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#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened
echo-s-land
·
12 days
Text
It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig
#i wish i could
#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i
#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the
#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent
#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar
#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie
#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant
#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and
#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'
#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT
#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up
#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)
#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)
#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as
#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened
#i hate feeling apathetic
#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them
#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
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