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buggywiththefolkmagic · 1 year

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Personal Do Not Read Witchy Author List

There will be a google doc with updates as I find more authors to avoid. These are all my own personal opinion and I do take the author's actions into account when judging their ability to write legitimate information.

TW: Slavery, serial killers, racism, TERFs, creeps, neonazis, asylums, and a slew of other super unsavory things. I tried to make this list as PG as possible while highlighting the issues with these individual people.

*Alestier Crowley. *

He's a literal piece of garbage. Misogynistic, thief of a toooon of closed practices, has entire cults still dedicated to him, called himself a voice of God (both Abrahamic and apparently like 5 Egyptian deities??? I mean excuse me sir how about no??) He also declared himself ‘above’ Gods back in 1922 calling himself Ipssissimus. I hate Crowley so much I have literally stuck a picture of him to a dartboard before. He can suck an egg in the afterlife. He also put his own wife in an asylum for 'alcoholism’ because she wanted a divorce. The only thing he ever did right was get kicked down a flight of stairs at a temple once by a poet.

*Anastasia Greywolf*

Appropriates at least Jewish practices if not every Indigenous practice there is. Wholeheartedly encourages people to use magic instead of going to a doctor for things like oh I dunno EPILEPSY And claims she has spells for like Marvel-level super powers which uh no Ana. You don't. Lots of Christianity for a supposedly FULL pagan and wiccan author. Her spells are all controlled like...so wrong. So, so wrong. Don't ask please. I can't begin to describe it. Advocates for smudging and uses phrases like "Cherokee Rituals", and the Romani G-slur.

*Gerald Gardner*

Made his own branch of wicca, the first technically, and his own coven had to make rules just so he wouldn't spill everything to any reporter that asked. Used Crowley as a main resource.

*Jason Miller*

Claims to do Hoodoo. A horrible formatter, and generally super dismissive of being a rootworker and other potentially closed practices, has not been initiated. Has claimed that anyone can petition/pray to Papa Legba without initiation because "Vodou is a congregational religion/practice". From the Vodou and Haitian Vodou practitioners I have talked to that is VERY incorrect, it may be congregational but you still have to be involved in the community to be trusted with those practices because so much of it has been bastardized for media and racism purposes. He is also a student of Catherine Yronwode, who is another SUPER problematic figure in the Hoodoo/Rootwork community.

A link of his own words on culture appropriation which includes mild inaccuracy towards Indiginous Peoples and that they don’t ‘own’ certain practices when it’s very clear the wording of those practices DOES in fact come from those peoples. He’s fine with people being Yogis, or Shamans, or calling satchel spells mojo bags, and other such phrases and won’t correct people if they use such words out of context because “language changes”. Also says if someone within a practice says it’s closed to go to ANOTHER AND ANOTHER until you find someone willing to teach you??? That’s not how it works sir.

Source: https://www.strategicsorcery.net/on-cultural-misappropriation/

*Lisa Chamberlain*

Not an actual person. This is a ghost writer name for a bunch of garbage literally copy and pasted from wikipedia into books. I wish I was kidding.

*Lisa Leister/Lester/whatever other spelling she's used.*

Such a major TERF. Like JK Rowling level TERF. Claims magic comes from a womb so anybody that doesn't have one isn't a real witch. Like WTF lady.

*Raymond Buckland*

Where to start...uses the G-slur often. (His grandfather was romani so it blurs the line of blood quantum.) Very sexist and obsessed with the idea of a woman getting uh...undressed for rituals while men stay dressed and more things I cannot say ina PG space??? As magic?? VERY anti-minor and LGBTQA+. Toxic, just plain toxic. Can't do it. I have read his Blue Book and it's the least problematic thing he wrote. I'm alright with it.

*Silver Ravenwolf* WhOOO boy. So super anti-christian, which is fine and dandy...if you didn't claim to be in a lineage of braucherei/hexerei. Wiccan, like the type of wiccan that says no other witchcraft exists and yet has written folk magic books??? She really needs to make up her mind. Claims Satanists don't actually exist. Claims most Jewish powers worshiped "the Goddess" (whoever that is)??? Very cult-like language about "not telling friends and family about your new life/reality/experience/whatever". Also SO MUCH APPROPRIATION. SO SO MUCH. She also gets her history wrong, on a lot of basic information that most non-witches know about like say the Salem Witch Trials.

*Catherine Yronwode* Ooh man. So Catherine Yronwode’s career started as a comic book artist. She’s worked on such things like the Elvira comic, DNAgents, and a gaggle of super controversial trading cards which included the Kennedy Assasination, a serial killer collection, and the AIDS epidemic. Of which she was sued for using one half of the Hillside Stranglers duo in said killer trading cards without his permission, the judge sadly threw the case out because and this is a quote, “ If Bianchi had been using his face as a trademark when he was killing women, he would not have tried to hide it from the police.” There were two more from her comic days, but those aren’t super relevant besides the one that pushed the envelope of what sort of trading cards should be sold to children. On the magical side of things, I will be blunt here: As one of the ‘big bads’ of the Rootwork/Folk/Hoodoo community? I really REALLY dislike her. She has made numerous false claims about New Orleans/Haitian Vodou and that it’s only a very recent practice, non-religious, and slaves never used it because it didn’t exist yet??? History books and entire generations will disagree. An example would be this link of an open letter to her written by a New Orleans Voodoo practitioner and someone she wrote a whole article about: https://conjureart.blogspot.com/2013/10/open-letter-to-cat-yronwode-and-lucky.html

She owns a few different websites namely https://www.luckymojo.com/, has written numerous Hoodoo based books, and actively has accused numerous people who have asked her for sources and or disagreed with her of plagiarism and has slung more mud that you can shake a stick at.

She also praises a book on Marie Laveau and yet discredits herself by calling New Orleans Voodoo a new religion/neopractice??? She’s just confusing as all heck to me.

*Christian Day* This guy’s just a creep. One stuck in the early 2000s mall goth phase even though he’s over 50. He also appropriates Hoodoo and owns two Hoodoo shops as well as multiple other witch shops in Salem and recently New Orleans on the French Quarter (Which is pure tourist fodder and not a reflection of true New Orleans Voodoo/Vodun/Rootwork). He has also harassed ex-employees so badly it’s landed him in court. His book The Witch’s Book of the Dead also reads very much like a list of accomplishments rather than anything useful. All about his television spots and experiences doing that. (Did I mention he was in an episode of Ghost Adventures? Yes, that one with Zac Bagans??? And it did not make us witches look too great, honestly speaking.)

Sources for Harassment Claims: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/salem-witch-gets-protective-order-against-warlock/

https://www.wcvb.com/article/warlock-christian-day-ordered-to-stay-away-from-salem-witch/8228072

*Yvonne and Gavin Frost* I dunno how else to say this, I really don’t. These two? Pedophiles. Multiple writings of theirs included not-safe-for-work-or-children rituals that must include minors. Avoid. AVOID AVOID. AVOID ANYONE WHO USES THEM AS A RESOURCE! This should NOT be okay in any circle. They are VERY used within the Wicca religion so please be careful!!

*Orion Foxwood* Some of his information is very sound! I can’t fault him there. He does have a tendency to blend different traditions without actively TELLING you he’s blending them though. He’s and this is a direct quote, “He is a witch and Elder in Romano Celtic-Traditional Craft, High Priest in Alexandrian Wicca and teacher of the Faery Seership tradition. He is also the founding Elder of Foxwood Temple and a primary founder of the Alliance of the Old Religion, a national network of covens in his line that have united to preserve the ways of his Elders. He was the co-director of Moonridge, a center for metaphysical, Craft and Faery studies in Maryland” That’s an awful lot of traditions to juggle and not only write on but actively teach. He also performs conjure, which in of itself might not be an issue but Conjure usually blends into Hoodoo really quickly if one isn’t careful! A lot of the traditions he talks about from his family sound quite familiar, he’s clearly from Appalachia but his books on the subject blend in his other practices instead of keeping them separate.

*Starr Casas* She’s in the same category as Orion, only she doesn’t necessarily give her credentials to be teaching Hoodoo, and even wrote a whole book filled with Hoodoo love spells. She also co-owns a French Quarter Conjure Shop, which if you ask any practitioners from New Orleans...is catered to pure tourists and not a true example of the crafts from the area.

*Shawn Engel* I’m gonna be blunt here. More appropriation of the Jewish practices, Hoodoo, and other information that is just plain UPG without saying it’s UPG and encourages throwing hexes at political party members solo. I read The Power of Hex and had to put it down numerous times just to gather myself and not throw it away, I don’t know if it was tone or sheer level of appropriation...likely both.

*Kate Freuler* Of Blood and Bones is chock full of Hoodoo, full stop. Only acknowledges that something comes from Hoodoo once and also gets basic mythology information on the Deities she mentions wrong in some cases. Also a lot of the book seems to be UPG because the bibliography is super small for a 300 page book.

*Dorothy Morrison* I picked up Utterly Wicked once. A very odd book full of Hoodoo and Vodun spellwork and misinformation, the author is also Garderian Wiccan so even the writing of a book full of hexes is slightly...concerning compared to the Wiccan traditions and redes. Odd is the best I have to describe how I personally feel. I will say this again: Voodoo Dolls are not used to cause pain, stop bastardizing that single aspect of the practice. Thank you.

*Helena Blavatsky*

I dunno how else to say this either, her philosophy and occult knowledge, called Theosophy is a portion of what inspired Hitler. Pure unadulterated racism veiled in a ‘Atlantian Race Theory”. Horrible stuff, read for a class project once and felt disgusting.

*Christopher Penczak*Whoo boy. On the surface he seems alright, one of the first ‘male’ witches I had ever heard of except for Scott Cunningham. But the more you dig into his work the more inaccuracies and Christian bashing you see. For example: Christianty was the first patriarchal society. Uhm...I believe you’re kinda forgetting the men who ran Rome and Greece there sir. He also fully proposes the ‘burning times’ were like a ‘witch holocaust’. NO! NO IT WAS NOT. You can’t compare the hundreds of years and MAYBE a thousand-ish people dying to the millions that died in the short timespan the Holocaust was a thing. Fuck Christopher for that comparison and also for claiming it was a ‘burning time’ to begin with. (History says that most were hung...or tortured. Burning is a very small number of that list in general.

He makes a lot of sweeping statements and sees witchcraft as a religion and NOT a practice. He whitewashes, fully harps on the Wicca = witchcraft = religion thing and THEN hones in on the difference between “white and black” magic and how cursing is evil and yet highlights certain practices that actively practice...cursing...as they have for generations??? He (atleast) doesn’t demonize Satanism but does still backhand the idea anyway, that they CAN’T be witches because witches only ‘heal’. Cultural appropriation and fetishization of ‘Native’ practices while calling them primitive all in the same breath, I just can’t with this guy. I really can’t.

*Amy Blackthorn*

Owns a tea brand called ‘Blackthorn Hoodoo Blends’ she is white. When questioned by BIPOC individuals she complains and blocks them instead of explaining why she chose the name Hoodoo for just teas. TEA. She is also the author of Blackthorn’s Botanical Magic, Sacred Smoke (A book on smudging yikes on trikes), and Blackthorn’s Protection Magic.

Proof of blocking: https://thisblackwitch.com/2016/04/01/blackthorn-teas-whose-culture-is-it-anyways/

*Tarl Warwick *

Is more commonly known as Styxhexenhammer666 on youtube and other social media sites. Has written a pile and I mean a PILE of occult based books including ones on Hermetic magic, ritualistic magic, demons, solomon, folk plants and healing, Kabbalah, and many MANY more.

He makes no claim to being Jewish, and given his political wishy washiness, and multitude of controversies which includes claiming the Holocaust wasn’t ‘that many dead’, Charles Manson deserved release because he was ‘extremely innocent and didn’t kill anyone’, and fairly recently also wrote and published a book on Critical Race Theory and why it’s ‘garbage’. I can’t support him no matter how accurate some of his information may be (if any at all).

*Temperance Alden* This really pains me to say, Temperance in her Wheel of the Year book made a claim that birth control “stunted her magical abilities” because it affected her hormones…in OTHER words unless you are a perfectly hormone producing WOMAN you don’t have great magical power. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID. That is a slippery slope to claiming medication will harm you, not to mention how TERF-y it is AND completely disregards that magic is for well…everyone. Such a stupid gatekeep-y concept.

*Sarah Kate Istra/Dver*

Advocates for using ‘spirit animals’ regardless of Indigenous beliefs and concerns. Is also a known ally with the Piety Posse, a neo-nazi group of pagans who claim the term polytheist can only apply to them and if you aren’t a Hellenistic pagan…you aren’t pagan at all. They also advocate for animal sacrifices, blood tests to prove purity, and other horrible HORRIBLE stuff.

*Sannion/H. Jeremiah Lewis*

Obvious Neo-nazi, keeps images of swastikas on his personal blog, and not the ones that the nazis stole from, the nazi one. And super SUPER transphobic.

*Edward P. Butler*

Major persecution complex, spends half his twitter complaining about how monotheists are destroying…I dunno…everything? Also defends Krasskova quite heavily. Antisemetic as well.

*Galina Krasskova*

Hellenic pagans watch out. Defends the AFA. A ringleader of the Piety Posse. There’s a lot more horrific stuff about her and I won’t go into extreme details. But TW: Romanticizes SA with deities, human sacrifice, animal sacrifice. Compares debating to the holocaust, lots of victim blaming, gatekeeping, and screams folkish.

*Diana Cooper*

Racist. Hard stop. Also appropriates chakras. Has a weird belief that food controls skin color and that Africa will never be a good country because it’s the solar plexus of the universe…or something like that. I got 20 pages into the book and literally couldn’t go any farther. Did I mention this book was supposedly on dragons???

*Judika Iiles* So much appropriation, advocates for making altars and working with closed deities. Lots of incorrect information including dangerous spellwork like obsession spells. And one in particular that has roots in a racist stereotypes. Avoid please!

#witchblr #witchcraft #Authors to avoid #Will update in the future #If anyone has any questions about any of these please feel free to ask

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ngihtshade · 8 months

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lil explanation on the Pyrite headcannon thing

mb for the fact this took me so long to actually make, got caught up in other things and my silly brain got distracted, but i will gladly explain some things about the Pyrite headcanon-theory of mine!

as a small bonus, i made a little banner of sorts for the google doc i am making on this, so yall get to look at that too. i will most likely make the document public soon enough, but dont expect anything like, tomorrow.

for the actual little headcanon-theory, it mainly revolved around the fact that the written spell for the Pyrite mask feels oddly specific with the first part, but also not specific enough. mentioning that the user turns into a "female SkyWing named Pyrite" just feels too specific, and this is before the Hailstorm imprisonment. but also, the fact it mentions a name and gender and not scale color is odd to me. why does Pyrite have peach-colored scales? There arent any other SkyWings in the series as far as i know that have that similar almost yellow scale color, so it seems odd that it would be the "default."

this is mainly where my theory stemmed from, that the dragon known as Pyrite was once a real dragon, likely also someone important and/or someone who has died. since the fact that the second part of the spell was made for Hailstorm, the mask couldve had a different use before then. the wording suggests wanting to possibly turn one dragon into another, that "another" being Pyrite.

with this as my starting point, i built up the idea of General Pyrite, an important war general that had died during the War of SandWing Succession. so with this, the Pyrite mask's original goal couldve been to bring back that general from the dead. maybe it worked, maybe it didnt. id like to save more of her backstory for when i get the document completed, but thats basically my thought process so far!

also, i want to acknowledge the fact that there is so much more that could be done with Pyrite. during the brainstorming for General Pyrite, i came up with a few other ideas for possible origins of the Pyrite mask, some of which being:

*Pyrite was Chameleon's first attempt at making one of his shapes.

*Pyrite couldve originally been a tool used to spy within the Sky Kingdom, as Soar wouldve been known to be close to the Queen.

*Pyrite was simply a commoner and there were no specific dragons in mind to base the Pyrite mask off of, and by chance a random dragon that existed at some point was chosen to be the face of it.

^stemming from the theory above, this could mean that Chameleon's shapes were also enchanted with similar wording as the Pyrite mask. this means that all of the dragons Chameleon turns into couldve also been real dragons.

those are just a few things i brainstormed, there is definitely potential for a lot more, and id like to hear you guy's thoughts on this! i may end up developing some of those other theories alongside General Pyrite, though most likely not enough to make another document for.

feel free to ask me questions about anything above, id gladly answer!

#wings of fire #headcanon #wings of fire theory #pyrite is such a goofy gal honestly #i love her #General Pyrite #digital art #wof #wings of fire pyrite #theory #wings of fire headcanon #artwork

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steve0discusses · 5 months

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S5 Ep 50: Tristan Hates Horses, I Think

Been a while! Tumblr’s annoying as hell changes to the text editor took a lot of wind out of my sails, ngl. It had some problems they're resolving as they go, but it was really annoying to use and to edit if you write any amount of youknow……words….

And I was talking to a friend about this, and they were like “have you tried writing it in google docs and copy pasting it after?” And I happily realized when you copy paste from google docs, it also copies the PICTURES. This has literally saved hours of my life, y'all. It has turned something that was so frustrating I didn't want to open tumblr again into something that is no longer an obstacle so I can write once more!

So lets travel to Yugi’s brain, where Tristan desperately has to make up for all the work he hasn’t done because he was just a wee tiny bit possessed.

It may be hard to pick up where Tristan is on this picture, and I hope I recorded it somewhere in OBS like 2 months ago when I finished the series because it was such a funny animation, but hot damn this boy has hops.

And you can see him there on the ground in the bottom left corner, that isn’t a rock, that’s Tristan having toppled a man with his bare hands, a man who had a sword and was sitting on an armored horse.

Can you believe this guy ran for school president? And then lost and humbly became the janitor?

Meanwhile, Joey discovered magic.

Confirmation that duel disks are made out of old tank parts.

Realizing for the first time that magic exists, they decide to peace out.

Back in the real world, Mokuba and Roland don’t know where the hell Seto went. Which is weird, I figured Seto would at least leave a note or a text message or…anything…but apparently even if he did, he just disappeared at some point down in Marik’s old living room.

So Roland and Mokuba decided that in order to find him, they would have to take a massive Boeing 747 to find their lost child.

Some kids have a motorcycle, some kids have a scooter, Mokuba just wants the most boring ass big commercial plane that is meant to sit a couple hundred people in an awkward way. That’s what Mokuba wants.

Just Mokuba things.

My bro who edits these for me wrote in huge ass letters "ROLAND SIGHTING" While saying "ROLAND ROLAND ROLAND" so I want y'all to know how much we appreciate a good Roland in this house.

Speaking of, I know it's like season 5 but...who is the other guy? He wears funny sunglasses but I have never heard his name, not once.

But this is when the plane was filled with heavenly light.

They begin to see the fight happening between Seto Kaiba (the OG Seto, the one that is cool and isn’t depressed because his not-wife died) and Bakura (who is now Zorc). Don’t ask me how the time stuff works, and why we see it now of all the times in human history, and right over Egypt in the sky. Don’t ask me why.

I assume it’s time compression shenanigans, just like FF8, so maybe it’s just every moment in time is able to see this UFO in the sky, but overall, it’s here because it looks cool. The fact that this right here is actually not a physical place, but is actually a figment of Yugi’s imagination shaped by Pharaoh’s botchy memories--is neither here nor there. Instead, it’s everywhere.

Seto is unimpressed by this, because he knows how science and timelines should work, and this wouldn’t pass Kaiba Corp inspection.

Back at the yellow palace made of cheese and mario blocks, Pharaoh is still knocked out from that time he summed all 3 dragons last episode, which to me feels like just eons ago.

But it’s OK, he’s fine now.

Typically he’d be dead, because his dragons died on the battlefield and their life force is connected to their monsters. But not only is Pharaoh 1.) already dead and 2.) the author of this universe and cannot die or this universe ceases to exist he’s 3.) got the puzzle, which means he can’t actually perma die, unlike everyone else in his court who is perma-gone.

He is not surprised by what is currently happening in Egypt’s downtown strip.

This is probably every day in Domino. Every day Seto Kaiba wakes up everyone in town with his three-headed dragon princess just because he can. Hell, Seto was doing this fight with Bakura on the top towers of Domino just this morning (or last morning…not sure if time passes in real life the same way it does in puzzle life)

The audacity of Yami right now, the one moment Yugi isn’t there to scream about ledges, this boy is leaping joyfully off that ledge.

He fuses with the dragon which gives him this familiar outfit.

I thiiiiink it’s the same outfit as Alexander season? I’ll be real with you though, I don’t really want to look it up. Either way, good to see the return of putting on a ton of armor in a card game, I don't think we've seen it Canonically since that one time Joey did it against Valon, and ever since then, Joey kind of forgot it was a thing he can just do.

But unlike Joey, Yami doesn’t take the opportunity to punch Zorc in the face, instead he just loses yet another time.

This time he didn’t even pass out, he barely even died. This is progress, truly.

But as Zorc is powering up the peepee missile to fire in Yami’s face (what a way to die!), Shadi has decided to inform us why he’s been stalking these kids for this entire show.

So there’s two ways to read this. 1.) Shadi was Hassan the entire time but had to go back in time from this moment in order to do it or 2.) Shadi possessed the power of Hassan last second so Yami could avoid death one final time.

Both of these explanations don’t fully make sense to me, I’ll be honest, because in order to know that he’ll be needed in the first place, Shadi had to know that Yami would die at this particular moment--a moment that is a different timeline than has ever existed before.

So really, Shadi was just going by a hunch. He was like “I dunno, I’ll see how this goes.” which is more in line with the Shadi we know and love.

Is it a crying shame that Shadi, who has been with us for so many seasons, and it so integral to this show had such an unceremonious death? Yeah. I feel like I didn’t quite get the closure I wanted but I’m also sort of confused as to…what happened. But I’ll leave it there because apparently we get more Shadi content in Dark Side of Dimensions.

Anyway, I have no idea if these images will even fit into a post with how how tumbler does posts nowadays, and I'll be real I had to re upload the last bit of it, which I suspect was over 15 images???? Not sure??? but we found a workaround! google docs works!

Also, Seto didn’t die today! Instead it was Shadi! For a SECOND time!

I cannot believe how freakin lucky Mana is, this girl is still kicking and if Mana survives everything I am…going to be astonished, that’s what. Mana secretly OP, who knew?

And always you can read the rest of these here

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

if I turn it into a link it doesn't work right because the text editor is really, really bad. I hate it a lot. But uh...feel free to copy paste it until I can get links to cooperate.

#yugioh #photo recap #yugi muto #joey wheeler #seto kaiba #tristan taylor #ygo #bakura #yu gi oh #yami muto #S5 #Shadi

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divine-crows · 1 month

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Grimoire/Bos Prompts or Research Topics for the Witch that Doesn’t Know What To Do Next

(Pt. 1/ ?)

Okay so, I've been working on gathering information for a couple of years now. (On and off for 4 years probably a little less because I procrastinate), and just now I've gotten an official book to put all of my information in since prior to that I just had loose leafs of paper that I'd stash away at random, and google docs filled with information (which I recommend. It helped me let go of the stress of messing up and helps when you need to edit and add information. I still use my doc as a way to add stuff and as an on-the-go grimoire).

I've practically stuffed this grimoire with everything I've gathered and refined, and this has lead me to reach an impasse where I don't quite know what to do next. Not a lot of BoS or Grimoire prompts are geared towards people that have the basics written down, but don’t know what to do next, so I'll make a short list of stuff I've brainstormed.

Note: These prompts aren't all going to be specific things to do research on, a lot of it is inspired by Molly Roberts on YouTube because I love prompts and ideas that may not be necessarily witchy, but can be when in the context of where it is. These prompts and research topics also are not mine by any means and I’ll reiterate it often because I want people to make these ideas their own.

- What being a witch means to you. This can include why you decided to use witch as a label for yourself, your specific practice, why you got into it, how it affects your life and it's importance, etc.

- how your religion (or if non-religious, any of your beliefs or theories you support) works alongside your craft. Do you feel a need to separate the two? Do you treat them like they're always together? Are there any specific scenarios where you use the two hand-in-hand? Talk about it.

- Entity and/or spirit Guide! Make a section dedicated to entities and spirits in your area, how you (or others) found them, if you think you know what/who they are, or if you aren't sure what it could be. This can open up great opportunities for you to study new things. I myself have been planning on doing it since my town has a lot of ghosts, and I've had plenty of interactions with entities that I don't know of (ex. some seem like the fair folk, but due to the origins of people that lived in my town it's unlikely, or they have one trait that reminds me of an entity I know of but the rest of their traits are nothing like it).

- energy/magic map. This can be used in multiple ways! Map out the energy and vibes you feel when you're in other places, or map out the energy you felt during a spell/ritual, or maybe even there's a song that just speaks to you and you want to show the flow of energy the song makes you feel. How you show this flow is up to you and your experience! Maybe you have synesthesia and you want to explore how that mixes with your experience with the flow of energy in music ( or just in general) go for it!

- any personal ideas or concepts. This might be candle etiquette, or maybe you personally don't say the name of certain entities or deities for specific reasons. Maybe there's something you do that you don't see a lot of people mention in media. Write it down! You never know when you'll come across something and go "...wait a minute" and then you can flip through your Grimoire/BoS and go "oh! Right, that's just a personal belief/uncommon concept so that might be why it isn't in here." Now. This does not mean stealing from other cultures and claiming you believed in it all along. And it doesn't mean disrespecting any basic rules of etiquette.

- if there's items you see and you have an inexplicable pull to, document it! Talk about the energies they had. What they were and looked like. If you bought it or not. This can help you in the future when it comes to incorporating items. Sometimes I find out that an item I bought because its "vibes were interesting" can actually be repurposed and I always feel proud afterwards because my intuition knew all along.

- do certain places or situations make you feel a little bit more magical than you usually do? Make a list of those places (and if you want to add a description of them!) Sometimes when I'm not feeling 100% with my craft just visiting those places makes me feel better.

- Information about where you’re from or where you currently live, and how this place applies to your practice. I’ve seen at least one or two people do this with their grimoire’s and it’s a great idea. It doesn’t have to be an extensive history either, for me, I just focused on the state I live in and I added basic information that I felt belonged there. I also included some common folklore of the area.

- - -

I'll add on more as I brainstorm them. These ideas and concepts are not mine and a lot have probably been done already. Have fun with them! Reblog with more ideas (I'll definitely reblog ones with ideas I like)

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deliwrites · 2 years

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ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕊𝕝𝕦𝕥 // 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔯𝔬 // Dream Team

// DATE // 26th of October 2022 // PAIRING // DreamTeam x fem!Reader, george x fem!reader, sapnap x fem!reader, dream x fem!reader // WARNING // flirty!reader, Mention of spicy time, snogging with George, use of real names, mention of tease!reader, playgirl(ish)!reader // WORDS // 1k+ // SUMMARY // You are part of the Dream Team, the team has been planning to move in together, but George receives his visa before you. So you "help" him pack. // SERIES // Intro // Part One // Part two // Part three // Part Four // I'm open for serie title suggestions for this one! Feel free to comment your suggestion here or sent it into my inbox!

// MASTERLIST // ANONLIST //

The four of us, aka the Dream Team, have been friends for ages. I first met George when we were kids. Our families happened to meet on vacation. Ever since we had been inseparable even though we lived in different countries.

Later we met Clay and Nick. The friendship was instant, it felt so natural. We started making YouTube videos together. Streaming Minecraft together. Overall we always had fun. Sometimes in more ways than one. I may or may not have been flirty with all three in private. I just like to tease them. It’s so much fun. ‘Cause my actions have no consequences. What are they gonna do while I’m miles away. Plus my attitude was always flirty, so I don’t think they know of the spicy times that have happened in private.

Anyways the conversation of moving in together happened far too often. But when was it actually happening?

“Okay, but when?” I ask one night in a discord call. Just the four of us. We had just finished recording another Manhunt video for Clay’s channel. Three of us had their cams on, Clay didn’t. We didn’t mind. Out of the three of us, only Nick knew what he looked like. Nick being the only one that was already able to move in with Clay into the Dream Team house.

“You two just need to apply for a visa,” Is Nick's simple answer.

“We understand, but it’s not that easy,” George says. “We have to leave family behind for one, along with that. We have other things we need to think about. Think about the entire move. What do we bring, what don’t we bring. Other important matters like government shit that needs to happen.”

“Oh, shit, I don’t think I even told my mom about this plan,” I mutter, grimacing at the thought. Clay wheezes at my face, most likely.

“How could you forget something like that?” He continues to laugh, Nick with him.

“Just ignore the idiots, Y/n,” George says taking away my pout.

“What!” Clay sounds offended though we know he isn’t. Chuckling a little before we continue. Me being the one to open a google docs, sharing it with all three. Putting down a plan and checklists of things that need to happen for this all to work.

Months later around the early evening, the Dream Team group chat starts ringing. George started a call.

“Guys, guys, guys,” he screams once we are all in the call. Again face cams on beside Clay.

“What’s got you all excited?” Nick says. From what I could tell, he was still in bed. His eyes half shut, blanket barely covering his chest. I bite my lip subtly at the sight. Quickly focusing on George again. It was currently 9 am in Florida, so I am not surprised that Nick and Clay are still in bed. I’m surprised they even picked up.

“I GOT MY VISA!” George screams, showing all of us his visa. I am excited, sure, but I can’t help the smile fading from my face. I hadn’t gotten mine yet, which means he can leave without me.

“Finally!” Clay exclaims in excitement. “At last one of you can finally be here.”

“This is great!” I end up saying, not wanting to let my mood ruin the excitement. “If you need me to, I can come over and help you pack whatever you want to bring.”

“We’ll talk about that later,” George says still smiling from ear to ear. “Have you heard anything about your visa?” he asks.

“I- sadly, no,” a pensive look on my face. “But, that’s okay,” I quickly change my mood. A fake but bright smile on my face. “You can go! And that’s great!” I tell him. “But, I’m sorry to leave you guys, I gotta go do something,” I don’t wait for an answer and leave the call.

I felt a little bit selfish at my action, but I didn’t want to drag the mood down. With me leaving the call they can chat amongst themselves. Figure out when he’ll fly over and move in with them. I’ll just wait here patiently.

The coming week I flew over to be with George. I helped him pack the stuff he wanted to bring. Either in boxes or into his suitcase.

“Have you heard anything yet?” he asks while I sit on his big suitcase as he zips it shut.

“No,” I pout, “I’ll just have to be patient,” he chuckles loudly, stopping in front of me. Suitcase now closed.

“You and patient,” he says with a soft smirk playing on his lips. I sent him an exaggerated pout.

“I can be patient.”

“Yeah, right. And pigs can fly,” he shakes his head laughing and I can’t help but grin just slightly. “It’ll be okay. Just know that we’ll be waiting for you. And welcome you with open arms,” he tells me sincerely. I look up at him through my eyelashes, a boost of confidence strikes me. Cupping his face, I close the gap between us, my lips connecting with his soft ones’. He seems a little taken aback. He’s quick to recover from the initial shock. Kissing me back. His hands landing on my waist.

This isn’t the first time we’ve kissed. It’s happened before, we’ve done a lot more than kiss for that matter. Mostly online but whenever we were able to meet in real life. We would sneak kisses here and there. I can’t tell you exactly when it started, but for me, it had a lot to do with comfort.

For me, this particular kiss was a see you soon, hopefully, kiss. I wouldn’t be able to see him, hold him, kiss him for who knows how long once he’s left for America.

“Sorry,” I apologize when we pull away. “I just-”

“I know,” he says. “It’s alright, you know I would never say no to you anyways,” he grins. Close the gap between us once more, his lips are more dominant now. His grip on my waist becomes tighter, moving me closer to him. He is sat on his knees on the floor, my ass still on the suitcase. My legs on either side of him as he slots himself between them.

// MASTERLIST // ANONLIST //

// SERIES // Intro // Part One // Part two // Part three // Part Four //

I'm open for serie title suggestions for this one! Feel free to comment your suggestion here or send it to my inbox!

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shining-star-system · 14 days

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i think if poc and systems of colour say it’s wrong and racist and cultural appropriation for people not from that race or culture to use names that they have been killed, mocked, hate crimed, etc for i think it’s fair for them to say “don’t use this name” because people who aren’t from that culture won’t understand the meaning or the connection to that name

closed culture has been a thing long before the internet, too, like jewish culture is a closed culture, you have to be invited by a rabbi and go through a very lengthy process in order to become religiously jewish

closed culture is not just “twitter drama”, it’s an actual thing. poc and systems of colour just want their names respected and their culture respected, especially by white people becaude white people have historically forced people to change their names or killed people because of their names or mocked them because of their names

it’s not right to ask someone for a dna test or whatever, but it’s not right to just assume something that has historical merit is “twitter drama”

yes some people may be ok with people using their names, and nobody is forcing anybody who was born with the name to change it, but that doesn’t mean a large majority don’t think it’s cultural appropriation and racist

i have a google doc that explains it further (although it’s specifically about asian names, it applies to every culture) and was written by several systems of colour

even open cultures don’t want people to use their names, like take irish for example, you don’t wanna go around saying your name is caihome when you don’t even know what it means or how to pronounce it. just anglicise the name (so maebh becomes maeve). blanket rule is if it’s from a language you don’t speak and a culture you aren’t a part of, it’s disrespectful to use the name, because you won’t understand the culture and meaning and historical significance even know how to pronounce it, no matter how hard you study the culture

not an attack on you but a lot of people who are “against closed culture” are just wanting to appropriate from other cultures (mainly asian / japanese names) because they think it’s quirky or aesthetic

I’ve seen a lot of people from those cultures have varying opinions. Saying it’s okay as long as you’re respectful and things like that.

I understand that people from those cultures and even my own don’t want names to be used, but it will always vary between who you ask.

Yes, I understand where you’re coming from, and I get the mocking and things is a very serious thing, but I’ve never seen people be constantly on others past the internet like it is now.

I’ve never seen anyone say anything beyond being on the internet.

It just doesn’t make sense for people to make it to where no one can learn about that culture or partake, even if they find out that it is their culture. I’ve seen so many people say “you can’t do this” for so many reasons even they are part of that culture. My wife and a few of my friends being the same way, including me.

I don’t see the point of killing cultures. Yes, there will be people that mock everything, but there’s other people that also want to connect with their culture and they’re too afraid to now. People are asking others if they can partake in a culture.

Names don’t have a specific cultural origin anymore and can be crossed into different origins as well.

I understand the first parts of your ask.

But it’s just something that I’ll never understand. People are literally not letting people learn anything about their ancestors or the cultures they’re a part of because so many people now want a fucking test of “proof” that they aren’t lying.

The internet has been so high strung with it.

That’s why I made the posts.

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blueskittlesart · 2 years

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ooo i’m here for another google doc essay thesis on all the zelda trans narratives <33 lol cited sources and everything (if you have time of course, i love reading all of your headcanons on loz)

god. okay this is every mainline game ive played (excluding sequels with the same characters) except skyward sword because i forgot about it at first and now im tired. here

oot/mm

Basically the entirety of oot is a super-intense wartime coming-of-age story, dealing specifically with the trauma of losing one’s childhood to war/being a child in wartime. Any coming-of-age can be easily analyzed through a trans lens imo, but oot lends itself particularly well to this reading.

For the first nine years of his life, link is told that he is a kokiri. He spends all of his childhood trying desperately to fit in with the kokiri, even though he and the kokiri he grows up with can tell that he is out of place somehow. When he leaves the forest and grows up, it clicks into place that he was never kokiri. And it HURTS. He was lied to. But he suddenly finds himself BELONGING for the first time, among hylians. One of the most impactful npcs in the series is, imo, malon, who link bonds with, feels connected to, and who GROWS UP just like him. She is a representation of everything link gains by leaving the forest. The chance to grow up, and the chance to be among people like himself and understand for the first time who he truly is.

I don’t think i have to explain the subtext i'm getting at here. Replace kokiri with gender-at-birth and you have yourself a trans story.

There are also, of course, points to be made about link’s lack of bodily autonomy throughout the story and his reclamation of it in mm. Link is, in the eyes of basically every adult in oot, a pawn to be used to win a war. He is something to be molded into the shape THEY need him to be. This is a common conflict in loz--the hero NEEDS to be the hero, and so he is given no room to define himself otherwise.

Again. Do i have to explain the trans reading of this?? Adults who feel entitled to you for whatever reason refusing to let you define yourself in a way that doesn’t appeal to them, and viewing you as an object to be shaped into THEIR perfect image. Classic trans kid experience.

Zelda i think is even more obvious because she literally physically transes her gender in the game. For no reason. A female ninja would have been fine. Female ninjas exist in this world. Impa is the obvious example. Zelda became a boy because he wanted to be a boy. This is factual, canonical story. I dont even NEED to go on but i WILL because i can.

The subtextual reading of trans zelda is even more fun imo. This is a kid who grew up functionally powerless. She KNEW ganon was going to destroy hyrule but she could not make adults hear her, and when things went wrong it was her fault. Sheik is, in many ways, a rejection of zelda. She does away with the ancestral name denoting wisdom because she was not wise enough to save her kingdom from ruin. he chooses sheik instead, a name derived from the historic guardians of hylia, and by extension hyrule. he reclaims the power he lost by, again, defining himself where he was never allowed to before.

Personally i consider oot zel to be nonbinary and use she/he and the names sheik and zelda interchangeably. I really love the idea of a kid who grew up with so little control over anything in her life taking it all back and then deliberately fucking with some established rules anyway, just as a little show of power now that he has it. It’s what she deserves.

Alttp

A LOT of my reading in this is totally rooted in subtext/analysis rather than actual canon material. If you haven’t read my analysis of alttp in my analysis doc i suggest you do bc some of that context may be needed to explain what i say here, since alttp is an older game so there’s much less actual canon characterization to go off of.

There is a moment in this game, once you have gone through several dungeons and claimed the master sword and fought the secondary antagonist twice, where link is transported into the dark world. A mirror dimension in which his human form is distorted into a form that “reflects his inner self.” He looks into the mirror and he does not recognize the person looking back at him.

The form he takes is a rabbit, which is, in my opinion, a reflection of his inner fear and the fact that he doesn’t want to be a hero. This link is a young boy who basically loses the only family he has and is then instantly thrown into the midst of a conflict he doesn’t fully understand.

There are two points to be drawn from this. The first is the distorted self-image revealed in the dark world, which. The connection to transgenderism should probably be obvious from here. I’d say looking in the mirror and not quite recognizing yourself is a near-universal trans experience.

The second is that, although this game is much less obvious about it, this link is in a very similar situation to oot link, in that he has been thrown into a conflict he doesn't understand and doesn’t really have any stake in, in order to be used as a pawn to win a war. (worth noting that if we follow the timeline, oot link has to DIE for this game to happen. They never fucking learn ig) so we have a repeat of the same situation in which link’s autonomy is taken from him by adults who want him to be a hero. Ive already explained the trans reading of this. You get the idea

Im skipping zelda in this one because it came out in 1991 so zelda is barely a character. Shes trans because i say so. Next

Twilight princess did not do very well on a multitude of things. We all know how i feel. HOWEVER. There is something to be said for the fact that when link approaches people in wolf form they recoil in fear and disgust. And he canonically doesn’t expect this. It disturbs him. He KNOWS these people. He’s still the same person inside. Nothing has changed for him except the way he looks. But now no one will so much as look at him.

To be quite honest. The wolf form was a bit of a thematic L in my opinion. I don’t think it had much narrative purpose and my best guess is that it was there to give tp a “brand-new fun gameplay” draw. But the fact that everyone is TERRIFIED of you was a good choice imo. I wish it had been followed through on thematically but I digress. There is transgenderism here. When you go back to your hometown and nothing has changed, as far as you’re concerned, but people avoid your eyes now. You haven’t changed, not really. You just look a little different. But the people either hate you or don’t recognize you now, and in some ways you’re glad, but in other ways you feel… alien.

Zelda also isn’t a real character in this game but it doesn’t get an excuse because it came out in fucking 2006. We knew women were people by then guys come on. Anyways shes also trans because i say so. I dont feel like thinking about twilight princess any longer lol sorry

Im going to start with zelda/tetra here because i have a lot more to say about her lmao

Tetra is a wild, loud, stubborn, angry pirate. She is the exact opposite of what your average hylian might imagine a goddess-blood princess to be. She’s rude, she’s volatile, she looks out for herself and no one else. This is an image she has curated. But she is also kind. She lets link on her ship when he begs her to help him save his sister. she slips him a good-luck charm before he storms the fortress. She takes aryll home and never asks for payment. She is a pirate, but she does these things that seem so strangely… at odds with herself. I think a lot of her tough exterior is a curated image, for the benefit of her crew, yes, but also herself. If she is stubborn and loud and angry and unlikable then she is less likely to get hurt.

Tetra learns who she is, and she is suddenly a new person, a different person. She’s zelda. And she’s so CONFUSED. She tries her hand at being a princess. She sits and waits patiently for her hero to come back to her. But in the end, she can’t even do THAT right. Things go wrong again, all because of her.

During the final battle of this game, zelda fights alongside you with the bow of light. I believe this was one of the first games in which she does this.

This is a nonbinary narrative. Tetra tries so hard to fit into one box or the other, princess or pirate, but can never quite master either. During the final confrontation, though, she finds a happy medium. She is kind, wise zelda, in her regalia with her hair untied, but she is also stubborn, angry tetra drawing her bow to fight alongside link. She will not be defined.

she/they tetra ftw lol. anyways

Wind waker link honestly has much less textual evidence for me than like. Any other link because imo wind waker is almost completely a clear-cut coming-of-age. It’s very easy to read (almost) any coming-of-age as a trans narrative but much less easy to actually explain that read.

My stance kind of boils down to this: link has a clear-cut arc of growth in this story from a weak, inexperienced kid into a soldier who is capable of taking on ganon. This arc is kickstarted by him leaving home and no longer being confined by the limited perspectives of the people he grew up around. Unlike other links, this one doesn’t have too much pressure on him to be a hero. In fact, I would consider his growth into a hero to be framed very positively in this game as it gives him the agency he lacked at the beginning. This is an interesting departure from most other games in which link lacks a lot of agency.

Basically, i think that while most other games can be read as kind of… tragic trans stories, about the struggles of not being allowed to define yourself, etc, wind waker link is the story of a kid who is finally GETTING to define himself. It’s more similar to Majora's mask in that way, in that this kid has already HAD the chapter where he’s confined to other people’s expectations and is now beginning to break out of it and reclaim his own identity.

Botw

Jesus. God almighty. Okay

Like. not to keep beating a dead horse but this link is the most obviously negatively affected by the expectations and perceptions of those around him. He explicitly goes mute BECAUSE he knows people expect him to be a hero above all else, and it will be easier to conform to that expectation if he keeps quiet. This poor boy is so terrified to be imperfect, to be something that hyrule might not like, that he SHUTS DOWN. he is essentially nothing BUT what hyrule wanted him to be, because he never allowed himself to be anything else.

I have already explained the trans read of this. Reread ocarina of time’s segment. Holy SHIT. he is so transgender. Also he’s 5’2 and has shoulder-length hair come on

Side note but i think botw is cool because it explores BOTH facets of the usual loz narrative (lack of agency/reclamation of agency) within the same game, while most other games go for one or the other. When link loses his memories he is FORCED to define himself, as he has nothing to go on anymore, which is a reclamation of the agency he had lost pre-calamity. Essentially pre-calamity is the oot segment and post-calamity is the mm segment of the narrative. It’s cool. Anyways

Zelda. GOD.

She is not the daughter her father wanted. She knows this. She tries SO HARD for SO LONG to be the daughter her father wanted. But she can’t. She will never be good enough in his eyes. Eventually she gives up on doing exactly what he wants. She hopes she can win his approval in other ways, with things she is good at. Things she CAN do right. But it’s never enough for him because all he sees is the daughter he wanted. The daughter she should have been. He doesn’t care that she can’t. He only cares that she Is Not. she knows she will never win his approval but she keeps trying anyway.

Do i really need to explain this. Babygirl you are so trans gender

#if this doesnt auto-compress i am so sorry. this was 5 pages in google docs btw i am insane #zelda analysis #asks #THE FORMATTING. SHIT #i swear this was originally readable guys idk why the formatting is fucked

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xinfinitegalaxiesx · 1 year

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FANFIC WRITER RIGHTS: WHAT TO DO IF YOUR WORK HAS BEEN REPOSTED OR COPIED

So you were brave enough to not only write a fanfic, but you actually did it: You posted it on the World Wide Web! Go You!

Sharing your writing is such a brave and vulnerable act. You should be very proud.

It's so lovely to be able to share your work in a community forum and interact with readers who appreciate the free entertainment. However, unfortunately, some readers appreciate it a little too much and decide they're going to repost it without your consent.

RUDE!

I've seen instances where someone will take a fanfic and change the character names to another fandom, or just straight up wholesale copy a fic from one platform to another as if it were their own. This, and I cannot stress this enough, is jerk-like behavior.

Whether you're an author or not, you still might be wondering, "well what's so bad about this? After all it's a form of flattery and exposure." Some may even argue that because it's not technically "original" it's not plagiarism, blah blah blah.

But let me tell you, it's very bad, straight up rude, and very uncool! Here's why:

It takes away the protections offered by Archive of Our Own/The Organization for Transformative Works such as freedom from censorship and litigation.

It removes the ability to tag properly and protect/warn readers

Editing/updating or removing your own work is not possible. It may be outdated or you may not wish for it to be in the world anymore, as is your right as the creator.

It can prevent authors from publishing their own work. If it already exists online, this can affect your copyright claims as an author.

Is my fanfic affected?

Start with Google Search Search your username/handle, your fic titles, and select lines/passages from your fic. Sample query: site:<site>.com "search term"

Plagiarism checker Paste a passage from your fic into https://www.grammarly.com/plagiarism-checker

Light Novel Paradise/GoodNovel The latest ridiculousness comes via a site known as lightnovelparadise.com (LNP) which appears to have been abandoned. It has retooled as GoodNovel, both as a site and an app. It's functionally unusable, and has no support or contact information apart from banner ads redirecting you to the new app. There are many fandoms and likely thousands of works copy/pasted in here, so this is not just a one-fandom issue!

Here are a few methods you can use to search LNP since the user interface is basically unusable and the search bar doesn't work. Mobile gives you a slightly better view if you want to scroll through the hundreds of works under each fandom.

Google Query for Light Novel Paradise

site:lightnovelparadise.com "rey/ben solo" (enter your fandom, character or ship tag between quotes)

Reylo Fic Google Sheet

For ease of discovery, I've compiled a list of affected Reylo authors for ease of use & collective action, since that is my fandom. List was compiled from the Star Wars tag (691 works total).

Please comment or dm me if you find another Reylo fic not on this list and I will update. If you'd also like me to remove your info just let me know by commenting in the doc. The last thing I want to do is take more of your power away!

What can I do about it?

If you write fanfic that is transformative and it is reposted without your consent, you have a right to file a DMCA takedown.

See section 7 of this helpful blog for more information including the definition of "transformative" and all the potential legal implications.

GoodNovel DMCA Takedown Request Instructions

[email protected]

Wattpad - Reporting Copyright Infringement

More Resources

https://www.transformativeworks.org/legal

[email protected]

whois.com/whois - look up host/registrar for a site if there is no contact info

How to Keep Fanfiction Legal and Avoid Trouble with Lawyers

If you'd like to contribute more to this blog post, would like to support others who have been affected or have more resources to share, please comment below.

Please share this information with your fandom friends. This affects all of us and our ability to post our transformative works and enjoy it as readers - let's stick together on this!

#mine #fanfic101 #copyright #legal #plagiarism #dmca #resources #the more you know #reylo #ao3 #otw

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lambdollsxx · 1 year

Text

how i make scripts aesthetic on google docs (on pc) <33

Part One - Images

! Due to Tumblr's 30 image limit, I'll have to make this in parts. This one revolves around how I sort pictures to make them look aesthetic or just more organised in my script. + I'm not the best at organising tutorials sometimes but I'm trying to not make this confusing <//3

Ignore any typos and errors, thankyou. If you need me to re-explain anything, please feel free to ask. I feel like I haven't explained properly but, idk what else to do, lol :,)

Page isn't broken, to avoid messing up the way images are organised.

— ◦◦◦

What do I use?

Other than Google Docs (obviously), — Fontspace | A background remover [my mains: 1, 2] | Pinterest/WeHeartIt/Google search, and other sources for pretty pictures, pngs, etc. 🤍🌙

bundling images

Using the different text wrapping options, I found that it helped a lot more to "bundle" images together, so that things look prettier + more organised.

! example

This is pretty simple, honestly; Fontspace provides font text as pictures, transparent bg and not, — so organising the text from it will fall under the tut for this bit.

^ These are the text wrapping options. The first one is the default and limits text placement/movement, the other four allow you to move text where-ever on the document (especially if print view is off) but each do different things.

In order of settings, examples (press images to see properly):

! tip : If you're bundling images that "overlap" too much, make sure to crop at least one (or however many needed) past its actual size so that it won't be a pain in the ass moving them later on.

- You may also use "behind text" for one of them, if it helps, so that it's easier to select the images, this also applies to using image over text (examples in each image).

what I mean:

Using these features, I'll—as per the aesthetic of my script—sort things accordingly. Get creative with the way you're doing this, and keep experimenting 'till you're able to make stuff look the way you want, lol.

"BuT DaRLIng wHaT Do I dO wItH ThIS iNFo??!?!?" bitch idk find an aesthetic 💀💀

like those 2016 fashion sticker books or smthn, idk- whatever u like-

Going into the aesthetics more ;; I usually pick diff aesthetics for each script and refuse to script until I find a pretty one LMFOAOAO- But I especially go for inspiration from (Korean?) bullet journal aesthetics which include lots of image bundling and customised tables.

Why korean ones specifically? Idk the difference, but using "Korean" as a keyword gets the stuff I'm looking for. 💀 But I also search for little pngs I want to add to my script; and if it's a false transparent png or has any background, I use my background removers to make it an actual transparent png.

And, sometimes, I like to search for colours then use my snip tool to screenshot them really thin, like those brown-beige borders you see in all my posts, then use them in my script like highlighter lines, like-

That's pretty much it, really.

! examples from two of my scripts

Fontspace fonts apply as well. One thing about Fontspace is that, you can change the colour of the text ;; as well as the background.

The brown colour is the text's colour, the blue one is the background's colour. You can of course choose to have no background, but it's there as an option.

I don't know of any features where you can save a colour but that's maybe me being dumb ;; but what I do is set a certain colour (i.e. blue) then use the colour adjustment in google docs to change it to black, red, or whatever over colours r in the script.

i.e.:

Anyways I'm p close to the image limit, so that's it for this post.

I hope this makes sense bc explaining this was harder than I thought. 💀💀 Once again I can clear anything up if needed

! tips

Keywords you can use for tiny decorations, are "clipart", "[aethetic name] clipart transparent png", "[aesthetic name] sticker png transparent", etc.

You can have a look at the aesthetics wiki for ideas for your script

Fotor is what I use to crop images into different shapes, and it is how I got the circle/heart shaped pictures in my documents ^-^*

...I'll add more when I remember them.

next up ··· customising tables ✿

#—DARLINQ'S DOMAIN🤍🌙#reality shifting #reality shifting script #shifting script #shifting realities #shiftblr #respawning #idk what else to put #im just using tags bc itll probably help ppl #i feel so shy posting bear w me 😔❗❗❗

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sincerely-sofie · 1 month

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The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits. It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization.

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around.

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing.

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on!

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me.

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did.

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

#sofie answers asks #the present is a gift au

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yukirayu · 1 year

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A Haunting Shadow, a Drifting Ghost (A Meta about Madarame)

In this thread, I'll be looking into when and why Madarame shows himself to Towa, and all other things related to it. (This is also available on Google Docs, if you want to read it there instead for convenience.)

I'll start by saying the following:

I love Madarame, and I find him to be a very interesting character. That being said, I also get why many don’t like him. And for this meta, I'm not wearing a pair of rose-tinted glasses when I analyze him and I’ll say things as they are.

Everything you see here is only my opinion. I do my best to explain based on what the visual novel showed us, but we still all have a different way of interpreting things.

By the time I made this meta, the progress of the translation of Madarame’s drama CD has only been on the first track, so some things here may likely have been discredited there. But based on the little I can infer from what I had listened, what’s covered in the drama CD isn’t likely to coincide much with what I’ll discuss here, but then again, I could be wrong.

If I quote anything from the visual novel, I opted to rephrase it into third-person POV because that’s how it originally read in the JP version anyway, and doing so helps provide more objectivity.

Be warned that there are spoilers abound here, so be warned before you read any further because if you have not yet gotten to his route, I advise that you play his route - or rather - that you finish all the routes first before reading this.

And with that…

Setting the Stage for Madarame’s Appearance

Madarame’s Route

When we all first played Taku and Rei's routes, we at least got to see Fujieda. But no signs of Madarame at all; at most, just a few mentions of his name. His route does answer why, eventually, but... not entirely.

In Madarame's route, what happens differently? Ikuina commits suicide.

This alone changes the atmosphere of the rest of the route, since it greatly affects both Towa's mood and his relationship with Taku and Rei. Both always had reservations with what Towa does as the artist 'euphoria', but besides patching up his wounds and the occasional lecture, it was more or less a normal routine for them. At least until Ikuina, because before him, none of the previous models died.

It's why they become a lot more grave and cautious with their approach to Towa, because they feel that he may have started to take his tendencies too far. At the same time, however, Towa is overcome with an itching urge that he cannot fathom, let alone figure out how to quell.

Both clash like oil and water, and it results in Towa drifting further away from Taku and Rei even though they try (and fail) to help him. They mean well, but they don't know the best way to help him, or even just how to get through to him.

And so, Towa is on his own.

The final route hints that Towa was overwhelmed with a frustration that neither violence nor sex can truly sate because he's actually bothered by the fact that he, in a way, took a life.

But he never realizes this, because he needs to remember his past in order to do so. And his own subconscious is determined to keep certain memories hidden and forgotten. So without an answer, and with every day that he can't get an answer, a release, or any form of support (that he wouldn’t reject), Towa becomes more frustrated and vulnerable in equal measure.

Even the bar manager comments on how Towa starts to look more like his old self using the same word: vulnerable.

Because some things play differently, Towa never ends up getting curious about his past (or more specifically, his childhood), so his thoughts remain hazy as long as his mind lacks something to focus on.

Shortly after, he is suddenly handed over a red windproof lighter, which hints to him that Madarame - after years of being presumed dead - is actually alive. With this and the rumors of a “ghost” that’s been haunting the Deathmatch Area, Towa easily puts two and two together.

Like his childhood in Euphoria, Madarame is also a part of Towa’s past that he would rather forget. In this case, however, it's a more conscious decision, rather than an unconscious one brought about by his mental trauma trying to keep his sanity intact. As such, while it doesn't exactly help abate that discontent inside him, wondering whether Madarame is really alive or not still (in a way) did its job in keeping his mind preoccupied on something else.

In time, it would soon lead to when Madarame eventually shows himself to Towa.

Fujieda’s Route

In Fujieda's route, Towa is in a similarly miserable situation, though it has less to do with his model committing suicide (which he doesn't even learn of until much much later), and more with the mental stress he starts to suffer from after receiving a package containing relics of his childhood.

While the effect of the change of events on Towa’s relationship with Taku and Rei are nowhere near as bad, there's nevertheless some distance between them in the last route that leaves Towa (mostly) on his own. This is because this time around, one can't help him while the other won't help him with what he wants.

In Rei's case, it's only because he doesn't know what's going on and thus truly can't be of much help to Towa even though he wants to. But even then, he has his own problems to deal with, namely his father and being burdened with the man’s debt. As for Taku, Towa finds out that Taku knows more about his past... but is determined to keep it a secret at all costs, and not even any threats or call-outs will get him to spill anything. And we all know how Towa responded to that.

Unlike before, Towa knows why he’s in a state of unrest this time. Someone out there is compelling him to dig up his past, but the voices in his head tell him something which echoes what Taku also told him: “There are some things you’re better off not remembering.”

And again, he tries to quell his frustrations with violence and sex, by either picking a fight, or sleeping around with whoever’s willing to give it to him. However, while he’s left to his own devices, he has a clear-cut goal in his mind. He has a focus. He’s still vulnerable, but he’s not completely lost this time.

Even then, just like before, Madarame leaves a hint to Towa that he’s still alive. And naturally, Towa also gets concerned about Madarame’s presence. But his interest in knowing more about his younger years and about his mother overshadows that concern.

Heck, even the visual novel outright tells us (through Sakaki) that everything about Madarame will be on the back-burner in this route. If anything, the man only gets to hog the spotlight for five minutes maximum, as we all know.

And even before he shows up, Towa had already gone through many vicissitudes in his journey to uncover more about his childhood. So by the time Madarame shows up, the only reason why his presence really alarms Towa (besides the standard shock at how Madarame isn’t really dead) is because he has endangered not just Taku, but also Rei.

That, and it doesn’t take too long for him to vanish as quickly as he showed up.

The (Other) Reason behind Madarame’s Presence

“If you were too far gone, then I had no intention of involving myself with you.”

Is basically the answer to why Madarame never appears in Taku and Rei’s routes.

However, this answer is only a half-truth.

Some of his remarks confirmed that he had - to some degree - checked on Towa a few times, and there is proof for this. While it’s easy to miss, there are instances in the earlier parts of the game where Towa pauses and looks around, feeling like he’s being watched.

Towa’s usually right on the money whenever he feels like someone’s stalking him, so it’s highly likely that someone was watching him from a distance. That being said, we never know who it is, and the visual novel never confirms it either. Based on everything we know by the endgame, it could be Eiji keeping tabs on Towa for Sakaki. It could also be someone from the Takasato-gumi trailing Towa on Toono’s orders (at least, if you take Taku’s route). Or it could be Madarame, trying to see for himself if Towa has lost his fangs.

And there are two scenes which further support Madarame’s statement about how he has stalked Towa at some point.

One is the additional cutscene during an Exploration, which you get after completing Taku’s route and gives you the additional Clue needed to get Madarame’s route. Before bumping into Sakaki in said cutscene, Towa took notice of something… or someone else.

While Towa was on his way to Roost, he caught sight of a guy slipping away from a crowd. He recognized that man. His restless gait carried him toward an alley.

He didn't get a good look at the man’s face, but he was sure he knew him.

But right as Towa was about to follow him...

The other is a scene from Taku’s route. While Towa and Rei are having a meal outside, Rei points out that someone’s been watching them from across the diner, but neither he nor Towa could see the guy’s face, what with it hiding behind a newspaper.

With a tense look on his face, Rei set down his spoon and leaned across the table to whisper.

"Do you know that person? The one reading the newspaper?"

Towa followed Rei's gaze to the counter, where a man sat while reading the paper. He had it spread out so widely, Towa couldn't see his face.

"Is he a friend of yours?"

Towa, "No..."

"Well, he keeps peeking at us from behind the paper. When I looked back at him, he went straight back to 'reading'... but he's still been glancing at us. ….What's his deal? Is he a stalker?"

Towa scrutinized the man at the counter, but he never looked up from his paper. Then he rose to his feet, paid his bill, and left the diner.

[...]

More importantly, who was that man just now? If Rei was to be believed, then he was watching them for some reason.

And it wouldn't be the first time a fan of 'euphoria' stalked Towa. In that case, it would mean he really was watching Towa.

...No, he could be overthinking it. It was entirely possible the man wasn't even looking at them on purpose.

Given that Towa would recognize Madarame’s face even years later, if the mysterious stalker is Madarame, it would make sense for him to keep Towa from seeing his visage.

In Taku and Rei’s routes, Towa never really suffers any special stress-induced episodes that make him go on his own version of a rampage. He just lives life like he always had, and only gets involved in either Taku or Rei’s troubles later on. So in Madarame’s eyes, Towa - being at peace (for the most part) and not really in the mood to bash in some skulls - is “too far gone”, which is why he’s absent on both routes and is only mentioned in passing a few times.

But that’s the thing. Besides the injuries he got from his sessions with Ikuina and Asakura/Kirihara, Towa is none the worse for wear. And this is enough cause for Madarame to decide to not bother with Towa any longer in the first two routes.

What’s easy to miss here is that it’s not just about Towa lacking his old rebellious streak. Madarame isn’t just trying to see if Towa has already lost all traces of his old self or not. He’s also on the lookout for something else.

When Madarame told Towa on what basis he went with to decide whether or not he would go after Towa, he still omitted something.

What was that part he kept quiet about? Besides the mental and emotional state Towa is in, that question can be answered with another question: what did Towa still have in both routes that slowly erodes and disappears in Madarame’s route?

A support system.

In other words, someone to rely on. Someone who he subconsciously trusts and can go to. Someone to look out for him at the end and at the start of the day.

And it’s hard to say that he still has that in Madarame’s route; since while Taku and Rei do want to help him, with Towa pushing them away even before Madarame entered the picture, he may as well have had no one left.

In Fujieda’s route, he’s still on his own, but the circumstances are different. Again, Rei - besides not being able to do much for Towa - has an issue of his own to handle. Taku already has his whole ordeal with Toono - but being caught red-handed as a secret-keeper of Towa’s past ended up adding fuel to the fire, leaving Towa alone in his pursuit of his past. And until much later in the game, Fujieda is no more than a distant and reluctant ally.

Still, in Madarame’s eyes, in (at least) the early parts of the last route, Towa appears isolated and left without anyone to rely on. Not to mention, he’s in a near-helpless situation because of the strain he’s in from attempting to unearth a dark chapter of his past. Hence why, even though Madarame didn’t “bump into” Towa to test whether Towa was still someone who could punch back after being punched, still left a clue that he’s alive.

So to sum up, Madarame only reveals his presence to Towa if the following conditions are met:

✓ Towa has traces of his spunkier and younger self

✓ Towa is distant from his friends

✓ Towa is alone and vulnerable

Option: Pursue or Abandon?

Note: If I sound redundant by this point, it’s because I’ve already more or less discussed this topic in another meta I previously made where I compared and contrasted Madarame and Taku. I’m just going into more detail in this particular meta (or at least, I think I am).

Prelude: Yet Another Reason

So there’s the matter of when Madarame reveals himself to Towa. But there’s also the matter of whether he continues going after Towa or not.

I listed a while ago the three conditions that needed to be met in order for Madarame to make his presence known to Towa. Again, to make his presence known.

Even after he and Towa meet face-to-face, Madarame’s hunt is far from over. He’s still gauging the situation. There’s still something else that he’s observing.

In other words, as for whether he will continue pursuing Towa or decide to give it up, a secret fourth condition needs to be met.

This is something that he can gauge from when he first shows up in both his and Fujieda’s routes.

In his own route, it’s only a given that he goes all in. In Fujieda’s route, he calls it quits instead. For the latter case, it’s only natural because he’s not the love interest there, but that’s not all.

In the scene where he appears in the Deathmatch Area, there are a lot of interesting things to observe up to when Madarame suddenly decides to just make his leave, since they all lend credence to what I said earlier: that Madarame wasn’t telling the complete truth when he told Towa that he’d only find him worth going after if he still had his old fighting spirit.

Looking at his route alone, it is hard to see what other motive Madarame would have, given that the route would mention how he’s a man who’s true to his desires. He seems collected, sure, but his mercurial nature is also reflected in how he does whatever he pleases whenever he feels like it. He’s not a man of restraint, either in his actions or in his words.

But it doesn’t mean he’s someone who would never lie for his own benefit.

As discussed in the meta I mentioned earlier, there was when he tells nothing to Towa about his past in his route, only hinting that Taku knows something but is keeping it from him… but then he does the opposite in Fujieda’s route. He doesn’t tell everything, but what he does reveal to Towa is enough for him (and Fujieda) to make progress with their investigation.

Given that Towa becomes distressed upon learning the truth, but the full scope or just a partial detail, it’s strongly hinted that whether Madarame divulges anything or not is done with the same goal. Since Towa’s investigation of his past results in some distance between him and Taku and Rei, Madarame seeks to sever those bonds completely.

This makes up one half of that secret fourth condition. As for the other half, we’ll have to cover a few other points first.

First Encounter: The When, Where and How

To get there, let’s first recall in detail the setting of when Towa and Madarame first meet face-to-face in both routes, and I’m not just talking about the room they’re in. This is important.

In Madarame’s route, Towa was forced to meet with whoever called him alone. He had no choice since Taku was held hostage, and the caller made it clear that Taku is as good as dead if Towa tries anything funny. So Towa does as he’s told… and gets knocked out. When he comes to and realizes that the culprit is Madarame, Towa also finds that he is in one of the many dilapidated buildings of District A, and is in chains too. He’s alone and powerless, with no one else to turn to or call for help.

In Fujieda’s route, Taku is held hostage as well. But it just so happens that Rei had also encountered Madarame, since he was acting on the Takasato-gumi’s orders at the time. And both are present when Towa shows up, so even though Towa still is at a disadvantage, he isn’t on his own, especially not after Fujieda tracks him down.

The difference of the situation also shows the stark difference of the chances Madarame has in getting what he’s after.

In his route, he’s the only one Towa interacts with, hence it’s easy for him to poke and prod Towa (by that I mean punch and pin down), and the more Towa gives in to Madarame’s provocations, the easier it is for Madarame to string him along and manipulate him. Yes, Madarame can be manipulative, and he has proven to be such. This is a fact, no matter how much we may like him.

In Fujieda’s route, however, he doesn’t have much of an opportunity to do that to Towa. He can still fan the flames, but with the other three love interests being there to protect Towa regardless of the condition they’re in, Madarame doesn’t have much freedom of movement, for lack of a better word.

You can say that the aforementioned details only point back to the part I said about Towa either having a support system or not. But besides that, what else stands out?

It’s whether Towa is on the way to recovery, or to regression.

In Love with Your Wounds, Physical and Mental

It’s hinted early on that there’s a story behind Towa’s scars and it’s not just because he finds it fun. His brand of masochism doesn’t come without a reason either. When we first played the visual novel, we all anticipated at some point that it would be from something traumatic, and true enough, Fujieda’s route confirmed it as such.

To sum up, just to make my point later much clearer, his mother allowed him to be tortured and violated and mutilated, and it resulted in his masochism, which is his means to both cope with something that he suffered (even if he cannot remember) and to gain autonomy.

What do I mean by autonomy? As Fujieda explained (albeit with different words), all those times Towa was cut and beaten and raped, he had no control. But if he sought it out and tried to find entertainment and pleasure in it, he could then say that any violence inflicted on him was done on his own terms.��

Besides that, there’s one other thing I should point out. When Maya died, Towa’s personality changed and led him to become wilder and more volatile. A short story even confirmed that his sudden switch of demeanor happened right after Maya’s death, since before that, he was timid and well-behaved. Not to mention, it was when Towa’s personality was more turbulent in nature that he got recruited into the Takasato-gumi, which is likely when he and Madarame also met each other.

When they got to know each other more. Even if, most of the time, they ended up fighting, and I mean that in both senses of the word.

Now, Madarame made it pretty clear that he wants Towa to be like how he remembered him. Like how he used to be when he was at the gang. Or, in other words, when Towa was at his most damaged.

And speaking of damage, let’s bring up the shootout that resulted in Kaga’s death and the loss of one of Towa’s eyes. Towa had admitted that the experience had left him a bit more detached. This is confirmed not just in Madarame’s route, but in Taku’s route as well.

From Madarame’s route:

Madarame: Since the day I came back to Shinkoumi, I've been watching you. You'll take a hit, but you won't fight back. You're like a worn-out punching bag. So what changed you?

Towa: ...It was that fight that made me stop caring about anything. I lost Kaga, I lost my eye, I lost you... and this is what's left.

And from Taku’s route:

Towa thought back to that day. To that shootout that cost him his right eye.

Taku had his ruptured eyeball removed at Shinkoumi General Hospital.

Towa personally didn’t miss it much, but the experience still had changed him on a subconscious level.

One can argue that Towa only says that he feels he had nothing left after the shootout because, by that point, he had chosen to keep his distance from Taku and Rei out of the belief that he no longer belongs with them and that only Madarame could understand him. But either way, that experience had undoubtedly affected him.

And yet, even then, he still had friends who had his back. Even though they couldn’t really give him the proper support that he needed to fully resolve his trauma, they still could help keep him on the right track… more or less. So Towa, while not exactly doing too great, is still doing relatively better than before.

While his journey to find his past is taking a toll on him in the physical, emotional and mental sense in the true route, it is established in the Euphoria ending that what awaits him once he’s confronted the ghosts of his past is closure and recovery and self-fulfillment.

All of which he is the farthest away from in Madarame’s route.

The Punchline?

All this, leads up to the latter half of fourth condition, to what Madarame ultimately wants from Towa. The first three only make him interested in showing himself to Towa, and the fourth is what will determine whether he continues going after Towa.

You may ask, why does he even want Towa even after all those years? One reason is that he loves Towa, or at least a certain version of Towa, because he feels that the most damaged and violent kind of Towa validates his own existence.

“I love the look in your eye when you come at me again and again. You don't flinch away; you always come back begging for more. You're like me: deep down, you revel in fighting to the death, and nothing else matters to you.”

“We're perfectly compatible.”

“With you, [I’ll never get bored].”

“I’ll never get bored.”

No matter what kind of person you are, it’s almost always a given that you want at least one other person who would understand you. More often than not, that person has to be someone who mirrors you, who shares your viewpoints. And even someone like Madarame wasn’t immune to having that desire.

In fact, his Madness ending only even happens because by being asked way too many questions, he felt that Towa had failed to become that person he wants him to be if he can’t understand him from the get-go, from just a look or a few words. And that reason was apparently more than enough to set him off and drive him over the edge.

Though that aside, as I said before, Madarame knew he could only have the kind of Towa that he wants if Towa never comes anywhere close to resolving his trauma–which Madarame is sure to know about, even to a degree.

No matter how he got to know about Euphoria, whether he knew it for a long time or because Eiji told him years later, he still knew about it. Anyone who knows Towa and that much about him can draw the connection between what went on in the mansion, the fact that Towa came from there, and why he was the self-destructive masochist that he is at present. Or in other words, the person Madarame knew him as.

Yet, the brutal and tragic truth is, Madarame prefers him that way.

Based on the interactions I’ve seen on Twitter or on Discord, many of us are in agreement that whether we like the two as a pairing or not, Towa and Madarame are undoubtedly the kind of couple that are unhealthy for each other and bring out the worst of each other, but that’s also why they’re so compatible. Even if it’s only when Towa is at his lowest and at his worst and most destructive.

Final Decision: Abandon (Fujieda’s Route)

As such, Madarame has no interest in Towa not only if Towa can’t go back to his more aggressive self. When Madarame says “Guess you’ve changed,” a part of that sentence is kept quiet and unspoken. He actually meant to say,

“Guess you’ve changed for the better.”

Even in Fujieda’s route, Towa still gets to show that he has some bite by fighting back against Madarame. However, he fought back to protect someone else. That alone clued in Madarame on the fact that the Towa in front of him is getting further and further from the vulnerable and dangerous yet damaged goods that he remembered him being.

With him having people to care for him, with him caring enough about people to willingly take a hit to protect them and not because he was trying to seek getting destroyed inside out, Madarame already can get the hint that Towa is, in his eyes, a lost cause.

Even in the other routes, where Towa doesn’t face his past, he’s still bound to head to a better place, both mentally and emotionally. But it’s a place Madarame would rather not be, and where he and Towa would be more incompatible.

So, he loses interest and gives up, and thus makes his leave. Towa is no longer in his mind for another minute, neither is he given much thought by Towa anymore.

Final Decision: Pursue (Madarame’s Route)

Of course…. none of the things above happen in Madarame’s route, where he has the opportunity to continue, chooses to continue, and thus gets the outcome he wants, without anyone to get in his way. At most, the others also end up being pawns in his game with Towa.

In the penultimate route, Towa is completely at Madarame’s mercy. But credit where credit is due, because it’s not as if Towa immediately surrenders. In fact, he still struggles and attempts to resist. But there’s so much that even he can do against a man who is indomitable and not just because he has the strength of ten men.

Towa knows that he cannot get a read on Madarame, which is more than enough for the man to be able to wrap him around his finger. He knows this, and thus tries his best to not fall into the other’s trap. However, Madarame knows him all too well. Or at the very least, since Madarame only focuses on a specific version of Towa, knows what makes the younger man tick. And before Towa realizes it, Madarame has already got him, hook, line, and sinker, with every beating he would inflict, and every provocation he would give.

Towa knew Madarame was goading him. If the man would go ahead and treat him like a plaything, he could get into that. But no—he wanted Towa to voluntarily do so, to which he didn’t want to. And yet...

Deep down, Towa got a thrill out of it. He was at his limits, physically and mentally... and as a result, he had no more self-control.

Madarame was capable of giving him the pleasure he wanted. They were a perfect match. Towa’s body was well aware of this, and it found the temptation hard to refuse.

Madarame punched without hesitation. He fought to kill. And he enjoyed the violence from the bottom of his heart. Even if it resulted in his own death, he didn't care. Naturally, he didn't care if his opponent died, either. That was the kind of game he played.

His desires matched Towa’s on a fundamental level. It was impossible for Towa to not be able to relate.

Still, Towa didn't want to let him win. It was because Towa could relate that he refused to take Madarame's orders. He admitted that a long time ago, he felt comfortable in Madarame’s presence.

But even then... too much time had passed. Towa had changed. He didn't want to be his pet. He just wanted to exist.

Even as Towa feels resentful and angry about how helpless he is, that trauma-induced masochism rooted in his being also starts to crave the pain, the violence and the humiliation because all of them are what he has been used to for a long time.

Unlike now, he was only occasionally exposed to such things in the past. Sure, he often sought out one-night stands, but they were still nothing like Madarame’s level of ferocity. That aside, he also had Taku and Rei keeping him in check. This time, however, with Madarame, no holds are barred every time Towa would get brutalized. Whether he’s punched or penetrated, he subconsciously finds himself becoming more and more addicted to it, like a drug.

And as some may now, this is something that can happen with abuse victims. Even after they've broken free of it, should they get subjected to that same violent treatment even for just a short amount of time, their subconscious may make them cling to it again. It’s not just a response of their survival instincts. Because, when abused enough, the victim feels that whatever it is that damaged them is all they need to have.

Even though Towa hasn’t been gone for even a quarter of a year, Madarame was able to get to him. Enough so that in a month, Towa already feels that he can’t go back anymore. That even when given the chance to leave, and twice over, he doesn’t.

The narration may say that it’s because he no longer needed Taku and Rei. But Towa isn’t being honest with himself here. If he no longer needed them, then he should no longer care for them.

Yet when Madarame was about to beat up Rei, Towa stopped him. Even though his voice was ragged and dry and hoarse. Even though he was already so beaten that he could snap like a twig if Madarame decided to retaliate by punching him again.

He cares for them. In truth, he knows he needs them. He does want to be with them. He just feels that he can’t. And his time with Madarame made it that every second he will be spending back with Taku and Rei would both be foreign and frightening to Towa now. So he leaves. And it’ll be easier to forget the pain of leaving them behind if he convinces himself that they no longer matter to him. Which is why, on his way back, he kept his mind focused on Madarame. And after that, he tried his best to regard Taku and Rei as no more than mere afterthoughts of a past that he (believes he) no longer needs or can return to.

Also, in Towa’s second chance to leave, the only reason Madarame even lets him go is because he knows that Towa’s departure will be only temporary. It’s just to let Towa know and see firsthand that nothing is the same anymore. No matter how hard he tries to adjust, he will forever be a stranger in what should be a familiar land. And with Towa feeling that he needs only the hurtful treatment, any kindness and support he’ll be getting will just terrify him now. And no matter what Taku would say to him, whether he completely fessed up or decided to say quiet or not say enough, Towa would eventually cave and leave because he doesn’t feel like he can go back anymore.

It was an inevitable outcome, one that Madarame had anticipated.

Towa walked in... and stopped short. The first thing that entered his vision was Madarame.

Just like the day Towa left, Madarame was lounging in his chair. His arms were folded, and he was smiling... almost like he had known Towa was coming.

As Towa stood there, frozen, Madarame cocked his head in a smug manner.

“Did you have a fun little adventure?” His Smoke slowly swayed. His tone suggested he had always known Towa would come back.

And he was right. He knew full well that their world wouldn't be enough for Towa.

Did he kick Towa out on purpose to make him see it?

"......!" Rage exploded inside Towa.

Until this very moment, Towa wanted nothing more than to be with Madarame again. But now that he was there, he didn't know how to feel anymore. Time and time again, Madarame’s arrogance suggested to Towa that he thought he could control me.

But what was more infuriating was that Towa walked right into the same trap every time.

Gritting his teeth, Towa charged at him. With all his strength, he swung his fist—but of course, Madarame dodged with ease before punching back.

"......!" Towa hit the ground hard, and a moment later, Madarame had climbed on top of him.

"Get off...!" Towa tried to push him off, but he didn't budge.

He grinned down at Towa. "You know, it's funny—I had a feeling you'd be back any moment now."

He grabbed Towa’s hand, brought it to his lips, and bit down on the fingers.

"......!"

"You remember now, don't you? You remember what kind of man you are."

Towa, "......"

"Is playing house with your little friends what you truly want? No? You want pain and suffering. Biting each other's jugulars and drinking the blood. That kind of thrill.”

His whisper sounded almost seductive. Towa squeezed his eye shut.

Madarame was completely right, too, which infuriated Towa all the more.

Everything Madarame just said? He wanted it. He craved it.

This entire scene said it all. Madarame is a brute, but he is no dumb brute. He can be skilled at subjugation when he wants to be, and this is one such way to bend someone’s will to his own. Does Towa still have some autonomy? Yeah. But it’s one that’s dependent on Madarame now.

All long-time BL lovers would see a similar tactic used before in another classic work. Which is that, you may ask? That would be Ai no Kusabi. For context to those who don’t know, let’s just say that in that work, the seme literally keeps the uke as a pet in a society where artificial humans have all the power and wealth while the natural-born humans are left in the dregs. Usually, pets are artificially made, but the uke is a natural-born human and is rebellious. Eventually, for various reasons, the seme lets him go back home. However, his motive is made very clear.

Go back, Riki. Go back to the slums, stretch the weight off your wings. It's been three years. You can greet your old friends. You can even get back together with Guy.

However… you'll certainly realize the length of three years you can't bury. And then you'll know. The weight of freedom and the thirst of your blood.

There is no pet ring left to bind you. Go, and come back, Riki. I'll give you only one year of freedom. Go, and make certain with your eyes, with your body, that you are already a stranger there, and return.

I… will merely wait. Until that moment in which you truly become mine. That moment.... (Translation source)

And that is not really all that different from what Madarame did with Towa.

So, to sum up, Madarame wanted the old Towa back. So he captured him. Beat him. Dominated him with actions and words. Let him have a false sense of freedom just to let him know that he can’t be free anymore.

He wanted to bring back Towa’s fighting spirit. But he also wanted to distance Towa from his friends. That, and ensure that Towa would be that same feisty yet fragile product of trauma of a childhood no one should ever have. Without friends, without a safe home, Towa could be turned back into how he remembered him being.

In his route, he chose to pursue and he played the long game with Towa, a game he ultimately won.

Immutable… Immutable Indeed

And after all this, what’s left to say is that Kabura-sensei really knew what she was doing when she titled Madarame’s story “Immutable”.

If you look up the word online, what does it mean:

Definition: unchanging over time or unable to be changed.

Synonyms: unchangeable, fixed, set, rigid, inflexible, unyielding, unbending, etc.

At first, you realize why the chapter is named as such at how Towa noticed that even in the years that passed, Madarame had not changed one bit where his personality is concerned since the last time Towa saw him. And he would be right.

Then you also realize that the word also describes how Madarame is someone who can dominate, but can never be dominated. Even when Towa subjects Madarame to an Interrogation, he’s never the one with an upper hand during the conversation. In the end, it’s Madarame who still gets to call the shots. But even Towa aside, there was still absolutely no one who could intimidate Madarame.

The only one who came close to an exception was Kaga who managed to never back down in a fight with Madarame. But what’s interesting is that Kaga wasn’t like Towa. And Kaga was nothing like Madarame either. The only thing they both had in common was that they were true to themselves. But even then, Madarame still had some respect for Kaga. Even if he brushes it off as if he never cared for the man, anyone who says that someone’s death was unnecessary is already saying that they held that person in high regard.

That aside, one would think that that was all the chapter title referred to. How Madarame had not changed at all, and how he could not be changed, or broken, nor could he be stopped if he was set on doing something.

But in Madarame’s story, when talking about his character, the word would focus most on change. And what is easy to miss is that Madarame isn’t just someone who has never changed. He’s also someone who does not want to change.

More accurately, he does not want things to change at all. Much like how he doesn’t want Towa to change.

To him, time had frozen at the night when Kaga died. Everything else beyond that is nothing to him, and is no more than meaningless rabble. It’s part of why his chapter even starts with a picture of the full moon that loomed over from the sky on that same night.

But isn’t it ironic that he acts in such a way? Especially when he’s the one who said that the past and the future do not matter, and all that’s important is the present. The here and now. Yet the Towa of the here and now is not one who he would ever acknowledge or accept. He only wants the Towa of the past. He wants to bring back what they used to have.

Thus, he ends up contradicting himself. For all his talk, he cannot move on from the past. He’s not truly living in the present, not when he wants to reclaim that part of the past.

And if Towa is bound to move forward rather than turn back, then Madarame isn’t willing to give them a chance. I even made a poll about it before to see what you thought of the possibility of Madarame, in slightly different circumstances, deciding to give things a shot. Anything that doesn’t conform to how he would like things to be, which was how everything was back in the day, will never be of interest or import to him.

Yet at the same time, it also shows how he truly is immutable.

His will. His personality. His desire. It all traces back to immutability.

To constancy. Or, depending on how you view it, stagnancy.

Because when it all comes down to it, change - of anything or anyone - is something he’s just averse to.

Closing Remarks

I’m pretty sure that in spite of my best efforts to organize my thoughts, this post is as disoriented as Madarame himself.

Still, I have tried my best, and it’s already been weeks since I started making this. At this point, it’s now or never, and so I had to finalize it as best as I could and share the document publicly. But I may go back and reorganize and revise a few things once I’ve calmed down because expanding and completing this meta was a very turbulent process.

Once again, I wish to stress that I do not hate Madarame. But I understand if some do. But no matter your opinion of him, I really hope that this meta will not invite any discourse whatsoever.

And so, I can only hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this, no matter if you like him, dislike him, or are just plainly neutral.

Well, that and understand everything I’ve just typed here because I still doubt that I’ve made any sense whatsoever. (•᷄- •᷅ ;)

#slow damage #fen writes meta

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