#i am not going defend any of the heinous and hell-deserving things he did but i am really not about pretending like comparatively his

[fideidefenswhore]

the historical comparison games with henry viii are so taxing....i hate twitter, lmfao

#i am not going defend any of the heinous and hell-deserving things he did but i am really not about pretending like comparatively his #successors and predecessors were morally superior ; or at least not by very much? #and YES even if we limit it to queens/kings of england #for fuck's sake; george i of england ordered the murder of his wife's lover #and was drowned with heavy stones #he then proceeded to divorce and arrest his former wife #she was never again allowed to see any of her children #and imprisoned her for the rest of her life #if life imprisonment is much better than judicial murder like...idt it is by very much? #and permanent child separation #even if the prisons are estates rather than cells. like. especially when we are talking about 30+ years #and i think this about juana of castile too #also the sons of francis i WERE actually kept in dank cells by charles v . #and they were CHILDREN??

[janiedean]

I really, really love your metas! In "Why a Jaime/Brienne Endgame in the Books Makes More Sense Than One Might Think, Based on Previous Works of GRRM's" you wrote, that you have endless reasons to assume that both, J and B, will survive the whole series - can you please name some? Aside from this mentioned meta I've only read an explantion of the weirwood dream, which can be interpreted in both ways. Or can you link a good meta that explains other reasons? Thank you very much!

hey!

first of all thank you so much, glad that you appreciate my rants. ;) that said, sure I can go in-depth. in order (btw @ginmo has written also some excellent meta about this, just check on her blog), and also counting the weirwood dream which I’ve ranted on at length in that specific meta:

now, the first thing is how grrm strategically placed these two in the narrative, in the sense that:

brienne has spent her life being passed for a joke and she desperately wants for someone to see her worth as a person and she’d about kill herself for the people who manage to get as far as to gain her trust/love, jaime has spent his life loving people without getting much in return and with that trust being used/abused/thrown away and everyone taking it for granted... and we’re assuming they’re not set up to be together when as stated grrm has written them as romantic from the first moment?

(also, jaime’s entire first chapter in asos is basically ‘I find brienne attractive but since I never considered that I could be attracted to anyone but cersei I can’t understand I’m attracted to her so I’ll stare at her and think she’s ugly all along even if I really am attracted to her. brienne’s issues are also rooted in the fact that no one sees her as attractive. jaime does. hmmm?)

both of them start from a miserable situation from which they’re finding their own way up, not down - jaime is more obvious but brienne is too because she starts at the point where she’s so starved for recognition she would die for someone who just was nice to her but didn’t really gaf about her and now she’s... well, becoming a knight because sure af that is happening, I’m sticking with the theory that the knighting is book canon too -, and if they both end up miserable or one of them does it doesn’t work;

both of their chapters have heavy foreshadowing concerning possible marriage/having children/finding love - jaime wants to father his kids and at some point resents that other men are husbands and fathers but not him because he was always the warrior and he doesn’t say it happily, brienne is half-glad her first betrothed died because she thinks she’s not suited to typical feminine things/to fit into a woman’s role in society but she’s also sad at thinking she will never have children, these two are going to get together very soon, and I’m supposed to think they’re set up for failure? k but I can respectfully disagree;

also, this goes back to that meta I wrote in which I said that grrm does not do grim for grim’s sake and he’s actually way less cruel than it seems, likes a good love story and has more than once finished his other books with satisfying resolutions to that kind of storyline, but adding to that: in comparison to whatever calvinist crap message hbo wanted to send, I have to inform y’all that grrm is a currently agnostic lapsed catholic and it’s exceedingly clear in the way he explores/deals with redemptive themes.

now, let me break the jb narrative for a moment to inform you of a few things that as an atheist born and raised in a 99% catholic country whose literature’s funding works are heavily based on catholic themes/on stories rooted in catholicism:

the ‘you need to die to be redeemed’ narrative is 100% bullshit according to catholic morals and on top of that it’s opened to anyone at any time;

like, the basic distinction between catholic and calvinist approaches to the topic (and I can’t believe I’m defending catholicism but nvm that) is that calvinism preys on a narrative where your negative qualities define you and you cannot escape them (which is because calvinism accepts predestination ie the idea that seeing your lot in life you can deduce if you’ll go to heaven or hell, so if you’re poor/unsuccessful/you committed mistakes/a crime and so on you’re not redeemable and it’s proof you’re damned) and that meant that in societies with calvinist background the death = redemption narrative is extremely popular because it’s seen as ‘hey this person is wretched and they suck so they couldn’t have lived anyway and they did something good with it for once and it’s the best they could hope for’. catholicism, at the contrary, works on the basis that as we all have free will we can change for the better and if you repent for your sins/past wrongdoings/mistakes then that’s enough to be redeemed and if you do it on your deathbed.... you can still go to heaven, you’ll just have to atone for your wrongdoings (that’s the entire point of purgatory’s existence ie making people who repented near death or too late to gain heaven atone for their sins before they can enter heaven). and the moment you repent then you’re free to start your new life and do better and gain your place in heaven, which you’ll obtain in virtue of having turned a new leaf;

(again: not to be that person, but in luke’s gospel one of the two thieves crucified with him is like ‘can you save us since you’re the son of god’, the other thief is like ‘please he has done nothing and we have sinned we don’t deserve to be saved just please remember us when you go back to your father’ and jesus tells the second thief I won’t need to remember you because you’ll sit at my right. also, in dante’s divine comedy there’s a guy who had been excommunicated in the middle ages waiting to get into purgatory for having repented on his deathbed and in manzoni’s the betrothed ie italy’s funding novel the character who’s objectively better written is a dude so heinous for his crimes that he’s called THE UNNAMED and the moment this guy gets doubts and wonders if there’s any hope for him left the local arcibishop leaves everything saying that the moment someone like that is in need then they’re more important than his own parish, goes to receive unnamed guy, tells him that just wanting to be better is enough as far as god is concerned and he’s saved as far as he cares. like, as much as catholicism sucks for the entire rest of it and for how much the catholic church is the worst ideologically the fact that everyone can be redeemed is the basic staple of the entire thing.)

now, given the ^^^, this is where I tell you that most lapsed catholics/people who left catholicism for whichever reasons usually grew up catholic and if you grow up catholic you spend your first twelve years in church at least and if your parents/people around you are also catholic you will absorb it, good and bad, so if grrm grew up catholic, he grew up with that background. (I could again rant for hours about how atheist writers who grew up catholic differ from atheist writers who grew up protestant/calvinist because if you compare grrm and idk kurt vonnegut it’s glaring but this isn’t the place for it so nvm let’s go on)

now that I’ve told you this, I’ll get back to jaime and brienne’s canon survival chances. I needed to tell you that because...

all of the stories with redemptive themes in asoiaf (jaime, theon, sandor, whoever) are not by nature calvinist. whatever d&d think or hbo thought, none of them are written in a way where death is their best option/their only way to achieve redemption/to finish their story with dignity. theon has gone through hell and back and left and regained his sense of identity, he’s not built to die now, sandor has freaking gone to rehab and I’m 100% sure he survives the series and gets closure, while jaime is exactly a poster child for the above stuff I described. like, jaime is someone who’s fundamentally good who had the misfortune to spend his entire life jumping in different kinds of abusive situation one to the other (tywin’s parentage in general, his relationship with cersei throughout at least from the moment they were *experimenting* and like hell I’m going back on that sorry not sorry, guarding aerys, being with cersei at *her* terms and being forced to relieve his trauma all over and not having his needs met etc., tywin potentially ruining his only healthy relationship [with tyrion] and so on) who in turn has done exceedingly bad things/taken bad decision/committed heinous deeds that he regrets having done out of his bad reaction to all of that, not treating his ptsd and basically deciding to stop giving a fuck and embrace being the horrid person everyone thinks he is... until he meets brienne, remembers who he wanted to be because she’s posing an example of it and decides on his own to try and be better, which is... exactly... the entire fucking point. the moment he decides to try and be better and reclaims his dreams/the person he wanted to be/tries to do good he has automatically achieved a narrative status where he chose to be better and therefore the narrative is giving him a chance to be that, and usually those stories are meant to.... have the message that you can be better than the bad things you did and you can turn back the page at any point. like. jaime is written to show you that it’s not too late to get your shit together and not letting others/your surroundings define who you are;

on the other side, brienne is presented as extremely sympathetic from the beginning. also, grrm is very good at describing how shitty is your life if you grow up a woman who is not standard attractive, that everyone laughs at and who has endless insecurities for it.... and she’s the paragon of knighthood/everything good about chivalry in the goddamned series. brienne is legit one of the best people in these books and it’s not because I stan her - she’s kind, she’s just, she’s brave she’s everything a knight should be, she’s willing to change her mind when she misjudged people, she’s forgiving and life threw her crap all along and she’s still persevering from it. brienne is written in a frankly painfully objective way to eventually succeed at what she wants. if in affc she’s crying because she feels like she’s too much of a freak to be her father’s heir and she’s not woman or man enough for anything, the entire narrative point is that she has to succeed at both being a knight and a lady otherwise grrm can’t plant hints and believe me he can;

this means that jaime is headed on a redemptive path which in that kind of story when written by catholics or former catholics never ends up badly (also, aside: redemption is good for everyone and it can’t be just ONE character having it, you don’t buy it at the supermarket, so saying that if jaime has it then tyrion or theon or sandor or whoever can’t have it is just poor reading, people change all the time irl and in narrative you aren’t obligated to redeem one and kill everyone else) or in death, brienne has been written to succeed in her endeavors after she suffers a shitton and I think stoneheart has to be the worst and the end of it (in the sense that after that situation is resolved the way for her is down, not up). which if I do the math and we have stated they’re headed for romance, means the both of them should have a chance at a future together;

also, I can go and tell you that their asos road trip ending with harrenhal is bursting with symbolism that includes death and rebirth - not going into the weirwood dream and sticking to the basics... guys, jaime starts as a prisoner, then ends up losing a part of herself he thinks define him but in truth only defines what he thinks he is (and he’s not ie cersei’s double, the kingslayer, the person who has to drive himself crazy to protect everyone else), then ends up almost dying and sitting in the middle of his own filth for the entirety of the trip (and even then he does good things ie saving brienne from being raped *cough*) and then ends up in a scalding hot bath where he confesses his most well-kept secret and source of 50% of his trauma to someone he trusts regardless of how much he likes it or not, faints and then wakes up again when everyone thinks he might be dead. symbolically, I think it speaks for itself. thing is, during the entire thing *brienne* is there alongside him and while she’s also getting her own share of trauma/ptsd (I mean brienne has totally bloody mummers related ptsd and I’ll die on that hill) she physically is the reason he survives it - she cleans him up, she gives him enough pep talks to convince him to live, she hears his confession, she changes her mind about him for it (but imvho she had after he saved her from being raped because that’s where she calls him ser for the first time) and she catches him in the bath when he faints which is.... fairly symbolic in itself, and she is the one who puts him back on his feet after. like, while jaime’s choices after are all his own, his symbolic journey through his own physical/mental filth he has to go through during asos succeeds because she helped him even if she didn’t know she was doing it, and like... guys, there’s a reason why in the weirwood dream the brienne in jaime’s head which he has conjured and who is basically what jaime sees brienne as in that moment, not necessarily the real one..... keeps on telling him all the time she’ll keep him safe/protect him and she basically tells that to anyone he feels threatened by (or his subconscious feels threatened by), and as stated before, jaime lannister has never, until that point, assumed that *he* would be in the position where someone else gives a shit about him to the point where they will defend him rather than in the position where *he* is the person that has to protect everyone else regardless of how much appreciation he gets in return. like, excuse me but if I was writing my own book I wouldn’t put this much work and care and this symbolism in these two’s history if I meant to kill one of them off or to not have them be happy in the end.

like, the point is: grrm is an extremely meticulous writer with an astonishing attention to detail and who put in book two shit that made extra sense when reading book FIVE, see theon saying he wouldn’t go to his death wearing dirty clothing in acok which makes you go like ‘....... why’ the moment you read his adwd chapters. no one, unless they have a penchant for sadism, would put that much work with those themes in that specific kind of story if then it doesn’t deliver. or, in different words, using a character I love as well so no one can accuse me of being impartial: when grrm put the same kind of work in catelyn’s chapters from got to asos and then you read them knowing about lady stoneheart and the red wedding, it’s obvious that he built her up for being an extremely tragic character and that she was destined to die regardless of all her efforts to save her family (same for robb but we’re talking pov characters). but catelyn’s storyline doesn’t have redemptive themes. it’s about regret, loss, loving your children but being imperfect/not being able to be there for them, and so on. catelyn’s storyline never promises you a happy ending from the moment ned dies and probably even before then. catelyn’s storyline promises you endless suffering and that’s fine because that’s her point in the narrative.

on the contrary, brienne’s tells you ‘hey there’s this girl who has had it like shit all her life without deserving it and whose worth no one sees because she’s ugly and who at the same time is actually a genuinely good person who’s trying her best and okay, she’s gonna suffer but she’ll come out on top while getting what she wants which is recognition as both a lady and a knight’ and given that brienne is also an extremely rare rep (say what you want, cishet unattractive women with her issues and her backstory are basically only less rare than unicorns in media) that I’m 100% sure grrm knows speaks to a lot of people (because he writes her too well to not know), if brienne doesn’t get that after all that shit, the narrative would not deliver on a fairly huge promise.

even worse, jaime’s tells you ‘hey there’s this guy who has been an abuse victim to at least three different people who doesn’t even realize it and whose life is so fucked up you’d need fifteen psychology textbooks to even start grasping it and that everyone sees as the worst person ever and who has ended up believing he is out of not managing his trauma well and hey look at him going through an insane amount of extra suffering but coming out of it wanting to be better and sort of succeeding and hey he has setbacks but he’s starting to see himself as his own person and he’s out of his #1 worst abusive relationship and he can decide what to do with his life now and you should root for him’, which means that if he dies or worst of all dies like in the show (but that’s not happening) the narrative doesn’t deliver on a huge promise and gives you the message that you can’t escape your mistakes and the abuse you received...... which is not the message grrm likes/wants to pass. like, I’ll die on that damned hill.

and to finish it, that was for them as single characters, but going back to the beginning: love is a fundamental part of both their storylines. as I said in the beginning, brienne suffered because she wasn’t loved enough and would die for anyone she loves herself without even expecting anything in return because she thinks no one will love her like that, jaime suffered because he loved too much without getting anything in return (or better, getting cersei’s abusive crap for his entire life) and he turned it into something toxic that’s not what he thinks it should be (he sees his and c’s relationship as the best thing ever where they’re soulmates because she sold him that narrative, but that’s not the kind of rship where you *turn your partner’s blows into kisses* which is actual text). at this point, the narrative is telling you ‘oh hey here’s two damaged people who actually would be very good together because their personalities match in that sense [as in, brienne would thrive with someone who loves her that much openly and finds her attractive and respects her for all that she is and jaime would thrive with someone who would appreciate that tenfold and who’d love him back just as much and who’d die for him - canon! -, and it wouldn’t be the kind of rship where anyone’s blows turn into kisses unless they were friendly sparring before] and oh hey look at that they’re in a storyline where they both influence each other greatly and oh wait he’s attracted to her and she thinks he looks like half a god and she’d die for him and he was willing to get mauled by a bear for her and they’re obviously meant to hook up’, which automatically promises a resolution where they both get what they want or you basically spent all your time rooting for it.... for nothing. which would not give anyone reading it satisfaction unless you hate jb that much, but I’m 100% sure that most people reading asoiaf casually would not hate it that much and grrm likes that trope that much to not deliver on it.

so, tldr: if one of them dies or if they aren’t endgame with a reasonable happy-ish ending for the both of them, the entire narrative fails to deliver on the promises of their individual storylines and their shared one, and there’s nothing in grrm’s writing that suggests that he would not deliver on it. I mean, if it was stephen king I’d hold my breath because I love steve but imvho his endings suck 85% of the time and he manages to do 180° turnarounds that have no sense whatsoever, but it’s grrm, not stephen king, and everything of his I’ve read that actually had an ending ended in a way that was coherent with the overall storyline and maintained its promises, so here, the above is pretty much the summary. hopefully I haven’t exhausted you. ;)

#jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #valyrianscrolls #asoiaf meta #janie writes meta #sorry for the lack of quotes but I'm on limited internet and I wrote this offline ops #long post for ts #abuse cw #anti-lannincest #anti-jaime x cersei #Anonymous #ask post

[damienthepious]

>:3c hey i got two this week. happy LKT babes!!

Scattered On My Shore (Chapter 3)

[Ch 1] [Ch 2] [ao3] [Ch 4] [Ch 5] [Ch 6] [Ch 7] [Ch 8] [Ch 9] [Ch 10] [Ch 11] [Ch 12] [Ch 13] [Ch 14] [Ch 15] [Ch 16] [Ch 17] [Ch 18] [Ch 19]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Lord Arum, Sir Damien

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Pre-Relationship, (for the three of them. it’s established r/d), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Injury, Injury Recovery,  Hurt/Comfort,  (this will also be), Enemies to Lovers, (for damien and arum eventually lol)

Fic Summary: Strange things wash up out of the lake near Rilla’s hut, on occasion. But this monster… this monster is certainly the strangest.

Chapter Summary: Sir Damien and Rilla discuss the issue at hand.

Chapter Notes: did u want: canon typical Damien spiraling? <3

~~

Arum is stable, the offending injury has been cleaned again and sealed and dressed and hopefully, hopefully, this time it will actually start to heal. Rilla’s mind buzzes, exhaustion and adrenaline and the satisfaction of a problem solved. That little shard of black talon (definitely talon, now that she’s seen it up close; add the satisfaction of a called shot, too) is safely and carefully stashed away in a clean sealed vial for later analysis, where it can’t do any more harm. And Arum-

The sedative probably won’t wear off for hours. Probably for the best, considering how exhausted he was before he went under. It’s probably just her imagination, just wishful thinking, but he looks… calmer. Like his sleep is more restful, now, than it had been. Imagination or no, she takes some satisfaction in that, too.

Rilla washes her hands, splashes her face, and when she meets her own eye in the little mirror above her washbasin she sees the bags under her eyes and the hair clouding around her face and the manic tilt to her expression and she- laughs.

Damien. Oh, Damien-

What the hell is she going to do about him?

She could be irritated with him just for coming into her exam room, whether or not the door was locked, but- well, it’s not like he wouldn’t have some rule breaking to throw back in her face. She sighs, dragging her palm over her mouth and noting the visible exhaustion that’s making her shoulders sag.

Well. No point putting it off, right?

She checks on Arum one more time, resettling the blankets more securely around his shoulders, ensuring that he’s warm enough, leaving a cup of water beside the bed in case he wakes before she does (whatever happens with Damien, however she gets him out of her hair, she’s going to get some sleep after this, she needs to).

Dead asleep, still, but- he mutters something, some whispery wordlessness as the back of her hand presses to his forehead to make sure his temperature is still consistent, and the breathy murmur and the way his resting expression goes even softer makes Rilla gently smile before she can help herself, and her brain is still buzzing as she thinks, rest well, you ridiculous monster, and heal.

She steps away from the cot, and she sighs, then. This next part is going to be unpleasant.

Damien is pacing in a straight line when she exits the exam room, turning on his heel to keep going in the same stuck path before he registers that she’s joining him, and then his eyes widen.

“Oh my heart, you are safe! Oh, my dearest Rilla, I was terrified that you had been- I felt only moments from bolting in to ensure that you had not been-”

“Damien. I wasn’t in danger,” she says, keeping her voice low and gesturing for Damien to follow her as she steps away from the door to the exam room, away from the possibility of waking Arum accidentally. Her hut isn’t that big, and it’s not like they could have this conversation outside, but they can at least stand in the kitchen, a little ways away where they won’t literally be shouting (she assumes they’ll end up shouting, frankly) so damn close to Arum.

“I know you are terribly brave, my love,” Damien says as he stumbles behind. “But surely even you must understand- I do not know what sort of- of experiment you are intending to run, but I must advise-”

“He’s not an experiment,” Rilla growls, bristling because she already, already regrets the brief window during which she… did kind of think of him that way. He deserves better than that.

“Regardless, regardless of the why, it cannot continue, surely you must understand that. The danger- the danger the creature presents, to yourself, to any other patients you may have, to the Citadel itself! Rilla surely you can see that it must be destroyed-”

“You’re not touching him, Damien. He’s my patient-”

“It is a monster-”

“Yeah, I gathered that Damien, thanks, but you still aren’t touching him. He’s my patient, and he’s one of a kind, and he’s not gonna hurt me. If he wanted to, he definitely already would have tried something. He’s still weak as hell but he’s stubborn and he would have tried, if he really wanted.”

“Of course the monster wants to hurt you, my precious flower. That is simply what monsters do.”

Rilla scowls hard, turning away from him to pull the curtains aside, realizing with no small degree of wonder that it’s dark outside again. Already. Already? Before she woke Arum to discuss pulling the talon out, she’s sure it couldn’t have been much past sunrise. Saints she needs to sleep. But before she can-

“Damien, I’m gonna put this as simply as I can. He is my patient. That means that it’s my job to take care of him, and to make sure he’s safe and that his injuries are treated. I’m finally at a point where I’m making progress, and-”

“Finally,” Damien echoes, his brow furrowing as his thoughts churn. “Finally? How long have you- how long has this been going on, precisely?”

“Few days,” Rilla says, noncommittal. She- she isn’t quite sure, anymore. She’s been keeping hourly notes, coded longhand, but she’d put it on pause for the surgery, and-

“So,” he says, sounding pained, “when I came to you last, and asked-”

“I lied,” she says flatly. “I lied, because I knew you would respond like this.”

“I am attempting to do my duty, my love. I must protect you and every citizen of the Citadel, must cleanse the monsters' blight upon this land-”

“Not this monster,” Rilla says. “Not him. He doesn’t need cleansing.” She grins, a little wildly. “I already disinfected him pretty thoroughly.”

“You cannot jest about this, Rilla. Surely, surely you know I cannot allow this, it is-”

“Treason?”

Damien blanches, his face going vaguely ashen, and his voice is near-mournful when he answers. “Rilla, my heart, my forever-flower you know that I would never accuse you of something so vile-”

“Even if it’s technically true?”

Damien’s entire expression freezes, as if she has stabbed him. “You can’t mean that. You wouldn’t-”

“He was hurt, Damien,” Rilla says. “And I’m a doctor. I’m just doing my job, as far as I’m concerned. But I very much doubt that the Citadel will see it that way.”

“He is a monster, my love- he could- he could do anything to you, he could kill you or steal you away or-”

Rilla rolls her eyes. “Or lie in bed complaining about the fact that he’s too weak to even stand. Oh no. Whatever will I do to defend myself against the constant annoyance of monsterkind.”

“Rilla you have seen as well as I have the cruelties done by its ilk, the violence and pain! Any benevolence must be a trick, it must be, meant to lull you into a false sense of safety around such a dangerous beast! A devious machination, meant to make you lower your guard for the moment he will strike and then what, my dearest love? What will happen, when you, with your gentle miraculous healing hands, deliver the beast back to strength enough that he may enact his plan? Oh Saint Damien protect us, what will happen when he has been healed enough to harm again? What then, my Rilla?”

“He’s not gonna hurt me,” Rilla says, entirely dismissive. “He won’t. He-” she interrupts herself with a deep yawn, jaw going wide as tears pop into her eyes. “Oh, Saints. I thought I could have this argument right now but I absolutely can’t, Damien. Can you please just trust me, at least enough not to do anything tonight? Go back to the Citadel and we can talk about this in the morning. Right now, I’ve barely slept since I found him, and now that I think I’ve finally dealt with the worst of it and got him stable- I could really use a frickin’ nap.”

“No,” Damien says, slashing his hand through the air. “No, I refuse to leave you helpless and unprotected while that- that creature-”

“My patient.”

“Awaits a moment of weakness! Awaits a moment of vulnerability, wherein he may creep close and destroy you, or curse you, or- or any number of terrible intentions that could come to pass the very instant your mind is settled into well-deserved rest, my love. I cannot stand idly by while-”

“Oh for Saints’ sake, Damien, he’s sedated. He’s not going to slit my throat in my sleep. I promise.”

“It could all be a trick, Rilla. Even with your brilliant mind- the machinations of monsterkind are often more clever than one would expect, and what if this is all some scheme? You are a genius, my Rilla, the greatest doctor in all of the Citadel, and certainly the monsters at large are aware of your prowess, are aware of how many precious lives you have personally gentled back to the realm of the living after countless heinous beasts have expended their most vicious effort to send them to their grave! A doctor of your skill and status- surely monsterkind must be desperate to remove your ferocious protective presence from thwarting their attempts-”

“Damien. First, please try to keep your volume down. I know this is- stressful for you, but the hut is small and the yelling is- not helpful. Second- it’s really flattering that you think they’d pay that much attention to me but I really think you’re overreacting.” She takes a moment to breathe, then sighs quite deeply. “Look, if you’re so worried about it, you can stay here for the night.” She smiles gently, reaching a hand to cup his cheek. “I’m sure you already had a long day before coming over here. Come to bed with me? If it’ll make you feel better, if it’ll make you feel like I’m safer, you know that I love sleeping with your arms around me-”

“I cannot lie idle and sleeping while such a beast rests but one room over, Rilla! I cannot sleep at all while it remains a threat-”

Rilla sighs and drops her hand. “Fine, Damien, fine. If you don’t want to rest with me, then you don’t have to, but I am going to bed and you are not touching my patient. Understand me?” She glares, and the force of her ire could knock Damien to the floor. His mouth goes dry, his words freezing. “If you undo any of my hard work I will not forgive you for that. Do you understand me? I will not forgive you,” she says in a low voice, and Damien swallows. “I don’t care if you wanna sit and guard the door, that’s annoying but it won’t hurt anything, but don’t you dare interrupt his rest.” She pauses. “Or mine, for that matter. Now if you’ll excuse me, Sir Damien?”

She gives him a tight, angry sort of smile, then excuses herself towards her bedroom, her shoulders already sagging again with the weight of her exhaustion, and Damien’s heart aches for her, aches for her to be safe and rested and in his arms-

But he must do his duty, first. He must protect her.

Damien paces outside the door to the room the monster currently occupies, his mind roiling and racing and terrified, and he whispers low for guidance. Rilla’s hut is not particularly large, and he has learned his lesson many times that if he prays as he naturally wishes to, he will keep his beloved from sleep rather effectively, and he does not wish to anger her any further just now. So: whispers. Saint Damien will hear him just as well, anyway. It is only for the throbbing in his own heart that his volume yearns to rise.

A monster. A monster, and his beloved Rilla so determined to see it healthy again. One of a kind- and certainly that is even more of a danger than if this were some ordinary ogre, is it not? What tricks might this beast possess? He could have any magic, and skill, any trick up his sleeve-

“What if it is is not sleeping?” He whispers, eyes sharp on the door as he paces, compulsively drawing his bow, the curve of it feeling like safety in his hand. “What if it is already scheming, already creeping towards my Rilla’s room?” His volume is rising, he can barely control it, he tries, but the words are a deluge he caught up in, helpless, helpless. “What if it is already crawling close to her bedside while she breathes light and lovely into her pillow and then it smiles a demon’s smile in the dark and it laughs at her precious kindness and then at last it raises a savage claw-”

Damien chokes a breath, pressing a hand hard over his heart and another over his mouth. No. No, he is between the beast and his beloved. He would have seen- he would know. That- that is merely his fear taking him by the throat. He must stand tranquil against it.

“Saint Damien- oh Saint Damien please,” he murmurs low, wringing his hands and trying, oh trying to slow his breathing. “Please your tranquility my Saint, I must be tranquil if I am to keep her safe, as she deserves to be-”

Rilla forbade him from harming her “patient.” Forbade him from disturbing its rest, as absurd as that is (what foul dreams fill a monster’s mind in repose? What passes for peace in such a violent, chaotic creature?). But-

She did not forbid him from entering the room. Did she?

He considers that. He looks to Rilla’s bedroom door, closed tight against him.

No- not closed tight. If he abandons his charge to protect her and goes to lay by her side, he is certain that she will gather him up in her arms and her bed and soon he will be blessed to hold her soft and lightly snoring in his arms. She is angry with him, in some misguided way, but she did not lock the door. She would not lock him out.

She did not lock him out of the room where the monster coils, either, though.

He ponders, for a few moments longer, before the thought springs unbidden again- the monster, slipping off of Rilla’s examination cot, slithering across the floor, up the walls, over the ceiling-

What powers it may have, Damien does not know. Camouflage? The ability to creep, silent? He does know of the viciously sharp claws this creature possesses, the jagged teeth that showed in his slackly open mouth-

What if it is attempting to escape?

Out the window, yes, and then- anywhere. It could slither off to find cohorts, other beasts with which to return, to raze Rilla’s cozy, humble home to the ground. It could slink around the side of the hut, could find another window- Rilla’s window, could insinuate itself back inside and-

Another deep, shaking breath.

No. Even if the creature is silent, Damien will hear the pane of glass shatter, if the creature escapes.

He cannot simply-

Damien cannot-

Every moment it is unoccupied, his mind will spin. It will tumble down into the darkness of catastrophe, will show him newer and darker possibilities, and so long as he does not know, not for certain, what the monster is doing in there, Damien will be trapped by these feelings, these foul potentialities.

He must enter. He must have his eyes on this beast. It cannot possibly harm Rilla nor anyone else, if he has it safely under his scrutiny.

And Rilla did not forbid him from entering.

He has one hand on the knob of the door, one on his bow, and he creaks the wood open. His entire frame tenses for the strike, whether that strike be his own or the leaping of the monster, but no such strike occurs. It is dim, in the room. Dim, and still, and quiet.

It is mostly quiet, anyway. After a pause, the door ajar but not yet passed through, Damien recognizes the slow, soft noise of breath, coming from inside. He frowns, but he supposes that it is better, is it not, to know that the beast is still where he can keep an eye upon it. If he had opened this door and it was still as death, and there were no noises of life whatsoever- certainly that would have been a more frightening outcome.

Damien takes a step, and then another, and he leaves his hand on the knob as he suspiciously enters this shadowed place.

Still, no attack comes. The light pouring in through the doorframe illuminates enough that Damien can see the shape on the cot, a long figure curled slightly on its side, covers shifting slowly above its chest.

The monster breathes.

It is repellent. This creature, this vile thing soft-sleeping here in a room meant for human healing, for care, for the comfort of his lovely Rilla’s talents and compassion, it is abhorrent. And Damien knows that Rilla is compassionate, oh certainly she is, but this- this? Certainly, certainly, love, there must be some limits, mustn’t there?

The monster breathes and sleeps and does not move, and Damien is even more nervous, even more furious than he was before.

He paces, but the sound of his shoes clicking on the floor sets his teeth on edge. What- what if his noise wakes the creature? If it attacks him, certainly it would be justifiable, to retaliate. Of course it would. But-

Rilla warned him not to disturb the creature’s rest.

So, until she wakes again, at least, he will not.

There is a stool, close beside the bed. When he had entered earlier, Rilla had been perched just in front of it with her hands on the beast, as if she had been seated at some point, and slowly edged forward in tension and focus until she had hovered entirely away.

If Damien wishes to sit, he is going to need to come close enough to the beast to take the seat for himself.

He takes each step across the floor as if it could be rigged with traps, as if more monsters might leap from any given shadow. This… proves unjustified. Yet again Damien is unmolested by monstrous intent, and when he comes close by the bed he stares down at the creature.

Evil. Evil made manifest. Long limbs hidden beneath layers of cloth, sharp claws obscured, the angularity of that body made slack and strange by sleep, that reptilian face-

The monster’s mouth hangs just slightly open, the tips of sharp fangs barely, barely visible behind his thin lips, the ridged line of his brow softened, the low light gleaming on his colorful, mottled scales-

Damien’s jaw tightens. He picks up the stool and moves it away from the bed, moves it to the corner nearest the door, and he perches up upon it facing the bed with a hand on his bow and a scowl set on his face.

The monster does not wake for this, either.

He scowls for quite some time, until his cheeks are a little bit sore. Then he settles into a glare, his determination too strong to be unsettled by boredom. This is only a trick, regardless of the way this creature looks- fragile, curled there on Rilla’s examination cot. More of his scales are bandaged than not, from what Damien saw earlier, when Rilla was working upon him, and the frill at his neck is nearly in tatters, one of his elegantly curved horns cracked (Damien wonders if that is the sort of thing that heals- not that this creature will have time to find that out, of course), and even despite the undeserved serenity of sleep this monster looks exhausted.

A trick. All of it a trick, of course.

… but a very, very convincing one.

[->]

#elle's fanfic #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #amaryllis of exile #lord arum #sir damien #~~spiral time babeyyyyy~~ #please im dying #god i can't wait for the next chapter of this too fjadslkjfa;sldjf #please. tell me. if you like this. i (like damien) am spiraling #scattered on my shore

[cheese-knife]

A Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing

Chapter One: The End.

Hello everyone! I know I’m not exactly know for writing fanfiction, but this is the newest project im working on. Its a bit strange, as it is a crossover between BNHA and The Wolf Among Us/ Fables Universe. But this AU is starting to dig a precious place in my heart, and I’d love it if you checked it out.

Rating: Teens and Up

Pairings: (Eventual) Bigby Wolf/Snow White

Read it on Ao3

The room was nothing special, a plain grey room built like a brick shithouse, meant to house and contain some of the most dangerous criminals in New York for questioning. The only things furnishing the room were two chairs, a table, and a single light without a cover. One of the walls had a rectangle of dark glass inlaid into the brick.

Bigby Wolf sat unnaturally still in the uncomfortable metal chair, greasy, unkempt hair hanging in a curtain around his head as he stared a hole into the table in front of him. His hands were latched to the table by heavy cuffs, kept well apart so there was no way he could rip the hand cuffs off without doing significant damage to himself. Even then, the small red lights blinking on the cuffs showed that they were actively suppressing his quirk so its not like he would get very far.

The door to the room opened with a slam as two stern looking officers entered the room, one carrying a significantly thick file folder under his arm. One stood at the door, and the one with the folder sat down across from Bigby at the table.

“Fifty-Six confirmed counts of murder.”

The folder was slammed down onto the table,

“Sixty-One counts of property destruction.”

Dozens of photos of the were laid out before the wolf, each a snapshot moment from his rampage.

“An an association with an unknown number of missing persons. Their bodies were never recovered.”

He didn’t move as the officer spoke. He didn’t even acknowledge that he was there.

“The list goes on and on. You know what this means, don’t you Mr. Wolf?”

Nothing. The three in the room sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes.

“Damnit-”

Bigby didn’t even flinch as the hand cracked across his face, hard enough to break the skin over his cheekbone. Definitely a strength quirk behind that.

“-You know what this means right?” The officer was in his face now. “We have enough shit on you to put you away for a *thousand* lifetimes, and to kill you a hundred times more. Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”

Bigby finally looked up, furious, wild yellow eyes digging into the frustrated lawman. In this moment, it was clear that he was more animal than man. He had the physicality of a caged feral animal.

In the years after his mother passed away, Bigby let himself slip into the pitfalls of his powerful quirk; in fact, he welcomed it. He welcomed the separation from the world and his humanity, fully embodying the once silly nickname his brothers used to tease him with. The Big Bad Wolf.

The trial went unsurprisingly smoothly. There was no question of what his verdict would be as he stood in front of the judge, still an overwhelming presence in the courtroom despite his restraints.

”Members of the Jury, in the case of Wolf vs. New York, what do you say?”

A small, timid woman stood and cleared her throat.

“Your honor, the members of this Jury finds the defendant wholly GUILTY of his crimes.”

The jury filed out of the courtroom as the judge dismissed them, all more than ready to leave the presence of the newly convicted felon. Bigby could smell the fear-tinged pride on each and every one of them.

The judge looked down on him.

“Bigby Wolf, it is the judgement and sentence of this court that the charged information is true, and the jury having found that the penalty shall be death. It is the order of this court that you shall suffer death, said penalty to be inflicted in Southport Correctional Facility in the manner prescribed by the law, the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of execution. You are remanded to the custody of the warden of Southport, it is so ordered. In witness whereof, I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior Court, and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed thereto.”

“May God have mercy on your soul.”

He could see the pure joy in the Judge’s eyes as he delivered the sentencing.

It was five years he spent in prison. Each one hammering in the point that the law was making a mockery of him. Everyday, the guards got a little worse, a little more teasing and pushed the limits of what they could do to him without him fighting back. The bastards got comfortable around him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

They treated him like a sad dog doing tricks just for the pleasure of a shitty treat, only to be denied even after groveling at their feet.

Five. Fucking. Years.

At this point he was just craving some sort of relief. He even welcomed death, and despite the judge’s promise all those five years ago, the court seemed determined to draw out his torment for as long as possible before sending him to the slaughterhouse.

Bigby blearily opened his eyes, never getting enough sleep these days, involuntarily flinching at the sharp sound of metal banging against metal. Though the cuff permanently clamped to his wrist prevented him from transforming, its not like they could cancel out his quirk entirely. Enhanced hearing had its downfalls, and every morning he woke up to the same three scents. Sweat, shit, and corruption.

But anyway, apparently he had a visitor. Which was strange, considering Bigby’s family was either gone, or dead, and he never made any friends. So who the fuck could possibly want to see him?

Only after having shackles firmly attached to his wrists and ankles, he was led into the surprisingly private- well, as private as you could get in a supermax prison- and was forced into a rusting metal chair in front of a booth comprised of two phones and bullet proof glass. And on the other side, politely escorted by guards to the seat in front of him, was a woman with skin like porcelain and hair blacker than coal; none other than the Princess Hero herself: Miss Snow Fucking White.

Real cute fucking name there, right?

She picked up the phone on her end, staring down Bigby with her calm, cold stare until he did the same.

“Mr. Wolf-“

“Listen, Miss White, I’m not in the fuckin’ mood to be berated by one of the top heroes in New York, so cut the shit and get outta here. Whatever you have to say, I’m not interested.” Bigby nothing but growled into his phone, nearly hanging up then and there and dragging is own ass back to his cell.

Miss White simply let him calm down, cleared her throat and continued.

“Mr. Wolf, I am here to inform you, in association with the Fables Hero Agency, that the state of New York is willing to grant you amnesty for your past crimes:”

That got Bigby’s attention. It wasn’t obvious, but there was a certain way his eyes widened just a touch, his body tensed and leaned just a hair in towards Snow that let her know that he was interested, very interested.

“Why should I trust you?” And. Twice as skeptical.

“Because, put plainly, I am your last chance at you living past 35. My agency has been interested in your case for a long time, and your time is running short. The court has scheduled a date for your execution, the end of this month. In 2 weeks exactly.”

Sounded good enough- except it didn’t. Bigby couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of him mouth, regretting them as soon as they hit the air. Why would he be actively trying to fuck up what’s already secured for him.

“Why the hell would you be interested in a serial killer with a knack for tearing people limb from limb?”

Snow leaned in towards the glass, hovering just a few inches from the glass.

“Because, you’re not as bad as everyone says you are.”

“Seven years ago, you broke into and killed six men in the basement of the Geppetto Casino, all wealthy and well know celebrities, CEOs and millionaires. These men were preparing to rape, torment, and humiliate the three women they were holding captive, including myself and my sister, before auctioning us off to the next highest biding sick perverted fuck.

But you showed up before any of that could happen. You gave those men what they deserved and you let us go without so much as a scratch before you nearly destroyed the whole building. The world mourned the death of those truly evil men, never acknowledging their heinous crimes, while insisting that you were the true monster. But I know the truth. At least in that moment, you were a hero.”

“...I’m not always like that, you know. I’ve killed innocent people.”

“We have one of the best investigative teams at the agency, I think we both know that isn’t entirely true. At points, yes. You were a villain through and through, but you’re not a bad person, Mr. Wolf.”

“Right... so where the hell do I sign up for this pardon thing?”

Snow produced a large envelope from a bag sitting at her feet and removed a few legal documents from it and handed them to a guard to present to Bigby.

“You should know that this doesn’t come without heavy restrictions. You’ll be under twenty-four observation, as well as required therapy, and extremely strict parol. You will also be required to study and work at the hero agency, and acquire a hero license at some point in the next 2 years. If you breech any terms of the contract, you’ll be arrested and sent back here to await execution again. But, if you manage to survive all of this, you’ll be relatively free within ten years. Reduced to five on good behavior.”

Bigby nodded, soaking up the information Snow was giving him while he looked over the several contracts placed in front of him. It was a lot of legal jargon, but it was easier to understand than he thought it would be. Well that, and he also spent the little free time he did have studying up on legal practices, curiosity pushing him to figure out just how fucked the system was right now.

“One problem, I can’t sign this. They don’t really let me use pens.”

Snow almost looked like she smiled at that. And it seems like she thought ahead, producing a pad of ink from the bag and passed it along to Bigby’s side of the glass.

“Don’t worry, your fingerprint makes a good replacement.”

There were ten pages in total, and each page was stamped with Bigby Wolf’s fingerprint black swirling ink. The pages were handed back to Miss White as she now truly smiled and looked at Bigby.

“I’ll need to send the paperwork in to be finalized, but you should be released within forty-eight hours, we’ll send a car to bring you to the agency do that you can see where you’ll be staying for the next few years. I look forward to working with you, Mr. Wolf.”

She returned her phone to its place and turned to leave, but he reached out and tapped loudly on the glass. Snow looked back and picked up her phone again.

“Bigby.”

“Mr. Wolf I-“

“Just call me Bigby.”

Next>

#the wolf among us #fables #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bigby wolf #snow white #snow white/bigby wolf #bigby x snow #A Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing

[skystonedclouds]

So, I usually find comfort in God but I have this recurring problem where when I think about Hell and the fact that God sends people there to be tortured eternally I start to get this nagging doubt in the back of my mind about whether or not He is truly good and I'm worried this means I'm not really saved and I'm a false convert. Do you have any advice for overcoming this? I just can't wrap my head around the idea that sending ppl to hell could ever be just rather than cruel. Is this just me?

Dear anon,

A) Cruel or just.

“I just can't wrap my head around the idea that sending ppl to hell could ever be just rather than cruel. Is this just me?”

A lot of people feel this way usually it’s the unconverted who do not see the magnitude of the evil sin. A person is usually saved (not always) when they notice they are a totally depraved sinner that cannot stop sinning without divine intervention. The name “Jesus” was attributed to Christ because He promised to save His people from their sins not just from hell. In this life the freedom from sin comes gradually through sanctification. In an instant of the twinkling of an eye the saved will be made with new bodies that cannot sin. Not being able to see the reason for hell simply comes down to not being able to see the magnitude of evil in sin. 

1. Who do we sin against?

Is it worse to curse a bug or a human? Is it worse to hate bugs or people? Is it worse to kill a bug or a human. In one way the reason sin is so bad is because God’s worth is far above our worth. The angels are before Him saying “Holy, Holy, Holy” every day with their eyes covered unable to even look upon Him. We are made in the image of God while God is Himself the one we are created to look like. How about this... Is it worse to burn a picture of someone or to burn that person? Maybe if we had a better grasp of the infinite worth and honor due of God we would see the magnitude of our evil. The extend of evil can be measured by the worth of the victim (be it picture, plant, bug, human or God). 

Psalm 51:4 I have sinned against you—only against you— and done what you consider evil. So you are right in judging me; you are justified in condemning me.

1 Samuel 2:25 If anyone sins against someone else, God can defend the one who is wrong; but who can defend someone who sins against the Lord?” But they would not listen to their father, for the Lord had decided to kill them.

The devil likes to blind us to the worth and beauty of God. This has been his ploy since he cannot kill God. Instead it’s easier to destroy people’s perception of Him.

2. Is the punishment disproportionate?

It is normal for us to think it too severe if we have a man-centered worldview. Hell tears this humanistic down to see we are not the most important. Many have fancies the idea of aliens and the idea that we are insignificant and meaningless atomic arrangement. That drops to the opposite extreme of the supremacist of man. We are not worthless nor we are not most important. We view sin from the horizontal plane instead of both the horizontal and the vertical. In the bible Joseph did not ask “how can do do this sin against this man by sleeping with his wife?” instead he asked “how can I do this sin before God”. David was not sad he killed a man but that he sinned before God. I previously explained the way we sin against God.

Hell wakes us up to the fact it’s not all about us. We have made God into some man-centered image. So many people want to see God as a genie to see what God can do for them. They think God to be their servant who must come at their beckoning to answer prayers, make them rich, make them successful or so on. Some people literally say “pray for me I don’t think I have gotten all the blessings I can”. The mindset of so many people is how God can serve them. This is how people come up with the prosperity gospel where they think God just wants them successful, famous, rich, wealthy and healthy. The doctrine of hell it comes to the conscious to remind us that we cannot manipulate or minimize this Holy God. We can look to God for provisions but it must be done to His glory not our own.

3. What is the extend of evil?

The problem of sin goes much deeper than one might initially assume. Right now God is by His common grace restraining some of the evil in every one of us. In hell the restraints come off and people are their maximal possible evil without a conscious to keep them in check. God gave us our conscious to put a limit on human evil but once judgment day comes and we are at no risk of harming anyone all the evil will be demonstrated. In hell everything suppressed by our conscious will be unleashed and we will demonstrate the full extent of evil in our hearts. So much is the evil in the hearts of men that most people would never shown their face again if their thought life was projected from everyone to see. The sheer fact that we sin and have to battle not to think or do worse evil gives us just a taste of the evil within our hearts (and that is still restrained). The conscious is a gift from God to minimize evil on earth. This sin in the heart will only grow and last forever in hell.

2 Thessalonians 2:7 The Mysterious Wickedness is already at work, but what is going to happen will not happen until the one who holds it back is taken out of the way.

Proverbs 20:27 The Lord gave us mind and conscience; we cannot hide from ourselves.

Titus 3:11 You know that such people are corrupt, and their sins prove that they are wrong.

4. The cross.

We cannot even begin to comprehend “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”. On the cross Christ bore the wrath of God the Father against sin. Christ wasn’t sweating drops of blood and feeling like He may die because of the roman cross. He was overwhelmed by the wrath of His own Father crushing Him. He still suffered it all on our behalf to offer salvation for anyone who will allow Him to take their place. 

B)  Is God good?

“I start to get this nagging doubt in the back of my mind about whether or not He is truly good”.

What do you mean when you say good? Jonathan Edwards wrote on hell:

I shall use only one argument, viz. that sin is heinous enough to deserve such a punishment, and such a punishment is no more than proportionable to the evil or demerit of sin. If the evil of sin be infinite, as the punishment is, then it is manifest that the punishment is no more than proportionable to the sin punished, and is no more than sin deserves. And if the obligation to love, honor, and obey God be infinite, then sin which is the violation of this obligation, is a violation of infinite obligation, and so is an infinite evil. If God be infinitely worthy of love, honor, and obedience, then our obligation to love, and honor, and obey him is infinitely great. Our obligation to love, honor, and obey God being infinitely great, sin is the violation of infinite obligation, and so is an infinite evil. Once more, sin being an infinite evil, deserves an infinite punishment. An infinite punishment is no more than it deserves. Therefore such punishment is just, which was the thing to be proved. There is no evading the force of this reasoning, but by denying that God, the sovereign of the universe, is infinitely glorious.

I am to show that it is not inconsistent with the mercy of God, to inflict an eternal punishment on wicked men. It is an unreasonable and unscriptural notion of the mercy of God, that he is merciful in such a sense that he cannot bear that penal justice should be executed. This is to conceive of the mercy of God as a passion to which his nature is so subject that God is liable to be moved, and affected, and overcome by seeing a creature in misery, so that he cannot bear to see justice executed: which is a most unworthy and absurd notion of the mercy of God, and would, if true, argue great weakness. - It would be a great defect, and not a perfection, in the sovereign and supreme Judge of the world, to be merciful in such a sense that he could not bear to have penal justice executed. The Scriptures everywhere represent the mercy of God as free, and not that the exercises of it are necessary, as if that God cannot bear justice should take place. The Scriptures abundantly speak of it as the glory of the divine attribute of mercy, that it is free in its exercises, and not that God cannot but deliver sinners from misery.

It is most absurd also as it is contrary to plain fact. For if there be any meaning in the objection, this is supposed in it, that all misery of the creature, whether just or unjust, is in itself contrary to the nature of God. For if his mercy be of such a nature that a very great degree of misery, though just, is contrary to his nature... And then a less degree of misery is contrary to his nature, and a still less degree of misery is contrary to his nature. And so the mercy of God being infinite, all misery must be contrary to his nature, which we see to be contrary to fact. Mercy would be contrary to the nature of God if justice was contrary to the nature of God.

However strong such kind of objections against the eternal misery of the wicked, may seem to the carnal, senseless hearts of men, as though it were against God's justice and mercy, yet their seeming strength arises from a want of sense of the infinite evil, odiousness, and provocation there is in sin. Hence it seems to us not suitable that any poor creature should be the subject of such misery, because we have no sense of anything abominable and provoking in any creature answerable to it. If we had, then this infinite calamity would not seem unsuitable. For one thing would but appear answerable and proportionable to another, and so the mind would rest in it as fit and suitable, and no more than what is proper to be ordered by the just, holy, and good Governor of the world.

That this is so, we may be convinced by this consideration, viz. that when we hear or read of some horrid instances of cruelty, it may be to some poor innocent child or some holy martyr - and their cruel persecutors, having no regard to their shrieks and cries, only sported themselves with their misery - we have a sense of the evil of them, and they make a deep impression on our minds. Hence it seems just, every way fit and suitable, that God should inflict a very terrible punishment on persons who have perpetrated such wickedness. It seems no way disagreeable to any perfection of the Judge of the world. We can think of it without being at all shocked. The reason is that we have a sense of the evil of their conduct, and a sense of the proportion there is between the evil or demerit and the punishment.

Just so, if we saw a proportion between the evil of sin and eternal punishment, i.e. if we saw something in wicked men that should appear just as eternal misery appears dreadful (something that should as much stir up indignation and detestation, as eternal misery does terror), all objections against this doctrine would vanish at once. Though now it seem incredible, [and] though when we hear of such a degree and duration of torments as are held forth in this doctrine and think what eternity is, it is ready to seem impossible that such torments should be inflicted on poor feeble creatures by a Creator of infinite mercy. Yet this arises principally from these two causes: 1. It is so contrary to the depraved inclinations of mankind, that they hate to believe it and cannot bear it should be true. 2. They see not the suitableness of eternal punishment to the evil of sin. They see not that it is no more than proportionable to the demerit of sin.

It is reasonable that they should be sensible of their own guilt, and should remember their former opportunities and obligations, and should see their own folly and God's justice. - If the punishment threatened be eternal annihilation, they will never know that it is inflicted. They will never know that God is just in their punishment. And how is this agreeable to the Scriptures, in which God threatens, that he will repay the wicked to his face, Deu. 7:10. And to that in Job 21:19, 20.

By the end... If you mean good as in “He is unable execute justice if people suffer and must save everyone” then he does not fit your definition. God is however “unable to” look upon sin (by His nature). 

Habakkuk 1:13 Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity: wherefore lookest thou upon them that deal treacherously, and holdest thy tongue when the wicked devoureth the man that is more righteous than he?

Meanwhile... if you mean God cannot sin, He cannot lie, He cannot break a promise, He is Holy, He is just, He delights to show mercy and He does love, He is wishing for reconciliation... Yes God is good.

C) False convert or not.

“I'm worried this means I'm not really saved and I'm a false convert”. Well let’s just start with a simple fact. Whether or not you are saved or not does not matter if you turn to God now in faith. God says “also now” and that today is the day of salvation (if you are not saved).

Joel 2:12-13 Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all you  heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.

James 4:9-10 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

Ezekiel 33:11 Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.

Now I cannot tell you if you are a false convert or not since I do not know you. I can just say God made all the promises listed above and that He does not lie. I have never been disappointed by the promises of God. He is the one I trust the most above anyone. I have faith in Him and every time I stepped out in faith He came through. 

The good news is you don’t need “Holy Spirit conviction” to be saved. That is you do not need to fully grasp your sin in order to be saved. One is saved by faith alone in the finished works of Christ not their level of faith or assurance. It’s who you trust not how much or how well you trust. A sturdy bridge is just as sturdy for the fearful person as the courageous one. 

You may be sad that you seem to either have little faith or assurance not knowing which one (at least right now). In that you doubted God’s trustworthiness. It’s called faith because you do not see His trustworthiness but you’re willing to “take a leap of faith”. Sometimes the assurance part comes after and you just have to step out and trust Him. My only advice can be to have faith. 

It does help to develop a relationship with God to know Him. Prayer, sermons, testimonies and the bible can all help get to know God and his trustworthy promises. It’s easier to trust someone you know more. Feel free to see more on the gospel.

Let me know if you want anything else. Such as recommended sermons, more depths, good testimonies, parables or so on.

God bless! 

[swampgallows]

hey so i’ve always been a staunch believer in still being able to love a character without condoning their actions, but i’ve always been curious of what your thoughts are on garrosh’s bombing of theramore? do you think it was as heinous of an act as it’s made to be in the lore, considering all citizens were evacuated?

it’s kind of funny/stunning to me that people care about my opinion on this stuff… im really flattered actually!!! haha i just feel like “oh, you’re actually asking me to talk about Garrosh? well, by all means…”

I can understand the logistics of wanting to take out Theramore. Northwatch Hold is an extension of the Alliance forces troubling the east coast of Kalimdor, which are stationed at the stronghold of Theramore. Northwatch Hold and the humans there have been putting pressure on the orcs for years, and the trolls in the neighboring isles ages before that. Sometimes people forget, I think, that the humans and the trolls have been at war longer than Thrall’s Horde had even existed. Some of your first quests as a Horde character starting in Durotar (back when the tauren, trolls, and orcs all started in the Valley of Trials and were directly funneled into the Barrens, resulting in the notorious Barrens Chat of yore) are to combat the units stationed at Northwatch. And, unfortunately despite Jaina’s efforts, many of the humans of eastern Kalimdor still sought to drive the Horde out, so it was still a matter of the Horde defending their new homes.

If you visit Cataclysm’s Theramore, there is a lot of talk of …not necessarily mutiny, but a budding kind of nationalism and yearning to “return to the old ways”. Just as the orcs who were loyal to Garrosh were itching to return to the version of the Horde that preceded Thrall’s, there were plenty of humans sharpening their blades and talking about “the good old days”. There is even a questline on the Alliance side in Theramore to expose these deserters. Traitors Among Us is one of the first quests you complete. Morgaledh quotes some of the “deserter” NPCs in the WoWhead comments, while adding their own echoed sentiments:

“These people will know Admiral Proudmoore for the true hero he was”“You can’t stop us from exposing the truth about Jaina’s cowardice”“It’s people like you who weaken the Alliance and invite the Horde to take away all we’ve fought for”I’ve done this quest on many characters over many years, and I completely agree with the Agitators. That Thrall-loving @#$% Jaina needs to be deposed, the men-at-arms of Theramore turned to valiant deeds against the animals of Orgrimmar, and this pretense of peace with the green-skins done away with once and for all.

Additionally, Theramore has spies out by Brackenwall, an ogre village allied with the Horde, and was actively sending troops further into the Barrens in the name of King Varian.

I mention this only because, from both Alliance and Horde standpoints, Theramore was by no means a neutral ground, nor lack of a threat. Theramore, whether by Jaina’s decree or not, was already actively brewing resentment and making moves against the Horde.

Garrosh’s plan was good. Parking the Horde ships just outside Theramore’s waters to intimidate—as well as prepare—Theramore for an assault is pretty clever, in my opinion. They had a chance to clear out civilians as well as gather enough Alliance forces to combat the estimated number of Horde units. He also had the Horde march in, engage in a skirmish, and then retreat; it gave the Horde a chance to fight a true battle and sent a direct message to the Alliance about what they were up against. But this was not the whole of Garrosh’s plan, and that is where it gets bad. Everything I just mentioned was only for appearances, as Garrosh’s true intentions were unbeknownst to everyone but his closest associates (Malkorok, some Kor’kron, etc.).

Literally everything else following this is completely fucking obscene, unethical, dishonorable, grotesque, cowardly, and whatever the hell else you want to call it. Even if Theramore hadn’t been nuked, per se, and it was just the enslaved elementals or just the barrage of siege weaponry, the travesty and crime of Garrosh’s attack on Theramore was that it was dishonorable. It was unjust, and it was dishonest. He deliberately withheld information from his own people, including the other racial leaders, and threatened them with treason and/or death if they were to question his methods. He lied to the Horde AND the Alliance. They say all is fair in love and war, but Theramore wasn’t warfare. It was extermination, and Garrosh used every ounce of deception and abuse that he could to screw everybody over.

The bombing of Theramore fucking sucks. Stealing the Focusing Iris is fucking dumb (still have no idea how the Horde managed to pull that shit off, by the way), and reading through Tides of War was a grueling experience. From a fiction standpoint, it is one of the lowest, most non-rewarding experiences I’ve had in WoW’s storytelling. It is similar to a gripe I have with the majority of Pixar films: sometimes the low that is hit is so low, so hopeless, that there is emotionally a point of no return in which, I personally feel, the story has been fatally wounded. Maybe it’s because of my own experiences with trauma or whatever, but reaching an “emotional dead-end” in a story like that completely negates whatever sort of redemption buds from that conflict; it may heal, but it leaves a scar. Maybe it’s because I’m a pathetic softie grown on Disney movies that can’t handle more than two seconds of a bad time, who knows. But I hate knowing shit can be irreparably damaged in stories with zero hopeful outlook, especially when I myself as a viewer, or in identifying with the protagonist, am held accountable. I don’t glean entertainment or enjoyment from stories that infuse me with guilt and tell me that everything is my fault and that I let this happen and deserve to be punished or killed.

Theramore was the death knell of a thousand things. Anything Jaina does from now on is going to be seen as irrational because of her own people standing against her and players trying to justify reasons for why Garrosh did what he did and how he, technically, was blah blah blah. Jaina is put through a meatgrinder and made to feel some of the worst pain anyone can ever feel. Jaina has already been through an entire shitshow. She has lost her father, her fiancé, her people, her home, and anyone she could have ever trusted. She has lost everything she has sacrificed these things for: peace. It’s gone. In the blink of an eye. Jaina built Theramore. 

Everyone jokes about death knights giving the Illidari a side-eye when they ask “I’ve sacrificed everything—what have you given?” How does it feel to be the woman who, maybe, she’ll never know, might have been able to prevent the rise of the Lich King? Was she wrong to reject Arthas at Stratholme? To reject Kael’thas in Dalaran? To reject her father Daelin and stand with Thrall? People take pity on Illidan, who even gets a redemptive arc in Legion and is literally a demon, yet accuse Jaina of being a dreadlord because of the justified anger she feels and pain she has endured. Theramore is now a scapegoat for all of her sorrow as people conveniently forget the rest of her history.

Garrosh’s character was executed with Theramore. Anything after that must have been emotionally exhausting beyond belief. I can’t imagine having to play through Pandaria with that piece of shit as Warchief. He let everyone down. How could anyone say “for the Horde” proudly with anything but hatred in their hearts? Who could condone that? Bringing the enormity of something like that to a video game that is supposed to be fun and interesting and certainly have a bit of storytelling conflict, sure, but not to that degree, ultimately sucks the fun out of it. Theramore didn’t need to happen the way it did, and personally I think the dropping of the mana bomb/nuke, and all of the deaths associated with it, and how graphically it was recounted in Tides of War—Jaina sifting through the rubble of her home, touching the remains of Kinndy and having them burst into arcane powder in her hands, dedicating the length of the book to building up to the event—was incredibly fucking tasteless. It could have been a barrage of bombs, even, like the goblins do all the time, or, like I said, it would have sealed the deal enough to have Garrosh abuse the elements and lie to his people to paint him as a villain. 

I mean, I guess they wanted to tie in Dalaran’s neutrality somehow and create conflict there (for some reason, even though both the Horde and the Alliance are back there in Legion, I guess because Jaina left the Kirin Tor), and Rhonin could have died in literally any other imaginable way. It didn’t have to be from a “magical” nuke. If it was supposed to somehow “forward” WoW’s standard technology (which is indeed one thing that Garrosh did, pulling the Horde into the industrial age), they fucked up by making it a one-time resource like the Focusing Iris and using it in such a grisly, abominable way that even the Forsaken’s stomachs turned. From a gameplay, story, and even lore perspective, it was absolute overkill. 

tl;dr Garrosh’s attack on Theramore was absolutely heinous and was the death of his character. I don’t know how anyone took the Divine Bell as a threat after the Theramore scenario, and literally the only way they could have upped the evil ante for Garrosh at the end of Mists was to have him seize the heart of a dead Old God, the only thing more evil and more powerful than the demons he apparently so reviled. It fucked up everything, including the overall storytelling tone of the Warcraft franchise. Nobody won and nothing about it is entertaining in the slightest. It’s incredibly tasteless and, in my opinion, a huge smudge on the lore, and one of Blizzard’s most—if not the most—flagrant cases of “bad writing”. People still talk about it, sure, not because it was emotionally gray and compelling like the mak’gora between Garrosh and Thrall, but because it was outlandishly inappropriate for the setting.

I love Garrosh as a character, but Theramore is honestly one of those things I basically just block out of my mind. I am more comfortable with him stealing the heart of Y’shaarj than the extermination of Theramore.

#long post #yamyell #anon #ask #metacraft

[fandom-rants]

STOP MAKING TERRA THE BAD GUY, AQUA STANS

I hate even dipping my toes into the Kingdom Hearts fandom, because for some reason, this site snuggles the poorly-written female characters (Kairi, Xion, etc.) and plotlines and practically deifies the more well-written ones (Aqua even more than Namine). But the worst are the Terr*qua fans. I mean, so many people like this pairing, and yet even those who do like it also like to make Terra seem like the failure of the two.

Specifically, the two must overcome the damage between them caused by Terra.

Um, what?

What?

By the way, my bitterness and anger over this got long.

First, they give Aqua a free pass for spying on Terra. As if that’s okay. As if she’s right to do so. Let me tell you: spying on a loved one is never okay. Are your parents spying on you? Doubt you’d think that’s okay. Your boyfriend or girlfriend? Beyond not okay! But Aqua spying on Terra? Perfectly acceptable, for some reason. And Terra getting angry about it? “He could have handled it better.” An actual quote from a Terr*qua fan. An actual quote.

By the way, Ven was “insulting her” when he called her awful for spying on Terra. To these people Ven was a bad guy in this situation. My brain can’t even wrap itself around this. Ven, the child of pure light, calling Aqua’s spying awful. Was the rude one. (Someone even mentioned him calling her awful and said “yikes.” WHAT.)

And please. Please. Any of these Aqua stans. Go ahead and find a single instance of Aqua saying something nice about Terra to Terra’s face. Go ahead.

Go ahead.

I’ll wait.

Because there isn’t one.

Every time Aqua stands in front of Terra, she degrades him. She calls him a failure, says she’s heard of the awful stuff he’s done, says he’ll fail to defeat the darkness. Not once does she show him she has any sort of faith in him.

Oh, and when not talking to Terra? She still shows no faith in who he is.

Nope.

All she shows faith in is her belief that he’ll become who she wants him to be. The only time we get something nice from her is when she agrees with Eraqus to spy on Terra and bring him back should he start to fall to darkness. She says, and I quote, “Only this time, he’ll show you he has what it takes to be a Master. He’s not as weak as you think.” How nice. Only she just promised to spy on him and bring him back, so...? Where’s the faith in him there, exactly?

As for practically every other time in the game, save the short moment she defends Terra to Ven in Enchanted Dominion? Ew. Just ew. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at some of these quotes.

Sounds kinda nice, right? He’ll be all right. He won’t give in to it. He’ll find a way to become better than he is. It may be there, but he’ll overcome. Sounds nice... until you realize it’s on the expectation that he change, that he suppress or deny that part of himself. Then it starts sounding a little... ew.

I actually have two problems with this one. One: Terra asked her to convey his thanks, but instead Aqua makes it about her and does not pass his words along. Two: her “thanks for teaching Terra he needs to keep believing.” Thanks for teaching Terra something I, Aqua, already knew, and he needed to learn. Thanks for helping him start to change.” Again, it may seem nice until you realize she’s still thinking he isn’t good enough as he is.

This continues ad nauseum, because Aqua has taken everything Eraqus says and believes to heart, and she doesn’t question it. Ever. So when Terra, who is so good he gets tricked easier than Ven, fails due to “being unable to control his darkness,” she thinks in Eraqus’ terms, that Terra needs to get rid of said darkness and tamp it down. He must get rid of a part of who he is. She and Eraqus both teach Terra that who he is isn’t good enough if there’s darkness in him.

Do you know who never does that? Who always accepts Terra, darkness and all, and loves him simply for who he is, no questions asked? VENTUS. Only Ventus. And unfortunately, everyone’s too busy trying to put him in a protective bubble to listen. And yes, I include Terra in that list. But let’s move on.

We then get Aqua defending Terra to Ven, which is great! I loved that reaction. But then it’s immediately followed up with her doubting, just as Ven did. Only she never stops doubting. Even though Maleficent, in her next breath, admits to knowing Xehanort, thus potentially learning of keyblades from him. And it’s not like Aqua herself doesn’t demand to know what Xehanort told Maleficent, or tell Maleficent to stop lying (another moment I loved). But no! No, it must have been because Terra really did help Maleficent out of his own free will. Which she must believe enough, or else she never would have pulled that shitty line on him in Radiant Garden. Sigh.

The sad thing is, I liked Aqua in Enchanted Dominion. Okay, so I wasn’t a fan of her “Terra, you better stay strong for me,” but that was because I was already prejudiced against her making his struggle about her, and already hated how she acted as if he wasn’t strong enough already. (Another thing that carries through her entire playthrough.) But this wasn’t bad. She’d continued believing in him... I’d thought.

But unless you want me ranting for decades, I won’t even TOUCH on Radiant Garden. Suffice it to say that she was awful and let’s move on.

No. Seriously. Spying on someone? Saying to Maleficent that you believe in him and then turning right around and throwing Maleficent’s accusations into his face? Having an accusing tone the moment he insinuates there’s something big happening and Ven needs to stay safe? Not even talking to him first? If that’s not awful to Terr*qua fans, then I just don’t know what to say. Enjoy unhealthy relationships, but don’t pretend Terra was the one in the wrong here.

Olympus Coliseum? She was happy because she thought Terra had “triumphed over the darkness,” which meant he wasn’t “spineless.” Again with him needing to become better. Again with the whole light = strong, darkness = weak; Terra must prove he’s strong enough to be good enough. (Wonder where that issue of his with strength came from? Who knows? It’s such a mystery.)

At this point, Aqua is surprised at every turn when she actually hears something nice Terra said or did. Terra fought against the darkness? Crazy! He said a friend made his Wayfinder charm? I thought him the type to drop me like a rock when I did something heinous! (Maybe he should have; what she did was pretty horrible-)

OH WAIT.

OH, NO.

BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID WHEN SHE HEARD TERRA SAID THE WAYFINDER WAS MADE FOR HIM BY A FRIEND:

WHAT?!?!

Did she just act like he was the one who’d acted unacceptably, like he was the one who’d nearly destroyed their friendship - like he was in danger of being lost, but if he still think she’s his friend, then he’s okay??? As if, if he stopped being her friend after the stunt she pulled in Radiant Garden, he would clearly have fallen to darkness?? BY NOT BEING HER FRIEND AND ACCEPTING HER SPYING AND ACCUSATIONS?!?!?! Oh ho ho ho no, I am not okay with that. At all.

(Neverland hardly mentioned Terra at all, and I know I’m getting pithy here but if people want to jump Terra’s shit for thinking he could take on Xehanort and Vanitas by himself, then Aqua deserves the same level of fish-eye because she thinks she can beat Vanitas. In fact, she fights him twice, and both times thinks she beat him even though she didn’t even come close. Don’t talk smack about Terra without holding your female fave up to the same stark lighting.)

(I’m not sure how to take her whole “one keyblade is enough for any friendship thing,” because does she think her becoming master and not him made him fall into darkness? Because he already had darkness, or else he would’ve been made a master. And he’d never brought up any feelings of anger or jealousy over her becoming master, so...??? Where is this even coming from???)

Then we get the usual denial that Terra did something horrible, this time with her denying Yen Sid’s words that Terra killed Eraqus. But then she backflips once again and says this:

So much for not believing him capable of killing Eraqus, eh? And then, of course, she goes to the Keyblade Graveyard and once again rags on Terra to his face. Wonderful. Maybe, just maybe, Aqua stans, she’s not nearly as perfect as you make her out to be.

Look. Aqua isn’t a bad person. But her entire story was one in which she needed to learn some things. That light isn’t all good. That light can’t get rid of darkness. That love defeats darkness. She had to come to terms with her self-righteousness (though she didn’t, even at the end) and accept that what she’d been taught might have been wrong. (Something the Fairy Godmother herself started teaching her.)

Love conquering darkness. This is the thing she learns only in the Final Episode, when she goes after Terranort. Until then, she hounds Terra’s every step, saying he’s done awful things, saying he’ll fall to darkness because it’s nothing but hatred and rage and he’s bound to fall again - she shows no faith in him, no trust. Even though Cinderella taught Terra that simply having faith was enough to banish the darkness, she fails to have faith in him. Huh.

Look. Like Aqua if you want - I do, when I’m not seeing the drivel on this site. Like Terr*qua if you want, though, ugh, talk about a giant ‘no, thank you’ from me on that one. I don’t think I have a bigger NOTP in any fandom anywhere, ever. But acting as if Aqua did no wrong, that Terra was the one messing everything up, is just disgusting. Hell! Say they were both in the wrong, even though Terra, throughout the game, was being manipulated, used, and abused. Go ahead! (Even though that’s gross, too.) But Aqua isn’t perfect, and it’s about time you stans, especially you terr*qua stans, started facing that fact.

#what? a female character with flaws? who isn't perfect? who hurts those she loves? #IMPOSSIBURU #anti aqua #even though i'm just pointing out a couple of her flaws but okay whatever #anti fandom #kingdom hearts rant #anti terr*qua #like. people. you don't understand. #I LIKE S*KAI MORE THAN I LIKE TERR*QUA #and it SUCKS because i love terra but terr*qua fans have TAKEN OVER that tag #and it makes me want to vomit #i HATE that pairing #HATE IT #NOTPx10000000 #feel free to block me #but sending hate or pro-terr*qua shit on this will make me mock you and block you #so don't even get me going any further than you people already have

[lilulo-12fanfiction]

Paladins- Chapter 1 (Arrow)

Author’s Note: So while I ship Olicity HARD- I love OC stories- so yeah. Don’t hate. :) Enjoy

Cami rolled her eyes internally. You would think being Malcolm Merlyn's daughter would afford her more privileges that were actually helpful to her. Her flight from London was delayed. She had to get back to Starling City. Oliver Queen was alive. "Ollie is alive." That was all Tommy had said before she cut her business trip as short and scheduled a flight home. While Tommy and Malcolm were seemingly always at odds, Camille and her father were close. Tommy called her the "Golden Child". She had gone to college and majored in Business and Marketing. Malcolm was training her to be at the helm of Merlyn Global. She was the perfect daughter in Malcolm's eyes. The loss of her mother at such an early age made her want her father's approval. It was hard to get, but she had worked for it. Where as Tommy was more resentful of the Merlyn Patriarch. His behavior, she knew was in response to his feelings of abandonment when they were children.

She was still unsettled with the way she and Ollie had left things. She had been 18 when he had gotten onto The Queens Gambit. While there were 4 years separating Camille from Tommy and Oliver they had been close. Tommy was always over protective. He didn't tease her or push her away, Instead he had always kept her close. When Malcolm had left them after Rebecca's death, Tommy vowed to always protect her and keep her safe. Cami often wondered what their relationship would have been had her mother never died. She assumed they wouldn't have been as close. While she was desperate for her mother, she wouldn't do anything to change her relationship with her brother.

  The Queens became their second family. Oliver her best friend despite the age difference. She had loved him as much as any 18 year old girl could understand love at the time. If she had been willing to be honest with herself, she would have realized that she had always loved him. She had loved him at every age for as long as she knew him. She knew a side of Oliver Queen that he didn't give many people access to. She hated his playboy ways. It made her jealous. But she also hated what he did to Laurel. Feelings aside she liked Laurel and knew she deserved to know. Yet Cami just couldn't betray Oliver. Right or wrong she had stood by his side except once- and she regretted it ever since.

5 Years Earlier

"Ollie what the hell is wrong with you?!" Cami was furious. He had told her that Sara was coming along for the trip. She was supposed to go too. They were supposed to hang out before she left for college. Now not only was he cheating on Laurel again- with her own sister, he had broken another promise.

"Cami it's not that big of a deal! The 3 of us will have fun!" He didn't get it. He would never understand. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes. He was so blind. Wasn't he going to miss her when she was gone? This was supposed to be their time.

"I am not interested in any version of this ménage fucked up you have going on. God Ollie when are you going to grow up? This is about Laurel wanting to take it to the next level. How about instead of trying to ruin your relationship you tell her you're not ready? For fucks sake grow a pair!" She was exasperated.

"Fuck off Cami. Maybe loosen up a bit and learn to have fun. Jesus you spent all of High School up tight with your nose in a book. The only time you ever did anything fun was if I made you come with us. And now you're going to waste the best years of your life still being a bore. Getting perfect grades to please Daddy so you can take over the company. News flash- it won't make him love you more. Being what he wants will not make him the father you want. He's sucking the life out of you. God this is why I want Sara to come so we can actually have some fun." He regretted it as soon as he said it. Even more when he saw the pain in her eyes. Using her father to hurt her. He didn't even mean it. He adored her, nerdy ways and all.

"Go to hell Oliver. We're done." She turned on her heels and stormed away. He hadn't expected that. Panic rose in his chest.

"Camille wait! I'm sorry- I didn't mean any of that." But she didn't turn around. She kept walking because she refused to let Oliver see her cry. She had steeled herself a long time ago to everyone but him and Tommy. He had moved himself to the list of people she would never let inside again. If only she knew he would actually be going to Hell; Well, Purgutory at least.

Cami played that horrific last time together in her head every day for the last 5 years. It made it hard for her to breath. It was like someone was sitting on her chest. Physical chest pain because she was so sad. Every. Single. Day. Maybe if she had just turned around he wouldn't have gotten on the boat. She never would have been done with him. He would have melted her icy exterior and she would eventually let him in again.

This was her second chance to fix that last conversation. She was getting her best friend back and she wasn't going to let him go this time. 

Two hours later she finally boarded a flight and took her seat in first class. She ordered a Jack and Ginger and planned on having a peaceful flight. She had told her father she was taking time off to spend with Oliver. He didn't even bat an eye. Their relationship had changed since she had grown up and started working together. He was always stand offish growing up, even if he was warmer to her than Tommy. They had become close after they thought Ollie was dead. Perhaps it was because they could commiserate in their pain.

  She sipped her drink and counted down the hours until her feet would step into Starling City. She glanced down at the bruise on her wrist. Once she was old enough to do things on her own, Malcolm had insisted in her learning to fight and defend herself. After what happened to her mother he would not let her out into the world unprepared. He often traveled with her to take her to different trainers. He had sent her to meet a man in London on this trip. He had kicked her ass in the beginning and taught her a lot. It was odd to her. Everything she knew went beyond self-defense. The fear her father lived with kept her compliant. She'd do anything to help him sleep better at night. She sighed and looked out the window as her anxiety about being reunited with Oliver Queen took over

_______________________________________________________________

Oliver was nervous. More nervous to see her than his family. He had never lied to her before. But how could he tell her the truth? He couldn't tell her thing terrible things he had done. He couldn't stand to see the disappoint in her eyes. The shock over who he had become. He was hoping in the deepest parts of himself that she would bring back a part of the old Oliver. Remind him of who he used to be. She was like a light that would brighten the darkest of rooms and his soul needed that.

He had asked Tommy to let him pick her up by himself. Tommy was reluctant at first after the two of them had been taken but agreed. He wanted some time alone with her. He had dreamt of the day he could apologize for the heinous things he had said to her. She had been right. But she was always right. He also knew if he was going to be honest with anyone she would be it.

Seeing Laurel again had been a complete bust. What if Cami felt the same way. She had said they were done. Was she happy he was gone? She had booked a flight home immediately when Tommy told her the news. She wouldn't have ended her trip early if she wanted nothing to do with him, would she? As predicted she was on her way to taking over Merlyn Global, cutting a business trip short wouldn't please Malcolm. She wouldn't have done it if she hadn't at least missed him a little bit. If anything she would have extended it. He was psyching himself out.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw her. She looked the same, just more grown up. She hadn't seen him yet so he took the chance to really take her in. Her medium length dark blond hair was piled on top of her head in what resembled some sort of bun. Her hair was wavy on the verge of being curly except for when she was little. He smiled when the memory of her at 5 years d running around his house, ringlets bouncing as she went. A few strands had slipped from her updo and formed similar ringlets. Her figure was still a little on the fuller side. He took in the curves on her body that was clad in distressed skinny jeans and black off the shoulder top finished off with a pair of flip flops. He silently scolded himself for thinking about her like that. Tommy would kill him. He had almost forgotten how beautiful she was.

She finally picked her head up and saw him. Her sea green eyes filled with tears. Her full pink lips parted slightly. Any color she had on her porceline skin drained. She looked like she had seen a ghost. But hadn't she? Her arms slacked and she dropped her bags. Oliver hurried over to her as fast as he could and scooped her up into his arms, his hand cradled the back of her head. He held her tighter when a slight sob escaped her lips. They stood there in an embrace for probably too long as people walked by and stared.

Cami pulled back to look into Oliver's blue eyes for the first time in over 5 years. He too looked the same but something was different. It was something inside of him. She could see it in his eyes . Whatever had happened to him during those 5 years he was gone had broken him. But he was stronger for it. He had put himself back together, but his edges would always be jagged. He no longer had the look of a boy but of a man. But his eyes still smiled when he looked at her. Nothing could take away the signature look of Oliver Queen.

"I can't believe you're here. That you're really alive." Her voice came out as a whisper. He wiped away a few tears that spilled from her eyes. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me" he confessed. "I was awful before I left- I didn't mean any of what I said. You were so spot on with what I was doing I just wanted to hurt you-" she cut him off. "Ollie- none of that matters now. I had 5 years to regret not turning back around, of not making you stay here, of not going with you anyway. Please don't. I don't want to waste another single moment on that day." "I thanked God every day that you didn't get on that boat. The relief that you were here and okay, the idea that I could see you again, that helped keep me going" She hugged him tightly again. He smiled into her shoulder. "Let's get out of here." ........... "I see that you've been busy since you've gotten back" Cami was looking at an article on Oliver's behavior at the Applied Sciences ground breaking ceremony. "I'd rather talk about you." Oliver grinned at her hoping to avoid the topic at hand.

"That signature smile never worked on me before. Why would you think it would now?" She rolled her eyes. "Tommy told me about you and Laurel. I mean personally I would have loved to seen her smack you...you've been ditching the very nice man hired to protect you since you were assaulted like your first day here. Now this? Ollie, I know this isn't still you. I can tell by looking at you that you're different. And I refuse, I absolutely REFUSE to believe that after 5 years stranded on an Island that you haven't changed at all. That you're that same party boy. You can try to fool everyone else. But you wont fool me. Not now, not ever" Oliver sighed. This is what he was afraid of. "Ollie...what happened to you? Thea told me about all of the scars." Oliver looked down, he didn't want to look at her because he didn't know if he could help himself from opening up to her. "Oliver- LOOK AT ME" she demanded. He slowly gazed up and looked into her eyes. Her face was so serious- filled with worry. He hated that he was causing that distress. "Oliver, you have to talk about it at some point. I don't care who you talk to. It doesn't have to be me. But it has to be someone at some point." "Cam, I'm just not ready yet. It's heavy. It's a lot. I promise you that someday I will tell you. Just not today." "What's so special about today?" "It's the first time I've seen you in 5 years. I don't want to cloud it. I want to know all of the amazing things you did while I was gone. You're my best friend. And don't ever tell him this, but even more so than Tommy. I can be real with you. I just want to know all about you." Camille smiled at him. They were sitting on the living room floor in her apartment behind the coffee table that was filled with take out. She started with her college years and worked her way through the summer she spent out of the country helping Habitat for Humanity. She had needed something to focus on other than him being gone. She didn't tell him that though. She was about to start telling him about working for Merlyn Global but he noticed the bruising on her arm. "What happened? Who did this to you?" She noticed how his demeanor completely changed. She rolled her eyes at him. His blue eyes were intense. She explained all of her "Self-Defense" training. He sighed. He didn't like the idea of anyone hurting her, but he understood where Malcolm was coming from and definitely his reasoning. His phone vibrated in his pocket. "I have to head out. Can we continue this tomorrow?" "Absolutely. I took a few days off. I could use a break anyway. Where are you off to?" "Just something I have to do. I'll call you in the morning?" He asked as he took her hands to help her to her feet. "Sure. I'll be here." She smiled. He hugged her again and kissed the side of her head. She felt the heat rising to her face. She hated that he still had that hold over her. They were just friends. They would always be just friends. But she couldn't control that part of herself.  "You have no idea how much I missed you" He whispered in her ear. And then he was gone. She felt a little empty after he had left. But it wouldn't last for long. Soon his face would be plastered all over the TV as the Hooded Vigilante that had been making his way through Starling City.

#arrow #arrow fanfiction #oliver queen #oliver queen fanfiction #green arrow #john diggle #thea queen #Malcolm merlyn #Tommy Merlyn

[xdivinexchaosx]

When is it no longer opinion but fact?

I got into a debate with a girl I went to school with today online… Opinion is relative, and most of my statements are indeed fact, not personal opinion. It’s not my opinion it’s raining when I’m standing in a downpour. It’s fact. I literally don’t have the time to fact check you on everything you said. There are so many things inaccurate with what you just said (also fact). But let’s give this a go, cause I’d hate to just leave you uninformed so heres just the short list. 

You can claim Trump isn’t racist, but his words and statements are often racist, not sure how you draw the line between racists words from one person repeatedly, and them being a racist. Fact: (http://www.realtruenews.org/single-post/2016/08/18/FACT-CHECK-Is-Trump-Racist) There were literally so many videos, websites, polls, and references I couldn’t decide, I liked this one because it also provided links to other sources. Look them up for yourself. In terms of “groping a woman” you literally just defended by saying it was 10 years ago. So… he’s 70 years old, it’s okay for a 60 year old man to grab or kiss a woman without her consent? Here’s the video, his own words for a refresher: (http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/trump-brags-groping-women-vulgar-remarks-caught-tape-42662787)  and these aren’t just words, these are him talking about his behavior, things he actually did. “I just kiss. I don’t even wait… Grab them by the pussy.” And of course, never to disappoint there is many more gross, lewd and mean comments about women both audio/video as well as tweets from him, not the media. Your response for this behavior is it “is minimal to some of the stuff I have heard from men,” so because you’ve heard meaner, grosser, and greater level of inappropriate comments these are excusable? I don’t condone any unwanted, cruel or malicious comments. That’s harassment, and is not okay, no matter how high a level of inappropriate. Christine, we’re not talking about the Clintons, we’re talking about Trump (and don’t bring them into this because you assume I support the clintons), and if we’re talking about rape, lets see, didn’t Trump get accused of the rape of a 13 year old girl? Yes he did (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-rape-case_us_581a31a5e4b0c43e6c1d9834) and she is still suing him. No, I don’t support victim blaming (reference my statement earlier of not condoning mean comments) but we’re not talking about simply talking badly about them, we’re talking about, again, condoning, accepting or making excuses for the behavior of a person who is actually accused of doing them, that you yourself support. Moving right along, you brought up one of my favorite topics, “His win was a landslide, if all these people felt so strongly against Trump, why did they not vote and let their voices be heard? That’s a way to get your voice heard, to exercise your right to vote.” We did, the nation did, the American people did speak, and they didn’t pick Trump (http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/president). Here, I did the math, just incase you didn’t want to.That is 2,864,974 MORE people for the other candidate, thats 2,864,974 more than Donald Trump. That is almost 3 million people more, and I didn’t even include the votes for other parties, thats even MORE people who didn’t pick him. They, we the people did speak. The electoral college won him the office, not the people. Do you know how the electoral college works? You seem to be confused on the voting numbers and how he actually got into office. Now, conservatives love to speak down about protestors and damage. I don’t like the damage either, if I’m being honest. I’m much more peaceful, but sometimes it just has to happen, you know how this country was started, you know how the progress of this nation has leaped forward?  By literally fighting and tearing down the power’s hold on things.The Boston tea party- guess what Britain, we’re not standing for your shit anymore. Which lead to a war, because Americans were tired of being oppressed by the royal regime. The Civil war, was fought over many things but is often attributed to the end of slavery. Which then lead, through a number of instances to the many movements throughout time, the women movement, the civil rights movement, the sexual revolution and most recently the gay rights and equal rights movement. And here were are again. And you know what all these things have in common, besides wanting equality and freedom? Some shit just had to get broken. And, since you’re so keen on lacking proper information about your chosen leader, let me help you out again, Trump supporters have been involved with violence (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/anti-muslim-hate-trump-supporters_us_57fbcd79e4b0e655eab66379) and here’s a video, there’s actually lots (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC0eRPIsBbQ) now I’m not saying the opposite hasn’t happened, because I know it has, there’s video of those too. But not many support it like Trump does here he is with his own words again, “Knock the crap out of them… I promise you I will pay for the legal fees.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzYv5foyAS8) Where is that mending bridges and mending the divide, Christine? Where? And this train just keeps plugging along, we now reach Obamacare, which is actually the affordable care act, and I don’t know your personal body issues, I don’t know your health, your doctor, your income or the plan you selected and/or were eligible. There are so many variables, I can’t make comment and again I’m not sure what part you played in getting to that number. But I rather have some then none, and I know many of my friends would, again not opinion, fact. They need their meds to live. Fact. They needed that doctor visit, to check on their baby. Fact. They needed that cancer screening. Fact. So you can opinion all you like with people’s lives, I can’t. I’m worried about more than myself… The march, Trump doesn’t agree with the march? I wonder why that is? Who actually opposes equality? Who opposes your right to chose? And I mean for anything not just sexual health and concerns, I mean for all aspects of your body. And the march, literally the largest march, gathering, protest (whatever you’d like to call it) in our country’s history and possibly the world, because the world literally also stood with us. The number is still coming in but over 3 million people in the United States alone rallied yesterday in the name of women, equality and love. There were no arrest, no vandalism, it was possibly the most peaceful and largest human gathering of protest on Earth, in history. And if that alone, isn’t a little scary that the election of the man you support literally brought the world together in such an event is staggering. And don’t for one second try to give him claim that he did that, he gets to play his part because the world is afraid of him in this powerful position of president…. “I was offended by certain things bill Clinton did but did I burn buildings or lash out at others for it?” No, I don’t think you did because you were between the ages of what, 5 and 13? I don’t think either of the Clintons are perfect, and I am fully aware of their faults (again don’t assume I’m their fan, let alone leader of their fan club, I’m not)… “I have been judged, bullied, lost friends and family all because I have a different opinion than others.” There is a big difference between being being called out on/made fun/bullied based off opinion than that of your very being. You ever stop and wonder why they distanced themselves from you? Could it be because the person you support (Trump) makes them (your friends and family) feel unsupported so by default (since you support him) you must not support them? And it is true, you can’t okay your friends and family, say you support them and then condemn their friends, partners and relations to the whims of everyone else by the simple fact of, “well, I don’t know them.” Because in someone else’s house, your friend/relative/loved one is the person they don’t know. I am gay, thats never been a secret. That’s not a choice, that’s not an option. It’s a FACT. There are other species on this planet with homosexuality in them, 1,500 roughly, humans too. It’s not my opinion, it’s FACT. It’s often religious, and (claimed to be) moral questioners that deny and fight that. There is a difference between someone bothered you liking oranges over someone not liking your very existence. Something tells me you weren’t told you deserved to be murdered, beaten up, to go to hell for you having the audacity for showing up to school that day. And for years, not just a conversation, not just a small group. Years. Years of people who know nothing about me except I happen to like dudes saying the most heinous, vile and hateful things because I exist. Not because I like oranges, not because I voted for a certain candidate, because I just want to be left alone and be equal. Because I want to just go about my day un-assaulted. No one makes laws, religious bible print outs, laws, bills, propositions and the like that limit, deny or strip the rights away for you to like Trump or to like baked goods. Fact, 28 states are fighting over anti-LGBTQ legislation over 200 bills are being proposed to deny rights and various other forms of protections and equality, and thats just in the past two years, lets not speculate on the future and I can’t even tell you how many laws have come and gone in the past (http://www.hrc.org/blog/anti-lgbt-bills-introduced-in-28-states). Now tell me one law that restricts your right to like Trump, or not even Trump, anything else, over your beliefs and feelings. So lets clarify again once more, these aren’t feelings I speak but facts. I know the cause and effect, I know the cost and not only to myself but to the people of this country and to the world. America doesn’t need to be great again, America is great. I know I’m part of the solution, I know I’m part of the inclusion, while your leader divides, I’m over here fighting for women, gays, trans, people of color of all nationalities and countries all around the world for their chance, their rights and their equality. I march with my brothers and sisters, I will march today, tomorrow and the next. I will protests, I will speak out because that is America. We are built of discourse and disobedience, we’re also built of every race, creed, color, religion and orientation. And I wont thumbs up someone who questions that. 

#trump #love trumps hate #equality #equal rights #LGBTQIA #lgbtq #gay rights #health care #imigration #not my president #womens march #women's rights #women's march on washington #women's march 2017 #protest #speak out #silence equals death