#i genuinely dont know if its supposed to look like this

[daily-gustavo]

can you draw gustavo as this sprite from diagonal mario

Day 19

#i genuinely dont know if its supposed to look like this #also yeah sorry i didnt post for a bit guys #got a sudden wave of inspiration to draw my ocs a lot lmao #gusposting #gustavo pizza tower #pizza tower

[volivolition]

suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.

#chemi chats #there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter #im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it? #he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun. #a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink. #he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best #pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful #he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and #it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes. #oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now #but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine #conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off #subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking. #he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it.. #hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting... #task: swept up #okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye #also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)' #funny fella. i love you.

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[autisticlee]

i'm aroace, sex repulsed and don't get traditional romance or find the need for it, but I still often think how it would be neat to have a gf/partner for other purposes that arent romance and sexual. but it seems impossible to make someone want to date you if you take out those things????

sometimes I think it would be nice to have a gf to do cute gay cosplay photoshoots with. there would be mouth smooching and you usually can't do that with a friend and I don't really want to either, so a gf would be useful for that.

then there's hating showers because they exhaust me and it would be nice to have a gf to wash my hair and stuff for me??? can't call up a friend to do this every time I need to shower. that won't work and I doubt they'd want to/be comfortable doing that.

most friends will end up putting all their priority into their partner and/or family they create. I want someone that will make me their priority and not run off with someone else they start dating and abandon me??? something like that. their priority is cleaning our home together, hanging out together, going shopping and other domestic/partner stuff. they don't do that with someone else or use me temporarily until they can find a partner. so it's essentially dating/being partners. but it looks different from your typical expected romance and partnership.

doesn't matter how aroace I am, I have accepted that a relationship is beneficial in many ways and there's certain things that you can't expect friends to cover and they can't fill. but I have zero interest in looking for a partner in traditional ways that requires small talk/flirting/dates/etc. so that makes me realize i'll most likely not trick someone into partnering with me lmao

the internet seems to call this kind of thing "queer platonic relationship" (did I remember it right?) and you just need to find another sroace person to do it with. but either way, there's no textbook to study for how to get that and where to find these people. it seems harder than the puzzle that is regular dating tbh.

there's that saying "there's other fish in the sea" but i'm a worm in a puddle the other worms got out before they drowned. there's no fish here lmao. my options are so limited that I haven't met a single option yet in my life. there's barely any chance the first aroace person I meet irl will be compatible, or the first compatible person will accept a relationship with an aroace. you know what I mean? any other aroace that's interested in some kind of relationship/partnership and feel like you don't get that whole sea to choose from like everyone else and only have a dried up puddle? 😅

#lee rambles #asexual #aromantic #aroace #im not desperate and not looking. it's just a passing thought sometimes.... #when it would be convenient i think about it. like how convenient it would be to find a canadia partner so i csm move there #and move in with my 2 closest friends #and the cosplay thing. that comes up a lot because i currently have a big interest in doing more cosplay stuff #i know i say i dont get romance and flirting stuff but sometimes when i observe others or see it in media #when someone does flirty things to their partner ans the partner gets flustered like a girl calling her gf cute and she gets shy and blushy #sometimes i want someone i can do that to because it amuses me to see people react that way and i like to be amused and make people react #to things lmao. another good use for a gf/partner #not sure if that means i do have some interest in that stuff or if it doesnt count because my reason for it seems different than usual 😅 #ALSO. its so hard for me to tell if i truly want a relationship/partnership or if its because society and people around me make me feel like #i have to?????? amd im making uo excuses for why i would need it or would benefit from it? so that i can fit in or something??? #i genuinely dont know which one it is and i hate that. could it be a bit of both? i suppose so....hmmmmm

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its weird. ive been feeling mostly ok #which i mostly attribute to the medication working but everything still feels hollow #which i guess i would associate with a lack of enrichment and human connection #but i dunno what i would even b looking for there. i dont kno how to feel joy #so i guess the medication isnt working that well #i dunno. sometimes i think my brain just doesn't work right. things dont connect in the right places #im also grappling constantly with the knowledge that i need to put more effort into reading #i know i bitch about it constantly but i cant express how profoundly frustrating it is to not be at the same reading level and everyone else #at the age of 26. its just gutting every time i cant carry out a conversation on a paper #like genuinely i might have to rethink my whole future bc i dunno. i dunno it just doesn't seem reasonable with my lack of basic #reading skills. im already opperating far above my head. ill read a paper 3 times and not understand. its so frustrating #its stupid. but whatever. im supposed to cultivate gratitude. ill try again tomorrow #im just frustrated bc i kno it wont get easier. i just have to work harder #unrelated

[nerosdayinanime]

"Im worried what people would think of you then, that you're just a personal whore or something- i don't want to ruin your reputation.."

"Are you kidding? 'My dick was so good i got promoted-' Thats the biggest flex i can think of!"

"Well, you're certaintly enthusiastic about this."

#ive been thinking of the au from @planethoneybee's tags in that writing prompts post #on the topic of giyuu wanting sabito to have political power in case something happens or someone tries to pull shit- #him & shinobu debating the pros and cons of giving him title of concubine before giyuu brings up the social aspect #so shino calls sab in to get his thoughts on the matter directly and it made me laugh #another bit w sanemi- theyre at a meeting talking abt finances and theyre talking of cutting sanemi's beetle funding- #G: i can pay for it /Sane: what? /G: keep as much funding to the project as possible- i'll finance the rest of it out of my #own allowance. that works doesnt it? /Shino: i suppose. ..but you'd do that for beetles? /G: i see importance in it. /Shino: very well- #sanemi doesnt thank him or even mention it but he definitly looks at giyuu differently after that- he used his own shit to keep #the project going full blast? damn. he did that for sanemi's beetles. man. #somethn somethn giyuu bringing up the idea for shinobu to have a personal guard(/helper) as well #shinobu 'i know what you are' @ giyuu before he hurriedly explains he doesnt mean get a side hoe hes genuinely just #offering to find her a trusted guard/helper whos sole purpose is to do errands n shit specifically for her 'oh! that sounds nice actually' #'sab has someone in mind for you- says shes one of the best in the forces and a pleasant personality' 'ill see that for myself first' #'okay [thumbs up]' #im imaginging a mix between european kingdoms & east asian/chinese/japanese empires except i dont know shit about either #only thing i vaguely know is theres advisors & like sub-royalty & in traditional japanese more (/complex) layers of clothing = rich/royal #the 'sub royalty' has a name im p sure. i forgor. fuckiinnn. #nope its just not there. oh well. giyuu w the fingerless sleeve-gloves my FUCKING beloved #also vague thought of sabito & mitsuri wearing helmets that utilize their pink hair as fuckin. yk the european knights #w the stupid ponytail thing/romans w the gold helm/red mohawk thing. somethn like that #they wouldnt wear like full Heavy Armor like knights do their fighting styles & w the close-quarters they wouldnt need it #but like for Show at Fancy Pantsy Time theyd dress up similarly #loserboy giyuu posting #loverboy sabito posting #sabigiyuu #of all the shit i have for this au THATS the scene that gets front page. dick joke funniee #(in case its not clear text goes Giyuu-Sabito-Shinobu talking)

[amatres]

gonna be honest, while she is a wonderfully played character, i do not like karna as a person at all lol. usually i love morally grey characters but i think im too attached to amangeaux to appreciate karna's character. like the scene where amangeaux had to beg karna on her knees just to be able to flee for her life with her child made my skin crawl and was probably the final nail in the coffin for me

and that on top of karna without remorse offering up amangeaux's child's life, which she didn't even have conformation was the heir to vegetania, and then her speech of getting 'drops of recognition' from amangeaux for 'her own protection and happiness' i had no sympathy for her after everything she did. it felt like she was getting mad at a woman she was trying to take advantage of who decided to prioritize herself and her year old child, who karna just agreed to kill

like yes, theres the political standing difference between them, but by that time amangeaux had no political safety and was discarded by her allies, and only a few hours ago in the game's universe was it proven by their own actions how even with supposed political advantage means nothing anything anyway and just

her careless 'im damned to rot so i have no care what suffering i put people through to get to my goal' just rubs me the wrong way along with everything else

this is no hate towards aabria, she's playing the character wonderfully and every move she makes makes sense for the character she has made, it's just karna makes me so inherently uncomfortable

#ama mumbles #dimension 20 #the ravening war #karna critical #dimension 20 spoilers #i dont even know if that will work but whatever #she just. she is so close to being a character i would like but i just cant. she makes my skin crawl and i rarely like the moves she makes #not bc theyre bad moves as a player irl aabria's making but bc shes just so. horrible. #sorry i know its not articulate but *gestures* #if i had more insight into her background it might elevate things but she just makes me uncomfortable #the only characters i genuinely like are amangeaux and collin. deli is interesting and raphael is funny at times same with karna #tho tbh he also makes my skin crawl at points. which is fitting i suppose both raphael and karna have a similar 'my goals are number 1' #approach so 🤷‍♀️ if raphael kicked it it wouldn't be the most upsetting thing to me #karna doesn't owe amangeaux anything but in the same vein if thats how she sees it amangeaux doesn't owe her anything either #and amangeaux was going to offer karna to escape with her! it wasn't like she was saying 'sucks for you lol' she wanted to take her with he #until karna rolled her eyes at her and was threatening her. only then did amangeaux stop #they're both littlefinger like characters i suppose if that makes sense? and he makes my skin crawl too #who knows maybe with time i can look at it more objectively but for now. bad vibes #also sorry for this being in main tags i'm doing this for categorizing and so my followers can block the tags #will say tho while the scene did make my skin crawl them yelling over zac was very funny

[13eyond13]

.

#so far in my sporadic picking away at various manga series i feel i have the weirdest reader relationships with JJBA and Attack on Titan #when reading JJBA i am not really that invested in the characters or even whats happening to them and yet i still never decide to dnf it #and i dont even know what it is that keeps me reading except that its just very unique i suppose? #such an odd combo of different things that somehow manages to eventually have its own sorta cohesive logic and charm #also the art is just fun. its ornate and goofy and macho and flamboyant and gross #but as soon as i put it down i stop thinking about it too #and dont feel like picking it up again for at least several more days #with attack on titan i found the art style mostly really bad at first ngl #it reminded me of awkward drawings a high schooler would make like the inconsistentness #of like there are good action poses here but the people also look weird ugly bland and stiff and the backgrounds are often so empty #idk i was feeling pretty blah about it but something about how starkly straight-forward the story is was interesting to me #where its literally exactly what you heard its just #theres a bunch of humanoid giants attacking our city #and we have to stop them. that's it #and also the awkwardness of the art style i find works extremely well when it comes to the titans #like they are genuinely creepy to me. and they do actually feel massive the way theyre drawn. and the mystery around them interests me too #anyways im like 60% through part 1 of jojo(also read most of part 4 a few years ago) and only on vol 3 of AoT #but yeah those are the 2 series i have the most mixed feelings about so far #wouldnt say i love or hate either of them but still also continue to want to find out more #13readsmanga #p

[jonny-b-meowborn]

If I had the proper equipment for that I would 100% make a career out of sorting stuff on video. It's like one of my favorite activities ever but I rarely have the opportunity to do that. It's like a special treat for special occasions. I love doing it and if I could I'd milk that forever <- is currently sorting a whole jar of plastic gems for fun

#in the last year me and my cousin accidentally formed this silly lil routine where whenever i visit her she gives me some stuff to sort #it started a year ago on her birthday #she was making cupcakes and couldnt buy pink sprinkles so she bought rainbow sprinkles and asked me to separate the pink ones #and she was like you dont actually have to do that i need only a lil bit of those sprinkles you dont have to get all of them #but i was like. sure sure but actually is it okay if i sort the entire package #and i did #i sorted the entire whole package of sprinkles #she let me sort markers or beads or stickers #its amazing i love her #and she always has stuff to sort bc she likes to collect stickers and beads but doesnt really care about their placement #i love doing that so bad its insane #and ive looked for sorting videos on youtube but they rarely scratch my specific itch #theyre like overproduced or not caring enough or focusing too much on asmr and not on the actual sorting #which you know isnt a bad thing i love asmr #but like i need specifically content where someone takes a collection of something and sorts it entirely into specific categories #i suppose its just that different categories are important for different people #i wish i had a camera and like a set for that #like id genuinely love to record that for fun #and also yknow. views and money #i dont like how we kinda have to turn every passion into a career but this is something that id be willing to turn into a job if i could #maybe someday #bee buzz

[frecklystars]

I miss Starscream. I miss when TF wasn't a goddamn trigger

#looking at RID references for someone's commission #and crying my eyes out :') i want my starlight back #i want my fucking joy back #fuck my abuser how can you give someone ptsd and feel absolutely no remorse #how do you abuse someone relentlessly when you know they're at their worst and not give a shit #how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤ #3 years!!! of loving stsc!!! and i FLINCH at him??? i CRY when i see him?? he used to feel so safe and loving #i never felt safer with anyone else!!! and now it's like that safe feeling is so foreign. i just want to get better so bad #im so fucking empty without my special interest i dont know how to function day to day #looking at my loved ones and genuinely wholeheartedly believing they'd betray me and hurt me for my abuser #is the fucking worst feeling in the world and i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from meeting my abuser #i wish i listened to my gut i had such a bad gut feeling abt her CONSTANTLY #and yet i stayed bc she kept insisting she was gonna off herself if i didnt cater to her every emotion #over and over and over and over #i wish i could go back in time and change everything #its so hard!!!! you dont know!!! you dont know how hard this feels im struggling every day!!!! #TF was all i had and now it's gone and self shipping is supposed to be my escape #i just want my life back #i dont care what bad things happen to me if i just had stsc i know i'd get thru it but i cant anymore #everything hurts so bad all the time and im so scared im never gonna feel okay again #vent #delete later

[lemonlovemeanslove]

Gilmore girls is like succession except it's way way better at making u hate its main cast of rich white people. And it manages to do all this unintentionally, amazing

#i think that if i dont watch the show the way its supposed to be watck #aka not worshiping loralie and rory #its a really really interesting look into how privilege and wealth corrupts #and how rich people GENUINELY think that they are above others #that they are simply better #and that everyone should love them for it #yes im racist yes im fatphobic yes I treat people pike trash #but cant u see this ugly shirt and hairclip im wearing? #in not like those OTHER rich people with the twee #im better #yes i mock the working class in the same way my parents do #but im different bc im young and im pretty and I know pop culture #grrrr is how this show makes me feel #just grrr

[bloggirl8842]

Being me is so embarrassing like wahhh I’m Niku I’ve had a crush on the same guy for years I’m a painter I don’t believe in myself my dad’s an asshole wahhh girl pleaseee get something else going on 😭

#my dad IS an asshole we were lookinng at my blood test results and my hemoglobin n shit is low bc of anemia and he remarked that my cells #are physically smaller than theyre supposed to be and i went ‘’oh that must be why i feel sick all the time’’ and he goes ‘’you dont feel #sick ALL the TIME.’’ and my moms like yea she feels tired and weak and i go yes and i also get nauseous and he goes you get nauseous ALL th #TIME? and im like no i get nauseous often. why do i have to justify this to you youve SEEN ME feeling ill #and hes looking at my test tesults on my phone so when hes done i snatch it out of his hand and leave and he whines to my mom and #exaggerates the way i took it back. fucking sick of him #i genuinely dont have much affection for him he thinks hes better than all of us. characterizes my brother as a hustler and my mom & i as #disappointments #im just going to not talk about anything i genuinely care about or invested in around him bc since childhood he has shown over and over tha #the only viewpoint he cares about is his own. and its my fault that i keep trying to fucking connect with such a brick wall of a man #today though i showed him an in progress painting and asked him if he liked it and he said he wouldnt know til it was done.. i DO support #that he was right for that. i cant ask for ppl to like my shit b4 its finished bc then ill never finish it!

[dragonji]

being a student is always going so well until it Isn't .

#j.txt #vent #think i am going to drop this class that ive already had to put myself through and fallen short on twice. round three is looking Bad folks👍 #I genuinely just. do not know what I am supposed to do anymore. it always seems like I understand the material and have vision of what- #I want to produce and then I go to execute and Bam. severe demand avoidance hit you like a knife in the ribs #I am simply So Tired of it. hitting my head against walls. being told I need to “experiment” without any explanation. having resources #offered and then never followed up upon. advice of I just need to buckle down and do it.being unmedicated lol. it's just Too Fucking Much<3 #like its to a point that I am seriously and desperately considering changing my entire major. Over One Single Class. but I dont Want to not #be an artist it's the best thing I've ever been and I Know im good at it. just not. this part I suppose. #so funnie that im going to have to bring this up next therapy sesh and shes gonna go. this is a traumatic event that we should probably #deal with. like no yeah I realize trauma is for when things actually hurt you and this situation is so frustrating i could *** #but it definitely doesnt count because it's Me so yknow. we can just pack it up now and Not deal with it for yet another semester maybe<3 #but like Whatever. academia is what you get out of it and all that and if nothing else we have tenacity etc etc o7

[oatbugs]

listening to music on blast removing my own sutures x

#vibez tbh #anyway . i have my medical tape off rn bc i just took a shower #will remove this thing then put it back on . but anyway slightly sinking in. had a what have i done what have i #become kind of moment . like i am no longer in pain so i can think now . i cant feel my nose or my thighs or my jaw properly #looked at my face and i was like oh . ok. got held up at iran passport security started saying my prayers #and they were like we dont think you are the person in your passport. and i had to show them evidence etc like #yeah i literally am unrecognisable as a person actually. same w the UK e-gates #i have someone else hair laser glued onto mine. i have a part of my body #grafted onto another part of my body. i had my nose broken and restructured. #i had half of my corneal tissue removed to see better. on their own these are all minor #but altogether at the same time i look. different. #it's so fascinating. interesting . etc. like genuinely what the fuck #to wake up and just look like a completely different person . knowing you have been rearranged and subtracted from and added to. #i feel like an art project. i feel like art. i feel like a monster. i feel fascinated. #i feel fascinating. #still have 8 lives left its alright . #when i had femto lasik done (which is supposed to be pretty much painless) i experienced the worst pain of my life #this is because i forgot to tell them about the grafting under my eyes and because there were two initially imperceptible wounds/scars #in both of my eyes. i felt the heat and pressure inside my eyes and i felt them cutting into #infinitely small points of pain. my head felt warm and my eyes were melting. my doctor apologised for not seeing them before #and he told me to focus on the green light in the middle of the red and i did . and they spread into a thousand stars #and i kept repeating to myself JUST GREEN NOTHING ELSE JUST THE GREEN NOTHING ELSE until it was over #i spent the next day in agony despite the pressure lenses and the apologies #but that constellation of green and red overlayed on nothingness #and patterns generated by blood vessels and lasers #was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen to this day. #maybe the most beautiful thing . i dont know.

[perenlop]

warrior cat fans will be like “ok but child abuse is ok if we dont like the kid right?” without an iota of doubt

#echoed voice #i honestly dont have strong feelings on breezepelt like hes obviously written as a strawman to be like #''ugh look at crowfeathers BITCH wife and IDIOT son that he has instead of the uwu so cute family he couldve had with leafpool'' #like hes purposely written to be annoying and ur supposed to hate him as a ''aw our ship cant be together'' element #but the way the fandom talks abt how its ok that crowfeather neglects him and hit him that one time is genuinely disturbing #same w the way the fandom regards death and grief like if a fave character accidentally kills someone #the fandom will be like ''ummm the grieving families are sooooo stupid lmao dont they care it was an accident? its their fault'' #and thats not a strawman thats a commonly held opinion thats the majority thing #like dawnpelt is constantly painted as a harpy petty bitch for being upset w jayfeather over flametails death #bc she didnt just stay in her place and have an uwu so sad breakdown offscreen andinstead was mean to fan favorite best boy #who. lets be real. did in fact look suspicious as hell from her perspective. and also shes grieving and wont be logical #but its common for parody vids to paint her as this idiot brat who doesnt know anything and is so bitchy

[devilfruitdyke]

people totally have the wrong idea about people who saw the met gala what the hell

#op of a couple posts ago was like 'yr min wage job has you so beaten down that all you look forward to is quick joy from the internet' #and im like ok fair kinda #'all you want is a life like you see on the screen and it keeps you complacent' #NO lmfao #you guys know who these people are ??? #like genuinely i dont recognize anyone other than really big celebrities or musicians i like #im here to look at clothes #its cool because they were only saying that to antisemites #but its like.. ok ill do the more ethical thing here and be unemployed 😐 #edit. yeah they were like. 'everyone talking about this is exactly the same yr not special' #am i. supposed to assume yr special because i have the exact same perspective that yr just another blog