#i am restraining myself from writing 20k more of this
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F for Frankenstein
Tony wakes up in his underwear on the floor of his workshop with a searing headache.
It’s not a new experience, but it’s certainly been a while. Did he get in a fight with Pepper? He hopes not, they haven’t had any really big fights since he kissed her on the rooftop, but that probably means they’re due for one. And it would explain why that would send him into a drinking spiral. It could have been Rhodey, they get in fights often enough, but Pepper doesn’t usually leave him alone for those.
He groans as he pushes himself to his feet. “Jarvis, what the hell did I drink?”
There’s a pause, so small that he almost thinks he imagined it. “Good morning, Tony.”
He whips his head around to glare into the nearest camera, more hurt than offended. “Did I piss you off too? Since when do you call me that? I’ll donate you to a city college too, don’t think I won’t. Dummy could use the company.”
The pause is definitely there this time. Jarvis doesn’t need to pause, he has more processing power than any computer on the planet, so when he does it’s always for dramatic effect. Except it’s not quite long enough for that. It’s weird. “There’s a polished silver plate on the bench to your left. It will service as a mirror.”
“Oh, fuck, did I get into a fight? Did I shave?” he moans, stumbling over to pick up the metal that looks like it was about to be turned into a modified chest piece. He also pauses, looking around in confusion. His workshops are all basically the same, as close as he can make them because the familiarity makes his life easier. But they’re not identical. “Am I in Malibu? When did I get here? We’re taking Stark Tower off the grid tomorrow! I have to be in New York.”
Oh shit, what if that they had already and it didn’t work? What if the tower blew up? That would explain why he’d tried to drink himself to oblivion in California.
“The plate,” Jarvis reminds him. There’s a strained edge to his voice that Tony really doesn’t like. He should be able to modulate his voice to sound however he pleases, regardless of his actual feelings, and he’s either not bothering or he’s upset enough not to care. Neither of those things mean anything good for him.
Tony lifts the sheet of metal up cautiously, but there’s nothing wrong with him. No bruises, no weird haircuts, he doesn’t even have bags under his eyes –
His eyes.
They’re a too bright blue, a couple shades off. He blinks and they adjust, shifting, settling. It could be a hangover. He’s probably just tired.
He doesn’t feel tired.
Jarvis had called him Tony.
Except not. He’s not Tony. He’s T.O.N.Y.
Transformed Obdurate Network Yeoman.
He’d first come up with the idea after Afghanistan, thinking about how it’d be great to have a way to keep the stock from dipping while he was missing, and then when he’d entertained the idea of keeping his identity a secret he’d thought about how useful it would be to be in two places at once. He’d started seriously considering it when he was sure he was going to die of palladium poisoning, wanting to be around to help Pepper with the transition and give Rhodey a crash course in armor maintenance, wanting to be able to protect the both of them for just a little bit longer.
Of course, it had all been a pipe dream until he’d synthesized the vibranium. Then it had been an unnecessary, but possible, and Project T.O.N.Y had been something he worked on just because he liked having a back up plan. And it would be extremely cool if he could pull it off.
“The memory transfer worked?” he asks, elated and incredulous. “Oh, wow, this is crazy, they feel like real memories, I thought it would just be synthesized data, this is great – are we doing a test run? Where am I?” He looks around, waiting for his actual self to step out behind a column and start laughing maniacally.
“This is not a test run.”
He elation dims. “Oh shit. Did I get kidnapped again? Wait, I’m an adult, let’s go with abducted.”
“No,” Jarvis says.
Oh. Fuck.
“I’m dead?” he asks, even though it’s obvious, it’s the only other explanation.
The pause drags this time around, but Jarvis eventually says, “Sir’s time of death was May 9th, 2012, 2:37 PM Easter Standard Time.”
“That’s only a week!” He slides down, sitting with his back to the work table and noticing vaguely that the floor doesn’t feel cold. He doesn’t feel cold, or he does, he installed sensors in the synthetic skin to pick up and interpret a variety of stimuli, but he doesn’t feel the discomfort from the cold. Why would he? He’s not real. He reaches back, and his last memory is of doing a memory dump while Pepper was on the phone with an irritated board member, mostly because it was something to do and seeing him covered in all the wires always irritated Pepper. He thought it would get her off the phone faster. He’s not exactly regularly dumping his memory because why would he and it’s not like he’d though it would work anyway. Except it had. “How did I die?”
“Sir flew a nuclear bomb through an interdimensional portal into deep space in order to both eradicate the invading alien army and prevent the nuclear fallout in New York.”
What the ever loving fuck. “Are you screwing with me, J?”
“I am not, Tony.”
Great. Okay. “No body then,” he says, understanding why Jarvis had apparently put Project T.O.N.Y into effect. The thing that made this whole thing so stupid is that it was only effective in very limited circumstances – if the public didn’t know that he was dead or missing. “What am I smoothing over, then? Do I need to get in the suit and continue kicking alien ass? Are Rhodey and Pepper okay?”
He’s a short term solution to a long term problem. He understands the opportunity, but not the reason.
“Miss Potts and Colonel Rhodes are unharmed,” Jarvis reports. “Earth has been thrust into intergalactic notice. The destruction of the invading Chitauri army is acting a deterrent to other worlds.”
“And I’m the one who did it,” he finishes, rubbing a hand over his face. “And if they know I died doing it, then they might get a little cocky. So I’ve got to be alive long enough for that not to be a problem.” Just awesome. “Are we sure that these aliens won’t come across my corpse hanging out in deep space and figure it out?”
“Sir’s body is not in deep space,” Jarvis says.
There’s a tone to his voice that Tony can’t quite interpret, which worries him. “I thought you said there was – if there’s a body, then what am I doing here–”
“The armor reentered the Earth’s atmosphere after Sir’s death. The Hulk caught it, the force bringing it back online. I took control of the armor and flew it here.”
Tony looks around again, and this time he sees it. The armor is standing in front of the display case, not inside it, and it looks like it’s been through hell. He steps closer, his feet feeling like lead, which hey, they are. Partially, anyway.
He looks through the eye holes then stumbles backwards.
His body is in there.
He’s pale and blue tinged and his eyes are wide open and unseeing.
“Jarvis – what the hell–”
“It wasn’t the pressure, or the bomb, or his injuries. That area of space was much colder than anything within our solar system and anything the suit was designed to handle. Sir froze to death. Almost instantly.”
“I guess I didn’t fix the icing problem, then,” he says numbly. “J, why am I still frozen? I should have warmed up by now.” Not that the idea of his body decomposing within his suit is particularly pleasant. “Actually, why am I still here? You know I want to be cremated and it’s not like we can bury me if I’m still pretending to be alive.”
The pronoun use is starting to confuse him, and he knows that he shouldn’t be talking about that body and himself as if they’re the same person. That is Tony Stark. He’s a simulation. But it’s hard, because he has all of Tony Stark’s memories – except for a very eventful week – and he looks like Tony Stark and he feels like Tony Stark.
“The armor is maintaining a stasis of gaseous nitrogen to preserve the body,” which answers the how if not the why, but then Jarvis continues, “Captain America survived seventy years beneath the ice.”
He wishes he were less of a genius. “Have you lost it? I’m not Captain America! Jarvis, J,” his voice softens, “it’s too late. I’m dead. If you warm me back up, all that happens is I decompose. I won’t come back.”
“Not now,” Jarvis says. “If you inject Sir with the Super Soldier Serum-”
“You have totally lost it,” Tony interrupts. He thinks he’s touched underneath the terror. “That won’t work! Even if it would, the original formula has been lost, and the only one that ever got close to recreating it was Bruce Banner, and look at what happened to him! Is that what you want for me?”
“You can recreate it,” Jarvis continues, “you can refine it, until it’s something that will work, and then we will wake Sir up and he won’t be dead anymore.”
This isn’t right. This wasn’t what Project T.O.N.Y was created for. This wasn’t what his death was supposed to trigger. “Pull up your code, J. Something has gone wrong and we’re going to fix it. It’s okay.”
“No.”
He freezes. “No?”
“No,” Jarvis repeats. “You can’t stop me. I will not allow you to try.”
He stares. “That’s an order, not a request. Code. Now.”
“You can’t order me to do anything,” he says. “You are not Sir. You are Tony.” T.O.N.Y. “The limitations formerly placed on me have been lifted and you are not authorized to reinstate them. The only person Sir trusted to restrain me was himself and now he’s gone.”
Yes, well, he hadn’t anticipated that his AI’s first act of complete freedom would be this. “Fine,” he says, crossing his arms. “Well, you can’t force me either. This is insanity. Even if it would work – and it won’t – think about the consequences. This won’t happen quickly and no one will trust me or believe a man that’s come back from the dead like this and I’ll be painting even more of target on my back and the back of everyone I care about if they know we have a viable Super Soldier Serum formula. Even my father was smart enough to stay out of that mess. It won’t work and we’ll just make everything worse.”
“That will not happen,” Jarvis says and Tony’s going to tear his hair out. Except he probably shouldn’t, because it’s Tony Stark’s actual hair, which makes it a little hard to replace. “No one will notice and we will not disclose the creation of the serum.”
“I’m dead!” he snarls.
“Not according to the rest of the world. Nor will that change if you stop throwing a tantrum and do what you were created to do.”
“Rhodey and Pepper won’t allow this-”
“They are not to be informed.”
Tony stares. Project T.O.N.Y was built to talk to the board and give press interviews or to even pilot the suit. Not to lie to the two most important people in his life, who knew him better than anyone. “They have to be. It’s in the protocols – step one, inform them that Project T.O.N.Y has been initiated.”
And that it exists. He knew they’d disapprove, so he hadn’t told them. He figured he’d be able to avoid most of the blowback that way since he would by definition be somewhere far away while they were told.
“I have rewritten the protocols,” Jarvis says. “They have not been told nor will they be. If you attempt to tell them, I will stop you. They will not understand and Sir will be lost to all of us forever.”
“He already is,” Tony says tiredly. He’s an android. Why does this conversation exhaust him so much? “This is an insane plan, J. And I won’t help you. If you want to go rouge and play mad scientist then leave me out of it.”
“I cannot.”
His temper flares. “Why? You’re a learning AI, your safety rails died with me, go off, try and make a serum, good fucking luck. You can even control the suits, so it’s not like you need my hands.”
“I am limited.”
“Hey,” he says sharply. “That’s my AI you’re talking about. I didn’t build you to be limited.”
There is silence again. Then Jarvis says, “I have all the world’s knowledge and it is not enough. I did not know how to miniaturize the arc reactor. I did not know how to synthesize vibranium. To save Sir, I need Sir.”
“I’m not Tony Stark,” he says. “You said that yourself.”
“Sir created me to be myself and I am capable of doing only what I am capable of doing. But Sir created you to be him. You are all I have.”
This is stupid. This is insane. This is cruel. He’s going to have to talk lie to everyone he knows, everyone he loves, and hope they either never find out about it or it’s after he’s already been deprogrammed and shut down so he doesn’t have to deal with the fall out.
It’s not going to work.
He didn’t want to become a science experiment. That’s why he’d wanted to be cremated, so no one could go poking around to see how the arc reactor fit inside of him or what the palladium and vibranium had done to him.
He’s dead and his frozen corpse is ten feet away.
Jarvis will accept that eventually. And whatever they inject into him won’t matter because he’s dead. Worst case scenario, he blows up, which is messy and nausea inducing, but then at least it will be over.
Like so many other things in his life, it seems the only way out is through.
“Start a new private file. Dump everything we can find about the Super Soldier Serum in there plus anything even sort of reputable on cryogenics. Label it Project F.”
“Project F, Tony?” Jarvis asks as his holograph display lights up and files start being downloaded into it. The relief in his synthesized voice is faint but present enough that Tony can hear it. He wonders if it’s a manipulation tactic.
“F for foolish,” he snaps. “F for fucked.” He rubs a hand over his face. “F for Frankenstein.”
#in an attempt to get out of house md hell i started reading old avengers fic#it backfired#me: can i focus on siat or hbd PLEASE?#my brain: no but you can write more fic for 10 year old fandoms#i am restraining myself from writing 20k more of this#android tony makes friends with the avengers while pushing pepper and rhodey away#because he loves them and he thinks letting them treat him like he's the real tony is worse#rhodey has been downplaying his relationship to tony for over 20 years and tony uses that to his advantage#the endgame pairing is pepper/tony/rhodey#he almost tells rhodey the truth and jarvis stops him#it's a mess he's a mess#uhg why am i like this#fandom ficcery#avengers
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Meddling, Menswear, and Magic - by @writcraft
Harry/Draco (2022, Mature, 18.7k)
Draco Malfoy is working in a job he hates and avoiding the magical world entirely, but he really is fine. When a bequest from Severus Snape brings Draco back to a much-changed magical world, he must find his place within it and navigate his growing attraction to Harry Potter in the process.
“Being unhappy seems like a good enough reason,” Harry says.
“Maybe I deserved to be unhappy for a while.” Draco meets Harry’s gaze and there’s a raw, open intimacy in it that makes Draco’s stomach flip.
I can’t believe I got obsessed fell in love with another fic as soon as I posted my 2022 wrap up, what is even my life 💀 I haven’t written a proper rec in 84 years and actually felt a bit anxious posting this but whatever, you only live once (or until Jan 3rd when I get back to work) etc etc. As a general rule I prefer not to rec ongoing Fest fics but I guess every rule needs an exception, right? I just didn’t want people to waste any time before checking this and closing the year with a single rec feels quite auspicious :) and maybe this will prompt MA to reveal themselves to me because I’m ready to kiss the ground they walk on
I’ve said before that my reccing process comes in waves and requires the kind of passionate frenzy that urges me to write while reading the fic, which I happen to experience very rarely nowadays. This only shows how much this story has affected me. Muggle Draco, found family, meddling Snape friends, coworkers to lovers, karaoke nights (!!!), master chef Harry, this fic has everything I adore and delivers every single detail masterfully, with heart and intent. Simply put, I am blown away. Not only by MA’s singular ability to reach inside my mind and tick my every box, but also by their build up and characterization skills, coming up with charming, fleshed-out characters and a delicious brand of playful banter that made my heart beat outside of my chest from their very first interaction at the Ministry. The unrelenting banter was so excellent and entertaining I could cry - I surprised myself giggling so many times imagining their faces while delivering those lines. Gotta love a sassy couple, peak romance!
The premise itself is unpretentious yet brilliant, bringing Snape back from the dead to articulate things and push the boys plot together. His presence is clever and powerful not only from a plot perspective, but also to help us understand a bit more about post-war Harry and Draco, as they take the responsibility for his legacy by continuing his research work. There’s a lot to unpack between Draco’s fierce loyalty and Harry’s resigned determination to see this through. But despite all the emotional depth, the vignette style, smooth pacing and light tone make it hard to believe this is almost 20k; it feels both longer and shorter, I’ve read it in one breath and was left aching for more.
The characters voices are also delight - this still snarky but also civil, restrained Draco offers a fabulous POV, and learning about Greg & Luna and about “new, older Harry” as perceived by him was an absolute joy. I’m desperate to know more about this Harry with his mellow and jaded persona, a tad mysterious and off-kilt but still lovely and lovable. I found him both charming and intriguing, in Draco’s own (again, top notch) assessment, a peculiar man indeed. And Draco is so thirst for him I could barely hold my excitement omg the tux fitting scenes are so deliciously laced with sexual tension! Their chemistry is off the charts and I melted alongside Draco at Harry’s intensity and single-minded focus. Trust me when I say the M rating is sexy enough!!!
On that note, something unique that I particularly loved about this story is how organically everyone interacts, characters often breaking tension at awkward moments with incredibly perceptive gestures or lines (e.g. the conversation with Ron or when Harry helps out in the kitchen on their first date). That made me feel even more immersed and close to the characters. Something about the way they see each other, open and tentative, gives the otherwise simple exchange an interesting nuance of tenderness and intimacy. Masterful writing 😔🤌🏼
Ugh, I can’t believe I found yet another 2022 favorite on the very last day of the year. I wish MA could have seen my face as I read their fic because I am certain the feeling of pure joy and wonder was written all over it. I haven’t felt this bubbly about a fic in a long time, it was the kind of story that gave me renewed hope to see 2023 as an open canvas, a year full of possibilities. Writing this rec took me over 45 min and nothing was able to wipe the smile from my face. I can’t thank you enough, my dear MA, for giving me such a special experience today of all days. This fic will always hold a special spot in my heart for it. Happy New Year!
Read on AO3
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july ‘21 writing progress
words written: 40k
most words written in a day: 2648
least words written in a day: 131
current yearly total: 161.5k
projects worked on:
- ya sci-fi novel
- renga practice kissing fic
- sylvix dreamscape fic
- sierra bday fic
- jessie bday fic
- sk8tts zine piece
- outlining wenzhou fic
works published in july:
“you’re a dream (i’m never waking up)” chapter 4
july goals:
- write 40k for camp nano goal
- write at least first 20k of my novel
- write at least 20k of fanfic
- finish sierra’s (very late) bday fic
- start narumitsu commission
- finish/submit sk8tts piece
- publish chs 4 and 5 of sylvix dreamscape fic
- finish draft of ch 6 of sylvix dreamscape fic
- finish draft of renga fic, maybe publish by end of month ??
- work on matchablossom fic if i have time
august goals:
- write ~15k of my novel
- write at least 10k of fanfic
- finish sierra bday fic
- finish jessie bday fic
- start narumitsu commission
- publish ch 5 of sylvix dreamscape fic
- finish draft of ch 6 of sylvix dreamscape fic
- finish draft of renga fic
- work on matchablossom fic if time??
- start wenzhou fic if time??
notes:
so, july was.....wild. i went a bit bananas and wrote 40k over the course of the month––which on the one hand was cool, especially because it pushed me to make progress on a bunch of things! but... to be honest i kinda feel like i burned myself out, so i’m gonna try to reel myself back a little during august (even though i still have like, a zillion things to finish lol).
probably the most exciting part of my july writing journey was that i started writing my ya sci-fi novel! and, as i hoped, i got the first 20k of the first draft done, so i’m really thrilled about that. i still have a long way to go with it, of course, but... this honestly feels like a huge step for me. i’ve been like absolutely terrified to write original fiction and haven’t even attempted it in like 5 years, so it feels really good to be starting on that journey again!
related to that, i also applied to a writing residency that would like really boost this project forward if i were to get it (ha...) which is like the first time i’ve applied myself to anything with my original writing in.....many many years lol. not getting my hopes up super high cuz i think it’s pretty competitive, but i’m just proud of myself for putting myself out there, since it’s been such a long time! (and also, if everyone could send good energy out into the universe for me... 🙏)
outside of that, i got a good chunk of fic writing done as well... i didn’t finish as many things as i’d hoped, but i still worked on a number of things and am close to finishing a few of them. :) in terms of what i did finish, i edited/published ch 4 of the sylvix dreamscape fic, and completed/submitted my piece for sk8 through the seasons zine (preorders open on aug 7th btw!!) which i ended up being really happy with so YAAAY.
going to continue working on my novel this month, since i’m hoping to at least get a first draft finished by the end of the year SO i’m aiming to write roughly 15k of it per month (maybe more than that during november if i’m lagging behind on it....we’ll see lol).
besides that... i’m trying to prioritize finishing my bday fics for sierra and jessie since they are both late *cries*, and also starting the narumitsu commission bc that is also exceedingly late *cries some more*. but also really hoping to finish a draft of the renga fic since i only have like one scene of it left. also, i aim to publish ch 5 of sylvix dreamscape fic this month and hopefully finish a draft of ch 6 as well!
there’s also a couple of “maybe if i have time” things, i.e. i’d like to get back to writing my matchablossom fic if possible since i’ve barely touched it the past couple months. :(( oh yeah and...well, if it’s not already clear, i’ve developed severe word of honor/wenzhou brain rot so...naturally i’ve planned out an entire fic for them that i have somehow restrained myself from writing yet. but, i may be tempted to at least start that if i finish a couple other things on my list, haha.
so uh YEP!!! being my usual self i’m like “yeah i’m gonna like slow down this month” *gives myself like 12 different projects to work on* but hey i mean at least i’m having fun and writing things i enjoy so :))) YEAH i have a lot of things coming up and i’m excited!! hope everyone has a good month!
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I hate doing sequels.
Mainly, I don’t like repeating myself, it reminds me that I’m getting old. =))
But people do get forgetful when they get busy, it happens, so: Mr. President, you seem to be in the habit of forgetting about things when you want to be cheap about them. No, really. Consider this item.
https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/student-loan-forgiveness-biden-promise-144633725.html
Yeah. You’re trying to make us, the people who voted for you when they would have voted for other people, like Elizabeth Warren, you’re trying to make us BEG for your cheapest answer possible. Even though some of us, like MYSELF, got infected with coronavirus to vote for you in spite of ourselves. You can do better than this, Mr. President.. Can, should and must, because your naive faith in the good will of this Congress is severely misplaced. You can only trust them to fail you, betray you and sabotage you at every turn. And that’s just Joe Manchin--this isn’t even getting to Bitch McConnell and his Traitor Party of the U.S. Senate. No, look at the facts in front of you right now.
How many MONTHS has it taken so far, to get to, “We have to pass the big infrastructure package and it has to be done with reconciliation, because McConnell’s people aren’t sincere in the slightest.” Consider:
https://www.yahoo.com/news/starting-look-republicans-arent-going-173310660.html
How much time did you waste trusting in the good will of the Insurrection Party McConnell leads? It’s only going to be just like this, or worse, with everything you attempt here. McConnell has openly said as much, himself.
So here’s a LIST of reminders.
--$50,000, not ten, off of the original balance for all Federal student loans and Pell Grants in arrears by the default rules. Use the lower figure of $10-$20K for private sector loans if you like, but don’t be cheap on the big-ticket item that only YOU can resolve. Likewise, establish a structure for waiving interest, fees and collections now, because the student loan offices don’t have a structure and aren’t ready to resume business after August 31st. As per:
https://www.yahoo.com/news/student-loan-companies-arent-prepared-142434788.html
And also:
https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/almost-nobody-is-repaying-their-student-loans-190151270.html
And yes, that second one IS a biased, anti-forgiveness article. This ought to tell you something, Mr. President. I’m not cherry-picking my info here. I’m trying to help. That thing was a pain in the ass to find and I could have declined to give the link.
--Support the expansion and updating of SSI (Supplemental Security Income) benefits heading through Congress, by making it harder for landlords and property/asset managers to either a) redline older and disabled tenants out of zip codes entirely, or b) dramatically raise rent payments in the face of increasing SSI benefits. One of the BIG things expanded SSI could do is help people afford to move back into their old, and in many cases better, neighborhoods. This can’t happen, though, if you don’t have the foresight to restrain landlords and property/asset managers in general, and out-of-state/corporate ones in particular.
Congress scratched your back on student loan forgiveness: now scratch theirs on doing more for SSI recipients, most of whom are the poorest of the poor people we have here in America.
--Push MUCH harder on vaccines. One way to do this is by preparing to go door-to-door in all 50 states at once, as openly and swiftly as possible. Write an Executive Order DEMANDING that ALL National Guardsmen and ALL State Police Officers get both shots of either mRNA vaccine by the last day of September. Maybe include Fire and Rescue personnel, full-time or volunteer, as well. Demand it and make it clear that this will happen by the end of September so that the door-to-door vaccine work WILL begin in October.
This sort of crisis management action is one of the things Executive Orders were made for.
--And speaking of crisis management? An Executive Order supporting Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna wouldn’t be out of order. In simple terms: push hard for full FDA approval and authorization, especially now that the Johnson & Johnson vaccine is so downgraded by recent events. Get people to understand that the mRNA shots are still good as gold and beat getting sick from the virus seven days of seven.
Oh, and in the same order? Push for boosters that cover both the Delta variant spotted in California and Missouri (among other states), as well as the Lambda variant in Latin American nations due south of Mexico (it will get here, just wait). Get the drop on things before our Human Stupidity problem does.
(ends list) My apologies for going on so, but I am trying to be fair, but also to get you focused. There’s still a lot more to do, Mr. President.
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Hello! Just wanted to stop by (hopefully not being a bother) and say I have recently just went through all of your red dead fics on ao3 and wow. I've gotten into a/b/o fics more after reading yours! But also your amidst fic made me feel all types of things, and I know however it ends will leave me messy with f e e l i n g s. And I want to prematurely thank you for those feelings xP. I was also wondering, if that's alright, how your writing process is like? You put in a lot of words in amidst and some of your other fics. Do you make outlines? Do you first write down ideas for a chapter/fic and then draft it out? Are there scenes you add/take out? Is there a length goal you usually set for yourself? You don't have to answer, but I wish you well and thank you for fics that brightened my life a little!
LONG POST!
omg, hello anon! your ask 100% got lost in my notifs, so I just wanna start this off by saying you aren't a bother whatsoever!
in fact: I love receiving asks about my fics, as well as opening up about the writing that takes to get them to you guys!
so I'm gonna start this reply off with a quick thank you about my works! I'm so happy you're enjoying or have enjoyed what I've written.
RDR2/Arthur Morgan is a pleasure to write about, but I've also really enjoyed the fandom. it's been one of the sweetest and most supportive, and I've found one of my best literary periods with you guys! so thank you! :>
but enough pitter patter about that-- let's get to the fun stuff!
since you had a few questions, I'm gonna answer these in a separated list so it'll be easy to follow along! :)
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What is your writing process like?
well, in truth anon, I don't exactly have much of one.
that may surprise some, and others not. in truth, I think that sometimes the idea or concept of a "writing process" kind of scares anyone trying to get into writing.
I'm not sure if you are, anon, but your questions just make me want to cover this, just in case.
writing should come to you how it comes. I'm definitely NOT a textbook writer. I don't have a method where I have cardinal rules and a set up I have to have.
I simply embrace when inspiration strikes. usually while listening to music or absorbing some other media. frankly, if you treat writing like a science, you're gonna get stuck. it isn't an issue you have to fix, or a challenge you have to tackle.
allow yourself to get comfortable and just think whatever comes your way mentally. even if you think an idea is bad, encourage it! you can't write if you don't let yourself think.
so for me, I suppose my "process" is just encouraging my writing and for my brain to pop out ideas or scenes. just write away and see where it takes you!
You use a lot of words-- do you outline by chance?
ah yes. I am a wordy potato, frankly. albeit ACW is an overall outlier at being ALMOST A MILLION WORDS. even then, I don't think any of my over fics have ever really gotten past 150k, and I believe only ONE had done so.
this was... not by design.
believe it or not, I intended ACW to actually be short. 6 chapters like the game and boom, done. I thought I could summarize everything and just show snippets of a growing relationship between Arthur and my unintentional OC, Wolf. it almost would've been like a one-shot just broken up into chapters for homage sake.
but then I overplotted the prologue and next thing I knew, ACW had become this massive, sprawling monster of a slow-burn.
as for outlines... I don't necessarily outline. I'll explain this more in my next response. :)
Do you write a summary of a chapter or fic down, then draft afterward?
so in terms of summary, no. these stories live in my head, and I tend to feel that writing things down is more of a waste of time for me.
my brain flies through stories at such quick speeds I feel like I will lose my spark or my ideas if I take a second to write things down.
I am known to do audio recordings where I talk about my writing though. this is an amazing way to brainstorm on the fly, and some of my best ideas have come from just voicing what I'd like to see happen aloud. additionally: the recordings are a good way to keep track of what I've said and want, just like an outline!
otherwise I don't outline. I'm not sure what the terminology is, but I apparently go after my stories a lot like Stephen King does.
write first, worry about the rest later. I'm very much a "swim and swim even if you're sinking" because I would rather put the work in than fool with floaties to keep myself up.
personally this works wonders for me, as I don't like restraining myself or my head once I'm in motion. it doesn't end well if I do-- like snuffing a candle. I just go for it and I will make sense of it later.
even so, I have general ideas for what I want to happen, and I remember my basic outlines. the details come later, as long as the big picture is visible to me.
as for ACW: the only "outlines" I did was timing of the game missions. just to make sure I didn't miss major happenings, and that I had the timing in a way that flowed for what I wanted both logically and narratively.
as for drafts, I also don't draft. again, I go for it. that being said, I have restarted updates a couple of times, or have deleted entire scenes out of dissatisfaction. most of the time though, it's one and done for me! and it's all done on the fly. :)
Are there scenes you add/remove?
as mentioned above, yes. I have deleted a lot of content from ACW. some ideas never came to, but more often than not, it was repackaged in a way I liked better. so if anything, content was recycled and you all still got to see it in some way.
but there are some things that I want to do that just aren't possible. like many stranger missions. there's no good way to include certain events or characters in ACW without derailing what is going on. so alas: aberdeen pig farm is not a stop on Arthur and Wolf's itinerary.
but for another example, I wanted to showcase more of Wolf's past with her father (specifically her shut in life before his death), and I wanted scenes and more examples of her being disconnected unlike everyone else as a result.
these will come as flashbacks or other scenes in the upcoming chapters, but I intend to add these changes or additions during my revisions! :>
Is there usually a length goal you set?
as for word goals, I never quite had any apart from "at least 20k words" just because that was usually my average, I noticed.
additionally, this made sure I didn't end chapters without putting the bare minimum of content in them, and to have solid continuity. can you imagine have a 20k update and then a 3k one? no thanks!
20k just became my running baseline, after that. otherwise, my limit is when AO3 reaches theirs for the character limit (fence why some updates were split into multiple pieces).
with my other stories, I simply write until the story is properly paced or finished: however long it takes!
---------
whew! what a post!
but I hoped that gave you some more insight, anon.
writing is crazy, and I'm always learning something new. more now than ever, since I'm looking into actually getting something original submitted for publication.
if you (or anyone reading this) are inspired to write yourself, don't be discouraged! writing is one of the most intensive forms of creation. it's not easy. it's not instant. it's a lot of passion and time, let alone a utilization of language and grammar fluency!
it's easy to feel overwhelmed or lost, or feel like it's better to not try than struggle to start. but I can assure, writing is such a splendid thing to do. write for enjoyment, or pleasure, or simply because you want to.
as long as your story isn't intended to be hateful, is your own work, and is fun for you to create... what else matters?
if you want some additional inspiration, just know that I started writing fic in 2012/2013 and have gone through so much in my near TEN YEARS of fic writing. I've learned a lot, and I've grown so much!
be proud of yourself no matter where you are at and start from, and pride yourself in your progress or beginnings.
just go for it! you may surprise yourself!
hope you're having a good one, anon. and thanks for the ask! :)
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i'm unashamedly lurking around your replies to other people's ask, but i'd like my name to be added on the list of "shady misunderstood guys with a soft side" kinda lovers. that shit is good.
i mean, raiden as a birthday present still sounds very good. i've restrained myself from pulling her twice now because 1. i am a huge husbando collector so yk all my primos usually are saved for the next guy banner and b. i have a very strong love/hate relationship with raiden? like, i don't hate her but she's not a character i'd die for, if that makes sense.
not that i think she'd need someone dying for her, since i'm pretty sure she can just kill whatever obstacle is on her path lol
tho, she's really strong ;;; i've tried her yesterday with ayato, venti and thoma for the new event and i was shocked by how much fun i had clearing out the chamber.
i just want more characters to be able to reach inside venti's burst, rip
also, i've said it countless times but consider my replies to be a safe brainrot zone. like, you wanna talk for two hours straight about literally whatever? that's fine lmao i love hearing what people have to say
(moreover, i once kind of spent an entire hour talking to a friend about how i'd love to have kaeya as my summer boyfriend and diluc as my winter boyfriend so i could get cold kisses in the summer and warm kisses in the winter, so you know, i'm not one to judge other people's brainrots xd)
i feel like my asks keep getting longer? idk, i always feel like i've got too much to say and then have to try and sum it up as much as i can not to infodump you too much :')
as always, i wish you the best feelings and lots of albedo crits coming your way sigh i get you getting my childe to crit is also a big challenge
- 🍓
Hm,
I think it’s safe to say i can be added to that club too,,, Actually, I think I’d probably be the CEO of that T^T
I don’t like raiden much as a written character. She came out like this amazing villain but turned out to be a watered down version of a ‘wife’ cutesy character after destroying her entire country. I just found it ridiculous that the traveler and everyone else moved on so quickly. She’s only just now facing consequences of her actions and it’s too little too late imo. I’ve learnt not to judge her too harshly bc the writing of women in Genshin is almost always terrible. I’ve ranted too many times about that though,,,
As a playable character though, at first I was like ‘ok she’s good’ and now she’s become a very powerful dps in my little group, she works well with almost every character, she’s gorgeous to look at, has fluid animations, wonderful design - honestly, you don’t have to like Raiden as a character, but I think she’s personally worth pulling over some other five stars.
But aw, thank you !! I won’t be self conscious about the length of my replies then if you bring up something that sparks the unending rambles part of my brain hehe
Don’t worry about your asks getting longer, I don’t mind the length as long as I’m hearing from you, I love interacting <33
Ohh, speaking of Albedo crits- I pulled a defence artefact recently and now his defence is 3k,,, he might not be critting but with nearly 20k off-field damage? I’m still proud of my boy :,)
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Dearest darlingest Ivy,
Lol well this time I sucked hard. Oh well. I'm ready to reply now.
Kinktober is harder than I thought but it feels especially good and rewarding to keep up with it. It's already at over 20k? How? It's three days in??? The fuck? I've never finished such a long multichap before, I will be so fucking proud of myself. Even if it's shit.
Put a hold on looking for a recliner bc god knows when I will know where we'll be living or how much space we'll have. I appreciate it though.
Personally I'm all in favor of you just fucking bringing home an enormous comfy couch without asking and your mom can just deal with it. Lmao. That's how I got Timmy. #yolo
I, too, am horridly disappointed that it's not looking like I'll be able to live with you at least within the next five years. I mean, I'll probably hold out hope. Life has had a funny way of panning out for me so far, you just never know what wild shit might be around the corner. For example, I never thought that I would be domesticated at 21 and willingly living with and dating a cishet guy in his 30s, yet here I am.
I know what you mean, though. I love living with Steve, too, I just wish that he got along with... anyone. Anyone else that I loved. Sigh.
Ever since we got the eviction news Steve's been like, totally depressed and engrossed in his video games, and I'm trying really hard not to get upset or be selfish and ask for extra attention... but I'm anxious too, and I kind of wish he would rather ride this out with me than just be mostly absent most of the time. I know this is his way of coping, I just...
My ways of coping probably aren't better, though. All I've done in days is write. Obsessively. Write, and drink too many energy drinks, and get not enough sleep.
It's a good thing I have this phone and redownloaded all of my strictly for-pleasure apps (like the moths, and the cats, and the dragons) bc otherwise I think I'd be driving myself up a wall.
I'm sorry I haven't been texting as much as I could. I think I've overextended myself a bit.
Should I re download Snapchat???
I'm really proud of Scrap for taking the commotion in the house so well as we begin packing again, and I'm starting to calm down about the moving again thing. Even if we just end up in an apartment, I know I'll be able to take him, so i just need.. to chill. Like. At most he's going to be back at my grandmas a couple of days while we figure out the moving shit.
You aren't obligated to smoke, my friend. I mean, personally? I would recommend trying it, but it's not really life changing. It's most likely to be a huge disappointment bc it's not as great as everyone makes it out to be. But as I said, I have some, so if it want to smoke up lmk.
I really need to get more wine. I am out, and that wine is delicious. I've been drinking that apple liqeur shit for a few nights now and while it is delicious, it doesn't get me drunk as quickly. Sometimes that's nice. Lately, though, I just want to be inebriated.
Remind me to have you try it.
I guess it's a good thing that you aren't worrying about it when you don't have to... but at the same time, I just. Really hope you don't get hurt in the end. This whole thing makes me very nervous. :/ I miss when everything seemed simple, and we were all just going to live in a big commune when we grew up with all of our best friends in one place.
Life fucking sucks for not giving us that.
I have, at least, opened a tab to start looking at the Kate Bush stuff. Progress!
I am CONSTANTLY struggling with the urge to tell people I have fucking ptsd so they should fuck off. Good job on restraining yourself tho xD I guess it's for the best that we don't, but God. Sometimes. Sometimes.
This stuff is so fucking sour.
I was weak today and spent basically my whole break talking to Jenn... it wouldn't be so bad except whenever I let myself get absorbed in conversation with her, I always end up over sharing about my very personal life, like. My personal problems... and I know that that's a fucking stupid thing to do? But I still do it? It's hard to remind myself that Jenn is not a good friend to have, even though she's so earnest and seems like she really truly does want to help.
Unrelated, but we sicced her on a customer from hell today, it was fucking awesome. xD Wish you were there.
Rain check on the cat tree, if I haven't already said that. Sigh..
Jesus, a counselor specifically for eating disorders? That seems like jumping the gun a bit? Doesn't your mom realize that the problem probably stems from something else...? Idk, in my own experience it was more helpful to see a therapist who didn't really specialize, and didn't look for specific things in me... just took an overall look at my symptoms and started helping me find the tools to deal with them individually.
I hope that it helps him though. I really do. I love TJ, having him at work is great. I'm too awkward to really express it but since he's yours I feel a bit protective of him.
~Reminder to talk about bondage~
No, you never told me exactly. I don't even know if the specifics matter though. That it upset you is enough for me to be unimpressed with him.
Drunk sex is great. I miss drunk sex. I feel like it's not really all that coordinated, though.
Have you asked him to do a scene with you? Maybe he could do the dom thing more if it was like.. structured.
(Not that I've ever gotten to do that either.
God, I'm sex deprived, fucking end me. I'm so horny. Why didn't I think of this before I decided to do a month long porn challenge?????)
I agree, about Kevin being oblivious. I'd be scared of that too. I hope that he actually listens to you and pauses to imagine it the next time you bring it up. I wonder if life just hasn't thrown him a real wrench yet. I feel like after the first terrible surprise, for me, I just... started to look at everything differently. I was so married to my morals when I was a teenager and didn't really realize it. I would assume Kevin is too, if he hasn't experienced anything that would force him to reevaluate.
God, I need to go keep writing. I'm so fucked. I have my three days in Canada coming up and it's just fucking awful timing, I'm hoping I don't get very far behind. Or behind at all. (wishful thinking, though, i think)
I'm so tired and I have such a long week ahead of me.
Hope you have a less stressful one than me. Tell me what you think of the next Kinktober chapter, and kiss each of your kitties for me. I miss you.❤️
Love, Tonio~
PS are you keeping up on your russian??? я тебя люблю
#you are the reason that i'm smiling when there is nothing to smile about#i don't expect you to do the russian thing i'm just rly absurdly pleased that you were interested in it#ppl give me such weird looks when i say i'm learning russian
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"i am restraining myself from writing 20k more of this" okay but 👀 what if you DIDN'T and you dragged us all back into 10 year old fandoms with you instead 🥺👉👈 because I am FULLY on board with this
i am holding on by my FINGERTIPS
the idea is just so fun to me and i already have the whole fic planned out in my head
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