#he’s got aspects of a lot of them hence the difficulty answering questions

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo frowns at his phone.

Or more specifically, at the test on his phone.

Around him, he hears the sound of his brothers tapping their own devices, much faster than he is. Looking up just makes Leo feel worse about his own progress - or lack-thereof.

Mikey’s the fastest, speeding through the test like nobody’s business. He’d been the one to make them all do this stupid test in the first place, so it makes sense that he’s having a blast.

Raph’s slower than Mikey is, but he’s still clearly answering the questions at a steady pace. Sometimes he looks unsure, but he powers through anyway.

Donnie often looks frustrated, which relieves Leo somewhat because at least someone is struggling like him. But that “struggle” isn’t nearly as big as his own, considering that Donnie is answering about as fast as Raph is.

Leo turns his gaze back down to his own test. He’s still near the beginning, he thinks.

He’d put the same answer for the past seven questions - the middle of the road answer, neither a “yes” or a “no.” Then, whenever he does come across one that is more one direction than the other, he second guesses himself and restarts the test!

Sure, there are a few he could definitely give a yes or a no to, but…never the “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” that the test seemed to want from him.

He eyes his twin sitting nearby, the softshell absorbed in the test. Maybe Leo should copy what Donnie put for some of these…

“DONE!” Mikey’s shout makes Leo freeze in place just as he started to lean over.

“What?” Donnie squawks, “No way you’re already finished, you must’ve been cheating!”

“It’s a personality test, Dee!” Mikey stuck his tongue out, “You can’t cheat at those!”

…

Leo settles back into his seat.

Ignoring Donnie’s mutterings about how it was “just because it’s not an academic test” that he didn’t finish first, Raph smiles encouragingly at Mikey.

“Hey, good job! So what’d you get, Mike?”

Mikey looks back down at his test, reading aloud, “Says that I got the “Campaigner”!”

“What’s that mean?” Leo asks, his phone screen going dark.

“Apparently, I’m an “enthusiastic, creative, and sociable free-spirit”.” Mikey reads, smiling at them, “You think it fits?”

“Oh, to a T, bro!” Leo laughs, giving Mikey a thumbs up, making Mikey’s smile grow larger.

Inside, Leo was feeling a lot more mixed about this. He has no idea how Mikey knew himself so well. Maybe Donnie was right and Mikey did cheat, because how could he answer those questions so easily?

Leo’s phone burns in his hand. He keeps it locked.

“Wow, that really is you.” Raph says, his eyes flitting back and forth between his own test and Mikey, “Do you think it fits?”

“I guess? It’s fun to see at least!” Mikey shrugs with a grin.

“Hold on, I think…” Raph makes a noise of satisfaction, “Okay, done!”

“Sigh, now I’m relegated to the straggler group.” Donnie grumbles, his thumbs moving faster as he tries rushing through the questions.

“Ooh, what’d you get Raph?” Mikey asks, practically bouncing in curiosity.

“Says, uh…I got something called the “Consul”?” He squints his eyes to read more, “Uh, “caring, social, and community-minded.””

“Sounds about right to me.” Leo nods. Can’t be more “community-minded” than being a hero.

“Yeah, no one’s more caring than you, Raphie!” Mikey says, moving to lean across Raph’s shell.

“You do put the community in mind, that’s for sure.” Donnie states, not looking up.

Raph chuckles, a bit embarrassed, “Aw, thanks. It’s just some test, but it feels kinda good to hear that.”

Just a test. Right.

Leo unlocks his screen.

The test stares back at him.

Right. Okay. He can do this. He can.

The screen ends up going dark again.

Frustration builds up in Leo. Was he even halfway done with the test? At this rate, soon even Donnie will-

“FINISHED.”

Leo unlocks his phone.

“What’d you get, DonTon?” Leo asks as his thumb taps the top right of the screen.

Donnie puffs up proudly, a self sure grin on his face, “I got the result “Logician” which states that I, obviously, am an “innovative inventor with a thirst for knowledge.” Truly could not have described me better, if I do say so myself.”

“It is pretty accurate.” Raph agrees with a nod, “Even calls you an inventor, so extra accurate.”

“Super accurate.” Mikey jumps in, eyes shining.

“Yes, yes, almost like reading my own character synopsis.” Donnie’s grin had not dwindled since the word “innovative” had left his mouth.

Leo just nods along, eyes on his own screen as he skims the words. “Yeah, kinda creepy how close it got. Could have called you a nerd for extra accuracy, though.”

Donnie turns to him, eyes narrowing, “Have you even finished your test? I can think of a few words that’d describe you fairly well.”

“Test-y, huh?”

Before Donnie can strangle Leo, Raph cuts in.

“Ok, ok, calm it down, guys.” He rolls his eyes before turning to Leo. “But really, you’re not done yet?”

“Leo’s taking this self reflection seriously.” Mikey sports a faux intellectual expression as he gives a jokingly serious nod. “Maybe we all should’ve taken our time.”

“Says the one who sped through the whole thing in a record time.” Donnie mutters.

Leo waves them all off, “Nah, I finished it ages ago.”

He grins when Donnie immediately shoots him a suspicious glare. “Oh, you did, did you? Then what could you have possibly gotten, Nardo?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Leo clears his throat, “Neon Leon just so happens to be an “Entertainer.””

“Ah. That confirms it. This test is meaningless.” Donnie drones.

“Hey-“

“What’s an Entertainer like?” Mikey asks with a tilt of his head, still hanging off of Raph’s shell.

“Glad you asked, Miguel!” Leo exclaims, “It says that “life is never boring” around yours truly~”

He emphasizes this “result” of his by waving his phone with said “result” on screen.

It’s just an image he found of his chosen personality result, but they don’t need to know that.

Raph nods slowly, “Well, I guess that’s true…”

“”Never boring” is one way to put it.” Donnie hums.

“You are pretty fun, Leo!” Mikey says emphatically, because he’s great like that.

“Thank you, thank you, life of the party, right here.” Leo grins, pointing both thumbs at himself.

He’s careful not to go too overboard with it, or else it might tip someone off.

Not that it…really matters. It’s just a test. Like Raph said.

As the topic around him shifts to something else, jumping away from this brief activity as fast as any other among them, Leo finds himself unlocking his phone and pulling up the test again.

Unanswered questions stare at him. He knows what answers Lou Jitsu would pick. He knows what answers Jupiter Jim would pick. Hell, he knows exactly what answers his brothers would pick.

He doesn’t know what answers Leonardo would pick.

Leo stares at the test for a second longer, before he exits the site and throws himself into the conversation happening around him.

It’s just a stupid test, nothing to worry about.

Just a test…

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #could not ignore this idea that hit my brain haha #if you disagree with me on what personality types I gave the boys that’s fine tbh #picked mbti since it was the first one I thought of but again it like most of these tests isn’t super worth putting stock into #these tests are kinda dumb anyway but they’re fun to take #for some #anyway I love thinking about Leo struggling with his sense of identity #and in turn struggling with what is a persona and what is HIM #how much is a mask how much is built from taking traits from others how much is real how much is fake #even he doesn’t know #protagonist is probably a good choice for leo but I’m also tied to him secretly being the introverted type as well so #bit more of an ambivert maybe #he’s got aspects of a lot of them hence the difficulty answering questions #well most of his difficulty comes from an uncertainty of who he really is #again what is him and what is his mask #or masks #what even is his true self if his self is someone he’s never bothered to meet #a lot of the little details of his personality - the parts of him that we see peek out throughout the series and often on his own - #- they align with personality types that you would never think of when looking at him and his masks at face value #that’s not to say it’s all masks - he’s a goofy guy at his core - but he’s more than he lets on and we’re made privy to that in subtle ways #though fr protagonist is prob Leo’s most likely result

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

#sorry if this is longwinded but I had a lot to say so [shrug] #karl jacobs #dsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #ghost.txt

[jarofstyles]

Teacher’s Pet

A/N: As requested, here is the first part of our professor!harry series. As usual, this we put our little twist on things and we hope that you enjoy! - n+d

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masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warning: smut, mutual masturbation, use of sex toys

word count: 6.2k

While Harry tried not to show favoritism in his courses, it was hard not to be caring towards the students that showed effort but struggled. That was the case with little Y/N. She was young, pretty, had a bit of an edge to her. From what he had noticed she was kind and often let people borrow pens and once gave a diabetic classmate her muffin when she saw he was a bit pale and taking his blood sugar. 

He wasn’t everyone’s favorite professor. He was a tough grader, had a bit of a resting ‘bitch’ face, and he wasn’t necessarily warm and fuzzy. It wasn’t what Harry wanted at all— but it had to be done so that the students wouldn’t just see him as a peer. He had learned that early in. He had to be strict and get respect or he would be stuck with slackers or people who thought he would ‘do them a solid’ as one student had tried to ask with a fist bump. But when it came to sweet students with dyed hair, a devastated little pout, and even watery eyes, he knew he would have to say something. 

‘If you would like some help, please come to my office any time after 4. I would be happy to assist in figuring out the material.’

It was written next to a poor grade. He could tell that she had potential— she just wasn’t getting it. He also worried about her word usage. If what he thought of was correct, it would make sense why she was struggling.

School was never one of Y/N’s strong suits. From the beginning of her school career she struggled with getting the hang of concepts and her teachers grew a distaste for her because they thought she wasn’t trying. Y/N was a hard worker though, she did genuinely try, but her best was never enough. A few teachers pointed out that she might have a learning disability, but her parents denied that ever being a case. Her other siblings, both older and younger, were able to grasp concepts easily and were all incredible book smart in addition to being talented outside of school. It seemed that Y/N was just the bad apple of the bunch. Her parents would joke, but of course it hurt. She didn’t even want to go to college originally, but her parents forced her to at least try and get a degree so she wouldn’t be a low life. Y/N only agreed because they said they’d keep paying for her band. Of course, you can only really go to college if you pass though and Y/N wasn’t doing too well. 

Professor Styles had always intimidated her, but he just took his job seriously. She could tell by the way he talked about everything that he was passionate about making sure people understood the deeper meaning behind these books and Y/N could appreciate that. It was just a shame that she struggled so much in his class. There were students that excelled in his classes and he was always giving them praise, little surprised smiles and nods, a small ‘good job’ or ‘correct, yes’ here and there. Y/N found herself wanting to try harder in his classes just to get a praise out of him, but she was too nervous to raise her hand even when she did know the answer. This was her third time getting a not so passing grade in this class and Y/N was growing more and more frustrated. She understood the material, or she felt like she did, but whenever it came to reading and remembering, she found herself getting stuck. Little frustrated tears formed in her eyes but she blinked them away, thinking she wasn’t going to muster up the courage to see him today. 

But she did.

He had a soft spot for the students that he helped. It was human nature to care for those you spent time with. It wasn’t like how he thought about Y/N though. Okay— he knew it was bad. But he was intrigued by her. Why? He wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what it was. Maybe her edgy look, maybe it was because she was seemingly submissive and every time he caught her eye she looked like a deer in headlights. She stares at him a lot, he could notice that. But he likes it. So he was pleasantly surprised when she came to his office, looking skittish but also curious. She needed help and he would offer it to her. 

“Y/N, it’s nice to see you.” Harry adjusted his glasses and sat up straighter, putting the final mark on a test before looking back up at her with a gentle smile. He had to approach with caution, she already looked like she was going to shit herself. “I’m glad you got my note and weren’t offended. But I was wondering if you’d like some help.” He didn’t say what because he wanted her to tell him what exactly she was struggling with.

Y/N was very nervous, mostly because she didn’t like asking for help from anyone. She didn’t like to seem unintelligent in front of men, especially when they were as attractive as Professor Styles. All the girls on campus talked about how hot he was, how his dominance was a turn on and how none of them were properly able to focus in class. At least they were getting passing grades. 

“Hi, professor...” Y/N said softly and closed the door behind her before taking a seat. “I, um... I’m not really good with asking for help.” She explained, pushing a few pieces of hair behind her ear before fixing her septum piercing. Y/N was playing with the hem of her skirt, one of her fingers playing with the fishnet stockings she had on. “I feel like I understand when you’re explaining it and then I go and take the test and it’s like I can’t remember anything you said. But I’m not good at academics anyway so...” Y/N let out a sad chuckle. Her self confidence was pretty low in all aspects, it was a shame because she was a pretty girl. She didn’t seem to think so, hence why she dressed up. At least her clothes she could control.

“Now, don’t say that.” Harry tutted. “I’m sure that’s not true. I bet you just have a different way of learning. If you understand verbally, but freeze when it’s written, that may be the case.” He hummed, flipping through the last work she had handed in. “My question is... it isn’t meant to offend you at all. But do you find difficulty in reading itself?” He approached it gently. You’d be surprised how many adults realize later on in life that they have dyslexia. They were labeled as not the smartest but he was because it took so long for them to understand because the words and numbers get jumbled up. “I’m asking because I notice in your writings, you spell things in a unique way. Or it seems the letters are flipped. This isn’t to embarrass you so please don’t be upset— we just need to figure out why it is that you struggle with the tests.” He leaned forward on his desk, licking over his bottom lip. She was beautiful. In that way when women didn’t know they were beautiful. He wished he could see more of her body— fuck, not going there. Absolutely not. Even though technically it wasn’t like he would be fired, seeing as half the damn staff fucks students. It was always that forbidden element. Either way, he was far too much for this sweet thing to handle. “I would like to help you if you would let me do so.”

Y/N felt really anxious, bouncing her leg to try and keep her composure. She didn’t think she was smart. She wasn’t good at math, wasn’t good at science, she was decent at English but even that seemed to be difficult now that she was reading classics that were barely in modern English. She just decided that learning wasn’t for her. 

“I’m not a reader, no.” She shook her head, Y/N found herself having trouble focusing for a long time and when it came to reading words get jumbled up and she struggled a lot. Especially when she started thinking about it too much. Of course Y/N was embarrassed even though he said he wasn’t trying to embarrass her. It was more just her feeling incompetent. She didn’t like making eye contact with him for too long because she felt like he was staring straight into her soul. She was a bit shy and timid when it came to new people. She appreciated that he wasn’t judging her though. “I don’t know what you could do to help, but if you’d like to try we can? I—I don’t want to waste your time.”

“There’s no wasting time if it helps improve your learning, yeah? Please don’t think of yourself like that. You are an important person, just as important as my other students. I want you to succeed.” Harry promised. It kind of broke his heart that she was so sure that her time with him would be wasted. It made him sad that she felt that way. Why? “How about we set up a time... let’s say two days a week? I have time around now, so 4:15 to 5 where I can help you.” He normally wouldn’t do it for most  but he wasn’t going to let her suffer. A passion project, so to speak. “I don’t know your schedule but I would be here during that time normally. I basically live in this office anyways.” He smiled in a joking way. “We can work on understanding first what was wrong and then we can have time to work on the new material.”

Y/N nodded her head in agreement, but it did make her worry. Of course she could only try her best but she was so used to failing that she wasn’t sure how much harder she could try. She was barely passing her other classes and frankly she was thinking about dropping out all together. Maybe she was the lowlife her parents made her out to be? 

“Can do... Monday’s and Thursday’s..” Y/N told him, “if that’s okay, I have band practice on Wednesday’s.” She wasn’t sure why’s she told him but part of it was to show that she wasn’t just a stupid girl that she did have some talent or at least she thought she did. “It’s um... it’s really nice of you to do this, thank you.” She told him genuinely, though she was terrified of letting him down. He seemed so cool. He wasn’t like this in his classes, he seemed much more approachable this way. Maybe in another life they could have been friends or more than that... no, he probably wasn’t into girls like her. She needed a cigarette.

“Of course. You have my email if you need to reschedule.” But he could see right through her. Of course he could. “But... if you’re nervous, tell me. I can soothe the worries. I’ll be awfully disappointed if you don’t show up and don’t let me know.” He knew she was skittish. He didn’t want her to back out and not take the time to try at the very least. “Let’s just work on it a day at a time. I hope to see you soon.” 

When she walked out, he was ashamed to say he was entranced by her ass. He was such a bastard for thinking about a student like that. So bad. But it didn’t stop him from seeing her eyes when he fucked his fist later that night.

----

The next couple of days left Y/N worried. Coming out of professor Styles’ office had left her feeling on edge, wondering if it was even worth trying. She felt like nothing would save her at this point but this was going to be her last attempt. If it didn’t work out she’d just drop out and couch surf. But she didn’t want to have to do that, her kitty Jinx would have to find a new home and that was something she certainly didn’t want. It was Monday and Y/N didn’t go to her classes today, feeling like it was justified because she was meeting with Professor Styles today. 

If she was going to work on herself she wanted to be in the best shape possible, so she smoked some weed in the morning to get her day off right and got her things together before getting her skateboard and making her way to his office.

Harry was pleased when she actually showed up at his office. He was half expecting her to drop his class with how terrified she had seemed the past time, and he was curious to see how she had thought about what her grades and his revisions on her test. He had worn a dark red button up today with suspenders, his blazer off and hair a tiny bit messy. His glasses hung off the end of his nose while he looked up at her with surprise, before a smile came on his face. 

“Y/N! I’m very glad to see you’ve come.” He hummed, sitting up and leaning back in his chair. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable on the couch. Would you like a water?”  He had a mini fridge in his office. Without listening to an answer, he pulled one out anyways and handed it to her, rounding the desk so he seemed less scary. The desk was a position of power. One he loved, but also didn’t want to take advantage of when Y/N obviously was terrified of it. “Alright. So... you’ve seen my revisions?” He sat on the other arm chair across from the couch, glasses pushed up now with his copy of her paper. “Good. What do you think about your mistakes? Were they because you didn’t understand the material, or didn’t know what to say in paper?”

Y/N gave him a small smile, setting her skate board up against the side wall before taking a seat on the couch. No amount of weed could have calmed her down, she wasn’t even that high anymore it was just the residual feeling. Right now, she was more concerned about having to tell him what was going on inside her mind when she was working on assignments. 

“I—I um... both?” She felt a blush creeping in on her cheeks. “I tried to like... watch videos about it, cause whenever I try to read I just get frustrated.” Y/N explained fiddling with the paper. She didn’t like this feeling, it was obvious that it was something that made her emotional which was why she didn’t really talk about it. She let out a breath, looking over what she wrote and seeing all the red pen. It made her want to crawl up into a ball despite how nice he was being. He was trying and so she would also try her best to keep it together. “I find it really hard to focus..”

“I don’t doubt that you do, Y/N. I’m thinking that maybe this isn’t something to do with your focus, but maybe it’s with your reading? You could learn differently than other people and that's absolutely alright.” Harry felt poorly that she was so sad and embarrassed about it. “Look at me.” When she didn’t respond he was trying a different tactic. Soft but very obviously meaning business. “There we are. Now, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid or unable to learn or do well in my class. You just may need to learn differently.” He stood up and grabbed a book from his shelf. “So this book— I got it online. It has some illustrations in it, and I find they’re pretty self explanatory. Maybe this will help you understand it better. Having an image opposed to words in your mind.” He handed it to her. She didn’t need to know he had bought it himself.

Y/N glanced up at him as he told her to look at him, seeing his face go much softer but his eyes still held that same intensity. She followed his with her eyes as he went to get the book. It was much thicker than the others due to all the illustrations but of course it made her feel like a little kid again. She just wished she could be normal. 

“Okay...” She said softly, willing to try anything at this point. Of course she was nervous about going forward with his class seeing as she knew things would only get more difficult. Y/N gave him a small thank you as she looked through the book but part of her felt like it wasn’t going to work. No one was determined in helping her learn, they never have been. She’d always gotten very poor, passing grades because she assumed teachers felt bad for her or knew her siblings and assumed maybe she was just the rebellious one. “Sometimes I feel like I do better on the essays, cause I feel like I get it... but I end up getting better grades on the tests than the essays and it’s... disheartening.” She explained with a small frown, “cause I guess on the tests a lot of the time.”

He furrowed his brows, listening to what Y/N had to say. It made sense if she had dyslexia that she would be frustrated and upset with learning altogether but it was important to her and him as well, that she was able to do what she was meant to do. Whatever it was she had wanted. 

“I think you should outline your essays more. Each body paragraph, with reasoning and thought. Come up with 4 to 6 reasons for each, word them how it makes sense to you, and write it that way. The structure taught isn’t the only way to do it.” He explained. Writing down on a piece of notebook paper an example of how she could do it. “I know it must be very frustrating— especially if it’s been years that you’ve had to deal with this. I understand. But I do have faith that you’re able to do this. You are intelligent, Y/N. You just have to figure out the right way to show it.”

Y/N let out a sigh, swallowing thickly as he gave her some advice on how to structure her essays in a way that would make more sense. She would try her best, especially with knowing that he was going to be grading things knowing what her situation was. Y/N was going to try her best to sound smart or collected, but she will admit she hadn’t been paying attention for years. 

She pulled out a folder of her English work, pulled out the notes she had taken and the lay out for her essays and bit the inside of her lip. Y/N handed it to him and immediately went to pay with her own fingers. Observing him as he looked through what she had done previously. 

“I—I try my best, I really do.. but anytime I get the courage to try it just gets worse and I go back to not trying at all because at least then I know I’m failing cause I’m doing it on purpose and not cause I’m stupid.” Y/N was trying to share her feelings to try and make him understand. “‘s really intimidating being in class with people who pick up information easily and I end up just tuning out cause it’s too fast for me to follow... and I don’t want to be that one girl that holds up the whole class with a stupid question.”

“You aren’t. If you have a question that you aren’t comfortable asking in front of everyone, you are always welcome to email me or come to my office at any time I’m here.” Harry promised. Poor girl. Jesus, what happened to her to make her self esteem like this? “You are very capable. Very much a smart girl. You need to tap into different areas of your brain. I promise, we can get your grade up together, alright?” He felt softness and fondness because he knew that sometimes professors weren’t the most understanding. Granted, he was only like this towards students that came for help— and oddly, even more so towards her, but still. “You don’t have to stop trying. You just need a different approach and we can help you find the right one. Do you like movies?” He suddenly remembered that. At her confused look, he continued. “Movies are scripts. Books. Visual. Do you find it easy to follow along with movies?”

She found it hard to believe him because no one really called her smart, ever. Y/N gave him a small smile and nodded her head, pushing pieces of hair away from her face before nodding and realizing she reversed the work she’d just done. He was a very nice man, it was clear that he was committed to helping her and it was definitely appreciated. She just didn’t know why he believed in her so much when no one else did? 

“Well yeah... I can follow conversation and stuff.” Y/N let out a small chuckle, sniffling a bit before she continued. “I think another problem is I get too confused about things like.. the deeper meaning stuff in books. Like the themes and whatever you call it. Cause in my head I know what I think it means but then it’s meant to mean something else and then I think I just didn’t understand correctly.” Y/N was definitely more of a creative. She didn’t like following set rules, she liked going with the flow and following her own thing. It worked when it came to her music, she was able to focus then. But she taught herself guitar.

“I think that you need to first take the book at face value. Don’t look for the hidden meanings the first time you read because it will confuse you more.” Harry cleared his throat. She smelled really good. Like peaches and citrus. He wondered if her bed smelled like that, but stronger. 

“Tell me some things you like.” He leaned back into the seat. “Things you think we can connect to projects. You said you’re in a band? Have a band?” He remembered that from last time. At her nod he continued. “You can find a song or make a playlist of songs that connect your head to the book. Say... Romeo and Juliet. Hmm.. check yes Juliet, We The Kings. If you’ve heard of that. You can find songs that help you remember.”

“Yeah, I’m in a band.” Y/N nodded her head a bit at him, “it’s like a indie punk thing...” She wasn’t sure what kind of music he listened to but he seemed young enough to think that indie music was good. Who knows, maybe he was one of those jazz guys with all the sweaters he wears. Y/N wasn’t one to judge though. The check yes Juliet reference made her chuckle, remembering middle school and highschool momentarily. He couldn’t be that much older then. “Yeah, I know that song.” She giggled and shook her head, “but yeah, I understand.” She spoke and took note of that in her mind. Y/N didn’t know how she was meant to explain to him that she spent the rest of her free time doing drugs. Tripping and writing music, hanging out with her kitty. That’s about it. Skating, going out in nature. Fucking. She definitely was a bit of a nympho. She assumed it was because of her need for attention.

“Okay. That’s good then. Use that to try and correlate.” He had felt weird watching her leave the room, seemingly in a better mood than she had been before but still nervous. It didn’t help that he hadn’t gotten laid and didn’t really want to have sex with someone else right now. God, if only he could spread her open and dip his cock into her soft cunt. That’s something he was dreaming of. 

He thought about it the next night too. So, with his bored and needy thoughts, he went home and did his chores he needed to do, before he went to lay in his bed with his laptop. To be honest. Most porn didn’t do it for him. He much preferred erotic writing or even more so, cam girls. Sex workers deserved support and he always tipped well, though rarely talking in any of them. He was scrolling down the alternative tab when he found what he was looking for. Tattoos and plump lips, tits for a profile photo and a tongue sticking out. Interesting— and she was live. 

He just never expected the exact woman in his head to be placed on the screen, smoke coming from her mouth. 

Fuck.

Y/N wasn’t exactly sure how she thought about starting camming but it all sort of just fell into place. She started off just selling her nudes and videos for attention and money but then she realized that people would pay really good money to watch live stuff. It’s a good thing too because Y/N loved being watched. Her cams were usually regularly scheduled, but other times they were spontaneous because she was really horny. bbybunnie was her username, most people just called her pet names though, never by her actual name for obvious security reasons. She had quite the following too. People seemed to love her content. She was fun and bubbly and she felt like she put in a great show both literally and physically. Y/N had just done a bong rip, having her windows open to let the smoke out. She didn’t like smoking around Jinx so she’d let her in once she was properly stoned. She was dressed in a black crop top that said princess on it in gothic font, fishnets, and little black panties. 

“Been really stressed lately with college and stuff...” Y/N answered a previous question as to what she’d been up to. “Working on assignments in stuff but it gets hard.” She pouted, turning her head when she heard Jinx scratching at the door. “One second.” She giggled and went to grab Jinx, leaving the door open so she could roam. “Here she is, say hi to everyone.” Y/N cooed in a baby voice. It was quite the sight. An alternative girl all soft with her cat, just starting the broadcast. Her vibrator was clearly in frame, already plugged in. A subscriber bought a heavy duty one for her.

And Harry should have clicked off. Right away, he should have exited the screen and said ‘gotta go’ because this was his student. His student he tutored and had fucking come on here to jerk off to a look alike. But he couldn’t. Not finally getting a look at her body. Soft and curved and delicious. Her tits strained the tank top and little tiny panties, some fishnets. Jesus fucking Christ. He let out an audible moan as he watched her sit back on the bed, talking back and forth with some of the comments.

He wasn’t sure what made him comment. 

DaddyH: you look beautiful. I love the fishnets.

She did. And he loved them. A lot of the comments were dirtier but not to the point he could see it turning a woman on. He didn’t get an associates in sexology for nothing.

Y/N was pretty good with responding to comments, they were paying after all, but a lot of them were much nicer than most would think. Her community was used to her streams taking a bit to get going because she liked to get super horny, so once she was properly high she usually talked with her comments about things she’s been fantasizing about and what they’d like to see her do. 

DaddyH. He was new. 

“Hi daddyh, thank you! You’re new aren’t you?” Y/N said with an excited smile, she liked newcomers. It meant someone was interested in her. “Well we’ve got a special show on our hands then.” Her viewers loved when new people came because the shows were always better. She was visibly hornier. She shifted a little bit so she was leaning farther back on her pillows, bringing her legs up and out so she was spreading like a little butterfly. Of course the panties kept things covered but not much. Y/N pulled them up so they were tight on her, “Gotta get me real wet first, yeah?” She hummed, “love knowing you’re watching me... love when you tell me what you like...” It was strategic to talk dirty as if she was talking to one specific person.

Fuck shit motherfucker. Fuck. 

Harry didn’t even see her pussy fully yet and he was nearly drooling. What the fuck had he done in what past life to get this type of luck? He wasn’t sure but he did know that whatever he did, he was thankful. He got a good look at her, her lusty eyes. He was a dirty talker. He loved to sex— fuck the English teacher in him. He loved making women a mess of whines and slick and speaking their darkest fantasies into their ears as the writhe underneath him. Y/N would be a fun one to play with. For sure. 

DaddyH: you could play over the panties. They’re cute.

He had a thing for panties and fishnets, and she was going right to his kinks.

“But that’s no fun.” Y/N pouted at the comment, wiggling her panties a little bit so she could rub against her clit some. She let out a tiny moan and hummed, letting her hands move up her body to squeeze her tits through her shirt. She was properly eye fucking the camera too, teasing as she started to pull up her shirt. “I’m frustrated, daddy...” Usually she waited till she got a certain number of tips before she took her clothes off, but she was only a few dollars away so she pulled off her shirt revealing that she wasn’t wearing a bra. The tightness of the tank top kept them up, but these men seemed to love natural tits. Her hand slipped down to start rubbing over her clit over top her panties, letting out little breathy moans of pleasure. “Really want to be fucked...” She explained, “Wanna be full...” Y/N pouted and quickened her pace. 

“Bent over a desk.”

Harry had a big oak desk he could bend her over and absolutely destroy her. If that’s something she would want. Harry would wreck her. His hand palmed Over his cock as he took her in and looked at her tits. He was an everything man but tits? He could happily suck on hers for an hour and make marks all over, just to listen to her mewl and feel her on his tongue. He squeezed over his sweatpants, feeling himself heat up as he watched her. She was topless, his student. His student was topless and rubbing her clit over tiny little panties, giving a pout and looking at the camera too fucking similar to the way she looked at him in his office today. And while his rational mind knew he wouldn’t be able to look at her the same— he would want to fuck her even more than he had— he couldn’t stop watching.

It was clear that Y/N’s interactions with Harry had spilt over into her mind while she was getting into it. It was that intense stare that he had, his ringed hands, of course there was also the tone of his voice. How he asked her to look at him that one time. She could only imagine him asking her much rougher and in a deeper voice. 

“Daddy...” She whimpered out, teasing her own self over her panties as she read over the comments. Y/N giggled are some, loving he praise if men calling her cute and telling her she was pretty and her moans were turning them on. She went and took off her panties cause she really couldn’t take it anymore, revealing her fishnet covered cunt. “Want a better view, hmm?” Y/N smirked, moving to rip them right over the crotch so everyone could see. “I’m so fuck wet for you... look..” She said all excited, pulling her fingers back to show the strings of wetness on her fingers.

Harry was in heaven. Truly. Or hell, because he wasn’t able to be the one ripping the fishnets up and fucking her in them. Her thighs looked soft and delicate and probably so easily bruised. He could do some incredible work down there. 

DaddyH: Lick it clean, sweetheart. I know it’s sweet.

There was no way she wasn’t so sweet that his teeth would fill with cavities. No way. He wanted her taste all over his tongue. He was a very giving dom, very much eager to make his lovers cum again and again and again so long as they complied with his soft rules. It wasn’t difficult.

Y/N’s stomach filled with warmth as she read over the comment, bringing her fingers to her mouth and sucking on them properly as if they were a cock. She was starting to like the Daddyh character. He was so sweet and polite in his choice of words, paid well. What was there not to like? She removed her fingers from her mouth giggling a little bit as she decided to show off some more. Y/N pushed the laptop back a bit, turning so they could see her ass and how she arched her back for them relieving that she’d had a butt plug in the whole time. Sleek and black with a little gem at the end. A lot of the things she had were gifts from subscribers. She had an Amazon wishlist specifically set up for them as well as a regular P.O. Box that then routed to her home. She had tons of back up fishnets, some used ones she sold online as well. Lots of other things. She quite enjoyed it.

When did she put that in? Harry needed to know. Was she wearing that when she was sat on his fucking couch? He would surely lose his goddamn mind if that was the case. 

He tipped her $50, asking the question he needed the answer to. 

DaddyH: Have you been wearing that all day, pretty girl?

The idea of her squirming in class occurred to him. And then the idea of a little vibrator inside of her that he had the remote to, pressing it on to see her reactions. He would buy her one, fuck. He would buy this girl anything if it meant getting to see her squirm and hear her beg him to let her cum.

Y/N wiggled her bum a bit, turning on her back again with a hum. “I’ve been wearing it all day...” She nodded, reaching over for her vibrator because she really couldn’t wait anymore. Everyone who streamed her knew she was impatient, sometimes if they paid a good amount she’d wait and tease herself first but she was needy today. She just kept thinking about professor Styles. “‘m so needy... been so horny lately, might be on for a while.” Y/N blushed, “or I’ll film some special requests on my onlyfans...” She smirked because she knew she would get lots of money for men begging her to stay but loads for custom content too. Y/N turned the vibrator on it’s lowest setting, starting to move it down on to her cunt where she let out a pleaser sigh. “I wanna cum so bad... just wanna cum.” She pleaded, reading to see what everyone was saying. Y/N turned it up a few notches, letting out a content sigh as she moved it over a specific spot. The feeling was indescribable and the noises that left her just showed how relieved she was.

Harry nearly fell over. Her ass was stuffed when she sat on his couch— and it wasn’t from his cock. Harry particularly loved anal, it was a very hot thing to him and the fact she hadn’t been warming his cock like that was near criminal. Truly. 

“Sweet Jesus.” He breathed, finally taking himself out of his pants. Spitting thick on to the head, he spread it over his cock and waited for her to continue. She had an onlyfans? He would be subscribing and buying content. He didn’t give a fuck. He wanted it and it would be the best way to keep her close but far. He was watching how her legs trembled and her mouth fell open at the feeling, her body arching into the buzzing of the vibrator. Oh, how he would hold it against her and finger her until she squirted all over the bed and make her clean it up with her tongue. He was a sexual man but kinky more than anything. The idea of it all... it was so hot and wrong and taboo and it was even better in his cock’s mind that she was a no go zone. Made it hotter. 

DaddyH: you’ve got such a pretty pussy. How many times can you cum?

Y/N read his comment and let out a whine, turning up the vibrator a few settings higher once again so she could get even closer to her brink of orgasm. “Let’s find out.” She breathed out and continued to crank up the settings. The closer she got the more she thrashed and bucked her hips both up and away from the vibrator. She was very enjoyable to watch she’s been told, specifically because she just couldn’t keep her mouth shut and that she was willing to take a lot. Y/N must have sat there for a few hours just making herself cum over and over again, both with the vibrator and the dildo she had. Once she was all fucked out, 5 orgasms deep, she just laid there and watched the comments roll in. She giggled at a few, breathing heavily as she slowly walked herself down from the blissful headspace she was in. “Thank you, I’m feeling so much better...” Y/N cooed, giving them a smile. “Have a good day or night!” And with that she’d logged off, happy that she had made a new regular.

-------------------------------------------

[part 2]

A/N: bet you weren’t expecting that huh? 😈 and yes!! punk!y/n - n + d

let us know what you think!

masterlist

#writing #harry styles smut #professor!harry #professor!h #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction

[bookwyrminspiration]

How do you think Sophie's family/friends would react to female to male Sophie Foster? Like if it were while she was in the Lost Cities.

oo that's an interesting one! trans sophie, specifically in the lost cities (i'm assuming in the canon timeline with all the other worldbuilding still intact). I don't know if they have the concept in the Lost Cities--I mean I think it's entirely safe to assume that queer elves exist whether or not Shannon writes about them, you just can't erase us.

(note: I will be referring to Sophie with that name and =they/they pronouns for this post simply because name and pronouns are a whole other deal)

I think their immediate family and friends would be supportive, if a little confused, but understand that whatever they're talking about with gender means a lot to them. The elven world follows so many traditional stereotypes when it comes to gender--like hair length, dresses, etc.--and all apparently at will, as Della (i think it was her, might've been Edaline) said that Sophie didn't need to wear dresses if they wanted to wear pants instead, as it was actually the capes that signified nobility and not the dresses. This leads me to believe that there has been at least one other person who has rebelled against the dresses and prefers pants, hence that answer came so easily to Della; it wasn't her first time thinking about it. However, as it never went into practice for Sophie (another thing about her wardrobe that I'll mention in another post. to the person who sent me an ask about it: I saw it! I'll get to it!), it does make me think there would be a little bit of a rocky transition into wearing more traditionally masculine clothing.

it's worth noting that just because they may be ftm, they don't need to change their wardrobe and throw away all their dresses, I'm just including this because we've seen mentions of Sophie disliking the more poofy/obviously feminine clothing throughout the series, so they seem like they might be someone who would want to change their presentation a little.

to get a little more into specifics: I don't think any of their friends or family would be hostile towards them, maybe unintentionally a little dense, but well-meaning. Edaline would be very open and welcome to their transition, whatever that entailed (if anything), and mostly grateful Sophie was comfortable sharing that with her. I think Grady would be protective, the kind of person to question them just a little bit to make sure this was something they really wanted (not because he didn't believe them, just because he'd recognize the difficulties and wouldn't want them to go through it without due cause). I don't think Sandor would particularly care, mainly concerned with keeping them safe and only thinking about it so far as to make sure they feel safe emotionally with him. He'd recognize it as not his place to question or judge, and he doesn't need to know how their gender works in order to respect and protect them.

onto the friends! I think Biana and Dex would be the most supportive upfront and ask the fewest questions. Biana might even take this as a chance to help figure out how Sophie wants to look and figure that out with them. it's right up her alley, as she loves doing others up, and it's a bonding opportunity too, a chance to let Sophie reintroduce themself to her. And maybe she'd take the opportunity to take all those lovely gowns off Sophie's hands...you know, out of support, not at all because she wants them for herself (insert knowing wink here). And then Dex is already used to living outside the norms of society, so seeing Sophie decide to do what they wanted and to stop trying to fit in to a feminine role would just make his ecstatic. Because he knows what that's like and he'd enjoy seeing one of his close friends stick it to the system--and he'd also be very supportive of their journey. I imagine he'd help with whatever technical aspects of transitioning Sophie would want, helping them access resources and all that.

i think Keefe would be a little caught off guard, but once Sophie explains how they feel and he can feel their emotions on the subject, I think he'd be very enthusiastic about them doing what they wanted. he might berate himself for not putting the pieces together sooner, as he could literally feel their discomfort with themselves throughout the years and yet he just brushed it off. I kind of get the vibe he'd help Biana with assisting Sophie in finding their style, but focus more of the appearance aspect over the clothes. Teaching them how to actually wear the clothes together and style their hair and all that. he also feels like he'd start being a little rougher with them, playing around with them and teasing them the way he usually does with Fitz as he works to unlearn the way he perceived them before. Speaking of Fitz, he feels like the kind of friend who would be like "why would you do that?" but only because he doesn't fully understand what they're talking about. Not that he wouldn't be supportive, he'd just need a little more guidance and assistance understanding what they want. he's had a very traditional mindset for a lot of the series, but I think his love and respect for Sophie would be more than enough to challenge his understanding of gender so he could support them. if they had already dated at this point in time, he might want to talk to them privately about that just to understand if that's why things didn't work out or if he'd done something wrong, but that's another conversation.

then there are the other, more sidelined friends, all of whom I think would generally react the same. I think Linh would just go with it and not ask questions, but be pleased that Sophie feels more themselves, perhaps sharing a story of her own about coming into herself and her power and accepting herself as she was. i don't imagine Tam would have much of an outward reaction, being like "why are you telling me this, I don't care" but internally reworking how he thought about them. And I imagine he'd be a little protective, seeing Sophie go outside the norms of society even more. He was scorned by society for years, so that's a subject close to his heart, so while he might not think much of it or how it will affect their relationship, I think he'd be more protective of them, just like from the background. Then Marella would probably take it in stride and say something like "I always knew there was something off about you" but not in an insulting way, just being like ah. that's what it was. you were always a little different and I couldn't figure out why you acted the way you did, but this makes sense. It might answer a question about Sophie she didn't even know she had. Maruca probably wouldn't think much of it, instead focused on the Black Swan and fighting. I imagine something similar with Wylie, both of them going okay that's not my problem, happy for you but also there's some things we need to work on. They'd use their name and pronouns and support them emotionally, but I don't think they're close enough to them to have more of a reaction. it's just...not a priority to them.

this is getting long so I'll stop there for now, but there's also the thoughts of how the black swan, neverseen, council, and elven society as a whole would react to their gender things. I think Sophie would have an excellent support system built up, they're friends and family loving them more than any confusion that might get in their way.

this was a very interesting ask!! so thank you for the opportunity! got a lot longer than I expected it to, but I enjoyed it!

#this is talking less about how sophie would actually behave if they were trans #and focusing specifically on the reactions #they have a lot of people who love them unconditionally #it just might take some explaining or time for some of them to really figure out what's going on and how to support them #but I can't imagine any of her friends or family being rude or unaccepting about it #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #sophie foster #trans!sophie #quil's queries #bluecookiesarebetter #long post

[spaceorphan18]

Can I join in about the characterization in Atog. I’m not sure I understand you regarding this. If you look at other trope eg bad boy Blaine or Kurt , you’ve got totally different characters who disrupt class and beat people up and do things that canon Blaine or Kurt would never do. Or age difference Klaine where one is older and wiser and more experienced - hence again they are nothing like canon? Isn’t the point of au that the writer take only some aspects of the character (like their looks, or interests, some characteristics) and flesh them out as something different? Make them a teacher or a baker or a fireman, when they weren’t in canon?!

In atog, my interpretation is it that Kurt is an extreme version of canon - at times he is very emotional, very hard on himself, dwells on his past in a way canon Kurt doesn’t. (But then season 1/2 Kurt did more than 5?). Blaine seems a younger version of himself - lacking in judgment at times, and following Kurt’s lead but that ties in with the plot.

I do find it repetitive at times, but not Kurt’s inner monologue. I think though we see a lot from inside Kurt’s head, and I can never get enough of him thinking and rethinking how much he adores Blaine, and what having him means to him. We don’t get enough of that in canon and so I’m happy for fanfic writers to supply in abundance, I want to see the adoration of Klaine for each other. (Yes with their difficulties too.)

Do you think she portrays Kurt as the more feminine and Blaine masculine. (Whatever that means these days?). I love Rj’s other stories and there is a comparison with those - in the stories I have read most of them are set around end of season 2 - when show writers were still writing the more masculine , stronger, dare I say alpha male, Dalton Blaine and RJ does too. (“Pancakes and the Simple life” for example where Dave feels threatened by the much smaller Blaine because of the things Blaine knows !). Perhaps that’s what make some readers dislike aspects of Atog, that they don’t like a more masculine Blaine?

Sorry this is long, just interested to hear your views on above.

Hi! Yes - one of the things I like about doing this fic discussion is that we can have conversations like this, you know? I've always liked discussing fiction, and things always get so boiled down to things like shipping wars or 'your opinion is wrong because...' it's hard to have actual conversations. :P So I've been welcoming this cause people have been really respectful! Thank you guys -- let's keep having conversations like this!

Anyway, one of the things we talked about on the podcast when we discussed this is -- how far is AU before it's not really those characters any more? But more importantly - does it matter? Let's take one of my favorite works of fanfiction - the Caveman AU, a piece of crack fiction that really could be any two male characters from any show and it just happens to be Klaine. Is there any resemblance to the show? Not really - but the point is cracky nature of the situation.

And in that way - I do agree, actually, AUs are meant to take these characters far away from their canon world. Which also brings me to the question(s) -

What makes Kurt Kurt? And what makes Blaine Blaine? And I think the answer to that question might be more subjective than one might think. I think we latch onto elements of the characters that we enjoy, and fanfic writers end up amplifying those characteristics. I think it's just a natural thing we do. And why there is an abundance of varying types of tropes and AUs in a single fandom. And... why we don't all like the same thing.

As for RJ's characterization, I agree - I think it's pretty established that she was a huge fan in Season 2 (and into 3) but left fandom (even though you can see elements from Season 4 and even 5 in the fic), and her characters are based heavily on the Season 2/3 versions of the characters at the beginning (which I think was her strongest ties to canon) and then by Grey, kind of evolve into her own characters. I'm not sure if you've ever read her non-Klaine writing, but within her other fandom(s) she writes her M/M pairings somewhat the same way -- with a more feminine/masculine lighting.

[As an aside - I had a long conversation with a friend of mine, years ago, about RJ's writing, and how she reuses similar character beats in all of her works -- an observation not a criticism -- it ended up being a cool conversation about how writers are influence when writing multi-fandom things.]

Anyway, my point on characterization is that it subjectively throws me a little out of the story -- because the characters don't act the way that I want them to. And that's totally fine! I hate using the word criticism, because I'm not sure it's actually that. The answer to how AU is AU is a personal answer, and for me, I look at RJ's work more so as a work of original fiction than Klaine fiction. Doesn't mean I don't still enjoy (most of) it, doesn't mean that anyone else can't see Klaine there, just means it throws me, personally, out of the story a bit at times. ;)

Meanwhile - yes! The funny thing about canon is that even it is not consistent. While we can meta it all we want to make it work, Blaine went through four or five personality changes while on the show. Kurt was more consistent, but even he went from an archetype to a more fleshed out and realistic character. So fanfic writers have been adapting to that as the show went along. I'm very much agreed that fics set in Season 2, even canon compliant ones, have a very much different feel to it.

There's also a longer conversation about how fandom as a whole influences these kinds of characteristics. Fandom at the time saw and discussed, for example, Blaine as much more masculine/alpha male, and that seeped into fics as well. Context is important, and I think should be taken into account when looking up older fics.

Kind of tangentially, the stuff about repetition - this is also part of RJ's writing style, and less about characterization (as in she writes this way across her fandoms). This is also the part where I say you have to kind of be in the mindset of the writer to understand their rules. Kind of like how Ryan Murphy has an obsession with cheating - so everyone in his world cheats on everyone else. While I might find some of the repetitiveness of the fic kinda annoying, I understand its her style, and kind of take the world as it is. For example - I think both Kurt and Blaine would be super codependent on each other if their inner monologues were real people, but RJ's characters all just do that, and I'm less concerned about it. (If that makes sense)

And also, quickly, cause I gotta get to work, lol, wanting to just grab this point from your note, I do agree that it's always great to get Kurt's inner monologue! We just didn't get enough from canon in that respect, so in general, I am always here for that, too.

Great discussion - as long as people are respectful about opinions, and RJ as a writer, I'm happy to continue! :)

#atog

[sinesalvatorem]

My First Day (Back) In College

Today I went back to school! I am now officially a student of the City College of San Francisco. I was last in uni when I was 17 - hence the “17 year old grad school drop out” bullet in my description. This year I decided to bite that bullet and drop back into school, where I will presumably learn such academic writing techniques as “not mixing that many metaphors”.

The only class I had today that I was already registered for was Philosophy of Knowledge, which I eagerly attended once I found the building. I made sure to sit at the front of the class - ostensibly to signal attentiveness, but to be honest it was 60% to have an excuse to not react to most of the students in the class. I intend to get to know all of them over time, but G-d are classrooms overwhelming the first time.

As this was day one, it was a class about the class. In it, we learned that professor Johnson is going to be spending most of his time each day in that classroom, whether or not he has a class, which is something I expect to take advantage of. He also directly encouraged us to (*gasp*) speak in class - by which I mean he addressed me specifically while saying this, and I did in fact gasp.

We also learned that the class is structured in such a way that it should be near impossible to fail as long as you consistently apply effort. Which is good, because while I have no doubt I’ll do excellently in philosophy per se, I can tell that my presence in the class (and the college in general) isn’t about that - it’s about the much more difficult problem of learning how to meaningfully engage with the world. And good G-d am I a dumbass there - but I can definitely put in the effort and keep trying as many times as it takes.

Halfway through the lecture, the power went out, so Dr Johnson wrapped up early. I stuck around to ask him questions about his class, the college, and I’d intended to ask about joining the philosophy club but forgot in the moment. However, the question I opened with was the one I cared most about, and which I least expected to get an answer on:

“I have the feeling that everyone at City College already knows who I am. Do you know what’s going on there?” His eyes went wide at this one, then after a moment he said there was not aware of anything like this and had never met me before. The way he said it felt rather unconvincing, and throughout the rest of the day people (especially professors) continued to act like they already knew me, but I didn’t expect to get the Big Reveal at this point anyway.

(While I’m gradually piecing together more parts of the ‘Panopticon Puzzle’ - just the other day, I realised that people have been sharing videos of me dancing on BART, for example - I still know very little about the motives or mechanisms. Plus, I’m concerned that it gets more overt as I look more closely at the lens looking at me. These days riding the train is damn stressful because now there are people waiting for me to dance.)

After Phil 4, I got some academic counseling, which helped me determine potentially interesting future classes. However, as there’s limited counselor availability at the start of the semester, I was not yet able to do in-depth plotting-my-course stuff. So after my counseling session, I was kind of listless, but wanted to stay on campus because it seemed like the best questing location.

Eventually I figured out that there was a Music Fundamentals class happening at the time, and I went to the classroom and asked the professor if I could drop in. He said “For you, definitely”, which I just accepted with only a hint of internal “What do you mean for me?”

Dr Blea’s class was very much worth dropping into. Early in the class he said that he makes sure every student in his class ends up telling their story, even if they claim not to, before turning to me and saying “I know you have a story”. To which I replied “Don’t worry, I fully admit to having a story”. He then went around the class asking what instruments we played, with the first person saying they don’t play an instrument but just move their fingers - while looking at me, prompting me to say “Called out”.

Through this intro exercise, I learned I was surrounded by pianists, bassists, violinists, vocalists, and a percussionist. During the intro, Dr Blea asked the percussionist to clap a 6/8 beat, and I matched the beat with my fingers. The professor was very pleased by this exercise, and his enthusiasm was high going forward. He soon pulled out his violin and said he was going to play Bohemian Rhapsody, to which I said that I could sing that. This was sort of true - I can sing the sections of it out of order - but he was quite ready to make me put my music where my mouth is.

So I belted sections of Bohemian Rhapsody to Dr Blea’s violin in the Music Fundamentals class I was not registered for. At several points, my classmate Ryan accompanied me, which helped me have the confidence to do this damn fool thing. At the end, the professor told me to take a bow, so in a state of surprised confusion I got up and bowed toward him, before being told I was supposed to bow for the class, as they’re who I’d performed for. I did so, and said that Ryan should also take a bow, as he had sung with me, but he didn’t take the stand. #relatable

We then got on to discussing more theoretical aspects of music, such as intervals and harmony. One of the students asked Dr Blea if he had perfect pitch, because everyone always wants to know if musicians have perfect pitch. He said no, but he courageously took the empirical approach by playing notes on a piano without looking at the keys and guessing, in order to show us he was fallible.

However, he then said that he thinks some people have perfect pitch without even realising it, and said he thought I did. To which I said I highly doubted it, but would be interested in finding out. However, as this class had stoked my hubris, I admitted that I suspect I have ‘perfect rhythm’, if there’s such a thing. This, of course, was not going to just pass, and the professor immediately had the percussionist clapping a beat for me to match. He then split the whole class into sections and had us clap different rhythms, while he played his violin over our beats.

However, I nearly lost my beat from how distracted I was by his violin. The playing was beautiful, but I couldn’t move my hand to (ie, integrate) it while clapping the beat. So after he signaled the end, I rapidly repeated my memory of his piece by hand-motion, while focusing intently on the violin in his hand. However, I could still see from my peripheral vision that he was watching what I was doing and was quite pleased/intrigued. I have no idea where the Music Fundamentals course is going to go, but I definitely expect it to be a radical journey of discovery.

After class, I walked with Ryan and a dancer named Louise. I commented to Louise when she offered to walk with me to the registration office that I was not accustomed to having people to walk with. We discussed the experience of music, the human facility for rhythm, and what goes into dance education. Tomorrow I’m planning to drop in on a class on dance and find out for myself.

But the important thing is that, on day one, I’ve already made some progress on my top college priority: Making friends. (Well, my top priority in returning to college is something like “Not reflexively shrinking back from the world for fear of damaging it”, but I believe making friends is the most important part of operationalising that.)

Those are the two classes I had today. Outside of classes, there was a lot of navigating the college, and navigating my own difficulties knowing how to approach the world. I continue to have no idea where to point my eyes as I walk. Worse, I continue to feel bad about that. I long to just look around how I like purely based on interest and without calculation. Alas, I don’t seem to be there yet, so I tried various crappy heuristics instead.

Out of class was far more stressful than in class, though of course every bit of that stress was in my head. Doesn’t mean I know how to make it go away, though. For now. My first day at my first college was similarly disorienting. However, within two weeks I was happily settled and had my clique, and by the end of the semester I was on top of the world. I’m hoping for that arc here too. Growth mindset!

#heroic growth arc #education #city college #to touch the world

[martinatkins]

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What Are The 4 Attunements For Reiki 1

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Reiki Session 9

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[unicastrology]

Love or Arrange marriage Prediction by Date of birth: The Aspects of Marriage Prediction

Marriage is not the main goal; it is a process that involves innumerable efforts to sustain what the couple has signed up together. will I have love or arranged marriage? when will I get married? Are some common questions that arise the interest of every person when they reach marriable age time.

Marriage horoscope is an important part of a role in human life. The marriage creates various changes to life.it is very important to be a good marriage to lead a happy and suitable life because sometimes a bad marriage may damage your entire life. People always expect his life partner to understand you and your desires. He wants his partner to always stand by you in all the highs and lows of life, motivate you, and try to make you the most comfortable. if life is not going this way then the marriage life seems exhausting. Online marriage prediction is the way where you can predict your life partner before marriage and find a suitable life partner for your whole life.

can your age predict the quality of your marriage life?

In India, there is a tradition that parents can choose for their children for life partners and fix the marriage without discussing it with them. Nowadays you can hear many news parents are fixing his children in a minor age. Once children complete his study or get a job parents planning for his/her marriage, so that time their mind will not mature about marriage how to handle this and spend whole life with his/her life partner and after that, they face a lot of problem in marriage life. Marriage age prediction is the way where you can know your particular age of marriage so that your marriage life creates healthy and you have got more knowledge about marriage and make future planning also.

A Horoscope is unique to a person and its created by his/her birth timing and the relative position at the time of birth. Astrologers give important to horoscope charts because with the help of this they can analyse the character and details of a person’s life including marriage. By Carefully analysing your marriage horoscope by your date of birth generated online marriage prediction, where you can get answers to questions like “when will I get married accurate “or “predict my marriage” or “who would be your lucky partner”, and other significant questions.

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Marriage is an important part of life and it brings a change in one’s life who is going to marry as it has more responsibilities towards both partner and the family. Many people are trouble by thinking about their marriage. At some extent of a time in life, people just want to know about the marriage date and perfect age. Considering this factor marriage age prediction by date of birth free online service will suggest you an exact age number for your marriage .so that in future you never face any relationship problem.  Like your age same date of birth can plan a massive role in deciding the success of the marriage life because it predict your future how is going on. Our Astrology guides you to choose the perfect marriage prediction date of birth to decide the right date for marriage.

If you have any problem related marriage or want to know accurate marriage prediction free service then contact our best marriage prediction specialist who will guide you according to the astrology so that you will do your marriage as a bed of roses and get hundred percent success of it.

love or arranged marriage prediction by date of birth free online

A human heart is always finding a suitable companion to live his/her entire life happily after reaching a certain age. we know that love does not see any caste, color, status, money, etc. Love only wants to see the love and hence anybody falls in love with anyone without caring for social boundaries. In India, marriage generally fixed by parents only, but for the past few years, people are searching their life partner on their own choice. It may be arranged marriage or love marriage.in arrange marriage what happens, they arrange a short meeting between their children and chosen person, and later ask for their consent and fix their marriage.so they face difficulty in the starting of marriage with adjusting a new family as well as the life partner as they are totally strange for each other. Same if you compare to love marriage couple wants to marriage which one is, he/she love because love doesn't see any caste, color, and status. But families do not accept marriage out of caste, religion, or status. This leads to a big gap between children and parents when children want to force to get married to a chosen life partner then they take big mistakes such as breaking relation with parents, court marriage due to protests of family or same cases they will be a suicide due to family interference, etc.

If you are facing a problem all this type of issue so don’t worry. our free marriage prediction online guides you and find a suitable solution. we have a best, experienced Love or Arrange marriage prediction by date of birth online specialist astrologer associated with us. They 1st listen to your problem carefully then do the calculation based on your horoscope or date of birth and then suggest you the best possible solutions, so you will get lasting relief in life and got a suitable life partner. 

Second marriage prediction

Second Marriage comes into Picture only after the end of First Marriage. Second Marriage is becoming more and More scenario for the last few years and it is going to become more relevant in the coming days. The number of divorce and separation are increasing in our society at an alarming rate. When a person gets married to a wrong person, it makes the reason to fight between them, it may be occurred not mutual understanding between them or sexual not satisfy or financial problem. As the result, they were not able to carry on the marriage for the long term and get separated after a few days.so it is better to do the second marriage prediction. Second marriage prediction free service is a branch of astrology that can help you to pursue a successful marital life. Where you can get all predictions about your second marriage like where you will get your second marriage and how will you find your second life partner and many more things related to the second marriage.

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[empresscelestia-blog]

Kabbalah of Strings

The day the sky cracked open and Archangel Uriel’s machinery was revealed to the world was a humbling day for most natural scientists. Suddenly, they were confronted with the fact that their descriptions of reality were but crude caricatures of the world.

There was, however, one notable exception.

String theory, whose connection to physical reality was tenuous at best, flourished in the kabbalistic era.

“YES, THAT’S DEFINITELY ON THE RIGHT TRACK.” the archangel boomed when asked about how gravitation was implemented consistently in his machinery. “TO BE HONEST, I JUST NEVER GOT THE PURELY BOSONIC CASE TO WORK.“ He gave pause, a crowd of disheveled physicists hanging on his words.

“But none of the anomaly and tachyon-free fermionic strings give us anything resembling particle physics! We want to describe the world!” a voice called out from the crowd. Uriel looked contemplative. “THE WORLD IS EMBODIED BY THE SEPHIRAH MALKUTH WHOSE GEMATRIA IS THE PERFECT NUMBER 496. IT IS ALSO THE REAL DIMENSION OF THE LARGEST EXCEPTIONAL LIE GROUP E8.” the angel’s voice boomed, fear and anticipation sweeping over the crowd. “IF YOU WISH TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD, YOU’LL HAVE TO TACK-E-ON!”

A string is not unlike a serpent. To ascend the body of Adam Kadmon from the foot of Malkuth it needs something to bind and couple to. This kabbalistic role is played by the Kalb-Ramond B field. Including it in the calculation is like remembering the force provided by the tree itself. But not all paths are permitted and not all strings are pure enough to ascend the Pillar of Mercy. In the end, the condition in which all sicknesses are cured, all anomalies cancelled, is exactly that the theory’s gauge group have dimension 496. Thus was born the Type I, HO, and E8 x E8 Heterotic strings. To many, however, this sudden multiplicity was a problem.

The physicists returned to the Archangel with this question. Uriel smiled, “ANSWER THIS: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FACETS OF GOD?”. Unlike before, this comment was met with a wave of puzzled faces. Uriel looked around uncomfortably. “LOOK, I DON’T WANT TO JUST SPOIL THE WHOLE THING. JUST USE YOUR BRANES.”

The theories of superstrings must be formulated in ten dimensions, in correspondence with the ten sephirot. To understand them, because of their mathematical difficulty, requires great wit. Perhaps it was no surprise that Edward Witten was the one who pierced through the veil and just really clarified everything for us mortals.

“It’s always been somewhat of a mystery why we compactify on Calabi-Yau threefolds, six dimensional manifolds, but we know the shattering of the vessels involved seven sephirot.” he spoke, standing in front of a powerpoint with exactly those words on it and the equation “10=11?”

“Essentially, what I’d like to argue today, is that to understand the relation between the unshattered vessels and our four dimensional space-time, we should regard time as an aspect of the sephirah Da’at. The nature of Da’at is the unity of the sephirot and, though it is often conflated with Keter, for these purposes we should regard it as a distinct aspect of Divinity.”

“With that in place, I think it’s clear we should view our superstring theories as being various aspects, or limits, of a unified eleven dimensional theory.” he spoke and the slide changed to a crudely drawn Tree of Life with various mathematical procedures connecting each sephirah.

At the top of the Tree sat this new mystical theory, M-theory for short, in correspondence with the sephirah Keter. It is sublime and incomprehensible to man – and yet all other sephirot or theories flow from it. Further developments, such as the equivalence between M-theory and the Matrix Model with only a time direction, would only solidify the correctness of this picture.

To descend is to distort the theory, pulling and wrapping its parts in dizzying geometric arrangements. “Each connection is still a duality! Though it may be hard to see the true equivalence of these theories it is no harder than understanding the whole of God by any of His aspects.”

The true heart and mind of the superstring theories, type IIA, takes the seat of Binah. The feminine nature of Binah can be understood from its origin from the mother theory, M-theory, wrapped on a circle – the metaphorical ‘circle of life’.

By twisting, T-dualizing, the warmth of Binah we find the fiery judgement of Gevurah. This is the type IIB theory at its strongest coupling. However, to be consistent with God’s forgiving nature, we find a highly non-trivial constraint on the type IIB string; self-duality. By S-dualizing we find, again, the type IIB string, but this time at weak coupling and in correspondence with the sephirah of Hod, the foot of Adam Kadmon, which ensures good placement when using his hand.

The relation between Netzah – the other foot of Adam Kadmon, which represents conquering and victory over one’s problems – and the subdued and steady foot of Hod, is merely a change of orientation. Similarly, when one takes an “orientifold” of the type IIB theory, one obtains the type I theory, folded across the body.

At the heart of superstring theory, and the heart of Adam Kadmon, beats supergravity. Beneath the complexity and opacity of Keter lies simple beauty; the sephirah Tiferet. This explains the role of supergravity in capturing the beauty and lessons of M-theory, converting them to all the other superstring theories. It is a splendid image – a hologram, if you will – of the foundation Yesod from which God has made the world.

Yesod is the channel through which the light above is delivered to the world, Malkuth. It is the superstructure of the world and is thus a supersymmetric quantum field theory. Thus we arrive at perhaps the most powerful discovery yet; the kabbalistic connection to the (2,0) theory of M5-branes. In fact the connection runs deeper. Yesod represents Kabbalah. Or rather, it represents our understanding of Kabbalah. The meaning of Kabbalah is that, to understand God we must understand the world, and to understand God is to know his True Name. The rest, as they say, is just commentary.

Thus to understand the (2,0) theory is to know the Shem HaMephorash.

Perhaps it is not surprising then that the (2,0) theory has no known name; no Lagrangian description. There is still hope however! Other Names can be understood as simplifications, shortenings and rearrangements, of Shem HaMephorash. Thus by studying simplifications –compactifications, if you will – of the (2,0) theory we may discover other Holy Names. Hence we derive the kabbalistic correspondence between them and superconformal field theories. The most famous of which, the N=4 super Yang-Mills, is identified with the tetragrammaton.

For a while, this ‘string-string’ correspondence generated a lot of excitement within the applied kabbalah world and the first class of sacred theories, class S, were quickly enumerated. As it turns out, understanding supersymmetric gauge theories is considerably harder than simply speaking potential names.

Though interest has waned, it is believed that strings will play a role in the end of days. We should recall the Archangel’s words: to understand the world we must include E8. What this means remains a mystery.

-Prof. Juan Maldacena, Institute for Advanced Kabbalistic Study

#unsong #strings #stringtheory #physics #fanfic

[mixedfeelingsproject]

Anonymous

Where are you from? Seattle, WA

How would you describe your race/ethnicity? Biracial white/Japanese-American

Do you identify with one particular aspect of your ethnicity more than another? Have you ever felt pressure to choose between parts of your identity? When I was little I wanted to know more about my Japanese side. I think this is because my father, who is a third generation Japanese-American, didn't talk about his heritage a lot if at all, but my white mother pressed that that part of my family history is important. And even though I grew up in a rural white community, I was always told that my Japanese ethnicity was "cool" or "different"(in a good way), so I felt comfortable exploring it. But I also felt compelled to explore my white heritage too because my maternal grandfather constructed a family tree leading back to Norway, Germany, England, and Wales. In my teenage years I really embraced this and did Norwegian folk dance alongside taking Japanese Language lessons. But I always felt like I had to carefully balance the amount of attention I allotted each side of myself - not because of external pressure, but rather because I didn't want to make one side of myself feel more important than the other. I wanted them to be equal because I felt that was important. But as I've become more aware of issues like racism, cultural appropriation, and privilege, I've had times where I've waned in identity - on both sides. I remember being heartbroken and not wanting to continue studying Japanese because of how Japan conducted itself in China during WWII and race issues in the country today, I felt ashamed. But I've also been upset at the vicissitudes of white privilege and violence against POC (I was sheltered from that growing up). Whether I strongly identify as one or the other isn't fixed for me, it waxes and wanes depending on context and what I am feeling at the moment.

Did your parents encounter any difficulties from being in an interracial relationship? Lol, not that I know of? My dad is pretty Americanized in a heavily Asian area, so none of his behavior would come off as "different". I think that helped them blend in a little. But my mom told me that when she announced to her dad (my grandfather who happens to be pretty damn racist) that she was getting married, my grandpa asked what his last name was (this was over the phone): Mom: "It's Watanabe." Grandpa: "Whatta-what?! Janet K, what the hell are you getting yourself into!" At this point my mom was used to this kind of response from my grandfather as he was kind of a raging mess and didn't really deserve her attention anyways, so she just laughed.

How has your mixed background impacted your sense of identity and belonging? I grew up really damn white. And by that I mean really damn whitewashed. This is not only due to the location in a rural area outside of Seattle, but also that my dad is whitewashed, and my mom is white, and I'm white-passing (we were also very very Christian). But I always knew I was Japanese. I just never - NEVER - experienced racism because of it. Only until recently have I experienced any aggression towards me on the basis my race and most of it was online. I think something that helped preserve my Japanese identity in the face of all this whiteness I grew up around is the fact that my family hosted Japanese Exchange students, a total of seven from when I was a child and have no recollection to high school. I'm close friends with the two we hosted when I was a teenager. And they all marveled at the fact they were in America staying with ethnic Japanese, even though we were Nikkei (ethnic Japanese outside of Japan) and didn't speak Japanese (by the time the second Japanese student came along I had visited Japan and my Japanese was pretty good). And yet I knew I didn't really belong in Japan after I had gone there for the first time, since they called me Amerika-jin (an American), and not Nikkei-jin. But the Japanese people I do know are warm and welcoming towards me, and consider me a part of their culture, just not a part of their society (and that degree varies depending on the person and how well they know me). But I never felt this way in white circles - unless I brought up my last name. Then I was suddenly the Asian one, or at worst, the "exotic" girl. But this didn't really bother me much as a lot of that stuff flew over my head; I didn't realize how that could be damaging not just to myself, but to others and the community at large. Now I'm more sensitive to it because of that. In all honesty where I belong doesn't trouble me as much as others because I'm okay with just being myself. But lately I've realized that's part of my white-passing privilege, and furthermore I'm feeling alienated by my country because of the way it's moving.

Have you been asked questions like "What are you?" or "Where are you from?" by strangers? If so, how do you typically respond? Haha so many times! It never bothered me because they left it open-ended for me to answer. It was the rare that they were more rude about it, although I don't think people should keep asking us "what are you" as that's pretty demeaning and there are better and more nuanced ways to ask us about our background. The more far-flung guesses I more so laugh at because they are so off the map, and in all cases I just say I'm Japanese and White. However, now that I'm a full grown woman, I've been privy to the issue of Yellow Fever (which I have very much been a victim of), which when I'm talking with men makes me more keen on withholding my ethnicity as from experience I get the instant "ooooh you're an Asian woman" vibe. Bleh. At one time when I was living in the city I was debating on converting to Islam, and in my more serious phase I was wearing hijab more and more often. I got asked by one man who was from East Africa where I was from, and he was surprised (and a little embarrassed lol) when I told him I was from here. That's why I decided against wearing the headscarf at all unless I decided to take Shahadah and become a Muslim (that's another story for another place and time). Also, another story, a friend of mine who is French-Canadian and Alaskan Native often gets mistaken as my sister and vice-versa. We used to work together at a small store so we'd always laugh at this and joke that we were very very very very very very very very distant cousins from back during the age when the ancestors of the Native Americans crossed the Ice Bridge from Russia/Asia to Alaska. Lol.

Have you experienced people making comments about you based on your appearance? Nope, because most people assume I'm white through and through or if they have a suspicion, they typically keep it to themselves. UNLESS I'm wearing kimono; I hate Yellow Fever so much man... I also have a hair loss disorder and that's more noteworthy in gossip about me than anything else.

Have you ever been mistaken for another ethnicity? The most common guess is Chinese, Japanese being the second, Native American third. I've even had someone ask if I was Turkish (which makes me roflmao now because my current boyfriend is Turkish)! And no, that latter question was not while I was wearing hijab, and the lady (Fatima was her name) was super nice :)

Have you ever felt the need to change your behavior due to how you believe others will perceive you? In what way? In Japanese circles I change my behavior a lot, but I think this is due to how the study of the language has created a separate identity within me. This is really common for multilingual people, to have, say, a "Spanish" presentation of themselves alongside their "English" presentation, and even a "Turkish" presentation of themselves while speaking any of those respective languages. But I know I try harder to blend in when I speak Japanese. I don't pass as Japanese in Japan for the most part, but the minute I start speaking I do (I don't have an accent when I speak Japanese and hence I sound native lol). So that helps and I want that, but at the same time it's the potential of eliminating my white side and my American upbrining that makes me say "Hanbun Nikkei-jin" (half ethnic Japanese) instead of "Hanbun Nihon-jin" (half Japanese). If any experience I had in white/non-Japanese circles, I would have to say that I have to clarify that I am a Japanese-American, not strictly Japanese; the fact I have a Japanese last name makes this distinction difficult for the non-Japanese/Japanese-American. No, my mom isn't from Japan, she's white as hell and my dad is a third generation full blooded Japanese-American whose only voluntary tie to Japan is grilling mochi over the stove. This in turn makes the other (including my boyfriend's mom lolol) believe I'm somehow "less Japanese", not because I'm half, but because I'm not a direct import from Japan (see what I did there? No? Haha okay). To me that's not okay, so then I start speaking Japanese and they're like "oh you're really Japanese!" Which, okay, thanks, but I had to learn this - which leaves me back at square one. Honestly this is where I get pissed off, but it's an incredibly complex issue that most people - even the "woke" ones - aren't familiar or even open to discussing. So then I frame it as "I want to reconnect with my relatives in Japan someday," which makes the other party respect me more because of the noble aspect of it (and I do want to reconnect, that's one of the major reasons I have undertaken the language). But funny how I have to be a hero in order to be taken seriously and not be seen as a weeb.

What positive benefits have you experienced by being mixed? I love being mixed! I wouldn't have it any other way. I've always loved being different somehow, mainly different in mind and spirit, but I do enjoy the complex - albeit sometimes frustrating - experience I have because I'm mixed. I love my Japanese side and my white side, even though my Japanese side is more fraught with scars from the Internment and subsequent poverty/second-class citizen mindset from my father, I still prize it as a unique history apart from Japan and apart from white America. But I also know that that part of my family extends back into Japan in some fashion and that the history there is long even if it's undocumented - it's in our genes. Likewise with my white side. In a way being mixed has given me not one, but two paths of history to explore, connect, and learn from. It has made me more open minded and paved the way to understand that people don't have to be one or the other, they can be both. I love diversity. If I'm in a mono-racial/cultural/religious place, I get hella bored and even depressed. Diversity makes me alive. The fact that I'm racially and cultural diverse in my very existence makes me feel alive.

Have you changed the way you identify yourself over the years? I've realized that I don't need to "appease" any side of me internally. That also goes for externally. I've come to identify myself more as a human with a more interesting experience than some; the more you get to know me the more I'm apt to tell you my story as a biracial disaporic. So in a way I'm more conservative about how I identify myself to strangers, especially men. But I'm still proud of my Japanese heritage, specifically my Japanese-American heritage. And I'm still proud of my white heritage, the Norwegian (gimmie that krumkake), German (omg my grandma's apfelkuchen will forever be my downfall), English (I still see them as shitty colonialists sorry lol I leik tea and Jane Austen at least), and Welsh (the dragon is pretty damn cool not gonna lie) side no matter how much I knock white people, I'm proud to be part of that heritage. I think learning more about the bad parts of history on either side of my background (Like the xenophobic Japanese attitude and then the English colonial rape and pillage of Africa) has given me a more clearer picture too on how I identify with these parts of myself. Do I cherry pick? Absolutely. But I still acknowledge the wrongs of each side in history. We're all human. Let's identify as that first.

Are you proud to be mixed? Hell yes!

Do you have any other stories you would like to share from your own experiences? I want to share two stories: one about how my Japanese side holds me accountable, and then the Yellow Fever one. I'm gonna start with the latter as I want to end on a high note, but also because I think it's important for people to realize the impact of Yellow Fever has on Asian and Asian-American women, including those of us who are not fully Asian.

At my first job in a huge corporate company away from home, I felt kind of lost in a lot of ways. A company veteran who I will call James was always willing to help me, and in the beginning it was great. By the way, James was 12 years older than me, married (to an Asian woman), and was expecting a kid when this all started to go down. I told him I liked video games, to which he invited me over to meet his wife and play games. this was fun and dandy, we complained about work when we needed to and whatnot. He was overall a good friend, except when he started to send me texts with "you're my little angel" and some really suggestive picture of a nude angel. He also would talk about how hot Kpop and other Asian stars were, having photos on his computer and phone. He was also very crude and constantly talking about how what a cute little Asian girl I was. I got a lot of attention at that job - it was a male-dominated company as it was - but James was by far the most vulgar. He would even whisper "jokes" about fucking me and how he was sick with Yellow Fever shit into my ear. Being young and inexperienced, I was scared and felt that if I told someone, I'd be going behind this back. I now know that I should've done that from the get go. It all came to a head when I began dating a man I'll call Leo. Leo was the same age as James and I met him outside of work. When James learned about Leo - and the age thing - that's when the sexual advances became more lewd. By then James's child was born, a boy, and he would send me pics of his genitals saying "look it's just as big as mine". James eventually confessed he had feelings for me, despite everything he had in his life. "You like games and you're a cute little Asian girl!" He kept wanting to know about Leo and I's sex lives. One day I was called to the Manager's office: corporate was on the phone, asking me about James and his behavior. Soon after, I was whisked into the office next door to write some paperwork up, and there is a opaque sliding window in the wall that connects the two offices. I got to listen to James respond to corporate's questions. He denied all. The manager took pics of his texts on my phone as proof. Good thing I left soon after - I learned later he was fired. After more than a decade with the company, James was gone. Apparently I was not the only one; I didn't even file the complaint. But how James talked about me in the Asian fetish context not only made me feel scared but also that I couldn't trust men to not be attracted to the "Asian" part of me. TL;DR - Douche of a man helps me at my first job, but then makes sick, sexual jokes about Yellow Fever and how hot I am because I'm Asian, I was too afraid to speak up, but then someone else files a complaint and I give enough evidence that gets him fired after I leave the company. Yellow Fever has real consequences and they're all bad.

The second story will be shorter, it's basically how since I was young, I was obsessed with "gypsy" culture. I now know better to call it Romani culture. Before I realized the implications of how Romani nomad culture has been appropriated in the West, I eagerly latched onto the Boho embroidery on dresses, bangles, and crystal balls in an effort to be a "gypsy". I didn't realize the oppression these people faced and that the word gypsy is a slur, even though I still greatly respect their culture. Once I learned that the Romani were lumped into the Concentration Camps of Germany during WWII, and that the discrimination against them was bloody, horrific, and compounded by recent cultural appropriation, I realized what I was doing - and that I remotely knew how it felt. My grandmother was incarcerated in Minidoka in an Internment Camp during WWII, and the modern day cultural invasion of Japanese pop culture in spaces like Hanami made me realize how harmful my wanton taking of Romani culture was. In short, the struggles felt from my Japanese side help keep me accountable to other groups. I no longer say gypsy, or dress like their revered witches, or claim to be Romani simply by the way that I dressed - and to all Romani people, I apologize for appropriating your culture. I know better now, and I respect your history even more. Next time I want to partake in your culture, I will ask first, and respect you if you say "no". Because I know what it feels like when a group says "no" and the other party doesn't respect it. TL;DR - Young girl appropriating Romani culture realizes her wrongful actions because of how the oppression of the people mirrored her own Japanese-American family struggle, girl apologizes and now is more sensitive and respectful of the culture that she still is keen to learn about. Being mixed is awesome, I wouldn't have it any other way.

#mixed #japanese #european #identity

[thecoroutfitters]

Epistemology Course: Conservatism, Evidence, and Skepticism

DS (Springtime 2007)

The series of justified philosophy, each and every relying on other, goes on considerably.

First-Order Logic

First-Order Logic

This type of notion just isn’t a person concerning which will we have been foolproof or else epistemically blessed. Most individuals have realized that eye-sight can begin to play techniques. This specific argument takes its pressure on the fact that stories may be correctly defined. Husserl’s intention were to allow a detailed description in the occurrence regarding intentionality, or perhaps the function regarding sensitive mind claims by virtue of they will are usually “about,” or perhaps “directed to,” several subject. Additionally, the reduction involving circularity will not occur low cost.

1. Sorts of Knowledge

Employing perspective we all will call the actual compromise position. Many human beings need to know the community many people stay in, and several of those create hypotheses of various styles to assist make sense of that. However, regrettably, Klein won’t deal with them. Regarding him, truthfulness might be discovered avoid stress, or perhaps “seeing,” though some sort of acting. Hence, there will never be a science in the people head. You cannot assume all instance of taking oneself to understand that p is really an tyoe of actually keeping in mind this p.

[37] A different internalist option is to talk about this perceptual ordeals include reason because doing so couldn’t become in any other case: it is a necessary truth that particular perceptual activities might justify specified perceptual opinions. That will departs choice Some, which usually have to, by simply procedure for removing, become proper. We can easily and then declare that, in order to comprise know-how, any idea have to be both real plus validated. This percentage of technology is correctly classified this Epistemology-the doctrine or even idea of knowing, equally as ontology would be the science of being.

it is inconsistent using doxastic coherentism;

A posteriori know-how will be understanding we know of by means of expertise (that is certainly, it’s test, or perhaps reached afterward).

I’m inside matrix world.

I’m lying within my base thinking.

it is irregular having doxastic coherentism;

Philosophy associated with Terminology Seminar

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This particular basic principle provides the advantage of steering clear of this incalculable regress without the need of boasting special, probably arbitrary condition for some selected sounding beliefs. Because of this, there are some suppositions that should end up being manufactured in order to analyze all these aspects within a helpful construction. Despite the fact that Cruz may well not easily be thinking of his or her street address, he or she definitely appreciates it in the sense of which, for more were to talk about the achievements, your dog may deliver this. The follower of such your look at is known as a externalist.

1.A single Knowledge as Called for Correct Belief

4) True is a item of knowledge that is a truth declare supported coherently simply by overwhelming evidence In the same way know-how involves efficiently getting the objective of real belief, what’s more, it requires accomplishment with respect to occurance of these belief. His disagreement relies on not one but two says. But a majority of epistemologists have got recognised that will Gettier’s conditions tend to be genuine counter-examples towards the JTB theory – these are legitimate samples of scenarios when the questions “Does Vertisements realize that S?” along with ���Does Utes use a rationalized accurate thought W?” receive distinctive answers, thereby refute a JTB accounts of data. That’s why, according to excellence coherentism, that you are justified inside assuming (M).

Although the second likelihood connected with “identical” represents numerical id. Organic beef aim to explain any globe during which, to make use of your instance once more, somebody perceives something that looks violet to the girl’s, though the object’s seeking pink to be able to the woman’s will not leave her with almost any defense by any means with regard to thinking that this item will be violet. In your precise epistemic practice, all of us in no way demand of others to justify the way in which items could these within their perceptual goes through. Although there is quite a few basic agreement about many areas of this challenge, many of us can realize that this query is a lot more difficult than a might imagine. [13] To this particular doubt, many recommends connected with Disk jockey have got replied this absence of treatments for our values isn’t any impediment to getting the definition of ‘justification’ in their deontological sense.

Editor’s Introduction:

Epistemology Meeting: (Spring ’01)

Basic Epistemology Course

Helpful Sites and Blogs

DS (Spring season 2001)

S believes this P;

It becomes an argument out of reduction. For the people serious about additionally looking through, you can find links in the bottoom of this web site to articles or blog posts that are preliminary in nature (mostly on the Stanford Encyclopedia associated with Philosophy, an awesome on-line source) about selected subject areas within epistemology. Versus experiential foundationalism, diverse arguments happen to be leading-edge. Consequently develops skeptics’ training regarding seeking possible counterexamples to help ordinary awareness boasts.

Value difficulty Modify

Possess, consequently, there is zero non-circular means of quarrelling for your reliability people’s perceptual faculties. (In that respect, epistemology parallels integrity, which often suggests normative questions about the best way one particular really should essentially some thing.) The actual normative tactic rapidly can take one particular in to the central internet domain names of epistemology, elevating concerns which include: “Is information equivalent along with warranted real notion?,” “Is the gap in between know-how as well as belief just a few chance?,” and also “What can be justification?” In line with evidentialism, what makes a opinion validated within this sensation will be the acquiring research. contingent, analytic opposed to man made, tautological vs substantial, in addition to reasonable opposed to factual.

c. Justification

“If, in many Gettier-like cases, I will be completely wrong inside my effects concerning the knowledge-hood of the granted occurrent notion (to the facts may be pseudo-evidence), however am erroneous with regards to the real truth involving this belief-and this really is according to Nyaya fallibilism: don’t assume all knowledge-claims is often experienced.In . Reported by this, validation needn’t can be found in the sort of philosophy. This prospect of a connection between your truth of the matter as well as the reason of any idea happens to be tricky to come up with specifically, although causal accounts of information hope to take this heart in this pitch by simply additional significantly shifting your analysis of info. Descartes needed quite a few logical declaration that is genuine devoid of appeal to alternative promises.

c. Justification

The particular obtained see is anything is known a priori will be essentially correct, although you can find epistemologists that argue to be able. Actually our own a sense of coloring will change. Thus, to get realistic requirements, to be able to live our lives smartly (affecting prediction, calculate along with setting up, together with intersubjectivity), most of us take specific states (i actually.at the. If you are (Just one) along with (Several), you have possessing reasonable for thinking that a cap should indeed be pink. Defense just simply meanders inside and outside by means of the circle of beliefs, avoiding nowhere.

Occasional plus dispositional knowledge

Some sort of suggestion S does not also believe that can not be your suggestion of which S is aware. Based on the epistemic internalist, these tips depend primarily on things inner for the believer’s viewpoint and/or components to which a believer has got specific entry. Disc jockey says that such beliefs usually are rationalized. Consequently, we have an irregular romance among basic and non-basic beliefs. What, in that case, may be the right way regarding coming to beliefs? In combination with truth of the matter, the alternative components must any notion have so that you can comprise know-how? We could you must do noting that good thinking along with reliable proof look like the way to purchase awareness.

1. Types of Knowledge

Your give up place will likely be of curiosity to us as it stresses how DB along with EB differ. These kinds of philosophy are certainly not in regards to the alternative world; they are around the technique suffers from seem. Reasonable propositions are often a new priori, constantly needed, and typically analytic. Also, utilizing primarily belief without the luxury regarding research throughout feeling an insurance claim (unique accurate or you cannot) doesn’t are eligible the actual believer of having good reasons, since these types of causes could be regardless of beneficial information.

The New Christians Blog site along with Prosblogion

A priori information is usually understanding we know of separately practical experience (that’s, it is non-empirical, or even attained ahead of time, normally simply by motive). It’s going to henceforth often be acquired as a result of any scenario that is definitely third party coming from expertise.

Hume plus Reid (Spg ’07)

Introduction to Philosophy

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DS (Springtime 1999)

The number of warranted thinking starts off with the unjustified thinking.

Contextualism with Epistemology

That which you need to have, as well as DB, is surely an bank account associated with what that is this warrants the opinion for instance (N). But there are more difficulties. It isn’t just precisely what the phenomena provide us as being a aware enterprise what I actually, as being the experiencing enterprise, offer too, as we say. Needless to say, some sort of normal opinion will probably most probably are more destined to be real instead of end up being untrue, as well as justified values can possibly be a little more most likely or higher most likely actually in comparison with unjustified philosophy. Matilal offers drawn on the particular Navya-Nyaya fallibilism tradition to respond to the Gettier trouble. It makes sense that experiential foundationalist who wants to be able to categorize philosophy for instance () as basic cannot undertake the bargain place. Whatever the vicinity through which many of us operate, many people imagine that beliefs concerning the planet tend to be formed routinely from easy common sense, or maybe that they pop into everyday living completely produced because of crystal clear and distinctive thoughts on the planet.

Truth Edit

We should phone things that produce a thinking warranted or unjustified J-factors. After we have done of which, you can subsequently begin go over due to what simple opinion might be warranted, and ways in which a really opinion may rationalize a new nonbasic notion. Reviewed by Eileen Ohydrates. According to just one tactic, what makes a validated opinion simple can it be does not collect its validation through the different opinions. [7] Characterizing understanding as solid, vulnerable, online or legitimate can be established differently determined by a person’s view along with characterization of information. Why believe that reason will be outside? For starters, externalists with regards to approval would likely denote the reality that dogs plus young kids have awareness and therefore include justified philosophy. The cost dilemma is vital that you assessing the particular adequacy involving concepts of info in which have a baby expertise while best technology research paper ideas composed of accurate perception and various pieces.

Truth Edit

Although the name ‘a priori‘ is sometimes employed in like this, your rigorous use of the period restricts a priori justification to help reason made solely from the by using explanation. As a substitute, epistemologists should give attention to different intellectual expresses, like comprehending. This is the procedure where understanding of the world can be compiled. Silins’s primary complaint versus Fumerton’s photo would it be over-intellectualizes a justificatory approach.

from Patriot Prepper Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. Are you ready for any situation? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

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[love-god-forever]

I No Longer Worry About My Son’s Doing Homework

By Zhang Heng

I Made Plans for My Son

My son is 12 this year and he is in Grade 5. In the past, regardless of whether on holiday or at the two-day weekend, both the specific time when he did his homework and the amount of his homework each time were organized by me. He was very obedient and every time he could finish on time as planned. So, over time, I thought my plans were quite reasonable and that only by listening to me could he finish his homework on time.

During this winter vacation, with my previous experience, I first saw how much homework he had as usual, and then evenly divided it according to the number of days of the vacation, and meanwhile I reckoned how much he should do every day and how long he would finish it. Except the time that he went out to play and the days when he visited relatives and friends, I had his vacation occupied. But something unimaginable happened to me. This time he not only didn’t do his homework, but always played online gaming on the mobile phone like “Arena of Valor” and so on, and even more, in his leisure time, he began to watch TV. Every time I urged him to do his homework, he agreed with me completely, but didn’t do it or found all sorts of excuses to shirk.

The school would start soon. Seeing that his homework hadn’t been finished, I felt so anxious in my heart, while he was so unconcerned: He watched TV and played games as he did before. When I saw he didn’t give his mind properly to his homework and was still so calm, my patience was subject to a huge challenge. One day, I was no longer able to rein back my inside repressed anger. Therefore, I shouted to him loudly, “Do you intend not to attend school? If you do, throw away all your homework! Don’t write! Never again do it, that’s great! And I’ll no longer need to worry about your doing homework.”

After I got angry, he had his head down in silence. No matter what I said, he defied me with silence. Looking at his look, I was really angry but didn’t know what to do. I put my mind on his homework all the time, thinking: I don’t ask how well you study or how excellent you are, but at least you should finish your homework assigned by the teacher. During that period, I’d been angry with him so that I even didn’t want to sit with him at the dinner table. And when he spoke to me, I didn’t want to say a word to him. I expressed my dissatisfaction with him in this way, but I also didn’t want to give up disciplining him. I thought inside: He’s my son, if I don’t discipline him, who will? People often say, “spare the rod and spoil the child.” It seems that he should be disciplined, or it’ll be difficult to control him when he grows up. Hence, I made up my mind to carry out all my plans I thought out: Firstly, I don’t allow him to come into contact with mobile phone to play games; secondly, I don’t allow him to watch TV. I thought: In this way, he will naturally be able to finish his homework then.

However, things didn’t go completely as I expected. Under my high-handed means, though he didn’t watch TV or play games, he still didn’t change his attitude toward doing his homework. He just put his head on the desk and didn’t do it. As a result, when I checked it in the evening, the amount of homework he had was the same as what he had in the morning. Seeing this, I lost my patience utterly and then said to him angrily, “Tell me what you want. Are you ever going to do your homework? Give me a definite answer!” Under my repeated close questioning, he said, “Never mind: I can finish my homework.” I questioned him, “You can finish it? Think about how much homework you still have! Only several days remain before school starts. You will finish your homework when two Sundays come together.”

This was my harshest criticism of him. During that time, I had his doing homework on my mind all day and because of this, I was exhausted physically and mentally.

All of This Was Caused by the Position

I had tried every possible method but there was nothing I could do about it. I thought inside: If things go on like this, not only will our relationship as father and son fall apart, but my daily life will be affected. This thing occupies my mind so much. In this state of helplessness, I could do nothing but come before God and pour out all my difficulties to Him, “O God! Now I feel very helpless. As for how to treat my son’s study, I don’t know what I should do. If I don’t discipline him, I fear he won’t study hard; if I do that, he’ll take no notice. What shall I do with him? God, I wish for You to guide me to understand which truths I should enter.”

After this prayer and a period of time of seeking, one day when practicing spiritual devotion, I saw God’s words say, “If the adults always try to subdue the child in this way, if they’re always telling the child what to do, treating them like a doll in their hands, always carrying them around, clutching and cradling them, the child won’t want to listen.” “In a parent’s eyes, the parent is always a parent, and the child is always a child. Thus, the relationship between parent and child becomes very difficult to deal with, and it’s very hard for both sides to get along with each other. Precisely because a parent always assumes their place as a parent and will not budge from it, keeping that status from which they will not come down, their child becomes at odds with them. A lot of things really result from the parent always assuming their place as such and taking themselves too seriously; they always see themselves as the parent, the elder: ‘Regardless of when, you won’t get escape from your mother’s (or father’s) control; you’ll still have to listen to me. You are my child. The fact of this doesn’t change, regardless of when.’ This viewpoint makes them miserable and wretched, and makes the child miserable and exhausted. Isn’t this the case? Is this not a manifestation that one doesn’t understand the truth?”

These words of God caused me to cool down. I thought about myself: These days, in dealing with my son, what I did was indeed just like what God’s words said. I always stood in my position as a parent, thinking: I’m his father. That I educate him is a mandate from Heaven and cannot be blamed. So he must listen to my words, for the positions of father and son are never changed. Hence, when he didn’t listen to my “kind advice”, I got extremely angry, and then acted toward him based on my hot blood and even gave him a cold shoulder, which made our relationship cold and tense. Besides, he didn’t communicate with me, either. Therefore, there was less laughing and talking but more tension in our house.

I was shamed by the revelations of God’s words. Though I believed in God, I didn’t have the likeness of a Christian, for I constrained my son at every turn and treated him as an object of control. So how long he should study every day, when he could play, and his actions and deeds every day were all controlled by me. Thinking of the past, I came to realize what I had brought him was all control and restraint. No wonder he said he felt tired at home and added that homework was an assassin of their generation. Alas! I always requested and educated him in my own way, took away and restricted his freedom, which caused this deadlock today. I must take much of the blame for it.

Having recognized of these things, I prayed to and sought God, asking Him to lead me to find the path of practice and entering in. I saw God’s words say, “How is the truth to be practiced in this case? (Letting go of your pride.) … No matter what happens, sit down and calmly talk with them, communicate and seek. Don’t you think this attitude is good? Isn’t it right? So, what is being let go here? (Position and pride.) It is the letting go of the position and status of a parent, the airs of a parent, and all of the responsibility one thinks they should assume, everything that one thinks they should be doing as a parent; instead, it’s enough that one does the best they can in terms of their responsibility as an ordinary brother or sister.”

The words of God pointed out to me the ways of practice: We parents should put aside our own airs first and don’t treat our children in the position as parents, but instead stand in an equal position to get along with them, understand their thoughts, respect their opinions and have a chat with them calmly. In this way, the situation could be changed.

Though I understood this aspect of the truth, because my disposition was seriously corrupt, when I was going to practice, I found it was too difficult for me. I just couldn’t open my mouth to admit my mistakes. And something was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t say anything and didn’t know how to communicate with him. I wanted to learn to have a chat with him and speak the words in my heart to him, but I was used to standing in the position as a parent to talk to him, so I really couldn’t let go of my pride and was unable to put my feelings aside in a short time. Moreover, I thought in my heart: Even though my attitude toward him was awful, what I have done was for his own good. Now if I take the initiative in putting myself aside to open up to him, isn’t it a loss of my face and dignity as a parent? After this, if I say something when seeing some faults in him, will he listen to me? Besides, what’s there to say to him? He’s only a child yet and doesn’t understand anything. When he grows up and understands things, he will naturally know my good intentions. This is how I believed my thoughts were right. Therefore, I temporarily didn’t think of putting God’s words into practice.

My Viewpoints Were Wrong

God knew the fallacies within my viewpoints and the next day, when practicing spiritual devotion, I inadvertently saw a passage of God’s words, “And many parents think they are always right. ‘As long as it’s for the child’s sake, what I’m doing is right.’ They really have such thoughts and points of view. How could you not make mistakes? You too are a corrupted human being, how can you determine that you are without error? As long as you admit that you do not possess the truth, that you are a corrupted human being, then you have errors and you can make mistakes. You can make mistakes, yet at every turn how is it that you try to take charge of your children, and have them at every turn listen to you? Is this not an arrogant disposition? This is an arrogant disposition and a ferocious one at that.”

After I finished reading this passage of God’s words, I couldn’t help but feel very ashamed. To think that I believed when we parents educated our children, our starting-points were for their good, so we were beyond criticism. But through God’s words, I came to understand: I’m also a corrupted human being; the way I educated my son wasn’t truth; I asked him to obey me absolutely, and even more, I took charge of him at every turn, which wasn’t in accordance with God’s intention. Though he is my son in the fleshly relationship, he has his own thoughts and opinions. So I have no reason to get him to listen to me at every point. I was always strict with him. Wasn’t it Satan’s arrogant disposition? Thinking of this, I no longer thought my behavior was all for his good. At that point, I was willing to let go of my pride and position as a father and open up to him. Then I prayed to God, asking Him to prepare a suitable chance for me.

One night, I saw my son had nothing to do and then I came to him and said calmly, “Son, let’s have a heart-to-heart talk.” He nodded in agreement. I asked him, “Before, when I lost my temper at you, what did you think?” He replied, “I just really wanted to tell you my inner thoughts. Actually, I had the plans in my mind and I knew I needed to arrange my time properly.” His words were beyond my expectation. Then I said, “In fact, I want you to have good study habits. When I saw you played games and didn’t do your homework, I got anxious inside. So I lost my temper at you. That was my fault. From now on, I’ll no longer do that, and if something happens, I’ll discuss and communicate with you….” That night we talked a lot as friends. Since he also read God’s words at usual times, finally, I said, “Let’s make an appointment: In the future, if I do something wrong, you can point it out to me. We help each other, pay attention to practicing God’s words and pursue being Christians God likes. OK?” He answered happily, “OK!”

I Realized My Son Had Grown up

That night, before I slept, I read another passage of God’s words, “The child has, in fact, long since grown up, he’s long since established his own way of thinking, state of mind, insight, and viewpoints—he’s long since had these things—yet the adults never realize this, they can never keep up, they always talk and interact with the child as if he’d just been born.”

I thought: That’s right. As my son grows older, he indeed gradually has his own thoughts and opinions. However, I always felt he was a little child, so I controlled him and forcefully indoctrinated him with the ideas which I thought were right. Besides, I didn’t get enough sense to have heart-to-heart talks or communicate with him in order to have an understanding of the inner world of him. But through having a chat with him openly just now, I gradually felt he was no longer the naive child in my heart. On the contrary, he has his own thoughts and views, and isn’t the one who has no opinions or plans as I imagined. Just because my ideas were constrained, I treated him as a child at a few years old all the time as if he knew nothing. Having experienced these matters, I realized my son had grown up and he was no longer the child I thought or the one who must be watched and forced to go ahead by me. Meanwhile, I shouldn’t control what he did any longer, but instead should know more about his inner world and allow him to show his innocent and lively side belonging to his age group. In dealing with his doing homework, I let go of my high-handed means and learned to allow nature to take its course. As for some new things he wanted to learn, I didn’t simply restrict him but led him to differentiate and let him know which were positive and which were negative.

When I did these things, I saw my son sometimes finished his homework in advance, and what’s more, he offered to ask whether we could have a gathering. Seeing this, I was so happy inside that I couldn’t help but offer God boundless praise and gratitude, because I knew it was all under the guidance of God. At the same time, I also saw that when I did things based on my corrupt satanic disposition, what it brought us was all pain, depression and indifference; instead, when I acted according to God’s requirements, there were unexpected results.

At another two-day weekend after school started, I asked my son, “When are you going to do your homework?” He said he had planned that how much homework he intended to do in the morning, how much he would do in the afternoon and what he would do the next day. Hearing that he had arranged his own time regularly, I said, “OK, now that you’ve arranged, just do as you planned.” When I saw he was growing up and maturing and that he had his own plans and directions to do things, I thought I indeed couldn’t see him with my old eyes any longer, nor could I employ corrupt disposition to deal with our relationship. Under the guidance of God’s love, we are both gradually growing up. All the glory be to God!

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#God’s words #believed in God #Lord Jesus #God’s love #the kingdom of heaven