is it really toxic yuri if she doesn’t demand you cut off your fingers for her happiness???
”You have given me gifts over 10,000 times. Congratulations!” haha happy wife happy life…. (my fingers are stumps)
as some of you may or may not have realized i am powerless to the siren call of the ultimate devilish blond Harvest Moon Scum Man, and given that the Japanese version of DS Cute gives you TWO saveslots and TWO hands and the ability to to be in a literal toxic lesbian best friendrriage with ultimate devilish mischievous blonde Harvest Moon Scum Woman i have no choice but to meet all of the Witch Princess’s super reasonable honey do list!!
so one of those fun little non negotiable requests from majo-sama is that you need to give her presents 10,000 times before she’ll even consider marrying you, even if you meet all the marriage requirements!
i don’t mean 10,000 items total— even if you give her a stack of 99 items, it only counts as +1 towards the “items given to witch” counter. you have to give her 10,000 items individually…
in normal gameplay (giving her 1 gift a day, accounting for the holidays when her house is closed) you’ll eventually reach 10,000 gifts!…in your 95th year!
you COULD give her 100 gifts a day every day and knock it out in less than a year, and this was my strategy at first! i quickly realized adding another tedious daily chore to a pile of tedious daily chores slowed the game loop to a crawl and splitting items out was really fucking annoying actually
on the other hand, in 5 IRL hours, you can just get it all done in one visit to her house and never worry about it ever again.
“wow, that sounds like a really great use of my limited time on god’s green earth! how can i too win my future wife’s heart through button mashing my fingers into a pulp?” you ask?
˚✧₊⁎optimized pro gamer technique for breaking your fingers yuri style!!٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶⁎⁺˳✧༚
you will need
dog (each time you show your pet, this adds +1 to the gift counter the same way a gift would)
the bottom screen should be the map screen (reduces loading time between conversations compared to having your rucksack open)
cast endurance on fingers (wait this is redundant, you saw yuri in the title…)
ideal but not required
sometimes when you enter her house, she’s facing the side and her walk cycle never starts. it’s great if you get this glitch because then you can just stand in place for the entire duration without having to look at the screen, and even like watch a movie or whatever while you do all this, instead of accidentally dropping your dog every time she walks to the other bookshelf
if you’re wondering “wait, doesn’t Witch Princess hate dogs and love cats? why are you showing her your dog?” you are absolutely correct! she yells at you to get that stupid beast away from her every time you show your dog to her! her FP goes down by 3 each time! however, since her response to the dog is shorter than her response to the cat, you end up saving like .6 seconds per conversation, saving over 1.5 hours total, so the dog is what she gets
anyway, in true Karen HM64 tradition, after being repeatedly harassed by having a dog she isn’t fond of shoved in her face ten thousand times in a row for like five hours straight, naturally this makes her want to marry you! who said good old fashioned courtly love is dead?!
* as a small note, if you care enough to keep track and give her an actual gift at the 10th, 100th, 1000th, and 10000th mark, you’ll get 4 of the limited Witch Photos early on, which each give you +1 sweet sweet farm degree points every day… honestly that’s not much, but the pain of being told “your hands are full soooo no reward for you lmaoooo sucks to be you” was too much to bear, so i kept track and used a normal present for the 10th, 100th, 1000th, and 10000th…
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i know many people are afraid of being rude and roleplaying as someone besides people pleaser (which is not not-understandable tho. especially for the first time players) but i think bg3 is the game that tries to motivate you not to be agreeable and obedient all the time. usually in rpg games with approval systems there are one or two characters who will approve of you being an asshole mostly for the sake of it but that's it. also actively challenging character's beliefs in most cases will just gain you a whole lot of disapproval and no actual change. meanwhile in bg3 there are many characters who will approve of you losing it in some situations and disapprove if you act too gullible and let everyone use you.
also following someone else's orders and desires every time won't get you far. if you'll blindly support your companions' initial goals (and they're very insistent and defensive about it and questioning their ideas may also naturally result in disapproval) it won't automatically get you their best ending and in the most cases it is literally the opposite. shadowheart wants to become dark justiciar real bad but if you support her on that path she'll be claimed by the evil goddess she unconsciously resisted her whole life. astarion wants to get ascended but helping him do it won't drive away his fears and just will lock him in the same cycle his master was trapped in. lae'zel worships vlaakith and is really hesitant to give up her faith and everything she was taught no matter what she's witnessed and not challenging her beliefs will make her just another sacrifice for a tyrant. if you play durge and decide to accept their father (which is also actively encouraged by durge's sidekick and, well, the other present option is an inevitable death) they'll forever lose their freedom and will become their father's dreadful instrument with no will of its own. if you decide to give gortash the netherstones as a goody two shoes you are when he asks he'll fuck you over on principle. this game lacks a truly unique completely evil run for sure. but it does reward your character for questioning other people and standing up for themself and does punish them for being too lenient when they shouldn't be
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