I always had you
buck & maddie
rating: G
words: 1k
summary: Buck always tried to show his mother love on Mother's Day - however, it was rarely appreciated.
[also on Ao3]
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The first Mother’s Day Buck remembers, however vaguely, was when he was in first grade. Their teacher had them make cards for their moms, and little Evan was so excited to have something to give his mom. He doesn’t remember what his card looked like, but he remembers feeling so proud and excited about it, and showing it to Maddie when she picked him up from school, so they could take the bus together. He remembers Maddie smiling and complimenting him, and he was so excited. And he remembers giving the card to his mother… he remembers the haunted look in her eyes, tears welling up, the forced smile – he thinks she thanked him, but the memory is blurry. He tried to hug her, but she just got up and walked away. Evan was disappointed, maybe even sad, seeing his mom be sad, wondering what he did that was so upsetting. He always seemed to upset his parents.
He remembers going to Maddie’s room, crying in her arms as she tried to comfort him – he doesn’t know what she said, it was so long ago, but he does remember the comfort she’s always brought him.
Now, years later, he’s pretty sure his mom must’ve thrown the card away, knowing that his parents didn’t bother to keep anything from his childhood anyway. He’s just a reminder of a failure and loss.
If there’s one thing to be said about Evan Buckley is that he does not give up. So, even as a kid, he tried so hard to earn his parents’ love, to get their attention – usually by being reckless and hurting himself, he learned pretty early on that it was a foolproof way to get any sort of reaction. That’s why his mom’s reaction, or lack thereof, to that first card didn’t deter him. He was just a kid, he didn’t really get it then – now, reflecting back on it, he sees everything he didn’t then, or maybe tried not to.
So every year for Mother’s Day he brought a card from school. Then, when they stopped making them at school, he kept making them at home. When he was old enough and had some of his own money, he’d buy gifts. Something small, a chocolate, a flower, sometimes he’d get Maddie to pitch in so they could get something together. She always seemed apprehensive but indulged Buck anyway. Now Buck knows she was just trying to protect him, spare him the hurt – because each time their mom barely reacted to a gift, Buck’s heart was breaking a little. And the older he got, the less she tried to pretend to like it, and she never tried very hard in the first place.
He never got any sort of appreciation or warmth, or… or love. It’s all he ever wanted from his mother, from both his parents, but they were too consumed by grief, as he knows now, too cold, haunted, not even willing to try for their remaining children, for years and years.
Buck remembers the last time he got his mom a gift and decided he’s never doing that again. It was right before Maddie moved to Boston, he could’ve been around twelve. He made another card, just because he liked doing it, liked putting in the effort – and was met with his mother asking if he’s not too old for doodling. That’s what she called it. He was twelve. He was a twelve year old boy who only wanted love from his mom, some form of affection, a reassurance that he wasn’t a nuisance they just tolerated, like he felt so often. He never got it.
So, with angry tears in his eyes, he stormed out and went to Maddie. He gave her the card, just a simple, childish drawing of flowers and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’, and she hugged him tight and said she loved it. He learned years later that she still has it now, kept with all the postcards he sent her. Maddie’s always been more of a parent to him anyway – and it’s such a bittersweet thought, because while he appreciates her so much, she shouldn’t’ve had to be. They both needed their parents, and instead were basically left alone. At least they had each other. He always had Maddie.
He didn’t wish Margaret a happy Mother’s Day again for years after that, and no one seemed to care, no one ever mentioned it. Sometimes it felt like she just didn’t want a reminder that she was his mother. It hurt, of course it did, and that, among many other things, left a permanent scar on Evan. He’s been healing, getting better, trying to fix whatever relationship with his parents he might still have, but that is always there, in the back of his mind, in his heart.
When Maddie became a mother – and after she came back, having gotten the help she needed – Buck got her a gift again, just a mug that says ‘best mom in the world’ (a reminder, that despite her struggling and doubting herself, she already raised one kid, and will do an even better job with her own) and a handmade card. He felt silly handing it to her, like a little kid again, but he had been doing arts and crafts with Christopher anyway so he decided to make something for his sister’s first Mother’s Day as a mom. So maybe it was silly and weird, and why would a grown man draw a card for his sister? But Maddie smiled widely and hugged him, and chuckled fondly when he promised he’ll teach his niece to make those, too. He can’t wait to watch her grow up, and to watch his sister be the best mom ever. And on every Mother’s Day from now on, he’ll make sure to celebrate her, the person who actually raised him, and helped mold him into who he is today with her endless kindness and patience and love.
His mother gets a text now, since they’re trying to fix things, and Buck never quits. But Maddie gets taken out to lunch, and gets gifts, and is celebrated by all the people she loves. Because she deserves it, and so much more.
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[also on Ao3]
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UMINEKO: ANGEMAMMON KISS
I jsut think. .. that they're cut e toge ther...
This piece was started after the second stream in the NezumiVA readthrough of Episode 4, and finished this Wednesday morning. The idea was to draw as beautiful a piece as possible of the two women, Ange and Mammon, kissing; then a doodle of the nonmagical series of events where Ange's just playing tongue hockey with the air. However, we all know that magic is real, so she's still got those impossible lipstick marks.
This one was tricky, since I'm used to darker pieces rather than this daytime lighting setup. I still think I did well! I made sure the pose was sufficiently magical with Mammon floating as if swimming in the air, with a windswept look to everything. I like to think it's a real tender and gentle kiss ya know? Also made their expressions were subtly different, Mammon being more confident and Ange portraying more desperation, leaning and sinking into it. And of course I had to do the foot pop: who do you think I am?
The alt colours were made with help from our very own Arahabaki Gaming, who looked at the alts from Golden Fantasia and told me what colour their shoes were. I zhuzzhed it up a little further by swapping their hair colours.
So so soooo excited for this Friday! Even if you're looking at this not knowing wtf's going on I recommend tuning in to the stream, where Nezumi will be wrapping up Episode 4. It's like when you watch Jotaro Vs DIO before anything else JoJo and then go back and watch it all through from part 1 onwards. Obvi if you don't want spoilers I understand though.
Much love to everyone in YouTube Chat and Marcie herself after I'm sure we've all bawled our eyes out! <3
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Family Far Away From Home…🌺🏝️🍌
Silly little doodle comic about my Raypeach (Rayman x Rabbid Peach) fankid, Phoebe, meeting her great grandfather (Rabbid Cranky Kong) for the first time!
For context, Rabbid Peach did not give birth to her kid. Instead, Phoebe was created by Mr. Dark as a sign of peace between him and Rayman! This is just to give explanation for Rabbid Cranky’s worries about his grandbaby in case it wasn’t clear.
For him to suddenly find out that she had a kid AND didn’t tell them anything about her potential pregnancy nearly gave him a heart attack!! It broke his heart to think about her going through something this scary without them… 😔
Rabbid Peach’s family in another dimension…I think about them a lot. I’ll have to draw Donkey Kong being the world’s best Uncle to Phoebe someday! Maybe she’d get along with Diddy Kong too? Idk! We’ll see! 🤔
I’ll make a proper design page for Phoebe one day, but for now, enjoy my silly little doodles of her and her family! I love them all so much.
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Cinnamonpaw sat still in his kittypet bed, eyes dry and unclosing. The jingle of his stupid collar and the thought of his former clan kept him up. What would they do if he came home and recognized no one? What if they knew him and called him Cinnamonpaw, only to disappoint them by telling them his name is now Mothie? What if his family was dead? What if all of his clan mates were-
The sound of shuffling and steps distracted him from his swirl of thoughts. He got up from the moss- kittypet bed, and cocked his head outside of the twoleg door. The other kittypets that live with him swarmed over... something? Cinnamon- no, Mothie, prayed it wasn't a clanmate. A small, golden-yellow cat was hunched over and trembling, wearing a small wool cloth that the twolegs gave him when he first arrived. Champ, the large, black rosette tabby she-cat that lived with him, kept her distance from the new cat, seemingly trying to make them comfortable. Suddenly-
-'Who's that?' -The cat asked, pointing at him.
-'That's Mothie, he's kind of boring and a bit neurotic and tends to ignore us, but he's pretty cool once you get to know him. Also he came from a "clan", thing? I don't actually know what it is but-'
-'I lived near one! It was called... umm.. Sporeclan or something-'
Sporeclan?! Cinnamonpaw jumped, eyes widened.
-'How- who- what-' He kept stammering.
-'Easy there, pal. You wouldn't want to scare the newbie, do ya'?' -Nessie, the slick furred, old, gray ticked tom told him, chuckling. Cinnamo- Mothie's eyes darted across the room.
-'Do.. you know Mousegrove? Or-or Spottedpaw, or Mushroompaw, or... Cliffpaw?' Mothie's eyes started to tear up thinking about his family.
-'I have heard about... Spottedfrost and uh... Cliffthicket i think was their name?' -The golden-yellow cat said with uncertainty in their words.
They graduated! Cinnamonpaw grinned, eyes closed, letting a tear fall down his cheek. ...What about Mushroompaw?
-'What about Mushroompaw..?'
-'I don't know much about them, like i said, i lived near them, not with them... Anyway, my name's Yucca- i mean.. uh... Big Paws.'
Oh. His small smile washed away. I guess she hasn't graduated yet? Or she's... she's...
-'Well.. hi Big Paws. Let Champ show you round. I'm going back to my bed.' -Cinnamonpaw murmured, before slinking back inside his den- room.
He could have sworn he heard Champ say he's boring, however, he couldn't care less about what she said. A different thought invaded his mind, and he couldn't let go of it.
What was his mentor's name?
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Hiii there!! Hope you enjoyed this thing (i sound like a youtuber). I named the other house cats after cryptids! Cinnamonpaw/Mothie is named after Mothman, Champ is named after the Lake Champlain Monster, Nessie is named after the Loch Ness Monster and Yucca/Big Paws is named after Bigfoot!
This is more of a "Cinnamonpaw forgets lots of shit and may or may not have depression" and a little bit of "Hehe silly Pointless Pelt Descriptions™! (<- My worst enemy)" I just wanted yall to know what the cats look like so you could have some ideas about what they look like
-💐
AUUUHGHHHGGG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH,, MY POOR LITTLE GUYYYY </3</3</3 he deserves the world.............
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