#i have to ask but is “actually disabled” the tag like

[thesupersecretparadiseaccount]

A little bit of a ramble, a lot of a ramble, a trauma dump even

My entire life, I have been disabled

That's it, that's the premise of this ramble, ever since I was young I was in constant pain when I was on my feet and despite me being able to walk and run I never understood why it always hurt. Why I always had to take a break in PE during the daily laps around the yard, or why I couldn't explain why I had to take one when kids made fun of me or the teachers looked down at me

My parents certainly weren't helping, my mom knew exactly what was wrong (she admitted this to me when I got older) but she didn't want to get me help or SSDI or anything like that because she said she didn't want me to become dependent on it and she didn't want me to not get a job or go to college and become complacent over it I'm sure I don't have to say why that's not right As I got older my condition worsened as my weight increased and no help was given, I never even went to see a doctor about my issue despite me becoming cognizant of the pain by the age of 7-8 until I was 15. My mother just refused every time to take me, citing my weight or my "laziness and refusal to walk or run" as the cause of it. My father wasn't much of a help either, he only ever wanted me to be a "real man" and despised that I refused to play sports because of the pain and just wrote me off as weak.

Didn't get much better when I did first go to the doctor, they misdiagnosed my issue off of one X-Ray and then pretty much gave me painkillers and patted me on the back and said "Maybe get some orthopedic inserts" which I have been wearing since I could walk, but they wanted me to get custom ones, which in the long run didn't help with my pain at all

After that I finally got into Highschool and after so long determined myself to get a job my senior year, I knew it would be painful but a part of me held onto the toxic belief that I had to prove that I wasn't incapable of anything just because of my disability, so I applied to McDonalds in my small town and got the necessary paperwork

I didn't last a month, I would walk out of there at the end of my shifts with one of my feet almost facing perpendicular to my other foot, the pain was so much that I had to take a 10 minute break multiple times a shift to just go cry in the bathroom and let my feet rest. It was the only time my father ever showed me respect, my suffering was the only thing that could get him to notice me.

Finally though, I turned 18 and I could finally get the surgery that the doctors had been talking about my whole life, the promised neverland that would let me walk and run and do anything I ever wanted with no pain

In hindsight I should have been a bit more skeptical, turns out it was a surgery normally done on people thrice my age, the surgeon who did it had never done it on someone my age, and could only offer a hope that it would work and a backup surgery that would leave me 100% guaranteed paralyzed in a few years but at least it wouldn't be immediate like if the original surgery fell through and nothing was done For context the surgery was essentially a complete reconstruction of everything below the ankle, a plate on the right side of my right foot, and a lengthening of my calf muscles to meet my new foot

After 6 months stuck in bed and another 2 in a boot, I was finally free to walk, I did a month of some barebones physical surgery (didn't even learn how to properly walk on my new foot) and found out right away it was not all what it was cracked up to be. The pain was a lot sharper now and left aches, it was impossible to walk without shoes or slippers or something on, and forget running.

I had to get a CAT scan (which took literally 3 months) to make sure everything was okay, turns out I have osteoarthritis all over the joints below the ankle (nothing new there), and osteopenia all over my foot (actually surprising there) and the surgery had only refused about 40% of the way, way under the doctors expectancy. So I had to schedule another appointment and deliver the results

I never got the chance, my insurance ran out and due to never getting me help as a kid via SSDI or even a written letter detailing my disability, I was left hung out to dry, I haven't been to a doctors in 6 months with my mother scrambling to rectify everything and get me SSDI and back on insurance and getting her food stamps back in order because I was in the eyes of the state a jobless able-bodied adult and no longer able to be claimed

So now I'm here, honestly this turned less into a ramble and more of a dump of a facet of my entire life, but fuck it, we ball

#disabled #i have to ask but is “actually disabled” the tag like #good? or bad? is it like “this is written by someone disabled” or is it “there are disabled people and there is actually disabled people” #trauma dump #life story #well a part of it #there's so much more to this shit show

[spotsupstuff]

takin a break from asks a lil with misc. silly oc stuff + some ideas for iterator cleaner fauna. cuz there just ain't enough of variety in those structures yet n i've been thinkin about cleaning methods of the insides for ages now

#rain world #rw #oc tag #rain world oc #iterator oc #oc: boreas' blessing #oc: biting notos #oc: caper of euros #oc: abet zephyr #philosophy sessions au #my art #boreas banished into the backseats n the most disabled woman behind the wheel... oh this trip will go well #the cleaner stuff was actually inspired by that cake pearl ask jglkdkjkg somebody said that the itties who crushed the cakes will- #-now have to deal with crumbs gettin everywhere n i was like... ''with the current Hivemind fauna youre correct... thats not good'' #the natural cleaners within haboob werent keepin up with the sand so she can still have her crabs. needed backup....

[kayzero]

in the spaces between not working on zwg and not finishing brother’s burden, i’ve been, uh…

thinking about something new.

#kay original #game development #kay rambles in the tags #Peccatum #Peccatum: Small Town Heroes #name is a work in progress. as most things are. #you can ask me about this project and the ocs i’ve half-imagined if you want to know more about them #but i’m not at the ‘‘ask me about my setting so i can figure stuff out’’ stage yet. #i do know that it’s an rpg. a LONG one too. and it’ll be mission-based kiiinda like FE3H? but not really? #9 party members. each of them have different elemental alignments and each represent a different Game Stat. #everyone has 1 Best stat—2 Great Stats—3 Good Stats—and 2 Poor Stats—and then the ninth stat is a fixed value #i know that two party members are trans. another two members—including the Box Art Protagonist—are disabled #along with the machine party member there is a Dragon who spends most of their time in bipedal form #there is a Fae who spends a large majority of the story hiding the fact that they are in truth a Fae #one of the party members was experimented on as a child and is now part Monster but they repressed the memory so they have no idea #i came up with a shared MP system that has actual story reasons for existing—and it’s gonna be a pain in the ass to code… #i want a relationship system a la Persona except EVERY party member gets a relationship and not just The Protagonist #every party member will have a relationship gauge with every other party member (i guess this is Fire Emblem?) #and then everyone will have a relationship with an NPC that’s unique and exclusive to them #and then they get four relationships with members of the town that you see frequently as you wander around #but it’s a Small Town remember. so the party has to share. there are four categories with three townspeople each so three party members will #have a relationship with each townsperson. but the relationships will be different because the characters aren’t carbon copies of each other #not. not romantic relationships. like friendships and rivalries and sex buddies and apprenticeships and. possibly also romance? mm. #i have to. learn how to code. idk if RPGMaker has a relationship system so i’ll have to figure something else out. maybe RP as a currency...

[agayconcept]

.

#oh for fucks sake #if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g #she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up #which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares) #so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc #and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.' #she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things' #bitch WHAT THINGS ????? #exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ???? #do u Hear urself ?? #now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up) #and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour #'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!' #ma'am... #a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest #b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt #c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit. #whaT ????? #god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit #not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her) #jesus fUcking chrisT #i gotta get out of here #this woman is so immensely hateful #ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times) #fuuuuuck me. #anyway. #negative #ableism #verbal abuse #ask to tag

[better-in-pencil]

so tumblr just recommend a terf post to me, supposedly ‘based on my likes!’…. tumblr please tell me what the hell I liked, so I can unfucking like it.

Anyways while we’re here, a reminder, transphobes/terfs/radfems you are not welcome on my blog please fuck off

#tw transphobes #tw transphobia #taking a moment to rant in the tags because look #look #i KNOW you should just block and move on and that looking at the person’s blog will only make you made for no reason #….but this one was particularly fucking stupid and infuriating so now here we are #like sometimes people’s bios are just wild #like bro how the fuck can you be asexual and autistic and physically disabled and then still say shit like ‘trans people are mentally ill’ #like are you fucking kidding me #and to specifically ask people to please be patient when talking to you because you’re autistic #but then have a whole blog dedicated to hateful gross bullshit ??? #and to shit on people when they’re like hey that’s not correct ??? #also how the fuck can the first line of your pinned post be ‘idc what pronouns you use for me but I’m female’ ?? #what the fuck #also guys according to the terfs if you identify with the term queer you’re actually straight #and the only people who use the term are fem afabs who exclusively date masc amabs and want to feel special so some shit #fuck it’s 4am I’m too tired for this shit it’s making my brain hurt #anyway if you’re trans you’re welcome on this blog if you identify as queer you are welcome on this blog #if you ever see me reblog something were you know op is actually a terf lmk so I can delete and block them #this is probably riddled with spelling errors and typos but I’m tired and idc right now

[vampirebutterflies]

actually I’m gonna bitch here for a sec like WHY is being disabled so expensive like I have very good healthcare and thank fuck for rebates but !!! still!!!!

main bullshittery bugging me rn though is the absolutely unrelenting fatphobia (and so many layers of ableism) in anything to do with hashimotos

like it is FUCKING infuriating to have this constant rhetoric of “you have hashimotos?? here’s how to stop being so FAT and UGLY! (:” “here’s how to LOSE WEIGHT with hashimotos!!” “15 tips to drop 15 kilos!!!” “got hashimotos? comment HELP ME or dm to get access to my private HASHI WEIGHT LOSS group!!!” “best diets to lose weight with hashimotos!!”

even the ones that sneak this shit into otherwise decent resources you’ll have a good run of beneficial info punctuated by “oh you’re probably balding and ugly and fat but that’s okay!!! we EMBRACE body positivity here!! by bullying you into being skinny and fitting our beauty standards so you can finally love yourself!!!!” “link in bio for my best selling book HASHI HELL TO HEALED HEAVEN: HOW I SAVED MYSELF FROM BEING FAT AND BALDING AND UGLY AND TURNED INTO THE PERFECT THIN BEACHY BABE!” Violence violence violence murder maiming killing arson destruction FUCK

#it’s midnight thirty I’m tired I have a headache I’m gonna kill every single diet n beauty industry exec #I have mroe to say but I’m too low words now #like it’s fucking horrible and I’m on the OVERactive side of it all where I struggle gaining weight at all!! cannot even #begin to imagine just how unendingly torturous this all is for. yk. actual fat people #like it’s so hard to actually try and find any resources for myself bc all this is triggering the hell out of my dysmorphia and shit like #hence why I’m lookin at a potential specialist at 600$ per fuckin appointment even tho I’ve been told there’s not much even a specialist #could do in my case #the absolute BULLSHIT y’all are subjected to everywhere everyday. oh my god. #reblog if u want idc doubt it’s got much sense or relevnate to anyone other than me atm but #I need tobbed #fatphobia #medical neglect #hashimotos #disability #ask if u need this tagged idk what to put it under #vent #diet mention #ed tw #biting biting biting biting bitign #goodnoot

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

people on diets always have a superiority complex about it… like can you be normal?!

#@ my mom shut up #you actually don’t have to judge everyone else in the world it’s actually how people can form disordered eating which you should know about #since you have an ed AND you help your kids get them too #my mom will literally judge people stuck in different parts of diet culture like you USED TO BE THEM #you just found a different diet that you think is the answer to everything #this woman makes me want to explode she actually told me (a person with disordered eating and has food sensitivities and autism) #that eating processed foods wasn’t better then not eating at ALL #BRO THE FUCK #yes tell your child who has struggled to eat enough for years and has sensory issues and is disabled so making food is hard that #they shouldn’t eat if it’s not ‘healthy’ #when you don’t eat enough people tell you to eat more and when you are able to they say oh NO not like THAT!! #sorry i just she makes me want to scream #rey actually speaks #ask to tag #ed tw #ed mention

[neonacidtrip]

You could tie your hair in low bunches on the sides and then maybe braid the low bunches if you feel like it? That way sleeping on your back they're not uncomfortable and the hair isn't pulled!

Oh, that's actually a pretty good idea! If the braids don't work, I could probably try loosely twisting the bunches as well. Tonight, I'm going to be seeing the dog who likes to hop on my hair while I sleep, so this is perfect timing for me to test it out!

Thank you, anon!

#there are such good people in this world #its also nice to see people actually read my tags sometimes. im never sure lol #it took a surprisingly long time to find a thank you gif from the search but it was worth it because i found a cute dog gif #ive seen options for doing hair on the sides before that i never liked because they were always too high up #doing them lower would probably help a lot. and its an easy hair style to do #it works much better with my weird hair length as well since gravity will be more on my side this way than with a bun #you are a wonderful person anon! you spread goodness and light in every ask you send #thank you for taking the time out of your day to help me solve my silly problems #you are super appreciated! i cant send emojis on desktop but here are the best hearts i can offer <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #there is a way to send emojis on desktop but i think i disabled it because my cat kept using it lol #i hope you have a fantastic weekend and lots of rest (that is free from hair pulling lol) and sweet dreams #funny enough i was actually googling sleep hairstyles for a bit before you messaged me #and your recommendation is much better than anything i found on youtube #you are an angel and a life saver #neo answers #ask neo #angel in my askbox #beautiful anon #hair care #sleep hairstyles #hairstyle recommendation #gif warning

[mosspapi]

I can't tell if I'm just having a massive costo flare or if I've actually dislocated and/or cracked my ribs somehow.

I know I need to ask my parents abt it but I had a massive argument with my mother about it earlier today because apparently the reason I have chronic pain is because I don't take Advil (absolute bullshit on many levels and she knows this but she refuses to admit when she doesn't know something), so I don't want to have to deal with her again but also I don't want to leave this if it IS a bigger issue ya feel.

Like it feels like just a really bad flare, but they don't normally last for 3+ days in a row, 24/7, at the "sharp, hard-to-breathe, plus aching, plus reduced mobility" level. That type of flare usually lasts at most a couple of hours. So I'm concerned it's a bigger issue than that, but I'm also paranoid about health things so idk if I'm overreacting ya feel?

#armchair speaks #abuse tw in tags #hopefully this is coherent lmao I am in pain and writing is hard #like. when I said earlier today that my ribs are still killing me and it's weird she said 'just take some Advil' #and when I explained for the 7000th time that Advil doesn't help she started yelling and wouldn't let me speak and #just kept insisting because she's a pharmacist she knows exactly what I'm physically experiencing. even tho she has never listened to #me explain it before and wasn't even giving me the chance to today. #so I'm like. I can't ask her if it's an issue because she Will yell and scream and shit. and if I ask my father #he will just ask her and then they'll both b yelling and screaming and probably throwing things at me or hitting me or some shit. #so either I get abused and maybe have the problem fixed or I avoid the abuse and maybe die from a chest injury. lose-lose #physical disability #actually disabled #costochondritis #chronic pain #disability

[cistematicchaos]

I’m so tired of going to see doctors. I’m so tired of talking about medicine. I’m so tired of talking about being in pain. I’m so tired of trying to convince people I’m ill. I’m so tired of talking about my mental illnesses. I’m so tired of BEING mentally ill. I’m so tired of being ill. I’m so tired of being in pain. 

#:/ #im so tired of allllllllllllllllll of it #ableism #disability #actually disabled #chronic pain #chronic illness #actually mentally ill #lalala just another day of being born wrong #and wishing more than a little that i wasn't #sorry to be depressing #im jst #LOL depressed ig #y'all can ask me to like #tag this as something in particular if you want #/need it #i just dont have anyhing off the top of my head #or know what to tag it as #chaos is speaking

[loveofastarvingdog]

it’s all ‘ohhhh my long covid symptoms don’t count’ because parosmia doesn’t matter and getting body aches like you never used to before doesn’t matter and debilitating brain fog doesn’t matter and having even more sleep problems doesn’t matter and having fucked up lungs even worse than before doesn’t matter. so when does it fucking count??????? at what point does it matter?? babey get your gears checked ‘cause you’ve got to figure things out sometime

#timothy's txts. #tw long covid #tw covid #ask to tag #tw swearing #tw rant #tw vent #tw caps #tw internalized ableism #like GIRL DO YOU THINK YOU COUNT AS DISABLED YET?????? #and the thing is i’m making this post and i’m going through this stuff and i’m still gonna come out of this wondering if i’m actually #disabled. like. yeah. sure. this affected me long term but do those small little effects even count? if each thing is so small??? #we’re not even bringing up whether potentially having adhd counts #i need a vice sooooo bad rn #or to become more productive and functional #you know. both would work ofc #anyways i’m good now just needed a little rant

[cowlovely]

huh

#ivy.txt #personal stuff in the tags (not vent technically! positive vent?) #i think my mom has really gotten better in regards to mental health/disability shit? #and i’m honestly very pleasantly surprised #like. last week she and i got into kind of an argument #where she was asking me if i want a job in the future/when i think that might happen etc #and i was like well. i mean technically no i don’t WANT a job that’s actually the last thing i want #but if that’s the requirement for living at home then i will get a job eventually yeah. with therapy i will get to that point eventually #and she got. idk flustered i guess? like i think she interpreted that as me being like antagonistic towards her? i’m not sure #and she basically just lectured me for a few minutes until i got upset and left #i thought we were kind of just going to ignore it until we inevitably had the same argument months down the line #but earlier tonight she actually apologized to me? #she was like ‘your mental health is always my number one priority #and i don’t want you to feel like i’m pushing you into things when you’re not ready—if you ever even are ready! #i don’t know that you’re ever going to have a typical job and that’s okay. you’re fine where you are. #and i know sometimes i fall into the trap of what society expects of you and of me as a parent #but i don’t need to pass that onto you. i know you’re dealing with enough as it is and that isn’t fair.’ #that wasn’t even all of it but that’s like. practically verbatim?? and idk i’m just shocked like. #i’m crying a bit rn ngl because i’ve been so stressed about this 😭 #uh. this week she and my dad also finally accepted that i’m autistic (and that my dad is also autistic) so i am! overwhelmed!

[senadimell]

look, I’m tech stupid and so admittedly I don’t know how this would work, but it would be incredibly FANTASTIC if there were secure text-based/non-phone call-based ways to communicate remotely with doctors that didn’t require giving non-HIPAA-bound companies access to my personal medical data

because frankly, it sucks but yeah, I do give them access because if I have to call by phone to request each thing individually and keep track manually of when I need refills of everything (and they’re on different refill cycle lengths and from different pharmacies), I will mess up sometimes and suffer the consequences. I’m lucky, I won’t die or have my health and survival endangered or anything. I’ll just be in pain. Patient portals and communicate-via-text plans are such a wonderful sounding idea for accessibility reasons but I wish they were more secure and private...

#us medical system #disability #privacy #patient rights #(i guess—pretty minor issue compared to being robbed of autonomy but it does still seem a relevant tag?) #is an actually private+secure patient portal too much to ask for? #see also: tracker apps #yeah it absolutely sucks that they're not at all private #but frankly the only way for me to actually track migraines effectively and communicate that with my doctor is via app #and so i go for it #this feels like an area for legislation but i'm not sure congress can actually make good tech legislation? #see also: physically meeting with a doctor every single month to get an adhd prescription #please just give me a non-call remote option if i have to do this every month #can i phone call? yes. i have trained for it. will i procrastinate &/or forget &/or only remember at 9 pm when the pharmacy sleeps? yes. #phone calls kinda suck and i kinda hate asking people to repeat themselves three times on the other end #and don't get me STARTED on automated *talk-to-this-program* options that don't let you immediately opt-out and talk to a person #press 1 for this is INFINITELY BETTER than having to ask a robot complex questions that i know it is not capable of understanding #/jumping through hoops to figure out how to ask the question in the simplest way for it to send me to the right department to talk to a huma #i know when the robot won't understand me so if you don't give me an option to avoid it i hate your company. thanks

[lesenbyan]

you know, I might be Stepping In It, but I really hate people's tendency to "you're lucky" when finding out someone's naturally skinny really piss me off.

I'm not saying there's not privilege to being skinny, there absolutely is in this fatphobic world. But as someone who has spent literally over half my life wishing I could gain any fucking weight ever it makes me so fucking mad. I've tried working out, I've had physically demanding jobs, I've tried, back when i could afford it, eating as much as I could handle. I have literal dysphoria about being skinny.

and then when I Go Off at a coworker for being the second person in a week to tell me I'm lucky- while wearing braces digging into my joints bc I am physically too small to wear them right but they don't get smaller- I'm told "oh but you have to realize we never considered the other side" sure! but I'm still allowed to get pissed! you would be too!

#personal; #i get it i GET IT we're not allowed to talk about skinny shaming. #I know this is nothing compared to what fat people have to go through #I know. I get it. I know. #but it's also so fucking invalidating to have to caveat my every complaint with 'other people have it worse' #like fuck maybe no one should be shamed for their bodies #maybe no one should be making off hand comments and assumptions about weight high OR low #like yeah the movement's not about me and i hate when ableds point out how accessibility can help THEM TOO so like #i get what I sound like #but I'm SO tired. I'm 29 and I've been trying to gain weight since i was like 13-15 #I've never even managed to hit 130 #I got close and then all my disabilities kept getting worse so then i couldn't work as much #and thus I can't afford food #so what i had built has been burnt #and I'm back to 120 and clinging with both hands to the hope I don't end up back at /115/ (I am 5'7". you can see my ribs) #like. I am NOT lucky. I can't sit or lay on a hard surface bc it hurts my bones #I can't cuddle well when I DO want to bc i'm just sharp bits #my proportions are so fucked that it's hard to find clothes that actually fit #like #I get it #I get what you're trying to say #but it hits trauma (ignored (JOKED ABOUT) eating disorder bc I'm skinny so it's Fine; repeated skinny shaming; etc) #and it's so exhausting not being allowed to be mad about it #If i had three wishes with no downsides the first would be to gain 50-100lbs and i've been saying that for over a decade #I'll probably regret posting this #ask to tag;

[bambinification]

Hey does anyone else with BPD feel like things online are like.. way tougher when it's a voting year??

Like, I get that this is an America-centric point of view, but I swear there's this trend where people are needlessly catty, bitchy, and passive aggressive in ways they usually aren't the rest of the time. And instead of being able to brush it off and go "Well, that person's having a bad day. How weird and poorly-adjusted of him to respond to a Normal Tumblr Post as if some great wrong has been committed."

Instead you're getting catty/bitchy/passive aggressive responses almost exclusively and you get like 3 a week, and your follower list and general posting style haven't changed at all in the last 4 months so?? Where are all these comments coming from?? Why am I attracting this kind of behavior?? If you don't like what I have to say go home?

#tagging with bpd because it's the bpd's fault that i get one (1) bad comment and the rest of my day is ruined #like if i were a normal alter who's already completed DBT i could just go 'huh that's a weird way to talk to someone online' and delete. #but unfortunately i have the beautiful princess curse and i want to fucking maim anyone who talks back to me in my comments #(especially when they're passive agressive or condescending or they have terrible media literacy (as indicated by their blog content).) #like can yall not be mean to me? my friends aren't available 24/7 to reassure me i'm not in the wrong for *checks notes* not asking for #unsolicited advice on a post about how much my disability sucks #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd #bpd vent

[kurv4]

.

#vent in the tags #WARNING: VENT IN THE TAGS!! #tbh its really hard to find disability community irl #at least in my country the amount of other disabled people i met is minimal and finding other disabled peopld my age?? impossible #ive been trying really hard to actually start accepting and defend my disability and try not to hide so much #but it feels really lonely not knowing anyone who is in a similsr situation as me #even tho im part of the lgbt community in my country and in my uni it doesnt erase me being disabeled and that 98% cant really understand #like yea i have few friends at uni who are neurodivergent but i still feel lonely in this regard #with that im not trying to say that they are any less disabled or have it easier or anything like thst #but its still pretty lonely being one of the few physically disabled people in my uni #and being almost all the time the only disabled person my friends even know #im kinda scared of also applying for jobs cause i dont even know if any minimum wage jobs would accept me #i wish i knew someone who is also phys disabled so i can ask them these things and get advice cause rn im so scared #how am i supposed to be even an adult person in society if i cant even get a minimum wage job? where am i supposed to live? what can i eat? #im really lucky my parents are supporting me rn at uni but what do i do after uni #also weird thibg is. why the fuck does it feel like i have to come out 3 separate times?? #like why me having to tell someone im disabled feels like im coming out?? girl just look at me for 5 minutes #like. my previous clasmate of 3 years didnt know. WHAT DO U MEAN?? #like we were friends. we saw each other 5 times a week for hours. u flirted with me when we were 16. are u dumb?? #this is not even the tip of the ice berg. about like 70% of my friends dont know or didnt know until i told them. #like its pretty noticable and visible😭😭 it sounds almost fake that they would be that oblivious but sadly its true lol #anyways lol