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tteokggukk · 4 years

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welcome to my youtube channel → kth

✳ pairing: idol!taehyung x youtuber!reader

✳ genre: fluff, taehyung scenario, stranger to lovers, reader is an artist who posts art videos on youtube

✳ warnings: none!

✳ words: 2.9k

✳ a/n: hello, this is my second bts oneshot/scenario. i just like to write for fun but if you’d like to let me know if there’s anything i can improve on please do so! i’d love to know how to improve. anyways, i hope you enjoy!

"Hey guys, welcome to my YouTube Channel."

You spoke in front of the camera. Sets of acrylic paint were spread out across the table next to a stand that held an 18x24 inch canvas. You were in the middle of making your seventeenth video, a highly requested one at that, and deep down you were ecstatic to start working on the painting.

Never in your life did you think you would ever start a YouTube account. You always considered yourself a very shy and private person, not one to go out of their way and broadcast themselves all over the internet. Your best friends, however, were two very well-known YouTubers and always found a way to include you in their videos and live streams. Somehow people liked seeing more of you, and so you were convinced by your best friends and the audience to start your own YouTube channel.

But you weren't very accustomed to bringing a camera everywhere with you to document and share whatever was happening in your daily life, you found it too awkward and you were still camera-shy, so you decided to create content in a way that would still keep you comfortable while doing something you loved.

An art channel.

Your channel blew up pretty fast. Requests started pouring in here and there. You became known for your very calm demeanor and artistic skills, so you took this as an opportunity to sell your works online as a way to earn some extra money for your future. Occasionally, you'd do lives to talk to your fans and you were happy at the support they showed you, which only encouraged you to keep making videos.

"This was a highly requested video, and I honestly can't wait to get started," you told the camera, mentally telling yourself to insert the comments and messages you got in your DMs to paint this Adonis-like human being. The requests started coming in after you had an Instagram live where you did some quick sketches while playing some of your favorite songs in the back, and people noticed one of the songs you played was by him.

"You guys also asked if I could sell this painting, but because of the "high demand"," you spoke, adding air quotes, "I'd like to keep it up for auction so the proceeds could go to different fundraisers."

You started mixing different colors in your palette and showed everyone the picture for your reference.

"So, without further ado, today I will be painting Kim Taehyung."

"Hey guys, welcome to my YouTube Channel."

Taehyung watched as you spoke in the video, looking behind you to see a bunch of art materials. The title of the video was left ambiguously, only being named most requested video, leaving him no clue on what it was you were going to create this time.

He's been watching your videos for quite some time now, ever since your channel started rising. Art was one of his major interests and he absolutely adored the way you made your videos with the calming, ASMR-like sound of mixing paint and how you skillfully glided the brush across the canvas. On days when he found himself tired and in need of a quick way to relax, he'd subconsciously find himself binge watching videos on your channel— even repeating several videos since you were only starting. He found it fascinating, but also because he found you interesting.

Because of your channel, he even created an anonymous YouTube account just to leave nice comments on your videos along with a private Instagram account to be able to watch your lives.

Needless to say, he didn't miss that one live where you played the song Winter Bear. It made his whole night, making him sleep with a smile on his face.

"This was a highly requested video, and I honestly can't wait to get started."

He watched as a bunch of comments started appearing onscreen popping up one by one as they gradually got faster, eventually covering you. It took a moment before it sunk in that he was the highly requested person they wanted you to paint. He paused the video, wide-eyed, before shouting in excitement. Jimin had to come in and check what the whole commotion was about.

"Y/n's going to paint me!" Taehyung exclaimed, his mouth turning into his famous boxy smile.

"Ah, the YouTuber you really like?" Jimin smiles before sitting down next to Taehyung who continued playing the video, "I wanna see."

"You guys also asked if I could sell this painting, but because of the "high demand", I'd like to keep it up for auction so the proceeds could go to different fundraisers."

"Wow, she seems really kind," Jimin says, while Taehyung only nods, his eyes glued to the screen.

"So, without further ado, today I will be painting Kim Taehyung."

He felt his heart beat fast when you mentioned his name, and without realizing it his ears have gone all red.

On screen, you began sketching, "You guys have also been sending me a lot of questions lately, which is why I decided to tweet about doing a q&a."

"What questions did you ask?" Jimin asked Taehyung.

"I asked her if being an artist is something she'd like to pursue," Taehyung told him.

"Ooooh, trying to get to know her," Jimin teases, "Our little Taehyungie has a celebrity crush."

Taehyung rolls his eyes but breaks out into a grin anyway, "I just respect her artistry."

"Right, okay," Jimin snickers, obviously not buying it.

Taehyung knew he was telling the truth, though. It was impossible to have feelings for someone who you only knew through a screen. He found you attractive for sure, but he of all people would know that almost no one is completely one-hundred percent themselves on screen. Genuine as you may be, there are still things that are best kept to yourself. He couldn’t lie though, if given the chance to get to know you, he’d never pass up on that offer.

"Someone asked why I don't use that much ready-made paint," You spoke on screen, "It's ‘cause I learn a lot from mixing my own colors, and also I just really enjoy it."

The painting was beginning to come together halfway through the video and Taehyung's question finally made its way to you. "Kimyeontan95 asks, ‘is painting a career you want to pursue? I love your work, by the way’."

"That was basically I love you," Jimin holds back a laugh, earning him a light punch in the arm from Taehyung.

"Thank you so much, kimyeontan95, and no, painting is just a hobby of mine and a way to earn some future savings. I actually really want to be a novelist."

Taehyung smiled after hearing you answer his question. Later on, the video was over and his portrait was complete. He hurriedly redirected himself to the link that was provided for the auction.

Something in him wanted to have that painting no matter what, so he set himself as the highest bidder and eventually had it mailed to his home where he put your work up in his room to cherish.

A day after your video was posted, you woke up to a thousand notifications from your phone. Hundreds of people were mentioning you in tweets and you had numerous missed calls from your best friends and some texts telling you to check your online art shop. You groggily scroll through your feed, a bit confused as to what was happening.

I wanted to buy this painting and I had it in my list, but now it's unavailable!

Y'ALL WHAT RICH KID SET THE HIGHEST BID TO A MILLION DOLLARS IM CRYING

@yourtwittername are you planning to sell a new collection?

a million dollar bid wtf swownwowksodiowl

Someone just bought all of @yourtwitterusername's paintings. I'm crying in broke eye—

but like what if taehyung set that bid? @yourtwitterusername

What?

I just woke up and my mentions are pouring. What is going on? You tweeted.

Thousands of replies began coming in leaving you feeling overwhelmed and confused on where to start. Everyone was telling you to check your site, and so you did. You felt your heart almost stop beating when you saw that every single artwork you had up for sale were sold out. Nothing was left behind. You checked your emails, and the confirmations were there.

How could this have happened overnight?

ALL MY WORKS ARE SOLD OUT?!?!?!?? WHO COULDVE DONET THIS??? You tweeted, hands shaking.

You felt your heart race, a wide grin that could go even wider if possible was plastered on your face. You tried to stop yourself from screaming in excitement but couldn't so you ended up jumping up and down and doing happy dances before calming down to assess the situation. Finally, you sat down in front of your laptop to see where all your works were being shipped to.

Replies started coming in.

CONGRATS YOU FIGURED IT OUT

WILL U RESTOCK

AHSKWJOA CONGRATS BB

I'M SO HAPPY FOR U

BUT Y/N WHO BOUGHT THEM ALL

Checking your emails, you discover that your art works were all bought by one person. Anonymous. There was no name and someone requested to have their personal information redacted.

Anonymous? Surely this wasn't a joke?

The person kept their name anonymous. You tweeted and muted the notifications just to allow yourself to focus on finding out who it was that bought everything.

At the bottom of all the removed personal information, there was one username that you were sure you've heard or seen somewhere.

@ Kimyeontan95.

Underneath the username was a short but sincere message.

"Your videos have always helped me wind down after a long, busy day. I can't express how much you inspire me with your talent and how I wish someday you'd teach me to be half as good as you, as I'm not very gifted in the painting department. I admire how you put your gifts into good things, and I very much idolize you in one way or another. This is just a small way of showing my support for you, but also because all your works are amazing and I'd love to have a small room filled with my favorite art works. I look forward to reading works of yours soon, future novelist.”

Feeling the heat creeping up on your cheeks, you smiled to yourself. The letter was definitely heartfelt and you wanted so badly to thank the person who sent it.

Later that afternoon, you decided to go on live to personally thank the anonymous buyer for buying your works and for sending that wonderful note. You fixed yourself up a little bit and pressed live as thousands of your followers began to tune in.

"Hello, everyone," you greeted, smiling. Replies with greetings started coming in and you couldn't help but chuckle at the eager messages your followers were sending. They truly made you happy.

As expected, several questions began pouring in.

"Right, so, I wanted to do this live because of what happened. As you may have noticed, all my works were suddenly sold out which definitely took me by surprise," you started, "Unfortunately the buyer left everything anonymous. They only left what I assume is a username and a short letter, which I will keep to myself for personal reasons."

@follower1WHAT

@follower2 will you keep selling your works?

@follower3 THATS SUCH A SWEET GESTURE THO OMG/

@follower4 am I the only one who thinks a secret admirer bought it

@follower5 check my YouTube channel I made a theory on who bought her works

@follower6 i rlly think it's taehyung

@follower7 I’'m so proud of you :(((

"If the person who bought all of my paintings is watching this, I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate the letter as well, you've honestly made me the happiest person on Earth," you smiled.

@follower8 AWWWWW

@follower9 ANON COME OUT

@follower10 i really wanna know what the letter says

@ Kimyeontan95 I'm glad :)

Your heart stopped at one of the replies. You took your phone immediately from its fixed position with wide eyes and began scrolling up fast because of the immediate replies coming in. Wasn't that the username?

@follower11 what's going on?

@follower12 y/n are you okay?

You could no longer find the reply so you set your phone down, fixing it back in place.

"For a second I thought the person who bought it was watching my live," you sighed and smiled nervously, "So anyways— I'd really love to express my gratitude so if they're watching, please contact me. I can't say thank you en—"

Suddenly the replies were frantic. People were sending keyboard smashes here and there. Only a few of them were actual coherent comments. "What is going on?" You asked as you began scrolling through.

@follower13 Y/N CHECK VLIVE

@follower14 TaEHYUNF IS ON LIVE

@follower15 I kNEW IT THOUGH???

@follower16 Y/N CHECK TAEHYUNGS LIVE

@follower5 Y'ALL I WAS RIGHT I SAID CHECK MY YT

Keeping your live on, you grabbed your laptop as fast as you could to check out the links being sent to your live. When it finally loaded, you could've sworn you'd have a heart attack.

"Oh, I think she's watching me," Taehyung grinned through his live, holding his phone in front of the camera. He quickly shows the viewers his phone screen, which showed your live of you watching him through your laptop. Your eyes widened and you looked back at your phone camera that was broadcasting your live, then back at his live.

Taehyung started giggling, "I guess we're just watching each other, huh?" He smiled. Behind him were packed and unpacked parcels of paintings you recognized were yours. If it was even possible, your eyes grew even wider at this, "Oh my god," you breathed out.

"I should probably introduce myself," Taehyung spoke, "Hello everyone, I'm Kim Taehyung. How are you all doing? Today I’m planning on redecorating my room after our practice. What are the packages behind me? Oh, these are paintings I recently bought."

"Are those my paintings?" You asked out loud, though you knew the answer.

"Are those my paintings?" Your voice echoed from Taehyung's broadcast as your live was streaming from his phone. He grinned sheepishly, "Yes, these are your works, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," You smiled, "You were the buyer?"

You mentally slapped yourself for asking such obvious questions, but you just couldn't believe everything that was happening now.

"Yes," he chuckles, "I really love your paintings." Suddenly the sound of Jimin’s voice echoed from behind and Taehyung quickly stood up to lock the door, knowing he’d get the teasing of a lifetime if Jimin came and saw him talking to you.

"Thank you so much, I—" Your voice began to crack and your eyes welled with tears that you tried to fight back, "I really appreciate it. And the letter, that was really sweet."

"No, thank you. Wait, don't cry—" Taehyung spoke nervously.

"I'm just so happy," You laughed while wiping the tears off.

The replies from both ends were coming in like crazy. On one hand, majority of everyone watching found the whole scenario cute and started pairing you two out of nowhere, though there were a few haters on the other. It didn't really bother you, you were just so happy someone you idolized noticed your work.

"I'm glad," he was watching you with a fond smile through his phone, then the sound of the Jin’s voice began coming from outside Taehyung’s room, "Sorry for this sudden grand reveal. I really can't stay on live for too long but I'd love to keep talking to you." He spoke.

"Oh no, that's okay," You spoke fast.

"Do you mind if I send you a message? Assuming you already know the username," he asks.

"No not at all, I'd love to keep talking as well," your heart was beating erratically now. You didn't have to see your face to know how red it was becoming.

"Alright, great. Um, before I end this vlive I just wanna say you're a great artist and to all my viewers watching this, please support y/n's artworks and her channel! If I see any negative comments, I'll be taking responsibility and I'll unfortunately have my agency involved in taking those out," he spoke in a commercial tone kind of voice, "And to y/n, I'll be keeping in touch.” The door from behind him suddenly bursts open and Jin, Jimin, and Jungkook rush inside.

“You were talking to her!” Jimin shouts excitedly.

“Finally!” Jungkook claps.

“Is that why you kept the door locked?” Jin teases.

“Bye, everyone!" Taehyung quickly waves goodbye to the camera and smiles before turning the broadcast off.

You sat there stunned, almost forgetting you were also on live. You turned to your phone which was still recording you, "That was unexpected."

Suddenly, a notification in your DMs popped up. "I'll go ahead and process everything that just happened now, bye guys! See you in my next video." You ended the live with a wave and smile.

You quickly went into your direct messages and found the same username, Kimyeontan95. You opened it and found a picture of Taehyung holding one of your paintings with a peace sign on his other hand, the other members behind him posing with your other works, making you laugh.

Your heart fluttered at the message below the picture.

I hope this isn't too sudden, but would you like to go out with me sometime?

a/n: hello! if you finished it, thank you so much for reading! i hope you liked it hehe. i think i’m gonna keep posting the stuff i write bc i have so many ideas for the other members as well. also this is fun hehe. if you wanna read my other work, let’s fall in love for the night, ← here’s a link! thanks again for reading and please look forward to my future writing/edits.

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ayellowcurtain · 5 years

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Cold u do something about this weekend but in Eliott’s POV? Maybe about what it was for him to saw Lucille instead of Lucas!

There were a lot of request to do what happened this weekend but in Eliott’s POV so I can’t put everyone’s prompt here or it would be huge, but this is it. And this is also a POV from Eliott of this prompt

Eliott POV + Lucas calling him drunk

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Eliott tried to wake up a few times, but he was sleeping so well, the bed felt so comfortable, his eyes couldn’t stay open for a whole second, so he decided to sleep again. Maybe Lucas would be sleeping next to him when he would be able to stay awake.

And just as easy as it was to fall asleep, he wakes up all at once, like someone just got his laziness off him and throw away. It was so quick that he opened his eyes and felt dizzy, moving his arms on the bed and there was no Lucas, and the bed felt way smaller than yesterday, he open his eyes and reality hits him hard in the face.

He wants to cry, to get this needle out of his arm and run away, never come back here, never see this people again. He just wants Lucas, can’t believe he fell into the same hole again. Lucille comes closer, trying to stop him from moving too much.

“What are you doing here? Where is Lucas?” Eliott is not happy at all to see Lucille. If she is here, things may have been worse than he anticipated.

His mom comes around his bed, on his other side, holding his hand.

“He is probably home, mon amour. You’re in the hospital, the doctors gave you some medicine so you could relax a little.”

“I wanna see Lucas, need to talk to him, he’s probably worried, waiting for me to come back.” He notices his mom exchanging a look with Lucille.

“Eliott, it’s Sunday morning.” He frowns, looking between his ex and his mom, a few flashes coming back to him. He was freezing, naked, asking for Lucas, but it was dark, probably Friday night. The shame of walking into a hospital with a jacket around his waist, he was still naked. His dad helping him to lie down on the bed, his mom crying, Lucille getting inside the room. Nothing from Lucas.

“You’re gonna be discharged soon, son.” His dad comes close to the bed, smiling to his son.

“Where is my phone? I need to explain to Lucas.”

“I talked to him on Friday, he called me.” He looks at Lucille, can’t wrap his head around why they were together for so long.

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth, Eliott. He’s a child but I couldn’t keep the truth from him, not anymore, he was freaking out.”

“He’s not a fucking child, Lucille. You had no right to tell him anything!” He wants to get up, ask her politely to leave and never come back, but his mom holds him in place again, worried, telling him that soon they’ll be home. So he turns back to Lucille. “I can’t believe you did this to me, you had no right. Forget that I exist, Lucille, if I ever see you again or if you ever call Lucas again...” She starts crying, turning around to get her purse, saying a quick goodbye to his parents and leaving. His dad watches as she leaves the room, turning around to his son, lying on a hospital bed again.

“Eliott, you can’t treat her like that, she always helped us, cared so much for you.”

“No, she doesn’t! She had no right, dad!” He raises his voice, frustrated, feeling a few tears going down his face. He needs to see Lucas, explain, if Lucas let him, he must hate Eliott by now.

As soon as he gets home, he goes back to his room, turning every sketch book around, a few papers dropping to the floor. He opens all of them, looking for every drawing that he made of Lucas or of them together, happy. He throws everything on the floor when he finally finds all of the drawings that he never gave to Lucas, sitting on his bed, taking pictures of the drawings and sending everything to Lucas.

He can’t hold back now, Lucas must hate him and going slowly, carefully won’t help him. Lucas needs to know everything now or Eliott might miss another chance to tell him his story in his own way.

Lucas knows everything now and Eliott didn’t have control over it and he can’t change that. But he can tell this story to Lucas, about his feelings and what their relationship means to him, in his own terms for once.

His heart races when Lucas opens his messages, typing something.

Please, stop sending me messages

Eliott wants to throw his phone on the floor, break it into a million pieces. But he just puts it aside, covering his face with both hands, crying in silence so his parents won’t hear it. Lucas hates him.

Dinner was horrible, he couldn’t even taste his mom’s food, couldn’t stop thinking about how he lost Lucas because someone else told him his story in their own terms, scaring Lucas away and now he doesn’t even have the chance to fix it, that’s how bad it was.

He finally have the guts to open his phone again, the last message still open on his screen. He goes to instagram, checking the only person he’ll follow everywhere.

Lucas posted a story a few hours ago, partying away. Eliott knows better.

He gets up, closing his curtains, locking his door and going back to bed, taking his clothes off and putting some classic old rock. He’s tired, can’t fight it when his eyes start to shut. It feels like seconds and he hears his phone ringing.

Lucas is calling him. He looks as the number blinks on the screen. He is freaking out. He thought some much about this, but he doesn’t know what to tell him, how to tell him and he’s definitely not ready to hear Lucas breaking up with him.

Before he works up the courage to pick up, the screen of his phone goes back to black, lighting up a minute later.

You have a new message from Lucas

He sits on the bed, opening their conversation, there’s a audio from Lucas and it’s a long one. He wouldn’t take this long to break things up, right?

Eliott is so afraid, but nothing compares to how much he already misses Lucas, so he presses play.

Lucas is clearly drunk, probably somewhere in public, alone. He might be in danger, so Eliott tries to call him. One, two, three, four times.

This doesn’t feel right, something is happening, so Eliott gets up, putting his pants back on, sitting on the bed to put his shoes, getting a jacket and getting out of his room, the house completely dark already, he can hear his dad snoring on his parents’ room, so he walks slowly, trying to be quiet and his phone lights up on his hand.

He stops at the door, it’s Lucas.

It’s his number, at least, but apparently, Mika is the one sending him a bunch of messages. Lucas is drunk, really drunk, got into a fight, going to the hospital to do a check up, but it’s nothing serious.

Eliott’s whole body goes numb, cold, he leans against the door, can’t trust his legs to hold himself in place anymore.

It’s Monday morning, he can’t miss another class, his parents will stay in town for a few weeks now, make sure that Eliott is back on a healthy routine, going to school, getting to bed in normal hours, etc. If they weren’t there, he would skip class, maybe go to the flat, uninvited, to check on Lucas.

He slept maybe four hours, talking to Manon all night about how Lucas was doing, he got discharged earlier today, going straight to class, he said he couldn’t miss it. But Eliott wasn’t ready to see him in person, so he stayed as far away as possible from the classes that he knew Lucas could be in.

It works, he’s almost back to his house, safe, but he looks up before getting to the bus stop, to make sure that Lucas is not there. But he is. Sitting with Manon.

She keeps looking at Lucas, they talk for a little, he seems really hungover, has a big bruise on his beautiful face. Eliott stops on the corner of the street, getting his phone and messaging Lucas.

To Lucas:

Are you ok?

He watches as Lucas slowly gets his phone, reading the message, he can see him typing, erasing and typing again.

To Eliott:

Getting better, you?

To Lucas:

I’ll be ok, I guess. I’m sorry, about everything.

To Eliott:

The only thing that matters is if you are ok now.

To Lucas:

I am if you are.

To Eliott:

I am if YOU are.

Eliott looks at Lucas again, the bus is stopping and he gets in after Manon, looking at his phone, waiting for an answer. He is so perfect it’s scary. He doesn’t deserve to live his life worried about Eliott.

To Lucas:

You’re the most beautiful, kind, smart person I’ve ever seen. Sorry for all the mess I made, but I never meant to hurt you, ever. And I meant every word that I said to you.

He puts his phone away, walking to the bus stop now that Lucas left, sitting where he was just a minute ago. Eliott misses him terribly, doesn’t know how he’ll get used to not having him.

#skam france #elu #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #lucas x eliott

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read-red · 5 years

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Portrait #5

Welcome back to an other episode of Portrait, This time i’m joined by someone i met on Instagram (find her links at the end)

She’s a talented artist from Connecticut, without further ado :

I’m Bryan, i guess i’m Bryan the girl, i’m from New Haven Connecticut and i’m 23 Years old.

When did you start drawing ?

I’ve been drawing on and off my all life but i didn’t really think of my self as an artist until after college when i had to decide on a career. I had tried a lot of different careers and none of them have really felt right. I was bored in them, so i set down and had a good long think about what i could really envisioned myself doing as a career, the only thing i could come up with was art.

The problem was that i wasn’t a very skilled artist at the time. The list of things i was afraid to even attempt to draw was very long and so tackled that list by doing a new year’s resolution to draw every single day for a year. So i did, and i started to share my work and i started forcing myself to post on Instagram twice a day which was a lot, and i would never do that nowadays [sometimes she still does tho] but i didn’t had job at the time so i drew and drew and over time i got good .

Then people started to seeing my started paying me to do art and buying my art. I think i went through and arc of not drawing at all, drawing a little bit, drawing everyday all day and now that it’s my job i don’t draw as much, because i’m doing a lot of business too.

How did you get into drawing ? (tho’)

I’ve done a lot of different types of art, I’ve done traditional figure drawing, some painting… They don’t really teach pen art in school, like in a traditional classroom, it’s not part of the foundations. I was always drawn (ha ha) to it but i didn’t have chance to learn how to do it, so then i realized i would have to teach myself.

That’s what i worked on, i was figuring out how to make my drawings look like the drawings that i really liked in the old hatching and graving ways that i love in the renaissance…(a cute dog passed by and caught her attention:). So my challenge was to just teach my self over time, and that’s how i grew to love ink drawing : by learning out on my own.

How did you build yourself as an artist? Because there’s some construction going on. You can’t like be like « ok now i’m drawing , now i’m an artist » you know, there’s some kind of transition, like who am i as and artist, in what i do…

That’s a really hard question…

For a long time i felt so uncomfortable, saying that i was an artist. Because i either felt like i wasn’t legitimate , like i didn’t have the right to say that or like people would think that i was really egotistic or something. It feels lie saying you’re an artist carries a lot of weight to it.

And it feels like something you’re not allow to call yourself an artist, like you can’t call yourself a genius only other people can call you that and so i’m like i can’t call myself an artist other people have to decide.

But then at a certain point when it’s your career ad it’s all you do and earn a living you have to identify yourself as that. I will say that often times i will say that i’m an illustrator and not an artist. Because when you say that you’re an artist people think that you’re taking your cloth off on the street and screaming and like smearing chicken blood on your body or something but i’m just drawing so i think people get a clearer idea when i way illustrator.

How did you get your name?

Actually i used to be a musician and i remember i was on Soundcloud, way back this was like 7 years ago. I went by my full name, which is Bryan Schiavone ( Italian name ). It’s a very difficult name, and when people have name like that they somehow try to shorten them and nobody would ever be able to spell it or pronounce it so… One day i was on Soundlcoud i saw this person had a username that was whatever-Thegirl, and was like that’s so interesting i’m gonna do that for my name too. So when i started doing art i just kept the same name that i was using for my music. It’s so much simpler.

As a teacher, because you teach on Patreon and you have a podcast too, how does it feel like to teach ? You did some workshop too.

I’m still not fully comfortable with teaching because a part of me still think that in order to teach you have to be the best

A master ?

You have to be a master, and i’m not…i mean you just saw me struggling with my drawing earlier (she didn’t…she was so quick she was halfway through when i was still sketching….). I’m so afraid that i’m gonna be in this situation where a student turns to me and says how do i draw this tree ? And i go i don’t know that looks like a difficult tree… i can’t help you…. A part of being a good teacher is admitting that you don’t know how to do something and learning it with you students. It’s hard to know when to start teaching when you get to the point where you’re like : I’ve learned enough to share with people. I think it helped me just to have people ask me enough how do i do it and i started telling them and i guess that’s teaching.

And i think as a teacher you’re still learning, if you think that you’ve mastered and you’re not gonna learn from nobody any more then you’re closing yourself to new ideas and techniques.

And you’re a bad teacher and bad artist at that point…

Especially in art, you always have to learn something new, something new will always come to you.

When you began, how hard did you hustle ? How hard was it to get from Bryan to BryanThegirl ?

Oh my god, the hours that i put in , unpaid, over the past few years it’s just like… If i had known how much time it would take i would never have done it. Because i remember two years ago, i started selling my drawings for 15$ each. You know I’ve spent hours on these drawings and i was begging people to buy them every day like « i’m selling them i’m selling them ». I remember i made 100$ and i was like i’m making all this money… and even up after this past year i really couldn’t get any commissions and i kept advertising for them but nobody seemed interested. Even if they were interested they’d be so surprised of the cost which was incredibly low, like 30 dollars for a custom portrait. So they’d freak out and say « omg i don’t have money for that » and i would ask « how much money did you think you were gonna spend.

So there was a lot of just being rejected or not finding customers and then there was a lot of finding a lot of customers that would not pay me enough so i’d spend 10 hours doing something for 15$… Which is horrible and it made me unhappy but i guess i knew it was part of the journey, part of something that i had to do in order to get further along.

And then after working for hours and hours and not making money for years it all started to happen. Every body wanted commissions and i started saying no to people, i started raising the prices because i had to many request…

And you also you could afford to ask more

Because if they’d say « i’m not gonna give it to you » then i would get more free time anyway. One time i got a commission request for a tattoo and i didn’t really wanna do it, i wasn’t interested in it so i told the guy this crazy price and he was like « OK, if that’s how much it costs » … ugh* so now i have to do this tattoo request, i’m getting a really good price but i don’t really wanna do it, it was so strange, but in the end its fine.

Nowadays after doing all this commission work, pet portrait Christmas gifts and everything i’m starting to focus more on personal projects, book projects which i find more rewarding and exciting.

Did you think that at some point you should have quit ?

I thought that every single day for about a year. It was a combination of « i’m so tired » « my neck hurts » « my hand hurts » and « i hate this » and then also « this is crazy, i can’t do this i can’t just be an artist ». And everybody was telling me « you gonna have to get a normal job » « it’s not realistic, you should give up ».

I was going to, but i think what happens is that the craziest people just keeps going, all the reasonable people stop and then all the work goes to the people that stuck with it. If you can handle it financially and psychologically then you’ll probably be fine but the key is to not give up.

Yeah, i didn’t start any projects after my school so i can’t say I’m gonna quit because i didn’t do shit… you have to do this for like 2 or 3 years, get straight with your partner about it and then depending on how it goes you might wanna quit.

Yeah, you set a time frame and say « i’m gonna do everything i can in this time frame » and if i doesn’t work out then i’ll know I’ve tried everything and i don’t have to have any regrets i never have to have that dream anymore it’s dead so i can’t move on…

Even at a smaller scale when people come drawing with you and they quit after like 1 hour… that’s not it, i didn’t get here in 1 hour. It took me like 5 years and i’m not even good enough yet. So why would you quit (anything) after 1 hour ?

Everything that’s worth doing is difficult. That’s what i try to tell myself when i’m struggling with something. Would i want to do something that’s so easy that anyone could do it ? NO, the whole fun of it is knowing that you pushed through it.

Every great artist, Rembrandt like u mentioned, they did so many paintings you can’t really count the sketches and the little drawings just for fun, for learning and practice. In the end it was worth it.

What i love about these artist is that you can see their old sketches , like you can see Van Gogh, you an see his beginning sketches and say look he made « stupid » mistakes the same way i make mistakes and look at what he created…so it’s encouraging.

What feelings are you going through, right now, as an artist ?

Right now i’m at a transitional point, although i’d probably say that about every point on my career…hum

I got past the point of can i make it as an artist, can i earn a living. I answered it ; The answer is yes. So now that i’m out of that stress zone and i’m more confident on my ability to make money, the question for me is how do i wanna earn money ? What do i wanna do ?

And i’m starting to think about if i have the choice of doing commissions or working for and agency or doing publications or my own teaching/illustration, in a perfect world what does my life look like ? Because you start to be able to ask questions like that if things are going well. I’m starting to think i want to express myself more beyond just images. Like i wanna tell my story more i wanna talk about my life , i wanna talk about my feelings and i’m trying to find a way to do that. Part of it is done through being opened on social media. I also really wanna write more and illustrate things that are more personal to me and aren’t just still life and landscapes…i wanna share more of myself through my art.

Ofc that sounds like some hairy-fairy-lofty artist talk but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. How do i go from drawing apples and bananas to drawing how i feel inside?

Yeah, maybe that’s the goal we should all thrive to : expressing ourselves and tell a story.

Stories are like the heart of the human experience, it’s everything we do, all our relationships our lives…it’s all about communicating and telling stories. And i wanna contribute to that, i want my story to be a part of that because i love hearing other people’s stories.

At the end it’s tradition that i ask : if you could speak to you past-self or future-self which one would you choose and what would you say ?

My past-self. I think about that a lot because i had a really difficult childhood i was unhappy for most of my life until the past few years and….i don’t even think i would have said anything. If i had just seen as a young person that i would grow up and be OK and alive and have a career and be in love…if i just looked up at my adult self and knew that i was gonna be OK i’d be like « i can get through this ». I don’t think anything that i could say would communicate that. When i was younger i felt so lost and alone i felt like it would never end…if i just knew it would get better then it would have been easier…

It was a very interesting evening with Bryan. I’m really glad she came to Paris, meeting her made me want to hustle more and travel more. Talking with her felt educating and inspiring. I came a stranger, with a camera and recorder, and i left with emotions and stories of an artist i now call friend.

https://linktr.ee/bryanthegirl

Thank you for reading this portrait, it was very dense but i hope you enjoyed getting to know Bryan more, as i did.

#bryanthegirl #portrait #people #paris #red #buttes chaumont #nikon #olympus #film #photography #drawing #artist

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