#i fucking Love night of the living pharmacists man

[zincbot]

Lots of me

at first i was thinking: hey, this is great!

but there's more of me than even i can tolerate!

plus now I really notice i should lose some weight,

get a shave, get a trim, exfoliate!

lots of me

lo-lo-lots of me!

lots of me

lo-lo-lots of me!

see you milling around like a bunch of lost sheep,

now everyone in town thinks i'm kind of a creep,

i'm not philosophical, i'm not that deep,

but i guess what you sow, you kinda gotta reap!

lots of me

lo-lo-lots of me!

lots of me

lo-lo-lots of me!

now there's lots of me, yeah, there's lots of me!

if you wanna, you can play connect the dots with me!

tell all the haters who been taking pot shots at me,

you've got a target rich environment, there's lots of me!

lots of me

lo-lo-lots of me!

lots of me

lo-lo-lots of me!

what i'm tryna say is there's lots of me!!!!

#phineas and ferb #pnf #night of the living pharmacists #forgive me if i got some of the lyrics wrong it's been a while since i watched the episode #i fucking Love night of the living pharmacists man #happy halloween

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 12 - Worth Getting Better For]

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst in the beginning

Warnings: hinted suicidal thoughts, but also!! healthy communication, love making in a caravan, oral sex (f.receiving), breast worshipping, hand holding aaah, casual nudity, Jungkook is so in love holy shit

Wordcount: 13k

a/n: i feel like my heart has been restored again

Jungkook wakes up and screams until his vocal chords were close to ripping.

It wasn’t a dream.

Last night wasn’t a dream.

Sleep didn’t make it go away. It still hurts. It still hurts so fucking much.

“Why did you get drunk?!” he screeches, twisting his own hair painfully, “why did you get fucking drunk Jeon Jungkook?!”

He exhales so loudly that it makes him gag. It hurts when he begins crying.

He can’t do anything right.

He can’t live right.

He can’t practice safe sex right.

He can’t love right.

He can’t even stay sober right.

"I don't want to anymore, please, I don’t want to anymore", he begs the silence, hoping that it can hear him. 

He doesn’t want to continue fucking breathing in this goddamn fucking world. It hurts so much. It hurts so much. He can’t take it anymore. It hurts too much.

Or maybe he doesn’t have to. Maybe he doesn’t have to take it anymore.

He looks at the closed drawer of his bedside table and what lies beyond. Blue and round. The pharmacist told him to only take one if really necessary.

Jungkook whimpers. Maybe he doesn’t have to hurt anymore.

He reaches for the drawer and opens it.  

The bottle is cold in his palms, taunting him, making fun of him, calling him a weak man. He will choke them down without liquid. He can do it. He opens the bottle and pours the pills into his palm. There are seven left. That’s so many….

He swallows heavily and whimpers again. He doesn’t want to.

No. He will do it. He picks up the first pill, staring at it with disgust. He doesn’t want to do it.

“Come on asshole”, he presses out, “do it!”

He touches his lips. He doesn’t want to. He grunts and sobs. He doesn’t want to.

Come on! Do it! Coward! Do it!

Jungkook shakes his head, sobbing painfully.

Coward! Do it!

“Please stop”, he begs his brain, “please stop.”

His phone rings.

Jungkook closes his fist and reaches for the phone.

His sister.

“Noona?” he picks up hurriedly.

“Jungkookie hey! I was just calling to check up on you, I hope you are doing alright”, her voice feels as if he was being wrapped in a warm blanket and then carried to bed and send to sleep with a soft kiss to his temples.

Jungkook closes his eyes and cries silently.

“Noona I’m so sad”, he chokes out.

“No Kookie, why? Talk to me, what’s happening?”

“I fail at everything.”

“Is this a work thing? You know that you can ask me for help, I worked at the company too. I can help.”

“No”, he whimpers, “everything.”

“Everything”, she repeats and sighs sadly, “Kookie that’s not true, you’re my amazing, little brother and you are the best brother I could wish for.”

“No noona”, he sobs, shaking his head, “I ruin everything.”

“Maybe you feel like it for whatever reason, but it’s not true. Jungkook, come on tell me, why do you feel like that?”

“I don’t know”, he chokes out and sobs, “I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“Okay I understand, it’s okay not to know. There are days where you just feel like everything sucks, aren’t there?”

“Yes.”

Jungkook wants to tell her that it has been more like months for him, but he is too scared to do that. She just started to listen to him. He is so scared that if he opened up too much he would scare her away. Oh if only he knew that his sister was willing to carry whatever burden he was suffering under, waiting for the moment he finally got over his fear and told her everything.

“Are you having such a day today?”

“Yes.”

“Were you having such a day yesterday?”

“Yes.”

“And the day before?”

“…yes.”

“Jungkook, do you want me to come over?”

Jungkook looks at the mess his bedroom is in, knowing that the rest of his apartment looked the same.

“No”, he chokes out, wanting nothing more than for her to come over.

“Then I’ll come over for lunch at the office, that’s in two hours, alright?”

Jungkook nods his head.

“Jungkook?” she stresses and he realises that she couldn’t see his nodding.

“Yes please”, he whispers.

“Good, I will be there at twelve. Do you hear me?”

“Mhm.”

“Do you hear me Jungkookie?”

“Yes noona.”

“Good. I will end this call now and then get ready for our lunch date. Can I trust in you to do the same?”

Jungkook sniffles, “yes noona.”

“Good. I love you Jungkook.”

“I love you too noona.”

The calls ends.

Jungkook drops his phone on the floor and opens his fist. His sweat has dissolved the sleeping pills, tainting his palm blue and leaving behind a goo of regret.

Jungkook wipes it on his sheets and forces his body to stand up.

He needs to keep his promise to his sister. He may have failed at everything, but he doesn’t want to fail at being a good brother. He can do it. He can do it for his sister.

Jungkook sat in his office until it was time for Jiwoo to knock on his door. He didn’t do anything in the time he sat. He just sat.

She comes inside without waiting for an answer. The smell of his favourite food greets him before she does. It makes him sick. He doesn’t want to eat.

“I’m here”, she announces herself, looking around the office. Too many empty beer bottles and opened booze bottles.

Jungkook raises his head.

“Hello.”

She studies his features with furrowed brows. He knows that she thinks that he looks terrible, because he does. He didn’t have the energy to style his hair or put concealer on. He didn’t even have the energy to put on a suit. Sweatpants and a shirt, he realised too late that both of them had a stain on them. He doesn’t know if it was dirt or food or booze or throw up. It disgusted him, but he didn’t have the energy to clean it off. The people at the office looked at him weird when he dragged himself to his office, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t care that they looked, mostly because he didn’t even notice that they did.

“Look I got you your favourite food”, she says.

“Thank you noona.”

He knows that she won’t call him out on his appearance or the state of his office. Not because she doesn’t want to, but because she knows that it would embarrass him too much. So she weaves her fingers through his greasy hair and tilts his head up to kiss his forehead.

“I’m glad to see you Kookie”, she says, watching how he can barely open his swollen eyes as he looks up at her, "now tell me, what’s wrong?" she asks and the unconditional love in her voice made him feel as if he was five years old again and she was there to hold him after he hurt himself after an adventure outside. He finally felt safe again.

He whimpers and wraps his arms around her waist, squeezing her close to him. She smells like her. Jungkook didn’t ever want to let go.

“Hey it’s okay. I’m here now”, she says and hugs him tightly, petting his hair the entire time.

“I’m so glad you are.”

“Of course. Jungkook, don’t you want to tell me what is going on?”

“Noona”, he sobs painfully.

Jungkook can’t take it anymore and so he tells her everything. How heartbroken he had felt because of her, how Ryujin is blackmailing him and how he found a woman that made him feel better but that he ruined that as well. About the alcohol he doesn’t say anything, just as he doesn’t say anything about the real meaning of the blue stain on his palm or the nights he spent thinking about dying. But that was alright for him, it was enough for him to share at least a little part of his burden with his sister.

And his sister accepted it gladly, listening to his rambling and cleaning off his tears until she could watch him take the first bite of the food she brought him. She smiled when he did, knowing that even if he was still hurting, talking helped enough to give him back a little bit of his appetite. He didn’t eat a lot, finding solace in his sister’s chest and falling asleep to the soft melodies she was singing to him soon after. 

She comes back the next day, feeding him lunch and talking to him for as long as he wants to. Then she takes him to her place, calling her work to let them know that she wouldn’t come back for the day. She spends the entire day by Jungkook’s side, making him watch funny movies with her and sharing a blanket with him. And later when Yoongi comes home from work he is carrying a bag filled with Jungkook’s favourite childhood snacks and a bottle of milk so he could make hot cocoa for the whole family. His nieces also decided to help, giving their uncle a drawing of the three of them. He was smiling in the drawing and they told him that this is the face they especially like on him. Jungkook cries that night once his nieces were asleep and he was alone with his sister and Yoongi, sitting between them and soaking one of Yoongi’s pyjamas with his tears. And they let him, holding him without speaking.

Jungkook knows that they are aware that what they were doing was of greater importance than they had initially thought and he also knows that they won’t call him out on it as to not embarrass him. Jungkook didn’t mind. He was just glad that he wasn’t that alone anymore.

Jungkook is sitting again. His assistant brought in a few contracts he needed to go through today. They were still waiting to be opened. He had one more hour to go through them, but he wasted it by sitting.

He felt better last night. His sister’s warm words and even warmer embrace was helping him do things. He even took a shower last night and washed his hair. Yoongi also drove him to work this morning, buying him coffee and breakfast and even following him up to his office.

He left with a “call me whenever you need something, kiddo” after he made sure that Jungkook would actually eat the breakfast and drink his coffee.

That warm feeling he experienced the past two days has almost faded tonight. His sister was busy the entire day with her own work and couldn’t come to lunch with him. She did send him three messages telling him how proud she was of him and that she loves him, but left him in his loneliness otherwise. And all he could think about was you. For the entire day all he did was think of you, repeating your last interaction over and over again until it drove him insane. He wanted to help himself by drinking, but he had to come to the painful – maybe relieved – realisation that Yoongi had emptied all of his booze bottles. He must have done so when Jungkook was on the toilet. He even found his secret stash of vodka shots and had emptied all of them into the sink. Jungkook was angry at Yoongi when he initially realised what he had done, but right now he was glad that he did it. He really didn’t want to drink tonight. Not when this was the reason for his break-up.  

Jungkook blinks. He could feel it happening.

Maybe he could follow his sister's advice and call you. She told him that it could help and that maybe all it needed was for him to talk to you on the phone. Jungkook really wanted to follow his sister's advice, after all she always knew so much more than him and was happily married. She must know how love works. Jungkook didn’t call you yet. He was too scared to do so. What if you end up not picking up? Or worse. What if you pick up but call him names and tell him to never contact you again? That would rip him apart. 

Jungkook blinks. He could feel it happening again.

His phone rings.

He blinks and looks at it. 

His assistant.

"Fuck, the contracts", he presses out. 

He could ignore him. But that would mean that he would visit him in his office and Jungkook didn’t want to see anybody tonight. 

Jungkook reaches for his phone and picks up.

“Hello?”

"Sir, Miss Laki is here to see you”, his assistant says.

"Miss Laki?" 

Jungkook knows no such name. Probably one of his father’s hired spies, here to see if he is doing a good job. She wouldn’t be the first one.

"She says that it is really important." 

Jungkook sighs in defeat.

"Tell her to come up." 

"Yes Sir."

And with that the line cuts off.

“Fuck”, he presses out and forces himself to stand up.

Jungkook cleans his office in the meantime. Empty bottles of booze, which had collected over the months. He throws them away and then starts the dishwasher so he finally has fresh glasses again. And then he turns on his air purifier. It smells like shit in here. If his father sent someone to spy on him then he wants to leave nothing that could be reported back as negative. He checks his own reflection in the mirror, realising that the concealer had faded under his eyes. 

"Shit." 

He needs to freshen it up. 

Knock. Knock 

Fuck. She is already here. 

“Come in!”

Jungkook turns and forces a bright smile to his face. 

It drops a second later, tears fill his eyes. 

"My love…" 

"Hey, uhm. I'm here." 

"You're here. Holy fuck you're here." 

He storms to your side, cupping your cheeks and kissing you deeply. He doesn’t even think about if you wanted him to kiss you or not. Everything inside of him turned off. Logical thinking, common sense, the voice telling him that you and him were still broken up.

"Please", you shake him off, "give me a moment." 

Jungkook pulls you closer by your head, burying your face in his chest and hiding his own in your hair. He cries miserably. 

"You are right. I'm not okay", he chokes out. 

You stay silent, placing your hand on his back to soothe him. 

"I need help. I need lots of help", he quakes in a sob, "but I can’t do this alone. Get help. It's so scary on my own." 

"Jungkook, you need to do this on your own. I can’t keep being your crutch. I’ll support you through the process, but I can’t continue basically carrying you through life." 

"I don't expect you to. I'll go to therapy, rehab, whatever it takes. I'll do it. Just…." he squeezes you, "...don't leave me alone in this world." 

You sigh.

"We are so goddamn wrong for each other. You cling yourself to people in fear of abandonment and I push them away in fear of loving them too much and getting hurt. We are so goddamn fucking wrong for each other."

Jungkook sobs and grows smaller in your arms. 

"But holy fuck, healing from all the shit I've been through felt so goddamn easy with you by my side." 

You push yourself off of him only to twist your fingers in his suit jacket and pull him closer. 

"So maybe, I don’t know, we aren’t that wrong after all? There must be something about us that is epic. Something that is worth getting better for." 

“What does this mean?”

“It means that I’m trying to tell you that I fucking can’t without you. I want to try again. Fuck Kook, I want to stay by your side and I want to do us healthier and better. And I’m trying for you not to, to push you away like I did with everyone else that came before you. Even if it’s going to get hard again, I’m trying not to run away. I promise you, I want to be better for you”, you touch his chest, “can you give me another chance, maybe? Please?”

He nods his head vigorously, “yes”, he whispers.

“Fuck”, you press out, whimpering quietly as you drag your hands up his body to cup his face, “holy fuck I feel so relieved. Thank you so much Jungkook, thank you so, so much.”

He smiles shyly, rubbing his eyes aggressively with his hands balled to fists.

“Hey Bunny, stop”, you wrap your fingers around his wrists and pull them to your chest, “you’ll rub your make-up off.”

“Don’t care. I don’t have to hide with you.”

“Yeah you don’t have to”, you smile softly, “Jungkook how are you?”

“Better now”, he whispers and exhales loudly.

“Mhm I’m better too.”

Your eyes race between his. His eyes race between yours. He takes a step closer. You take a step closer.

"I missed you so much ___." 

"I missed you too Jungkook."

He kisses your forehead, resting his own against it a moment later. Your eyes fall closed. Just from this small gesture you felt your heart begin to heal. You missed him so incredibly much those last few days. 

He claims your lips in a kiss then, knocking the air out of you and making you dizzy within seconds. You twist his hair, pressing him closer until your nose hurts. You don’t think you have ever kissed Jungkook that deeply before. So honest and raw. You barely want to break away even when your lungs are aching for air. 

His hands are holding your face tightly, your fingers were memorising every part of his features until you could paint them in darkness. 

"You don’t taste like booze." 

"I talked to my sister. She helped me feel better." 

"Yeah?" you smile, "fuck Kook I was so worried that I was already too late." 

Jungkook whimpers and kisses you again. Your back hits the door as he is pressing you against it, wanting to melt with you. You hook your arms behind his neck, feeling him draw closer until you don't know where your hips ended and his began.

"I'm still here", he breaks the kiss to speak. He inhales shakily and smiles. Now he is glad that he was too dumb to end his own life. 

"Good. Cause I can’t lose you. You hear me Kook?" 

"I hear you and I listen", he chokes out, drawing closer, "kiss me again." 

You kiss him again. And again. And again. You try again and again because it never feels like you kissed him like you wanted him to. So you had to try and try and try. 

"Fuck", you break the kiss, "I can't stop kissing you, Bunny." 

"Then don’t, please don’t", he begs, chasing your lips with soft whimpers. 

You kiss him. You weren’t lying, you really can't stop kissing him. He is the best feeling ever. 

You would have continued kissing him, hadn’t his phone rang on his desk. You groan in annoyance, eyeing it. 

"That's my assistant, I had to look at contracts." 

"And did you?" 

"No." 

The phone stops.

“Let’s get out of here”, Jungkook says.

“Mhm? Why?” you whisper, “we’d have to stop kissing though.”

Jungkook draws closer, resting his hand against the door and caging you in. The warmth of his body seeps through your clothes, reminding you why being with him is just so nice.

“I know”, a kiss, ““I don’t like my office”, a kiss, “it smells like shit”, a kiss, "and the contracts, big nope."

“Well”, a kiss”, “where’d you wanna go?”

“Anywhere”, a kiss, “else but here.”

“Fine”, a kiss “let’s go anywhere else but here.”

You kissed in the elevator, hoping that no other soul would disturb you because breaking away from each other sounded like torture to you and him. You hurried to his car, taking way too long because you pressed each other against every pillar to steal a passionate kiss. And even getting into his car turns out to be far more difficult than not as Jungkook sat you down on the hood and kissed you longingly.

Your legs have him caged in, wrapped around his waist and resting on his lower back. Your fingers are in his hair, memorizing the softness of his waves.

“Jungkook”, you break the kiss, panting quickly, “Jungkook we need to stop.”

“No”, he whispers, claiming your lips in yet another kiss.

“What do you mean no?” you break it in a fond chuckle.

Jungkook doesn’t answer you, chasing your lips with soft whimpers. He had almost managed to kiss you again, if you hadn’t pulled back at the last moment.

“Bunny”, you laugh, “people can see us.”

“So let them see, I don’t care. I’m your boyfriend. Why is it so bad if they saw?” he says, looking at you with sad puppy eyes.

“Oh Bunny”, you cup his cheek, “it’s not bad, but don’t you think your employees will look at you weirdly if you had sex in the middle of the parking garage?”

Jungkook pouts, eyes falling to your lips.

“I’ll just fire them.”

You laugh, fighting off his continuous attempts at kissing you.

“Don’t fire them, let’s just go somewhere else.”

“Where?”

“Your place?”

“No”, he draws closer, lips brushing over yours, “it’s too dirty. Your place.”

“No”, you outline his lips with the tip of your tongue, “the restaurant got seafood delivered, it smells of sweaty, unwashed balls.”

Jungkook chuckles.

“It’s the truth”, you insist.

“I believe you”, he finally kisses you, pressing you down on the hood and resting on top of you. He is grinding against you as if he wanted to fuck you straight through your clothes, moaning into your mouth unapologetically. Oh how it makes you head dizzy, oh how you wanted to give in and you would have, hadn’t you heard a car pull up beside you.

“Fuck Kook”, you break the kiss with a harsh tug on his hair, “slow.”

He whines, eyelids fluttering impatiently.

“Why?”

“We’re not alone anymore”, you whisper.

Jungkook raises his head, making eye contact with a group of his employees. They were looking at him with big eyes and their lips parted in shock. It is obvious to them what unrespectable deed their normally so respectable boss was doing.

Jungkook clenches his jaw and looks away. Fucking assholes, they have to ruin everything. He can’t even fuck in peace without work breathing down his neck.

“I know a place”, he says, letting you sit up as he steps back slightly.

“Yeah? You do? Wanna go there?”

“Yes.”

The air smells of salt and ocean, feeling warm on your skin. Breathing comes easier too now that the fumes of the city lay behind you.

Jungkook took you to the ocean, driving down the coast with his hand resting on your thigh the entire time and his thumb caressing your skin. It was not what you had expected, but you weren’t complaining. You have never seen the ocean before. It looked beautiful at night. Black with the reflection of the moon and stars glimmering silver.

“Almost there”, Jungkook lets you know as he leaves the main road to drive down a bumpy gravel road.

“If I didn’t know you so well, I’d think you’re taking me somewhere to kill me”, you say, wobbling from side to side as his poor Mercedes was struggling on the path.

“The only thing I’m going to kill tonight is that pussy”, he says, making you wheeze.

“You did not say that right now.”

Jungkook grins boyishly.

“You fucking idiot”, you laugh and look out the window.

The path takes one sharp turn to the right into a tense forest of conifer and boney shrubs.

“You sure we’re right here?”

“Yep very.”

“Alright. Honestly it’s not what I had expected when you told me that you know a place”, you look at him, “you know an abandoned parking lot would have done the trick just fine.”

“Not for me”, he says and slows down his car until it comes to a stop, “we’re here.”

He holds your hand as you walk down the last few meters of the path. A small beach reveals itself to you once the forest lays behind you. Next to the border of said forest and underneath the tense crown of a pine tree a small caravan was waiting to be lived in.

“What the hell is that place?”

“It’s my caravan.”

“Why the fuck does a millionaire such as yourself own a caravan?”

“Don’t worry this is just my chill-out van. I own that mansion up there too”, he says pointing at the modern mansion which was built into the mountain behind you, “but I thought the van is more romantic.”

“What a way to flex on me”, you murmur, eyes still glued to the impressive house in the rocks.

They aren’t distracted for long, flitting to Jungkook’s face the moment he has you pressed against the door of the caravan. He smiles shyly, tilting his head to the side and then he already has your lips claimed in a passionate kiss.

You moan, hooking your arms behind his head and rolling your body into his’. Now you are alone. You are utterly and truly alone with him and it was fucking perfect. You didn’t want to waste even a second of it with more talking and it seemed that Jungkook didn’t want this either as his kisses grew more passionate the longer his lips were pressed against yours. Your bodies moved in sync, sharing warmth and rolling against each other to the melodies of your moans and sighs.

The metal was cold against your skin, Jungkook soothed it with smooth touches to your back, fingers running along your paths as if they wanted to paint an artwork of adoration on your skin. It felt so epicly amazing that you had to sigh into the kiss and pull him closer by his hips.

“Jungkook”, you moan, feeling his length rub against your stomach.

“___”, he answers you in a sigh, pressing you against his chest.

“Unlock the door.”

“Okay yeah, yeah okay”, he murmurs.

You stumble up the stairs and into the caravan, colliding with a little breakfast table and knocking over a vase with fake flowers. They are now both lying on the floor. You giggle into the kiss, pulling him on top of you as you fall back.

Jungkook stumbles with a giggle, teeth clashing with yours in a messy kiss.

“You alright?" he makes sure, kissing you again afterwards.

“Yeah”, you assure him, parting your lips for his soft tongue. 

He lifts you up and sits you down on the table, claiming his home between your legs and caging you in with his strong arms. He wants to be as close to you as possible, he wasted too much time craving your closeness that now that he finally has it again he wants to feel it as intensely as possible.

You suck on his tongue softly, closing your legs behind his back. Jungkook mewls, shuddering in your embrace. He tastes sweet, like the mint he was suckling on in the car. You like it so much that you claim his tongue again right after you let it go the first time. It forces another one of his cute moans out of him, his hips are rolling against you, forcing his erection to rub against your clothed pussy.

You giggle and release his tongue to lick over his lips instead.

“___”, he whispers, tickling the tip of your tongue with the syllables.

“Mhm?”

He picks you up from the table and twirls around. You smile into the kiss, running your fingers through his hair. A second later you feel the soft mattress beneath you. Jungkook crawls on the bed, never once breaking the kiss.

“Wait, our shoes”, you force out.

Jungkook breaks the kiss and turns to take off your shoes quickly. He throws them into a dark corner of the van, a second later his own joined yours.

“That’s also a way to do that”, you chuckle.

“Mhm”, he hums, leaning down to kiss you again. He wants less talking and more kissing. 

You moan and wrap your limbs around his body. You don’t ever want to let him go again. You also never want to stop kissing him ever again and you don’t, rolling around the small bed with him for what feels like hours. Maybe they were hours, but who cares about the passage of time when you can be with Jungkook again. You just knew that you kissed him until his lips were tender and yours felt numb yet overly sensitive. And that you tasted him until he tasted more of you as of him.

You break the kiss to look at him. He is beneath you, hugging you tightly and rocking himself against you slowly.

“I can’t see you”, you say, reaching for his face to trace his features.

Jungkook lets out a shuddering breath, feeling his skin tingle under your touch. Your fingertips dance over his cheeks and temples and forehead then they outline the slope of his nose. Jungkook sighs and closes his eyes. You cup his cheeks and touch his closed lids, tickling his lashes softly.

“Now I can see you”, you whisper, dancing your thumbs down to his lips to outline them, “you’re beautiful.”

“___”, Jungkook breathes, touching the inside of your hands softly.

You giggle, leaning down to rest your forehead against his. Jungkook squeezes your hands at the sensation.

“It’s like in that movie you told me about. It really works”, you tell him and smile.

“You remember that?”

You nod your head, caressing the slope of his nose with the tip of your nose before placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

Click.

Jungkook reached behind him to turn on fairy lights. He was too impatient, he wanted to look at you and see if you were truly real. You need to blink a few times to get used to the sudden light, but it was manageable. It was one of those battery-powered fairy lights you could get at home décor stores.

“Flowers. That’s so cute”, you gush.

Your eyes meet. He seems flabbergasted. 

"What?" you laugh.

“You look so beautiful in this light”, he whispers, cupping your cheek, “like actually so fucking beautiful.”

You smile, “stop that”, you murmur shyly.

Jungkook shakes his head.

“Kookie”, you warn.

“Just take it”, he says, flipping you and him over so you were resting comfortably under his body, “just accept the fact that you’re the most beautiful woman on this earth.”

“Shut up”, you whisper, pulling him into a deep kiss.

Jungkook melts into you, sighing your name and twisting your hair in his fingers. And so it continues. His favourite sensation. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and moans, tongue meeting your own in a passionate kiss.

He can feel that you are touching down his body and so he does the same, sneaking his hand under your shirt to cup your breast. You shiver in the way only his touches can make you shiver, repaying the favour by touching his naked pecs tenderly.

Your kisses become sloppier when you and him begin playing with each other’s nipples. It feels like fire on your skin, a fire that makes your every fiber burn for him.

“Let’s get naked”, you stress, arching your back.

“Yes please.”

Shirts get thrown to the ground. Your bra follows, just as your and Jungkook’s pants. You gaze at each other, breathing speeding up and hearts racing.

“Fuck Bunny, you’re so beautiful”, you press out and reach for his waist, “come here, let me feel your body.”

Jungkook lets you pull him on top of you, whimpering at the feeling of your warm skin on his’. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and begins licking at your skin needily.

You sigh his name and roll your head to the side, tracing his spine slowly. You can feel it change under your fingertips with every move he makes.

He kisses down your neck to your collarbones, nibbling on them with breathy moans in his throat. Not long and they are travelling down to your chest, sucking on your swollen nipple eagerly.

“Kookie”, you moan, feeling lightheaded from the sensation. His big hands are squeezing your breasts, guiding them to his eager mouth.

He changes between sides, sucking on your nipples. It felt so good that warmth was spreading from your chest all the way down to your core. You could follow the warmth as it made its way through your veins and nerves, it drew a path for you, making you aware of every second.

“You’re doing so well Bunny.”

Jungkook mewls and begins sucking on your flesh. He doesn’t actually bruise it, marking was reserved for you to do to him, but he still made sure that every suck felt like electricity on your skin. Or maybe he was also worshipping your breasts so eagerly because he had to admire them from afar for way too long and finally wants to give them the adoration they deserve now that his mask wasn’t stopping him anymore. Jungkook thinks that you have the best and most beautiful breasts in the world and he wants to show you just how obsessed he is with them.

He sucks your skin into his mouth and nibbles on it hungrily, moaning cutely with his eyes closed. His fingers are massaging your flesh, thumb running circles on your nipple.

“Oh sweet Bunny”, you sigh, back arching into his touches.

You had many men suck on your tits before, most of them did it for their own entertainment or to fulfill their weird breastfeeding kinks, but as many men had sucked on your tits none will ever come close to Jungkook. He wasn’t doing this to fulfill a weird kink or use them as jerk off material, he was doing this because he was honestly obsessed with them and you could feel that. Each touch was leaving you breathless, every kiss left goosebumps in its wake and every suck made your skin tingle uncontrollably.

Jungkook whimpers and stops kissing you to rest his cheek on your chest instead. It was such a peculiar gesture after something so sexual, but it made you smile so you didn’t care that it may have been slightly out of place. It made you feel so fucking appreciated and warm inside. And in return he feels so fucking safe on your chest, snuggling into your warmth.

“I love you so much”, he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut as he listens to your fluttering heartbeat. He squeezes you softly, hoping that you know just how much this means to him.

“And I adore you Bunny”, you answer him, petting his hair and hoping that he understands.

He squeezes your body, raising his head with a shaky exhale. Your eyes meet. 

"I really do", you whisper, tracing his pouty lips. 

He shivers as he exhales, closing his eyes and kissing your palm. He keeps his face nuzzled into your hand, inhaling your scent. He seems so content. Fuck, it's making your heart race. 

"I love you, I love you so much", he tattoos the words into your palm as he speaks, dragging his nose down your hand until you feel nothing but air. He lowers himself, soft hands resting on your sides and lips touching your sternum. 

You feel dizzy. He truly loves you, doesn’t he? 

He kisses down your stomach, whimpering softly the entire time. He understood you and it’s filling his heart with so much happiness. You adore him.

Jungkook giggles to himself and smiles against your skin, kissing it softly a second later. You adore him. Nobody else has ever told him that before. It feels more special than hearing I love you. One can say that to everyone. Their lovers, their family, their friends. One can love all those people, but only a few one can truly adore. 

You adore him. Jungkook giggles and nuzzles his nose against your lower stomach. You adore him.

"I love you", he whispers and kisses your hip bone, "I love you so much", he kisses your other hip bone, dancing his fingers up and down your hips. 

Your fingers run over his scalp, getting lost in the softness of his hair. You part your legs, waiting for the moment he finally claims his favourite place. You don’t want to stress him, but oh how needy he has already gotten you. 

Jungkook looks at you. Your eyes are glassy yet focused on his face. You seem so out of breath, it's making his stomach tingle in arousal.

"Do you want me to eat your pussy?" he asks, hooking his fingers in your panties.

“Yes”, you say, holding your breath in anticipation.

Jungkook throws your panties on the pile of clothes on the floor and settles between your legs afterwards. He connects his lips with your inner thigh, running his palm down the outer side whilst kissing the inside. You shudder with every touch, chest heaving up and down in quick pants. Any second now. Oh how you are burning up.

He kisses your thigh one last time and moans. His eyes flit up to your face, watching it scrunch up in pleasure the moment he flicks his tongue over your clit.

He moans at the sweetness of you, squeezing your thighs and rolling his hips into the mattress.

“That’s so good”, you sigh, playing with his hair.

Jungkook closes his eyes and buries his lower face in your core. He is so addicted to your taste. He could truly taste you for hours and find no boredom in it.

"Fuck I love that", you moan breathily, twisting his hair gently. 

Jungkook moans and breaks away. 

"I love you", he says, giving you no time to answer him as he kisses your clit a second later. 

"Kook", you sigh, fingers loosening around the sheets to reach for his hand. You intertwine your fingers with his, feeling how it makes his kisses sloppier and his tongue a lot more eager.

It is flicking up and down your clit, going fast yet calculated. Jungkook hopes that you can feel just how important this moment is for him, showing you his gratefulness with soft moans and an eager mouth.

"Don't stop Bunny." 

And he doesn’t, he doesn’t stop until your juices were soaking his chin and your taste lingered on his tongue in a sweet, sweet constant. He lifts his head only when he feels you tensing in your approaching high, kissing up your stomach to your breasts. He worships them eagerly, rolling two of his fingers on your clit slowly.  

You have melted like a chocolate drop in the sun by now, still running your fingers through his hair and sighing his name. He knows your body so well that every touch feels better than the one before. Perhaps all those months with him in this shabby sexclub room were worth it. He is loving you like a lover of years would and maybe he was even better than that. 

Jungkook presses down on your clit and rubs his fingers up and down, sending a jolt through your legs. His tongue flicks over your sensitive nipple, hair tickling your collarbones and soft skin of his stomach rubbing against your side. Another roll of his fingers, making your legs twitch

"Ah", you let out, bucking into his hand. 

He retreats his touch, caressing your inner thigh instead. Maybe there was a knowing smirk on his lips as he kisses your nipple and listens to the grunt of frustration you let out. 

"Jungkook”, you mewl, squirming on the mattress.

"Yes?" he lifts his head, giving you the perfect view of his blown out pupils and red cheeks. 

"You're a tease." 

He grins, keeping up eye contact as he leans down and connects his mouth with your nipple again. He sucks on it eagerly, dancing his finger to your clit. He picks up some of your juices and uses it to draw little hearts on your swollen clit. 

"God Bunny", you groan, knitting your brows, "why don’t you come closer?" 

He scoots up your body, gazing at you with big eyes as he waits for another command. His fingers are now resting on your hip, taunting you. 

"Get undressed, I want to feel you." 

He nods vigorously, stumbling off the bed to undress. His fingers are shaking as he works, wrapping around his swollen length the moment he is free. He grunts quietly as he begins jerking himself off, knitting his brows in concentration. He steps closer and wants to get on the mattress. 

"Wait. Should I put a condom on?" he stops himself.

"That’s nice that you ask", you smile, "I wouldn’t need it. I got tested last week, I’m clean." 

"Okay good, because my condoms are in the car and I’m so lazy but also clean" he says, laughing shyly.

He makes you laugh, “then get back on there, you stupid noodle.” 

Jungkook smiles shyly, reclaiming the spot between your legs. His elbows are resting on each side of your head, his fingers are on your face, tracing your cheekbones. 

"I love you ___", he whispers. 

"I adore you Jungkook", you whisper, deepening the eye contact. 

The silence is so intense. You can’t hear the rushing of the ocean or his breathing or the racing of your heart. All you truly take in are his dark brown eyes sparkling in the fairy lights. 

You giggle. 

"What?" he asks and smiles. 

"This is just so intimate. You and I making eye contact whilst doing missionary", you cup his blushing cheek and giggle.

"It…" he scrunches his nose up cutely, "..it's so epic." 

"Yeah it really is. Now come closer Kookie", you reach between your bodies and align his length with you. You roll your hips up and hook your legs behind his back, making him slip in easily.

"Fu- oh god", he chokes out, burying his face in your neck and twisting the pillow. 

"That’s where I want you”, you sigh, closing your eyes. This feels epic, just like he said.

"I'm feeling so good", he whimpers, "oh god ___ I love you." 

He begins moving in an instant, rolling his hips into yours slowly. He curses with every thrust, shuddering above you as if his body felt the current sensations for the first time. 

"Do you like it Bunny?"

"Yeah", he squeaks, nodding his head vigorously. 

"Good. I like it too", you say, intertwining your fingers with his. 

He whimpers and squeezes your hand, lifting his head to rest his forehead against yours. The gesture is so intimate that it makes your breath hitch in your throat. You close your eyes, pressing him closer with your legs. 

"I love you", he whispers and moans softly. 

"I adore you", you answer him, squeezing his hand. 

"I love you so much", he chokes out, shivering in a quiet sob of pleasure before he claims your lips in a deep kiss. 

You can barely breathe, not only because he is kissing you so deeply but the feelings in your chest were too much to handle. He loves you and you love him and in this moment you and him were eternal. 

The kiss breaks, you had to breathe if you wanted to or not. 

"I love you so much", he whispers, looking at you as if those were the only words he ever wanted to say to you.

"Jungkookie", you mewl, "that’s the spot." 

"Yeah?" he looks at where your bodies are connecting and his stomach is rubbing against your clit, feeling your warm walls hug his length tighter. He groans softly, looking back at your blissed out face, “is it good?”

"It's so good", you moan, squeezing his hand tightly. 

Jungkook furrows his brows and closes his eyes. 

"I love you", he chokes out. 

"I lo-", you get interrupted by his kiss. Deep and gentle. It almost feels as if your souls were connecting, intertwining their limbs with each other and forming one union as they kissed like they were the only souls they ever kissed. 

It drew you even closer, making you rut against him as he continued rocking his hips into yours. 

"___, please don’t stop", he begs with his voice pitched. 

"I'm not gonna stop. Hear me?" 

"Yes", he squeaks, nodding his head, "feels so good." 

"I know", you moan breathily, gazing at his features. He looks so handsome when he is lost in pleasure. Oh how happy you are that his mask doesn’t hide it from you anymore.

He squeezes your hand and meets your movements in the middle. His toes curl at the sensation, your thighs twitch in answer. 

He opens his eyes, meeting your blissed-out gaze. 

"I love you", he sighs. 

"I know", you whisper and smile, "Kookie, you feel amazing." 

He moans in a giggle, closing his eyes because looking at you would have brought him to the edge way too soon. 

"I'm really close", you let him know, clenching around him. He seems to be struggling too, squeezing your hand so tightly that it hurts a little. 

"Me too, I’m so – ah – close." 

"Jungkook look at me." 

He opens his eyes, having to moan at the eye contact. You cup his cheek and squeeze his hand. 

"You're my best Bunny", you whisper. 

"Oh", he sobs and moans, colliding on top of you as your words made the coil in his stomach burst, “I’m cum – ah – cumming.” 

He is rutting into you quickly, riding out his high and throwing you over the edge as well. His desperation was just too much, you couldn’t possibly hold on any longer. You wanted it to happen because making him orgasm was the biggest turn on to you and nothing could get you off as well as his climax can. 

You keep hugging him even after you both calmed down from your shared high, listening to his ragged breathing and little squeaks. He is so adorable when he recovers that it's making your chest feel all tingly inside. 

"Thank you", he whispers, squeezing you. 

"For what?" you laugh. 

Silence then an embarrassed giggle. 

"Fuck sorry, force of habit. I'm so used to thanking you." 

"I mean I'm not complaining. I like polite men", you tease. 

Jungkook raises his head. He had smiled but that drops when he looks at you, face contorting into an expression of serious adoration. 

"Actually...I am thankful. Thank you for coming back. I love you so fucking much", he says, eyes filling with tears. 

"Hey don’t cry", you gasp, "come here Bunny, don’t cry. Tonight’s a happy night", you say, pulling him into a tight embrace. 

"I just love you so much." 

"Gosh Bunny you are so adorable."

Jungkook relaxes on top of you, cheek resting on your chest and eyes closed. He is smiling. It feels foreign to his brain to feel sleepy but smile. Almost forbidden, like he was committing an emotional crime. Jungkook told his brain that he didn’t care about the sin he was committing, relaxing into you and allowing sleep to take over him with a smile on his lips. He was finally safe again. 

You wake to the sound of waves and the smell of salt. You peel your eyes open slowly. You were resting next to a window. It was open and showed you the deep, blue ocean. That explains the sounds and scents. You hum and smile, flipping over to cuddle into your lover's sleeping body. 

Except that Jungkook wasn’t with you. 

"What the hell? Jungkook?" you sit up to check if he was eating breakfast. 

The small table was empty. He placed the vase and flowers back on the surface. The little sofa in the opposite corner of the trailer was empty too, now housing your clothes in a neatly folded pile. That means he got out of bed. Maybe he is outside, catching some sunlight. 

You wrap your body in a thin blanket, leaving the caravan to check for Jungkook. He wasn’t in front of the van but he put two chairs and a little table outside. 

"Jungkook, where are you?" you call out, turning to the ocean. 

You begin smiling. 

"There you are."

You sit down on the camping chair and watch him splash around the water. You could go down and join him, but you were feeling way too chilly for that. Your body always needs at least an hour to gain back its body temperature after sleeping and submerging it in cold water seemed like a terrible plan. So you found happiness in watching Jungkook swim from one end of the beach to the other and back again with his face all scrunched up because of the sunlight.

You are so glad that you came to his office last night. You didn’t want to at first, feeling too scared that he wouldn’t want to see you anymore. You are glad that you got over your own fears and stepped into the elevator. You can’t remember the last morning where you felt so utterly content with your situation and you loved that sensation. You sigh contently. Oh you are so happy.

Jungkook is coming out of the water now, spotting you in an instant. He begins smiling and quickens his steps, soon revealing his very naked body to you. 

You laugh, eyes glued to his hips. Oh he is so handsome. You watch him strut up the beach to you, slicking his wet hair back. 

"Good morning", he says, leaning down to kiss your cheek. His lips feel cold on your skin, leaving behind a wet imprint of salt water.

"Good morning, you’re looking mighty fine."

"Thank you, I decided to swim naked", he grins, "the water is so nice. Do you wanna go down again?" 

"I have to decline. I am not a morning swimmer, let alone a swimmer." 

"Can you swim?" 

Jungkook begins tapping himself dry with a towel, watching you the entire time. 

"I can't, never really learned it." 

"Do you wanna learn it?" 

"Not today, I’m so cold." 

Jungkook laughs. 

"It's so warm. How can you be cold?" 

"Well excuse me that I just woke up. My body needs some time to get the blood flowing again." 

He laughs again and steps closer to you, blopping down on your lap a second later. 

"Oh god your ass is so cold", you whine, moving away from him as he tries to nuzzle into your neck, "Jungkook I am suffering, your hair." 

He cackles and uses his strength to prevent you from moving away again, nuzzling his very wet and cold hair against your neck. 

"I'm gonna kill you", you squeal, making him laugh. 

He lifts his head and grins boyishly. 

"That will wake you up." 

"You-", you pinch his pec, eliciting a giggle from him, "-little shit." 

You pinch him again, making him flee in a flinch. He wraps his fingers around your wrist and rests it against his chest. Then he grins, he grins so goddamn fucking cutely that you feel yourself falling for him all over again. 

You huff out air and nudge his chest before pulling him closer. 

"Come here Bunny, goddamn you're so adorable." 

Jungkook falls into your arms, letting you wrap him up in the blanket with you. His skin was still cold, but you grew hot enough that the sensation felt nice.

“So snuggly”, he murmurs, rubbing his nose against the side of your neck.

“Mhm, were you cold?”

“A little, but not anymore.”

“That’s good”, you say and sigh contently, “today’s a good day.”

“Yes”, he agrees and melts closer, “you’re naked too.”

“Well obviously. Why? Can people see us?”

He shakes his head, “nobody comes to this beach, I made sure of that when I purchased it.”

“Goddamn Kook you are so rich.”

“All that’s mine is yours too”, he raises his head and grins boyishly, “so you’re rich too.”

You roll your eyes, “I don’t like it when you do that.”

“What? Care for you because that’s what a partner is supposed to do?”

You close your mouth and pout.

“Damn you and your cute logic.”

Jungkook grins and nuzzles back into his safe spot, letting his eyelids flutter closed.

“Do you have work today?” you ask him.

“Yup, but I told my assistant to manage everything.”

“Goddamn Kook you’re literally from a whole different world, it’s crazy.”

He snuggles into you and kisses your neck and just like that he doesn’t feel so different anymore. He just feels like your cute boyfriend resting on your lap and sharing warmth with you.

“Do you have work too?” he asks.

“It’s Wednesday isn’t it?”

“Yeah…”

“Exactly it’s your day, you think I’m gonna work on our day?”

“Oh god ___”, he chokes out, squeezing the life out of you in a grateful hug, “I love you so much.”

“Mhm I know”, you smile, “me too Bunny.”

He giggles, giving you one last squeeze for good measures and then he is growing heavier on your lap as he relaxes. His chest was resting against yours, heart beating in sync with yours and skin warming up with the help of you and the blanket. He felt so soft and tender against you, his spine felt so lovely under your fingertips and his legs and behind felt nicely heavy on your lap. You close your eyes and smile, he is so nice to hold.

“I’m so happy”, he confesses in a whisper, “I'm so happy actually that it scares me." 

You can agree with his statement. Being so happy feels so scary to your fucked up brain, it is basically waiting for the moment where everything goes downhill again.

"Why?" you ask him.

He raises his head. He has his brows furrowed, eyes racing over your features.

"Because I know how low I can get and it's fucking scary to be so high up when you know how it feels to be at the bottom.”

You study his features. You reach out with a sigh, cupping his cheek.

“I know how you feel, it’s really scary, but…”, you touch his lips, “but you deserve it. The happiness, I mean. You deserve it.”

He nuzzles his face in your palm and kisses you softly, closing his eyes as he does.

"Maybe”, he begins, “but it's still fucking scary because I know how easy this can be taken away again." 

You furrow your brows. You know that his worries are your fault too. You treated him poorly in the past, even in the moments where he was sweet to you and then in the moment where perhaps he felt the lowest of them all, you ran away. Of course he was scared to lose you again.

“I push people away when I like them”, you blurt out.

“What?” Jungkook asks with confusion in his eyes.

“It’s so fucked up that I do but I do. Even now the fucked up part in my brain is screaming at me to call you names and run away."

He nods in understanding and pouts.

"Why do you do that?" he asks to understand you even better.

"It’s what kept me protected all those years after my brother died. The men I met after he died weren’t nice to me, most of them hurt me in more ways than one. So I pushed them away to keep me safe.”

"Fuck, I see."

You take a shaky inhale. Jungkook soothes you by caressing your collarbones with his thumbs.

“And maybe”, you exhale and lower your eyes, “maybe I tried to look for a reason to push you away, I was angry at you for the most miniscule of things because anger comes easier to me than tenderness and I made you the villain in our story because that could give me a reason to run away just like I did with everyone before you. I know it’s a bitch move to do and I am sorry I did it." 

"No it's okay. I deserved it."

"Jungkook just take the apology and admit that I treated you unfairly. You are allowed to feel your anger." 

He lowers his eyes. He inhales and exhales shakily.

"It hurt me", he whispers, "I know that most of the time your anger was valid. I didn’t stop drinking even if you begged me to and I know that I fucked up in those moments. But then you were so angry at me all the time even when I didn’t do anything wrong and this hurt me so much." 

"I hear you." 

"I loved last night and also today so much because you are so affectionate with me", he smiles shyly, "but", his smile drops, "I feel like I need to beg for your affection most of the time and I know that being affectionate isn’t really your easiest task to do. But when I get the feeling that I literally have to crawl to you on my knees and beg miserably just for one hug it makes me feel like literal shit." 

"I'm sorry", you choke out, squeezing his face gently, "Jungkook I'm really sorry for doing this to you." 

"Please don’t do this anymore...please at least...try to", he whispers. 

"No you are right. I'm not going to do this anymore a-and I know that I have serious issues in this aspect, so I’m going to look for therapy too." 

"What?" his eyes widen. 

"I have issues and I should stop acting like I can get over them on my own. I need therapy because it's not fucking normal to find it easier to push good people out of my life instead of keeping them close. And you don’t deserve to have a partner like that." 

You kiss the tip of his nose. 

"So I want to get better for you", you smile, "and also for me because I need to work through my past traumas to be honest."

He giggles shyly, rubbing his nose with his tiny fist before sniffling. 

“Also about work”, you begin, making Jungkook lift his gaze in worry.

You take a deep breath, looking to the side in nervousness.

“I thought about what you said and you were right, I was being selfish.”

Jungkook blinks in surprise.

“But”, you laugh painfully, “and here comes the big fucking but…I don’t know if I can give it up just like that. So I thought of solutions.”

“Okay?”

“I will only work on Thursday and I will only do things which you are comfortable with.”

Jungkook furrows his brows.

“I know it’s probably not what you want me to do, but that’s what I thought I could do…maybe.”

“But you don’t need to work anymore, I can take care of you.”

“It’s not about the money”, you say and look into his eyes, “it’s so scary to give up such a big part of my own identity. All my friends are working in this club a-and Miss Boss literally saved me from getting killed on the streets a-and I just….this club was my home for so many years”, you sniffle, lowering your eyes, “and maybe it’s also really scary to have someone want to take care of me.”

Jungkook tilts his head to the side in question.

“I’m so used to fending for myself and being hungry and living in shit places that being with you is so overwhelming sometimes.”

“Overwhelming?”

“I had myself”, you look into his eyes, “for most of my life I only had myself and there is no other person who I trust more than myself. And now you offer me a chance to hand some of that trust and control over.”

You caress his chest softly.

“I know you mean well, but it’s so freaking scary to go from this independent woman to someone, who relies on another person.”

“But I don’t want to take your independence from you, I just want to give you a good life.”

“I know Jungkook I know and that’s what I am trying to tell you”, you say and laugh breathily, “for you it sounds like you are offering me a nice life, but to me it sounds like having to give up part of my control and putting my trust into another person.”

“Okay, I understand. You are scared of relying on me”, he cups your cheek, “you don’t have to be. You are not a burden to me and I really, truly, only want the best for you.”

“You are saying this so easily, but I’m still scared.”

“I hear you. We will work on this together. Whenever you are scared or overwhelmed tell me and we will try to make it better. Okay?”

You look into his eyes. He really doesn’t know just how special he is, does he?

“Okay”, you whisper.

“And continuing your work is something that is important for the process?”

You lower your eyes and nod your head slowly.

“I just need more time to let this go.”

“So…it’s not about the money?”

You shake your head.

“And the sex?”

“Hell no, the sex’s the worst part.”

Jungkook stays quiet as he thinks over your words.

“I’m sorry”, you whisper, “I know this is literally just fuel for a new fire, isn’t it?”

“No, I think I understand you.”

You gawk at him, “are you serious?”

“I think so? You want the emotional closure and that takes a little longer.”

“Yeah, wow…yeah”, you breathe, shocked that he understands you so perfectly.

Jungkook nods his head and looks to the side. He exhales through his nose and grinds his teeth.

“I don’t want an open relationship. I want to be in a committed relationship with you”, he says and looks back into your eyes, “that’s my biggest condition. That you commit to me.”

You nod your head, “I hear you and I want that too. Open relationships suck.”

Jungkook blinks rapidly, cheeks heating up. He forces down a giddy smile, wanting to stay serious for the sake of the conversation.

“And…”, he takes a deep breath, “…can I ask if it really has to be sex work?”

You look at him confused.

“I feel I need to explain this?”

“Yes, please explain”, you encourage him.

“Okay so”, he looks at you and takes a deep, long breath, “I know that I’m a hypocrite. I know that I met you through your sex work and that it’s not my right to feel bothered by it now. But somehow it does?”

“Okay. Why does it bother you?”

“I just feel so…”, he pauses as he thinks, “…give me a second I need to sort through my thoughts.”

“Of course take your time.”

You like the current conversation. It is honest and raw and because of it, it should be uncomfortable, but it isn’t. It somehow isn’t. Maybe in a weird way it feels healing. Now that both of you can be so truly honest with the other. It feels really healing. It really does.

“I think I got it, urgh I hope I don’t mess up now because I like to ramble and it always makes me forget my train of thought, it’s really annoying because it makes me – and I did it again, I started rambling and forgot what I wanted to say”, he says and groans, massaging his forehead, “what was I gonna say?”

You chuckle, “take your time Bunny, we have all day.”

He sneaks a glance your way, “sorry I guess I’m really nervous.”

“You don’t have to be. Just tell me your honest mind and I’ll try to understand you”, you assure him.

Jungkook smiles and nods his head in understanding. He takes a deep breath and straightens his back.

“I always feel like the millionth choice.”

“But you aren’t –  

“Please uhm, can I finish?”

“Sure, sorry. Go ahead.

“I always feel like the millionth choice. When you push me away or tell me that you don’t want to have sex with me because another man hurt you, I feel so unimportant and like you don’t even want to be intimate with me. Okay, speak your mind about that sentence.”

You snort, “I like that technique. It’s like call and response.”

Jungkook chuckles, lowering his eyes.

“Fine. Well, if you tell me something like that my first thought is wondering if you wanted me to have sex with you despite being in pain.”

“No! That’s really not what I meant. I would never want to have sex with you when you are uncomfortable or in pain or not in the mood”, he exclaims panicky, shaking his head vigorously.

“Alright, thanks for clearing that up. So what do you mean?”

“I meant that…”, he sighs and scratches his neck, “this is so hard to explain because I don’t even really know why I get that feeling. I just do?” he sneaks a glance your way, “maybe I started with a shitty example. God this is all so hard.”

You tilt your head up and kiss his lips. You can feel how this stops his fidgeting.

“You don’t me to work as a sex worker, right?” you ask him softly, hoping that this can push him into the right direction again.

He nods his head, “sorry. this is so hypocritical of me, but I just…fuck, maybe I’m just a little possessive I don’t know? I did research to see if I’m weird and so many articles say that modern couples should all be a little more open with sleeping around because humans aren’t monogamous creatures apparently and that having sex with other people next to your partner can increase the happiness in your relationship? And maybe I’m just way too old-fashioned or stuck-up or weird to get that new view on relationships. Or maybe I’m way too jealous? Or just not mature enough?”

“Bunny, no self-deprecating talk”, you warn.

“Sorry, yeah I uhm”, he clears his throat, “I think I just….I just want to be your only one.”

You look into his eyes.

“In the past I was someone’s secret fuck buddy then turned into their secret affair. I had to share her with secrecy and later her husband and I think it just branded me. I just”, he blinks rapidly, “I just wanna feel like I’m someone’s special person and like for once I don’t have to share her with anything or anyone and I guess I realised that…”

He breathes in and out, shifting on your lap.

“I realised that sex carries a lot of emotional importance to me. I’m talking actual, real sex not that intoxicated fucking I did, but honest, sober sex like we are having. It’s intimate and I am naked with you. I didn’t show myself completely naked to my drunk fucks, you know?”

You nod your head.

“So I guess for me having sex comes hand in hand with an emotional connection and I don’t know…” he exhales, “I know your work is just work to you, but…fuck it’s so complicated.”

“Say what you want to say, it’s okay. You’re safe to speak your mind.”

“Even if I know deep down that you don’t like the sex with your customers, I can’t help but feel a little betrayed?” he looks into your eyes, “you didn’t like your work when we met and you don’t like it now. And you told me o-once that you only really enjoy sex with me, so I just feel so helpless because I don’t know why you still want to continue working as a sex worker when I can provide you all you need.”

He shifts, touching your shoulders. 

"And I'm not talking of money and wealth, but good and comfortable sex. I know you and I know that you choose your words carefully as far as your true feelings are concerned. So I know that you meant it when you said that you only really enjoy sex with me."

He licks his lips to wet them. 

"And because I know you meant what you said, it feels extra shitty when you go to work and have sex you don’t even want to have. I guess...that's how I feel. Please speak your mind."

“Mhm”, you say and nod your head, “give me a moment to think all of this through.”

“Of course, think as long as you need”, he says.

He looks at your face in the meantime. He looks at it and thinks that you are truly the most beautiful woman on earth. Your eyes flit to him then and Jungkook feels nervous for a second.

“Okay so, first of all. Thank you so much for being honest with me, also please correct me if I misunderstood anything."

He nods his head yes.

"You don’t like me having sex as a job because it makes you feel like you aren’t special or my first choice?” you say.

He nods his head.

“And it is because for you sex always comes with an emotional connection. And when I fuck other men you feel like I am bonding with them?”

“I guess? Now that you say it like that? I guess that’s it?” he furrows his brows, “yes, I feel like that’s it.”

"And you feel like I am being hypocritical myself when I tell you just how much I hate being a sex worker, but then still continue working as one?" 

"It's a little hypocritical and also confusing", he whispers. 

“And because you want to share intimate moments solely with me, you expect the same from me?”

“Ah, expect sounds so demanding”, he murmurs.

“Well, do you want me to do the same for you?”

He looks into your eyes, “I guess so…” he whispers.

“Alright then. Sex work is off the table.”

“What?” he gasps, blinking rapidly, “what do you mean?”

“You don’t want it and I respect that.”

“Huh? I don’t get it. Are you fucking with me?”

“No uhm. I had a really long conversation with Yongsun and she kind of opened my eyes a little. Very aggressively if I may add, she did not hold back on calling me a dumb bitch”, you say and laugh.

“Elaborate please, I’m having a dumb boy moment.”

You chuckle, “okay so Yongsun is taken, she and her boyfriend are in an open relationship and it works for them. But they have one condition, if one of them changes their mind about the open relationship, they can voice that and they would change it into a committed relationship. And I guess I realised that shit like that is possible.”

You look at Jungkook and exhale.

“Even if you are okay with sharing your partner with other people now, it doesn’t mean that you should be okay with it two months, three years, five days from now and it should be safe for you to voice your changed feelings. And the other partner shouldn’t insist on the excuse of well you wanted it in the past so just get over it because feelings and people change and that should be respected in a relationship.”

You nod your head, "that’s what Yongsun told me and I thought about it a lot and realised that she was right. You and your feelings change and I should create an environment for you where it is safe to voice those changes." 

Jungkook smiles, “I like that mindset.”

“Yes and I like it too, because fucking hell Jungkook I care so fucking much for you. You are my literal everything and I wanna show you that I care. I suck at words and voicing my feelings, but I still wanna show you through everything else that I – “, you cup his cheeks, “ – I literally want you as my family, goddamn it. And that you are fucking in there”, you say, pointing at your heart, “like really fucking in there.”

“Fuck”, he presses out, eyes filling with tears in an instant.

“Please don’t cry”, you gasp, squishing his cheeks, "Bunny I didn’t wanna make you cry, sorry."

Jungkook sniffles, squeezing his eyes shut, “it just feels so good to hear.”

“Good, get used to it. I hope…at least…I’ll try to be cheesy…okay?”

He laughs and nods his head, rubbing at his eyes. You chuckle and poke his nose. Then you rest your hands back on his waist, caressing his skin. You can feel that the touch gives him goosebumps, they feel nice under your fingertips.

“So we are now in a committed relationship and I am not a sex worker anymore, but can you maybe accept the fact that I still want to work in Paradis for a little?”

“How would that work?” he asks you confused.

“I could work as a bartender at the club?” you suggest. 

“A bartender?”

“Yes. I still want to have that connection with it for now. I can see my friends that way, I finally don’t have to touch weird cocks anymore and I can feel like I’m not completely cutting off such a big part of my life. Also Miss Boss isn’t as bad as you think she is, she is actually quite nice to her bartenders.”

“Yeah sorry no, I still can’t stand her. She’s a money-hungry dictator, sorry”, Jungkook murmurs with a frown.

“Fine, you don’t like her, that's okay. But can you accept me working part time as a bartender at the club? No sex work, just good old bartending.”

Jungkook gnaws on his lower lip as he thinks it over. You caress his sides as you wait.

“Okay yes, I’m comfortable with that solution. I don’t want to take away your connection with the club and if being a bartender makes you happy and gives you a feeling of connection to club then I can support that.”

“Yes? Wow, thank you Jungkook. This means a lot to me.”

He grins shyly, “also you can invite your friends over from time to time, if you want to have girl’s night or something. I really don’t mind having them over, I’ll just stay in the office and play games or something.”

“That’s nice to hear, I’ll keep it in mind.”

You cup his cheeks, touching his lips softly.

“Thank you so much for your patience. I know I’m so complicated.”

He shakes his head, hooking his arms behind your neck, “it’s alright, I’m complicated too.”

You giggle, making Jungkook giggle as well. It dies down after a moment, both of you silent as you gaze at the other in awed adoration.

“I will stop putting you on a high pedestal”, he says.

“What?”

Jungkook furrows his brows.

“You were right. It’s not fair of me to make you the sole reason for my happiness. It’s unhealthy and puts so much pressure on you. I didn’t even realise that I was doing it, so thank you for making me aware of it and I will work on this really, really hard....with my therapist.”

You stare at him, feeling lost for words. He gives you a smile.

“You are still my biggest happiness ___and you will always stay my biggest happiness”, he says softly, making your heart flutter, “but I need to learn that you aren’t my only happiness and that you are also just a human with her own flaws and imperfections and issues.”

“I don’t know what to say…thank you”, you breathe.

He gives you a smile, but stops after a second to frown instead.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of fucking up.”

“I hear you and I’m really scared of fucking up too. But we can work on it together. If I feel pressured I will tell you and then we can talk about it and find a solution together.”

Jungkook smiles.

“And if you feel hurt unrightfully you tell me and we will talk about it and work it out together. Deal?”

“Yes deal.”

You seal it by shaking hands and then giggling because it was such a silly thing to do. You and him draw closer as you were giggling until your noses were touching and your souls were connecting.

"Thank you for hearing me", he whispers, cuddling into your chest. 

You smile, wrapping your arms around him. Jungkook hugs you back immediately.

"Thank you for communicating", you say and kiss his head before burying your nose in his hair. 

It smells of salt and still faintly of his shampoo. You sigh contently and leave continuous, little kisses on his head. It makes him nuzzle into you with a happy purr, tiny fists pressed against your chest. 

You know that he was feeling utterly and truly content right now, that this was the kind of affection he had begged you for in the past. It felt nice to give it to him, it came easy for you and you didn’t want to stop. This didn’t mean that half of your body wasn’t still screaming at you to push him away, but you actively tried to force those thoughts down because being with Jungkook felt better than pushing him away and you were stronger than your intrusive thoughts.

"Are you excited for therapy?" Jungkook asks. 

"I don't know. I think it's gonna be painful."

"Yeah…" he sighs sadly, "...you're probably right." 

"But I heard once the painful part is over, you'll feel better or whatever." 

Jungkook laughs softly. 

"You're so optimistic." 

"Yeah I know", you exhale shakily, "fuck, I don’t know, I’m honestly scared.”

“Scared of what? Therapy?”

Your eyes meet.

"Yeah that too. But mostly…nevermind." 

"Tell me."

"Fuck it's so selfish, but what if you realise that I am not worth keeping once you are better?”

His answer is instant.

“You are worth it.”

"Kook…"

He cups your cheek.

“You think I’m driving two hours to the fucking ocean with everyone? Or show them my caravan? Or look into their eyes during missionary? You think I’m sitting on everyone’s lap naked? No.”

He rests his forehead against yours.

“You are worth getting better for and staying better for and being better for", he whispers, "you are worth everything."

"Jungkook, I truly goddamn fucking adore you", you press out, cupping his face in your hands. 

Jungkook smiles, feeling his heart flutter in his chest when you pull him into a sweet kiss.

#jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook romance #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #ceo!jungkook #bts smut #bts fluff #bts romance #bts angst #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts x reader #bts x you #ceo!bts #bangtan smut #bangtan romance #bangtan fluff #bangtan angst #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fanfiction #bangtan x reader #bangtan x you #ceo!bangtan #fanfic: aaol

[butwhyduh]

Pregnancy scare with the Batboys?

These all happen at different times in their lives. Dick at 24, Jason 26, and Tim 20 because I feel like that’s the ages they’d like have this.

Warning: it’s gotta little bit of everything. Fluff, smut, convenience story robbery, blood, one little crude sex joke.

Dick

“I stopped at the store and got everything we need before the store comes in. Even got those pad tampon things you use,” Dick said waving the box proudly. You rolled your eyes and grabbed the box.

“And what prompted that?” You asked, eyes narrowed.

“A coupon deal on them,” Dick answered and you laughed.

“That makes more sense. Let me put these up and I’ll cook dinner,” you said, walking to the bathroom.

“Nope! I’m cooking,” Dick said happily.

“Okay,” you said planning to help him anyways.

You walked in the bathroom to put the box in your usual drawer only to find it full. When was the last time you needed one? You did the math and realized that it’s been almost 2 months. With your university schedule being crazy and Dick got hurt a few weeks ago, you’d forgotten all about your period.

You skin chilled at the thought. What if you were- what if you were pregnant? You were too young. You were 24 but it felt too young. You were only dating. You hadn’t gotten to the kids talk yet.

“Hey babe, where is the- what’s wrong?” Dick asked from the doorway. He looked at the package in your hand and the matching one in the drawer with confusion.

“Uh, I missed my period last month,” you said and his eyes widened. “I completely forgot.”

“Oh.”

He looked at you frozen. “Wait- are you saying you might be...”

“Maybe,” you answered. “We gotta get tests and everything. And stress can mess it up. And we’ve been using protection every time.”

“Yeah. I’ll run to the store, okay?” He said before hurrying out the door. You sat on the toilet with the box still in hand. What if you were pregnant? Dick was a good guy but he didn’t exactly have a ton of money. He was a part time gymnastics teacher. You were in college.

“Okay I got 4,” Dick said, back in record time. He gave you the bag and watched you.

“Dick?”

“Hu?”

“Get out of the bathroom.”

“Oh right,” he said, leaving and shutting the door. You could hear him pacing as you took the tests. You unlocked the door as you waited for the tests to finish. A neat little row of absolute terror on the side of the bathtub.

“Are they done?” Dick asked anxiously.

“No. We wait two minutes,” you said almost hollowly with stress and he nodded roughly.

“If you are... I’ll be here. I’ll be here for whatever you decide. No matter your choice,” Dick said holding your hands. You gulped.

“Yeah. Thanks. I can’t believe I forgot,” you said with a little laugh. He hugged your shoulders.

“Things have been crazy,” Dick said with a shrug. Your phone alarm went off and you quickly looked at all of the tests. Negative. You both relaxed. You sighed in relief.

“That would have been crazy,” you said with a laugh. Dick laughed a little too. “I am not ready to be a mom.”

“Yeah. Same. I’d need a better job and a better place. Not that there’s anything wrong with our apartment but it’s too small for a baby,” Dick rambled on. He stopped when he noticed your little grin. “You know, I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you.”

You didn’t answer but pulled him in for a kiss that Dick eagerly returned before finally pulling away because you were in the bathroom surrounded by used pregnancy tests and boxes of menstrual products.

“I’ll clean up while you get dinner started. Yeah?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dick said with a kiss to your cheek.

Jason

You’d been thinking about it for a few days with a sense of denial. Your period was late. And you were mentally freaking out. You were too young. I mean, you were 26 but it felt too young! Your relationship was too new! You had been dating for 2 years but it felt too fast!

You hurried down to a corner store that you didn’t normally visit near your apartment to grab some tests. You jumped a little when the bell on the door rang as another customer entered the store. You had been too worried and stressed about picking from the 7 different types of pregnancy tests. Were they all the same or totally different? You just wanted to know ‘baby or naw.’ You grabbed three and put them in a hand basket.

“PUT your hands up where we can see them,” a man yelled and you froze before looking up, your hands above your head, basket on your wrist. “Take off any jewelry and pull out your wallets. We’ll be taking those,” a man in a ski mask said. There were a total of 12 customers and 2 shop clerks.

You carefully pulled your crossbody bag off your shoulder and held it out. A man grabbed it roughly from you and you made a tiny noise that made him smile. He looked you over and you wanted to shrink away.

There was a loud crashing noise as the side glass was broken and a man with a pair of guns blazing stood in the middle. The bright red helmet let you know that it was Jason and you almost sagged in relief. Almost. He pointed the gun at both criminals and shot at their knees. The rubber bullets hit them both in the knees and they fell before you could even move. He quickly punched them both in the head and they lost consciousness. Jason roughly tied them up by the register and everyone started to leave the building quickly while grabbing their things.

Jason grabbed you and pulled you from the building and up to the roof, basket still on your wrist. He rolled his helmet off and looked you over.

“Are you alright?” He asked holding your face in his hands. You grasped his wrists.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” you reassured him. He looked you over before his eyes fell to the basket. Jason froze as he looked at the contents. A candy bar and 3 pregnancy tests.

“Are you? Why do you have these?” He asked, looking at your face quickly. You sat the basket down.

“Maybe,” you answered quietly. His mouth opened a little as if you speak but he didn’t. “I mean, I’m late.”

“Okay. Alright,” he said nodding. “We just need to test first. God, you were almost shot and you might be pregnant.”

He pulled you tightly in his arms until the armor pressed against you. Jason’s lips pressed against the side of your head. For one of the first times, he looked scared.

Back at your apartment, you could hear Jason pacing as you took the test. You unlocked the door and he came in, staring at them. Neither one of you spoke before the results came in. Negative. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“I would have been there for you. No matter what. But I’m glad that it’s negative. We should plan this stuff, you know? My job... it’s too dangerous,” Jason said carefully.

“I know. We can’t,” you said with a dry smile.

“I’d quit. If you were. So that you and the baby would be safe,” he said and you quickly looked at him.

“You shouldn’t have to,” you said.

“But I would.”

Tim

Tim’s hands were tight on your hips as he thrust in your from behind and you couldn’t stop making little noises. God, were you always this tight? He could barely control himself and the second you clamped around him in pleasure, Tim came as well. Both of you panted as he roughly and slowly thrust through your highs. Tim pushed in deeply before stopping to catch his breath and then pulling out.

“Fuck,” he said in a terrified voice. You turned to look at him confused. “The condom came off.”

Your eyes widened at the implication. “Did you- did you finish inside?” You asked as cold panic flooded your body. You were only using condoms at this point in time.

“Yeah. Definitely,” he said, looking down and in literally any other situation he would have loved the sight before him. His cum leaked out of you and Tim winced.

After a few minutes of trying to finally get the useless condom out, you were almost in full freak out. You were only 20. You couldn’t get pregnant!

“I’ll get plan B. Unless you don’t want it,” Tim said looking at you.

“Good idea. We definitely need that,” you said nodding. “But you can’t go to the store and buy plan B. Timothy Drake-Wayne buys plan B. Playboy like his father Bruce Wayne? I could just see the headline. I’ll go.”

“Smart,” he said. You quickly took a shower and threw on clothes before running down to a pharmacy. Your heart pounded as you asked the pharmacist for a plan B but she simply gave you a box that you paid for. You took the pill before even leaving the store and threw away the evidence as if someone cared what you did.

That night you had some nausea and cramping but were fine otherwise. Tim was extra nice in the next few weeks as you both waited to see if your period would ever come. He put in effort to see you more often and stay off his phone when you were together. Finally you woke up one morning with cramps where actually pleasantly happy to see that you had finally started to bleed. That didn’t happen often.

You told Tim who sagged in relief. He didn’t even know how much tension he held in his body before releasing it. He kissed your cheek and you laughed a little.

“Never buying that brand of condoms again,” he swore.

“I’m making an appointment to get birth control,” you said and he quickly turned to you.

“Really? No more condoms?” Tim said hopefully.

“It’ll take a little while to start working but yeah,” you said with a little smile. “Then I can be your Twinkie instead of your toaster strudel,” you laughed.

“Wow. I wish I could time travel to unhear that,” Tim said covering his face with a hand while laughing.

“You know that’s a good joke,” you laughed pushing his shoulder.

“...yeah,” he said with a grin.

#dick Grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #Jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #Tim drake x reader #Red Robin x reader

[jade-parcels]

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The bunnies’ other jobs!

From my bunny cafe au

((I am so peeved :((( I had this all written out!! And I deleted it by accident!! Darnnnnn!!!))

Anon asked “You mentioned that some of the bunnies have day jobs so do they all have jobs outside the cafe or just a few?” (Something along these lines…again…I deleted it by accident 😔)

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Diluc/‘Angel’

After his father got bored with the wine industry, he passed the whole company off to Diluc on his 18th birthday in order to shift his focus to mining. Diluc found himself swamped with all kinds of business decisions while just barely being an adult. He expanded the company and hired some very trustworthy people to handle things for him so he could finish college

When the business was given to him, Diluc and Kaeya had an explosive fight over it. Kaeya felt like he deserved to have some say in what happens to the business, he’s still a part of the family! But Diluc refused to let him in on any decisions so Kaeya packed his bags and left (not before cussing him out in front of their father, staff and business partners). He was just in a silly, goofy mood. They’re fine now, not on the best terms but they do chat and meet up for lunch on occasion.

He is filthy rich, he couldn’t spend all of his all of his money if he tried, so he doesn’t really need the job at the cafe! Kaeya got him the job because he knew his brother was stuck in a weird, antisocial funk and needed some fun in his life

Diluc loves this job, he has a great time, but it isn’t his main job. His priority will always be the family business!! If he has to quit his job at the cafe, he would in a heartbeat

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Kaeya

Kaeya was going to go into the police academy but was scouted out by a modeling agency. They had seen him at Ragnvindr company events and thought ‘well damn’ so they gave him a pretty generous deal

Kaeya makes a good living off of modeling, the tips and paycheck from the cafe. He rakes in cash pretty quickly just cause he knows how to get it. That, and his dad sends him checks every other month as well. Kaeya thinks of it as ‘I’m sorry’ money. He isn’t wrong

He doesn’t travel much for modeling, which he doesn’t mind, so he kinda just hangs around the city with a lot of free time on his hands between photo shoots. That’s why he got this job at the cafe! It gives him something to do and it’s fun as hell ;)

Albedo

Bedo is one busy bunny. He finished college early and is getting his masters degree online. He works most days at the cafe and on the weekends, he tutors other college students in bio/chem/science related subjects

(He was actually Xiao’s tutor back when he was failing chemistry!! Xiao is very thankful for Albedo’s help!!)

His dream is to become a biochemist, he’s always been interested in cells and what makes up living beings. So having a career in that field would make him the happiest man alive

His mother and sister live outside the city in a more rural area so he spends a lot of time FaceTiming the two of them! Klee is always so excited to hear about Albedo’s experiments or the people he’s met while working in such a bustling, fun city :)

Zhongli

Zhongli is a simple man! He’s a bunny waiter and an artist

He creates intricate pieces based on folklore from different cultures, focusing mostly on dragons. His favorite medium is paint, he loves painting on glass and layering the panes in order to create a 3D piece

He sells his works to galleries, shops and anyone who wants them! As long as they appreciate the story behind the artwork. Sadly…He undersells his work. He could def be making more money but he just does not desire money or material goods the way others may

So he got his job at the cafe in order to help out his dear friend Ningguang, not for money, he only planned on working there for a month or two until she got more bunnies but…he ended up really loving the people he works with :’) he looks forward to working with them now and texts/calls them outside of work to meet up for lunch or bowling (such an old man thing to do omfg)

Dainsleif/‘Sweetie’

Dain was a bouncer at another bar before leaving to come to Celestia’s! He’s good friends with Beidou, they belong to the same motorcycle club so when she was talking to him about the lack of security at the cafe/bar, he stepped in to help out

Little did he know…he’d actually become a bunny…And like it

This is his full time job now, he doesn’t have another for the time being. While he is a bunny at the cafe, he still keeps an eye out for any threats to his coworkers and has access to the offices upstairs (Ningguang’s office and the security office)

When he isn’t waiting tables, he’s upstairs in a tank top and sweatpants keeping an eye on the security cameras and talking to the other security guards through their ear pieces

Ajax

Ajax is a student who doesn’t really have much time on his hands

He mows lawns in the summer and he’s quit his job as a cashier to come work at the cafe! He mostly works night shifts his cause he’s still going to school aaaaaand he’s on his college’s swim team! He’s about to graduate so he works close with his coach to help train the others on the team

He doesn’t really want his family knowing that he skips around in a skimpy bunny outfit and fucking customers most nights but I mean…They’re bound to find out if they see him in pictures people post

Xiao/‘Tofu’

Xiao is an art student!! He wants to be a tattoo artist :)

He’s already got one sleeve of tattoos, it’s unfinished but you can’t really tell just by looking. When he isn’t at the cafe, he’s either in class or shadowing Ganyu, his best friend and tattoo artist. Their art styles greatly differ, she focuses her craft on cutesy, colored tattoos, but she is skilled. And Xiao looks up to her

Xiao admires Zhongli too, they met at the cafe and when Zhongli found out Xiao wants to be a tattoo artist he told him that once he’s licensed, he wants to get a tattoo from him :’)

Baizhu/‘Honey’

Baizhu is a (mostly) full time pharmacist, hence why he isn’t usually at the cafe

He also has a niece, Qiqi, who he babysits often. He loves her very much so he has no problem watching her! Baizhu will even bring her to the pharmacy with him when he’s swamped with work. In the break room, he has a play kitchen, coloring books and a bunch of puzzles to keep Qiqi occupied while he works :)

When he’s not at work, he’s at home resting. He has chronic pain flare ups in his back and shoulders that can make life miserable :( he has plenty of good days that outweigh the bad! And as a pharmacist, he has access to any medicine he needs to make his life easier!

Dottore(Alain)/‘Doc’

Alain’s an oral surgeon who’s a little bit….too into his job

He isn’t phased by blood or gore so he’s easily able to conduct procedures that would make other squeamish. He’ll pull teeth, put in dental implants, remove rotten tissue, any of that without even flinching

Outside of that, he works at the cafe. He wears a mask in order to avoid being recognized even though at his job as a surgeon, he’s usually wearing a medical mask anyways. It’s just a precaution

This has nothing to do with his career but he used to be a tap dancer and actor so he’d join in on local theatre shows! He helped build sets when he wasn’t rehearsing. He doesn’t have time for that anymore (which kinda makes him sadddd) but he has all kinds of theatre playlists on his phone and in his car that he’ll sing along to

Scaramouche/‘Boss’

Scara’s job at the cafe is his main job! His side job is something you may not expect from such a grump

He works at an animal shelter! In fact, he brings cats home to train so they have an increased chance of being adopted. Someone is more likely to adopt a potty trained, socialized cat than a feral cat who doesn’t know what a litter box is. So Scara brings them to his apartment for some one-on-one socializing, training and cuddling

One time he offhandedly mentioned working at an animal shelter while he was working at the cafe and sure enough, three separate customers from the cafe came by to adopt!!! Only one actually took an animal home but he was still surprised that those people had listened to him and cared enough to come by

Scara is a jerk most of the time but when he’s at home…by himself…With a lil kitten sleeping in his lap while he plays games on his PC…Yeah, he softens up a bit

So as you can see, we have a very diverse group working at the cafe! They’ve all learned a lot from each other, come to appreciate each other’s friendship and come to help each other out when one of their coworkers is in need or upset.

#UGH TECHNOLOGY;-; #I just have to be more careful ;-; #thats 30 mins I won’t get back #but again it’s my fault lmao #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin impact writing #genshin impact headcanons #series: bunny cafe 💕 #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact dainsleif #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact baizhu #genshin impact dottore #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact childe #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin impact xiao

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

[bubblesthemonsterartist]

*cracks knuckles* Clearly I’m going straight for the Blackout. 

ENJOY, FRIENDS. FOR YOU, I THROW IT UNDER THE CUT

Under 1000 Words

take my burdens (and bury them deep) by @thelionshymnal​ Rated M Nothing makes me happier than a fic of my favorite BroTP, especially when Obi is offering to disappear Kiki’s dirty dealings. Content warning for attempted sexual assault and Obi doing what he does best: getting rid of the body.

A Fic That Got You Involved In Fandom

Seven Suitors for Shirayuki by @sabraeal​ Rated T Look. You all are just going to have to accept that there is a certain generation of this fandom that was dragged in, kicking and screaming, by this fic. I wanted to diversify by saying something else managed it, but no. It was the fact that this story was stuck on chapter five for MONTHS that made me vibrate until my own fic fell out. XD

Made You Laugh Out Loud

An Extra Rise Before Dawn by @sabraeal​ Rated G I don’t often worry that I am going to pee from laughing so hard when I’m reading something, but this one definitely does. In one spot in particular. You might be able to guess it. It is simultaneously an incredible sweet and incredibly funny fic that hits all the right notes for me.

Favorite Trope Reversal

Fussing with Firedrakes by @leewritingrecs​ Rated T 1) Dragons. 2) Damsel in distress is no damsel and she is NOT in distress thank you very much 3) Kiki is a DRAGON 4) Obi is cursed, and 5) DID I MENTION D R A G O N S ???

Fic That Made You Friends With the Author

The Wide Florida Bay by @sabraeal​ Rated E I had to think about this because while I read Seven Suitors first, this was the series that made me start sending anons and eventually made me join tumblr where I proceeded to endlessly play the ‘what if’ game with Jen. CLEARLY this is where our friendship was forged.

Action-Packed Fight Scene

Agent, Parts I, II, and III by @infinitelystrangemachinex​ Rated T Like Jen, I was positively torn, because both Andi and Sarah do fight scenes SO WELL, but Agent ultimately won out because there is just something so delightful about Shirayuki flailing and clinging to Obi like a cat that doesn’t want to go in the bath while arrows zip all around them

Edit: Screw it, I’m reccing them both

Republic of Tanbarun by @claudeng80​ Rated T An action adventure series where romance is involved but is by no means the focus. Zen and Obi adventures abound. Politics galore. And some masterfully done slow-motion to quick motion fight scenes that I L O V E D

Gen Fic

Fugue in Three by @infinitelystrangemachinex​ Rated G Ryuu casually destroys Obi and Shirayuki by breathing as they count down the days until he comes of age. Technically this fic has a romantic pairing, but it is by no means the focus of this fic. If you don’t agree, you are welcome to meet me under the Big Oak between the hours of 12 and 4 for a duel.

Missing Scene

Like Brothers Do by @claudeng80​ Rated G Obi is clearly Kiki’s annoying big brother and handles Mitsuhide’s rejection in the best way he knows how. Also read: Mitsuhide gets what’s coming to him. (ง'̀-'́)ง

Canon Divergent

We work at the mall by @kaedix​ Rated T With how many AUs we got floating around this fandom, I was hard pressed to choose a favorite. But there is just something so sweet and wholesome and American teenager about this. It just latches onto you and never lets go. (Also the gang all work at my favorite places in the mall when I was growing up. What’s not to love?)

Steamiest Kiss

Were Hearts Not An Unknown Country by @sabraeal​ Rated T LOOK. SOMEONE was going to have to go dig this out of the rubble of her compilation fics and it might as well be me. Also the birthplace of the much loved AnS fandom practice of solstice kissing.

Contains Your Favorite Headcanon

The road to Clarines is Gravel by @codango​ Rated E Not the focus of the fic as a whole, but like, Torou and Obi are siblings. GALAXY MIND EXPLOSION. I mean, I loved that so much that I wrote a pre-canon fic of this fic. Additional note totally not related to the bingo square: I will ALWAYS be here for positive sex worker representation in fics. Fair warning, though, this is the most unfair AU in existence because the brain screams that it SHOULDN’T WORK and yet by some sort of writerly sorcery, it DOES. PLEASE READ IT IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY.

Wept Real Tears

let it make you by @thelionshymnal​ Rated M It’s not every day that someone manages to write a fic that makes me stare numbly at the very first line for a solid 15 minutes, big fat tears rolling down my cheeks, but Hymn did it. And then she somehow managed to kiss it better. All in 1100 words.

Free Space

AnS Role Swap AU by @owlsshadows​ Rated M This series has it all. Shirayuki as an assassin. Obi as both a royal bastard and a pharmacist. A mysterious meeting out in the woods where it makes you question whether Nanaki and Obi are two different people or the same. Also Zen having some very conflicted feelings regarding his royal authority and how he can choose to handle rejection.

Edit: Since I’ve already doubled up once, let me double up again, I have so much love to give and not enough space to give it!

Blizzard by @nebluus​ Rated T This is one of the earliest fics I read in this fandom and it remains to date one of my absolute favorites. Obi gets hurt protecting his Miss and a blizzard rolls in. Thankfully they find a cabin where Obi, who is definitely on his death bed if no one finds them and SOON, proceeds to still fuss over his Miss. Best scene: When he warms her hands with his. Also the second chapter is all sorts of delightful domesticity I IMPLORE you to please read it and soon.

Favorite Fan-Made OC

All Pain Will Turn to Medicine by @sabraeal​ Rated M All y’all should’ve seen these coming from ten miles out. I fucking LOVE Herr Anda, the cantankerous little bastard. And Jen knows this because she designed him specifically with me in mind. Academic catnap >:|

AU That Made You Find the Source Material

All Knotted Up by @sabraeal​ Rated G Admittedly, there are a great many AUs out there that made me look up the source material, but this Tangled AU is the most recent because I finally got on Disney+. And yes, Mitsuhide is the horse. Ryuu may be Pascal a little bit, but Mitsuhide. He’s The Horse. XD

First AnS Fic You Read

Loyalty by Evelyn Fiedler Rated K+ (which is basically G on AO3) My one and only ff.net rec from my earliest days in the fandom when I was combing for absolutely any content I could find, begging the fandom to help me decide if I was down for Obiyuki and all that it implied and this author most assuredly delivered.

Favorite Minor Character

Undertow by @jhalya​ Rated E The fic itself is a space odyssey of sorts. One mission among many where humanity attempts to colonize Mars. However the real selling point here, if you didn’t know, is Lord Seiran. He is a delightfully eccentric billionaire who clearly always wanted a large family, judging from how easily he fills out the adoption paperwork.

WIP

Caulk dirty to me by @leewritingrecs​ Rated E Have I mentioned I love the sex worker trope? I. Love. The. Sex. Worker. Trope. Also Obi is clearly divine at all of his jobs. Shirayuki already got to experience his skills at one of them. I wait with BAITED BREATH for her to experience the other :3

Canon Compliant

Thicker than Blood by @infinitelystrangemachinex​ Rated G In the aftermath of the death of King Kain, Izana and Zen must decide on which path they will take moving forward. Amazing fic. Unfinished, but a wonderful look into the dynamics between the Wisteria brothers and their absent mother.

One-Shot

Worth his Weight in Rice by @claudeng80​ Rated T AU set in an Edo-adjacent Period where a disease has wiped killed off a significant portion of the male population. Resulting societal shifts occur. If you go into the comments, I have a couple of pages worth of reasons why I love this AU, but what I appreciate even more is how you have an absolutely perfect oneshot in this fic. It is a well-translated universe where we get a delightful clear, beginning, middle, and end, all in 5k. NOT an easy feat. Please enjoy.

Rare Pair

the fog pushing through my mind by @thelionshymnal​ Rated E Obi/Yuzuri, friends with benefits. Two pining idiots with some sore feelings decide to get stoned and take comfort in another warm body for the night. I just really enjoyed the casual intimacy of the encounter and how this is clearly neither of their first experiences with a one night stand. Neither of them are going to make it weird in the morning, they just need to take the edge off, ya know? Additional bonus for Obi being ready to stab the dumbasses who made Yuzuri feel like she was a weirdo in her past.

AU You Took a Chance On (And Now Love)

Lightning in a Bottle by @jhalya​ Rated M I mean, if Jules is gonna play dirty by making Obi the hot fish man running around without his shirt on 99% of the time, then of COURSE I’m going to enjoy Deep Blue Sea. It’s, like, one of my favorite movies now.

Favorite Trope

Moonshine Phantom by @leewritingrecs​ Rated T We got a murder muffin who ALSO used to be a sex worker? Sign me the fuck up, I am 1000% here for this. Also all the showgirls who clearly love their coworker and only want him and his adorable wife to have the best. They may have never heard of her before, but she looks sweet, and they all have a silent agreement between them that if she breaks his heart, they’ll cut her.

Fic That Gave You a New OTP

What the Heart Wants by @sabraeal​ Rated G Haruto/Mukaze. An attempted kidnapping and subsequent rescue makes Zen and Shirayuki painfully aware that their parents have had, at some point in their lives, sex. Izana may not be happy about someone banging his mom, but is HE rather pleased at having a new sister. >:3c

Pre-Canon

The Wolf in the Woods by @krispy-kream​ (YES I STILL HAVE THIS BOOKMARKED) Rated G Everyone knows that I have very delicate food feels and this ALMOST went under the Wept Real Tears category, but I like to spread out the crying as much as possible XD Shirayuki finds a boy at the edge of the wood and decides he needs something to eat. Filed under: Guaranteed to wreck me in 500 words or less.

#ansficbingo #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #PLEASE ENJOY ALL THE PRETTY FICS #I LOVE THEM ALL AND HOLD THEM DEAR

[realhankmccoy]

When the Body Takes Over

I thought I had it all figured out.  I mean, I was a bright guy.  Great organisational skills, lots of forethought and planning into a successful career I’d been starting as a pharmacist.  I was analytical, logical, and really great with time management.  So, unlike a lot of my peers, I had no trouble finding time, after graduation and obtaining my first job, to get a gym membership and work towards getting my body in peak condition.  I wasn’t a scrawny guy, exactly, but nobody would have called me athletic.  I really just wanted to be living my best life, and it took so little time if you were just devoted and committed to a few hours a week.

So, it wasn’t long til I did have my body in pretty much perfect shape.  Anything bigger would have been in territory that would have made my job awkward and required pushing this bud further into the red.  I just wanted the right balance.  I wasn’t in it for the muscle.  But since I’d worked so hard, I figured I might as well show it off a little, too.  I told myself it was just to inspire other guys.  So I had the Instagram selfies, but in the summer, more and more, I’d find that I liked chillaxing on the beach.  I liked getting out on the water.  I liked taking a jog after work, stripping off my shirt and putting on my headphones, noticing what stares I got.

And here’s the thing, man.  Once you get your body to this level, you have to maintain it.  You have more positive energy.  Your sex drive is higher.  And that’s how I noticed that when I was supposed to be filling my calendar with personal development goals, a reading group I wanted to join, working more on my cooking skills... I’d rather be looking in the mirror.  Maybe flexing a little.  I’d rather be on the apps, talking to other guys, and -- just for fun, I told myself at first -- I’d flirt with other guys just for their bodies, not for the sort of thing I knew I should.  If they were a dumb jock type, I even found it kinda hot.  And soon I’m beating off to those guys, and my convos with those guys, and hooking up with those guys.  I’m acting dumber than I am when I hook up.  I’m getting drunk with these guys.  I’m loving feeling like I’ve got this alternate life as a hot dumb jock myself.

And soon, gotta be honest, it’s become more of a double life.  Sometimes, at a long day of work, I’ll just be feeling through my lab coat how thick and firm my pecs are, now, brushing against the fabric, and feeling, kinda subversively, like ‘That’s the real you, bro.  They don’t know it, but under these clothes you’re just a sex beast, dumb fuckin’ jock waiting to bust out and ride ass like a cowboy tonight after work.’  And it gets me half hard, even a full-out hardon at work a few times.  I feel kinda guilty, but I’ve got it under control -- I’m a really smart guy, at least everyone thinks so and my test scores showed it -- so what if I have a little fun?  And it’s true.  I am riding ass like a cowboy now.  That night I did pour a glass of brandy and have a bro over and, fuck, it was such a hot time.  We went til almost midnight, shooting ropes of hot cum all over each other’s chests.  Guy even licked it off my pecs and kissed me.  Now that was hot.  Something totally primal and uninhibited about that.

With all this fun going on, spring and summer, fall sneaks up on me and I realise I never joined that book club, and, to be blunt about it, there’s a lot of stuff I didn’t add to my calendar that should have been on there, and a lot of meetings and volunteer work that I missed, kinda half-assed through it, to be honest.  My apartment is the messiest it’s even been, gym shorts on the table, mail just thrown in a box for later, inbox piling up.  It’s not that I’m a messy person and I could probably all get it organised in a few days.  It’s just that all this hot stuff has come up and I’ve had such a good time that, you know, you have to cut a few corners if you want to be riding hard til midnight on a weeknight.  I’m still just as organised, and if I’m not, so what, haven’t I earned it by this point?

Gotta admit, sometimes when I’m stroking it in my apartment, thinking of how I *should* clean up a bit or how I haven’t read anything I should be for my job, I think of myself as a hot, out-of-control jock and that makes me hard.  “Hot dumb fucking stud,” I tell myself, once, and just hearing me say it, knowing I have the whole body, the look, and that I’m currently living that life a little gets me so hard that I’m panting as I cum a hot stream all across my chest, shooting so hard I hit myself on the neck and the chin with it.

And with my hookups... man, sex is such a whole netherworld to explore, really, that soon I’m playing around with poppers, having did some research that they’re not as bad as I feared, and really playing around, drinking hard if it’s a Friday to really hit that deep, dark state where I’m drooling just like a legit jockbro, where my thoughts slow down and the other guy is just so handsome and masculine and all of the florescent lighting and tedious meetings of the whole repetitive workweek cycle I go through just fades away.  I really love getting it as far out of mind as possible so I can truly enjoy my weekends and as much of the weekday as I can, too.

Even starting to drink with a bro on a Thirsty Thursday and to totally beast out the moment I’m off the clock on Friday, let this jockbod go primate, ride with the men like a real cowboy... fuck, it’s become a great way to live for me.  My goals and scheduling can wait.  I’m doing great and living life while I’m in my prime.  There will be plenty of more time to be driven, logical, whatever, a dork with a strict schedule.  And just knowing I don’t give a fuck right now feels liberating.  Just knowing I think of how I’d been before I really got into this feels hot.  Like I really am becoming a dumb jockbro and the guy I was was just a dork.  The thought of losing myself feels hot.  So I do, every weekend, bro.

Sometimes at work, because my job is so redundant and boring, I’m even arranging a hookup now when on break or getting away to the bathroom for a quick sec.  Feels hot and illicit to give a few strokes when nobody’s looking, too.  And I notice I’m not doing as detail-oriented of a job as I was before, but not really worried about that as I’m so good at my job that I’m probably just like a normal employee now, or even if I’m a little on the shirk side, still doing fine, really, I mean how many idiots in our country just phone it in on the job their whole lives?  And I’m definitely not an idiot... well, except when I beast out and drool all over a guy’s chinstrap beard and say, ‘bro, I’m obsessed with this, bro, you’re so fuckin’ hot, bro...’ which has me hard just thinking of that, really.  Looking forward to more of that.  So many hot men in the world, guys.  The amount of beauty out there is almost overwhelming at times.

Then, next summer, because I feel like I’m kinda treading water on the job, not really doing my dork calendar routine at all and don’t really need to because I am a success, I feel like I still haven’t gotten to experience what it’s like to really live.  So I ask for unpaid leave for six months.  My manager all talks that he’s really disappointed, it’s too early, and this may disrupt my career and chances at the firm, but he will grant it.  I feel kind of irked at him, and annoyed at myself, too, but when I get home, knowing it’s set and that in two weeks, I’ll be free for six months, I am hard as fuck.  I get out of my clothes almost as soon as I’m through the door.  “You dumb fucking jock,” I say, grabbing my dick and stroking it, feeling so relieved to have my hand on the thing after that anxious meeting and another whole week of that shit, “fucking up your whole career, even, so you can be just another dumb jockboy, dumb piece of you meat, you like that?  You like this?  Fuck yeah you do,’ I go and moan, leaking pre, enjoying this moment.

I had worked for it, hadn’t I?  It would be ok, as I did have a job to go back to, and six months off wasn’t gonna ruin me.  Living, I had found out more and more, was just as important as being a responsible, career-oriented guy.  Maybe even more important.  And who really had the guts do to hot stuff like this, jock out just, you know, on purpose?  A double life that was gonna get to be my real life for six months straight, now.  I felt up these thick pecs, the pecs that I had originally gotten just to look my best, to be healthy, the pecs that now had me feeling like a dumb jock who lived for bodies, muscle, scent, sweat, and sex.  I’d learned so much of the sterile life most people live in isn’t even natural.  And this was more akin to the truth, wasn’t it?  I flicked my nipple with one hand, recumbent on my back, as I stroked my cock with the other.  My thick jockcock, I told myself.  Fuck, I’m hot.

I start to wonder, a few weeks after being off work, if this would have even had happened if I hadn’t put that gym membership on there.  Maybe it was hormones and this body that were driving a lot of this.  A lot of times when I was fucking it sure felt that way, like it was my body that wanted this and it was just dragging my mind along for the ride.  And to dull my mind, blunt it, definitely shut it off from work always felt hot.  It was hard to escape that land of pills and spreadsheets, although drugs did help.  And as a pharmacist, I knew enough about drugs to know what I was getting into, what was safe and what was only minimally dangerous -- but the payoff was worth it, I was young and ate so healthy and knew how to recover and not overdo it.  More and more, I wanted to overdo it, too, the thought of actually falling into a dumber, more rebellious and hardcore lifestyle, because I had so much brainpower to spare, not even bothering me.  There was probably a ton to learn there that nobody had really had the guts to explore, I figured. Feeling up a jockstud’s giant biceps, fuck, he was so hot, as he put another drink under my nose, I couldn’t help but tell him what I did.  “Dude, you’re not even gonna believe this, but I’m actually a pharmacist.  I took off work for six months just so I could be a slutty jockboy and fuck around with studs like you.”

“Yeah, you buff little jock?” he goes as I slurp down the red eye he made me, guy has some serious jocked-up cowboy southwestern stud vibes going on.  “I love you like this.  You did the right thing.  All those pills and shit, I wouldn’t want to do it either.  It’ll feel so good riding my cock instead.  I’ll fuck you til the slutty jockboy in you is all you remember.  Here, take a whiff of this,” he goes, getting out his bottle of Jungle Juice and putting it under my nose.

“Aww fuck man, feels so good,” I slur, putting my hand to his jawline and deep-kissing him, twisting tongues -- this guy really wanted to twist and tease me.  So hot.  “Hit me again, man,” I go, and take another hit of the poppers.

Soon I’m kneading his pecs, he’s positioning me above his cock, and he’s sliding it in.  I’m literally drooling.  “You like that, jockboy?” he goes.  “Gonna be so fucking stupid by the time I’m done with you.  You’ll never go back to that job.  You have way more to offer like this.  I like you like this.  Gonna drink and fuck til we black out, and when you wake up it’ll be another red eye to get your day on.  I got all weekend.”

“Oh, fuck yeah man,” I go.  “I’m a buff fucking jock, it’s all I am now, all I want to be, can’t even help it.  Just look at these guns man, look at these pits,” I go, flexing, as he grins at me, feeling up my biceps, playing with the hair in one of my pits with his meaty paw, lightly curling the tufts of hair he found there, obviously enjoying the tufts as he rubbed them, his eyes a vacant but intense gaze of sensuality, the drunken scent of our drinks intermingling in the air between us.  I’m just riding his cock, feeling it complete me as he plays with me, as he flicks my hard nipple and kisses me, kisses the other nip, bathing it with his tongue, making me feel loved, dumb, slutty, fucked up, primitive... I needed this so bad.  I need this so bad.

“Hey jockboy, open your mouth,” he goes, and I do.  He leans over, looks into my eyes, and the spits into my mouth, fast and loudly.  Then he grips me by the jaw and makes out with me, tonguing hard, practically feeling me out with his tongue, raw, primitive, a devouring beast of a man just wanting to get the most of out life, wanting to connect with me, my meaty, manly self, to taste the manhood I had to offer, to dominate it, to merge with it, to...

I couldn’t even think any longer, barely, as I was leaking pre so hard.  “Fuck man, you make me so hard, man, I’m your jockboy, man, erase the worker drone I’d been, man, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, oh fuck...” I go, and he pulls out of me, quick, pushing me back on the couch, my meaty bod thumping back against the leather, and he’s got his lips around my cock as I start to cum, lapping it up, drinking the cum as I moan “oh fuck, oh fuck yeah, FUCK YEAH” and he’s slurping and slobbering it up, licking up and down the shaft, focusing on the tip, lightly, tip of his tongue to catch the last few drops without overdoing it -- you know how you don’t want a cock on your meat after you’ve cum, and this guy knows it, total pro -- and I’m panting, exhausted, drunk, staring as his amazing body and wondering how he’s gonna want to cum next.  Any way he wants, that’s for sure, fuck if this jockbro cares.  This stud -- I want to ride with this one all week if he’s down.  This stud, man.  That’s all that matters in my life right now, and feels so amazing to know I finally got some priorities that feel like they fit the person I always must have been deep down inside.  And so much further to go, I feel, this rollercoaster of a sex beast lifestyle I’m choosing, and that’s the part I’m really anticipating.  I gotta remake my whole apartment, throw out all that lame stuff, appointments and ... this is what I’m living for now, man.  This is me.  This is who I am, and I don’t know how I got here, and I don’t know if it even matters.  I just know I want more of it, as much as possible.  This aped out, jocked up bod -- it’s me, man.  It’s really me.  Oh fuck.  Oh fuck yeh.

#nerd to jock #jockboy #transformation #gay tf #gay #pharmacy #collegejock #college jock #college jocks #gay cowboy #red eye

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary -Chapter 42

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @valkyrie-of-the-light​

Despite the suffocating humidity and sweltering heat, it's a relief to get out of the hotel. She'd spent the last three days confined within the four walls of their room, trying desperately to keep her mind off of not only what happened at McMann's house, but the terrifying consequences that followed. Plagued by incessant worry about the safety and well being of the kids,  waiting on pins and needless for the random and all to brief updates that Ovi would send throughout the day.  And now the torturous minutes and hours before the IRA would get back to them with their decision.  The fates of the McMann kids...and their own...in the hands of the very kind of people that Tyler went into battle against while on the job.  It's a nauseating turn of events; having to put all of your faith and hope into individuals known world wide for the brutal acts.  To trust them to save lives instead of ending them.

Tanis sticks tight to her side. It was the one and only stipulation that she'd had to agree to for a short couple hours of freedom; the other woman could not leave her side, and under no circumstances was she to wander off on her own. Not even if it was only a couple feet away. There was no telling who was a threat now;  with McMann and the Buckmans working together, their reach is incredibly long and they have endless resources and people at their disposal.  If she wanted to get outside and attempt to function as a 'normal' member of society, she had to have protection at all times.  Tanis is pleasant enough;  talkative,  articulate,  educated on a wide variety of subjects that helps keep conversation lively and fresh. Tall and athletically built; broad shoulders and fit, well toned muscles, her blond hair cropped short to her head in a stylish and modern pixie, dazzling green eyes that are constantly taking in the people and the action around them.   She doesn't carry herself with an unabashed cockiness that most Marines do;  her posture is loose instead of rigid,  she smiles often,  she doesn't puff out of her chest in an attempt to intimate anyone that so as much looks in their direction. To the untrained eyed, they'd appear as if they were just two friends out for a day on the town; chatting and laughing, bags of shopping on their arms. But Esme knew the truth. Which the woman is really there.  And she knows that there's gun tucked into a holster on Tanis' right hip, hidden under the baggy white t-shirt she sports. This is a job. Nothing more, nothing less.  Once it's over, they'll each go back to their separate lives. It's the way things have to be; you don't fraternize with the client. All ties cut the moment the job is finished and money has exchanged hands. It's easier that way. No bonds formed, no feelings hurt.

Ovi is an exception to the rule.    He'd needed further protection; he wasn't safe in Mumbai, not with his father in prison, Saju dead, and Asif's associates looking for payback.  And most importantly, he'd needed a chance at a real life. He'd needed to know what it was like to part of a family. To have people that respect and love him. For far too long he'd gone through life being treated like a thing instead of a person, and it had been a difficult adjustment for him. Going from having 'handlers' and paid help to having parent figures and siblings. It had been a struggle for him to adapt; their rules were incredibly lax compared to those that had been placed upon him in Mumbai, but they were still things that were expected of him.  And he'd struggled to go from the rigidly strict to the rather relaxed and casual.  It wasn't just a chance of scenery, but an entirely different change of pace and a way of life.  No private schools, no chauffeurs taking him place to place. He had set curfew but was allowed to have friends; he could go to the mall, take in a movie, hang out a park. He no longer had people hovering over him and dictating his every move. And as much as he'd hated that life...his old life, it had still been hard to not be controlled in such fashion.

It had been good to talk to him that morning. He'd sounded tired, but he was happy. Secured in his ability to keep himself, Chloe and the kids safe. There was no evidence of fear or uncertainty in his voice. The trust that Tyler had placed him had been an enormous ego boost; he was confident, resolved, with no worries about who may be following them or may try to get to the kids. He would handle it. Those were his exact words. Whatever...whoever...came their way, he wasn't the least bit afraid.  A stark change from the slightly immature and self conscious kid that they'd left behind almost two weeks ago.  And it was the first time since Tyler had told her that he'd put Ovi in charge of their kids that she'd felt truly confident in his decision.

“Forgive me for asking this,” Tanis says, as they wander through the main shopping district; sipping smoothies and chatting like old friends. “And I hope I don't come off to personal or sounding rude.”

“I live with five males, I have been asked an obscene amount of personal questions and pretty much heard every possible rude comment under the sun in the past five and a half years,” Esme grins. “I have two four year old's that are obsessed with fart jokes and think the word 'ass' is the funniest thing they've ever heard. Do you know what that's like? That much 'boy' in one house? I mean, my husband has enough testosterone for half the planet, I swear. Never mind adding in his three mini me's and a teenage boy.”

Tanis laughs. “My parents had all girls. I'm the last of five. I thought that was hell to grow up in.”

“Oh don't get me wrong, I would take five girls over one boy any day. My girl has been a walk in the park compared to raising boys. I mean, she's full of attitude and piss and vinegar, but she's been so easy. She picked up everything so quick and she's been always so eager to learn new things. And she's obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness. But the boys? Oh my god. How do they get pee everywhere? Are they not paying attention? Are they waving it around like firehouse? How does it get on the floor, the baseboards and the wall but none in the actual toilet? Ughhh...” she shudders.  “...that's why I won't clean the bathrooms anymore. That's a man's job. So gross.”

“Sounds like there's never a dull moment at your place,” Tanis grins.

“It's a zoo. I'm not even joking. It's mess and it's noise and it's utter chaos. But at the same time, it's awesome. It's our mess and our noise and our chaos. You get used to it. And you miss it when it's gone. This last week and a half has been hell. Not being under the same roof as them. Not being able to hug them and kiss them and tuck them in at night. I complain about the craziness, but I miss it. As weird as that sounds.”

“That doesn't sound weird to me. That sounds pretty normal, actually. This will all be over. This whole nightmare. And we'll get you back home. Where you belong.”

Esme gives a smile of appreciation.  The words have a nice sentiment behind them, but there's still so much that has be done. So much risk involved.  And she tries to push those thoughts out of her mind.  Not wanting to think about what could go wrong, but what will go right. “What did you want to ask me?” she inquires, as she sips at the smoothie in her hand. It's about all she can stomach. If that. Nothing has been staying down despite the anti nausea (and baby safe) medication a local pharmacist had recommended her. It's always been bad; fatigue and all day sickness (never mind just the morning), but it's never been this bad.

“How the hell did you ever wind up with Mark? Because he's a bit of a...”

“Douche canoe?”

“Well I was going to say prick, but douche canoe works too.  I mean, he's my boss and I have to respect while on the clock and in his presence, but what the fuck is his issue? He's a total ass wipe.”

“And this is him being friendly and diplomatic if you can believe that. This is his good and charming side. Wait until you get to meet the rest of him. It's a real treat. To say the least.”

“How did you ever end up with him? You seem so...I don't know...normal...”

Esme laughs. “Don't ever let Tyler hear you say. He can tell you that I am far from normal.”

“Mark is just so...Mark...and you're just so...you.  You're just both so different from one another.  He treats everyone like shit and you seem so welcoming and friendly with people. I find it hard to believe that someone like you would even get mixed up with such a complete and utter tool.”

“He talked a good game when I first met him.  I hadn't been in the Corps for very long. I didn't have much life experience under my belt. And suddenly this older guy showing interest in me. He was mature, charming, he had a very authoritative way about him that was strangely appealing. He was my commanding officer, so there was that whole rush you get when you know you're going against the rules and there will be hell to pay if you get caught.  I was young. Inexperienced. And stupid. So very, very stupid.”

“Is it true he let a stewardess give him a blow job in the plane bathroom on the way back from your honeymoon?”

“Sadly, yes. That's one hundred percent true. I should have just dumped his ass when that happened. Got the marriage annulled. But he swore he'd never do anything like that again and it was just a 'one off' and he got all that kind of behaviour out of his system.  So I believed him. Stupid little naive girl that I was.”

“So it got worse instead of better?”

'Not right away. It got better. And it stayed that way for about eight months and then he just went off the deep end. He'd gotten back from Iraq and was having a hard time with some of the things he saw and heard over there. Which, don't get me wrong. I get.  That shit fucks with your head. There's even things now that still bother me. Images and sounds and smells that come back out of nowhere. But he went right off the reservation.  It's like something inside him snapped and he couldn't hold back his true self any longer.  I should have left right away...the first time he ever hit me...but...” she shrugs.

“People think it's so easy.  That it's as simple as just packing your things and walking out. That it's not. Nothing is ever that simple.”

“You've been through it too?”

Tanis nods. “My ex husband was the exact same. He was a narcissist. And a sociopath. A violent one. I stayed for three years. I lost everything because of him. My friends, my family. They didn't understand why I didn't just walk away. I tried explaining to them that it wasn't that easy, but they didn't get it.”

“People don't if they haven't lived through it themselves,” Esme reasons. “I used to be one of those people. Who used to judge the women for not leaving. Then I became one  of those women. It woke me the hell up right quick, let me tell you.  I put up with his shit for two and a half years.  And in a way, I'm still putting up with that. That crap never leaves you. It stays in the back of your mind. All the horrible things they've said. All the times they've told you that weren't good enough or that no one could ever possibly love you because of how messed up you are, or that someone could never love you the way they do.  You think you've gotten over it, but you haven't. It's always there.”

“And then when you do meet someone and are happy, all those come out and work against you. And you listen to them. And you believe them.”

“Exactly. It's a vicious circle. It's a horrible existence. And it takes someone really strong and really patient to help you deal with all of that.”

“You found that though,” Tanis smile. “Someone like that. You're one of the lucky ones.”

“I have put that man through hell. Or my brain has, I should say. I have snapped and said some horrible, horrible shit to him.  I think about some of the things I've said to him and I want to crawl into a hole and die. Tyler has his issues, don't get me wrong.  He is far from perfect.  But he sure as hell doesn't deserve the things I've said to him. But he sticks around. Shockingly.”

“Because he knows that's not you saying the things you say. He knows it's what you've been through. And he loves you. Anyone can see that. It really burns Mark's ass you know,” Tanis chuckles. “Seeing the two of you together. The one the two of you look at one another.  He can not handle it.”

“That's because he's such a miserable fuck, he expects everyone else to be too.  Can you believe my own mother stayed friends with him? Knowing what he'd put me through? How messed up is that? She loves Mark but hates Tyler because he's the one took me away from my home and forced me stay in Australia and blah blah blah.  That is her sole reasoning for not liking him. Yet Mark is a total sleaze ball who gets off on hitting women and she loves him. “

“She sounds just as messed up as Mark.”

“You think? She's a real piece of work. And now Nik is hooked with him? Of all people that I thought would be smarter than that, it's her. She is far from being a stupid woman. Or a weak one.  Yet she chooses to be with him? Ughhh...” Esme shudders dramatically.  “...if that isn't enough to make me puke, I don't know what is. And believe me, I don't need any extra reasons to puke. Do you have kids?”

“No. But I haven't completely ruled them out. I'm in a good place with my life right now. I've met a pretty good guy. We're taking things slow, but...”

“Zak, right?”

“How'd you...?”

“It's all in the way he looks at you. The way he watches you when you talk. That little smile he has when you walk into the room. It must be a guy thing.  Maybe they're better at expressing it with their faces than they are with their words. Tyler gets so embarrassed if someone brings up 'the look'.  And he tries denying its mere existence, but it's there. Whether he wants to admit it or not. He doesn't like to talk about those things.  But let me just say this, he's not always a hard ass. He's got a soft side to him, and a huge heart. But whatever you do, do not tell him I told you that. He will deny, deny, deny and I'll never hear the end of it.”

“I know Mark's my boss and I should probably watch the things I say out of respect for him, but...”

“No. Speak your mind, girl.  You probably don't have anything to say about him that I haven't said a million times myself.”

“...you really traded up the second time around. Like you went from here...” she holds her hand just below her waist “....to here...” she raises her hand way above her head.  “...and I totally didn't mean that to represent the difference in size, but I guess it's appropriate.  You went from like grade F beef to like Triple grade A.”

“The difference is night and day. In every respect.  And that's what makes thing even more screwed up. Because your brain believed everything some asshole said, so you have no idea how to even let someone love you.  You're so used to being treated like garbage that when a decent guy comes along, you don't know how to deal with him.  You expect the worst, get the best ,and then you don't know what to do with it.”

“So you get scared and push it away,” Tanis concludes.

“Exactly. And believe me, I pushed long and hard for a while. And he refused to budge.  He just tried even harder.  And believe me, there were many times he could have told me to go fuck myself and taken off and he would have had every right to do it. But he never did.  He's a stubborn shit, let me tell you.  Which is probably why he didn't die that day on the bridge in Dhaka. Everything has be on Tyler's terms. It's your way or his way. There is no in between. He has to be in control. I guess he figured he hadn't lost all control yet so why give up?”

Tanis smiles. “Something tells me you had something to do with it to. I mean, you stuck around for a guy you barely knew.”

“Well the sex was amazing and I wasn't ready to let that go yet. I wasn't finished using him for his body yet.”

The other woman laughs at that.

“In all honesty,  I did what I dd because I wanted to. Because it felt like the right thing to do. He was in that mess because of me. Well Ovi, too. But if he hadn't have kept us around, he wouldn't have gotten out of there and not ended up as fucked up as he was. Sometimes I wonder if he regrets it. That he did decide to keep us around. If he wishes he'd listened to Nik and just left us in the street.  I mean, he wouldn't have all the issues that he has now if he had have ditched us.”

“I have a feeling that he never even considered the ditching you guys part.”

“He says he didn't. That it was never an option. But I couldn't really blame him if he thought about it at least once. It's all about survival right? Self preservation? Sometimes the only person you can worry and care about is yourself.”

“It must have been hard. The aftermath. Of Dhaka.”

“It was...” she fidgets with the straw in her drink,  pulling it up, pushing it back down,  trying to find the appropriate words to describe exactly what it had been like. Without completely losing her grip on her own emotions. She's normally a sensitive person to begin with, but now the hormones have decided to cause havoc within her body and even the smallest of dirty looks from someone have her ready to burst into tears.  Just that morning she'd had a meltdown because the mint of the hotel toothpaste was 'too strong'.

“...hard...” she says.  “It was hard. To see someone like that. All the tubes and all the wires and bandages and stitches and what not. He was a mess. He should not have survived that. Even the doctors told me when they took him to surgery when we first got there that they didn't think he'd even get off the table alive.  And he almost didn't. He coded three times. They said if there had been fourth, they wouldn't even have bothered to bring him back. That the lack of oxygen would have led to a catastrophic brain injury.”

It's painful to relive it. Even more painful than those moments on the bridge when she'd fought to keep him alive.  The agonizingly long wait in the OR family are; that bloody and torn tactical vest clutched tightly to her chest. The one that she'd nonsensically tried to scrub clean in one of the public bathrooms because he 'might need it again'. The doom and the gloom that had been in the surgeon's voice and in all the voices of the doctors and specialists that had come and gone through his room in the ICU.  Not one of them believed he would make it. The blood loss was too severe. The damage too great.  He'd never be the man he was before. Maybe not even a fraction of it. And the more they tried to prepare her to say goodbye, the tighter she held on.

“And I know that sounds weird because I'd just met him and there's no way I should have ever felt that strongly about him so soon...” she continues. “...but I can't explain it.  I can't explain what I felt. I just know I felt it. And I wasn't ready to let him go. We had too much to look forward to. Plans we made. We were legitimately going to work at things and see where we really stood in each others lives. If there was more to it than those five days in Dhaka. But we never got the chance. It didn't go the way we wanted it to.”

“But things worked out,” Tanis reasons.  “In the long run.  It might have been what you had planned, but they still worked out. Look how far you guys have come. From that day until now.”

“Yeah, he's still trying to solve everyone else's problems and getting hurt doing it.”

“I don't mean in that way. As in the job.  He made it out of that hospital. Even when all logic and even science said he shouldn't. He survived that and now look.  You're married, you've got amazing kids, one on the way...” she gives a smile, and pats Esme on the tummy. “...it's a great life. Even if doesn't seem that way sometimes.”

“Yeah. It is actually,” she agrees, and then smiles as she lays her own hand on her stomach. It will be a while before her body starts to visibly change. She'd been nearly twenty weeks before even the slightest bit of a bump began to show with Millie.  The twins had shown earlier, obviously. And Declan had just been enormous right from the start.  He was easily going to be over six feet tall by the time he hit his teen years, and probably built like a linebacker.

“Last one?” Tanis asked, nodding down at Esme's stomach.

“Oh hell yeah. This is it. I thought we were done at three. At least we agreed to stop at three. After the twins, we were done. That was it. Declan was a complete and total shock. We were actually using birth control and that kid still made his appearance. So if anything was meant to be, it's him.  And then we decided why not one more , and well,  it happened a lot sooner than we thought it would, but it happened.”

“I like to think things like this happen for a reason,” Tanis says. “Everything says that your Declan shouldn't be here. In the same way that doctors and science and all rational logic say hat Tyler shouldn't be here. But they both are.”

“When you put it that way, maybe I should play the lottery. With those kinds of odds running in my house,”  Esme muses.  “I know how lucky I am. That Tyler even survived. I saw how bad he was; the amount of blood he lost.  He honestly probably should have never made it off the bridge alive.   And sometimes I think it take it for granted that he did.  That I take him for granted.  I'm just so used to him being around that I sometimes forget how close it came to him not being around.”

“I think we're all guilty of that. Taking the people in our lives with granted.  Their presence for granted.”

“Makes me feel like a shitty human when I think about it. All the times where he's annoyed the shit out of me and wish he would go away and leave me alone. What if I wished those things and it happened? What if the last words I ever said to him were awful? If I actually let him walk out the door without telling him I love him. Imagine having to spend the rest of your life with that kind of guilt?”

“It's why we can't let a day go by without telling people how we feel about them,” Tanis says.  “We have to live each day with someone as if it's the last we'll ever spend with them”

****

She's startled to see him when she arrives back at the hotel; there are still two hours before his meeting with McMann and he hadn't planned on returning until after it was over.   So it's a nice surprise...and a huge relief...to see him there lounging in the middle of the middle. Leaning back against the headboard with those long legs stretched out in front of him, his hand clasped at the back of his neck, his eyes closed.   He doesn't respond to the sound of the door opening and closing; not a single muscle twitching throughout his body or in his face. Chest slowly rising and falling with each steady breath he takes. And she ditches her shopping bags and purse in the closet by the door and kicks off her shoes, bare feet against the soft carpet as she wanders further into the room.  The mattress dipping slightly as she climbs onto it,  shuffling on her knees towards him and then climbing into his lap, a knee on either side of him, arms around his torso and head resting on his shoulder.  She closes her own eyes; he's warm and soothing, his body hard and strong, his familiar scent still intoxicating after all these years.. And when she sighs against him he finally moves; turning his face towards hers and pressing a kiss to her forehead, both arms wrapping around her.

“Hi,” she says, voice muffled against the side of his neck.

'Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm staying in this room too,” he playfully reminds her.

“You weren't supposed to be back until later.”

“Well I came back early.”

“Why?”

“Because I missed you and wanted to see you.”

He can feel her smile against his throat.  “That's a very good reason,” she declares, a places a kiss to the scar that mars his neck; the one that will forever serve as a reminder to just how close he'd come to ceasing to exist.

“The best reason,” he says, his palm moving in slow, smooth circles in the middle of her back. “Did you eat something?”  He can't help himself; his protective nature is coming out in full force. It's bad enough when it's just her he's worrying about and trying to keep safe, but now there's a baby inside of her and he has twice as much to lose.

“A little bit. What your spawn will let me keep me down.”

“When we get home and we get you into a doctor you can go on that medicine you were on the last time. It helped, yeah? You didn't puke that much with Declan.”

“It was a life saver,” she confirms.  “You smell good.”

“You wouldn't have said that a half an hour ago, trust me.”

“Even on your worst days you don't smell that bad. I kind of like how you smell. Even on your stinky days.”

“You smell good too...” he turns his face towards her, nose against her temple.   “...strawberries?”

“Your favourite.”

“Yeah...” he grins.  “...they are.”

She relaxes against him; the curves of her body soft and supple against firm muscle.  She keeps her eyes closed; unable to look at that scar for too long. Normally it doesn't bother her; it serves as a daily reminder that he is still alive and she is lucky to have him.  But today it hurts; it cuts deep and vicious and she can't bear it.  

“Where were you when you called?” she asks. “Your cell reception sucked.”

“That's why I hung up and sent you a text message instead.”

“Where were you?”

“Just had a team meeting.  With Yaz, Mark, and his guys.  In an industrial park about ten minutes from town.  We didn't want to take the chance that the wrong people saw us all together.”

“Makes sense.”

“Did Mark call you?”

She hears the tension in his voice, feels the way his muscles tighten, how that vein in the side of his throat begins to pulsate. “No. Why? Should he have called?”

“I thought maybe he would. To rat on me.  We sort of got into a thing.”

“Yeah?” she runs her fingernails along his hair line at the nape of his neck. “Did you finally beat his ass?”

“Not as much as I would have liked to, no. I think I broke his nose though.”

“Well considering you could have broken his neck, a broken nose is pretty tame. What did you get into it about?”

“What do you think?”

“Awww baby....”  she pushes her hand through his hair; letting the longer strands on top slip between her fingers. “...were you defending my honour?  My knight in slightly tarnished armour.”

“I said some things I probably shouldn't have said. But I fucking snapped and it all just came out.  He's just so fucking ignorant and smug and everyone thinks he's this great guy. Which makes me hate him even more. So I lost it. Said some shit I shouldn't have said in front of other people. About you and him.”

“I'm sure whatever you said, he had it coming. So...”

“It wasn't my place to say those things. About you.  I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut. But he just pissed me so bad and...”

“Tyler...” she pulls back to look at him, holding his face in her hands. “...I don't care what you said. It's things that should have been said a long time ago, I'm sure. It's probably things he needed to hear. And if you just so happened to punch him in the face while saying those things...”

“It was an elbow, actually.”

“I'm not going to be upset at you for sticking up for me.  Everything I told you about him...about all the things he did...it was all true. So I don't mind those words being out in the open now.  Maybe now that someone has finally brought them up and holding him accountable for his shit, he'll straighten himself out. You know he's seeing Nik right?”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“It doesn't bother you?”

“I think she can do a hell of a lot better.”

“You don't think it's weird that my ex is doing whatever with your ex?”

“She is not my ex.”

“Well maybe not an ex girlfriend, but she's an ex something.”

“Putting it that way means I have a lot of exes out there.”

“You dirty boy,” she winks at him. “No wonder you know how to do things you do. You have lot of practice under your belt. All those different women in all those different cities. Do you have a score sheet somewhere?”

“It's not that many.  But hey, a man has needs, so...” he shrugs.

“I guess you don't like studying alone that much after all,” she teases, and he gives a scowl and then wraps one arm around waist, lifts her into his chest and then dumps her onto her back in the middle of the bed.  “Is this where you punish me?” she inquires, as he kneels between her thighs and leans over her, a hand on either side of her head, outstretched arms bearing his weight.  “Is there where I get in trouble for being a smart ass?”

Tyler shakes his head, then places a chaste kiss to her lips before sliding down the bed; fingertips gentle as he pulls up the bottom of her t-shirt, pushes down the waistband of her shorts and then presses his lips to her stomach. Where their baby...his baby...is safe and secure. And it's a moment that is so pure and so beautiful...a moment of vulnerability from such a big, strong, brave man...that it brings tears to her eyes.

“Baby...” she reaches down to push his hair out of his eyes.  “...are you okay?”

He nods.

“You don't seem...I don't know...you.”

“I'm fine,” he assures her, giving her that that half frown, half smile that reveals that he is in fact, not fine at all.  And his hands are on her hips as he rests his forehead against her stomach.

“Tyler...” she tugs at his hair, forcing him to look up at her.  “...what's going on? And don't say nothing. Because I can tell there's something happening inside that brain of yours.”

He attempts another smile. This one a little brighter and reassuring. “You know how I get. Right before shit's about to go down.”

“No. This isn't that.  You don't act like this. You're quiet and sullen and broody when you're going into a job. This is different. You're different.”

“I love you,” he says.  “So much. I need you to know that.”

“Tyler...” she frowns. “...what is going on?”

“Say it,” he pleads. “I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you too. You know I do. Tell me what's wrong. I can tell something is wrong.”

“I just wanted you to know that. That I love you. You know, just in case.”

“Don't talk like that.  Please. I don't want to hear you talk like that.”

“There's something I need to do. Something I can't tell you about. It's better that you don't know. I need you to trust me.  That what I'm going to do, I'm doing for you. And the baby.  For our kids.  I don't want you to ask me about it.  Because I can't tell you. It's for your own good. And for mine.”

“Tyler...what...?”

“Just trust me, okay? I need you to trust me. That this is the way things have to be done. I wouldn't do it unless it needed to be done.  Just know that it's for you and my kids.”

“You're scaring me. What's going on?”

“I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I want to tell you. But I can't. I'm so sorry, Esme.”

She see the tears that well in his eyes, hears the emotion that  causes his voice to crack.  “You're going to be okay, right? At least tell me you're going to be okay.”

“I'll be okay,” he promises, pressing one last kiss to her stomach before moving up the bed, once more kneeling between her thighs as he takes her face her hands and kisses her. Long and soft. Heart breakingly sweet.  “I'll be okay.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #chris hemsworth character #extraction #sanctuary

[editorialsonlife]

hello tumblr world its been a while since there’s been a proper update here so prepare for a dump and a half my friends because the last few weeks have been a fun trip (and that’s not even including the bloody US elections OMG)

we went to hawkes bay, so that was a good time. NOT. we turned up late because we slept in which was a great time. and also very fortuante because we arrived and no one came out to say hello which is terrible weird. So we start unloading the car and walking to the door and paul eventually emerged and was like, oh your mother’s just taking a nap we’re a bit tired. we only got home from the hospital an hour ago’. alaring for several reasons. 

the last couple of times this has happened, dave’s grandma died, his grandfather died, paul was in hospital for a suspected heart attack, paul had a heart attack & was flown to wellington for emergency surgery. let alone all the other family dramas in the intervening times. 

so it turns out that she threw her back out badly, fell over, and ended up in hospital when they couldn’t get on top of the pain with their sizable drug haul (pharmacist families man). didn’t think to text or call or give us a heads up in any way. when I asked why they wouldn’t text the response was, and I quote “Well she wasn’t dying so we didn’t think it was important’. like, fucking wow bitches. 

She couldn’t move without crying and groaning like she was in labour, she couldn’t move without a walker, she was on morphine, coedine, steroids and antiinflammatories, and still fucking miserable. 

poor dave was so stressed out. it was actually just a fucking horrible weekend. a) seeing another human in that much pain who utterly refused to do anything about it and still is

b) not being told the full story about whats going on, although I did read her medical discharge notes when they were both asleep 

c) seeing poor fucking dave stressed to shit because who the fuck knows whats going on and that’s his mum hes watching in so much pain. 

it was fucking horrible. never again. and walking into it with no warning was just the shittest thing of all. 

I was so fucking angry when we got home. like, ridiculous. I’m still raging tbh. guess who’s place we’re not going to for christmas?? 

So that was our five days of leave, and our holiday, once again shat all over (at least it wasn’t covid this time?!?)

got home on monday evening and went to send an email to work to be like hey homies not showing up tomorrow, need a day to recover to find out I had a client meeting at 830 the next morning I had to attend which was so  hard to get through. here, let’s pitch for 80k of work which isn’t going to solve any of your problems? why not. it makes me so mad. SO MAD. 

rolled through that and our team meeting and a colleague was like how are you doing? just about burst into tears so I peaced out of there. turned up to counselling on thursday, didnt even make it into the room and anne was like, you seem angry? I was like, mmmmm no, don’t think angry quite covers it mate. so that was great. 

got to last weekend, was meant to be meeting friends for brunch but there was a massive crash on the motorway so we ended up driving somewhere else which was an hour each way so that basically ruined the day but it was a lovely brunch anyway, had a great time. best smashed avo and lots of cuddles with little miss izz who is not so little anymore but so gorgeous!! Had a great day on sunday, finished off a bunch of work (yes, work is insanely busy right now, such fun, will be working again this weeked), got heaps of planting done, mowed the lawns, hung my artwork, finally felt like I was back on a happy even keel (fuck life is nice not having permanent anxiety) only to be sitting in a meeting on monday afternoon to find out homegrown is on the same day as our wedding. the second wedding since the first one was cancelled. 

I pretty much just lost my shit. honestly. why is it so fucking hard to just organise something to celebrate being married. legit feel like the universe is just fucking with us at the moment and like, did we even make the right decision doing all of this? because every time we try and do something it gets fucked over and its v stressful. and yes i know we’re lucky to be covid free and be able to plan these safely and everything else but like, honestly. I’m so over it. every holiday this year has been fucked over, the wedding was done, the family reaction was so shit, like, its just ridiculous. the worst part was I came home in rage mode and dave came home in problem solving mode and was like, we can fix this and like, yeah, i know we can, but like, I’m fucking sick of making do. It’s meant to be one of the best days of our lives, and we’re already onto plan fucking c for it, and just like, I’m done with it? I’m just done. I cannot be assed. I don’t want to email everyone, I don’t want to reschedule all this shit, I don’t want to reorganise all my hair appointments, I don’t want to have to worry about the weather and rebooking it all and dealing with all this fucking shit. I’m so done. I’ve done it twice already I don’t want to do it again. RAGE. anyway. survived monday night, the week did not get any better, work got worse, and the PMS hit fucking hard yesterday. cried before work, cried at the stupid 8am meeting, cried turning up to anne and was like, I have an hour to get this all out of my system before client meetings in the afternoon. 

and hot damn, god bless best friends, because bish messaged me and was like, lets do lunch homie, so we went to the botanic gardens and sat there and had the most insane conveersation ranking the best flavours of shapes, then biscuits, then crackers. and honestly, it was the pointless, best, most lighthearted discussion and everything I needed and I love her so much. 

all I can say now is thank fucking god it’s friday, and its the weekend, and we have zero plans beyond going to mitre 10. I’m gunna order all my christmas presents online this weekend adn get that out of the way. need to do a couple of laods of washing, hopefully only like 6 hours of work, but like, it’s gunna be chill. and I’m v relieved. 

she’s been a bit of a nightmare. 

HOWEVER

despite all this complaining, looking back on where I was a year ago, like fuck me i am in so much of a better place mentally and life is just so much better. I’m so relieved. and period binge aside, physically I’m getting better too so I’m gunna take it all as a massive win. week in adn week out its been a grind, and it’s been uncomfortable and hard and horrible at times but man, coming out the other side is such a relief. having capacity to do things like supporting a friend through her current nightmare and managing dave and dealing with all the work stress makes such a fucking difference honestly. it’s also nice to feel like I can manage myself better so I can look after everyone else better too. 

Feeling v grateful for this little life of mine, and the people in it, and for being in this little corner of the world. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I am so so so so so grateful for it. 

[maviemesregles]

Once I was an Eagle

I'm completely blown away by your responses to this work. Thank you each and one of you who read it, left kudos, reblogged or just said a kind word. It means a lot <3 This second chapter was prewritten before and I did not want to make you wait! :) For those who's been asking about posting in future I plan to update this fic once a week, probably on Wednesdays (but not necessarily). I’m still figuring out the way I want to tell this story but I guess we'll just see how their relationship develops until the present times. At first, I thought of it as little flashbacks but now it seems more necessary to show all the steps of growing together before we arrive at the Angst. Once again excuse me for any mistakes that might be there. ( Yes, I'm still looking for my beta? ❤)

It’s also available on AO3 :)

Posting a little behind the schedule here but... Enjoy!

1.The beginnings

                                              CHAPTER 2: Sassenach

" How did you break your nose?" I asked him (out of nowhere to be honest) finishing the last stitch on his forearm. The tissue there was split about 3 inches long, quite deep. It ran atop his other scar (where did he get it from?) and once healed it would make a cross sign.

'' Huh?" My patient lifted his head looking at me. For whatever reason, I felt my stomach turn into a warm pool. ( why?) That was the first time I had a chance to examine his face properly, to register his features in my mind. His eyes were strangely blue, the shade of blue that reminded me of my vacation to the Maldives. The stubble of gold reddish colour was sprinkled along the sides of his jaw (I wondered whether it was his style or he just did not bother to shave). His face was framed by short cut curls, sticking out slightly near his ears. (I had to fight an urge to tuck them behind).

I nearly dropped an anesthetic when he spoke. The deep flush crept up my neck, reaching my cheeks when I realised I was staring at him.

" Ye didna ask me how I cut my arm but ye ask me about my nose?" Jamie's eyebrows rose as he smiled, small dimple on his right cheek appearing for me to remember. " Is it yer trying to compare the size of my nose and..."

" No." I cut him off coldly, biting on my lip, his sudden remark threw my professional mask off.  The smile on his face was wiped out in seconds, eyes fixed on mine. I cursed in my mind (what is wrong with you, Beauchamp?). He was just trying to make a joke and I'm going to have PMS or why else I had snapped again? I almost physically felt the awkward silence that fell on the room, spreading its dirty hands to ruin any possible professional etiquette I tried to maintain. But, it did not have a chance when we spoke together.

" I'm sorry. I did not want to sound mean".

" Sorry, that was verra stupid of me to say, Sassenach".

The phone vibrated in the pocket of my jeans before I could answer him. With quiet "excuse me" I pressed decline thinking that Geillis can wait a couple of minutes more, though she would say she'll curse me with all her long line of witches in the family. " What does it mean? Sassi-nak?" I asked taking the last band-aids (only with Disney theme left) from the drawer.

" It means English." He snorted behind my back but when I turned his gaze was surprisingly warm. I swallowed. I had to admit he was beautiful. Beautiful in the way that hypnotized me and I thought that if I could paint he is the perfect model for that.  " Or simply an outlander." Jamie watched me opening up the band-aid (which happened to be with Micky Mouse).

" Really? " I narrowed my eyes. Satisfied with my work I gave him the last instructions. " All done. Don't scratch it, don't swim, avoid sport. You may take showers and keep the bandage until you get home". Feeling my phone buzzing again I smiled at him, watching him put on the same woolen coat (dark navy, ending just above his knees) and tartan scarf, I grabbed my own coat.

" I'm sorry I kept ye after yer work hours". He said quietly and suddenly took my black jacket out of my hands. "It's alright." I responded taken aback by his gesture." It's my duty". I could feel his warm breath at the nape of my neck when my back faced him. I grabbed my purse mumbling incoherent 'thanks' and feeling stupid that I acted like a schoolgirl. (Has he noticed that? Christ.)

" What do ye call us, Scots?" Jamie looked up at me when he stood in the doorway. " Nothing really. Is it already not offensive enough?" I bit inside of my cheek trying not to laugh. He smiled. " Aye."

We said goodbye in a rush being interrupted by young nurse Mary Hawkins who has had about a million questions to me. Saying to James Fraser that he can come back in a week for sutures removal I had spent another 20 minutes talking to a father of one of my patients.  Geillis was cursing me in three long text messages to which my response was a crap emoji.  She had planned on going to some fancy restaurant and spending a ridiculous amount of money on some luxurious dishes, saying it would cheer me up. I wasn't particularly agreeing with her on the thought "Ye look like shite and behave the same. Tis time ye put aside all that Frank story" and was going to spend time home but Geillis wouldn't be one without trying. Typing the message on the screen I mentally counted how much time I really have to get home, change in something more suitable and meet Geillis.

"Sorry, hon. Had one more patient. xx"

" Was he hot?"

" What makes you think it was' him'?"

"Just hope for ye, love"

I rolled my eyes and shivered at the cold wind (bloody hell, Scotland, it was just September?) running down the stairs I successfully avoided the puddle when a familiar voice called. "Sassenach?"

In his hand, he held a takeaway coffee from Starbucks "Just black. Americano. Did I get it right?" " Right" I whispered back. (why? why did I whisper?)

" I'm sorry again for yer wee nose. And yer coffee" Jamie smiled handing me the cup, our fingers brushing slightly, me noticing how warm his skin was despite the brutal Scottish weather. I shook my head and looked down at my shoes. He was smirking. (really?) 

" It's okay. Sorry I barked at you then." I chewed on my lip, feeling my toes go numb in the cold. "Be careful with your hand". 

"Aye, I will."  He had asked my name then and I blurted "Beauchamp", his eyebrows rose and I laughed "Claire. My name is Claire."

Being awfully late for a dinner with Geill, cursing why did I buy this bag that was as big as bloody house, I finally found the keys in the depths of it. Throwing it on the hall floor and kicking my boots off on the way to bedroom I scratched Adso behind his furry ears (who had been sleeping, paws up, sprawled on the carpet in the living room). I jumped into the shower almost breaking my ankle at the slippery tiles. I had to give Geillis a credit. Truly I was feeling as I stood on the edge of the cliff, one foot hanging above it. The emotional state that had me hooked for the last few weeks because of a nasty remark I'd received from Frank in the text message. " You have to cut off the bullshit, Claire. You are not as great a woman as you think". I simply replied, "Fuck you, Frank Randall". But it kept lingering at the back of my head and surely soon enough I started thinking perhaps it was me who did everything wrong and that is why we divorced? Had it been my friend I would have said that it's a talk of insecure man and nothing surprising in a fact that man tries to blame a woman. This is as old as the world and you cannot beat yourself up for it and possibly think you've done something wrong. There were multiple reasons why we have broken up, on both sides. It just didn't work. But his remark threw me off the track and I've got stuck in this state for past two weeks.

Thinking that Geillis's idea of the restaurant actually might be a good distraction I grabbed the purse from the floor when my eyes stumbled at the coffee cup I have left on the bureau shelf. Feeling familiar warmth rising from my belly and going up up up my body making me smile I took a few sips of now cold drink setting it aside. Only then I've noticed a set of numbers scrabbled on the side. It was a number and I did not need to guess long whose it is.

Dinner with Geilis was indeed a distraction. A good one for that matter. We went through all our work weekly news and now for the last twenty minutes, she was telling me in all explicit details about her last Tinder date. Sipping on the nutty red wine I could not help but admit that Jamie has lingered at the back of my mind all evening. When the waiter brought us the check and we were trying to split the sum James Fraser became our next topic of discussion. "Ye ken that he left ye his number on purpose?" Geillis smirked putting away her wallet. " Yes. But what then?" I nodded with my shoulders. "I saw him just twice and the first one was not much of a success." The pharmacist rolled her eyes when we stepped out to the drizzle of rain, lighting a cigarette. " Christ, Claire. I saw him. He was smoking hot. Ye canna just let that chance flow by." The cloud of smoke hid her face for a moment and I coughed. "And ye dinna need to have serious relationships with him. Or just sex with no promises is taboo for ye these days? C'mon. Relax, Beauchamp."

I knew she was right in a way. I was overthinking it. In the last five months after divorce with Frank I had shared a bed with men, went on meaningless dates. Why couldn't I do it now? Jamie was attractive and kind. I definitely could give it a shot.

For the next week, I was swirled into the chaos of work, night shifts, new patients, Adso having stomach problems. I did not have the time or chance to call Jamie. And when I finally remembered about it, sitting in well-worn pajamas, eating crisps out of the packet on the couch I'd realised I threw the cup into the rubbish bin. Thinking of it as bad omen I tried not to dwell on it much but my plan has been changed by Mary Hawkins who apparently took off the sutures of Jamie and with red face shoved a note into my hand while I was filling in the charts. All the way home I felt as if the note in my pocket will burn my hand off.

Looking at the piece of paper with neat handwriting that said "I'd hoped it would be the Sassenach who removes my stitches. *smiley face* P.S. I hope my handwriting is good enough this time because I have a feeling ye couldna read the phone number. Fancy a good Scottish whisky instead of coffee? J." I dialed Geillis, pacing the room in circles, Adso following me with a look  "Are you okay, Mama?"

" That's the lad ye bumped into in Lallybroch? The one with stitches?" Her voice sounded dangerously excited. " Mmmh" I hummed noise of approval, staring out of the window.

" He knows his ways" She chuckled. "Tell me ye will go and see him?" I leaned my forehead against the glass, the warm breath making it misty.  "He's my patient." A long line of cursing on the other side followed my answer and it made me smile. That's why I loved Geillis though sometimes she was a lot to handle.

"Well, a patient ye treated... like what? Ten minutes? Plus, ye've seen him before so it's like ye know him. I will kill ye with my own bare hands if ye dinna call him at least."

I chewed on my lip and glanced at Adso as if it could shake off my doubts. " You know what? I'll meet him." I stated simply.

" That's the spirit, lassie!" Her happy squealing made me grimace. "Dinna forget to shave". After another five minutes of a stream of advice from my best girlfriend I took out the Starbucks paper cup from the trash, I threw it in the evening before (he better be worth it). Not to give myself a chance to change my mind I dialed right away.

We agreed to meet in a pub of Jamie's choice (he had promised it's one of the best in Edinburgh) I spent a good amount of time thinking what to wear. What does one wear to a pub? To date in the pub? (seriously?) Was it a date at all? As my wristwatch showed 6pm I finally stood in the hallway 30 minutes before meeting James Fraser (not as my patient). I had promised myself to keep this easy and fun. I'm just seeing this handsome Scot, having a couple of drinks with him, flirty chit chats, maybe ending up in mine or his apartment as a bonus. Easy and fun.

"Get your shit together, Beauchamp." I hissed to myself taking the last look in the mirror. Highwaisted jeans, cream sweater and suede high heels boots that I've bought being drunk last Christmas and never wore (heals and I were from different worlds). It was definitely an upgrade since Lallybroch market accident but it did not scream "Look, I've just spent two hours figuring out my outfit!".

Getting into the cab (not that I had planned on being drunk but my inner voice knew better) I texted Geillis the name and GPS location of the pub.

 "In case I get abducted, you know. xxx".

" Yer ridiculous but I still love ye. Have a good shag. Kidding. Have fun. xxx"

Nodding at cab driver's "Have a good evening" I stepped out to the busy street, full of noises, tipsy people, the smell of street food mixed with weed smoke. Glancing last time at my cell phone where Jamie's text shone on the screen five minutes ago "I'll be inside, ye can find me at the bar. ;)" I walked inside the pub.

The first time we met (or rather bumped into each other) I haven't noticed much besides his bright hair and a soft smile. The second time, James Fraser was my patient and despite all medical etiquette written I kept thinking how good-looking he was. Neither times I felt nervous or confused, I felt at ease with him and only anticipated what he might be if we meеt in normal set up? Now I caught myself fidgeting my fingers along the strap of my purse, eyes scanning the crowd. It wasn't hard to spot him. His tall posture was slightly bent across the bar as he spoke to the bartender, the red mop of hair shook in agreement and then he turned his head.

 I was halfway there when he noticed me. I had smiled when he leaned to press a kiss to my cheek, his lips dry and warm, body dangerously close to mine.

" Claire". He hummed with a deep noise coming up his chest. I dropped my coat on the back of the stool when Jamie slid it aside for me to seat.

"I took a chance and ordered for ye." He pointed at two tumblers of whisky on the polished wooden counter.

"Taking a risk?" I smirked, my fingers feeling a cold surface of the patterned glass. " Oh, aye." If a look could burn then Jamie's eyes would’ve made a see-through hole in me. "Sláinte!"

"How's your arm?" I tilted my head, watching his lips meet the glass surface. It could have been a mesmerizing movie scene I'd watch again and again. "Do ye always talk about yer work, Dr. Bechaam?" He grunted glaring at me. " But since ye asked, it's fine, though I was verra much disappointed it wasna ye there to remove the stitches." I felt goosebumps running down my skin, making each little hair erect, all the same, familiar warmth rising at the bottom of my belly.

"How come?" I quirked one brow in a question (although I knew the answer).  "Ye have a good touch, Sassenach" Jamie shook his glass, ice clinking, before gulping it down. Feeling slightly more reckless I licked the tingling sensation off my lips, leaning closer to him. "I could check it for you if you like. To see if there is no infection".

The rest of the evening we spent in easy banter. Jumping from one topic to another, fun and serious, sad and happy. He had told me about his family "Wee Maggie was verra jealous of the Micky Mouse band aid ye gave me". I told him about my times in medical school (how I broke my arm in the third year trying to pass a note to Geillis on the exam). He remembered his most embarrassing date with his first girlfriend Annalise. I shared my last awful experience with meeting a guy after speaking with him on Facebook. Jamie said he likes horses, I answered: "I'm interested in botany".

All the time I was strongly aware of our knees touching, of him laughing (loud and so genuine it made my heart skip a beat) and bending forward, his warm breath lingering above my skin, our fingers brushing accidentally when laid atop the bar counter. Two hours later we stood outside the pub, his coat loosely draped over my shoulders for extra warmth "Aren't you cold?" I had asked then. "No, Sassenach. We Scots made of solid stuff" He laughed, fishing his cell phone out of the pocket. I was fidgeting from one foot to another thinking how I might get him inside my flat? I was tipsy, feeling quite reckless and more than conscious of his attractiveness. 

 "I'll get ye a cab, text me when yer safe home, aye?" He glared at me, his pinky lightly caressing the inside of my wrist when he called a taxi.

" Jamie, don't you..."

 He did not let me finish, tucking away the stray curl behind my ear, his warm fingers tracing the line down my jaw. " I would verra much like to kiss ye. May I?"

Without much words I stepped forward, his lips crushed under mine. Jamie hummed appreciative "mmmm" his fingers tangling in the hair on my nape. I could feel the lines of muscles under his shirt when we were pressed along each other, my hands going up and down his arms. I inhaled deeply when we parted, watching him lick his lips.

"I'll see ye around, Claire?"

#outlander #outlander fanfic #jamie x claire #outlander fanfiction #jamie fraser #claire beauchamp #once i was an eagle #chapter 2 #outlander modern au

[pharmercytechnician]

It’s a Good Day to get Laid.... to Rest

Okay so this is something I started a while back and I just kinda got stuck writing it and forgot about it. So I figured I’d go ahead and just say fuck it and post what I got 👀💀

Anyways, it’s based off of a post about mortician sasuke who’s too nervous to tell the cute new blond that he’s a mortician. But I can’t find the original post :(

Sasuke sighed quietly to himself as he sipped on his beer, the second of the night.

The bar was already bustling when he’d arrived and he’d taken a seat at the farthest stool from the door and hunkered down.

He was supposed to be meeting his chronically late best friend Suigetsu, but it had been 20 minutes since the agreed upon meeting time and Sasuke was sure he’d been stood up.

He checked his phone for the 5th time, waiting for the incoming text from Suigetsu saying he’d be either late or that he wasn’t coming at all, which was most likely the case. Suigetsu liked to not show to things, leaving Sasuke to fend for himself.

Sasuke heard the telltale sound of the door to the bar opening and he turned to see who it was.

In stepped a man who stole Sasuke’s breath away, and his heart for that matter.

Sasuke gaped at the gorgeous blonde.

He had on a sleeveless orange shirt and a pair of tight fitting black jeans that left little to the imagination.

The absolute god of a man glanced around the room before finally making his way over to the bar, towards Sasuke.

Sasuke tried to look interested in his phone so that he wouldn't be caught staring.

“Excuse me. Mind if I sit here?” A smooth voice interrupted Sasuke’s thoughts, tearing his eyes away from his blank phone screen, he looked up and found himself face to face with the blond.

God he even sounds heavenly.

Sasuke swallowed hard and tried to get his words to work right.

“Yes. Wait no I mean no I don’t mind” Sasuke rambled, feeling the heat rise to his face. The blond only laughed in response before dropping onto the stool next to him. The bartender, a young man with long blond hair tied up into a high ponytail, hurried over to where the hot blond had sat down.

“Is there anything I can get you love?” He asked sweetly. Sasuke could barely hide his eye roll at the bartenders obvious flirting.

“Uh. I’ll take a michelob thank you” The blond ordered with a grin. The bartender nodded and left to go retrieve the blonds beer.

“So what brings a cutey like you here?” The bartender asked, reappearing with a beer in hand.

He popped the cap on it and held it out. The blond took it and took a long sip before setting it down.

“Well. I’m supposed to be meeting a friend here tonight, although it looks like they’re running late” the blond replied, glancing down at the watch he wore on his hand. Sasuke had to resist snorting when he saw it was basically a childrens watch with a giant frog on the face of it.

The bartender nodded before attempting to say something else, but he was cut off as someone down the bar waved him over.

Sasuke stared down at his beer, watching the way the condensation rolled down the side of the glass bottle.

He wished he had the courage to say something to the man next to him, but alas, he had the courage of a potato skin so he remained quiet.

However, that didn’t stop him from admiring the blond out the corner of his eye.

He was physically fit and his blond hair shone even brighter in the dim bar lights, if that was even possible, but the most curious thing about the man were the whisker esque scars on his face.

Sasuke’s phone vibrated in his hand and he looked down at it. Suigetsu flashed across the screen..

Sasuke sighed to himself as he clicked ‘accept’ on the incoming call. He raised it to his ear, ready to hear tonight's excuse. .

“You’d better have a good excuse for standing me up tonight” Sasuke said into the phone with a huff.

His response was a round of boisterous laughter. Then,

“Listen Sasuke. There was this really cute girl who came in tonight and I just HAD TO ask her out.” Suigetsu said excitedly. Sasuke snorted and rolled his eyes.

“I'm kind of offended that you’re standing me up for a cute girl” Suigetsu snorted in response.

“Come on Sasuke. Don’t be like that. I’ll make it up to you. I swear it!” Suigetsu replied. Sasuke took another sip of his beer and set it down with an audible clank.

“Whatever Suigetsu,” Sasuke replied, then on second thought added, “don’t have too much fun tonight. Remember you have work in the morning.”

“Right back at you Uchiha! Gotta go bye!” The line went dead. Sasuke rolled his eyes again, something he did frequently with Suigetsu, and dropped his phone onto the bar. He glared at his phone before snatching up his bottle and chugging the rest of his beer, slamming the bottle down onto the bar top.

As if Sasuke had to worry about having ‘too much fun’ he was fucking Sasuke Uchiha for god’s sake. According to Suigetsu and Karin, he was ‘allergic’ to fun.

“Abandoned by your friends too huh?” A smooth voice said and Sasuke turned to see the blond was speaking to him. Sasuke actually had to blink a few times to make sure he was actually talking to him.

“Uh, Yeah. Asshole chose a date over me” Sasuke responded, still half in shock that the blond was speaking to him. Of all people. The blonde laughed and swirled his beer around in his bottle.

“Cheers to that. Sakura was supposed to meet me here after work but then the ‘cute pharmacist’ asked her out. So she was all like ‘Sorry Naruto. But she’s cuter’ bleck. Women” Whiskers muttered as his lips hovered right above the lip of his bottle. He shot Sasuke a wry smile before finishing his beer in one go. He waved the bartender over.

“What can I get you Love?” the bartender asked, leaning onto the counter. Whiskers gestured to both his and Sasuke’s beers, “Another beer for the both of us.” the bartender nodded and started to walk away, “Wait! And two shots of Tito’s Vodka please” he called after him.

“Care to share a shot with me to celebrate this fine day were both of us handsome young men have been stood up by cruel friends?” The blonde asked Sasuke dramatically, placing a hand over his heart when he said cruel. Sasuke resisted the urge to laugh. ‘

“Sure. why not” He replied, face warming as he thought about how the blonde had mentioned they were both handsome.

Normally, he wouldn’t let anyone in a bar buy him a drink and if they did it would be drank by either Suigetsu or Karin, but there was something about the blonde with the whiskers that just had him feeling… daring.

“Hallelujah.” whiskers muttered with a grin. The bartender reappeared shortly after, two beers and two shot glasses in hand. He set both of the beers and the empty shot glasses down before pouring them almost to the brim with vodka. Whiskers grinned and swiped up both shot glasses before holding one of them out to Sasuke.

Sasuke took it carefully and then they clanked them together. “To new friends” he said, still grinning.

They both downed their shots.

Now, Sasuke had never been a big fan of hard liquor, he’d drank his fair share during his highschool, and even some middle school days, but no matter how much he drank, he just couldn’t get the hang of taking shots.

So, he choked as the vodka went down. Whiskers clapped him on the back, “Atta boy!” he exclaimed, patting Sasuke’s back as he choked on the still burning liquid.

Once Sasuke had managed to sit up straight again, the blonde had moved his hand away from his back and was holding it out, as if to shake Sasuke’s hand.

“Names Naruto Uzumaki. Nice to meet you” He said. Sasuke reached out and shook his hand.

Sasuke had to take a sip of his beer before he was actually able to speak, “Sasuke Uchiha. Uh. you too” He responded then quickly began to blush. You too?? What kinda?

However, Naruto didn’t even seem fazed by Sasuke’s awkward fuck up, he just grinned back and launched himself into a story about how one of his friends had done so many fireball shots that he turned green anytime he smelt cinnamon.

****

4 hours, 4 beers and 3 more shots of vodka and Sasuke was feeling loose. He found himself giggling at all of Naruto’s bad jokes and puns, and there were definitely a lot of them. During the time they spent together at the bar, laughing and exchanging stories, Naruto did most of the talking but that was fine by Sasuke. He’d come to learn a lot about the blonde.

For example, Naruto’s favorite color was orange, no surprise there, He’s never met his biological parents and his godfather had taken him in when he was 13 and died when he was 16, he was 24, same age as Sasuke, and he graduated from Konoha High, and in return Sasuke had told Naruto that, his favorite color was blue, he lived with his parents all the way up until he was 13 when they both died in a car accident and then it had just been him and his elder brother, and he’d attended Konoha in elementary school but then he’d had to transfer to Ota-Taka for middle school and so on.

As they continued talking, Sasuke found himself giving away more and more info without a second thought, or a care. There was just something about Naruto that made Sasuke feel like he could trust him, plus it helped that Naruto was just so easy to talk to, which that within itself was almost unheard of for Sasuke.

But despite the alcohol loosening his tongue, there was one question in particular, that gave Sasuke pause.

“What do you do for a living?” Naruto asked innocently, unaware of how Sasuke’s hands had started to sweat. Sasuke chewed on the inside of his cheek. He can’t just come out and say he’s a mortician?? Thats most certainly a turn off, isn't it?

Flashbacks of his previous confessions about his job to past flings flashed through Sasuke’s head. All of them ending in something along the lines of ‘Ewwww, that’s so creepy! Who would want to do that?’ then most of the time, they’d leave, if not right that second then within a week, with some kind of cheap excuse. The ‘it's not you, its me’ bullshit, but Sasuke knew they were all just too polite to say, ‘because you work with dead people and its creepy.’

It took Sasuke a few moments to realize he hadn’t answered Naruto’s question and he swallowed hard, wracking his brain for a suitable answer that didn’t involve him telling this very very hot stranger, that he worked with dead people all day.

“Walmart” Sasuke blurted out, causing Naruto’s eyes to widen. For a split second, Sasuke worried he’d said something wrong but then Naruto burst out into laughter.

“Phew, that's a relief, you looked so scared that for a second there I thought you were about to tell me you did something really weird like…. Uhhhhh” Naruto seemed to be fighting for something to say

Sasuke prayed Naruto wasn't about to say something about morticians because that has happened before.

but finally his eyes lit up and he concluded with, “weird like you work as a porn star or something”

Sasuke choked on his beer, eyes going wide.

“That… that would be what you consider weird?!” Sasuke wheezed out, bringing around another round of laughter from the boisterous blonde.

“Well yeah! Porn stars are usually a little weird! Like what if you were into ...” Naruto glanced around before leaning in really close. “Feet” he whispered into Sasuke’s ear, causing Sasuke’s breath to hitch. Sasuke fought back a laugh.

“Well damn you caught me. Guess I'll have to go solicit feet pics from someone else” he replied. Now it was Naruto’s turn to choke and for a second, Sasuke was worried he’d said the wrong thing like always but then Naruto was laughing, which meant everything was a-okay.

“You’re something else, Sasuke Uchiha.” Naruto mumbled into his beer before taking another sip

#sasunaru #narusasu #my fanfiction #Mortician!Sasuke #post boruto era #theyre disasters

[vincess-princess]

Genderbent Crue, p. 2: Vince

(This one turned to be so. damn. big. fucking 1786 words, what the actual fuck. i didn’t even expect it and now i feel ashamed because i wrote twice fewer words for nikki. school’s really getting in the way now and i’m so tired so i’m sorry it took a while and next one will probably too. placing it under a cut because it’s just. so big)

Violet Whitley Neil thinks she was born in the shittiest place possible - Compton. She’s not entirely wrong.

Her parents loved her and her little brother, but she didn’t get to see it often – they were always at work. She knew that, but as she grew older it had become less and less believable.

Being the only white family in the neighborhood was hard. Being the only white girl in neighborhood was even harder. That's why the two things most well-preserved in her memory from her childhood are: 1) Don't go out at night, and if you really need to 2) Don't be afraid to fight for your life, because if you don’t, nobody will.

The second rule was hard for a petite girl to follow, and along with always carrying around a switchblade, she had to find other ways. Like enamoring the local ringleader. Always worked.

She was pretty, and she knew that from unnaturally young age. She learned it from the way the boys looked at her, tried to touch her, wanted to share a desk with her. She wasn’t stupid, and she noticed everything. At first it caused only discomfort, the way boys pushed her around, hiked up her skirt and called her names trying to get her attention. She grew up, and she began to understand why. It didn’t make it more comfortable, though.

She had her first boyfriend when she was ten, and it'd all been fun and games, just children being children. When the games had become too serious she didn't quite remember, but she remembered very well the moment when a pharmacist had refused to sell her condoms, "girl, what are you, twelve?". Someone in the line muttered something indignantly, the others scowled, and she swallowed her resentment and fled. But these disapproving whispers haunted her for the rest of the day.

School was hard and really not worth the effort. Letters and numbers in the books didn't make sense, and after a while she gave up trying to understand them. "Thinking about boys again?", the teachers used to call her out, seeing this only as laziness, and soon she became convinced of it herself. Everybody was saying that good girls should study well and shouldn't date so many boys. Maybe she wasn't a good girl after all, she decided. Not that it really bothered her.

Then Violet heard soul and rock n’ roll for the first time and absolutely lost her mind. She had no money for records, and her parents, though not forbidding her to listen to it, didn’t either. She shoplifted and outright cheated, her favorite trick pretending to be short of money in shops, and everyone liked helping a pretty girl. She lied to her parents that she got a job to explain her constantly growing pile of records, and they were so glad to hear that their daughter didn’t spend her all free time hanging out with boys that they didn’t ask questions. She went to concerts and met new people there, and soon discovered weed and alcohol. She also discovered that she could get it for free if she talked the right way with the right people.

After that school suddenly became an important place in Violet’s life – a place to sell weed. She was making big money out of it until someone snitched to the headmaster about it and she was suspended. The only reason that bitch avoided her revenge was that Violet didn’t want to go to school anyway. When her suspension ended she just didn’t show up.

By that time, tired of all the dangers of Compton and uncontrollability of their daughter, Violet’s parents moved the kids to their aunt’s place. Another school, in which Violet wasn’t interested in a slightest, ended up being all the same. She would come to lessons completely stoned and just sit there, not listening or watching anything, not even reacting when she was called. You don’t need education to be a rock star, so why bother?

Her real life always started after lessons. She had a thing for bad boys, some were from local gangs, some were aspiring musicians, some were rich kids with inexhaustible money and weed in their pockets. She loved sex, and they loved her for that. She laughed when needed, smoked weed in their cars, took their money and never believed anything they said. She was long disillusioned about love – it was always just lust in disguise. The heartbreaker, they called her, and she only laughed at them, those silly boys still had so much to learn. The whore, others called her, and those times she never laughed; she could never force them to change their minds, but she could make them respect her. And she did, with a punch, a scratch, a kick, an insult, because the other thing she learned about boys was that they respected only force.

At this time she started taking part in lip-sync competitions with her friends. She ran around the stage, hair messy, lipstick smeared, and screamed into an imaginary microphone, and people actually liked it. This was the time when posters of The Runaways were in every teenager’s room, and she wasn’t an exception. Hello, daddy! Hello, mom! I’m your ch-ch-cherry bomb! Everyone told her she looked like Cherie Currie, and she believed she could sing just as good. She wore the shortest skirt and the highest heels in her class, and this was probably a reason why a new kid accosted her right after the first lesson to ask her to be in his band. She agreed, of course. The Runaways weren’t formed in one day, and this was a start.

Months went by like this, all days merged into one, weed-smelling, alcohol-tasting, rock n’ roll a constant background theme, until one day her life shattered into pieces. She got pregnant. Her at that time boyfriend begged her to keep the child. Her parents did the same, promising to help her raise him. She was only sixteen. She wasn’t ready. She was scared. She agreed.

Violet was at last kicked out of school. Her boyfriend, who tried to help her during pregnancy, bottled out a few weeks after the child’s birth. She named the child Vince Wharton, the name her parents said they would have given her if she was born a boy. After a few sleepless weeks she understood she couldn’t take it anymore. She had no love for this little red creature, his cries only driving her mad. She wanted back to her careless, free life. She gave up her child for adoption, visiting him occasionally at foster home, more out of duty than of love. After he was adopted, his new family forbid her to visit him, explaining it with her “promiscuous lifestyle”. Not that she was very disappointed by this.

After that Violet moved out to the other part of L.A. Her life never became the same, but it was still better. She worked some manual jobs, her lack of school diploma not letting her to get anything better-paid, but it was slowly driving her insane, all these dishes, all these coffees, all these customers, and she quickly found herself a sugar daddy just to escape them. She tried to resume her singing career then. It wasn’t hard, lots of bands wanted to have a sexy blondie as their frontman. She sang here and there, becoming pretty well-known among local rock n’ roll circle, both for her performances and her wanton lifestyle. Her sugar daddy tried to stop her, and she ditched him that very moment because no man would ever stand between her and her favorite thing. Her new one was a son of a McDonalds owner where she worked as a waitress. He was rich and a cocaine addict and didn’t mind her sleeping around as long as she lived with him. Things were getting back on track, but there still seemed to be something missing in her life, something she longed for since her teenagehood, something she’d never been able to put into words. Maybe because she wasn’t good with them, maybe because it wasn’t possible at all.

One of her friends from school, the only girl she got on well with while there, had been asking her to join her band for some time, but Violet never considered it serious. Her own band was considerably well-known, had gigs and fans, and a band consisting of a junkie who couldn’t even play properly, an inexperienced schoolgirl and an old unsuccessful guitarist was of no interest for her. Girl bands, despite the Runaways’ success, still weren’t taken serious; “they only do it to attract attention of boys,” she often heard, “girls don’t understand rock n’ roll.” She disagreed, but no one listened to her.

Things changed when she got kicked out of her own band, unexpectedly, with no warning. The other members thought that they would attract more girls with a male frontman. Violet wished them good fucking luck doing it with black eyes and missing teeth, but it still didn’t change a thing other than the fact that she’d never come back to that band again. All other options for her proved hopeless – the bands were ready to see her only as a groupie, not as a bandmate, - and she soon found herself digging around her room searching for that piece of paper with a number her friend had given her. Better a shitty band than no band.

She arrived at the place, and she saw them, three black-haired girls who were so alike they could be mistaken for twins but for the difference in their height and age. They could make an interesting contrast, three brunettes and one blonde, people are gonna love the image, but she needed to hear them first. The guitarist was much older than they all, and at first she shook her head at the thought, rock n’ roll was for the youth, after all… but then she started playing, a fast metal riff, and Violet had never heard a guitar sounding so strong; then the drums joined it, the junkie girl smiled like mad and grabbed her bass. Violet looked down, at the lyrics they gave her, and her high-pitched voice intertwined with the melody; and her heart sank, because there it was, there was the thing, echoing from the walls, the one she could never catch, the one she could never put into words. Here it was, in the air, in the loud music, in the messy black hair, in the high heels, in the grin of the junkie girl.

Maybe people wouldn’t take their band serious at first, she thought. But they would make them.

#motley crue #fanfiction #genderbent #vince neil #au #there's exactly one paragraph in this that i'm proud of. everything else is garbage #bullet lists usually have short headcanons... not entire paragraphs... #it's also not very accurate in terms of vince's biography because i haven't reread the dirt in a while #it's only a week left before i finally can get some rest #ah and yep. just because i said violet likes fucking boys doesn't mean that she isn't into girls too #she just haven't realised it yet #*hasn't #anyone even reads this? #motley crue fanfiction #motley crue slash fanfiction

[shadi612]

Happy Valentine's Day, darling pandom! Here's my (very belated) remix of UC and a little bit of a gift for my favourite fandom  

AO3 (x)  (1/?)

(I found love) Where it wasn't supposed to be

I.

“What a scam”

This is not how she wanted to spend Valentine’s Day. Or any other fucking day for that matter.

Because you see in all her twenty-four years on this earth she never had to do this before. Not even as a stupid sixteen-year-old schoolgirl. She’s never been careless (Not with this).

Then again, she never expected she would be:

A) In the middle of bloody Maine. B) In love with one of the town’s most dangerous men. C) Standing in front of a whole aisle of pregnancy tests on bloody Valentine’s Day, of all days. D) All of the above.

And you might ask Why she’s here on valentine’s day if she was in a long-term relationship with a man that never passed an opportunity to show her off to the town? Because said man had texted her that afternoon with a quick apology that their night of “debauchery and other vices” would have to wait and some rambling about an urgent job that she hadn’t paid much attention to as she texted Matthew back to let him know she wasn’t too devastated about it. Her mind was too busy worrying about other things, namely whenever or not she should get a very specific item from the pharmacy.

Which brings her back to the same thought again and again: These things are expensive.

Really expensive.

They were overpriced pee sticks, for crying out loud. And what's the difference between them? Paying an extra five dollars wasn’t going to change the outcome, was it?

She's not dumb or delusional, as the townspeople would often refer to her behind her back. Jill knows the signs that have obnoxiously hung over her head these past few days.

She's late. Three and a half weeks late. It's far too much time for her to blame it on stress (and wouldn't you be stressed if you shared your life with Matthew? Stress had become a default mode for her mind and body during the last two years. And, sadly, this wasn’t one of those times when it would go as easily as it had come.)

Add in a newfound state of fatigue mixed with a persistent soreness on her chest and the ever-suspicious bouts of nausea at unexpected moments and you'll get yourself a big, red flag. If someone came up to Jill and told her that these things had been happening to them, the first words out of her mouth would be “congratulations”. The sincerity of her words would depend on who that poor soul was.

But she also knows she’s not pregnant because being pregnant would unleash hell on her life. She’s buying the test so she can finally get Arabella off her back.

(“Oh, sweetheart” Bella’s voice had rumbled across the bookshop’s bathroom three days ago with a hint of ever-present sarcasm mixed with genuine concern.

“I used to be a nun. I know a girl in trouble when I see one” Jill had only managed to throw her a quick glare before emptying her stomach on the sink for the second time in less than four hours).

She would take the bloody test and get it over with and then maybe she would grab some Gatorade and crackers to soothe the persistent stomach bug that’s been ruining her mood for weeks (because that’s all there is to it. A bloody stomach bug).

"Close your eyes and think of England" she spits between clenched teeth before knocking a few tests into her basket with an impressive amount of determination.

She can do this.

Isn’t this some sort of milestone for your twenties? Going on a drinking binge, getting an apartment, a pregnancy scare and only a scare…

These are normal things. 

For the sake of appearances, she adds in some magazines and nail polish to her basket. She's under no illusion that this little piece of gossip won't be all over town in a near future but Jill's incredibly adept at playing pretend by now. And when she’s proven right (because she’s not pregnant. She commands herself not to be pregnant) the buzz will die down on its own accord if she just decides to not care about it in the first place.

The waiting line's short, even for Storybrooke. Jill easily spots Mister Gold and David Nolan ahead of her in the queue line, one of her hands reaching for the magazine she had taken before and she eyes it without much interest while partially listening to them. Maybe it would help her calm down.

“Two Valentines. Sounds like a complicated life.

“Oh, no, I-I just couldn't decide.”

So that was still going on, surprising absolutely no one.

Her ears filter out most of the men’s conversation once her eyes landed on the rather … colourful items the pawnbroker held on his own basket. She does not need that particular mental image. But there’s nothing else to do so she entertains her frayed nerves with some colourful and hilarious what ifs during the queue line in another attempt to calm down until the two men are out of her sight.

Mister Clark smiles at Jill when her turn comes and he’s a sweet man, she knows that much about him but the feeling gnawing at the pit of her stomach keeps getting worse and worse by the minute. She’s on the verge of running and just sending this entire thing to hell so she can go back to denial land when he offers her the bag with a smile. Idly she asks herself if pharmacists have their own version of a Hippocratic oath when he doesn’t comment anything about her peculiar purchase.

“Miss? Are you-”

“I’m fine” Her voice comes out rushed and squeaky as she hands him the money and politely tells him to keep the change. If the man has anything to say about her behaviour she doesn’t hear him while she sprints for the exit door like a red-handed thief.

The buzzing sounds of the streets make her peacefully numb to the outside world, just her and her spiralling thoughts walking into the night.

  II.

 Jill stumbles into the empty apartment with a heavy heart, a queasy stomach and feeling incredibly grateful that nobody can see the mess she’s now with her shaky hands and laboured breaths.

She’s not afraid, she’s panicking.

God, she can’t be pregnant.

What is she supposed to do with a child? She had been the only child born to two parents that cared more about the status their little bundle of joy would bring them than they did for the girl herself. What kind of mother could she ever become if she had grown up starved for love and attention from the two people that were supposed to give it to her unconditionally?

And what about the father? Maybe she could learn to love the child and avoid the mistakes her own parents had made with her but what about him?

He loves her, she knows that much.

He loves her in a possessive, passionate way that easily veers into obsession. An obsession she returns fully. But it’s the kind of love that could easily drown them both if they weren’t careful.

Nobody around them thinks they’re going to make it. They’re each other’s ruin they said. And god, she knows they’re doomed in so many ways, how bad they’re for each other in other ways but she also knows she’s happy. She’s so fucking happy.

He makes me happy is all that comes to her mind when she looks down to her white-knuckled hands gripping the bag on her lap.

There's a ring on her finger. 

It's simple but elegant and she found it a few weeks ago in one of her drawers, tucked inside a black velvet box resting peacefully between her earrings and one of his watches.

Jill had grown used to these tidbits of random affection, little presents and colourful boxes popping up around her as tokens of affection, so with a sigh of exasperated fondness she grabbed the box and opened the lid with giddy fingers. It could be a new necklace to replace the one she had lost a few days ago. Or maybe a nice bracelet to go with her pearl earrings…

This was different.

The ring’s cut was not the one you would find in a casual gift. It was far too elegant and well thought of. This type of cut worked for a very specific situation. 

He wouldn’t, would he?

Jill had sat on the bed for a good five minutes inspecting every inch of the ring before marching over to the living room where Matthew was sitting in the kitchen island with a cup of steaming coffee on one hand and the paper in the other. He wasn’t going to propose, of course he wasn’t. He wasn’t the “marrying kind” like Mrs. Redford used to say with an unhappy scrunch of her nose but for the sake of Jill’s mental peace she needed him to say it himself.

“Morning, darling” his eyes looked up before she had fully sat down in front of him, a smirk planted firmly on his face when he noticed how Jill held the ring at arms length as if its mere proximity burned her.

His face gave nothing away, just pure smugness. 

Typical, she huffed and slid the box across the table to him. She would be as stubborn as him if she needed to.

"Well?"

"It's yours"

Yours. 

It was her ring because he was proposing to her.

The frown on her face deepened as she stared distastefully at the ring on the table. He was doing it to drive her mad, she was sure of it. Only Matthew would be capable of turning a proposal into a headache. Couldn’t he be a grown-up about this? Couldn’t he have the guts to at least decently ask her Would you marry me?

No big romantic gestures needed, just a simple question.

"You're proposing to me?" Matthew raised an eyebrow at her, obviously amused at her reaction "You can't" she replied quickly as she realized she didn’t want to know his answer after all.

The frown on his face told her he wasn’t pleased with the situation either.

"Why not?" And now he was pulling the surprised card, acting like this kind of behaviour was acceptable. That she was being irrational by not understanding and playing along with it.

"Because!"

“Use your words, love” Matthew was even willing to throw her own words against her, leaving her to scold at him in disapproval. She hadn’t brought up the idea of marriage once, not even as a joke. This was all on him. 

Well, he could take his precious ring and shove it. 

“You’re impossible” 

“So I’ve been told” God, he was never going to take a single thing seriously in his life and she was stupid to think he would. Jill huffed out her anger and disappointment when she stood up, fully intending to lock herself in their room for the rest of the day or find something appropriate to throw against a wall to let out her frustration before strong arms wrapped around her waist and pressed her against his chest, effectively keeping her in the spot.

“I don’t feel like playing anymore, Matthew” She squirmed against him, slapping his hands away in a useless attempt to free herself.

“I know that being with me it’s not easy. That I’m not an easy person” his breath was hot and soft against the shell of her ear, making her squirming worse when he wouldn’t budge.

Damn him, damn him to hell and back for doing this to her

“But you must know that nobody ever had me the way you do” she had stopped fidgeting at the last part of his speech.

Jill knew. She knew perfectly well that he would kill anyone that ever wronged her and would burn the world if she asked for it. And she knew that for her (and her only) he was trying not to. He was trying to at least control himself for her like she was willing to let herself be free for him.

And she wasn’t about to say that she regretted it.

This man would be her downfall in the same way she would be his. He would make her crumble to ashes and rise again time after time with only the idea of them as an anchor.

He must have taken her silence as an invitation to slip the ring into her left hand and kiss the nape of her neck to put an end to their argument.

Jill couldn’t find the words quick enough as she turned on her heels to face him so she nodded slowly with a watery smile as her own promise of a forever finally slipped past her lips quietly “And nobody will have me the way you do, Matthew”.

(She did not cry, there just was a twinkle in her eyes as his lips kissed her like she was the air and he was suffocating)

This was her life now. With every messy decision and uncertain step she had taken in the last two years she –and only she- had sealed her fate with the golden band on her finger.

They said pick your poison so I chose you.

And maybe Jill is plenty of things but she’s always been someone capable of taking responsibility for her actions and her screw-ups, so she forces herself to walk into the bathroom to bite the bullet and face the music.

She lasts all of ten seconds before she throws the bag in the cabinet under the sink as far as it’ll go and fifteen before she calls Bella in the middle of what’s probably a panic attack.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up” The one time she needs Bella is the one time she decides to put her phone away.

It goes straight to voicemail the three times she rings her up and all it manages to do is frustrate her to the point she’s about to pull her hair off when she throws the phone on the couch.

Wonderful, just bloody wonderful.

Bella was going to owe her one and Jill was going to cash in that check big time once she was done panicking.

The dramatic schoolgirl she once was possesses her the moment she reaches over for a cushion to scream her frustration into a good five times before her responsible adult self kicks off the girl into the back of her mind and marches her self-pitying self into the bathroom.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

The words on her head are a pattern. It’s something methodical she can relay into and distract herself as she goes through the motions the test requires.

She doesn’t think she could have done it if she didn’t distract her mind. Any other time she would chastise herself for using such a cliché but those two minutes until her phone alarm buzzes are the longest wait on her life. The entire experience feels surreal to her, as if she was watching someone else sitting at the edge of the bathtub and stare at the test on the counter with everything else happening at both slow motion and fast-forwarding before her eyes when she stares at the test on her shaky hands.

It’s positive.

  III.

 The pink line stares back, mocking her.

 “Fuck”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

She wants to laugh. That was exactly what had gotten her here.

How could she be so stupid? They didn't use condoms every single time anymore and she had been off the pill for almost a year. This sort of thing was bound to happen.

So here she is, sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 2:00 am staring at a positive pregnancy test. Same test she’s been staring at sporadically for at least two hours now in between puking her guts out and cursing everything she can think of, said test among them.

The positive test. It's positive because she's pregnant. She's pregnant. Jill Redford is pregnant. She's carrying Matthew Kensington’s child and-

Matthew.

Matthew's going to be a father and that's a new load of information she needs to process.

Blimey.

Matthew is...

Well, he’s her Matthew. He's fire and impulsiveness and wildness packed in with a mop of brown curls and green eyes.

He's also ten years her senior, for crying out loud. This isn't the first time she's reminded of that fact but right now it perches itself on her shoulders like a heavy burden as she stares down at the stupid little stick on her hands.  Matthew is thirty-three to her twenty-four. He must have thought about this sort of things, right?

Oh, who is she kidding?.

Matthew is not the first person that comes to mind when she thinks of father material. He's not on her top five. Not even on her top fifty.

She loves him. She loves him against every reasonable impulse she has. And because she loves him she knows that parents are a delicate subject.

("They were gone one day. Vanished on thin air and never came back" Those were the only things that came up about the subject during one of their late night talks. Lucky, Arabella and his boys had become the family he needed after a rather peculiar childhood at the orphanage. A patchwork family she now was part of. She had no interest in knowing about people that had hurt him and he had no interest in sharing it.)

And oh god, Matthew and a child that will rely on him for guidance and love and to teach them the difference between right and wrong? Don’t make her laugh.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. She can’t think about this now. She can’t think about how deeply fucked they are at this moment.

She needs to find a way out of this. The first thing that comes to mind in her desperate state is that if she’s not pregnant then she doesn’t have to worry. Tests gave out false positives all the time, so if she took another one and it came out negative then she wouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Problem solved!

Half a gallon of water and three positive pregnancy tests later she’s back to square one. Also known as “completely fucked” and “up the duff”.

An upset sob comes out from the back of her throat once she slides down to the bathroom floor. It was useless. She can’t avoid it any longer and she’s so upset at everything that all she can do is let the frustrated tears run down her face freely with her arms wrapped around her knees.

#darling pan #darling pan fanfiction #ouat fanfiction #i've been posting sneak peaks of this forever so here we go #Universal Constants #Universal Constants Remix #Wendy Darling #peter pan #cursed!AU #my writing

[ashtonsunshine]

Carmo's Paris Adventures - Day 1

The Birthday

I woke up at three in the morning to catch the flight at 6h15. That was a journey in on itself, let me tell you. Seeing the city dark and asleep being shun by the sparkling moonlight was worth it.

We arrived to the airport, went through security in five minutes but ended up waiting for the flight for 45. When we got on the airplane, I sat on my seat and next to me sat a French man. He said Bonjour, I said Bonjour, he went to sleep. On the seat in front of me, though, sat a hot blond guy who was not-French. Universe, why didn't you sit the not-French hot blond guy next to me?

An hour went by with me watching the sun rise in the horizon between the massive white clouds (and also bored as fuck because my phone was off). Heaven, I tell you. I was kind of uncomfortable so I push my backpack, which was under the seat in front of me, aside a bit so I could strech my legs. Not five minutes went by when I hear a clunk and feel something fall on my feet. It was the not-French hot blond guy's phone. I picked it up, poked him in the arm and handed it to him. He looked back at me and said Thank you. in the most sleepy and seat voice. Again, universe, what the hell were you thinking, mate?

The flight ended 25 minutes earlier, thank god! I was so fucking bored. My imagination was too sleepy to go any further than the Eiffel Tower at night. Guess what was the first thing I saw when I entered the airport building? Yep, a informative notice on how to act in case of a terror attack. Guess what was the second thing I saw? Yep, two solders armed to the teeth. Machine guns and all. I never saw a gun so close to me in my life. Fucking terrifying.

Then I saw my dad. The first thing he said was happy birthday and hugged me. I love him! We all went for a walk in the local city Beauvais and the first thing we went to visit was... Drum roll, please! A fucking church. Here's a picture.

It is a cathedral that is on the brink of falling on itself. They had to put wood and steel beams to hold the pillars and walls in place. It didn't have much to see other than a masterpiece of a clock and two wall pieces in memory of the dead in The Great War. After that, we went to the local market and bought lettuce and a cucumber. A guy selling chorizo looked at me twice in.... wonder is too much a strong word... curiosity, I might say.

After a long car drive through three-lane municipal roads (I've never seen three-lane municipal roads. We only have one-lane ones where I live.), and seeing a Tesla, two Porsches and two Ferraris, we went to the supermarket. Huge supermarket. The isles were never-ending and so wide. So many cheeses, but none was Flamengo... I had to go with Edam... This was when the fighting started, and it got worse once we arrived to my dad's place.

My dad opened the door, we stepped in and my mother started being herself and putting defects on everything: the curtains, the sink, the table, the windows, the stove, you name it. I was feeling sick from the allergies and seeing all this fighting and seeing my dad's place.... It was too much. All I wanted was to cry, and I did. I went to the bathroom and let it out for like five minutes. My dad works so hard and he finally has his own place to live in and finds stuff for free for his flat, HIS flat, HIS FLAT, and my mother just... does that and tries to control the situation... I told them to shut up and that I was tired of hearing them but guess what? They didn't.

I don't know, man, like, when I was in the bathroom I had this sudden realization that I'm poor; that being poor is working your whole life to find yourself living in a studio with furniture and electronics you find in the bin; that being poor is working your whole life and not being able to decorate your space properly and in peace; that being poor is paying 530€ a month for this small space and sleeping on a foldable bed; that being poor is not living, it's, as we say here, ir-se indo; and that I'm trapped in it. What's a birthday without a depressive existential crises, eh?

The worst thing is that I forgot how the French television worked, so I couldn't even distract myself by watching something because every. single. thing. is dubbed. Why, y'all? Why? Don't you know that subtitles are an option? I just wanted a distraction and since the internet was not an option, TV was all that was left, but that was also not working for me.

My dad then tells me I have to work. I have to find a job and work, that if I and my sister were to move here, we could live in a studio like this together so that we could start making money. It only made me feel worse. I'm terrified of the job world but that's a whole different story that I'm not getting into right now because I'm already sad enough. I know his intentions are good because he actually tries to talk to me instead of yelling but... yeah... I didn't need that topic brought up then and there.

We then went on a walk around a lake. This lake.

My mother kept shoving her phone my way to take a picture. I kept telling her I didn't want her her take my picture and she kept on insisting and I kept on saying no, so then she started getting mad at me. My dad defended me, bless him! We walked for a bit, passed by those houses you see in the distance. Those, my friends, are floating houses. In one of them there was this beautiful black dog that made me smile. Bless its puppy soul! I was just waking mindlessly, trying to focus my efforts on trying to breathe and to not think. I just walked, with my body and spirit functioning at half speed, saying yes to whatever words my parents spoke my way. We kept walking through the paths, between the wild vegetation with the lake by our right and the river by our left.

After a while we started seeing these huge houses on the other side of the river bank. Summer houses. Look at this one. It's so pretty.

And we kept on walking until we finished circling the lake.

I was ready to just throw myself onto the yet unfolded bed but we forgot to buy rice, butter and other things, and my mother insisted on me going to the pharmacy to buy something for my nose so we went to the supermarket, again.

I walked into the pharmacy with a speech in mind to say to the pharmacist because, ya know, French, but I totally choked when I got there. I managed to say my My nose is closed and my eyes... but then I forgot the word for itchy, like a fucking moron. Irritação = irritation = irritation! I'm a fucking idiot 🤦‍♀️. Then, she was explaining the three types of meds she had for different kinds of allergies and you guys will never know frustration until you understand what someone's telling you in a foreign language perfectly but you cannot, for the love of god, utter a simple sentence back. I told the pharmacist The [itchyness] of the eyes is a consequence of the clogged nose. and, thank the universe, she understood what I was trying to say and gave me a spray for the nose. I even tried to speak in English with her but all I got back was dead silence. How are you a pharmacist and not know basic English...? *sigh*

Now, I'm home, just had dinner and am about to be sang Happy Birthday to. I chose an eclair birthday cake and you guys know damn well why.

If you read all of this, first of all, I'm so sorry for the emotional rollercoaster, and second of all, thank you, I love you. 😚💛

#carmo says things #Carmo's Paris Adventures #personal #text