR MAN JUST WANTS TO GO BACK TO THE GOOD OL’ DAYS OF HAVING FOUR LINES ACROSS THREE MOVIES. STOP EXPECTING HIM TO MAKE WORDS 😩
#captainmunroe#boba fett#just a heads-up for future information requests: don't be afraid to ask for specific topics! :)#for example: boba's views on XYZ or instances of boba + theme#i can try and do my best without guidelines but it can be hard for me to decide what people might find interesting#and i'll just fling spaghetti on the wall like i've done here :'D#i hope some of the spaghetti stuck though!
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thinking (yet again!) about the differences between the bad batch story reels and the season seven arc and like... some changes just blow my mind because all it did, really, was make the bad batch less likable.
lets star with the whole “reg” thing. if i remember correctly, in the originals “regs” is said twice. the first instance is by crosshair when taunting jesse in the LAAT. the second is said by hunter: he tells tech (who’s hacking into the cyber center) that he and wrecker are going to “go get the regs” (i.e. rex and jesse). that is, hunter only used it among his squad when the others were not present (much like how cody informs that the bad batch are defective clones out of earshot. these words are descriptors, but there’s also an offense associated to being referred to by them). the idea that hunter has restraint referring to regular clones this way in their faces connects, i think, to how hunter was a tad more apologetic to jesse in the original script. “he means regular clones. don’t take it personal. it’s just that we don’t always follow protocol” carried an actual sense of hunter trying to convince jesse that it’s nothing to do with him.
it’s interesting, i think, that in a context where you have clones and defective clones, that the bad batch (as defective clones) would find a way to talk about other clones in reference to themselves in a way that normalizes their own existence. it also introduces the idea that the bad batch experience a level of disconnect, and even animosity, in regards to other clones. all that can be conveyed by only using the word twice. the season seven episodes added three more instances, and in all of them the bad batch members comfortably throw the word around the clones who “are regs.” the sense of separateness (which, again, was already established/achieved by using it just two times) is only made stronger (thus more needs to be done to portray a sense of reconciliation or coming together. the reels succeed this to an extent because that barrier wasn’t built up as high).
so yeah in the original... wrecker didn’t say “we always get shot down when we travel with regs,” he kept quiet as he helped people out of the wrecked gunship (in fact, wrecker lost a lot of subtlety going from the reels to the final eps, which i’ll get back to). hunter didn’t fake-compliment rex with a “not bad, for a reg”! and oh boy crosshair’s comment implying that echo is worthless and expendable because he’s a “reg”... yeah that was not in the reels either. in fact, not only does crosshair not call echo a reg, the meaning of his original dialogue was completely different.
in the original, after hunter voices his suspicions echo might be dead, crosshair suggests that if alive echo could be cooperating with the enemy, making him a traitor. rex takes this as an attack on echo’s character and crosshair explains that no, he’s not intending to insult echo, by saying: “oh i don’t blame him, if i were left for dead, i wouldn’t be so loyal.” and like!!!!! that’s such a radically different line of dialogue because crosshair seems to blame rex for having left echo behind, actually. if you betrayed the republic to survive, or even out of spite, i don’t blame you even if you now present a threat to myself and my family, is such an interesting, empathetic sentiment. and that contrasts with the lack of regard given to rex, making it read like he’s condemning rex for leaving someone behind. crosshair doesn’t seem to understand, as an experimental commando clone, the pressures rex as a legion captain is under, because he’s seen a less expandable (they’re a specially trained four man team, if one dies that’s 25% of the unit gone. is there a replacement for that member? you get the idea). so you’ve got a clash between different povs, but also crosshair being shown as having a set of morals, chief among them being that you do not leave anyone behind. so remember when rex says to move out and crosshair goes “commander cody is in no position to move” yeah i’d say that’s crosshair making sure cody isn’t being left behind. when crosshair saves anakin? that’s because he saw anakin go off on his own and followed him. because you don’t leave people behind. and like... the idea that yeah crosshair is an asshole. he’s unpleasant and that’s deliberate. he doesn’t care if people like him and he’s not trying to be liked. but that he values the lives of other people and looks out for them? that makes an interesting, flawed and multifaceted character. that got lost in the dialogue change because its no longer suggested that crosshair holds these values.
as for what i said earlier about wrecker: he lost subtle, nonverbal moments through the addition of lines that are either anticlimactic or only serve to make him seem loud or ditzy in an exaggerated fashion. he didn’t laugh when the LAAT came down. he was quiet as he helped people out of the downed gunship (no comment about regs!). he didn’t say “boom” when the ship exploded in the background after he flipped it over (the difference? a character moment that’s actually cool and impressive vs something that’s corny). when wrecker comes to crosshair’s aid by picking rex off of him, there was no quippy one liner. there was no need for anything to be said for it to be understood that wrecker is acting as a barrier and it trying to intimidate rex. when he’s afraid to get onto the elevator? that’s conveyed visually through camera angles and through hunter picking up on the fact that he’s scared. he doesn’t scream (if you can call a comical “aah what is that thing oh no its going to get me” a scream) when the organic decimator almost gets him. when they walk across the pipe? wrecker doesn’t whimper or talk to himself for comfort. he is scared of heights, that’s already been established, but he’s also a grown man and a soldier like he’s keeping that to himself? like we see wrecker hesitating to walk on the ledge but doing it anyway because he has to. in a piece of dialogue that was cut, tech said “does anyone want to know the odds of us making it across alive?” to which wrecker (who’s you know already having a bad time) interrupts with “don’t even think about it, tech” (if ur curious, this exchange was replaced with: wrecker: “keep walking tech!” tech: “that’s fine, but if you fall don’t take me with you” which???? uuh weird exchange). also, the fact that wrecker was mostly dealing with his fear silently means that when hunter tells wrecker to hold on because they’re almost there... that’s because hunter knows he’s scared and is checking up on him. basically... any kind of serious moment was cheapened by having wrecker talk in them. now i don’t want to say that DBB is a bad voice actor, but his expertise is making animal noises. he’s not able to do a realistic, deep voice, meaning that whenever wrecker talks he kind of sounds like a joke. it’s fine when wrecker is actual being lighthearted and jokey, but otherwise? the emotion just does not come across as genuine, which breaks the stakes or weakens credibility.
and god the whole plot point about the bad batch being suspicious of echo was nonexistent in the reels. the “don’t worry, echo says he’s got a plan”/”that makes me feel so much better” exchange between rex and tech is in the original, but tech’s sarcasm isn’t from doubting echo’s allegiance, it’s because they’re planning to land on admiral trench’s ship and echo having a plan (that he himself doesn’t know) doesn’t exactly soothe his anxieties. rex acts like tech’s being a big joker and playfully shoves him, telling him to get on board. which is an interesting interaction because these characters are kind of starting to bond?? as for tech and echo, they kinda become nerdy friends really quick. like when tech warns echo not to send the signal right away because he first needs to make it look like it’s coming from skako minor, echo’s like “oh yeah good thinking tech.” and when echo figures out a way to shut down all the droids at once tech is impressed and lightly shoves his shoulder. again there is none of that “oooh maybe echo’s a traitor maybe he’s with the techno union” shit. like i understand that the writers wanted to up the stakes but it falls flat because the idea of echo being a traitor isn’t credible. it does not seem like an actual risk or possibility. so all it did was make the bad batch seem like assholes, cutting away at some very nice character moments.
ok this is a long post and you might ask yourself “but tumblr user rishi-eel, why do you care so much about the story reels, this stuff isn’t canon now” and there are a couple reasons, first, i think it managed to tell a better story overall. so the question is: why is that? because you would expect that writers reworking the plot would add improvements and not downgrades. and to be fair, the s7 episodes had a bunch of upgrades, but not when it came to the characterization of the bad batch. another thing to consider is that changes were made in the context of setting the bad batch up as future protagonists of their own spinoff series (something the original arc was not intended to do because there were no plans for a bad batch series). were the characters made flatter and more archetypal to add to marketability? was the reg/defective clone rivalry (and dichotomy, even) amplified because this separateness serves a narrative in which the bad batch are heroes and the other clones villains?
#long post#clone force 99#the bad batch#it's late and i haven't proof read so there might be typos and stuff but. here are my thoughts#rishi-outposts.txt
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86 EIGHTY SIX S2 EP11 (reaction but mostly screaming) PART 1
IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG FOR THIS EPISODE I COULDN’T WAIT TO WATCH IT BY THE TIME I FINISHED THE EP I WAS BAWLING MY EYES OUT
- i legit thought shin was dead but im thankful for his plot armor oh mygod
- god kiri.... i just want to hug the entire nouzen family
- ISTG THE SCENE WITH SHIN’S BROTHER MAKES ME so weaak i swear
-ugh the way shin stood up and his scarf covered him in the flashback??? god i love 86 so much
-SHIN’S ENTIRE TEAM COVERED IN BLOOD I WANT TO PERISH
-”Thank you, Shin”
-one thing i love about this show is that shin isnt the dark and brooding anime protag where he’s nothing but a badass. this episode showed every single emotion he had been keeping and i just--
-im so fucking weak right now
-”Why does every single one of them... leave me alone... die before me...And then tell me we’re the ones who fight to the end...That that’s what makes us who we are...”
-WHEN I SAW KURENA, RAIDEN AND THE OTHERS HAVING THEIR FOR BE LIGHTER AND RAIDEN SAID “We left you alone again, haven’t we?”
-I LOVE THIS SHOW’S USE OF THE BLACK FRAME. LIKE THEM USING IT TO INJURE SHIN’S ARM WAS A COOL USE OF IT.
-ITS ALSO A SYMBOL OF HIS MENTAL STATE god i love this show did you know that??????
-shin’s expressions in the entire episode
-thank you Chiba Shouya-san for voicing Shin!! you really nailed every emotion he felt!!
-when the remaining legion exploded, i really loved the fact that the light in his eyes returned wheeze XD
- ITS SHOUSA
- VLADILENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH
- OH MY GOD SO THE FIELD ISNT REALLY BLUE ITS THE SAME AS THE OP IM GOING INSANE BJTCHCHH
-oh my godd my favorite ship ever THEYRE FINALLY MEETING PLEASE KISS HOLY SHIT
-why,,, why isn’t he getting out i know youre injured BUT OPEN THE HATCH
-SHAKES MY IRON BARS IF YOU TWO DON’T MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT THIS EPISODE--
-shes so beautiful and strong. her voice is unwavering holy shit im in love with lena
-”Will you come with me?” excuse me sir thats not how dates WORK?!?!?! get outta thereeeee
”I will stay in this country and continue to fight”.
-shin wanted to her to come with him.... but then when she voiced out her desires..... HIS EYES SOFTENED I LITERALLY CANT
-”Fight? Why? Are you in a hurry to die? Then you would’ve done better not to fight at all. “
-HER EYES. HER EYES. HER EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!
-CRAP THAT WAS SO GOOD. THE WAY SHE LITERALLY STEPPED ON THE BLACK FRAME OF THE EPISODE?!?!??! THAT WAS SO POWERFUL. DAMN
-”Even if I’m not strong enough to win, I won’t embarrass myself by giving up and falling to my knees.”
-”I’ll keep fighting until the very last moment of my life.”
“I know people who lived that way, and they believed that I could do the same.”
“So we...So I... will fight until I reach them, and until I can take them to what lies ahead!”
-i am so stunned i cant even speak verbally right now
-”I am Captain Vladilena Milize, the commander of the former Republic’s Defense Forces.”
-THE FRAME TURNED WHITE AND ITS DISAPPERARING IM GOING TO DISAPPEAR ON THE SPOT TOO I SWEAR I NEED TO SHAKE SOMEONE RGHT NOW
”And I will never run from this war!”
-those spider lilies.... the symbol of death IS EVERY WHERE AROUND THEM. AND HERE THEY ARE. LIVING. BREATHING. FIGHTING TO LIVE EVEN AS THOSE WHO LOVED THEM WILL EVENTUALLY DIE
”Major...”
-THE OP FORESHADOWED THIS!!?!??!?!?! I HAVE TO READ MY LIGHT NOVELS
-CANT THE TWO OF YOU HUG ALREADY
-”What duty do you have to the dead?” AND IT WAS FOLLOWED BY THE FKNGGGGGGGG FIREWORKS andA CERTAIN MEMORY WHO IS THE DIRECTOR OF THIS SHOW I NEED TO SHAKE THEM OVER HOW GOOD THIS IS
”They told me not to forget.”
-shin’s surprised face........please oh my god im breaking down.... im cryinggggggg this episode is too amazing
-”They told me about what would happen. About the Legion’s large-scale assault. And that’s how I survived.”
-”They wanted me to survive.”
-”They told me they wanted to see me again. And that’s why I can still fight.”
“So I want to be who they thought I could be. They’re gone now but I want to get to where they are. To catch up to them...”
-IS THAT THE WHITE PIG PRINCESS DRAWING IM GOING TO CRY EVEN MORE.IM RUNNING OUT OF TISSUES HERE
-”And this time...fight with them.”
THE ENTIRE 86 PICTURE. THE IMAGE. THE ENTIRE TEAM. NO ONE FORGOT.
-NO ONE EVER FORGOT
-”Because... I want to take them beyond this battlefield.”
-Shin.....Oh, Shin.......
-And oh boy lena is not yet done destroying my tear ducts--
#86 anime#86#nouzen shinei#vladilena milize#raiden shuga#anju emma#kurena kukumila#theo rikka#eighty six
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What Happens in Vegas...Doesn’t Always Stay There - Jacob Markstrom - Part 1
Word Count: 4,885
POV: Reader
Warnings: NSFW, Language, Smut, Drinking (all the good stuff)
Notes: Well here it is the new fic that’s been in my head. I tossed around a couple different guys for this, but some of you suggested Marky and well looks like it stuck. Trying to do this a little different and keep this in an all read POV, so we shall see how that works. I don’t see this being super long maybe between 5 or 6 parts. Hope you guys enjoy. As always feedback is welcome. Happy Reading!
They say that New York is the city that never sleeps but whoever 'they' is, well, they got it wrong. It has to be Vegas. Lights are always flashing whether you were indoors or out, the jangly sound of slot machines can be heard at all hours and the seven deadly sins seem to be on full display twenty-four hours a day. It's no wonder their tagline for years was 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' If only that were true.
You wish you could blame someone else but you can't. Vegas was all your idea. As maid of honor, it fell to you to plan your best friend's bachelorette party, and in your mind, there was only one spot, Vegas. Now, you were second-guessing your choice as your head was pounding like there were a thousand drummers who decided to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show, only in your brain. There was only one thought that made it through the marching band playing in your head. What the hell happened last night?
Maybe you should start off small, like where were you first, considering that the little drummer boy was now doing backflips in your head. You were definitely in bed, which was evident as you could feel the mattress underneath you. You could also feel the duvet comforter covering your body, but there was something else. Something a bit heavier, almost as if a weighted blanket was covering your stomach and your breast, but it wasn't that. It was an arm slung across your midsection and a very large hand cupping your one boob. God, you hoped it was still attached to a body. You should really take a peek. It would be the only decent thing to do.
As you gradually lifted one eyelid open, the first thing you noticed was that you were not in your hotel room, as the wall looked completely different. No reason to panic, you told yourself. Everything would come back to you as soon as this god blessed pounding ceased. Peering the other eye open, you got back to business at seeing if there was a body attached to the arm currently trapping you to the bed. Carefully, you turned your head to the side to see a very large and very naked man firmly attached to the aforementioned arm. He was gorgeous as he lay there sleeping ever so peacefully. You drank in his features, kind of like you downed drink after drink last night. His brown hair had this golden hue to it that made your fingers want to reach out and touch it, though you refrained. Then there was the beard covering his face, not too much and not too little, and now that you were thinking about it; you definitely felt some of that beard burn on your thighs. If you could only remember last night. The only logical thing to do was to go back to the start of this, back to a time when you were sober.
It started months ago when your best friend Kennedy got engaged. You honestly didn't see it coming that fast. She'd only been dating Ryan for a little less than a year, but he asked and she said yes, and when she asked you to be her maid of honor you screamed and laughed and cried, and told her you couldn't wait to plan her bachelorette party. Everyone knew the bridal shower was only for boring stuffy old aunts so that they could buy her the latest air fryer or new dish pattern. The bachelorette party was where all the fun was, and what better place to have it than Las Vegas.
Of course, everyone agreed with you. The only wrench in the plan was that Kennedy decided to up her wedding date and make it a nine-month engagement. That barely left time to find a dress let alone plan the most outrageous bachelorette party of the century. You would've said decade but twenty-twenty was fastly approaching. Thankfully, you had connections. Night one was more sedate since you all were just arriving at the MGM hotel at different times; eleven of you in total when Ryan's sister decided to join at the last minute. You booked a private room at Lago in the Bellagio for all of you to enjoy.
It was the second night, that was the piece de resistance. A limo picked you all up and took you over to Excalibur to see the legendary Australian group, Thunder from Down Under. I mean what was Vegas without seeing a male stripper or two. The next day, a private bungalow was waiting for you at Wet Republic in the MGM Hotel. One would've thought the night watching men strip naked would've been your undoing but apparently, it all started poolside.
"I seriously can't believe he pulled you up on stage and proceeded to dry hump you up there," Kelsey rehashed.
"Really, Kels?" Kennedy said downing another mimosa. "How could you not see that happening? (Y/N) has known Nate for a couple years. I mean he did get us front row tickets." This was all true. Nate, the emcee for Thunder from Down Under and you were friends, had been since your firm had done their calendar shoot two years ago. He had generously given you prime seating to the show that night and also set you up with a few other perks for the trip. "The only thing I'm surprised at, is that this one," she bumped you with her hip, spilling both hers and your mimosas. "Didn't end up going home with him last night."
"Oh my god, Kenny you did not just say that." She may be the bride and your best friend but really, she was pushing the line.
"Come on, it's not like it hasn't happened before."
At least four pairs of eyes turned towards you, Ryan's sister Gretchen being one of them. "Ok, admittedly, I slept with him, once." Both Kennedy and Kelsey gave you that look. "Ok, maybe it was twice, but he has a girlfriend now, and we are just friends."
"I'll give you that," Jade spoke up in your defense and suddenly she was going to earn the title of new best friend, not that the lines weren't blurred in your little group as you were all sort of best friends. "But what about Edward, the one with the turtle tattoo on his hip."
"You were so looking at more than his hip." Eva teased while Jade simply hid behind her champagne glass. "But yeah (Y/N), he was totally hitting on you."
"He was not."
"Oh, he was," Kennedy added her two cents. "And as the bride I take offense, they should've been hitting on me."
"Wait, why would they hit on you?" Jade sputtered. "You're taken bitch." Of course, bitch was said in the most loving way.
"I'm not dead."
"No, but I'm sure my brother wouldn't appreciate it." Leave it to Gretchen to be the mood killer. "I think I'm going to go take a nap. I'll meet you at the pool later."
She headed out the door, and honestly, you were ecstatic about it, for she was too judgmental for your liking. "Wait, Gretch, that's not what I meant."
"Leave her go, maybe a nap would do her good." They were Jade's words but your sentiments. "Now back to why (Y/N) did not take that beautiful man up on his offer last night."
"There was no offer," you insisted.
"Come on (Y/N), there was an offer. There's always an offer. Remember when you were doing promo for that Batman flick." You tried to shut Kennedy up with a death glare, but she continued to prattle on. "We all know you ended up doing the nasty with Superman."
"WHAT?!?!" Yeah, that definitely came out of the other nine people's mouths in the room.
"Thanks, Ken. No one knew that but you."
"Oops, my bad." She had the grace to at least be embarrassed about the whole thing.
"You mean you slept with that guy, the British one, tall, all muscular, extremely good looking. Damn it what's his name." You could see Eva wracking her brain for his name and you just didn't want to go there.
"Hen…"
"Yes, him," you admitted, stopping Jade before she could finish his name. "Can we please change the subject?"
"Why, when we are all living vicariously through you," Kelsey added. "Especially poor Kennedy, who is now committed to spending the rest of her life with one man."
"Geez, you make it sound like a death sentence. I love Ryan and I'm perfectly fine spending the rest of my days with him."
You had to suppress an eye roll. Not because you didn't think that Ryan and Kennedy weren't in love. If you were being honest, you just thought they were rushing things a bit. The problem was telling your best friend that; you tried in the past and never succeeded. "We know you're in love Kenny." And then because you couldn't stop yourself, you added. "It's just are you sure you want to be tied down so young? We still have our whole life to live."
"Jesus, (Y/N). We all know you're not ready for marriage and what comes with it, but we can't all be you with your fancy job in LA, meeting celebrities all the time. Some of us have real lives and want to settle down and have a family."
"Kenny, that's not what I meant." The last thing you wanted to do was argue with her at her bachelorette party. "I only want you to be happy."
"You have a funny way of showing it." The air in the room took on a chill and not from the air conditioning. If you didn't do something soon this party was going to go downhill.
"Oh, would you look at the time," Jade chimed in. "We should probably be heading down to the pool." Everyone grabbed their stuff, Kennedy giving you the cold shoulder as you made your way out of the hotel suite. Jade came up and wrapped an arm around you. "She'll be fine. She's just on edge after the whole Gretchen thing. We'll give her a few shots and you two will be good as new."
"I hope so." Unfortunately, things weren't fine. Kennedy seemed to avoid you and your attempt to make things right, even after a few shots. That didn't stop you from taking a few more. You had a strict one drink to one water rule, that you threw out the door today. Downing shots like it was your job. It was probably an hour later when you were in one of the private pools, with a few of the girls that a large group of very attractive men walked in. They were definitely different from Nate and the guys from Thunder, and at first, you thought it was some fraternity get together with how young some of them looked, but at second glance there were some gentlemen that were your age or older.
"They've gotta be baseball players," Eva whispered over after they took up residence in the three bungalows next to you.
"Nah, none of them have a dad bod." Jade was right, they were too fit to be in the MLB. You'd been around enough major leaguers to know while some were incredibly in shape, some were not. That didn't seem to be the case with this group.
"I'm gonna rule out NFL as well," you told the girls. "None of these guys look like they're an offensive guard. Those guys are huge." You noticed a few of them staring at the six of you that were in the smaller pool reserved only for the bungalows. Grabbing another shot, this had to be your fourth in just sixty minutes, you downed the drink really starting to feel its effects.
"Looks like we may just find out here," Jade said, nodding to let you know some of the guys were headed your way.
"Ladies, care if we join you?" One of the men asked, you had to admit he was extremely handsome but also gave off an air that he had more than a few notches in his bedpost.
A couple of the girls nodded, but when no one said anything, you found yourself saying, "Come on in."
"So, what brings you to Vegas?" This from a different guy, who had quite a number of tattoos covering his arms, and you had to admit that the ink just made him more attractive, that and his height. He was well over six feet tall and you didn't mind looking up to see his face as he took the seat next to you.
"Bachelorette party," Jade blurted out and you saw a few eyebrows raise.
"Tell me you're not the bride?" His breath was warm or maybe it was the sun, either way, you definitely felt a warmth in your belly that wasn't there moments ago.
"I am definitely not the bride." Shit that sounded desperate. "Though I am the maid of honor, at least I hope I still am." You looked inside the bungalow to see Kennedy in deep conversation with Gretchen.
"Hmm, sounds like there's a story there. Care to tell me? I'm Jacob by the way, though the guys call me Marky."
He held out his hand, the one that didn't have a beer in it, and you took it. "(Y/N), and I'll tell you though it's rather dull, on one condition." He quirked a brow at you. "You tell me what sport you play."
He chuckled. "What makes you think I play a sport? Maybe I'm an investment banker."
"Well, first there's your accent, though I suppose you could pull off investment banker with that. Second, you are all…how shall I say this…physically fit. A quality most athletes have and considering the number of you; I doubt this is some kind of investment banker convention."
"Ok, I'll give you that, though we could be bodybuilders or…" the lights on the billboard on the strip changed to a Thunder From Down Under ad and you saw a light bulb in his head go off. "Or male strippers." Shit, you almost spit your drink out on that one. "What, too much a stretch? Maybe it's your lucky day." He started to sway his hips in the pool, one of his friends joining him while you and Jade tried to contain your laughter.
"Nah, it's already been (Y/N)'s lucky day with them. She knows them all rather intimately."
"Jade!" you yelled at your friend, or ex-friend, though you weren't in a position to be losing anymore at the moment.
"Oops." She at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Alcohol made everyone do some crazy things and Jade was no exception to the rule.
"Intimately huh?" Jacob asked as you splashed water on Jade causing her to shriek and hide behind Jacob's friend who you learned was someone named Erik. "Have I lost the competition before it even starts?"
"There's no competition."
"So, you're single then?"
"Yes, though you still haven't answered my question." As soon as Jacob heard you say yes, he slid a little closer to you.
"What was that question again?" He said with laughter in his eyes and before you could get annoyed with him, though you doubted that would happen, he added. "I remember, just giving you a hard time. Anyhow, we play hockey."
"Oh, nice. Like professional level? Or are there minors in that sport?" You really weren't one hundred percent sure. You'd taken in a game here and there but not really paid any particular attention to it.
"We're in the NHL, playing for Vancouver. Just came out to do a little team bonding before the season starts. So, are we going to talk about this intimate encounter or why you think your maid of honor duties are getting revoked?"
"I think I need another drink to talk about either of them."
Jacob flagged down one of the personal waitresses for the area, requesting a couple of shots and drinks for you both, and you had to admit you liked the way he worked. "Now that that's taken care of…"
You blew out a frustrated breath, more with yourself than anything else. "I said something stupid right before we came down here." He kept silent, his eyes totally focused on you and what you were saying. A refreshing change from some of the men you spoke to. "I just think she's rushing into things. They've only known each other a year and we are too young to get married. She's only twenty-five, we have our whole lives ahead of us. You know?" He simply nodded his agreement before you continued. "I want to see the world, go places, and do things before I'm strapped down to one man forever. Not to mention being tied down with kids. How can Kenny not want that too?"
"I totally agree. I've gotten to see a lot with hockey but there's no way I want to be tied down just yet."
"Exactly, you totally get me." Your drinks arrived then and Jacob took one shot and handed it to you before taking the other.
"Well, I say we toast to being young and free with no commitments."
"I'll drink to that." He clinked his glass to yours and the two of you downed the drinks. It seemed like the DJ noticed the change in your mood, as the music got louder and the energy seemed to kick up a notch. You got up and started to dance in the pool; the other girls joining in. It wasn't long before you felt Jacob behind you. His hips grinding into your backside, as his large hands encircled your waist.
Drinks flowed freely the entire day, and if you were being honest, you couldn't remember a time you'd been that drunk before the sun had even set. You were laughing and dancing, and quite literally having the time of your life; your maid of honor duties completely forgotten at this point. Gretchen came up to you at some point and told you that she, Kennedy, and Kelsey were heading up and would catch up with the rest of you later. Everyone else was having too much fun with the Canucks to want to leave.
A few more drinks and an hour later, the party was winding down. Most of your friends had headed up to their room to pass out, only a few stayed behind. Jacob had somehow maneuvered you into one of the bungalows that was empty. You shared a few kisses here and there out in the pool area, but now that you were out of view of prying eyes things were getting a bit more heated. Jacob's hands were on your ass, as his tongue was down your throat; not that yours wasn't doing the same thing to him. He moaned into your mouth, the sound going straight to your core. Your bikini bottom was no longer wet from the water of the pool, but the press of Jacob's cock against it.
You both stumbled back, landing down on the large daybed in the bungalow, though somehow Jacob's reflexes softened your fall. His hands went straight to your breasts, kneading the flesh there. He was just about to untie the string of your bikini top when someone walked in. "Jesus, Marky! Take it upstairs would you!" You squinted trying to make out who it was but at this point not remembering anyone's name besides the man that was on top of you.
"Oh, shit…thought I was in my room." It was funny, you thought the same thing. "Sorry, Jay."
"His name is Jay? Like the letter?" you mumbled as Jacob helped you off the couch. "What comes after J?" Fuck you were drunk and when you were drunk you tended to ramble. You once actually talked to a damn parking meter because you thought it was a person, and you were pretty sure you could talk to one now if there was one around.
"Doesn't matter, babe," Jacob said kissing your lips. "Wanna head up to my room?"
You had to go up on your tiptoes to loop your arms around his neck. "Yes, I do." He planted a kiss on your lips then cupped your ass cheeks causing you to jump a bit.
"Let's go," he finally said breaking the kiss. You had enough sense to grab your things and tell your friends not to worry that you'd catch up with them tomorrow. They all winked and nodded or at least that's what it looked like in your head because that's when things started to get hazy. You had vague recollections of making your way through the casino, stopping here and there. Part of you thought that the two of you even stopped to play roulette only so you could have another drink.
You did remember tumbling through the door of Jacob's suite. His lips were on yours and neither of you were paying attention as he unlocked it. Thankfully his quick reflexes caught you; apparently, even when drunk, goalies couldn't lose some of those natural instincts.
His hands, you remember them being everywhere on your body, and how incredible they made you feel. His calloused touch lit a fire inside you, that had nothing to do with the alcohol. He rid you of your white swim cover-up easily, flinging the garment across the room, and then his lips were all over your body. It was easy to recall the way he made you feel, as he softly bit down on your nipple through the fabric of your bikini. You'd craved this all afternoon. It had been a couple months since you'd been with a man and Jacob was everything you'd been waiting for.
You ripped off his shirt. Your hands immediately going to his chest and roaming down his tattooed arms. He was all muscle, hard and lean everywhere, but when you slid your hand down inside his swim trunks to his cock; oh, it was hard all right, but lean was not a word you'd used to describe it. You were barely able to wrap your fingers around his girth, and as you stroked him, you realized God had not only blessed him with height but length as well. The man was made to star in a porno, you thought as you shoved his trunks down.
Somehow, during that time Jacob had managed to get your bikini top off, though you supposed with its simple string ties it wasn't a hard feat to manage. You dropped to your knees, licking your lips before taking your tongue and swirling it around the head of Jacob's cock. "Det kanns sa bra min vackra prinsessa (that feels so good my beautiful princess)." Jacob's mumblings had you pulling back and looking up at him. "Don't stop, baby." This time you knew what he said as you slowly sucked him into your mouth. There was no way that you could take him all in, so you pumped the rest of him with your fist. You hollowed out your cheeks as you sucked him inside, using every trick in the book you knew. Jacob muttered more in Swedish to you, things you had no clue as to what they meant, but judging by his reaction they were things he was enjoying very much. He threaded his hands through your hair, pulling it back so you could look up at him with big doe eyes. "Jesus," he swore, his hips bucking into your mouth at the sight of you with his cock in it, looking like that. After a few more thrusts, he pulled out shouting," Tillrackligt, enough. I think you're trying to kill me, princess."
There was something about the way he called you princess. It wasn't anything you'd been called before and most times you'd preferred babe or baby, but the way the word rolled off his tongue did things to your insides.
Jacob helped you off the ground, his lips ghosting over yours before picking you up and tossing you onto the bed. His large form handled you easily, arranging your body just the way he wanted to before slipping off your bikini bottoms. His large hands worked their way from your ankles to your calves, all the way up to your thighs; spreading your legs as he went. "So beautiful." He traced his fingers lightly over your pussy lips and you quivered in anticipation of what was to come. One long finger slid between your folds all the way up to your clit, once, then twice, and then once again. "So wet, prinsessa, and all because of me."
"Mmm, yes, Jacob." He dipped that same finger inside you then. The digit slipping in easily and so he added another. Then his mouth was there. Tongue flicking over your clit in a way that made you squirm with pleasure. "Oh yes," you moaned, caught up in the pleasure that was coursing through your veins. "Just like that." Your hips lifted up on their own accord, seeking more of what this giant of a man was doing to you. Jacob never let up, making a come-hither motion with his fingers and you found yourself unraveling around him; legs shaking, breath panting as your orgasm overtook you.
“So pretty when you cum, prinsessa.” He pulled his fingers from your pussy then brought them to your lips. You opened without any thought, licking your juices off of them. Before you could get them clean, Jacob’s mouth joined yours, kissing you while you sucked on his index and middle fingers. Your tongues mingled together, as Jacob positioned himself between your thighs. The head of his cock nudged between your folds and you sighed into his mouth at just that first touch. Slowly, he filled your pussy, until he bottomed out. Only then did he release your lips. “Fuck you feel so good.”
Jacob loved the feel of you clenching around him. It felt like he was in heaven. Part of him didn’t even want to move that’s how good your body felt, but then you shifted your hips up just a hair bit and he had to suck in a breath at the pleasure that went straight to his groin for fear he would spend inside you right then and there. He willed his body under control and only then started to move.
With every snap of Jacob’s hips, a wave of pleasure crashed over you. Your nails raked down his back, probably leaving marks, but it seemed to only spur him on. “Yes, Prinsessa,” he moaned out, as you bent your knees allowing him to go deeper. You moaned as he hit that treasured spot that had you seeing stars. “You like that?” Another moan was his answer, as he continued to fuck you.
That peculiar feeling started to wash over you. Your pussy fluttering around Jacob’s cock as the orgasm finally broke. Back arching, legs trembling, you were moaning out his name as the climax seemed to continue, as Jacob drove wildly into you. As you came down off your high, Jacob found his. With a few erratic thrusts, he was spending deep inside you with a loud groan. He slumped forward, his sweety forehead resting on yours. “Det dar var otroligt.” You looked at him curiously, your brain not working at all but also knowing he was speaking something in Swedish to you. He smiled, a glorious one that you found yourself getting lost in and you found yourself returning it. “I said that was amazing.”
“Yes, it was,” you breathed out. Jacob rolled you both onto your sides, tucking you into his. It wasn’t long before both of you were passing out.
Now here you were, finally putting most of the pieces together from last night. You looked back over at the sleeping man, who had given you such pleasure even in your inebriated state. He really was gorgeous. You honestly wouldn’t mind going for round two, after a couple of Tylenol, of course. Speaking of which you needed to get up and see if you had any in your bag. If only you could move him without waking him. You carefully took your right arm and went to move his left which was slung across you, but then something caught your eye. There on his ring finger was a ring. Oh, it wasn’t just any ring, it was a wedding ring! You knew he didn’t have it on when you were in the pool. You were not the type of woman to go hitting on a married man, let alone sleep with him.
You pulled your other arm out from underneath him, fully intending to grab your stuff and get the hell out of there when you noticed a bright and shiny diamond on your ring finger. There was also a matching wedding band. Then like a tsunami hitting the beach of a small island a memory came flooding back to you of the two of you entering the hotel chapel. This man wasn’t married to just anyone, he was married to you!
.
#jacob markstrom#jacob markstrom smut#jacob markstrom imagine#jacob markstrom imagines#nhl fanfic#nhl imagine#nhl imagines#hockey smut#nhl smut#hockey imagine#hockey imagines#hockey fanfic#what happens in Vegas series
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Suicidal Misunderstanding XVI
Part I - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Part XIII - - - - Part XIV - - - - Part XV
Star Wars Time Travel AU #27
Masters Aerdo, Koon and Nu lurched forward in distress as Obi-Wan unceremoniously slammed his mental walls into place.
“I’m fine, I’m fine!” He reassured them, smiling weakly and rubbing his temples.
“Cutting yourself off so abruptly from the force after a meditation that deep is dangerous,” Master Aerdo said, alarmed. “Please endeavor to be more gentle with yourself, Master Kenobi.”
“Of course, I simply thought it would be be best to allow for some, ah, uncertainty with my retreat to counteract my... necessary indiscretion.”
“Uncertainty!” Plo scolded. “If I hadn’t been in same room as you I might have thought you were dead!”
“Well, yes, that’s rather-”
Vokara Che burst through the door, followed closely by Bant Eerin.
“PLO KOON! WHAT IN THE GALACTIC CORE HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PATIENT!”
Master Koon took a step back, “Vokara, please-”
“I’m perfectly alright, Master Che,” Obi-Wan interjected, “Master Koon has helped me beyond what I can ever repay. I- Oh dear. You all have.” Obi-Wan looked around, guilt creeping into his voice. “Oh. OH. I am so sorry for what I must have put you all through. I- I assure you, it wasn’t what it looked like. Thank you so much for all you’ve done to save me from...well, my own foolishness, I suppose. Oh that must have been- I deeply apologize for the inconvenience I’ve caused.”
Master Che took a deep breath. “Your good health is repayment enough for whatever debt you feel you might owe. May I take your recent...reaching out to mean that you have begun to regain your sense of where and when you are and no longer feel the need for more...drastic means of escape? Alarming raising of shields notwithstanding?”
Obi-Wan winced. “I am...still confused on a number of points, I admit. But I’ve cleared up most of my important doubts. Its... 7957 by the Centralized Republic Calendar. I’m in the temple Halls of Healing on Couracant. Everyone in this room is a fellow member of Jedi Order.” Obi-Wan hastily wiped away a few tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
He cleared his throat as the five onlookers watched with a mixture of sympathy and confusion. “It’s going to be difficult, but I owe you all an explanation. Actually I need to explain a few things quite urgently, but first-”
His train of thought was interrupted by the roiling force presence that proceeded Mace Windu’s entrance. Mace paused at the foot of the bed, eyeing Obi-Wan critically as everyone else shuffled slightly out of the way to the edges of the increasingly crowded room.
“Master Kenobi. You’re looking better.” He finally said.
“I’m feeling better. You really can’t imagine. I’m sure you have questions, but first I must insist- ow!” Obi-Wan jerked back, startled by the sudden rap of a gimer stick on the side of his head.
“Master Yoda!” Che and Aerdo scolded as the Grandmaster suddenly appeared on the nightstand to get a better look at his troublesome great-grand padawan.
Vokara actually grabbed the wizened elder with both hands, lifting him by the armpits and chastising him like a misbehaving youngling. “That is not an appropriate greeting for any of my patients. Shame on you.”
“Patients, hmm? Shame, shame indeed.” Yoda muttered, dangling in the air. “Gone, my patience is. For making us think he had joined the force too early, shame indeed on Obi-Wan.”
Obi-Wan bowed his head. “My apologies, grandmaster. I had strong reason to believe that I was trapped in a hallucination. I will explain everything but first we really need to comm-”
“Your suicide attempt, I was not referring to, no. Do such a thing in your right mind, I know you would never. Concerned, we were, of course. Halfway fake your own death, the first thing you did was, after all this! The reason I am hitting you, that is! Too old for this, I am!”
“I understand, and I had reason for retreating so suddenly. Which I will be happy to explain. But first we really need to do damage control and contact-”
- - - - -
“ANAKIN! Anakin, what’s wrong!” Padme shook her husband’s shoulders as he knelt, collapsed on the floor.
“It’s- Obi-Wan” he choked out. “He was here! He was awake and alive and then he just- stopped.”
“Oh force. You don’t mean he’s-”
“I don’t know. I can’t sense him. I don’t know.”
“Go. And when you find him, please comm me to let me know if-”
But Anakin was already gone.
- - - - -
"Oh...hm.” Master Tiin shuddered slightly.
“Sir? Is everything alright?” Captain Rex asked.
“Does this have something to do with General Kenobi’s illness?” Boil called out anxiously. A low murmur rippled through the mixed meeting of high-level strategic and logistical officers.
“His- force presence grew rather strong for a moment. I would have to contact the temple to-”
“He’s dead.”
“Master Krell!” Saesee Tiin chided as the room recoiled in horror. “We don’t know that.”
General Tiin addressed the anxious room, “His force presence did cut out abruptly, but there are a number of explanations for such a thing, and jumping to the worst case scenario prematurely does us no favors.”
“Perhaps we should pause the briefing while you contact the Temple, sir.” Commander Cody offered stiffly.
“Out of line, Clone.” General Krell said, sneering. “Regardless of the status of your former General, we depart at 22:00 hours this evening. This briefing will continue. Interrupt with such a meaningless and insubordinate suggestion again and I will have you put on review for decommissioning.”
“Yes, sir.” Cody replied.
“That’s enough, Master Krell. I realize tensions are running high but please control yourself.” Tiin sighed. “We do need to finish this planning session. I apologize for the disruption, everyone. Now if you will all turn your attention back to map 3a of the Ghost Nebula...”
Command training included modules on compartmentalizing unhelpful emotional responses in order to focus on tactical information, so that’s what Cody did.
- - - - -
“If you have some Sith-related intel to divulge, I think it might be more appropriate to contact the rest of the council first, Master Kenobi,” Mundi said, discarded fluid drip awkwardly jabbing him in the side .
“I agree, but trust me, first, someone really needs to tell Anakin I’m not dead. If you don’t want to do it, I will,” Obi-Wan announced, trying to get up.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Bant snapped, pushing him back into bed.
“I- Oh Bant, It’s- some things are fuzzy, but you were one of the medi staff who came to my quarters after I...”
Bant glared in answer.
“I am so sorry, again I-”
“Obi-Wan, try not to worry too much about apologies right now. The important thing is you have people who care about you and we are all pleased by your renewed vigor for life.” Healer Aerdo interrupted, maintaining a death grip on Yoda while Che fussed over Obi-Wan’s vital readings.
“I’ve commed Skywalker but if he’s acting as I suspect, he’s not checking messages” Master Windu said from his place in the corner.
- - - - -
A Chiss Padawan leaned over to whisper to her Master as the mental flow halted unceremoniously. “Master, you don’t think...”
“Is something wrong, young one?” Chancellor Palpatine called out, smiling warmly at the young apprentice and drawing all eyes in the sub-committee meeting to the cloaked pair standing watch at the door.
“Ah, no, Supreme Chancellor, thank you for your concern. We simply observed a minor disruption in the force,” Her Tholothian Master replied smoothly as the padawan attempted not to fidget. “I’m sure the Council will contact us if it’s anything worth reporting to the Senate.”
The meeting continued but more than a few senators spent the remainder of the session discretely swapping messages speculating on what could have ruffled the usually silent and stoic guardians.
- - - - -
Shouted curses and wailing speeder horns followed Anakin as he raced to the temple.
I swear to all the gods if he’s alive i’ll never kill anyone ever again I should have been there was no warning in the force please help me if he’s dead i’m going to kill everyone on this planet except Padme and then im going to kill Dooku and Grevious and then
- - - - -
“Master Fisto!” Ashoka said, turning anxiously to the Natuolan Master as Obi-Wan’s presence evaporated. “Do you think Master Kenobi is alright?”
“We’re quite a distance away,” Kit replied soothingly. “There’s a very good chance he simply had to withdraw because he was overreaching himself to say hello.”
Ashoka frowned. “Can we contact the temple to make sure? Please?”
“I’ll send a comm, but we might not get a reply right away. We’re only a few hours out from the planet, so you’ll be able to check in on him yourself soon, alright?”
“Yes, Master.”
- - - - -
“Ah...perhaps we should shift into another room? This one is a little small for the...full Jedi Council. And I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to change out of these patients robes and into something a little more appropriate”
“You’re not going anywhere or changing into anything until I clear you.” Che snapped, elbowing Koth out of the way to jab Obi-Wan with another device.
“If one of the high council is unable to leave this room, than the high council is more than willing to meet here.” Master Gallia said calmly from her perch at the foot of the bed.
“Well I’m not leaving.” Master Nu announced. “I still haven’t gotten the full explanation Plo promised.”
“As a healer-”
- - - - -
Klicks apart from one another, Sith Assassin Ventress and Knight Vos unknowingly shared identical frowns as Quinlan softly gave voice to what they were both thinking,
“What the fuck, Kenobi.”
- - - - -
“WATCH OUT!”
“Kriff!”
“...Was that Anakin Skywalker? Did The Hero With No Fear just cut us off?”
“Must be some serious business for him to be flying like that.”
- - - - -
Count Dooku redirected the Invisible Hand; his plans for Kiros would simply have to wait. Sidious might prefer the Umbaran seige to be a long, protracted affair rather than a decisive win one way or another, but if Tyrannus’s suspicions were correct, than the time for kowtowing to the Sith Master might be near its end. Sidious had long underestimated his Grandpadawan. He suspected that whatever play was going on was less the act of a new player and more the opening move of an experience one now shifting his attention to another arena.
The ‘attack’ was likely a deliberate ruse to allow Kenobi to slip into the shadows and finally begin addressing the hint he had provided on Genosis long ago. Now, more than ever, Dooku needed to manage Separatist affairs strategically. Kenobi’s search into the force and subsequent rapid withdraw was too deliberate to be anything but the first steps of a larger plot.
- - - - -
“Ah, Master Mundi?” A young apprentice healer asked the Cerean Master guarding the entranceway to the wing. “There’s a small crowd gathering outside. All very orderly, of course. But they want to know Master Kenobi’s Status. What should I tell them?”
Mundi Sighed. “If they ask, tell them Master Kenobi’s wellbeing is protected under healer client confidentiality and the highest security clearance.”
Ki-Adi paused. “If Anakin Skywalker, arrives, just- send him this way, as you would a Council Member, understood? Don’t try and stop him.” he added begrudgingly.
“I see.” the padawan replied with impressive professional calm, "Thank you, Master Mundi” She bowed and returned to the front.
- - - - -
Maul staggered out of his cave. Kenobi was taunting him now. Kenobi would pay. Kenobi would see. Kenobi couldn’t die before Maul killed him.
- - - - -
A gap opened in the somber crowd as Anakin sprinted through, heart in his throat.
He should have been here there was no warning he should have been there
“Skywalker!” Mundi barked. “Calm yourself!”
Anakin stared at him with wild eyes and the High Master faltered, frightened for a moment. Before Anakin could say or do anything to the council member, Master Windu appeared. “Over here.”
Anakin blurred past him, mind tormenting him with images of nooses and blood and broken bodies and incomplete-
“Hello there, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sat upright in bed, smiling at him and surrounded by far too many Master’s for anyone’s comfort. Least of all the Masters, now that Mundi and Windu were forcing their back in.
Anakin took in a strangled gasp, “Obi-Wan- you- i thought you were dead.”
Obi-Wan’s welcoming smile faltered. “Oh Anakin, I’ve really put you through a terrible ordeal the last few days, haven’t I? I am so, so sorry- I- I promise I didn’t intend to leave you like that. Come here, I’ll- its going to sound quite impossible but I can explain everything. There’s so much I have to tell everyone-”
Anakin threw himself forward, ignoring Jedi dignity and who he was knocking over.
He heard a tut of disapproval behind him as he embraced his Master.
“Oh be quiet” Master Koon chided someone. “Honestly, he’s padawan age, have some compassion.”
Anakin decided to ignore that in favor of crying over Obi-Wan for the fourth time in as many days, utterly exhausted.
Obi-Wan hesitated for a bare moment before wrapping his arms around his brother and friend for the first time in years (at least for the first time where he was aware that it was real and oh force he was really going to have to meditate to fully understand what he had said and done and what everyone had said in response).
“Perhaps we should give them a moment to collect themselves.” Master Aerdo offered diplomatically. Having largely reached their threshold for open displays of emotion, the Council non-verbally came to an agreement.
“You two have five minutes to pull yourselves together,” Master Windu said severely.
“Of course, Master Windu. Thank you.” Obi-Wan rasped.
The group shuffled out with remarkable good grace, considering the number of inhabitants in the room, or rather remarkable bad grace, considering they were all supposed to be Jedi Masters.
Plo Koon patted them both on the shoulders before filing out. Master Yoda leapt nimbly out of Bant’s arms to land on the nightstand. He rapped them each lightly on the head before darting out with a chuckle. The door clicked shut.
“Master- I- never do that again.”
“I’m sorry Anakin, I promise, I wasn’t trying to die, I have far, far too much to live for. I’m never going to leave you again, I don’t care what else happens but- I’m not going to abandon you ever again, do you understand. Even if I die, I’ll come back and haunt you for the rest of your life, you’ll barely notice the difference, I swear.”
“...Thank you, but please stop talking now”
“Right, of course. I’m sorry. I’m so, so-”
“I love you, Obi-Wan.”
“...I love you too, Anakin.”
Part XVII
#star wars#my au#suicidal misunderstanding au#star wars au no 27#time travel fix it#star wars au#potentially triggering#suicide references#violent thoughts
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I’m so sorry for the rant. I just needed to clear my head and got compelled to do it in your inbox. 🙇🏾♀️
Not a question just some thoughts. Sorry I’m spamming you so much. I just read your latest reading about the wanna be“tour” and all I can do is SMH. I think to some extent we saw this coming but they are dialing it up and expanding. Conscious humans would’ve called it quits by now. The Remembrance Day pap walk, Going to elementary schools, “donations”, writing letters like they are world leaders, etc. On one hand I can’t see this becoming much of a “thing”. I don’t think MM and Jarry will go on doing this for long unless they can get some Hollywood to pay attention and acknowledge them. I think another reason with the more public European Royals work so well in their media is because their countries are relatively small, like California and Texas are on the large side in comparison, am I right? So much can happen on one side of the country that I only hear of thanks to friends back in California. I can’t see these two visiting any farm in Montana as “royals” if ever. They got a Clinton and Perhaps more big names and “engagement” is to come (oh god 🤦🏾♀️) I’m sure they and the sugars are just loving it but it all looks, sounds and feels so incrediblly STUPID & ABSOLUTELY VAPID AND INSULTING. etc etc. I cannot stand entitled people and the fact that these two cut off, trashed, and demand from their own families for a fleeting moment in the spotlight is unfathomable. That’s a testimony to how strong narcissistic delusions can be. It must be the best high I could ever ask for. 🖤Im new to “Royal Watching” if you can call what I do ‘that’, so I don’t really care about all the other indiscretions. I don’t trust the media and I think it’s just the BRF turn in the hot sun to catch hell. See Andrew, see the Clintons and all the others. Whatever drama is going on with Charles, see the rest of big business. I’m a narcissistic abuse survivor and I still study on the disorder. Now here I am watching these two who make my skin craw, this train needs to SPEED UP . I think I’m just looking for a bit of JUSTICE in the world right now. Between this administration, COVID, my job and all my other drama (I’m sure we all have some, if not BLESS YOU and pass it on 🥺) I’m flabbergasted and a little sick in my stomach at watching yet another set of people be able to walk through life seemingly so unbothered. It’s like the world is closing in and I’m suffocating. 🖤Like, your telling me that just because he was born a Prince and she married him and found a way to have children they get to get away with all of this?. The entitlement, the lies, the forced Wokery, using heavy and important subjects like mental health and racism for a PR boost all just to get a⭐️ on the Hollywood walk of Fame? For a couple of royals they sure know how to dump cold water on ya, they are the epitome of LIFE ISNT FAIR. And I’m sure that all depends on perspective, for example; their sugars who must be going diabetic RN. THEY think they have suffered as well. Look at the Cambridge’s who have not put a foot out of place yet have to deal with these tantrums from all over their family. All families have drama and I can see how the Harkles and the rest could be a payback of the Firm and family as a whole. The Queen covered so much and never really saw that Henry and Andrew and god knows who else were set straight. Look what having so much privilege can do. But is there a limit, anywhere?🖤
🖤Anyways, another thought I had was, this could be the end for any thought of reunion. This Narcissist has worked her magic and this clueless tone deaf fool has really gone and done it. I was driving and I thought of Prince William and the entire remaining Windsors & Mountbatten Windsor’s and the whole Aristocracy cutting the Harkles off entirely because the BRF called a wrap (or had to) and the UK became a Republic after Her Majesty. MM get the privlage in her narcissistic head that she’s the last ever to become a Duchess, Cathrine wouldn’t become the Princess of Wales and it all came down in part because of her and Henry’s actions. Yes Andrew and whoever else aren’t helping but these two made it exceptionally difficult. I think they would take pride in that especially publicly but only when they are praised for it. I think the Cambridge’s would have an easier time with moving on with their family, free to live as they please with no pressure to serve the public. Cathrine can be “lazy”, sleep in, & raise her kids and Wills is free to🖕 the paps who would surely still follow them. A La “where are they now”. The two that would have it the worse are the Harkles as they last bit of what they had to separate them from the rest of Hollywood is gone, no more Royal sheen but they don’t have much now. It would be stupid to use the titles after an abolished monarchy but they’d do it and expose themselves further.🖤 If you made it this far, one last thing. I got cut off while driving. That’s not unusual in this Miami traffic and usually i ignore it but with my mental state I couldn’t help but to compare. it was a packed road and I just really wanted to know where the heck the fire was. Why did this person need to rush so much on a busy road that no one else mattered even though we all have somewhere to go? That’s how I feel about the Harkles. What’s the point, where are they going? They went to New England for Christ sake to play faux royalty, in more trashy outfits might I add. 🤦🏾♀️
I guess I do have a question, DOES THE WORLD REALLY BELONG TO THOSE WHO JUST Get UP AND TAKE IT?
Thanks for humoring me and providing this space. ✌🏾
Note: My apologies for this very long post, everyone. I can't put a page break in and the writer needs to let it all out. I am sure a lot of you will be feeling somewhat similar to them.
Reply under the cut, so this is not any longer
Hi april14vc,
You are welcome to rant here.
It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment and it is all becoming a bit much to handle, as there is no relief anywhere. Is there something fun and relaxing that you can do for you sometime today, just to have a break from it all? I feel like you need to tune out for a bit and do something that is just for you.
I am so sorry that you suffered from narcissistic abuse, and so glad that you survived this. I think the Harkle shenanigans must hurt you in a more personal way than those of us who have never suffered under a narcissist. It is very hard to watch the Harkles seemingly get away with all their entitled abuse without any form of justice coming for them.
I think the Harkles are suffering. They usually are unable to get any sort of attention from the media unless they pay for it, and even then they don't trend - it is a 'blink and you miss it' situation. Look at what happened with Meghan's 40 for 40 program - it was dead in the water before the day was over, and she spent a fortune on PR for that. Compare that to the natural (not paid for) hype that surrounds anything that the BRF does, especially the Cambridges or HMTQ. That hype and attention is what Meghan wants, and she is not getting it.
What the Harkles are getting, and what they hate, is mockery. Look at the response to their Times 100 cover. Look at the comments on this pseudo-royal tour. They are a walking joke, and no narcissist would like that. They tried to cull all negative press while they were members of the BRF, were unsuccessful in stemming all of it, and now have no clout at all to stop any negative media attention. The Harkles may live in a delusion of success, but to the vast majority of people they are no more than very risible z-list celebrities.
The Harkles also have serious money troubles. They may be ignoring them, but those debts will have to be paid, one way or another.
What we are seeing now is the slow slide of the Harkles into obscurity, and their desperate attempts to reverse the process, which never work. They are no more popular and wanted now than they were at the time of Megxit, and in fact their popularity has declined since those days. They may look like they are winning, but it is all an illusion, caused by the amounts of money they are prepared to pay to give the illusion of wealth and star-quality celebrity. The paid for events happen, and then nothing. The paid for PR happens, and then nothing. Their slide downwards continues, and nothing that they do is reversing it.
Yes, at the moment they are on a high and beaming put of every report on their activities. Wait a week and then see where they are. This is like the Oprah interview all over again.
My next reading is going to be on the consequences of this pseudo-royal tour for the Harkles, so maybe there will be some justice for you there.
Edited to add: As for taking down the monarchy, I can't see that happening. For starters, the British government would have to put the matter to the people for a vote, and even if they are insane enough to do that, I can't see the British public voting to remove a beloved Queen because of the antics of two people who are despised that that country. The logistics of replacing the monarchy are also staggering - you have to rework the entire government of not just Great Britain, but of all the commonwealth realms who have HMTQ as Head of State, and that is not an easy task or a light undertaking. In addition, those Commonwealth Realms can keep HM as their head of state even if she is ejected by the British people (which would never happen, but I am stretching the bounds of probability here). After HMTQ comes Charles, who will have a short reign simply because of his age and health, and then William will be king, and he is also loved by the British public. I just can not see all that thrown away for the Harkles, who are rightly hated by the British public.
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TW: abuse, suicide, depression, fandom wank, purity culture
There’s a post floating around this corner of fandom recently, by someone claiming to be fifteen:
if ur like at or over the age of 30 and u invest time into fandom spaces and shipping please touch a blade of grass. pay ur taxes or something. log off
Now, I’m not reblogging their post with this commentary because I’ve blocked them and that seems unfair and unkind, but also because they’re fifteen, and if that doesn’t entitle one to have ridiculous opinions on the internet, what does?
But I do have some words I need to say.
I was over thirty when I fell into the Clone Wars fandom. I used to have been in Star Wars – I gave it up during the Prequels era (when they were in the theaters and everything), because it didn’t hold my interest. Looking back, it’s because I didn’t have access to the information that Wookieepedia provides, and the insights provided by experience and life – and thus understanding of politics and humanity in general.
And that’s ok. I still have very fond memories of my older-than-thirty parents letting me stay up late to watch the OT, and even fonder memories of my grandmother enjoying sitting down with me and VHS tapes of Return of the Jedi – her favorite of the trilogy.
I fell back into the fandom in 2014 – after the Clone Wars series ended. I was over thirty. I was suicidal. I was stuck in an abusive relationship. I woke up each morning sleep deprived and regretting I had to face yet another day.
I was just killing time because I wasn’t brave enough to kill myself – and the attempts I did make proved I wasn’t very good at that, either.
But in the process of just marking time, I read fic because I had just enough energy to be able to immerse myself in stories that had roots in movies and shows I used to like. I could find some smidge of enjoyment in further, non-canonical adventures, and ANY smidge of enjoyment those days was a gods-damned miracle.
I got on tumblr. I found other fandom people. One of them recommended The Clone Wars if I wanted to watch something, and hey, it was on Netflix.
I cried within five minutes of starting the first episode. The voice acting, the sounds – this was a fragment of my childhood I hadn’t realized I had missed. It reminded me of my dead grandmother, some of the good times with my family that by then, lived far away – and seemed even further away from the daily hell I called a life.
I fell in love with the clones: the potential, the romance and the tragedy of it all. Then slowly, so slowly I didn’t realize it was happening, a thought began to settle into my head.
I loved these characters, these clones who had nothing, who were stuck in a terrible situation with no escape, and I felt both fondness and outrage at their circumstances. I wanted better for them. I wanted them to have good lives, good opportunities, a chance to escape to become whatever they might want to be.
And maybe....
If I could care about that many imaginary people....
If I could look at these folks who didn’t exist and say “this isn’t fair, this isn’t right, you matter”–
Maybe –
Maybe I might matter too. Maybe I might deserve better. Oh, there was no question in my mind that they were far better beings than I ever might be, but there were too many parallels, of being trapped by a supposed benevolent dictator who was actually a manipulator draining everything from them – I wasn’t as, would never be as deserving, but....
I could make these absolutist statements about the clones. The Jedi. Hell, even the corrupt Republic deserved better than what Sidious wrought.
What made me so much worse that I might deserve what my abuser put me through?
Then I cautiously started asking these questions of myself, and asking other questions of those around me – fandom people, since my abuser kept me far too busy to make friends in brick space. These fandom people who were certainly above the twenty year mark, and more than a few who were also above thirty. They reassured me of various points of reality: no, what I was experiencing wasn’t normal; no, folks in relationships don’t argue like that. They could rec fic to me, stories with relationships like mine that were tagged “abuse” so I could recognize it, so I could read it and go “oh, that’s what a more normal person would do.”
I could cry about my circumstances and not feel like a useless, whiny little bitch who just needed to be better, who should be perfect all the time, who needed to be there for her guy because that’s what people do when they care.
I could look at that last sentence, and go “wait. People who care about their partners don’t demand that of them, especially not when it is literally killing them.” If I imagined any person treating the clones the way my abuser treated me, the sheer outrage was off the charts.
Star Wars – Star Wars fandom – quite literally saved my life.
While I was in my thirties.
Those fans, those friends, and the communal appreciation for the clones and all the rest of the mess that is Star Wars were reasons to live when I have tried giving up on everything else.
So yeah, I’m not gonna dogpile on some kid who thinks that after thirty you’re not allowed any good or fun things in life. But I do need to say “thank you” to you – all of you, those reading this who have any participation in fandom.
You’re lifesavers.
Thank you.
Thank you, and please, keep enjoying fandom for as long as you want. We all have different reasons we’re here, but we all have a right to live, to exist, and be happy.
#for those who are new here: I got out in 2016 and I am much safer and happier now#fandom#purity wank#fandom gatekeeping#Norcumi’s Continuing Adventures in Learning to be a Functioning Human Being#tw#abuse#depression#suicide#Hugs#hugs for everyone#Thank You
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