#i don't care how much more i need to read! as long as it feels more cohesive and complete than it currently does...!!!

[tsukii0002]

My demons' periods cycles. By Mc

Note: these are purely my headcanons at the moment, they are based on animal ethology and behaviours that I think would suit each character depending on their personality and Lore. I would love to read your headcanon in case you have them.

Warning: Long text. Possible grammatical errors. It's written as if Mc was writing for themself.

Hey, it me Mc, the best human. Here is a compilation of the behaviours of my demons during their periods, cycles, for practical day to day use. It wasn't easy but I sat them down and got to talk to them, with a little effort I now know what they need. So now I am ready to assist them during these complicated times and be prepared in case I find a dead goat on the porch as a tribute.

Lucifer, Mammon & Levi || Satan, Asmo, & Beel || Belphie, Barbatos & Diavolo || Simeon & Raphael

Lucifer

Light does not bother him, but he rarely sleeps during its periods.

During his cycle his wings are filled with new feathers, to make them more noticeable and showy, many are small and iridescent.

His horns are also covered with iridescent scales.

He's constantly preening his wings, and they are always stretched to their fullest extent (Be prepared to be plucking feathers off your head for months)

The more feathers the better health (The stress of everyday life affects his plumage at this time so if at any time you see it scarce don't tell him :()

Unlike what you might think his nest is not in his bedroom but in secret rooms in the HOL.

Peacocks build their nests by making holes in the floor, Lucifer simulates that feeling by making a nest with high walls (good luck trying to get in and out) .

During his cycle he becomes very territorial and protective over his chicks (his siblings) and his mate (Interestingly Satan has woken up in the nest the most times over time, followed by Belphie)

He doesn't go outside his territory (the house), he feels a strong need to protect the fort (so all RAD paperwork falls on this sheep) .

Lucifer has a pre-heat period which is when he starts to grow new feathers, he eats a lot more and stores some food.

During the cycle he hardly eats, for that he has been accumulating energy ( you have to insist and feed him yourself so that he doesn't end up weakened after the cycle) .

He can talk normally, although when someone outside his family approaches a guttural sound comes out of his throat as a warning.

He produces very strong pheromones, but does not mark with them because there is no need (No one will dare steal what belongs to him)

Although physical contact soothes him, don't rub him if you don't see him relax, especially his wings. Let him initiate the contact.

He's always on guard since he does not sleep. But don't want that his brothers see him in his period.

His main way of courtship is to show off, so to get him to let you live, flatter him, tell him how beautiful his wings are or how majestic he is.

It's funny because sometimes he'll expect you to court him back (I don't have wings Luci, I can't do it) .

His senses are uniformly heightened. Nothing gets out of his control. (Good luck going to the toilet)

His body temperature rises (prepare light clothing, more than for him for you, you're going to need it)

Does he purr? Yes, although it's more like the sounds certain birds make before they sing. It is difficult to hear >:(.

During the cycle his anxiety is accentuated.

Normally demons end up exhausted after their cycle, but because he is so proud he doesn't let you take care of him, and he ends up much worse off.

Mc: So the nest is important?

Lucifer: Very important, yes.

Mc: Essential?

Lucifer: Yes

Mc: … *thoughtful* Are you going to let me leave the house?

Lucifer: No.

Mc: And from your nest?

Lucifer: No.

Mc: …. Let's buy cervical pillows then

Lucifer: *grinning*

Mc: So if I forced you, will you eat?

Lucifer: I think it's possible.

Mc: *grinning * And how do I do it with a spoon or mouth to mouth like the chicks?

Lucifer: *blushing * You… don't make me regret having told you all this

Mc: *half asleep* Everyone is sleeping.

Lucifer: *watching them in the dark with his eyes shining*

Mc: Everything is in order *trying to climb the nest*

Lucifer: *picking them up and lifting them to the nest* … *purring*

Mc: Now, now, let's try to sleep…*still half asleep* you are warm.

Lucifer: *covering them with his wings* Rests Mc.

Mammon

He can stand the light but doesn't like it, during these periods he has a reduced sleep schedule.

During his period he feathers, these feathers help him to be more aerodynamic.

He needs to groom them but as he normally doesn't have that many he is terrible at it (So be prepared to give him a hand) .

He nests, but like crows he does it high up, (make sure you prepare a hanging platform on the second floor of his room or he will end up nesting on the roof) .

Unlike Lucifer, he goes out almost every day, looking for small prey or presents. And don't care if his brothers see him in his period.

During his cycle his obsession for shiny things is accentuated, they don't have to be valuable, just shiny: stones, crystals, metals, floors or polished surfaces (thanks for the idea)…

He is a collector and will bring these objects to the nest.

Mammon is not overly territorial, he doesn't expect his parnert to be in the nest for 24 hours either, but when he comes back from his outings please be there or he will panic. Last time the house almost burned down.

He produces pheromones, and he will only use it on his mate.

He does not have a pre-heat, but you can identify that he's approaching his period by her lack of attention (more than usual).

Mammon eats throughout his cycle, more than usual, mostly meat, but also certain grains and seeds that his relatives collect for him.

He will want to feed you and you will want to feed him. You can't get away from that, you just can't.

His pupils dilate and constrict in an exaggerated manners. And his eyes shine in dark.

Although he talks, he prefers to communicate by squawking and growling.

However, when he is affectionate mood mainly with taps and caresses.

During the cycle he becomes very needy of physical touch, at sleeping, eating and grooming times he must always be skin to skin. Stroke him between the wings or plumage and he will start to purr.

He is happy for you to initiate contact, he doesn't mind if you do it whenever you want.

He sleeps curled up on his companion.

Does he purr? Yes, like his brother it's a similar sound to certain birds, but it's easy to make him purr (pretty much whenever you pay attention to him)

And you always have to pay attention to him.

His form of courtship is to bring you gifts, where did you get coins, pretty stones, luminescent flowers … you can not refuse these gifts or he'll cry (however give a stone or a coin and will not leave the nest in hours, he will think that you have reciprocated the courtship and will be happy)

His senses are sharpened especially his hearing and sight, he can see for miles, there is no threat that escapes him, that is why he is able to leave the territory so much.

He is more honest than usual, if he wants you to hug him he will tell you straight out.

Mammon: *trying that mc eat a leg of an unidentified animal*

Mc: No- NO!, youuuu stay baaaack

Mammon: *grunt*

Mc: *giving him part of their bread * take it

Mammon: *with pupils dilate* Oh *happy bird noises*

Mc: *holding back laughter*

Mammon: Farther to the left

Mc: Here?

Mammon: *stretching his wings higher*

Mc: Here?

Mammon: *purrs*

Mc: How the hell did you preen your feathers before?

Mammon: *curled next to Mc holding tightly a monopoly coin*

Mc: *smiling while stroking his feathers*

Mammon: Love you...

Mc: So your period makes you soft…I wish you were always as honest.

Levi

Nocturnal, light bothers him and can hurt his eyes.

During his period he sleeps more than usual (although he should sleep more often).

His scales cover his whole body and become more colorful. And his horns grow new branches.

He does not need as much grooming as other types of demons, but he needs constant humidity.

During his period the bathtub in his bedroom is full, but sometimes a humidifier is enough.

However during the final part of his period he needs to be totally submerged (so be prepared to go diving)

During this phase Lucifer puts a spell on him to track him. Because his envy can lead him to hide in the deepest pit of the ocean.

Some snakes nest, but most do not, so Levi's safe place during his period is under a pile of blankets, thin cloths and other things (like a burrow).

Since Levi is Levi, you have to make sure to give him wet towels every so often to moisten his body.

Levi is very territorial but he is more elusive and prefers to hide, his insecurity increases and there is no way to get him out of his burrow ( make sure he hydrates because it wouldn't be the first time he gets sick)

He doesn't eat much during his cycle, and if he does it has to be raw, but he has poor hunting skills, guess whose turn it is to take care of this?

Although the final phase of the period (Underwater) Lotan often takes care of finding nutritious prey for him.

When sleeping he wraps his tail around your body, first because you are a source of warmth and second because you are you.

Levi becomes partially non-verbal, he uses a lot of hisses and grunts. After two days they can be easily identified.

He likes physical contact, but he is the one who has to initiate it. (Touch him without his permission and be prepared to search for him in the depths of the Devildom water bodies).

Levi's courtship occurs underwater.

First he shows off, where all his scales glow many colors, this is indicative of health (as Levi does not have a very healthy diet or routine, his color could be better, but we won't tell him that)

And in the second instance it gives a single stone of sea crystals.

The sense that develops the most is the sense of touch and hearing. His skin becomes super sensitive so he can only wear certain types of clothing. And excessive friction hurts him.

His body temperature decreases a lot, more and more as the period progresses because he can not thermoregulate ( that's why he needs to be submerged and that's why you will wake up underwater)

Does Levi purr? Of course, when you talk to him or when he is embarrassed.

After his cycle he will need several days to look you in the eye again.

Levi: *sad hiss*

Mc: I'm telling you that your scales are very pretty.

Levi: *self-deprecating hiss*

Mc: No, I'm not just saying this... but if it really makes you feel bad, starting tomorrow you're going to eat more protein.

Levi: *hiss of indignation* >:0

Mc: Levi, I bring you the food!! Levi?

Mc: *looking for him in the burrow* Levi?

Levi: *poking his head over the bath water*

Mc: There you are… Ah! The humidifier has turned off!!

Levi: *grabbing their sleeve*

Mc: *sighing* we have to be more attentive…. *getting into the bathtub* but now you have to eat.

Underwater

Mc: Who had said that automating a spell would save my life.

Levi: *snuggled next to them with his tail wrapped around their body*

Mc: Are you confortable Levi?

Levi: *nodding*

Mc: Good, love u.

If you have made it this far, thank you very much 🩷

#obey me #obey me! shall we date? #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #Obey me periods #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #omswd #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #levi obey me #leviathan obey me #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #omswd lucifer #omswd mammon #omswd leviathan #om! mammon #om! lucifer #om! leviathan #om! mc

[hwanchaesong]

┗🖋️ Tears drown you to the moon / A knight appears for you to swoon / He brings forth joy and fortune / Until gold turns into maroon 📖

🎧: Taylor Swift - Down Bad

wc: 1.3k

genre & warnings: angst, fluff, smut, college setting, heartbreak, ghosting, cursing, working out lmao, unprotected sex, car sex etc etc mdni

a/n: this is a part of The Tortured Poems Department series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

You wait for your partner to arrive at the fancy restaurant you're in, giddy at the mere thought of being with him for the whole day.

It's been a while since you've seen him, both of you busy with your own lives, but now that your schedules have aligned, it's the perfect time to go on a date.

You smiled when the familiar figure entered the establishment, holding a beautiful bouquet of pink tulips.

"Jake!" you waved your hand, catching his attention and when you did, he beamed at you, walking in your direction and the room was suddenly brighter now that he'd graced it with his presence.

"Hello baby, I missed you." he comes to you, bending down a bit to give you a peck on the cheek. "Here, I saw this down the road and I thought of you."

He handed you the bunch of flowers, your heart swelling at the thoughtful action.

Isn't he so sweet? The dream man that anyone would've wanted and needed. More so when he can satisfy you in the middle of the night, in his leather seat, floundering under him.

The dinner was left unfinished, the dessert long forgotten when Jake can't seem to move his eyes away from your cleavage. Dragging you out of the restaurant and flinging you into his car, and he ain't patient enough to take you home before taking you for himself.

"Jake, r-right there!" you moaned, scratching his exposed back when he hit your g-spot perfectly. The sting riled him up even more, his thrusts becoming unbelievably harder and faster.

Being fucked in a car isn't exactly your cup of tea, but you're willing to explore as long as it's with him. Bodies bent almost impossibly at the cramped back seat, windows fogged up from the nasty activity, and the vehicle surely is moving weirdly on the outside.

"So fucking tight." Jake cursed, pounding into you relentlessly, relishing in the way your walls clamp around him whenever he gives you praises.

His length bullies into your wetness and your juices are smeared all over the material of his car seat, but Jake couldn't care less. All that matters is how good you feel and how heavenly he's making you feel.

"J-Jake. I'm close. Please." you begged for nothing in particular, but he knows what you want after doing this for so many times now.

The man moves his hand towards your hair, gentle at first then he suddenly tugs on your tresses, lifting your head forcefully.

"You'll cum when I tell you to, baby." he smirks, seeing your helpless expression and whimpering, and despite the difficulties, you managed to whisper a small 'okay.'

He loves it when you're like this, compliant and willing to take whatever he gives you. For that, you deserve a reward.

Using the hand that is still burning your scalp, he tilts your head in an angle that he liked the best, leaning down and trailing pecks all over your neck before biting onto your clavicle, nibbling over the area and lulling the dull pain with his warm tongue.

He then comes up to your face, kissing you with passion and he takes your open mouth as an advantage to slip his wet appendage in, sucking your own tongue in the process.

it was all too much. He is too much and you don't think you can hold out for much longer.

"I.. Jake. P-please let me cum." your glassy orbs staring at him so innocently, crying out in relief when he released your hair, opting to hold onto your waist.

"Hm." he grunts, going wilder in abusing your cunt, "Cum with me then, princess."

His dick twitched and you nodded your head vigorously, gazing right into his dark, hooded eyes.

He buried himself to the hilt, his warm seed spurting in your walls and that had you going over the edge as well.

Jake furrows his brows, fixing your unkempt hair and grabbing a towel that was inside a compartment, wiping your sweat away.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." he apologizes, his usual puppy features returning and the blood rushed into his face when you jokingly said that you love it whenever he acts like a total jerk during sex.

He leaves a kiss on the crown of your head with a giggle, and for a minute you could mistake him as a highschool boy with a crush.

"Let's go home, yeah? I'll prepare you a bath and we'll watch your favorite movie. I'll also cook my special ramen for a late night snack."

You really couldn't ask for anything more than this man.

---------------------------------------------------

"No, I'm telling you. He's perfect!" you argued with your friends, laughing at their fake gagging noises.

Then, your phone dinged, a message notification. You momentarily paused your pilates session, heading to your bag and seeing a text from Jake.

"Y/N, this is important. We need to talk. Let's meet up in the usual café."

You raised an eyebrow but obliged nonetheless, taking some time to freshen yourself up and bidding goodbyes to your friends, quickly leaving the gym.

Upon entering the café, you immediately spotted your boyfriend, walking up to him with a smile.

"Hey, what's up?" you asked, sitting in the empty space in front of him.

"Y/N, I got the scholarship that I wanted in Australia." he dropped the news, and you are genuinely happy for him.

"Oh my god!" you reached over to hold his hand, grasping it in pure excitement, "Congratulations! That's one step away from your dream."

"Yeah, but.." he trails, and you understand where he's coming from.

"I'll support you." you say, peering into his worried chocolate orbs, "We'll make this work."

He nods, intertwining your fingers together, "We will."

Lies.

When god poured down the traits of deception, Sim Jaeyun caught it all. And when the devil sprung up some naiveté, you drank it all up.

You run on the treadmill at high speed, heavy footsteps match your labored breathing.

The fucker flew to Australia and it seemed like he forgot that he left someone that is waiting for him.

He posts on social media and he's enjoying himself, alright. Drinking beer, eating steak, playing soccer. He's updating the whole world of what is happening in his life except you... personally that is.

Is this what it feels like to be taken by some aliens, showing you a different world, a different galaxy that you loved so much, only to be dropped off in your old, sullen town.

Is this what it feels like to be bombarded by astronomical love, only to realize that it will vanish into thin air once the distance is a million of light years.

It's not like you haven't tried contacting him. You did. You reminded him of your presence, but you were ignored like dead grass in the park.

It's unbearable. So fucking unfair and you have no choice but to accept reality, despite the fact that breathing is as burdensome as moving on from him.

How can you even forget him? Is that even possible?

He presented you a strikingly gorgeous sanctuary, abandoning you there and you're stuck in a time loop of waiting for him to come back and pick you up. But all that's left are the ghosts of him that haunts you even in your dreams.

"You'll find someone new." is what they all say, but what do they know?

"Fuck!" you yelled, slamming your fist onto the controls of the treadmill and the machine came into a whirring stop.

You dropped onto your knees, hiding your face in your arms that were slinging onto the sides of the gym equipment, wailing like a child throwing a tantrum because a candy wasn't given to her despite her efforts to study for an important test.

"How the fuck will I be able to find someone new?"

Brand new is not an option, because what and who you wanted and needed was the old one.

What's the purpose of building forts if it's not gonna be used with your starry eyed beloved?

Dying is rather the better option than being with someone else, simply because you don't want anyone else if it's not your ramen lover of a golden retriever.

taglist:

@ramenoil @shakalakaboomboo

#enhypen imagines #enhypen smut #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #jake imagines #jake smut #jake fluff #jake angst #jake x reader #jake scenarios #sim jake imagines #sim jake smut #sim jaeyun imagines #sim jaeyun smut #jaeyun smut #jaeyun imagines #jake hard thoughts #jake hard hours #jake fanfic #heeseung imagines #jay imagines #sunghoon imagines #sunoo imagines #niki imagines #jungwon imagines #enhypen

[deepestnightcolor]

Hey there friend,

I hope you don't mind me saying I am looooooooving this influx of Sam content. Your writing? Inspired. Characterisation? Wonderful. A true blessing to all Samson enjoyers out there.

I don't know if you've ever played with the Yandere Sam mod (which I highly recommend trying out Yoba preserve me) but he has a piece of dialogue where he talks about "taking you up against the windows tonight" for everyone to see and now exhibitionist (and perhaps just a smiiidge possessive?😊) Sam has me in a chokehokd, the poor, lovesick thing just needs an outlet for his feelings. If it interests you and you feel comfy doing so, your take would be appreciated!

Posi vibes to you!

ᴀ/ɴ: Hehe...So! I honestly see Sam as a softie...but aren't still waters deep? Yes! I really enjoyed this prompt, and I hope you will enjoy reading it, that I got it up to your liking!

Thank you for all the compliments, they really mean loads to me!

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: Sam (SDV) x afab!Reader

ᴡᴄ: 2577 words

ᴍᴅɴɪ ✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: exhibitionism, unprotected sex, creampie, name calling, dirty talk, spanking, dominant Sam, possessive Sam

☾ ᴡɪɴᴅᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴏᴜʟ ☽

You had just wanted to piss him off a little, not much more. Tease him a little, rile him up – see what buttons you could push before he would snap on you. You did know that Sam was… a little possessive over you. His eyes darkened whenever you talked to someone else, suddenly becoming attentive when you left his side to strike up a conversation with someone else, whole body tensing as if he was about to strike whenever someone dared to touch you.

That’s why you didn’t want to push it too far, but it was just so tempting. Sitting across from Eliott, the two of you were chatting about his latest book. You could feel a pair of blue eyes burn into the back of your head, and you were pretty sure if looks had the possibility to kill, the author across from you would have had already dropped dead.

Surely Elliott had noticed, hadn’t he? Poor man, really, but it was working so well, and besides, you were genuinely interested in what he was saying! How could you know that your cleavage was revealed by this simple movement and that the male’s eyes lingered for much longer than necessary?

Maybe you showed that a little too much, leaning forward to hear him better over the loud sounds of the saloon. If Elliott had noticed your guard dog watching over you, he wasn’t showing any sign of it; soft smile sparkling at you, he reached out and patted your exposed knee. Uh-oh.

It didn’t take long – steps soon approached the two of you, and an arm snaked around your waist with ease, pulling you into a warm, tense side.

“Sorry,” Sam pressed through gritted teeth, the daggers he had stared at the other man now outright swords. His fist was clenched by his side, the smile that was on his face just as forced as his composure was. “We need to go now, babe. Bye, Elliott.”

There was no chance to refuse the pull that was inflicted on you, so you just waved your goodbye in the bustling of the room, following the fast-paced steps of your husband.

“Sam, that wasn’t really poli-“

“You know what? The fuck I care if it was! And since you like showing off so fucking much, how about I fuck you against our window, huh? Show everyone how good you can take my dick? That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

You took the sharp shove forward as a head start, your feet pounding against the rough gravel of the road to your farmhouse, the snickering behind you only spurring you on more.

He certainly wasn’t wrong, but there was no way you could possibly say that out loud, right? There was no way you could just lower your head and whimper like you just did, was there?

A chuckle sounded above you, like thunder in the distance. “That’s what I fuckin’ thought,” he hissed, the smack that landed on your ass causing a stinging sensation, skin warming up against the fabric of your skin. “Now go. When I come home, I want you fuckin’ naked and ready for me. I will give you five minutes, no more.”

The front door opened with a creak of complaint, and soon after, you could hear Sam’s sneakers being kicked off. The door slammed shut, and your heart immediately began pounding in your ears. Excitement was swelling in your chest as you squished your thighs together in the dim of your room. Your clothes were scattered all over the place, mindlessly discarded in the rush you had been getting them off. But you sat there, naked and ready for your husband, cunt already embarrassingly wet. Sam always had such an impact on you; it was like he had casted a spell on you when you had moved to Pelican Town, luring you in with these precious blue eyes, wrapping you around his finger with such ease-

“Get up and go to the window. Hands against the glass. Look forward until I tell you otherwise.” His orders were clear and short, there was no room to argue, only room to get up and do as you were told.

“Look at me,” a voice from the doorway, goosebumps running down your spine. It filled the room, took it in. It allowed no contradictions.

You looked up at Sam from your kneeling position on the bed – you knew Sam liked you kneeling – fluttering your lashes at him as a soft pout way playing on your lips.

“Finally listening to me, are we?” He cooed; the sound of his belt being unbuckled joining his voice. The doorway behind him was dark, and you could barely make out his movements, but Yoba did that sound of the buckle turn you on.

“Turn around.”

You did so immediately, the rush you were in almost caused you to lose balance and topple over, fingers curling in the soft sheets of your bed as you regained balance. The blond behind you chuckled quietly, the floorboards beneath him announcing that he was approaching you. You bit your lower lip, anticipating his next move as you wiggled your ass in the air, trying to tempt him more, trying to enchant him in your usual spell, yet the smack that landed on your round ass cheek made you yelp out loud. It was hard, and now, without the protection of your jeans, it stung like hell. Fuck, did it make you wet.

“Look at that dirty little pussy. Gettin’ so wet from one little spank, huh? Pathetic. Or…did it rile you up to talk to Elliott?” The last part came out as a growl, another hard smack landed on your ass before you even had the chance to answer. You whimpered lowly, your back arching into the mattress as if you tried to escape Sam’s rough hand landing on your ass, but you wanted more. You wanted your husband, fucking some sense into you, just so he could fuck it out of you again.

“I think I asked you a question.”

The sound of his hollow hand smacking down on your ass, followed by the painful pleasure shooting endorphins and adrenaline through your body made you stutter back to life. “The spank, sir! The spank felt good!”

A hum. Low sounding, almost contemplating.

The pads of his finger danced over your butt, eyes admiring the newfound red colour in the shape of his hand on the squishy flesh.

“That’s my girl,” he praised, smacking your ass once more. “That doesn’t mean I will let you off the hook, though.”

His thumb had found its way to your folds, tracing through the slick that coated your sensitive lips. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he watched your toes curl, the way your cunt contracted as if it tried to suck him in already. It was so, so hard to not just give in and rut into you now like an absolute bitch in heat, but he had promised you something, hadn’t he?

Your ass was stinging while you got on your legs, your head lowered in submittal, but you made sure to shake your hips with every step. You weren’t able to look back, but you just knew Sam was fucking you with those pretty eyes of his, dick already buried deep inside your cunt in his mind.

The cold glass heated up quickly beneath the warmth of your palms, yet it still made you shiver, just like the silence that had fallen over the room did. The only thing you were able to hear was Sam’s heavy breathing that mixed with yours, which was much quicker. You felt like a prey animal in a trap, with the predator about to pounce. And really, there wasn’t much difference with your husband staring at you like you were going to be his last meal.

You were so beautiful, you pretty little thing. So well-behaved, too, now that he had you where he wanted you, with his hands imprinted on your ass. You would definitely feel that one tomorrow, yet you had taken it so well. His good whore.

 Fuck, you looked so hot; so ready to be mounted. And if anyone would dare to step on your land, they would see how he fucked into you.

“S-sam?”

He must have been quiet for too long he realized. Your body was quivering with anticipation, your thighs squeezing together. Yoba, they probably were already covered in your sweet, sweet juices. His hand had wandered to his cock, fingers wrapping around the girthy shaft. He wondered if you would still follow his order if he kept quiet. And you did.  Lowering your head against the glass with a shaky breath, you spread your legs for him; clinging to the hope that that would be enough to get him to fuck you.

A grunt left your husband as he ran his thumb over his pierced tip, feeling the pre-cum wetten the pad of it.  It was pathetic how horny he got just from seeing you, but then again, Sam didn’t give a fuck. Couldn’t, really, with the way you possessed his mind, took over it and  filled it up.

You were quick to turn your head, big round eyes wettened with the tears of despair, cushioned lips pouting at him. So fuckable. So easy to ruin, and he fucking would.

“Sam, pretty please.”

Poor little thing. So horny, and yet left out in the open, all bare for the world to see. Wasn’t it a shame? A waste? He just had to do something – he was pretty sure you were on the verge of tears already, hearing how your voice was quivering.

“Look at me.”

His hands on your hips were the only warning you got, his pierced tip already aligning with your entrance. You wanted to moan, but that harsh shove forward caused by his hips bucking into you pinned you against the cool glass of your window, knocking the breath out of your lungs. You had been quivering and waiting until now, and all of a sudden you were completely full, feeling like you were tearing at the edges.

“Sam!” You sobbed out, making his breath hitch in his throat. He wanted to wait, seriously, he did. He knew you were straining to accept his size, so suddenly filling you completely. Yet… You were just too good to not fuck into. He pulled back slowly, watching your cunt just barely release his cock, just to let it vanish within your cute pussy again.

The breath you let out was laboured, your forehead sinking against the glass again. Holy shit, the sight from outside must have been delicious. Seeing your perfect tits pressed against the glass, your face scrunched up in the pleasure his dick caused you.

“That’s my good fucking slut,” he panted, his hips fucking into you at a fast pace now, enjoying the fact that your body was forced further against the glass with each thrust. He loved having this power over you, hearing your moans as his fat dick bullied into you, seeing how he made your body shake.

“You are enjoying this, aren’t you? Being fucked against the window like a filthy fucking whore, ah. Feel how you just clenched around me? You love this. Do you hope someone comes by? That someone sees these perverted tits pressed against the window? Sees how I fuck you?”

His words were a low hiss against your ear, his hips smacking against your already aching ass with his rough thrusts. Your world was spinning while he bullied into you, the metal of his cock ring bumping against your walls just right. And yes, you hoped someone would come by. Hoped someone would see the things Sam was able to do to you, how much you needed this man to pound into you like an animal.

His lips were all over your neck it seemed, though you couldn’t quite figure out where exactly. Only the painful sensation when he sunk his teeth into your tender flesh gave you a clear indication what spots he was abusing.

His hips never seemed to falter, the sounds of your skin against skin and the moans filling the room intoxicating you. “My good, pretty fuck toy…Taking my dick so well, aren’t you?” He groaned in your ear, his lip bitten as he forced your legs open wider, trying to reach you deeper.

Sam did have no intentions of stoppin, even though his balls were pulling tightly, legs quivering. His own hands were against the window; an attempt to steady himself for his advantage.

Your cunt was sucking him off like your life depended on him, a ring of wetness around the base of his shaft. Your core squelched in protest whenever he pulled out just to ram back into you and Yoba did it turn him on. You were his. His, his, his, and the world needed to see.

His hand reached for the smaller window above the two of you, twisting the handle with a swift motion and pushing it open.

“If you hold back,” he panted in your ear, nipping at the lobe, “I will immediately fucking stop.”

You nodded with a quivering breath, moaning his name loudly as his previous humping against your gushy wet walls picked up again, tip bumping and bullying into you while you were pressed against the window. Your nipples ached from the pressure, only adding to your arousal. You were close, and you knew if he kept up this rough treatment, you would scream loud enough for the whole Valley would hear.

His tip was kissing your cervix, and it was driving you crazy.

“Sa- I am gonna cum- Fuck,” you cried out, shivering when you heard it echo through the silence of your farm.

Sam’s breath hitched, a whimper leaving his throat. You were so hot, and the whole town would figure out how good he was fucking you; it made his heart swell, and his dick throb.

“holy shit- you are,” he wheezed, his body tensed up when he finally felt his own orgasm. Globs of cum painted your clenching and spasming walls white, but even as you struggled to keep yourself up, Sam was making sure he was pumping you full.

“Cum for me, pretty princess. Cum,” he cooed, forcing his stuttering hips in a steady rhythm, pierced dick pinning you against the window with its rough thrusts, making your eyes roll back in your head.

The orgasm that rocked your body was hard, your knees quivering as you tried to hold yourself up. Wetness gushed over his throbbing cock, slickening it even more.

Panting filled the room, your husband’s dick still throbbing inside of you as his forehead sank against the window next to your head. “Next time it will be the balcony,” he whispered in your ear, smiling to himself when he felt you clench around him, his cock throbbing in anticipation.

“What happened up there?” Sebastian asked, blowing out a puff of smoke. “Up where?” Sam asked, eyes following to where his friend was looking. A blush spread on his cheeks when he saw to pair of handprints on the window, alongside the outline of your body. If he looked closely, he could even make out the imprints of your tits.

“Uh…Must have been a bird.”

“Yeah. Sure. Nicely shaped bird, wasn’t it?”

“Shut up, Seb.”

#sdv #stardew valley #stardew valley farmer #stardew valley fanfic #sdv fanfic #sdv sam #sdv sam x reader #stardew valley smut #smut #fanfic #sdv sam x reader smut

[the-clumsywitchtarot]

Pick-a-Card Reading: What do You Need to Release Right Now?

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

Cards

The King of Swords (Reversed)

Seven of Wands

King of Pentacles

This pile needs to let go of feeling like they've never done enough. I feel like you are someone that is diligent and puts their time and effort into almost any and everything that they do. But I feel like you have a hard time letting go and will continue to overthink something long after it's been completed, agonizing over what you could've done better. For instance, if you turn in an assignment at college or university you'll be thinking about how you could've better written the essay only to receive a 100% on it.

On a side note, I also feel like this pile needs to start listening to their intuition more, you are wise. Of course be careful when necessary. But don't completely dismiss your intuition.

Cards

Ace of Cups

Three of Swords (Reversed)

Seven of Pentacles (Reversed)

This is a very interesting pile because I'm getting two different things for some people that will choose this pile I'm getting that you need to release feeling bad about how you express your emotions and for others I'm getting that you need to stop dismissing your emotions.

For the first set of people (those that are made to feel bad about how they express their emotions) consider ignoring those around you that ridicule you for either being too emotional or not emotional enough. Everyone expresses their emotions differently, you have to do what works best for you, if you are extremely emotional, that's fine. And if you are more reserved with your emotions, that's perfectly fine too, please do not let anyone pressure you into changing your emotional expression.

For the second set of people that may have chosen this pile (those that dismiss their emotions). You may need to learn that it is okay and safe to feel and that it's probably better to feel your emotions to avoid issues down the road. I'm not saying that you need to be a puddle of tears and snot, but consider taking the time to actually feel instead of just dismissing an emotion as soon as it arises.

For anyone that chose this pile, if you feel that you might need help consider speaking with a licensed therapist to address any emotional issues that you may have. And if that's the case I wish you all the very best and I hope you receive absolutely everything that you need. 🩷

Cards

Eight of Swords

The Lovers

Queen of Cups

For this pile I'm getting that you need to release the feeling that you need to be perfect or fit some standard that is hard for you to conform to for a partner. This may be for an existing partner or one that you hope to attract. I mainly feel like this is about your physical appearance but I also see that you have some quirks that you feel like you need to hide in order to keep/make your partner happy. But what you don't see is that this person loves you for you, your appearance, those weird things that you try to hide from them, all of it. They find you captivating and they love that you're whole and complete. You're not draining to be around and in this person's eyes you are the whole package. Let's put it this way, if you were anything else in this person's life you'd be their favorite version of it, like if you were a city you'd be their favorite city. If you were a drink you'd be their favorite drink, etcetera, etcetera (a super weird way of describing how much they love you, I know but it's what I got 😊).

Stop thinking that you are not enough and need to be refined in some way to be loved.

Please let me know if your reading resonated and always remember not to make a decision based on a reading unless it's one you feel completely comfortable with. Thank you for visiting my tarot page!

All the Best to You,

Erika, The Clumsy Witch

#the clumsy witch #the clumsy witch tarot #tarot #pick a card tarot reading #pick a card #pick a card tarot #tarotblr #tarot blog #tarot reader #tarot readers of tumblr #black witches of tumblr #witches of tumblr #release #black tarot readers

[screechingsandwichtriumph]

Hey, Hope you are doing well!~

Can I request either Yandere Eddie and/or simp borderline yandere Steve with a nerdy, bookworm reader who wears glasses?

Do whatever floats your boat with this request. :D

Hihihi , I am so happy to have a request, I love them ( also I am sorry but the glasses part is not mentioned to much , I just got carried away<3)

Warnings: yandere Steve, yandere Eddie, stalking, obsessive behavior

Summary: you are just a nerdy girl who somehow ends up attracting the attention of Steve 'the hair' Harrington and Eddie Munson.

Hopkins is a small town , so people know less than they want to and more than they care to admit about each other

So when Steve first noticed you , he was surprised that he hadn't payed attention to you a lot

He was instantly interested in you , so he began following you around town definably not stalking you

But when he asked a bit around about you , he realized why he had never really seen you around

Turns out you are one of the smarter kids in town , always studying

He slowly learned you programm after spotting you around town some times , so soon he knew that you were in he library every Wednesday right after school

So Steve decided to get in he library once , just to check out the place since he had never been inside before

It just so happened to be a Wednesday , he swears

But even if it didn't just so happen to be and the whole thing was on purpose who can blame him , right?

It's just the way that your hair falls on your face and your glasses slide down your nose that he can't get out of his head

He has noticed the books you read and he isn't much of a reader himself but he got Nancy to analyze some of them to Jim , so if he just so happens to speak to you he will know what to say

Entering the library almost ten minutes after you did , he stumbled on a stack of books and he ended up almost falling

He looked up at you and feeling your eyes pierce him , he understood he needed to sit down soon

That's how Steve ended up sitting on a desk with another dude , whose face was currently hidden behind a book

Taking a more careful look at him Steve left out a soft and questioning "Eddie?"

Eddie lowered the book in a guilty way and stared back at Steve

Turned out , Eddie was stalking had taken an interest in you long before Steve had

That's how they both ended in Steve's house talking about you

Eddie presented to Steve a bunch of information that he had of you and some of your things too

Both of them ( with Steve being the one to propose this and encourage Eddie) decided to persue you romantically

That's how Eddie handed up sitting besides you at lunch and Steve ended up bumping you and accidentally dropping your books in the hallway at the same day

You soon became friends with the two of them since you were lacking the social skills to have many friends on your own

You would always talk to them in the nicest of ways and they lived listening you rant about your books

When you ended up with both of them, you really thought it was the best thing that could happen to you

And for the most part it is

I mean you don't need any other friends other than them , cause are they not enough for you?

Steve would be more like a gentleman opening doors and stuff for you , always hanging of your lips , while Eddie would remain sharp and critical

He hasn't received much love in his life and now that he has you , he isn't going to ever let you go

Eddie would write songs about you for sure and would play them to you

Now ,if he catches you humming to them later, then it's over. That's it. You're his

Steve honestly just wants to take care of you. He just wants to hug you and help you with everything( even the things you don't need help with)

Together , they take most of your time , but that's ok , because who other than them would you prefer to spent it with , right?

Right?

#x reader #fanfic #yandere #yandere steve Harrington #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #yandere eddie #eddie munson #yamdere eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #yandere stranger things #stranger things x reader

[hotwaterandmilk]

So I decided to pick up physical copies of The Vampire and His Pleasant Companions from Yen Press on a whim the other day. I've been in such a nostalgia hole about Ragawa's works thanks to the Hanayume 50th celebrations and I remembered her manga adaptation of Konohara Narise's novels had restarted not that long ago. It made sense to get the books and begin a catchup re-read before the fifth volume comes out in English.

I'll be honest, I don't remember much about the Kyuketsuki to Yukai na Nakamatachi novels or manga from when I first encountered them. I had the first two manga volumes in Japanese at one point, but gave them away when the manga went on hiatus years ago. However, upon beginning my catchup re-read in English I was struck by how much the story resonated with me now.

If you've never read the series before now, long story short from Yen Press, "When a vampire from Nebraska named Al gets frozen in bat form, he winds up in Japan under the care of a dark and mysterious man covered in a bloody scent!"

I'd like to get into why I think this series is worth picking up now and for that it's probably easier to throw my ramblings under a cut.

I feel like the humorous elements of the series are what get talked about in the (admittedly scant) English language reviews for the series and, while the whole setup can be quite amusing, the more serious elements are what actually makes it stand out from other vampire tales with romantic elements. While everything is exaggerated, there are some very "real" aspects that help The Vampire and His Pleasant Companions stand out in an endless sea of vampire tales.

For example, Al being bitten by a vampire wasn't a ticket to easy street. There was nothing glamorous about what happened to him. That bite ruined his life and through no fault of is own, he rapidly became destitute. Vampirism in fiction is often shown leading characters to social isolation, but not necessarily to poverty. Given that Al has lost everything that connected him to his previous life, it makes sense that in our current capitalistic society he'd also lose access to even the most basic things our societal identities afford us -- including housing.

So yes, it's amusing that this bat-boy ended up flash frozen and shipped with some meat to Japan. However, the circumstances that led up to that outcome are given the weight they deserve. You truly do feel for Al in these moments because haven't we all been, at one time or another in our lives, perilously close to losing everything? These fleeting glimpses at the past sting in otherwise rollicking segments of the story as they should. Everything beautiful in Al's present is something that he didn't have during his lowest points and you truly feel for him as he works to prolong these moments.

Another serious moment that lifts the series even higher in my eyes is when it becomes aparent that Akira has access to human remains. Rather than handwaving away the access to blood as a convenient way to get Al the nutrition he needs, a significant amount of time is dedicated to the ethics surrounding the situation. The gravity with which all lives should be handled post-mortem and just a generally respectful examination of embalming as a process.

Unsurprisingly, I find the portrayal of Al's "incomplete" vampirism as a form of disability to be a compelling take on the mythos too. Al gets almost none of the "benefits" of being a vampire due to the whole process "not being done properly." What this leaves him with are a lot of things that make his everyday life different from not just humans, but "complete" vampires as well.

These differences mean he struggles to feed himself properly, feels significant levels of pain, and his body is often weak or doesn't behave the way he wants it to. The cause here is obviously fiction, but the way Al's acquired disability impacts his capacity to function to an acceptable level in a society of "normal" folks (both human and vampire) really struck me as ringing true, at least for myself and my own disabilities.

Yeah, I'm not going to turn into an adorable bat (and truly, bat Al is A D O R A B L E) but the struggle to make use of the few good hours in a day when my body works to a degree, that's so goddamn real. Al wants to contribute to the household, to pay back Akira and to be a functioning member of society... but it's not as straightforward for him as it is for others and that's something I appreciate being explored here.

Another thing that stands out to me is Akira's sexuality. While there are a lot of misunderstandings with Al and Akira that lead to people assuming they're lovers, when Akira is pushed into a corner about having a lover he shuts this down by describing himself as being frigid or having a low libido (in very blunt language).

I feel like the depth of this is conveyed well in the English translation by the subsequent line:

While at this point in the series Akira hasn't labeled his sexuality as being either demisexual or asexual, this is definitely something that it feels like the narrative is leaning towards. Particularly when Al clarifies the difference, in his limited language skills, between the physical and the romantic.

Akira is still figuring out what is comfortable for him in terms of dealing with people, so it makes sense that his progress regarding intimacy has only accelerated after meeting Al. The batty vampire is pushing him towards understanding more about himself and how he chooses to interact with those around him, but the ball is still very much in Akira's court regarding whether he'd like to explore either the physical or emotional aspects of their relationship further. I found that really refreshing?

That this story allows the dark-haired, brooding hero who is one part of our lead will-they-or-won't-they, to assert that he doesn't feel the same level of physical attraction that others do. That he isn't entirely confident in this either, that it's a part of himself he's never opened up about before, that it's something Al uncovers and isn't suddenly changed to fit what is acceptable. But that it doesn't lessen Al's interest in him, it's just part of who Akira is... gah! It really resonated with me idk. I love some smut, but I also appreciate it when a story focused on something as sexual as vampirism chooses to eschew this in favour of raw emotional edging instead.

I've pushed the more serious elements of the text in this ramble, but before I wrap up I should really note that there are some very funny moments too. For example, Al's bluntness here when he speaks Japanese.

The Vampire and His Pleasant Companions isn't the best work of vampire fiction I've ever read, but it uses its recurring themes of isolation vs. the need for connection to craft an enjoyable narrative. One that I feel lingers in my mind a bit more than others. While Al's unique form of vampirism leads to some absurd escapades, the story is elevated by having its emotional core remain grounded in the intrinsic beauty of everyday human interaction and how even fundamentally different people can connect in small but significant ways.

Blah blah blah, you should check it out, I can't wait for the next volume, etc.

#kyuketsuki to yukai na nakamatachi #the vampire and his pleasant companions #ragawa marimo #marimo ragawa #konohara narise #narise konohara #ramblings #this is totally incoherent #i'm sorry i've got so much going on right now #but i wanted to plug this title and mention a few bits that stood out to me #because this is a solid series that deserves more attention in english-language spaces #i'm just sadly too exhausted to make a lot of sense #hope you get what i'm trying to say #and if not well whatever #go check out the series anyway

[brittlebutch]

finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it

#N posts stuff #like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid #but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being #it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent #in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are #the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change #to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the #'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways #throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock' #the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and #so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of #other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she #understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem #if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict #there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping #them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with #things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the #depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers #i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily #write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability #for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of #saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol

[mokutone]

A dumb lil headcanon I have is that Yamato was assigned Naruto’s legal guardian in shippuden. (And that before it was Hiruizen, then Kakashi, then Jiraiya) just for convenience because he’s watching over Naruto all the time anyways.

oh god. sorry my response got really long but the fact is anyone even breathes a word of yamato being fatherly to naruto and i lose my shit and start beating my fist against the earth sobbing and shaking and etc.

now TO BE FAIR. i think if anyone should be naruto's legal guardian it should probably be iruka because iruka was the one who took care of naruto when naruto needed it most, and canonically naruto thinks of iruka as a father figure so much that he like, asks him to act as his father at his wedding, and he has this whole moment as a kid

THAT SAID. i like ur ask, and when it comes to the idea of legal responsibilities, i find the idea of Yamato being granted (even temporary) guardianship over Naruto to be extremely funny and entertaining.

i think yamato would personally take a lot of pride in that and really enjoy it. i think he would love nothing more than to have a practical, obligatory tie to enable him in his desire to take care of the people he loves. i also think that he would be obnoxious about it, at least a little bit. partially because his sense of humor is a little weird, and partially because he has no idea how to act as a guardian figure.

like i think he'd say shit like "bedtime! that's an order!" and naruto would be like "oh, piss off!" and then yamato would use his scary face and naruto would get even more frustrated, and the whole time yamato would be like "wow, naruto is a great kid (if a little disobedient!) and this is such a fun game we are playing, even if it tires me out :)"

unfortunately i think, out of all the guardian/mentor figures that naruto has had, (sandaime, iruka, kakashi, jiraiya, tsunade, those elderly frogs, yamato...) i think yamato is the one he is least close with, and would least like to be a permanent fixture in his life.

i'm not saying that he doesn't like yamato, just that...i would be really surprised if there's a point after yamato gets captured, where naruto is like "man, we should really save yamato!" y'know?

i could be wrong! i haven't gotten there yet. but like. i'm not anticipating it. thats okay tho i love naruto and hes got a lot going on.

picture below is more related to the tags than the text

#yamswers #agstudio9 #sorry for SUCH a long response but i am constantly thinking about them bc yamato seems to care so much abt his stepstudent #that said. the idea of a story where yamato gets put in charge of naruto PURELY bc he has the mokuton + naruto has the 9tails #and naruto confuses and entertains tenzō #and tenzō upsets and frustrates and unnerves naruto #is an EXTREMELY funny concept to me. #especially if it happens before the shippuden timeline. now. listen. im being very silly here...but hear me out #imagine your name is [actually you don't have a name] and your ninja president tells you its time to be a ninja guardian to this ninja kid #and the kid is freaked out by you because you're impossible for him to get a read on and you scare him sometimes #and on top of that your former captain is laughing at you and the young man who was taking care of this kid is pissed and maybe jealous? #like it has all the makings of one of those wacky early 2000s movies about fail dads and their rebelious children #''THIS SUMMER...WATCH AN OUT OF TOUCH BLACK OPS SOLDIER TRY TO RAISE...KONOHAS DEMON FOX????'' #now in theatres! #oh agstudio9. now im thinking on this. now im really dwelling on it. #iruka being over all the time bc he does not like the way this is shaping out and feels frustrated that naruto's guardian was assigned— #—not based on care or relationship to the boy. but on kekkei-genkai. but trying not to take it out on tenzō whose just Doing His Job #tenzō who has to learn how to make food more complex than vegetables in a pan/reheated frozens/Survival Gruel #ah. and. and maybe kakashi + tenzō dual-leading team 7 from the get-go... :) bc sasuke needs a sharingan-using teacher :)

[crescentfool]

i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!

#lizzy speaks #for full transparency i cannot make sparklies emit from my hands unfortunately #but i can imagine that i can and i think thats cool i'm like a swaggy little magician #anyways sometimes i see announcements for games and im like #ok! cool! some people are very excited and happy. so awesome!! happy for them!!! #but personally i think i've found much more joy in doing my own thing #and it's ok if you're not particularly enthused about a new thingy because sometimes you still have other things you can do #or you have other things that feel much more gratifying to you. and thats ok!!! #this is a vague toward reload and splat3 (specifically splatfests) #it's become clear 2 me that reload is curating a different experience for pee 3 with the new mechanics they introduce #and i didn't realize how attached i was to how fes's mechanics (tiredness + fusion spells) can inform's one characterization of kitaro #until i kept seeing the new things for reload. still interested in reload's alternate interpretations but wont be following the news closel #and for splatfest. turf is not my favorite mode in splat by a long shot' but at least i can salmon with friends! or play another game #i think it's always important for me to remember that not everything will be for me and that's a good thing #when i see things that dont excite me as much. it reminds me about what i care about the most and to remember to hold those things close #i can make my own fun with my own little creations i don't need to wait for games to host events for me i can just draw silly little guys #or i can choose to make silly little clownery happen on my own terms and i think thats neat #even if i'm not hyped about something that others are hyped about that's okay because i'm nourishing myself and that's really fucking cool #and hey maybe i will find the joy in those things eventually. or not! and thats ok. who knows!! anything can happen!! #anyway if you read all of this thank you :3 and i hope that you will always be able to find your way to find something that excites you

[sysig]

I remember this game (Patreon)

#Doodles #Terrible news: My hair has gotten long enough that it's trying to center-part all on its own #I need a haircut so bad I don't care how cold it is #Anyway lol onto what this is Actually about #Namely of refixating on Handplates lol - I totally called it ♪ Not that it was hard to guess pfft #When I think about it - I don't think I've ever talked about how I found Vargas through Handplates? :0 #Which is weird to me looking back lol they were both very pivotal moments in my life! One affects the other affects the other on loop #It's a very interesting dance inside my head haha #Being So back on Handplates now really throws that into relief for me #Not to be cheesy Immediately lol but I'm just- so happy that I get to experience these stories ♥ That I get to Keep experiencing them :) #It's only gotten better with time I wonder if it'll ever stop haha - I keep falling more in love with them! #It's really unlike anything else I could compare them to - holistically excellent across the board #If there was just One Thing that I could pin down and say ''This Right Here is the The Thing that I like so much and am so inspired by'' #But there isn't - there isn't just one thing it's everything! #If it wasn't everything I wouldn't be so inspired by Handplates to make Vargas stuff and so inspired by Vargas to appreciate Handplates #And everything in between! Helix and RespectAWoman and just- It's everything! It's holistic excellence! #Even when I first transferred over from Handplates to Vargas it was everything - up to that point anyway haha #I'm just....always having a good time when I'm reading ♥ It's my favourite-favourite #I feel very lucky :) #Handplates #I mean - ostensibly anyway lol

[datastate]

even though i wish it was possible to keep both sou and alice alive for more lore on the story, it does actually make sense why they’re restricted to their specific routes!

of course, for context, we need to acknowledge the significant choice just before the main game as well.

to keep reko alive, you follow your logic. you kill her doll because it is “just a doll.” you have to hope that the real reko hasn’t been harmed from this choice, or harmed before the final attraction began at all - because that was the last essence of her. and alice knows it, and runs toward his death because he’s so desperate to make sure his sister is alive - that sliver of hope... and maybe, he was able to see her one last time depending on your previous choices.

to keep alice alive, you’re following emotion in the last moments of the final attraction. reko - even with the ai - can cry and she’s begging for you to save her, she’s insisting she’s still human. and unfortunately, keeping her alive when she’s so desperate to live results in the human reko’s death because the floormasters state it plainly: we don’t need two reko yabusames. and alice lives on alone, with little reason to keep his information concealed now that the person he was trying to protect from the crossfire is gone.

reko & sou is the true logic route, by this.

reko’s arc, by all means, occurred before the death game. chapter two explores this in incredible depth and ties it directly to the game’s core question through the reko ai. there isn’t much else she can add now, so to keep her alive will balance the grim nature of the death game, but...within the story as it is now? she doesn’t know as much as alice would. her death would be the next necessary one to keep the story going without interfering with current plot lines. it’s unfortunate, but it makes more sense in this context than alice dying.

there’s also a nice contrast where you’re again proven through ranmaru, kurumada, and mai especially - dolls are practically perfect replications of their original base. you have never known the original version, so to you, these dolls are just as real as the real person. and you’re forced to confront that with the memory that you killed the doll reko.

then, alice & kanna is the true emotion route.

sara has had her hope restored thanks to sou’s final act, his offer of reconciliation, and because of this, she is able to keep her composure for the most part. ranmaru isn’t driven to kill the yabusame in his attempt to reassure her that she can live, and i’m sure even if nao had made her appearance (as is in the cut dialogue) to taunt sara, that she would be able to regain herself and move forward with [yabusame] support. maybe there’d be a talk here where instead of sara getting completely caught in her head [i don’t want to die], that she was able to regain herself and tell ranmaru firmly that she didn’t want to see that happen to anyone else, ever again.

*whereas for the logic route, she’s lost the connection she formed with the others through joe (that is why he was a detriment, bc of his social affinity, he formed the bridge and unintentionally ensured she’d be closer to the others throughout chapter 1. and especially when he offered support toward in his last moments...), and with keiji missing (who, despite jou’s initial suspicion, was someone who sara herself sought out to try to find the truth of. this was one of the few where she made the active choice to stay with him & he had offered support and empathy...the rest were generally ones who reached out to her first, if that makes sense. so this relationship still holds significance, but the other relationships after jou was forgotten ended up losing a lot of weight in her mind.)

ALTERNATIVELY! if nao shows up, it could be an emotion-route ONLY thing on hiyori’s part. he’s seeing that sara is regaining her strength, and tries to use this to knock her down again, to break her and force her back to that mindset. however, it still keeps ranmaru from taking any drastic action because he’s forced to see that [yabusame] is genuinely a source of support and can empathize with her over unfairly losing someone to the sacrifice card, again. there are a lot of ways this could be used! and i really wish it was kept - nao still deserved to hold her significance in the third chapter, and it shouldn’t be completely overshadowed with sou and kanna’s choice now that we’re no longer in the main game.

and then of course, as the pay-off, alice is able to stay alive and provide further information on the plot. even if there is less technological advantage, alice makes up for it through the advantage on hiyori himself as a floormaster and what will unsettle him more. it’s a more personal battle. it’s also possible that reko will have some information of her own to provide, although i’m sure alice’s would be more useful throughout chapter 3-2 depending on the prison he was in...? (the prison had the asunaro symbol iirc). he could help lead a route to escape, here. while reko herself could only really help through her brief interactions with hiyori before the game began.

i know this isn’t how it goes in-game, but i think it would’ve been interesting to have the emotion route be the one where you get under hiyori’s skin. for all he’s tried taunting you with (especially if nao’s corpse is an emotion-route only threat), you’re finally able to realize that his primary support is control. when he loses control of a situation, his grip begins to slip. it would proceed as it did in chapter 3-1b currently.

then, for logic route, it could be possible that there was another way that the system of the “banquet” roulette was overwritten with sou’s expertise now that he realized gin was in danger. even if he doesn’t care for the group as a whole, it would cement that he still has to contribute if he doesn’t want another child dead (and prove that he still hardly trusts sara and keiji after the events of last chapter, and with the [yabusame] death where ranmaru claims it was for sara. the distrust is embedded), and it would create a fun change that also serves to prove sou’s use here! because the reason you would keep him alive is for the logical reason - he has more skills than kanna did. and this could be a good place to showcase it and also give that sort of...revenge against hiyori? he’s got a more personal vendetta now that hiyori’s part in asunaro has been confirmed & hiyori made light of kanna’s death & after witnessing hiyori’s treatment of maple, especially with the lines littered throughout the chapter of his own manipulative relationship with sou (regardless of personal reasoning that hiyori sees it as, and the fact that tsukimi really did grow into the role hiyori set him up for to make him “stronger”)

hmmm i’ve gone on. but tl;dr i think it’d be interesting to have more significant differences between the route that is chosen! and even if these are the preferred choices for “true” logic/emotion routes, it’s nice that it isn’t something that has to be stuck to when you continue the plot. in this scenario, sou and kanna still remains as the big choice in how the plot would go (especially with sou’s use & the group’s dynamic), but it’s still possible to choose something for more specific information regarding the yabusames! they’re still an important choice and i only wish it was expanded on more, although i’m sure i’ll learn to be content with what is presented as it continues.

#i am soo normal abt the yabusames. yes #for real though i don't really get why people think alice and sou living would be logic route...? considering the circumstances #of letting alice live is entirely dependent on whether or not you're swarmed with ''emotion'' in the moment you're confronted with the #choice to push reko's replica. hmmg idk idk!! #yttd is cool though i like it a lot heart emoji #i just wish the routes were more distinct from each other tbh #right now it's following a LOT of the same story beats and i'm like :'] please...you can do sm more #it doesn't HAVE to be just three chapters. just make sure the characters are just as good...! please...! #i don't care how much more i need to read! as long as it feels more cohesive and complete than it currently does...!!! #ok thi s was a long post i need to go eat now bye bye <3 #jestersvaguely #yttdposting #yttd meta #long post

[notjanine]

the post-grad unemployment blues have not been helping my annual summer depression, so my brain has been... not great. my lease is up in just a few days, but i can't move into a new apartment until i know where i'll be working. i'm having to put all my shit in storage until i can find something. it's been rough.* but i spent a few days at Books' this week and even though everything sucks, they did a lovely job cheering me up. when i got to theirs, they surprised me with a silly and refreshing beverage i'd previously mentioned in passing that i wanted to try** and this book that they picked up from work.*** then they took me to their campus so we could play board games on the massive group study tables.**** we got dinner at my favorite ethiopian place in the city. we cozied up in bed and double featured they cloned tyrone and the lighthouse (which they hadn't seen before). i finally got to an alamo drafthouse weird wednesday! we saw let the corpses tan,***** after a delightfully nasty late night diner breakfast. we played mario kart and i lost, terribly, but still had fun.

i also had an interview yesterday, for a job that sounds like a great fit for me.****** all of my interviews so far have been strange, for one reason or another, but this one may have been the strangest- because halfway through, the interviewer started pitching me a different position that sounds AMAZING.******* i'd be happy with either. i really hope this works out. i should be having a second interview next week.

i'm back at my apartment now and i have to be out by monday afternoon. i'm glad to be leaving this place, even though things are still so up in the air. and even though i haven't been my best lately, i'm glad to know that i am still loved.

#*i am about to be lower case h homeless but i am very lucky that i have enough support to make it through this without tremendous difficulty #however i might have to go back home which... i do not feel ready for. and i don't want to be away from Books for too long #**i'm in t*xas so there are hardcore topo chico heads and i had never had it before #i didn't care until a friend was talking about how much she hated it bc it was like drinking tv static #***i had already packed my books and only left one fiction book unpacked to read while i'm going thru this and this one is verrrry differen #which is good i need variety! #****everdell is like Our Game and the wee tables in my apt are only just big enough to play on (no room in Books' tiny studio to play it) #and Books also has the spirecrest expansion- but we hadn't gotten to play bc we didn't have the space! #it was so fun to actually do such a big game (it took maybe two hours and the entire six foot table lmao) #(i won but it was close! which usually happens when we play games we're well-matched but not too competitive so it's always a fun challenge #***** LOVED it #******similar to but more intense and challenging than my fav internship rotation. at a cool and pretty unique hospital in a great location #*******full time w benefits and travel. it sounds... SO good for my adhd. lots of novelty and adapting to new situations!

[macabrevampire]

chat i might be mentally ill ( ↖ guy that's suffered tremendously his entire life and is only getting worse)

#txt #long ass vent ahead in tags; read at your own risk <3 #being a person who can't function and can't socialize and hasn't been able to find a job is awful :D #i feel like i'm the most worthless scum on earth. why can't i work. i know i'm unsettling and can't talk normally #i want to work; i want to socialize #i want to be human #but everything i say is wrong; everything i do doesn't amount to anything #my ocd and anxiety and depression are fucking killing me daily. the compulsions get worse and i get more depressed #i can't function day-to-day; i struggle to get out of bed #the world is dirty and no matter how much i clean it doesn't get cleaner #i'm in so much fucking pain. it doesn't cease; i wake up and it's always something new. today the headache. tomorrow the stomach ache #next my back hurts almost as if a piano had fallen on it #my legs ache; my wrists writhe #the pain in my chest is unbearable; it feels as if my finger had been twisted unnaturally #dizziness overtakes me; it's hard to breathe; i can't think #the brain fog and dizziness and compulsions are killing me i think #disregard the pain for a moment; every single thing i do is interrupted by the evil voice in my head telling me that if i don't set things- #in the correct order then someone i love dearly will die a most excruciating death and it'll be my fault #how am i supposed to ignore those compulsions? #most of mine are centered around death or the vague ''something bad will happen to x person'' #and my skin crawls at the smallest dirty things #and everyone in this house is so fucking dirty. no one cares to clean after themselves which leaves it to me- #and it makes me permanently filthy; my skin writhes i can FEEL the layer of disgusting filth just sitting there and no matter how much- #i wash and wash and wash- it doesn't cease. it's still there. you're still dirty; the shower isn't clean enough; the soap doesn't wash well #enough. i just want it to be over #and the stress from my life is making it worse #i need a job but i'm painfully mentally ill and i don't understand social cues and i'm fucking semi-verbal to boot #< i struggle with speaking. point blank period. no one accommodates those of us who can't or have a hard time speaking #whatever man i have GOT to kill myself. the only option i have

[youngks-smile]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

#long covid #covid 19 #covid isn't over #pandemic

[getvalentined]

An open letter to @staff

I already submitted this to Support under "Feedback," but I'm sharing it here too as I don't expect it to get a response, and I feel like putting in out in public may be more effective than sending it off into the void.

The recent post on the Staff blog about changing tumblr to an algorithmic feed features a large amount of misinformation that I feel staff needs to address, openly and honestly, with information on where this data was sourced at the very least.

Claim 1: Algorithms help small creators.

This is false, as algorithms are designed to push content that gets engagement in order to get it more engagement, thereby assuring that the popular remain popular and the small remain small except in instances of extreme luck.

This can already be seen on the tumblr radar, which is a combination of staff picks (usually the same half-dozen fandoms or niche special interests like Lego photography) which already have a ton of engagement, or posts that are getting enough engagement to hit the radar organically. Tumblr has an algorithm that runs like every other socmed algorithm on the planet, and it will decimate the reach of small creators just like every other platform before it.

Claim 2: Only a small portion of users utilize the chronological feed.

You can find a poll by user @darkwood-sleddog here that at the time of writing this, sits at over 40 THOUSAND responses showing that over 96 percent of them use the chronological feed*. Claiming otherwise isn't just a misstatement, it's a lie. You are lying to your core userbase and expecting them to accept it as fact. It's not just unethical, it's insulting to people who have been supporting your platform for over a decade.

Claim 3: Tumblr is not easy to use.

This is also 100% false and you ABSOLUTELY know it. Tumblr is EXTREMELY easy to use, the issue is that the documentation, the explanations of features, and often even the stability of the service is subpar. All of this would be very easy for staff to fix, if they would invest in the creation of walkthroughs and clear explanations of how various site features work, as well as finally fixing the search function. Your inability to explain how your service works should not result in completely ignoring the needs and wants of your core long-term userbase. The fact that you're more willing to invest in the very systems that have made every other form of social media so horrifically toxic than in trying to make it easier for people to use the service AS IT WORKS NOW and fixing the parts that don't work as well speaks volumes toward what tumblr staff actually cares about.

You will not get a paycheck if your platform becomes defunct, and the thing that makes it special right now is that it is the ONLY large-scale socmed platform on THE ENTIRE INTERNET with a true chronological feed and no aggressive algorithmic content serving. The recent post from staff indicates that you are going to kill that, and are insisting that it's what we want. It is not. I'd hazard to guess that most of the dev team knows it isn't what we want, but I assume the money people don't care. The user base isn't relevant, just how much money they can bring in.

The CEO stated he wanted this to remain as sort of the last bastion of the Old Internet, and yet here we are, watching you declare you intend to burn it to the ground.

You can do so much better than this.

Response to the Update

Under the cut for readability, because everything said above still applies.

I already said this in a reblog on the post itself, but I'm adding it to this one for easy access: people read it that way because that's what you said.

Staff considers the main feed as it exists to be "outdated," to the point that you literally used that word to describe it, and the main goals expressed in this announcement is to figure out what makes "high-quality content" and serve that to users moving forward.

People read it that way because that is what you said.

*The final results of the poll, after 24 hours:

136,635 votes breaks down thusly:

An algorithm based feed where I get "the best of tumblr." @ 1.3% (roughly 1,776 votes)

Chronological feed that only features blogs I follow. @ 95.2% (roughly 130,077 votes)

This doesn't affect me personally. @ 3.5% (roughly 4,782 votes)

#tumblr dot com #tumblr staff

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #laios touden #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #the winged lion #autistic #autism #clay writes #i GUESS #this was so spur of the moment. im so busy right now i dont have time to be analysing laios touden #i wuont angry autistic rep..