#i am so tired of abled people

[gentlemanbutch]

the way that no one wears a mask at my local LGBTQ clinic, and in fact comments on my mask like it's just this hilarious little idiosyncrasy that I still wear one and not because I'm immunocompromised and we're in the middle of a pandemic ... as if there isn't an airborne virus that literally fucks up your immune system ... as if we didn't lose a generation of queer people to another virus that fucks up your immune system ...

#i am tired of being tired and enraged but god i am so tired and enraged #white queer able bodied people try giving a shit for five seconds challenge #disability rights #disability #disabled #disability justice #chronically ill #covid #covid 19 #covid-19 #covid conscious #covid isn't over #chronic illness #immunocompromised #hiv #aids crisis #lgbtq #lgbt #queer rights

[hiisikoloart]

Covid19 (ak.a the ONGOING PANDEMIC) ruined comedy for me. Not every time I try to enjoy new comedy content, comedy specials whatnot...all I see is the reality of it:

Abled people have abandoned us while covid is mutating in raging speed, disabling people, killing people, leaving families devastated, filling hospitals so people waiting for "non essential" treatments wait for months upong months with worsening conditions - while people are unmasked, barely vaccinating accross the globe, nobody isolating long enough to actually not stop the spread, and news...let's not even go there...

Comedians don't care as much about people as they do of their fat pay checks.

Super spreaders happen every single day thanks to those comedians.

And Every. Single. Comedian. Jokes. About. The Pandemic. In. Past. Tense. As they speak to unmasked crowd of hundreds to thousands.

I try to enjoy the other jokes but the reality of it is that they are filming these things in pandemic that has killed MILLIONS. The jokes are tastless and show how weak abled people are, and how numb emotionally as they stomp around coughing and sneezing at us.

I am tired.

And may have just watched the last comedy show for a while as those whom I could formerly laugh with turn into people who would watch me, and my loved one, die and not blink an eye.

But sure. Crack a joke.

In present tense, please.

#covid19 #pandemic #covid #disabled #comedy #comedy specials #i am so tired of abled people

[creekfiend]

God I'm so tired of people acting like not wanting to attract a lot of (often negative) attention is somehow Capitulating To Bigots like. The other day I was talking to someone about my strategic deployment of pronouns based on how much of an issue I think a person is likely to make about it and they were like "oh I just do what I want I'm done catering to cis people" and I was like BUDDY. I LIVE IN THE RURAL SOUTH WANTING TO NOT HAVE TO CONSTANTLY GET INTO IT WITH PEOPLE ABOUT MY PERSONAL GENDER IDENTITY IS NOT CATERING TO CIS PEOPLE I HAVE A RIGHT TO WANT TO MOVE THROUGH THE WORLD WITHOUT CONSTANT INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

Or like I was talking about how I hate swimwear options bc they're all revealing but if you choose to wear like, a t shirt and shorts, people still stare at you because that's socially unusual so it sucks either way and someone was like "I just do it anyway and if people don't like it they can die mad about it" and like... okay. I want to be able to go to the local pool and not either be uncomfortable with what I'm wearing or have people treat me weird about it. I would like for my presence and clothing choices to be considered neutral and it's fine for me to state that actually. This is not assimilationist or capitulating to people. It's going "hm I would love if stepping out my front door didn't have to be a revolutionary act!!!!!" Agghhhhh

#im visibly gnc all the time. i am not hiding who i am. but also???? #people making that choice are suffering for it and its an incredibly personal calculation and its FINE AND NORMAL #TO BE LIKE I AM SO TIRED OF DOING IDENTITY MATH #SOMETIMES I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO NOT MISGENDER MYSELF IN ORDER TO NOT GET IN FIGHTS #BUT THATS NOT THE LIVE I GET TO LIVE

[aniseandspearmint]

About covid being over: are we just meant to put our entire social lives, our entire society on pause forever? My mental health plummeted during lockdown and will take years to recover. Now that there's vaccines and crowd immunity and less deadly strains we ARE meant to learn to deal with it as a given, the way we have with many deadly diseases in the past, and move on. So for the sake of life moving on at some point it's **normal** to treat it as a cold, and I'm saying this as someone who's lost people during the pandemic too. Please do not fear monger.

No, but you SHOULD care about other people enough to still mask.

I am NOT fearmongering.

Covid is still dangerous, especially to the many MANY people who are immunocompromised and people who cannot get the vaccines (for whatever reason).

I know several people who THIS YEAR caught permanently disabling covid, despite all being fully vaccinated.

I am not saying you have to quarantine yourself anymore. That was NOT a thing I said. There is a world of difference between wishing that other people cared enough to MASK, a thing that is NOT HARD AT ALL, and demanding that people still observe full quarantine protocols.

Plugging your ears and closing your eyes and refusing to listen when people are still justifiably worried, and not listening to experts that haven't been pressured by the government to say 'COVID IS NOT A THREAT ANYMORE YAAAY!!!' just makes you a fool.

I know that's harsh, but it's the truth.

Hospitals are no longer required to report covid cases and covid deaths as such. This is a GIANT RED FLAG that people are happily ignoring so they can feel safe.

#i am so tired #i'm never going to be able to go anywhere without a mask again #and people like this are why #current events 2023 #america #WEAR A MASK #you don't have to quarantine yourself #but please WEAR A MASK #it's the least you can do #the very least minimum bar to prove you give a damn about other human beings #i resent being framed as hysterical over this #anyone got a copy of that one post with updated covid guidelines recommended by the peoples CDC (i think that's the org?)

[phatcatphergus]

While I do think that Tubbo was a bit over the top today in regards to making light of the lore, I think it’s mainly because he’s tired of this arc and how there isn’t a roleplayable response unless the eye workers permit there to be. It’s frustrating on a viewer and player level for sure.

Does that mean he had to be over the top? No, but I do think its good to keep in mind that Mike also was messing around during the lore today and in the dapper kidnapping stream, Phil did not give a shit that dapper was downed and kidnapped even after being told he was. I can find Tubbo making jokes at the eye workers funny and someone else can find it annoying, I personally had a problem when he kept speaking over Bagi today, he’s a human who does annoying things that I don’t like sometimes.

I think we all get a bit too defensive of our favs (absolutely guilty) and forget that we find other people doing the same thing annoying too. People can respond to lore however they want, especially when it’s impromptu lore like today.

We don’t have to be up in arms about everything and you don’t have to hate on someone for acting how another person acted in the past. Streamers do things we don’t like sometime because (surprisingly) they’re individuals! Who have their own reasons for doing the things they do. Sometimes it’s playing a certain game and sometimes it’s taking lore with a grain of salt. Maybe you like foolishs parenting style and hate Phil’s, that’s valid! Just remember that people can dislike foolishs parenting style too!

TLDR: it’s okay to critique tubbo for how he chose to interact with the lore today or how he interacts with sunny so long as you are okay with people saying the same thing about your streamer

#it’s so exhausting seeing people shit on tubbo for things other streamer have done before #or did during this lore stream #sure this is intense lore but it’s hard to take seriously sometimes when it’s only able to progress when the admins say it can #everything is so tiring #no more fighting #no more war #no more being angry about how people conduct themselves #I was frustrated too ngl and I’m not going to say that he would be excused #but dang y’all act like every other streamer is perfect sometimes #qsmp tubbo #qsmp crit #I will not be debating anyone as I am pouring a glass of wine and getting my paint ready to relax

[starsundertheceiling]

I’m probably a little late to the party (heh) but there’s something I’ve noticed concerning color theory and Max, and Max in general

When she is introduced to us as MADMAX, her situation with Billy makes her feel lonely and angry. She’s wearing red clothes (with a white stripe!) and her hair is down (letting her rage roam free).

In here, she’s clearly annoyed. She’s just left Billy’s car, Mr. Clarke made her stand before the class and named her Maxine when she just wanted to melt into the background and get over her first day at an unfamiliar school, still not thrilled about having to move from California.

Still, she’s zipped down, since those people didn’t do anything especially hurtful towards her and maybe she’s a little hopeful about them. 

When she’s mad after an interaction with Billy she’s wearing red:

Darker red! She’s at school where she won’t have to deal with Billy for a while. She’s cooling like lava but there’s still one streak of the anger in the back of her head.

When the boys approach her, her zip-up sweatshirt is unzipped to show some of the color underneath. She’s happy! She will not let her guard down completely but she won’t hiss at them immediately! Still, she’s ready for disappointment and snapping right back to being fully red.

Yellow is not a lighter shade of red, but it’s definitely close on the color wheel. Closer to white, too! She is showing she’s not only mad, there also is softness inside her! It’s still a shade connected to red (anger) but yellow by itself is more of a happiness color. She wants to make friends but is still scared because of the new environment and Billy.

In the car with Billy (the scene where he wants to run over the party), the entire scene is shot in a way that’s barely letting us see her clothes. It’s mostly covered by hair, too, but we can see it’s still at least a little unzipped as there’s a bit of the yellow collar visible.

In the scene, she’s defending Hawkins saying, that it’s not that bad and that she can’t see any cows (yellow). She’s scared of Billy, so she’s trying to cover up her sympathy towards Hawkins and towards the boys (with red and her hair, Billy saw her get out of the car with the sweatshirt zipped up and hair down, now she’s covering her softness with what is familiar to Billy, so that he doesn’t see anything has changed, notice that softness and hurt her. That’s exactly what she does when she says she doesn’t know the boys trying to protect them from getting ran over).

Yellow! Fully yellow :) She’s happy to be shown weird pollywog-like creatures with the rest of the Party!

Right after Will gets possessed, her question as to what “true sight” means gets brushed off by all of the boys. She’s hurt and feels excluded, but her hurt makes her angry again. Next time we see her, she’s all red again.

“Party members only! This is non-negotiable.”

“I thought you guys wanted me in your Party!”

At the arcade! She’s already acclimated to Hawkins, and the arcade is her favorite place. 

Alright, I’m getting tired and my third eye is slowly closing, so I’m going to wrap this up quickly, since I think I presented what the gist of the idea is.

In season 3, yellow, patterns, colors! She is now fully a member of the party! She has friends, she knows the secrets, El is back. This is the happiest she’s been.

Clothes are important in both of the girl’s characters! (El changes from murky colors to vivid patterns when she finds herself and there’s a post about El shedding layers of blue in season 4. I’d link it but can’t find it, I’m sorry!) There being a scene like this, with them fooling around with their clothes is basically the peak of happiness :)

Here Max gets really worried because of Billy. She’s feeling a bit guilty ‘cause that’s her step-brother that’s sowing chaos and hurting her friends. El is straining herself. The situation is looking BAD. Blue!

Beginning of season 4

Blue - she’s grieving and feeling guilty, Black coat - she’s hiding herself in a shell. She’s not particularly hiding her grief but she can close off at any moment.

(Btw Lucas is also wearing a blue shirt with some coats. I’d say he is sad because Max dumped him and doesn’t want to tell him things but the coats have a couple of colors because he’s hiding away his nerdiness in order to be cool :) 

Now, the overcoat is blue with yellow elements - Max is being honest about her grief. She’s targeted by Vecna, the Hawkins gang knows she is SAD. It’s her last day, she can unfurl. The sweatshirt is unzipped and showing red and white underneath, the same colors we’ve seen her wear when we first met her. The girl that slammed the door of Billy’s car. The one that was scared of him. That girl is still inside Max. 

Sometimes, she’s wearing this. Grief covered up with brownish-reddish... Red. She’s going back to her previous self, she is talking to Lucas again and he SEES her... But to get that shade of red you go more towards black on the color wheel. She’s not that vivid, fiery red anymore. There are bits of that girl deep inside her, but she’s too tired to make it her entire self. She’s tired. 

#idk if this makes sense #i did not do research befor this i literally got this idea while changing clothes #and it works for the most part #maybe a bit delusional here and there #but i choose to choose being chill and just in awe of the costume department #i am also pretty sure you beautiful people have decoded this long ago #since the color theory makes a big part of the show #either way i love max #if she doesn't wear the prettiest colors in s5 then why should i live to see it #i hope SHE will be able to see it though #although blind max is beautiful; she doesn't deserve it :( #max mayfield #stranger things #lumax #elumax #elmax #not really color theory because i don't know the color theory :) literally just vibes #aaand i'm not gonna reread what i've written cuz i'm tired. hope it makes any sense. #but you're smart too so you can probably get the gist of what i was trying to say

[bowerywilliam]

you know what annoys me of the taylor swift album release cycle? the incessant, unnecessary comments the general public and even some people in the fandom make about how taylor "always victimises herself for no reason", or how she "loves to play the victim when she's just a rich popstar without real problems", and more recently that she "shouldn't use words like intrusive thoughts, trauma, and emotional abuse to talk about what's happened to her or her experiences with anxiety because she doesn't know what that's like". it fucking infuriates me.

taylor swift acts and writes like a victim because, quite simply, she's been made one, point black, end of the sentence. she should be allowed to write about her experiences with abuse, any type of abuse from any source, without people deciding for her if it was actually abusive or traumatic, or policing her choice of coping mechanism.

people's unwillingness to accept and acknowledge much of what taylor has gone through during her career as abuse and trauma is baffling to me because i honestly can't think of a term that describes it better.

she has been made fun of and ridiculised by the media since she was a child for doing things children and teenagers do (be naive about love, write about boys, go on dates, dress age appropriate), she's been slut shamed by everyone on the internet for dating a less than average amount, she's gone through public humiliation on a mass scale twice now (the first one when she was just nineteen) by a much older, well respected, established male artist, she has been abused by men both professionally and emotionally, she was made an example of what girls ought not to do or be lest you end up just like her, she's been isolated since childhood because she never felt she fit in with the rest.

she's gone through all of those things while at the same time being gaslighted (and i'm using this word in its original clinical meaning and not the internet meme one) into thinking none of that was as bad as she's making it out to be and she ended up okay so it can't have caused her real trauma because nothing happened, it was all fine and a joke. these are things we recognise as hurtful, abusive, and traumatic in other people but as soon as they're experienced by someone who copes with it through writing music she then sells for a profit then suddenly it's not and she's exaggerating it for attention.

she talks about herself in the same hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant, anxious way victims of abuse and survivors of high stress situations do and that's why her music resonates with so many of us who have been abused in the past as well, because she's putting into words things we experience on the daily and i genuinely don't think it's because she wants to. no one wants to go through those things and then go through a new cycle of humiliation every time you talk about your experiences just to make a few dollars.

it's maddening that the attitude most people take when discussing her trauma is to minimise it or straight up deny it because she was able to transform some of that pain into a #1 single

i don't ask people to sympathise or feel bad about her but to accept that we have agreed that online bullying and dog piling on a mass scale is abusive and traumatic, that women being taken advantage of by the male superiors is traumatic, that women being slut shamed for enjoying their sexuality is abusive and traumatic, that being in relationships where your partner is volatile is traumatic, that being coerced and manipulated into relationships with older men is abusive, that being retaliated against in public after revealing you were sexually assaulted is traumatic; so why should none of that apply to her? why is she not allowed to be vocal about being in all those situations without someone telling her she's not gone through actual trauma? why does everyone gets to decide for her whether or not she's actually been abused and if she can or cannot claim victimhood?

accepting taylor's abuse and her victimhood does nothing to take away from yours or that of others. accepting that she's allowed and entitled to discuss her experiences doesn't silence you. you don't have to like her but to dismiss her is disrespectful because when you do that you're not only dismissing her own experiences with abuse and trauma, but that of people in similar situations who empathise and identify with her.

TL;DR: taylor doesn't write about being a victim nearly as much as the people trying to discredit her work say she does, but if she did she would be entirely justified in it because she has been in a lot of situations where she's been victimised and abused by people who knew what they were doing to her and you don't get to decide if she was sufficiently traumatised by them or not. recognising taylor's experience with abuse does nothing to minimise or invalidate yours, two people can be abused in two different ways and doesn't mean one is less entitled to compassion. it's not a competition.

#turning off my anons in a minute because i know this post is gonna ruffle some feathers and i do not want to make it seem like any of what #i said here is up for discussion or debate. it's not. these are all facts and if you feel the need to debate facts then that's on you #everyone is up for believing and supporting victims until the victim is a successful woman who was able to turn the situation on its head #i am just so tired of people refusing to accept her experiences for what they are just because she's successful and rich #anyway....

[crimeronan]

probably i SHOULDN'T migrate elsewhere if tumblr goes belly-up. i just scrolled thru my dash for 20 minutes and in that short span i could feel myself transform from a mildly tired 27-year-old butch into an active serial killer.

#starts typing posts like 'i hate you people so fucking much' and then pauses like #this is how every terminally online post i've raised my eyebrows at for Weeks has started. #girl if you put all your thought into the computer eventually your world will shrink to the size of it. #this site really does make me feel like shit. i need to follow more photography blogs and people who don't post stupid fucking bullshit. #hey if you post a lot of photography or POSITIVE fandom stuff WITHOUT a shitload of untagged politics. #hit me up. i've unfollowed 80% of active blogs i used to follow for 'annoying me' crimes and my dash is both dead and profoundly irritating #i need to breathe some new life into this account. or what am i logging on for. #by positive fandom stuff i mean you're not typing a bunch of nasty hot takes i'll hate or bitching constantly about varying properties. #and you don't hate polyamory. and you don't hate ace people. and you don't hate queerplatonic relationships. #SHOULDN'T BE A HUGE ASK!!!!! AND YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FUCKING YET!!!!!!!!!11SHIFTONE!1ELEVEN!!1! #i'm tired of tumblr not making me happy. i should be able to see my blorbos and feel joy here. #negative #i suppose

[cerise-on-top]

Nikolai with a s/o who always has a hand on his chest? With consent ofc, and it’s always to feel his heartbeat. I think of this all the time and it’s always super cute in my head.

Hello! That is pretty cute!

Nikolai Always with Reader’s Hand on His Chest

Nikolai is a pretty laid back and chill sort of man, so he usually doesn’t mind you putting your hand over his heart. Maybe not while you’re walking, though, he doesn’t want you to trip. It’s very sweet to him: You wanna make sure that he’s alive? That he’s still with you? That his heart is still beating? Trust me, not even death could take him away from you. He’d dig his way out of his grave after killing the reaper with his bare hands himself. You can always put your hand over his chest while you’re at home together, though. It’s nice to feel you. After a while it would be reassuring to him as well, feeling that you’re there, that you’re with him. He thinks it’s sweet that you always want to be touching him, because if it was up to you he’d do the same thing with you. After some time, once he’s realized that you’re always touching him whenever you can, he tries to get into positions that facilitate you touching him a bit. Usually lies on his back when you’re cuddling so you have full access to him. Can and will fall asleep like that, but will also want to hold you back. Will also put his hand over your heart as well so he can “get back at you”. In reality, feeling your heartbeat is also just nice and reassuring to him. However, he sometimes might lie on your chest in order to hear it as well, something like it lulls him to sleep, after all. You can put your hand over his chest in public as well, though, he doesn’t particularly mind cuddling in public either. There’s a good chance you’ll be nicely clothed, though, so you won’t feel his heartbeat unless you slip your hand under his clothes. You can do that, he doesn’t care about strangers staring in public. However, once it’s time to continue walking around, release him. You can continue your antics once you’ve found another nice bench to sit on.

#cod #cod x reader #cod nikolai #cod nikolai x reader #tomorrow is finally friday for me right now. I am so tired. but tomorrow I'm gonna take a long long nap #I have the next two weeks off but I can't promise that I'll be able to post too much during that time for driver's license reasons #I'll try but I have a lot of errands to run then #besides it's not like I get too many requests in per day luckily. at one point I got 4 requests in one night #now I get one. maybe two at most per day. which is good. it's relaxing and doesn't stress me out too much either #at one point I had eight requests sitting in my inbox despite working on them ever day. that was really stressful #but these days I'm more willing to close my inbox. people usually don't mind the waiting too much anyway #I do work as fast as I can though but I'm gonna stick with posting one request per day. that's a much better pace for me #haven't written for Nikolai in a while though. I'm glad people still like me writing characters other than the girls as well #but it seems as though for now I've become a cod girls centric blog haha #I don't mind. I'm just glad that people like my writing enough to want to request it. I'll write for just about anyone of the main charas #two exceptions apply but I refuse to write for them. i just genuinely don't like them #but I like Nikolai. he's good he's nice. he seems like someone who'd be great at giving bear hugs

[thebisexualwreckoning]

Yk my family may not be perfect but at least despite the fact that literally everyone in my family is technically disabled(except my brother. He’s an outlier) we don’t park in the disabled parking space because we are still able enough to walk the five minutes from our parking spot to the ikea. If WE, people who are disabled, can walk 5 mins so that people who can’t can park in the disabled spot then YOU, the able bodied person, definitely can

#disability #disability talk #I am fucking tired of able bodied people taking disabled spots #disabled people need them for a reason #disabilities #disabled #disabled people #disability rights #like fucking walk bitch #cuz some people can’t and they need that more than you #I’m not saying actual disabled people should give up parking spots because they think they’re disabilities aren’t serious enough #this only applies to able bodied people #the reason my family and I don’t take them is because while we are disabled it does not affect our life in a major manner #and we can still walk around #albeit with a little pain #but that’s worth it so that people who can’t can also exist in spaces they have a right to exist in

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[cloudcountry]

i think i may have created way to much pressure on myself when i tell people to send stuff that theyve tagged me in that i've missed. like yes i'd love to be able to read everything you guys send me but im gone most of the day now and its just not possible anymore. it kinda makes me sad because ive probably missed out on so much because of the sheer amount of things in my mentions.

#auburn's rambles <3 #i dont know uhhh i think i just had an epiphany #all of my posts have been downers lately I AM SO SORRY #but also i think. it stems from people using me too #like people send me asks telling me about stuff i missed instead of talking to me to talk to me #and its not their fault because i told them to do that but it makes the mean part of my brain tell me that theyre just using me #to make their own audiences bigger like what happened in the past #its jus t kinda tiring idk #but everything has been a little tiring lately #on the bright side i finished my exam!!! so now i just need to work on chemistry stuff and my art paper ^^ #and since the event starts tomorrow hopefully i'll be able to get a few letters in hehe

[nolongerexistingsadcatface]

Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?

#aph nyo america #aph america #i want engagement <3 #secret confession i actually hate that canonically america doesnt do well in the cold #it gives too much ammo to the west coasters (villains) who can’t let my poor baby alfred be the east coast girl he truly is #also in a broader sense i feel like it creates a weird divide in both the portrayal of america and the connection he has with his country #as its representation #america is one of the most climate diverse countries in the entire world and i feel like making the REPRESENTATION OF AMERICA not be able t #handle a large majority of his country’s climate is an Odd choice and creates an unfortunate barrier between american culture #and the way it’s portrayed in hetalia #imo one of the most amazing parts of the geography of the us is its ability to be a metaphor for the american people #so insanely diverse and fundamentally different and completely irreconcilable—but it works anyways. #the land works together anyways //we// work together anyways we become one anyways despite what any and all logic dictates #what any and all logic DEMANDS #so for america to not be able to represent that cohesion + community—and in fact represent an intense and almost INNATE complete inability #to even try being accepting of and embracing our differences—is just.. not something I like + insinuates a very odd view of American cultur #my eyes are shutting as i type this im so tired #sorry if this is horribly written rip #i see this a lot in the hetalia fandom (IK I JUST DID IT IN THIS POST LMAO BUT I SWEAR I DO IT AS A JOKE; I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE WEST #COAST AND AM FULLY AWARE OF ITS ROLE IN THE US CULTURE AND FUNCTION) where people write alfred as being almost hostilely exclusionary??? #towards certain areas of america—city al who doesn’t like the country; country al who doesn’t like the newfangled cities; northerner al #who hates the southerners (because theyre poor + dont fit the author’s view of respectable people BUT THATS FOR A DIFFERENT POST);southerne #al who hates the northerners—and it’s all very gross to me. america is not—at its core—a country/culture founded on separation!! our ideals #are based on being—at our most basic—separate multi-faceted individuals who COME TOGETHER!! as one because of common ideals and love #E PLURIBUS UNUM!!!!!! #ok im done gn

[gideonisms]

See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that

#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier! #i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it #when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to #think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it #idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years #and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse! #but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether #it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid #tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to #i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes #i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with #i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard #sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful #i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think #of doing that doesn't make me cry #emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[sevenyeargap]

hello new followers! there's quite a lot of you now. thank you! i just wanted to let you know that i love you, and im glad you decided to follow my silly blog! im also currently recovering from an eight month long internship that was pretty bad for my autism (had to talk to so many people), so if i sent you a message and you replied and i haven't replied yet, or if you sent me an ask - i promise i haven't forgotten about you! im just having a hard time with keeping up with things right now!!! okay bye and big hugs and kisses 🫂💖

#🦔 #i just wanted to say that bc i know it can feel super shitty to see someone online not replying to you #so i promise it's nothing personal!!! it's not you it's me!!!!!!!! and yes I've reached out to some people and im SORRY i haven't been able #to reply yet ougghhhghgg!!!!!! lying down on the floor #anyway. sending hugs! hope you guys aren't as tired as i am!!!!