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megalony · 13 hours

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Stress Levels- Part 2

This is a follow up to my Eddie Diaz imagine, requested by anon. I hope you will all like it. Feedback is always appreciated.

Let me know if you'd like me to make this into a series.

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Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: After a harsh argument, Eddie and (Y/n)'s eldest daughter runs off. And they have to go and find her, scaring (Y/n) and the rest of the kids.

Enjoy.

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"Okay, ready?"

Tilting her head back, (Y/n) tried to force herself to smile and when Eddie held his hands out in front of her, she reached out for him. She let him help her out the car and as soon as she was on her feet, his left arm swooped around her waist, holding her into his chest like he thought someone was going to snatch her away.

Her head fell on Eddie's shoulder and she moved to press a kiss against his neck while his fingers ran up and down the side of her stomach. She could feel his right hand on her hip and his lips pressed to the top of her head as they walked slowly towards the emergency room.

(Y/n) didn't like this.

In all of their other four pregnancies, (Y/n) had only been down to the emergency room twice. They had a running streak of having easy, uncomplicated pregnancies. (Y/n) didn't want to start having complications now with baby number five.

Eddie's lips stayed meshed against her hair and he moved his right hand up from her hip to hold her shoulder. One of the many nerves sparking through his chest dulled down a little when he felt (Y/n) hold his left wrist and give a small squeeze.

It was a relief when they walked into reception and noted that there weren't many other people here tonight. Although it was only early into the evening, the emergency room usually livened up after nine o'clock.

"Do you wanna sit down and I'll tell them we're here," Eddie moved his hands down to (Y/n)'s hips and waited until she was sat down before he dared let her go.

He didn't like the tension he could see on (Y/n)'s face or how uncomfy she looked as she began smoothing her hand across her abdomen as if it would take away the contractions.

His eyes couldn't tear away from her even as he walked across to the reception desk that was thankfully vacant of a queue. He leaned his left elbow down on the desk and dragged his free hand through his hair. Eddie knew his smile wasn't convincing. The worry was evident on his face.

His family was the only thing that could get Eddie panicked like this.

"How can I help?"

"Hi, uh I've brought my wife, (Y/n) Diaz. She's only thirty weeks pregnant but she's started having contractions over the last hour or two. They're not going away."

"Her waters haven't broken yet? No falls or straining or accidents today?"

"No, none of that, just stress."

In the back of his mind, Eddie was waiting for (Y/n)'s water to break. The rational part of his mind knew that wasn't likely, she had only just started getting the contractions and if they got (Y/n) calmed down and looked at by a doctor, the contractions might stop. But Eddie felt like it would be just their luck to go and have this baby now.

He'd never looked after a preemie before, none of their babies had ever been this early. Eddie didn't want to have to think about having one of his babies in the neonatal unit, having to see them in an incubator rather than hold them and cuddle them and take them home.

Eddie had held every one of their kids after they were born and he cut all the umbilical cords, he wanted to keep that tradition with this baby.

"Take a seat and someone will call you in soon."

"Thanks." His fingers continued to card through his hair as he walked away from the desk and slumped down in the seat next to (Y/n).

At least this had happened after they found Liv. They weren't out combing the streets or sat crying, wondering where she was. That would definitely have pushed (Y/n) into early labour. But all the kids were safe with Bobby and Athena for the night and they were all happy to be with their grandparents for the night.

Reaching his hand across, Eddie curled his fingers around (Y/n)'s thigh and tried to smile when she leaned her cheek on his shoulder.

They stayed quiet for a few moments but (Y/n)couldn't help but wince and curl into Eddie when she felt another contraction.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him when his hand moved from her thigh to cup her stomach. He kissed the top of her head and started moving his hand around the lower part of her stomach for a while, trying to distract himself and take (Y/n)'s mind of the dull aching pain.

"Do you think I'll go into labour?" (Y/n) kept her voice quiet and turned to the left so she could push into Eddie's side a little more. Her hands moved to his arm that was draped across her chest and she curled her hands tightly around his bicep. Holding him against her as if he would dare let her go.

"I don't think so. They should be able to stop the contractions before that happens, mi amor. Don't worry."

"I hope so." (Y/n) murmured against his shoulder. She didn't want to have their baby now. They'd never had an early birth especially not this early on.

"You'll both be fine." Eddie moved his free hand to cup (Y/n)'s jaw so he could kiss her temple, gliding his thumb up and down her cheek for a few seconds.

"(Y/n) Diaz?"

They were both glad they didn't have to wait long. Neither of them were fans of waiting, it only made them both panic more and Eddie couldn't be doing with anymore panic. Not tonight. Not for the next few months.

He weaved his arm around (Y/n)'s waist and helped her up, gluing his chest into her back as they made a steady, slow walk down the corridor after the nurse that called them over. (Y/n) kept hold of his wrist and tried to take deep breaths and calm her system down. They followed her down into one of the cubicles and when she kindly pointed towards the bed, (Y/n) walked over.

Her teeth sank down into her lower lip and her hand tightened around Eddie's wrist while her other hand pressed into the bed and she leaned forward. A deep, shuddering breath escaped her lips and she closed her eyes, wishing away the contraction.

With each one that hit, (Y/n) suddenly feared she was going to look down and see her waters break and trickle down her legs. But it hadn't happened yet. That had to be a good sign.

"Okay, how far along are you, (Y/n)?"

When she sat down on the bed, (Y/n) reached back out for Eddie's hand, relieved when he moved closer and stood beside her. His other hand tangled in her hair and he leaned down to kiss her temple, momentairely taking her mind off her discomfort.

"Thirty weeks."

"And it's just contractions that came on tonight, no other problems or symptoms? No fluids or bleeding?"

"Nothing like that." (Y/n) lifted her shirt up and tucked it beneath her bra while she shook her head. Her hand deadlocked around Eddie's and she tried to focus on him instead. He had his left hand tangled in hers and his right arm was now bound in front of his chest so tightly he was barely breathing. His chin tilted down and his eyes were intently focused on (Y/n)'s stomach as if he wished to see through her skin and check on the baby himself.

He watched the nurse press the heel of her hands down on (Y/n)'s stomach and move around but he could see the way (Y/n) twitched and held her breath when it hurt.

"Well baby feels quite high up from the pelvis which is a good sign, and contractions don't seem close together. Let's do a scan and see baby's heartbeat."

Moving her hand, (Y/n) bit down on her thumb and watched the nurse move the ultrasound over.

What would they do if something was wrong? What if the baby was distressed or (Y/n) really did have to go and have the baby tonight? Would the baby be alright? They'd have to call Athena and Bobby and see if the kids could stay with them. They'd have to get things changed and sorted out if the baby was coming now.

They didn't even have the crib down from the attic yet. This baby hadn't exactly been planned, but after having Lilah, they kept the crib in the attic in case they had any more kids down the line. It wasn't so surprising to find out they were having another baby; there was only one year separating Trixie and Lilah, after all.

"Is this your first?" The nurse smiled softly while she moved the sonogram around (Y/n)'s stomach. She was clearly trying to keep them both calm and relaxed and stop them from panicking.

Eddie managed a smile and gave (Y/n)'s hand a squeeze before he shook his head. "No… no this is number five."

Eddie could still hear the team teasing him amidst their congratulations when he told them (Y/n) was pregnant again. He was by far the one in the team with the most kids which everyone loved to point out. It was something Eddie was proud of.

"Oh, you're experts at this then." She smiled kindly before she turned the monitor so they could both see. "Okay, baby's head isn't near the pelvis, they've stayed in the usual position thus far. Fluid levels look good, placenta is in place and blood flow is all okay."

Relief swarmed through (Y/n) as she looked between Eddie and the monitor. They could see their baby up there on the screen, just the same as they had been last week at their routine scan. If that all sounded okay then they had a big chance of walking out of here in a few hours with their baby right where they should be.

"You shouldn't have started to dilate yet which is good for us… I'd like to check your blood pressure and temperature and if all looks okay, I'll go fetch a doctor. We can give you an injection to relax your muscles and stop the contractions."

She took a quick picture of the scan before she handed (Y/n) some towels to clean the gel from her stomach.

That sounded good.

Their baby wasn't moving or engaging ready to be born, (Y/n)'s body was just getting confused and panicked. But she wasn't showing signs of fully going into labour and her body clearly wasn't ready if her waters hadn't broken and the baby wasn't moving down yet.

(Y/n) held out her arm and waited patiently for the band to tighten around her upper arm below her shoulder. She watched Eddie lean over to look at the results and he nodded. Her blood pressure was within the normal range which was as surprising as it was reassuring.

"Temperature is good, I'll go get everything ready."

"Thank you." Once she left the room, Eddie leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of (Y/n)'s head while she gave his hand a squeeze. "See? Our girl's not going anywhere."

"It might be another boy." (Y/n) smiled tiredly and tilted her head back, trying to dampen down her smile when Eddie kissed her. He kissed her again and a third time and he smirked when (Y/n) gave a sharp tug on his hand when he pulled away.

Her eyes followed him as he leaned over and grazed his fingers across her stomach and kissed the top of her bump.

"It's a girl, trust me."

They never found out the gender during each pregnancy, they waited until the birth to find out and so far, every time Eddie said they were having a girl, he was right. (Y/n) had been right when they had Chris, she just knew they would have a boy. And she thought this time they might be having another little boy, but Eddie was dead set on a fourth girl.

The guys at the station were all placing bets about the baby and only Hen and Athena thought it would be a boy, the same as (Y/n). Everyone else was betting on a girl. With Eddie's track history of three daughters, guessing on a girl seemed the safest bet.

"This is Doctor Menon," The nurse smiled and came back into the room with a metal trolley that (Y/n) didn't dare look at. She didn't want to see any needles. She wasn't queasy when the kids were having their vaccinations but anything for (Y/n) herself, made her feel faint. Which wasn't good with the amount of blood tests she had to have each time she was pregnant.

"Hi there. Let's see if we can get you and baby settled again, shall we?"

"Oh God," (Y/n) looked over at Eddie when she caught sight of the needle. That didn't look good.

"Are you not good with needles?" The doctor's voice was soothing and she had a calm smile. She must see a lot of patients who weren't the best when it came to having injections or getting bloods taken.

(Y/n) shook her head wordlessly and kept her eyes on Eddie who only smiled and kissed her temple. At least she was lying down. Eddie wouldn't have to reach out and catch (Y/n). When she'd had a vitamin injection three months ago she blacked out so fast Eddie had to lean forward and catch her before she crumpled down to the floor.

This way if she felt sick or fainted or just blacked out, she was lying down and wouldn't hurt herself.

"It's just one injection but it's in your tummy I'm afraid."

"How long until we know if it's worked?" Eddie pulled (Y/n)'s hand so he could kiss the back of her hand and hold it against his lips.

"We'll do the injection, set up the monitors to watch over the baby and keep you here in observation. If the contractions stop and all vitals look good, we can send you home later on tonight."

The doctor could see her words made (Y/n) feel a lot better. She wanted to go home. She thought coming here would mean getting checked over and possibly be admitted onto a ward. The worst case scenario was being shipped across to the maternity ward and having this baby now or within the next few days. But everything had to be okay if they were willing to send (Y/n) home tonight.

"Try and hold still, it won't take long."

(Y/n) pressed her face into Eddie's hip and felt his fingers tangling through her hair. She pushed as close to him as she could while he held her hand against his lips and watched the doctor. A shiver tore through (Y/n)'s stomach at the antiseptic wipe across her stomach and Eddie clenched his jaw when he looked at the needle. He could feel his heart breaking for (Y/n).

The moment the needle punctured into her stomach, (Y/n) whimpered and tried to tense up and stay still. She could feel her head clouding over and the baby twisted as the needle went right into her muscles.

Her head felt fuzzy and her heartbeat pulsed through her temple so loud (Y/n) didn't hear the doctor telling her it was all done. She stayed still and silent, huddling close to Eddie when monitoring stickers were placed around her stomach and a pulse clip was placed on her index finger.

"We'll leave you be for a while and we'll do checks every twenty minutes. If the contractions don't stop in the next ten minutes, page for a nurse and we can try another injection."

"Thank you. See, mi amor, you're both gonna be fine."

***

"Everything's okay then? I won't- I won't start having anymore contractions again, will I?"

(Y/n) bit down on her thumb and looked over at the nurse before she looked across at Eddie. She always seemed to look for validation from Eddie rather than from the doctors. It was as if Eddie's medical knowledge was better or more advanced. But (Y/n) knew it was because he knew just how to calm her down and if Eddie thought everything was okay, (Y/n) would too.

She was glad the doctor was doing an ultrasound now that the contractions had stopped, just to put everyone's mind at ease.

"Contractions haven't come back in three hours, your vitals are fine and baby is very settled. I'm happy to discharge you and I'll make a note for you to see a midwife in two days just to be safe."

(Y/n) nodded and sat up, relieved to have the annoying, itching monitoring stickers removed from her stomach.

The contractions had come to a stop almost five minutes after the injection and they hadn't started since. It left (Y/n) and Eddie to sit and chat and almost drift off to sleep if it weren't for the checks the nurse made every twenty minutes.

"For the next two weeks you need to be on bed rest, though. No heavy lifting, no straining or stress. If you lose any fluid or have any kind of pains or contractions, come straight back. Okay?"

"Thank you."

(Y/n) would take that. She would go on bed rest- and not just because she knew Eddie and the kids would all enforce it. She had been on bed rest when they had Lilah for the last month when she got sick and her blood pressure rose. All the kids had loved it because they stayed in bed with (Y/n) and brought her drinks and baked her cookies and made her presents. She had never felt so loved.

She would stay in bed and take it easy if it meant keeping the baby safe and sound where they were. They couldn't have the baby yet, the contractions couldn't come back.

Eddie took the folded discharge papers and put them in his back pocket, securing his arm around (Y/n)'s waist when she stood up. He could tell from the way she leaned against him that her legs had turned to jelly from how long they had been sat in here, but it was more than worth it. It was worth the back ache and the numb, stuff legs if it meant (Y/n) and the baby were okay.

With a gentle smile, (Y/n) wrapped both her arms around Eddie's waist and buried her face in his chest as they walked out the cubicle and headed back down to reception to leave.

As soon as they were outside and Eddie had a signal back on his phone, he scrolled through his messages.

Bobby must have told Evan the situation because he had at least three messages and a missed call from Evan. Asking if everything was alright, if he needed Evan to have the kids tonight or tomorrow for them and to call him when he had news.

But Eddie felt his heart spasming when he realised he had a few messages off Liv too.

*Is mum okay? x *Are you having the baby? Is it my fault? x *Dad are you and mum mad with me? x *Dad I can't sleep. Can't I come down to the hospital and stay with you and mum? Please. Please. Please. x

"Okay?" (Y/n) mumbled softly into Eddie's shirt when he stopped walking and started scrolling through his phone.

"Yeah, just gonna call your dad, make sure the kids are okay." Eddie clicked on Bobby's contact and carried on guiding them towards the car.

He knew if he showed (Y/n) the messages from Liv she would only get upset and start to get worried again. He would talk to Bobby and see how all of the kids were but it was past eleven at night now so chances were they were all asleep. Although Liv's last message had been forty-five minutes ago so Eddie wasn't sure if she would be asleep or not.

"Eddie, how's everything going? Is she okay?"

There was no hint of tiredness in Bobby's voice and Eddie figured his father n law wouldn't go to sleep until he had heard about (Y/n) and knew what was happening. He was a worrier, just like Eddie, the only difference being Bobby knew how to remain calm.

Eddie kissed the top of (Y/n)'s head and helped her down into the car before he shut the door and leaned up against the bonnet.

"They're both okay, contractions have stopped, thank God. I'm taking her home now and as long as she's on bed rest she should be fine. Are the kids okay?"

"Oh that's a relief. All of them are fine, Chris didn't want to sleep he was a bit excited but the three of them are fast off now. Liv was still worried though, so we're having a hot chocolate."

That was what Eddie was expecting. Chris wouldn't have been settled at a surprise sleepover but since it was with his grandparents, Eddie wasn't expecting a meltdown. Chris had been hyper at the thought of staying over on a school night, something that only happened if his parents were away or unwell but he had been reassured they were both fine.

Now Chris and Trixie were fast asleep in the back room and Lilah was asleep with Athena. It was only Liv who refused to go to bed and Bobby couldn't blame her so he said he would stay awake with her and try to get her to go to sleep soon.

"You take (Y/n) home, I'm not on shift tomorrow so I'll sort the kids and take them to school."

"Thanks Bobby. Can you put Liv on for me?"

He waited patiently and heard a shuffling sound as Bobby handed the phone over to his eldest granddaughter. Her voice was timid on the other end and it made Eddie's heart break. He didn't know how many times he would have to reassure her that he wasn't angry with her, but Eddie would tell her a million times if he had to if it would calm her down.

"Liv, baby why are you still up, you okay?"

"I can't sleep, I wanted to go with you. Is mum okay?" Her voice gave away the fact that she was close to tears. And Eddie didn't want to speculate how much Liv had cried tonight, all because of him.

"She's fine I promise. I can take her home now on bed rest, the contractions have stopped."

"So- so the baby's not coming?"

"No births today… baby do you want us to come and pick you up? We're going home, we can stop by and get you and you can stay home with us tonight."

Eddie sighed and smiled to himself as he rounded the bonnet and climbed in the driver's seat. He could see what would happen if he didn't go and get Liv. Their daughter wouldn't sleep, (Y/n) would panic and Eddie would stay up all night wondering if Liv was okay and he would end up messaging her to check on her.

If the rest of the kids were fine and fast asleep, they could stay with Bobby and Athena for the night. It wouldn't be right or fair to wake them up and drag them out of bed in the middle of the night when they had school in the morning.

But if Liv was panicked and she wasn't going to settle, Eddie would rather bring her home where she would feel safe. Then, if she didn't sleep at home, Liv would at least be somewhere she was comfortable and she would be with her parents.

"You'll come get me? Just me?"

"Yeah, just you baby. Go tell grandad that I'll be fifteen minutes, okay?"

Turning her head to the right, (Y/n) tiredly opened her eyes and looked across at Eddie. "What are we doing?" She mumbled softly, giving Eddie's thigh a squeeze as he put his phone back in his pocket and started the car.

"We're gonna go get Liv and go home, mi amor."

***

A quiet groan vibrated at the back of Eddie's throat and he tiredly opened his eyes, trying to look around and take in his surroundings.

He pulled his head away from (Y/n)'s neck that he had been tucked into while he was sleeping and he slowly lifted his head and looked around. While his hand twitched and moved across (Y/n)'s stomach.

Eddie could barely feel his left shoulder from laying on his side for so long. His chest was moulded up into (Y/n)'s back with his right leg wedged between her thighs and his right arm protectively over her waist. He'd had a hand glued to her stomach since they'd left the hospital, even in his sleep he seemed attached to her and the baby.

He blinked through the darkness and looked around before his gaze locked on the doorway.

The bedroom door was open. Liv was stood in the doorway.

The eldest girl was stood there, a small halo of light from the hallway cast around her like a luminous glow. She had her arms folded and her hand anxiously rubbing up and down her arms, but she didn't move from the doorway.

It was what she always used to do as a child. Whenever she had a nightmare or she was worried about something and she knew she should be asleep, Liv would wait in the doorway. She would wait until her parents smiled or beckoned her over. They never told her off but she always feared being in trouble for being up late.

"Dad?"

"What's up baby?" Eddie's voice was thick and groggy as he slowly unravelled his arm from (Y/n)'s waist and pulled his leg free from the clutches of her thighs.

He flopped over onto his back and sat up to look over at her. It was past two in the morning and they had gotten home just after midnight. Eddie had hoped Liv would feel more comfortable back in her own bed and would of managed to get some sleep.

He and (Y/n) had already agreed that Liv didn't have to go to school tomorrow. She'd had a shock tonight and she was upset, not to mention she wasn't going to get much sleep. They didn't want her feeling horrid and going to school where she wouldn't be able to concentrate and would just feel upset.

"I can't sleep."

Liv continued to rub her hands up and down her arms, despite the twinge of pain in her right wrist that her grandad had graciously bandaged up for her when her dad confirmed it was only sprained.

She had tried to sleep, she tried everything. But she kept waking up. Her mind was too wired to go to sleep and she didn't know what to do. All Liv wanted was to sit with her parents. This was the first night in weeks where she had been alone with them without the younger kids and Liv wanted their comfort.

She wasn't at school in the morning so she would be home all day with both parents while her siblings were at school. But she couldn't sleep. She didn't know what to do.

"Do- do you want in?"

Without thinking twice, Eddie lifted the cover and motioned to the bed while his mind drew a blank.

He couldn't remember the last time Liv had climbed into bed with them. She was fourteen now, she was growing up and that hurt. But if she wanted to stay with them tonight, neither he or (Y/n) would have a problem with that.

They were used to Chris getting in bed with them, especially when he'd had a nightmare. And Lilah was almost always sneaking in because she didn't like sleeping alone. Sharing a room with Trixie wasn't enough, Lilah loved being cuddled and comforted. But it had been a long time since Liv had crawled into bed with them for a hug and a good night's sleep.

Eddie could feel his lips quirking into a smile when Liv hurried over to the bed in a split second. She didn't think, contemplate, frown or look indecisive. She took the offer straight away.

She crawled onto the end of the bed and scurried up the middle and when Eddie shuffled over, she slid beneath the covers in the middle of the bed.

Liv smiled and burrowed down beneath the cover, feeling her heart jump free from her chest when Eddie kissed the top of her head and moved his pillow towards her. She laid on her back and held her breath, unsure which way to lie or how to snuggle down. But she stayed still when her mum started to move.

(Y/n) tiredly turned over to face the other way but her eyes shot open when she moved her arm and realised Eddie was no longer right behind her. When she realised who it was, (Y/n)'s tired expression softened and she leaned forward to kiss Liv's cheek. Her left arm looped around Liv's waist and she cuddled up to her, relieved when Liv held her arm and stayed tucked up in the embrace.

"Hi sweetie,"

Liv stayed lying on her back with (Y/n)'s arm over her chest and she closed her eyes when she felt Eddie curve his arm around her too and press another sloppy kiss to the top of her head.

"You know we love you, don't you, sweetie?" (Y/n) could feel sleep ebbing away at her and clawing at the back of her mind, but she wanted to talk to Liv first. They hadn't spoken much in the car; all three of them had been tired but now clearly Liv was wide awake.

"I know, I just… you're always so happy when you have a new baby, I don't- I don't want you to forget me."

Her eyes stayed closed so she wouldn't have to look at either parent and see their expressions. But when she felt both of them inch closer to her and wrap around her, she felt like crying. This is what she wanted. Liv wanted to feel like the younger kids, like she was the centre of their world and nothing else mattered.

She knew she had to share her parent's attention, Liv was the eldest so she understood this more than any of them. And she loved her sisters and her little brother.

But it didn't stop her from wanting her parent's attention or from worrying that with another baby in the house, she might be forgotten.

Liv could do more than her siblings. She could make her own food if she wanted to, she could clean and go out on her own and walk home from school by herself. She was more independent but she didn't want that to mean she had to stop feeling loved or that she had to do things by herself or look after her siblings. She worried a new baby meant there wouldn't be enough attention and that she wouldn't be as important anymore.

"Baby girl we could never forget you or push you away. You're our first baby, you're just as important. We don't have favourites you know, we really don't, you're all special and we love all of you."

Eddie spoke quietly against the top of her head while his hand cradled her face and his thumb brushed up and down her cheekbone. He closed his eyes and continued to kiss her head, keeping her as close as he could without suffocating her.

"This baby won't replace you or push you away, sweetie. You, are so special."

"Plus, being the eldest means you're the one we brag about the most." Eddie's voice lowered as he felt himself on the verge of sleep.

But his heart picked up the pace and he cracked an eye open when Liv gripped his wrist and tilted her head back so she could look up at him. They locked eyes in the darkness and Eddie could see traces of a smile on her face as she shimmied closer to him beneath the cover.

"You brag about me?"

He grinned and let out a low chuckle, moving closer until Liv was cuddled into his chest and he could stretch his arm across both of his girls. This was how they used to lay when it was just the three of them. This was how they cuddled up when Liv was little.

This was a memory that Eddie was so, so happy to relive and go through again.

"Of course we brag about you. I tell everyone at work what a smart-ass girl you are and how proud we are of you."

It made him think back to the time when Liv was nine, back in Texas. She'd started getting bad nightmares to the point she wouldn't sleep on her own. At first, she had dragged Eddie from his bed every single night and made him stay in her room with her until she fell asleep.

But then when Liv used to wake up and realise Eddie was no longer there, she would scream.

For over three months straight, Liv had come into Eddie and (Y/n)'s room and slept with them each night to feel safe. Even with Trixie being a toddler in the cot in the corner of the room and (Y/n) being pregnant with Lilah, they had still had Liv in bed with them every night to make her feel safe. And when Chris would come and find them, they had all their kids in the same room with them.

But this was different; this was better. It wasn't Liv being too frightened to sleep alone or waking with nightmares and staying with them every night.

It was Liv wanting comfort and attention while they were all alone together, and Eddie and (Y/n) were more than happy to oblige.

"Get some sleep, baby. We'll talk more in the morning. Love you."

#911 imagine #imagine #eddie diaz x reader #pregnant! reader #eddie diaz imagine #eddie x reader #eddie diaz #stress levels #bobby nash

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tinyundercover · 2 days

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pepper & felix

part eleven

the aftermath of last night word count: 2.5k

Felix stared at the ceiling, vaguely aware of the alarm beeping on his nightstand.

It was grating to his ears. Internally, he knew that he needed to get ready for class, but the events of last night simply refused to leave his mind. Stressful memories weighed down on him like a rock, leaving him motionless in his bed.

Pepper is my soulmate.

The voice in his mind and the borrower in his walls were the same person. It was comforting to finally have an explanation for his strange feelings towards Pepper, and why he always felt so drawn to him… but at the same time, it was hard not to feel absolutely terrified.

A month ago, he didn’t even know that borrowers existed. Worry fluttered around Felix’s chest as he wondered how they would possibly further their relationship, considering their vast size difference and the uncomfortable power imbalance between them. He had only held Pepper a few times, and he had been wracked with anxiety every single time. Now, he wasn’t just putting the life of a borrower in his hands, but his soulmate’s.

…And what was he supposed to tell his friends and family?

Felix sighed heavily, drawing his blanket further to him. Part of him wished he had stayed at Alice’s place yesterday to explain everything to her, but he hadn’t wanted to keep the borrowers there any longer. Today, he would have to talk to Alice alone and explain the situation without putting Pepper and his sister in more danger.

A sleepy, familiar voice suddenly floated into his mind, disrupting his thoughts. “Your alarm is going off.”

Felix sat up abruptly, finally registering the consistent beeping that filled the room. With a flush he leaned over, shutting off his alarm, then brought his hands to his chest. “Sorry. I was thinking.”

“About me, I hope,” Pepper said sleepily. A second later he added, “Basil says hi.”

It took a moment for Felix to register who “Basil” was. He drummed his fingers over his chest, curious, wondering if Pepper had meant to share his sister’s name or if it had slipped out by accident.

His lips twitched into a smile. “Tell her I said hi.”

“Mhmmm.”

Pepper’s voice had already drifted off into exhaustion. A warm feeling swirled around Felix’s chest, and as he got out of he bed, he tried to remain quiet for his small, sleeping guests.

——

Sunlight filtered through the window, dappling the floor of the hallway in yellow. Felix waited against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, checking his phone every few minutes.

Alice had agreed to meet him here, but as time stretched on, Felix was beginning to doubt her. His stomach twisted in a mixture of fear and guilt, and he prayed that Alice would at least be willing to listen. They had been friends for almost three years. He wanted more than anything to give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Hey.”

Felix glanced up, heart skipping a beat when he caught sight of Alice approaching. Her expression was empty, but Felix couldn’t help but notice the tightness of her hand around the strap of her bookbag.

“Alice,” Felix said in relief, straightening up. “Hi.”

She stopped a few feet away and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms. Her blue eyes danced over his form before meeting his gaze again. She said nothing, clearly expecting him to talk first.

“Did you tell anyone about them?” Felix asked before he could stop himself.

Dark lashes blinked. “...Why would I do that?” Alice responded after a moment, tilting her head. Felix still couldn’t read her emotions. “No one would believe me.”

Relief rushed into Felix’s chest, and he exhaled, nodding. “Good. Thank you. They’re not supposed to—”

“What the hell happened last night?” Alice cut him off, exasperation seeping into her tone. “Seriously, what the fuck?”

Felix immediately faltered. He supposed that was a fair reaction, but he still wasn’t prepared for her sudden frustration. “It’s— it’s a lot to explain.”

Alice raised her eyebrows.

“They’re just people,” Felix clarified, fiddling his thumbs and frowning. “But… a lot smaller. They’re not, like, dangerous or anything. Just people.”

“Well, obviously,” Alice pointed out. “I just want to know what they were doing in your apartment.”

Felix found himself at a loss for words. How much was he allowed to share with Alice without putting the existence of borrowers in any more danger?

“They’re my friends,” he said slowly.

Alice stared for a moment, eyebrows lifting. “You’re… actually friends with them?”

Felix frowned and nodded, and Alice crossed her arms, brow furrowing again. “Oh. When they said they were your friends, I… I thought they were lying. It’s not like you’ve ever told anyone about them.” She peered closer at Felix, eyes icy. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or Breanna? Owen?”

Warmth spread through Felix’s chest, a bit flustered to hear that the borrowers had referred to themselves as his friends. He then hardened his expression as he processed Alice’s other words, the warmth fading. “They’re a secret,” he pointed out. “Humans aren’t supposed to know about them because when they do they put them in jars.”

The anger entered his voice without meaning to. Alice stepped back, hurt etched in her expression. “What else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know– talk to them?”

“I tried to!” Alice exclaimed. “They just freaked out!”

“Alice,” Felix exhaled, momentarily pressing his fingertips to his temples, “they’re three inches tall. Just think about what we look like to them. Of course they would freak out– they were probably scared of you.”

“I barely touched them.”

Felix blinked, processing her words. Heat filled his chest, hot and angry. “Are you serious?”

“I mean– I put them in my pocket for a second, and then I put them in that jar, but that’s–”

“You hurt them!” Felix retorted before he could stop himself. Alice jumped. “Didn’t you see the bruise on Ba– on that girl’s face?”

Silence stretched between them for several seconds. Alice’s face fell, blinking rapidly. “That was an accident. She fell when she was in the jar.”

“That you put them in,” Felix objected, features sharp.

Alice stared at him, lips slightly parted, brow furrowed. Felix could sense the frustration floating off of her, and guilt instinctively crept its way into his chest past his own anger. He hadn’t meant for this to turn into an accusation.

It was hard for him to truly believe that Alice would intentionally harm either borrower beyond repair. As difficult as Alice was being, Felix understood that she was just confused about last night’s events. He couldn’t exactly blame her for acting irrationally towards the borrowers when she didn’t even know that they existed until twelve hours ago. (It’s not like his first interaction with Pepper had gone smoothly, either.)

Alice tended to maintain a tough, closed-off persona, which Felix usually found admirable. Unfortunately, Alice’s attitude meant that strangers tended to think she was cold-hearted– so Felix couldn’t even imagine how a borrower might perceive her, with every one of her actions amplified tenfold. Honestly, if Felix was three inches tall, he would be positively terrified of her.

Felix took a deep breath, focusing on Alice again. “Just… just please don’t tell anyone about them,” he said finally. “That’s all. I’m sorry you got mixed up in this.”

Alice said nothing.

—

“But did she say sorry?” Pepper demanded.

The borrower had his palms pressed to the back of his neck, pacing back and forth across the counter, mindful of the large knife being wielded only a foot away. Felix was chopping tomatoes on a cutting board, and although his eyes were focused on the knife, he was paying attention to what Pepper was saying.

“I think she feels bad,” Felix responded after a moment, brow furrowing.

“She should feel bad,” Pepper grumbled. “She could have killed us.” The memories of being shaken around a jar flashed through his mind, and he instinctively dropped his hands to hug himself, shuddering at the distant feeling of his joints slamming into solid glass.

Felix spared him a glance, eyes searching his small form, before turning back to the cutting board. “Ah… is your sister doing okay?” His voice was light.

Pepper stopped pacing and peered up at Felix. “She’s okay. She’s been sleeping all day, actually, but she’s overdue for some rest.” A miserable thought entered his mind, and he frowned, registering for the first time this evening that he was holding a conversation with a giant. “You know, yesterday was the first time she’s ever been seen by a human.”

Worry crossed Felix’s face. “Oh. That… that must have been awful.”

“It was.” Pepper nodded dejectedly, unable to sugarcoat it if he tried. “I mean, I was terrified, and I actually have experience with humans.” He gestured vaguely to Felix, who had abandoned the cutting board and was now giving Pepper his full attention. “But it was all new for her. It had to be so… overwhelming.”

The borrower sighed, gaze wandering to Felix’s hand, which was resting on the handle of the massive knife. “Being grabbed is not fun.” He shuddered at the memories of being trapped in an unrelenting grip, arms painfully pressed into his ribs. “You’re— you’re completely helpless, and when you’re against someone so much bigger than you it’s terrifying. It’s— it’s just…”

He trailed off at Felix’s wide-eyed expression. A twinge of guilt entered Pepper’s chest at the memory of their first meeting, and he shifted on his feet. “I’m really lucky that you’re nice,” Pepper added as an afterthought. Felix said nothing.

Felix remained quiet for the remainder of the cooking process, occasionally nodding or humming in response to Pepper’s rambling. Part of Pepper felt guilty for insulting Felix’s friend over and over again, but in his defense, she had literally kidnapped him.

In all honesty, it was just nice to spend some time with Felix alone.

“What are you making?” Pepper asked finally. Felix had moved further down the corner to where the stove was, turning the heat on. The occasional click or clang of Felix’s cooking equipment made Pepper a little dizzy, but he ignored it.

“Pasta,” Felix replied, holding up an uncooked piece of rigatoni before dropping it into a large pot. A flush crossed Felix’s face suddenly. “I, um, I thought these pieces might be easier for you to take home with you.”

Something fluttered in Pepper’s chest, warm and surprised. A small part of him— his defensive, primal instinct— hissed at him for taking handouts from a human.

But at the same time, it was a nice feeling to be considered in something as insignificant as dinner.

“Thank you,” Pepper said breathlessly.

As Felix stirred a wooden spoon into the pot, Pepper began his trek along the counter. Felix had moved the cutting board away after he had scraped the diced tomatoes into a pan, opening up Pepper’s path towards the stovetop.

As he approached, the heat from the humming stove was startling. Pepper had watched Felix cook for a year, but he had always been hidden away in the walls. This was the closest he had ever been to the stove while it was on.

A small gap, about half an inch long, was nestled between the edge of the gray countertop and the smooth white surface of the stove. On the burner closest to Pepper was a wide black pan, and although Pepper couldn’t see the pasta sauce within it, he could certainly smell it. Past the pan was a tall pot, bubbling with water.

The cooking process had become surprisingly loud in the last few minutes. Unable to quell his curiosity, Pepper stood up on his toes at the edge of the gap, trying to peer into the pan which contained the pasta sauce.

Felix caught his eye, and although Pepper trusted his own instincts, Felix certainly didn’t.

“Wh— hey,” Pepper objected, suppressing a flinch as Felix’s large hand suddenly approached. Alarm bells rang in his mind, and on instinct he dropped back into his heels.

Felix hadn’t touched him all day, hadn’t even tried. The last thing Pepper had expected at this moment was for Felix to grab him, especially after what happened last night.

But Felix didn’t grab him. The human barely even looked at him, blue gaze distractedly shifting from the small borrower back to the stovetop. Pepper blinked in surprise as the back of Felix’s knuckles bumped into his chest, slightly curled inward, gently nudging the borrower away from the stove. Pepper’s small hands landed on Felix’s forefinger for stability.

“Careful,” Felix murmured, withdrawing his hand and turning his attention fully back to the boiling pot of water.

Pepper blinked. His own hands floated in the air, empty and useless. He hadn’t expected the gentle touch from Felix, nor had he expected it to vanish seconds later, feeling strangely empty.

So much power resided within Felix’s hand. Pepper had felt the sheer force radiating from those fingers, each one surpassing him in height, and inwardly he knew that Felix could have done anything he wanted. Felix could have snatched Pepper up or swatted him away without even batting an eye, but the knuckles against Pepper’s chest had been soft, careful, gentle.

Felix was humming to himself, clearly not aware of how significant his action had appeared to Pepper. The borrower stared up at him, heart fluttering, suddenly in awe of the calculated way Felix was moving his hands around as he cooked.

It’s not like Pepper had actually been in danger. As a borrower, he knew better than to stand at the edge of the counter without paying close attention to where he placed his feet.

Still, as he stared up at his soulmate, he felt incredibly touched.

——

The empty jar was still sitting on Alice’s counter, sticking out like a sore thumb. She hadn’t touched it since last night.

It was hard not to stare at it. She leaned against the wall opposite to the counter, a glass of water in hand, the room silent aside from the faint hum of the kitchen light.

She couldn’t sleep.

She hadn’t been able to sleep last night, either, not since Felix had left her apartment with two tiny people in hand.

The jar seemed to taunt Alice. It was on its side, left there after Felix had tipped it to free the tiny people inside. If Alice looked closely, she could see the smattering of tiny handprints on the glass, each one smaller than her fingernail, and she could only wonder what the tiny people were doing now.

Her phone was in her hand before she could think about it, her thumb hovering over Felix’s contact, and she briefly thought back to how it had felt to hold two entire people in a fist. Her nose scrunched, and she stared down at her phone’s glowing screen, unable to move a muscle.

With a heavy breath she finally turned her phone off and slipped it into her pocket.

She’ll see Felix tomorrow at their first rehearsal, anyway.

------

tysm for reading!! <3

@smallsday @compact-katrina @satethesatelite @taters169 @entomolog-t @gtzel @gt-newbie @da3dm

#pepper & felix #g/t #g/t writing

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in1-nutshell · 1 day

Text

Bot Buddy being Rodimus's older sister and having a crush on Swerve

SFW, Platonic, Familial, Hinted Romance, Cybertronain reader

Buddy is a near carbon copy of Rodimus.

Key word ‘almost’.

Instead of sporting the red and oranges being her main color on her frame, Buddy has more blue tones with some yellow around.

That is where all similarities end.

Buddy being related to Ultra Magnus makes more sense than her being related to Rodimus.

“Hey Buddy! Watch this!”--Rodimus

Rodimus on the top of a tall shelf.

“Rodimus No!”—Buddy and Magnus

Buddy and Magnus look at each other in surprise.

“… I hate when you two do that.”--Rodimus

“Don’t care, get down here before you break something or hurt yourself.”--Buddy

“But—”--Rodimus

“Rodimus.”--Magnus

“…”--Rodimus

She was in fact close to him though.

Being a part of the Elite Guard for most of the war can do that.

The other part was stationed around communications and message relay for the Guard or the Wreckers.

That was where she first met Swerve.

It was purely by accident.

Swerve had been given the wrong number and connected her instead.

“Hello? How may I help you?”--Buddy

“You’re not Blurr. Who are you?”--Swerve

“You have the help line for the Wrecker’s and Elite Guard, do you require any assistance?”--Buddy

“Oh, no not really. I thought I had Blurr’s number. You know Blurr?”--Swerve

“Yes, I am familiar with the racer.”--Buddy

“Isn’t he the best! We were going to hatch a plan to build and run a bar when the war ended.”--Swerve

“Really? Blurr agreed to that?”--Buddy

“Absolutely! He even gave me his number, but I must have punched in the wrong digits and contacted you instead. Not that you haven’t been nice and all!”--Swerve

Buddy laughing a little bit.

“Its all right… umm… what is your designation?”--Buddy

“The names Swerve! And who might I be speaking with if you don’t mind?”--Swerve

“I’m Buddy—”--Buddy

“You’re THE Buddy!? Wow! This is just my day! I’ve heard so much about you and your work with the Elite Guard, The Wrecker’s…”--Swerve

Buddy gets a bit more comfortable on her end ready to continue this pleasant conversation with Swerve.

It was a slow day anyways… it felt nice.

That started a slow friendship between the two.

The chats had to happen on scheduled days since Swerve had a habit of talking too much and Buddy didn’t like to stop him.

Buddy refused to talk to Hot Rod about this.

Swerve was her friend.

Finally, someone that hadn’t been friends with Hot Rod before knowing her.

She was going to protect her friend’s identity as long as she could.

But of course, Hot Rod had a feeling his sister was hiding something from him and was going to get to the bottom of it.

Hot Rod dramatically draping his frame on Buddy’s berth.

“Why won’t you tell me!”—Hot Rod

Buddy rolling her optics.

“I’m not telling you squat Roddy.”--Buddy

Hot Rod suddenly sitting up.

“What if its… someone?”—Hot Rod

Buddy frame stiffens a bit.

“It is someone!”—Hot Rod

Hot Rod flopping on her back and starts popping her side annoyingly.

“Who’s the lucky bot who’s got my stuck up of a sister like this?”—Hot Rod

Buddy grabs his digit and slightly bends it backwards.

“Hey! OWW!”-Hot Rod

“Keep it up and I’ll bend more than your digit Hot Rod. Got that?”--Buddy

Buddy lets go of his digit and crosses her arms glaring at him.

“Fine, fine, I wont start talking about your secret—”—Hot Rod

Buddy judo flips her brother to the floor.

Hot Rod was over the moon hearing that there might be someone out there for his stuck-up sis.

Maybe it would help loosen her up.

Primus knows she needs to stop stressing so much.

Buddy just wishes that Hot Rod would drop the subject… but is secretly pleased to hear that he is happy that she found someone she likes.

…then came Rodimus Prime.

Buddy felt their sibling bond significantly weakened thanks to the matrix bonding.

Rodimus didn’t seem to notice but Buddy did.

But she refused to acknowledge it to him.

He was a Prime now, he had other things to worry about than her.

Just pushing through trying to get her work done.

Timeskip to the Lost Light…

Buddy was not aware that Swerve was on the ship until she got wind of the bar.

She walked in and zeroed in on the minibot.

Buddy walking over to the bar where Swerve had his back to her.

“Welcome to Swerve’s you see anything you like?”--Swerve

Buddy smiles a bit.

“Hmm… I don’t know you recommend anything Swerve?”--Buddy

Swerve stops cleaning the glass in his servo and turns around, wide eyed.

Buddy smiles a bit more seeing Swerve’s own face light up.

“Buddy!”--Swerve

Swerve reaches over the bar to hug his friend.

Several bots at the bar stop seeing the small bartender hugging one of the most strict bots on bourd.

“… 20 shanix that Buddy tells Swerve off.”--Skids

“Deal.”--Chromedome

“Domey--”--Rewind

“Wrong. 50 and she throws him out.”--Whirl

“She wouldn’t do that… right?”--Tailgate

Buddy hugs Swerve back while silent chaos ensues behind them.

So many bots thought that Swerve was going to die that day.

Rodimus had so many com pings within that hour.

He brushes the pings off like a rumor.

Especially when he hears about something potentially happening between Buddy and Swerve.

… That changes when Rodimus starts to notice Buddy hanging out more and more at Swerve’s.

This was the first flag to be raised.

Buddy doesn’t ‘do’ crowded bars.

But he brushes it off as Buddy finally letting loose.

Rodimus is talking with Drift when he notices Buddy at the bar.

“Isn’t it nice seeing Buddy happy?”--Drift

“Hmm? Yeah… but it’s a bit weird seeing her out here.”--Rodimus

Drift raises an optic.

“She doesn’t like big, crowded places, it’s ‘Too loud and too much engex being spilled all over’.”--Rodimus

Drift looking at Buddy happily talking with Swerve at the counter.

“Maybe she’s here for someone?”--Drift

Rodimus downing the rest of his drink laughing at the end.

“Ha! That’ll be the day.”--Rodimus

One time a rather rude bot had come to the bar and demanded to know why he was cut off from the drinks.

All while he was slowly tipping to the side.

Buddy tried to de-escalate the situation.

“Listen, we are all civilized bots here. Lets just get you back to your habsuite or the med bay if—”--Buddy

The bot looks at Buddy and spits in their face.

“Can it! Your nothing more of a has been-washout-guards-bot who is only good for a pretty paperweight!”—Random Bot

Buddy wipes the spit infused engex from her optics, glares at the bot harshly, about to unleash the Pits when she gets interrupted.

“HEY!”--Swerve

Swerve stands on the bar counter gaining some height, his servos shaking at his sides.

“Don’t you EVER talk to her like that! Now. Get. Out. Of. MY! BAR!”—Swerve

Buddy feels her spark skip a pulse looking at the mini bartender.

The bot tries to take a swing at him, but Buddy grabs the fist in her’s.

Buddy’s optics blazing in fury.

“You heard the minibot.”--Buddy

Buddy kicks the bot in the back of the knee and throws the frame across her shoulder.

Marching outside and kicking the bot several feet away from the entrance.

“Get. Out.”—Buddy

“… She gonna be my Amica.”--Whirl

“Whirl, not the time.”--Cyclonus

“Well, I can’t be her Conjunx. Swerve has that covered; this is the next best thing.”--Whirl

“Swerve does not—”--Tailgate

Whirl points at Swerve still standing on the counter with a lovesick smile on his face.

“…Maybe your right.”--Tailgate

“Tailgate, Whirl no.”--Cyclonus

“Hold on Cyclonus, they might have a point.”--Rewind

“Rewind—”--Chromedome

Cylcnous puts a servo on Chromedome’s shoulder shaking his helm.

Chromedome sighs giving in as Whirl, Tailgate, and Rewind scheming in silence.

Buddy managed to cuff the bot and send him to Magnus.

The bot never came back to Swerve’s.

Swerve has heart shaped optics behind his visor.

You’d have to be blind not to see his clear ‘admiration’ for the former member of the Elite Guard.

But he is convinced that all of this will pass.

It’s not like Buddy would actually have feelings for him.

Meanwhile Buddy has started creating Swerve/Love playlists in secret.

A secret that she is taking with her until she goes offline.

#transformers x reader #maccadam #bot buddy #idw mtmte #mtmte x platonic reader #mtmte x reader #mtmte rodimus #mtmte swerve

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rechicken-and-waffles · 14 hours

Note

Remember when I asked you about the Tangle as a member of Team Chaotix AU? Hear are from ideas I have from it

-She's Charmy's main babysitter when Espio and Vector are busy, which makes Charmy absolutely attached to her and sees her as a sister

-Every weekend, they play Go Fish (Reference to when they played it during the Battle for Angel Island arc)

-Tangle sees Vector as a father figure, into which she calls him Dad sometimes on accident, but Vector would just shed manly tears because he's a proud papa

-Charmy would sometimes use Tangle's tail as a pillow when he needs to sleep, and either Vector or Espio use it as a stress toy when they're overworked, cuz who can resist all that fluff

-Tangle and Espio have a master and student relationship as Espio teaches Tangle a lot about his Ninjitsu, but as well as a bro and sis dynamic.

(I have more but these are the ones I love the most)

I think Vector and Espio leave Tangle to babysit Charmy one time and come back to the house already destroyed. Vector is like "we need a babysitter for the babysitter" dfghjkjhgfd. Charmy and Tangle siblings tho, I love that

TANGLE CALLING VECTOR DAD OMG 😭😭😭 Vector really is everyone's dad fr

And ooooooooo Ninja Tangle, someone should draw that (*cough cough* @pocketscribbs *cough cough*)

#rechi answers #sorry for the tag Scribbs but you need to see this dfghjklkjhgfghjjhgfd #all of these are so good

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sortasirius · 21 hours

Text

Another day, another episode I’ll have to put myself through again because I was too stressed out and I know I missed a ton.

But in the meantime, here are my buddie centric thoughts, I’ll do another post on just Buck:

This is the first time that we’ve really had Buck in a life-threatening situation in front of the whole team that they could rush in to immediately. The crew wasn’t there during the tsunami and they couldn’t just run in when he got crushed by the truck because of the bomber, so to see the reaction from all of them about this horrible freak accident, it was something else.

We’ve seen Buck lose it twice when Eddie nearly died (buried alive and shot) and that desperation that he showed is mirrored in a way with Eddie. Screaming Buck’s name, the parallel of Eddie trying to drag him back onto the ladder, the same way Buck dragged Eddie under the rig when he was shot. Two sides of the same coin.

Eddie trying to take over compressions from Chim before Bobby has to actually rip him away and tell him he’s driving.

“We’ll do our best.”

“Do better.”

The way Eddie is clearly about to lose it when they wheel Buck away, held up by the rest of the crew.

And then…Chris. Chris, who insists on seeing Buck, “I have to talk to him.” Yet another parallel of Eddie having to talk to Chris about what happened to Buck the way Buck had to talk to Chris about what happened to Eddie. How they both lose it when they talk about losing the other.

And you can see, when they’re in the room and Chris is asking questions, how Eddie is at a distance, and shakes his head at once point when Chris can’t see, never directly looking at Buck the entire time he’s in the room.

The most insane thing about this is that it’s the only time we see Eddie in Buck’s hospital room when he’s unconscious. We see everyone else in there repeatedly, but not Eddie. Why? They’re best friends, surely he would want to be there for him.

But the thing is, I don’t think he can. Looking at the scene with Chris, how he refuses to get near Buck’s bed, how he won’t even look directly at him, Ryan Guzman says it all without saying a word.

He can’t be in there, he can’t look at Buck because looking at him like that, with the tubes and the ECMO, it makes it real that he could die. That Eddie could lose him.

Plus, Eddie is a paramedic, he knows what an induced coma and ECMO mean, even more so when you take into account that Chim literally tells him when Shannon is dying that, if they intubate her, she likely won’t wake up. He’s reliving that all over again, grappling with the idea that Buck will never wake up, that he’ll never speak to him again.

I truly think the only reason he went in that room was because Chris demanded it. And it’s not because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to, it’s because he can’t stand to think that he might lose him.

It’s so fascinating how similar their reactions are, but are marked by their distinct personalities. Buck goes to pieces, screaming and desperate, while Eddie shuts in on himself, so that not even Chris can really get through to him. Eddie trying to pull Buck up while Buck tried to dig Eddie up. Eddie keeps his distance when Buck wakes up, where Buck was there the moment Ana called.

This feels important, to finally have a similar moment for Eddie when we’ve had it twice for Buck, the idea of losing one another, reckoning with that potential grief, a window into what would happen to one of the other died. Truly haunting acting choices from Ryan, it made me see more than ever that Buck is truly number two in Eddie’s life, only behind Christopher.

#buddie #911 #liveblog #my meta #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz

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teecupangel · 5 months

Note

Been learning about animals again and I came across the Dunkleosteus. For some reason I think it's kinda cute so I wanna see how Desmond would act as that (and possibly some mauling-)

For those unfamiliar with how a Dunkleosteus looks like, here’s the estimate of its sizes and a reconstruction of how it could possible look like:

It seems Dunkleosteus is most native to America (although it’s also possible there were some in Europe?) so a Dunkleosteus Desmond could easily make contact with Ratonhnhaké:ton but you know what would be fun?

If he makes contact with the Colonial Brotherhood before its fall instead…

He’s just living his best fish life, maybe wondering if there is any real reason why he became a fish? Maybe a big brain plan from Min-

…

He’s a fish.

Naaahhh.

Is it strange that he was bigger than most fishes?

Of course.

But he was simply going to ignore that.

Then… one day, Desmond’s calm peaceful (boring) waters suddenly grew noisy.

Okay, ‘suddenly’ was the wrong word to use.

The noises started far away but continued to come closer and closer until whoever were making those noises were right on top of him.

He heard the word ‘Assassin scum!’ and grew curious so he swam upwards.

Just to see what was happening, of course (or so he would tell himself).

Unfortunately, he had gotten so used to his new body and the peacefulness of the waters that he… accidentally! … smacked the little rickety boat with his fin while he was making his way to poke his head out of the water for a moment.

The Templar lost his footing while the Assassin managed to grab hold of the boat’s side after falling to their knees and Desmond (just so happened!) had his mouth opened and uuuhh…

He might have accidentally chomped off the Templar’s upper half???

Desmond felt so disgusted that he immediately threw it back up though!

And… it kinda sorta… fell back onto the ship where the Assassin remained staring at him with wide eyes and a pale complexion.

Understanding he must have traumatized the Assassin, he just… plopped back down to the deepest part of the waters…

… was there an underwater equivalent of a toothpaste around here?

A few months later, Desmond hears a few noises once more and swims closer to check what was happening.

This time, he made sure to not hit the boat with any part of his body nor did he swim above water to peek!

Hearing them clearly is fine at this point, considering the trauma he and that poor Assassin had to endure.

“Alright, here’s the first one! Careful not to rock the boat too much!”

“If you’re so worried, how about you come help!?”

“Someone has to keep the boat steady, ya fool!”

“Oh, and it has nothing to do with you vomiti-”

Their conversation was interrupted by a big splashing sound and…

Desmond stared as the corpse of a clearly dead… absolutely dead… man started to drop deeper and deeper into the waters.

“Why’s Miss Jensen having us drop these here anyway?”

“They’re all Miss Jensen’s family’s enemies. Remember? The ones she calls Templars?”

Another body dropped onto the waters, its empty eyes seemingly staring at Desmond as it slowly drop to the depths.

“Aye, I remember that. I’m asking why we traveled here to drop them?”

“I heard that fish saved Miss Jensen one time. They say she wants to feed the fish who saved her.”

Another body dropped and Desmond think it’s high time he just goes away, further away from all these corpses.

Some of the other fishes would probably eat them.

Maybe???

As Desmond began to swim away, he heard the men continue to converse, even though the one of them was slightly out of breath with all the corpses he was dropping (no wonder they were using a bigger boat than the one Desmond saw last time).

“That doesn’t sound like Miss Jensen.”

“Of course not. Miss Jensen says there’s a big fish here that likes to eat human so this is the perfect place to take care of the ‘remains.”

“Oh, that sounds more like her.”

#dunkleosteus desmond #desmond accidentally bites half of a guy off #he would like to stress that it was by accident #assassin's creed #desmond miles #hope jensen #i just thought it would be fun if it was someone else #instead of shay or achilles XD #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed #ask and answer #desmond is turned into an animal subgenre #desmond is turned into a creature subgenre

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welcometogrouchland · 1 month

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May I ask about your Jason Todd idea? <3

Hm, okay so. How to lay this out sensitively since I know it might be a tad controversial...

Prefacing by saying I'm not an expert on the minutias of Jason characterization. I like him when he appears, I think the battle for the cowl/Morrison era and some parts of modern era for him are Weird and Bad, but I'm not Jason scholar (for that I'd say maybe check out @/tumblingxelian and their great video essays), I'm just trying to think of what might be an interesting step forward for him.

First, the canon facts

Jason got lobotomized and has panic disorder on steroids. By the end of Gotham War (specifically when Jason was. Flying the batplane into the asteroid. God I can't believe that's the plot) he was finding it in himself to power through said panics

In Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing #12, the joker gives Jason a "low dose" of joker venom, which has an ambiguous effect on Jason, allowing him to power through the fear (which joker explicitly states is still very much present, just not physically debilitating, like when Jason couldn't run over in either Catwoman #57 or #58, the one with the kid in the building) even though he'd been able to do that sans venom over in Gotham War, like I previously stated.

The effect of said joker venom seems to be lingering for now, minus the creepy grin side effect it gave Jason over in that man who stopped laughing issue, as seen in the latest batman issue (number is escaping me rn, #147??). He still has the stutter which is a shorthand for fear, he's drawn with fearful expressions by Jorge Jimenez, but he says that he's "working through it" thanks to the chemicals

This is both super interesting and kind of maddening as it doesn't completely remove the consequences of what happened in Gotham War, but is trying to sweep them under the rug and get back to business as usual. I, however, propose making said consequences front and center like a fashionable urn on a mantle piece:

Since it's never stated how exactly the joker venom works, and I think the current answer is "it works how the story needs it to" I've decided that because it's a low dose, it eventually wears off. And when it wears off, Jason's back to square one in terms of mental state. Ergo, if Jason doesn't want to live the rest of his life as quaking shivering husk of his former self...he's going to need more.

(read more for the meat of things)

So, Jason self medicates for a condition given to him by the father he has endlessly complicated feelings towards with a cure invented by a man who represents everything he hates in the world who once tried to take everything from him.

Which, insert poetic cinema gif here, I'm quite proud of myself for that one.

Anyway, there's a lot of directions you could take this. Personally I think it'd be interesting to explore Jason trying to get back into the drug trade like he did in UTRH (FULL TRANSPARENCY I HAVEN'T READ THE FULL COMIC, I KNOW BROADSTROKES BUT IM NOT GONNA TRY AND MAKE PARALLELS) as he tries to use the resources (production plants and other drug runners who can hook him up with samples of joker toxin/similar stuff you can probably find around Gotham) to manufacture his own cure that means never having to go back to the joker again. Maybe he ambushes a joker toxin chemical production plant to get his own supply, and then Jason uses this as his foothold back into that world.

This isn't necessarily me saying we should regress Jason alll the way back to UTRH, that was before his anti-hero era and I'm not willing to fully shoot him back into the past. I just think that's not how you tell good stories in a medium like comics. But it'd inherently be a little different just bc he's doing it for different, slightly more self motivated (depending on your take on villain Jason) reasons and the people around him would have a different reaction to it.

Anyway, all sorts of problems can arise! Depending on how you wanna characterize Jason (wayward son who longs to be back in the fold or black sheep who doesn't play by daddy's rules, etc) he can either a) try and hide this criminal enterprise from his giant family full of nosy detectives (good idea there jay) OR do it out in the open, trying to justify himself but still putting himself on the opposite side of the family again (not the law bc that boy hasn't been on the 'right' side of it since he died)

There's also the fact that Jason now needs to take something 24/7 in order to live his life. He essentially can't be without it, he's dependent on it, in fact he'd get sick without it despite any adverse effects it may have on him (which are guaranteed, I mean. No clinical trials)

I imagine it'd be easy to become addicted to it in some way.

And uh. This is the part where it works slightly better as a fanfic pitch than an actual comic pitch. Because as much as I think it'd be such an interesting beat for Jason's character considering his fraught history with addiction and drugs (looks away from that one urban legends story where he suggests terrorising addicts to get to the suppliers and bruce lectures him. The easiest way to make Mr "we don't sell drugs to children" sympathetic and you beefed it)

I also fully recognise that this is a sensitive topic that DC doesn't have the best track record with (although addicts aren't a monolith and feel a number of ways about addictions portrayals in comics) and that there's probably some pitfalls inherent in the premise, namely bc of Jason's background as an impoverished kid and his grey morality, and how those play into stereotypes of addicts. Addiction is already such a misunderstood and stigmatized condition that I imagine playing with it with an antihero might be enough to turn some people off. Addiction is not a moral failing and I'd hate to write it as a moral failing of Jason akin to his willingness to kill, etc.

But with all that said, I think that stereotypes are primarily harmful because of their shallowness. They inhibit understanding of groups labeled "other" by presenting them in simplistic ways that don't portray richness or complexity. And I think a truly good red hood comic could give both sympathy and complexity to Jason, even as an addict. If anything, Jason is a popular character (mostly) and there could be something nice about seeing a main character go through what you're going through, gritty details and all. YMMV (can we bring that back btw?) and it depends on execution. There's a lot of ways it could go wrong, but seeing as it just lives as a hypothetical rn, I think there's also a lot of ways it could go. I mean, not right, it's a downer story beat for Jason but it's mostly meant to be interesting and a vehicle for more stories as Jason navigates it, ya know?

Anyway, I have a lot of spiels littered in my notes app and discord DMs that elaborate on all this (how this could work as act 1 in a broader Jason story where his little operation goes to shit and he has to hit the road (jack) and maybe do some character development for better or worse. I'm a sucker and wanna say better- not squeaky clean better but. Yknow, finding himself to an extent. I recognise I'm a sap and a fool tho. Or how a new outlaws team could factor into either of those eras (since I do like Jason with an outlaws team. It gives him an excuse to exercise his compelling relationships and dynamics with other characters without having to constantly tip-toe around the elephant in the room whenever he's with the batfamily all the time. He just needs a good lineup) but that's all for another time

... though without elaborating on the vision in my head it kind of just sounds like my pitch is "Jason gets addicted to his hyper-anxiety medication" BUT I SWEAR ITS MORE THAN THAT.

It's like. If Jason has struggled as a character (and this is very subjective on my part so feel free to disagree) because he has compelling relationships with all of the batfamily, but also has compelling grey morality that makes it hard to capitalize on those relationships, without the conflict always coming to "Jason stop killing!" "Nuh uh!" OR just being ignored, and the main way writers have addressed this is via reboots instead of arcs...

Then giving Jason and the bats:

real, legitimate and fresh reason for jay to be mad at Bruce (taking their relationship of love with very little understanding to it's most dramatic conclusion)

give the family a real reason to want to bring him back into the fold (feel bad about the lobotomy and it would be pretty immoral to let Jason waste away slowly and painfully because of something Bruce did)

capitalize on all the ways Jason is sympathetic (bc the addiction is a natural lead into his backstory, which is one of his most sympathetic elements)

And the ways in which he's very out of step with the bats post-resurrection (I'd be mad asf too if i came back to life just for my dad to a) not avenge me and b) LOBOTOMIZE ME meanwhile the cunt ass clown giving me my meds is just lurking out there).

Idk it's not a sophisticated pitch as of this moment but I think a real chef (writer) could cook something w/ this

#ramblings of a lunatic #do i maintag this #uhh #dc #that's enough i don't need to bother ppl with my brain dump #you made the mistake of asking /j #i hope it's not. too out of left field for what you were expecting? if you were expecting anything #this has just been rattling in my brain since i was venting about gotham war to a friend while sick a while ago #idk jasons a hot topic rn he's seemingly controversial atm but i think he's just some guy #he needs a little direction a little tlc like i said. but I've always found him interesting and i think this is at least an idea-#-for how to deal w/ jason post gotham war #tho who knows. with the new Summer Events on the horizon maybe jason will be rebooted again #and I'll go bald all at once like silver age lex luthor #not from chemicals in a lab accident but from stress at my ideas no longer having relevance #it happens more often than you'd think #the ideas thing. not me going bald. that's only sometimes #uhhh anyway hope this absolute behemoth text isn't too much. sorry i can't physically shut up #also ppl who know more about jason amd would like to say things (CONSTRUCTIVELY) on this post feel free!#(i say constructively because. I'm sensitive. mean comments make me cry)

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tearfest · 4 months

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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah #*way #if that makes sense #like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge #sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would #get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it #she put her name on the deeds to all my assets #so i have money but it is inaccessible #i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me #anyways! thats lowkey besides the point #my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago #but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9 #n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him #but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery #so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice #its like having a real family #and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister #like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags #tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac #but yeah! this is why im so inactive #n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn

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and-stir-the-stars · 1 year

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Perhaps unsurprisingly, the latest Lonely Children post got quite long, so I'm tagging you both in a new post <3

This could be the point where William tries getting Evan fully on his side, but I like to think that even though he'd trusted the creepy rabbit man over the Fragment, Evan wasn't oblivious to the red flags.... And since Glitchtrap has William's arrogance, he severely underestimates both Evan's intelligence and his willpower. This could lead to Evan learning the truth of who was behind the endless nightmare.

@dire-kumori Evan noticing the red flags!! YESS GOOD FOR HIM! He's been through so much at this point and he SO needs that win (though, i can't help but wonder what Evan thinks of the Fragment after learning the truth about Glitchtrap. Does he realize the Fragment is, at heart, a force of good that Glitchtrap wants to get rid of? Does he assume the Fragment is another one of Glitchtrap's creations put here to trick and manipulate him? Does Evan's fear of it, plus witnessing the Fragment manipulating Vanessa, lead Evan to think of it as more of an "enemy of my enemy is my ally" thing?)

And I also love the thought of Evan trying his hardest to save this kid and just failing at every turn because Michael refuses to leave this awful place [Circus Baby's]. He's certain that something much, much worse will happen if he tries running away from his 'punishment' (even if he doesn't exactly remember what he's being punished for) but he's nonetheless willing to help guide them through the level towards the exit. He's been around long enough that he knows every nook and cranny of this place ("don't go left; that way's the scooping room") and is able to get them out quickly enough. - Dire

Gregory: what's so bad about the scooping room? I could go for some ice cream...

I think another layer that makes Michael refusing to be saved even more heartwrenching is that, once the two of them get their memories back, Mike remembers just how crushing and soul-destroying it was to try saving Evan over and over only to fail and watch his little brother be torn apart so many times. Foxybro obviously doesn't (consciously) remember this, but once he gets his memories back, maybe he's left with the horrible realization that by refusing to be saved, he left Evan subject to the same torment he lived through for so long (not being able to save your brother). He's horrified that, even after everything, he still managed to find yet another way to hurt his little brother (me too, Mike; I have NO idea how you two manage to find new ways to hurt each other with every post and au I see from others or make myself. You'd think you'd run of ways eventually.)

Even when Gregory forcibly drags them both out of Circus Baby's and even before fully getting his memories back, all that self-hatred and self-doubt and the "emotional imprints" left inside him from not being able to save his little bro no matter what he does, just leads him straight back to Glitchtrap. So horribly ironic that he's the one to get completely suckered in; I have no idea what horrors Glitchtrap would have in store for him, but hopefully Gregory and Evan would manage to pull off a rescue mission (and yell at Mike for doing something so stupid.... and let their "little brother" know that they don't care whether he makes the right decisions all the time. They just want him THERE).

This whole time, I’ve been imagining [Mike/Fragment] as the age when his first little sibling was born (be that either Evan or Elizabeth, take your pick) the age where he became a big brother. He’s still so, so little, but has this new, sudden responsibility that he doesn’t quite understand.

@honey-bunnysaurus I am feeling so Reasonable and Normal about the Fragment manifesting as the same age he was when he became a big sibling for the first time. I don't have words for how beautifully painful that is; he is way too young for this really big responsibility that he doesn't understand, AND he's being given a chance to try being a good big brother (well... little brother) again on so many different levels, especially when you incorporate Dire's idea that he constantly flips between ages depending on his mental state. Mike's the one who "faded" inside the Endless Nightmare, too unsure of his place or purpose or ability to save Evan to hold himself together, so it makes sense that he'd be so fragile and unstable in this digital world. Maybe as Mike gets more and more sure of himself and his place with his new brothers, his form becomes gradually more and more stable; or, maybe it's a comfort in and of itself to Foxybro that he can flip between ages and just be himself without the fear of responsibility or judgement or messing up that made him feel the need to hide and be someone something/else even before the Bite.

Gregory still calls him tiny even when Fragment Mike reaches his teenage stage, just because it annoys Mike. - Honey

Oh for sure. Gregory has an unending supply of nicknames that are some variation of "little bro" and "little guy." Does the use of these nicknames lead to noogie-ing when Mike is in his teenage, or maybe even young adult, form? Absolutely. But Gregory has Goldie on his side, too; they outnumber Foxybro, and Gregory is more than willing to play dirty. Just imagine Foxybro giving Gregory a noogie, Goldie tickling Foxybro to try making him let go, and finally Gregory slams his foot into the back of Foxybro's knee and the three of them collapse into a giggling pile of sibling antics on the ground as they bicker with each other.

Maybe they’d cycle through a bunch of names like the fandom does for him; Chris, Norman, Cassidy, Jeremy, so on and so forth. - Dire

!!!!

i LOVE that. Maybe Gregory throws out a couple names for Ev soon after they first meet, but Evan quietly says he doesn't know if he likes any of them. So, Gregory decides not to ask Evan if he likes the names but to randomly call Evan whatever names he thinks of and sees how his new friend reacts (I imagine a lot of these new names Gregory thinks of are actually popular memes from 2035, or whenever you think SB takes place). Despite Gregory being able to call him 15 different names in the span of five minutes, his new friend still doesn't seem to latch onto any of the ideas, though (some ideas are so bad that his new friend can't help but wrinkle his nose or stick his tongue out at them). Maybe after an exasperatingly long time of trying to find a name, they finally decide Gregory will call Evan Him (capitalization included) and Evan will call himself Me (as reference to Golden Freddy's IT'S ME IT'S ME IT'S ME). It still doesn't quite suit Evan, no, but it's better than nothing... until Evan finds the golden Fredbear plush. It's a major relief to both of them when Gregory looks between the plush and his new friend and the nickname "Goldie" slips from Gregory's smiling lips.

#i keep thinking how funny it is that ev and mike are trapped in this digital world but gregory is just playing a video game #the three of them are in a really stressful situation when gregory's parents/beta testing supervisors/guardians/whoever #scream at him to get out of the game for a few minutes #gregory has to shoot ev and mike a ''this is so embarrassing. sorry about this'' look before he disappears entirely as he #takes off the headset. ev and mike sit there awkwardly waiting for him to come back #unless ofc glitchtrap is keeping gregory locked inside the game somehow #or even the fragment's fiddling could be keeping gregory locked in on accident #also HAH gregory calling mikey 'crybaby'#crybaby complains and goldie is like well it's better than Him/Me #crybaby just pouts in response #and it's so funny to think about canon vanessa complaining about having to raise chaotic gregory and freddy robo duo #then she gets a glimpse into this vanessa's life #sees this vanessa struggling to raise the absolute messy trio that is gregory and two ghost boys (one of which #keeps flipping his ages) and canon vanessa is like ykw. maybe my life isn't THAT weird.#it'd be especially weird for vanessa if Fox occasionally changes into a young adult form #a form close to her own age #i don't think michael would use that form very much tbh #if his teenage form is a reminder of the guilt he faced over the bite‚ then his young adult form #is a reminder of all that guilt AND the crippling isolation as he lost all his friends and got scooped #and lost his family and failed liz and--#ykw i'll stop talking now #also i tried doing a little bit of research to see where ev might find the golden fredbear plushie in the game #i watched a few minutes of someone playing through the night terrors level and messing around at the prize counter #(the two places i thought we'd be most likely to see a fredbear plush)#but there didn't really appear to be one in either of those locations #so i'm not sure where goldie finds his namesake #i suppose that's something we'll have to take creative liberties with and make up for ourselves #lonely children au #michael afton #evan afton

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simplydm · 2 years

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Come on girlypops its almost wood gnawing hour, we can’t be late

#wish I could gnaw on some wood rn #feel like it would relieve stress #like a #bever #or a chainsaw #fun fact one time my dad like had a bad accident w chainsaw #he was fine #but like why do dads always seem to be fine #they’ll be like yea I got blown up or got hit by a bus or whatever but be fine ig #sorry #anwya

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daydreamerdrew · 8 months

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The Incredible Hulk (1968) #268

#not Betty trying to play homemaker in an underground bunker #I remember she stressed when Glenn got kidnapped right after their honeymoon that she never even got to cook a meal for him #this here is coming after Betty divorced Glenn and then left the book for a while which was purportedly to learn independence #and she has shown a bit of firmness since then like when she was blunt with Glenn #but she’s still fully on board with Bruce’s fantasy where he’s a successful scientist and she’s his housewife raising his kids #so she's really just substituted Bruce for Glenn in her life plans who she initially was substituting for Bruce #the image of her trying to make this underground bunker a nice place to life #and then going through Bruce’s books and gushing about him is so striking to me #like girl this fantasy isn’t salvageable #there’s no way this path leads to contentment #soon after this the narration describes that she understands that #‘as long as the Hulk exists her love for Bruce Banner will be an endless exercise in despair’#but idk I don’t think that if Bruce was really cured or even if he was never turned into the Hulk in the first place #that that would suddenly make everything work out for them #idk it’s weird because they weren’t like together together before the accident #so their relationship without the complication of the Hulk was never depicted #but I’m not convinced being his housewife would have actually been satisfactory for Betty in the long run #like... it just can't be #marvel #bruce banner #betty ross #my posts #comic panels

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bibleofficial · 11 months

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idk what my father thought the take-away would be by taking my brother & i downtown to look at homeless people every holiday and birthday growing up was. like all it’s turned into was ‘communism = good’ & 🤝 like 😭😭

#diary #‘rhat could easily be u one day’ ‘one accident is all it takes’ then to the -> ‘we will kick u out if u do something we don’t like’ -> im #poor & therefore the poor is me ALSKALSKALKSLAKS #like idk. i mean i’ve been thinking abt it so much like how things could’ve been different if only money weren’t a problem #like yea he grew up basically homeless so i understand what his point ? was i guess ? but idk like the looming ‘u can be kicked out’ had #been held over me since i realized my faggotry at like 7/8 like ALSKALSKALSKLAKS #i didn’t have money ? i was a child ? i couldn’t afford things ? but also the money i did have was from work i’d do around the house or #whatever like if we got birthday money like 80% would go into a savings account but i didn’t have access to that account until i turned like #17 so like still its not like it was MY money - all my money was what i had or what i could hide or stash like #the HOARDING #JUST IN CASE I GOT FOUND OUT #maybe this was really unhealthy #but REGARDLESS it’s like ok idk the class solidarity but HE doesn’t like the homeless now bc he’s a crotchety old man that was a child of #neoliberal capitalism so i mean yea idk i get it but MY generation like my brother & i - or at least I REALIZED THIS - but like the flourish #that my father received from the economy he came of age into is NOT being passed along to me like im just floundering i keep thinking abt #money like im so fucking stressed all the time abt MONEY like i RESENT it so much like i WISH i could’ve been born into wealth like just #be NORMAL have a NORMAL college like be able to GET A LOAN at ALL for school loans but #like even if i COULD get a loan it’s not like i’d be able to PAY IT BACK !!!!! like oh my god ? & then who’d end up having to figure out how #to pay it back ? my family bc .. gov gon get their money somehow & i can’t do that even if i DID get kicked out like #im just so envious of the wealthy; those who could pay their way - or get it covered #like literally ‘what’re u going to do :)’ bro i don’t FUCKING KNOW DO U HAVE MONEY FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING ? BC WORKING FOR 30K/YEAR IS MORE #like time available to look for Real work vs Working at Work like it’s MORE affordable to NOT work #what’s the POINT if fucking WALMART pays MORE THAN A DEGREED REQUIREMENT #like 😭😭😭😭😭#cost of living crisis ever rising #like ok let’s just #im going to light things on fire

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jettison-my-gift · 1 year

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Mild rant incoming:

My dad just misgendered me multiple times in front of my brand new friend who’s only ever known me as a guy. Like I met her only a few months ago after being on T for years, so as far as she’s concerned I’m a guy, I look and sound like a dude. It’s chill. (Testosterone is fantastic 10/10 everyone should try it)

And then my dad comes in like “she this” and “her that” and he’s laughing and joking with my new friend and she looks super uncomfortable and I just want to disappear. And the worst part is I don’t even think he realised he’d done it. like it was a super brief interaction before he walked off and no one said anything about it. He’d just done it by accident. So I feel like I can’t be mad at him, like if I brought it up he’d probably be like “I hadn’t noticed I’d done that, I feel really bad about it” or whatever, and then I’d feel bad for even mentioning it. But it was devastating.

It just reminded me that it doesn’t matter if everyone who meets me reads me as male (which they do) they’ll always be some people who just think of me as “she” no matter what. I could have the most luscious beard and the deepest voice and my family will still call me “she” in front of people who I don’t want to think of me like that. It’s Inescapable.

And my family are accepting, they’re trying, as I said I’m convinced dad hadn’t even noticed he’d done it, but you can’t force people to forget who you were, you can’t force people to move on even if you have.

#I don’t know if I should bring it up? like with my friend or with my dad #like what would I even say?#’’hi new friend. you may have noticed my dad misgendering me yesterday. that was an accident. I’m sorry you had to hear it.’’?!#or ‘’btw dad. I didn’t sleep last night cos I kept replying you misgendering me in front of my friend over and over’’??#so he might say sorry but would that actually make me feel better? probably not #I can’t stress how much I Don’t Look Like A Girl. everyone at work thinks I’m a man #which is also awkward cos I’m not but I’ve rather that then the alternative #I’m mean I’m not stealth. Friend in Question knows I’m trans. but still #ugh maybe I’m just getting upset over nothing #but you know there comes a point where you think you’re past getting misgendered #and then when it happens it’s like an out of nowhere punch in the gut #sorry. I know a lot of other trans people have it much worse. it just really hurt and I needed to complain online about it

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gatheryepens · 7 months

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mini work rant…. ;)

#screeeeeeeeeeech #there are some people really testing my limits #for example today I got back from my break #and went back to my station #I had to prepare food for someone who works on the floor #and I see it’s an allergy so I just gather the stuff I need #to send so it gets cleaned for an allergy #luckily someone already sent it #so I’m about to prepare it since the stuff I need is ready #but this supervisor guy is like I’ll do it #so he grabs the tongs that aren’t allergy #and I say to him #hey the allergy stuff is up top #and he’s like I know how to do my job #and I’m just stood there like 🥰🤬👹#I’m not telling you how to do your job #I’m just trying helping you prevent an accident because what would he have done if that member of staff had an allergic reaction #just because he didn’t use the correct tongs #like it really aggravated me #the other day on Friday this person I was on shift with was really stressed and just kind of taking it out on everyone #I was avoiding being in her way because I was afraid she would snap at me #she kind of did when she was asking for more corn but I have to put it in the microwave for about 4 minutes then #on to the grill and obviously it takes time so when she kept asking me and being upset when I said it was in the microwave #I’m thinking why you deadass know how long it will be 😭😭#but it just so infuriating when people just treat you poorly #like when they just demand you to do something for them and Im currently working on something else’s #like can’t you see I am also busy I’m not just standing around 💀#next week I have a shift with one of the peeps on Saturday #and I think I’m just going to call in sick #because my mental well-being is worth more than whatever I get paid to be

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sukunasweetheart · 1 month

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slice of lifey vibes with trueform sukuna! youre like a servant-turned-girlfriend to him and dont mind me making it the clumsy girl trope sorry... lots of falling over and making a fool of yourself oops- mostly lighthearted, eventual romance, fluffy, very minor/implied smut. mentions of cannibalism, murder.

the warning of ooc sukuna goes without saying <3 hope u enjoy nonetheless <3

dividers by @/saradika, @/firefly-graphics and @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more

word count; 8.1k

how can someone be this useless?

its not uncommon that you trip over your own feet. the food you try to make always ends up charred and inedible. and anything that wounds up in your hands seem to either break or get misshapen. seriously, uraume considers you an eyesore.

very much like a stressed mother in law, they try to whip you up into shape to best please lord sukuna, but you can't do a thing right. goodness gracious.

there are only a handful of servants here at the lord's estate, mainly due to how he dislikes crowds and has a low tolerance for people in general, and will only accept a few for maintenance of his abode only. and yet, an awfully incapable and bumbling girl like you finds yourself at such a place. uraume wouldn't be surprised if lord sukuna lopped your head off one day, if he managed to catch sight of your silly mistakes.

the servants have very minimal contact with the lord. he's often out tormenting whomever challenges him on the battlefield, and even when he's home, none of you are brave enough to be loitering about in areas where he's currently present. uraume is the only one who usually speaks with him directly.

today, you've been reluctantly given the job of wiping down the floorboards of the engawa before the courtyard. you quite like this, because it's nice and sunny outside, and so you'll get to admire the butterflies while you work.

theres a pretty little pond with koi fish here as well, and you've been permitted to feed them some vegetable and seafood scraps, so you'll be doing that afterwards.

you've run up and down against the wooden flooring a couple of times with a rag, and soon enough, you get catch eye of a bright blue butterfly that flutters around the garden. you stand on the edge of the engawa, absorbed with the view. it's not everyday that you get to be here, after all. allegedly, this is lord sukuna's favourite spot to lounge about when he's home.

you get so distracted that you don't notice the intimidating presence behind you, even though he's a man whose aura bleeds all over the place, wherever he may be. sukuna looms over you and is silent as he ponders taking your head for annoying him by standing about in front of him like an airhead with an incredibly lacking sense of survival.

no, he shouldn't. he'd get more annoyed if your blood spilled over the floorboards, and he'd have to wait until the stench of your blood flees the area. however, before he can say a word of 'get lost', you manage to notice the shadow of the figure behind you.

you turn around and see him close up for the first time. a strange noise escapes your throat. you get so startled, your feet loses its balance, and you go backwards off the edge of the engawa. the dirty rag is thrown up in the air in a frenzy by accident as you try not to fall over.

thud! you're on your back on the garden floor. making haste, you frantically get into the position you were taught to get into by uraume, if you ever happened to come across lord sukuna by any chance. you kneel and lower your head until your forehead hits the ground.

and with such nice comedic timing, the dirty rag you'd thrown into the air falls directly onto the back of your head. you shut your eyes tightly and bite your lip in sheer embarrassment. you then realise that your humiliation is not what's really important right now. you might lose your life here.

perhaps you should apologise? are you even allowed to speak to him? what would you be apologising for, anyway? for breathing in the same direction as him? for not noticing him right away?

when uraume runs into the scene, what they witness is rather... unique. the useless servant girl on her knees and with a dirty rag on her head, trembling frantically. and lord sukuna, who seems to be viewing her with what seems to be mild amusement, and not annoyance.

"sukuna-sama... i apologise for any tardiness displayed by the servant. i didn't realise you would be coming here as soon as you came back."

usually, he enjoys a full meal before going out to the courtyard.

amongst your frantic thoughts, you almost tear up at the sound of that familiar voice. uraume-san! can they save you? i mean, sure, they only care about lord sukuna and him only, but surely they wouldn't want your blood to taint this perfect courtyard, right? especially when it's his favourite view!

"we shall accept any form of punishment you see fit for us."

we!? who's we?! you internally sob.

"it's fine."

a deeper voice responds. it's the first thing he's said since you noticed him.

"you can take her away. i'm going to stay here a while."

you hear the large man sit himself down.

"you. stand up and head back to your quarters."

you get up as quickly as you went down. the rag drops to the floor and you have to bend down to pick it up again with speed. you bow deeply again before following uraume out of the area. you can finally breathe again.

"consider yourself lucky. it seems sukuna-sama is in a pleasant mood today."

you later get scolded by uraume after you tearfully explained how you managed to get dirt all over your back and ended up with rag over your head.

meanwhile back in the courtyard, sukuna replays that scene of you in his head--of you turning around with eyes as wide as saucepans, something about you left an impression on him, and its not just because of way you made an absolute fool of yourself.

later, he comments to uraume about how you seemed a little different than the usual ones they pick to have as servants.

"shall i get rid of her? servants can always be replaced if you desire it, sukuna-sama."

"no, leave her. i was only curious."

uraume is left a little stunned. curious? over a mere servant girl? they are in no place to judge, but goodness, it's a rare thing for lord sukuna to be curious about somebody.

uraume has absolutely no qualms of disposing a person if they end up being no use to the lord. however, they never step out of line and act upon their own judgements alone. if there is someone who has piqued his interest, then uraume shall make sure that nothing interferes with their master's source of entertainment.

it's been a while again since you last saw lord sukuna. and you're quite thankful for it, after that humiliating first impression you gave him.

the days have been somewhat peaceful, with only the occasional grumbling from uraume, upset by your helplessness in preparing and cooking food, as usual. after multiple cuts and burns, they decided that you were not to come even a metre into the kitchen area.

that's fine by you, anyway. cleaning and sweeping while you hum your silly tunes is what you prefer.

night arrives with the moon hanging up brightly, like it always does. you think it's going to be another uneventful closure to the evening, but uraume soon appears at the servant's quarters, looking for you. they look a little uneasy. the very few other female servants whisper amongst themselves.

"sukuna-sama has requested for you. come with me."

oh...

you feeling like crying.

there is nothing that you can do. 'requested' so they may say, but everyone knows rejection means possible death. so you follow uraume outside.

walking with them in the corridor, every step feels like it's bringing you closer to disaster.

"uraume-san... what exactly is sukuna-sama requesting me for...?" you ask cautiously.

"i'm unaware know the details myself. but he's in the middle of a bath. perhaps there's a splatter of blood he can't reach on his back."

yes, but why has he chosen me out of all people?!

but you know better than to question such orders. your hands become clammy with sweat.

you reach the bath area too quickly for your liking, and uraume ushers you inside without further concern for your wellbeing. their only concern is hoping that you don't do anything to displease the lord.

lord sukuna sometimes has a tendency to act upon his own whims, but even uraume was surprised when he suddenly asked for the servant girl he met in the courtyard...

the warmth of the misty steam inside caresses your face gently and also makes your kimono stick to you uncomfortably... making you sweat even more.

lord sukuna is sitting in his oversized, wooden bathtub wordlessly, his back turned to you. splashes of crimson against his skin, just as uraume had said. you take a quiet, deep breath.

kneeling before him as per protocol, you bow your head, despite the floors being soggy with water.

"sukuna-sama. how may i assist you this evening?"

the eyes on the side of his distorted face dart down to look at you.

"it's fairly obvious, isn't it? wash the blood away."

"right away."

you stand up straight, and it was apparently too fast for your poor blood pressure, getting you dizzy momentarily. foolishly so, you still decide to take a few steps with haste on the wet, slippery floor. with a loud yelp, you slip and land on your bottom. you want to scream.

"i-i apologise..." you say tearfully, getting back up.

"...not a dull moment with you, as i figured." he uses a tone of mockery.

there's a hint of a chuckle in his voice, and you're only glad he's amused rather than annoyed at your stupidity. your backside hurts again. it hasn't even been that long since the bruises stopped hurting from the last time you fell over!

you grab a cloth to start scrubbing the man down, holding back your tears. the metallic scent is prominent, and your mind begins to wander about exactly whose blood you were currently wiping away into the bathwater. you try not to think about it too much.

it's not new information that lord sukuna kills mercilessly, and even feasts on humans should he feel like it. you've seen the types of "ingredients" uraume has used in the kitchen at times, and the blood that paints the bottom of the sink. these were all things you needed to get used to seeing and knowing as a servant at this estate.

you keep your face stern as you clean him down delicately, thoroughly. the damp, warm cloth runs along the muscles on his back, neck and shoulders. you squeeze out the blood and dip it back in clean water, before wiping again. he has a delightfully toned body, with many tattoos. and more muscles than you could ever count. you take note of the neck tattoos that resemble the lines on a butterfly's wings. it draws you in, but you have to make sure you don't get too distracted.

you notice there's some blood on his hand as well. you move towards it and clean it down, gentle in the way you go over each finger. you're holding hands with him inevitably as you have to lift it up, and this makes you realise how large this man is. your hand seems almost like a child's in comparison to his. there's something rather exhilarating, yet also terrifying about this size difference.

the hairs on the back of your head rise, for some reason. you notice how his big red eyes are boring into you from the edge of your vision. you feign ignorance and focus on cleaning.

time passes in haste as you finish wiping down the last spot of visible blood from the lord's body.

"all the blood has been cleaned away, sukuna-sama," you tell him.

"is that so?" he asks, looking down at his own body. "but there's a spot left over here," he objects, pointing to the side of his neck, vaguely.

"i- i'm sorry, i must have missed that area. i shall clean it immediately-"

you crane your neck to look towards where he was pointing, your face getting closer to his. the place he mentioned is clean. no blood in sight. you meet his eyes. his lips curl upwards, seemingly pleased.

"finally, you look this way," he says, capturing your gaze.

you freeze on the spot, face heating up.

"your... your neck seems clean... sukuna-sama," you respond quietly, unable to think of anything else to say.

"i was only teasing. was it not apparent?" he smirks at you, and you feel that your heart may burst any second now. from either fear or excitement. or both.

"pardon me. i should have noticed sooner," you say, moving your face away from his.

"...i digress. where's the fun in that? just remain gullible for me."

he flicks your forehead, making you whisper 'ouch!' under your breath.

"understood?"

"yes, my lord."

without further conversation, he stands up to his full height, the water droplets racing down against his skin. you hurriedly grab some towels for him... doing your best to avoid looking at his... ahem. when you hand over the towels, your eyes are shut tight. sukuna gives a deep chuckle.

"silly girl."

since the bath, lord sukuna has developed a tendency to call you over during unpredictable moments, and for unpredictable errands. then, he disappears again for a while. and merely moments before you get too comfortable without his presence around you, he returns to repeat it all over again.

recently, he's taken towards looking for you himself, rather than asking uraume about your whereabouts. it scares the other servants when he barges into their spaces, but he pays them little mind.

this afternoon, he finds you sweeping down the leaves away at the front of the estate, humming to your heart's content.

"i come to check what's making all that noisy ruckus... only to find out that it's you."

your whole body goes stiff at the voice, and you reflexively try to get on your knees, but he stops you.

"keep your head up," he commands you.

"your face is worth gazing at, after all," he adds, albeit under his breath.

the compliment doesn't even register into your head as you immediately stand back up, broom in hand. you thank him for the pardon.

"are you done with the sweeping, yet?" sukuna suddenly asks, looking around with his arms crossed. well-- one pair of them, at least.

"not yet, sukuna-sama. but only a little bit to go," you respond with honesty.

"come to my chambers with a plate of fruits and a knife with you, once you're done. don't take too long."

after that, he promptly takes his leave without further explanation. you stand still for a moment, as you always do. every interaction you have with him leaves you in a bit of a daze. often, you wonder if he's a part of your daydreams.

you shake your head and continue to sweep, silently, this time around. don't take too long, he had ordered.

after you're done with that, you make your way into the kitchen on your tiptoes. you wonder if uraume would believe you, if you were to tell them that you're entering upon sukuna's own request.

but once you make your appearance to the entrance of the kitchen, uraume is already there, ready with a tray with a plate of assorted fruits on it. and a knife sitting next to the plate. the sight of the sharp utensil makes you feel nervous, somewhat.

you take the tray without a word, and head towards the lord's chambers.

three sharp knocks.

"sukuna-sama. i've come with the items you sought for. may i come in?"

"you may."

you slide the door open, and sukuna is there, waiting on the tatami mat while holding a kiseru in his hand. once you enter, he sets it aside after one more puff.

"put it here," he points towards the empty space in front of him.

you place the tray down where he gestured towards, and then sit yourself in front of him. there's a moment of silence as you flicker your gaze from looking at him, to the fruit before you.

"well? what are you waiting for? prepare it for me."

oh, no. you had prayed with every ounce in your body, that he wouldn't request for such a thing, but of course it didn't work. now, you have to display your terrible cutting skills to the very head of this estate.

hands trembling, you reach out for the knife and pick up a peach from the plate. you make a cut towards the seed in the middle. then, you cut diagonally to get one slice out. sukuna opens up his hand, waiting for you to place it in the middle of his palm. you do so, and the piece looks so pathetically tiny that you almost feel ashamed.

"faster," he demands, with a small smile on his face.

you swallow thickly, and try to speed up your cutting. the pieces get more and more jagged and unsightly. but sukuna doesn't display any signs of anger or annoyance.

"such poor knife skills. no wonder uraume left you to do the cleaning only. is that really the best you can do?" he taunts you, laughing through his nose.

"i'm afraid so... i apologise for my lack of skills, sukuna-sama," you confess, trying not to make your lower lip wobble from the anxiety and dejection. did he bring you here just to mock the way you cut fruits?! your brows furrow in determination and you try harder.

after the peaches, you grab a persimmon. they're trickier to prepare, since you have to carefully peel the skin off them as well. you purse your lips.

things go somewhat smoothly at first, but then you start to slip up again. it's slippery, and the blade of the knife slices through your thumb.

"ah-" a small noise leaves your lips and you watch as a drop of your blood runs down your palm. sukuna matches your gaze and narrows his eyes at the same scene.

"such a helpless, troublesome woman."

he grabs your wrist and slowly brings your thumb to his mouth. your eyes widen, and you're speechless as you watch him run his tongue up the trail of your blood and then suck on the small incision on your thumb.

you're like a steaming kettle, with the way your blood rushes through your veins, temperature rising with how flustered you are. sukuna looks at you with your finger still in his mouth.

"su-sukuna-sama... you needn't do such a thing-"

a shiver runs down your spine when you feel his tongue swirl around your wound. he then releases it from his mouth, with a smirk, still holding onto your wrist.

you retract your hand suddenly, due to an indescribable feeling growing in the pit of your stomach. you then begin to fear that snatching your hand away like that might've offended him.

"my apologies, sukuna-sama! if you will excuse me-!"

you stand up and run, and he lets you scurry away, with the same sweet, arrogant grin on his face. down the hallway, he hears you trip over yourself before exiting. it makes him chuckle.

you're a fun way to pass time, when he's not slaughtering millions on the battlefield.

back in your own quarters, you lean yourself against a wall and pant, being out of breath. what had just happened? he... he licked the wound on your finger. and that did something to you. your insides feel all squirmy.

you look down at your thumb, only to realise that the cut has mysteriously disappeared.

after running away from sukuna abruptly like that, you had expected to uraume to chase you up and drag you to him, where you'd be executed for fleeing. but it never happens.

in fact, you haven't seen him again for a while. however this time around, his absence does nothing to keep you relaxed, as you're always on your toes, not knowing when he'd next make an appearance before you. you wonder what he will do to you next, when he does come back sooner or later.

before you can drown in those concerns of yours, uraume sends you outside to hang some laundry out in the sun. some white sheets, freshly washed. you struggle a bit, to carry the large bucket of sheets out to the yard.

the laundry line is a bit high, so you need to grab a small stool as well to successfully get the sheets over it. the wind is gentle, and the sunlight pours endlessly from the skies. truly a perfect day to dry the laundry outside.

the sheets are large, so you find it difficult to squeeze the moisture out by yourself, but you suppose they will eventually dry anyway, thanks to the nice weather. you smile as the cool breeze runs through you, making you feel pleasant.

from afar, sukuna observes this scenic view of you, surrounded by the pure white of the swaying sheets around you, smiling as the wind jostles your hair slightly and the sun accentuates your features rather beautifully.

he walks towards your light.

you're busy trying to hang another sheet on the second line this time. you wish the stool was a tad bit taller. this is rather challenging. even standing on top of it, you need to get on your tippy toes to reach properly. and it doesn't help that the water-weight makes the cloth heavier...

a large hand brushes aside the sheet that covers you from view, startling you. you nearly topple over, but a pair of strong arms catch you, keeping you standing upright.

"how ridiculous. don't you get tired of doing that every time?" he sighs. his second pair of arms are crossed, while the first pair hold you so warmly.

"i'm sorry..." you mumble, staring at him with wide eyes. it's like he appeared out of your thoughts. could this perhaps be a daydream of yours? he fixes your stance so that you can stand on the stool properly again. despite your height boost from this stool, sukuna is still a bit taller than you.

"it feels strange, having you meet me eye-to-eye like this..." sukuna comments, while staring down at you curiously.

and it does feel strange, being almost at his height. how close you feel to him now. maybe this offends him.

"i shall get down immediately," you tell him respectfully, trying to get off the stool. his arms come around again to keep you still.

"ack-!"

"tch. don't overreact. i didn't mean it that way," sukuna mutters, tutting at you.

you stand stiffly with your hands by your sides as he inspects you, anxious yet also excited to find out what his intentions are this time around. every touch he lands on you makes you skin jump, in an intoxicating way.

you focus your vision particularly on the odd looking side of his face. it looks like it has a strange texture. would it still be skin? you want to try and touch it. and... his extra eyes look cute. you gasp at yourself for having such disrespectful thoughts about him. all four of his eyes then focus on your face, as if to notice your gaze, and you feel as though your heart may leap out of your throat. there's a part of sukuna that makes you question whether he can read your mind or not.

"you're curious about this face of mine, are you?" he asks, while smiling.

your jaw hangs open in shock, and you don't know whether to tell him that he's correct or to apologise for your insolence.

"what a strange expression you're making," he chuckles, "so easy to read."

it's not that he can read minds, it's only because you're openly letting yourself known to him, whether you're aware of it or not. transparent, like a perfectly pristine and delicate glass cup. shall he leave his fingerprints on you? shall he leave some cracks in that fragile vessel of yours?

his hands come off your body, and you have to concentrate to keep your balance on the stool, no longer being able to rely on his hold to stand still.

"continue with your duties. i shall call for you later," sukuna states sternly, looking off at the sheets that still wave gently in the wind.

"you didn't squeeze out enough water. it's dripping," he points out the soaking wet ends of the sheets.

you practically jump off of the stool and get to work. in the meantime, the lord has disappeared again. you look into the distance to catch a glimpse of him if you can, but he's nowhere to be seen.

and he never got around to clarifying about what happened to his face. perhaps that's a clear sign to mean that he's not interested in talking about his past.

upon finishing the laundry in completion, you make your way to the kitchen, due to the time being close to serving the lord's evening meal.

the other servants and uraume included, are running around to prepare his dinner to perfection, as usual. for the most part, you're left with nothing to do at these times since none of them trust you with handling the food.

lord sukuna did say he was going to call for you later. you wonder if you'll be able to help bathe him again. or if this time, he'll make you do something different. you're plagued with such daydreams as the servants bustle about behind you.

by the time the busy period finalises, the moon hangs high up amongst the stars, and the darkness of night consumes all. and yet, he still hasn't requested for you at all. you suppose when he said he'd call for you later, he perhaps meant tomorrow or the day after. you never know with the lord. trying to navigate him is like trying to look through the murky depths of the ocean at night.

right when you were about to return to your quarters with everyone else, uraume suddenly approaches you.

"sukuna-sama wishes to see you. make your way to the courtyard now."

your stomach starts stirring once again.

the courtyard is beautiful, even at night. sukuna sits in the now moonlit area, drinking from a sake cup in a languid manner.

it takes courage to speak up behind him.

"did you wish to see me, my lord?"

sukuna turns slightly to the side to look at you, before facing the front again.

"...come. pour me another glass, will you?"

"certainly."

as you pour him more of the crystal clear wine, you have to stay vigilant in order to not accidentally splash any of the expensive liquid outside of the cup from your shaky hands.

tonight, the lord's gaze rests not on you, but on the moon above. you watch along with him. there is nothing but silence in the first few moments you have with him together.

"the moon is beautiful tonight," he finally says, while taking another sip of his sake.

is it normal for one to be envious of the moon? even so, thanks to the moon, you are able to see him bathed in its light, making him look almost ethereal.

"yes it is, sukuna-sama," you agree with him.

there's another momentary silence between the two of you, before you bring up a sudden question.

"...do you enjoy watching the moon often?"

"not often, but at times. it would get boring if i did it everyday."

like almost everything else in life.

"i see. that is most understandable."

the chirping of crickets is audible within the garden, and you pour him another glass of his sake after he finishes his previous cup.

you look up at the black canvas of a sky, littered with specks of white all across it. it's easy to get lost in the sight. and much more comfortable than looking at something like the sun, which could burn the delicate areas of your eyes. you begin to get immersed in the view, and your previous train of thoughts ebb away.

you don't notice the way sukuna has stopped gazing at the sky. he's watching you, instead.

"you must know by now... that i favour you more than the other servants," sukuna brings up carefully.

you stop staring up, and turn around slowly to blink at the man.

"...is- is that true, my lord?" you ask, wondering if he really means that. you don't want to get ahead of yourself.

his brows furrow. how dim-witted can you be?

"perhaps actions will speak better than words."

that phrase alone makes your heart feel like it could leap out of your throat.

"sit closer to me."

you swallow dryly, and shuffle closer to the larger man. he sets his cup down beside him, and brings you even closer to him. his hand holding your waist. sitting with him, hip to hip.

sukuna begins to lean his face down closer to yours. your hands grab your own kimono in tight fists, questioning the reality of this scene, feeling skittish yet also giddy, all at the same time.

"don't run away, this time. i won't allow it."

the way his breath ghosts over the skin of your face, how close his voice is to your ears, sends goosebumps all the way down to your legs. is he going to kiss you? can you handle that?

his lips reach yours, and the softness of them is unreal. this must be a dream. he tastes of the rice wine was sipping on before, and he's doused in the same moonlight as you are, and he's now kissing you. a mere servant.

your ears pound with your own heartbeat, and your hands grip onto your kimono so tightly that it's bound to leave wrinkles behind. they shake slightly. sukuna's large hand comes over one of them, and grabs your wrist delicately.

"relax", he's telling you.

and so, you share your first kiss with him, under the moonlight.

quite a bit of time has passed since that day.

you could say that nothing much has changed - you still have your duties as a servant, and the lord still leaves his home vacant for periods of time.

however, on days when he has returned...

you gently sway your legs that hang off the edge of the engawa, on the very same courtyard as that fateful night. sukuna lays his head on your lap, eyes closed and completely at rest, both sets of his arms relaxed as the breaths he takes are slow.

your hand is unable to stray far from the soft bed of his hair, fingers combing through the peach-coloured strands, nails raking against his scalp with the right amount of strength, the way he loves. he gives the occasional purr when you go over his favourite spots.

it's odd, when merely a few weeks ago, you had trouble initiating these harmless touches without explicitly asking for permission beforehand.

"sukuna-sama, may i touch your hair?"

"would it be alright if i could hold your hand, sukuna-sama?"

"may i press a kiss against your cheek, my lord?"

you giggle to yourself as you remember his response to your endless series of questions and requests.

"tch... quit asking me about every little thing. just do it. i'll let you know if i don't like it."

and from then on, you've been bravely placing your hands on him whenever you wanted. and he hasn't been displeased by you, as of yet.

you freely caress the side of his face that you would describe as... unique. you're always curious about the nature of it, even now. but you don't invasively ask questions. you wonder if you'll ever feel brave enough to, one day.

his larger eyes open up narrowly in an abrupt manner, and they squint at you. it makes you nervous, in the way that heart fluttering way. you never get used to the feeling of being under his intense gaze.

red, with ringed irises. you've started to enjoy this colour more ever since you started to meet his eyes more often. you stare back at him but, oh- he's closed them up again.

your hand continues to softly caress him.

sukuna remains mellow, not really falling asleep, but also not in a state of full alertness. your lap serves as a great pillow.

this continues, until suddenly your touches become slower and more distracted. and he can tell your attention has been divided to something else.

the dismayed lord cracks open one eye to check what might have served as a distraction to you.

a butterfly...?

your eyes follow the pretty blue creature, landing on the flora of the garden, in it's carefree nature. a small smile blooms on your face and your hand's movements dwindle, which should displease him. he could cleave the thing into little bits, and let its remains scatter the lush garden.

but, he doesn't. sukuna lets you indulge in these small moments of joy, simply because he's gotten rather softhearted. he doesn't enjoy seeing you get upset at him. though he has control over you as your lord, his hand can't extend all the way to your heart and mind.

(and may the world burst into flames if you ever end up disliking him.)

he recalls... you were also staring at a butterfly the day he first met you, weren't you? so distracted that you didn't notice his presence. he doesn't understand your affection for such a fragile creature.

but...he supposes that he's the same.

what came over him, that he wound up caring for a silly woman like you?

as if to reaffirm your concept of being 'silly', you suddenly give a small sneeze, facing away from the front. his head gets jostled in your lap, which makes him frown and sigh.

"my apologies, sukuna-sama... perhaps it was due to the pollen from the garden..." you give your excuse sheepishly.

well, no matter. he'll keep you with him for as long as he desires. perhaps he can use your butterfly-infatuation to his advantage.

not long after, once the sun dips over the horizon and the area becomes a little chilly, sukuna decides he wants to take a bath before the day comes to an end. and you'll be coming along, of course.

...by now, you've been with him in the bath area at least a dozen times before.

nevertheless, you never seem to get used to seeing him in his naked glory.

sukuna is sitting in his tub, and you're running a warm, wet cloth over his shoulders, scrubbing lazily. he was already quite clean enough today, in your opinion.

a feeling of deja vu hits when your gaze falls onto the tattoo on the back of his neck. you remember having such a thought before. though it's not the strongest resemblance, you see it regardless.

without much resistance, you give in to the desire, and bring your lips to the area to give him a small kiss. it takes him by slight surprise.

"the tattoo on your neck resembles the lines on a butterfly's wings, sukuna-sama. it looks elegant, and wonderful," you tell him.

...he is not displeased with that comparison, strangely enough.

"is that so? no wonder i've felt your stare on it multiple times before," sukuna responds.

you never realised that he'd caught onto that. were you always staring that prominently? you continue wiping him down with the warm cloth, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden.

sukuna thinks for a moment.

"how about you join me in here, tonight?" he asks, out of the blue.

"p-pardon?!"

"quit acting so timid. go on, get yourself cleaned. i'm waiting."

you feel your face heat up at the thought of being... naked with him. anxiousness starts running through your body. you wonder if he really means it, or if he's trying to fluster you again. your lack of action causes him to raise an eyebrow.

"what, you don't want to?"

"no, no! i do, my lord! i'm just... a bit taken aback."

you spring into action. heart pounding as you shed your clothes. he doesn't turn his head or peek at you from where he sits, but your eyes dart to him to check anyways. you clean and rinse yourself adequately, with shaky hands.

"shall i lend a hand in scrubbing your back?" sukuna suddenly calls out. there is sarcasm in his tone.

"that wouldn't be necessary, my lord... i can do it myself..." you respond bashfully.

you only pray that you don't slip over on the way to the tub.

when you do eventually finish up, you walk carefully towards him. walking past where he sits, you reach the other side of the tub. you avoid his eyes as you enter at a slow pace, arms making an effort to cover your breasts. you're finally seated in the same tub as him. the water is steaming, and it's quite deep. still, you hang on to the edge and keep yourself a little distanced from sukuna.

"aw come on. it was mere moments ago that you kissed the back of my neck. so shy all of a sudden?"

"that- that was a different situation, sukuna-sama..."

"the only difference now is that we're both nude," he shrugs.

"nevermind that...the water looks a little deep for you," he says, almost mockingly so- "come. i'll let you on my lap."

you cannot tell whether he is only teasing, or if he actually wants you on his lap.

"quickly- don't run my patience thin."

you make your way towards him without further hesitation.

sitting on his lap, you find that he's oddly comfortable. an arm of his loops around your waist, holding you tight against him, as if to prevent you from running away.

the lord takes your hand and caresses it between his thick fingers. your back leans against his bare chest and abs as you relax yourself more. you wonder if the mouth on his stomach doesn't feel uncomfortable when you sit against it like this.

sukuna's extra arms begin to get more and more handsy with you. you feel his large palms on your breasts, squeezing the flesh gently. not that you find it unpleasant, but it makes you feel all squirmy and restless and hot. when he touches your chest like that, you can't help but turn your head slightly to give him a needy look. it makes him lean down and kiss you warmly.

his tongue explores your mouth in a thorough manner, encouraging a growing heat inside of you. you start gripping his hand harder, though you doubt he feels a thing from it.

when lord sukuna kisses you, you can't tell whether time is passing too quickly, or too slowly. you lose the ability to think of anything else, other than his soft lips and his rough tongue. and you believe that he's aware of this fact himself. why else could he be smiling against your lips like he is right now?

you don't know how long you'd kissed him for in that bathtub. but by the time you stepped out of it, your hands were wrinkly from the prolonged moisture.

and you came out with... feelings of unsatisfaction. rather than getting a little further than kissing, sukuna had stopped abruptly and told you with a smirk that he was ready to get back to his chambers now.

upon getting dressed again, you linger awkwardly around the man, wanting more but not knowing how to inform him of it. the lord looks at you keenly.

"well? aren't you going back to your chambers?" he asks with a sly undertone.

"...i would like to escort you to your room... my lord," you tell him, averting his gaze.

"oh? i don't recall needing an escort, when my room's right around the corner. but if you insist." you can't see what kind of expression he's wearing right now, but you imagine he's smiling at you teasingly. like he always does.

you trail behind him as he walks over to his chambers.

for sure, it doesn't take long until he reaches his room. sukuna slides open the door and makes his way to his large futon in the middle of the tatami floor. he makes himself comfortable, and lays on his side while you watch him from outside his room.

"you're still here. well? are you planning on tucking me into bed next?" he asks with his usual mockery, chuckling through his nose.

you frown cutely, feeling a deep sense of unfairness in the pit of your stomach.

"i was just about to leave, sukuna-sama," you respond a bit haughtily, getting bold with him.

"is that so. then run along," he ushers you, following that with a big yawn. your frown gets deeper.

you begin to slowly close his door, but then stop when it's only cracked open slightly. you brace yourself for the request you are about to make.

"sukuna-sama... could i sleep beside you, tonight?" you ask meekly.

his lips curl up similarly to that of a cheshire cat. finally, you're getting honest with him. he loves the feeling of having you run about in the palm of his hand.

"i thought you said you were going to leave?"

"please...?" you muster your best puppy eyes.

the lord smirks again, and eventually beckons you in with his index finger. you perk up, and step into his room with excitement, running into his futon like a dog, tail wagging from the happiness of being with its owner.

"you're like a silly mutt. foolish, but cute. i like the way you beg for my affection."

you're not sure on how to feel about being compared to a mutt, but you suppose it's not the worst comparison in the world.

"woof," you say quietly, shuffling closer to him. he laughs deeply at you. from your tight embrace with him, you feel the vibrations from his chuckling against his chest.

...there's always something hot or warm about sukuna.

his whole presence feels like a roaring fire at times, burning with his strength and charisma - the flames and temperature threatening to scald anyone around him.

but,

right here, when you're in his arms, the fire becomes tame. still an unrelenting and strong flame, but something more controlled and comfortable to be around.

you close your eyes with a smile, satisfied with this outcome.

"oi. i don't recall saying you could sleep yet."

that makes your eyes bolt open with confusion. sukuna furrows his brows and grabs your face, squishing your cheeks together.

"you're in my futon, and all you can think about is sleeping? i don't know how to feel about that."

"oh... was there something else you wanted from me, sukuna-sama?"

he looks further displeased by your question and suddenly grabs both your wrists, pinning them above your head. you gasp, surprised by his sudden shift in mood.

"we should continue with where we left off, shouldn't we?"

another hand comes up to hold your neck gently for a moment, before he slides it down slowly to your chest, the warmth from his palm trailing with it, reaching your clothed breasts, making your head spin with arousal.

"were you not anticipating something like this? when you asked to stay the night beside me."

he leans down and presses his lips against the space just below your ear, making you shudder. he likes this reaction, and continues kissing down your neck.

"s-sukuna-sama..."

"what a lewd tone you're using with my name. i hope you're prepared for the consequences of that."

he overtakes your senses with another searing hot kiss. hands clawing away at your kimono. teasing touches to your chest. his flames are threatening to envelop you, producing yet another unique kind of heat.

but you've never welcomed anything else more in your life. you'd gladly burn to ashes if it means being so close to your lord, your light.

...it's safe to say that you woke up the next morning with more bruises and bite marks than the number of fingers you have on your hands. and the lord lays beside your exhausted frame, aimlessly curling a lock of your hair around his finger with a satisfied grin on his face.

during one quiet afternoon, uraume beckons you towards them.

"i've been ordered to dress you lavishly. come with me."

you follow them without question, wondering what the sudden occasion could be. lord sukuna has left for the battlefield once again, so he's been missing for a couple of days. is he due to come back this evening?

such hopes fill your mind.

you stand awkwardly as uraume fits a rather elegant and expensive, but beautiful looking kimono onto you. it feels odd. you could even say you feel a bit guilty; in what world would someone dress a servant so extravagantly? nonetheless, you accept the treatment with silence. you get lost in your own daydreams, while uraume prepares you for whatever's been arranged for you.

by the end of it all, they angle you to face the mirror properly, their hands placed on your shoulders.

"it's complete. feel free to take a look at yourself."

you turn your face to one side, and then the other, all while keeping your eyes on the mirror. you look... stunning.

"th-thank you..." you tell uraume, quite speechless.

"please withhold that gratitude for lord sukuna. he was the one that arranged for this, after all."

you're then told to wait at the courtyard, for the lord's return. tingles of excitement run through your veins, and reaches the tips of your fingers, at having your hopes confirmed. he's due to return tonight.

quite a bit of time passes. yet, no signs of him coming back yet. you swing your legs back and forth languidly over the engawa, looking up at the sky aimlessly. though you shouldn't be doing such a thing when you've been fitted with a lovely kimono, there's no one around to scold or stop you from your usual habits.

you sigh, wondering when he'll be back. your eyes wander around the garden, this time. under the moonlight, there's a singular butterfly that flutters about, appearing in good timing as if to help cure your boredom.

you step out onto the grass and approach it, lending out a finger towards it to see if it decides to land on your hand. it takes a bit of effort, but after some gentle movements and patience, it eventually stops to linger on your index finger for a while. it allows you to admire every ridge, and all the patterns on the wings in better detail. you wonder whether you'll ever get another opportunity to observe a butterfly so closely again in the future.

a few footsteps resound behind you, getting you startled. when your body moves slightly from the scare, the butterfly flees and seemingly disappears out of sight.

yet, right now, you have no room to feel disappointed by a mere butterfly.

sukuna is smirking at you from a distance, looking very pleased with the way you're dressed for him. he steps down and walks into the garden as well, approaching you languidly, one arm concealed under the sleeve of his kimono.

"welcome back, sukuna-sama. i've been awaiting for your return," you greet him, smiling.

"were you now? missed me that bad?" he asks, reaching out to caress your cheek.

"yes, my lord. i missed you so much. not a day goes by where i don't think about you."

"why, how sweet...perhaps you deserve a reward for your honesty."

"a reward...?" your eyes grow wide and you start getting embarrassingly overjoyed at the idea of a reward given to you by the lord himself.

"so eager. you seem like you're truly getting committed to playing the role of a mutt."

you try to change your expression in haste, but you end up looking more bashful than anything. sukuna laughs at another one of your strange expressions.

"i'm only teasing."

he then pulls his arm out of his sleeve, revealing something you never thought you'd see in his hands.

a hairpin... specifically, one with a large blue butterfly on it. embedded with pretty jewels, and shaped to perfection. it would've been something difficult to obtain. for someone who's always busy creating chaos, when would he have had the time to find such a thing amongst everything else?

"i thought you would enjoy having something like this. do you like it?"

"oh... like would be an understatement, sukuna-sama. i adore it. is it really for me?"

"who else could have it? don't ask foolish questions."

it could only ever belong to you.

he places the pin into your hair, graceful and elegant with his hands. it makes you feel overjoyed. heat rises to your cheeks and they hurt from how much you're smiling.

"not bad at all. it was worth obtaining."

your hand rises to where the hairpin is, and you touch it gently, letting your fingertips feel the texture of the pin and it's butterfly pattern.

"am i... am i pretty, my lord?" you ask sheepishly, looking up at him with your doe eyes.

he's smiling at you rather gently, his eyes mirroring your reflection within them as he gazes down at you in silence. his lack of a verbal response almost makes you nervous, however.

sukuna reaches out to hold your hand, and pulls you closer towards him. he's glad that nobody else is around, for he's certain they would've also felt so drawn to you, like he is right now.

he palms your cheek again, before letting his thumb brush over your lips delicately.

you never sever your gaze from him, continuing to await his reply.

"... you're beautiful,"

he finally relents.

sukuna then presses his lips against yours, underneath the moon's blessing. once again, and forevermore.

fin.

Masterlist

#sukuna x reader #jjk x reader #soft sukuna #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x you

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