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#i have no idea which part this is bc i've made so many of these. this could be part 5 or 78 and i wouldn't know lmao
cursehole · 1 day
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uughghg I feel so disconnected from this username but I'll put it under a cut. CW: suicide/death mention
As an artist, I'm always changing in some way. I always accept the changes wholeheartedly, bc that's what growth is. I feel this username is associated with a part of me who is gone now and I worry sometimes people except a certain sort of content, which I obviously wouldn't force myself to produce. I heavily associate this username with a horrific time in my life bc things began to get really rough around the time I began to use this username and then ofc I went on long hiatuses during the use of this username. My sister's death was not an overnight event. Her physical and mental health deteriorated over the course of years. During those years, it consumed me entirely. Mind, body and soul. That's when I became less and less active. That chapter of my life was horrific, but it has passed. When I say 'passed', I mean to say that my sister is gone and will never come back to me. I am existing in a way I never have before, I'm learning to cope and carry on without someone who made up half of my fucking soul and shaped me in too many ways to count. I'm now in a new place mentally and physically, and using this old username really just reminds me of the difficult times and the art I had created back then. I also draw Fortune much less bc my sister and I heavily bonded over her. She became a comfort character for my sister, and she drew her almost daily for me and made me various other gifts. I often see Fortune now as someone who harbors sadness and loss. It's not entirely the case, but in a lot of ways its hard to draw her now. She was my happiness, and I am blessed she was happiness for my sister too. Now, it's hard to find that comfort in her. Anyway, those reasons are why I want to change my username but have no ideas! ALL of my usernames have been inspired by BMSR/Tobacco in the past but I haven't really connected to any songs lately. WOW rant but it's been on my mind for years. If I go with a new username, I won't abandon this account or anything. At least I'm super happy to say I've finally connected to a new nickname! I have been going by Pony for a long time now, I wish it were my real name lol But it's really really nice to have found a connection with a nickname. Anyway thank you for reading and for following me through all my ups and downs and hiatuses and changes.
edit also:
I still heavily associate with the word ‘hole’, so it would be cool to find username with that word. I love the idea of holes and not knowing what is in them. I also have a connection to sunflowers in more recent years, but the word is so long. Idk! Usernames tend to just come to me, so that’s partially why I haven’t officially moved on from this username even tho I have tried 💀 I always revert back bc others didn’t feel right. Anyway.
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octoagentmiles · 1 year
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ocyonautsbwithoutbfijtect part47✌️7
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mandarinmoons · 1 month
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Hi! So what about BAU!Reader and Spencer are fresh into their relationship. Like weeks into it. Reader is just as shy and nerdy as Spencer was in early seasons. (This can be any season of Spencer) anyways it’s Spencer’s birthday and Spencer begs reader to not buy anything for him so instead she knits him a replica of Dr. Who scarf because she remembers him mentioning to Garcia he was trying to find the perfect replica for his Dr. Who cosplay (7x23 when Garcia and Spencer go to that convention) so reader, who never watched it before, watches the entire series while knitting the scarf bc she knows how much Spencer loves Dr. Who and she wanted to understand his interests more. Maybe she makes herself a matching scarf or hand warmers in the process. And then she’s like “I have a ton of questions about the series though” and pulls out a notebook of her questions as she’s asking them Spencer realizes she’s THE ONE and it’s all just fluff and two nerds in love 🥰
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I've never consumed any content about Doctor Who so I'm sorry if this is a bit vague BUT the idea was so cute so I had to give it a shot x
You and Spencer were both nerds, it’s what drew you two together and keeps you both joined at the hip. Even though you two had been together for less than eight weeks, both of you had your eyes on one another for a good while. When mutual feelings were finally admitted the only thing different from before was that you got to hold hands and kiss each other on the cheek comfortably without having to worry if it’ll make the other person uncomfortable.
Spencer’s birthday was coming up and with Spencer being the way that he is, he was adamant about not letting you splurge on his big day. You were a bit annoyed by it because a part of you did want to go out and treat your special boy the way he deserved to be treated. However, you did not want to argue with him so you decided to get a bit creative.
Long before the relationship had been established, Spencer had talked about how he was searching for a replica of the Doctor Who scarf for his cosplay. Knitting was something you had learned before, although it had been quite a few years since you last picked it up, you decided to try it out again and hopefully make Spencer’s face gleam with joy.
After digging out your old knitting needles and yarn you looked up some tutorials online to familiarize yourself with your old hobbie. A few hours and some messy pathworks later, you managed to remind yourself of how everything went down and began work on the scarf. Luckily the pattern wasn’t difficult at all and as you began working away you thought about looking up the show and getting a feel for what Spencer talks about all the time.
After many weeks and countless trips to the store to get more yarn the scarf was finished and you were both excited and nervous to hand it over to Spencer. A million thoughts ran in your head as he undid the bow on the carefully packed present and removed the scarf from the paper, his eyes went wide and he was speechless for a whole minute.
“Y/N, how did you…”
“Surprise?” you chuckled and Spencer was still speechless, he ran his thumbs over the carefully knitted garment. He wrapped it over his neck and walked over to the mirror to have a closer look, his heart was melting over how you took so much time and effort to make him this. He walked over to you and placed his arms around you in a bone crushing hug which only made you laugh.
“I’m so glad you like it.”
“Like it? That doesn’t even come close to how I feel about it, I love it.”
Spencer held your cheeks as he kissed you and as you parted a thought came to your mind.
“Oh also, I watched a bit of the show!”
“Really? Did you like it?”
“Mhm, I have a few questions though, firstly…”
As you went on about your questions regarding the show Spencer stared at you while a smile crept on his face. He loved how you took interest in anything he was fascinated in, and in return he would do it with your interests as well, it was one of the ways you both showed love to one another.
Spencer guided you back to the couch, pulling you to his lap as he cleared his throat and explaining the questions you just layed out for him. You looked up at him and nodded along as he got into the topic and you were reminded of one of the reasons why you fell for him in the first place, his passion, and that same passion grew now that he had someone like you in his life.
Taglist: @radioactiveinvisible @whoisspence @sreidisms @lanascinnamongirls @luvkatryna @sp3ncelle @iluvreid @khxna @keiva1000 @reidstheyfriend @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden
If you want to be a part of my taglist go here!
You can find my masterlist here!
My requests are open so feel free to send one in! (SFW only)
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remcycl333 · 7 months
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some thoughts on imagination and fulfilling ALL your desires, no matter how small ♡
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hiii! just wanted to share with you guys some things ive been thinking about lately and a new discovery!
so first of all! i went through a little phase this previous weekend where i could not imagine for the life of me. i just could not concentrate, and i kept hyperfixating on every little sound in my room and it was very frustrating. i also could not fall asleep because i usually use daydreams to lull myself to sleep and i couldn't daydream! it was very frustrating.
(side note--at one point i wished that my room would just be silent and then i lost power for a few hours and my room WAS dead silent for a while, lol)
but then i was scrolling thru loatwt, like i do, and i found this acct @/scriptercas and they made a couple of posts about the way they imagine (i like this one too) and i tried it that night and i was DEEP in my imagination for like an hour straight. like me??? adhd aphantasia me???
i know that a lot of you guys are like me and have aphantasia and therefore can't see mental images and you can get discouraged by imagining, but this is definitely my new holy grail and i think this will work so well for you guys too!
(p.s. if you guys are into shifting, that account has some great advice! i'd really recommend!!)
i also recently re-read edward art's series, which i have mentioned in recent posts. once again, i know ive also said this recently, but i highly highly highly recommend reading it (or listening, there's also an audio form) if you haven't already! even if you just read the first five parts. i swear if you are still struggling to fully grasp the law, after you read it you will get it. it's so good.
i bring this up because in a lot of the parts, edward talks about building the habit of fulfilling every single desire--no matter how small--that you have, as it comes to you. and i've just been ruminating on this so much lately.
i remember at the beginning of my loa journey, there would be things that i wanted and i'd kinda mourn the fact that i didnt have them... when i didn't have to. i could've just fulfilled myself. but instead i had the idea in my head that "i'll manifest my sp first, and THEN i can get my desire of receiving flowers." or, "i'll manifest money first, and THEN i can buy the expensive things i want" or "i'll manifest my new apartment, and THEN i can host dinner parties for my friends" etc.
but what i've been thinking about lately--prompted by edward--is that you dont have to want for anything anymore. i can give myself any and everything i want in my imagination. i don't have to wait to manifest something else first.
this has really bolstered my imagination game as well. everything you want to do with or experience once you have your desire, you can have/experience in your imagination right now. and it really adds to your imaginings. it really helps immerse you more and helps you capture the feeling of it being real.
for example, when i was manifesting my apartment, i had sooo many things i wanted to experience once i'd manifested it. i wanted to have my friends over for game night and cook them dinner and make them cocktails. i wanted to bake in my spacious kitchen and have fancy utensils and expensive ingredients. i wanted to shower in my fancy shower and use expensive bath products. i wanted my own vanity stocked with expensive makeup and perfumes. i wanted a large walk in closet with rows and rows of gorgeous clothing. i wanted to come back from a night out and leave my clothes strewn about the bathroom bc i was too drunk to put them away, and no one was gonna see them or yell at me for leaving them there. like some of the things i desired for were so mundane, yet i felt the absence of them in my life every day. for example: living close to a target, being able to make adventurous meals without worrying if my family members would like them, playing video games with my friends in my own living room.
everything i just listed were things i wanted so badly once i had my apartment, but whenever id run into the opposite in my every day life, i wouldn't fulfill myself at first. like i'd go to cook the same old dinner i cooked for my family every other night and i'd be like "ugh i wish i could be in my own apartment where i did the grocery shopping and i could buy fresh ingredients and make an elaborate meal instead of just having pasta and jarred sauce again." but then i realized that if i were in my dream apartment i would be able to do that. i spent so much time imagining waking up in my new apartment and what it would look like, but in the end, imagining stuff like this is what really helped me to fulfill myself and catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled.
i was really reminded of that whenever i re-read edward's series, and now im applying it to my new desires as well. it's so funny that no matter how much i manifest or how much i learn i always find myself forgetting little tidbits like that that really help me and are very valuable.
anyway i just wanted to make this post to help you guys a little maybe! i was just in the shower and i was remembering edward saying to fulfill every little desire you have--not matter how small-- and i was remembering the days i used to imagine myself in my current shower, and id close my eyes and imagine the scent of the shampoo i wanted to get and i'd feel where every individual bath product would be placed once i had my own shower. and all that inspired me to write this!
i hope that this helps you guys out and/or gives you imagination motivation! i feel like it's important to imagine all the small things that pertain to your desire that maybe you overlook while imagining, but that you know you deeply yearn for even if u think they're mundane or that you'll just get them once you get your big, overarching desire <3
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randombush3 · 26 days
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a sense of coming home
ona batlle x reader
summary: part two of this! ona and you are (frustratingly) still just friends
words: 6.5k (i have NO idea why i waffle so much but lets pls allow it)
warnings: there's like five secs of smut at the end
notes: this has been the most self-indulgent fic i've written because this is how i met my gf and so i am glad to show you a nice happy ending
again, the quote is from 'this side of paradise' (said gf's fav book - i don't recommend however because the protagonist is a twat)
also i didn't proofread bc i am exhausted and i am hungover and i am very ready to go to sleep (#globetrotting is not for the weak) x
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There is something difficult about forcing oneself back to their toxic roots. Ona discovers as such as she presses her body into a temple of meaningless sex, but she does so because she is a driven person. Ona is determined to get over you, once and for all, except she’d quite like to stay friends (hence why she agreed when asked). She also thinks it would expose her to fall out because her feelings shouldn’t have existed anyway, so she technically shouldn’t be heartbroken? 
Anyway, Ona rampages through Manchester! They appreciate her accent – some even ask her to speak to them in Spanish when she is three fingers deep inside of them, to which she obliges with little fanfare – and it isn’t like the city lacks queer women. It is a super solid way to keep her busy, to tear her attention from hungrily checking your Instagram whenever possible. 
It’s also what lands her with coronavirus. She’s embarrassed to admit just how many people she has come into contact with when the club doctors ask her questions over the phone.
You send her a lovely message after hearing she is yet another fallen soldier. 
Ona is at home, isolating, and you are apparently trapped in Spain, unable to get into Italy. You haven’t quite made it to your parents’ house since your flight was supposed to depart from Madrid. “How come you’re not on the phone to one of your ‘connections’?” Ona asks suspiciously, wondering why this call has lasted longer than ten minutes. “Surely someone knows someone else and they can get you back home.” 
“I’m hardly out of my depth in my own country,” you remind her with a twinging sigh, pained that she has suppressed all memories of your childhood. “It’s not like I don’t speak Spanish.” 
“Didn’t you get rid of it in your head to make space for Italian and English? Oh, and French too, right? That’s where the fashion weeks are.” 
You laugh at her pride for knowing something about your job, but it is not to ridicule her. “I am speaking to you, aren’t I?” 
“In Catalan,” she points out. “Forget Spanish, but don’t forget Catalan.” 
“I can’t. It’s the language everyone uses to tell me about how fucked you’ve been lately.”  You take in a deep breath, uncomfortable with Ona’s silence but knowing your piece needs to be said. “Are you aware of what happened a few months ago? Why I missed the wedding?” One of your friends met her dream man and he whisked her off to Menorca for a small ceremony. Only the people she loved the most were invited, which included your childhood friend group. “We were in New York, a whole bunch of us. It was late but the show had been a big deal so we went out to celebrate, and… these ‘friends’, these people, they aren’t the same as you and me. Most of them are English, you know, and they come from very fancy schools where addiction is normal. Two of them ended up in the hospital that night – the bag hadn’t even made it round to me by the time they’d dropped. I know it seems far-fetched, but all I’m trying to say is that addiction has consequences. Bad consequences.” 
“So you’re not on my side?” Ona isn’t taking this too seriously. A few people have joked about her questionable new hobby, but no one has made it seem so dire that they have needed to get you involved. You who, of course, Ona will listen to. 
“I am always on your side.” 
That is her main take-away from the conversation, Ona chooses, when it ends an hour later. She swoons, meaning the last twenty women have been a waste of time, but she also tortures herself into ignoring the potential problem. Being a sex addict would be embarrassing, so she won’t be. 
Though your subtle shaming for her abundance of quick-fix flings is hypocritical, Ona would also hate for you to see her that way. You can avoid commitment all you like, but she is determined to be different to prove to you that she is a viable candidate, should you wish to stop stringing her along. It’s probably toxic; it probably means that you are both clinging onto a friendship that should either end or be labelled something else. It probably is the push and pull that has kept you interested, Ona thinks, because she knows that you like the chase. 
However, as much as she’d like to be freed of whatever game she is caught up in, she can’t seem to let you go like that.
… 
The next time Ona and you have a proper conversation about something other than how your love lives have been stunted or how people back home are not as successful as the two of you is when most of the restrictions have been lifted. 
You waited out the pandemic in Vilassar de Mar, much to your annoyance, but now that you can travel again, the first person on your mind to visit is your childhood best friend. You’re not as close as you used to be, having drifted further during even more years apart, but it does not dull your love for her, nor hers for you. 
Ona has changed her mind about Manchester and is forcing herself to like it. It works enough for a visit from you to be the last thing on her mind, and so she slows her response time down until the next arranged date to see each other in person is all set for the summer before the Euros in England.
You’re not quite home but you are in the country, and, with the pre-Euros camp in two days, Ona is spending the final few hours of calm left before the storm in the comforting presence of her mum and dad. 
And… you, apparently. 
“You weren’t supposed to be here yet,” is Ona’s greeting when she opens the front door. 
Your smile is wide and genuine, and you are holding a gift bag in one hand. There is a nice bottle of wine in the other. “Not even an ‘hola’?” When no reply comes, you swallow the emotions that have arisen; the ones that are maybe, just a little bit to do with how soft Ona looks with her hair down. And the slope of her jaw. And the ghosts of defined biceps that bulge even when she isn’t flexing her arms. “I’m dropping by to see your parents. I thought you were in Barcelona with your footballer friends.” 
“You visit my parents?” asks Ona curiously. 
“Of course.” 
With that, you side-step her and call out to her mother, announcing both your arrival and your desire to hand them their gifts. Dinner is just about to be served, and Ona is soon tasked with setting another place at the table for you as though the last ten years had never happened and your friendship hadn’t lost its innocence. 
Maybe it would be better for Ona to not know what it feels like to kiss you, to touch you, to – dare she think it – love you. It would certainly make things less painful, and would have saved her from catching at least one illness and spending a good amount of money on Ubers to escape from random apartments. It would make it easier to listen to you talk about your life in Milan, where you seem to exist in a bubble of incredibly attractive people who are desperate to hold hands and form a raft. 
“Modelling can be brutal,” you agree, nodding at Ona’s father as you follow on from his concerns about your career. He voices them regularly; whenever you see him. Ona realises you have spent a lot of time with her parents without her. “It gets quite competitive between the girls so I’ve been somewhat avoiding them. They’ve brought in someone new, scouted from Germany, I think, and I’m a little worried that I’ll have to switch agencies if they start prioritising her.” You glance at Ona, wanting to know if she is listening, hoping she is. You wish that she were as good at suppressing her feelings as you are. You wish she didn’t look at you like you hung the moon, because you know that you have to tell her you have hung it for someone else. “I’d move tomorrow, to be honest, but I’ve started seeing this guy and he’s convincing me to stay in Milan.” 
“The minute he is your boyfriend, you bring him here,” commands Ona’s mother in a tone she hasn’t yet used on her actual daughter (said daughter has never mentioned anyone before). “Show us a picture of him! Is he a model like you?” 
He is, and if Ona holds her fork tighter after she sees the photo you pull up, that is her business. You secretly take in her clenched jaw and furrowed eyebrows, and this might be the worst thing you have ever had to do. To see her so defeated, so hopeless, is upsetting, especially since you are harbouring the same feelings. However, you are able to admit when it is time to throw the towel in, and you can no longer live like this. 
Ona is too perfect for you. She is driven, hard-working, and funny. She likes to nutmeg little children on the street, and she likes to buy them an ice-cream if they slip a goal past her, slotting the flat footballs into imaginary nets and celebrating as though they have just won the Champions League. She knows a lot, more than she thinks she does. She cares about people, but sometimes it manifests in anger, in frustration. 
Any aspect of her is an aspect that you could love, and that is reason enough not to. Because how can you allow yourself to taint such perfection? 
But, in this unspoken rejection, the compliment is obscured from the recipient’s view. All Ona sees when you gush about how he buys you flowers and takes you out to dinner, is a burning, bright question. It flashes red and yellow, both as a warning and cry for attention. How can she compete if you don’t even recognise her as a competitor? 
“--And then they proceeded to finish a film they were halfway through as if it were the most normal thing ever,” Ona rants the minute she hits the concrete of Las Rozas, walking into the facility with Aitana and the other girls who travelled with her from Barcelona. Only the midfielder has been gracious enough to listen to the entire monologue, but the others joke that that is because Ona’s emotional state has led her to spiral in her native language. It is forbidden for them to openly speak Catalan in the Spanish camp, according to Jorge Vilda, who loves to hurl a ‘we can send you back to where you came from in an instant’ their way if he so much as hears a ‘bon dia’. Naturally, Aitana doesn’t give a fuck about the rule, although Ona chooses to believe that she is listening because she cares.
“Are you done?” Aitana asks thoughtfully, sucking on her bottom lip as she tries to absorb her friend’s crisis and formulate a valid, sensible response. The two have known each other for a while now, and Aitana remembers a time when Ona was relentlessly teased by their older teammates for being in love with her best friend. It is clear to her that those feelings never ceased, though she has heard through the grapevine (Leila Ouahabi) that you are now a model and you live somewhere in Italy. You’re part Italian, is what Leila also claims, having professed your ethnicity to a small huddle of fellow gossipers one day in the gym at the Barça training facility. 
“No! Nothing is ever done with her. It’s viscous and it continues in a horrid cycle that has me flapping around in circles like some idiot. I am one of her boys.” Ona groans dramatically, the sound perhaps a little too loud. A few of the girls in front of them turn around to see why a cat seems to have been strangled, but they quickly lose interest when they see it is just Ona and her disastrous situation. “Do you know how fucking humiliating it is to be one of her guys? I am a professional footballer! I play for Manchester United, one of the most historic clubs in the world, and I am about to represent my country in a major tournament. I am successful, Aita, and yet I am still not enough for her.” 
“Maybe she only likes men.” 
“A man has never made her scream like I have,” she bites back. Aitana blushes, but Ona is too far gone in her rage to hear her crudeness nor preserve her friend’s sanity. “She’s been like this since she decided she was gay! Isn’t that hilarious? ‘Ona, I think I’m gay’, she said. I know lesbian breakups can be hard, but there is no way my cousin fucked her up to this extent.” 
“I can’t help you with this, Oni,” Aitana laments, sorry to have to confess this to her friend. “I think you need to talk to her about it. A proper conversation to fix long-term issues, not like the ones you obviously had when agreeing to stop having sex and things like that. Only she knows what she’s thinking.” It is definitely not the advice Ona wants to hear, but she cannot deny the midfielder’s wisdom. “But for now, we focus on winning.” 
You are more than a little confused. 
To start from the beginning, Ona’s cousin fucked you up. She broke your heart, and that first impression of dating girls was incredibly traumatising. With girls, you don’t just kiss and sleep with them, you get close – really close – and then when you break up, it is like you have lost both a girlfriend and a best friend. 
Men are a lot simpler. Men like you and they aren’t shy about it. They can sometimes be just as cruel, but you have never felt invested enough to care too much. 
Some nights, you don’t fall asleep, tossing and turning between your sexual identity, aware that you don’t need to label it but desperate to… discover yourself. If you don’t understand that part of you, how will someone else? How can you be loved? How do you even know who you want to love you? 
For as much as Milan is great, it definitely doesn’t help you with your crisis. Girls in Milan like to do what they want. It is not uncommon for the models to kiss each other in clubs, in front of appreciative male gazes or not, and then reveal their engagement to their future husband the very next day. It’s easy to be drawn into such a bubble, but the minute you step out of it, you are hit with the real world. 
It’s what makes the pandemic so distressing for you personally, because you are forced to live like normal people for some time. Your eyes are held open and the question is shoved down your throat, and it really doesn’t help that Ona’s cousin never moved out of Vilassar de Mar. 
She sees you one day, saying hello from a suitable distance as you pick up milk as per your mother’s request. “I heard you’re modelling?” she asks with no agenda, no seductive glint in her eye. You notice the ring on her finger, and she feels the heaviness of your staring. “Oh, I got married a year ago. Did Ona not tell you?” 
You realise that you and Ona try to avoid talking about anything other than the love interests you have. “No, she didn’t. Congratulations, though. She’s a lucky woman.” 
“You don’t have to pretend you’re happy for me,” laughs the woman opposite you, amused and somewhat apologetic. “Look, I’m really sorry for how I acted when we were younger. I was definitely not the most mature person out there, and I know I hurt you.” 
“I cried for months.” 
“I’m sorry,” she repeats. You suck in a deep breath, trying to hold the memories of your pain at bay. “The first breakup is usually the worst but at least it gets better, as you probably know.” 
She looks at you expectantly, awaiting your confirmation. It never comes. 
“I haven’t dated another girl since,” you tell her, sounding rather detached from yourself. 
Her eyebrows furrow and she is clearly frowning behind her facemask. “What about Ona? I thought you were together when you lived in Madrid. It takes more than a friendship to do what you did.” 
You were originally going to go to university in England. It was your dream, and Ona wasn’t entirely aware of the situation because you hadn’t wanted to tell her you were leaving. Then she was sent out on a professional contract to Madrid, and it wasn’t like you were the only one leaving. 
Ona’s cousin, years ago, had suggested that you go to Madrid if you wanted to get away from Vilassar de Mar. “You’ll be close enough to come home when you’d like, but not so close that you’ll feel as though nothing has changed,” she had said. 
No one had known about your offers in England aside from your parents. And Ona’s cousin, who’d only found out because you had called her, drunk on celebratory champagne, because you had to tell someone. 
“You gave up a dream for her because you didn’t want her to be alone.” 
“I moved to Milan. In the end, she was alone.” 
“You sound like you regret it,” she replies, nodding once at you to bid you farewell and then heading over to a woman who is standing with a puppy in her arms. You watch as she pulls down her mask and kisses her wife, her eyes shining with love and happiness, and your blood runs green with jealousy. 
You hate Ona’s cousin for devastating you once more. 
Do you regret it? 
It’s unclear. 
You try to make sense of it when you don’t hesitate to fly back to Italy the minute you can, going home to lick your wounds at Ona’s non-committal response to meeting you when you are in London the next month. It hurts that she is no longer at your beck-and-call, but you are somewhat happy for her. You know that lines have been crossed and that she has suffered for it. You know that you are probably the one at fault here. 
This time in Milan, you don’t fight it as much. You kiss other girls and let them go home to their boyfriends; you submit to the thing you had convinced yourself you would never become. 
As you drive yourself deeper and deeper into your stereotype, the thought of Ona gets pushed away and newer, more culturally-acceptable fantasies come to mind.
It takes a photoshoot for him to ask you out on a date. 
It takes returning home and gaining the approval of Ona’s parents (who are far more open than your own) for you to agree to be official. 
You don’t ask Ona what she thinks. She’s busy, you reason, because she is representing Spain at the Euros. She won’t care who you are dating and she certainly doesn’t need it rubbed in her face. 
There are many reasons why you go out with him. 
One is that you do like him; he’s nice, he’s funny, he treats you well. (He’s not Ona.) Another is that rent is going up and him sharing the load is helpful. (He’s not Ona.) There is also that he is very popular within the agency, and your chemistry on camera is enough to keep your jobs rolling in and casting directors satisfied. 
He’s not Ona. You know that. 
That's the whole point. 
If he were Ona, you’d be deeply in love with him. If he were Ona, you would never leave the house, never leave his embrace, never leave the little bubble created when it is just the two of you and no one else. If he were Ona, you would be excited about the conversations he gently guides you into; marriage, children, where you are going to live one day. You’d miss him more when he isn’t here. You’d care. 
But you just… don’t. 
Another year passes, more Ona-less than the last, and then she is suddenly coming back home to Barcelona, a medal around her neck and word of a relationship floating above her head. 
You could ask her about it if you wanted to because she is still one of your closest friends, but the truth is, you really, desperately don’t want to hear it. While Ona has been falling in love with someone else, you have been proving your stupid feelings to yourself. 
The act (your current relationship) lowers enough for you to go home for Christmas. You leave Milan as though fleeing from a hurricane, and you refuse to control the damage until you have entered the new year. Your parents aren’t entirely sure they want you moping about the house, confused how someone so successful can revert to a moody teenager the minute they are back in safe territory, and they heavily encourage you to accept an invite that was extended out to you a few months ago. 
Your friends are going skiing in Andorra, and they’d like for you to come with them. 
“Ona won’t be there,” one of them regretfully informs you. “She said she doesn’t want to make things weird. She has a girlfriend – or, I don’t know, a talking stage. She wants you to have fun.” 
“But Ona and I are friends,” you try to explain, feeling exposed by the look of pity she gives you; the same look someone receives when they find out their ex has gotten married or something similar. As a defensive mechanism, you hastily pull out your phone and dial her number. Everyone watches you, now uninterested in their food as you dine and plan your holiday. 
Ona picks up on the third ring, escaping her dinner with Lucy and rushing into the cool, nighttime air of Barcelona. 
“Hi?” she says – asks – with raised eyebrows, wondering if you’re in danger. 
“You’re coming skiing with us, aren’t you?” 
Your friends hide their laughs behind their hands, surprised by how firm your tone is. You do not need it for Ona, because she does anything you say regardless, but they enjoy seeing this side of you. This is someone who has had to fend for herself in a foreign country. 
Removing the phone from her ear for a moment, Ona sighs, disappointed in herself. 
“Yeah, of course. I’ve missed you, you know.” 
Skiing is not something Ona is really allowed to do. As a footballer, her legs are what pay her wage. Career-destroying planks of metal are not the best way to spend the dying embers of the year. She knows that. She does, she swears, but she is so eager to go that Jonatan cannot crush her dreams. He tells her, “if you get injured your contract will be reviewed, Ona Batlle,” and she promises him that it won’t happen. Nothing bad is going to happen. 
It will be the first time she has spent more than a day with her childhood friends, and she is unbelievably excited. 
Lucy finds it adorable and makes it known, helping her pack for her trip, versed in what to bring because her sister skis or something like that (Ona can’t really focus on her almost-girlfriend's monologue). Lucy likes Ona a lot, and it makes her stomach flutter when she thinks about Ona and her friends talking about them. She’s sure her feelings are reciprocated, and she cannot wait for Ona to return to her in the new year, all smiles and lingering hangovers, and ask her to be her girlfriend. Officially. 
Your friends convene in the centre of Vilassar de Mar with two cars between you. There are ten people coming. 
Someone, most-likely trying to keep the peace, instructs Ona into one vehicle and you into the other. The drive isn’t too long, but you suppose that the tension is uncomfortable for those who aren’t accustomed to maintaining a friendship despite the weight of it. 
It’s five days, and you are determined to have fun. 
Ona is naturally good at this, although she claims it is her first time. You, living in Milan, are just as advanced. 
By the third day, the both of you agree that going off together to do some of the harder runs will be harmless. Spending the day together won’t feel like a date or a romantic holiday. Watching Ona glide over the compacted snow won’t be attractive, watching her cocky smirk as she scales the bumps along the side of the piste won’t do anything. 
It won’t. (It does.) 
And it just has to be the third day that someone pulls out two bottles of tequila and a drinking game that is going to ensure every single one of you is off your face by midnight. 
In rooms opposite one another, you and Ona call your respective partners and tell them about how great a time you are having, actively avoiding telling them about who you spent the day with as though it counts as cheating. It doesn’t, technically. Nothing has happened. But, still, it feels intimate and secret; forbidden. 
Then, there is a shout that rings through the house. Everyone comes to the table; the party has begun. 
Ona finds out that she is absolutely terrible at drinking games, and loses in every way possible. 
You find out that she is still just as touchy when she is drunk. 
Your friends try not to comment on it, all having agreed upon yet another passive role in such an irritating situation. Their non-interference almost ceases by the time Ona climbs onto your lap, head turning as she whispers something into your drunk ears, making you laugh privately. In fact, someone has to hold someone else back before they shout at the two of you to make out or break up. 
But it’s not really necessary, their prompting, because it hits a certain hour and… nothing else matters anymore. 
Ona has been touching you the whole night and you have finally reached your limit. 
Boyfriend be damned, you lead her to your bedroom. 
She asks you many times if you still want this, and you cannot think of anything to say other than ‘yes’. 
You’re not as drunk as she is, and you both know that, but everything feels so perfect and right. 
When you wake up the next morning, your anger is more at yourself than the sleeping woman beside you, but she is an outward target for such a boiling emotion and it just makes things easier. 
“Ona.” You shake her awake, not caring for her hangover. “Ona, I can’t believe we’ve done this.” She rubs her eyes, dazed and confused for a moment but coming to her senses soon enough. “I have a boyfriend, Ona, and… I don’t like you like that.” 
It’s not true. 
It’s really, really, really not true, but the fact that you have said it is enough for Ona to leave your room with the intention of never seeing you again. 
She gets the train back to Barcelona, turning up at Lucy’s flat in floods of tears, and barrels straight into those strong arms with the intention of never mentioning what she has done. 
You break up with your boyfriend a month later. Or rather, he breaks up with you, tired of being messed around, tired of your hesitation to fully commit. 
The break-up is not the most upsetting thing you’ve been through, but your ego is a little bruised.
You try to make it look like you are having a great time in Milan, even though the agency has once again discarded your file and overlooked you for shoots you used to book in an instant. You try to seem like things aren’t falling apart, but it’s of no use when your father calls you and tells you that your mother is ill. 
It isn’t cancer but it’s similar, and you know that you need to come home.
You pack your bags and leave without a second thought, because maybe Madrid was far enough. Maybe there is a reason Ona signed for her home club again and most of your friends still live relatively close to their parents. 
Maybe you are not meant to be separated from those you love, because running away is futile if you are always going to end up together again. 
In Barcelona, a modelling agency eagerly draws up a contract with you. Although you are from there, your career being based in Milan previously creates an international allure about you (or so they say), and you are assured that work is going to rush towards you as though someone has just knocked down a dam. 
Your job is secured, your mother begins treatment, but there is something you cannot shake off. 
It hurts to think of Ona, to think of how you left things, but it helps, too. Seeing her face in your mind is comforting. You hear her voice as you drift off to sleep, and you let it soothe you in your dreams. 
“Ona has a girlfriend,” her mother tells you when you next visit them. Her frown is unexpected because all she has ever wanted is for her children to be happy and loved. “It’s not right, it doesn’t feel right.” You begin to shrug your shoulders and crawl into your shell, but she interrupts your thought process; “I think you should go see her.” 
“Why?” 
The woman rolls her eyes. “Just do what I say.” 
You nod because she is so scarily sure about it, and you… It’s hard to believe, but you call Ona. 
She picks up. 
“I was sorry to hear about your mum.” 
“Don’t worry. She’s fine.” 
“Are you back at home?” 
“Yeah, I am.” You pause. “Well, not quite. I’m living in Barcelona.” 
Something fizzes in the air; pops, crackles. 
“Need me to show you around the city?” 
And it’s Ona, so how could you say no? 
Your visit goes very well. 
She takes you out to dinner and shows you around her neighbourhood. She introduces you when she runs into people she knows, and she is insistent about dragging you to her football match on the weekend. 
Everything is seemingly forgiven and Ona is intent on integrating you back into her life. 
She wants you to feel at home, though she knows you should already, and she wants to lessen the stress of hospital appointments and death and, if not death, then a difficult recovery. 
You are sitting in her apartment – now devoid of all signs of Lucy – on her comfortable sofa, watching something together after a day of walking around and sealing up the cracks that formed in Andorra.
Sitting leads into cuddling and then into wandering hands that eagerly roam underneath layers of fabric.   
Ona’s breath hitches as you brush the hard lines of her abs, your hands particularly drawn to them and just how strong she has become. “You must have only felt them on men,” she offers as an explanation. “How many have you slept with in comparison to–?”
And your hands stop.
“Sorry,” Ona mumbles, seemingly upset at her outburst. “I’m just curious. I can’t work you out.” She can’t quite look you in the eye, mainly due to the logistics of your position, but she isn’t sure she wants to see the truth attached to her statement. 
You question if that’s a good thing, the fact she needs to ask; the fact that she has no choice but to communicate. It was going to happen sooner or later. “A few,” is what you settle on. Ona leaves it at that, carefully pulling the hair tie from your plait, unravelling it with one hand as the other rests against your stomach in an embrace. You smile. “You’re not going to ask who?” 
Her fingers stop for a moment. “No.” She speaks so quietly, her voice almost a whisper in your ear. “I don’t care about them.” You relax into her more, feeling her against your back, feeling the softness of the blanket against your feet as it hangs at the edge of the sofa. 
“Who do you care about, then?” 
“You.” 
Carefully, both her hands hold your hips and she sits you up, smiling as she does. You tell her she’s showing off, she replies that you are always showing off. To that, you brush those hands from your sides and lean down to kiss her, more decidedly for once; more in control. It’s a surprising feeling for both of you, the forcefulness. Urgency. Not unfamiliar, but unexpected for this time on this day. 
The last time you kissed Ona, you had a boyfriend. 
Your mouth goes to her neck as soon as she decides that she wants her hands back on your hips, pushing you down into her lap. It’s now a competition, you think. She’s quickly coming completely undone by your kissing and biting, but you are not ignoring the feeling as she makes you grind down, makes you need that friction. “Fuck,” you moan in her ear. She grips you tighter. 
You start to pull off her shirt having had enough of the grey between you, asking if it’s okay, if she’s sure she isn’t too tired. Her reply is, “take it off, god,” and then the removal of your clothes that get thrown just shy of the wine glasses set out on her coffee table. Leggings aren’t the most practical for impromptu sex, but she’s quick and smooth and someone who has definitely done that before. 
With your bare chest on display and almost nothing between Ona and you, she lifts you up for a moment with the intention of flipping the two of you, getting you on your back. You pause for a moment, trying to decide if she’s doing it because she wants to or because she thinks that’s the only way to do it, but her hands are moving now, up your sides, round the front of your chest and you relax. She laughs quietly, amused, because the tension dissipates, dissolving like sweet, sweet sugar in hot coffee as soon as your legs wrap around her back. 
Ona asks before she does it, picking you up and laying you back down without needing to part her lips from your own. You watch her as she sits up, body in between your thighs. “You’re going to just stay there?” She shakes her head. “I can top,” you tease, a stark contrast from how it was the last time you did this. Ona doesn’t like being told she can’t do something. However indirectly. 
“Yeah?” You nod, biting the smirk out of your lips. “I don’t care.” 
You are in the process of rolling your eyes when her cocky mouth is put to good use. Your underwear was taken off at some point earlier — you hadn’t realised. Ona’s head moves between your legs, up and down, your hand that isn’t holding onto the sofa in her hair, the soft waves lacing between your fingers. 
She’s good at it; thorough, practised. Her tongue circles your clit for a moment before dipping into your entrance. Something about the cockiness of her movements, her tongue, her hand rubbing between her own legs, makes everything more surreal, more blissful. She moans softly, lips kissing their way up your body, hands no longer focused on herself. Instead, they take the place of her mouth, two fingers inside you as quickly as it takes for her to ask if you are okay to carry on. Your reply (“yes”) is cut off quickly by her mouth on yours, tongue swiping at your bottom lip in another question of permission. You can taste yourself on her. 
At her command, you sit up, letting her pull you back onto her lap as she sucks at your neck. “Don’t leave any marks,” you warn as her teeth pull a whimper from your supposed stoicness. “I don’t want the makeup artists asking questions.” It comes out too late, because you feel her teeth graze your collarbone quickly, not painful, no, but something that feels so, so good. “Ona.” She sighs in disappointment and adjusts where you are in her lap, so your legs are either side of her thigh. 
You find yourself rocking slowly, letting her savour your breasts between her hands and her mouth. She whispers that she wants to see you come, that you don’t need to hold back – not with her, not ever – so you start grinding down, harder, faster. Her hands drop back to your hips, guiding your movements, forcing you to slow down when she feels everything building up. Each time, you let out a “fuck” and attempt to go against her grip to get that friction. “Not just yet,” she mutters, no longer touching you anywhere other than where her hands meet your hips and her thigh presses between your legs. 
“Fuck off, Ona,” you breathe, frustrated. “When, then?” 
She slows the pace even more. “Can you last a little longer?” You look at her face, brushing away the strands of hair that have fallen over her eyes, ghosting your fingers along her cheek, running your thumb along her lips. She smiles again, eyes creasing slightly. 
As her hands drop to cup your face, you say, “you’re beautiful.” 
Ona blushes. 
You look down at her exposed cleavage, nipples pebbled against the sports bra that is unusually low-cut. It might border on intense staring as you begin to grind against her with the intention of actually getting off now. She laughs, saying her eyes are higher up than that, but going back to her trail of kisses along your jaw nevertheless. 
For what seems like longer than a few seconds, the build up finally stops, the tower toppling over in a rush of pleasure. Ona’s hands move your hips as your head drops to rest on her shoulder. She talks you through it, telling you that you look so pretty, telling you that she’s so turned on. 
And that’s when she whispers it. 
It has taken years to get to this moment, many of them filled with unnecessary suffering. 
It has taken years but it does not matter. 
Ona tells you that she loves you and that is when you have finally come home. 
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nolita-fairytale · 11 months
Text
Carmy as Your Baby Daddy | Social Media AU & Headcanon Series | part one
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masterlist | part two now that i've finished my top gun: maverick series, it's me i'm back and gearing up for season two. after a bout of food poisoning, i finally cracked and am writing this pregnancy headcanon that i said i wouldn't bc my ovaries would explode (looking at you @allthefandomstogether). anyways, a huge thank you to @carmensberzattos who pinged many an ideas back and forth about carmy as your baby daddy and screamed into the abyss about this on a friday night. i'm writing this with my main character from the make your heart surrender-verse, but can absolutely read as a standalone piece. posting now because i'm so damn excited but i may go back and add some more things later.
oh and this a headcanon series now so. that part.
carmy as your baby daddy:
sometime after the wedding, you and carmy decide that you're ready to start a family. you're not trying but you're not not trying, meaning you've gone off of birth control but you're not carefully monitoring your ovulation cycle either. you both figure that it'll happen when it happens and if it doesn't, there are many other ways to make a family.
carmy never really thought about having kids until the two of you got together. after adopting your kitty together, carmy got to see a your more nurturing side and taking care of something together as a team made him think about how much he wants a family with you. after sugar has her baby it really ups the ante. seeing carmy become an uncle is what starts the conversation about seriously starting a family, and every time carmy sees you holding the baby, it's 'when our kids this, and when our kids that' for days after.
you swear it's food poisoning. after a somewhat questionable late night meal, you spend half the night vomiting while carmy works a later night at the restaurant. you text him to bring ginger ale and tums home. of course he comes through because are you kidding this man is a caretaker?!
you insist that you're fine and much better, even though you're absolutely exhausted. things are so busy at work for you (and have i mentioned the pregnancy fatigue) that you don't think much of it when a few nights later, you find yourself kneeling on the bathroom floor once again.
there are always little kids running around at the extended family gatherings and which led to your realization (when you first met everyone) that carmy is surprisingly good with kids.
it's not till a week or two later (after your little bout of 'food poisoning') that you're at cicero's place for a family birthday party that it hits you. one of carmy's cousins (not richie kind of cousin teehee) has just had a new baby with his wife. you've been catching up with ava, richie's daughter because you've become an auntie of sorts to her. you find some time to steal away for a some girl-time but when you return, carmy is holding his new niece/nephew in his arms.
the sight of him holding the baby not only takes your goddamn breath away as he stares long and hard your way, his blue eyes piercing right through your heart, but it's then that you realize that you're a few weeks late. it's like time stops as you look at him, seeing him coo at the baby with the softest look on his face. the realization hits you, clear as day.
"holy shit." is all you say, earning a few funny looks from the berzatto extended family and friends. "carm, can i borrow you for a second?" you and carmy find a quiet place to talk inside. "you okay, babe?" "carmy i think i'm-. what if i-. i'm late." "what do you-? like.. late late?" "now that i think about it, a few weeks late, honey." "yeah?" he asks you, totally in shock and eyes wide. "yeah."
the two of you make an excuse to leave the party as soon as possible, and hurry to the nearest drugstore to pick up a pregnancy test. you wait till you're home to take it. "do you want me to come in, sweetheart?" "no, carmy! i don't want you to watch me pee, you weirdo!" you answer, even though you know he's just excited.
the two of you are pacing back and forth, practically making dents in the floor with your footsteps for what feels like the longest two minutes of your lives. when your timer goes off, you're both simultaneously freaking out about the fact that you're lives are about to change forever, while also really, really hoping for a positive result. and as the fates would have it, the test is positive.
"holy shit. holy fucking shit. we're- you're-, we're gonna-!" carmy is ecstatic as searches for words. "we're having a baby, baby!" you squeal jumping into his arms." "god, i love you so much," he says, grinning at you as wrap your legs around his waist. "i love you too, carm. so, so much."
you literally get the biggest kick out of calling him your baby daddy: to friends and family, coworkers, random strangers, in restaurants, at the gas station. you'll take photos of him at the farmers market and post on your ig story referring to him as your baby daddy because you find it hilarious. carmy doesn't find it as funny (even though he secretly loves it) and he's cherry-tomato red when you tell the checkout clerk at the bodega across the street from your place that your baby daddy is going to pick up the tab.
everyone at the restaurant is so excited for you! even richie cries a little when you tell him the news. you hadn't really gotten close to richie until ava grew super attached to you, which opened up a whole new avenue and understanding for your friendship with richie.
ever since you found out you were pregnant, carmy always has bread and ginger ale on hand for your morning sickness. he started making you your favorite soft scrambled eggs with toast, but the chives have been way too strong of a flavor for a sensitive tummy. it's slowly become eggs & toast and then just... toast, which you promptly apologize for stripping away any kind of artistic freedom he may have previously had.
you get near compulsive cravings for certain foods, and carmy is always ready to throw on a jacket and run across the street when you get midnight cravings.
carmy hates seeing how tumultuous pregnancy has been during your first trimester. he's always ready with a hair tie or a glass of water for when you're done throwing up. okay hear me out: but carmy starting to wear hair ties because he wants to always have one ready for you. he'll even take off a morning with you or call your workplace if you need a sick day just so that he can take care of you. even if you don't need care, he just wants to spend time with you and be there for you while you go through it.
we already know that carmy is an acts of service king. he is the tenderest, most gentle partner and wants to be as helpful as possible. if you're sick, he wants to make you feel better. if the pregnancy hormones are raging against the machine, he's more than happy to let you be upset, or get you off by any means if the hormones go that way too. he'll sit on the bathroom floor with you and rub your back until you need to vomit again. he'll give you the best morning head of your life. he'll run a bath for you when you need one. he checks in every hour on the hour in your first trimester, which you appreciate, but eventually have to ask him to chill the fuck out.
speaking of physical changes, the pregnancy boobs are ELITE. carmy is always there to make you feel beautiful despite your rapidly changing body, esp when your clothes start fitting differently.
the first time your bump starts showing and you point it out to him, carmy cries. or maybe he notices it first and he's just like... weeping and you're like: babe r u ok? and then you realize that you're showing and carmy is kneeling and admiring your baby bump and now you're crying. sorry, but i don't make the rules it's just a fact that this is how it would go down.
carmy is so emotional about this because he realizes that he finally gets to build the family he didn't have and he gets to build it with you.
well this just hijacked my writing plans oops. part two will be more 'you & carmy pregnancy things' and part three will be birth & post-birth.
tagging my carmy taglist in the comments below!
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writingshushf1 · 1 year
Note
Ooo mick bc I cant find smuts abt him
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Bereal
Summary:  the app goes off and mick has an idea.
Rating: +18
Warnings: shameless smut, p!rn with a little bit of plot, shibari/restraining, unprotected (wrap it before you tap it!!!)
Word count: 0.6k
Note: god. this is the filthiest thing i've ever written.
masterlist
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The room was hot, Mick had a wicked grin on his face, holding the ropes that were tied against your body. 
Right after you started your makeout session, he said he wanted to try something new he heard the boys commenting, because of it, the German searched about and bought what needed, now wanting to try it out - he loved to experiment new things, so did you. After a few minutes, he made a star harness with arms shibari, it was not just beautiful, but restrained your movements as well, so he could take more liberty on controlling you.
You had your face against the mattress, while Schumacher thrusted hard inside of you, earning loud whimpers out of your mouth, he was loving every single minute of it. He held the piece of rope that restrained your arms, while the other travelled between your hips to slap your ass harshly, leaving you to whine louder.
If you weren’t already a mess from having him inside of you, the blonde started to kiss your neck, nibbling and giving big hickeys around it, slowly making them go closer to your breasts - avoid getting into the rope, of course, he didn’t want to ruin his beautiful work. When you weren’t looking, he grabbed a bullet vibrator and put it against your core, making you chant his name over and over again.
Out of nowhere, the sound of bereal rang from the driver's mobile phone, which made you two look at each other for a few seconds. He scrunched up his eyebrows, picking up the phone.
“Can I?”
“Just don’t show my tits or any of those parts.”
“I wouldn’t want to, they’re mine and only for me. No one needs to see it.” His face got closer to yours. “Because you’re mine, baby… And I would be very jealous if someone got to see you like that.” 
You whimpered with his words, at first, he took a selfie, his face reddened by the heat and if you paid attention very closely, your legs appeared on the back of the picture, who were also tied up. Then, you let him hold your face to the side and show all the bruises on your neck and a part of your naked torso with the rope being very evident - of course, not showing your breasts. He turned off his phone, looking at you again.
“Such a beautiful good girl, letting me show off how good I take care of you.” He muttered, starting to thrust again in an agonising slow pace.
You were getting closer and closer to an orgasm and he kept provoking you, making you get into the edge of it, then slowing down at once so you would never get into your climax.
“Mick… Please.”
“What, baby?”
“I’ve been such a good girl… Please, let me cum.”
“Oh. Do you think so?”
You went quiet, looking at him while holding the most obscene moans. Schumacher chuckled, slapping your thigh and going again at a painful speed - now painfully fast, knowing that after that, it would be very hard to walk.
When you came, your walls squeezed him inside, making him cum too, screaming your name multiple times while he finished inside of you.
After this mind blowing sex, you two were laying together, cuddling naked on the bed when Mick grabbed his phone, seeing multiple notifications from bereal and his friend group chat. As he read the reactions of his friends - many shocked that he was into that sort of thing, the German showed you and you both laughed together at how their friends believed him to be an innocent person.
931 notes · View notes
ushiko · 1 year
Text
PICKING HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT: PART TWO
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pairings: iwaizumi, aran, sakusa, aone, and kageyama
warnings: tooth rotting sweetness and way too much love it is sickening
summary: part two of picking up different boys from the airport
a/n: this will be the last part of the series bc i don't have enough energy or ideas to make a part three so enjoy!! also hope these are good enough and you get sick of love.
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ღ IWAIZUMI
Stupid conventions.
Stupid America.
When his job decided to send him on a trip to the States to invest and study the new machines that the team was getting, you weren't expecting him to be gone for a whole week. Even before he left, you were already asking when he was coming back with a pout set on your lips. He just laughed and pressed a loud kiss to your cheek before leaving, announcing that he would be back in a week.
The whole week was dreadful as the time difference prevented many conversations from happening. Plus, seeing his face through the pixelized screen was hard when you wanted it right in front of you. All you wanted to see again was his sparkling brown eyes that poured all the love he could possess and looked at you like you held the world in your hands. It was hardest at night without his beating heart pressed against your ear to soothe you to sleep. To say the least, you missed the grumpy boy who has taken over your life.
He grumbled throughout the week about how boring and annoying America was without you. You had to convince him multiple times to not leave in the middle of the night to fly back no matter how much you wanted him back. Now the week was finally over and the moment had finally come for Iwaizumi to come home.
The airport was buzzing around you as you waited around baggage claim to avoid the crowd surrounding the gate and to hopefully get a semi-private moment with Iwazumi. The announcement of his flight's bags coming in blared through the speakers which only meant that he would be here at any moment. Your eyes watched over the crowd of people coming into baggage claim waiting to see a familiar head of luscious brown hair.
"Miss me?" a low, husky voice whispered into the shell of your ear. Your heart jumped with a shiver running down your spine as you twirled around to see his warm eyes and smile meet yours.
"Iwa!"
Wrapping your arms quickly around him as his chuckle rang through your head sending your thoughts and mind into the clouds. The world around us melted away as he nuzzled his head against yours trying to breathe in your scent again. It smelled like home.
"I've missed you," you whisper to him as his arms tighten around you.
"I've missed you too, love. I'll never go that far away again, especially from you. Worst week of my life."
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ღ ARAN
You were usually used to Aran leaving for training when it lasted a week or so but this one had lasted a whole month. This one had no visitors present nor was anyone allowed to come as they wanted the athletes to completely focus on their training with no distractions. This caused long facetime calls to be interrupted by teammates wanting to talk to Aran's partner and see how pretty they were or ask why there were dating Aran.
It finally came time for Aran to come home and be back in the same sheets as yours. He specifically requested that he wanted to see your face as soon as he got off the plane. It made a familiar warmth spread through you as the thought of his words and excitement the night before he flew out as he spoke of how excited he was to be in your arms again.
The gate widen as the plane landed with the team slowly trickling out until Aran came out with a wide smile on his lips. His eyes quickly met yours as he drops the bag hanging from his shoulder, running towards you with his arms wide open. Small tears drop down your cheeks as he wraps his arms around your waist, twirling you around before bringing you back to the ground. He cupped your cheeks and wiped the tears that were falling from your eyes while pressing delicate kisses to each cheek.
"Don't cry, sweetheart. I'm here not, it's okay," he whispers softly, pressing a small kiss to the tips of your nose.
Small crystalline tears bordered his waterline as his eyes poured into yours.
"I can't believe your here," your voice cracks as you wrap your hands around his waist pulling him closer.
"I know, I know. I've been waiting for this moment for 30 days, 12 hours, 59 mins, and 60 seconds."
A laugh slips past both your lips as he presses his forehead against yours.
"You're so cheesy," you whisper into the small space between you as his lips were only a breath from yours.
"Only for you, though," he whispers back before finally pressing lips onto yours, sending your heart and mind up to heaven.
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ღ SAKUSA
This was Sakusa's worst nightmare.
First, he was on a plane full of people who didn't understand the concept of covering one's mouth when one sneezed or coughed. Second, Atsumu is blabbering right in his ear about some new game on his phone but all he knew was that he was being louder than his AirPod volume. Lastly, he has been away longer than he expected from you.
He was supposed to be back last week but the coach decided that the team needed more practice games and training. It broke his heart watching the pout set on your lips when he called you about the news of him staying longer than planned. He much rather is anywhere with you than at some annoying volleyball camp. He particularly hated having to miss two Friday Disney movie nights with you and enjoying the calming presence that you bring to his mind and heart.
"Omi, are you even listening to me?" Atsumu's shrill voice asks as Sakusa rolls his eyes again at the dyed blonde.
"No, now leave me alone. I'm trying to think," he firmly states as he watches the ground get closer and closer. Closer to you.
Airports are hot, he decided in the last twenty minutes as he waited in baggage claim for you to arrive as you insisted on picking him up. His nerves were becoming jumbled and getting the better of him as he waited for you to arrive. A light sweat began to form on his brow as his eyes frantically searched for you, your presence, anything that resembled you.
"Kiyoomi! I'm here!"
The airport was buzzing loudly with loud phone calls and blaring speakers, but it didn't matter because all he heard was you. The sweetest voice rang through all the buzz around him. His focus was solely on one person, a person brighter than the sun and whose eyes beat the stars in the sky.
You jump into his arms as he holds you tightly around the skin of your waist. He never wanted to lose the feeling of your skin on his for that long ever again. It was pure torture. He shoved his head into the space between your neck and shoulder, and with his mask slightly pulled down he pressed a light kiss on the rushing pulse point.
"I've missed you so much, " he whispers while pressing you closer to his chest.
"Me too, Omiomi. Never leave me for that long again," you whisper back while running your fingers through his thick curls to the nape of his neck.
"Never again, I promise."
A promise he was set on keeping and never breaking especially for you.
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ღ AONE
He hates being on planes.
They are always too crowded and the seats are never big enough for his large frame. Plus, traveling made him miss you even more, and he hated being so far away from you. You were his safe space where he felt like he would never be judged for his quietness or shyness and could confide in you about anything. He is a fairly quiet person who didn't talk much about his feelings but whenever he was with you, he couldn't hold it in. His heart would pound anytime your eyes met with a large smile resting on your lips. It was like nothing could touch the little world between you and him.
He wished he could see that sweet smile now or at least feel his skin against yours to calm the nerves flowing through him. Luckily, the plane was close to touching down which meant being able to be near you again. To feel your skin layer on his with his arms tightly around you and hearing that wave on your heart soothe his inner thoughts. Hearing the skid of the wheels on the ground, made Aone's heart pound harder and harder as his palms began to sweat knowing that he would finally be able to get off his plane and see you.
He knew that you were picking him up but he was still shaking with excitement of seeing your bright smile and eyes bringing butterflies to his stomach. He quickly walked out of the gate and surveys the area to try and find the person who he wanted to see the most. Looking for the familiar, beautiful face in the crowd.
" 'Nobu! Over here!"
His head snaps around to the angel's voice calling out to him. The one he has been craving to hear again in person and not through a crackling speakerphone. They stood with a large smile stretching across their cheeks from ear to ear. In their hands, held a glittery sign with the words, 'WELCOME HOME TAKANOBU!!'.
"Welcome home, baby!"
Yes, he was finally home.
Right in your arms with your heart pounding in his ear making his own heart pound.
His home.
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ღ KAGEYAMA
"Ushijima, how could you lose my boyfriend?"
With your hands set on your hips, you stare sternly at the olive-haired man in front of you who had a guilty pout on his lips.
"Well, he is an unnaturally fast walker so I lost him before I even got off the plane," he sheepishly explains.
This was not how it was supposed to go.
Ushijima was meant to lead Kageyama to you that way you could surprise him after not seeing him for the last couple of weeks.
But now that plan was ruined.
"Why don't I call him and tell him to come back?" he asks while pulling out his phone and worry laying on his brow.
I shake my head, " It's okay, Ushijima. I'll just call him and tell him, I'm here. Thank you, Ushi. I'll talk to you later."
You quickly turn around till you trip over your own feet by running into a firm chest behind you.
"I'm so sorry, I didn-," you look up to see two perfectly dark blue eyes staring down at you with cherry lips wrapped around a bendy straw of a milk carton.
His cheeks held a hint of a smirk as your eyes shifted between Kageyama and Ushijima who appeared to be holding in his laughter."
"Did you two plan this?"
"It was my idea, Ushijima had nothing to do with it," Kageyama explains as he wraps his hand around yours. You shake your head and press a light squeeze on his hand.
"Whatever let's just go, my plan was ruined anyways," you pout as you begin pulling Kageyama toward baggage claim to go home.
"Don't worry, love. I'll let you surprise me next time."
"Wow, thanks."
You suddenly feel a light kiss pressed to your cheek and a tighter, longer squeeze on your hand.
"Thank you for coming. I wouldn't want anyone here but you, love. Can't wait to go home with you."
A wave of heat flowed through you as your eyes shyly shifted over to his. His lips lift into a small smile as they spread across his face as he watched you with a shiny twinkle in his eyes.
Even though it didn't go as planned it didn't matter now that he was back in your arms and looking at you with all the love shining through.
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multifandom--mess · 1 month
Text
Hannigram Fic Recs! pt.2
Here it is, the big fat fic recs post I've been putting off for like two months but at least that means I had time to read a shit ton of fics. I made sure to do a mix of short and long fics this time around since the first part were all long ones. Enjoy!
part 1
》 The Lamb and His Monster by petrodactyl352 (Explicit)(104k)
Will has always been drawn to the macabre. The proverbial flame upon which he has burnt his fragile moth’s wings time and time again, it’s why he had fallen in love with Florence and why he alone seems to see the beauty in the grisly but exquisite work of Il Mostro. But when he meets a young man in the Uffizi Gallery whose sketchbook is filled with nothing but page upon page of intricate renditions of the Primavera drawn in reverent strokes of pencil, he realizes he may not be alone in his fascination with the Monster. As they lift veils and scale forts and slowly begin to understand each other, Will gets a taste of exactly how bright the cinders of intrigue can burn—and how quickly they can kindle into an inferno of obsession.
(Young hannigram in Florence ahhh this is seriously one of the best fics i've ever read it had to be at the top of the list)
》 Spectral Hearts by mattHughdancy (Explicit) (16k)
Will has a meltdown at a crime scene. Guess who’s called in to help.
(Another top fave of mine they are so fucking cute in this fic 🤧 features autistic Will, and Hannibal just loves him so much oh my goddd my heart exploded reading this)
》 lay like a flood spills away by bleakmidwinter (Explicit)(35k)
Will Graham meets Hannibal, a frequent cruiser, at an open-minded nudist lake. Despite his reservations, Will is drawn to him, but is eventually forced to question his mysterious nature when the lakeside regulars start to go missing.
(I loved this one bc what better setting than a nudist lake. This is just gay as hell honestly lmao bc the lake is all dudes and Will is "straight" at the beginning until he meets Hannibal and it's all downhill from there. Definitely give this one a read it had some hilarious moments too)
》 Doing Things That Friends Don't Do by HigherMagic (Explicit) (39k)
A year after the fall, Will and Hannibal have settled into a fairly blissful, domestic harmony. But Will's imagination has never let him simply enjoy what he has - why should it start now?
(Basically Will trying everything in his power NOT to have sex with Hannibal but of course we all know he can't keep it together. They are so horny for each other in this i died laughing so many times. Also this author is such an amazing writer expect multiple recs from them in this post)
》 Railroad Romance by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles (12k)(Explicit)
Hannibal is still Hannibal, and Will is still Will. Except Will is not part of the FBI and they meet on a two day train trip from New Orleans to Baltimore.
(A strangers to lovers meet-cute on a train. Lots of fluffy moments and of course train sex ensues)
》 Three Stars by beforethedawn (94k)(Explicit)
Three months after the fall, Jack finally tracks them down in Canada and Will and Hannibal have to make a run for it, slumming it through America in three star hotels and eating sub par food.
(Hannigram roadtrip!! This fic was so fun I loved it. They take on the identities of some familiar Mads and Hugh characters ;)
》 Unexpected Delight by HigherMagic (Explicit) (61k)
Will has a kink that he’s deeply ashamed of. Unbeknownst to him, Hannibal has the same or a similar/compatible kink. They get together, and Will is going out of his way as he usually does to seem like his sexual tastes are as “normal” as possible. As a result, Hannibal gets the idea that Will is super vanilla and maybe a little prudish, and not wanting to scare him off, is also keeping his kinky side on the DL. This goes on for while, with them each trying super hard to hide how kinky they are and act as “vanilla” as possible, to hilarious results, all while privately thinking the other one would be super freaked out if they knew since they’re obviously so sweet and normal.
(This whole thing is literally ALL smut 😭😭 but Han and Will love each other to death and the sex is so good y'all omg I had to stop reading multiple times to catch my breath)
》 The Substitute by Devereauxs_Disease (Explicit) (10k)
When Hannibal tells Will he's sick, Will is skeptical. Before he knows it, he's laying in a hospital bed and being told he's going nowhere for two weeks. Will is distraught until Hannibal swoops in and offers to take over Will's courses at the FBI Academy. Will doesn't mind Hannibal showing up every night with a home-cooked meal, but he might just resent Hannibal becoming the most popular teacher at the Academy in just two weeks...
(A seaon 1 au if Hannibal wasn't an asshole had told Will about the encephalitis. This is hilarious tho because the students don't like Will no more when he comes back and they keep asking about Hannibal 😭😭 poor Will lmaoo)
》 When This Old Tired Body Wants to Sing by KareliaSweet (Explicit) (7k)
“Fuck me quicker, darling,” he purrs with liquid insincerity, “God forbid you see my face.” Will never touches him unless it is in the dark. In the daylight he is a ghost.
(Will being an asshole and only fucking Hannibal in the dark ugh 🙄 but things work out eventually so don't worry!)
》 Maybe Tomorrow by Shotgun_sinner (Explicit) (26k)
After recovering from their tumble off a cliff, Will agrees to get Hannibal to Portugal, where the good doctor can start a new life for himself. In exchange, Will can take the boat and return to his life, or start over himself. A storm hits on the open water, leaving them stranded somewhere in the Azores. With no one else on the small island, they're forced to work together for survival, and work through their violent past in order to get along.
(A survival au! I LOVED this and author is another fave of mine. I go crazy for a good stranded on a deserted island trope and this did not disappoint. Also there is an insanely funny part where I absolutely DIED. You'll know when you read it 💀💀)
》 I've Always Been A Daughter by air_of_the_Waterfall (44k)(Explicit)
It's been a month since Will and Abigail ran away with Hannibal. Living in a safe Canadian town, Will and Hannibal are free to explore their newfound intimacy and Abigail has a chance at the future she craves. However, upon meeting Hannibal’s sister Mischa and her daughter, loyalties are tested and insecurities run rampant. The Lecters have an undeniably dark past, and as Abigail and Will fall deeper into its truths, Hannibal’s manipulation and misguided love come to light more clearly than ever before.
(This fic is truly a hidden gem I am so glad I found it. Murder family post-mizumono and also MISCHA LIVES. The plot is so well written and I love Mischa's characterization. Definitely give this one a read, yall it is SO GOOD it deserves so much love)
》 Home is Not a Place by Shotgun_Sinner (11k)(Explicit)
Post-Fall, Hannibal recovers from his injuries. Will takes care of him, and their relationship evolves much more easily than Hannibal thought it would. The only issue is that Will is a constant presence, and he hasn't had alone time in three years. It ends up not being an issue at all.
(This one is so sweet. Basically Hannibal wants to jerk off but he can't because Will is just always there and he hardly gets a moment alone and he'll feel bad for telling him to go away 😭😭 but they finally get together in the end
》 Held in the Highest Regard by HigherMagic (12k)(Explicit)
What happens when a group of serial killers pick the absolute worst targets? Will is already having a pretty rough night, since Hannibal proposed to him and Will said 'No' for reasons he still hasn't quite figured out yet. It's not their fault - they couldn't have known - but sometimes people have to learn lessons the hard way, and Will could definitely use some stress relief.
(If you are familiar with the movie 'The Strangers' then you'll really like this one. I reread it like three times it was so good. Shit had me tweaking omg this is like the perfect au for them)
》 Green-Eyed Monster by CestPasDuBaudelaire (53k)(Explicit)
Will and Hannibal have settled in Cuba and, for the past year, they have been living their happily ever after in a small hidden community for retired wanted criminals. However, at the hazard of a gathering, Will is faced with an unbelievable fact, other members of the community may also fancy his monster of a husband. Then comes Will's spiraling, as he learns to come to terms with a disastrous, chaotic and slowly overwhelming possessiveness. And of course, feelings are never easy to deal with, when Hannibal is involved. A smut character study in three acts exploring Will's possessiveness.
(Top!Will my beloved. Don't let the title fool you, this was so fun to read and I love the community for wanted criminals idea. And possessive Will is always a treat ;)
》 Haunted by Anonymous (165k)(Explicit)
Still recovering from their fight with Dolarhyde, Will and Hannibal escape to New Orleans with Chiyoh's help. But Will is still struggling to accept Hannibal and his own darkness, something that Hannibal has every intention of helping him overcome...
(And finally I leave you guys with this monster of a fic. So sad that the author chose to go anon but if they somehow see this I hope they know how much I love this story. Will is struggling and Hannibal is an asshole at certain points but when is he not? Lots of references to Will's past too and some stuff about his mom that's very interesting)
I hope you guys enjoy these stories as much as I did. If you read any and want to discuss my messages and ask box are always open! ♡♡♡
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skzooe · 1 year
Note
Hi there!!! I've read your lipstick stain reaction and it was so cuteeee, I really loved it :))
Could you do another part with haruto, seunghwan, and zhang hao (and any one you'd like to add) please?
And if you don't want to do the same kind you could do it of you smothering them with kisses as well :))
Thanks in advance, I hope you have a nice day!!
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lipstick stain trend,,🎀 p.2
BOYS PLANET
p.1 p.2 p.3
with; seunghwan, jiwoong, zhanghao, haruto, p.hanbin
[note to anon; thank you so much! this has made my night 💕 i hope you enjoy this one]
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seunghwan;
so down bad for you
"do you wanna film this kiss-"
"yes"
soooo many compliments
"that colour looks really nice on you"
finds a way to rizz you up any opportunity he has
"it would look better if it was on my lips🤷‍♂️"
you sit on his lap with his hands immediately going to your waist, which made your heart skip a beat
when you start filming he cannot keep a straight face
you think he looks cute with kiss stains on his face so you decide to kiss him on the lips once
HE GETS SO EXCITED
BEGS for more
jiwoong;
RIZZLER NO.2
when you show him the video he's so unbothered about it
literally pats his lap signalling you to sit which makes you so AKJSFHJDFHK
"sit on my lap then"
when you start recording he just gazing at you with his "bedroom" eyes (ifyk)
stares at your lips up and down likee
the tiktok comments go so crazy over him
💬: WHAT IS HIS INSTA
💬: THIS MAN IS SO FINEEEE
which makes you hella jealous
however he does not give af and just finds it funny 💀
zhanghao;
would literally do anything for you so how could he say no
the sweetest & caring ever
he finds it cute when you're struggling to apply the lipstick so he does it for you
"do you need help? come here"
he holds your chin which gives you instant butterflies
fights the urge to kiss you bc he thinks you look so pretty 😕
cannot stop staring at your lips while filming
the comments find it so cute fr
💬: hes SO whipped for her
haruto;
he is on tiktok 24/7 so he defo knows about it
"i thought you would never ask😋"
is SO giggly
finds it ticklish so when you kiss him he starts laughing and throws you off the bed
the kiss stains get so smudged that he ends up looking like a tomato
you both forget about the tiktok because you spent all your time trying to wash it off 😭
p.hanbin;
absolutely LOVES the idea
however he takes it so seriously that you fight over what colour the lipstick should be 😭
"nonono, this one looks WAY better"
"nooo, this one suits you more"
turns into a compliment game??? (throwback to that hanbin vs woonggi battle💀)
"this colour makes me look prettier"
"you're pretty anyway"
"no you are"
"you're the most beautiful person i've ever met"
"no-"
he ends up crashing his lips onto yours before you could finish your sentence, leading to a makeout seshhhh
what tiktok????????
part 3 here
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© skzooe
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madame-fear · 1 year
Note
Hey babe, I've seen that you write beautifully, I love your stories with Jace and Luke. Could I ask you to write something for me? I asked for this a while ago, but I need more. Headcanons with fluff or nsfw, fanfic, whatever you wish. But I would love to be that aunty milf, lol. Thank you very much for considering it!
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a/n : hellooo lovelie !! yes ofc 🥰 so i made headcanons about this bc i thought it'd be fit, and i separated the sfw and nsfw part. Hope you enoy this, luv !! <3 and may the Seven have mercy on my sinful soul 💪🥲
pairing : jacaerys velaryon x aunt!targaryen!reader genre : starts with some fluff, ends with slightly mature content.
WARNING // incest content, him having sexual thoughts about you (also trying to hint his needs to you), and longer than expected.
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— SFW —
• Ever since the day he was born, it was always too obvious that he had a tendency to favour you.
• This ^ was mostly notorious by the time he was still a child. Always following you around like a lost puppy, going to you for comfort, hugging you/showing you affection, and trying to impress you when he trained with his younger brother.
• Everyone around you who noticed it just laughed it off, saying that the reason he was like that with you was because you were his favourite relative. When in fact, a small puppy crush was slowly growing on him for you.
• Of course, you were one of the many who thought that he simply had a favourite relative, and that was: his aunt, his mother's young sister... you.
• You bragged about it in a playful way, saying you felt flattered that the heir to the Throne and future King favoured you. Right after that, you always ruffled his hair and gave him a peck on top of his head... and his heart would flutter with more love than he already has for you.
• This was just a mere, innocent baby crush... at first, because no one knew his feelings will remain in there with him, for the rest of his life. And they would only mature and grow throughout the years, along with him.
• In his mid-adolescence years, the crush he had on his aunt when he was a young boy still remained there, and had never left. It was rather hard for him, though; knowing both of you would be eventually betrothed, and he absolutely despised the idea of you being with another man.
• Expect to catch him glancing you all the time. No matter where you are, he'll always be eyeing you. You passed this as him being overprotective, but in reality, he's daydreaming about you.
• In his mind, he feels guilty about crushing on his aunt, but at the same time, he couldn't care less.
• Whenever he sees another man making you laugh and blush, his jaw would literally clench. And of course, he has to show to the other said man that there was already someone with eyes only for you... and he'd do it by interrupting you in the middle of the laughter and conversation, and by asking for your hand so he can take you dancing.
• He's your beloved nephew! So why would you say no? And of course, you always end accepting his hand, and going with him. Which earns the other man the biggest shit eatin grin from Jace ever.
• Praises and talks good about you constantly – and whenever someone talks about something with him, he always ends up talking or mentioning you. Which surprisingly enough, that's not enough for his family or relatives to realise about his hard crushing on you.
• Much like in his younger child years, he would still be willing to impress you always. Mostly by showing you how well he can talk to you in High Valyrian (slightly fails sometimes) and also, he would still try to impress you with sword training.
• To know that you are there eyeing and cheering for him would boost his ego. That's his reward for being so perfect at training, and now yearns for your approval all the time.
• Will also brag a bit about his skills with you, but only because he LIVES for your praising. Literally has heart eyes for you, and won't doubt in proving you it even if you're still oblivious.
— NSFW —
• As I said earlier: despite his feelings for you still remaining there since his childhood, his way of thinking about you had grown and matured, just like he had.
• Jace would slowly begin seeing and noticing you in a "different way", as in: noticing the way your dresses tightened around your waist, would occasionally stare your chest, and he would find himself having inappropiate thoughts at night while he's trying to sleep.
• During and after those inappropiate thoughts about how sweet it would be to feel you from the inside, and how you'd moan loudly or him, he'd feel a bit guilty about it... but as I said earlier, he wouldn't care; all he wants, is you.
• I believe he would try to get touchy with you, or would literally do anything to spend more time with you (especially alone).
• For example: he would literally go to your chamber late at night with the excuse that 'he simply wanted to talk with you about something' (whatever stupid topic comes to his mind) and would offer himself to help you out if he sees you're struggling with taking of your jewellery, or dress.
• Jace likes helping you to take off your jewellery, but he prefers to help you undress, and hand you your nightgown. Obviously, you don't think much about it, because you simply think of it as a gentle nephew who helps his beloved auntie to change into her sleeping clothing.
• You couldn't deny, though, that you enjoyed his company more than you should.
• Whenever he goes and helps you out with something (like what I just mentioned, for example. ESPECIALLY what I just mentioned), he would always use those memories to create scenarios that eventually lead to something sexual.
• His audacious self would even try to hint his dirty needs to you. For example, when taking off your necklace/untying the laces of your dress, or even teaching you how to take hold of a sword, since he has to be right behind of you, he would literally hold you tightly against him so you can feel how hard he gets around you.
• You're not dumb. You can feel it poking against your body, but you won't say anything about it, and rather focus on whatever thing the two of you are doing.
• His hands would be a bit touchy with you, as well. He would love to have you sitting by his side during dinner, only so his hand can rest against your thigh or knee under the table.
• If you do the same thing of placing your hand on his thigh under the table... he would be overwhelmed with the reddest blushing ever, and would try to cross his legs as to hide his hard.
• Would also constantly ask you for advice regarding relationships, and especially, sexual relationships. Why? Just because he loves hearing you talk about the topic, and loves how gentle you are when talking about it.
• Honestly, the idea of him being so unexperienced at it and you knowing more about the topic turns him on more than it should. Even if he hates knowing that you already had a sexual experience of your own, he loves to hear you tell him what a lady likes and dislikes in bed... especially, what you like and don't like.
• Of course, sometimes, the guilt of the thought about crossing your boundaries overwhelms him, and would try to do his best to keep his soft gentleman nature, and would try not to make you feel uncomfortable with the way he acts (even though you really don't feel uncomfortable).
• But overall, even if he's insecure whether you feel the same way about him or not, deep down inside, he knows you do, or at least, that you don't mind the way he acts around you.
• And also, having caught you staring back at him sometimes, placing his hand on his thigh, and allowing him to tightly press himself against your body... he knows you know about his crush, and he can't help but have a glint of hope at the idea that you might crush back on him, but simply say nothing regarding it.
• Jace can't help but think, you'd make a fine Westerosi Queen once he's finally King.
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thegnomelord · 2 months
Note
was thinking about drawing Ifrit from "Hell has a basement floor" and had some headcanons on his appearance.
on one hand i was thinking to make him tall and burly, built big to store all the mana and power he has, make him built like a volcano.
on the other.... what if and hear me out.... Ifrit.... skinny. tall and gangly, long limbs, underfed, outlines of bones poking out from underneath the skin, sunken eyes for that extra unsettling factor. besides magic does have a cost. maybe it's just your body that needs to be exchanged.
now i thought of the second hc because tall and skinny isn't exactly associated with the kind of brute force Ifrit has but he's still strong even if his lifestyle is gonna put him in an early grave. now imagine when he's finally part of tf 141 they notice that he's not very well in the food and weight department for his height and the amount of energy he spends so... they start feeding him (especially Price and Soap because protect and care hoard/pack)......
i've also been getting into the trope where characters gain weight as a sign of health and living a better life. so yeah tell me what you think
and maybe share your hcs on Ifrits appearance because i don't want to butcher your creation on accident
Okay 1: you have no idea how happy it makes me when I hear ppl want to draw fan art of my stuff :DD, internally I'm like that dog video where the dogs happily tapping his paws lol bc he can't contain his excitement lol. And also yeah, I'm a huge sucker for the trope and your little idea with Price amd Soap tickles my brain.
And 2: man you did some mind reading bc your hcs are actually very close to what I've made up for the lore of the whole au. While I want to overall leave Ifrit's body type ambiguous to give readers some space to imagine themselves in Ifrit's place, Ifrit is 100% underweight with more of a volleyball/basketball player type build, as mages focus on stamina and endurance rather than raw strength bc that can be augmented with magic. Also has stretch marks because their weight fluctuates a lot lol
Okay lore spoilers so if y'all want to find out through the story skip this-
Okay so— magic is increadibly taxing on the body, not just by eating away flesh and creating mage marks as a Mage's power grows, but just by simply existing inside the body magic stresses the body. Because fundamentally magic is toxic to humans, and even mages who have the needed adaptations to utilise magic are no better than our ancestors when they were first learning to stand on two legs.
The best metaphor I have for magic is chemo drugs. They're used to kill a cancer but they also damage healthy cells. Magic, similarly, damages the body by existing inside it, but also is used by mages to heal the damage as soon as it happens. This uses a lot of calories and also why mages have really irregular weights, losing 10kg in a week isn't an uncommon thing.
Someone possessing even half of Ifrit's capabilities would need to eat 3x that of a regular human of the same height and weight. Mages are literally Shaggy from Scooby Doo lol. And that's only to get the bare minimum their body needs, caloric need becomes much bigger if they're active like Ifrit is. So you'll find that many mages, but especially military ones, are underweight and need to regularly get Iv fluids and nutrients to help their body recover from using magic. They also need to eat a lot of highly caloric food, which isn't easy when one of the most common side effects of magic use is puking your guts up.
Most military mages don't reach 30. The average life expectancy is around 25, with active duty (i.e. constant missions and daily magic use) mages lasting on average 3-4 years before their body basically breaks down, but they can last longer depending on how conservatively they use magic.
Now, knowing all that, Ifrit has been actively using strong magic on par with military mages since they were 14-15 years old and while they're not the healthiest, they're healthy as a horse when compared to most mages. The reason behind their continued survival — their mage marks.
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aubeystawby · 11 months
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I loved your autistic reader headcanons. this doesn't have to be a request, it can be some back and forth (like a conversation because I absolutely love diving into stuff like this) I'm curious what else these characters will do/act as a result of the readers autism. I'm bad at wording things so I'll get to the point. Hobie canonically isn't consistent because he dislikes consistency, but maybe a reader with autism needs routine and consistency, so how will that change their dynamic? another example is pravitr, as stimmy and cool as he is he might be too loud and the reader might get easily overwhelmed. gwen and Miguel might not be able to figure out what the reader wants/ needs if they're non-verbal or are struggling to speak their mind. what will jess or malala do when the reader is so hyperfixated on something they neglect their own needs. This isn't exactly a request for a part 2 but you're the first person who posted about an autistic reader (that I've seen) so I'd love to maybe talk about this with you and get ideas because it's exciting. I know talking about this here might not be the best but if you're totally cool with it I'd love to just talk about these ideas elsewhere.
Oh this ask has absolutely made my day, I have SO many thoughts on these characters with an autistic reader and I'm soso happy to have someone to talk about it with.
With Hobie I feel like it leans towards a bit like what I said with Jess but even less structure. like i feel like thered have to be a compromise between hobie and reader (which would be a whole ordeal in of itself if youre anything like i am when it comes to having to compromise with things like this) where maybe every fortnight they have to figure out something set-in-stone like hanging out or something? ALSO i know a big thing in lots of reader insert fics people like is the trope of the spider-person randomly showing up at reader's house/apartment with injuries and (ofc all of this differs person-to-person) i feel like thatd have to be a no-go with these characters and an autistic reader, like for me i feel like thatd be such a huge disruption to everything itd probably be the trigger for some sort of downwards spiral. but i totally feel like thisd be a hard thing for hobie and an autitic reader to navigate bc even right now its hard for me to thinking of possible solutions yk?
Youre totally right about Pavitr and I feel like he'd honestly get it wrong a lot of times (which is not at all his fault), and he can be observant but he also might not pick up on the correlation between him being extra loud/energetic and reader's sensory overload? this also makes me think of things like the headcanon of spider people having enhanced sensory stuff leading to them sometimes also experiencing sensory overload — which isnt really a hc i have for pavitr specifically but i feel like on some level he might relate a bit? or maybe hed pick up on reader's reactions because hes seen it happen with other spider people before bc of that heightened senses stuff? I feel like he's a big physical touch guy and is a bit unsure with how to comfort someone if they do get sensory overload bc they might not want more sensations, which means no touching, so comforting/helping with that might be a bit difficult to figure out for him in that regard?
Ohhh boy gwen or miguel with a reader who has run out of words/in general isnt very verbal would certainly be An Experience. they both DO care but ohhhh there is SO much trial and error through it all.
gwen likes silence but also feels a need to fill said silence at the same time, saying the first thing that comes to mind, so like an autistic person who finds comfort in parallel play's worst nightmare. thats something that she'd probably have to be talked to about pretty outright, bless her heart she can just be so awkward and unsure of herself that she might just not pick up on why you get so frustrated with her trying to fill every silence, probably thinking you find it annoying bc of something she said and not bc you just need/enjoy the silence.
I can just imagine miguel just. watching so awkwardly and overthinking with a reader who isnt very verbal at the moment/isnt At All. hed probably ask them a question over and over and Over Again thinking that might help somehow? i feel like he goes through verbal shutdowns maybe? but doesnt really acknowledge them/know what they are, or is never around people when it happens so hes never really had anyone try to help him/communicate him when it happens meaning he has no experience to like draw from when it happens to you and hes on the other side of it?
jess feels a bit like a 'takes no shit' person to me (not in an extreme way but i kinda just get those vibes?) but is also very understanding. if reader is for some reason neglecting basic hygiene or taking care of themself shes at a bit of a crossroads and would need to kind of see how they feel a bit more, because she knows 'tough love' sometimes works with certain people, but a lot of the time its harder/more complicated than that? I'm still trying to get a good understanding of jess's character at the moment so id love to hear more of what you think abt her
As for Malala i feel like she has experienced neglecting taking care of herself a bit before, from being extra busy or stressed etc, but not really in the way an autistic reader might. shed probably go through a whole variety of things to try to help, and also just feeling a bit guilty knowing how hard it would be for them once they get out of this low point and have to face everything they missed/neglected? thatd really feel discouraging for her i feel. i feel like shes also the kind of person who yes, understand that she cant fix everything for you and sometimes a professional/adult needs to get involved, but she also really wants to try her best to help, and might get a bit overwhelmed in the process
(I leaned into this more being a conversation rather than an official part 2, but im totally open to writing a part 2 if thats something people might want!! Also as for the convenience for where to talk abt this, im happy to just chat here, i dont mind!!) (though if you want anon it Would be a bit helpful if you chose like an emoji/identifier so ik its you if you send any future asks 😅)
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sophaeros · 5 months
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golden trunks theory but i've forgotten how to do literary analysis:
so i think much like a lot of tbhc golden trunks is about a juxtaposition between intimacy/desire and the facade u have to put up as a public figure
like the opening verse/chorus are so starkly plain in the mental image they describe. it's just a simple portrait of an intimate night falling asleep together, and theres a very secretive tone created by the words "whispered" "admit". so from the get go we know immediately that it's about "true love" → romantic connotations, and this true love is associated w the night ie secrecy
this is a stark contrast to the second verse and bridge but esp the bridge where he plainly says "in the daytime". usually the day and light are associated w truth and revealing things but here he uses the daytime to talk about "a fresh new pack of lies", in contrast to the nighttime's "true love". the fact that the bridge is about being a celebrity and contending with lying for the sake of public relations is made very clear w how he says "bendable figures" → public figures who just bend/conform to the narrative crafted by pr managers, and most obviously w the use of the word "publicise". in an interview w la times hes asked if he enjoys being a pop star (w all the pressure and attention that entails) and he says "i have very little basis for comparison. the band has been going on for a larger fraction of my lifetime than it hasn’t." so as a very private person even leaving conspiracy theories about sexuality aside hes obv familiar w trying to keep the details of his relationships out of the spotlight. + this idea of the nighttime being the time for truth has been used before in diwk so it's a consistent theme
lots of people say the song about politics bc of the second verse cuz they say it's about (eugh) donald trump but i feel like thats a very surface reading. it's very out of place to me for him to have this randomass political commentary in a love song that he never brings up ever again which is why i dont think it's actually political commentary (or well, not Just, the pitchfork interview shows that is Is aware of politics obv it's just not the Point) it's just another angle to illustrate the idea of a public facing facade. he states in an interview that he thought of the wwf, which has given us the very interesting concept of kayfabe: the fact or convention of presenting staged performances as genuine or authentic. the public persona, like a wrestler w a dramatic theme song, is larger than life, rehearsed, beloved and famous, and also very much fake. 
this next part i said entirely as a joke making shit up while talking to my mutuals but then i was like wait maybe i was cooking. we're getting into more speculative rpf territory here but essentially i thought it was very interesting how he specifies that this is "the closest thing to a love song on this record", and also that the character it's centred around is one that he "made". many of his past love songs everyone knows are about his real actual love interests (eg shes thunderstorms was about alexa. alexa was a tv presenter) and now here's this song that is about simple, straightforward admittance of desire towards someone that doesnt exist. summed up in my og message to my mutuals, "hes singing to the amalgamation of his lovers an imaginary ideal to whom he can be simple and honest with in a way he can't quite bring himself to be in real life". i honestly feel like this gels well with the ultracheese's last two lines; a vague admission of guilt, of complicated feelings, vs capitulating to honesty and tiring of lying for the sake of pr ("i'm sure you've heard about enough"). + i find it interesting that golden trunks is that only tbhc song that has never been performed live
++ this idea of duplicity and lying has come up a lot in his discography but in tbhc specifically the bside anyways has the line "what a place for both the opposite sides / of my double life to finally collide"
and finally. the absolute funniest part of golden trunks.
Let me set the scene: sometime between Axl Rose getting braids (2002) and People Just Do Nothing jumping the shark (right now), those brothers in melodic yarns Turner and Kane, plus “another human being” – let’s call her “The Girl”, shall we, to save her poor mother’s heart condition? – are intertwined among the postcoital flotsam of an upmarket hotel room. “Hey, I’m glad you came,” Turner is alleged to have said, forever on the right side of etiquette and politeness in such matters. While Kane, in his sludgy Scouser lilt acknowledged, “Ah, thanks, man.” At which point Turner sat bolt upright in his sparkly gold briefs (unconfirmed) to stress who, in fact, his grateful aside was aimed at: “Not you, you wally. Her!”
sauces: - quotes curated by genius - la times - gq magazine / tumblr post
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ineffabildaddy · 4 months
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Hi sam! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! your fics and your posts delight me) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘
hi!!! thank you so so much for this, a few months ago i couldn't even imagine being so active in the tumblr community again, let alone anyone's favourite anything!!!!
i've been very fortunate to receive the warmest of welcomes back to tumblr after a 7-year absence, and i've received so much support for my writing (and my shitposts lol) that this whole experience of finally joining the good omens fandom has genuinely given me a newfound confidence in my creative self, and in myself as a whole💙
in terms of the blogs that make me happy to be here... they are many!!! i shall put the rest of this post under the cut
@raining-stars-somewhere-else thank you for being my first go friend and now one of my closest buddies!!! i can't wait for us to finally write that fic together (lol) and for us to get up to some irl london shenanigans at some point✨ ur hilarious and kind and so correct about literally everything and i love u. literally everyone needs to read ur posts bc they're so well-thought out and unique. also your fics are really moving and human (even though they're about crowley and aziraphalekldfjgjl) and i adore them
@sad-chaos-goblin we literally just Get Each Other, same brain and all, and i absolutely love it!!! i couldn't ask for a better horny consultant bc after all it is Our Pornography™. you're also just an extremely understanding, open and lovely person, not to mention very fun and exciting to be friends with hehe. ur headcanons are so fucking interesting (and sometimes sad, how dare u do this to me) and i'm looking forward to hearing more when u eventually get round to writing all those fics you've got ideas for<3
@foolishlovers i'm really really happy we've got to know each other better over the past couple weeks!!!!! your xmas fic is one of my absolute favourite fics ever and i'm in awe with your skill and craft, i hope to write something as well-rounded and enjoyable as that someday<3 also you're one of my favourite posters, so fucking funny and u just make points left right and centre. i hope we can share our writing and our thoughts about life in general more in 2024!!!
@crowleyslvt i'm very happy i barged my way into your dms to be horny on main bc i definitely wouldn't've explored half the things i've explored in my writing if not for our discussions and your encouragement!!! i absolutely love talking writing and sexy headcanons with you, but above that i love that i'm now mates with such a talented, considerate, hilarious kiwi lad. i am honoured to be one of the little guys in ur phone who gets to hype up u as an exceedingly great porn writer but also as a legend in general
@voluptatiscausa no one understands my feralness for michael sheen like you do. i can go batshit insane in the dms over ms and dt with u and that space is important to me dlgkljdgldfjgl. i'm really glad i started reading ur writing this year bc it's very enjoyable, but it's also healing for me as a person who's [whispers] a traumatised and cripplingly shy person in terms of sex lmao. thank you for bestowing it upon ao3, and by extension, upon me!!!! also tho, you're a really nurturing and interesting friend to have, not to mention a Very Cool one so continue to be that pls and thanks
@bowtiepastabitch i've felt very honoured to hear about parts of your life as you share them with me - Knowing The Lore is so important to me and i'm humbled that you've trusted me with some of the stuff that's been happening in your world<3 on another note, your fanart may be quick but it's never shitty, it's always so expressive and fun and gets my brain Thinking Thoughts. i can't express how wonderful it was when you made a wee bit of fanart for one of my fics, and i hope i continue to see ur creativity shine✨
thank you to my favourite blogs for Existing Throughout 2023 (some of whom i know i can call friends, and the rest of whom i'd like to call friends in the future!!!) @sabotage-on-mercury @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @ineffableigh @celestialcrowley @queer-reader-07 @crowleyraejepsens @teddybearbutchh @crowleyholmes @ineffable-rohese @createserenity @quoththemaiden @procrastiel @sentientsky @genderqueer-hippie @beelzzzebub @lineffability @fellshish @greenthena @brainwormcity @opscuritas @tangerine-ginger @iammyownproblematicfave @crikey01 @crawley-fell @vroomvroomwee @bildads-shoes @shoemakerobstetrician @romansmartini @wraithee
i know i'll have forgotten people so i'll add em as i remember em hehehehe
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darkerthanblack-666 · 21 days
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Ok, so the summary of today's day (it's fun, you know I'm a writer, so I can make it fun):
Before the concert+the concert
I went out. It didn't rain. I got to the city centre and it was raining like hell, but of course I didn't have an umbrella... I had my leather jacket though. Leather jackets are useful, because you can take them off and cover your hair and they don't get wet. But when I got there, it stopped raining, yay! Lucky me 😆
I got there maybe an hour before the doors? I would get an usual spot at the barrier on the side, but a girl was keeping it for her friend, so I let them have it and went to the middle. It was scary at first, because I never know what my happen and it's hard for me to stand for too long (which everyone knows, because I talk about it here a lot), but as usual the BC fandom here is very chill and most people were super nice and friendly and polite to each other, it's one of the main reasons why I love their concerts so much 💖
Most of the time I didn't see much, but Joel and Joonas got many interactions, if I find videos of those, I'll let you know! I had Joel right in front of me almost all the time, I could see his red snoot and wet upper lip, and he hit his face with the chain all the damn time... this guy 😆. Honestly, I had more fun there, in the 3rd row, than at the barrier on the side. Maybe it's because I was close to Joel, dunno 🤣. But it was probably my best BC concert so far, because I finally managed to relax and my anxiety was on a very low level. It really makes a huge difference!
Oh, and of course I lost my hairband with a big red bow. All because of Ghostkid's vocalist! I was filming Dark Side and he got near the crowd, I had no idea he was going to jump into it, because I'm small, I barely can see what's going on with everyone around being so tall. So he knocked off my hairband and I managed to catch my classes on time 😭. But I did catch him somehow, I made sure he didn't fall. Also damn, this guy is so light! Even with my health issues I feel like I could carry him myself easily. Also I'm not super sad about the hairband, if someone found it they can keep it, it's just a funny story 😂. If I lost my glasses, THEN I'd be upset. Because glasses are expensive. Btw I literally have it on video, I have proof! It's the funniest part of it 🤣
We also got another "kurwa bob" moment and Niko got a flower crown in the colors of the Polish flag! I even managed to take a quick photo (as I said, my camera is shite):
Tumblr media
(he took it off soon after, so I was lucky to catch this moment on my camera, also hi Joel you look awful here, but so do I in most of the photos and you're still my fave edgelord 💖)
Meeting the band after the concert
I wasn't sure if it was worth to wait for them. It was still a bit rainy and the last day bus was leaving in 30min (night buses arrive only every 30min, so it's a pain in the ass). Most people have left, there weren't many of us left, maybe ~20 people waited? But I thought I don't get to see them live that often, so what the hell, I'll wait.
There were staff members and guys from the supporting bands walking around freely (everyone is always polite and we let them work in peace, it's why I love the fans here, they don't chase anyone away 💖), even Olli just walked around unbothered (I think only I noticed him at that time tbh, but I ain't a snitch hehe).
Tommi and Aleksi just went to the bus and it's understandable. Tommi is just Tommi and Aleksi was sick. All of the other guys actually stayed with us to talk and I've never had such a long interaction with them before! I feel even luckier and I'm so happy that I stayed 😍
I think everyone knows Joel is sick, so we didn't want to bug him too much. He was nice enough to let us take some photos and let us give him hugs, and he was pretty much braindead 😂. But it's understandable, he's usually braindead and he's also sick, so it's worse. I'm happy I could give him a proper hug this time, because the first time I met him I was too scared for one. The 2nd time I asked for one and patted his shoulder nervously. But this time? I just hugged him with no fear! I'm making progress here 💖
Niko is always the most friendly one, so we had a chat with him and he asked what does kurwa mean (really dude? you have no google in your phone?) and I told him it's like vittu, other people added more information, and I said he should google it, he'll find funny things. Niko, please. Just google it, dude 😂.
I also hugged him and he has a really soft coat, which other girls pointed out and he joked he's wearing nothing underneath, because he's Finnish and isn't cold (a deja vu moment, because there was exactly the same situation in Poznań before: "Niko, aren't you cold?" "No, I'm Finnish"), so I also told him it used to be much colder here in general, because we did have very cold winters before. It's always fun talking to Niko 💖
The next one was Olli, but I'm leaving Olli for the last part of the story, because it's the best. Now, I did hug Joonas and got a photo with him, but my brain is totally blank if we actually did talk to him. I think not really? Uh, dunno 😂. But it was a positive interaction as well 💖
Now, Olli. Everyone knows I just couldn't like the guy because of his crazy stans, so I was "meh" about him, but actually meeting him properly just changed my mind. He's really easy to talk to! But I really didn't think I'd manage to come up with an interesting topic, I usually have nothing to say and I'm horrible at asking questions.
My brain decided to ask him about Silent Library. It basically went like:
Me: "So I watched this show, Silent Library Suomi, and you were getting all these red cards. Was it done like that on purpose, or was it just a coincidence?
Olli (grinning): "it's called back luck"
Now, if you watched their vlogs and he had those funny moments with puns everyone loved, IT WAS LIKE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS. But I don't have it on the camera (which is ok, I did that just for myself).
He explained it really was accidental and no one was plotting against him (I did joke that Joel maybe did 😂). I think he enjoyed talking about it, because I doubt anyone would get an idea to ask him about this show (though I might be wrong).
So here you go, it's called bad luck. That's it. I got the info from the man himself 😂
But, there's more. The girl who was taking photos of us had a malfunctioning phone and accidentally took a photo of his feet and he was wearing flip flops (she did show it to him too lmao). I'll share it as soon as I get it. Also she came up with a joke that I already told her I'm going to steal:
OlliFans
(feet pic coming soon 👌)
We all laughed really loud at it (Olli wasn't there anymore, so we=us girls), so I'm releasing it into the world, because it can't be kept in containment 😂
That's it for now, more video content coming tomorrow (cause I'm tired)
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