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applestorms · 8 months

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morality in the world of good omens

so i wrote another (admittedly very messy) essay on good omens not long ago right after watching season 2 but after finishing that, rewatching all of both seasons multiple times, and reading through the book, i have a couple more distinct ideas to get out...somewhere...if only for my own sanity. this is me throwing my thoughts into the internet before i pop, if you will. just 3 sections, below the cut.

1. environment, characters, & transformative fandom creations

to start this post off a bit more broadly, i've been thinking a lot recently about transformative fandom and the reasons why we write fanfiction/create semi-original works in the first place, as well as why certain aspects of fandom (writing, art, analysis, etc.) will be more appealing to me for certain shows/series than others. correct me if you have a totally different view of this, but in my experience i've found that i tend to naturally gravitate towards different parts of fandom depending on what the original medium of the story was- podcasts tend to lead to some of the most interesting art trends, for example, since there's more room for interpretation and character design tends to be more of an ongoing community project than something set in stone like for a tv show with live human actors.

in my own observation, i've noticed that a lot of the really big & excitable fandoms, the ones that generate tons & tons of fanworks more naturally (a.k.a. just because of the story itself & not other factors like a pre-existing franchise or hype about new great gay representation, etc.) tend to surround stories that fall into a kind of "sweet spot" that makes the creation of fanworks really appealing. if you've ever wondered why there are so many ravenous artists bending over backwards to draw gorgeous fanart for stuff like homestuck or south park or even minecraft youtubers, it's likely because those stories all fall into a sweet spot for drawing, with character designs that are recognizable at a glance and yet still simple enough that there is plenty of room for personal creative touches. (think also, if you're familiar with such kinds of homestuck terms: hyperflexible mythologies, A4:1524, and/or this archive link cause the official thing is down now for some reason)

the conclusion i've come to is thus that even something as basic as the original medium of a story can dictate a lot about what kinds of fan activities are more common or popular within said story's fandom.

so, back to good omens- for me, this all relates back because of a question i've been messing with in my head recently, about why i've been less interested in fanfiction for good omens than i have been for the last few fandoms i've been, almost all of which have basically broken my ao3 bookmarks.

this question has been fucking with me for a while now, largely because i'm not entirely sure what's motivating it. a lot of times i can figure out pretty easily why i might personally not be interested in some parts of fandom, but that's not really the case here. from what i've seen this fandom seems to be pretty mixed in terms of age, & the writing that i have read is certainly no worse than i've seen elsewhere, perhaps even better in some places- and yet, i can't seem to get entirely into it, even getting frustrated as i can't find something to my tastes for an ao3 bedtime story as i've grown so accustomed. what caught me off guard is that this was an issue that i ran into while watching season 1 as well, back when the series was still quite popular but not blowing up like it is right now.

a lot of this may seem like (and likely is, at least in part) basic overthinking, but i mentioned it all here because the answer i eventually came to is reminiscent of my previous reflections above on the nature of fandom & how/why fanworks are created.

a couple paragraphs above, i used the example of art as an example of how fandoms that generate a lot of original artwork will often do the most when the original story falls into a sweet spot of character design, but notably i think that this sentiment applies to a lot more than just art. if you've ever seen the copious amounts of kpop & hockey rpf fanfiction that lives on ao3, it should be clear that this applies to writing too.

i wrote this essay a while back responding to an observation about the lack of a more extensive symbolic language in fanfiction & i've toyed around with the idea more since, particularly in considering the question of why a lot of what we see as the staples of fanfiction exist in the first place. in that post, my response largely revolved around an argument of why we create fanfiction- namely, that fanfiction is created as in tandem with deeper analysis of the original story/series, as a way of trying to practically apply character analysis to a new context.

the key part of that last sentence to me is how a lot of this revolves around character analysis (and shipping, but really it's the characters that motivate the shipping in most cases so. same difference).

i tend to instinctively separate fanfiction into two separate categories: fanfiction that is based out of the original world/canon of the story (including but not limited to fix-its, deeper analysis fics that take a scene & extrapolate from it, continuations, etc.) and fanfiction that takes the characters from the original story & plops them in an alternate universe/AU. while i separate these out as two distinct categories of fanfiction, i should also clarify that i don't think these two groups are necessarily equal in terms of number of fics- rather, the vast majority of fanfiction tends to be AUs, keeping the original characters & changing any & all aspects of the world around them. again, this may vary depending on the story & Vibe of the fandom at the time, stories like game of thrones or harry potter or homestuck might have a lot more in the canon category by nature of any major dissatisfactions the fandom has with how the original story was told, but in most cases AUs are more popular. this was a lot of the basis behind my argument that fanfiction is created as character analysis in fact, since the characters are the most important part that carries over from original story to fanwork, as well as can end up being one of the most debated/scorned parts when it comes to fandom drift (i.e. "that's out of character"/"he wouldn't do that"/and all other such arguments about fanon vs. canon characterization).

basically, my conclusion in this case was that i was a lot less interested in gomens fic largely because i have a really hard time separating the characters from the world in the case of this particular story. aziraphale & crowley being an angel & a demon and dealing with all of the bullshit of their world when it comes to heaven & hell are such integral parts of their characters in my mind that i have a much harder time getting behind AU fanfiction that plops them in a totally different context. it's just a much harder sell for keeping the characters in character for me. (i also tend to not like s2 fix-its just cause, idk they're just not my style, which is where a lot of the recent blast of energy has led us.) to clarify, this is not a judgement, just a matter of personal preference and a reflection of why, even if a lot of fandoms will look the same from the outside/involve the same things like art, fic, etc., an individual's mileage can vary wildly when it comes to how they interact with different things online.

*additional note, also for clarification: i do want to acknowledge that a lot of this depends on pure popularity as well, popular fandoms will often end up with basically everything in terms of fanworks just by nature of how many people are interacting with & thinking deeply about the story. my point here is more along the lines of the fact that even within the more well-populated fandoms, certain types of fanwork will often Stick Out more to me than others, or even be visibly much more common than in other fandoms, due largely to the original medium/structure of how the story.

so, speaking of aziraphale & crowley in more depth now- why does the world of good omens feel like such an integral part of their personalities when it comes to characterization? up next, let's talk about morality within the context of good omens' perhaps surprisingly secular take on heaven & hell.

2. the amorality of heaven & hell (ft. the crowley quote apples you know the one)

(warning in advance that this section may be a bit limited since i'm not going to get super far (or very far at all, really) into the whole religious-analysis aspect of good omens.)

i've been binge-reading the original pterry & gaiman book for good omens over the last few days and it's been very fun seeing all the slight changes between the tv show & the original. you can really see the hand of the original creators in how the tv show was translated, even just by looking at which parts made it and which parts were deemed worth cutting out. i suppose having one of the original creators right there helping build everything really helps make a book -> show translation work, since the ASOUE tv series was also pretty well received- something about knowing what's the core of the series & truly important to keep in, and having more time to tell the story itself?

anyways, i have a short list of notes that i've been taking as i read, conversations that stand out to me or footnotes that particularly amused me, but i keep coming back to one line that stood out to me quite early on. in context, this line comes from crowley during the conversation where he is first attempting to fully convince aziraphale about stopping armageddon, specifically when they're talking about exerting equal forces on warlock to make him normal:

"You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?" [Aziraphale] said slowly. "Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped," said Crowley. He shrugged. "Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that."

(pg. 67)

"They're just names for sides." if i had to pick one line to sum up the view on religious morality of this series, this would likely be it.

on the one hand, i tend to interpret a lot gomens' take on heaven & hell within the context of its political stance, something that is particularly obvious through a line from gabriel in s2e2 where he tries to clarify to aziraphale that heaven isn't trying to hurt job directly, but instead is just not stopping hell from doing horrible things to him. while there may be some additional nuance to add to this take within the context of british politics that i don't really know well enough to add about, i'm inclined to see this from the side of my own familiar american politics, which might hold some weight considering how long mr. gaiman's lived around here. point is, my current interpretation of that line is that it helps in more clearly establishing the analogy of heaven & hell as the story moves forward into newer seasons and thus more contemporary politics, equating heaven with mainstream liberal politics & politicians and hell with conservatives.

this stance seems to be emphasized even more in the tv show than the book which makes sense considering its been coming out more recently, and especially in season 2 which is still quite caught up in a lot of quarantine-based reflection. (the tv show puts a lot more emphasis on heaven & hell in general, actually, perhaps initially a byproduct of actually being able to see those environments in their entirety and all the angels & demons that populate them- but we'll get to that.)

the book takes a slightly different stance that, fittingly, seems more reflective of the time it came out. in particular, i was struck a lot more when reading the book by adam's rise (fall?) to power, and how much of it was motivated by a burgeoning nervousness/pessimism about climate change and the anxieties of younger generations that comes with inheriting an earth that feels so fucked up. honestly if anything it's only gotten more relevant in that respect, what with the current vibe on the internet & the hopelessness of the doomer gen z gang, but it also has a distinctly different flavor to me from the tv show, which i think is largely because it's less connected to Formal politics since again we see a whole lot less of heaven & hell as such distinct, bureaucratic entities.

instead, there is a very distinctly amoral aspect to heaven & hell that we get through lines like the one above and especially from characters like crowley. this is why i argue that good omens, despite having so many religious elements, is such a deeply secular take, especially when it comes to its ethics & morality- Good and Evil, notably with the capital letters in this case, has very little to do with actual actions and much more to do with the name that you stamp on top of said actions. heaven & hell and the angels & demons that we see directing and watching and generally fucking with aziraphale & crowley throughout the story are distinctly separate from humanity, and as we see even more as the story progresses, distinctly unaware about what it even means to be a human, in both a deeper philosophical & very basic and literal sense. Good and Evil is simply another name for the sides- and thus the true ethics is something separate, and based in a deeply human experience.

in my opinion this is also why aziraphale & crowley, lovers of humanity and also to some degree spokespersons of it from how much they've "gone native," tend to be so deeply at odds with both heaven & hell and always end up agreeing with each other over their own supposed sides. what makes aziraphale & crowley so distinctly different is that they ascribe to the same ethics & morality that humanity does, or at the very least are trying to figure out ethics & morality & How to Be a Good Person in the same horribly messy way that humans do, separating them from the black & white "this side Good & this side Bad," logic that the rest of heaven & hell instinctively ascribe to.

there's a lot of nuance here, which is also why i think there is such an emphasis on moral ambiguity (and love, but we'll get to that) throughout season 2. the story of job, grave robbing, & questionable attempts at matchmaking- aziraphale is working through a lot of Shit right now when it comes to trying to figure out what the Good thing actually fucking is, and i think it's key that a lot of that is motivated by crowley himself. crowley might'e been cast out of heaven for asking too many questions, but aziraphale is there & listening to them & giving them the serious thought they deserve, and that can't be overlooked.

sidenote: i couldn't figure out a place to shove this in, but i also wanna point out that a lot of this is tied to the idea of growing over time too. on the same page as the quote transcribed above is another line from crowley leading up to aziraphale's question that puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that warlock is going to be a product of nurture, not nature. again, this is an argument against basic black & white assigned-at-birth morality for the ability of humans to grow & change over time and be influenced by the people around them.

it's notable that despite adam's supposed origin as a Son of Satan, what really gets him to stop the apocalypse in the end is the fact that he doesn't really give a shit about all this big plans but instead just wants to hang around his friends. there's a lot of emphasis in the book placed on how beautiful & nice tadfield is as a place for a young kid to grow up, how well loved & fiercely protected it as as something beloved to adam. while he might be overwhelmed when faced with the full picture of how horrible the world can be, ultimately what he cares about is loving & taking care of the people & places that he grew up learning were precious, and the only way to do that is to keep growing & changing yourself within that world and trying to help it also grow into something better, not throw it all away just for the slightest chance that you could restart. a message worth taking the time to think about, at the absolute very least.

3. finding morality w/in humanity: crowley & aziraphale and speculation for s3

i have complicated feelings about both aziraphale & crowley throughout a lot of the show and especially in season 2. i think a lot of people, myself included, are inclined to see crowley as the voice of reason in this season, and for good reason- as i mentioned before, a lot of aziraphale's deeper questioning of the status quo and goodness (Goodness) as a whole is motivated by questions from crowley.

i kiiind of mentioned this in my previous essay, but to state it more clearly, my take on crowley is that he's arriving at the right answer for the wrong reasons, and, conversely, aziraphale is arriving at the wrong answer for... kind of also the wrong reasons but also slightly for the right reasons. let me explain.

crowley is clearly much more aware of the flaws in both heaven & hell than aziraphale is, which seems to be the basis behind a lot of his motivation in asking aziraphale so many questions in the first place. he's also, as maggie & nina point out in s2e6, deeply lonely, often running away or getting ready to fight literally anyone that isn't aziraphale (or humans, but that's a little more complicated). from his reaction to beelz & gabriel getting together, i think it's pretty clear that he still hasn't entirely given up on the whole alpha centauri idea, and it makes sense- as i said in that last essay, crowley basically won the argument at the end of the previous season when it comes to aziraphale & crowley, "making [their] own side," so he doesn't have much reason to face any of his personal fears until maggie & nina basically point out that they exist directly to his face. once they do point it out, however, he's very motivated to act & does so almost immediately, even after hearing what aziraphale has to tell him and being pretty thoroughly devastated by it.

my point here is that crowley is correct in seeing the toxicity of both heaven & hell, he's just flawed and largely motivated by fear (up for debate if that's all it is, but i certainly think it's a big part of it) in his desire to run away from it all. it's not quite armageddon, again he's going more flight > fight here, but he's still ultimately giving up and that's not a great conclusion.

on the other hand, as some others on this site have pointed out, aziraphale is certainly showing a lot of strength in his willingness to keep fighting & try to change things for the better, but it's not hard to see how that belief has been twisted. one of aziraphale's biggest flaw in motivation at this point imo is that he doesn't just believe in goodness but Goodness, the kind that's tied to heaven always being right & all actions being morally Good so long as they're done under the name of heaven, and that clearly also isn't great.

thus what i think the both of these two really need ultimately is that deeper connection to humanity, and the ethics born from humans interacting with humans. we can already see how strong these two are when they collaborate, even when they're doing their absolute best to be as subtle as possible, but what i think they need is to once again be grounded by humanity, not to get so caught up in the bullshittery of heaven & hell and Good & Evil, but once again find a goodness defined by the world that they mutually love so much and stick with it.

i keep tossing a question around in my head about whether or not aziraphale & crowley are going to end up human by the end of this series. it feels natural that they would, they're already so at home and in love with earth & around humanity, but i'm also not entirely sure if that would be a happy ending for them considering how long they've watched & loved the world as it's changed. perhaps taking this post into account is another push towards humanity as a happy ending, not running away to a cottage to get away from the world (i just can't see running away to a cottage to be together as as happy ending, sorry- it might work for beelz & gabriel but not for aziraphale & crowley), but choosing to settle down within that world that is so dear.

#'just three sections' LAFFS. YEAH #astronaut rambles #good omens #gomens #no but i like this one a lot better than the last attempt at a gomens essay #this one feels a lot cleaner. more focused?#got a bit sappy at the end but i don't mind humanity is always worth loving #also off topic but i read this really interesting paper at work the other day #about pratchett’s writing in discworld & zizek & religion #forget what it’s called now but it was an interesting take on how fiction/fantasy can allow for deeper insights/reflection of reality #got some discworld books today so looking forward to reading those once i slurp up the last hundred or so pages of good omens #also thanks to my dad for having some interesting commentary on the job interpretation in s2e2 today #i all but literally slept through sunday school so i think a lot of the more noteworthy religion takes in this show go over my head =3=‘’#man i am so very much looking forward to how season 3 continues this story #i feel like a lot of the big conclusions there are really gonna be important for the direction of the story’s main message #season 2 is just. such a transition season it’s hard to get super distinct conclusions sometimes #like it’s still going somewhere there’s shit developing #it’s not like sherlock where it just teases deeper meaning forever but gives you nothing #but. it’s just so obviously Not Over Yet and I Need More #anyways much love i need to go to bed now arghfjdkd lots of shit to do in the future but all i wanna do is keep writing gomens essays. sigh #brainrot central #oh yay my phone’s at 69% now ☺️ wheeee #good omens meta

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only-one-brain-cell · 11 months

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Maeve singing along to Paper Rings by Taylor Swift and Spencer proposing the next day. 😭

#criminal minds #spencer reid #maeve donovan #wait no I need to write this #because Spencer would be hunting for THE PERFECT RING #nothing to big Maeve would want to wear it in the lab without worrying about loosing any diamonds #plus she’s not a materialistic person #so now we go to Maeve who’s dancing to Paper rings because a certain lady saw Spencer looking at rings online and can’t keep a secret #but doesn’t want to verbally tell Maeve so they have a girls night and said someone plays Paper Rings #while JJ and Emily are just giving her the side eye because they also know #because Spencer is dumb when it comes to Maeve and they overherd him talking to Rossi asking for a second opinion #because “you’ve done this three times so you must have a good idea about engagement rings”#“first of all kid I only bought two rings”

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forestofsprites · 5 months

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the culmination of three months of the most unforgiving 6000 level seminar of my young life is TOMORROW!!!!!

#paper come term thesis is printed . exam will be taking place during class #i have put more hours into this course than i have frankly my other three put together #i'm currently at a one hundred overall . mark wise #the thesis come paper come paper come thesis should be an approval with a beautifully gifted a+#the exam. by god the amount of studying i've been doing should be an a+#but it's Big. tomorrow is Big #and this is happening AFTER my meeting w the franklin expedition divers #what a god damn rollercoaster #i get to find out literal classified information on my special interest #and then need to submit a thesis and write an essay based exam. HELP

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theloveinc · 4 months

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the ideas i'm having right now vs. my ability to express them and myself

#im the one in the toilet btw #i just have to be like this for a second i promise i'm not looking for anything and will likely delete this in the morning #but damnnnnn ... i guess to put it nicely (toward myself). i am not where i want to be with my writing at all right now #and i'm so FRUSTRATED #i reread something of mine the other day and i was just like. yuck. i hate myself.#and it's probs just a weird extension of this whole... dysphoria thing im going thru right now but #YEESH I WANT TO EVOLVE #i feel like a big fat caterpillar ready to become a butterfly but idk how the hell to make my cocoon #part of me thinks im in the cocoon but......... it's been a long *ss time in here if so lmao #anyway thats just to say i have two ... or three bomb *ss ideas that i just can't put on paper right #and im not really satisfied with the dabi thing either even tho. i really wanted to be #and it sucks bc all i wanna do is be on here BUT I'M SCARED #hence why my ask responses have been. ok i wont lie. nonexistent #but i think abt my ideas every day and then just fold them up and put them away bc i think if i wait they'll get better #AND THEY NEVER DOOOOOOO #arggggggggggggg its making me so angry #but that's all #hopefully i can write this idea out soon and be free #cuz thats my dream #among bettering my writing along with myself #but hehehe im probs just tired #sorry to be a downer!!! i go beddy bye now #caitie blabs #delete later

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kananjarus · 1 year

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having one of those moments where I’m just like

why am I wasting time with this degree I’m not smart enough for any of this

#literally I only have three weeks left total #I got myself this far #but god damn nothing makes you feel more worthless than attempting to write an academic paper and realizing you don't care enough #about the issue you are supposed to be passionate for #haha big yikes #t

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hannie-dul-set · 2 years

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i mightve already been inactive but just for formality— will be dead for the time being and will come back after my finals (june 16) with the filo au and FINALLY with the time to continue writing my fics husdsjdf. i'll be more active by then (until the new term starts, ofc). so pls.....bear with me HUAHDUF.

#i will finish peach tree after my fucking finals and have au updates ready every day and finish writing these short fucking fics i have in #my docs and #i fucking hate uni man HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA #there is so much to read n write n theyre not the things i want to read and write 🙄🙄🙄#goodbye see u all in three four weeks #i'm also part of the exec committee of a big uni wide art exhibition HAHAHHAHAH end me omg why am i such an attention seeker why did i join #6 orgs why did i #actually there is a bonus 😋😋😋 compliments and validation from my very attractive seniors that i have mild crushes on so 🥰🥰🥰🥰#ok thats i for me for today and the upcoming days i will continue writing my papers and summarizing these book chapters end me #allex yells #also to add onto the whole attention seeker thing. i impulse bought a fuck ton of green clothes and accessories bcs again. attention seeker #i want a brand i want people to associate me w a color 😎😎😎 my stress is making me go insane

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sharki-leftishark · 1 year

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so much to do and yet I can’t help making a shitpost for my blorbos

#strike starts tomorrow #supposed to be at the picket line at 8 #i also have a peer review of a paper due tomorrow #like for an actual journal (my first one!)#it’s mostly written ty past me #then it’s freakin thankstaking and then like two weeks after that is a big conference #where I have three presentations/posters bc I am a fool #two will be chill but one of them I still have to do a lot of the actual like data analysis #and then supposedly Im defending >3 months #meaning finish paper 2 #write paper 3 #and write bonus paper 4 #OH and finish moving out of my old place by Tuesday!#and keep unpacking so I’m not living among boxes!#screams #sharki

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jujianjes · 1 month

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I really need a proper stable job this summer.

#i've been a commission writer since i was 14 and while it can pay good money it's fucking unstable #i mostly just get rush commissions which is convenient money-wise because less time = more pay #but it stresses me out 'cos i also have my papers to submit #ik i'm only like 17 but i have a single mother who tends to three children on her own #and i like helping even just by making money for myself so she doesn't have to worry about my expenses #but i'm graduating so obvi there's loads of expenses and commissions is not a reliable source of money rn #i'm a senior high school student writing for college students and school teachers/professors #so ofc it's fucking taxing #but also i'm not a big fan of manual labour and cs so i like keeping myself behind the computer to make money #i'd really like some recommendations rn #i'm only 17 so looking for jobs that will accept me can be a bit difficult even with my skillset

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shesnake · 10 months

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Spider-Verse Artists Say Working on the Sequel Was ‘Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts’

Why don’t more animated movies look this good? According to people who worked on the sequel, Across the Spider-Verse, it’s because the working conditions required to produce such artistry are not sustainable.

Multiple Across the Spider-Verse crew members — ranging from artists to production executives who have worked anywhere from five to a dozen years in the animation business — describe the process of making the the $150 million Sony project as uniquely arduous, involving a relentless kind of revisionism that compelled approximately 100 artists to flee the movie before its completion.

While frequent major overhauls are standard operating procedure in animation (Pixar films can take between four and seven years to plot, animate, and render), those changes typically occur early on during development and storyboarding stages. But these Spider-Verse 2 crew members say they were asked to make alterations to already-approved animated sequences that created a backlog of work across multiple late-stage departments. Across the Spider-Verse was meant to debut in theaters in April of 2022, before it was postponed to October of that year and then June 2023 owing to what Entertainment Weekly reported as “pandemic-related delays.” However, the four crew members say animators who were hired in the spring of 2021 sat idle for anywhere from three to six months that year while Phil Lord tinkered with the movie in the layout stage, when the first 3-D representation of storyboards are created.

As a result, these individuals say, they were pushed to work more than 11 hours a day, seven days a week, for more than a year to make up for time lost and were forced back to the drawing board as many as five times to revise work during the final rendering stage.

"For animated movies, the majority of the trial-and-error process happens during writing and storyboarding. Not with fully completed animation. Phil’s mentality was, This change makes for a better movie, so why aren’t we doing it? It’s obviously been very expensive having to redo the same shot several times over and have every department touch it so many times. The changes in the writing would go through storyboarding. Then it gets to layout, then animation, then final layout, which is adjusting cameras and placements of things in the environment. Then there’s cloth and hair effects, which have to repeatedly be redone anytime there’s an animation change. The effects department also passes over the characters with ink lines and does all the crazy stuff like explosions, smoke, and water. And they work closely with lighting and compositing on all the color and visual treatments in this movie. Every pass is plugged into editing. Smaller changes tend to start with animation, and big story changes can involve more departments like visual development, modeling, rigging, and texture painting. These are a lot of artists affected by one change. Imagine an endless stream of them."

"Over 100 people left the project because they couldn’t take it anymore. But a lot stayed on just so they could make sure their work survived until the end — because if it gets changed, it’s no longer yours. I know people who were on the project for over a year who left, and now they have little to show for it because everything was changed. They went through the hell of the production and then got none of their work coming out the other side."

#across the spider verse #spider man: across the spider verse #spiderverse #spiderman #marvel #atsv #phil lord #film #animation #vfx #post production #read the whole thing pls!

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yandere-daydreams · 2 months

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tw - dub/con, afab!reader, cockwarming, medical malpractice, nonconsensual drug use, manipulation, unbalanced power dynamics, and obsessive behavior.

[commissioned piece. donate to palestinians in gaza here.]

“It really is a shame to lose such a lovely patient.

His hand drifted from your thigh to your hip, rocking you back as you tried to squirm away from him. He was too deep, too big, and you’d been sitting on his cock for too long. Whenever you tried to shift your weight, though, the arm wrapped around your waist would tighten its hold and drag you back into place, leaving your ass slotted against his hips and your cunt struggling to clench around his base. You didn’t know how long he’d kept you like this, but it must’ve been longer than an hour, if not two, three, four. Despite your foggy senses, you could feel slick dripping down your thighs, an empty void in the pit of your stomach where pleasure should’ve been. You could remember hearing that Harper was a good doctor, but that couldn’t be right. Doctors weren’t supposed to make you feel so bad.

“I mean, I know it should be a doctor’s goal to see their patients off as happy and as healthy as can be, but—” He paused, sighed, and you could picture him rolling his eyes, feigning wistfulness as he let out an airy chuckle. “Good, obedient patients can be so rare, especially in a town like this. I’m allowed to mourn the loss of my best charge yet, aren’t I?”

You felt him twitch inside of you, and in search of a distraction, your gaze fell to the collection of papers fanned out over the desk in front of you. You knew you were supposed to be reading them, but the text seemed so impossibly small, and your last round of medication was still clouding your senses, making it hard to focus on much of anything beyond the throbbing in your core, the feeling of his cock stretching you open despite your body’s best attempts to force him out. You could recognize the phrases, signal out words like ‘unfit’ and ‘dependent’ mixed in with the rest of the benign text, but when you tried to put it all together, none of it made sense. It was all you could do to check the boxes Harper pointed to, sign your name on any dotted lines that hadn’t already been filled by his. You could only hope that, when you finished, he’d let you stand up, get off of him, go back to your cozy room with its nice, soft padded walls. You couldn’t imagine having to sleep in his office, again.

“And you’ve been so cooperative, too,” he went on, his chin coming to rest on your shoulder. You felt his lips against the shell of your ear, then your cheek. “Always taking your medication, always following your treatment plans, always coming to our little sessions with an open-mind – the pinnacle of an ideal patient. Honestly, sometimes I think I could tell you to stick your hand in a vat of boiling water, and you’d do it with a smile on your face. All for the sake of your recovery, of course.”

It was him moving, this time – shifting forward until your stomach was pressed against the blunt edge of his desk and he was all-but draped over you, his body pressed flush against yours. You let out a pitchy whine by way of protest, but Harper didn’t seem to notice, only humming as his hand found yours. “Almost done, little mouse. Just one more page.” He was practically cooing as he took you by the wrist, guiding your hand to the bottom of the final page. Two thick, cutting lines occupied most of the available space, his neat signature taking up the first. He brought you to the second, almost daunting in its vacancy, his index finger tapping against the back of your hand. “You remember your name, right? Can you write it for me?”

It was so hard to think, to stay awake, to try and remember a time where he hadn’t been planted so deeply inside of you. “If…” you started, only to trail off. You blinked once, then twice, and did your best to force your tongue to move. “If I do, can I go home?”

Usually, Harper hated it when you talked about the orphanage, about school, about home. You hadn’t meant to, you just wanted to go back to your room, and you moved to correct yourself, to promise that you didn’t want to be anywhere but this hospital, his hospital before he frowned and prescribed you another electrotherapy session, another dose of the small, white pills that left your thoughts blurred and your body hot. But, anything you might’ve been able to spit out died with a breathy laugh, a peck to the corner of your jaw. “Of course,” he purred, rocking his hips gently against yours. “Sign, and I’ll take you home tonight.”

For the first time in weeks, you felt yourself start to smile. Hastily, smudging the ink more than once, you scrawled your name across the brutal line, dropping the pen and going slack against Harper as soon as you were finished. There was another open-mouthed kiss to your throat, then the dip of your shoulder, and he dragged you back onto his lap with a playful squeeze to your thigh, a grin pressed into the crook of your neck. You squirmed unabashedly, now, your hands graspingly weakly at the arms of his chair in hopes of pulling yourself to your feet, but Harper held you tight. “Where do you think you’re going, little mouse?”

“I need to— You said I could go—”

“Just give me another minute, darling.”

His cock pulsed against the walls of your cunt, and you felt something break open inside of you.

“I want to appreciate this moment before we get you to proper, brand-new home.”

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #degrees of lewdity #dol #harper the doctor #dol harper #harper x reader #yandere harper #dol harper x reader #yandere drabble #yandere degrees of lewdity #degrees of lewdity imagines #yandere dol #dol imagines

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silverislander · 1 year

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something really fun and sexy adhd will do is block you from ever actually showing others what you're truly capable of. lol

#this is SO inconsequential but im kinda upset abt it #i finished my final american lit paper today. 9 pages kind of a big deal. im glad its done now #but i cant even be proud of it #bc i changed my original idea four times and only wound up with a week to work on the final version which. wasnt really enough time #and it morphed while i was writing it too bc i came up with a better angle #but now its really disorganized which i know ill lose points on. and i Know its not my best work #but i dont have time to fix it bc its due tomorrow #and just. if i hadnt put this off. or hadnt kept chasing down whatever new fun shiny thing i came up with instead #its not even a bad essay its just. i could for sure do better. i had three weeks i could have CRUSHED this #smth that really shows what im capable of and could net me the grade i know i can get when im at my best #its the difference between a 70 and a 90 but it matters to me #i started it early and still wound up rushing myself and procrastinating #all bc this is what my brain just always fucking does #levi.txt #and to top it all off i REALLY like this prof. ive taken two courses with him hes super cool and ive had actual fun in his classes #... and This is the impression i have to leave him with. a half assed mess #i know he knows what i can do and im so disappointed i couldnt pass smth better in to prove it #esp bc its the LAST paper i will ever write in one of his classes :(#like. my original idea was a historical overview and it wound up talking abt depictions of the thing instead #so i have like 3 paragraphs of Just history/background that i dont know how to break down and integrate and its MESSY #im not a perfectionist in any other aspect of life but when it comes to papers i absolutely am. i wish i had time to fix this

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shatteredsnail · 1 year

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worst feeling ever: thinking i get to do a fun coral lab and make graphs and finding out it’s actually a huge research assignment

#listen. i like research a lot. i do it for fun. but this research sucks.#it’s not even that it’s research or a boring topic or anything. i don’t even mind the deep analysis i have to read #it’s purely that the assignment is set up in a way i don’t like #i’d be totally fine writing a paper on the topic. but the weird q&a big chart format is awful #and why do i need three scientific sources for each question? there’s like 8 questions. that’s so many #and i have to write source summaries for all of them #like. at this point give me the essay already #i wanted to get my school stuff done before i went to bed but n o p e. to be fair i did like 5 things for tomorrow today but still

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gimmeurtmi · 4 months

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what you want — lee know

pairing: lee minho x fem!reader

tags: established relationship, pwp, smut!!!🔞

warnings: swearing, unprotected sex, riding, hickies, very slight nipple play (m receiving), just pure filth no plot

inspo: skz talker episode 61, 16:25.

notes: it’s been so long and i’m still shaking off the rust on my writing muscles!! please lmk your thoughts. feedback is v appreciated <3

{ wc: 2389 }

you’ve been waiting for minho to come home all day. you could barely focus on anything since you woke up, a selfie from your boyfriend waiting for you.

‘i’m gonna die pt is gonna kill me’ was attached underneath the selfie he sent you. minho, in a black tank top that was admittedly a size too small for him, sweat and redness coating his skin.

it was cruel of him to send you such a selfie, turning you into a needy mess with something as simple as that. you had to write a paper—and now was not the time for him to be plaguing your thoughts. you managed to write most of it, in between thoughts of his strong arms and sculpted chest. in between thoughts of lining his skin with kisses and hearing his moans.

it was evening now, and minho was due home any minute—your excitement to see him growing to the point you checked your phone three times in four mintues just waiting for his arrival time to show up on your phone.

the sound of keys in the door brought you to your feet, rushing towards your boyfriend.

“hi jagi,” he smiled at you, leaning closer to kiss your cheek sweetly. “how are you?”

“horny,” you blurted out. you quickly gasped, covering your mouth with both your hands. minho raised an eyebrow at you, a one sided smirk sitting proudly on his face.

“i’m sorry!” you quickly apologised, “it’s just—well, no never mind! did you eat?”

minho chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you towards him.

“i did. why are you horny?” his hands slipped underneath your shirt, the one you took from his side of the closet, trailing his fingers across your skin.

“your selfie..” you admitted, sheepishly.

“i sent you that in the morning,” he states, “been that way all day?”

“no!” you quickly shake your head. minho pulled you closer, your hands having no choice but to rest on his firm chest. your fingers splayed across his tight shirt, feeling the thick muscles beneath the fabric. you let out softly that, “i wrote my paper.”

“good job,” he smiled at you, kissing your lips softly.

you smile back at him before you let him pull you in for another kiss.

you wrap your hands behind his neck, feeling around his shoulders as you do, and if you’ve moaned just a little at the touch you’ll just blame it on minho’s tongue against yours.

you let him move you around, fingers digging into your waist as you both blindly make your way to the couch. you feel the couch against your legs and minho softly lowers you onto the cushions, kissing around your jaw as he climbs on top of you.

you let him settle between your legs, sucking the skin on your neck while you run your hands up and down his firm back. feeling the way his muscles contract as he leans most of his weight on his arms and not you. with how strong he’s gotten lately you’re sure it’s not even that hard for him now. the thought makes your heart skip a small beat.

it’s when minho rolls his hips against yours, biting on your collarbone softly, that you realise this isn’t what you wanted. this isn’t what you’ve been fantasising about all day.

you push at his shoulders, causing him to look up at you with his big round eyes. they sparkle up at you, like they always do, before a question starts swimming in them.

“this okay?” he asks, bottom lip slightly pouted in confusion. his front teeth are more noticeable that way, when he’s a little confused, and you can’t understand how someone can be so hot and so cute at the same time. it makes you want to devour him.

“it is, min—“

“but,” he concludes from your tone, lifting himself up so your crotches are no longer touching. you can see his arms tensing as he does.

“there was something i wanted to do, if you don’t mind, i know you like taking control so it’s okay if—“ you can’t say more once minho kisses your cheek, ever so softly, and all you can do is sigh at your own rambling.

“what was it you wanted, jagi?” he asks softly, humming as his eyes search yours. a warmth covers your chest you aren’t too sure is appropriate for just how wet you are—but minho has always had that kind of effect on you.

“wanted to ride you, min,” you let out quietly.

he lets out a small chuckle, humming as he nods his head softly. “we can do that.”

“if it’s okay?” you ask, eyes wide and eager.

“i mean if you absolutely insist,” he rolls his eyes, smiling wide at you.

you scoff at him, shaking your head before you watch minho settle himself on the couch, patting his thick thighs in invitation.

you quickly climb onto his lap, settling in as minho slaps your ass lightly.

“i love watching you on top of me, you know,” he smiles, moving your hair behind your ears. he settles his hand on your ass, squeezing lightly, “and i can do this as much as i want.”

“you have a problem,” you giggle at him, rolling your eyes at his undeniable obsession.

“now you tell me all the reasons you love riding me,” he grins, much like a cheshire cat, as he rubs your hip with his other hand.

“well,” you start, running your hands across his chest, “i get to admire your body and all your hard work.” he hums in acceptance. you move your hands to his arms, up and down his biceps before you settle on his shoulders, “i love how strong your shoulders are, how i can put my whole weight on them.”

minho blinks at you a few times, nodding along as he eagerly waits to hear more. the hand once on your hip has now moved to your lower stomach, tracing back and forth over the hem of your pants.

“from this angle your cock reaches so deep inside me, too,” you say lowly, and minho ears turn a deeper shade of red than they were before, “i get to feel you so so deep, min.”

“i love how your tits look when you’re bouncing on top of me,” he says, trailing one finger from the hem of your shorts to your clothed pussy.

“i love when you slap my ass as i’m riding you,” you let out, breathing heavily.

minho laughs, squeezing your ass firmly. “i knew you like it when i touch your ass.”

“i never said i didn’t,” you defend.

“you like it when i touch you here, too?” he asks, eyebrows slightly raised as he rubs two fingers over your pussy—finding the exact spot easily. you nod quickly. “should i keep going? or do you need my cock already?”

“need it, min,” you groan, “need you inside me. now.”

after a bit of fumbling around and some uncoordinated kicking you’re both naked, and you quickly climb back into minho’s lap.

now that his shirt is thankfully far far away from him, you take a moment to stop and stare. shamelessly drinking him in. you squeeze his shoulders before trailing down to his arms and then you run your hands over his chest, down his stomach, across the dip from his chest to his waist.

you can feel minho watching you, but you’re far too distracted by the sight of him to feel ashamed. he’s yours, after all, and taking a moment to appreciate what’s yours should be allowed.

however, there’s a want inside you you aren’t able to ignore, and so you lean forward and press slow open mouthed kisses onto his chest, fingers splayed on his waist. you suck on the skin, too taut to move, and bite lightly before you move on to the next bit of skin. kissing everywhere you can reach, taking your time now that minho’s finally here.

you let your hands wander, let yourself feel the warm and soft skin of his stomach, the way it sends shivers down your wrist.

“jagi,” he sighs as you start sucking a few centimetres away from his nipple, “jagiya, let me feel you.”

“i’m here,” you remind him, bringing his hand into your hair. he cups your head, sighing as moved down slightly to suck on a new piece of skin.

“need your pussy, baby, please,” he moans, as you softly rub your hand against his pec, lightly tracing his nipple.

you can’t deny him, and the emptiness inside you is starting to ache, so you quickly grab him by the base as you line him up to your entrance.

you slowly sink down, feeling his cock stretch you out until you’re pressed flush against his thighs. the pair of you moan loudly at the feeling.

“god,” he lets out, hugging you closer to him. minho buries his face in your chest, breathing you in. “you’re so warm.”

“i’m so needy, min,” you chuckle, wrapping an arm around his beautiful back. “i want you so bad.”

minho thrusts upwards at your words, a small squeak like noise escaping you. he repeats his actions, over and over, barely letting himself pull out and focusing only on pushing in deeper.

he’s deep inside you, so deep you can feel a tingling in your neck, and all you can do is moan as minho takes control of the pace.

you can barely feel your thighs but you try as much as you can to meet his thrusts, leaning heavily on his shoulders as you push up and down.

the way his cock stretches you isn’t something you’re used to it, despite the many months you two have been together, and everytime minho fucks you like this you can feel it all the way to your toes.

you aren’t even sure your eyes are open but when they are, all you can see is minho’s sparkling brown eyes—looking so enamoured by you it makes you want to cry.

“min, s-so good, so good like-like this,” you let out in between punctuated breaths.

“giving you what you wanted, yeah?” he groans out, words light and breathless, “riding my cock like you wanted, jagi.”

“you always give me what i want, min,” you try your best to say, “always fuck me so good.”

you squeeze his shoulder tightly, supporting yourself as your thighs start to ache from the repeated bouncing. but the way his cock brushes against your soft spot makes it too hard to stop—the feeling so exhilarating you can only moan each time it happens.

you look down at where your bodies are connected, watching as your wetness glistens on his beautiful thighs.

you bring your hand to his chest, cupping his side as you rub across the few marks you’ve managed to leave behind. you smile softly at them before tracing the natural line between his pec and his stomach—much more prominent now he’s grown more muscles.

“had to mark me up, huh?” minho chuckles as he follows your line of sight.

“you’re mine,” you say before thinking, “wanted to mark what’s mine.”

at that minho picks up his pace as he brings his hand between your bodies, pressing on your clit lightly.

“keep talking like that and i’ll cum inside you, baby,” he moans.

“you’re fucking mine, minho,” you say, kissing him messily, “you’re so beautiful and it’s all mine.”

minho’s fucking you so fast and so hard, you fall forward, burying your face in his neck as you feel his release spilling inside you—minho moaning loudly in your ear. he stops for only a second to catch his breath before rubbing your clit just as fast, encouraging you sweetly as he says, “go on, baby, cum for me.”

your whole body shakes with it and you grab minho’s arms for stability, feeling them flex in your hold from his exertion. then, your vision starts blurring for a moment or two, your orgasm hitting you at full force. it’s sweet and so good with minho still buried inside you, your walls squeezing around his thick cock.

minho groans into your chest, kissing messily against your skin as he lets you ride out your high for a few more minutes.

once you exhale heavily, the fluttering of your walls relaxing, minho looks up at you with a lazy smile.

“you’re incredible,” he decides.

you giggle at him, kissing him firmly on the mouth. “so is your personal trainer.”

minho groans, rolling his eyes before he lets his head rest against the back of the couch. “please don’t take his side. one day he’ll end up killing me and then you’ll regret this.”

“you’re so dramatic, min,” you chuckle at him.

he hums in agreement, his lips a firm line as he nods. “i’m yours, though. you even said so,” he points out, a childish glint in his eyes.

“yes, and i think your cum inside me is further proof,” you scrunch your nose at him. minho groans softly, and you feel his cock bouncing lightly inside you. you can’t help but laugh.

you slowly run your nail across one of the marks you’ve left sitting proudly on his chest, smiling at your little creation.

“should i feed you now or are you gonna stare at my chest some more?” he eventually snaps you out of your minho induced daze.

“can you cook shirtless?” you raise your brows hopefully.

“that’s probably against some health and safety regulation, but if that’s what you want,” he kisses your forehead lightly before tapping your hip in a silent request to get up.

minho quickly grabs something for the mess, cleaning up the couch and your thighs before he gets you a change of clothes. he doesn’t bother wearing a shirt, as per your request, while he finds something quick to cook for you—insisting on feeding you before you get too sleepy.

minho let’s you run your hands all over his chest as he works, attached to him from behind as you kiss his strong back muscles. he doesn’t complain, not at all, and twists his head to meet yours every few minutes—pillowy lips puckered up dramatically in a silent beg for kisses.

you, of course, happily oblige. you’d give minho whatever he wants.

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