#tackyvent

[cursehole]

uughghg I feel so disconnected from this username but I'll put it under a cut. CW: suicide/death mention

As an artist, I'm always changing in some way. I always accept the changes wholeheartedly, bc that's what growth is. I feel this username is associated with a part of me who is gone now and I worry sometimes people except a certain sort of content, which I obviously wouldn't force myself to produce. I heavily associate this username with a horrific time in my life bc things began to get really rough around the time I began to use this username and then ofc I went on long hiatuses during the use of this username. My sister's death was not an overnight event. Her physical and mental health deteriorated over the course of years. During those years, it consumed me entirely. Mind, body and soul. That's when I became less and less active. That chapter of my life was horrific, but it has passed. When I say 'passed', I mean to say that my sister is gone and will never come back to me. I am existing in a way I never have before, I'm learning to cope and carry on without someone who made up half of my fucking soul and shaped me in too many ways to count. I'm now in a new place mentally and physically, and using this old username really just reminds me of the difficult times and the art I had created back then. I also draw Fortune much less bc my sister and I heavily bonded over her. She became a comfort character for my sister, and she drew her almost daily for me and made me various other gifts. I often see Fortune now as someone who harbors sadness and loss. It's not entirely the case, but in a lot of ways its hard to draw her now. She was my happiness, and I am blessed she was happiness for my sister too. Now, it's hard to find that comfort in her. Anyway, those reasons are why I want to change my username but have no ideas! ALL of my usernames have been inspired by BMSR/Tobacco in the past but I haven't really connected to any songs lately. WOW rant but it's been on my mind for years. If I go with a new username, I won't abandon this account or anything. At least I'm super happy to say I've finally connected to a new nickname! I have been going by Pony for a long time now, I wish it were my real name lol But it's really really nice to have found a connection with a nickname. Anyway thank you for reading and for following me through all my ups and downs and hiatuses and changes.

edit also:

I still heavily associate with the word ‘hole’, so it would be cool to find username with that word. I love the idea of holes and not knowing what is in them. I also have a connection to sunflowers in more recent years, but the word is so long. Idk! Usernames tend to just come to me, so that’s partially why I haven’t officially moved on from this username even tho I have tried 💀 I always revert back bc others didn’t feel right. Anyway.

#tackytext #tackyvent #typos expected #Addition

[accidental-child-art]

sup @cinder229 it is i your secret santa for the @adventurezonesecretsanta. i done did a kinda fluffy(?) au where the characters just wear costume versions of their class clothing. just weird tacky versions. cos usually ya see the bois wearing either cool modern clothing or traditional class clothing and like, wheres the fun in that? as you can see i got a bit carried away with taako cos costume wizard clothing is fucking hilarious. but yes here u are with fighter magnus and wizard taako lookin like they just broke out of a halloween costume shop. i hope you like.

(my fave is the middle taako haha. also click to see my dumb dumb captions)

#tazsecretsanta #secret santa #mine #taako #magnus #taz #the adventure zone #costumes #wearing tacky clothing 100% means you loose all sense of colour coordination

[cursehole]

I hope someday you can find a joy like what your sister brought you. I know you never will, the hole will always be there. But I hope it keeps getting easier. I hope you’re okay. I hope you have friends who bring you happy moments. I hope your parents are okay. I hope she rests in peace and somewhere beautiful. I hope you heal as much as one can heal from this. My blessings to you. You deserve happiness and healing.

this message is so warm, thank you. little undercut in case someone doesnt wanna see a sad message

I know my heart will have a hole in it forever, but I'm sincerely blessed with the most wonderful friend anyone could ever ask for and my father has also been a great source of comfort and healing. I'm blessed to have my wonderful dogs and my idiotic brother. I have so much to be thankful for, I try not to let my sister's death overshadow the things I still have. If I can find a place at the edge of that shadow, that will be enough for me. Thank you sm for this message.

#tackytext #anon #ask #thank you sm #tackyvent

[cursehole]

I've never used Tumblr before so I just made this one to reach out to you.

I sincerely hope things get better for you and I'm sorry you're having to go through so much. I can't even imagine how's like to lose someone like that so I'm not gonna say things like "everything it's gonna be fine". I just hope you get to have your time to unwind.

Sorry if I'm being invasive or if any of my words end up hurting you. It took me a lot of courage to come here..

I think this is an incredibly nice message, thank you so much. The fact that you went out of your way to make a tumblr to reach out is extremely kind and warm and very appreciated. Kindness from strangers means a lot to me. All kindness does, but there is something about messages from strangers that hits me differently. Just knowing someone is compelled to reach out without any obligation is so, idk how to put it- it's just such a sincere gesture. Thank you so much for your words. Ngl, it has been incredibly hard for me, but I am not kidding when I say I try my very hardest to get my shit together and continue living. Today was a rough day in therapy, so this message brightened up my afternoon. Thank you again, sincerely

#tackyvent #ask

[cursehole]

cw: suicide mention, death

Halloween was my sister and I’s favorite holiday and every year we would watch old horror movies here and there through the month, and then on halloween we would usually watch one of the evil dead movies and then another movie. The last good year we watched the first evil dead (my fav) and re-animator. The next year, my sister was in the psych hospital during halloween. Last year, when my sister was really fucked up and sicker than ever, I forced her to come over and we watched the evil dead 2 (her fav movie) and I remember she was totally unresponsive through the whole thing and I sort of knew we wouldnt be having more good halloweens. I want to go away for the holiday, but with covid and my current financial situation, I wont be able to. I’d like to go back to socal but its just not going to happen. I am trying to not be really grim about stuff but obviously thats just nearly impossible. The worst thing about losing someone, especially losing someone you spent your life with and were extremely close to, is not being able to spend time with them anymore. You think about all the fun things you could be doing together and you just miss the person even more.

#tackyvent