#i just have to remind myself healing isnt linear

[vodkacheesefries]

Was not prepared for the emotionally visceral reaction listening to David Archuleta talk about his mom would give me. These days most stuff about the church just rolls off me because I'm legitimately over it and I don't care but MAN. Wombo combo mommy issues and religious trauma and you have a recipe for disaster I suppose 🫠

Wistful queer exmo rambling under the cut because I gotta get it out somewhere.

Like! His mom just leaves the church because she loves him more than anything the church tells her or could say and it's hard not to draw the conclusion that mine doesn't because if anything, she's doubled down in some ways on Mormonism since three of her kids have left and one of them turned out to be a gender fucky dyke.

And I don't want to sound bitter or ungrateful because I wasn't even expecting her to take my coming out as well as she did, and that was a miracle in and of itself to me and I am so thankful for it; but she is still so Mormon that she believes someday when we're all resurrected this "burden" of being queer will be "lifted" from me. Being queer has never been a burden for me. The church and how it treats people like me and rips apart families as a result of that is the burden. She doesn't quite understand that, even though my sister and I have tried explaining. I don't know if it's because she just doesn't get it yet or if she is choosing not to get it.

Hearing how someone else's Mormon mom just so immediately heard how her child didn't feel welcomed in her church and that was enough for her to say "I'm done" so she left and mine has heard how I feel over and over and over again and hasn't left hurts more than I anticipated.

And I wanna be clear I'm not angry or upset with David or his mom. I'm so happy for them that they have that relationship and that he has her in his corner. It just kinda makes me sad a little bit.

#anyway I'll be okay #just kinda sad i guess #it'll pass #i just have to remind myself healing isnt linear #exmo things #exmormon

[exchangersilverr]

thats what it feels like. choice paralysis. i feel like any move i make damns me further.

sometimes words just need to be spoken. sometimes consolation is in going on about it in flowery language in hopes itll leave my mind. sometimes thats all you need to do, too. to ramble. because i have to feel better eventually, right? that healing isnt linear. that pulling myself from what hurts will feel awful for a bit, but i need to feel better eventually, right?

...we dont call it anything here. a shame, because dragon breath is such an interesting name. its never supposed to be that cold. it dries my skin out. i get so self-conscious about it.

ive... never heard the way i write be called "beautiful." i always feel like it's pretentious. ...i like beautiful more. im glad you like it.

- v4.

I'm never sure that's the right thing for me because I've known people that really have had so many options and so many interests that it's hard to know what they'll end up doing. Me, I've just been wanting to draw. Draw draw draw. Draw forever. Can't even do anything else creative. Not a way to live.

I know you will and trust you will. I know that healing isn't linear, of course I know, but does it have to dip so low? I remind myself constantly that things were worse 7, 8 years ago, but nowadays I wonder, was it really worse? I feel so much worse. But you... I know you can make it. I know you're a lot stronger than I am. And I know that you'll get better even if it takes time, even if there are those dips, I know you can come out of it, maybe a bit cut and bruised, but you can come out of it.

I can't find anything about it, so it might've just been something we called it as kids with nothing really to back it up. Cold is better than hot though. Cold still dries out my hands. But right now... I feel like a dried prune.

Haha, even if it's considered 'flowery' I like it. I think it is beautiful. Just not something I can personally mimic!

#asks #Ⅳ #i want to... not being able to be all flirty or whatever is messing up certain character vibes #not that it matters i guess #i think she gets what i'm trying #maybe #🔆sys

[lake-lady]

I'm in my sliding backwards into grief era

#woops #i just have to remind myself that healing isnt linear #me #personal #text #grief #tw grief #depression #tw depression #healing #mental health #tw mental health

[wyrmsandrocs]

You know what you dared (anyone really) me personally to send all the writer asks so FUCKIBG ALL OF THEM BETCH

1. Favorite place to write. - I really like taking my laptop with me and writing at parks or in hotel lobbies when my fam travels, but its comfortable and familiar to write at my desk in my room2. Favorite part of writing. - letting characters be sassy and snarky. also letting characters heal.3. Least favorite part of writing. - actually putting words on the page lmfao4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? - i put on my writing playlist and if i can grab a diet coke bc it helps me feel like im ready to be productive5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most. - ooh, for writing style Caroline Lawrence’s books influenced me a lot when i was younger and more recently @lbardugo and six of crows6. Favorite character you ever created. - ahhh probably Linde, a shapeshifter who rejects all human concepts including gender7. Favorite author. - again, Leigh Bardugo. also @canipetyourdragon but like technically shes not published yet 8. Favorite trope to write. - enemies to lovers lmfao9. Least favorite trope to write. - ahh idek 10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about. - @canipetyourdragon and we’d probs write abt some wacky adventure11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish. - 1) have an idea and daydream abt it for a month 2) worldbuilding/character building for a g e s 3) finally get around to writing a shitty draft 4) s u f f e r 12. How do you deal with self-doubts? - whine at someone and then remind myself that nothing starts perfect and i have time to make it better. tbqh a lot of the time i remind myself that Six of Crows started as smthn like 31,000 words and is a lot longer in the final form and, no offense to leigh, was probs kinda crap at first lmfao13. How do you deal with writers block? - i remind myself that its not gonna get written if i dont write it, i sit my ass down, and i write something. anything. any stupid sentence. and then i write another one.14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book? - hoo boi am i bad at research n o t m u c h 15. Where does your inspiration come from? - a lot of my inspiration comes from music and other books, i have playlists that remind me of my characters and story on spotify and those help a lot16. Where do you take your motivation from? - i remember that i’ve always wanted to be a writer since i was like 5 and could barely write my name and i think about how much i want that to be a reality.17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day? - ehh i’d say maybe 400 words on average? the least ive written recently is 100 words the most was 1,50018. What’s your revision or rewriting process like? - ah i havent worked on one story enough to know yet19. First line of a WIP you’re working on. - No matter how many she saw, Siora couldn’t get used to Outer Land bars.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on. - “In a shocking plot twist, the rich Kitonian girl used to be a thief,” Linde said, mimicking some sort of announcer.

“Are you just here to add sarcastic commentary?” Siora glared at them.

She seems to glare at them a lot, Dema thought.

“That’s the whole reason I’m following you,” they said, then added, “Don’t give me that look, you know I don’t really care about the war.”

“My question is why is Siora still putting up with you,” Asteria laughed.

“Don’t give me any ideas,” The Beati girl grumbled, a smile playing on her lips.

“Oh yes, don’t encourage her. She might try to hurt me with one of her toothpicks.”

Dema laughed, “Don’t insult a lady’s knives, it’s not wise.”

“What’s a lady?” The Gerum asked, feigning confusion.

“Dema is a lady,” Asteria kissed the girl on the cheek, laughing.

“Doesn’t seem very ladylike to me,” Siora snorted.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Dema shot back.

“If anyone here is a lady, it’s me,” Linde said, sticking their nose in the air.

“You aren’t even a girl!” Asteria shrieked, grinning.

“Fair enough,” They nodded.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s. - “Yep, now we’re just doing a final check to make sure we have everything,” The girl said without looking up.22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you? - ahh depends i havent really “completed” any big projects, but for short stories usually only one or two23. Single or multi POV, and why? - multiple because i have so many characters and none of them is really the /main/ character24. Poetry or prose, and why? - i love prose but tbh im a poet at heart i write a l o t of poetry

25. Linear or non-linear, and why? - linear, otherwise i get too confused26. Standalone or series, and why? - standalone, because i think the story im working on rn is only one book long. altho i do have another story in this world planned dont tell anyone 27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? - i share as i write

28. And who do you share them with? only sharing with @canipetyourdragon tho29. Who do you write for? - myself and my future readers30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. - for prose? “You complain so much I’m starting to think it’s a religious observance,” Siora said, leaning against the wall. the answer is dif for poetry tho31. Hardest character to write. - a s t e r i a i love her but shes not fully fleshed out yet. also shes so good32. Easiest character to write. - linde that snarky bastard33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing? - yep i have a playlist that reminds me of my story34. Handwritten notes or typed notes? - both35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story. - Siora was raised to be the right hand guard of the princess, but was exiled when she died.36. A spoiler for story? - the villain gets redeemed37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you. - hm i really dont know. writing wise, i love the quote “if the muse is late for work, start without her.”

38. Have you shared your outline of your story with someone? If so, what did they think of it? - I tell wyna about all my story shenanigans and schemes, and so far i think she likes it lmao39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.- not characters i like. sometimes background redshirts are based on people i hate so that i can kill them40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why? - both. I love writing fanfiction, but i also have a lot of original stories to tell41. How many stories do you work on at one time? - only one at a time for me42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc. - a lot of the time it just comes to me, but i also answer ask memes like this as that character43. Are you an avid reader? -  y e s 44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. - hm im really not sure45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. - most unhelpful? “it sucked ass” - daedalus46. What would your story look like as a tv show or movie? - o h dude i would love to see it as a movie it would be a really cool fantasy aesthetic omg the effects for the shapeshifters would be so cool to see

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story? - this story actually started with setting48. Favorite genre to write in. - YA isnt a genre is it? technically fantasy i guess49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end? - the middle for sure50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had. - idk abt story idea but when i was 12 i killed a character by turning him into a tortilla ¯\_(ツ)_/¯51. Describe the aesthetic of your story in 5 sentences or words. - fantasy eclectic influence and design.52. How did writing change you? - honestly writing poetry gave me a way to express my feelings safely. it honest to gods helped me stop self-harming.53. What does writing mean to you? - to me it means putting my ideas and thoughts and self into the world in a way that people (hopefully) read and enjoy54. Any writing advice you want to share? - start writing and dont stop. if you think that its crap, remember that everything starts as crap, and if you think no one in the world wants to read it, remember that i definitely want to read it if you tell me about it.

tysm for asking omg!

#freya answers #a shade-y fellow