#i cant change what people like to write

[waterberry-strawmelon]

i know a thousand other people have said this already, but im so tired of the fact that people just dont write good fanfiction about female characters or female relationships. all the 100k-word epics on ao3 are about m/m or m/f pairings, and i just mourn for all the life-changing stories we could have about female characters, the ones that fundamentally re-frame your way of thinking, the ones where the romance is slow burn that's hot and heavy and so, so achingly intimate that the page is bleeding with it.

where are those stories?

#and it's not just because there are more male characters in fictional media #it's mostly because we all care about men more #because a m/m pairing between two male background or side characters from a popular show will have AT LEAST QUADRUPLE the amount of content #than the content for a f/f ship between MAIN CAST members from that same show. #it just fucking sucks. and i wish i could change it. #it's not always enough to just write it yourself yknow? #thats not really the solution here #it would require a massive restructuring in how we prioritize female characters #especially in order to prioritize them separate from male characters. #the majority of shows or fandoms where a female main cast member is popular? their number one ship in fandom is with a male character. #can't escape it man :( #mine #fandom #i feel like we just dont like dedicating that much time to thinking about women—even fictional women. #it's not as fun or as interesting as thinking about men. and why is that hm? #i cant change what people like to write #but its always so devastating when i see an author who writes really really well #just stick to m/m stories. and theyre fantastic!! but id love to see what those writers could do with female characters too. #an account with like 8 different 50k fics about the same m/m pairing. AND while often writing a f/f pairing as a background pairing #(which is a whole other annoying issue that deserves its own post) #it just makes it even sadder that they dont dedicate that same energy toward imagining what it might look like for that background f/f #pairing to have a story of their own with just as much love and care. #(AND LIKE. YOU CANT EVEN TELL ME ITS JUST CUZ THE CHARACTERS ARE CHARACTERIZED DIFFERENTLY #LIKE TO SAY THAT THE F/F PAIRING JUST WOULDNT BE AS INTERESTING BECAUSE THEYRE MORE STABLE OR NORMAL OR NOT AS CODEPENDENT OR SOME SHIT #LIKE NOT ONLY IS THAT JUST SEXIST. IT'S ALSO HYPOCRITICAL #'CAUSE YOU'RE OUT HERE GIVING WHOLE NEW FANON PERSONALITIES TO THESE MALE CHARACTERS #FUCKING. STEVE HARRINGOTN AND EDDIE MUNSON FROM STRANGER THINGS WOULD NOT IN A MILLION YEARS DATE IN THE SHOW. #SO TO WRITE SOLID FANFICTION WITH GOOD CHEMISTRY YOURE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR PERSONALITIES A BIT. #AND THAT'S NOT A BAD THING!!! BUT IT MAKES IT ALL THE MORE FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU JUST...DON'T PUT AS MUCH EFFORT #INTO THE FEMALE CHARACTERS. JUST CUZ YOU DON'T LIKE THEM AS MUCH.

[perenlop]

this is gonna sound so backhanded but after 3 letdowns in a row from pokemon (followed by a game which isnt terrible but i dislike because of how much it fucked up the plot of sm), then a game that i genuinely really love and want more in the style of and largely because of how it deviates from the main series, im genuinely so shocked that i love scarlet and violet as much as i do. like when i was going through that tutorial i was just cautious and waiting for the other show to drop and be bored at best, but like, graphic glitches aside, it never came. it stayed really fun and charming

#like is it acceptable that it came out so glitchy when its a $60 console release? absolutely not #i think the game has a lot of issues and i dont blame people for not being happy with it #but i think what makes this better than swsh to me is like. swsh sorta feels like it was made out of obligation sometimes #like. tpci and gamefreak treated galar like a kid would treat an art project in a medium they werent interested in #but they were being harassed for that good grade so they powered through and hated the result #and sorta just tried to hide it when they got home from school that day #not that there isn’t anything to like about galar or it has no substance whatsoever but when i played it i couldnt shake the feeling #that gamefreak was embarassed of it. like they did not want to linger too much on this game #i think the anime switching format was a good idea in the end cause just putting ash in another gauntlet after he won the alola league would #would have been weird but its veryyyy telling to me that they changed the format so drastically #that we didnt even spend all our time in galar. their home base wasnt even in galar #and in the game they emphasize that kantos got better pokemon and everyone loves them better and theres not a whole lot to do #and there was always just this feeling of insecurity and dissatisfaction with it #and for all its faults- i cant say the same thing about scvi. this game oozes with charm and care #the writing feels like someone genuinely cared about these characters and wanted the best for them and the story #the gameplay feels more involved and confident. they got more experimental with the format #idk it feels like people LIKED working on this game to a degree and wanted the player to have fun #echoed voice

[falldogbombsthemoon]

Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism. #there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that. #he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me. #and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline. #and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad. #i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself. #but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after. #i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell

[hella1975]

Hi, I followed you for your fic and I saw you had some posts about having ADHD.

I'm also ADHD, could you tell me about your writing process? I get stuck with things staying in the notes app and they don't really get past that stage.

I'm not sure if it's an interest thing, if the notes fulfill the want so there's no need to put it together. If you have anything thoughts about how to keep up the consistency for fic that'd be appreciated.

Hopefully this isn't too serious of a question, I just have some trouble with wanting to write but not having a purpose for it and I was wondering if that was a brain thing/relatable.

Thank you in advance for any response ☺️ also good luck with your uni stuff~

thank you anon! and dw this isn't too serious at all. i think it's interesting that you ask about keeping consistency bc ironically the biggest tell of my adhd in my writing is my INCONSISTENCY, as you can see with the way updates happen. i wrote 200k words of taob in one year and now i update twice a year on average. i wrote 60k words of tams within a few weeks and now it hasn't been updated since july. and these are just my public projects where i at least have the added pressure of knowing people are waiting for an update, you should see the state of some of my original wips! basically my point here is that my adhd is VERY apparent with my writing habits, but these days i work with it instead of trying to fight it. even before i knew i had adhd, i was aware that my writing came in periods. id go a few weeks churning out insane amounts daily and then dry up for months on end, and each time id enter the 'have i lost it??? will i ever write again???' spiral until low and behold, something would inspire me again and id be back to typing like a madman. i used to seriously fight my dry periods bc of that fear of 'losing' my writing, but that never helped and honestly turning writing into a need instead of a want probably made it worse.

it's one reason - aside the fact it is rude and annoying, i dont want to pretend it isn't or put the blame on me bc that's not what im saying here - that constant demands for fic updates bother me so much, bc people dont realise that the writing style i have now where yes we unfortunately go long times without updates is actually how my writing comes out at its best standard. so yeah! it can be incredibly frustrating and even scary to feel physically unable to write, but if it's something you like and want to do i do truly believe it'll always come back sooner or later, or at least that's my experience :)

#but if it is literally you cant get it out of the notes app i do also have writing sessions #where i sit myself down one day and go 'we are going to WRITE' (this is where all my coffee shop posting comes from #bc ive associated coffee shops so viscerally with writing now that if im in a particularly bad/long block i find a free day #and just sit and something about being in a coffee shop just. brings it out of me) #ive known this about myself long enough now to know which periods are just my normal dry ones #and which need that extra push but maybe learning to differentiate like that could help you? #see what happens if you give yourself some kind of target? like take one of your ideas in your notes #and literally treat it like an assignment like 'i want 500 words on this by friday' #EVEN IF IT'S BAD! i feel like that mental block even if it's subconscious is often what stops people #just treat it as something between you and the document. no one else is gonna see it. it could be the worst thing ever written #and nothing is gonna change bc of it. taking those kind of pressures off yourself makes INSANE amounts of difference #good luck! i hope even just one part of this was helpful but remember experiences with these things are individual #ask

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 16: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should offer to help the travelers with their broken wagon.....

~

After much internal deliberation (and some zoning out staring at butterflies), The Adventurer decides it would be best to offer his assistance. Technically, he IS still following his goal of not getting distracted, because theoretically it would make his journey much faster if he were able to catch a ride on a carriage. So really, this is all an ultimate big brain genius strategy for maximizing efficient travel.. Or, at least that sounds like a good enough justification to him.

Gathering up all of his social courage, he approaches one of the travelers fiddling with a broken wheel near the far end of the carriage and meekly asks if there's anything he could do to help.

The man was so focused on his task, he seems initially startled to look up and find someone near him. "OH..! Oh, uhh.. help? With the wagon?", he smiles pleasantly, gesturing towards a few wooden boards that are just out of his reach, "Sure, kid. If you could just hand me th-"

"Apologies, but we actually won't be needing your assistance, stranger." A taller man, surprisingly almost matching the stature of the Adventurer, suddenly slinks out from somewhere behind the carriage, sternly placing himself like a barrier in front of the man working on the wheel. Wheel Guy nervously averts his eyes, making himself smaller, silently resuming his work.

The Adventurer tries his best to maintain composure against the weight of the tall man's bitter gaze, but can't seem to muster much of a response "Aeughh,,, uh… b-but, h- Bu--HHHh,,?.."

"Look, disregard whatever my father told you, he's old, never has any clue what he's talking about. It'd be best for you to simply move along." ('Father'? They don't look alike at all, and seem to be nearly the same age..)

"W-well.. he.. he didn't really tell me anything, I me-hhH,,.. I mean, I literally just got here, s-so...."

"Good. Even more reason to be on your way."

Placing a gloved hand firmly on his shoulder, the tall man begins to motion the Adventurer away from the wagon, but a strange noise interrupts, echoing from inside. Perhaps some sort of animal sound? Or a person faintly yelling about something? Or… both?

"WH-wHggg… whAT was t-that???!!" The Adventurer immediately stops in place, pausing to listen as the tall man keeps trying to push him ahead.

"I didn't hear anything, stranger."

"No, t-there.. was dEFinitely, UHH, a-"

"Likely something in the forest."

"Wh--aah... d.. do you think it was an animal?"

The tall man continues a dramatic struggle to 'subtly' drag him further down the road, whilst the Adventurer mindlessly digs in his heels, too distracted to even notice he's being so strongly prompted to leave.

"Many animals do, indeed, exist within forests. This should not be suprising."

"...It's just.. ..eughh… s… so weird…"

"I assure you, it is not."

"I-it really sounded like.. like it came f-from insid-"

"Yes, from inside the forest. Now, please, if you would.."

The noise interrupts again. It's definitely someone, or something, in some sort of distress.. And definitely from inside of the cart.

"wHoAAGH, aa!!! T-tHat's NOT from the f-forest, that-"

The tall man fully just shoves him now, sending the Adventurer toppling across the dirt, clumsily rolling and landing just past the other side of the carriage. A mother and young child who seem to be part of the traveling group simply stare down at him with empty blank gazes, wholly unconcerned about helping him up.

As the Adventurer fumbles back to his feet (still confused as to why he was even pushed in the first place), the tall man looms by the carriage, diligently watching to ensure that he leaves.

"Travel safe, stranger."

Despite his initial obliviousness, the Adventurer begins to piece the situation together as he stares back at the man, now fully convinced something suspicious might be going on...

…What should he do next??

~

~

~

Additional Information

the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

#paventure posting #poll #polls #choose your own adventure #ERM.. ... hee hee... yes.. alas.. it has been like two months since the last one lol #IT'S SUMMER!!!! how can anyone function in the summer..? It's literally 83F in my room indoors right now at this moment at NIGHT #I'm about to go to sleep.. who can sleep in an 80+ degree room comfortably?? ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #Really no hope of productivity at all from like June - September basically... EVIL.. and also the spring this year had some heat waves so #AUGhh... my nemesis the Summer.. Or moreso capitalism is my nemesis for worsening climate change and also keeping people in such #economic inequality that cheap apartments with terrible ventilation get made and people cant afford air conditioners and etc. etc. #but ALSO... the summer... grrrr.. 'Heat' you will never be famous.. you will always be lame nasty and so forth.. #ANYWAY.. also sorry this is another blurb that's longer. The text is always longer when there's actually spoken interactions lol #I know I'm not very good at this style of writing (especially when rushing with these) so I always feel kind of awkward having really long #sections people will have to slog through or etc ghbjhjh but.. I don't really know how it make it shorter. the interaction #is just the interaction. certain things must be said and conveyed. peace and love on planet orth. #Ough it's been so long I almost forgot to draw his injuries lol.. in-world it's only been what like.. a day? since he got into a fight with #that mysterious cloaked person who was tracking him to steal the egg. I also always just forget how to draw him in between breaks #hopefully his hair and stuff doesn't look too different. They're meant to be really quick sketches anyway but still.. you at least want him #to be recognizable lol #ANYWAY.. another update from the Son.. what is he up to on his little traveles...

[melhekhelmurkun]

What is the point of fanfiction if not to manipulate canon to your will like an evil little guy spinning a web of lies

#this is MY world now Jirt #you can’t do shit #(I say this with utmost respect for the brilliant mind that made this universe) #but also YOU CANT DO SHIT JIRT #none of these characters will ever know what is going on #one moment they’re in their world living out an au where everyone lives #the next they’re in the modern world in which I pretend all of their names are completely normal for where they’re living #I change their backgrounds like I change my phone wallpaper (wildly and with little concern of how it looks to other people) #basically this is all a commentary on how I find my own writing to be hilarious #especially considering I change my mind like the days change weather #which is why I actually (fun fact) have only fully completed one work ever #and I had to force myself to do it #I just keep writing until I can’t think of anything else and then I switch to another one and do the same thing #it’s a big cycle #and that’s how I ended up with nearly 300 WIPs for LOTR just sitting in my notes app #:) #for reference I first started writing fanfiction for the MCU yeaaaaars ago and only have 73 works for that one #I cannot stop myself with LOTR #I cannot #it’s my Roman Empire fr

[skitskatdacat63]

I know it would literally never happen, but whenever the speculation of who the next James Bond will be comes up, I can only think about how I would sell my soul to get a butch lesbian James Bond 😣

#cause people are always arguing against having a female 007 bcs it would change too much #okay so why not just swap her gender and change nothing else 😌 #i realized when writing this post tho that my one oc is literally my concept for a lesbian james bond 😭 #butch lesbian womanizer who wears suits all the time and smokes/drinks too much and loves money and weapons #i think about this every once in a while and i want it so badly but it will literally never happen #please she would be so masc and cool and sexy #i dont know if i necessary like the idea of making a new chara to be 007 #but like....female James Bond but nothing else changes 👀 #im trying to fall asleep and i can only envision various scenes from casino royale but w my version of james bond #pls she could be jamie bond!!! #sorry this is completely random and probably nonsensical but it haunts me so often #every time i rewatch casino royale im like man...espionage movies are cool! and then start fantasizing about female james bond #the names bond. jamie bond. #maybe i will draw it sometime #just not sure how id design her bcs as i said my brain cant help but be a bit stuck on my oc that fits pretty well #but seriously. they wouldnt even have to change anything! #like they have all the jokey pun names for women...guess what. even more opportunities #but like gahhhhhh i think about a masc woman in the bond movies ive watched and im like wow i would enjoy this movie substantially more! #like the shower scene in casino royale........ #i cant even rly bring myself to watch bond movies older than the daniel craig ones bcs the objectification and misogyny bothers me too much #but imagining a masc woman in their place 👀 i am on board! #imagining her with bond girls 😳😳😳😳😳 #sorry again: super random but it is late please forgive me #catie.rambling.txt

[herequeerexitentialfear]

i love it when shit happens in my life that dredges up old wounds and coincidentally im re-experiencing the media i intrinsically link it to cause then i get to remember exactly why i love it and find it so meaningful all over again. there's a fucking reason ill always say Berserk [& RGU] both came into my life at a perfect fucking time and holy shit they fucking resonated with me so hard and as much as life can suck ass and lovvves kicking me in the balls when ive just recovered from last time i a least get to remember how & why i love something so much.

#thebirdspeaks #ive been trying to make a coherent post about Berserk and specifically the duality of Casca and Guts as victims post eclipse #because there are issues but also it resonates so well with me regardless #i cant word it pretty but i think its something about Casca and Guts both being victims and responding in opposite ways #and because they are so tightly linked you can almost see them as one victim experiencing the duality of victimhood #as an internal struggle made into two separate people #i flip flop between who i relate to more in relation to my own trauma #and there is plenty to criticize with the writing choices around Casca dont get me wrong #but as much as people criticize her mind breaking and turning into a shell of herself that needs constant help as something entirely negati #i sure as fuck was not given that space and care to be broken #its very nuanced but i think so few people write victims sympathetically that as much as turning into a mess can appear overdone #being cared for and given space and help and being allowed to be a burden is a powerful thing #and i find the expectation to be strong in the face of what you went though is much more common and damaging to me #anyway as many issues as i have i think Casca being allowed to be a victim as much a she was is why i love Berserk so much and while i thin #it could be better if some things were changed #but im not sure if it would have hit as hard and meant as much to me when i was wobbling between mindless rage and want for revenge #and just being broken and tired and weak and scared #reading Guts protect Casca like he did #showed me that that part of me could protect and is better off channeling the mindless rage into protecting whats important to me and what #needs it #letting me demand protection and love and sympathy for my weakest self in my darkest hours #i know im far from objective & my opinions are not universal #but the fact Casca is allowed to be a victim so fully and not just a hashtag girlboss who struggles her way out #well i wouldn't call Guts a girlboss but actually i think that's why it worked. #because between the two they cover the two ends of the common depictions of victimhood: forced to stay strong and allowed to be weak #anyway im about to hit tag limit i love you f you read this far and if you think this is horseshit then please don't say #if you think im right and sexy about it pile the love on meee<3

[0azrae7]

this has been on my mind for some time. through fic writing i've really come to notice how actually useful and beneficial feedback helps motivate me in writing generally. and how normal and healthy it is. i've had to really shut down the possibility of any and all feedback due to my npd, and because the feedback i was receiving previously was always "ur so amazing i wish i could write xyz like u" or "ur a god ur writing is so good" or "omg ur Actually ur muse" etc etc and as someone who, due to my mental health, relied heavily on others praise and compliments in the past because i quite literally couldn't regulate my own self-esteem ( and by setting the boundary to stop others from doing it, i've been able to gradually improve and develop this ), shit like that was actually really damaging for me to hear.

people were just outright enabling me, intentional or not. but i think it's so unfortunate i've had to outright be like "don't ever give me praise or feedback etc etc EVER" to prevent that from happening. and i think it's tragic people on tumblr can't give normal, healthy feedback. i guess this is me saying, without bombarding me, and without me actively asking for it ( i never reblog those kinds of memes ), if it ever crosses your mind when reading my writing or looking at my graphics or my metas etc, that you liked something specific i did or enjoyed something visual i made or whatever, please do let me know.

and i don't want to sound like i'm trying to control how you do this if you ever decide to, but things like "i really liked this specific thing you wrote in xyz thread / meta / headcanon etc, it was impactful and interesting to read" or "it was cool how you showed x emotion through action because that can be hard to do" are really useful, insightful and healthy. it's such a huge thing missing from the tumblr rpc. normal feedback. something i want to pursue is writing, as a career. i want to host a podcast, which involves scripts, i want to write / publish books, i enjoy entertaining others as well as myself through what i do.

i just think it's kinda tragic i have to sacrifice any and all feedback because people choose to say "ur a god, i am beneath u, ur the best at portraying x character" instead of "hey i liked how you portrayed that ptsd episode, it felt like i was living it" or "hey, how you wrote his dialogue here felt very human and real, nice one." and please know that if i notice specific things i like about your portrayal, your writing etc etc, i will let you know exactly like this and do not ever expect you to return the compliment. because that's another common thing i've encountered, either being praised in anticipation of being praised back or praising someone and them thinking they have to praise back. i like being real with people, and i like when people are real with me.

#it's ironic because people like me are demonised for how we view things as 'transactional' #and then i go on tumblr and am just exposed to endless people who behave superficially af and shit is SUPER transactional #it's so give to receive sometimes #or like... the fact that it's come down to #reblogging MEMES asking people to compliment you #instead of it coming naturally #i mean the rpc as a whole and i realise i can't change that #but i'd appreciate it if my mutuals would give this a look #i can cultivate my own experience / my dash etc #idk maybe it's my own disorders that cause me to be too logical about it all who knows #but the way people talk to one another on here is so fake to me #i spent my entire childhood pretending to be everyone BUT myself i know probably better than anyone what that looks like #but eh it just... idk i think i'd enjoy writing here more if it didnt feel so isolating? #feel like i cant bond w anyone even just over rp / our muses bc... #people say the wildest shit like HELLO? #ooc. #delete;

[im2tired4usernames]

They stole any possible joy of motherhood I could have possibly wanted they stole my entire childhood they stole my teenage years my twenties and they continue to steal my future they won't be happy untill they've taken my whole life

#i hope your in fuckin hell you ugly cultist bitch i hope your getting what you deserve dad i hope karma hits you #i hope all your children grow up to hate you #quiverfull parents are monsters and they all deserve a place in hell #i hope my next life is that is a thing i get freedom and respect in my life #i hope they get a say in their life snd are well loved well rested and happy #im tired of being alive im so fuckin tired of my life #i cant die because there's wo many people who depend on me but fuck life sucks and it really is 100 because of my parents #i wish my future was actually reachable #i wish people would stop using me #i love my siblings i love spending time and caring for them #but i look at all my other siblings and my dad who fits in dates multiple times a week #who get jobs that pay that they enjoy they get hobbies they are responsible for themselves and only themselves they are starting families #they're getting to experience what it's like to be allowed to be a teen a 20 something a fuckin human person they go to concerts they sleep #when theyre tired they use their money for their own bills and wants and needs they get to go do things with they're partners as often as #they'd like to they get to EXPERIENCE LIFE WHILE I TAKE ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY #i want to be able to move in with my partner go in dates do things with friends get married write books draw get a job #i want to grow and change #they get to experience young adult life i get the adult responsibility but not the life experience or world knowledge or wisdom #I'm supposed to be the friendless sexless constant caretaker whos hobbies are dishes and vacuuming #that being said i cant make a future if no one is willing to make a move i cant be the only person trying to grow up #this includes my partner my siblings my dad they all need to make steps for our goals or we'll be stuck in a stagnant bullshit of 'someday' #constantly daydreamin about a future that'll never come i need to start making steps for it and i need other people to start making steps to #gwt ready to start growing up I'm not goin to let people keep holding me back forever my life is goin to fucking change or I'm goin to die

[kjqhaujdffjryakhf]

i feel like a different person

#its been permanent #i just dont feel the same #i dont enjoy the same stuff anymore #not as in ive just changed interests i mean i just dont experience enjoyment the same anymore #hope that makes sense #im paranoid and want to cut myself off from everyone i know #ive barely been eating unless its something i can make myself basically from scratch #because if anyone else gives it to me its been poisoned or has razors #i cant play games or write or do things anymore because i feel like i have hidden cameras in every room im in #and i dont even know who put them there #i feel like people i know/talk to have some way of contacting my family members and tell them about me #or find things out from them #i cant join groups or chats or servers anymore because people i know are already there on alt accounts i wont recognise #and i cant be embarassing in front of them #im scared to go to sleep because someones going to come in and hurt me #or someone will break in my window #i spend at least 30 mins every night just imagining that scenario playing out #im scared and i dont trust my head because it feels different and i dont know what to do #sorry if ive missed anything important by the way. ive barely been checking tumblr

[beesholmes]

.

#tw rant #ok so i have a group presentation that is due on monday and that'll be our final grade #and i made a template for my group mates and sent them on wednesday #like they just have to write their own topic on that template right #2 of them did but #one of them didn't even use it and used a different font etc #BRO U LITERALLY HAD ONE JOB ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID #im not the leader btw i just do it because they are lazy af and don't do anything unless you make their job easier #im so sick of group projects it annoys me so much #i cant stand people's stupidity AAAA #i mean if she asked to change the font i'd do it but she didn't say anything and like there's 5 of us and 3 people made their presentations #using that template #YKNOW WHAT I MEAN?? ITS SO STUPID #rant post #dan.txt

[1o1percentmilk]

new in comedy: world's most unstable guy (me) wants a commitment (getting into a volunteer org)

#of course its cybersecurity. its more on the public and like... freedom side which im not jazzed abt but i think i need to suck it up #im more of a... centralized 'do not trust the people bc theyre stupid' type guy.. #but after waffling abt it a couple days i think thats wrong of me and what better way to remedy it than to talk to ppl.. #i need to write the email first thing tmrw #yap #ok remember to make me check this in the morning ok? #i feel like i cant rly predict when my mental health changes but i think its working okay? i need to gamble on this #i need to do smth that isnt rotting away on yhe inside

[silverislander]

prof said congrats for writing up a proposal so early i am going to get a good grade in. well this is literally going to be graded. but yk the meme

#i really hope its decent proposals are really hard for me to write. i never really understand how much im supposed to say #also i dont plan stuff in advance! i hate drafts and proposals why cant i just jump in and run w my topic #i dont Know exactly what im going to cover just yet can i get back to you once ive covered it #levi.txt #i spent One page just opening the two page proposal so. i know it needs some cleaning up #but the last time i wrote one of these i only got a 75 (not a bad grade but i could do significantly better) bc. and i am not kidding. #i wrote a several page intro abt the themes of a story i was super pumped to write. and forgot the /plot characters and title/ #a 75 was honestly generous. that prof already liked me and knew my work so i got very lucky #also i just think the guy im working with for my essay is so cool and i want to impress him bfhshsk #ive taken 2 classes with him before he is so smart and so enthusiastic. i was 1 of only 3 who was there for every class both times #everyone whos helped me has been so cool and very nice to me i want to do a good job and prove that im as capable as they think #and also jesus fucking christ ive worked so hard for this degree PLEASE #if i dont get honours im walking into the forest laying down and letting the fae take me as they will #side note: i have 1.5 movies left (its late and im finishing army of the dead tomorrow + watching evil dead rise)!! thats so exciting #theyve (mostly) been really fun and i feel like i have a really good general idea of where im going w my essay now #the movie eras are starting to kind of organize themselves into coherent themes in my mind #i think its smth along the lines of racism/xenophobia -> social change -> satanic panic -> action and militarism -> prejudice/bias #and i actually think were in smth of a thematic reckoning w zombies rn as a culture that im excited to discuss!! #for so long weve accepted that zombies arent people but weve really been starting to interrogate that since abt the mid 2010s #w tropes like searching for a cure (not just a vaccine) or movies like warm bodies or evil dead where you can truly turn back #and im really excited to see where the future takes the zombie genre!!

[bl00dw1tch]

It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.

#horse.txt #vent // #its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to #'start getting serious' about it #and i do. i do. #im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special #but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that #i have no idea what the fuck to do #i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off #but i still can't fucking get through them #i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out #and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more #i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there #but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy #i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore #im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!! #the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach #man. i dont know. idk #sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi #ill be fine #just might be a tense Christmas apparently.

[perenlop]

this is probably the meanest thing i have to say about the wc fandom but sometimes ill see a take and ill go “good on you for your analysis skills but i think you are giving the erins wayyy too much credit”

#‘’oh this book has an unreliable narrator!! this female character was ignored bc shes defying the narrative!!’’ #i do not think the erins care as much as you think they do #when they cant even keep one important support character consistent between two books #also this is not something typically found in books like this #i hate to say this but this isnt a passion project. its a factory. #its as tropey and stereotypical as it can get. the books are incredibly shallow #and like obviously do what u want u can find deeper meanings have fun #but i get annoyed when people are like ‘’you cant say this is poorly written you just dont know unreliable narration!!’’ #like im sorry but. read another book its not that deep. read henry james if you want genuine deeper meanings #echoed voice #for fucks sake they unintentionally wrote an abusive protagonist and to this day defend him and say they didnt mean it hes just snappy #these writers make these for money. they write what sells. thats why theres all these stock tropes and repeated plotlines #thats why the status quo never properly changes thats why we have cookie cutter protagonists #thats why we will never get proper lgbt representation in these books and the best youll get as a feminist diversive couple #is ‘’the man actually cares about his kids’’ #i am admittedly jaded but like. idk man read more books.