#i feel like my whole life i’ve been gaslighted into not knowing what i really feel

[millenianthemums]

parents of disabled kids will be like “we know our kid is disabled but we just won’t tell them about it. we don’t want them to think they’re less valuable than other kids. we don’t want them to feel limited by their disability, we want them to know they’re capable of anything.”

meanwhile those kids are growing up thinking “why is everything so much harder for me than it is for everyone else? there’s no reason i shouldn’t be able to just do this. i guess i’m just a failed, broken person.”

#text post #ableism #like if you don’t want to get your kid diagnosed with something then that’s one thing #but not KNOWING what’s wrong with them isn’t gonna make the problem just magically disappear #and just personally speaking. SO MANY things i do that i used to feel such deep shame about? #i now realize they were because i’m autistic #the meltdowns the social awkwardness etc #and i feel so much better to know i wasn’t just being whiny or difficult or weird for no reason #i feel like my whole life i’ve been gaslighted into not knowing what i really feel #because everyone always told me i was being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive’ and eventually i decided they must be right #so now i literally can’t tell what i’m feeling sometimes #because i dismiss my own feelings as stupid and wrong

[dasha-aibo]

Same Chris chan anon, I’m back. I saw your reply, and yeah, I agree on some parts. Good people can turn bad.

What I meant was that if you’re a person with strong values, you would’ve never done that stuff. It was plain sexism. A person with strong values wouldn’t do that because their actions dictate what kind of person they are.

And while I understand that you don’t SUPPORT chris chan, you can’t be like “well! Actually, women, stfu about his sexism!!! He did it because he was bullied online!!! And shut up about how he sexually harassed his female friends beforehand!!!”

Like. Think critically. This was an actual crime. With actual victims. And now he’s out of jail??? Male privilege at its finest. He should’ve NEVER gotten out of jail.

Also, rape is like, in my opinion, the only crime that can NEVER be excused. Because nobody forced you to do it??? Nobody can use it as self defense. Nobody recovers from it like a wound. It’s not simple. It’s a complex hate crime against women.

On another note, I don’t like bullying. I’ve been a bullying victim for many years. And even worse, IN REAL LIFE. But I never would’ve done that. Because plainly, I’m not sexist.

Chris Chan was porn sick. That’s it. He harassed women, did something unforgivable to his mother, and became “trans” to intimidate lesbians into dating him. That’s a straight white man if I’ve ever seen it. The internet is cruel, but it doesn’t turn men into rapists. That’s their own doing. We need to hold men accountable for what they do. We can’t coddle them or they’ll just keep doing shit. It’s never justified!!! Never!! Even the nastiest woman doesn’t deserve it because it’s a hate crime against women as a whole!

Have empathy towards the victims. We never know what they went through, and their suffering was much worse than what a brain rotted straight white man went through. Because let’s bffr, if a man I knew told me he’s a woman because he wants to bang a lesbian, draws porn of me, and then rapes his mom AND PEOPLE ONLINE DEMAND HES CALLED A WOMAN AND THAT HE DESERVES PITY??? That would be my breaking point.

He’s a whole ass villain 😭😭 why can’t y’all see that

I don't believe in perfect villains or perfect victims.

We don't need to villianize Chris to have empathy for Barbara. We don't need to gloss over Barbara being a horrible person to feel horrible for what happened to her.

It's not a black-and-white world, no matter how much Ayn Rand wanted it to be.

Chris was severely abused and neglected by his parents. Barbara specifically fostered unhealthy attachment, which absolutely did not help in this situation.

I don't think we need to state over and over again that FUCKING YOUR DEMENTIA-RIDDEN MOTHER IS WRONG. I think that's pretty obvious by itself.

But just taking a step back and looking at the whole situation in context is important.

And it's important to realize that the collective internet didn't just "bully" Chris. They manipulated and gaslighted this person for over a decade. They derailed Chris's life and any middling chance they had at becoming a normal person. They egged on their every worst instinct and broke this person's brain and will. That goes beyond regular bullying.

I think, overall, it's the internet looking at a monster we created and then refusing to accept that harassing, bullying, gaslighting and obsessively documenting a living, breathing human being for over a decade because they're "cringe" is a bad thing. So Chris has to have been a monster from the start.

Chris is out of jail, because the judges don't know WTF to do with them. You can't hold a person in jail with no trial for more than a year, rape is really hard to prove with dementia patients, who might not even remember it, incest penalties are their own can of legal worms and trying a person as severely autistic as Chris is borderline-impossible.

The best outcome for everyone would be to put Chris in an assisted living facility. But I doubt that's gonna happen.

Also, I refuse to comment on Chris's trans status. It's between them and their psychologist. I simply don't care, because it changes very little.

Yeah, I do think Chris deserves pity. Condemnation AND pity. We shouldn't just forgive their horrible actions. But we should at least have the humility to realize that we would be capable of some monstrous shit if we were ever treated like that.

YOU don't think you would've done something horrible in that situation, but you HAVE NOT been in the same situation. And thank your lucky stars for that.

[sisterspooky1013]

Gaslight, Chapter 17/48

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

Ellicott City, MD

When Cal walks through the door, she sees him with entirely new eyes. He is not her husband, not really, but he is a victim in this just as much as she is. Who was he before this, she wonders. What life did he lead before he woke up to his wife and two children, his home in the suburbs? The children, though not born to her, are innocents, and see her as their mother. She inspects the back of their necks, dropping a soft kiss on each of their tiny pink scars. She suddenly feels more protective of them, wondering over the lives that brought them here. It’s hard to imagine anyone hurting a child at all, but when she looks into their sweet faces, it’s even more incomprehensible.

That’s assuming that any, much less all, of what Alex said was true. As bizarre as the whole scenario is—memory erasure, implants, a national effort to keep her away from another person—she feels more oriented in space and time than she has since waking up in Baltimore two months ago. Mulder is real, she really knows him—or did. Her dreams are memories, and there must be more where they came from, somewhere deep in her mind. She chooses to believe it, because the alternative is more of the same, and that is an unbearable idea.

Cal senses a shift in her, and however he interprets it seems to lighten his mood. She is distracted, lost in thought, but she feels safer inside her own home now knowing that he isn’t part of this, and she lets herself take pleasure in Peter’s antics and Abby’s sassy attitude. In the back of her mind, she tries to decide what to do next. There seem to be very few options.

She needs someone on her side, someone who might understand and can help her find a way forward. She wants that person to be Mulder, but Alex’s warning rings in her ears. And he doesn’t remember her — would likely think she was a crazy person if she showed up on his doorstep, claiming to be his long lost partner/lover from the FBI.

The FBI. Had she joined after all? Gone through the Academy, been awarded the title of Special Agent? Special Agent Dana Scully. It sounds pretend.

The children go down easily, and she waits for Cal in the kitchen with a glass of wine. She slips her hand over the back of her neck, brushing the pad of her finger across the spot where she knows she has her own tiny pink scar. She’s touched that spot hundreds of times since talking to Alex, psychosomatic sensations tingling at the base of her spine. She wants it out—if it really is there at all—but even with a network of mirrors, she doesn’t feel comfortable attempting to extract it herself. She could ask Cal to do it, but given his demonstrated aversion to bodily fluids, she expects that he’d be unable, even if he were willing. She’ll have to find a way, but not tonight.

She’d taken a closer look at Cal’s prescription, finding the appearance of the pills to match hers exactly, though the label on the bottle claims them to be something else. She needs to bring him to where she is, to have an ally who knows what she knows, but explaining it to him won’t be easy.

“Hey,” he says hopefully as he enters the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge. “Seems like you might be doing a little better?”

She pushes her mouth into a smile and nods, then pats the counter beside her in encouragement that he sit down. He does, eyeing her nervously.

“I want to tell you something,” she begins, choosing her words carefully. “And it’s going to sound completely insane, but I need you to try not to dismiss it outright.”

“Okay…” he says, taking a sip of his beer. “What’s up?”

“Ever since…my accident, I’ve had this feeling that there’s something I can’t quite recall. Like something is missing.” She makes the conscious choice to say something and not someone. She doesn’t want to tell him about Mulder, not yet.

He throws her a bemused smile.

“Yeah, mija, you lost like eight years of your memory,” he points out, and she twists her mouth up, considering another route.

“You’ve said that you experience deja vu quite often, right? That certain things will trigger a feeling of familiarity that you can’t place?” she asks.

“Yeah, everybody does,” he agrees.

“That’s true, but I don’t think everyone experiences it to the degree that you do. Most people might have a fleeting feeling of deja vu a handful of times in a year. How often do you experience it?”

Cal shrugs.

“At least once most days. Where is this going, Dana?”

She takes a large gulp of wine, grimacing as she swallows it.

“I have reason to believe that…we aren’t who we think we are,” she says, stealing a glance at his face. The deep lines in his forehead and the set of his mouth reflect confusion and a bit of concern. She decides to pivot. “Do you remember the Manatua Virus outbreak?” she asks instead.

“Yes,” he says, skeptical. “It was a pretty big deal.”

“Tell me about getting your vaccine. What was that like?”

He sits back, calling forth the memory.

“We had to go over to St. Agnes, way before you worked there, and we were given a sedative or something that knocked us out. They administered the vaccine while we were asleep,” he recounts. “So I don’t remember actually getting it, but I remember going there and having a bandaid on the back of my neck when I woke up.”

“And what’s your understanding of what they did? Was it an injection, or….?” She lifts her eyebrows and waits.

“Uh, something like that,” he says. “I think they said it couldn’t be administered by injection, so they made a little cut and stuck it in there subculturally, or whatever.”

“Subcutaneously,” she corrects him with a small smile.

“Yep, that,” he agrees bashfully. “Why are you asking about that?”

“Was it something permanent, like an implant?” she asks next, pushing forward.

“No,” he says with a grimace. “Just, like, liquid, like any other vaccine.”

“Okay,” she continues, feeling like she’s on to something. “So if I told you that I believe that a chip was inserted into your neck at the time of your vaccine, would that be a surprise to you?”

“A chip?” he repeats, setting his beer down. “Like a computer chip?”

“Essentially, yes.”

“Uh, yeah, that would be a surprise, if it were true,” he says, eyeing her cautiously. “You wanna tell me where all this is headed?”

“I know that it sounds crazy,” she prefaces, laying her hand over his on the countertop. “But I have reason to believe that your memory, all our memories, have been altered by that chip.”

“Altered how?” he asks, flipping his hand over and threading his fingers through hers. She senses how desperate he is for her touch, and she feels awful for what he must have gone through these past few days.

“I’m not entirely sure yet,” she lies. “But I’d like to see if I can remove the chip from your neck so we can find out.”

He scoffs, his mouth smiling.

“Have you been watching sci-fi movies, mija?” he asks, hiding his concern behind humor.

“I know it sounds crazy,” she repeats, smiling back. “I’m hoping that you’ll trust me enough to let me try.”

“And when you go digging around in my neck and don’t find anything?” he asks, then waits for her response.

She shrugs.

“I’ll make it up to you however you want,” she tells him, letting a little suggestiveness slip into her tone. That seems to work.

“Okay,” he says, disbelieving. “Tell me what you want me to do, Doc.”

-

Cal sits, backwards and shirtless, on the lid of the toilet, his arms folded over the tank. He’s also on his second beer, and is pleasantly buzzed and chatty. Between the booze and the lidocaine she injected just under the surface of his skin five minutes ago, she has herself a very docile patient.

She palpates the area, finding a small knot of scar tissue that seems out of place. After cleaning his skin with iodine, she prepares her scalpel.

“Ready?” she asks, and he nods.

“Oh, wait, kiss for good luck,” he says, craning his neck back.

Smiling, she leans forward and kisses him. It doesn’t bother her to do so. While predicated on false memories on his part, she now feels like their relationship is an organic one. She genuinely likes him, and she feels cared for and respected in return.

“Hold very still,” she says, then carefully slices into his skin over the scar from his prior incision.

He doesn’t flinch, thankfully entirely numb. Initially, she doesn’t see anything. Retrieving her tweezers, she gently prods around the tissue for a few minutes. She’s considering giving up when the bathroom light catches on something reflective.

Carefully, she moves away the surrounding tissue, and then extracts a small fleck of metal, no larger than a broken grain of rice. Moving over to the bathroom counter, she wipes it from the tweezers onto a square of toilet paper.

“Was there something in there?” Cal asks, and she looks back to see him watching her with an alarmed expression.

“Let’s get you sutured up,” she says lightly, not wanting to scare him.

A single stitch and a butterfly bandage topped with gauze do the trick. When she lets him know she’s finished, he slowly stands and moves toward the counter top, leaning in to examine the square of toilet paper with a look of trepidation.

“What is that?” he asks fearfully.

“A microchip, I believe,” she answers, trying not to sound too worried.

“What does it do?”

She considers him for a moment. She certainly can’t tell him everything, he’d be concurrently overwhelmed and doubtful to the point of disbelief. But if she can give him just enough information to help him spot the inconsistencies, maybe she can bring him along.

“I think it contains memories,” she tries, and he shoots her an incredulous look.

“Memories?” he repeats.

“Yes,” she answers on a sigh. “I don’t fully understand it yet, but I think you should pay close attention to any changes in your memory recall, and maybe that will tell us something.”

“Is that how the vaccine works?” he asks.

It doesn’t even make sense; they both know that. Memories and vaccines are two separate things. But she needs to lead him to her one bread crumb at a time, so for now it will have to do.

“Maybe,” she says noncommittally.

She stores the chip in a tiny plastic baggie and stashes it in the keepsake box in the master closet. After cleaning up her makeshift surgery center, she finds Cal downstairs on the couch, a fresh beer in hand. He has a far away look on his face, and she pours herself another glass of wine before settling in beside him, her folded-up legs resting against his thigh.

“What are you thinking?” she asks.

The whole thing feels a bit like trying to coax a feral dog into letting you pet him. Don’t make any sudden movements. Be ready to pause and wait before advancing. Rushing things will likely result in the whole thing going to hell.

“Where did you get this information?” he asks, looking over at her with bleary, alcohol soaked eyes.

She takes a long drink from her wine, deciding that she herself might benefit from a dulling of the senses.

“At work,” she tells him, which is technically true—Alex did approach her at St. Agnes. “There are some rumors going around, and while that’s not normally something I would pay any mind to, something about this…it feels like there may be something to it.”

“What are you gonna do now? With the chip?”

She’s considered this, of course. She has yet to come to any kind of answer.

“Nothing, for now. I think if we just wait and see how it impacts you to have it removed, we can go from there.”

Cal nods and stares at nothing for a handful of minutes. She feels like he’s open to what she’s saying, more so than she would have been were she in his shoes. Knowing that he will routinely take his medication in the morning, she decides to go for broke.

“There’s something else,” she says cautiously, carefully. “The medication I was prescribed, the Numerol…I learned that it wasn’t what it appeared to be.”

His head snaps over to hers in the lethargic, delayed way that intoxicated people move.

“What do you mean?” he asks, alarmed. “What was it?”

“I don’t actually know yet, but I think it’s possible that your medication is also affected.”

“The Haloperidol?” he asks.

“Yes. It’s obviously your choice, but I think—I’d like for you to stop taking it.”

His eyebrows shoot up.

“My tics would be off the charts, Dana,” he objects. “You know how bad it gets when I’m not medicated.”

She doesn’t know, and she suspects he doesn’t really either, but that is not a detail that’s important right now.

“I know,” she placates him, resting a hand on his knee. “Just think about it. If I’m right, you’ll know within a day or two. And if I’m wrong, you can start taking it again.”

His expression is one of doubt, but he doesn’t say anything further. He really seems to trust her, which is a welcome relief.

They shift to other topics that have nothing to do with implants or medication, and she finishes another glass of wine. It’s late, past 11:00 pm, when they finally make their way upstairs to get ready for bed. Without even thinking about it, she crawls under the covers in the master bedroom, now finding his presence a comfort rather than a concern. So much has changed in a day.

Cal scoots up close to her, each on their sides with their noses inches apart. His breath smells hoppy and minty, and when he reaches out and rests his hand on her hip, she doesn’t pull away. She feels relaxed and pleasantly numb, and oddly hopeful, all things considered.

“I love you so much,” he whispers in the dark, and it feels like a dagger and a balm all at once.

Fuck, Scully. I love you.

“I love you, too,” she says back.

To Cal? To Mulder? She’s not entirely sure. Perhaps both, in a way. The man who is physically here, and the one who lives only in her heart and her dreams. She’d like for that man to someday be the same person, but right now he isn’t. Right now, she has one man who doesn’t remember her, who is married to someone else. And she has another man, Cal, who thinks he knows her, and has found a way to love the person that she has become. And he’s right here, right in front of her, close enough to kiss.

And she does. She lets herself take comfort in his kiss, his touch, his love—even if the roots of it were planted nefariously. So many moments of her life since waking up in Baltimore have felt bad: scared, lost, confused, bereft, hopeless. But his mouth on her lips, his hand between her legs, the press of his bare belly against hers as he settles over her: she allows herself these good feelings, knowing that they are fleeting.

But she does think of Mulder, afterwards, as she tries to fall asleep with Cal curled up behind her. She wonders what he’s doing, where he is. She wonders if he, too, feels so loved and adored, if maybe he’s happy. She worries that if she does find him, if she does make him believe what she believes, she will effectively ruin his life.

She wonders what is more important to him: the pleasant lie, or the painful truth.

Tagging @today-in-fic

#the x files #x files fanfic #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #xf fanfic #x files #the x-files #xfiles #thexfiles

[lapetitechatonne]

Day Four: There’s something off about them. . .

okay, so if you thought the other day was a stretch, this one most certainly is. It was originally my idea for Mistaken Identity, but i had to switch it around some. the idea is original from this post by @hidden-under-lock-and-key. it’s a nice break from the angst i’ve been posting. enjoy!!! <3

ao3 link!

Kate’s Masterlist here!

When in doubt: Manslaughter fixes everything - 2.1k words

In life, sometimes you here confronted with two options. The longer, hard road of being truthful with those around you and dealing with the consequence of your actions.

Or gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss.

As Danny stared at the heroes that cornered him in the alley behind Nasty Burger, he was feeling like the former.

“It’s okay son,” fucking Superman stepped forward trying to make himself look as soft as the man of steel could, “we understand the need for a secret identity.”

Danny suppressed a snort. Right. That’s why they were cornering him behind a fast-food joint at eight pm. Real subtle.

“That’s um, great sir,” Danny had no idea where this sentence was going, “but umm. . . yeah, Phantom’s not a meta-human. He’s a ghost,” gaslight it was, he guessed, “and as you can see, I’m not dead. So . . .”

Danny just shrugged. He was used to Wes Weston running his mouth, but this was a whole other ball game. People would actually believe the Justice League if they decided to go public.

But he’d already dug his grave—hehe good one—he might as well keep digging.

“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” the Flash rolled his eyes and gave him a very disappointed look. If he wasn’t very used to them by now, it might have done something.

“Yeah,” Danny smirked looking the Flash dead in the eyes, “prove it.”

“This isn’t a game,” Batman growled and stepped closer to him, obviously in an attempt to intimidate him.

“No, it’s not,” Danny frowned crossing his arms, “this is my life. Not yours, mine. And you’re endangering it just by throwing around accusations like this.”

Judging from the looks on their faces they didn’t understand the weight of the accusations they were placing on him. Great. Just great.

“Metas and aliens are protected,” Superman started, but Danny just shook his head.

“Anyone or anything contaminated with ectoplasm—like Phantom, the dead guy—isn’t considered a sentient being under the Anti-Ecto acts,” they all looked at him with varying degrees of confusion. Dear ancients, they actually didn’t know, “Look it up. Anyways, I’m late for dinner with my friends so I’m just gonna. . .”

Danny gestured over his shoulder and slipped out of the alley, leaving the heroes in various degrees of confusion and concern.

Whatever. Not his problem.

---

Turns out it was, indeed, his problem.

The stared, dead-eyed at the three heroes on his doorstep contemplating all his life decisions. Because what deity did he piss off to deserve this?

“May we come in?” Superman asked.

Probably Clockwork. This would be his idea of a joke.

Danny sighed and stepped aside. Better to let them in than have the whole neighborhood see them.

He glared at the heroes as they filed in, the Flash and Superman looking uncomfortable while Batman simply stared in silence. Danny gave the door a good slam and walked back into the kitchen. Just because they were there didn’t mean he had to play nice.

“Who was that dear?” his mom looked up from her tablet as he entered the room.

He didn’t answer. He just grabbed his coffee and glared at the heroes standing awkwardly in the kitchen archway.

“Um, hi ma’am,” Superman said, tentatively taking a step into the room like she was going to hit him with a wooden spoon or something, “we came to talk about your son’s, um. Extracurriculars.”

His mom just frowned, setting the tablet down on the table in front of her, “Danny isn’t in any extracurriculars.”

Danny snorted into his coffee. This was going real smooth.

“Well, not really extracurriculars,” the Flash flashed—ha—a smile at her, “the other things he does. Outside of school. Ya know?”

His mom stood up from the table and walked in front of him, blocking the heroes' paths to him, “No, I do not know. What exactly are you accusing my son of? He’s a good boy, granted he doesn’t get out much—”

“Mom!” Danny could feel his face turn red.

“Well honey, it’s true. Anyways, he’s a good, upstanding citizen. Certainly, he’d done nothing to require this response.” His mom placed her hands on her hips and Danny fought the urge to actually cackle.

Tucker and Sam would never believe him.

“Ma’am,” Batman stepped forward from his place behind his colleagues, “we’re here because your son is Phantom, and—”

Whatever batman was going to say was completely lost in his mother's very loud and colorful disapproval.

“Excuse you!” she pointed in Batman’s face, “You do not get to come into my home and accuse my baby boy of being that—that menace! You are severally mistaken, and you can see my some is alive and well, thank you very much.”

He watched over his mom’s shoulder as she quickly pushed them out the door, ignoring the Flash's protests.

“But there’s something off about him!”

“Never,” she grabbed the Flash by the front of his suit, and for a second Danny thought she was actually going to deck him, “talk about my son like that again. Or I will make you regret ever setting foot in Amity.”

She slammed the door in their faces and Danny just grinned.

“I’m so sorry you had to hear all that sweetie,” she walked over to him and kissed the top of his head, “You know I love you. I’d love you even if you were a ghost.”

He smiled at her. He knew.

But this just made things easier.

“I know mom. I really thought you were gonna punch him for a minute there.”

She smirked at him and ruffled his hair, “Don’t be silly, I would have gone for the legs.”

Gods he loved his mom.

---

Danny flinched as the cold night air rushed over his skin. Ugh. Fucking Illinois and its fucking weather. It was seventy earlier, there was no reason for it to be so cold now.

Whatever.

Danny lugged the heavy trash bag out to the dumpster in the alley behind their house. He let the lid clatter down, taking a moment to catch his breath. It was a nice night if those fucking losers weren’t around he’d go for a short flight—

Batman clattered down on the lid of the trashcan, sending Danny flinching back into the rough brick wall.

“Jesus fuck dude! What the hell!” Danny yelled trying to catch his breath.

Batman jumped down onto the concrete in front of him, using his height to loom over Danny.

“We need to talk,” he growled.

“No, actually, we don’t,” Danny huffed, trying to push past him.

Batman caught his arm and twisted it behind his back and—ouch!

“What the fuck! Let go of me!” Danny struggled as much as he could without being suspicious but Batman knew what he was doing and Danny had the arms of a toothpick.

“Not until you answer my question,” Batman growled in his ear.

“Frist of all, get a fucking breath mint,” Danny snarked, call it a defense mechanism, “and second of all, it’s this against the law? You can’t just torture me like this is some bad cop movie.”

Batman threw him around so his back hit the brick wall again, and before he would move his forearm was pressed against Danny’s neck.

“I know you’re Phantom. You know it,” his voice lowered, and honestly, it was terrifying, “you’re either an asset or a liability Phantom.”

Danny gasped for breath, wiggling under Batman’s tight hold. Gods, how much did this man weigh?

“Danny!”

They both turned to see Jazz standing at the mouth of the alley, phone in hand.

“I’d like to report an assault,” she spoke into the phone, looking increasingly worried.

Batman growled and was gone as quickly as he came. Danny felt his legs buckle underneath him as Jazz rushed to his side, still on the phone with the nine-one-one operator.

This just kept getting better and better, he thought humorlessly.

---

Clark watched Bruce glare at the tv, making a displeased grunt under his breath.

“The victim's name will not be released, as it was a minor, but that still begs the question: what was Batman doing assaulting a high school? This has been Harriet Chen—”

Clark clicked off the tv, there was no point in watching. He couldn’t believe there were cameras that Bruce couldn’t find—Bruce was even less happy about it. Barry hadn’t even dared ask him if he wanted a donut this morning.

He sighed, sitting down on the motel bed. He just stared at Bruce, who stared at the blank tv.

Riveting.

Clark wasn’t sure exactly how long they sat there before Bruce’s phone lit up.

“Speak,” he said in probably the most unfriendly tone known to man. That was okay, they knew he was working on his people skills.

Slowly. Very, very slowly.

“I found Phantom,” Clark meet Bruce’s eyes as Barry rattled off the location.

They’d get him this time

---

Danny watched as the heroes tried to hide in the bushes to his left. But that was kind of hard to do in bright red.

He just rolled his eyes and continued playing fetch with Cujo. Maybe if he just continued to ignore them they’d go away.

About twenty minutes later when Cujo got tired of fetch and decided he wanted to dig around in the dirt was when they made their move.

“Cute dog,” the Flash leaned against a tree, watching the hole three times Cujo’s size get larger and larger, “he yours?”

“Nope,” Danny popped his ‘p,’ casually floating into a laying position, “Cujo’s his own dog. He just likes me is all.”

They were silent for a few more minutes, long enough for Cujo to get started on another hole.

“You,” a deep growl was the only warning Danny got before Batman jumped on him. Luckily that warning was enough for him to go intangible and for Batman to seamlessly go through him.

Batman stood looking almost disgruntled as Danny continued to float. Danny raised his eyebrows at the man as he growled at him.

“You know, it’s rude to jump through people,” Danny told him flatly.

“Give it up kid,” Superman sighed as he landed next to his boy band, “we know it’s you. Please.”

Superman and the Flash shot him almost desperate looks. Huh.

Well, he was too deep now.

“I usually don’t have fans so old,” Danny smirked a little and Batman growled again, “but if you want an autograph or something—”

The words froze in Danny’s throat as Batman pulled up his holograph wrist computer—which was so fucking cool—and opened two pictures. One of Fenton and one of Phantom.

Uh oh.

He didn’t know if he could mansplain, manipulate, malewife himself out of this one.

“Your faces are a 99.8% match,” Batman smirked as much as a stoic rock could, and Danny just couldn’t let him have the last word. He just couldn’t.

Manslaughter it was.

“Right, right, that’s really dope and all,” Danny let himself float till he was eye height with Batman, “but like, also rude as hell.” He crossed his arms and stared down the heroes, letting his eyes burn brighter. “That kid is a fucking nerd for one thing. And also, I’m dead. Like, dead dead.”

The heroes just stared at him like they didn’t believe a word he was saying. Fine. Time to take it up a notch.

“Like, I would honestly love to be that kid, because at least he’s alive, even if he’s a fucking dweeb,” Jazz would be so mad if she heard all this negative self-talk, but it was for the bit, “What do you want from me? My death certificate? My fucking bones?” He let his form grow brighter and the ends of his hair flicker into flames. “Or would you like to hear in excruciating detail how I was frozen alive in an avalanche?”

He raised an eyebrow at the heroes and they backed off. The Flash looked a little woozy at the idea while Batman went back to his neutral state.

“We didn’t mean to—” Superman started but Danny didn’t let him finish. Time for the big finale.

“Didn’t mean to what? Huh? Stick your nose in shit that you know nothing about?” Danny shook his head and tried his best to imitate Jazz’s ‘I’m just disappointed’ look, “And here I would have thought that heroes would know how dangerous it is to insinuate innocent civilians are super-powered. You should be ashamed.”

“We—” Danny interrupted whatever the flash was going to say for dramatic effect.

“Ashamed! Cujo has more manners than you.” He picked up Cujo’s wiggling, dirt-covered form and glared at the heroes one last time. “I am rolling in my grave. I hope you know that.”

Danny flew off, Cujo licking his face as he smirked. Once they got far enough away he looked down at the dog, “Pretty good, huh?”

Cujo just barked and licked his nose. Hopefully that would be the last he saw of the Justice League.

Manslaughter always worked.

#no actual manslaughter in this fic lol #just a play on words #just Danny gaslighting the JL #he said 'I'm not dealing with this' and stuck to it #crack #crack treated seriously #Danny being a dramatic bitch #Danny Phantom #dcxdp #dp/dc week 2022

[can-i-ship-in-queering-peace]

i just had to say this.

no, but, i really want y’all to say it with your whole chest. why is it cool for straight people to reminisce about their childhood crush and dream of what could have been and that's romantic, and you can gain sympathy. but if you make it queer then we’re weird, creepers with some agenda? you just always want to demonize us and push us into the box of pedophiles, go ahead, just say it say it!

despite almost every straight presenting, straight agenda pusher, closest case out there, in and out of the church being usually the pedophiles of the world. it’s almost.. ironic.. it’s almost like... gaslighting or something. like you’re calling us what y’all are. 

(listen, most actual queer/gay people tend to actually never experience childhood and teen years normal development because we are so afraid of so much, and for good reason. so yeah, we also like to reminisce like y’all.. only we have even more layers there.. you can’t imagine the depth of all the things we are trying to work through in doing so. often times alone with no other help with these aspects.

so, “missed opportunities”, an understatement for us. i mean these ships for us are all the life we’ll never get to get back, time lost feels so heartbreakingly different in the closet. “years wasted”, again, an understatement. so, y’all think we’re silly for caring so much about ships when we can see ourselves in these ships but i cry thinking about how much i can relate to so much and it brings me back there. but instead of repressing all of those feelings and looping those memories i can never undo or change, i attempt to, through fanfic. i write and read fanfic, and love fanart because it’s my do over. not to mention, we never get actual representation that’s fleshed out the same way. i know plenty can relate so i just had to vent this since pride is here and i’ve been an absolute emotional wreck over so much and this has been weighing on me.)

#byler #byler shippers #byler fandom #can i ship in queering peace #happy pride shippers #happy pride people in the closet #happy pride queer youth #happy pride older people #happy pride to all the people working through their layers

[ninjagracee]

what’s ur favorite scenario to dream about with mtsk and death (kou dying, specifically)

YOU. YOU GET ME.

i’m gonna start this off with saying that kou minamoto is literally my favorite character ever so don’t think i’m doing this because i hate him i just think about him way too much and this is where i end up after thinking for too long

i have SO MUCH to say about this but i’m gonna throw it under the cut bc i don’t wanna catch ppl off guard with my insane bullshit

if ur reading this and u get upset it’s ur own fault /hj

alright SO

first off kou definitely should’ve died during the pp arc just for shits and giggles. it would’ve been like a “what the fuck just happened” for every character and the whole fandom and the chaos that would’ve ensued from the death of a major character would’ve been absolutely WILD- like bitch just killed himself. he straight up committed suicide. there’s no way of rephrasing that bc that’s what he did. it would’ve been a plot-shattering moment and really just heartbreaking and awful and aidairo could’ve done so much with it.

for one, mitsuba would’ve been very Not Ok because he would’ve blamed himself for kou dying and he’d definitely try to gaslight himself into believing kou was still alive- that would not work btw he’d just be in insane denial

anyway imma move on from that arc even though i could go into it so much deeper and focus on things that i could see happening just to make the story hella interesting (i’ve been very tempted to write a fic about this so beware)

i think the most likely ways kou would die would either be suicide or being killed by tsukasa. we’ve already seen him attempt to kill himself, thwarted by mitsuba then brushed aside for some reason, and i’m about to do a full ass analysis on why tsukasa should murder our boy :3

reiterating that I LOVE KOU MINAMOTO WITH MY WHOLE HEART HES PERFECT

okay so tsukasa. hes a silly guy. one of his main traits is he loves to fuck with people, right? right yeah whatever get to the point IM WORKING ON IT ok sorry anyway he’s silly right. he thrives off fucking people up as much as possible. since he knows fucking everything i’m gonna assume he knows how important kou is to mitsuba and, given the fact that it’s so easy to fuck with mitsuba, he’d know that messing with kou in some way would make the biggest impact. every way he messes up mitsuba’s (after)life doesn’t emotionally impact him for too long, given the fact that he and kou with it out every time. but what happens when we take out the support system? that’s what we wanna know.

so ofc tsukasa feels all silly goofy and takes out kou just for funzies. mitsuba is absolutely fucking destroyed in every way. he blames himself, duh. this splits off into 2 possible scenarios that i’ve created lol.

possibility one: mitsuba stays in his boundary for god knows how long, refusing to talk to anyone. eventually he goes to shijima, begging for a replacement kou. even if hes fake, it’s better than nothing, right? shijima understood his grief, in a way. so, she gave in. boom. kou copy. the rest was none of her business.

kou copy only knows what shijima knows about him, so let’s go with everything up until the end of the picture perfect arc. he has no idea about anything after, including the aquarium date, the far shore incident, and the supernaturals being banished from the near shore in the first place, and it’s fine that way. …right? well, that means he also doesn’t know that he’s supposed to be dead.

he keeps asking mitsuba when he can leave the boundary and go home, when he can go see senpai, when he can see his brother, and he’s very upset. mitsuba has no idea what to do. he was overjoyed to have his crush best friend back that he didn’t even think of what would happen after… he couldn’t let kou out of the boundary. that was out of the question. keeping kou here would make him miserable and make him hate mitsuba. so at this point they’re stuck in a cycle of shouting matches of wether or not kou is allowed to leave, periods of silence, and occasional truces because they both need someone to keep them sane, and who else can do it but each other?

possibly 2: supernaturals are a thing in this world, so why can’t kou be one too? even though tsukasa is the one who killed kou in the first place, mitsuba begs him to bring kou back, to make kou a supernatural just like mitsuba. mitsuba knows what being a supernatural feels like. he knows that just letting kou go would be so much better for the dumb blonde boy. he knows that kou deserves better than to be forced to live in a world that doesn’t want him anymore. but mitsuba is selfish. so tsukasa makes kou into a supernatural. for funzies, you know? he’d never worked with a human corpse before, so why not try out making one into a supernatural?

the process of making a supernatural is… messy. mitsuba now knows this, as he couldn’t look away from his boyfriend being made into one. it was horrific. i’m not gonna delve into it because i really don’t wanna think about that i’m so sorry my poor baby

just like with mitsuba, tsukasa didn’t have kou’s actual soul to work with, just supernatural parts and kou’s body. it was simply an animated puppet that looked like kou minamoto. “it’s fine,” mitsuba said, “it’s okay, he’s back, that what matters, right?” “it’ll be fine, right minamoto?” and as he looks to kou for support, all he gets in response is a blank look. he realizes, after staring in horror at the jagged scar on kou’s neck, that his vocal chords are absolutely fucked up beyond repair. he’d never hear kou’s voice again.

thanks for reading and i’m so sorry <3

#tw death #tw suicide #tw suicidality #tw suicide attempt #tw murder #tw grief #tw denial #jfc this is a lot of tws #tw corpse #tw dead body #tw mutilation #holy fuck wow #um #that got darker than i thought #tw psychological abuse #tw psychological torture #tw emotional abuse #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #mitsukou #mitsuba sousuke #kou minamoto #tbhk kou #tbhk mitsuba #mtsk #mtsk headcanons #mitsukou headcanon #headcanons

[mxtxfanatic]

Jin Guangyao and Qin Su: A Lesson in Gaslighting

So this is one of my favorite scenes in the book on account of how absolutely unhinged it is. Jin Guangyao is someone who will go above and beyond in his commitment to the bit, using any and all means to maintain his web of lies. But his greatest weapon, by far, is his ability to gaslight via his expression and words. Upon his introduction as a character and not just conversation topic in the book, we are quickly given a confrontation between Jin Guangyao and his previously blissfully content wife, Qin Su in Chapt. 47 (exr). However, as the confrontation escalates, Jin Guangyao puts his gaslighting skills in action. When Qin Su confronts him about marrying her while knowing they are siblings, this is said:

Qin Su bursted out crying, “You’re lying! Things are already like this and you’re still lying to me—well I don’t believe it!”

Jin GuangYao sighed, “A-Su, you were the one who told me to say so. Now that I’ve said so, you refuse to believe me. This is indeed quite troubling.”

She’s made the villain by saying she doesn’t believe him. He is making her the villain by saying that he’s only telling her what “she wants” to hear, making her not believing him not because he is a career liar but because of some fault of hers. When she continues to disbelieve his lies, he pivots to telling her that her being upset is only a mind game, and that since they’ve lived so long “as husband and wife” there’s obviously no issue with the incest except what her mind makes of it, like incest isn’t a big fucking deal breaker????

Watching the ashes fall to the ground bit by bit, he spoke in a somewhat dejected tone, “A-Su, we’ve been husband and wife for so many years. We’ve always respected each other in peaceful harmony. As a husband, I’d like to think that I treat you well. The fact that you’re acting like this really hurts my feelings.”...

...Jin GuangYao, “A-Su, before you knew of it, didn’t we live perfectly fine? You only felt uncomfortable and began to vomit today, now that you know. We can see that this isn’t anything at all. It won’t be able to do any physical harm to you. Your mind is the only thing doing all this.”

And when that doesn’t work, he tries to appeal to her reputation:

Jin GuangYao, “If the person could tell you, then they can also tell other people. If they could write one letter, then they can also write a second, a third, a countless number of letters. What do you intend on doing? Allow such a thing to be leaked? A-Su, I’m begging you. Please, no matter for which feelings that have existed between us, tell me where the people mentioned in the letter are. Who was the one that told you to come back and read the letter?”

Notice that he is still attempting to appeal to her using their affection as spouses. He is refusing to acknowledge the truth of them being biological siblings so that he still has plausible deniability in case he can still convince Qin Su to believe his words over her secret informant. But this all hinges on whether or not he can weed out the informant to kill before the information becomes public, hence him subtly reminding her that if his reputation is damned for the information, hers will be too. But denying it doesn’t work, convincing her to overlook it doesn’t work, appealing to her former affections of him doesn’t work, so what’s next? Making himself the victim, of course!

A mourning warmth filled the eyes that Jin GuangYao looked at her with, “A-Su, back then, I really didn’t have another path to walk. I wanted to keep you in the dark for your whole life. I didn’t want you to know about this. Now, though, it’s been entirely ruined by the one who told you. You think that I’m dirty. You think that I’m disgusting. All of these are fine, but you’re my wife. How would others see you? How would they talk of you?”

And then we end back at a more direct appeal to reputation: “well if I’m disgusting, what will others think about you?” In an almost non-sequitur, Jin Guangyao returns to the topic of Jin Rusong, saying that the child “had to die” and subtly admitting that he likely–but always with plausible deniability–had something to do with his son-nephew’s death, causing Qin Su to slap him. Jin Guangyao immediately shuts down the conversation.

Jin GuangYao, “What are you talking about? You must be feeling quite unwell. Your father has already gone to journey and cultivate. I’ll send you off sometime soon as well, and you can enjoy being in your father’s company. Let’s finish this quickly. There’s still quite a number of guests outside. There’s still the Discussion Conference tomorrow.”

Deny, deflect, pretend that it is the other person who has lost their grip on reality, never directly admit to any accusation so that you have an out, and always, always maintain that genial smile. Poor Qin Su never stood a chance.

#human reads mdzs: take 2 #then he promptly takes her to his torture chamber like wtf????? #when i say that i screamed this whole chapter on my first read #i'm still there screaming now #just realizing that jgy also holds grudges on who commits violence against him #cause the moment qin su slapped him it was gloves off

[gatheringbones]

[“Many of us remain in difficult relationships because of the fantasies we have about our gaslighters and about ourselves. We see a gaslighter as our soul mate, the man we can’t live without, the great love of our life. Or we have a romantic notion of “friends forever” and precious memories of a longstanding friendship. Maybe we have fantasies of climbing the career ladder and feel that if we leave an employer gaslighter, we’re selling out our own hopes for professional advancement and growth.

And when it comes to families, our fantasies are especially powerful. Many of us have intense feelings about the parents or siblings who have known us from early days, seeing them as people we owe everything to, should be able to depend on, or can be especially close to. Even after we grow up and move out, we may feel lost because we’ve left them but not the fantasy that we should have an all-powerful person in our lives who can take care of us and love us unconditionally.

For all of us, fantasy plays a powerful role in gaslighting relationships, though we may not recognize it as such. When my patients, friends, and acquaintances make passionate statements about their gaslighters, they believe they’re only stating facts. Here are some examples.

“It started so well. I can’t believe we can’t get back there.”

“He’s my soul mate. No one has ever made me feel the way he does.”

“I think about him all the time. I love him so much. I can’t imagine life without him.”

“She’s my best friend. She’s always been my best friend. She’s always been there.”

“She knows me so well. Nobody knows me the way she does.”

“She can see right through me. I need someone like that in my life.”

“I have so many wonderful memories of her. We’ve been through so much together.”

“This is the best job I ever had. I owe this man everything. I can’t let him down.”

“I’ll never get another job like this one.”

“No one will ever take a chance on me the way he did.”

“He’s so talented, and he’s really going places. I don’t want to lose my chance to benefit.”

“She’s my mother. She’d do anything for me. How can I let her down?”

“I’ve always been able to depend on my father. Even if he does yell at me, he always comes through for me in the end.”

“My sister is like my best friend. Even if we fight all the time, I know I can count on her.”

“I’ve always looked up to my big brother. Even when he seems to belittle me, I know he’s really on my side.”

I believe that my patients and friends are sincere when they make these statements. But I also believe—whether they’re aware of it or not—that they’re not quite telling the whole truth. What is really going on when we cling so hard to relationships that leave us exhausted, miserable, and confused? And why do we give up so much to remain in them?”]

robin stern, the gaslight effect

#robin stern #brainspace #cw abuse #currently reading

[spiffy-sea-dragon]

HELLO MY FELLOW NEURODIVERGENTS

I would like to share with you some information that I unfortunately figured out way too late.

In schools, they always teach you not to drink drive. You always think that you’d never get in the car with a drunk driver.

This is how I have unintentionally been driven by a drunk driver on 2 occasions.

——————————————————————————————

Them: We should get McDonalds.

Me: But neither of us can drive because we’ve been drinking.

Them: It’s alright, I’ve only had one (the legal limit).

Me: You’ve had three.

Them: No, I’ve only had one.

Me: Oh, okay. I thought you’d had more.

Them: Nope, just one.

Me: *gets in the car with a drunk driver*

———————————————————————————————

Variations of this are people telling you, “Oh I’ve already sobered up,” or if you’re with someone and they’ve been drinking before meeting up with you and seem like they’re tipsy, but they lie and say they haven’t had any yet.

NOW PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME THAT I WAS SO DUMB FOR THIS. But you know what? I’m not dumb. I’m autistic (and was also drunk myself at the time). I don’t lie, and I take others at face value. This means I am very easily gaslit.

I often doubt myself and grew up my whole life being told my perspective was “wrong”. So that makes me vulnerable to a whole heap of scenarios.

This is one of them. Learn from my mistakes:

Trust yourself. If someone says they drank less than what you’ve witnessed, don’t second guess yourself. Even if you are wrong, it’s okay to be wrong. Better to be wrong and not get in the car than be right and get in.

Apply the law to your scenario. It doesn’t matter if someone says they’ve already sobered up. If they’ve had 3-4 drinks and it’s only been an hour, they will have a BAC higher than the legal limit. Learn your local laws and about how much time alcohol takes to leave your system.

Offer to get an Uber/Taxi. If someone is being really pushy about wanting to go somewhere and you feel in a situation where you’re stuck, just order an uber. Don’t even ask. Tell them you’ve ordered an uber. And yes, it might be expensive, but I promise it is more important to be safe.

If in doubt, just don’t go with them. Don’t let them convince you. Circling back to point 1. It’s okay if you’re wrong about them being drunk, it’s better than being right.

Set boundaries. Now you can apply some discretion here. A friend who’s had a couple drinks and thinks they’re okay to drive and then respects when you decline, is compleeeetely different to someone who is pressuring and gaslighting you. Now sometimes good people do bad things. Sometimes people suffering from addiction make poor choices. But it is absolutely okay to distance yourself or call someone out from someone putting yourself and others in danger.

This has been a PSA. This is the kind of education I needed growing up that I did not receive. I hope maybe sharing can help even 1 person.

#tw drunk driving #drunk driving #autistic #neurodivergent #autism tips #autism #asd #drinking #psa #signal boost

[theeangeltimes]

Vampire Academy Books 1-3 Re-read Thought Dump

For the past several months, I’ve been working my way through a re-read of one of my favorite book series, Vampire Academy.

I first read it four years ago when I was 14/15, so it’s been a loooong time and I’ve forgotten quite a bit of it. Plus, now that I’m older and more intelligent/perceptive/critical, my opinions have changed quite a bit and I’ve picked up on more subtle things in the story this time around. In this blog (for my own sake, lol), I’ll be sharing some of the new stances I’ve developed on aspects/characters in the first three books of the series, Vampire Academy, Frost Bite, and Shadow Kiss (as those are the only ones I’ve re-read thus far). AND THERE WILL BE SPOILERS, so beware!

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

• Lissa + roselissa’s friendship kinda fvcking suck.

I’ve never been the biggest fan of lissa and she honestly kind of always rubbed me the wrong way, but during my first read I never really thought too much about it and could never put my finger on what exactly it was that bothered me about her. But now I know!

Their friendship just feels so disproportionate in the sense that it feels like Rose would and has done literally EVERYTHING for Lissa, but Lissa wouldn’t do the same. Like Rose is literally training to spend her future dedicated to Lissa and risking her life to protect her. She also took Lissa away from the academy, putting her herself in jeopardy to keep Lissa safe AND even let Lissa feed off of her while they were out in the human world by themselves despite that being seen as utterly degrading by their society. And let’s not forget how she knew that Lissa’s use of spirit was wreaking havoc on her mental well-being and would probably drive her to insanity or even suicide, yet she let Lissa keep on using it just because it made her happy…

But when Dimitri was left behind in the cave after the mission in Shadow Kiss, Lissa wouldn’t even tell Rose that she would at least ATTEMPT to heal Dimitri or bring him back to life even though Rose was distraught and begging. And then she had the nerve to get mad at Rose when she found out that she and Dimitri had a relationship and Rose didn’t tell her about it. Like, what???

And there’s other ways she’s rubbed me the wrong way but I won’t mention them because I feel like I don’t have enough proof to truly support my argument, but I’m still right! ☝️

Lissa is also just sort of a bland character. And I normally like quiet kind smart girls, but there’s just something that falls flat about her for me.

And speaking of the bond…

• The use of the bond was a very clever storytelling device. So while I do find it mostly annoying, I also appreciate it.

• Adrian is a fvcking CREEP!!!

I truly, TRULY, do not understand how I liked or even felt bad for Adrian at all when I first read this series. He’s a creep, and the way that Lissa (see? another reason why Lissa sucks) and Richelle Mead try to gaslight both us the reader and Rose into thinking that deep down he’s some great guy pissed me off so much. And it makes me feel insane when I look at how the fandom as a whole tends to love him and defend him and act like Rose is this major evil bitch, because HOWWWWWW???

It’s bad enough that he is constantly flirting with Rose since she’s underage, but even if she was a grown ass woman, it would still be gross; Rose tells him over and over again to leave her alone and stop flirting with her, and yet he persists. And also makes sexual comments to/about her. And always tries to ~playfully~ coerce her into giving him physical contact like hugs. And also bugs her in her dreams even though, once again, she tell him not to. Like there’s no way she can escape his creepy ass and nobody steps in for her to tell him to fuck off and leave her alone. It’s blood-boiling to me.

And, spolier: from what I can recall, more layers of shittiness are added to his character as the series progresses and even more are added in Bloodlines (unpopular opinion, but oh well). The only good thing that mf has done is fund rose’s trip to kill strigoi Dimitri.

And speaking of her getting money from Adrian…

• I genuinely do not feel bad for Rose asking Adrian for money.

Like why in the world would I care that a woman does something kind of bad to her harasser? Especially when she’s a teenager who’s in a terrible space mentally?

The whole exchange reinforces how Adrian is a total creep. As I previously mentioned, Rose was not only in mental/emotional turmoil due to Lissa’s use of spirit, but she was also reeling from Mason’s passing, the strigoi attacks and their casualties, and Dimitri turning strigoi. And yet he was still bugging her about dating him.

• The dhampirs (especially the women and girls) are greatly oppressed and thus far no one has even really acknowledged that except Ambrose, and he doesn’t even truly relay just how bad their oppression is.

The Moroi (as a class) exploit the physical abilities of dhampirs and more importantly the fact that the dhampir race cannot go on without Moroi and coerce them into dedicating their entire lives to being their guard dogs. The only other choices that dhampirs really have when they’re adults other than becoming guardians is to become “blood whores,” single mothers who live on communes (which is pretty much always conflated with being a blood whore by most people in their society), or being alone and vulnerable in the human world.

And it’s completely normalized (the primary way that dhampir a are reproduced, in fact) in their society for Moroi men to have casual relationships with dhampir women, impregnate them, and then leave them to raise their children on their own while they go and settle down with a Moroi woman instead. PLUS, guardians having serious romantic relationships is looked down upon, so those are pretty much out of the question.

And what makes it worse is that they can’t even liberate themselves from Moroi completely unless they’re willing to have the dhampir race die out completely since interaction with humans is not a real option.

To make matters even worse, Moroi could have been fighting alongside dhampirs to protect themselves from strigoi, and the fire users can very easily kill strigoi without even coming into physical contact with them, but no. The moroi were too damn lazy and thought of themselves too highly to do so. Which is why I’m glad that Moroi have started advocating for Moroi to begin fighting as well and that becomes a big theme throughout the novels.

• Moroi (as a class) are evil oppressors, continued

The whole feeder system is very flawed and exploitative, in my opinion. The fact that we briefly see in the books a few times that the feedings cause a mental deterioration for the feeders after a while is the main reason why. In Shadow Kiss, the way that rose and Christian were sitting there calling Alice (the elderly feeder who seemed to be experiencing some sort of psychosis) ~craaaazzzyyyyyy~ yet Christian still proceeded to feed on her definitely made me side eye him.

Surely there could be a more humane system put into place, like age/service limits for feeders or something.

*side note: I don’t think we ever figure out how Alice knew about how the strigoi were coming? I could very well be wrong though, I’ll have to see if Richelle provides answers in the following books.*

• Despite how outspoken and confident and strong and brave Rose may be, she has ZERO self-preservation or self-worth when it comes to herself and the dhampir race as a whole.

To see her repeatedly talk about how it was both her and every other dhampir’s duty to protect and prioritize Moroi and become guardians and repeat that stupid “they come first” mantra and dedicate her entire life to training just to protect her friend has honestly been painful. Like, girl, STAND UP!!! None of you were put on this planet just to give up your life and be 24/7 bodyguards to some people that likely see you as inferior to them!

However, I do think this aspect of her makes her character more real and complex. Rose may seem like a rebel to the people around her because she often gets into trouble and is sassy and ran away, but in reality, she isn’t one at all. Her worldview is actually quite traditional. She has internalized all the norms in her society without a second thought and doesn’t begin to see things differently until she starts interacting more with the world outside of St. Vladimir’s and is upon the brink of adulthood. She even says herself “Why was everyone suddenly challenging something that I’d held as absolute truth my entire life?” in Shadow Kiss.

I’m very excited to see how both Rose and her world continue to evolve and grow with the next three books. I don’t remember the society and characterization of these books being so rich and complex, Richelle Mead did an amazing job creating a compelling and thought-provoking world. So while I may not think that these books are literary masterpieces like I once did, I appreciate them in a new, deeper way.

#vampire academy #vampire academy books #ya books #rose hathaway #adrian ivashkov #lissa dragomir #anti adrian ivashkov

[deusexmachinawitch]

This is the post post for days 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20. I was going to do 21 days of subliminals but because I’ve been sick and people have been asking me to extend this to a month or even 3 months, I might give a try on at least covering a whole month then I’ll see if I’ll extend it even more.

I’ve been mostly sick since there was a heatwave in my city and next week there’s going to be a severe weather change of cold and strong rain and storms. I’m chronically ill and while my health isn’t usually an issue, severe weather changes affect it. My defenses are really low and when someone arounds me carries something even as dumb as a cold, I get sick immediately. I feel much better but it has been hard juggling illness and work deadlines.

That being said, things haven’t been that bad. People close to me has brought me food and even my cousin came to take care of me and even did housework for me so I could rest. While this may sound like the most normal thing to anyone, in my case, this wouldn’t have been the case for me a year ago and even months ago. In my wildest dreams, I would have never imagined myself being this cared and treasured by so many people except for my SP. And when SP wasn’t around, I would be alone and miserable at bed whenever I was sick and that was very frequent.

With the discovery of the law, improving my self concept and the helpful subliminals… I don’t get as sick as often and when I do, I’m pretty much cared by others.

During this time, also people whom I thought cared about me showed their true colors and I decided to just think about myself. I was hurt on purpose and then gaslit, so I just wasn’t going to put up with that anymore. Especially because the same people have been gaslighting me for several months and disregarding my feelings towards matters that were really important to me. I decided to openly open up about this to a close circle of friends of mine and while people got really protective towards me, I told them that I could stand up for myself but I was really grateful that people finally understood my feelings and point of view when it came to things important to me such as my career path and my feelings towards SP.

While this isn’t a “cool manifestation” such as my phone and computer to possibly many people, this is a very valuable thing to me since my feelings tended to be dismissed a lot and there were a lot of people accepting me wanting SP for example but were really against him. But they finally understood that I’m aware of SP’s actions, I am not justifying the bad behavior and I can still love him while acknowledging that. Fear is one of the most scary feelings someone can have and it makes you do things that hurt you and others, he is now facing his demons and I know he’ll be back. But waiting doesn’t mean my life stops and that I’ll put up with hurtful behavior from him again if he cannot control his negative feelings. I’m in love but not pathetic.

Plus, what people doesn’t know is that I’m manifesting the best version of him. People currently think I’m lucky or that I do witchcraft and it works, it’s difficult for everyone to understand the law because of the fear of cults, the toxic positivity and wellness industry and that a lot of people are quite young in the community so they think it might be a fad. It doesn’t help that subliminals hav become famous due to the wrong reasons.

Still, it was shocking for people to hear my have an outburst and being strongly serious because I’m either too carefree or too controlled when it came to my feelings. But now, I know who’s a true friend and who’s not besides seeing who came to visit me when sick and whatnot. I don’t count the people who’re too busy with their own stuff though, I’m not that selfish.

As for my career path, somehow as soon as I voiced what I wanted to do, I am coming across tools and things that make my desires for my career path be either more easy or possible. So that’s another point for LoAss there lol.

About material things, I got many things for my new computer for free and it feels amazing. I have a new keyboard, small things to raise my screens, etc…

Still, one of the best things I’ve done with LoAss was to ask this to the law:

-I know what I feel about my SP, I’m totally sure about him. Still, I know that maybe I haven’t been as specific when it came to many things about what I want in this relationship to visualize this better. Because of my old story with parental abuse and even abuse by partners, it’s difficult to define what I would like because in the past I felt I wasn’t even given options. So, law, as a God… Show me what lies in my heart and how good in can get, turn SP into what I really want and need once you help me see better.

As soon as I did this, I came across romantic material and such that resonated with me. Also LoAss content that actually resonated with me and now I feel much calm and better. I really can feel I really shouldn’t worry. He really is with me because I’m the best.

I see the signs more intense than ever too… So I’m ready.

Still LOL how the hell am I going to explain many of the things in my life to him when we are together? I guess I’ll shroud myself in mystery, poor him.

#law of assumption #loa tumblr #loablr #manifestation #loa blog #affirm and persist #loassumption #loassblog #loa success #subliminals

[preciouslandmermaid]

so as u guys know i went through a breakup in june. which was a good thing. i wasn’t invested in the relationship, i was unhappy, the honeymoon had faded, there were flags that i simply couldn’t ignore (both in him and myself!) and i knew i needed to return to my happiest state - being single and annoying online.

today, on the first day back of work, this motherfucker asks to talk to me afterwards and im like “yeah sure.” thinking that like we’re just gonna chat real quick in the parking lot. no. hes like “where can we meet.” and im like “idk starbucks i guess.” 

i’ve been keeping my distance from him because that’s what was best for ME. we literally haven’t spoken in 2 weeks. so i gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he was just trying to catch up, be friendly. i rationalized that since we were only together about 5 months, then it wouldn’t be completely weird to start being friends now that 2 months have passed since the separation. 

besties....he wanted to know if we could get back together. 😠 i was like ?????????? and he was like “well, we spent the summers working on ourselves” (bro ur still not in therapy so i disagree), and then he was like “i feel like we broke up because i was having such a hard time at work and was going through a hard time and it reflected on our relationship.” and i was like uhhh. and so i said a metaphor i was like “us getting back together would be like trying to complete a puzzle when you’ve lost pieces in the vacuum.” and he goes “OH WELL, relationships have their ups and downs! we could still find those pieces.”

i legit wish someone was recording my face. i was in shock. like when we broke up, i did tell him i hoped we could be friends, i told him i hoped we could be in each other’s lives and that maybe (and it’s a big maybe) we could reconnect in the far future. (but, i remember when i said this, i was only saying it to be nice. which was a mistake since it led me to this whole conversation). 

ANYWAYS. to make a long story short. i told him No. and he was like “why i dont understand. you said you loved me. how could you love me and then not love me anymore. this is really hurting my self-worth. i dont understand. what changed??”

and i just...didn’t engage really. i wasn’t gonna list all the reasons. i already did that when we broke up and he demanded answers. i told him that i didn’t feel the connection anymore. and i already know im hurting his feelings AGAIN. eventually i just said “i’m happier single.” and he was like “oh? so i won’t see you dating someone in six months?” and i was like “probably not?? but idk?” he also brought up an old interaciton we had waaay back in march and tried to gaslight me by saying i got defensive during it, but i literally wrote that interaction down beat by beat so i remember how it went because it made me feel so uncomfortable and was my first serious red flag. >:( you cannot trick me! 

we managed to end the conversation and i stayed firm within my boundaries even tho he looked sad/was tearing up and kept asking me for reasons (idk why being unhappy in the relationship isn’t a reason enough for him??) a few hours after i got home, he texted me and was like “Was everything you said earlier true? No lying to save my feelings?” and i texted him back and was like “Yeah, it was all true.” idk how i could’ve been any clearer. i think he just dislikes hearing things he doesn’t want to hear. (omg also he brought up bell hooks--someone i introduced him to!--and was like “are you just chasing the next high?” and i was like “??? idk ??” )

my friends keep telling me he was emotionally manipulative, but it’s hard for me to see it. maybe in time i will be able to. but again--im just proud of myself for not “cowering” and changing my mind because i’ve got a person in front of me who i do care about --and who is sad--who i could make happy by doing what he wants.

but that is no life worth living. i live for myself. for my own happiness. and i was not happy in the relationship. you don’t need any other reason to leave-- if you’re unhappy, you can just go. it’s fine. i think that’ll be the big lesson i takeaway from this whole debacle. 

#blue rambles #im TLDRing a lot of this interaciton #but im so proud of myself jsldfkjsdl

[just-another-author-i-guess]

Why I’ve been gone? (:

Hi! Hello, I hope everyone is having a good summer and such. This is kinda an update? On my life and such bc I feel bad going ghost all the time.. lol. This is going to be a bit of a rant about some personal issues and stuff, so if you feel like you’re not mentally ready or something to get into other people’s problems, I understand so well and please don’t read, but I hope you have a nice day (; anyway, let me get into it.. cause a lot of stuff happened for me I think, and honestly I don’t know where else to get it out than here lol. So I hope this kinda puts into perspective why I go ghost so much.

So… I sorta just, had a bit of a breakdown and I didn’t show up to any of my exams. And yk, of course I got kicked out of school. I don’t even really mind that much because I REALLY didn’t want to go there anymore lol, but my family was so disappointed. And I had to tell them I just dropped out because they would literally disown me if I said I got kicked out 🤨 so that’s just been, pretty stressful living with all my own lies lol. And it’s totally my own fault too 💀

Anyways, I also just last month got diagnosed with autism and adhd and I kinda did have lt suspicions but it’s just.. it’s a lot honestly, because even though it doesn’t really change anything I feel like I have to live with a diagnosis. I don’t know, but I’m glad I at least got a good explanation for why I do some silly and goofy things sometimes 😀

The last thing I don’t want to get into too much.. because it’s still kinda fresh I suppose? But I really need to get it off my chest soooo 🧍🏻‍♀️But, I got bullied like A LOT in eight grade, very fun yk it really gave me some silly ass self esteem issues but it is what it is. Anyways, two of my really good friends bullied me too then, or at least I felt like they were part of it. But that’s just from my perspective, I kinda got over it because they’re my oldest friends and I feel like stuff went back to normal (a lot of time has passed I’m obviously not in eighth grade no I’m eighteen 😸) but, idk it’s still kinda just a not so nice memory. And I feel like we all apologized to each other and it’s fine and all.. but then I was joking a lot about it because that’s what you do when you don’t wanna process something yk. And they got really really mad at me and said that they never bullied me and that I gaslight them into thinking they did and whatever. And I feel so fucking bad because first off I didn’t even know I did that? I don’t feel like I’m doing that? But uhhh.. idk, maybe I am really tone deaf or something. But the point is that they said I keep playing victim and they did nothing wrong, and I CANNOT handle confrontation so I just apologized a lot? Because I feel terrible? But also.. it felt like I just apologized for getting bullied which like, it has even taken me SO MUCH to admit that I did get bullied. The whole situation just left a sour taste in my mouth cause they were being weirdly defensive and I just.. idk it just suck balls man. After all that, I kinda decided to cut them off. Maybe I am the bad guy here and I’m so fucking sorry, but still, I just don’t think that what they said and did was right either. It sucks losing your oldest friends, it really does. But I’m very lucky to have really kind and supportive friends still, people that really value me and thinks that my thoughts and opinions are valid lol. Idk,,, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot haha 🥸

That was kinda a summary for what I’ve been doing over the summer,,, thank you if you read it, I’m really not asking for pity or anything I just really really really needed to get this off my chest. Because I don’t really confide in ppl bc I’m awkward lmfao.

Anyways, I’ve gotten SO MANY kind messages on how I’m doing and such and I’m so fucking grateful 🥹🥹🥹 thank you so much you guys??? That’s also a part of why I wanted to share this with you, just so yk what’s up. I’ll get started slowly on working on requests again, I’ve gotten so many wonderful requests and I’m actually really excited to write again, cause it’s kinda my passion yk. Thank you so much to anyone who read this! And anyone who supports my works!! I’ll hopefully post again soon and see you then 😁

Love, Author <33

(Also, btw CHARACTER AI YALL?!?? I’ve already made an account and I’ve started making some bots, lemme know if I should drop my account haha)

[cubistemoji]

All of my comic recs from 2022 posted on WWAC and cobbled together in a single post- Jan 11

This was saved to my drafts in January and never posted, but here it is now because I stand by these recs!

Thieves by Lucie Bryon

Thieves is so, so pretty! I’ve been a fan of Lucie’s art for a while, and I was excited to see her use her talents for a full-length graphic novel. The limited color palette, off-white paper, and adorable art style create a dreamy, classy reading experience. It’s also a lovely story about partying, first love, the end of high school, and stealing stuff! Ella has a problem: it’s the day after a party at her crush’s house and her apartment is full of things that do not belong to her. Fortunately, Madeleine not only likes her back, she’s willing to help Ella secretly return all the stolen stuff to its rightful owners... and more. Ella, Madeleine and their friends all feel like such real, believable characters. I love how cheerful and extroverted Ella is and how well that contrasts with Madeleine’s more reserved nature. Thieves is funny, beautiful, and full of heart!

Love and Leashes by Winter

Love and Leashes is the only Webtoon I’ve read this year that made me laugh out loud at every single episode. Ji-u Jeong and Jihu Jeong, coworkers with similar names, enter an unusual arrangement in which Jihu, a submissive who’s been hiding his kinks from everyone around him his whole life, asks Ji-u to be his master. Ji-u, who’s cool and competent on the outside and shy on the inside, considers running away immediately, but instead decides to try this thing out for a bit and see if she likes it. Spoiler: she does! Despite the subject matter, the actual content of this Webtoon is fairly safe for work.

What really makes Love and Leashes stand out is the eccentric cast of characters surrounding the main couple, as well as the couple themselves. They care a lot about each other and prioritize clear communication, trying to figure out how to best make each other happy while not causing problems at work or with their friends and family. And boy, are their friends and family... a lot. Jihu has a group chat of fellow BDSM enthusiasts he met on a forum, Ji-u has a younger brother and work friends, Jihu’s high school friend owns a bar, and they all have so much going on. And whenever all of these people intersect, it is so, so funny. I don’t know how accurate the BDSM stuff is as depicted here, but the characters focus on consent, communication, and mutual enjoyment, and figuring out how to live in a way that makes them happiest.

I spent money on this comic! I can’t think of anything else I straight-up enjoyed, just had fun reading, as much as Love and Leashes this year. I’m going to tell my kids this was 50 Shades of Grey or however that meme goes.

Clown Corps by Joe Chouinard

If you���ve seen that Frasier meets Columbo comic going around on Twitter, you may not be surprised to learn the guy who drew it also does an ongoing webcomic about organized battle clowns. Clown Corps follows the adventures of reformed burglar turned reluctant clown college student Mary McBell and her clowning cohort as they work to stop a shadowy organization bent on destroying the entire Clown system. It’s hysterical, with great stylized action sequences, physical comedy and fourth-wall-bending humor, but also moments of surprising gravity as the characters grapple with the troubled pasts that brought them to clowning in the first place. The art improves quickly for a webcomic, and the characters are both silly and serious (one of the best fighters in the class can only kick ass when he’s asleep!) I caught up in a day and wished I could keep reading.

Pyramid Game by Dalgonyak

I am so obsessed with the Webtoon Pyramid Game right now it is unreal. I made a Youtube video about it. I drew fanart for it. It’s SO GOOD and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.

Pyramid Game, by Dalgonyak, is a comic about gaslighting, gatekeeping, and girlbossing all at once. Suji is the new kid at an elite private school and it turns out her new class has a complicated hierarchical system of bullying, created by the richest and most powerful teenage girl in Korea specifically to get back at the nicest girl in the world who slighted her in some way the readers haven’t learned yet. It’s SO MUCH. It’s got some very messy homoerotic subtext (and text!) It’s got the most toxic friendships I’ve ever seen in a Webtoon. It’s got really appealing character designs and a fun and interesting protagonist who takes no bullshit from anyone ever and is going to beat the billionaire at her own game. Eventually. I believe in her!

I like Pyramid Game because I love this kind of mean girl drama; it’s got all the fun parts of a political intrigue story with none of the confusing world building to go with it. The bullying the girls take part in is creative, high-energy and visceral, but what really makes this comic so hard to put down is how keenly observed every character is, how real and complex and distinct they all feel, even the minor players in this game that act more like pawns for the leads to take turns pushing around. … Maybe I will write a full review about this comic someday.

Suji Seong could beat L in Death Note but Light Yagami could not survive a day in “The Happy Class” of Love High.

What Happens Next by Max Graves

I am at all times thinking about What Happens Next by Max Graves. It’s a pretty dark comic about what happens when some terminally online Tumblr tweens… have to deal with the aftermath of committing a gruesome murder, years after the fact. What I find really fascinating about this comic (besides the fact that I can never remember the title D:) is how accurately it portrays every detail of this hyperspecific internet community I remember so vividly from my own teenage years, and the kinds of people that participated in those spaces. It really captures… something. I don’t know. It does make me want to know What Happens Next.

Black and White: Tough Love at the Office by Sal Jiang

Do you think all yuri manga is too soft and sweet and schoolgirl-ish? You should check out Black and White by Sal Jiang, a workplace lesbian comic that I hesitate to call a romance, given how the two leads resolve their sexual tension by hatefucking in the conference room. Not appropriate for all ages, this yuri. The rivalry between Shirakawa and Kuroda crackles with chemistry, and Jiang draws the two of them fighting and having sex with a specificity that makes the whole thing feel grounded, rather than the ethereal above-it-all purity older yuri comics often have. I also like how they’re both good at their jobs and have good relationships with their coworkers, who see them as reliable and helpful and sweet. The contrast between their public personas and how they beat each other up in private makes Black and White impossible to put down.

Drip Drip by Paru Itagaki

I think Paru Itagaki should be allowed to draw whatever she wants forever. Drip Drip (which I discussed in a past Pubwatch) is incredibly weird, gross, and horny, much like her acclaimed longform series BEASTARS. But it’s also extremely interesting, and definitely a comic I will never forget reading. Drip Drip is about a woman so sensitive to germs that she gets a nosebleed every time she touches anything that isn’t 100% sterilized. She wants to find love and have sex, but every time she tries, her nosebleed scares men off and ruins the mood. When she finally finds a guy she thinks she can be with, it turns out he has dark secrets of his own. The single-volume story follows several of her attempts to rid herself of her curse, with a bonus unrelated one-shot about Santa Claus thrown in at the end.

Itagaki’s imagery and unusual choices of environments and locations make her comics very memorable: I haven’t reread this since October and I can still see the splash pages in my head like I’d read it yesterday. Itagaki and Tatsuki Fujimoto (of Chainsaw Man and Look Back fame) kind of occupy the same space in my head in their commitment to their singular, very specific vision. A kind of boldness I wish I were capable of.

#thieves lucie bryon #pyramid game #love and leashes #clown corps #black and white sal jiang #drip drip #paru itagaki #comics recs #comics reviews

[nehswritesstuffs]

banish every gaslight; let clarity shine - Part 1

I’ve been stewing over this for, like, three/four months at the very least and it recently exploded in my drafts so congrats y’all are being subjected to this now.

2694 words to start, going to be over 12-15k altogether; shout out to @gendervapor14 who was not my beta per say, but they did suffer through my ranting and raving and raging over this fic (so more like my enabler I guess lol; blame them for it getting as far as it has); will ultimately contain lots of Dressrosa bullshit and headcanons and so on and so forth (surprise, surprise, surprise); title comes from the English translation of Ado’s Fleeting Lullaby bc that song is fire; fair warning: I headcanon Dressrossan as an unholy union of Castilian Spanish and Catalan and thus act accordingly

Someone is sitting on the Heart Seat when the Straw Hats and Law head into Dressrosa. It changes nothing… until it does. [AU where there is a Third Corazón, whose very existence makes Law’s life hell]

It was the middle of the night as toys rushed to load crates onto the cutter ship docked in the underground port, the ship’s Human crew staring in amazement.

“So, they just… do this like it’s normal…?” the captain asked. A young woman in a bright pink roquelaure cloak and gilded half-columbina mask shrugged nonchalantly as she checked off the crates on a clipboard.

“I guess when you see them for ten years, they don’t faze you anymore,” she said. “Come on—pick up the pace, hobbies! We only got the one tonight, so the sooner we can get this done and the sooner we can all rest!” The toys all seemed to regard her with silent ambiguity and did not, in fact, pick up the pace.

“Hobbies…?” the captain wondered.

“Just what we call them; nothing to it.” She smiled devilishly, the smirk being accented by the blood-red lipstick that sliced all the way into her cheeks. “You got a problem with that?”

��Why would he have a problem with you, Corazón?” the first mate laughed awkwardly. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of a kick from her steel-capped heeled boots, and he was sure his captain didn’t either.

“It just seems like something that happens after people meet me,” she replied. The Corazón flipped her high ponytail of sun-bleached light brown hair back and pretended as though it did not bother her. “They don’t expect an Elite Officer of the Family to be so young… to be a woman… to be me…”

“…well that’s silly,” the first mate assured. “I mean, you earned that position, right? Problem solved.”

“One would hope,” the captain scoffed. He then suddenly found himself with a sword to his throat, the Corazón having not made a sound as she moved.

“I really don’t think that you want to continue along that line of thinking,” she warned. “Since I’m feeling generous, you’ll get to sail away… except…” She snapped her fingers and the toys stopped loading up the crates. “This is all you’re leaving with.”

“We paid the whole amount!” the captain snarled. “That’s extortion!”

“…and if you lie to Kaidou about where the rest of the merch is, I’ll let him know exactly where everything is and why.”

“Please, Corazón, forgive him,” the first mate implored. “He is of no importance to us… to our organizations.”

“Like hell I am!” the captain snapped. He turned towards the first mate only for a knife to find its way between his ribs. Blood gurgled from his lips and he slumped to the floor, dead. The first mate wiped his blade with the corpse’s cape and turned back towards the Corazón.

“As I said: he is of no importance. Please reconsider.”

She snapped her fingers again and the toys reluctantly resumed their work, the task of tidying up the fresh corpse now added to their load.

“Many men are lost at sea, especially in the currents around Wano; I wish your promotion had been under better circumstances,” Corazón nodded. The new captain returned the nod—their additional contract was now sealed despite not even being one of words. “Give my regards to Kaidou and his son if you can; I look forward to our next meeting.”

“As you wish, Corazón, ma’am,” the new captain said with a bow. He then turned towards the rest of the crew and began commanding orders as though it had been his job the entire voyage.

The Corazón allowed herself a faint smile.

This… this was power… and she was right to wield it.

Before long, the toys finished loading up the cargo and the Beast Pirates left the underground port. Feeling the weight of the hour, the Corazón went to the lift that brought her to the first floor of the palace, taking a deep breath once she was out in the open air. Fruit trees and flowers filled her nose with what was likely the best scent in the entire world. She meandered in the gardens until she came upon her favorite bench and sat down, looking up at the moon and stars.

“I can smell you,” she said, not taking her eyes away from the sky. Someone nearby scoffed and sat down next to her.

“I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you,” Baby 5 grumbled. She stubbed her cigarette out on the side of the bench and blew out the last of the smoke. “You shouldn’t be out here, Antonia. The night air is bad for you—it’ll make you sick.”

“Superstition,” Corazón chuckled. She looked at the other woman—so much like a sister—and shook her head. “You’re going to ask me to read your humors or recommend a chiropractor next. Maybe that smoking relaxes the vocal chords…”

“Even when you’re joking, you’re always serious,” Baby 5 said. The Corazón took off her mask and stared at it—the design was one to invoke her father, and yet it always made her sad to see. She ran her thumb over the partial starburst that sat under her right eye and felt something was simply off about it. “Maybe if you stopped beating yourself up over it…”

“I had two parents who loved me, and now I can barely remember Dad and Mom is just this fuzzy thing…” She looked at Baby 5 with tears in her eyes. “My strongest memories are from after we landed in Dressrosa. I’m scared I’ll forget them. They’re fading every day…”

“The Young Master won’t allow that,” Baby 5 assured. She let Corazón lean on her, the other woman bending awkwardly in order to rest her forehead on her shoulder. A choked sound escaped the Elite Officer as she tried not to sob, causing Baby 5 to bite her lower lip in an attempt to steel herself.

Donquixote Antonia, Third Corazón of the Donquixote Pirates and Princess of Dressrosa, needed her to be strong, and strong she was going to be.

“Ah, two of my favorite youngsters.” Baby 5 looked—it was Doflamingo sauntering up towards them. “My darling Antonia, you’re late with your brief.”

“Can you let her give it later?” Baby 5 scowled. “She’s not feeling well.”

“Oh…? Should I fetch a doctor…?” His tone was frivolous and dismissive, sparking a fire in the young woman’s gut.

“Girl things—you wouldn’t understand,” she claimed. He held up his hands in surrender before crouching down and sliding his pointer finger beneath Antonia’s chin, turning her head towards him.

“Did the cargo get loaded, at least?”

She nodded.

“Good—I’ll get the rest of the brief tomorrow. We have a busy day ahead of us: all the preparations for the Levely need to be kicked off. Plus the factory needs inspecting.”

“It’s not due until after we return,” Antonia replied. Doflamingo let go of her chin and shrugged.

“While technically-true, I want it done before we go, so that we are not thinking about it. This is going to be a generational Levely and I don’t want us to miss out on anything.”

“Yes, Uncle Doffy,” the young woman muttered. Doflamingo glanced over at Baby 5, noting how pointed her glare was becoming. “Fufufufu… what’s with that look?”

“I need to get her to bed—she’s been working too hard.”

“Suit yourself.” He sauntered off, not sparing them another look, while Baby 5 indeed helped Antonia to her feet. She put the Corazón’s arm around her shoulder and she led her along, bringing her through the castle corridors.

“Bee?” Antonia whispered when they were just outside her room.

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“The pressures of being Corazón, I’m certain,” she replied. “It would drive anyone mad.” They were now inside Antonia’s room and she let her sit down in a chair. “Do you want me to get you for breakfast?”

“Please. Thank you, Bee.”

“You’re welcome, Nia.”

As Baby 5 entered the corridor, her knees began to feel weak. She shut the door to Antonia’s room and leaned against it, certain that nothing was going to feel right ever again…

…not unless Law came back.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Alright, so tell us what it is that we’re preparing for.”

Law looked up from his plate and turned his attention to Nami, who was sitting across from him at the table. He swallowed the food that was in his mouth and took a drink of water.

“In terms of what?” he asked. “There’s a lot to cover.”

“The Donquixote Pirates: what are we preparing for? What’s their organization like?”

Law exhaled heavily and frowned. “They’re a pseudo-royal family, who moonlight as underground crime bosses,” he explained. “Doflamingo’s at the top, under him are four Elite Officers, and under them are other, junior-ranking Officers. The man we saw on Punk Hazard was a former Elite Officer.”

“I could tell you he wasn’t Elite,” Zoro grunted. “Who are they? The big ones?”

“Trebol, Pica, Diamante, Corazón, with Doflamingo above them as the Joker,” Law listed, ticking them off on his long fingers. “They act like his Cabinet and Ministers, helping to keep his rule over Dressrosa tight. The first three have been with him from the beginning, the last being more recent an addition.”

“Then the first three must be closest to him,” Robin figured.

“No.” Law shook his head. “That would be the Corazón. It means Heart in Dressrosan—whomever holds the title of Corazón is Joker’s closest confidant. I wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a lineup, unfortunately.”

“A lady~?” Sanji gasped. “I wonder what wonderful Dressrosan beauty is burdened with such a title as Heart?”

“Cool it, love-cook,” Zoro chided. Sanji got ready to kick the swordsman in the face as Zoro reached for his swords, only for Robin to hold them both back.

“A woman like that is dangerous, or have you forgotten the last time you two had a Warlord’s right-hand woman to contend with?” she reminded them. Sanji and Zoro both soured on the idea of fighting and Robin gestured towards Law to continue.

“Her public persona is Princess Antonia of Dressrosa, Doflamingo’s niece and heir,” the surgeon continued. “I’ve tried to get a decent photo of her, but nothing I’ve been able to scrounge up gives me anything identifiable.”

“So then a true family affair,” Brook noted. “It must be something in their bones.”

“Last I checked, Doflamingo didn’t have a niece, so this woman’s true identity is a mystery,” Law frowned. “You’ll be able to tell the other Elite Officers apart—overly-tall men in their forties—but the Corazón? All I can tell is that she’s about a shade over six feet tall and is very dangerous.”

“Doesn’t she have a bounty poster?” Luffy asked, mouth full of meat. “There has to be something; she’s a princess.”

“Unfortunately, she came into the crew after Doflamingo was invited to join the Shichibukai. The best images I’ve been able to get are out of the social section of the newspaper.” Law took some papers from his inner jacket pocket and placed them on the table: old and crinkled bounty posters for Trebol, Pica, and Diamante, along with a newspaper clipping that contained a blurry photo, one figure in motion circled in red. “For being the darling of the nation, she is notoriously difficult to photograph.”

“Verily, we’ll have to ensure we take extra heed when dealing with women in the area, to be safe,” Kin’emon nodded sagely. His face then grew red with blush. “I wonder what sort of beauty she is if she avoids the camera.”

“Probably just someone aiming for the Joker position who wants to balance her rise to her intended reign,” Law scoffed. “I’m sure she’s there for a reason, so we will have to watch our backs until we know exactly what we’re dealing with.”

‘Until I know what poor kid he took in to replace me,’ he thought privately. Law picked up the newspaper clipping and looked at the photo in it for what felt like the thousandth time. Princess Donquixote Antonia of Dressrosa and her lady in-waiting. Whomever the false princess was, it certainly wasn’t Baby 5, as her face was clear in the photograph.

At least he knew that whomever she was, she was going to regret taking on the name Corazón.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Viola did not like waiting.

Ten long years she had been waiting for the justice owed to her family and nation. Ten years she suffered as she worked within the very organization that disgraced her father and threw her niece—only a child!—into the coliseum as a participant, no less. Ten years she watched as Doflamingo made a mockery of everything she was raised on…

Ten years of waiting and she was no closer to her goals.

She was changing behind her dressing screen, listening to Doflamingo as he talked on the transponder snail with the man whom she only knew in whispers and secrets: Trafalgar Law. This man was high on Doflamingo’s Shit List, something that honestly made her immensely proud of him. The more the pretender was upset, the more likely it was he would make a mistake and fall to those who opposed him. She heard the clunk of the call ending and the scrape of his chair against the floor, only to moments later feel his hands against her bare hips and his breath on her neck.

“I’ll be back later,” he purred, lips not quite touching the back of her jaw. He must have been kneeling down or crouching somehow though she did not dare turn around and look. “I have to take care of a little pest problem.”

“Take your time—you know where I’ll be,” she replied.

Viola tried not to grimace as he dug his fingertips into her before letting go, jumping out the open window with a laugh. She finished putting her clothes on and had to actively stop herself from rushing through putting her hair up. The more different she acted, the more suspicious it would look, and while finally so close to progress? It would be foolish to fuck up now. She left the bedroom and made her way down the corridors, knowing precisely who she needed to find.

“Baby 5,” she said coolly, keeping herself level as entered the sparring room. She waited until Baby 5 and Antonia stopped their match, the two women breathing heavily from their hand-to-hand combat training.

“Yeah?”

“I need to speak with you. Now.”

“Let us have another go, Violet,” Antonia smirked. “No Devil Fruits makes this a fun match.”

“It’s urgent.”

Antonia raised an eyebrow. “An emergency? What is it?”

“You should clean up before a meeting is called of the Elite Officers, nena,” Viola replied. Antonia gave a low whistle.

“Sounds intense—we’ll finish this later, germana.” Antonia took her workout bag and left, leaving only Viola and Baby 5 in the sparring room.

��What can’t wait that you have to interrupt us?” Baby 5 frowned as she grabbed her water bottle. Viola waited until after the younger woman had taken a drink and was toweling off her face before she broke the news.

“Law is coming.”

Baby 5 froze, staring slack-jawed at Viola.

“Law…? As in Law-nii…?”

“The very one.” Viola folded her arms across her chest and shifted her weight onto one hip. “Doffy’s headed towards his current location, but I doubt he’s going to find anything except for maybe why Buffalo hasn’t been reporting back.”

“Then it’s a good thing I stayed behind with Nia,” Baby 5 realized. “Who knows?”

“Just you.”

“How much time do you think we have?”

“Knowing how quickly Doffy moves? A few hours before a meeting is called in the Hall of Suites.” She saw the worry in Baby 5’s expression and she sighed heavily. “Don’t worry—we’ll save her. We all will.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“…because if Law’s coming, then that means that our best time to act is almost here, and I am not going to let ten years piss down the drain like Pink’s dignity.”

Baby 5 could only let out a weak chuckle at that—seas, she hoped Viola was right.

#this thing is fucking insane lemme tell ya #like. all I wanna do is work on Seagull fic and this invaded #*ignores cries from other wips oops* #One Piece #fan fiction #Trafalgar Law #Baby 5 #Riku Viola #Donquixote Doflamingo #Donquixote Pirates #Straw Hat Pirates #Mugiwara Kaizoku #Alternate Universe fic #Trafalgar D. Water Law #Trafalgar Lami #Trafalgar D. Water Lami

[aamleh]

So i’ve been thinking… bear with me because it’s late and my mind is all jumbled but hear me out:

Mike is shown to be extremely caring with his friends, especially when it comes to Will. Mike would do anything for them, he is a smart cookie, pretty street-smart, that boy knows how to work under pressure. He is constantly defending Will against bullies, not only him, Dustin was one of them at the quarry scene, but it was always with Will in the back of his mind. So anyway, he loves his friends and would protect them if anything happens, it’s in his nature. Keep in mind that Mike is overly protective of Will.

Fastforward to El! He is shown to enact a lot of care for her because of course he loves her, but we know as fellow Byler analysts that he doesn’t love her, so his attitude seem a bit off compared to how he reacts to Dustin being missing (trying to reach out to him multiple times and being worried), and with Will, whom Mike chased after him to Castle Byers, when the Mind Flayer take control of Billy in the sauna (checking on Will) and, the first episode cinema incident. we never saw Mike directly being concerned with El, if im remembering correctly, there’s not even a simple « are you okay? » exchanged, there’s barely any conversations with them this season who seems truthful and without interruption, we’re left with crumbs and barely an explanation. They don’t talk it out at all. Mike doesn’t offers her reassurance, it’s Max and Hopper throughout the season, even his most important monologue of the season is said without her being in the room.

So, If Mike can check on his missing friends and on Will, what’s so different about El? Well, we need to talk about season 4!

Consciously or not, Mike is in love with Will, im not doing an analysis on here but you get my jam. He id convinced he loves El, she is his girlfriend right, so why does he seemed cold with her all goddamn season? Not bothering to check on her at Rink O Mania when Angela shows up, bc clearly El was exuding extreme discomfort, Will picked it on. Not bothering to try to understand her outburst and gaslighting her at the table for it while being all frosty and unbothered and checking on her the morning AFTER. Him not trying to reach after coming back to Hawkins.

The reason is that Mike doesn't consider El as his friend. She is his girlfriend, yes, but they never were friends, they don’t share anything, they don’t understand each other. My point is, Mike doesn’t know what El is in his life because as i said,he never considered her a friend in the first place, it was a crush on an on, and he struggles with the fact that he don’t love her like he think he should because he loves Will, she has no label because he just don’t truly know her and the relationship they have

But he knows Dustin and Lucas, he knows his truth, they’re his friends, the line is clear.

Will is also his friend, but he reacts to him like his lover and he don’t understand the line. It’s messy and a gap is formed between them because of that, because there’s a missing piece inside, and the romantic love he feels for him expand the gap with his own girlfriend bc his instinct is framed on Will even if he is not aware.

So if he treats Will as a lover, subconsciously or not, he can’t treat El like one, but if she isn’t, is she a friend? No, but they can be.

Mike is someone who’ll do anything for the one he loves, but with El? The lines are blurred real hard too. He needs to accept himself and his truth in order to understand his relationship and embrace El as a whole and gain trust and understanding of who she really is, because she’s not the one for him, he can’t come up with himself to try to be here, because his heart is already elsewhere while he tried for El to take Will’s place.

Mike loves El dearly, he cares for her more than anything but the fact that he restrains what he feels for her in a box she don’t fit would never allow him to truly embrace the potential of his love for her, it will always be tense under false pretence, and once he realise he would be the most amazing friend she ever has, they will finally be able to grow and find themselves and be true to one an other!! El needs someone who can be honest with themselves in order to love her romantically, and she needs to free herself first and seek her true path and what she wants to be

#Byler #mike wheeler #el hopper #will byers #i love el don’t get me wrong she deserves the world #im talking about mike here