#i hate it when others are checking on me

[lottieurl]

#the other polls annoys me so much #the tags are extremely depressing #people being like oh ive only read 8 :( ive only read 19 :(( #and listing what i can only call excuses?? #insane #if you've read one singular book this year and loved it thats fucking great love it for you tell me abt it #as someone who personally does love those kinds of statistics #and loves to check on my storygraph and loves the numbers and sets up goals #this attitude in that post is just bleak imo #plus i hate how the first option is 0-9 #like girl there is a huge difference between not reading and reading roughly 3 books a month?? #especially when the books might be shit the length of dostoyevsky lol #idk i keep seeing that poll and it seems to make everyone who havent read 25 books since january feel bad #so #lets focus on how many you really enjoyed

[stevebabey]

it’s too late for me now (i need you sticking around)

a/n: ruby?? finishing something?? u better believe it! this was inspired by future me hates me / the beths & i STRONGLY recommend it for the VIBES + much luv to my dearest kenny for the threats so that this finally got finished <3 intended lowercase + fem!reader. word count: 3.1k summary:  it’s hard to believe in love after so many bad first dates — you’re desperate to make sure the next one sticks.

your run with love had its history. 

consider it the lore of your life, but the winding tales of your many failed dates — that road was long. counting them went off both hands, much to your distaste. though, you’d hardly say you dated around; especially considering none of the guys seemed to make it past date three. 

what was the problem? you were splendid company if you did say so yourself. you tried to not be too loud, nor too quiet, a good balance of serious and flirty, all loud or odd parts of your personality packed away to try not to scare off any dates. it didn’t seem to make a difference — the fault had to be the male population of hawkins.

so why did you keep accepting dates?

well, it wasn’t your fault for getting swept up in it each time. somehow, you never managed to learn your lesson — but when a boy slips sweet notes into your locker or plucks a flower to ask you to dinner, it kicks your heart into a fuss that won’t settle and you swoon.

you daydream about holding their hand, pressing a soft kiss to their brow, finding a soft spot in their heart where you can nestle & live and become someone that someone loves.

it doesn’t matter if you’re cradling your still bruised heart from being stood up by jeremy jones last month because when the next boy asks, your stupid heart still flutters out what if it’s real? what if this time it’s different? 

and it never was.

perhaps, worst of all is that you were still so tangled up with the idea of love. there was no helping the flip of your stomach, the nervous anticipation, the skip of your heart when thought about love. the track record of your battered heart didn’t seem to matter, there was no shedding the hopeless romantic in you. 

however, it meant you were a tad pickier these days. standards high enough to warrant being called a bitch from the guys who couldn’t handle the rejection but hey, if they can’t bother with flowers on the first date, it told you everything you needed. you wouldn’t get yourself pathetically worked up on boys that only asked you out over the phone and had different intentions.

but still, your poor heart loved to latch to whatever it could. 

so, when steve harrington asks what you’re doing friday night on shift at family video, you have to curse the skip of your heart. 

for the last couple of months, you had gotten to know steve as your co-worker. as anyone who grew up in hawkins did, you were well aware of his prior reputation with the ladies — so it was a pleasant surprise to find you actually enjoyed his company. maybe it helped to have robin who called him dingus in the most endearing way and introduced him as her best friend. 

and if robin buckley, certified band nerd, and king steve could be best friends, then maybe you could give him a chance. 

and somewhere between the dorky jokes and his handsome grin, you had melted into easy friendship with steve. between bad customers that you gossiped about after and both of you attempting to distract the other while on the work phone, the two of you drew close. so much that you started looking forward to shifts with him.

so naturally, you accidentally grew a crush the size of jupiter on him.

how could you not? he always picked you up for your friday shift, knowing your brother got dibs on the car and you’d have to walk otherwise. whenever it rained, steve would trot to the café down the road and return with a steaming cup of hot chocolate for you, extra marshmallows in your cup — even though you didn’t remember ever telling him your affinity for mallows.

this time, however, you were determined to not ruin a friendship just because your heart had different plans. for perhaps the first time, you were not going to fall for the delusions you fed to yourself, no matter how much you’d like to believe that steve was different. even though you had sworn you’d caught his gaze caught on you one too many times.

you didn’t think you could take another crumpling of your heart, your ideas of love crushed once again, especially from sweet steve. friends it would have to be. 

“friday?” you ask nonchalantly, looking up from the returns cart and blinking at steve. “no plans, i think. why?”

on the other side of a shelf, steve looks as though your response surprises him, lips parted and you swear a patch of pink has crawled onto his cheeks. he clears his throat and ducks to place a tape on the shelf. “i was— do you like parties? there’s a party on friday.” 

your pulse jumps for a moment, a nervous feeling settling in your stomach and you try to shake it off. “a party? yeah, who doesn’t like parties.” 

it’s enough of a casual answer you hope, continuing to slot tapes back on the shelves slowly. without meaning to, your eyes dart back up to steve, trying to gauge what he’s building up to ask. butterflies swarm in your stomach and you clench your fists, willing them to dissolve.

“did you wanna go?” for the second time in one minute, steve clears his throat. you wonder if he’s nervous. “with me?” 

you pick over his words, trying desperately to ignore the way your heart sings. no matter how much you’d like it, it seems far more likely that steve isn’t asking you out. is this how king steve asked girls out? all suave and chillaxed? steve wasn’t like that anymore and it leaves you with no hints to the true nature of his question.

even if he was asking you out, you’re not supposed to track that road you remind yourself. a beat later, you realise as the word date hasn’t even passed steve’s lips and feel embarrassment flush up your neck. friends. you were friends. friends go to parties together! all the time!

“yeah, that sounds cool.” you smile at him, pressing down the hot flush you can feel fighting onto your cheeks. casual. friends. not a date. you could do this.

speeding back to the task at hand, you miss the fist-pump steve does, hidden behind the shelf and the quiet ‘yes!’  from his lips.

—

how do you dress to go to a party with your friend, that you secretly wish was a date, without giving it away?

apparently, you don’t know the answer. at least half of your closet is strewn across your floor, a dozen different combinations tried and failed as you stare at yourself in the mirror. you twist back and forth, eyes analyzing like a hawk and a groan escapes you when you realise you don’t like this outfit either. 

your hands pull at your face, dragging down your cheeks dramatically as you lean closer to the mirror and lock eyes with yourself. “it’s not even a date.” you whisper, trying to shake the nerves that are ruining every outfit you try. 

it works; at least long enough for you to pull on one of your better pairs of jeans and the new top you had yet to wear out and finally, feel satisfied. you’re just swiping the last of your mascara when the horn of a car outside startles you, your hand nudging forward and dolloping black onto your cheek. 

“shit.” you mutter and move to the window, peeking through the slats to spy steve’s bmw in the driveway.

“shit.” you repeat, wetting your thumb and doing your best to wipe the black from your cheek. in the mirror behind you, you catch the blink of your alarm clock. god, he’s 10 minutes later than you both agreed and you’re still not ready. 

gathering your jacket and bag, you nearly stumble down the stairs, your footsteps thundering as you speed towards the door. rushing in a blur past the kitchen, you call out your hasty goodbyes and step outside, the door swinging closed behind you.

the night air is cool, the moon nearly full in the sky and beyond the rumbling of the engine in passing cars, it’s nearly peaceful outside. you don’t keep him waiting. 

despite the chill, steve’s been waiting outside for you, leaning back on the hood of his car with his arms folded over his chest. he looks good; his navy shirt stretched deliciously over his biceps, hair fluffed in his usual style, looking a picture of cool. it’s broken immediately when he stands up in a rush to meet you, feet stumbling for just a moment before he catches himself. you must imagine the tips of his ears tinted redder than normal. 

“hey!” the word is tinged with excitement and steve’s smile betrays it as well, wide and bright. “you look— you look great. amazing.” 

it’s impossible to fight the hot glow that surges to your face, forcing you to duck your head to hide it for only a moment. god, the plan to not swoon has immediately foiled. you’re about to undoubtedly fumble through an awkward thank you when steve steps closer, one of his hands reaching for your face. 

“sorry, y’just got some,” his thumb grazes your cheek, gentle as he can, over the swatch of black you hadn’t managed to rub off. your breath catches in your throat, the skin burning where he touches it and you fight the urge to follow his warmth when he drops his hand. “makeup— there was something, uh, on your cheek.” 

when you don’t say anything, words stuck in your throat as you rein yourself in, steve ambles on nervously. “sorry, i’m late i just— shit, i hope you weren’t waiting, i just thought since when i pick you up for work, you’re always a bit late and—” 

“—steve.” you cut him off, finally finding your voice. “you’re perfectly on time; any longer and i would have started fussing over something silly.” 

it seems to relax steve a bit, hearing your voice and your assurances and you see the drop in his shoulders. he turns and opens the passenger door, a handsome smile back on his face as he nods at it. “after you then.” 

the radio fills the airwaves on the drive to the party, crackly as you move between towers and you bounce your foot in time in hopes to iron out some of your nerves. you take a deep inhale but it manages to make things worse; the alluring scent of steve’s cologne floating through your nose, a musky mixture of bergamot and something sweet. 

as steve parks up down the road, your eyes latch onto the house of the party, obvious from its flashing lights and occupants that spill out of every entrance. even before you open your door, you can hear the faint notes of a duran duran song playing inside. you clip the door closed and lean against it, waiting dutifully for steve to lock it and join you on the sidewalk. 

the two of you begin to wander, steve’s pace slower than expected but when he nudges his shoulder against yours and begins to speak, you know why. 

“y’know,” he begins, nervousness wrapped around each of his words. “i’m actually surprised you agreed to go on a date with me.” 

the word hits you in the throat, halting your feet. it shouldn’t shock you too much but considering you had spent the better half of this evening convincing yourself this wasn’t a date, you can’t help your next words. 

“wait, this is a date?” 

you cringe as you watch steve take in your words, expression dimming and shoulders slumping like he can’t control it. fuck.

it’s like you’ve kicked a puppy and through the elation in your heart, you feel a sick twist in your stomach knowing that you’ve accidentally hurt steve. head spinning, you try to grapple with explanations but steve beats you to the punch. 

“well, i guess that explains why you said yes.” the deprecating tone hurts your heart, a thousand thoughts competing for your attention but none as loud as the one that says tell him the truth!

“steve—” you begin, but he’s already speaking.

“would you have still said yes... if you knew that i was asking you on a date?” steve’s voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard it and his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows tightly, his words tinged with worry.

it’s a good question. the battle between your head and heart pulls you in both directions; your lovesick feelings denied by your desperation to never experience another failed date. especially with steve.

“i don’t know.” you answer honestly, only to desperately want to reel the words after you said it having seen steve’s face fall further.

the next words come out frazzled, too loud, as you try explain. “it’s not that i didn’t want to! i’ve just had so many— too many first dates that go nowhere. dates where they want to end in a parked car or stop calling or—” 

cutting yourself off with a sigh, you try not to feel embarrassed at the ramble of your shitty love-life attempts. man, this evening was not going how you expected. you dig into your feelings, knowing that you owed steve the truth, that he deserved to hear what you truly meant. he waits patiently, his face giving away only a trace of his hopelessness.

“i like you steve.” you say, voice closer to a whisper at your admittance, eyes fluttering closed as you swallow your nerves. “i like you a stupid amount and i-i don’t think i could handle the heartache if you were just another failed first date.” 

a beat of silence. and then, the softest oh falls from steve’s lips in his realization which forces your eyes open again, seeing some of the sadness lift from his figure. you can feel his gaze scan your face and he chews his lip in thought for a moment. your heart all but purrs in delight when he reaches out, his warms hands unfurling your clenched fists (when did you do that?) to hold in his delicately.

without thought, you begin to commit the rough feel of his hands, the curl of his fingers that keep your own warm and toasty.

“unfortunately, i can’t see the future, so it would be wrong to tell you i know we’ll be perfect for each other.” he smiles, a hint of teasing hidden within it. 

the joking tone hits you the wrong way and you frown, pulling back a little. is he making fun of you? steve senses it instantly, tugging you closer and this time his tone is all serious, raspy and earnest. 

“but, i can promise i will take every date you offer because i like you stupidly.” he blinks, seeming to register that he hasn’t said what he meant. “a stupid amount! i like you a stupid amount, too. as well.” 

your words. he’s using your words to tell you how he feels. shit, you two haven’t even been on a date yet — somewhere in your mind, it quietly occurs that this means steve must have liked long before he worked the nerve to ask you out. you think your knees might be wobbling from the wonderful feeling in your chest that aches in the best way; you want it to live there forever.

“which means even if you offer me just tonight, i’ll—” he pauses and smiles so sweetly it makes your knees weak. “i’ll take it.” 

you can’t help the hesitation in your bones, the feeling after another first date that crushed your thoughts about love running reminiscent under your skin.

but there’s something about steve. something that yearns, that makes you want to risk the future heartbreak, the wide-eyed late nights, and potential stupid mistakes all for the chance of his love. 

oh well, if it went wrong, future you could hate you. 

“you better not break my heart, harrington.” 

the sunshine grin that breaks on his face could be bottled and sold, you think as it sets your body buzzing with giddiness. steve grins boyishly, tilting his head back as if he really has to think about it, pretending to hmm. 

his eyes catch onto the house party and another emotion ripples across his face, gone as quick as it was there. the genuineness in his response touches you with surprise. “only if you promise the same.” 

you want to kiss him. the urge has twisted into your heart-strings and you’re sure that steve’s gaze has dipped to your lips for just a moment. turning your head to survey the party, you realise that if this time you’re actually right this time, that there will be plenty of time for all of it.

you tuck the desire to taste his lips into your heart, bookmarked for later, and instead shift your hands in his, intertwining your fingers. you tug him along and finally begin the both of you walking in the direction of the party again. 

“next time,” you begin, your smile already giving away your teasing. “use the word date, idiot.” 

steve’s hand tightens in your own and when you glimpse at him, unable to help yourself, you can’t miss the beautiful blush on his cheeks. 

“oh, i’m sorry, sweetheart. i’ll make sure to be clearer next time.” he drawls, a touch of sarcasm in his words. he pulls you even closer, close enough that you can feel the heat radiating from him. your arms are touching, you realise fondly. 

“you better be.” 

he leans in, breath warm on your ear and you can’t help but melt at the next words that fall from his lips, soft and natural. “do you wanna go on a date tomorrow?” 

you can’t help your giggle, flustered and hot in the face because man, is he good at this. it makes you ache with want, wanting and wishing with every part of your being that this works.

even though you shouldn’t be promising anything dates before the first has happened, you know steve and you nod eagerly — then tug him into the music, your hands keeping you connected as you step into the dark together.  

tomorrow, when he picks you up in his car, bouquet in his hands, you will let the buzz in your body take over because god if that doesn’t make you weak in the knees. 

when he takes your hand, a thought will niggle in the back of your head, something about waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this date to be the last and for him to stop calling, stop dropping off flowers and kisses, for him to stop gazing at you like you hang the goddamn moon.

another thought, steadier and sure, will tell you that you might be waiting awhile.

— 

just tagging ppl below! hehe sorry mutuals u HAVE to see this but also this means u shud tag ME in everything <3

@hawkinsindiana @harringtonbf @parkerroos @cptnleviackerman @skylergisondo @cultivatingkindness @aphrodites-perfume @lurkymurker @familyvideostevie @rogersharringtons @sattlersquarry @yellowharrington @upsidedownwithsteve​ @milkiane

#i left this alone long enuf that when i reread it to check for posting i was like DAMN WISH THAT WAS ME #anyways its a tale as old as time and that tale is that i LOVE steve harrington #he's my wife he's my babygirl he's the man for me <3 #ruby writes #steve harrington #steve x reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve fic #steve harrington imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fic #bada bing bada boom #i hate ppl who misuse tags so thats all from me folks #other than that enjoy!! <3

[purpleshadow-star]

Here's a reminder that ANDREW DOES HEAL AND LEARN TO FEEL. Nora never said that Andrew never heals or that he doesn't get less apathetic. She said the opposite, actually. If you don't like the extra content, that's fine, but please actually read it before deciding to spread the incorrect assumptions people have made up about it. Just because Andrew never gets to the point where he smiles and laughs all the time doesn't mean he doesn't heal.

(Also, Nora never said Andrew never smiles, just that it's hard to imagine, and if he did, it'd be with only Neil around)

#sorry i saw someone trying to claim that nora said andrew never heals again #i absolutely hate it when people say that cause it's just not true #the ec actually has some good stuff in it and i wish people would check it out and decide on their own whether or not they like it #instead of just listening to what others say about it (especially when theyre saying things that arent true) #anyway the ec is linked in the post #go check it out #ive linked all my sources so i can PROVE im not lying #sry im getting heated about this i just hate the misinformation #like i love aftg so much so people saying incorrect things about it rubs me the wrong way #especially when it's so easy to fact check it #this isnt me saying everyone should love all of the ec cause there are parts that i choose to ignore too #just give it a chance and take what you want and leave the rest #k im done now #justice for the extra content #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #andreil #nora sakavic #aftg extra content #extra content

[showtoonzfan]

Speaking of Fizz, really hope these scenes are him singing because Alex Brightman deserves to sing a solo song and one that isn’t incredibly short or dialogue filled.

Like yeah I bitch about not caring that much about Fizz but I love Alex Brightman so much, dude is INSANELY talented for obvious reasons and while I still don’t like the concept of this show having songs in it, I’ll take it if it’s Alex singing. Like…you put him in this shit show, so let him at least go all the way with his talent please.

#he’s still a waste for this show like he deserves to be in something better #and I still hate how he’s literally playing the same character like I’m sorry but Fizz is Beetlejuice 2.0 #I remember being so disappointed when Ozzie’s came out because I was expecting Alex to sing some epic villain song and it was just…about sex #but yeah check out other stuff Alex is in because he’s amazing #and yeah I will admit I feel like part of me only cares about Fizz because Alex is voicing him #again I will say Fizz in a way can be sympathized with since we know something fucked up happened #but his character is nothing special like he’s still your average Viv gay twink #Alex also said Fizz’s backstory made him cry and….yeah I doubt it will move me the same but we’ll see #helluva critical #helluva boss criticism

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[brightwoods]

Does anyone else feel like almost all of the conflicts that had to do with the various character dynamics in Chain of Thorns didn’t actually get resolved, they just unexplainably ceased to exist after two books of building them up because CC didn’t feel like writing them anymore and she didn’t know how to resolve it naturally after how she’d built the issues up so much?

Like how none of the characters but Cordelia and Thomas had any clue about the Alastair and Charles situation and then suddenly in CoT it was like who doesn’t know? Of course Matthew knew and didn’t say anything before and then randomly brought it up to Cordelia in Paris while assuming she knew too

Or how Alastair and Thomas went from how things were at the end of CoI with Alastair thinking it could never work because Thomas’s friends hate him to oh look everyone suddenly is friends with Alastair with no grudge with no development of that in this book at all, just an abrupt shift

Especially the Alastair and Matthew dynamic where Matthew hated Alastair and wanted him to have nothing to do with any of their friends and he spent CoI ranting about him to Cordelia. And then suddenly in CoT it’s like of course Matthew is supportive of Thomas and Alastair and oh look Matthew and Alastair are suddenly not just tolerating each other for Thomas’s sake but friends despite barely interacting and no development actually showing and never getting any mention of the other in their own POVs, just having Cordelia be like Alastair stop being dumb, you’re literally friends with him now

Or like everyone other than Christopher and Grace where it was like oh we don’t like her for how she’s treated us and her friends straight to anyway she’s one of us. Like yes Grace was useful and yes Tatiana manipulated her whole life, but none of that was why anyone changed their minds or opinions? It was just suddenly the flip of a switch when it was convenient for CC

Or Anna and Ariadne where it didn’t so much develop as Anna just acted mean to Ariadne on and off throughout the series and at the end of CoI she wanted nothing to do with a relationship and then in CoT she was just suddenly like sure I guess I do. Also, slightly different note, but I did not like that Anna barely interacted with anyone else for the entire book and she was just off in the corner being an irrelevant romantic subplot for almost all of the book except when she showed up to barely even be shown in the background being sad about her brother being dead

(Although Anna still got more of a reaction than everyone else and his death was poorly executed all around in the sense of how did you write this so predictably and poorly that no one even knows when he died and it’s so background and 99% of the characters don’t care at all and we don’t see his parents finding out or much of Thomas’s reaction or anything and it’s just as if he wasn’t a character anymore 2 seconds later which is a different genre of issue with CoT but similar problem in the sense that both issues made the book feel a lot more emotionless to read)

And how the issues of Thomas and Alastair being together as two men and Anna and Ariadne being together as two women in this time and the issues of what would happen if the fact that Charles and Alastair were gay got out to the entire Clave just disappeared and never got addressed at all. We know how the ClVe reacted to Alec Lightwood YEARS later. We know society was homophobic at the time TLH is set and that it seems like shadowhunter society was a lot less open-minded than mundanes a century later

I understand that Charles being blackmailed and making shitty decisions was annoying but it was like suddenly everyone finding out wouldn’t have consequences and all the other queer men characters were like how could you possibly be worried about this :/ as if they haven’t spent the whole series knowing they have to be careful about who they tell. And then suddenly it was just of course it’s totally fine and safe to have everyone find out and why wouldn’t you be fine with that. And it was really written in a way that had other queer characters like oh Charles is such a coward for not being ready to publicly tell a bunch of homophobic people his sexuality and it just wasn’t it??? And super weird after Thomas was terrified of telling even Anna and Matthew for years. And also, I did not care for the fact that when Charles did go risk getting outed to finally do the right thing, we didn’t even get to see it through any character’s perspective or how that important meeting went, we just got one line of dialogue from somebody else saying that it happened with no details at all. And I can’t think of other examples right now but there were quite a few moments like that where we got one line saying that something had happened that was important to the plot and to characters’ development that seemed like it would have been more interesting than some of what we did get to see where it was just totally breezed over and way too easy and totally background to less important stuff

And then there was the whole no one reacting to Ariadne and Anna dancing together publicly thing was like yeah that’s nice I guess but not realistic and it doesn’t go with the way things have been presented up to that point, it also just feels like a situation where CC was like well this would be easier for me so there just won’t be consequences and then they can easily end up happily together

And then there was the whole Thomas and Alastair thinking they couldn’t realistically be together thing and knowing they couldn’t get married or be known to be together by anyone they’re not close to and then at the end it’s still not really addressed how they’re going to be together? Like there was the laziest write off of the family tree being wrong and then we still are just left to assume that eventually they move in together and suddenly it’s not a problem and everyone’s fine with it? And then I also feel like we don’t actually know if everyone found out about Alastair and Charles’ sexualities after the blackmail or if people are going to assume about Thomas and Alastair or if that’ll cause issues or if no one knows outside of who they’ve told and they have to be careful or what. Which like wouldn’t necessarily need to be addressed if it wasn’t for the logistics of being together as two men in that time being part of the obstacle that they were struggling with being in their way and then it felt like it was totally forgotten to even be one at the end by CC

Idk like I’d love to think they just lived in a world where homophobia didn’t exist but it felt like homophobia was a plot point when CC wanted it to be an inconvenience and then suddenly disappeared just to make her writing easier the moment she didn’t want it there anymore instead of actually addressing the plots she raised with it if that makes sense?

And sorry, I really did not mean to go on a rant this long. And maybe everyone else had a very different reading experience than I did and other people don’t agree with some or all of this. I personally am just very confused about how the book was almost 800 pages long and it felt like so much of the development in it was us abruptly being told that development had happened rather than actually getting to see it and how so many of the issues were abruptly solved in an I don’t want to write this issue anymore kind of way rather than anything actually needing to be worked at outside of the Belial situation

Edit: You know what, I mentioned it in my tags but I feel like it’s annoying enough to put in the body of the post and make it even longer. What the fuck was with everyone outing or potentially outing everyone else just so that characters could openly talk about the queer characters and tell them to do what they want them to? Why did Matthew out his brother multiple times? Like yes, the people he said it to coincidentally already knew, but he didn’t know that. And why was Thomas outing Alastair? The straights got to keep their secrets as long as they wanted and fix their problems more naturally. Why did I have to sit through queer characters constantly having their sexualities and romantic histories to everyone else when they clearly had not okayed it? Why were the queer characters doing so much of the outing? Why were people who cared about them and knew what it felt like to be afraid of the wrong person finding out just broadcasting their sexualities to make it easier for CC to breeze past development to have their things get resolved fast? Why did no character have an issue with it at all?

#As a queer person the whole using homophobia against her characters as plot just to pretend homophobia doesn’t exist and call her characters #cowards for worrying about it as soon as she’s decided writing it doesn’t serve her plot agenda anymore really icks me right out #Like yeah I’d love homophobia to not exist but girl what are you doing that’s so gross to go about it that way #ALSO everyone outing or potentially outing everyone else to other characters to make it easier to get the queer characters to do what she #wanted them to was a HORRIBLE vibe. Why is Matthew outing his brother? Why is Thomas outing Alastair? Why is everyone telling everyone else #people’s sexualities as if it’s nothing and everyone has a right to know when that character clearly did not feel that way #And it’s so out of nowhere every time too #Hot take: Charles protecting Alastair’s privacy instead of outing him was more valid than anything any of the other queer characters said #about Charles or Alastair’s sexualities even if I hate Charles and his going along with the blackmail was bullshit #Also now that I’ve written all of this down and 99% of what I wrote about in here has to do with the canon queer characters that’s not #a great look either that she did breeze over some of the stuff with the other characters for sure but she was way more likely to skip depth #and development with the queer characters in CoT #CC said no slow burn gradual changes in this book… there’s only room for abrupt 180s and Cordelia running 🏃‍♀️ #Sorry if this has weird typos and other mistakes in it. I typed on my phone and didn’t check for autocorrect nonsense and I’m too lazy to #reread this all rn at my current brainpower level #CoT #Chain of Thorns spoilers #Chain of Thorns #The Last Hours #The Shadowhunter Chronicles #Cassandra Clare #My Posts

[dissociativemagicalgirl]

thinking further on my response and i do think CDDs can be a spectrum more than clear cut diagnostic criteria. like just in general. like just from what ive observed & what im reading (currently working on the haunted self!) i think theres a lot of overlap in symptoms between DID, OSDD, and even C-PTSD & BPD, which makes it harder to draw a line on whether certain presentations count as one disorder or another

it's an added layer of difficulty that theres so many different ways CDDs can present. i feel like every system i meet and every system i read about has its own unique ways of presenting, which im assuming is because it's a complex series of adaptations to very specific stimuli & circumstances. but like the variance in peoples' lived experiences makes it hard to make blanket statements about systems (or even like, alter archetypes, for example)

like theres just so many ways a system can look. some people know about their alters as early they can remember & experienced them as imaginary friends or voices. some people go 20, 30+ years without realizing theyre a system at all. theres polyfrag systems with layers upon layers of subsystems and complicated inner workings. theres people whose alters have only a passing awareness of each other. and so on. Individuals might share a diagnostic label, but there might be little overlap in how they experience being a system

anyways This is a lot of rambling that's straying into different territories.. sorry my mind may not be all here LOL

at it's core we are all experiencing various levels of structural dissociation ... unity 🤝

#borderline #i think changing diagnoses and/or comorbidity is common for us. So im not terribly concerned on whos using the 'right label' #When really diagnostic criteria arent set in stone. my perspective on this is probably at least partially informed by my experiences #being in the mental health system for a very long time & going through Most of the DSM-V LOL.. #in i hate you dont leave me. my copy is at my parents' house so i cant double check #But towards the beginning there's a list of how BPD has a lot of overlap with like. Most other disorders #i remember the phrase that BPD seems like it's on the of everything else #& i would not be surprised if other disorders related to complex trauma were similar as well - in that they can easily mask as other #disorders. & theres naturally going to be a lot of overlap with many other disorders #This went off topic but ^_^ if anyone has anything to say on the matter feel free to add on. not sure what the point of all this is LOL

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

I miss my old coworkers!!! I miss having friends at work instead of passive aggressive assholes who don’t want to train me and then get annoyed when I don’t know things and act like my very existence irks them!!!!

#if this was part time I’d be able to handle it #but 9 hours a days day after day is genuinely putting me in the worst mindset I’ve had in months #like I go to my car during my break and sit there pushing tears back bc I feel alone and shunned!!! #and these are GROWN ASS WOMEN?? #one of my old coworkers came in to pick up a medication the other day and when I saw her my entire body literally slumped with relief #like omg someone I know who doesn’t hate me!!!! #and we had a quick convo bc she was updating me on work tea and I was like wow I haven’t felt this happy since i started this job #almost 2 weeks ago and that was such a sad reality check lmfao #and like the only reason I got this job is bc I’m bilingual and they desperately needed that #and it’s like okay do you realize you need me?? bc I’m there most of the week the other bilingual girl is only there twice a week #and 99% of your clients don’t speak English so what’s gonna happen if I leave?? #you’re going to have to find someone else and train THEM from the bottom just like me #you’re gonna be in the same position all over again!!! #this is all so infuriating

[toxiccaves]

you know, i want to stay positive and believe that it'll be fine because there's definitely more people in the world that know that pr0sh!pp3r nonsense is used to groom children and is reprehensible. and I know a lotta kids these days know better too, or have people who reach out to them if they don't.

but how many of the kids online that aren't "trendy" or don't post content or lack social skills get completely ignored, or have no one in their online spaces around to help keep them safe? There is so much propaganda and manipulated language being used by these people to groom children and make even adults think it's fine to do, and I just don't know how we can be there to protect every kid who needs it online. it is so repulsive to me how abundant this kinda thing is in every fanbase. all i can think to say is if you see a minor online interacting with it, always try to reach out to keep them safe. maybe take time to talk about it every once in a while.

the way i was publicly preyed upon on this website when i was 14-17 and no one said anything has still left its scars and I don't want any other child to go through that too.

#sometimes i still feel like writing little handbooks for this topic as well as simpler ones like internet etiquette or general safety #but even if i do will ppl keep them down as reference to share? idk.. not good at writing thoughts #who up for informative internet safety zines #sorry ive had two people recently who followed me that i found out were like “undercover” pr0sh!pp3rs and im still so repulsed #that they see me post this and my boundaries but ignore it anyway and act all friendly. all for what? #i hate how throroughly we need to bg check everyone. i do it as often as i can when i get new follows or interactions and i block so many #anyway stay safe. learn the manipulated language they use. inform others that need it.

[saline-coelacanth]

So I was rewatching The Island today and while I was watching it, my brain starting doing it's thing where it comes up with an idea and then I am burdened with the struggle of whether or not to make a new au

So pretty much while I was watching, my brain just went "Hey, what if like... when they sacrificed Jay, they actually DID sacrifice him to the spirit of Wojira instead of it being a con run by Ronin and then like... Jay got possessed or something. Wouldn't that be neat?"

Which on one hand, yes brain, that would be neat, but on the other hand I don't wanna get invested in a new au when I already have 10 billion of them

#also i just wanna mention that i wasnt really active in the fandom when the island came out #so if someone has made an au like this before i havent seen it so yeah #but like... if someone has done this before feel free to send it to me so i can check it out #ninjago #lego ninjago #also as a side note #i know everyone hates the island but honestly i dont really get the hate #like its just a short little mini season that has good setup for seabound #the only actual issue is the fact that they did ronin dirty #other than that i dont funny understand why people hate it so much

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[automatonknight]

sorry to literally make a 2fort diary out of my blog but it makes me happy. i followed our demo into our intel room because i like to escort teammates sometimes for fun and they ask me in chat if i want to do "the intel funny". i have a vague understanding of what an "intel funny" could be and i love mischief so of course i nod my head excitedly so they drop their intel, i pick it up, we stare at eachother as it becomes apparent i do not know how to actually drop it so they tell me in chat (very nice), another demo joins us and we have an annoucement spam party

#i know it's not half as funny when you tell it like that but um. well joy in the world ok? #i think it's sweet when more experienced players let me in on the fun :] #a soldier tried to kill us but i don't think it's a very good idea to come at 2 demos and one other soldier. my random crit got them #l+ratio+you hate fun and now you're DEAD maggot!!!!! #generally had fun today. exploded some extremely unlucky spies #i think i'm generally getting better at recognizing them too. there are like two spies on the enemy team and the pyro coming towards me #DOESN'T spy check ME? unauthorized fucking thing blow it up NOWWW!!!! #<ok that was an obvious example but somtimes i get a feeling and i'm RIGHT! #although there was another demo on our team and they moved in such an interesting way that i was suprised they weren't a spy

[posthumanwanderings]

I accidentally butt pressed the youtube notifications icon on my phone that I had building up since the start of the year, so looks like I gotta go through them now before they become tears in the rain *edit which they have now cause I guess you can only see notifications up to a month :( I at least took this screenshot before that happened and know I have lots of subscribed channels to just check directly for all that I missed for the past few months and will post the goods here accordingly. as far as comments on my own videos go.... guess I’ll just have to sweep through my own channel to catch back with all of them? wish there was a better system to go through this stuff but this is youtube we’re talking about so yea... tbh I know the notifications tab doesn’t show everything so looking on pages directly seems to be the best thing to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#text #usually i check this stuff constantly #but because i'm subbed to some channels that get insane amount of traction it unmotivates me when i see their stuff pop up #cause i've been doing my thing for awhile now but youtube apparently hates me #or i guess i need to be cool with the discord kids #idk but homeslice here knows how to put others on the spot instead of gatekeeping success #algorithm on all these sites are bonked i hate it

[cosmoboba]

#heart. heart why #why heart . #there are so many other characters why . #why him . #why did he have to be the one . #why is he your highest character obsession . #I think I need to be CHECKED for every disease he's given me . #blonde SOLDIER boy #blonde SOLDIER boy don't save me . #blonde SOLDIER boy you've ruined my life . #look bitch I just KNOW that mofo canonically taken someway somehow and if not someday he might . #I mean hey listen. hand to god no hate on Clerith nor CloTi those are some great/cute dynamics that I also ship . #but can I just confess my sins on this internet on how I . sometimes. SOMETIMES . get a bit jelly #they're like...phases mk . #they come n go . in n out of me . #BUT LIKE....WHEN I DO GET JEALOUS I LIKE....YANNO... #DJ SPIN THAT IM SERIOUS BY DAY6 SHIT #(good song btw I recommend if you like kpop. it's an angst one-sided song basically Clexis/Clomina theme LMFAO) #and no im not just referring to Cloubri as I'm typing this(well. kinda both since Aubri is technically a self projection too) #but I also do selfshipping too so. keep in mind of that . #YES. YES IM THAT MENTALLY FUCKED UP THIS IS WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR WHEN YOU HIT THAT FOLLOW BUTTON #but GOD Cloud Strife why do you hate me to the point you made me love you . #what is this curse you have casted upon my very existence you are a DANGEROUS fuckin man . #Cloud Strife I hate you #Cloud Strife I love you #Cloud Strife go fuck yourself I can't believe you did this to me/affection #Cloud Strife you can also fuck m-/JJJJ.....unle- #I'm not gonna survive through rebirth am I . #MOM GET MY FUNERAL READY I'M PRECISELY GOING TO DESEASE ON FEB 29TH 12 AM O CLOCK SHARP

[skunkg1rll]

🦨

#ughhh someone pointed out the atrocity in my face. i hate thatfeature of me so bad #and now i cant stop thinking about it and i hate myself and my face and i got bad feelings #because throughout my entire life i've been so bullied for it #i feel so ugly ugh!!!!!! i am ugly i wanna cry who could ever love me when i look like this skksksks #the worst abt having a face deformity is that it is on your FACE!!!!! i cant hide it #it's out there for everyone to see #and i cant remove it. i can get plastic surgery etc but i cant afford that at all now. maybe when i have a job :((( #and it really is so big in my brain. i notice it constantly #i cant look at other ppl without checking their chins to see if it's smooth or not #and most ppl have normal chins. pretty much everyone has a normal chin!!!! #i wish i was normal too. i hate looking like this i hate it so bad #it is so unfair that i gotta be stuck w this ugly fkn feature but everyone else gets to look normal #so unfair so unfair it makes me so angry #why did i get the worst genes ever i cant stand having to live my life being this grotesquely ugly #anyway.... i try to suppress it nd not think abt it but earlier today someone made a comment abt it #nd now i just wnna cry because it is soooooooo ugly and i hate it #besides yeah it made me rmbr my school years bc ppl were sofkn mean to me abt it #like im sorry i know im ugly wtf do u want me to do?!?!