#help her win money by writing about gay fanfic because that is a fucking win
Note
Do you think RR Noah felt kind of OOC?
I could speak for hours about RR Noah. There's a lot that bothers me about him in that season, that's more than just him being "OOC." And it's more than just n*mma.
But yes, he is OOC. It's stated in canon that Owen finds Noah's actions strange. He sees Noah staring at Emma, and it's so strange that the only explanation he can come up with is "maybe he has rabies." The fact that n*mma is unnatural is not only lampshaded, but honestly the point. Noah is acting strange! Because he's in loooove. And "love makes you do strange things" !!! Which isn't completely untrue, but that means you have to assume Noah was in love with Emma as soon as he saw her. Which uhh, doesn't quite make sense, considering Noah has always been the "unimpressed" one.
N*mma's like a self-insert fic. Noah, stoic cold Noah, took one look at her and suddenly he can't take his eyes off her. Suddenly he's doing everything to help her win, everything to be near her. And well, that works when your Y/N, when it's a fanfic and the people reading already want to believe. So the point isn't to be accurate, but to present the most promising fantasy. And there's nothing wrong with that.
But it's not the writing you do for a TV show, when you're trying to convince people who's never seen this ship that it makes sense. (And especially not the writing you do when you also have to convince the audience that the guy in it isn't gay.)
But Noah's decline in RR is more than just N*mma. There's the fact that they set up a promise in the first episode and broke it. There's the fact that his character arc is a circle. There's the fact that RR as a season doesn't really suit Noah's strengths. And yeah, there's the fact that n*mma was poorly written.
So let's walk our way through this.
1) Noah says in the first episode, that he is going to focus on WINNING. "Every reality show I've been on, I lost. This time, no excuses, no distractions." I am bolding this because it is very important. Noah wants to win. This is a little strange for Noah, but it's good, and its easy to fill in the reasons. He's tired of losing is the obvious one. Maybe he needs the money, maybe it's a New Years resolution. It's be great if the show told us exactly why he's taking the show serioudly, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
The important thing is he's finally going to TRY. Right? Right?
Nope. The challenge in the 2nd episode is to pick out five specific spices. Noah says "just give us the five closest to you." 🤦♂️ This wasn't even his own plan. He copied Dwaynes. Like... what happened to trying? What happened to wanting to win? And then makes Owen eat the resulting mess, so again. What effort is Noah putting in? Where's the try? BTW - one of the spices he was supposed to identify was cinnamon. CINNAMON. How does he not know what cinnamon is? Like at least try to get one right. (Honestly, this whole challenge sucks? Only white people would think identifying spices is a challenge.)
There's also a challenge where he has to memorize an Icelandic phrase. Just one phrase. Somehow he fucks this up. He's supposedly a smart guy, and he fucks this up.
It's like the writers forgot that his character existed beyond snark. Noah is supposed to be a smart guy. Why can't he memorize one phrase? He's also supposed to be Indian ... like from, you know, India, the place that's known for its spices? Hmm. I'm not saying he has to know every single spice, but it feels fake that he doesn't know one.
Again, what happened to trying? What happened to "focusing on the cheddar?" aka the prize money? What happened to attempting competence?
So when I say they set up a promise in the first episode and broke it, this is what I mean. They set up an idea and completely forgot about it, to the point of making Noah dumber than he rationally should be.
2) So remember Noah in Island? He wasn't really a character till the dodgeball episode, where he refused to help his teammates, made fun of them, and gets eliminated for it.
Now think of Noah's last episode in RR. He refuses to help Owen with the Komodo dragon and gets himself flattened by a pile of rugs. And you think "oh well now he can't help because he's stuck, poor baby." But he can help himself because he does when Emma calls him. But he refuses to on his own, or when Owen calls out to him. And they get eliminated because of it. So once again, Noah refuses to help his teammates and gets eliminated for it.
Which makes it sound like it's not OOC, he's just a really flat character. And that's sorta true, but the RR version is WORSE.
Noah never made a promise to win in Island. And the teammates he was refusing to help - he didn't know them. They were strangers. And above all, he didn't directly cause their loss. Sure, he was deadweight, but the team could have won without him if it weren't for Harold.
But in RR, the person he's refusing to help is Owen. His best friend. The nicest person alive, the guy who did everything for Noah when Emma dumped him. He's refusing to help his best friend win, and making sure they lose. Why? Because he's decided he doesn't care about the game anymore, now that he has Emma. Great, but OWEN'S STILL RIGHT THERE.
Despite the narrative trying to tell us that Noah is a nicer person because of Emma, he's still clearly selfish AF. You could even say he's gotten WORSE now. And that really fucking sucks.
So when I say Noah's character arc is a circle, I mean it. His selfish actions have not changed, despite three years, a girlfriend, and the nicest best friend in the world.
3) RR as a season doesn't suit Noah. What do I mean by that? Well, RR is a season where everyone is divided into pairs that rarely interact with each other. It's not that they never interact - the Icedancers and the Cops rivalry is unmatched, but that they don't do it all that often. It's more coincidental to run into another group than anything else. At least that's the vibe I got.
But Noah is a character who thrives off being mean to a variety of people that he's had time to observe. In WT, Noah got to make fun of Tyler and Izzy and Alejandro and Sierra and Heather and Chris, all people he knew pretty well. Noah doesn't know the people in RR. And the only ones he gets close to are Owen, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's sister. The latter two are off-limits to insult, so Owen gets stuck with all the mean things.
And this doesn't work, because Noah's best insults are ones that are either make you say a) 'nah, he's got a point though" b) "ayy get them, they deserve it" or c) "why would you say something like that lmao, what's wrong with you?"
A is him dissing Alejandro, B is Chris, and C is the dodgeball episode.
But him being mean to Owen is none of those things. Owen isn't a bad person, and although he makes mistakes, none of them are deserving of harsh criticism. Especially considering Owen is supposed to be, you know, his friend. And Owen is more capable than Noah this season, so it just lands flat. The only thing you can take away from Noah being mean to Owen is that Noah is an asshole. And true... but. Not in an interesting way.
By limiting Noah to just Owen as his main target of snark, it makes him seem like an asshole. Which is actually okay imo. Noah's a shitty person, and I like watching shitty people. But there's nothing gained from it in the show. Owen practically never calls him out on being shitty. In fact, even though Noah lost him the show and made everything more difficult, Owen remarks that "he's just happy to be with his lil buddy." Bruh... can someone save this man? Please? Sweetie, you deserve so much better.
There is ONE moment I'd like to highlight that challenges this. One episode, Noah is required to perform air guitar on stage. He's reluctant because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and his crush is watching and omg does Noah have stage fright? Is he shy? haha it's kinda cute and actually believable. Owen points out that he needs Noah to do it anyway, asking Noah to be his "hero." And Noah... does. He goes out there, he air-guitars away, and it's a really good moment. It shows Noah's flaws, how they affect the people around him. It's great to see Owen stand up for himself and confront him, and it's lovely to see Noah respond and change his stance to help his friend.
And then he refuses to help his friend a few episodes later. So... ehh. Good job, hero.
4)N*mma. I think what's wrong with N*mma is that TD writers are incapable of writing a woman being the romantic initiator unless they're crazy - Izzy, Sierra. Otherwise, the woman should ALWAYS be approached by the man first. The man should always be making the first moves or the first flirtations. After all, to keep tension in a relationship, there needs to be a question of "will they get together." And what man WOULDN'T want a girlfriend? What guy would ever turn down a gf? Whereas a girl can ponder and wonder and think "oh i don't know him that well, oh im not sure." But no one ever extends that waiting period to guys. They're just expected to always be down for women.
But Noah isn't an "average" guy. He's antisocial. He doesn't flirt, he looks down on romance, and he's never expressed concern about getting a girl. And he's never, ever, put in effort to woo someone. Never! Noah is very anti-effort. King.
But hey, TD needs to write him in a romance, and the only romance they write requires the guy to simp for a girlboss. So Noah starts simping for a girlboss. I must admit I don't think the idea of Noah simping is complete trash. But it needs to be worked up to. Or at the very least, denied until Noah can deny it no longer.
(Also when has Noah being into girlbosses? I know TD is into girlbosses, since they've written, like, 50, but Noah? Noah's has shown nothing but disdain for Courtney and Heather. Also there's the fact that Emma tries to cut Noah's hair against his will with a fish? And talks about marriage and family like... 2 days into their relationship? I'm confused why that isn't a turn off to Noah. He's the one who warned Owen about Izzy, right? He's the one who made fun of Sierra for being stalker? So why is he into it now? Answer me Fresh)
Anyway.... it's like Total Drama doesn't know the meaning of "gradual." And tbf, with 32 contestants and a half hour show time, it's hard to write a slow burn. They don't have the time for it.
Still, they could have done better. The easiest way to fix N*mma, imo, is to just rip off Pride and Prejudice plotline. Emma already has a kid sister. Like, imagine Emma and Noah dislike each other had first, mean sarcastic nerds that they are. They dislike each other, Noah has a crush on her but is hiding it, and is pushed to confess by Owen.
Doesn't work out because his confession sucks because Noah has ZERO social skills.
N*mma take some time off, Kitty falls into the ocean or smth, Noah rescues her, and Emma is like "wow ur a good nice person after all" and Noah's like "i just had to save her, i couldn't let her die" and then they kiss or smth. Like come on Fresh, why didn't you go with that? Pride and Prejudice is in the public domain!! Like no one was stopping you.
All in all, if N*mma had to be written, it should have been like I said, or Duncney style. Noah should be allowed to be mean and grow from it.
And that's what's wrong with N*mma. Noah is mean but does not grow from it. He gets Emma regardless of how he treats Owen. They're completely separate things. His struggle to get Emma to like him has LESS to do with Noah, and more to do with Emma's own issues. Like you're telling me Noah's in a relationship, and he's NOT the problem? He should have been the problem. Ughh.
So when I say N*mma was poorly written, I mean that it has insta-love, that Noah does not act like himself in the relationship, and that Emma doesn't make him a substantially better person. (I know he gave Jake the rings, but he doesn't help his own bestie in the end, ... so its rlly hard to say he's grown.)
Tl;dr Noah in RR is forced into a romance plotline he doesn't fit, and ditches the self-improvement plotline that we were all rooting for, ending up in the same place as he started. Noah's romance should have served to highlight his character growth not BE his character growth. It's peak TD writing, honestly. He betrays his team for his girl like Trent did in TDA. He falls for her as fast as Duncan did for Gwen in WT. And the way he treats Owen, his supposed friend, somewhat resembles how Leshawna chose to view Heather in WT. Sad.
#td noah#td rr#td askbox#i would tag more but tumblr hates me#so i will just reblog with a screenshot of my old tags#uhh#anti-nemma
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
It'll take me a while to make each one, but regarding my post about my fanfictions, I thought I'd make another one to give y'all a preview of what each fanfic will be about. 👀
So, if you don't know what my fanfics are like, I like to create a lot of "pxrn with plot" ones because I generally like to write non-sexual stories. Having something I'm familiar with, and then writing the sex scene afterwards, is something I feel comfortable doing.
That's what these fanfictions are going to be. If you don't mind some non-sexual events, then you may like what I make.
And these fanfics are also more centered around the online protagonist, not the reader. When planning on making these fanfics, I thought, "Hmm. What if the online character found him/herself in sexual situations with NPC characters?" That's why I went with the protagonist as one of the main characters in these. 😏
Anyway, I know I'm rambling. Sorry. 🙃
Lamar/Female Protagonist: This one I had already written... and kinda forgotten about, as well as the one I wrote with Dax. In my last post about my fanfics, I said I was going to post ones with Pavel and El Rubio first, but they may come after these two fanfics, so I'm sorry for that. 😅 But anyway, Lamar meets up with the female protagonist and shows her around the city. Then, he makes a deal with her where if he wins the street race, he gets to fuck her to get at least one shot with her, and if she wins, he'd leave her alone. She finds it weird but goes along with it. And of course, she loses. 😳
Bank Manager/Female Protagonist: Based on a scrapped GTA Online mission in the original heists, there was a setup mission where one of the protagonists goes to the Bahama Mamas club and seduces the Pacific Standard bank manager. He takes them to his bedroom in his apartment while the other characters sneak around and clone a key card. So yeah, you can guess what the fanfic will be about. 😉 I also created a name for this manager since he didn't have an official name, and let me just say... my fellow RDR2 fans will like the last name I picked for him. 👀
Female Executive Assistant/Male Protagonist: I haven't thought of a detailed plot. Maybe I'll keep it basic, where the assistant gives the protagonist a massage after noticing he's sore from stealing and selling special crates. And then things just escalate between them.
Agent 14/Female Protagonist: Another one I might keep basic. 14 introduces his female assistant to her new bunker, shows her around, and then there's a mishap or something that causes them to fuck.
Avon/Male Protagonist: My headcanon is that this narcissistic fuck is a stereotypical gay man - the oddly feminine voice, some fruity comments he makes, loves it when an AI with a dude's voice calls him "Daddy"... yeah. 😏 Also, knowing Rockstar, they sometimes create characters with stereotypes for satirical purposes, so I wouldn't be surprised if Avon is actually gay. Anyway, the male protagonist wants a bit of a money bonus from the IAA infiltration, and Avon is willing to make a deal to give him more money if it means having fun with him in exchange. Also, this was my friend's/ex-girlfriend's idea, but I'm also making Avon a submissive bottom. 👀
Bogdan/Female Protagonist: This will take place after the events of Act 2 and before the events of Act 3. Basically, Bogdan is one of the first people to go to the protagonist's facility before the meeting, and she also goes there and finds him sitting alone. They talk a bit (well... she doesn't literally talk to him 😅), and they eventually... ya know. 😳 But I'm still deciding if I want to write a full-on sex scene between them, or just have her give him a quick BJ. 👀
Gay Tony/Male Protagonist: This I haven't decided on yet. Oops. 😬
Paige/Male Protagonist: So... he's just sore and everything from doing client jobs and other stuff. Paige drops by his Terrorbyte, helps him unwind, and things just... escalate.
Captain Brendan Darcy/Female Protagonist: I haven't decided on this either, but I know it'll take place after the events of the yacht missions.
Miguel "Mini" Madrazo/Female Protagonist: Also undecided. 😬
Pavel/Female Protagonist: This is a rewritten fanfic of one I made in the past, but this time, I'm switching the roles. Instead of Pavel catching his "kapitan" playing with herself, she catches him playing with himself. Of course, it's an awkward moment, but they agree to fuck each other. Pavel is also desperate af in this fanfic and fucks her roughly without hesitation lmao.
Juan "El Rubio" Strickler/Female Protagonist: Another rewritten fanfic. The plot is the same - she disguises herself as a tour manager and goes to the island to scope, Juan finds her at the party and picks her up, and they fuck in his office. 😏
Mimi/Female Protagonist: If you don't know who this is, this is a girl from the car meet update. She strangely gives off lesbian vibes, so that's why I'm pairing her with the female protagonist. As for the plot... I don't know yet. 😅
Dax/Female Protagonist: This is another one I already completed. Basically, she and Dax are chilling alone, he spills beer on himself in his lower area, she watches that area, he notices that she's watching him, and he's all like, "Damn, Freshmeat. You like what you see? 👀"
Jamal Amir/Female Protagonist: Figuring this out, too.
While some of these are undecided, I at least listed what pairings I'll write, just so y'all have an idea of what fanfics to expect.
And sorry for the long list. 😅
1 note
·
View note
Text
Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time
Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them
In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already
I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because
Ike has freckles
Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc
Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly
Bebe got named in episode 2
Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though
Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way
Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)
The mayor went to Princeton
South Park is next to Mt. Evanson
Kenny will literally drink gasoline
Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade
Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex
Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid
Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower
Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy
Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men
Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”
Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06
A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though
Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude
Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi
Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline
Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy
Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)
Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy
Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”
Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population
When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman
Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true
Kenny’s family says grace
Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)
Clyde got named in S01E10
Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3
Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back
Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down
In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3
Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11
Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”
Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal
Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is
Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11
Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun
Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”
Kenny has a sack of marbles
The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)
Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)
Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter
Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand
The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion
Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin
Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help
Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13
A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived
Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend
Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.
Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)
Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating
Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet
And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times
S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him
S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down
S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off
S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game
S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive
S01E06 Death touches Kenny
S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane
S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue
S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him
S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face
S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him
S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000
If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.
#south park#sp rewatch#i made way too many notes#kenny used to get dialog in almost every episode#poor kenny#he really gets shafted later
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
Is THIS what will push me to make an AO3 account? (not clickbait) (surprising)
[See this journal in a better layout on my blog site or on DeviantArt.]
I’ve fallen so down abysmal for the Help, I Shrunk My… series – “…Teacher“, then “…Parents”, and finally (?) “…Friends” – especially the last movie and its scenes between peers, that I have such an uncharacteristic urge to write a fanfic.
Yep, fanfic. I did say uncharacteristic. But with the cuteness and quality, especially at certain scenes in “…Friends” like below, I don’t think you can blame me.
“Holy shit, I’m going to pass out/die/shit myself/etc.” -me, at nearly everything in this series
(Post?) Pubescent Pairings
A. The Classic Couple.
I’m already, because I’m a serial romantic that loves a good self-insert, thinking to name the whole story “Help, I Shrunk My Lover/Girlfriend” or something cheesy like that (maybe even in German?) for Felix and Ella to be stuck together and have to deal with (post?-) pubescent awkwardness. I mean, I feel so honey-dicked that we got cute shit like this and its amazing scene…
God, look at that FOV, the (lack of) focus, the size difference, the subtitle, that face… Fuck.
…but it had to be ruined because – SPOILER – the dumb, lusting teen boy couldn’t see what was literally right in front of him for years until the end of the third movie! Plus, being steps away from a married couple of hotheads, who knows what kind of fights or arguments they’d get into? Are you telling me you wouldn’t want a scene like this again?
That stick is actually way too big to really be a toothpick (or is it?), but I’m not mad. We stan a brave queen.
B. The Will-They/Won’t-They Duo
I’m thinking of making Mario and Melanie into each other, too, as irony based on how much they hated each other for most of the last movie. She stole his phone (and everything else) and then his heart. (lol, I’m so sorry.) Maybe she’d still have some fancies for Felix but then sees that Mario has redeeming qualities of his own, on top of a rich background (not that it matters, but money is cool). My main focus in mind was just for Ella to be shrunken, with Melanie being the supportive gal pal, but given she’s new and hasn’t yet been small herself, maybe this would be the time.
I think Mario would’ve totally gotten over the prepubescent power drive from the first movie by now and certainly no longer has even the slightest grudge over Melanie causing and/or catalyzing chaos that could be played with if he had to deal with a small her. Surely.
C. The Bros in the Back
Would it be too presumptive to make Chris and Robert maybe gay for each other… or even absolutely the opposite? I respect a strong friendship and/or bromance, and LGBTQ+ representation is always a win, too. But for either, I don’t want to do anything “just because” or because it’s “(not) woke;” it should add to the story and have meaning. After all, a situation like “Dude, I love you, and I’ll love you forever, but not like that” could be just as cute. We stan supportive introspection between men. Bros before hoes, you know?
Though, maybe they’re likely the great masterminds to figure out what/why the plot thickens. They seem like the most intelligent of the squad, even if they were only henchmen at the beginning.
D. The Elders
I guess it would only make sense for Schmitty or Felix’s parents to get shrunk again, as is tradition. Maybe the former would be due to considering retirement from teaching/being principal.
I’d do anything to get Hausmeister Michalsky protecting her with his hat again.
As for the parents, it’d likely be a wrong place, wrong time situation. I don’t know.
Unless Sandra and Peter were snooping again, I doubt Felix would willingly do this to them.
Overarching Themes
Aging for Innuendo
Regarding all this, I do know that I’d like to make the story time-skipped a bit, making the kids at least U.S.-adult-aged for my own sake. I am a fan of double entendre, cheekiness, and raw emotion, so I’d love to spill them all over a story or characterization if fitting. However, I couldn’t bear to see or write any kiddos explicitly going through with any entailed implications – that shit’s illegal, lmao. Plus, why even risk something like that when an age-up takes away all the trouble, thus not make any innuendos or ideas awkward?
In a fun way, small or not, wouldn’t seeing the gang party together with real man’s drinks or whatever be cool? What about someone getting turnt on a thimble’s worth or a gummy bear’s paw?
The cups have been used. That’s adorable. +10 points for realism.
In a trash way, if a greater trust was built between Felix and Ella to wear one would suggest taking a bath with the other, and a small Ella floating in the soap ocean bumps into something on her back, only to realize all of Felix’s (normal) limbs are out of distance, in view, and/or just not able to touch her yet he’s blushing, then what would that imply? (It could be nothing, but it could be something.)
Why, Though?
I just can’t figure out a supposedly new catalyst for the ultimate shrinking plot point, mostly due to the main chaos causers, aka the ancient magic users that tackled the school, being sent to the Shadow Realm in the last movie. I do have some ideas, but I’d always love to hear more.
*Oh, Hulda Stechbarth… Bless this crazy bitch, lol.
Throughout the series, people going to our wanting to go to America was frequently brought up. Maybe, like Ilvermorny is to Hogwarts, maybe there’s a (maybe American) (college?) counterpart to the Leonhard school that is interested in the kids. Could the sudden shrinking be a part of the admissions or entrance exam process, such as figuring out how to reverse it? I can’t imagine someone still wanting to go to a school that risked its prospective students’ lives, but who knows? Still, I’m sure the friends would debate whether going overseas for any school is the best idea, especially with the ridiculous costs. Could differing views cause tension?
What if one between Felix and Ella considered it, but the other didn’t, and a coincidentally timed dream for them to stay together – not unlike Minami-kun no Koibito, if you know it – made one of them small with no way for Felix to turn the affected back to normal (due to the tests)? What if people start believing that Felix is intentionally not transforming people back, despite not being at fault but trying his best the whole time?
I suppose another villain is cool, too, but what would be their spite? Would Felix getting all of Leonhard’s power be enough to spark something?
***
I want to do this, but I rarely finish anything now. I can’t even think of a proper plot! Maybe putting this out into the world will inspire myself or even someone else to give a fanfic a shot or at least expose this series to our fandom more (like when I found Dwarfina and blushed at every scene, despite not knowing a lick of Tagalog)!
The third movie pretty much just released, so I only see it (legally) able for streaming (via renting or buying) via Vudu and Amazon Prime Video (in the U.S.). It maybe more widespread in Germany where it was made. (Though, VPNs do exist…) But the first and second movies can be bought or rented from multiple sources, surely.
In any case, let me know what y’all think, and feel free to share your thoughts!
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
UPSTAGED
I’ve been promising to write this series for so darn long... Finally got an idea on how to start it. Hope you enjoy it! (Sentai themed. This is just the first part, introducing the setting!)
--------------------------------------------
"You'll never get what you want, you maniac!"
"Now now, Governor... let us keep calm. My terms have been most generous."
"We can't negotiate with terrorists! You know that!"
"I do. But we both know what will happen if I use my disintegration touch on the West Coast's entire gold reserves"
"Ha! The Rangers will stop you!"
"I doubt that, considering I locked them down myself in one of the vaults." You let out a loud cackle.
You got him. You can hurt the system right where it hurts.
Money. If the reserves are out, west-coast dollars will lose all value, destabilizing its flourishing economy, the only reason it's status as a free economic zone was never revoked.
And a place like the farm cannot operate in the main country. They have real laws there.
Still, it isn't a sure bet. A million things could go wrong if you actually destroy the economy. Too unpredictable.
But you know they'll have to relent.
Unpredictable is something the politicians at play hate just as much as you do.
"W... Damnit! Damn you freak...! You wouldn't dare do it! Do you know how much chaos that would cause?"
"Of course I do Governor. And there are many other banks for me to visit after this one, you know... unless you want to tell the world you can't your valuables safe?"
"Go to hell!" he yells exasperated. "I know you won't do it! There's nothing for you to win in this! Why don't you just steal some of the gold?" He doesn't get it. He can't understand that you don't care about money at all.
"You test my patience governor. Perhaps a little demonstration is in orde..." You are interrupted by a loud siren noise from the Governor's office. "What is that?"
"It's the citywide alarm system... what's going on? Are we at war?" the Governor turns to one of his aides, who fumbles a remote control to turn on the TV.
You activate a console on your helm to watch as well. Is he trying to gain time? Maybe you should make a third of the gold reserve evaporate... that ought to make him reconsider.
The Governor's TV settles on the main news channel, as do you.
Mia Ochoa is in Los Diablos according to the labels, reporting from under a table, as pieces of ceiling fall all over. She appears to be at a bar. What the hell is going on and how did you not catch up on it sooner?
"... there is a very unstable situation on the ground, that is unfolding very quickly. The floating disc descended from high altitude at great speed and emitted a blue ray over the fields, which released a swarm of humanoid creatures armed with energy weapons. They are firing indiscriminately on civilians!"
"Quickly! Call all of Los Diablos police stations! Contact Los Diablo's Mayor! Send in the National Guard!" The Governor seems to be going into overdrive mode as his aids run back and forth.
Mia goes on with her reporting.
"I will try to get some images for our viewers! I remind you, we are risking our lives doing this so we might not be able to get the best takes. Also, we might see graphic violence!"
Fuck. Mia Ochoa does not back down, you have to give her that.
The film crew creeps to the bar's door, and soon enough, you can see the armed soldiers. They seem to be wearing similar outfits and move in a robotic fashion. Drones? Worse of all, there is a giant spinning metal disc floating above them.
They start firing again and the Mia Ochoa and her camera crew go back inside.
You mute the governor's and the news channels open a third one to Mortum's lab.
"Doctor, are you seeing this?"
"Afraid so Retribution."
"Is this for real?"
"I think so. Never seen anything like this."
"Thank you. I'll get back to you later...I'll be at the lab soon" You close Mortum's and Mia Ochoa's channels and focus on the Governor again.
"Afraid I'm going to have to leave you Retribution," he says.
"WHAT?" you ask outraged.
"I've got a bit of a situation on my hands, can't you see?"
"But the gold reserves..."
"Are irrelevant if I lose an entire city to an alien invasion. All I can say is please don't do it? Thank you"
"..." awkward silence as you have no idea what to even say after that.
"Anyways, I really have to go so..."
"WAIT!" You plead, the roles reversed.
"What for?"
"There might be a win-win situation here... you know what I want. And you have a bit of a situation in your hands. What If I helped deal with it...?"
"You mean work for us? Fight off those things"
"Yes," you say finally.
"I could consider it...yes... You know what if all you want me to do is close that camp of horrors from the feds, I can do it. I'll fucking evict them from the entire West Coast if you want. But I want results!”
“Oh, I’ll get you results! I’ll exterminate those things so fast they won’t know what hit them!” you say energetically
“Also, I want you to release the rangers. We need all hands on deck"
"...fine" you grumble with a complete loss of your previous enthusiasm.
A wave of cold anger flows through your body as you walk towards the smaller vault. You've never done any of this out of revenge or seeking fame, but having someone steal your thunder like this when the governor was right at the palm of your hand..., even if it's an alien... it just makes your blood boil. Whoever's responsible is going down. Big time.
***************************************
"HARDER!" Steel commanded as Herald flung him at high speed against the vault's reinforced gate at great speed. Ortega and Argent joined with a combined strike, but the gate remained impervious.
"Fuck! It's no use!" Charge cursed outraged. Argent continued slashing at the metal, only creating superficial marks. Herald looked defeated, and Steel just studied the gate with his sensors, trying to find a weakness. There was none.
"You're right" he let on sitting on a pile of gold bars. "He got us good this time"
"FUUUUCK!" Charge went on kicking a few bars against the wall. Argent just kept slashing.
"That's not helping" Herald muttered while trying to get signal with his cellphone.
"At least I'm doing something!" Argent replied breathing heavily. "You'll never get signal! We're in a sealed VAULT!"
"The kid's right" Steel spoke tiredly. "Even if we can’t get signal we have to get someone to open it from the outside. It's not going to magically open just because you..."
And then the gate did just that, unsealing itself.
The Rangers gathered together, shocked to see Retribution on the other side.
"What gives? Lost something here?" Steel asked sarcastically walking over the gate ready to fight. The other rangers assume fighting stances behind him.
"Only my time." His terrifying voice lacked the characteristical aggressiveness this time. "Come out already, we've got a lot of work to do," he said motioning them out.
Steel looked puzzled but then advanced striking a warrior's pose. "I don't know what game you're playing or what you're planning, but it will never succeed! And we'll never EVER work with you!"
"Well tough luck hunk because you're totally going to be seeing a lot more of me! Oh, and by the way, you better hurry to Memorial Park unless you want to be late for your first alien invasion!" He said, before pressing a palm to the bank's wall which instantly dissolved, creating a circular hole for him to escape with his jump jets.
"The fuck?" Steel was astonished
"Did she just call you hunk?" Charge asked with a wide grin.
"What do you mean she? Retribution's clearly a guy!" Steel replied.
"Oh wow... I didn't think you were into...him"
"Wha... No, I mean... I never meant it that way..."
"Come on... first I learn you're gay, now you're really wanting that one to be a guy... I can see where this all leads Chen!"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU IDIOT!"
"Yeah right," Ortega was cracking in laughter by now.
"Hey I've got phone signal finally," Herald says. "The Mayor's calling us! And the Governor too! We've got to go to Memorial Park right now!"
"Let's go, Herald... They'll catch up when they grow up" Argent said hurrying to the Ranger's helicopter dragging floating Herald by his arm.
Steel and Ortega soon followed.
____________________________
My fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I’m live blogging this show to help keep track of this in case I wanna write fic later don’t judge me! Guess who just learned their phone can run google translate while watching shows in other languages? This Guy! Wish me luck.
1
The smoke monster from lost’s cousin is attacking a highlander?!
Ok so she just magically blasted him into a hole in the ground but you know what you don’t see? A BODY, how do you know he’s dead.
She’s taking smokey eye shadow way too seriously if you ask me.
Yeah just let that magic amulet drift away guess it won’t rust or rot.
Ngl if I didn’t know I’d think the kid was kirill but that would mess up the timeline since photographer doesn’t age between these scenes. Wouldn’t that be funny though. Like he found it as a child then gave it away only fit it to be given back.
You gotta admit the scenery is beautiful though and the theme songs nice but I need the lyrics.
Ah. Sorry but even if you had no choice doesn’t a person being in a well mess up the water. If he were in America he’d have a bullet wound possibly by now. Stranger on your lawn punch em. Don’t take amulets from strangers or work acquaintances.
So he’s like the punching bag of the offence and now their farm house. His nose is bleeding like he’s in an anime but gotta get that blood sacrifice material from somewhere right. Lol
Even if you’re his boss that’s a dick move making fun of him and not saying at least my bad yo just saying. Sweetie you deserve So much better than these rude people don’t let then get to you. Now’s your big chance at an article dude give it your all.
And out of the frying pan into the well. Wakes up in a well dazed and confused. Sure he sounds crazy but like how else would he be in your well like y'all didn’t see him get in and I’m guessing you lock your property here.
And they were roommates! She’s his sister but I’m wondering who’s older in canon because even if they’re real ages are diff canon can say fuck that
So like if any water is magic conductive I hope they don’t use a toilet. The fbi would wet their pants for this kind of ability.
So both them hate their jobs. Mood.
Sasha fake crying to win their argument. Acting.gif
They’re supposed to go traveling on vacation or looking for new jobs in s another place.
This poor guys gotta write about chupacabra. Let him write about what we wants for once. see what happens. ReSearch on the blood sucker. Sticky keys. Don’t break you’re laptop.
Fanfic writers in a nutshell. No writers ina nutshell.
Creepy magic is happening. This Warlock better pay their damn water bill istg. Wasting water in this house not on my watch. So like does the water have to be pure as drinkable or what. Sasha thinks they’ve got plumbing problems.
The editor wants him to lie and embellish statements on witnesses for the goat sucker. Kirill wants to use facts and be b real but editor isn’t having it.
Underground evacuation say what. Editor is making fun of kirill for looking like he stayed up all night writing which he if course did duh. We’ll hire someone else.
Oh no. His works due by tomorrow and he’s dead inside from getting shot down. Poor guy. Gonna drink away his sorrows. Did this attractive lady just call him an alien.
Don’t call yourself dumb kirill.
Is she actually interested or is she a hooker though? He went in for a kiss. He’s drunk. He’s shy. He’s leaving. He’s sorry.
Magic dogs are gonna eat you boy. Zen gardens are magic?
Oh no kirill is gonna be eaten by the clown from it now. He was swallowed whole by the sewers.
How rude. A light slap would do not pouring water on him. Hellshake his shoulder. At least their nice enough to share lunch.
He needs his passport. Sasha I’m in another provenance or country please help . So he’s not within walking distance or a car bus ride
He goes day drinking and ends up in another country go figure. They don’t have money for a plane ticket or whatever and he’s got no passport on him. He’s stuck.
He’s not wrong about saying they’re beating him up their son’s punch knocked him out and the dad waved a gun at him. He’s gotta get out before they decide to kill him. You in danger boy.
He’s paying them to use their phone. He’s gonna go broke. how much did he have left over from drinks at the bar though.
So do they think kirill is a freak that’s attracted to their well yet?
Arthur is the gay best friend people want but don’t deserve.
Is this guys nickname lemon or melon I can’t remember right now. He thinks his brother Max is calling and says he almost lost his virginity?
I still don’t get why Mac is going crazy. Is it heat exhaustion, did someone offend him, does he just have violent outburst without Control and like they don’t know about medicaion or he hasn’t gotten around to being tested, maybe it’s just bad writing for laughs i guess.
. Eat some chocolate dude, drink some water your not yourself when you’re angry. Max no chainsaw! Put that down. The knife meme upgraded
So he's like working at a construction site but he's trained in medicine. Is he the medic or just happens to know stuff and he’s working a job out of his field of profession.
Kirill is trying to find a switch to make atrap door in the well take him home. Your poor beautiful idiot it's magic man.
And water tentacles are a thing now. Some hentai? No hentai!
Cool culinary arts aunt is getting a call from her nephew max. Max is a bachelor well of course. He's asking her to pay for a tractor he burned down in a rage wtf dude. So is max trained doctor but not practicing?
He quit his job.? Aunt wants him to get married?
Kirill trapped in the well again. He's just trying to go home. He's diving under to search for a hole he came in though. You tried sweetie.
So the neighbor is a witch and is in on this. A barrier is up around the house to protect it. Well I hope so. 500 years!? how old are you two again then !
On to the next episode then.
#WFIB#spoilers#spoiler#solo mio#liveblog#Poka tsvetet paporotnik#PTP#Пока цветет папоротник#Пцп#Until flowering Fern#UFF#While the fern is blooming#while fern is blooming#While Fern Blooms#WFB#God the translation#lost in translation#WTFIB#Russian#my years reading fanfic didn't prepare me for this enough#Their alphabet is scarying me#send help
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
have you ever put any thought into what's going on with the ABC gang in WAR a decade on? like, a lot of high school aus that use homophobia as a plot point are deliberately set in the 70s or the 80s, so it gets a little depressing because they'll have to wait decades for things to really get better - but you set WAR in 2006, which is *so cool* because in less than 10 years it goes from, well, 2006, to obergefell v. hodges.
this question is a bit complicated by the fact that i’m still working on adapting WAR into a novel, and the characters are a little different (i combined a lot of people, and also made most of them female) so this is specifically for the Les Mis fanfic version.
also, this is more just my overall headcanon for the epilogue of WAR. take it with a grain of salt, none of this is True Canon, death of the author, etc
-it is my cherished secret headcanon that the members of the ABC gradually realize (in some cases, YEARS later) that actually none of them were straight, cis, and allo, with the possible exception of combeferre.
ex) high school jehan ID’s as gay, but once they’re in the place to have more vocabulary for it, they come out as trans, nonbinary but femme-leaning (while continuing to be mostly into dudes). i think that eponine is bi (and also realizes pretty late that she’s nonbinary.) joly and bossuet are both bi. cosette is a lesbian. marius is ace. (their relationship worked in part because neither ever pressured the other, for anything. it was kind of more like playing house.) bahorel ID’s as straight for the longest time, but there’s a couple of male celebrities he jokes about as his “exceptions” until he realizes one day, hmm not really a joke. courfeyrac in high school considers himself gay, but after jehan comes out, realizes in retrospect he doesn’t fall perfectly on one end of the kinsey scale, either.
-molly keeps the ABC alive once the others graduate. gavroche joins when he becomes a freshman, and by his senior year, the club is double its original size. (he jokes it’s because he made LGBTQ rights cool, but really, a tide is turning.)
-enjolras stays politically active and does a lot of nonprofit and organizing work all throughout college. in ‘08, he joins one of those groups that goes door to door registering voters (so does jehan, who attends the same university). enjolras’s experiences with other people, people NOT from affluent suburbs, open his eyes in a good way and make him a little less intense about his own point of view.
-most of the ABC kids are swept up in the excitement of the first obama campaign. combeferre actually gets emotional, talking about it; he writes some very eloquent op-eds in the school paper about what obama means to him, and how fucked-up all the racist scrutiny really is. joly, musichetta, and bossuet phone bank. eponine starts taking photos at rallies, one of which becomes kind of well-known and helps launch her interest in pursuing photography for real. courfeyrac organizes theatrical productions to raise money for the campaign, which are a weird and wild success. bahorel is a minor social media star, and he leverages his dubious fame to try to help get out the young people vote.
-(eponine is gavroche’s legal guardian, and she balances work with community college. she was honestly more of a hillary girl, but obama wins her over eventually.)
-grantaire and enjolras stayed together post-high school, and after a year of attending a nearby community college, grantaire has the grades to transfer to the same university as enjolras.
grantire spends most of his early college years bouncing from one major to another; he likes art but more as a release than as an area of academic focus. like, getting a bad grade on an art project is fucking devastating. they start fighting a lot that first september in the same school because enjolras is so sure of his path and grantaire feels guilty and defensive for not knowing where to go with his life. it makes grantaire feel like a worthless burnout again (which is frustrating because he thought he’d WORKED THROUGH IT, dammit), but he also resents enjolras’s attempts to help him, which eventually makes enjolras pull away in hurt, which terrifies grantaire so much that he pulls away too, and they break up very early sophomore year of college.
-the night obama wins the election in ‘08, even despite the blow of prop 8 passing, all the old ABC members are calling each other, yelling into their phones with delight. combeferre is literally crying.enjolras is jubilant, but grantaire, who had never seriously thought that obama had a chance, honestly feels like he’s high again.
enjolras and grantaire wind up at the same celebratory party and, under the influence of all that victory, they hook up. holy shit have they missed each other. they briefly get back together, but it’s not like it was in high school, before they knew quite how badly they could hurt each other. when enjolras does study abroad for a semester, they break up again, amicably, rather than do the long distance thing. they drift apart even when he gets back. it’s nobody’s fault.
-jehan switches to they/them pronouns and puts out a chapbook of poetry about feeling connected to the words of dead authors. bahorel becomes a college radio DJ, and is so good, his show gets picked up by local stations and he eventually starts working as the “bad boy of NPR”. courfeyrac realizes that more than acting, his real joy is stage managing. musichetta goes into business, advocating for greater diversity.
-grantaire winds up at the last minute, majoring in psychology. studying this stuff in an actual class makes him realize just how dysfunctional his family dynamics have really been, and how little of it had to do with him. it’s both freeing and terrifying. he makes friends in his advanced psych courses (mostly idealistic young feminist women), and dates one for a while. ironically, she’s also bi. he has more of a chance to unpack all the stigma he’s been carrying around for years, how frustrating it was to be seen as “the gay kid” in high school when that wasn’t really true.
-combeferre decides to get dreadlocks after graduating undergrad and becomes “that hot World Lit TA with the dreadlocks”
-grantaire starts kind of considering going into counseling. the members of the ABC he’s still in touch with keep urging him to write Mr. Myriel a letter, and grantaire keeps dragging his feet, but one night he’s in town to visit Eponine, and runs into Mr. Myriel at the grocery store, and basically word-vomits all this gratitude, and the two become penpals. Mr. Myriel eventually writes one of the recommendation letters that gets grantaire into a sociology master’s program.
-combeferre gets fed up with the ivory tower of academia and joins a startup that teaches coding to kids, particularly girls in low-income areas. (He’d long been interested in coding, but more as a fun side hobby.)
-grantaire moves to the city (uh, let’s say chicago) to get his master’s, where he also reconnects with bossuet, who by then is a hippie engineer and just a solid, low-stress friend to have. they become super close in a platonic bros way, and grantaire may actually be the one to say, “oh btw, did you have a crush on joly, or did you guys both just like musichetta?” (answer: YES and YES). grantaire rents a bedroom in bossuet’s apartment (bossuet has more space than anticipated because he just had a rough breakup) and in his starving student days, grantaire pays some of his rent to bossuet by cooking him dinner and stuff. in this time, grantaire actually learns how to cook, beyond just fucking up the occasional frozen pizza.
-kind of to his surprise, grantaire winds up really enjoying counseling (or at least, finding it rewarding; talking to people with such intense problems be rough) and particularly working with youths. they never expect his sense of humor, which turns out to be a pretty useful tool in connecting with them.
-bossuet sometimes, long-distance, donates his time to combeferre’s coding project. grantaire hears through bossuet, through combeferre, that enjolras is moving to chicago for law school.
-at first, grantaire and enjolras are awkward around each other, but the weird thing is, their positions are kind of reversed because grantaire by now feels pretty confident in his role as a counselor, and is doing good work, while enjolras is under a ton of stress in law school and still not always 100% sure it’s the right move. grantaire is living alone by now, and he misses hanging with bossuet (who is in a complex poly triad now, and has a lot less free time) (part of me feels it’d be way too big of a coincidence if it’s joly and musichetta, part of me yearns for it, so you decide for yourself i suppose). so grantaire starts coming over to cook dinner at enjolras’s apartment as enjolras studies. this is partly because grantaire’s own kitchen in his studio is really insufficient, but mostly an excuse for them to hang out in a low-cost, low-pressure way. they eat and watch Parks and Rec.
-in theory this is a great system, and in practice it’s the same kind of agonizing romantic tension from high school. enjolras is really into this more confident, happier, more balanced grantaire. grantaire appreciates that enjolras has gotten a little less overbearing, a little lighter even as he’s also so clearly fraying at the seams. grantaire just wants to, like, give him a massage, but whoa boundaries. they sit on the same couch and SOMETIMES THEIR ARMS BRUSH.
-enjolras decides first that he wants to get back together, that they’ve grown enough in the time they were apart that they could build something healthy and balanced now. he’s not totally sure how to make his case to grantaire, and he feels a little weird being the less stable one of the pair.
-enjolras decides that he’s gonna make grantaire dinner. grantaire doesn’t really get why; enjolras generally does the dishes so it’s not like anything’s really owed here??? enjolras slips into way overachiever mode and prepares like a whole three-course spread of painstakingly researched recipes. grantaire is VERY confused. “I thought I was hot shit, dude, where did you learn to cook like this?” enjolras has to shamefacedly confess he taught it to himself for this night. “Damn, are you proposing or something?” grantaire blurts in an ill-considered joke, and enjolras’s ears turn red. they get together again. it’s really good this time.
-in 2013, when the supreme court rules that gay marriage is legal in all 50 states, enjolras actually finds out because grantaire texts him the minute the news breaks with simply, “Holy fuck, you were right all along!!!!!” and then some hearts.
-they’re married a year later. one of their wedding photos is them kissing, both raising a middle finger to the imagined haters, like “bring it on, assholes” you’d think this would’ve been grantaire’s idea, but nope, enjolras. it’s framed over their mantle.
-by november 2016, enjolras is a lawyer for the ACLU, and grantaire is a counselor at an organization that primarily works with LGBTQA youth. after the election, enjolras doesn’t get out of bed all day. then he’s a whirlwind of activity. trump-era enjolras is a hybrid of the wisdom and confidence of obama-era enjolras, and the “fuck these motherfuckers” pinpoint focused ferocity of bush jr-era enjolras. grantaire’s work is frequently draining as hell, but he’s drawing again (making a webcomic with joly, actually), and they’re getting by.
-sometimes, at low moments, they remember how it felt at their wedding reception, when bahorel cued up Ted Leo’s “Shake the Sheets” and all those friends and loved ones danced their brains out (enjolras’s parents have some MOVES as it turns out), and grantaire got super choked up, and then enjolras leaned over while they were dancing and whispered in his ear, “Probably better that he didn’t go with our prom song,” (which, as you’ll remember, is Fifty Cent’s “Candy Shop”) and they both burst out laughing in the middle of the dance floor. If they survived high school, they can survive anything.
-bossuet, grantaire, joly, eponine, musichetta and sometimes enjolras have a long-distance D&D game wherein a ragtag crew of outcasts battles the odds as they attempt to take down an evil totalitarian kingdom. (joly’s already got notes for the graphic novel version.)
553 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pacific Rim: Uprising
So as some of you might know, I like giant monsters and I like writing stuff (in theory), so how about I try combining the two things. In like a tangible way, not like the Kumonga (giant spider from Godzilla series) fanfic I have been working on for well over a year that still is not halfway done.
I am going to give my short and spoiler-free thoughts here and then go into more depth under the cut.
I really liked it. I laughed out loud at some of the gags, my mouth hung agape during some of the action, I whispered excitedly to my girlfriend next to me who had her own adorably goofy grin throughout, my feels got poked here and there, and I left the theater really happy. It was not perfect by any means nor was it as good as the first, but I will honestly probably watch again while it is still in theaters once it goes discount.
Now for my detailed thoughts where I spoilerize the whole movie.
Having said that I liked it, the first thing I want to talk about is, from what I’ve seen, the biggest point of contention. They fridged Mako Mori. For those who don’t know, “fridging” is a short hand for “Women in Refrigerators” which is when a character, usually a woman, is killed or otherwise brought to dramatic harm for the narrative benefit of another character, generally used for making a guy sad and angry. What separates this from general tragedy in fiction is that usually the character whom the harm befalls was a character in their own right and what happens to them has nothing to do with them or their narrative.
Mako Mori was the deuteragonist, or second main character, of Pacific Rim 1. What made her different from just being a supporting character was that she had her own story entirely independently from the other main character, Raleigh. Her story was about how her family was killed in a kaiju attack, she was adopted by the legendary pilot Stacker Pentecost, she longed to become a pilot herself and strike back against the monsters that had taken so much from her and others and to prove to her adopted father that was as strong and capable as he. In Uprising she is killed in a helicopter crash to prevent her from delivering her negative views to a committee about deploying drone Jaegars. She is mourned briefly (but with incredible acting by John Boyega) and it’s revealed that her dying act was to send information that advances the plot one step.
This is a really crappy way to see a character out. This is right up there or worse than things like Tokyo S.O.S. where the entire previous movie was about building up the character of Akane only to shuffle her off at the start of the sequel for “Special Training in America”. This is worse than the Power Rangers’ peace conference they kept sending Rangers too. I mean, in the 2nd Mortal Kombat movie, they kill Johnny Cage in the first five minutes and THAT was better than Mako’s exit because at least he died doing things in his character, ya know, fighting the bad guy, and it raised the stakes by saying ��oh this guy beat the tough guy in the previous movie but THIS tough guy killed him like nothing”. The other main character from the first, Raleigh, is just never seen nor is his fate brought up, THAT would have been preferable to this.
I’ve heard rumors that this was done for political reasons to get better box office in China. The first movie’s bad performance in China was largely blamed on the fact that it featured a Japanese woman protecting China, or so it is said. I’m not sure if I believe that was the actual motivation, but with the lousy killing of that Japanese woman and then having a Chinese woman go on to protect Japan, well, I see where the rumor is coming from at least.
So yeah, tl;dr, the way they killed Mako sucked and I don’t blame anyone if that’s a deal-breaker on their enjoyment of this movie. If they decide to bring her back as a cyborg or say that she survived the crash, but they put her in hiding for her protection, or whatever in Pacific Rim 3, I’m all for it. It would be dumb, but not as dumb as how they wrote her out in the first place.
All that out of the way, there was a lot I liked. The Mako thing puts a big “but” on my feelings, but I still liked it. There were other little issues I’ll talk about too, but none of them are comparable to the killing of Mako.
STUFF I LIKED! Jake Pentecost! I have yet to see John Boyega not be a delight to watch and this movie did not break that streak. His character was funny and charming in a dorky way. He also had to do most of the emotional lifting on this movie (with his dead disappointed dad and his newly dead sister and his shame at his past bad behaviors) and he carries that weight like a friggin champ. Also I really liked how they seemed to be leaning towards a OT3 with his copilot, whom he does call sexy and seems to have the most feelings about, and that engineer lady, who was just kinda there to make it less gay I guess.
The cadets! These kids, I may not remember all their names, but they brought a great feeling to the movie. I’m not gonna lie, I like kids’ stuff sometimes (a lot of the time depending on your definition of kids’ stuff) and kids in action/adventure is easy to fuck up. They brought in a lot of energy and the idea of “the younger generation” being able to step up and even being pushed to do so before it might be seen as appropriate due to a rapidly deteriorating situation is certainly relatable. Also they actually killed one of them as a way of saying “no, their youth does not guarantee their safety for the finale”. Also they used a giant robot to flip off a giant monster and I have to respect that.
Scrapper! Most the Jaegars in this movie felt more than a bit derivative of the ones from PR1, but that little girl was a delight. I liked the idea of a mini Jaegar able to run with one person and move into smaller areas faster. I loved how she rolled up into a little ball to preserve momentum and to protect the pilot during impacts. I loved her being used to do field maintenance on one of the bigger Jaegars in the finale. I just really feel that scrapper was an unsung hero of the movie.
Newt and Hermann! PRECIOUS GAY NERDS! If you watched PR1 and 2 and you actively deny that these two are in love, we are not friends any more (feelings of ambivalence are fine, but it won’t win you any points in my book). These two stole the show every single time they were on screen and that is impressive for a giant monster movie to make me actually more into the scientist characters than the pilots. I know some people were pissed about Newt being brainwashed by the Precursors, but it’s not like he was a willing ally. I mean, he was all but crying when he was strangling Hermann (who also seemed to be effing reassuring him that it wasn’t his fault and aaaaaaa I’m gonna cry). And honestly, I think giving the Precursors and the kaiju a human face and voice, and one as interesting as Newt’s, was a great idea. It actually made me hate the Precursors in a way beyond the generic “they’re trying to destroy the earth” way. If a third happens I want Newt to be struggling back and forth under their control. Also he and Hermann should kiss.
This does segue into my favorite complaint against most things by the way; it should have been gayer. I use this complaint so much that it’s basically a running joke with my friends, but I mean it every time. Newt and Hermann are in love. Their plot in the first movie was all about them coming together and how it made them better and helped them to aid in saving the world. In this movie, I don’t even know where to start, it’s just unambiguously a sad romance where two people’s lives split when they both know they’re happier together. Like even the people making the movie straight up say that, yeah, that’s intentional and it would have been explicit if the powers that be didn’t fear losing money by having gay stuff. Also there’s no way way Viktoriya’s hostility towards Amara didn’t stem from misplaced feelings of attraction, I honestly expected (hoped with my gay heart) that Vic would kiss Amara during the finale.
I liked the kaiju! THIS SHOULDN’T SURPRISE ANYONE! Now the three main kaiju that attack Japan, none of them really stood out too much to me other than one of them had a cool thing where their face opened up and one of them liked to dig I guess(?), but that wasn’t all we got. The Jaegar/Kaiju hybrids that attacked in mass were pretty effing cool, honestly with their color variation from white to kaiju blue glowy bits and weapons and yeah. Then we got the Ultra Kaiju that was a combination of the three big un’s that attack Japan, that thing was quite the friggin monster. It may seem like a silly thing, but a kaiju that is a giant to other giants always gets me, like, terrified if done right. Were any of them better than my girl Otachi from PR1? No, but I wouldn’t mind having toys of any of them on my desk either.
The action! I mean, duh, it’s an action movie, if you don’t like the action you’re not gonna have a good time. I can’t say it was better than PR1, but I CAN say it was better LIT than PR1 with all the colors of the kaiju and jaegars shining brilliantly and all their moves on clear display. And they did a damn Rider Punch from the atmosphere to kill the Ultra Kaiju. I even loved Newt and Hermann beating up the guards in the elevator in their feisty nerd way.
Oh yeah, the other thing I didn’t really like was the ending. Like the very ending after they Rider Punched the Ultra Kaiju to death and captured Possessed Newt. I get that they were trying to have a light moment much like the end of PR1, but Jake and Amara having a snowball fight right after a fight that left them both pretty banged up and one of the cadets dead, along with probably a lot of civilians, was just kinda weak and odd. And where the flip was Shao? She was instrumental in saving the world, you'd think they'd give her a parting scene/shot. Then came the sequel stinger and I just wasn’t feeling the idea of a movie where we invade the Anteverse. I mean, it might be cool, but it just made me think of a movie with humans running around in giant robots and stomping on aliens, but it being ok because it was us doing it to them this time.
So yeah, those are some of my thoughts on Pacific Rim: Uprising. I get why some people hated it or just didn’t care that much about it, but I enjoyed it even with it doing Mako dirty. See you in the drift, nerds!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Xostrine: Setting Guide
Some general setting notes for the fantasy realm of Xostrine, aka a name I chose out of a generator so I could stop calling it the dragondicks pornoverse, aka a universe designed entirely around writing monster porn that is not intended to withstand any amount of serious scrutiny whatsoever. Suitable for original fiction, AU fanfic, roleplays, or whatever else your heart desires. Probably not a tabletop game. Please don't inflict this porn setting on your players. That's awk.
Drakes:
There are Drakes and then there are Dragons--Dragons are the ones that lay eggs.
They live in the mountains and steal away hunks for their hunk collections, and lay big clutches of eggs that they hatch but don't raise (are the babies taken away by storks? who knows. maybe).
They're perfectly intelligent and everything, they're not animals, they're just rude.
If you were huge and could fly and breathe fire and stay home all day with a collection of pretty people to dote on you, you'd probably do the same.
WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY Drakes have penises and are humanoid and pretty because dimorphism is a bitch.
Average about 7-8 feet tall and tend to have lean/hard figures but it's not like a six-foot chubby Drake would be completely unheard of.
A chubby Drake would probably either have to eat a whole whole lot, or their fire-breathing would be... broken?
Breathing fire literally burns a lot of calories is what I'm saying here, that's why they tend to be hardbodied.
Facially they kinda look like the lady Silurians from Doctor Who.
"kitty why do all your reptile people end up looking like madame vastra" BECAUSE I'M GAY FOR HER AND I'M NOT INTO SNOUTS, WHY ARE WE ACTING LIKE I'M THE WEIRD ONE HERE
They have as many different face shapes and features as any human, they don’t all look like pretty ladies, I’m just saying in terms of how their scales and whatnot all work.
Instead of the three... ridges? At the back of the head? I don't know what to call those but drakes have two horns.
They generally just stick straight back but I can never say no to ram's horns so live your truth.
Big fangy teeth.
Coloration is all over the place, they can be bright colors or pastel or chromatic or matte or literally whatever go nuts.
Eyes are one solid color, usually black.
Horns are the same color as their claws.
They have claws.
They don't usually trim them.
There is not a lot of fingerbanging happening with the Drakes of Xostrine.
There is a lot of horn-specific jewelry, usually things like rings or bracelets, but some Drakes get gemstones literally screwed into their horns like a piercing, or have their horns carved or set with gold or whatever.
Horn-related body mods for edgy Drakes: a thing.
They have big frilly ears and sometimes they get them pierced.
They have tails and there is a certain amount of tailbanging that happens to compensate for the claw situation.
Bracelets on tails!!
Not all Drakes wear a lot of jewelry all the time in the same way that not all humans wear a lot of jewelry all the time, personality-wise there are similar connotations.
No lizard titties ever.
No hair, but a bold Drake could probably pull off a wig.
They wear boots and don't just walk around with their lizard feet out all the time, I am sorry if you are into lizard feet for some reason but if they don't have boots to polish then what is even the point.
Every few years they molt, they get sore and achey and bloated and feel cold all the time and can't see so good and don't want to eat or be touched.
Drakes generally love hot springs but when they are molting the thought of touching hot water sounds horrible and unpleasant even though YOU NEED TO TAKE A BATH AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
They'll molt on their own eventually but the hot water and some scrubbing helps enormously.
Some Drakes handle their molting with sense and dignity but others are huge whiny hissy babies about it.
They are not snakes, their tongues are not forked (though they are probably long).
There is... diversity of dicks? THERE'S PROBABLY A BETTER WAY TO PHRASE THIS
I go for a proportional-to-their-body phallus that has scales and is Ridged For Her Pleasure and has absurdly long orgasms with an equally absurd amount of bodily fluids but ymmv.
If you want your Drake to be hung like a barnacle that's your business.
Drakes of aquatic descent with tentadicks? Sure, why not.
Kobolds:
Basically Catgirls But With Lapdogs Instead Of Cats
We're talking classic Kobold mythology and not angry DnD lizards.
Generally around four feet tall and chubby - they have stockier builds, not a lot of waifish Kobolds.
They are weirdly strong.
Who will win this arm-wrestling match, the big Drake or the squishy l'il Kobold? IT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.
If a Kobold actually looks buff they can probably benchpress a car.
Kobolds capable of growing beards like to have dapper and neatly-trimmed beards.
Think hipsters, not Dwarves.
... some Kobolds probably look like Dwarves though. They're not culturally monolithic. Who knows what's stylish.
They have hands and feet and not paws.
On some Kobolds the tips of their noses are black, but not all.
Their fingernails are really thick and sturdy and tend to be either solid black or solid white.
The dog ears on top of their head are their only ears, they do not have a second set of human ears.
Most of them have tails, but not all.
Little fangy teeth rawr.
Fur is generally exclusive to their ears/tails/genitals, but sometimes they will have fur in places where heavy body hair is common on humans (legs, forearms, whatever).
I tend to use language around dog breeds when describing characters outside of stories, but within the fiction that's not really a thing.
Different families/houses are associated with different traits, which we outside the fiction would associate with certain dog breeds, but in universe it would be more like:
"Luna Lakecrest of the Rivervale Lakecrests was everything a Lakecrest should be, from the size of her ears to their silky black fur, her shining white hair to the curl of her tail. She was, to put it simply: perfect."
She's a fancy society papillon who will settle for nothing but the very best because she is a Lady Of Quality.
Most Kobolds... do not actually give a shit about any of this.
People who care about who is from what old-money family: fucking weird.
For purposes of character-building, most Kobolds who serve as attendants to Drakes are going to be from families who care about this kind of thing.
In general, regardless of the whole pet-play-centric premise, be careful about using language that implies that they are animals or less than people... some of those people are weird snobs but they have not literally been bred for superior conformity and they do not have breeds.
Lakecrests are one example of a papillon family and Cory is one example of a corgi family but, like... there are others. It's not a one family=one type of Kobold thing.
Xostrians
There are probably plenty of Humans and Elves and Dwarves and Werewolves and Catgirls and whatever else in this setting, I just don't care.
Don't ask about the Elves because they'll probably be my weird elves and we don't need to be getting into that right now.
Is it steampunk? Let's say it's steampunk. It's a goddamn semi-industrial clusterfuck, is what it is.
There are three moons and auroras everywhere so you know it's a magical fantasy land.
One of the moons is kind of small and dim and half-hidden behind another moon, that's the shitty moon. I don't think that's relevant to anything, I just thought you should know.
There are trains and steamships and magical glowing crystal lamps but not a lot of sparks-from-the-fingers magic.
Most magic is more like enchanted objects or alchemy or runes or weird math with powers, and it probably shouldn't come up a whole lot as these things go.
Tights and tunics and corsets and bustles and hoop skirts and loligoth magical girl dresses and just generally every anachronistic outfit you have ever seen anyone wear to a Ren Faire WELCOME TO MAGICAL FANTASY LAND WHERE CONSISTENCY IS FOR SQUARES.
There are probably plenty of articles of clothing that are not traditionally western, those are just what hop to mind because I like petticoats and think men in tights are hot.
Government is mostly localized a la city-states and it's Fantasy Capitalism, where supply and demand don't exist and you are free to make your living running around in fields and catching moths and selling their wings to that one alchemist who is always willing to buy moth wings no matter how often you bring him a big bag of moth wings.
You would think you'd run out of moths at some point but apparently they're magic moths spawned from moonbeams and thistle dew, who knows, who cares.
What is he doing with all those moth wings? My theory: boner potions. You can never make too many boner potions. No wonder he always has plenty of gold to buy your moth wings.
GUILDS EVERYWHERE mostly normal guilds like blacksmithing and tailors and shopworkers, but also adventuring and attendants.
Join the Adventuring Guild, get a card that lets people know it's okay for you to carry a sword around because if you stab a rando you'll be arrested and never allowed to be an adventurer again.
The Attendant's Guild is Kobolds-only.
There's no reason a Dwarf couldn't have an Elf as a live-in servant that they also bang, but that would be considered weird, unlike when a Drake has an attendant, which is culturally normalized.
Since babymaking for Drakes/Dragons involves offering yourself up as sacrifice to a mountain queen or whatever the fuck, sex is more a social bodily function, like eating.
Which is not to say that there isn't intimacy involved! You go out and get dinner with your bros, but if you're, like, feeding someone strawberries then that is clearly significantly more intimate.
Sharing an attendant: a thing friends do while hanging out. Having sex with each other: a significantly more intimate thing that you would probably not do during a casual hang sesh.
Most Kobolds work in shops or taverns or on farms or as adventurers, and it wouldn't even occur to them to try to be an attendant, because that is a fancy thing that fancy people do.
The Attendant's Guild is run by old-fashioned old-money Kobolds, and they are the ones responsible for deciding that someone like Luna Lakecrest is A Perfect Example Of A Rivervale Lakecrest, Tip To Toe, That Is A Lakecrest.
A Kobold who wants to be an Attendant goes to the Attendant's Guild, where they are sized up and scored and it is determined whether they can even join and then what they're worth.
Someone like Luna would have her name added to the roster of available attendants, alongside the kind of assets and income a Drake would need to have in order to qualify to have Luna in their household (they'd need to be making a lot of money and living in a really nice house).
THUS when a Drake has as their attendant a Kobold with great big butterfly-lookin' ears and long silky black fur and long white hair and a curly tail, it is a status symbol, not because Drakes inherently prize those traits but because Kobolds themselves have assigned those things a high value.
If you asked a Drake why Luna is such a prize they would not be able to explain any of the logic behind it, because the only people who know the logic are the board of the Attendant's Guild and they have weird rich old lady logic.
There are attendants, whose whole function is to welcome guests into the house and carry trays around and look pretty and have sex, and then there are servant attendants.
A less-fancy Kobold would probably end up as a servant attendant, if they still wanted to be an attendant.
Most servants in Drake households are other Drakes, or Humans, or... whatever. But extra fancy Drakes get servant attendants.
A very fancy Drake might have three ordinary attendants, but also a cook attendant, some maid attendants, garden attendants, etc. etc. etc.
They do their normal jobs but also look pretty and do sex work, while being compensated significantly more than non-Kobold servants.
A Kobold who is unhappy can leave at any time with severance determined by the Guild, and if the Drake in question really fucked up they could get blacklisted and possibly arrested.
Please do not ask me about the logistics of law enforcement in this pornoverse, they're probably law monks, or nuns married to the law, I am not planning to write about bad people doing bad things and getting arrested so I will never have to deal with this mess.
If a Drake wants an attendant they go to the Guild and they look at the rosters and there is vetting and there are interviews and they offer nice presents to the potential attendant and give them tours of the house and if the attendant is cool with it then all the appropriate paperwork gets stamped and BAM now it's a thing.
It may also happen that a Drake meets a Kobold that they want as an attendant who is not actually registered with the Attendant's Guild.
Having an unregistered attendant is absolutely frowned upon and can get a Drake blacklisted and possibly fined, but they can also both go to the guild to get everything in order.
In that case, they sort of skip a lot of the valuation and touring and whatnot; the guild makes sure the Drake has good standing and the Kobold understands what they're getting into and that's that.
Anyway while things can be very formal from the start it can also be the case that a Drake stops at a tavern and has a Kobold for a waiter and he's from a house of no consequence and he's got lopsided ears and his tail drags on the ground and he is so fucking cute this Drake is going to die, he is going to fucking die, and they talk and negotiate and then later they go to the Attendant's Guild to get everything in writing and now the Kobold is an attendant in a nice house that it otherwise never would have occurred to him would have him.
Attendants wear collars to signify who they belong to, but the exact details vary from Drake to Drake (some might just look like necklaces).
When out and about at Events with their Drakes, attendants wear leashes (which, again, can vary from recognizable leashes attached to collars to little chains on bracelets).
That's generally just fancy Drake dinner parties or something, if a Drake went to the market with their attendant on a leash they'd look like they were showing off to be an asshole. Day-to-day an attendant can just... walk around with them. Like normal.
can we just accept that in this magical world of dragons and wonder and two good moons and one shitty one, STDs are not a thing that anyone has to worry about
Kobolds can't get knocked up by Drakes.
Attendants can still have other relationships.
Sometimes couples become attendants together to the same Drake and it's cute.
I think that's everything?? Important??? go forth and write porn and try to be cool about it and not write anything that uses the different gender and power dynamics of this pornoverse as an excuse to ignore things that are hurtful to real-world people
if you wanna play with the setting tag it #xostrine and if you wanna see if people make things track the xostrine tag, i guess
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
“How Bad Can I Be?” A keemstar x onceler cross over fanfic.
Keemstar was sitting at his desk, wondering what he would do in his life. He was a drop out and he still needed adult diapers. Standing up, he exclaimed to himself, shaking his fursuit around, “ I know! I’ll do youtube videos about the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOSSSSSSSSSSA “ he smirked. He visited the wonderful land of Youtube. It was glorious, full of youtubers having a great time, fulfilling their fandom’s ships. Jack and Mark were STILL not together, and the fangirls were crying. Most, if not all of them were playing videogames. There were also some who thought they were dragons.
Keemstar strutted to the youtube channels in his fursuit, watching them be far more successful than him. He was jealous, very jealous. Eventually, the sky got dark, so most youtubers left the area, but some stayed because they had no life and sold their soul to the devil, to be devoted to posting 18 videos a day.
After creating his channel, “Drama Alert”, he exposed a man named XxAlexIsAGoodManXx, ruining his channel. It fell to ashes over the period of a month, brutally getting torn apart from the inside. Drama Alert collected the ashes, ready to make a batch of suscribers. He walked away, holding the remains of his youtube channel in his hand. He was heading towards his cabin in Youtube land, taking off his fursuit to repeal a pink Rainbow Dash adult diaper. He changed his own diaper, but it was extremely difficult, as he had never done it before. He tried to strap it together, but he was too fat, and too stupid. Either way, he crafted a video exposing XxAlexIsAGoodManXx, and walked to town. At day, the youtubers mourned over their loss. Alex WAS indeed a good man, and he helped the youtubers over the years advance. Meanwhile, fursuit man Keemstar was showing off his “Alex Exposed” video, screaming enthusiastically for everybody to call Alex a stupid nigger. They threw tomatoes at him, booing him. After being called out, he sighed, stomping away aggressively. “Maybe my mother was right..” He teared up, and threw the exposed video away, in the hands of a young adult, with beautiful luscious blonde hair and blue eyes. Keemstar was already at his cabin, deciding to move on from diapers due to his heart break. He took off his fur suit and put on a suit to appeal to the Fangirls. Suddenly, everybody rushed towards his cabin, chanting for more videos, subscribing quickly. They begged and begged for more videos. Keemstar sweated nervously at all the people, he’s only seen this many people when his mommy took him to the shop once.
“Keem! We want exposure videos! We need DRAMA!” They scream, beginning to stomp their feet, holding money in their hands. Keem calls his mom on the phone, screaming in utter joy. “MOMMY!! GET MY CEO’S I’VE SUCCEEDED IN LIFE!” his mom replied with a relieved sigh, thinking that keemstar would finally make his parents proud, but then she realised it was in youtube. She frowned, but thought it was better than nothing. Keemstar began exploiting other channels, laughing as they suffered. His CEOs were behind him, as he grinned smugly.
Youtube CEO Susan Wojcicki rushed to his hut, while listening to channels internally bleeding to death. “Stop!” She cried. “Hurting all these channels will cause extreme chaos! It’ll be your final regret!”
Keemstar spinned around from his office chair, and smirked, laughing like one of those hot anime boys, munching obnixously on popcorn. “Sorry, Susan, but the newwwssssssssaaaa must be reported by somebody.” He says, spinning back around to watch some newwwwwwwwwwwwwwwssssaaa, his own newsa of course. He began to sing, suddenly changing his voice to sound like a fantastic pop star, “ How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally,
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following the news’ lead.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be?
Well there's a principle of nature (principle of nature)
That almost every 'tuber knows.
Called survival of the fittest (survival of the fittest)
And check it this is how it goes.
The ‘tuber that wins gotta expose and yell and send and hate!
And the animal that doesn't, well the animal that doesn't winds up someone else's ne-ne-ne-ne-news! (new new new new news!)
I'm just sayin'.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following the news’ lead.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally.
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be?
There's a principle in the news (principle in the news)
That everybody knows it’s sound.
It says the people with the good news (people with the good news)
Make this ever-loving world go 'round
So I'm biggering my set-up, I'm biggering my news, I'm biggering my internet connection
Everybody out there, take care of yours and me? I'll take care. of. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. (shake that news you swines!)
Let me hear you say 'tobuscous exposed!' ( tobuscous exposed!)
‘He raped me!’ (’he raped me!’)
Complain all you want, it's never ever, ever, ever gonna stop.
Come on how bad can I possibly be?
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just building a news channel
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? Just look at me pettin' this child!
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity!
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Let's see.
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) All the customers are watchin’!
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the money's multiplyin’!
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And nobody starts exposin’!
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the lawyers are denyin’!
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) Who cares if a few channels are dyin’?
(How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) This is all so gratifying.
How bad.
How bad can this possibly be!?”
He says, his CEOs singing along. Susan sighs, as she watches the last 5 channels limp down, wondering when they’ll get exposed. She looks at them and pats them. “I’m sorry, Pewdiepie. I tried, senpai.” she begins walking away, eyes watering.
SLAM!
Two days later, the last channel tumbles to an end, sending a final goodbye to the viewers. Susan sheds a tear, as the precious Pewdiepie that was always valued’s channel was ended. She walked up to Keemstar, eyes watering.
“I knew it. You would’ve done it no matter what I said.” She sighs, desperately grasping onto the last tape of Pewdiepie’s video. The fangirls were running to our good friend Keemy’s house as they spoke. “Now, unless you find someone who cares an awful lot, it’s not going to get better.
it’s not.” She says, before leaving to let Keemstar get attacked by the fangirls.
The fangirls cry and scream, hitting Keemstar’s door. “WE DIDN’T THINK THIS’D HAPPEN! WE WANTED SEPTIPLIER TO BE TRUE, BU-BUT Y OU RUINED IT!” They snapped, disliking Keemstar’s videos. Suddenly, the once beautiful land of youtube was wiped clean of it’s previous beauty. It was now dull, and grey, and covered in the ashes of old channels for others to mourn on. After locking Keemstar in his own house, the fangirls left. Keemstar had been holding the last Pewdiepie video in his hand as this happened, grasping it tightly. He sighed, turning to all his videos.
He would be here forever.
12 YEARS LATER
Hunched over, Keemstar was rewatching his old videos, remembering all the praise and attention he got. He glanced at a large stack of money, reminding himself of better days. Suddenly, he heard a little girl run to his house. Her name was LtCorbis. She was 11, and was trying to impress her friend idubbbzTV with a youtube video. He had always been funnier, better, and smarter than her, and she always tried to copy Idubbbz, he was always tired of her. He said to her one day, that if somebody gave him a youtube video, he’d just go homo for them (no homo) on the spot. The little girl yelled to Keemstar. “ARE YOU KEEM!?” Keem nodded, waiting for her to continue. Corbis yelped to him, “I REALLY NEED THAT VIDEO!” “Why?!” Keem questions, as Sophia continues. “I need it to make..” She read the smudged writing on her palm, stammering. “ Sus-Susy W-wo-wojoockky ! I need to make Susy Wojocky proud! “ She exclaims. He nods, ready to pass the video. “ Once Susan told me ‘ if you don’t try to fix it, it’s not going to get better. it’s not ‘. I wondered what this meant for years, but I finally found out-” Sophia was tapping her foot, honestly not giving a fuck about the backstory. She just wanted to appeal to Senpai edupps like the filthy fucking weeb she is. “What are you, fucking gay?” She says to Keemstar, fed up with his story. “You need a toilet roll to wipe that shit from your mouth, girly?” He hisses, dropping the video and a toilet paper roll from his barricaded window. “Thank you, daddy Keem!” She says, happily, skipping away with the video.
She passes it to Idubbbz, and iDubbbz starts wheezing. “What are you, fucking gay?” He says aggressively, flinging the video away. “I don’t want this shit I was joking, holy fuck.” Sophia cries and runs away. Neither of them realise Youtube was being revived when Edupz flung it away, people were creating channels again. They were mainly reaction channels, but it was better than nothing. Idubbbz made a channel, and got way more famous than lil Corbis.
From Daddy Keem’s house, he shed a tear in joy. “Thank you, Corbis.” He said, putting on a pink fur suit.
THE END
#keemstar#the lorax#the onceler#the once-ler#once-ler#onceler#oncler#keemstar x onceler#funnny#funny#fanfic#fanfiction#100% serious#my friend dared me to do this and i made an entire account to#la la la#lets get right into the news#killer keemstar#alex#everyone type in the chat#idubbbztv#bo burnham#lorax#the orange furry guy with a weird moustache#jacksepticeye#ltcorbis#markiplier#septiplier#furry#fucking furry#pleb
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
ironicxiconic
charlie a. jones
robpaul1215
The Beautiful Oxford MS
gosheeran-blog
give me love
gigantusg
I Doodle n' Stuff