#i feel like i was maybe turning 15

[icewindandboringhorror]

Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!

#cats #also hopefully it's not weird to still post photos of George (the brown cat) even after his death a little while ago. I just have so many #beautiful old pictures of him that I still love but just never had the time to sort through or upload (my cat photos folder on my #computer had like 450 pictures in it or something lol... SO many). I feel like it's kind of just honoring or appreciating him #and not actually strange or anything. like what am I supposed to do. delete them?? I want to share them still because he is beautiful and #perfect ! idk. aNYWAY. Also this is their 2022 birthday when they turned 14 years old. (even though I think when I posted #their 2021 bday I might have said they were 14 then too. I was off by a year lol). 2023 when they turned 15 I unfortunately #was feeling kind of sick at the time and didn't really have the energy to do the decorations like I usually do. So they just got a few #treats and stuff. But I didn't know that would be george's last birthday lol. :/ #They also do not really know or care though. they're cats who cannot process it or know the concept of birthdays so. eh #I still have no idea how these got lost on the computer though. Like I had them fully edited ready to post but just sitting in a folder?? #Since MARCH 2022 lol... ??? the folder was in another folder of pictures so maybe that's how I overlooked it #But it's my 'once every 4 months computer organizing and clean out time' so I was going tghrough looking for pictures #I could drafts posts out of or sort or etc. #They got lots more treats for this birthday because one of my friends actually game me a few gifts for them #elderly boys.!!!! #I used to write in the little caption/image description sections to talk about them all individually but at some point tumblr broke that #feature and for so long they never saved or weren't visible so I stopped doing them and just ramble a bunch in the tags instead #but I kind of miss them. Thinking about old posts of the cats where I commented on each photo individually too lol.. the good ole days

[surefire-tanis]

tmnt mutant mayhem was soooo cute btw i know its been out for a while not but i only just saw it yesterday, it felt so realistic, like actual teenagers idk maybe it doesn't to people who are currently teens but i just loved it. they were so annoying ILSDFLJSDJFL but in a cute way

#surefire speaks #tmnt #tmnt mutant mayhem #like i think people praised turning red for feeling like real teens but mutant mayhem was above that even for realism #well except maybe april? idk the boys felt 100% like 15 year old boys to me #april was still great tho!

[onlywantlove]

happy for midnights? sure. but like. once again hit by the awareness that she could do something incredible with her voice that isn’t just for her

#like actively do something. currently. #just ‘vote!’ ok. all she has to do is speak and ppl do as she says. she could say more #‘it’s not her responsibility’ morality is lost on you. she’s rich and thriving while u defend her #‘do something babe say something lose something babe risk something’ okay mirrorball #look. I have loved her almost 20 years and I’m mad. ignore me if you wanna keep celebrating #she is not the source of my anger but a factor and I’m not gonna act like I don’t have complicated feelings abt it #maybe closer to 15. idek look it’s LATE #she should call netanyahu a bitch on twt and turn off her phone IDC. #kyra speaks

[arthur-r]

discovery channel will be like “on october 17 2013 someone recorded footage of a very disturbing, completely unprecedented impossible event which implies, without a doubt, supernatural connections and evidence of extraterrestrial life forms…. let’s hear from some experts about this super spooky, extremely unnatural floating object” and the experts say “so actually this is a weird type of cloud it happens sometimes” and discovery channel will say “tune in next time for a car making weird spooky noises…. we’re thinking it is probably a ghost”

#have trees in vietnam developed mutations to ruffle their bark in self defense? radiation and evolution!!!! #we talked to some experts and there were bees on the tree #(actual episode that was just on the TV. the cloud and the cars are both real too) #my roommate got a TV for $15 at goodwill we’ve used it for jackbox a couple times but mostly it’s just constantly on in the background #playing satellite TV channels usually discovery i’m gonna try to tune in to HGTV at the right time for cheap old houses though #anyway discovery channel feels like… analog clickbait?? i guess?? #it’s just. so silly to me #anyway this is too long to be a sillygoofy textpost but it’s supposed to be….. so sorry brevity is just silencing my inner glow or something #shdhdf i just think it’s so silly and stupid. they spend half an hour on here are all the aliens and spooky things this could be #and the expert comes in and says this is a very normal and recognized scientific phenomenon with a full explanation and several known events #and the discovery channel guy says whoa that’s crazy well look at this spooky strange thing!!!! #bonus points when they’re looking at like. aztec civilization and they say For Some Strange Reason the people did this Barbaric Ritual #evidencing Spooky Aliens masquerading as Primal Gods and the Gullible Brown People Fell For It #and then person comes in and says yeah so this was agriculture and record keeping and innovation and empathy and art and advanced techniques #and the discovery channel says But Brown People They Can’t Do That It Was Aliens and then they dig up a sacred burial site #most of the episodes are just stupid and silly and entertaining (like the cloud) but a lot of them piss me off a lot #anyways!!!! i’m heading to bed cause i have my first day of classes in the morning!! #but my roommate just turned off the TV and it was so silly and contrived. i think not having access to satellite TV all my life is maybe not #the big awful issue i thought it was. i think i was maybe winning. i do like learning about the weird scientific phenomena though #but the way they bury it under hours of weird speculation about evil aliens spying on us and meddling in our lives…. makes it hard to handle #okay i’m heading to bed though shdhdf. hope everyone is doing well and goodnight!! #ask to tag (idk what for but there’s definitely something here somewhere) #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[rosalinesurvived]

and yep, those two were most definitely dating.

#warning for word-vomit: it is so funny it is SO FUCKING funny those two Uber-specific parallels between ex-boyfriends who share no scenes #you can FEEL mason just going ‘UGHH shit not this again’ #like. he has the exact same convo with both Lucas and Corey. and those two dated. but Lucas was a definitive ‘bad guy’ #ITS JUST. HILARIOUS and terrifying bc these kids are what 15/16?? Lucas was said to be timid before the dd’s fried him. #corey seemed desperately lonely bc of his parent’s neglect. I wonder what relationship he had with Lucas? #but they’re both hellbent on staying alive. that shows that morality wise they’re similar maybe? #interesting-Lucas turned aggressive after the dd’s while Corey turned quiet and wary. offense via stingers/defence in invisibility #granted Lucas didn’t full on die but I wonder-if Corey’s invisibility came from his feelings of neglect/ Lucas’ powers came from buried rage #Corey said he was shy in their relationship then he’s dominating in sinema–I’m guessing he wasn’t as openly queer as Corey for REASONS #hmm. wow this is what my eng lit classes taught me #teen wolf #morey #Mason Hewitt #Corey Bryant #shitpost #teen wolf lucas #mason x Corey #Corey x mason

[rosicheeks]

😬

#I agreed to a sleepover when I was feeling social #and now that it’s the day #man oh maaaaaan I don’t wannaaaaaaa #I also need to bring a gift for my friend for her bday #and I’ve been meaning to paint her a painting #but I haven’t had time #and the one day I did have time I hated how it turned out #I would buy her something but I don’t have time and also I have like $10 to my name #and I love my friend but I’m not going to use the rest of my money on her #if I could find something for like a few bucks maybe #but I swear everything that’s good enough for a gift will be like $10-$15+ #bah humbug #I just wanna go back to bed lol #shut up rosie

[celepeace]

I'm in that weird middle ground where I'm good enough at drawing that it wows people who aren't artists and don't know any artists but not good enough that I could even really consider it a talent

#i would be so good at drawing if *unknown eye-brain thing that causes migraines* hadn't nerfed me #by making it impossible to draw for more than 15 minutes at a time without getting debilitating migraines #turns out you cannot really improve at something if your body only allows you to do it for MAYBE 15 minute increments weekly #i'm good enough that i can get like. the essence of an animal or plant or object on paper to communicate it well #and i can even draw human anatomy fairly well. like bodily proportions and positions and hands do not trouble me #i can't draw faces at all though like it all falls apart when i try to draw a human face. cannot do it #i'm not faceblind but there is a blank spot in my mind where faces should exist for the purpose of recreating them #like when i try to somehow recreate a human face artistically it feels like my brain is groping around in a dark room #i think it's something similar to prosopagnosia tho cause when i try to conjure an image in my mind of a face #i usually struggle a lot to even recall what my loved ones' faces look like #but i can recognize faces just fine. i can always recognize people perfectly

[fma03envy]

My mind is. Empty

#urggg. writing fma03 essay 4 class #it's already at 15 pages bc I'm autistic but it's still unfinished. #it's 1 am so maybe I should just go to bed since I've already missed the midnight deadline #but I feel like if I turn it in by like 2 my teacher will be nice and not mark it late #what rlly bugs me is I think my analysis of Envy kind of sucks but Im trying to compensate 4 the fact that they're literally Not That Deep #but it just feels like I'm doing my fave a disservice #adrien says stuff

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

in one of the 2022 shows gerard said that like everything used to be so white-knuckled. in comparison to now where theyre having more fun. and my sample size is small ive only seen the 2011 reading show and now 2007 rock am ring but yeah i can kinda see what they meant

#kinda same feeling as when you watch 13 #like girl /breathe/ #i like both #i really love the 2022 shows #but these old ones are also So good #just #very different vibe #i think if mcr hadnt come back i wouldnt have felt like i got my gender now #i mean i definitely wouldnt have bc i wouldnt have KNOWN them #but also i just saw circa 2010 gerard way i wouldnt have felt this much like hope #like the 15 year difference is kinda what makes me feel like oh i CAN do this #if i just saw circa 2010 gerard way i would have felt like wish i could do that #but with 2022 gerard way next to it i feel like oh i COULD #idk why #maybe part of it is seeing someone just like. live all that #it's like time travel #like i get to see immediately how it turned out #also added to that is that i still feel like it's not right that 2012 was a decade ago #so when looking at 2022 i really do feel like im looking at the future #and standing in 2012 #bc im still 14

[the-trans-dragon]

.

#when I start trying to prepare to move—it feels like the coldness of the bare floors creeps up into my blood and chest and heart and throat. #I stare at a single object and wonder if I’ll miss it or not. #I make a pile to donate. a pile to keep. a pile I might donate if I decide I won’t miss it too painfully. a pile I’ll miss but I don’t wsnt #to keep- I want to give away to someone who will love it like I did. a pile to ask my mom if she wants it for sentiment. a pile for #things that are trash but have salvageable components I can remove before throwing away. a pile of salvaged components that haven’t found a #use yet. a pile of things that are trash unless I find a way to fix them. a pile for a single item- a feather from my childhood pet bird #a pile of my old cat’s favorite planet and toy. a pile for gifts I was given that I never used but still treasure as they sit on a shelf. #a pile of fun rocks #a pile of paper clips that started as just office supplies but now they’re 15 years old and they remind me of warm summer childhood day #scraps of string and tiny empty boxes and wires to unknown electronics and acrylic paint that is too dry to donate but I could still use it #because I think it’s fun to do the work to re-pulverize it and turn it into pigmented paste again #a comb missing half its teeth but I can’t remember if it was a gift or not so I keep it just in case #a tiny pillow. is it even mine? it isn’t trash but a thrift store would probably just throw it away. but it isn’t trash so I keep it #a box of assorted nuts and screws and a tiny little jar that I know I’ll find the perfect use for one dayS #a little bag like the kind you get when you buy a bag of polished rocks. inside it are delicately folded soda pop bottle labels from #a birthday long long ago. #a small box of sequins I’ve had as long as I can remember. maybe I’ll make something with them so I can justify keeping them. #old clothes I loved that are too tattered to donate but might fit me again one day or make good fabric for something else #a single old sock but it’s elastic is still good and I should use the elastic for something because I’m always wishing I had some to spare #tickets to a state fair. booklet for a play i saw. graduation photo. a polite birthday card from a childhood nemesis. #it’s so hard to get rid of those things. it feels like throwing away my childhood. and I had a rough childhood! I don’t wanna throw away the #GOOD parts of it. I need those parts. I guess they’ll still be there even without the objects. but… #I can’t remember the Memories without the Objects. they are my memories. #maybe I should just start by filling boxes with Memory Objects. and once I’ve got them all together. I can see if I can part ways with any. #and if I can’t—well #at least they’ll be packed up. #I wish my medicine wasn’t a political debate… oh well. it’s always been hard to get meds. though I’ve never considered moving over it #I wonder if my surgeon will have time to for our consult before. my doctor tried to assure me that my PCOS would justify the surgery but I #I read the bill and it says No Removal Of Healthy Organs Associated With Your Sex Unless You Are In Danger Of Imminent Death #And I’m not dying from PCOS… I’m just like… Chronically ill from the chronic blood loss and overworked pain neurons and sometimes miss

[everoutoftouch]

.

#so like the other day I came across a photo of myself from when I was maybe 12-14? anyway I was so thin and it’s really insane how I #thought otherwise at the time #i told Cal and he was like yeah when we first started dating you weighed like 125 and kept telling me you #were trying to lose 15 lbs and I thought what #like insane #but also someone I didn’t like insinuated I was fat #around that age and I remember feeling conflicted like go fuck yourself but #oh wait I think that about myself anyway fuck #and it’s like annoying when someone you think little of confirms what you tell yourself lmao #but now that I’m older like wtf he was delusional but so was I LOL #I’ve spent decades destroying my body not just in like disordered eating but like #my response to bad things is always like turn inward and destroy anything to hurt myself #and now that my health is not the best and I feel regret #it’s like my desire for thirties is just to be happy and comfortable and soft #idk #rambling #ed mention #just in case for tags for tw #ed

[nereidpro]

speaking of dish soap. the ‘dawn ez-squeeze’ schtick ive been being aggressively advertised for months is literally ‘we watered it down a little and put it in a ketchup bottle’. if it wasn’t for the enzymatic cleaner elements in to the cocktails & that being irreplacable in homemade soap at my scale/needs i would’ve sworn off buying soap years ago. they are embarrassing themselves

thanks for the idea of trying a used ketchup bottle as a soap dispenser, though, i guess?

#'you can feel the tumblr userbase aging' except ive been autistic about soap since i was like 15 #or maybe just paying attention after i noticed shit soap makes my hands feel like they're on fire #turns out a lot of them have a primary ingredient im allergic to #like 'almost all' #and the laws about disclosing ingredients arent nearly as strict as they are for food lol

[bugpov]

hm i keep getting random tastes of delicious food just out of nowhere when im not even eating anything, this never happened before

#snail sounds #i just tasted curry w naan bread and it was so real for a split second and now im so hungry #i can smell delicious food even tho it's the middle of the night and no one's cooking nearby #a symphony of flavor #im dazzled #feels like ​im about 15% dreaming whenever im awake #maybe dreams and reality can and will merge peacefully #cuz i think ppl with schizophrenia are dreaming and awake at the same time and they experience nightmares while awake #what else could it be that makes perfect sense #and if you can become conscious and aware that you have power over what is being projected into your reality #i believe peace can be brought to these people and it's not an incurable illness at all #i feel like most mental health issues are a result of dreams merging into reality . like when your brain becomes fully developed #but you're not fully healed from childhood traumas #that messes with your subconscious which is your innermost self and if that person suffers then you suffer too #but healing is inevitable so long as you allow yourself to heal #idk im just theorizing n im not a psychologist . but this makes sense to me and i think it's worth exploring #it's good to explore theories like this cuz even if it turns out to be something different . at least you now Know the answer instead of #simply believing it

[xxcherrycherixx]

Starting to think its planning to go out that makes me feel sick and not i somehow always end up sick on the days that i want to go out

Hmm

Its the knowing of the upcoming disappointment i will face when it doesn’t go as i hoped it would.

#i just want to go dance to nice music and have fun with cool people #were going to a gay club so thats normally at least better than a regular club #part of me wanted to go to this female and nonbinary only club but i cant with the group im going with #maybe after this i will feel confident enough travelling to go there by myself #idk #its still gonna cost a lot tonight tho #which sucks #probably £15 for travel £5-£10 to get in probs a fuckton in drinks depending if they do rounds #im not a person who needs to drink at a club. like i kinda dont like drinking at clubs because of the risks- but my group gets wasted #like on the floor making a fool out of themself wasted. #idk its the london crowd and the last party i went to with the queer london crowd was nice. a lot of fun and very cool looking people #just hoping it doesnt turn out shit and i just sit around feeling depressed and bored while everyone else has fun #its 7am i font even know why im worrying anout it yet we arent going until like 10-11pm tonight

[theskeletoninthegarden]

I have three versions of more or less the same story, again, and don't know what to do with myself.

#one is nearly done at 17 chapters but it would end a cliffhanger #that would demand a sequel i dont think is necessary #because it would mean taking some angst and running with it for 20 more chapters #i never like doing that #and i know im not interested in anything else that could carry it that far #on the other hand another one is 15 ish chapters with no clear end in sight and i feel like it should have one #idk maybe i can go on forever for fun #the third one is barely off the ground but i could cannibalize it #i want to cannibalize all of them actually and work with that #but my god the work #i mean one is a road trip and the other takes place at one place #and this place is like the point of the story #id miss it but the road trip one would be easier maybe to turn into a full length fic

[bottom-slut-unionizer]

I was asking about that. It's OK to feel some type of loss from losing a family member. Have you ever kept in touch with him?

Honestly not really. He was kinds in an on n off state, but was mostly in a hospital. Doctors figured he wouldn't live this long but he did. Guess I got good survin genes

#still feels weird knowing i cant connect eith him again #at some point he emailed me saying he was getting married again #but like as a kid i remember seeing him so mentally messed up by like damages from his heart that #he wouldn't be able to tell my mom apart from people #hed say my mom was one of the nurses #hed also say other blond boys were me #so when he emailed me i had no idea if that was like real or not #but turns out it was #and she died a couple years ago #i had a stepmom and i never even met her #it's crazy #n i feel bad for him #having to lose his family twice #i might find out more tomorrow about the state he was in for the last few year but rn i dont know much #im stuck wondering if he died from grieving her loss #maybe he stuck out 15 more years cuz he had jope since my mom was alove #but her dying couldve been too much #not a fun train of thought so ill leave it here #appreciate the concern tho anon