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paperboy-pb · 1 year

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Are there any characters with Down Syndrome in Paperboy?

Yes, one of Matthew's classmates! One of my favorites, actually :]

(UPDATE: 09/06/2023 -- Here's a picture of him!)

He's a very friendly Asian boy named Karl Ho & is mainly into video games. Last time I posted art of him on the IG was December 4th!

I don't want to spoil too much, but I'll tell you a little more about him!

Karl is very friendly, silly, social, but calm. He's always down to make a new friend and spends a lot of his time either watching cartoons, or gaming with friends. Half the time he wears pajamas to school... just because he can. He's always looking for fun, and as of late, he seems to get along better with younger kids, because they're less judgmental & (sometimes) they have more in common. But of course, his two BEST friends (Aaran & Rudy) are indeed his age & all in the same class with him and Matthew. He tends to stay in this trio more often than not & is rarely spotted without them.

Like stated above, Karl has Down Syndrome (+ intellectual disability as well,) so this causes people to act... "weirdly" towards him.

Strangers see his face & whisper to each other. Adults at school talk down to him like a baby; and while no one in class has the audacity to bully him outright, sometimes certain classmates tend to write Karl off / "forget" about him because they think he can't understand things, like the drama that goes on between kids. Especially now that they're in middle school, as social dynamics are becoming more complicated & a lot of kids' interests are moving on to more "mature" things, meanwhile they see him as very childish. (For example, one of the other kids, Levi, is big into scary things like Creepypasta & horror.)

So of course, Karl tends to be out of the loop more often than not. He considers almost all his peers as his friend, but only really has the two good ones.

Karl is actually fairly perceptive though, & almost ALWAYS notices when this happens. And he doesn't like it very much, but he stays quiet, pretends like he didn't see or hear a thing, because he actually isn't sure how he wants to handle it yet. He doesn't like being seen as a baby-- he's the biggest kid in this class! Aaran in particular is always the first to remind people of that.

And not only that, but he isn't all innocent, either: he's not always happy, he makes mistakes, he can bad words just like the other kids, and sometimes he follows the crowd when he shouldn't, just for the sake of feeling included. Plus... he's actually the most girl-crazy one out of the boys, lol. Little man definitely wants to find a girlfriend.

He's not just simple & sweet-- he's competitive in games, kind, a mini hopeless-romantic, not the best at speaking up, and always good company. Albeit a little dorky.

And Karl knows why people do this, but at the same time, he doesn't get it & wishes they wouldn't. It's not fair. And hopefully one day, he'll start to actually voice that himself.

...

As for him & Matthew-- they get along pretty well! Matthew tries not to talk to him about personal issues, though; Matthew doesn't think they're close enough for that yet.

I can definitely see Karl spamming him over Discord to play Among Us or something on a Sunday night, & Matthew VERY enthusiastically joining, lol.

#paperboy pb #paperboy #karl ho #paperboy karl ho #oc #original character #infodump #ramble #down syndrome #down syndrome character #original story #disabled characters #disabled character #disability #rambles #oc rambles #thoughts #sorry for the long response I tried to summarize

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nanalikessurveys · 2 years

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What does your mother do for work? If she’s a homemaker, any specific reason for this? She’s a nurse for the elderly.

What about your father? What does he do? I’m not 100% sure how his occupation would be called but he’s an engineer and he works with computers.

How do you like your coffee? With milk.

If you’re of age, what’s your favourite alcoholic drink? I don’t like drinking alcohol usually. But I might drink red wine every once in a a while.

Do you smoke? If so, did you start when you were 18 or were you younger? No I don’t smoke.

Did your parents approve of your smoking/alcohol use before you turned 18? I didn’t drink before I turned 18. I did try cigarettes a few times when I was like 16 but my parents didn’t know about it and they still don’t lol.

Do you have siblings? If not, skip the next few questions. I have a sister.

Are you eldest, in the middle or youngest? I'm the youngest.

How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? She’s 5 years older.

Do/did your siblings cause trouble? No, she never did.

If your siblings are old enough, what do they do for work? She’s on disability pension, she has autism and a mild intellectual disability which makes her unable to work normal jobs. But she is an artist and has sold many of her art pieces actually.

Have you ever been jealous of your siblings? Not jealous in a negative way but I’ve been envious of her artistic skills for example.

Do you still live with your parent/s or do you live alone/with a partner? No, I live alone (with my cats).

What do you think about growing up? Most of the time I miss being a kid tbh.

What about having responsibilities? :(

Do you know how to cook? If so, what’s your favourite thing to cook? What about baking? I like cooking pasta. Also some casseroles every now and then. I bake rarely but I like that too.

Do you ever drink tea? Yeah sometimes. I like Earl Grey and green tea.

Have you ever followed any of these fad diets that go around? No.

What do you usually order at your favourite restaurant? At this local diner, I like their chicken burger with goat cheese. It’s sooo good.

Do you prefer a proper restaurant to a fast food place? Proper restaurant if I’m going to eat there. If I’m craving takeout then I’d pick fast food.

Is there an arcade anywhere near where you live? I don’t think so.

Have you ever played pinball? If so, an actual machine or on a computer? Yes, both.

What’s your dream vehicle? What about your dream house? I don’t have a dream vehicle. I don’t think I have a dream house either.

What is the biggest dream of your life? To graduate and have a partner one day.

If you could travel to another country right now, where would you go? Iceland.

What is a country you’d never ever visit? Visiting North Korea would freak me out tbh.

Are you good at taking care of your finances? I think so.

Have you ever had any trouble paying your bills? What about your rent? Not that I couldn’t pay them but I have a bad memory and I sometimes forget to pay on time :(

What do you think is the best thing about being an adult? What about the worst?

Worst part is all the responsibilities you have. Best part would be the fact that I can make my own choices and get to live on my own.

Is there a person in your life, who wastes their life somehow? No.

What is something you need to do, but you keep postponing it? Make a dentist appointment.

Do you think life should just hand things to you? Or should you earn the things you want and need with hard work? It definitely seems like the best option on my lazy days. But in the end that’s not how it should go. It doesn’t teach you anything, it doesn’t make you grow as a person.

Would you rather live off government benefits or earn your own money? I get assistance from the government right now but I can’t wait to make my own money.

When you take a survey, do you skip questions? If so, what kinds of questions? Rarely but if I do, it’s because I just don’t feel like elaborating too much etc.

What type of a survey do you skip altogether? Bolding surveys but I’d like to start taking those too.

Why, do you think, people write lyrics as the title for a survey? Because they want to have a title and maybe have a lyric playing in their head.

If you have a Facebook, what do you use it for? I don’t have it.

If you have a Twitter, what do you use it for? I don’t have that either.

If you have a Tumblr, what do you use it for? Taking surveys.

If you have an iPhone, why? I don’t have an iPhone.

If you have an iPad, why? Or and iPad.

If you have the latest electronic gadgets, did you pay for them yourself? I don’t think I have the latest gadgets. But I do pay for my stuff myself.

Do you always put your litter in a trashcan? Yes and I can’t stand people who casually litter.

When you walk/ride your bike/drive your car, are you careful? I wouldn’t say I’m super careful when I walk since I tend to get lost in my thoughts while walking. If I was driving I would definitely try to be really careful.

What is the rudest thing a person could do or say to you? Have you ever been that rude to someone else? I don’t know what would be the rudest thing.

Do you think your parents are proud of you and what you do with your life? I hope they are. But honestly I don’t think I’ve done that much. I mean I’m in university right now which is something I’ve never thought I could achieve but I still feel behind in life for some reason.

Which would you rather be, famous or a “nobody”? Why? I’d rather be neither of these but if I absolutely had to choose I’d pick being a nobody because being famous would be too much for me.

Do you need to have the latest fashion in clothes and accessories? No.

If you have a job, do you get along with your co-workers? I don’t have a job now.

What kind of hobbies do you have? Would anything in the whole world make you give up any of those hobbies? Painting, drawing, dancing. I don’t want to give up these hobbies.

Have you had/do you have any pets? I have two cats.

If you aren’t already, would you ever get married? Maybe.

#survey #surveys

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

The ones who have been following my blog for a long time (or read my pinned post) may know that I am a German writer - and I figured you may be curious about my books even if you do not speak German, so I wanted to write an English post about them!

I will put it under a "Keep reading", so you can easily scroll past this if you are not interested - but for everyone who is curious about them, you will find pictures, translations of the titles and blurbs (backside of the book) and some reviews from readers below.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

(Content warning: the second book is a psychological thriller which may not be suitable for my younger readers. The blurb also contains a (inexplicit but obvious) reference to sexual abuse which may be disturbing to some readers).

My first book came out in 2019 and is called "Diese Art von Glück" which translates to "This kind of happiness".

"This kind of happiness" is a gay love story that deals with the topics depression, addiction and homophobia.

"Matt was 18 years old when he met his first love: Josh, who disappeared from his life as suddenly as he came into it. Five years later, they meet again by chance. But Josh doesn't remember Matt at all ...

This is the second time they get to know each other for the first time - but this time they are carrying dark secrets with them. Has too much happened in the last few years to simply pick up on what happened back then?"

Here is part of the top review on Amazon:

"(...) You get to know the characters in detail and learn a lot about mental illnesses and trauma. These topics never become flat clichés to drive the love story forward, they are presented very realistically. Matt and Josh are so real and human as characters that it breaks your heart (...) Is it a romance novel (despite the heavy topics)? Of course - it's a book about love. About love in difficult circumstances and the big question why we make it so difficult for gay people. But also about the love that we can (not) feel for ourselves and our lives. As sad as this book is, it is also a reminder of the value of life."

My second novel came out in 2021 and is called "Wunschkind" which translates to "A wanted child".

"A wanted child" is a psychological thriller that deals with the topics abuse and intellectual disabilities.

"Noah is 19 years old and has just saved a baby. Or kidnapped a baby. He isn't really sure.

Because Noah is a little bit different from other nineteen-year-olds. A little bit slow in the head.

That's why it's so good that he's got Royden. Royden is his doctor, his legal guardian, twice as old as Noah. He calls Noah his child - and has been sleeping with him since he was fourteen. That's okay because age is just a number. Or at least that's what Royden says.

Yes, Noah can just bring him the cold pale baby. Royden happens to want a baby anyway..."

Here is part of the top review on Amazon:

"(...) I couldn't put this book down! “Wunschkind” is definitely not a book that you read once and then quickly forget again. I'll think about Noah and Royden (and the little baby) for a long time.

The book never got predictable or boring for me. (...) I kept catching myself literally getting goosebumps or tears in my eyes - and sometimes both at once.

Kudos to the author. For the thrill and the emotional roller coaster, but also for careful research. I feel that I now have a deeper understanding of how unhealthy relationships develop (...)"

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oldshrewsburyian · 4 years

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if u ever wanna dump an essay about edward fairfax rochester to me...I’m here!

Ahh, you must know how dangerous such an invitation is to an enthusiast! It’s a rainy Sunday evening, I’ve poured myself a glass of wine, and I’m ready to do this. I think Charlotte Brontë is doing and exploring some really interesting things in the character of Rochester, which sometimes get flattened/left out in adaptations. To be fair to the adaptations: he’s still compelling as a Brooding Gothic Protagonist.™

Prolegomenon I: I haven’t read the scholarship on Jane Eyre since undergrad, and I haven’t read The Wide Sargasso Sea since graduate school. I make no claims to particular originality here. And of course, literature can and does hold multiple meanings, etc. etc.; this is my take on Edward Fairfax “Self-Delusion” Rochester. The subfields of Jane Eyre criticism I’m most familiar with/informed by are “Jane Eyre + feminist theory” and “Jane Eyre + ‘early 19th-century debates within Anglicanism, pretty wild, right?’” This should surprise exactly no one who follows this blog.

Prolegomenon II: when I get caught up in my Rochester Feelings in conversation, there is inevitably a point where one of my English-major or -professor friends will shout me down and say “He kept a WIFE in the ATTIC” and I know. I know. It’s inexcusable and I’m not trying to excuse it, and everyone should read Jean Rhys. What I am really interested in doing, though, is exploring Rochester as three-dimensional character, not “man whose bad behavior gets hand-waved aside because reasons.”

First off: Rochester is a man of contradictions. He is a man who is generous to his retainers and his tenants. He is a man who shoulders even social responsibilities that are not strictly his, as we see in the education of Adèle (who might otherwise have died in an uncharitable charitable institution, or become a laundress, or become a courtesan.) True, we meet him as an extremely awkward and fumbling and sometimes resentful figure in loco parentis. But he is trying. I think this is perhaps the key thing about Rochester: what we see him doing for most of the novel, almost always badly, is trying to achieve better (more just, more humane, more equitable) results within a system (patriarchal, economic, colonial) that is rotten at its core. It is not everyone who has the moral fiber of a Jane Eyre, to say “this system is rotten at its core and it is better to starve on the moors or live forever unhappy than to be complicit in it.” The second thing we see Rochester doing, almost always badly, and this is where the contradiction comes in, is trying to avoid his own pain. I’ve intentionally said pain rather than guilt. I think that gets closer to the heart of the matter.

I’m going to get back to my essay in a minute, but an interjection of sorts, before I put the rest of it under a cut: I think it is vital to the novel that Rochester genuinely changes. Justification of this argument and More Emotions below.

For contemporary readers, the concept of repentance as a process may feel unfamiliar, trite, irreversibly sullied by hypocrites. But even if we take it out of Brontë’s extremely Anglican framework, I read Rochester’s profound, unconditional acceptance of his own sin (wrong, if you prefer) against Bertha and the losses which he sees as divine punishment for it as absolutely key to his having a chance at a future with Jane. The concept of divine retribution is surely stranger to us even than that of repentance, but having Thornfield, Rochester’s inheritance, sign and symbol and engine of his patriarchal wealth, built on colonial exploitation, literally go up in flames like the wicked cities of the Old Testament, is Not Exactly Subtle. And, of course, he loses his sight: “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.” His sight has been, in the most fundamental spiritual sense, diseased. He has been incapable of accurately seeing his own guilt (which is to say, seeing it in proportion to all other things, the other facts of Bertha’s madness, the duplicity of his family and that of the Masons, etc. etc.) So he loses his sight. And then he gains a much richer understanding of, well, everything. Gradually. Not all at once. I have Feelings about the psychological realism of those final chapters, but let me rewind, as it were. [N.B. I’m not arguing that Charlotte Brontë presents all this as a straightforward Divine Smiting. It matters that Bertha gets the freedom to bring all this crashing down (literally), and that she chooses her own end. But I do think that Rochester reads it as Smiting; I think we need to take that final assertion of his seriously. It’s entirely possible to read the Elm Tree Incident, and indeed that bizarre wedding morning, as Rochester waiting, waiting with pounding heart, for the bolt of lightning.]

I believe passionately in Rochester and Jane as a couple for a number of reasons (so many reasons, all the reasons), but perhaps chief among them is that they are both, bless them, raging romantics who have had very little outlet for their rich emotional life or for their unconventional, erudite, intelligent, exploratory spiritualities. OR (sorry, I forgot one) for their intellectual life, come to that! Rochester with his library full of science and his feelings about moths and Jane who becomes a teacher and genuinely loves nurturing young minds. *sobs* I love them so much. But Rochester is far too ready to manipulate others as he has been manipulated, and as others seek to manipulate him. His treatment of Blanche Ingram, for instance, I read as being several things, in shifting proportion 1) an effort to distract himself from Jane; he has few if any scruples about involving the unscrupulous and mercenary Miss Ingram in bigamy 2) an effort to distract the neighborhood and its gossip from Jane; why, after all, has he been at Thornfield so long without entertaining anyone?? very suspicious 3) an effort to find out what Jane’s feelings for him are. We see her ready to sting him into jealousy at the end too, a nice little bit of symmetry. Rochester is, yes, high-handed in the extreme. But I read the conversation under the elm tree not as a cynical test, but a genuine and painfully awkward attempt to figure out what Jane’s feelings for him really are. Yes, they’ve been having High Spiritual Communion and intellectual discussions and mutual teasing and borderline flirting for however many weeks it’s been. But also: he’s her employer. He’s at least 15 years older than she is (I forget the details on this. 15? 20? anyway, point stands.) He is not and never has been handsome, and he knows exactly how little his wealth counts for with Jane. He’s deeply weird and his house is weird and he comes with a French ward and a mysterious attic and a wife. But does she love him anyway? She does! *cries about it*

Of course, none of this excuses the inexcusable. The proposal-to-wedding sequence shows us Rochester at his moral nadir, in relation to both Bertha and Jane. It also shows him on the knife edge of losing control over his integrity in other ways, now that he has violated this one. (Remember when Jane comes back to Thornfield and says “Reader, I had feared worse; I had feared he was mad”? Yeah, there’s a reason for that.) Anyway, allow me to present excerpts from Chapter 27, which lives in paraphrase in my head at all times:

[W]hile he spoke my very conscience and reason turned traitors against me, and charged me with crime in resisting him. They spoke almost as loud as Feeling: and that clamoured wildly. "Oh, comply!" it said. "Think of his misery; think of his danger—look at his state when left alone; remember his headlong nature; consider the recklessness following on despair—soothe him; save him; love him; tell him you love him and will be his.

Whew! Anyway, she decides not to despite the fact that she and Rochester feel exactly the same way in this moment:

I am insane—quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.

*sobs harder* I think it is vitally important to point out that Jane is not cold or even, in this moment, convinced by her own arguments. She and Rochester are, moments after this, in each other’s arms, the language of fire and flame used for them both, and Rochester releases her first because he wants her influenced by nothing but her own will; not their shared passion, and certainly not his own force.

...Where was I before I got caught up with the unbearable sexual and emotional tension? Oh yes, Rochester after Jane leaves. He embraces an extremely thorough program of self-punishment. The most obvious course of action for him -- the one that Jane, the person who knows him best in all the world, assumes he has taken -- is to run away from his pain again, to leave England. He does not do that. He does the opposite of that. He refuses to so much as leave Thornfield itself except to roam the grounds at night. I love this book so much. Then, after the fire, which happens only 2 months after Jane leaves, he goes to Ferndean. Now! The only thing we have learned about Ferndean previously is that Rochester refused to have Bertha live there because its bad climate would have (or at least might have) killed her. We learn from Jane-as-narrator that literally no one will rent it, again, because of its “ineligible and insalubrious site.” Rochester has, with heartbreaking obviousness, given up on life. He has, by his own account, been “doing nothing, expecting nothing,” in “ceaseless sorrow... [and] delirium of desire.”

...Edward Fairfax Rochester has never heard of chill. Also, as we learn, though he is worried about his disabilities because he is worried that Jane will mind, and because they make him a less eligible potential husband in his own estimation (*sniffle*), what he has been chiefly preoccupied with for the last year is worrying about where Jane is and if she’s all right. Again: the man has never heard of chill. But his impulses are generous. He is the heir to a rotten and a poisoned inheritance, and he begins by blaming this inheritance -- his external circumstances, both his privilege and the choices that he is pushed into by his father and brother -- for his own injuries and the ways in which he has injured others. But I (obviously) vigorously cling to the belief that he genuinely turns away from this, that he confronts his own sins and repents and accepts that he will not, cannot, be reunited with Jane in this life. But then he is. *cries about it* Moreover, in a key reorientation from his earlier avoidance-and-denial coping strategy, he accepts Jane’s services “without painful shame or damping humiliation.” He un-hermits himself! He and Jane travel to see friends and family! They receive visitors! These romantic-hearted science nerds proceed to be shockingly normal... for their own given value of that. I’m also convinced that they have the kinkiest sex in nineteenth-century English literature, and I support them. And part of their happiness is the happiness of others; it’s the opposite of Rochester’s globe-trotting, radically individualistic conduct in the first part of the novel. Of course it’s more than he deserves; he knows that, and he needs to know it. But it’s narratively elegant, and (I think) deeply satisfying. And I love it. And, obviously, him... again, more than he deserves.

#jane eyre #edward fairfax rochester #was recently reminded of how hard i ship jane/rochester #is a tag that i have #asks and answers #emilydickinsonapologist

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aclosetfan · 3 years

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I’m still mad about Bunny from an earlier post so here’s some headcanons for an au affectionately titled “what could have happen if CN didn’t nuke the one ppg with an intellectual disability”

Long post! Look under the cut!

Bunny has Down Syndrome!

The Professor is a little...tifted when he finds out his children made another child, but Professor is a man full of love, so he takes it in stride. He’s never mad at Bunny, but the triplets have a very long and thorough talking to.

Bunny is an adjustment, but so were the triplets. Professor adjusts well to the change. He doesn’t like his lil honey bun (cause ofc he has embarrassing nicknames for her too) to go out and fight. He doesn’t want her getting too overstimulated and would rather leave the bigger villains to the girls. He can’t stop Bunny from running to help when her sisters call though!

Bunny is no damsel in distress!

But for the most part, Bunny does her part for the team by helping the professor in the lab! She’s a little uncoordinated when she gets excited, but so is the Professor, so it’s a match made in heaven. She has her own lab gear and happily hands over tools and chemicals (w/supervision!) at the Professor’s request. She also very good at reminding the professor when it’s time for a break. Bunny doesn’t let him miss snack or bedtime.

She also makes sure his experiment have a touch of cutesy because Bunny loves her a bit of sparkle and frills!

Having a sister with an obvious disability is difficult for the girls in their own ways. But Bunny really teaches the girls a lot!

For Blossom, she has a hard time puzzling how Bunny was going to live a fulfilling life in an unforgiving world. Since Blossom strives for control over things she doesn’t understand, it takes her a little bit (and a few lectures from the professor) to realize that Bunny will find her own place and that she doesn’t have to be so anxious. Bunny will be fine. She’ll be okay. She’s not so fragile. (But Blossom still has bouts of extreme worry that her little sister won’t ever be accepted) Like I said though, Blossom strives for control and tries to help the Professor keep Bun well structured and safely entertained, but Bunny’s has an independent mind of her own and teaches Blossom that while structure is good, everyone deserves a little fun!

For Buttercup it’s a giant lesson in calm and patience, which if you follow the show, is generally the lesson Buttercup needs to learn. But Bunny isn’t Bubbles or another kid on the playground, she’s special in a different way and even though she has super powers too and can get a little rough—because Bunny often forgets her own strength—Buttercup has to often be remind that she needs to be gentle. It takes a little bit for Buttercup to realize that Bunny doesn’t get things right away and what Buttercup thinks is funny can be hurtful to her. But Buttercup does learn and she’s extremely protective of her baby sister. She finds games and sports that they both enjoy, and every once in while Buttercup will buckle down and play the princess that Bunny has to save. Fr Bunny and Buttercup never give up on each other.

Bubbles is immediately the best with Bunny. It’s not so much her disability that Bubbles has an issue with, it’s more like the family displacement. Bunny gets a lot of the extra attention Bubbles has been use to. Bunny and her like a lot of the same things—dolls, coloring books, things that glitter and sparkle, bright colors, stuffed animals etc. They’re both very much into everything girly. And that means Bubbles really has to learn to share. Her stuff, her sisters, her professor—everything. Sometimes she gets a little jealous, but after an incident with Octi (where the beloved stuffed animal was ripped in two and crudely taped back together by her little sister in apology), Bubbles eventually realizes that Bunny looks up to her as a strong, tough older sister and that’s A-Ok w/ Bubs. And I know it’s cliche but I think Bubs would give Bunny Octi—not forever mind you—they share.

School’s interesting! Bunny goes to preschool with them and gets her own special teacher. But kids can be cruel and the bullies of the preschool (which is, yeah, Mitch and his group) do what they do. The sisters learn early on how to deal with insensitivity and it’s not easy (especially for BC/Blossom), but with the help of Ms. Keane, the Professor, and Bunny herself, the preschool learns that Bunny’s just a little girl who likes to play too!

I mentioned this one in a previous post, but I think Mr. Green should be her parateacher instead of the girls substitute. That way his character can stay in the show and they can have the “don’t judge a book by its cover” episode. But now it can wrap back into the episode of Bunny’s first day of school to really hit the point home! Mr Green can explain that Bunny was “different” but the girls loved her anyway, so “hey give me a chance to, I promise I won’t let you down!” (The intensity of the episode would be heightened because the girls would be extra protective of Bun) (Bunny absolutely adores Mr. Green and Ms. Keane appreciates the help!)

Bunny teaches them how to stim!! Whether it’s flappin around or playing with slime the sisters like doing it together (and tbh they’re fun stress relievers that the triplets carry into adult life)!

Also, now that I think about, I don’t feel like Bunny would get over stimulated often, but it takes her a bit to calm down when she does. Bubbles is the best at calming her down when she gets too excited, but when she’s angry, it’d be BC. I think that’s because Buttercup’s marked as an aggressive kid and, like I mentioned earlier, her and Bunny’s relationship would be filled with “learning to be calm” lessons.

Bunny has sensory issues! Nbd we all do, but Bunny doesn’t like her ears being touched so sometimes it’s hard to brush her hair. She loves Blossom’s hair though and Blossom can usually convince her that if she wants long pretty hair she needs to wash and brush her own. Blossom and the Professor are the only ones allowed to touch her hair!

Sensory wise, Bunny only likes soft cotton clothing. Everything else is too ichy. She also only wears dresses because they’re both pretty and light. good thing t-shirt dresses exist!

Purple! Bunnies! Purple! Bunnies! She has a niche and my baby fills it!

Hard ‘T’s are hard for Bunny. They round into ‘D’s instead. So Buttercup becomes Buddercup except Buddercup can sometimes be too much too, so Bunny more often then not calls her sister Buddy and that’s how Buttercup eventually earns the nickname Bud.

If you h/c the girls with fingers, the Utonium’s learn sign language, which helps when Bunny become too over stimulated or has bouts of being non verbal! Buttercup has the hardest time, Blossom catches on the quickest, Bubbles and Bunny keep making up their own signs, and Professor’s just trying to teach them all!

Can’t stay in preschool forever! Kids grow up! Sucks though :/ because the girls don’t stay in the same class. But don’t worry the triplets make sure they always eat lunch with their sister! And two weeks into middle school they realize that their baby sister doesn’t need them much anyways. She’s the queen of the SPED room. She’s so helpful, kind, and popular that she’s socially doing better then her sisters 😂😂

Bunny really gets into gymnastics! She wants to be in the special olympics, but she has super powers and the Professor has to explain that having super powers is a bit like cheating. She throws a tantrum and Bubbles, with all her crafty genius, saves the day by making fake medals and trophies. The Utoniums though are still very involved in the special olympics and other like activities . It makes them all happy and Bunny gets to hand out the medals! (Helps that she’s a superhero 😏😉 always getting that special treatment)

Guys, my gal? She’s a huge flirt! If you’re like ew no, that’s morally wrong, you need to re-evaluate what YOU know about Down Syndrome! Yes developmentally she’s a little slower, but Bunny’s still a teenager—a growing young women—and very much human, so romantic idealtions are very normal. And that applies to all our friends irl too. It just depends on a persons mental capacity! Admittedly, the Professor was a little uncomfortable at first too because there’s consent and power imbalances to think about, but the people of similar age that Bunny interacts with on the daily are people just like her—like minded individuals with puppy crushes. You can’t deny a person their humanity, so when one of the boys in her SPED class gets the courage to ask her on a date the Professor buckles down and calls the boy’s mom.

Their date is a at a park, properly chaperoned by their parents. They swing and have a good time. They end it with a hug! It’s very exciting and Bunny doesn’t stop bragging about it. Two days later she’s broken up with her new BF for the next brave soul. (Truly everything stays completely innocent don’t worry. I can understand anyone’s concern—Bunny isn’t a sexual being she’s just a romantic. Also there’s ALWAYS a chaperone)

Her family still worries though. Blossom because she always worries about Bunny and the things Bunny could be missing out on. The Professor for much the same reason + she’s his little girl. Bubbles because her LITTLE sister keeps getting more dates then her. And Buttercup doesn’t worry much, but she is annoyed because if the Professor isn’t available, she’s the one who ALWAYS has to chaperone.

Why buttercup? Don’t let her fool you. She actually volunteers. She’d chaperone any of her sisters’ dates if Blossom and Bubbles would let her. Ain’t no gross boy touching her sisters.

Tbh bunny flirts with boys most of the time to embarrass and get a rise out of her sisters. She’s a lil shit sometimes. (It’s the spice in her)

Bunny also makes sure to keep her sisters IN CHECK. If she thinks they’re being too judgmental or mean to the “bad guys,” she makes sure they remember how they were mean to HER.

Most of the main villains though don’t know her. Mojo tried something once and ended up being carted back to Townsville Correctional Facility in a gurney. Bunny has an aversion to violence after the “you’re being bad” incident, so she isn’t one to fight/protect herself (protecting her sisters is another story tho lol she’d kill for them), but her sisters are fiercely protective. Incredibly protective. So protective that when the other main villains saw Mojo carted into jail they went 😬😬😬 and stayed away.

She meets Princess though! She likes Princess for all her glittery dress-up shit. Idk how yet, but I think she’d be a good catalyst for Princess’s redemption arc (along with Robin, who yes is also Bunny’s best friend). She thinks Princess’s hair is pretty and really let’s be honest Princess goes soft because she likes the positive attention. In Princess’s defense, she was never insensitive to Bunny’s disability. She’s a ppg and a ppg is what Princess wants to be. Sure, she’s petty, but goodness gracious, Blossom, she’s well versed in etiquette and that’s just uncouth.

And she meets the boys because she’s a flirt remember? Boomer’s name is her favorite but she never gets the “-er” part out. Just likes the way BOOM sounds. Her sisters have to remind her to use her inside voice, but Boomer’s a good sport about his ear drums being blown out and usually yells right on back. She thinks they’re cute! Like Princess, Bunny makes the boys feel liked and needed and helps them along their redemption arc! But they’re hesitant to be around her because they saw MoJo and....😬😬😬 (hell would freeze over before the girls let them near her anyway) (their fear is also why they aren’t completely insensitive shits towards Bunny—Mitch is a human so he got away from a beating, but someone like Butch?? Nah, BC’s always actively looking for a reason to decimate him)

Bun’s fave villain though is Fuzzy. He’s like a giant fuzzy pink teddy bear!

Bunny’s essentially made out of the exact same stuff as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice. So what if she’s a smidge bit different. Everyone loves her just the same!

#headcanons #ppg Bunny #I’d die for this girl #she deserves love #and the next story I write I’m putting her in it #if someone thinks I need to amend of change anything lemme know!!#no intention here to be insensitive!#I wrote this in a daze so sorry if it isn’t coherent

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parappa-and-lammy · 3 years

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Disabled OCs 2: Electric Boogaloo

it’s them, they’re here! Or yknow, a chunk of em. i had a LOT backlogged and there are even more in store i have saved away - the ones here are the most fleshed out!

To start, with who appears to already pique peeps interest:

⬆️ Bumble Bea the flower-capybara!

Most notable is her golden and wild long flowing hair. It has green streaks through it, along with plenty of flowers; some grown by her, and others gathered throughout her life. They’re able to stay alive as long as she keeps them in her mane. Definitely the hippie type, she enjoys being around people and in nature. She is friendly towards everyone, and calls them all some variation of “honey” (hun, honey bun, hun bun..,), she’ll even sometimes pluck a flower to give to you!

Her original dream was to be a rockstar sensation, specializing in psychedelic rock. She even has her own custom guitar (which looks like a bumblebee!). Has hyperthyroidism and fibromyalgia - the chronic pain of which made her decide to retire. She’ll come out to play every so often, just not so extensively as before. For now, she simply hangs out with her family and helps them with their own problems.

⬆️ Lonnie Lop the jerboa-rabbit!

Lonnie is a jokester who doesn’t take much seriously. So much so, he sometimes forgets that some topics are off limits. Barely being an adult, he has trouble judging people, and tends to take things at face value. He’s an overly emotional immature thing at times... but he’s discovered that his family is most important to him.

Lonnie wanted to become an idol more than anything way back when - he had the cuteness, the singing skill, the dancing and everything else! But they had all turned him down, and it’s not really a mystery why. He has a stoma on his abdomen and has a colostomy bag - the most decorated and brightly colored ones are his favorite. He is also borderline anemic and has pica - both of which caused an event that led to him getting the stoma in his childhood.

For now, he simply helps his family out with random little jobs. He looks up to Bumble, who he considers his sister. He still insists on becoming an idol somehow.

⬆️ Otto the otter!

He is a jolly old man with a big heart, and a laugh so loud it shakes the building. Some people might be off-put by his openness, but he’s nothing but sincere. He will always set time aside to listen to whatever problems you may be having, though he isn’t exactly the most intellectual. He’s a lil’ confused but he’s got the spirit.

Otto has epilepsy, along with chronic migraines. All his sons and daughters left the nest and got careers in the technological industry, and he’s nothing but happy for them. But he stays away from screens and such. He’s moreso a man that works with his hands. And he does! Whenever he isn’t in the house with his new found family, he’ll be outside working on a project.

After the passing of his wife and his kids going on to do great things, he’s opened his house up for the ones who have no home. Many people have come to call his house ‘home’ and become part of the family. He fosters kids and helps people feel appreciated when they never have. Bumble came by long ago and is officially part of the family. Lonnie was the first foster kid at his home, and also was the first to be adopted by him.

⬆️ Kato the croco-llope and Lea the sheep-leopard!

Lea has high morality, which many remember her for: she shall never speak ill of someone. Never outwardly be rude or mean to someone. She tends to prioritize helping others over herself, even to the point of bringing harm onto herself. At times like these, usually standoffish Kato will step in and stand up for her. They known each other for a very long time - Kato has known her most of his life, and Lea has known him for over a decade now.

Lea was born deaf and is very adept at ASL and reading lips. Kato lost his arm and eye, has hearing loss in his right ear, among other things, due to something that happened long ago. Despite this, he’s become quite skilled at kung fu - even CCMO has commended him, and request he train others at the dojo alongside him.

The two live at Otto’s Foster Home, with Lea having registered to be the full-time caretaker there. She made Kato go through the training and begrudgingly become registered as well, though he now enjoys it. Lea owns a specialized dulcimer while Kato has and can play his adungu. They’ll play as a duet for the kids sometimes, who always enjoy their little performances.

⬆️ Donna the chameleon-iguana!

She herself has barely any recollection of what she’s like. She remembers slipping away... and then ‘waking up’ in PaRappa Town. after an unpleasant run-in with a certain flower girl, Donna is guided towards the Otto home with the help of a kind rapping dog. She was shaken from the experience still, and simply finds vacancy there.

She wasn’t willing to open up to anyone there, yet finds an unlikely friend in someone called Theo. With his roundabout help and the eventual help of the others who live there, she manages to recover from her past experiences and unlock her past, so that she can finally put her best foot forward.

Donna had untreated juvenile arthritis, and now consequentially has joint damage from it, among other things. She wears loose clothes and has long ties attached to zippers in order to help her move with less strain.

⬆️ Theo the bugbot!

He is an old, cranky, pessimist grump who always has something snarky to say. You’d be lucky if he didn’t directly tell you straight to your face. Doesn’t acquaint much with the other people in the Otto household (where he resides), until he met Donna. They form an unlikely friendship - his abrasive attitude was what she needed to address her problems, and in turn, she helps him be less of an ass.

Congenitally amputated legs, so he attaches large wheels to spurs to get around. He also has pulmonary fibrosis that developed from sarcoidosis. He wears a powerful respirator he had built himself everywhere outside of his room. Hoists oxygen tanks on his back thanks to a vest he designed for himself. Theo also has a sort of addiction to chocolate - the one he wasn’t able to kick. He was very self-destructive in his youth, though he begrudgingly takes better care of himself now.

Theo is talented at home improvement, as can be seen with his assisted living tools. Though he’s embarrassed over it for multiple reasons, he can play the hurdy-gurdy quite well, and does so often when he’s alone in his room. He even played for Donna on one occasion, though he wouldn’t dream of showing the other people in the house his playing skills.

⬆️ Angel the anteater and Cupcake the sugar glider!

Angel was an overachieving student at the college, going for a degree in writing, until the day she became sick with what she thought was the flu. But after weeks of rest, she became worse and worse - and was eventually diagnosed with myalgic encephalomyelitis (commonly known as chronic fatigue syndrome). She joined a support group so as not to be alone during this time. and met Cupcake, who instantly took a liking to her.

Cupcake has Crohn’s disease, and visibility problems due to complications with Crohn’s disease. She had to radically change her diet from before; she eats plenty of honey which helps, but misses cocoa products. The two live together in one dorm, with Cupcake not even hesitating to help Angel with whatever she needs. She always wanted to be a nurse, though she was teaching as Home Ec now.

When Angel inevitably loses her schooling and thus her dorm, the two move in together into Otto’s home. Angel gives what she can by helping the kids with their school curriculum. Cupcake helps her with that, and also teaching the kids other things they need to know. Angel is able to play the harp, while Cupcake plays the harpsichord. They make a fantastic duo, both as a duet and otherwise.

⬆️ Gilly Gary the garden snail!

A boy with the voice of an angel, Gilly was one of the foster kids at Otto’s home before being adopted by a quadruplet slug singing group. They all have a dream of being able to make it big performing all over the world - but until then, they perform at small venues all across PaRappa Town. They’ll sometimes even host fundraisers for homes and institutions that need it.

Though Gilly wants to be a star in the singing world, he doesn’t take much seriously. He just wants to goof off and have fun! He and Lonnie would raise trouble together, seeing as they brought the most mischievous side out of each other.

Gilly had his leg amputated at a young age due to a rapidly spreading infection, and uses Lofstran crutches to support himself. He really doesn’t care, though since he’s a bit of a fashionista (he adores the aesthetic of the mid to late 70s), he won’t EVER cut off a pant leg, and resigns to tucking it in instead. It comes in helpful when trying to sneak stuff into the movie theatre haha funni reference

⬆️ Pekh the wolf-rooster!

This is a cheerful, euphoric man who rises up early every day to greet the sun. He is incredibly happy with himself, and chivalrous - anything he has, he immediately gives to someone else. He already knows he’s glorious, so someone else should have it instead! Though, he isn’t really the sharpest beak on the block. He may be easily confused by something you say, but he’d support you all the way.

His kidneys don’t work very well, and so he gets a dialysis 3 days a week, but takes care of his body otherwise. Why wouldn’t he? He’s the best! On his way to the doctor office, he’ll yodel aloud to himself and everyone around, and will continue while getting the dialysis done. He has an AV fistula in his left arm. He wanted the graft, but the fistula was the better option.

Some people are a bit annoyed by his self-euphoria, but others find it endearing. His family (everyone in the Otto household) see him as a beacon of happiness - Lonnie looks up to him, Theo gets irritated by his bubbliness, while everyone else in the house cheers him on.

And that’s the 2nd round of disabled OCs! I had a blast designing them all. I still have so many more that have yet to be 100% done yet (and i even have the first round to shine up and reintroduce)! I’ll see yall when i put up round 3! These were so exhausting to draww

#parappa the rapper #um jammer lammy #disability #OC #original character #sfw

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khangowrites · 3 years

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Is it a Complaint Essay or is the Workplace Unsuitable?

Ah, what am I writing today? Oh, well I suppose it’s almost 12am. Seems like a good a time as any. I wanted to just jot down a few re-occurring experiences I’ve had in the workplace and sometimes in other social spaces, and attempt to analyze them.

CW: mild mentions of abuse and bodily ailments.

A bit of forward: I tend to mask myself heavily whenever I am in any social situation; whether it be at work, at home, with friends or online (although I’m getting better at being myself on Discord at least. I owe a lot to my friends who accept me and whom I care so much about.) What this means is I often plan out what I’m needed to say in advance of a situation. I have an arsenal of about 5 minutes of small talk before I tank and several small greetings/placations I can cycle through on any given day if I’m not overloaded. I also limit my natural inclination to movement.

It’s called unprofessional/unsightly to sit with your legs folded under you, or to sway and shake your arms and legs back and forth in time to music in your head. But it’s okay if you tap your pencil. Everyone does that.

I have to wonder how noticeable my ‘masked’ self is. How real or fake it appears.

There have been a few trends I’ve seen with the way people treat me as an employee in the time I’ve been in the workforce. For clarity, I am a 23 year old 5’1” AFAB person with a face that looks like it stopped aging when I was 12. I’m non-binary, but I’ve seen that many have a hard time using a different pronoun for me because I look ‘so feminine’. I had one old man repeatedly tell me that my body was too pretty and that I shouldn’t hide it and ‘pretend’ to be something else. I was and still am quite unsettled and disgusted by that comment.

I haven’t used my full preferred pronouns at work simply based in fear of being fired or discriminated against further. Same thing at home- I haven’t told all my family out of fear. I may look back on this at some future date where I fully respect myself and I’m confident. I look forward to that day.

Oh, and I’m autistic.

Perhaps it is one of these things or all of them that cause people to treat me certain ways. I’d like to find out.

I worked outdoors at an Orchard for a season. They called me Cinderella because of the way I looked when I cleaned. They gave employees gloves and heaters. Only not me. When I asked, I was given a broken one and told to fix it. A coworker who had intellectual disabilities and poor eyesight was not offered a heater at all. I did not renew for the next season. Kim and I stayed in touch though.

I worked next at a gift shop at a historical site. I loved the history and the old buildings, but the cashier work was admittedly difficult. Most of the employees were kind, retired old ladies who treated me gently, like a child. Sometimes too much like a child. The assistant manager seemed wary of me, and she often avoided me. I don’t know why. I’m not good with eye contact, and I always fear that people will mistake my zoning out as being creepy or disrespectful; maybe it was that. She never brought her kids with her on days I worked.

The head manager was courteous, but always called me Special. We had an older man work in the last 2 years I was there who had a strong inclination to associate with the children at the shop, and in turn, me as well. He would always want a hug or pat me on the back, but ignored the other workers. I told the managers my uncomfortable feelings about him, but it went mostly unnoticed.

When it was found that I was decent with computers, I was tasked with entering jewelry into the system and creating labels with number associations. I enjoyed it, and they promised me a decent raise. My pay was raised a dollar several weeks later, and I found myself being tasked with more and more computer work, to the point of becoming an office manager myself, earning a grand total of 9 dollars an hour while my counterpart who started a year earlier owned a home on the same work.

I left that job after 4 years to be the music director at a local church. I love music and was excited. Maybe too excited. I developed acid re-flux and was hospitalized the week before my start day due to a panic attack. I realize now it was from stress. I also had an ovarian cyst removed a year later- it took up my entire pelvis and its formation was also attributed to stress. I’ve since been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, and I continue to have ever changing digestive issues, muscle problems and panic attacks.

After realizing I was autistic and also non-binary, so much of the stress of life started to make sense. The past few months I have been making life changes, and working towards finding a workplace that is accommodating and safe for me. My stress has lessened.

I worked at the church for 2 years. My last day is actually at the end of this month. As is the trend, I was not treated with respect when it came to my job. My pastor started choosing the hymns over me, and would make comments about me during services. His favorite was to say that my music made him fall asleep, and wait for laughter from the congregation. He had no musical knowledge, and forced me to play every song as fast as I possibly could. He didn’t believe I could do my job. Any attempts at mutual work failed to manifest. I unfortunately was groomed by a member of the hiring committee there as well, a type of abuse I didn’t even realize I had fallen into until several months after it was too late.

I currently work at a high school as a choir accompanist. I use she/they pronouns there, but no one uses they and I’m too worried to be fully they like I am outside of work. I am wary of soiling my relationship with the director further. She’s quite religious in the ‘gays don’t have rights’ way, so I have my fears.

The director is kind, but sees me as this innocent child that happens to have natural piano abilities, and the mutual respect that I’ve come to dream of just isn’t there again.

The director has the key to the doors and lets students in without fail, but conveniently forgets to let me in almost every day. At one time, I was in physical therapy and had a hard time standing and walking for any period of time. I almost went home because she didn’t answer any communication, class started 20 minutes previously, and it was 90 degrees outside and I needed to sit down because my legs were cramping. She plans the music weeks in advance, but doesn’t give them to me until the day the students get it, despite my repeated asking for time to prepare.

One day I was on zoom and she and the student teacher greeted me and then ignored my presence and played the piano herself for class. She struggled with the parts and commented to the choir that, “wow, Ms. Khango is actually pretty dang good at this- that little girl can play!”, but didn’t listen to me when I offered to play. I left the zoom after an hour.

The online students seemed to share my surprise at least, and I am grateful to them. They kept me grounded and reminded me that I matter and should have the same respect as everyone else in the room, zoom or not. They talk to me about not being heard and their chats not being read during class. It bothered me, too. The next week I brought it up to her in the form of making sure the zoom students were heard and she quickly dismissed it, like it was a puff of smoke. The students online now ask me questions directly and I relay them. It’s met with annoyance by the director.

They have voices too.

One of the scariest moments of my life was last week- I wore my ‘disability rights are human rights’ shirt to school. (Okay, maybe not scary to some, but it very much was for me.) After class, one of the students came to me and asked if I could help him find a way for his grandfather to get a seat at the concert, as he was disabled and he didn’t know how to proceed.

It filled me with joy to help him, and it filled me with rage when the teachers asked if his grandpa could just get out of the wheelchair instead.

My overall conclusion to all of these things is that people simply don’t understand, or don’t want to because it makes their lives harder.

Is discrimination and ignorance really easier than respecting people?

I’m not sure if this is all just one big complaint essay. I guess it is. What I needed to do was write it all out. All the things that make me uneasy or feel like lesser of a person. And I wanted to know why.

I note that at every job I am perceived as a child, or as someone naïve. I am not treated the same as another adult employee. I was ostracized for my way of moving and talking. Taken advantage of. My needs were not accommodated.

Even now, I feel guilt for writing this, like I’m just playing the victim for attention or something.

I want to be strong enough to stand up to it and ask to be treated with respect and have it follow through.

I want to unmask myself more and let myself move and talk naturally, and use my real pronouns.

My respect for myself and for others must become a powerful force.

My friends on discord- my real, genuine friends, have become monumental in my life. Most of my life I did not have true friends. Without them and their unconditional love and support, I would not be where I am right now. We are all equals. I want to embody that strong respect and bring it to others.

It’s getting late. 1 a.m. now. Well, I have tomorrow. Plenty of time for Star Trek.

#workplace problems #actuallyautistic #essay #nonbinary #figuring out life

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maryellencarter · 4 years

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excessively detailed headcanon meme from camshaft22 about Wes

What does their bedroom look like? Lots and lots and lots of extremely colorful pillows and blankets. Not a hell of a lot else. And Kettch.

Do they have any daily rituals? Um. Not particularly, I think? He’s spent his entire adult life in the military, which pretty much defines what he has to do when.

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? Yes. We know that Wes is fairly good at hand-to-hand combat. I figure he also does weight training and cardio.

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? Tricky question, as it often is for characters from military canons. But I’m thinking he’d either barge in and work around the other people using the kitchen, or if all the stoves/ovens/etc were busy, find a ration bar or something.

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) We have pretty much nothing on this in canon. I tend to have his workspace covered in datacards and so forth, because he has that sort of ADHD vibe where your brain needs more than one screen to spread thoughts across. We do know that he has quite a good sense of smell, so he’s probably fairly cleanly in his personal life.

Eating habits and sample daily menu? Again: military. He eats what’s there to be eaten. Probably a fair amount of it, because all that muscle needs a lot of calories. I suspect during the Rebellion he helped supply the cooks by hunting for meat.

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time? Good question. He’s not as hyper as Shalla; there are a couple of points in the books where we see him lying down doing nothing when he has some free time. (Once toward the beginning of Iron Fist iirc, when the three ersatz Zsinjes are discussing plans, Wes is lying on a sofa with a glass of brandy while they talk, and then when Myn goes to find him for the “you can’t look dignified” talk he finds Wes lying down in bed though he has a chair in his quarters.) He’s probably always thinking about random shit and entertaining himself.

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging? I think it really depends on the context. On Adumar, we see him cutting loose and enjoying the fame and adulation, and also capes and swords. In the Wraith books, he’s more disciplined, because his quacklings need him to be, but he definitely enjoys pranks, and also setting up the sort of prank-like training methods he uses. I don’t think he really has any guilty pleasures as such, not that he would consider guilty.

Makeup? I kind of doubt he’s been in a context to encounter it much, other than Face’s stage makeup. In universes where he has, he definitely likes body glitter, and has probably experimented with using contouring techniques on his biceps.

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? You can’t be a Wraith without neuroses. He sits on them pretty effectively, but he’s a mess around the whole business with Kell’s father, and he’s fairly fatalistic about his own prospects of survival.

Intellectual pursuits? Good damn question. We know he’s smart, good at numbers, remembers obscure training protocols. We don’t know if he reads philosophy or writes poetry or... what exactly are “intellectual pursuits” anyway?

Favorite book genre? There are a lot of these questions that we don’t especially have answers to. I mean, I know this is a headcanon meme, but a lot of them I also haven’t pondered much. I don’t think we ever see Wes reading for fun, although I speculate he reads NR training manuals in order to figure out ways to mess with his students. I’ll have to ponder on this one.

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? Wes is pansexual aromantic. He pretty much respects that everybody has different orientations, but finds romance confusing and occasionally distressing, especially when it interferes with his friendships.

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) Um. Not really? The whole Star Wars bacta thing takes care of a lot of that. I have been messing around with a completely self-indulgent little sleep apnea headcanon, because you could just wear a specialized rebreather to sleep instead of a CPAP machine. I haven’t done anything with that, though.

Biggest and smallest short term goal? At what point in the story? That’s the trouble with a shared universe that spans 44 years at least.

Biggest and smallest long term goal? Ditto.

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress? Ahahahaha yeah. XD Wes is famous, or infamous, for his unique sense of style -- although apparently there are things even he doesn’t want to wear, because Wedge was able to threaten him with letting Hobbie choose his clothes on Adumar. He likes bright colors, capes, shiny things, weaponry, and glitter.

Favorite beverage? I have no headcanon about this. Star Wars foodstuffs are difficult.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night? Probably ways to cause minor trouble and cheer people up. Or maybe he tells himself stories.

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? Well, I decided the “Hesken’s fever” that kept him out of the first Death Star battle was space chicken pox, and that he had it as a kid but it didn’t take, because I had chicken pox twice as a kid myself.

Turn-ons? Turn-offs? Sexually, or what? I’m old enough in internet years that I’m never quite sure whether we’re using this in the sense of things that you generally like and don’t like. Also, for as much Wes smut as I’ve written (it is a lot), I don’t really feel that I can produce a list.

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? Paper airplanes, possibly decorated with dicks.

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life? Honestly, Wes is pretty damn organized when it comes to squadron stuff. I feel like this could go either way -- that he’s also super organized about his personal life, or that he’s completely and utterly disorganized outside the military structure.

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all? Wes Janson, Ace Statistician. XD Honestly, he could probably be good at most things, he’s a lot smarter than he acts sometimes.

How do they see themselves 5 years from today? Again, at what point in the story?

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout? These are really difficult to answer without specifying a timeframe.

What is their biggest regret? Definitely the Doran Incident.

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? Best friend is Hobbie. Worst enemy is probably whoever Wedge is currently pointing him at. Wes doesn’t really have a lot of personal enmities.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?) Go extremely organized and make everything happen that needs to happen.

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) Sit on his feelings until they stop bothering him.

Most prized possession? Kettch.

Thoughts on material possessions in general? He really doesn’t need much. I tend to figure he likes comfy cozy cuddly things and fancy capes, and other than that he mostly does with what the Rebellion / New Republic gives him. Hobbie probably invests his money for him (Ralltiir is a banking planet), and Wes doesn’t pay much attention to it. By the time he gets out of the military at last, he probably has a pretty fair pile.

Concept of home and family? The Fab Four are his family. I forget why, but I also decided he has some attachment to Taanab and probably goes back there to live once he musters out. The air and gravity just feel more correct there.

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?) Wes gives the impression that there’s not a thought in his head that doesn’t come out his mouth, but at the same time he has secrets he doesn’t tell anybody until he has to. So, some of each? It’s a balancing act.

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? Um. I’m not sure he has any. I mean, this is a guy who unabashedly bounces on his bed to make a point.

What makes them feel guilty? Not much. Except the Doran incident and things that remind him of it.

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making? Emotional, to the point that he’s made a principle out of it.

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? I honestly don’t know what this means. *googles* Well, I have learned a lot about tobacco lobbyists in the 1980s... ;P If I’m understanding what these mean, though, Wes is definitely not a Type A personality, and therefore is by definition a Type B personality.

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? Being around people. Having fun. Conversation. Cheering other people up.

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? Probably neither. Sometimes he pretends to have a superiority complex as a form of goofing around, which is much more difficult to do when you actually have one of these complexes. (Compleces? Plurals are complicated.)

How misanthropic are they? Ahaha. Not very. Hobbie does all of that for him. XD

Hobbies? BEHOLD A PUNE *koff* Sorry. I don’t really know that Wes has any particular hobbies, although I suspect he can sew for purposes of making Kettch new outfits. Somebody had to make that gray Hawk-bats flightsuit.

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education? Well, he definitely left school on Taanab by the time he was about eighteen at the oldest. I feel like he was probably kind of self-conscious about being a Rimworlder for a while (all three of the others are Coreworlders), and that might mix into his feelings about having left school early, if he did.

Religion? When I write Wes, he’s kind of an agnostic. It so happens that he never refers to the Force at all in the X-wing books, in any way, so I’ve riffed on that to a view that, while he’s seen Luke do things with the Force and knows it exists, he ascribes it a lot less power than the Jedi do. He sees the Force basically as a nonsentient temporally-amorphous ocean of impressions, which Jedi can use to foresee things like blaster bolts (which is useful), but when Jedi get larger and vaguer impressions about the “will of the Force”, he’s pretty sure they’re projecting. This doesn’t do too much harm when Luke does it, because Luke is a ball of sunshine who just wants what’s best for everyone, but it means that Sith and other fucked-up people have their own really dangerous views on the Force’s will. ...I may have thought this out rather a lot.

Superstitions or views on the occult? He probably has them. I’m very fond of space superstitions but I don’t think I’ve written any myself. Wes seems like the sort of guy who would laugh over ghost stories and then accidentally scare himself in the middle of the night.

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? Ummm I’m not quite sure what this means. *ponders* Nope, I’ve got nuthin’.

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? That’s also a hell of a question. Like does it mean who would they fall in love with? Are we talking that Anne of Green Gables shit about only being able to fall in love with a tall dark stranger with a melting voice?

How do they express love? Snuggling. Also annoying you into cheering up.

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like? More or less a mixed martial arts thing. We see him use some wrestling moves and spinning kicks. I suspect Shalla gave him some lessons after she joined the Wraiths, because he seems a lot more confident about his hand-to-hand abilities on Adumar than in the first Wraith Squadron book.

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? Nope. He knows he’s going to die very soon; he’s a soldier in a war with an extremely high rate of attrition. His goal is to have as much fun as possible before he goes.

#wes janson #wes janson ace statistician #rogue squadron #star wars legends #meme

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truthfullygenuine · 3 years

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Manifesting in “Good Days”

Currently, I am listening to SZA’s “Good Days” and it just sounds like the perfect, ethereal song to play while writing about the future. I know the ideal future that I want to craft is not necessarily going to pan as I want. But, is there harm in trying? Or, at least, knowing what I want and don’t want in my life.

First, to provide some context, I came across a TikTok about “How to find love in 2021.” Yes, it has come down to this cause I am very tired of being disappointed these days and getting myself more depressed (Side note: It didn’t work out with O. after literally one date. But, I told myself that it could happen. I was still sad, but I’m currently over it. Thanks antidepressants. Lol.). According to the video, these were the following steps:

Delete Dating Apps. Actually, I did this before I saw the TikTok. The only good thing that ever came out of it was getting laid. HAHA. But, I digress.

Define Who You Want. Defining emotionally, spiritually, and physically who I want is the next step. Hm, I think my hook-ups really helped me with this. Lol.

Dream Partner List. Writing down the details of the dream partner. Literally every detail and intention.

Self Care. Next step is to treat myself as I would treat my lover.

Magnetic Heart. Apparently, self care will cultivate a “magnetic heart” that will attract people that I want in my life. (Ex: Create new habits and/or go to the gym)

Be Open. “Say hello first,” take a chance, and say “yes.” Open yourself to love.

So, I completed step 1 and I’m going to try really hard not to download them again. No promises; however, I think I am really done with them this time around. Step 2 seems really hard for me since I am pretty open, but I looked up a quiz to help narrow down what I’d like:

Age doesn’t really matter. Weight is not a big issue; however, maintaining their health and wellness is crucial. Height must be taller than me (which is usually not an issue). Overall, they don’t have to be crazy built. But, I also gravitate toward someone who puts some effort into their appearance. Eye color and hair color do not matter to me.

His personal style should be simple and classic. Very minimalist. I’m not necessarily attracted to bold, flashy colors or prints. I just want him to know how to dress--whether casual or dressy.

Hobbies and interests that align with music, graphic design, intellectual conversations, exploring different restaurants and coffeeshops, and being very family oriented is very attractive to me. Basically, this would also extend into his weekend activities in one form or another.

Humor and kindness and talent are three big aspects that attract me. I like dark humor sometimes, but as long as it is playful and not really directed toward me. Haha. I love a kind man as well as a talented one--music.

His profession doesn’t matter to me as long as he is able to provide for himself and for me. I need a financially stable guy with goals. But, someone who doesn’t forget about me in the midst of trying to achieve it.

The qualities I always want and admire include thoughtfulness, kindness, intelligence (not cocky or pretentious--humble confidence), emotional availability, attentive, social, and transparency. I’ve talked to way too many guys who aren’t emotionally available or do not know how to communicate what they want or what they’re uncomfortable with.

Being flexible--partying or staying at home--is a must. I like doing both, and I want my partner to be comfortable with doing the same. Like, I want my man to be able to have conversations with my friends and be able to fit into any context that I am in.

His music tastes could be in anything as long as it’s not country. R&B, alternative pop, and lo-fi, bedroom pop are my main genres of interest.

My ideal, dream partner will know how to navigate my disability even when I don’t know how to help myself. He will know how to speak with me and understand my signals of needing help. That is key with me.

As far as steps 4-5 go, I pretty much try to do those. I’m pretty intentional and have been bold in my socializing. I’m trying to be open and saying yes (I’ve said yes to dates that I was uncomfortable with.). I think I need to do more with self care and cultivating a magnetic heart. Now that the apps are deleted, I think I can concentrate more on treating myself a bit more right and focus more on my passions.

Everyone tells you not to be in a rush. And, that’s my main flaw. I want to be loved so badly that I think I end up badly loving myself in the process. Not sure if my grammar was spot on but the intent sure was.

But, now that I made my “Dream Man” list, I’m going to let it plant it’s seed, let it grow somewhere in this crazy world, and hope that what I just wrote becomes a tangible reality. Being an optimist is so hard. Yet, I can see that my rhetoric is changing. Though forced, I think my outlook is not drowning in the abyss as it once was.

Anyway, Brandon, keep trudging through. 2021 just started and you have a year to do great things. Become the famous artist I know you can be. Make you graphic design company thrive so you don’t have to return to a traditional work life. You’ve built things from the ground up and have made money off of that. There’s potential. It’s a matter of you not giving up and keeping your eye on the prize. Even though you think no one loves you, here are people that do: Mom, Dad, your sister, G, C, T, M, A, S, L, and the list goes on. Most importantly, I love you, Brandon. You probably don’t believe it or whatever you’re typing, but you’ll look back and see the changes that have occurred. Not sure what those changes are. No matter the circumstance, the love for your own self is unwavering.

Even in the midst of your self loathing and hatred, I still love you. And the guy that gets the honor of living every single day with you is going to be so lucky. He’s going to say he’s “so lucky” and you’ll know that he’s the one. Luck is for people who see fortune in their life. If he is capable of seeing luck despite your disability, it’s not you that necessarily changed for others. Others have been transformed by you.

Love you soon. <3

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lisacatherwood · 4 years

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Me and M.E.

The Horror

Fatigue as a word doesn’t begin to describe the horror that they casually call Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or M.E. - Myalgic Enephalo Myelitis

I was 14 in 1980 when I contracted a virus known then as glandular fever. I was seriously less than chuffed… I was an 800 meter runner. I was a member of my town swimming club, doing competitive swimming and planning to do scuba diving training (I desperately wanted to be a Marine Biologist). I played hockey and went on my bike to the athletics club on a Saturday. I had a lot to do, but I had friends who had had the illness, a cousin who had been very ill and had had a long recovery over some weeks, so we knew what to expect, and I wasn’t too worried.

I had a high fever and then a low grade fever and felt really rotten and it simply didn’t go away. It’s such a simple thing to write down but the reality was and is horrific for my family as well as for me.

I was finally diagnosed with M.E. (myalgic encephalomyelitis) when I was 22 years old. In the intervening time I had had nearly two years off school. I got O’ levels, at 16, doing two year’s work in a year but was then so poorly during my 6th form that I largely blew my ‘A’ Levels at 18. I spent some time in the metabolic unit at my local hospital as they tried to work out what was wrong, with no success. It was frightening and disappointing for me, and for my family. I was so exhausted, confused and miserable that I couldn’t even fill in the university applications never mind thinking of packing and going.

A pattern developed which has persisted until now, forty years later. I would start to rebuild my life out of the illness and then catch a bug or even just overdo it a little and be destroyed by it. The illness seems to be something to do with a defunct immune system. Some bugs, colds, flus etc. I catch and get over the same as other people, some I catch and it’s like my immunity fails. I can’t get rid of the bug and the symptoms persist for months and months. In my body it feels like the immunity starts to triumph in one part of the system, but is overwhelmed in others. Like chasing dry rot round an old house. The painful joints start to feel better and then it flares in my digestive system and I have nausea and other digestive symptoms. Or the headaches die away and I feel so physically weak, I can’t stand steadily, lift a kettle, turn a tap on, hold a pen. Not just tired, but sore and stiff and lacking control. I have had long periods of being incredibly fatigued cold and hungry. Mind numb, sluggish forgetful, time concertinas, days, weeks pass in weird disjointed forms, sometimes I can barely speak. Summer days spent in low light indoors with two duvets and a hot water bottle, the central heating on, the fire lit, still freezing cold.

Every year or two Something happens which knocks me down into bed for months, sometimes years. After the initial sickness illness the convalescence is unending. I have described it as being like the worst flu and hangover you have ever had combined and lasting for months – the problem with this description is that I don’t think it really explains it, people don’t really remember what that level of awfulness feels like. The brain has a gift for not really storing the memory of physical symptoms – pain discomfort etc. We remember as an intellectual exercise not as a visceral experience. Even if you can vaguely put together a sensation of what that might be like it doesn’t really scratch the surface. (Try thinking of what a strawberry tastes like – really imagine it, hard as you can. Now eat a strawberry. See?)

The terror of finding you can’t roll over in bed on your own, the humiliation of having to have your personal care taken care of by someone else, the days when all the radios in the world are on in your head, all light is too bright, all sound is too intense, the indignity of being questioned like a criminal in benefits offices and doctors surgeries. I think I can now write openly about all of this because I have nothing left to lose.

I think I had always tried to hide the damage the illness does particularly to my mind because I was afraid of a diagnosis of mental illness. I had an acquaintance who had the same symptoms as me when we were in our twenties, she ended up on a ward in our local mental hospital. They took her drawing materials away from her. They wouldn’t let her write. I fear this kind of thing more than anything.

I have not been idle. I have not been a scrounger. I have a tiny website design business. I work as much as I can always from home and now employ two people part time. I am a self taught artist and designer and love my work when I can do it and I do it as much as I can. Just at the moment that isn’t very much. But I live in hope.

I don’t have any children. We sat down and thought about it. It seemed that to bring a child into a house where their mother could spend long periods unable to look after them was a bad thing to do. We made the choice some years ago and given how my health has been subsequently we were right. We made an adult choice and we live with that every day. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t and isn’t painful. I say 'we' but my marriage broke up after 23 years due in no small part to the effect of my illness. When we married I was 25 and the prognosis was that the illness would lessen and in at worst 7 years it would be gone. I'd grow out of it.

I am writing now because I feel awful, my hands ache the tears of weariness and anguish are running down my face. The brain fog is ghastly and I feel so alone and isolated. My next major birthday I am 54. I have not learned to scuba dive. I didn’t become a marine biologist. In some ways it would not be over dramatic to say this illness has ruined my life. Certainly it has ruled it, changed it, made it unpredictable, difficult, at times nearly unbearable.

I saw a child on the TV the other night, recently diagnosed with ME/CFS, he is lying there, another little grey shape in a bed (we all go that way) and I saw the desperation in his mother and recognised myself and my mother. The silent scream of horror I had at seeing it all happening again was from the depths of my being.

That the scream was silent is partly because I don’t have the strength to scream and partly because I have no words. It is not just me – the English Language has not got the words.

I had a really bad flare which put me in hospital unable to walk in Oct 2018 and I’m still housebound/bedbound dealing with the consequences. Applied for disability benefit got a home visit and didn’t score a single point even after 40 years I am not believed. Too ill to fight for it and terrified about the future. My incredible Mum stepped in again to take care of me when this latest flare happened. I have no words to express my combined gratitude and shame for being this kind of endlessly needy daughter. l when, at this age I should be taking care of her.

Originally Written September 2012.

Header Artwork originally by me aged 15.

Added to in 2015 after my marriage broke up.

Updated July 2018 and again Feb 2020 for #MEAwarenesshour on Twitter every Wednesday share relevant content with the hashtag to help raise awareness.

Reposted July 2020 to send to @OxMEDiscovery

#mecfsartist #mecfswarrior #meawarenesshour #mecfs #myalgicencephalomyelitis #myalgic encephalomyelitis #MEawarenessweek #me awareness month #millionsmissing

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hamliet · 5 years

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So. We have Mori which is clever, cunning, manipulative and then Dazai, which is very, very clever and has almost always a plan; Fyodor which is on par with Dazai. Then we have Ranpo, with his godlike deduction skill. And if I am not wrong Jouno is said to be similar to Dazai. And let's not forget Louisa. Now, sometimes I feel like there are like... too many smart, super-intelligent characters and sometimes it kinda feels like a bit of an overkill? I don't know if this makes any sense at all...

Lol! Well, I think it fits with the themes of the series, which are steeped in literature and philosophy and anthropology. The point of the series is, as Atsushi says, that physical strength isn’t everything, and neither is psychological strength. (There are a great many physically strong characters as well thanks to their abilities.) The series is grounded in grey morality and nuance, and I think the focus on this emphasizes this.

For some of the characters you’ve mentioned, I think it’s worth noting that Fyodor, Mori, Dazai, and Jouno are all intentional foils of one another-- @aspoonofsugar wrote a meta that touched on this just yesterday! I highly encourage you to read it if you haven’t yet. (I’d actually also say Ranpo foils Dazai to an extent as well.) The entire series is kind of about Dazai’s redemption and so to have so many characters foil him in intellectual capacity really does an excellent job of forcing character conflict and growth.

Dazai’s whole schtick is that he doesn’t feel human and sees himself apart from others because he can emotionally manipulate them and predict them at will; however, the fact is that Dazai is actually very, very human and subject to the same limitations. Having to face many other versions of himself--especially in this arc with Fyodor as his Jungian shadow (the dark sides of himself that he’s trying to oppress) and Jouno (who is basically Fyodor but on the legal side while their psychological tactics are not actually much different), and likely at the very end facing and overcoming his father figure in Mori (whom I do think is the final antagonist)--challenges Dazai to see what he doesn’t like about himself, examine the paths he’s walked, the choices he’s made, and ultimately find redemption.

Side note: I doubt it’s a coincidence Mori and Fyodor look extremely similar (to reinforce a parallel).

On a personal note, as a physically weak person with chronic health issues, I personally appreciate how for once the focus in a superpower story isn’t on physical ability; Jouno is even canonically disabled and yet still powerful! So as far as my taste goes, I love it. But other tastes may differ! :D

#ask hamliet #bsd #dazai osamu #mori ougai #fyodor dostoyevsky #bungo stray dogs #jouno saigiku #eurekapendragon

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historicity-was-already-taken · 5 years

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Coming to Terms with Reality: a Personal Stream of Consciousness/Meditation on Traumatic History, Forgetting, Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

This isn't the kind of post where I get excited about something and write an informational post about it, or where I get mad and yell about something. It's more like I've been doing the research for my writing project for long enough that I've finally been able to come to terms with some things, and this is my way of intellectually and emotionally processing it and just...getting it out. I've done minimal editing of this...brain dump of thoughts and emotions.

Originally I was on the fence about even posting this, but I do think there's some value here, especially for people who are studying to be historians etc, about knowing your own blind spots, about learning and unlearning at a pace that's healthy for you, and the general study of very upsetting historical things.

Two things before I get to it. 1) Fuck you if you feel the need to respond with something snotty about obviousness or naivete. Literally I'm still coping with all of this, pushing myself to reach the point where I’m able to fully comprehend the personal nature of this, and dealing with what I recently learned about the nature of my great great grandma's death in a labor camp and I will not be nice to you. 2) This post contains really upsetting traumatic material about the Holocaust and there's really no need to read it unless you really want/feel the need to go there.

So, I've studied the Holocaust and issues surrounding it for years. Refugees, law, immigration, gender, military history, ideology, numbers, chronologies, ghettos, and so forth. But I avoided looking at it, you know? Like I didn't want to look into the sun~ or get sucked into the black hole or whatever metaphor you want.

It was easier to stay outside the center and look at surrounding issues. That way I could do my thing and tell myself "it's fine the Holocaust is such a big deal in part because it was carried out so industrially with poison gas and then the corpses were burned sure that's horrifying but it's so civilized no blood no gore it's fine." I knew that there was some stuff involving death pits, and then of course there was that time a Hebrew School teacher assigned me to read Night when I was 10 and I started hysterically crying after he described a soldier throwing a baby into the air and shooting it....not to mention the B'nai Mitzvah Schindler's List incident but whatever we can compartmentalize and push away things we're not ready to cope with intellectually.

The project I'm working on now has to do with stuff involving women in the Holocaust. Obvs as a Responsible Historian (tm) I had to read all the historiography, so I got a list together of all the books I had and all the books I needed and got a nice pile going. And when I was gathering the pile of books I already own, my eyes fell on one title in particular: Sexual Violence Against Jewish Women During the Holocaust, ed Sonja M. Hedgepeth and Rochelle G. Saidel. I'd actually bought it back in 2012, but I'd never actually read it. I was not ready, but baby Holocaust historian me knew that one day the time would come. And it had. So I read it. And then I couldn't sleep for a week. But I'd read it. The deed was done. I'd torn of that "it was so industrial and sterile!" band aid and read it; though in all truth I'd started pulling at that band-aid a little when I read Bloodlands by Timothy Snyder, but whatever. Anyway, the deed was done, I'd finally looked at the thing, the Holocaust, in all of its actual barbaric awfulness. Then I was ready to read some of the more similar books in my pile. Just more stuff that got very real and in-depth and the reality of the gas chambers and the crematoria and...everything.

I learned (relearned? acknowledged? internalized?) that before the whole gas chamber death camps thing was even a thing, Hitler deployed death squads to the territory won from Russian immediately after that invasion. Trailing behind the German army, they'd round up Jews town by town, city by city, march them away from civilization, sometimes have them dig a pit, line them up naked, and shoot them one by one, dead bodies falling over corpses already lying there. Eventually higher-ups decided that it wasn't an efficient way of cleansing the occupied territories. So that's when the gas chambers at the death camps became a thing. They didn't just pull that idea out of nowhere--it had been regular Third Reich policy to gas disabled and mentally ill Germans deemed "unworthy of life" to death long before anyone marched into Poland.

It wasn't like you stuck a bunch of people into a room and turned on poison gas and they just quickly died. That's what I wanted to think and made myself think even though, tbh I knew it wasn't what happened. But in reality it was people jammed so tightly into a fake shower room that there was no room to move. People died with their limbs all mangled and stretched out because of some extinct to get through the crowd to reach the walls or the door. People died covered in feces and urine and menstrual blood and vomit, and it took up to 32 minutes for everyone to die in some cases. That's not clean or sterile or efficient or industrial, whatever the hell those words mean. It's gross and depraved and inhumane. It always was, but I never let myself look at it.

Another subject of "relief" for me was the crematoria situation. Right? Like, well, they're all dead so ok whatever. But that was an even higher level of naivete. Not everyone who was sent to the death camps were sent straight to the "showers." Many of them--the young healthy ones, generally--were selected for slave labor. (Though they obvs didn't stay healthy for long since they only had access to starvation rations and it was kind of the point to work them to death until like, super late in 1944 when the Germans realized they were murdering a huge chunk of their labor supply I literally cannot with them). And those prisoners not immediately selected for death...shit would happen like, guards would punish pregnant women for being pregnant by dragging them by their hair and shoving them alive into the crematoria.

An underground movement was organized at Auschwitz. Several women carried out some of the most dangerous tasks. One of them, even after being punished, continued to remain so loudly defiant that they took her off the gallows, gagged her, and threw her in the crematoria alive instead of going through with the hanging as planned. I don't know how frequent this was, as out knowledge of it comes from eyewitness and survivor testimonies, I don't think the Nazis recorded that....

There's some stuff I read--mainly related to sexual things, medical experiments, and torture that I'm still processing. Like, I still can't look at it, or think about attempting to write it here without feeling nauseous and my chest getting all tight.

#holocaust #tw: holocaust #cw: holocaust

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rebelwheelssoapbox · 5 years

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Disability Rights & The Woes of Political Isolation

by Rebelwheels NYC Although it is true that disabled people exist within every marginalized demographic, and thus every issue impacts the disability community, (as a person can be disabled and black, disabled and transgender, disabled and a refugee etc), I am going to be talking about some issues that don't normally get the spotlight and some theories as to why that is the case.

There are many obstacles in the path of advancement when it comes to Disability Rights in the U.S. Politicians being one - and not just Republicans, my friends. Sometimes it’s not just the elephant in the room, sometimes the donkey is truly an ass.

[photo of disabled activist and editor in chief for Rooted In Rights, Emily Landau who is sitting in her wheelchair, holding up a sign that reads “Because of the Americans With Disabilties Act, I can get around my community! # Hands Off My ADA #Stop HR 620, because there were people in the Republican AND Democratic party who voted to gut the ADA. ] But I digress. Another major influence is the severe lack of disability representation in the media (TV, Movies, etc.) When there is representation, (besides there being a total lack of diversity), more than not the stories are written by able bodied people, the disabled characters are played by able bodied actors, and the plot is usually some recycled trope.

Disability is tragic, pitiful and the only chance of happiness is a cure... or death. Disability is a trick, where the character presents themselves as disabled but ha ha ha, plot twist! They are not disabled at all. Fakers! Cheating the system, swindling us all. And of course, the dangerous disabled man, usually blind and/or mentally ill, who should be feared and is typically some sort of murderer. But let's not forget the disabled character who might as well be called Angel, because they never complain or frown and pretty much exist to inspire and uplift the able bodied audience.

[A poster for the movie Me Before You, where the disabled character kills himself in the end, leaving all of his money to his able bodied love interest, because while the tagline of the film was to live boldly, apparently the film did not intend that message to include disabled people. In the image the able bodied character is sitting on the disabled character’s lap, as the disabled character sits in his motorized wheelchair.] People seem to love disabled people when we’re presented as this trope-based concept, but when we present ourselves as full fledged human beings, fighting for and deserving of civil rights? Well, that “plot line” just doesn't seem to be as interesting.

Many people don't even know the word ableism. When we are oppressed, it's not oppression, people are just being “mean”. As a result, you have this weird mix of experience (if your disability is visible) where when you're out in public, random people gawk at you, hyper aware of your existence, and yet, when it's time to talk about cuts to healthcare (as an example), such as medicare and medicaid, it's disabled who? Disabled what? Never heard of it.

[image of a disabled activist in a wheelchair being taken away by the police. A lot of people seemed to forget how disabled activists, including those from ADAPT, put their bodies on the line, when protesting Trumpcare in solidarity with the resistance. Photo source: Getty Images/PS Mag.] Now, mix all of that with the fact that there is so much injustice going on in the world, to the point where it's practically impossible to keep up with everything, and well, disability rights issues pretty much go unnoticed. But wait a minute. Is it really that simple? After all, a number of people were up in arms when there was talks of major cuts to The Special Olympics. My local politicians had pinned tweets (posts on social media) with petitions, outraged and pledging to take action, but as an example, when New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo was (and continues to) talk about major cuts to medicaid programs like the CDPA , with the exception of some minor local media coverage and a small pocket within the disability rights movement, it was pretty much crickets.

[A disabled athlete poses in front of a red backdrop with the white special olympics logo. She flexes her muscles and smiles, and has several medals around her neck] Now, it is true, Special Olympics is a federal program, where as the proposed cuts to the CDPA were only state-wide. More than that, one is a televised program where disabled athletes compete for medals and glory. There are lights, there are cameras, it's a whole production with corporate sponsors eager to scoop up that good PR. The mission is to empower people with intellectual disabilities to find purpose and confidence via sports and competition, while also inspiring [able bodied] “people in their communities and elsewhere to open their hearts to a wider world of human talents and potential.” And then we have The CDPA, lesser known but a program nonetheless, that empowers disabled people (like myself) who rely on home services, to hire their own personal attendants, thus giving them a choice as to who comes into their homes, who bathes their bodies, who makes their meals (or even helps them eat – if this is what is needed. Needs vary of course.) And while there are no lights, no cameras, no tickets to the show – it does create over 100,000 jobs, which is nothing to sneeze at.

[photo of New York State Governor, Andrew Cuomo who stands at a podium. Behind him is a blue backdrop that reads “2019 Justice Agenda”. Sadly, his justice agenda is not justice for ALL New Yorkers and in many ways, throws disabled New Yorkers under the bus] But there is another factor here that can not be ignored. The name. While I am not a fan of the term “special” when in regard to disability, when it comes to a name like Special Olympics, you can get an idea of what will be involved. There are sports, there is competition, and there are people with “special needs” aka disabled people. And then, we have the CDPA ...what the hell is the CDPA? Even if it's spelled out: Consumer Direction Personal Assistance. How many people even read the whole title? Furthermore, after reading it, do you have any better idea as to what it's about? And that is one (of many) problems that the Disability Rights movement faces. Because a lot of disability rights (at least on a systemic level, opposed to identity and the more social side of ableism), it's pretty much policy based, which is just not that interesting to most people, especially when these policies are given names like Disability Integration Act, Consumer Direction Personal Assistance. None of these names invoke any kind of emotion or intrigue.

Now, of course the disability community can't help what the government chooses to name the policies, but what if when talking about them to the public, the community referred to them with something more exciting and informative? What if the policies were given direct but intriguing Reference Names?

[photo of disabled activists from ADAPT, taken from their website: Adapt.org ] For an example, let's take the DIA or Disability Integration Act. What if that same act was now referred to as the Stop Warehousing Disabled People Act? In that moment, you now have an idea of what the DIA is about. Of course, it would be the call of organizers to pick a reference name and it would still be connected to the legal name. Example: The Stop Warehousing Disabled People Act (otherwise known as the DIA) is an act that would prevent the state from being able to force disabled people against their will into institutions and nursing homes (because yes, that’s a thing.) And while the legal name would mostly be used when talking to people in the government, the reference name would be used when talking about it to the public, and even within our own community. The other day, I was chatting with a friend of mine, who is also in the disability community, about the DIA and he replied, “...What's the DIA?”. “You know, Disability Integration Act?” “Never heard of it.”

[photo of a man with a confused look on his face] Given the obstacles that the community faces when trying to gain public empathy and solidarity in response to the attacks from the system, one of the last things we need is to be held back by a lack of accessible and easy to understand language / marketing.

This includes how we describe the details of the policies as well. Several times, when I’ve attempted to comprehend the details of a policy that directly impacts myself and/or my peoples, I've had to ask a dear friend in the disability community (who is a former policy analyst) to literally translate the details into layman's terms. Not only does this show that the language is not accessible, but it also begs the question, how many people won't even bother to ask? Now of course, the issue of disability and political isolation is a very complicated topic, and in no way am I suggesting that these two ideas are the solution to all that ails our community. It should also be noted that in no way is this intended to disparage the efforts of the disability activists who work incredibly hard for the liberation of our people. That said, using language that is easier to understand, that invokes some kind of emotion, beyond our immediate disability activist circle, is only a step in the right direction, and may even lessen the woes of political isolation.

[Photo of New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo in mid speech. source: The New York Post. ] TAKE ACTION!

If you think Governor Cuomo's massive cuts to a program that not only empowers disabled and/or elderly people to choose who enters their homes and takes care of them, but also creates over 100,000 jobs for the community, then tell Cuomo, in the name of disability and worker solidarity to leave the CDPA alone. #SaveCDPA Call him at 518-474-8390 and press 2 to talk to his assistant. If you are unable to make a phone call, you can send him a message via his website: https://www.governor.ny.gov/content/governor-contact-form or reach him on twitter @NYGovCuomo

#Save CDPA #disability #disabled #disability rights #disability rights are civil rights #disability activism #CDPA #Governor Cuomo #Cuts to the CDPA #CDPA equals Freedom #ADAPT #adapt and resist #disabled af #disability representation

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autiworld · 4 years

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Doctors tend to forget the literal meaning of the word "autism".

The word "Autism" comes from "auto"; or "self". By its most literal and original meaning; autistics are the people who stay busy doing their own stuff (such as in their world of special interests or hyperfixations), and isnt socially responsive.

The original author of aspergers syndrome, Prof Hans Asperger (*Note: he is controversial a nazi ableist euthanacist) however used the term "autistic psycopathy".

Todays doctors i know; largely forgets this basic origin of the word autistic. They think or tell like autism is necessarily extreme severe intellectual disability, extreme language impairment etc. When they listens the symptoms of autism that has a lesser observable disability; they readily classifies it as either perfectly normal, or mood disorder such as bipolar, or personality disorder, or primary anxiety or primary depression or OCD or paranoia or delusion or mania or almost everything.

On reverse, sometimes they classify Narcissism as autism; although they are very different. Narcissism is an instinct to feel oneself better deserving than others (while autistics tend to be usually opposite they start to believe they dont deserve anything although this is secondary). And also schizophrenia and other severe delusions tend to be mistaken as autism because of oversimplification of "getting lost in own world". Although yes, any or all of these conditions may co-occur.

Oversimplification sucks.

Stereotyping sucks.

Reputed Doctors/ Media's thinking they are "always correct" sucks.

People yelling "you are not a doctor" sucks.

Generalisation sucks.

Applying one solution to others' suck.

Assumptions suck.

Not having insight sucks.

Status quo sucks.

Toxic positivity sucks.

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rydiin · 5 years

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Part 3. Do you think that his real mothers drug use had to do with it? Because I knew a girl back in high school that was using drugs while pregnant and her son has issues he's a toddler but he throws horrible tantrums and he just doesn't look normal and it's just upsetting how babies are being exposed to this. I feel Nikolas isn't at fault for everything he went through. I still hold him 100% accountable for his actions but this is just not fair. BSO is shit... 18 lifes were ruined on Feb 14.

3/3

Okay there’s a lot here and I’ll try to address each of your points but if i miss anything that you were wanting a response to, please hit me up again ❤️

The first thing I want to touch on is how someone appears vs. who they truly are:

We cannot judge someone based off of how they appear or act during a 30 minute court hearing, for sooo many different reasons. First off, inmates KNOW they can’t be wylin during court. For example: I went to see a homie in court a month ago and he would NOT look at me. I was confused because I’d make eye contact and he’d look away, wouldn’t even smile at me. Once I talked to him after I found out the guards told him if he even LOOKED at a visitor that his court hearing would be postponed and he’d be sitting in jail even longer.

I say that to communicate the fact that inmates typically behave during court hearings. It’s what they’re told to do, and sometimes even threatened about. Pulling a TJ L*ne is behavior that’s definitely on the fringe.

NC being able to sit still during court and remain attentive to what’s happening in no way contradicts what we know and/or hear about him. In fact, we have reports from certain teachers who said he actually paid attention in their class, remained quiet/focused, and got good grades. So it’s not like the idea of him being able to sit still and focus is completely foreign to his history as a student.

This is a minor point but I just wanted to point out that Andrew Pollack is NOT the one creating any of this info.

Literally all he’s doing is providing us information that is written on NC’s education documents- the ones we didn’t have access to. I wanted to make sure you understood this because I feel like some people are accusing him of making NC “look bad” when literally all he’s doing is passing on documented information.

“He wasn’t a bad person.....he tried to control the bad thoughts......he just wanted help”.

I’m not disagreeing with the fact that he wanted help. Some say he should have “tried harder” to get help but I see a boy who was actively meeting with counselors/mental health supports and being at least somewhat honest with them, he even revealed to the Sneads that he wanted counseling, he was (as you noted) searching for therapists who could help with his severe urges.. so I won’t dismiss the fact that NC WAS willing and possibly even eager to receive help from someone who could deal with and treat his urges. He was even reading psychology boards online to try and find the answers to his issues. This is definitely NOT the case of someone who is refusing treatment for his struggles..he was very much open to getting help.

THAT BEING SAID.....he was still very much willing and eager to hurt people.

You’ve seen the videos where he excitedly and lightheartedly laughs about the fact that his school..his past classmates are “allllll going to d*eeeeee..pewpewpew”. You’ve seen how obsessed he was with the idea of people hurting and d*eing, even from his middle school years. You’ve seen how utterly violent he was with his mother 😣 This dude knocked out his own mamas front teeth!! He chased her out of the house with his AR. She was so terrified that she drove off! He tortured animals and counted them as his prized possessions. He obsessed over hate groups who took part in the mass k*lling of millions of vulnerable people groups. This dude obviously didn’t just “turn evil” when he committed this tragedy..he was evil beforehand.

Anon, BOTH can be true:

1) Broward schools failed him. They knew that he was not safe to be around, they knew he was capable of committing mass harm against others, they knew he wanted to hurt people, they knew he needed help and even wanted help, but they didn’t do anything. This is true.

2) NC was evil. He actively obsessed and fantasized about harming others. He constantly talked about weapons, any current or historical events where ppl d*ed, wanting to know gruesome details. He threatened others, researched and thought of sick things..d*ath and tragedy and other “inappropriate” thoughts seemed to always be on his mind..he got satisfaction out of scaring his classmates. He wanted to hurt people, and yet his schools knew this and did nothing.

BOTH of these are true..we must be careful not to veer to one side over the other. He is fully responsible for what he did, and the schools and LE are fully responsible for not stopping him.

-Yes, I do *personally* think he is impacted by his mothers substance use. The hard part with this is that I don’t know to what extent this goes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put his photo next to an adult diagram of an individual who suffers from the effects of fetal alcohol syndrome. I definitely see some similarities in his flattened nasal bridge, thin upper lip, ears, undereyes..and then there’s the fact that those with FAS tend to have the following characteristics:

-lack of focus

-learning disabilities

-mood swings

-intellectual disability

-poor judgement

-delayed development and problems in social skills, speech, thinking, movement

I’m not a doctor and obviously can’t diagnose him but I wouldn’t doubt that his developmental delays and other personality traits stem from the fact that his mother abused substances while pregnant with him. (There’s also tons of studies linking crack use to developmental delays.)

There’s sooo much more to say on all this (just research the topic of the association between criminal behavior and genetics)..social scientists seem to be finding a stronger link as of recent years and I’m very curious what role any of this will play in his trial.

I’ll reblog an ask from awhile back on this topic that has a few more thoughts mentioned in regard to trial!!

Overall...

I’m seeing a theme in your asks as you seem to be veering toward one side of the aisle where you just can’t imagine NC being as bad as the documents and witness statements show. So I just want to remind you that you don’t know him..most of us don’t. He may come off a certain way in court or in other snippets we have, but I’d encourage you to give a bit more credibility to all of the witness statements, police reports, cell phone videos, his own search history. Because the fact of the matter in the grand scheme of things, is that we have a FEW people insinuating that he was some victim, but then literally hundreds of documents, witness statements, reports, personal evidence, etc that says the complete opposite. I’m *not* asking you to jump on the other side. I’m asking you to try your best to view all of this evidence in an unbiased way..because when you do, I think you’ll see NC as someone who was failed miserably by all of his supports..the people who were supposed to be HELPING him. And yet, you’ll also view him as an individual who was extremely troubled..wanting and willing to m*rder innocent people in order to satisfy his corrupt desires. It more than likely brought him great pleasure to harm the 17, and may even continue to bring him pleasure to this day.

Both can be true. Don’t forget that 😔

#asks

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