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flickeringart · 3 years

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Neptune in aspect with Mars

(Read my post about Sun and Moon aspecting Neptune and Mercury and Venus aspecting Neptune)

These planets aspecting each other makes for a curious connection, because in a sense, they represent opposing principles; Mars represents the personal drive and the ability to spring to action, the force that works to impose one’s independent will on the world – Neptune represents the inner urge for emotional unity and the religious/spiritual experience of being merged with the source of life. When these planets are in aspect in the natal chart, the personal ability to carry out one’s will is inextricably linked to redemptive longings. Simply put, Mars-Neptune individuals will put their energy into fulfilling the ego ideal, the perfection of potential that existed before the personality began to form. The personality cannot assert itself in a way that would crush the dream of perfection. Neptune is the dream of purity, the undifferentiated beauty of never having left the garden of Eden. Mars on the other hand is the agent of independence and self-motivated action – he has the purpose of fighting for the individual self which is antithetical to the Neptunian principle of surrender. While the Moon and Venus are quite social; the Moon represents nurturing and care-taking of needs, Venus represents the ability to be loving, affectionate and gracious; Mars is selfish and to a certain extent anti-social – most definitely anti-Eden and its eternal bliss. Subsequently, Neptune paired with Venus or the Moon is a little less of an obvious conflict than Neptune paired with Mars.

The conjunction of Neptune-Mars might cause considerable frustration and unconscious manipulation, because one cannot assert oneself, which is to declare separation, without feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame. It’s a little bit like the Bible story of Adam and Eve eating of the forbidden fruit and immediately becomes aware of sin. This is certainly not an easy phenomenon to deal with. The impulse to avoid accountability for one’s actions can be overwhelming, even if the consequences are perceived to be good. There can be a tremendously inflated sense of righteousness accompanying every move the individual takes because deep down there’s the feeling that one has committed a terrible trespass, that one will be unable to atone for. While the softer aspects, the trine and the sextile, more easily lend themselves to genuine selfless acts and natural inclination to fight on behalf of every bleeding heart and soul in the world through acts of sympathy and kindness, the conjunction usually brings more troubles. There can be an overwhelming feeling of having to do certain things because one cannot stand the idea of being separate from other people. One finds it easy to identify as the martyr or victim, unwilling to take radical responsibility for one’s actions – or if one does it’s in order to self-sacrifice. Often the individual will adopt any ideology that promotes the mass before the individual – often socialism or marxism fits the bill. Neptune is symbolic of undifferentiated reality, blurred edges and passive surrender. It’s not a planet that promotes autonomy and individuation. Not uncommonly, decisions and actions are referred to as byproducts of societal or larger-scale units that have little to do with the poor self. These individuals are usually profoundly dissatisfied with the ways of society because on some level they believe that individual autonomy and agency is a sin – and that the only way to redeem oneself and humanity is through some kind of chaotic dissolution of difference. This urge is seldom conscious, but it is there none the less. Vladimir Lenin had this conjunction and he wanted to revolutionize society to fit the marxist ideology, but really what this means is to overthrow the upper class – to punish those that seem to revel in the delights of Eden, to get rid of the internal shame of being excluded from paradise.

It seems like Neptune-Mars shows up in individuals with the capacity to move a crowd, perhaps most importantly, with the capacity to be the front figure and leader of the masses. Vladimir Lenin certainly affected the masses and so did Napoleon I with the same conjunction. Hassan II of Morocco, known to be one of the most severe rulers widely accused of authoritarian practices and abuses of civil rights had this conjunction as well. These examples are far removed from Neptune’s reputation for denoting empathy, soft-heartedness and sensitivity. However, it might be precisely because of the refusal to abandon the hope of the sweet sweet nectar of paradise that can only truly be accessed in a state of pre-birth if even then, that the outrage is so total. Most children scream when they are born, and this is probably the kind of terrible rage caused by separation that lingers in these people. The sign the conjunction falls in will certainly affect the expression the energies filter through – Lenin had the conjunction in Aries, Hassan had it in Leo and Napoleon had it in Virgo. Virgo is a much more analytical and practical sign than the prideful fire signs of Aries and Leo – consequently Napoleon is famous for his fine skill for method and strategy in war. On his Wikipedia page, it states that Napoleon had a hypnotic effect on people and could bend the strongest leaders to his will in one-on-one conversations. Hypnosis is a marked Neptunian phenomenon. What happens is that the person is able to gently infiltrate the other person’s will – which is quite extraordinary. If someone is receptive and open enough to suggestion, the opportunity and the invitation is there to mold the other through unconscious communion. Since there’s no obvious forcing taking place under hypnosis, the hypnotized person must cooperate on some level – yet it’s not a conscious cooperation which is why the whole phenomena of hypnosis is so unnerving. In general, people would like to think that they are in complete control of themselves, but it’s more of a fancy fantasy rather than an actual reality. We don’t know what we are receptive to and Neptune reminds us of this. He seeps through the most tightly shut doors.

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My own family is quite Neptune dominated and what often happens is that I feel subtly manipulated, yet the manipulation is never fully conscious on the part of the individuals so it becomes difficult to confront them. The times I have, they either take offense or seem genuinely perplexed. It is impossible to confront Neptune, because he works underneath the surface, below the threshold of consciousness. When confronted these types are deeply disturbed that they could’ve imposed something on someone – they either go into a introspective mood, become appalled or proclaim their love and sympathy in an attempt to restore union. My mother has Mars in the 12th house and although it’s not aspecting Neptune, Mars is placed in the house pertaining to this planet and she has Neptune in her 1st house. She never gets angry but people around her certainly do. She is eternally understanding of everyone else’s anger and has acceptance for it, yet she doesn’t respond to any of it on a personal level. She apologizes every time something upsets her. She is never aggressive, yet she does instill subtle guilt through little cues and hints every now and then because it is a sin to have a will that does not align with the crowd that one finds oneself in. Sometimes, when things aren’t the way she wants to see them she doesn’t see them. She presumes that on the most basic level, all people want the same thing, which is probably true on a “soul level”, but sometimes it doesn’t translate to everyday matters. People’s personalities contradict each other and this is no trivial matter – people can and do clash because of individual differences and it can be detrimental to one or all of the individuals involved. However, Neptune doesn’t like to see a clash as a clash – that would be to treat it as a definite fact, which would contradict the fluidity of oceanic union. The frustratingly passive statement “It’s everyone’s fault” or “It’s everyone’s responsibility” is the attempt to not deal with cause and effect while establishing the fact that some abstract common force is always at work. This is neither true nor false but this attitude conveniently keeps everyone “unified” and dependent upon each other.

Admittedly I went with the most gruesome examples when writing about the conjunction, but it goes without saying that not all people with this aspect is going to be a Lenin type – Ryan Gosling, Avril Lavinge and Timothé Chalamet all have this conjunction and they’re all quite popular entertainers in their own ways – they move the masses on some level. Ryan Gosling has a Pisces Rising so his chart ruler is Neptune which makes it particularly strong. He gives off that pure hearted watery eyed look that is extremely mesmerizing to the public – he portrays himself as sweet and compassionate, he seems to have a marked innocence and purity to his outward projected identity. Avril Lavinge has her Sun-Mercury in the 12th house squaring her Neptune-Mars conjunction in the 3rd. She has more of an edge to her personality with a lot of planets in Scorpio but she certainly comes off as a chaotic, intense and absent-minded creative which I would attribute more to Neptune. Her strong rebellious “I don’t care” statements through her music resonates with a lot of people, but so does her more sentimental songs. Timothe´ Chalamet has his Moon in Pisces sextile Mars-Mercury-Neptune and he is quite the stereotypical Neptunian boy – he looks delicate, introspective, dreamy and androgynous, more like an ethereal creature than an earth-bound human. With the conjunction in the 5th house there’s no wonder that he can act and express himself in a very fluid way. Acting and performing musically are the specialities of the Neptune, and if enough components in the chart support the endeavor one might just become famous. The trine and sextile aspect also lend themselves well to these kind of occupations. These people can effectively gain the sympathy of the public because people recognize something of themselves – something pure and unborn, a mutual feeling.

A good example of someone with the trine aspect between Neptune and Mars is Russel Brand. He is quite the Neptunian with an angular 10th house Neptune opposing his Sun and trining his Jupiter-Mars-Moon planets in Aries. Even though he certainly has the fire and energy of an Aries Mars that can sometimes be a bit too much for people he is not only fighting for himself he is fighting for all people. In many ways he’s embodying universal hope and rage. He is fiery but also very receptive and deeply concerned with not causing any damage or hurt despite his characteristic blunt and direct approach. He has a marked religious/spiritual inclination, which is usually the case with a strong Neptune in the chart. In his early years the longing for Eden was sought through drugs, alcohol and fame, while it has now shifted to a more healthy inner exploration and focus on being of service to people. The soft aspects between Neptune and Mars-Moon-Jupiter planets in his chart helps him to cope with the disturbing Sun-Neptune opposition. In recent interviews, he admits that he still feels the pull of fame and success, yet he knows that if he goes down that path he will lose himself (his Sun) and will ultimately end up disillusioned and dissatisfied. I have the trine in my own chart, and I float aimlessly through life with the notion that things will work out and my actions will come to me, because I can’t plan or control anything. I have learnt that I have to trust the way things unfold, because I have a clear sense that my forced actions won’t lead me anywhere except to frustration and a sense of isolation. The sextile aspect seems to function a little bit more as an asset and a skill for the person to use. Politicians like Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel and Francois Hollande all have this aspect and they can effectively use their receptivity to the masses and people in general to inform their actions.

Now to the harder aspects. Britney Spears is a good example of the dilemmas created by the Neptune-Mars square. Her Neptune squares Mars in the 12th house, the house belonging to Neptune and Pisces. Because of mental instability in her twenties she was put under a conservatorship which is essentially the equivalent of giving up personal control of one’s personal matters in order for an outside source to manage them until one gains some foothold. Mars is one of the prime factors of personal ambition and autonomy, but when it’s in the 12th it is given up – it is essentially a slave to the undifferentiated realm and subjected all the forces of the unconscious. A 12th house Mars in itself doesn’t have to produce the mess that Britney found herself in, but with it squaring Neptune, Mars is going to get swamped, mislead, confused, manipulated and subtly coerced because of the need for fusion, into doing things that will pull her further away from independent action. Another good example is Kylie Jenner. She has Neptune in her 1st house squaring Mars on the MC. She is publicly known for being part of the Kardashian-Jenner family, but she’s also gained attention because she skillfully created her own brand Kylie Cosmetics and became very “successful” (as in earning a lot of money) due to her own independent action and initiative. However, Neptune is anti-independence – and curiously enough there’s always some dishonesty involved when Neptune makes any hard aspects in the chart. She was declared the youngest self-made billionaire by Forbes in 2019, but, she has later been accused of forging tax documents to appear to be a billionaire. Neptune simply can’t let her be all that her Mars wants to be – a successful business woman with a clean record. Self-sabotage is almost always the case, however minor with this aspect, because Neptune refuses Mars’ need to be potent in the world.

The opposition creates a different dynamic although the dilemma is similar to the square. The person can be called to completely abandon an independent will to take action in favor of the glamour and blissful archetypal experience, not unlike the example of Russel Brand and his indulgence in fame and crowd-pleasing at the expense of his sense of self. The difference between having Sun opposing Neptune and Mars opposing Neptune is that in the first instance one is prone to give up a sense of self in favor of Neptune’s waters, while in the second, one feels the urge to give up the ability to direct one’s own life in order to merge with life around oneself. The opposition usually lends itself to extremism because the two polarities, in this case Mars and Neptune, can’t coexist. Queen Elizabeth II has this aspect, Mars-Jupiter in the 1st opposing Neptune in the 7th. She is on the one hand seen as an archetypal figure, immortal and divine and blissfully kept out of the real world in order to serve as a symbol and a fairytale for people to feel spiritually connected to. She’s non-aggressive, forgiving and compassionate, transcendent of the fuss of the world yet overseeing it all with care. She is essentially functioning to satisfy the religious/spiritual instinct of the masses, although it’s certainly done at the expense of her own selfish wants and needs. Luckily for her, her Mars drive is quite global and collective in nature considering that it falls in Aquarius and is conjunct Jupiter – it keeps her objective and less personal in her martial assertion. However, I’m sure she struggles with the contradiction between her own will and her role as an immortal unreality that would seem to activate itself in the interaction with other people (Neptune in the 7th). Edward Snowden also has this opposition falling in the same houses. His Mars-Sun conjunction opposes Neptune, and he famously leaked information about mass surveillance programs to the press. Neptune has everything to do with leaks and the dissolution of boundaries. He’s both been called a hero a traitor – which perfectly fits with the contradiction that the opposition represents. He certainly made a personal sacrifice by revealing the things he did so he is perfectly shouldering the martyr cape. In any case he did what he did for the public with the concern of other people in mind (Neptune 7th house) he took a non-selfish stance for the sake of a higher ideal and ethical conviction. Both Queen Elizabeth and Edward Snowden are quite extreme in their Neptunian capacity and has taken on fates of mythic magnitude.

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zevexsii · 3 years

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i love your blog! i started playing idv recently and i'm in love with your writing! know that you have an avid supporter of your blog 🥰 and i would like to see more of Andrew’s little things because i need my boy’s stuff😔

awww! thank you nonnie!

i have some more ideas for andrew, i know this bit plays heavily on his behavior and what goes on in his head, but i think those are important things to start out with, i’m sorry if those parts are dense and/or hard to read.

misc. andrew kreiss headcanons || cut for length

andrew is... a lot to unpack (loving). he’s an asocial, anxious, coarse man, with an inferiority complex complemented by years of intense religious trauma, with a side order of mommy and (lack of?) daddy issues.

most of his interactions with survivors and hunters alike are very tense and rocky, andrew’s emotions being an unpredictable swing between bending over backward to prove his usefulness or snapping when required to respond in an overly aggressive manner.

considering the time range that the manor survivors are from, andrew would probably receive some disparaging comments and microaggressions due to his albinism- the manor is already an unsafe place. The expected response from its inhabitants is even more triggering for andrew’s poor self-esteem.

any sort of friendship or half-honest relationship is incredibly rare, and will only happen by circumstance, or if you approach andrew in just the right way, even platonically. especially platonically. andrew is deeply immersed in the narrative of his own monstrosity, maintaining and constantly feeding into the belief that he is positively unlovable and any kindness shown to him is an attempt to use him or some subconscious pity response. pity is the last thing that andrew kreiss wants from people.

not only are those infantilizing words blatantly insulting, but andrew’s inferiority complex is tipped off by nearly anything, so even kind statements can be perceived as disparaging jabs or send andrew into a guilt-ridden spiral, thinking that he’s tricked the other party into seeing him as something other than himself.

now for a little break from the psychoanalyzing lmao

andrew is super illiterate. he was never given any formal education, though his mother did her best to teach him the basics of the alphabet before she passed away. since he worked closely with the church and the bible would’ve been one of the most readily available pieces of literature, it’s expected that he knows a plethora of bible verses, but they’re mainly memorized.

poor guy has really bad blood circulation, so he’s cold all of the time- another reason for the cassock and patched-up coat he’s always wearing. this isn’t due to his albinism, mainly just because of how tall he is. i headcanon that he’s at least 188cm when his shoulders are hunched, which is pretty much always, and stands at a whopping 195cm when he straightens out.

now, as for his interactions with the people he trusts the most (still, there’s barely any trust there), andrew is flaky at best. it’s not his fault; his primary defense mechanisms include obscene amounts of self-isolation and some behavior that could be low-key considered emotional manipulation; mainly unintentional guilt-tripping. in particularly overwhelming situations, andrew tends to mutter to himself about any assortment of topics, always in a low, frantic tone, whether he’s discussing his own unworthiness or cursing out someone else.

contrasting heavily with the media he’s been exposed to, andrew curses quite a lot. he’s not super bad about it, but it’s part of his image that he has to maintain for his own perceived sense of safety. however, if you use the “lord’s” name in vain around him, you’re going to get at least an eye roll or a nasty look shot your way. andrew doesn’t go out of his way to fight or correct people he disagrees with, but he definitely finds ways to passive-aggressively make his opinions known.

andrew quite enjoys gardening, specifically orchids and irises. back at Lutz Graveyard, he had his own little plot outside of the cemetery walls.

i headcanon that andrew’s family is german, so, adding a german accent and the occasional foreign phrase, he’d be relatively difficult to understand if you’re not paying attention. not to mention andrew’s mumbl-y speech patterns.

andrew has a surprising sweet tooth! although, he does hold indulging himself in such activities to be a bit of a shameful activity. he favors raspberry pastries or any time of glazed item- cake doughnuts are his weakness. also a big fan of hard candies! he still has some vague memories of sharing small caramels with his mother as a young boy; hence, he keeps it as one of his nostalgic favorites.

really likes art. he’s always been around artistic depictions of his faith, and, lacking the vocabulary to express himself otherwise, andrew picked up whatever he could and scribbled things out. small pieces of smudged paper (andrew is left-handed), ripped and torn around the edges, can be found around seldom-visited corners of the manor, scrawled over with graphite and ink.

also tagging @rintares because of their andrew fixation /pos

#idv #identity v #identity v headcanons #identity v gravekeeper #idv gravekeeper #andrew kreiss #andrew kreiss headcanons #idv headcanons

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cyclicallife · 5 years

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For years I didn’t like my body. For the majority of my life there was this sense of guilt or shame about how I looked and felt. As a result, or product of, I am not sure which, there was an internal struggle; a sort of emotional and spiritual dissonance within that which I can only refer to as the soul.  

The body and soul were awkward; each attempting to adjust to one another; the physical and metaphysical working their way into a partnership of sorts. In one’s formative years, this is a time of great physical and emotional/spiritual strife. From my childhood up until recently there always seemed to be this lingering sensation of turmoil.  

A lot of this stems from the labels and ideas thrust upon us by the society and culture into which we are born. It is hard to adjust and figure out our way through the swamp of ideals and morals, beliefs and philosophies that aren’t necessarily our own -- in fact they seldom are, as we soon discover, they are simply handed down piece by piece. In such a way they become like the game telephone one might play as a child. One person starts a phrases and it is passed around or down a line. The end product is usually some bastardized version of the initial statement. The awkwardness of soul and body, this feeling of discontent, eventually brings us to a point of either acceptance of the societal and cultural default settings, or forces us to step out in hopes of discovering that to which we are drawn to by some force and/or inner seeking. Both take courage, neither one can be deemed good or bad, right or wrong etc.   In the midst of treatment, during the first rounds immediately following my diagnosis, I stepped out of the shower one morning and stood before the mirror fixed to the opposite wall. There, in front of me, was my naked body. My hair had long since fallen out, not only on my head, but upon my entire, physical being. I looked like some prepubescent boy with the face of a middle aged man -- a face exponentially haggard by exhaustion, stress, anxiety, etc. My eyes were sunken, tired and sad. They, my eyes, have always held every bit of my worry, fear, joy, passion, etc. I looked at myself, I stared at the body before me. I stood still and let the feelings and sensations (some of which I haven’t found a suitable word for) pulsate from my core.  

It was the first time in my entire life that I felt a sort of love, admiration, and acceptance for myself -- for both my body and my soul. There was incredible level of sadness and anger, there still is -- of course. Only a fool will tell you that love ousts hate, or that bravery trumps cowardice. One cannot exist without the other and their equality and power are matched 1:1. In the end it is about all personal decision.

I stood there. My fingers traced various lines and ran over my bloated body, puffy from steroids and other drugs administered during active treatment. 

The orchiectomy incision looked back at me. I hadn’t looked at it since the operation and commencement of treatment. There was a part of me that didn’t want to look at it, to admit that it existed, or to deny the fact the surgery had taken place.  

After I let my fingers wander over my body, from the top of my bald head, to the sunken sockets holding my eyes, over my flabby belly and along the scar that marks the right side of my groin. I let my arms fall to my sides. I remember distinctly looking at myself -- really looking at myself. I never wanted to. The body, my body, was just some thing. Embarrassed as I am to say this, I viewed it as such, just some form that I had been plagued it.  

Beyond the fleshy, bloated being is where my gaze eventually fell, where it entered. How could it not? That is where all the lines I was tracing on my body were leading. As with the physical body, I didn’t think I was ready to truly look, to really hold myself in that manner. But given the circumstances, the entire situation that I was in, how could I not? 

I have always been curious about the soul. The notion of it as a thing, for lack of a better word, fascinates me. I see it as something continuous, an on-going form of energy; something that doesn’t end when the physical body holding it passes. The idea of the soul as something “eternal” stems from my catholic upbringing. As with my physical body, and the shame and embarrassment I felt towards/about it, I felt something similar towards my soul. My physical body might lead to sin -- to enjoyment and lust. My soul was a mere breath or thought away from damnation.  Damned might I be should I enjoy my own flesh, my body -- the sacred house of my soul! Damned might I be should I steer my soul on a course of my own choosing, to embrace the free will I was taught so much about.

It took me nearly 3 decades to look at myself and appreciate the strength of my body and soul. It took nearly 3 decades to look at myself, to behold myself, to witness myself, body and soul, and give thanks.

Even amidst the anger and bitterness, the fear and sadness, there exists gratitude. Though I might struggle on a daily basis with my mental and emotional well being, I’d be truly damned without gratitude.

The photo is a still from a performance video I made in 2012. Through my visual art I was always trying to articulate my feelings and beliefs about the physical and metaphysical. Through art I sought to examine this relationship and express that visually which alluded me in every other form of expression and means of communicating. In this video we have two beings; one that remains still, eyes closed. The other working furiously to wrap, and eventually unwrap, their head with string. The being with their eyes closed is actually the one seeing, actually the one that is fully aware of that which is going on both internally and externally. The other being, the one wrapping their head with the string, is the being trying to figure out their place within everything, to literally untangle the mess and confusion in which they find themselves.

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ladystylestores · 4 years

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Kalki Subramaniam: If I don’t tell Indian transgender community’s stories, who will?

Written by Kalki Subramaniam

Kalki Subramaniam is a transgender rights activist, artist and founder of the Sahodari Foundation. The opinions in this article belong to the author.

I remember my childhood so vividly. Until the age of 11, I was a playful, happy child at home, and a good student at school.

Growing up in rural India, I was considered the more privileged child among my two sisters, having been born male. Yet, deep inside, I longed to be my true self.

I was a naturally effeminate child. I felt uncomfortable being addressed as “he,” and it seemed like there was this girl inside who liked everything a little girl of my age liked. This made me a constant target. But I didn’t fear those big, bullying boys and would fight back, never ashamed of who I was.

Then, at the age of 14, I gave up. After I started losing interest in school, certain teachers became aggressive and would punish me with a cane. I could never tell my parents. Amid painful episodes of shame and self-doubt, I considered ending my own life, though my family’s love stopped me from doing so.

I cut class and would go to parks and forests to get away from everyone. Under the trees, I wrote poetry and imagined my future life in drawings, which helped me heal my inner wounds.

“I with in” by Kalki Subramaniam. Credit: Courtesy Kalki Subramaniam

When I finally came out as transgender to my parents, I was taken to a psychiatrist to help with my gender dysphoria, or the distress caused by the discrepancy between a person’s body and their gender identity. He asked me to draw how I saw myself in the future, so I drew a beautiful girl with a long skirt, hat and a big smile. He was taken aback, but he eventually helped me gain my family’s acceptance.

This is the dilemma faced by teen children with gender dysphoria. Unable to bear the bullying but terrified of disappointing their parents, they fear going to school and they fear dropping out, too. If they “out” themselves, only a few are accepted by their parents.

“The deepest wounds cannot heal until they are expressed. Practicing art helps us heal emotional injuries, by providing a safe opportunity for self-expression and shaping one’s identity.”

Kalki Subramaniam

When our families reject us, we find solace and refuge with other “hijras” who are also struggling to survive. In my lifetime, I have lost many transgender friends to suicide. Other friends died from AIDS.

As a teenager, I witnessed — and was the victim of — harassment. A transgender friend of mine, who was a sex worker, was raped by seven men. Another friend was chased by her own brother wanting to burn her. While another friend was driven out by her family. These childhood experiences built my raging desire for justice and inspired me to become an activist for the transgender community.

Healing through art

After completing my master’s degree in journalism, I started a magazine called Sahodari (or “sister”) to reach out to and support the transgender community. I used photographs, art and text to educate people about mental health, transitioning and their right to dignity.

Within a few years, I had founded the Sahodari Foundation and trained our team in visual storytelling.

Subramaniam pictured delivering a performance poetry piece. Credit: Sakthi Nithyanandan

Art has helped me identify my self-worth. It has been a medium for me to express my hope, joy, fear, anguish, desires and struggles. It is a reflection of my deep self that mirrors my journeys. It is a divine experience. When I paint, it is like my blood flows into the canvas and there is a soul connection. My artworks “The Purple Princess” and “I with in” celebrate the pure feminine and androgynous expressions with bright fluorescent colors. More recently, I have started to incorporate augmented reality into my artworks — a technology that will help provide another level of meaning and emotional engagement with audiences.

Many people in the community are artistic and creative, but they seldom have the opportunity to practice their art. I realized that our community could not only express themselves through art, they could make a living from it. That is how our Transhearts project was born. I traveled with my team to several cities and small towns in south India to offer free workshops on expressive painting. It has been a therapeutic experience for the participants. When they are making art, they forget time.

Participants create works during a Transhearts workshop. Credit: Sahodari Foundation

We have exhibited the community’s artworks in galleries, universities, colleges and public spaces. The reception had been tremendously positive. When people see the artwork they can identify and empathize with us.

Each piece of art tells a story. Abinaya’s “The Struggling Sex Worker” was a moving work, very raw in portraying the exploitation of trans bodies. Viji D’s “Begging Cycle” expresses the anguish of asking for money from strangers in trains to meet her basic needs. Nayanthara’s “Finding Oneself” is beautiful, spiritual and powerful.

“Begging cycle” by Viji D Credit: Matilda Södergren

“Finding Oneself” by Nayanthara Credit: Courtesy Kalki Subramaniam

The deepest wounds cannot heal until they are expressed. Practicing art helps us heal emotional injuries, by providing a safe opportunity for self-expression and shaping one’s identity. It can bring out our beautiful side. It can make us more tolerant of differences — and of one another.

Standing up against violence

Sexual violence is a terrible, horrible, health-affecting issue that transgender people have endured for decades. Research from the Indian states of Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu and Karnataka found that four in 10 transgender people will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18. Many of us remain silent victims.

The Red Wall Project was created to empower the voices of India’s transgender and gender-diverse people, and to help resist the crimes perpetrated against us. It is a community “art-ivism” project whereby participants are interviewed by my team and write down their experiences of assault, abuse or rape on paper marked with their palm prints in red paint.

Listening to the experiences can be traumatizing, yet we are determined to do it. If we don’t tell our community’s stories, who will?

With their consent, we bring these stories to the public. During the exhibitions, I use my poetry and performance art to provoke dialogue about taking action against gender-based crimes.

Participants in the Red Wall project write their stories. Kalki sees the red painted palms signifying “a slap against abusers and a sign of resistance.” Credit: Sahodari Foundation

The testimonials have been exhibited at the British council in Chennai, the Alliance Française in Trivandrum and various other educational and cultural institutions across India.

We want to reach out to India’s young people with our stories, and tell them that it is unacceptable to hurt people based on their gender identity. Through victims’ first-hand accounts, we can show them that we are human beings who deserve better treatment, respect and dignity.

Whenever we exhibit these testimonials, I see people reading them patiently for hours. I have seen visitors who, after reading, sit in silence in tears. Young people come to me and say, “What can I do to stop this violence? How can I be supportive?” And I tell them: “Educate yourself more, sensitize your family and your friends to be trans-friendly. Empathize with us. That is all we need.”

Struggle for recognition

For decades, our community has struggled for acceptance and equality. In 2014, hard-fought battles led to a milestone victory when India’s Supreme Court finally recognized transgender people as a “third gender.” It was a move I had long lobbied the judiciary for, and the legal recognition meant, for instance, that people could enroll at academic institutions, as openly transgender, without fear.

“The rainbow is shining bright and beautiful. I see hope.”

Kalki Subramaniam

Many corporations have started to hire transgender employees. Years of activism and awareness-building have resulted in many other welcome changes, including the positive portrayals of transgender people in mainstream media and films. In January 2020, the Transgender Persons (Protection of Rights) Act came into effect, providing further legal protections of our rights and welfare.

Students read Red Wall testimonials. Kalki sees the red painted palms signifying “a slap against abusers and a sign of resistance.” Exhibited together, she says the palms are a unified and powerful statement from victims seeking justice for the crimes committed against them. Credit: Sahodari Foundation

There is still much work to be done. We are still fighting for affirmative action to ensure jobs and places at educational institutions. We want protection against stigma and discrimination, and legal guarantees that the punishments for crimes against transgender people will be severe.

But the rainbow is shining bright and beautiful. I see hope. I see a better future for our generation of queer Indians. I see India as a place that can uphold LGBTQI rights in the world. And I see India as a pioneer of transgender rights in the future.

For more on the author, visit her website.

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thescholarlynord-blog · 7 years

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Of Men and Magic: The Nords

[The first draft of the second chapter of the Men and Magic books, including the author’s own notes]

Men and Magic: Statement of Purpose

I am Imare “Half-Mer” Gaeian, of Cyrodiil [keep the nickname in? Must consult with the commissioner]. It has been my privilege to study history at the Imperial Library and with numerous private collectors of historical works. But in my studies, I have found little on the topic of magic as practiced by humans from a historical perspective. And, as such, I am writing these introductory works, to 1) give something back to the collections I have so richly learned from, and 2) introduce the good people of the Empire to an knowledge usually reserved for the well-learned. [and 3) to write this drivel for Councilor Hans Stormcrag in return for a much needed pay day]

The Nords of Skyrim

For the second chapter of the series, I will try to outline the magical traditions of the Nords. Their image to the world around has often been one of simple minded barbarism and warmongering [a reputation well earned], but little is known about how they view magic outside of their frigid province.

The Thu’um

Despite the best effort of scholars for hundreds of years, relatively little is known about the early Atmorans. The reason they descended upon the Falmer with vengeance is well known, as is the fact that their Divines at the time held a more bestial shape, but their society at large is not so easily recounted.

One of the few things one can establish from the Merethic is that the Atmorans, be it from the beginning or at some point later in history, mastered the Thu’um. This is, to the best of my abilities, a form of magic centered around the Breath of the Nords (see ‘Children of the Sky’) and some of them can manifest it as a ‘shout’. Nord legend hold that this is due to the actions of Kyne, or Kynareth [nonsense!].

This tradition of magic was widespread by the time of the 1st Era and all Nord kings and warlords were expected to have mastered the Thu’um [trust the Nords to settle the matter of who should rule by strength and not governing skill]. This lasted until the Tongue (Thu’um master) Jurgen the Windcaller founded the Way of the Voice. Now, only the Greybeards at High Hrothgar know the Thu’um anymore and seldom use their power. [add a part about Ulfric Stormcloak, perhaps? It is a documented fact that the Jarl of Eartmarch has used this power publicly, during the Markarth Incident]

The Merethic

Besides the Thu’um, the Nords have had a number of known practitioners of the magical arts history did not forget [I’m guessing most of them were inconsequential as far as mages go]. One of the oldest known Nord wizards that can be verified to exist [by Nord standards, anyway] is Ahzidal (see ‘Ahzidal’s Descent’ by Halund Greycloak). In his day, he was [apparently] quite famous for his skill with magic, enchanting in particular, which earned him a role in the Return as the Enchanter for Ysgramor’s Companions.

Little else is known about the magic of the Atmorans of the Merethic, though some [Nord] scholars propose the [preposterous] idea that the highest ranking priests of the time were granted great magical power by their animal-god totems. [or “by the Dragons”. Must consult commissioner for which they want in print]

The First Era

One of the most famous mages in ancient history is Shalidor, the Nord [more credible scholarship has convincingly speculated that he was, in fact, more Breton than Nord] archmagi who created the infamous Labyrinthian inside an old Atmoran temple as a way to test the worthiness of potential students (see ‘A Minor Maze’).

Shalidor also went on to create the now-lost isles of Eyevea, which was briefly in the possession of the Mages Guild during the 2nd Era. [reports from the time also says the spirit of Shalidor appeared to help the mages of the day. Would’ve sounded like hogwash, were it not for the fact that the Altmer mage Valaste wrote some of them. Still, another claim of a Nord’s spirit coming back from the dead? Hardly believable] Shalidor is also credited with the founding of Winterhold, though this is disputed [even among Nord scholars!]

The Jarls of Skyrim [or chieftains] employed mages [no-name hedge-wizards and so-called ‘shamans’, I’m sure] in their courts, even before the Way of the Voice was established. This tradition was later exported to the emerging Cyrodilic Empire, and has continued in both nations ever since. [I’m more inclined to believe the Court Mage was introduced to Cyrodilic ministry through Alessia’s Ayleid allies]

While the Nords at large never sought the patronage of the Daedra [read: they were, and are, superstitious barbarians unable to grasp the subtleties of the realms of Oblivion], witches have had covens in Skyrim for as long as anyone can remember, though few of them survive for very long.

The only known exception to this is the Glenmoril Wyrd, most commonly situated in south-western Skyrim, near the High Rock and Cyrodiil borders. It is unknown if their reach ever spread to the rest of Skyrim, though they have been known to have a small presence on Solstheim. The Wyrd has strong ties with Hircine. Some have speculated that some of their members have joined with the Forsworn in their uprising against the Nords in recent years.

The Mages Guild

With the Guilds Act of 2E231, the Mages Guild was spread to all corners of Tamriel, Skyrim included. This, in large part, removed the need for hedge-wizardry and Witches Covens and many Nords [yeah, right! I would’ve liked to see the old member rosters to verify this claim. Alas, they were lost before the 3rd Era] joined.

With the disbanding of the Guild in the beginning of the 4th Era, the established sanctified magical studies in Skyrim all but vanished. [rephrase? Commissioner surely would want it removed]

The College of Winterhold

In the Old Hold of Winterhold, an independent College has been researching magic for centuries, if not millennia. It can reliably be traced back to the 2nd Era and remained independent from the Mages Guild. This, in turn, allowed it to survive the disbanding of the Guild.

Most of the Court Mages employed by the Jarls in the 4th Era have been educated here and the College is to be commended for the attitude of putting learning first [as opposed to the Synod and College of Whispers]. Albeit more secretive than the Mages Guild was, the College of Winterhold is not like the Telvanni or Psijiics and thus people can learn quite a bit of their policies without joining.

Temples of the Divines

The Nords have always held firmly to the Eight Divines [mention Talos as historical context?], both in politics and personal life. [though their versions of these gods aren’t entirely correct, now are they?] As such, the Priests and Priestesses are important figures in Nord society. To an outsider, it can be very surprising to find that many, if not most, of these people are skilled healers and enchanters [and historically necromancers!!!].

To the Nords, however, these skills are expected from their religious leaders and they are exempt from the distrust the Nords are showing to other mages in the aftermath of the Oblivion Crisis. More than that, the Nord Temples have produced some truly skilled practitioners of Restoration and Enchanting! [I was surprised to learn that this was actually true and not just something Councilor Stormcrag wanted included for the sake of it. As backwards as the Nords are, there would be no shame to study under these Masters]

#skyrim #elder scrolls #magic #lore

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mylittleotbook-blog · 7 years

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What queer disease is this that comes over us and makes the occupation of others insignificant?

“Because occupation is so all-embracing, and apparently, so mundane, its significance has failed to be appreciated significantly (Whiteford, Hocking, 2012).” Within the community, informal salons, takeaways, butcheries and panel-beaters, all, have become fixed landmarks, one situated on every corner. But how often do we actually take notice of these? Do we remember them as well as we remember a well-established enterprise. Do we even acknowledge the employees, the bakers…the painters, like we would for master Chef or Cake Boss?? What queer disease is this that comes over us every day, a certain blindness that makes us unseeing to the occupational beings standing right in front of us?

Our judgements concerning the worth of occupations, big or little, depend on the feelings the occupations arouse in us. Where we judge an occupation to be valuable to society - precious, in consequence of the idea we frame of it, this is only because the idea is itself associated already with a feeling. If we were radically feeling less, and if ideas were the only things our minds could entertain, we should lose all of our likes and dislikes at a stroke, and be unable to point to any one occupation in life more valuable or significant than the other.

On my entry into the community, I saw little businesses, some standing in solitude whilst some in resemblance of standing dominoes, one next to the other. On some street corners there were small gatherings of people and on others there were larger groups too - each adding a unique decoration to the rural civic. This decoration, these businesses and people became so mundane; their presence on every street became so common, so much so that during my drives through the community I unconsciously turned a blind eye to the community decorations…I failed to notice the beauty of the decorations. Perhaps, within my unconscious, I felt that by seeing one I had seen all… I failed to critique the reasoning behind masses of the population opening up business that targeted the same population…or businesses that seem complacent and at ease with the competition posed by the business next door providing the same services as them, themselves, as well as the business before them. I failed to critique the meaning that these small business had for the community, and for the business owners themselves. Perhaps they all loved the occupation so much that they did not mind the competition?

A common thought that came to my mind during my seldom states of clear vision was “Shame, they’re forced into opening these small businesses, they’re forced into working so hard just to make a means, just to survive”….but why did I not ask myself “Do they enjoy what they do?”, “What do these occupations mean to them?”. Perhaps I did not ask myself this because in my sub conscious I made a statement - “They don’t enjoy their occupations”, “They can’t possibly enjoy their occupations?”, “What is there to enjoy whilst working so hard in the hot sun only to make a rationed living?”

We are all practical beings, each of us with limited interests…and limited functions and duties to perform. We are all bound to feel intensely the importance of our own occupations and the significance of the situations that call these forth. But this feeling is in each of us a vital secret, for sympathy with which we vainly look to others. We are so often too much absorbed in our own vital secrets to take an interest in others. Hence the stupidity and injustice of our opinions lead us to living alien lives. The falsity of our judgments presumes to decide in an absolute way on the value of other persons' conditions or on the meaning that they attach to their occupations.

How sad is this queer disease that comes over us – Our blindness and this spectator's judgment is sure to miss the root to every occupation, and to possess no truth (James, 2017). Our blindness and this spectator’s judgement fail to see the purpose, meaning and complexities of interactions between people and what they do.

Occupational Science in Occupational Therapy forces individuals to consider the nature, function and meaning placed behind the occupations that individuals engage in. It makes an individual question “Why do you engage in this occupation”, “What does it mean to you?”. It is important to ask these questions as these routine engagements in doing and being shape the identities of people and their lives. Hence, in order to understand people, and to break out of our alienated lives filled with false presumptions and judgements, we need to ask these questions and become occupational scientists.

Within the community, I forced myself to be an occupational scientist – I found a cure to my queer blindness. With an occupational scientist frame of mind, I developed a growing interest to experience what it feels like to engage in an occupation that society generally excludes for females – in the subconscious. This occupation is a mechanic and panel beater. Why society excludes this occupation for females, in its subconscious or not, or why I thought that society does this, was one of the reasons that motivated me to experience what it feels like to be a panel beater and a mechanic so that I could understand my judgement or correct it.

Working as a mechanic and a panel beater is a heavy duty occupation. It is also an occupation that requires that the employees are knowledgeable and skilled in multiple areas including wiring, panel beating and electrical. Employees need to have extensive knowledge on different types of cars, different models and different brands. On enquiring about the experience needed to acquire such knowledge the employees stated that it is self-acquired knowledge and that it takes up to 10 years of experience to completely understand every car and every indicator for repair. But how motivated does an individual have to actually be to work for 10 years in such difficult conditions?

As an “occupational scientist” I found that the information that I accumulated from my analysis of the occupations as well as from the responses from the employees, was incredible. Considering that these panelbeaters and mechanics were the same people that I once turned a blind eye to, or maybe even sympathised with in my mind during an occasional stage of visual clarity because of the environment that they worked in with a lack of shelter, and uneven terrain. Considering that these were the same people that I asked myself about with regard to how do they cope in the heat, and how much of joy can they get from this occupation that looks so difficult and probably pays so little….when I had actually worked with them and gathered their responses, only then did I see beyond the beauty of their occupation, beyond all of the negatives.

Despite the fact that the surfaces were uneven, and the workers had to carry bucket loads of water from the next street to wash out an engine or wash a car after panel beating it, many of the employees loved their occupation. When I had asked two of the employees if they would like to continue being panel beaters for the rest of their lives, they replied with a positive “Yes”. One person stated that he loved the occupation and that fixing a car was a type of art for him because he has to almost form a connection with the car to be able to understand what was wrong. The other stated that fixing cars allows him to experience a sense of pride by being able to have such extensive knowledge on cars without actually attending any formal training.

The poor infrastructure and environment therefore was irrelevant to the employees – perhaps this was because they were all self-employed and worked together rather than for someone, however they were happy performing these occupations daily. They were happy with their lives being shaped by these occupations. It is therefore important that we do not always think that people are unhappy where they are, or sympathise with others, or make judgements about their conditions without actually considering why they engage in the occupations that they do and what it means to them. We should not allow our judgements to make us turn a blind eye to them and categorise all as the same. Different people attach different meanings to their occupations and regardless of our opinions of their occupations; it could add significant value to their lives.

References:

James, W. (2017). On a Certain Blindness in Human Beings. Retrieved 5 May 2017, from https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Pajares/jcertain.html

Whiteford, G., & Hocking, C. (2012). Occupational science: Society, inclusion, participation. Chichester, West Sussex: Wiley-Blackwell.

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