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#i am emo again about .... Her
valeriannnn · 1 year
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you want a revelation, you want to get right but that's a conversation I just can't have tonight
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aldoodles · 2 years
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Recognition
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hyp3rfixation-h3ll · 7 months
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I just wish I had been there for you sooner.
I'm sorry.
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soldier-poet-king · 8 months
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:((
My friend had asked me to cat sit for her while she was out of town in September for her sister's wedding, but didn't give me the specific dates and I figured she'd get back to me as we got closer to the wedding, but she just posted photos on Instagram and she's already out of town and hasn't said anything to me in 2 weeks??
Not to be an incredibly pathetic insecure person, but also, are you mad at me and what did I do wrong :///
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polaraffect · 5 months
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honestly I kinda love playing tft because whenever someone comes to my board and starts spamming question marks I'm like "dude I don't have a clue either" and it really feels like a bonding moment
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seithr · 8 months
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I finished mass effect three ✌️
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driftwooddestiel · 1 year
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remember bella the catgirl? well… what if she became human again and she and lucy were siblings who hang out together and also she wasnt forgotten about
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(i may have taken some liberties with her appearance making her hair copper red and eyes dark green but im not making all the kids of guinevere identical okay)
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
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god goromi really fucked my gender didn't she
#anyway i painted the world's shittiest stubble on myself today and wore the fanciest most hostess-esque dresses i have and GRGXZGRGRHZZGZXX#if i wasnt living in one of the US' finest transphobic hell states i would go out and i would get so many bitches like that i look SO GOOD#and it's so gender. god. t4t relationship WHEN!!!!! SOON I HOPE#someone come dote on this gnc emo boy please she's withering away without his proper care like a sickly tomodachi gf#when i get to college i could do little dorm dates n shit. maybe host drag practice nights or smth <33#that's the dream baby#god. goromi wasnt my genderfluid awakening character but she came right after i figured it out and i latched on SO HARD#shes literally THE pillar of my gender representation. load bearing one-off gag 80% of the fandom KNOWS is More Than A Gag (me included)#god she's so genderrrrr. i need to be her STAT#when i say thats the dream the dream is actually getting to present like that openly and unafraid regularly but uh (: not. not now#but someday. and i am confident in that#if not me then someone like me#but i still hope i can wrangle up some college queers to be funny and gay with yknow. tis only a few months away!!#i gotta take it off before i go downstairs again bc frankly im not ready for my family to realize Oh It's For Real. Like You'll Act On It#she's a fragile baby bird atm and frankly i dont want them to know yet#(they know im gfluid just. i dont talk about it with my mom and she still uses she/her only. i dont think ive had the pronoun talk with her#yet though so thats not even her fault really. but i didnt wanna come out to her when i did!!! so im taking my sweet time with this)#so im stalling a bit even though i REALLY need to do work and it's gotta be downstairs </3#anyway if people could just univerally decide to use he/she for majima interchangeably all the time so i could do that unchallenged thatd#be so cool thanks#like i know theres merit in other interpretations and i love them but what about ME#anyway. mwah i love gender sure hope nothing bad happens to it#i need to be someone's girlfriend boyfriend so badly you dont understand. ggrgrgrgrggrgrgrggrgrdbzvxzvzvzhsdhf#sorry for yearning. I'll hold it off as long as i can
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mashmouths · 10 months
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really not seeing a downside to tipsy cooking, it just makes the time pass faster and the food taste better <3 peace and love <3
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tinyredpoppies · 1 year
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Buuuuuut...Alex and I made plans to see 2 concerts next weekend so that made my morning better.
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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"in your darkest hour, in the blackest night…think of me…and I will be with you. always. for where else could I go? who else could I love but you? " FFXIV DRK
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starlesseyes · 2 years
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#hello it's 4 am and i'm lonely#i feel very disconnected from everyone in my life#like not to sound like a 14yo emo on main but no one understands me lmao#i just want to be with someone who feels like home#someone who loves the things i love and not just because i love them so we can actually bond over them and i won't feel like a fuckin freak#or worse that i'm just being tolerated or they're not even listening to me and just zoning out while i gush over things#i can literally feel when people don't care about what i'm talking about and it makes me feel so small and stupid and humiliated and LONELY#lately my best friend has been telling me how sad she is bc she feels like no one will ever love her romantically#and it hurts me to hear bc i know she's wonderful and deserving of love but i can't possibly convince her of that yknow#and it's weird bc i feel this way about myself too but i don't think much about it? or i didn't before she started telling me how she felt#like before this i was just coming to terms with my last relationship and thinking about the self work i wanna do before i try dating again#but lately i've been crying every single night thinking i'll never get my shit together and therefore no one will ever want to date me#like i truly feel unworthy of romantic love#ugh i probably should just let myself go to sleep when i have these thoughts lmao instead of staying up and dwelling on them#i'm definitely sleepy enough#i just don't want tomorrow to come bc then i'll have to go to work again. i want to enjoy the peaceful nighttime just a little bit longer.
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hauntingblue · 13 days
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Toranaga's son is so funny. Failson 🫵🏻
#also toranagas brother.... hello......#his ponytail is so slay. his fit too fire. his swag too different. his smoke too hard. his bitch too bad. they'll kill you#omg the nephew eating and looking at anjin and mariko like this 😏#OH NO RED WEDDING????#THEY MADE HIM REGENT!!!!!!#she said i want a cortisan union and also retirement. slay#and also you fucked up and also i am leaving goodbye. every woman in here is such a diva. mariko and fuji need to step their game up!!#stop being emos!!! its diva time!!!#'i am going to kill myself and become ashes with them' BOOHOO!! GET YOUR MONEY UP!!! GET YOUR PUSSY UP!!#so they really wore g strings with a little (kinda big) flap as cover up... oden was just there a breath away from showing his junk#dancing at the town square.... jesus#white in the water!!!! its wet t shirt time out there jesus....... a bit of modesty please......#forgotten before you can be remembered.... boom roasted#it rains so much in there but mariko never feels the rain on her skin. no one else can feel it for you!! only you can let it in!!!#get your money up!!! get your pussy up!!!#fuck your husband!!! and the anjin too!! focus on your dono!! get your job done!! hustle!!!#the anjin needa to get some drip!! ugly ass clothes. doesnt his wage get him bether fabrics. what is going on there. fuji is sabotaging him#toranaga wearing gold and his brother silver..... slay#OH MY GOD#i couldnt have made a post about anyone else omg.....#that was brutal#a comment saying this death isnt poetic and is deus ex machina for the villain which... have you been watching lmao#he has been making mistake after mistake on purpose by disobeying his father over and over and here he goes again....#this one mistake even bigger than the rest bc he was going to kill his uncle (a regent now!!) after his father already made his decision#come on..... think a little#talking tag#watching shogun
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arthur-r · 1 year
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accidentally stayed out an extra hour to drop someone off who lives in minneapolis so wish me luck finishing this essay on time
#it’s due at midnight… want to sleep tonight… i left the restaurant at 7:30 please#anyway it turns out this dinner was scheduled when it was cause it’s my friends one year anniversary with her ex#which makes a lot more sense. than a valentines dinner in january. title was a diversion#anyway it was good. there were less people than i thought and the person who lives in minneapolis has the same stims as me#and likes midwest emo and the magnus archives and is transgender. not that i am a magnus archives listener but i got to say i like jonmartin#so that was nice shdhdf. and yeah it was good. just very distracting from the issue at hand which is ten paragraph othello essay due tonight#(ten paragraphs is how many i wrote. it can be as short as five i’m actually working on cutting it down currently shdhdf)#but yeah. it’ll be okay!! my essay isn’t terrible as is. just have to drive home a few more points before it is good enough to turn in#i’m excited though. it’s about the mutability of identity which is one of my favorite subjects of all time#as well as touching on internalized oppression and shaping identity in response to backlash from those around you#(iago changes himself because of long-standing class difference - were he othello he would not be iago (he says) and he was my main focus#for the malleability of identity and everything just because i really like writing about iago. but othello and desdemona also exhibit major#changes to their identity at the hands of racial and sex-based oppression and they experience complete shifts in character falling into#societal expectations of who they should be. othello is confident and well spoken until suddenly he’s not. desdemona speaks her mind until#suddenly she doesn’t. his scorn she approves. anyway i should be writing this essay not talking about it. but yeah#i might post it here when i’m done but yeah. i’m submitting it before i go to bed tonight cause due at midnight. so again wish me luck!!!!#was really planning to be home at like. 7:45. not 9pm. not ideal. but it’s okay#so anyway that’s where i’m at. hope you all are doing well. i’ll be around just working on my essay!! might be back with my final copy#anyway i’m just speaking shdhdf don’t mind me#me. my post. mine.#delete later
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too-deviant · 1 month
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jackie and wilson.
previous | next series masterlist
summary: you haven’t been given a quest, but you have made it your personal mission to make luke castellan smile.
pairing: luke castellan x unclaimed!reader
word count: 4.1k
content: broody!luke, teenage dirtbag!luke but also not really, sprinkles of mean!luke, r is unbothered and does not gaf about his lil emo boy act, this is four thousand words of r being a pain in luke’s ass, probs will make a part 2 bc i love them your honour 
notes:  speaking my truth: i am a british gal. any banter in this about the new england states is entirely stuff i got from reddit so plz don’t scrutinise my american states knowledge
the layout of this fic is very much inspired by @murdrdocs if that wasn’t obvious but also icarus if u want me to change it i will jus say the word :00
PART I — she blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild 
All things considered, you took the news of your heritage pretty well. 
Sure, there was a lot of yelling — mostly through the wall after you locked yourself in your room and started packing a bag — but at least you didn’t sit on it in denial for several hours. 
Honestly, you should’ve seen it coming. 
The first time you realised you could see things nobody else could, you tried to admit yourself into a ward. Your mom went a little panicky, and she never did perform well under pressure, so she caved and said you were special. Too special for the other kids at your school, too special for anyone to know about it. 
After that, she got more tense. Eyes darting around whenever you guys went out in public, hand lingering for a second longer on your back before she sent you to school — as if she felt like she’d never see you again. She would stay up at night and read you old Greek tales before you went to sleep, and acted way too serious about it. More serious than when she would read you Dr Seuss. 
Honestly, it was a miracle you went unknowing for so long. Maybe you were insignificant, or maybe the Stymphalian Pigeon that tried to kill you after school was just slow — because you were seventeen when you got attacked by your first monster. 
You took it out pretty easily — and by that, I mean you outran it through the bustling streets of your hometown until it flew messily into a bus and you dodged your way to your apartment in a flurry. Your mom’s resolve cracked like a thin layer of ice and you were packed and ready to go to this camp she spoke of before the clock had hit four-thirty. 
Most of the yelling that you guys did was along the lines of — “I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me!” — and — “I didn’t want you to leave!” — “I get that, but seriously mom, I almost got eaten by a bird today. A little context going in would’ve been nice!”
You threw yourself into a taxi — much to the disdain of your mother, who insisted on at least getting you to the hill. You then reminded her that she would have to pay the fare all the way back to their apartment and it honestly wouldn’t be worth it and that you’d call her when you got the chance. She let you go with a huff, folding her arms across her chest and creasing the silky material of her pink blouse. 
The next hour was about as awkward as taxi rides go, even more so when you got out in the middle of nowhere. You weren’t even sure you were at the bottom of the right hill but sent the poor guy on his way anyway and prayed to whoever your divine parent was that you weren’t about to get gunned down by an angry farmer for mistaking his land for a summer camp. 
Thankfully, the empty fields shimmered into something worth travelling for when you took a tentative step across its threshold. The sun seemed to get brighter and the breeze became softer. It was nice from where you stood, and it probably would’ve gotten nicer the closer you got. 
Had you not tripped over a rock and tumbled down the hill ungracefully, landing in a heap at the bottom, a few feet away from a dirt path that split off in two directions. You sat up with a huff, blowing your hair out of your eyes and squinting at your surroundings now that they were much closer. You didn’t bother to heave yourself up, catching your breath and letting your gaze flitter over the scenery. 
It was cute. 
Then the distinct sound of horse hooves clipping against the ground evaded your ears, and you looked up to greet the centaur who now stood above you. You thanked the gods for your moms intricately detailed bedtime stories as you pulled yourself up onto your feet and allowed yourself to be introduced to Chiron and Mr. D, who then led you to the four story house that overlooked the valley. 
Your induction was swift and sweet — since you pretty much knew and had accepted everything already. There were a couple of glances and muttered comments about how you had gone so long without being targeted, but Chiron had said he wanted you to get the tour before dinner so you could settle straight to bed after the campfire, and caught some young kid by the t-shirt as he ran past, asking him politely if he could send Luke over. 
The awkward two minutes it took for your tour guide to reach you stretched on for a painful amount of time, but you would relive it a hundred times over if it meant you didn’t have to experience the agony you called your first meeting with Luke Castellan. 
He was tall, with a dark mop of curls that hung over his furrowed brows. His skin was tanned from all the time he spent in the sun, and his shoulders were broad enough to intimidate, but not broad enough that you were intimidated. He was your age, seemingly, and the cuffs of his green cargo pants brushed against his ankles only an inch higher than they would sit on an average person.
His most memorable feature, however, had to be the deep scar that stretched from the top of his left brow all the way to his cheekbone — it was jagged and sharp, cutting across his eye roughly, as if he had been clawed. He probably had. It was raised and shone pink under the sun, so you could tell it was fairly new, but it had healed over enough to indicate that Luke was probably tired of hearing people ask about it. So you didn’t. You barely gave it a glance before you raised your brows at him with a cheeky grin and gave him your name. 
He nodded minutely, one of the only movements he made after he’d parked himself in front of you other than the sliding of his eyes from one person to another as they spoke to him. After Chiron and Mr D had given him the rundown, he gave a slight nod of his head in one direction before walking away and expecting you to follow. 
You caught up to him, sidling up on his left with a huff and a smile, “I’m getting the feeling that you're sorta sick of this giving this tour all the time.” 
He didn’t respond. He just looked at you, and then stopped walking, watching as you froze two steps ahead of him before shuffling back to his side sheepishly. Then he lifted an unbothered hand to the right, “Those are the strawberry fields.” He then gestured ahead, “That’s the beach.” And then to the left, “Those are the training fields.”
Then he started walking again, and you hesitated for only a second before following, “Wow. Don’t give me too much information all at once.” 
Your sarcastic comment was ignored, and Luke nodded towards the bank of cabins you were nearing, “These are the cabins. Twelve. One for each Olympian. You’ll stay in the Hermes cabin until you’re claimed.”
“Right.” You nodded, “God of Travellers. Makes sense.” 
He let out a breath, not pausing in his stride as he passed through the curve of houses, not sparing a glance to any of them. You took notice of how the other kids looked at him in apprehension, with a hint of fear when he got too close. He cut down an alley between two cabins — one with a dangerous amount of barbed wire across the top and another that glowed gold under the sunlight — before the pair emerged through the trees at a pavilion. 
“This is where we eat.” He said. “Dinner is soon.” 
“Cool.” You nodded, “What are the options? Because if food here is lacking, then I will be packing.” 
You let out a useless chuckle at your own joke, but it landed flat. “Yeah, that wasn’t funny.” You muttered lowly. With a click of your tongue, you glanced over the horizon and pointed at something from afar. A tall structure that stuck out the tops of the trees, “What’s that?”
“The climbing wall.” Luke answered plainly. 
“And that?” 
“The Amphitheatre.”
You looked up at him, pulling a face he didn’t bother to glance at. Then you noticed a bunch of campers filing through the trees and into the pavilion the two of you stood at the edge of. They entered in groups and made their way to their designated tables, chattering and gossiping as they did. 
You looked at Luke, “Well, that was…great. Truly, a riveting experience. I will say, though — your delivery needs some work. The dark and gloomy act works most of the time, but not when you’re giving a guided tour.”
That got him to look at you, and you held back your triumphant smirk. He frowned, “What?”
You shrugged, “I’m just saying, nobody is going to listen to you talk about this place if you describe it like this.” You lowered your tone into a subpar impression of his voice, and you swore you saw his brows twitch. Clearing your throat, you waved a hand, “No need to worry about that now, though. Just point me in the direction of the Hermes table and I’ll be out of your strangely well-conditioned hair.”
Another eyebrow twitch. You were getting the hang of this. Maybe one day you could get him to move other parts of his face! 
You half expected the boy to ignore you and walk off — and he did. But it was in the direction of the Hermes table, so you counted it as him showing you the way. Most of the campers were seated by the time you’d arrived, and you were thus forced to sit yourself on the end of the bench, uncomfortably beside him. He was unbothered. 
During dinner you were swiftly introduced to some of your peers — Chris Rodriguez gave you a lopsided grin and informed you politely that you would need to sacrifice some of your food before you got stuck into it. Travis and Connor Stoll sidled up on either side of you as you grumbled at the hearth, and yapped your ear off about the fundamentals of camp. 
(So all the sneaky stuff Chiron doesn’t know about. Like how you can skip out on archery training if Lee is the one running it because he never has it in him to snitch. Or that the pegasi stables were the go-to hook up spot for summer campers, but the back of the Amphitheater was the go-to hook up spot for the year-rounders. When you asked what the difference was, they winked, and when you asked what happened if a year-rounder hooked up with a summer camper, they chuckled and walked off.)
Chiron gave you an introduction that made you feel like a new kid being asked to tell the class one fun fact about yourself, and around six kids at your table asked if it hurt when you fell down the hill. 
Overall, a good first night. As far as first nights at a summer camp for half-gods goes. By the time all the campers had gone back to their respective cabins, you were ready to turn in and clock out for the day. 
But you wanted to try one more time. Last attempt, and then you’d let it go. 
When Luke — who you had discovered earlier was the counsellor of the Hermes cabin, and apparently a role model for the kids — came over and silently handed you a folded orange shirt with a leather cord sitting on top of it, you smirked. 
“Hey, now we can match. How cute.” 
He blinked at you, “Everyone is wearing the same thing.”
“The same shirts, you mean.” You tilted your head, “But we’re both wearing green cargos. And white socks. White sneakers.” Your grin widened as you watched his eyes flit down your form, taking in the outfit you had on. You were right — the only difference between you two was the white tank top you had on, soon to be replaced by the shirt he had just handed to you. You thought for a moment that it would work, that he would make a face, or say more than two sentences to you in response. 
But he didn’t. He just huffed and walked away, and you watched with an appalled expression. You narrowed your eyes. 
Okay, so maybe you weren’t ready to let it go yet. 
The next morning, you were rudely awakened by a small child who was sprawled across your torso, having shifted from his own sleeping bag that was beside yours. He couldn’t have been any older than six, his orange camp shirt sitting like a dress on him, and if he wasn’t snoring into your chest, you would’ve thought he was adorable. 
But you really needed to pee. 
After you slowly but surely lifted him back onto his own pillow, you stood up with a stretch and stepped precariously over the other kids, balancing carefully on the tips of your toes so you didn’t step on any of them. The sun was barely rising, and you were the only one awake, so you held your breath and reached out for the handle of the bathroom door. 
“That’s not your bathroom.”
You flinched, losing your balance and toppling back. A hand between your shoulder blades prevented you from crushing any of the kids on the floor, and you steadied yourself before meeting the eyes of the person who spoke. 
Luke was staring intently at you, his eyes blinking hard as if he’d only just woken up. He was in nothing but a pair of blue sweat-shorts and you fought the urge to rake your eyes over his bare torso, watching as he lowered his hand back to his side, “That’s the counsellor's bathroom.”
“Right.” Came a low mutter, under your breath. Then louder, you asked, “Well, where is the campers bathroom?”
“Outside.” He answered, “Around the back of the cabins.”
“Out—“ You started, and then realised everyone else was asleep and swiftly lowered your volume, but kept your expression exaggerated. Wide eyes, furrowed brows. “Outside?”
“Yes.”
“But…it’s cold out there.”
“We have a controlled climate.” He said, folding his arms across his chest. His biceps tensed, “It’s never cold.”
You let out a sigh, throwing your thumb over your shoulder and pointing at the door, “Can’t I just use this one? You aren’t using it, and everyone else is asleep, they’d never know!” 
He stared at you blankly and stayed silent for a long time. You wouldn’t be surprised if he just never said anything until you walked away, which you were well prepared to do, letting out a deep breath and folding your own arms over to preserve heat as you clambered towards the front door, muttering complaints under your breath the whole time. You made it three feet (or two sleeping bags) away from him when he finally piped up. 
“Be quick.” 
Turning around, Luke was already making his way back to his own bed, and you ogled shamelessly at his back muscles as you shuffled to his bathroom and made your way inside. You did your business quickly as requested and washed your hands under the low pressure of the sink before cracking the door open once more. The cabin was the same, everyone else still sleeping calmly. Luke was standing by his bunk, now clad in black shorts and his camp shirt. He paid you no mind when you padded back to your sleeping bag, grabbing your bag and stifling through the clothes you had packed. 
You walked up to breakfast with the unclaimed girl you had met the previous night — Lana — and listened and she told you intently about the lore of Luke Castellan. 
“He never used to be the way he is. He was happier before, always grinning. More than ready to help anyone here. He was…well, everyone either wanted to be with him or be him.”
“And then what happened?”
“He went on a quest. It went wrong. He came back with that ugly scar and he hasn’t been the same since.”
You made a comment that the scar wasn’t ugly, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d add on that it made him look pretty hot. But you did know better, and you knew that Luke was three people ahead of you in the line and could probably hear what you were saying. So you kept that tidbit to yourself and ate your cereal in silence. 
When breakfast was over, you stood from the bench and turned, only to stop short when you realised Luke was standing behind you. Looking up at him, you raised a brow, “Yes?”
“I’m showing you around today.”
“You showed me around yesterday.”
His lips tightened, “We’re actually doing stuff today. Seeing what you’re good at.”
“Oh.” You ran your tongue over your teeth and nodded, “Well, where do we start?”
“Archery.” 
Turns out, you were pretty awful at archery. Even after you’d stopped firing arrows into the treeline, you still never hit the middle of the target. Lee had to correct your posture four times, and you broke six arrows. Eventually, you decided that Apollo was not your father, and shuffled over to where Luke stood beneath the shade of a tree — where he had been standing the whole hour. 
���Y’know, just because you’ve got this broody bad boy thing going on, doesn’t mean you have to linger in the shadows all the time.” You commented, picking at your fingernails and readjusting the long sleeve you wore under your camp shirt, “You just look weird.” 
Luke pointed at your cheekbone, “You’re bleeding.” 
You huffed, “I know.” You kept holding your bow too close to the side of your face and the feathers of the arrows kept scratching you whenever you let them fly. Lee mentioned how most people make that mistake the first time round, but you’d done it so much that he’d cut your lesson short and told you to get a bandaid from one of his siblings. You didn’t. 
He stared at your cut for a moment, like he was thinking hard about something. But he didn’t, and pushed himself off the tree he was leaning against and brushed past you, “Let’s go to the forges.”
You were better at blacksmithing than you were at archery, but the sword Charles Beckendorf was helping you weld still came out wonky and discoloured. He was a nice kid, funny, and your lowered spirits from your previous task had been quickly uplifted despite you not having much skill in his department. He let you keep the sword anyway, and you swung it jokingly at Luke as he led you to the Amphitheater. 
You made swooshing noises as you did so, chuckling when he didn’t so much as flinch, “Don’t act so tough, Castellan, I could take you out even with a dodgy sword.”
“You couldn’t.” He muttered, “I’m the best sword fighter here.”
You let out an over dramatic gasp, running ahead and swivelling around so you could meet his eyes, “Holy shit, was that…did you just…tell me something about yourself?” You grinned and his frown deepened, “Aw, Luke. We’re getting somewhere! This is amazing, I’m so proud. Soon enough we’ll be best frien — “
Before you could finish your incessant teasing, Luke grabbed your forearm and yanked you in front of him just as a kid on an out-of-control Pegasus toppled past you. You watched him disappear in mild shock, before looking back at the boy in front of you, “Hey, thanks. Almost got trampled. How embarrassing.”
He narrowed his gaze, “Do you not take anything seriously?”
You shrugged, “Not really. I’d ask you the same question, but…” You made a face. It was obvious that he was very serious, even if he never used to be. 
“Let’s go.” Was his boring response, moving swiftly past you and into the Amphitheatre so quickly you would’ve assumed he was trying to get away from you. (Which he definitely was).
You weren’t really all that bothered, not when you were having so much fun pissing him off. 
It took all of ten minutes for Luke to put your sword fighting lesson to an end. Not only had you insisted on fighting with the wonky sword rather than a working training one, you also kept pushing him with your hands whenever he got too close. 
“That’s not how you’re supposed to do it.”
“Hey, it’s working, isn’t it?” 
You were pretty shit at it anyway, so you didn’t fight him when he said you were cutting your lesson short. You simply tucked your weapon onto the sheath he’d handed you and followed him down the hill to the dining pavilion. 
“So, where are you from?”
He didn’t answer you for a couple of minutes, something you’d been well prepared for. But you couldn’t help but ask — he intrigued you. A little too much, maybe. 
You continued, “Because you seem like a Mass guy.”
Luke stopped in his tracks, turning to you, “Mass…achusetts?”
“Yeah.” You nodded, fighting off your amused smile when he pulled a face. Finally, an expression!
Truth was, Lana had told you he was from Connecticut. You just wanted to see how he’d react, if he would react at all — apparently he isn’t immune to everything. 
“I’m from CT.” He made it very clear, and you tried your hardest not to laugh. “Okay? I'm not some Boston Masshole, got it?”
You raised your hands in surrender, “Got it.” 
He stared at you for a second longer, as if to ensure you really did have it. Squinting at your amused smile before nodding and continuing his walk. You thought it would go back to silence, but apparently you’d lit a fuse. 
“I mean, what makes you think I'm from MA?” He asked, his tone of voice so appalled you’d think he’d been accused of some sort of crime. “Do I smell like shit?”
A chuckle, “What?”
But he just whirled on you once more, lifting his arm and gesturing to his pit, “Do I? Do I stink of shit?” 
You didn’t feel like sniffing him, so you just shook your head, still laughing, “No.” 
“Then what — ?” He stopped, narrowed his eyes, “Where are you from?”
You tried to hide your smile, but it was getting really difficult. The last two days he’d been nothing but broody and miserable, one word quips being his only form of communication other than dark frowns. But one mention of Mass and he’s suddenly down to chit chat? You couldn’t help but laugh — unfortunately, it only spurred him on. 
“You think this is funny?” He scoffed, nodding, “Yeah, bet you’re from Maine too.”
Your laughter continued, little giggles spilling out of you whenever you thought about the situation too hard. You shrugged, “I don’t think I wanna tell you after this.”
Luke nodded like he was expecting you to say that, “Something a Mainer would say, I’m sure.”
You grinned wide, very proud of yourself for getting a visceral reaction out of the boy — even if you had to piss him off to do it. Just as you went to reply with a witty comeback that would have him ranting and raving for the rest of the night, the dinner conch sounded, interrupting what you’re sure would’ve been a very entertaining conversation. 
You walked on past him, not stopping, but slowing down so you could cough into your fist, “Flatlander.”
You didn’t look back but you did hear him scoff in shock, and you were sure he stood there frozen for at least twenty seconds because he entered the pavilion way later than you did. He made a point to fix you with an annoyed stare as he sat down a few people away from you — and Chris raised a brow. 
“What’d you do to him?”
You shrugged, digging into your mashed potatoes before anyone could tell you to wait until you’d made your offering, “Told him he looked like a Bay Stater.”
He chuckled, wincing under his breath and shaking his head, “You’re evil. I like it.”
You smirked and said nothing — but whenever your eyes flickered over to Luke, his were just flickering away from you.
854 notes · View notes
finelinefae · 1 month
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everything with you
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synopsis: a simple, true kind of love
word count: 7.1k
contains: fluff, angst, cancer, brief mentions of sexual assault, allusions to domestic violence and a toxic relationship, normal people/one day vibes, boyfriend harry
a/n: posting this here because i love it so much and i was feeling emo. also have been away for a week so haven't had much time to finish writing things I'm still working on (there will be a soft girl sunday post tomorrow don't worry and i am also working on a tattoo h blurb as well !!)
. . .
October 1st 2017
Harry and Y/N met during freshers week at University in 2017. 
"Should we make out?" 
They were standing in a closet now after meeting just ten minutes ago downstairs. 
"M' names Harry," Harry spoke, sitting on the couch and looking down at his first drink of the night. He wasn't much of a drinker but also feared missing out or being seen as unordinary - at university, drinking felt like it was deemed ordinary. 
Y/N blushed, her cheeks pink from the humidity in the room and the fact that a guy was talking to her. She pulled down the sleeves of her dress to hide her shaky hands. She noticed she stuck out like a sore thumb with how she decided to dress, her long sleeves and knee-length skirt juxtaposed with every other girl in the room. 
"'M Y/N." She responded. Harry nodded, sheepish and awkward as he tried to think about something to say. 
They were sitting side by side, looking out at the other people dancing to the music that echoed through the house. "What do you study?" Y/N managed to ask and cringed at the question. Was it normal to talk about school at a house party?
"Music." He nodded as Y/N tried to think up another question despite already asking one. "What about you?"
"English." She said and an awkward silence fell between them. 
Harry eventually turned to look at her, lips parting at the natural beauty even just from looking at her side profile. Her hair was in waves that fell down her back and he thought her dress was pretty too. She had a tiny bump on the bridge of her nose that led to her plump, cherry red lips. 
She felt his gaze on him and turned her head, catching his eyes and looking down from embarrassment. He was beautiful like a living, breathing adonis. His eyes were a sea glass green and he had chestnut brown curls on his head. 
"It's a little loud in here don't you think?" Harry spoke, his voice seemed closer to her now. 
Y/N looked up and looked around at the crowd of people, "Just a little." She said, 
"Do you want to go upstairs?" He wondered if maybe it would be easier to get to know her in a quieter setting.
Y/N followed him upstairs, wondering whether he knew where they were going and if he knew anyone else at the party. She had only just met him and despite his awkwardness, her trust issues were too much for her to just relax around him. 
He opened the door and pulled her inside, "Um...Harry?"
He nodded, already guessing what she was about to say and looking down at her, "We're in a closet." He stated. 
"Yeah." She whispered, her heart racing at the close proximity. 
"I don't live here." He tried to hide his embarrassment. 
Suddenly, Y/N burst out laughing, the entire situation was something she didn't see coming and she couldn't help but laugh at the predicament. It wasn't too long before Harry began to laugh along with her, the both of them standing in the closet in hysterics. 
When their laughter quietened down, Harry looked down at Y/N. His demeanor changed as he admired her as she bit back a smile. "Should we make out?" 
Her lips parted, "U-Um-I-I've never been kissed before."
"Me neither." He murmured, he wasn't even sure why he asked, he just felt like it was something he should be doing being at a freshers party. 
Y/N thought about it for a second, she gulped down her nerves and looked at his lips before looking at him again. "O-okay." She nodded. 
She'd never been kissed but neither had he, so neither of them could complain it was a bad kiss. She thought it'd be better to kiss him now to get the firsts out of the way. 
"Okay." He released a shaky breath and slowly leaned forward. 
Y/N stood on her toes the closer he got to her, their breaths echoed around the room as their hearts raced at the same time. The tension was thick as their lips were closer to touching. It seemed strange that the first person to touch her lips was a man she had met just ten minutes ago. 
Harry reached for her hand, brushing his fingers against them and feeling how soft her skin was. Her eyes fluttered shut when he felt his fingers run up her arm, a path of goosebumps arising. Her nose rubbed against his and her eyes fluttered shut when his fingertips touched her waist. 
She had the urge to press a kiss to his jawline as his fingers danced across the skin on her arm, "Harry," She whispered, her head resting on his shoulder. 
 Everything she was feeling right now was exactly how she thought she'd feel if someone kissed her and yet their lips hadn't even touched yet.
His lips brushed against hers and eventually, she leapt up into his arms and pressed her lips to his, arms wrapping around his neck. She whimpered at the sensation of his tongue tangled with hers, her entire body felt as though it was on fire as he continued to touch her. She tugged on his hair like her hands had a mind of their own and he released a guttural groan which made her tummy flutter with excitement. 
If they were to continue, she was curious to see where things would go next but her curiosity was killed when the door opened and they pulled away from each other. 
"My bad." Someone chuckled and closed the door again. 
Harry was breathing erratically, looking down at the floor as his mind whirred. 
"I should go." Y/N was the first to talk and before he could even reply, she opened the door and left. 
February 20th 2018
Harry was late for class but he was in no rush to get there. In fact, he hoped the seminar would be over by the time he got there so he didn't have to answer any questions. He hated talking in front of people. 
He decided to take a longer walk to his seminar, going in a direction he had never gone before and hoped he would get lost along the way. 
As he pulled out his phone to change the song he was listening to, he ended up bumping into someone else. "I-I'm sorry," He immediately crouched down and picked up the books on the floor.
"I-It's fine, don't worry about it." A delicate hand touched his as they reached for the same book. 
His head perked up when he registered who the person was, the voice was the last thing he heard before he went to sleep every night. "Y/N?" He spoke before he could stop himself. 
She looked up at him, he noticed she looked different to when he had first met her. The light in her eyes looked dimmer and she seemed more on edge than when he had first met her. 
"Harry?" She smiled, standing up. 
"It's good to see you." Flashes of their first kiss came to mind and he quickly brushed them away. 
"How's the first year treating you so far?" She tucked her hair behind her ear. 
"It's been... good." He was lying but he wouldn't tell her that, not when he felt the need to impress her. 
"Oh I'm glad, we should-"
"Y/N!" Y/N stilled, her head turning to look past Harry's shoulder. Her sudden change in expression made him turn to see the person who had caused it. 
A man stood waving his hand in the air in the distance, he looked slightly older than both Harry and Y/N. "Who's that?" Harry looked at Y/N.
"T-That's Shaun." She muttered, holding her books tightly to her chest. 
"Is he your boyfriend?" He hated how the question tasted when he asked it but wanted to know. 
"Yes." She said, his heart was hurting but he tried his best not to show it. "I should get going."
She walked past him but he called her name before she managed to get away, "Here," He took out a pen and wrote on the front of the page of her notepad his number, "In case you need me."
She smiled but it didn't meet her eyes, "Thank you." 
He watched her as she walked away and didn't start to walk again until she walked around the corner. 
He couldn't help the gut feeling that was definitely going to need his number whether she wanted it or not.
May 15th 2018
Harry had finished his last music exam and stood in his dorm room, packing his room up since his mother would be picking him up tomorrow afternoon for the summer. 
He knew other people were out partying and enjoying the fact that the first year was over but he was too keen to get home. University hadn't treated him nicely and that was just the way it was for him. 
He hadn't made many friends besides a few in his music class, even then he wouldn't really consider them friends, mostly just people he spoke to now and then. He hadn't been to a party since the first week of freshers nor did he really want to. 
"Fuck." He murmured to himself when he could hear the vibrations of his phone ringing. He rummaged through the piles of items he had created whilst packing and eventually found his phone under a pile of clothes. 
The number was unknown but he picked it up anyway. 
"Hello?" He frowned, waiting for a response from the unknown caller. 
"H-Harry?" He stood straight and held his breath when the voice he hadn't heard in a while was talking to him on the phone. "I-It's Y/N."
I know. That was what he wanted to say but instead waited for her to carry on speaking. He wasn't sure as to why she was calling him now since he had given her his number three months ago. He spent the first few days waiting for a call from her but was always let down. 
"U-Um, I know we haven't spoken in a while b-but I really need you to come g-get me." She was on the verge of tears as she held the phone to her ear, waiting for him to say something.
Harry cleared his throat, "Are you okay?" He asked, concern in his voice as he walked to the door. 
He waited for a response, "No." She sobbed, "I'm at a party outside campus on Melville Street and I don't know anyone else." 
He stumbled over his belongings as he pulled his shoes on and tugged on his jacket. "Hey, don't worry. I'm on my way and I promise I'll be there in five minutes." 
"O-Okay," She whimpered, "Thank you...Harry." 
He ended the call and raced down the steps to the front door, running out and making his way to Melville Street where he knew all the parties were held throughout the year. He could already see a mass of people at one particular house at the end of the road and could only assume it was the house Y/N had called him from. 
He pushed his way past the other students, apologising as he did so but making no effort to stop himself from getting to Y/N. He ran up the stairs and opened the door to each room, ignoring the screeching from teenagers making out and wanting him to leave. 
Eventually, he got to the end of the hallway and faced a closet door. He slowly put his ear to the door and heard the sniffles and cries of someone behind it. Carefully, he pulled the door open and looked down to see Y/N, crying into her knees as she curled up into herself. 
He closed the door behind him and crouched down in front of her, "Hey," He whispered, not wanting to frighten her. 
She looked up, cheeks tear stained and makeup smothered which she tried to wipe away with the back of her hand. "You're here." She whimpered and wasted no time in leaping forward and wrapping her arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. 
This was the last thing he was expecting to happen tonight but he didn't stop from holding her tightly in an attempt to squeeze the pain out of her. Sometimes people just wanted a hug and he just so happened to be the only person who could give that to her right now. 
"What happened Y/N?" He looked her in the eye and was brought back to the first time they were in a closet together. He wished he could go back to that time or at least be with her now under different circumstances. 
"It's nothing." She wiped away her tears as best as she could. 
"I don't think you would have called me of all people if it were nothing." He cupped the side of her cheek and noticed a bruise under her eye. His heart fell out of his chest when the worst-case scenario came to mind, "D-did Shaun do this to you?"
He didn't need an answer from her because the look on her face was clear enough to tell that he was right. Y/N began sobbing all over again, "How long Y/N?" Harry asked, firmly. 
She didn't answer, "Y/N, how long?" 
"Since February," She confessed in a whisper and hid herself away from him. 
Harry felt an incredible urge to walk out to find Shaun and release every ounce of his rage onto him but he also knew that wouldn't do anything to help Y/N at this moment. So he took a deep breath and placed a gentle hand on Y/N's shoulder. 
She looked up with wide, teary eyes and tried to crack a smile, "Let's get you out of here." 
She laughed breathily, "What? You don't like being in a closet with me anymore?"
He couldn't seem to find it in himself to laugh with her, "Not when you're like this Y/N."
She loved the way his voice sounded, she had been thinking about it ever since she first kissed him in the closet. Maybe that's why Shaun treated her like he did because she was lying in bed with him and dreaming about someone else. 
Harry walked out of the house with Y/N under his arm, shielding her away from the party. "Do you have anyone who can pick you up from your dorm?"
Y/N looked down at her shoes, embarrassment filling her, "I-I moved in with Shaun, he didn't want me living with the other girls and he's in his second year so..."
"Fuck." Harry said, eyes wide. 
"Yeah," She laughed, pitifully. "Feel free to name me an idiot for the next few hours."
Harry sighs, "I'd never call you that Y/N. Sometimes we make mistakes when we're cast out into loneliness by others." 
They carried on walking in silence. Y/N wasn't sure where they were going until they got to Harry's accommodation. "We'll have to sleep here for the night." 
"A-Are you sure?" Y/N was nervous, wringing her hands together. 
He didn't reply as he led her upstairs to his dorm where he knew everyone else was out getting drunk. She stepped into his room and was surprised to see the piles on the floor. It was amusing and sad to see. Each pile seemed to represent a different part of him, parts she knew nothing about, and yet he was the first person she thought about calling when she was in trouble. It felt like a cruel trick, she relied heavily upon strangers to lift her up because it was easier than being seen as weak by the people she deemed most important. 
"I've been packing, m' mum's picking me up tomorrow. It's a bit of a mess." He begins picking up things from the floor, underwear and pages of sheet music. 
"You play guitar?" She was still standing by the door.
"A bit, piano mostly." She notices the keyboard at his desk. 
"You can take the bed, I don't mind sleeping on the floor." He stands, not sure how to act with a girl in the room, especially a girl he thought about before he went to sleep.
"Why can't we both sleep on the bed?" She wondered, kicking her shoes off. 
"Y-Yeah," Harry gulped, "W-Whatever makes you comfortable." 
Y/N and Harry sat side by side on the bed and were immediately brought back to their first interaction. Except this time they didn't have the noise of the party to fill the awkward silence. 
"He didn't rape me, Harry." She whispers out of nowhere, she was crying again and he hated it. 
"I never thought he did." He lied, he did think that.
"I-I'm not that desperate." 
"I never said you were." 
"Shaun was good to me and then... I've never been in a relationship before. I didn't know how it was supposed to go." She confessed.
"I know," He knew she needed to talk about it but he also knew she didn't particularly want to. 
"Right." The sheets ruffled beside him and he looked over to see her lying on the bed with her back facing him. Her shoulders were shaking as she cried into his pillow.
Harry didn't know what to do. He wasn't good at comforting people or talking to people or being around people but he couldn't live with himself if he just sat there and watched her cry. He twisted his body and placed a hand on her shoulder. He noticed her flinch slightly but in a blink of an eye, she turned around and buried her face into his stomach, wrapping her arms around him and sobbing into his shirt. 
Harry did nothing as he ran his fingers through her hair and just let her cry for the next hour. 
"Harry," Y/N whispered in the dark, the both of them lying side by side flat on their backs. 
"Yeah." He whispered back.
"I wish I didn't leave the first time." Her confession surprised him. He thought he was the only one who thought about their kiss daily. He often thought how they'd be today if she were to have stayed. 
"Me too." He said and felt her pinkie hook around his. 
They fell asleep after that. 
June 20th 2018
It was summer and Harry was in Italy with his family. 
"Harry! Lunch is ready." His mother called from the patio as he sat in a hammock with his guitar. 
He lugged himself out of the hammock and felt a vibration in his back pocket. 
Y/N: I hope you're having a good time x
He bit back a smile, feeling giddy with the fact that she had messaged him in the middle of the day even though they'd been texting on and off since the summer began. 
Harry: Yeah it's been alright, too hot for my liking.
He held his breath as the dots began to appear as she typed out a reply.  
Y/N: Why am I not surprised? x
Harry: I've been working on a few songs whilst I'm out here though
Y/N: I look forward to being the first to hear them x 
Y/N smiled as she looked down at her phone whilst she sat in the back room on her break from working at the supermarket. He had told her once he'd never played a song before to anyone, not even his mother. She asked him if he'd ever play something to her and he immediately replied with three letters. 'Yes'. 
Y/N worked for the rest of the day and finished her shift at three thirty. She had to pick up a few things before she went back to her house where she was living with her mother and grandmother. 
She went to check the time on her phone but ended up seeing a message from Harry. 
A gasp escaped her lips when she noticed it was a voice note. It was a long time since she had heard Harry's voice. 
She reached into her bag for her headphones and pulled out the tangled mess. Suddenly a crackling sound and the heavy rain pouring in the background began to play. She waited until she could hear the gentle strum of a guitar and Harry's voice flooding her ears as he began to sing. 
There was something so comforting about his voice and a part of her felt ignited by the pure vulnerability in his voice as he sang. "Sorry, okay bye." He mumbled at the end of the voice note. 
She laughed and immediately began to type out a message. 
Y/N: It's beautiful. 
Harry: I miss you Y/N.
Her heart stuttered from the simple text message. 
Y/N: I miss you too Harry. 
July 20th 2018
"Here let me take that for you." Harry grabbed her bag and slung it over his shoulder, "I'll show you up to your room.”
"It's...big." Y/N looked at the home Harry had in Italy with his family. 
He chuckled, "You could say that."
He was in awe that she was here with him in Italy. He had invited her out when she told him she'd never been abroad before despite having a passport. After asking his mother, he bought her a cheap flight over to the Amalfi Coast and set up the guest bedroom, buying her candles and things from the nearest grocery shop.
"Do you love her?" Anne smirked whilst she stood at the door with her arms crossed, watching her son put face masks into what would be Y/N's bathroom drawer.
"No," He shakes his head. "No, I don't." 
"Okay." She said but wasn't assured by his answer.
Harry placed her bags on the double bed and gave her time to take in the house. "Is your mum home?" She wondered. 
"No, she and Astrid went to the market," Harry said.
"I can see the sea." She looked past him, out the window. 
"That's funny, since you arrived all I can see is you." He whispers, looking into her eyes. She didn't have to tell him she agreed because he already knew. 
Things between them had changed over the last month and they both knew it. Since Harry sent the song over to her, things between them were different. They spent the majority of their nights sleeping late and having deep conversations over the phone. Harry now knew more about her than anyone ever did and she knew even more about him. 
They hadn't kissed since the night they first met and Harry would be lying if he said he didn't think about it still. 
"Harry, come down and help us with the groceries!" His mother called from the kitchen. 
Y/N followed Harry down the steps where his mother and sister were. "Harry!" Astrid squealed, the six year old leaping into his arms. 
"Hey, Astrid." He smiles, putting her down afterwards and walking over to his mother. 
"Oh goodness, you must be Y/N! Harry has told us so much about you." Anne grins and goes over to hug Y/N. 
"It's nice to meet you," Y/N spoke, shyly. 
"Hi," Astrid grinned, one of her teeth missing. 
"Hi Astrid, it's nice to meet you." Y/N grinned. 
"You're pretty." Astrid hides behind Harry as she speaks. 
Harry and Anne laugh, "Why don't you take Y/N down to our beach? It's a wonderful day outside." 
"Sure," Harry nodded, putting the milk in the fridge. 
Harry led Y/N back to her room so she could get dressed into her bathing suit. "You don't have to come with us if you don't want to. You're probably tired."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Y/N asked, pulling out her swimsuit from her backpack.
"I want you to be everywhere." He smiles softly. 
She bites back a grin, "Give me a second." 
Harry walks back in once he puts his swim shorts on and halts his movements when he notices Y/N standing in front of the mirror putting suncream on. Her hair was tied back and she had removed her makeup from her face. She was wearing a black, one piece swimming costume. He could see the curve of her hips and her breasts and watched as she applied sun cream to her bare arms and legs. He didn't want to stare too long but he couldn't help but revel in the beauty of her. 
"I'm ready." She smiles, covering her body with a towel. 
"Cool." Harry gulps. 
. . .
"It's cold." Y/N shivers when she walks further into the ocean. 
"It feels good." Harry smiles, walking out into the sea. 
They stood facing each other in the middle of the ocean. "Your family seems nice,"
"They're alright," He couldn't stop looking at her. 
I really want to kiss you right now. He thought but tried to contain himself.
"Have you written any more songs?" She asks. 
"A few, I was inspired you could say."
"By who?" She wonders. 
Before he could reply, a wave knocked into them both. Y/N lost her balance and slipped underwater but Harry just managed to grab her waist and hold her before she was able to drift away. 
They both started laughing, Harry's hands were on her waist the entire time as they smiled at each other. 
"Are you going to kiss me?" Y/N wonders, Harry's breath catching in his throat, "At the party you had the same look in your eye when we were in the closet."
"Do you want me to kiss you?" He asks.
"I always want you to kiss me, Harry." She says. 
He scoffs, smiling, "You can't say that you know." 
"Why not?" She bites her lip.
"Because then I'll just have to kiss you all the time." 
"I always want you to kiss me, Harry." She whispers again this time in his ear, arms around his neck and legs around his waist. 
Harry shakily exhaled and leaned his head forward. He had thought of this moment for months since the first time they met and he didn't think it would happen for a while. Y/N had told him all the things Shaun had done to her during their short relationship and he knew it would affect her for a while once they had broken up. 
She kissed his shoulder, the saltiness of the water on the tip of her tongue, before she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. 
Harry whimpered like he had been in desperate need of her this whole time and he was finally getting what he wanted. His hands were everywhere as he tried to hold her in the ocean, she pushed his wet hair back and cupped his cheeks. 
"Y/N," He whispered over and over again, "I'd never be like him, I hope you know that."
She said nothing, just smiled and kissed him again and again and again and again. 
August 3rd 2018
"Do you think I'm a good writer?" Y/N asked, her bare chest pressed against Harry's as she finally caught her breath from opening up to him in a way only he was allowed to see. 
"I think you're a wonderful writer." He hums, releasing her hair from her messy ponytail so he could massage her scalp with his fingertips.
"Really?" She smiled up at him, he felt a tight feeling in his stomach at the sight of it.
"Yes." He kissed her sweaty forehead.
"I think you'd be a good musician." She played with his fingers. 
"Thank you." He wasn't sure what to say besides that. He knew she had faith in him, sometimes too much. 
"Harry," She started. She moved to sit up, she was naked and slouched over but it didn't phase him one bit, he liked seeing her naked, it was possibly one of his favourite things. "Y' know you're my best friend right?"
"I know that," He nods. "You tell me every day."
"I think I might be in love with you." She confesses, a sigh of relief escaping her.
"I know I'm in love with you." He admits, he'd never told anyone he loved them besides his mother and sister but with Y/N it felt different. He felt as though he was opening a part of himself that had always been locked and only she knew how to open it.
"So we love each other?" She crawls over to him, falling beside him and lying on her back, her head lolling to the side to look at him. 
His hand goes to her tummy and he rubs his thumb up and down, "We love each other." His hand slowly creeps lower. 
"Can we have sex again?" She asks, biting her lip.
He loved the way her cheeks flushed when she spoke about doing intimate things with her. Her eyes would turn a darker shade and the hairs on her arms would stand on end. 
"Y'never have to ask." He murmured and kissed her everywhere.
January 30th 2022
Harry and Y/N moved in together when they graduated. It was an easy decision and they didn't regret it one bit. 
"Morning baby," Harry hummed, kissing her shoulder and handing her a mug of coffee. She was wearing a shawl and a lace bra with his boxer shorts and he made sure to take a mental picture of her right this moment. 
"Morning handsome." She whispered, tired and achy from being at her computer for a second day in a row. 
Y/N was a writer or at least trying to be one. She was currently signed to a literary agent and was attempting to get a book published. She'd been spending the last few days going through the edits she'd been sent from her first draft. 
He placed two hands on her shoulders and rubbed his thumbs into them, massaging her shoulders and easing some of the tension. "I'm going to the studio today, wrote a few songs last night." 
"You did?" She grinned, her head turning to look up at him, "Will I get to hear them first?" 
"You know you will. You always get to listen to them first you know that." He chuckles, leaning down to kiss her. 
He rubbed his thumbs under her tired eyes as he cupped her cheeks, "Get some sleep darling, please." 
"Can I have a kiss first?" She pouts, her eyes gazing up at him.
He snickered and kissed her the same way he did when he first met her, leaving her in a daze as he left her in the kitchen and walked out of the house to get to the studio. 
"I think I want to marry her," Harry spoke aloud, his friend Mitch turning to him.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I want to marry her." 
"Good for you, man. She's good for you." He gives him a friendly pat on the back. 
Harry drove home with a memory stick sitting in the passenger seat of his car. He also had an engagement ring in his back pocket that he picked up on his way home. It was cheap and fake, costing him just thirty pounds, but he planned on buying her a new one when he sold some of his demos to other artists. 
When he walked through the door, he noticed Y/N was no longer at her computer. He walked into the lounge and saw her passed out on the sofa, a loaf of bread was on the coffee table with a tub of butter and a knife stuck into it. 
He sat down beside her, and she stirred. "Hi baby," He stroked her hair out of her face.
"You're home." She hummed, grabbing his hand and holding it to her chest with her eyes still shut.
"Come to bed, my love." He keeps his voice down when he speaks to her. 
"But I want to hear your music." Sleep weighed heavy in her voice. 
"Y' can hear it tomorrow darling, let's go to bed." He picks her up and cradles her in his arms as he carries her up the stairs. 
"Love you," She whispers as he lays her in bed and covers her in the blanket. 
"Love you too." He grins, lazily and crawls into bed next to her, holding her tightly. 
September 16th 2024
He's never felt pain like this.
"Where is she?" He gripped onto her mother's shoulders, looking at her with pleading eyes. 
He had rushed to the hospital, cancelling his show last minute since he was touring with the band he had written songs for. They invited him at the last minute to be the opening act for their show and he accepted despite his homesickness and desire to stay with Y/N.
"Mr Styles?" A nurse approaches with a doctor beside her. 
"Is she okay? What's going on?" He was tired before he got the phone call but now he was wide awake and wasn't planning on getting sleep anytime soon. 
"Mr Styles, we're going to need you to take a seat." The Doctor places a hand on his shoulder but he brushes it off, growing frustrated. 
"Please, just tell me what's going on." 
A sigh leaves the doctor's lips, "Miss Y/L/N has had to have emergency brain surgery."
"W-What?" He froze, unsure how to process it all.
"We found a tumour in her brain that we've had to remove, the cancer is still there but-"
He blocked out the doctor's words after that, all he seemed to hear were the words 'surgery' and 'cancer'. Y/N had cancer. 
"C-Can I see her?" He had tears rolling down his cheeks. 
"She's asleep but you can go in and see her." The Doctor nods and turns to the nurse, giving her instructions. 
Everything blurred and moved in slow motion as he walked down the corridors to Y/N's room. He couldn't believe what was happening and whether or not it was real but the pain coursing through him was enough to tell him that his life had taken a turn for the worst. 
"We'll leave you alone." The nurse nods. 
Harry saw Y/N lying in the hospital bed with wires coming out of her and a bandage wrapped around her head. 
"No baby." He shook his head, "No, no, no." He walked forward and fell to his knees in front of her. 
He gripped her hand and squeezed tight, sobbing as he tried to think up ways to help her, to trade places, to take all the pain she was feeling and consume it himself. 
"You'll be fine," He whispered, kissing her cheek, "You'll be okay." All the while twisting the cheap engagement ring he had given to her before he left to tour. 
It wasn't the most extravagant engagement but it was perfect for them. Harry had taken Y/N camping for the first time but they soon realised they both hated it. It didn't help that it was pouring with rain and the tent had a hole in it. 
So, they ditched the tent and bought a cheap motel room. They had dinner at a restaurant opposite the petrol station where the food wasn't too good but they had to beat soft serve ice cream. 
Harry asked the question after they had sex in their motel room. A tangled, sweaty mess and in a haze, he just blurted out the question to which she immediately said yes and broke down crying because she loved him so much.
Later on, Y/N woke up in the evening with Harry sitting awake beside her. 
"H-Harry," She mumbled, her eyes fluttering open and close. She was very tired. 
"Hey darling," He crouched down in front of her so he was eye level with her, "M right here."
His voice always soothed her, since the very first day they met, "I'm sick aren't I?" She tears up. 
He slowly nods his head, "But you'll get better."
She wasn't so sure.
December 1st 2024
"Can we go to Italy to get married?" Y/N asked, sitting at the windowsill with a book. She was wearing a headscarf over her hairless head as the sun shone through the window. 
Harry thought she looked beautiful.
"I thought you wanted to get married here at home?" He wondered, they both wanted something simple so planned their wedding reception to be at their house in the back garden. 
She placed her book down and stood up on shaky legs. She was getting thinner the more they did chemotherapy, sometimes she could barely hold her head up from exhaustion but she was fighting her way through it all. 
She climbed onto Harry's lap who was sitting at the table writing music. "I want to go to Italy for Christmas and get married."
Harry chuckles, "I don't think people will be happy if we do all that last minute, it'll cost a lot too." 
She shakes her head, a cheeky grin on her face, "I just want it to be us two." 
He thought about it. He knew how much their families meant to the both of them and how important it was for them to be there but he couldn't lie if he said the thought didn't tempt him.
 "What about our parents?" He asked.
"Well I assume they'd be upset for a while but they'll get over it. We can have a party in the back garden just like we originally planned." She snaked her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder, he could tell she was getting tired. 
"When would you want to leave for Italy?" He wonders and she knew she had persuaded him. 
"Tomorrow." 
December 3rd 2024
They got married where they kissed on the beach. 
Y/N was rushed to the hospital in the evening. 
May 22nd 2025
Harry was alone. 
He stood in front of the mirror adjusting his tie and tried his best not to get emotional. 
He hadn't seen her in a while but he hoped she was giving him some reassurance wherever she was.
"My boy," Anne walked in, wearing a sleek dress, "You look so handsome." 
She adjusted the lapels of his suit and cupped his cheeks, a bittersweet look on her face, "They're waiting for you." 
He nodded, glanced one last time at the mirror and exhaled. 
People were already standing in the pews of the church, some were already crying as he walked to the end of the aisle. He turned around and took a heavy breath, his hands shaky. 
"You've got this," Mitch whispered, reassuringly. 
Suddenly everyone stood up as the music began to play, waiting for the love of his life to turn the corner. 
Y/N beat cancer on Harry's birthday this year. 
He cried tears of joy and they celebrated by ordering two ice cream cakes and eating them both with just two spoons and Mamma Mia playing in the background. 
They decided they wanted to get married again with a proper ceremony since their wedding in Italy was slightly tainted by the fact she had to go to hospital. Their mothers were also adamant they had another wedding they could actually attend. 
He held his breath when she walked out in a beautiful, white dress. It was a tight fitted, mermaid dress with an open back. She was adamant about having a tight fitted dress so she could see how bloated her belly got with the buffet they had for the reception. With the chemo, she couldn't stomach a lot of food but now all she wanted to do was eat and Harry loved it. 
His eyes began to water as she walked down the aisle on her own. She didn't want anyone to walk her down the aisle because she didn't like the idea of someone giving her away. No one was giving her away because she had always been Harry's right from the beginning.
"You may now kiss the bride!" Everyone cheered as the Officiant announced it. 
Y/N leaned forward and smiled, tears down her face, "Should we make out?" She whispered. 
"Most definitely." Harry smiled and it was the happiest he had ever been in his life. 
October 1st 2027
Welcome to the world, little Matilda. 
You came into this world with sun beams coming out of you and we haven't seen the rain since.
Your mother is currently asleep and I haven't got the heart to wake her up. She never ceases to amaze me with how strong she is and I've promised her months of rest since all you seemed to do was wake her up in the night with your tiny toes and little fingers pressing against her belly. 
I've loved your mother for ten whole years now and it just adds to your perfection that you were born on the day we met. 
On the day we met, I was awkward and shy and hated people which makes no sense since we were at a party. I had no intention of meeting your mother but she was there and I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. 
Don't worry Matilda, you are half your mother and will be just as pretty as she is. 
She was my first kiss, the first person I opened up to and the only person I wanted to spend my life with.
Except now we have you and my world before these ten years seems non-existent. 
I love you Matilda and no matter how much I say I love you, I will always love you more than that. 
You have my green eyes and your mother's little nose. I can already tell you have the imagination of your mother because you were grabbing at my fingers last night and making noises with a smile on your face. 
I promise to raise you with as much love as I have given your mother and I know your mother will love as hard as she loves me. Our house will be filled with nothing but love for you Matilda and I hope you hold onto that and carry it with you wherever you go. 
You will always be the light in our lives from now on my sweet Matilda. 
"Is she awake?" Y/N murmurs, eyes still shut.
"No, she's sleeping." Harry looks down at the little girl in his arms. 
"I can't believe we made her Harry." She smiles, cheeks pink, reminding him of the time they first met. 
It did amaze him how the person they created together was a product of their love. He didn't really think it possible to hold love in his hands until he held Matilda for the first time. 
"I love you, Harry." She whispers, holding his hand. 
"I love you too." He sighs, feeling utter bliss.
He would do it all again, he thought, the ups and downs and in-betweens, he'd do it all. 
Everything with you. 
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