sweat through the blankets but now they’re wet and i’m cold and want to take a shower. girl things
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore. We were so close. Then they flavored it mango and now it's taboo to criticize it anymore. People don't ask if they're allowed to vape indoors, they aren't considerate of people who may have health problems that are triggered by the chemicals or if it just bothers them, people don't care that they're supporting an industry built on corruption and greed, they can't see it draining their pockets and much less their health. We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore.
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to you it’s perverted gross sex. to me it’s being creative, working through traumas and baggage, healing my inner child, playing, practicing intense vulnerability, finding even more ways to fall in love with my partner, finding more ways to fall in love with myself, learning confidence & how to ask for what i want, care work, emotional release, relaxing, community building, theater, dance, writing, problem solving, therapy, radical honestly, and so much more. and also it’s gross perverted sex.
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Because I have just seen this specific thing for the second time, I would like to say:
If I reblog your art, I do not expect you to reblog (or share!) my fic in return
If I comment on your fic, I do not expect you to comment on (or read!) mine in return
My enjoyment of anyone's work does not come with strings or expectations
My friendship is not a bill that you will have to pay later
That's it!
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Dungeon Meshi modern au where both Laois and Falin are food vloggers. Laois is always travelling to remote areas and cultures to try the most "extreme" foods and bring them to light. He's known as the guy who will drink blood and slam a still wriggling bug just to comment on it's nutty flavor. Meanwhile Falin is visiting long-standing eateries and sharing the stories behind local cuisine.
Nobody actually puts together they're siblings (in part due to wildly different viewerbases) until Falin in one video mentions how she enjoys eating insects and the comment section is full of folks asking her to "collab with the bug guy". Her very next video is her and Laois smiling infront of a mukbang style platter of insects and she introduces him as her brother.
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that post that says "she should be at the club" isn't about literally being at the club... what the hell are you on about yes it is? when i say toriel should be at the club i mean she should be out there sweating and shaking her ass in a skimpy outfit high out of her fucking mind making goat noises. "the club is not a place it's a concept" no it's in fact a very real physical place you go to. this might surprise you but some people actually go clubbing. you can't just high school literature that to mean something else entirely lol
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are you disabled or suffer from other chronic conditions that often leave you bed bound? do you often feel like you’re in the “damn bitch you live like this?” meme because cleaning is too exhausting?
my protip is get yourself one of THESE bad boys and hang it by your bed
it’s an over the door shoe rack and the pockets are perfect for holding a lot of household objects.
you can use the pockets to store trash, snacks, meds, and water bottles. if you worry about hygiene, you can also keep some for dry shampoo, deodorant, body wipes, clean undergarments, or toothbrush materials. on good days, you can clean it out and restock it, or have someone else help you. on bad days, you won’t have to worry about getting food and you’ll be able to feel a little better about hygiene.
it’s also really great if you want to keep your hobbies close by!! i can often only work on my bed, and then i have to worry about putting everything away if i have to lay down. if it’s a hobby that has materials that can be stored in the pockets, it can feel more accessible to jump in and out of and take less spoons to set/clean up.
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save me bushes and leg hair and armpit hair and arm hair and mustaches and unibrows. save me
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