#i am making myself so fucking sick

[sevlawless]

sorry this song during botb is going to GAG EVERYONE the likes of which WE HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE

#i am making myself so fucking sick #the idea of arabella pouring out her heart like this she's getting off that stage and throwing tf up i know it deep in my soul #just . i'm still so in love with you and it HURTS but i can't stop bc ur all i know #all the signs are telling me to just get over you and move on but i can't i need you i can't keep living my life without you in it #anyway im going absolutely insane #any doubt that dead apple ISN'T gonna win botb after they perform this will be thoroughly dashed #inf: seven x arabella

[rapidhighway]

extremely happy to have enough blender skill now to make this shit

#shadow the hedgehog #blender #3d model #sonic the hedgehog #3d #3d art #his extremely fucked up anatomy i love him #btw this isnt the thing i was doing retopology on this is so poorly made i wouldnt know where to fucking begin #i just got sick of that other thing and decided to make something for myself for once #i am very sick of tutorials

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

#theres no peace #every little thing reminds me we are poor #seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time #im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly #the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job #and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support #and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money #because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live #its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin #time #cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for #sorry for the ranting i cant sleep #truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin #more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful #i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it #i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things #spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income #not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it

[finncakes]

barking and screaming and crying i cannot believe i have to wait like three weeks to see bells hells again

#critical role #cr #cr3 #chetney pock o'pea #orym of the air ashari #orym #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #ashrym #you bet your ass i am sitting here thinking abt them and nodding to myself like 'yes exactly i was so right he WOULD say that.' #exactly as tender as my brain hoped...fuck yeah babey !!!!!! #also lotsa chet to make up for how little i've drawn him. #now that i figured him out i want to draw him more cause genuinely he's great and i find him really interesting #SUUUPER excited for these trials #i want to watch chetney go through the master sw ord trials and die #idk why i am convinced this will be like bo/tw master sw ord trials but look #go through 13 layers of hell chetney. do it now. #<- said with all the affection in the world #still sick but i finally have energy to scribble #cr spoilers #FUCK I FORGOT THAT TAG SO SORRY #ep doodles

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[pansyfemme]

i think this time of year is cursed

#last year i got horribly sick and depressed #this year i had to flee my dorm and miss classes to keep myself safe from harassment until i could work out moving times #im so fucking angry i am fuming i am furious i want to scream #i did absolutly nothing to deserve this. this wasnt a mutual argument this wasn’t a bad roomate thing this was a person using the fact that #i am a traumatized trans person to intimidate and harass me and make me feel unwelcome in my housing #i feel sick with rage. #im well liked on campus im doing fantastic in all my classes i am doing everything i can #and one person decided he hated me and fucked up my entire semester #the good thing is i am never sleeping there again. i am not returning to that dorm until i am there to move out and i am greatful #but im just so upset about the whole thing. #everyone on campus agrees i did nothing. that i didnt cause this. but i still have to carry the burden of moving #he will be talked to and i dont think he will ever feel welcome on campus after this but i am so angry he thinks so little of me he thought #he could make my life hell and face no punishment for it.

[moved-2-koiranliha]

seasonal

#ok to rb 👍 #haha seasonal depression am i right *my sunglasses do not hide my tears* #i am so fucking tired all the time and i'm SO sick of it already #so i'm soaking him in milk and throwing him at the wall to make myself feel better #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #leo rottmnt #leonardo hamato #leo hamato #tmnt #rottmnt leonardo #leonardo rottmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanart #tmnt fanart #spaghetti art

[savrenim]

not to be another donations post but you may remember how over the summer we had massive amounts of plumbing problems and other unexpected moving costs? well. after proceeding to work every single hour available to me for six months, take no holidays whatsoever, and budget the hell out of every aspect of my life, I was actually on track to pay everything back and maybe have a little bit of wiggle room by the time summer came around!

and then we got a call from the vet about routine labs saying that if we didn't take Suzy in to an emergency specialty hospital immediately, she would die within in a week, she might die anyways if we took her there, but it was our only chance to have a few more months with her. after an extremely difficult household discussion, we decided that we needed to do as much as we could for her. she's been a beloved member of the family for 18 years. we were not going to abandon her in her hour of need.

with two days at the specialty hospital, the prognosis was better than we could have possibly hoped! the most important thing is she does not have heart problems at all, which means that we can treat her chronic kidney disease with normal IV fluids and with careful treatment she could easily be with us for years to come. the timely intervention also may or may not have saved her from acute kidney failure too, we'll know when we go back to the vet on Wednesday to get her blood checked where her levels have stabilized at.

two days at the specialty hospital means we are also down $3652 , and no longer are on track to pay back everything by July when it comes due unless a couple of uncertain things going forward Go Right, I do not trust everything to Go Right, and we're also still uncertain about what long-term treatment going forward is going to cost.

I still have my ko-fi and my patreon, but honestly, I'm aware that everything is tight for everyone always and there are also a lot of causes that need money right now and in the face of that "hey my family went super out on a limb to try to save our cat and would love some help not falling off" feels kind of shallow. but like. not to sound dumb or like a youtuber or podcaster, but, like. honestly I think the Most Helpful Thing that anyone could do for me right now is take a fucking HelloFresh link that will send you a "free" box for cost-of-shipping ($7ish?) if you Sign Up For An Account that you can then cancel Immediately After The Box Has Shipped and Never Give Them Any More Money Than That and get Six To Ten Meals Out Of It, and for getting someone to "sign up", they will give me a free box too. like. if 13 people are willing to take a link then I don't need to worry about food for the next three months. which would be. HUGE.

so I guess.... dm me if you want a link? otherwise expect to see a lot of promotion of my writing/ patreon as I scramble the hell to try to make this money up

#my life #pet sick for tw #donation post #sort of #yes I am aware that Hello Fresh is problematique / union-busting #they are also currently the only easily accessible source of Free Food that we can actually eat/use #honestly if anyone Wants To Help but doesn't really have the $7 for shipping #I will freaking venmo you back the $7 after I get confirmation of account credit #sending someone $7 for $60 of groceries still means you have Gifted Our Household with net $50 of food #at no cost to yourself #I'm not in As Shitty of a place as last summer bc my mother is also deeply emotionally attached to Suzy #and has agreed to spot us in July for a bit of the money if we pay her back in September #it's just!!!! really FUCKING frustrating!!!!!! we had the money saved!!!! I have spent the last six months KILLING myself to have the money #and now we are back to nearly square 1 except with six months instead of twelve months to make up the difference #so. free food would be much appreciated. as that would also mean that no matter what bullshit the next few months throws at us we at least #know that there will be weekly groceries shipped to us #me @ my job give me overtime hours #legit might destroy me again to work a 240hr month a month or two in a row #but three months of THAT would put me in the clear and they've got free coffee and energy drinks at work #however in lieu of my job giving me the ability to Not Practice The Best Self Care in return for Ungodly Amounts Of Money #'hi friends and mutuals can I interest you in a HelloFresh box' is the best I can do #I swear I will never start a youtube channel or start podcasting tho

[anradalikesfish]

god i am still so angry about ventique defending ugigiugi like fucking apollo are you that blind

yeah yeah they're your friend and you dont wanna see them getting "attacked" but if you really ARE someone's friend you wouldnt be afraid to call them out on their bullshit

and if they decide to unfriend you after that? then they weren't really your friend

an actual friend would try to become better once you showed them the error of their ways

a decent person would try to become better and give an actual apology for the things they've done or said and actually make an effort to make up for past mistakes

but no, all you did was throw a pathetic little tantrum at us while trying to defend a person whos actions arent even justifiable, and all she (ugigiugi) did was shift the blame on the people calling her out and playing the victim

calling us "embarrassing" and "pathetic", motherfucker you know whats embarrassing and pathetic? being an artist and supporting someone who TRACES art and puts it out calling it their own.

and you didnt even fucking do anything to address the damn situation and the plagiarism or provide proof that would render her innocent (which is a fucking lie btw) because you're so fucking busy defending someone who doesnt even deserve to be defended

to be honest i used to, keyword USED TO like your art i USED TO like seeing your posts but its always just malleus malleus malleus, malleus this, malleus that, malleus malleus malleus its so fucking TIRING and exhausting

your comics aren't even entertaining and the constant innuendoes arent even funny anymore with how overused they are

and the way you feel the need to relate every. fucking. THING. to malleus is soOOOOOO SICKENING its always just the same bullshit over and over, this little thing could be related to any character or NO character at all but its ALLLLWAYS MALLEUS MALLEUS MALLEUS its so fucking REPETITIVE and it doesnt even make SENSE anymore

and the way you keep fucking going and showing shit or dialogue from the game and going "malleyuu is canon!!" BITCH its NOT a FUCKING DATING. SIMULATOR.

its NOT an otome you ARENT supposed to date them you are FREE to SHIP THEM but dear GOD stop fucking INSISTING THAT YOUR GODDAMN SHIP IS FUCKING CANON AND GETTING MAD AND THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY DONT LIKE MALLEUS OR YOUR FUCKING SHIP

i cannot COUNT how many times ive seen you make a post with "malleus isnt overrated" HE IS YOU DUMBASS HES SO OVERLY GLORIFIED AND THE FANDOM WORSHIPS HIM LIKE AN IDOL GOOD FUCKING CHRIST WHY ARE YOU SO IN DENIAL

tl;dr: i fucking hate ventique and ugigiugi now ive had ENOUGH

im fucking tired

#its so fucking irritating #people are free to ship whatever they like yeah but a fucking MINOR AND A GROWN WOMAN??? #doesnt matter that they're fictional because most of the time it reflects on your actual morals #i understand liking gore and making body horror art and liking yan content #but you wouldnt ACTUALLY support that (yandere content) unless youre a sick bastard #again #it wouldve been FINE if she at LEAST aged them up or aged down her oc #but no she kept them the same fucking age its so DISGUSTING #and her oc's relationship with the tweels is just so heavily fucking sexualized which is absolutely loathsome #yes #i myself ship my oc with floyd #yes i have obviously thought about the not so appropriate stuff about them #but fuckinG DEMETER at LEAST they're close in age #AND at least it isnt the premise of theyre ENTIRE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. #god #twst #tagging this in the main tag because i am sick and tired #cw ugigiugi #cw ventique #just in case #rant #cw rant #tw rant #tw ventique #tw ugigiugi #look im putting the tw for these users because there is no way in hell that im the only one this triggered about them #GOD #GODDDD #losing my mind

[dark-elf-writes]

Every time I order something on door dash now I think about that man who sat outside my house after delivering my order and sent me a text flirting with me. Does this stop me from ordering? No. Does this give me absolutely crippling levels of paranoia when I do order? Yes.

But consider: I want a lil treat

#the elf talks #I am my own worst enemy #in both respects tbh because like I could make food at home and I also don’t have to think myself in circles around this #but like #lil treat #I’m also feeling so damn sick like if someone flirts with me today I will drop a fucking building on them #death by ranch home leave me alone

[sophiethewitch1]

in my hater era

#sophie speaks #tw vent #like. what. what??? #i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin #struggling hugely #had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something #and you know. thats on me #but saying like #im NOT trying?? #i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person #what??? #trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset #idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this #express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time #but then they dont believe you?? #trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes #like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself #i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive #im so tired #ive been suicidal for like 7 years now #my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just #it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit #cripplepunk core lmao #cripple and im going to kill you #this is just geniunely upsetting #i feel like i need a good cry #i really am so tired #i feel like i just dont want to do this #why am i paying for this? why am i doing this? #if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it

[kralmajales]

TMI time I just got back from an impulsive date with a rando from the subway and I managed to not sleep with them. Everyone cheer !!!!!!

#this is actually a major win in my books I usually sleep with people and then major regret it. #I may have manic pixie dream girl’d a little too hard with my rejections and made him fall in love with me more . #but oh well I managed to escape and set boundaries !! yay!!!!! #also sidenote when will I ever go on a side quest date with a rando woman I’m sick of these men I genuinely am NOT attracted to them. #I love free drinks though so . I keep putting out . #NOT THIS TIME THOUGH . ONLY A LITTLE . EVERYONE CLAP!!!!! #only second base whatever BE PROUD OF ME. #I’m so sorry can you tell I’m inebriated . which only makes this victory sweeter . #also I handled my liquor way better than him which is always a point of pride. #anyway all this sounds silly but it’s genuinely a victory for me in boundary setting and I’m genuinely proud of myself!! #fuck off feliks

[drella]

hey guys have u guys heard abt the darkness that’s on the edge of town……..

#TN ILL BE ON THAT HILL CAUSE I CANT STOP ILL BE ON THAT HILL W EVERYTHING I GOT LIVES ON THE LINE WHERE DREAMS ARE FOUND AND LOST ILL BE #THERE ON TIME AND ILL PAY THE COST FOR WANTING THINGS THAT CAN ONLG BE FOUND IN THE DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ #hai tumblr it’s been so long………. #moved so far away to a new college and it has been so wonderful and beautiful and perfect yayyyyyyyy :D ^_^ #i got an awesome internship and i’ve been making friends and taking sick urban studies class and i’m so happy and proud of myself ehehehe!!! #I AM SO WOERIED IM GONNA FAIL ALL OF MY CLASS ACTUALKY THO LOL #and my adderall has been iffy or my tolerance is fucked or SOMETHING BUT ITS OKAY ITS OKAY THERES A DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN #bruce is playing near me in like a month and i wanna go SOOOO BADDDDDD i saw him last february it was MAGICAL #TIL SOMEDAY THEY CUT IT LOOSE CUT IT LOOSE OR LET IT DRAG EM DOWN WHERE NO ONE ASKS ANY QUESTIONS OR LOOKS TOO LONG IN UR FACE IN THE DARKNE #SS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN 🗣️🗣️🗣️ #em.txt #bruce springsteen

[pom-seedss]

Old art, new format!

Made a paint by numbers for myself to keep track of which colour goes where because I know I would have messed it up otherwise.

Fun to see how this turns out.... I custom mixed the blues. I think 2 and 3 may end up being too similar, but it should still get the effect I wanted for the most part.

#new hobbies are so good and there is still so much to learn and I am trying different things every time #do i hate that my new hobby costs more money than no hobby? and all the fucking guilt and stuff that comes with #spending money on myself? yeah pretty much yeah its why i never feel bad about digital art because #i would still be using the computer and internet anyway so aside from the tablet cost almost a decade ago this is #basically free for me so like idk idk physical hobbies are so good but physical goods make me feel sick #because of the fucking world we live in and the way i was raised so like i am really #struggling here but what are ya gonna do eh? trying to push all this away because processing it has only looped it #so we get a lovely post and the mother of all fucking shitty tag talks afterwards :) :(

[cerealmonster15]

truly part of why most things i show or whatever r sketchy doodles i did in one sitting is that it is always a race against the clock when im doing something before The Evil takes over and eats me. i get stressed about if i try to actually make something pretty bc i know i cant lol, and if i take too long [staring nervously at the google docs i keep opening and closing] on a fic it's harder to finish bc i start Thinking about it too much and if it's any good or if it's cringe or What Ever

#a battle against myself truly lol .................. #ive been making slow progress on the kalim/silver and jamil/azul story but. but. #im stuck and afraid lol #the heartslabyul thing i started writing a month ago i am like. at the end ? it's a short little simple thing but #ive frozen in like 'oh this is lame and bad and boring and cringe actually' and cant bring myself to finish #i have a cater/trey thing where i wrote up the idea/concept notes when the idea came to me #bc it's both a ship fic and also a character/relationship study #but then thats one where im extra afraid to write it bc it's likeohhh i want it to be good and handled well and i want my #point to come across and i dont want to fuck it up #grrr grrr grrr the downside of perception is thinking too much of. the perception of others JKLFDSJKFLJS #i want to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #also i just have. personal issues. self love issues LOL but im not getting into that rn. #i also have had nasty allergies all week girl help it's raining pollen and my throats fucked up #i took a covid test today just in case and it was negative #and my partner hasnt gotten sick from kissing me so im more sure its allergies lol but OUGHGHGHGHH feels ick #ok anyway. fics and fanart or w/e. it all comes back to the root problem of I Have Low Self Esteem GOODBYE!!!! #🤧🤧🤧!!!!!!!!!!!

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

#ok to rb in case someone is in the same boat but thinks the post is too personal #this friend of mine... #pretends he's great but can't respect one basic thing #he's lucky I have grown to control my emotions and not lash out #i hate it #don't hug me or touch me end of line #i am honest to god feeling sick #this dude and I have history where I borderline felt incapable of saying no and had sex with him #afterwards I told him how I felt #yet he still pulls this shit #hugs make me sick to my stomach I don't even hug my family #and I really don't wanna hug a man who pretty much made me hate sex (for myself) as a whole #i feel disgusting rn #twice he hugged me and got mad when I refused to hug him again #even after I already told him I hated it #then asks if I'm scared of him because of that like you piece of shit I wanna rip my skin out where you touched it #I may pretend to everyone that I'm a strong confident man but good lord #sometimes I wish I had an over protective boyfriend so he could kick him in the teeth over this shit #it's ridiculous I know but fuck #apologies if you read all these tags but I over drank after this and none of my friends are awake and I needed to vent #garrett.text