#he ignored her most basic right to autonomy

[carefulfears]

Can you compare the Irresistible hug and the Milagro hug please !!!!!!!!! I love Milagro so much

okay our best and brightest @scullysflannel already talked about this once but let's chat on it (+ unruhe because i watched it last night) just for you babes xxx

/ irresistible

irresistible is my favorite of the three, and my favorite scully trauma™ episode, as it's the most dedicated to the emotional progression.

this episode encapsulates an understanding that the x-files never shied from, that the scariest monsters are human men, it's pointless to pretend otherwise.

fresh off her abduction, a violation and loss of autonomy that she still doesn't understand, scully's reaction to the crimes of donnie pfaster is intimate: his victims are the dead, a group she's always been more connected with than most.

her grief and discomfort at the desecration of women that she's bearing witness to is so overwhelming, and it's something that she's alone in, as the men around her continue with business as usual.

as the investigation continues, scully decides to go back to washington, telling mulder that she'll "better drive this investigation" if she focuses on the evidence.

SCULLY: I'm not having trouble, Mulder.

MULDER: I'd understand, Scully. This isn't exactly easy to stomach.

SCULLY: I'm fine with it. Really. I just think we're a long way from catching this guy. If we could get a print, we'd have something to go on. Right now we're at a standstill.

MULDER: I think it's a good idea. I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me, Scully. I've seen agents with twenty years in the field fall apart on cases like this.

Scully: I'm fine, Mulder. I can handle it.

i love this scene. his response here is so perfect. apart from checking in and asking if she's okay a couple of times, he hasn't commented on her state of mind in this situation, but he knows she's having a hard time. he supports her decision to take a step back, playing along that it's a "good idea" for her to direct her attention to the tangible evidence, but encourages her to communicate how she's feeling.

and he tells her that to struggle with a case like this is understandable, it doesn't matter how much experience you have or your position, it's normal.

(another understanding that this show always had: to react emotionally to the brutality of the world and the exploitation of the vulnerable is human, it's the people who look at destruction unflinching who are wrong.)

back in D.C., scully sees her therapist. she tries, you guys. scully's "i'm fine" complex has never meant that she ignores a problem or shuts down, she tries to cope in a way that she's comfortable with. she removes herself from the scene. she goes where she'll be more useful. she schedules therapy.

MULDER: Are you staying on there, Scully?

SCULLY: No. I'm coming back tonight.

MULDER: Look, Scully. I know this is a pretty horrific case -

SCULLY: I'm okay with it, Mulder. Besides, you can use my help.

MULDER: Always.

after her session, scully decides to go back. she's okay with it. she's going to keep trying.

this is one of my favorite moments. she spends this entire episode putting on a front, he spends it meeting her exactly where she is; saying, "i see you," but only to comfort, not expose.

her "you can use my help," is one of their jokes. a way to say, "i'm okay, i'm ready," that's lighthearted and doesn't show too much. when he responds, "always," his voice has such a different tone. it's so earnest, and sweet. his response takes her very seriously, her contribution and state of mind and comfort.

she'd told her therapist, "i trust [my partner] as much as anyone. i trust him with my life...but i don't want him to know how much this is bothering me." he already knows.

(her smile on the phone, they are best friends)

i'm gonna borrow from the post linked up top for this next bit:

"Scully’s abduction is the major turning point in terms of how much the job affects her, and Irresistible is basically a replay of her abduction that gives her more control: she gets the catharsis of a fight, and she knows who she’s fighting (men)."

after being taken by pfaster, when she's found, she pulls out one more "i'm fine," but her suppression and image can't withstand confrontation. mulder gently lifts her chin, and the moment she meets his eye, she breaks down crying into his chest. she tries so hard, she has "always been the strong one," she did not want him to know that this was bothering her. but you can't survive it without facing it.

i didn't notice until today that her gag is still around her neck, she's still so ensnared. police are still making arrangements around them. it all just fades away though.

(he's whispering "it's alright," just for her to hear. when she moves her arms to hold onto him, pull him closer, his face breaks. he closes his eyes to keep from crying. he's so careful with her after her abduction, he's never had anyone come back before. this is a moment they're in together, a sort of catharsis after she returned. it's so foreign and painful to be needed, for the first time in so long.)

/ unruhe

unruhe, written by my beloved vince gilligan, is the most introspective that the x-files ever gets on the dichotomous reactions to gendered violence.

"She can hear him, still stomping around inside the trailer, no doubt looking through the pictures carefully, hoping for yet more insight into the depths of the now-dead serial killer’s mind. In the back of her throat, burning acid threatens to force its way up. The luxury of curiosity, she thinks."

-selbst

throughout unruhe, mulder is hyper-focused on gaining an understanding, attempting to find the killer (and at first, the abducted women) by looking into what has been left behind, and dismissing any other courses of action.

ultimately, nothing he does assists in the case at all, and it's scully's connections and discernments that locate schnauz, mulder and herself never on the same page. unlike irresistible's quiet contemplation and gentle understanding, they're consistently frustrated with each other.

(note that in this episode, scully is bound and held captive by a man obsessed with the loss of his sister. a dynamic that she is very aware of, as she asks schnauz, "why [do i need to be saved]? do i remind you of your sister?")

from the moment that schnauz's first victim resurfaces and they do the PET scan (something that only scully is able to read and understand, not mulder. something again rooted in her personal background), there is a shift in scully.

these women are being lobotomized, and they're being lobotomized incorrectly. schnauz is weaponizing medicine that he doesn't have proper knowledge of, and reducing these women into nothing. when mary lefante is found, she is unable to speak, except to repeat over and over the motivation of her captor ("unruhe," the german word for "unrest.")

things escalate when the body of the second victim is found, and in my favorite scene of the episode, mulder and scully quietly observe the remains in horror, before scully just walks off and gets back in the car (in the driver's seat, a rare occurrence).

MULDER: Hey, Scully, that word "unruhe", "unrest", is bothering me. Maybe he thought he was curing them somehow, saving them from damnation, from those things in the pictures, you know, he called them the "howlers."

SCULLY: It's over, Mulder.

MULDER: Well, then that photo wouldn't be his fantasy. It would be his nightmare.

SCULLY: What the hell does it matter?

MULDER: Because I want to know.

SCULLY: I don't.

(She starts the engine. Mulder stares at her for a second, then gets in the car.)

when mulder approaches the car to ramble about "unruhe," scully never looks over at him or makes eye contact. she doesn't wait for him to get in the car before putting on her seatbelt and starting it. it is over.

i've written about this before (in the previously linked post), but mulder always wants to believe that people who do evil things have a good reason, that they didn't really mean to. that they were just trying to help, or were just following a biological imperative. scully knows that it doesn't matter.

it's the ending of 2shy, when mulder is right, incanto is only killing women because he needs their fatty tissue to survive. and he looks at scully and says, "when you look at me, you see a monster, but i was just feeding the hunger." and scully answers, "you're more than a monster. you didn't just feed on their bodies, you fed on their minds."

what the hell does it matter?

ultimately, scully is forced to "empathize" with schnauz, to survive. she has to utilize the insights that mulder gleamed about him to forge a connection with him, and stall. (she is always listening, and she knows mulder is right. sometimes it just doesn't make things any better.)

as the situation progresses, when she hears mulder outside she's able to wrestle her arm out of its constraint and rip the tape off of her mouth. by the time mulder breaks in and shoots schnauz, she's all but freed herself.

mulder takes her hand and helps her up, and she bypasses him, walking out of the trailer into the light, with one last look back at schnauz. she leaves mulder with the body, as he's looking at the photos. (the luxury of curiosity.)

the only time that we see scully show emotion or vulnerability in this episode, is in the final frame. sitting alone in her apartment, she looks at the altered photos of herself, and her lip quivers as we cut to the ending credits.

where irresistible saw her actively trying to gain control, unruhe is more genuine. she's not trying to conceal anything, she's just tired, and she's alone.

/ milagro

ah, milagro. quintessentially season 6 in a way that i can never establish as positive or negative.

milagro is all about desire: a desire for attention, for approval, for relevance. it's only fitting that it should be so punishing.

ultimately, milagro is about voyeurism, and we have this represented through our monster-of-the-week: scully's stalker phillip padgett.

when scully meets padgett (who had recently moved into the apartment next to mulder) in a church, it's to observe the painting displayed there, "my divine heart."

as he reveals that he knew she would be there to see the painting, as well as many personal details that he has "noticed" about her, it's a heavily emotional discomfort to be so seen.

so much of this episode builds in padgett's apartment, just one door over from mulder. when scully knocks, she tells padgett she was on her way next door and just thought she'd stop and return the milagro charm that he'd given her (a symbol of a burning heart) because she "can't return the gesture."

we talked about this when we talked about small potatoes, but this episode is...embarrassing for her! the kind of attention that she craves is embarrassing to her.

when she comes into padgett's apartment, padgett remarks that it's because she's "curious." she notices things too.

SCULLY: Well, you lead a curious life.

PHILLIP PADGETT: It's not so different from yours I imagine-- lonely.

SCULLY: Loneliness is a choice.

loneliness is a choice, babes! the way that small potatoes ended in classification of mulder as a "loser by choice" (for all of the things he could have, and all of the things he chooses not to pursue), and scully absolving him of that criticism, milagro puts the agency of this mutual repression back onto scully.

(choice and agency is a very important reiterated theme in scully's character. this whole thing only works if she chooses to be here.)

and when mulder comes in to arrest padgett based on evidence found in the murder case, scully is in his bedroom by choice. (very very embarrassing for her)

like these tags said, "psychologist mulder taking two years to connect the dots scully laid out for him in never again."

god, this episode makes me so uncomfortable. it's also the only one of these three that i've never rewatched, so that's why i'm a little more lax in discussing it.

MULDER: No one can predict human behavior. No one can tell you what another person's going to do.

SCULLY: Well, isn't that what you do, Mulder, as a behavioral profiler? You … you imagine the killer's mind so well that you know what they're going to do next.

MULDER: If he imagines it, it's a priori-- before the fact. I think that's pretty clear from what he wrote about you.

laughs nervously...isn't that what you do!! don't you know people's minds and desires!!

when mulder tells scully that padgett's book ends with her having sex with the narrator, and asks, "i'm assuming that's a priori too?" it's so reminiscent of office desks and tattoo ink.

when she replies, "i think you know me better than that," they're both thinking of philadelphia, of something etched in her back that they've never put to words. that too, ended in fire, with desire punished.

(i'm always slack jawed at him asking her flat-out if she fucked the stalker. quintessential season 6, baby! eat your heart out!)

PHILLIP PADGETT: I made a mistake myself.

MULDER: What's that, Mr. Padgett?

PHILLIP PADGETT: In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. (looking at MULDER) Agent Scully is already in love.

agent scully is already in love, agent scully already desires so viscerally, (agent scully is making things personal, as mulder had rebutted in defense of diana, not long enough ago)

i know a lot of people love this line, but it just makes me want to weep for her. scully is such a discreet person, she values her privacy so much, and has so little of it left. it's the emotional equivalent of her physical exploitation, to have her most personal and intimate feelings exposed like this. 

loneliness is a choice, and that’s her’s to make, the way mulder’s choice was affirmed in small potatoes.

(padgett as a character is a stand-in, he represents the voyeurism of an audience, of projecting a persona onto someone for personal gratification. he isn't ascribed any motive. but this to me, feels like a power trip, even if unintentional. he's perhaps just being honest, but he's recognizing that he can't have her body, so he exposes her soul. he also doesn't know scully as well as he thinks he does.)

both never again and milagro are about a caricaturized self, embracing or rebuking who you are in someone else's eyes. whether scully is perceiving herself as mulder's loyal first mate who "always does as told" or padgett's lonely object of lust, she responds by leaning into that exposure, going where she's wanted, and continuing her ascribed "cycle" of devotion and rebellion.

the reveal in the end, is that this week's monster is not truly padgett, but a character that he's created, who is committing the murders described in his book.

like padgett himself, the killer is a personification of longing; it's him who declares that the only way for the book to conclude, is for scully to die.

but just as jerse did in never again, padgett throws himself in the fire to narrowly absolve scully of the fated ending, and sacrifices his heart for hers.

when mulder realizes what's happening and races back up into his apartment, the sight is bone-chilling. she actually looks dead, unconscious and covered in blood, from a wound that's now healing.

when she wakes up and sees him over her, she reaches for him as abruptly as she opens her eyes. she claws into him, her fingers never stop grabbing at him, pulling him closer and closer and sobbing into his neck.

so little of it actually matters. she almost died without him there. this is after tithonus, and she's remembering those lessons again. (what about love? you don't want to be around when it's gone.)

and just as in irresistible, mulder breaks too, feeling the weight with her.

/

anon, to compare the three, i would say they each represent the theme of their particular place in the narrative and scully's characterization.

irresistible is the fragile dependence of a post-abduction season 2: perceiving comfort as a weakness, fear as a burden, but needing it anyway. recognizing who you trust, what that means, and that wounds can't heal in detachment. from each other and from the brutalization of the world itself.

unruhe is the building isolation of season 4: going where someone can’t follow, whether in societal experience or the looming instability that’s close ahead.

and milagro is the painfully confrontational tension of season 6. having your heart ripped out of your chest, bleeding, in attempts to be understood. just clutching what you need, weeping, in the end: there’s no use fighting it. (or hiding it. loneliness is a choice, but there’s freedom in being stripped of options)

it is a growth, in a diminishment of pretense and self-consciousness. it just comes at a cost.

i also want to bring it back to @scullysflannel’s post on this topic, because she summarized another aspect of it that i didn’t touch on:

“Scully tells the therapist in Irresistible that she doesn’t want Mulder to think he has to protect her, and I feel like the end of Milagro is about Scully accepting his type of protection, and by extension his type of love. Padgett makes her want Mulder to pursue her in a way he’s never done, but Padgett also ultimately shows her the danger of being sought after like that, and it makes Mulder’s straightforward protectiveness look pretty good. it doesn’t matter right then if Mulder is giving her everything she wants. she needs him.”

milagro is about desire, and ultimately it’s about a relinquishing of desire. scully is drawn to padgett because he offers her something that mulder doesn’t (won’t?) give her, and she’s ripped to pieces because of it.

it is punishing, to want something so badly. ultimately, when she almost loses it all, she’s clinging to what she has.

(but mulder is learning too, and they’ll get there. they’ll get to all of it.)

#asks #irresistible #unruhe #milagro

[stranger-rants]

Very convenient to turn off reblogs on that post @henrysglock after you went on a tangent about Billy fitting the profile of having a conduct disorder using extremely decontextualized bits of his story twisted in the most negative way possible while giving Henry the benefit of the doubt at every turn despite evidence to the contrary. Let's see:

Comparing Jonathan and Billy is your first mistake. They're not the same because the context of their abuse is not the same. Jonathan has a biological brother who he grew up with and loves. Billy and Max didn't have a choice in becoming step siblings, and they have no strong attachments to each other. Not only that, but Billy is parentified by their parents who make Max his responsibility creating tension between them.

He never was going to kill anyone with his car. If you genuinely believe that then you either take things way too literally or you've never heard of playing chicken. He was pissed off because of the move, which he blames Max for - and Max blames him. Max notes that this behavior isn't a pattern. It's new, and it's triggered by the move. It's fucking ridiculous for you to sit here and confidently say Billy was trying to kill anyone at any point while you give Henry every benefit of the doubt.

Be serious.

Billy also didn't attack Lucas "simply because he was black" and as a side note you don't have to have a conduct disorder to say and do bigoted things. You remove very important context to simplify the situation which isn't helpful for any character involved. He doesn't just push Lucas. He tells him to stay away from Max, and I'm going to need you to think about why Billy who wants nothing to do with his step sister would care about Max hanging out with Lucas, especially when Billy had just before been abused for "letting" Max run away.

Billy didn't want to be there, so to say she had to take a bat to him in order for him to leave her alone ignores that context. He was also incapacitated on the floor, so the bat was excessive. He also does leave her alone. He leaves everyone alone after that. The antagonistic behavior was an acute response to the move, and he settles into relatively normal but still dick-ish teenage boy behavior.

And picking on kids at the pool remorselessly? You're really stretching it. You are judging him based on one line that may be mean but it's in response to a person running when they're not supposed to. He's also 18. He's not a full grown adult man who is so much older than the children there. Again. Be serious.

...and don't even get me started on façades. Billy is literally trying to survive his father's wrath and you are using his responses to it to make the most disingenuous and vile assumptions about him. He isn't trying to get what he wants. He needs to find Max, or else. Teenagers lie. Teenagers put on acts, especially when they're in trouble and abused teenagers like Billy get preyed on by adults because of it.

Conduct Disorder is not just being a dick or being mean, especially when its reactive or related to an irritating situation a person is in. All of this in depth "analysis" of Henry and you cannot get the most basic details about Billy correct or give him any benefit of the doubt to him in return. Billy does not persistently disregard the rights of others. That's inconsistent, and his control over Max is a direct result of being parentified. He does not attempt to take their autonomy away. He even tried to defend Max's right to independence by saying she doesn't need a babysitter. He does not try to manipulate people into giving him what he wants. If you are looking at a teenager seeking attention from other adults as manipulative and "charming" then you sound no better than the people who blame teenage grooming victims for leading the adult on.

#fucking unreal #fandom wank

[juminies]

Hi! I appreciate your blog and love hearing your takes on Jumin, especially his route and characterization. You may have answered this question before, but I was curious to hear your thoughts:

What do you think about Jumin’s normal end?

I’ve thought that it wasn’t too bad, and I appreciated some aspects of it compared to his good end or other canon endings like the Valentine’s Day DLC where he seems to be materialistic and rather than address he didn’t prioritize time with MC he just gave an expensive gift to smooth it over. Basically, I feel conflicted since I know the normal end means he gave up on the business, but I also understood it as him being less materialistic and more focused on spending valuable time with MC, like in the museum scene which I thought was really sweet. MC also seemed to have more autonomy in this normal ending with a job, whereas in the other endings I mentioned MC is just following Jumin or waiting for him to be done with his work.

Thank you! In regards to my general thoughts on NE here you go 💓

I do see where you're coming from with him perhaps seeming a bit materialistic in the Valentines DLC, but the way I see it he planned to surprise MC from the beginning and just had a lot on his plate rather than the gifts being an apology for him being inconsiderate. All of them are thoughtful, purchased over a number of months, and he went out of his way to buy them himself. Plus, if I recall correctly he was actually supposed to be away longer and MC was aware of that already, but he still made the effort to cut his trip short to be with her.

I think part of what is lovely about the good end is having faith in Jumin to love you despite his work rather than him having to prioritise one over the other to an extreme. Both can be important to him. That's okay! And even so he still puts MC first:

("A man who is swayed by emotions and ignores all his responsibilities doesn't deserve a partner like you..." is a reference to how he acts in a normal end!)

As for MC having a job, there is no universe in which Jumin would be against his partner having a job of their own if they wanted one, I promise. Put yourself above everything else, right? More than anything Jumin cares about his wife's happiness, so he would most certainly support anything she wanted to do—job or no job. I sort of address it in the post above but, in my opinion, them working together actually creates a sort of muddy boundary between business and pleasure that both MC and Jumin would definitely be better off without. In an ideal world you can both do your own thing and love each other more than anything despite, despite, despite.

#there's some extra notes from both myself and others if you look in the reblogs of the linked post too :) #jumin han

[eegasleega-will-change-this-l8r]

So I assume most fans who've gone down the MOTHER rabbithole have read the M3 interview thing (lots of cool and fun stuff if you haven't read it before!!)

Fassad gets brought up a couple times, but not toooo much

But as you can guess, I'm totally obsessed with what there is about him

So first off to set the tone, here's a song that apparently inspired part of his character :3

So this song is about (at least as far as I understand, only the first two lines are translated and I don't know Japanese XP) a woman whose cruel, I assume abusive lover has been sent to jail, and how she can only see him as kind and good

I could no longer see you, and for the first time, I knew love deeper than the ocean. Everyone says he's bad, but to me he was always a good person

These lines are what Itoi specifically says he had in mind when he came up with Fassad and the mouse and I just think that's a really interesting tone to imagine his character with Like how well did Fassad really treat the mouse? Like, the way I'm reading the song (the two lines of it that i know) is that she's remembering her lover as better than he really was - she can't see him anymore, and now she loves him better than she ever did before I think it's pretty easy to imagine that Fassad kept some of his crueler tendencies with the mouse (not nearly to the point of his treatment of, say, Salsa, but), but she remembers him for the nicer things he did for her (the mouse isn't gendered in the game or the interview but with the context of the song it just feels right to me, yknow?)

Gotta bring up Fassad and Salsa, too I've heard someone else bring this up and Itoi actually talks about it in the interview, but like The way you, the player, get to perceive Fassad through Salsa is really interesting Right off the bat, you probably hate him He's cruel and tortures a pair of monkeys for his own amusement But Salsa is too weak to really stand a chance against the enemies you face on his own To survive, you basically HAVE to rely on Fassad choosing to step in and help you So you have this abusive, awful guy that hurts you whenever you're around him, but you're also completely dependent on him Which is a really interestingly complicated relationship to have with him

Okay here's the big thing from the interview that informs so much of my view of Fassad's character

Fassad doesn't really understand the pain of others, you know?

That's it That single line is just So interesting to me It's not that he doesn't care He doesn't even UNDERSTAND There's no purposeful suppression of any feelings of empathy or compassion. He straight up lacks it in its entirety. To me, Fassad's worldview revolves entirely around its relation to himself. He sees everything through a very simple lens: "This will help me" "This will not help me" The first group he will throttle as much use he possibly can until it falls into the second group, which is useless and something that can be thrown away or ignored. He likes bananas. He will eat a banana to satisfy his craving for one. After that, he just tosses the peel on the ground and thinks no more about it. Whether something is helping him willingly, through being compelled, or being forced to against their will is something Fassad lends no thought whatsoever to. The Pigmasks do what they're told when he screams at them. Salsa does what Fassad says because rebelling brings physical pain. Claus has had his control over his own autonomy completely removed. The fact that all these people hate him is something that Fassad never bothered to consider.

And this egocentric selfishness is what leads to his downfall. I talked about how I like to think that Fassad's "death" in the fall of the Thunder Tower was Claus's doing in another post. The idea that his torture of Claus could bring potential consequences is something that Fassad never realized. After his reconstruction and repeated failures, he ends up tossed away, alone and pathetic, because he's lost his status and everyone that was previously obedient has no need to listen to him anymore.

On the other hand, you have someone Fassad was obsessed with: his best friend, the only person who gave him the praise and power he desired, King Porky Minch himself. Porky was absolutely terrible for Fassad. Enabling all his worst traits, pulling him further down the path to evil. I think Fassad and Porky are very similar in a lot of ways. In the interview, Itoi talks about how there's a distinction between good and evil, justice and injustice, heaven and hell, etc. People fall around the middle, where there's fun and games that aren't super orderly in the good sense, but nobody gets hurt. But the line's very blurry, and Itoi talks about how it was hard to know what exactly was too far over the line as a kid. (sidenote, it's really really interesting how often Itoi connects himself with Porky)

When I was young, there were a lot of times when I would be scolded for doing things that I'd done just for fun, because the teacher had seen it as naughty. And I thought, "Huh? The line is drawn…there?"

I think this is important for understanding both Porky and Fassad (and hoo boy am i gonna talk about it a LOT whenever i talk about Porky). Porky was in a terrible environment to learn about right and wrong. His parents were terrible examples, and anything he did that seemed totally harmless would be "bad" that he'd have to be punished for. His perspective would be totally skewed, and he wouldn't learn about how what really matters is how his actions affect others. If he lived a normal, un-Giygas-influenced life, and without Ness to be there for him and ground him with an alternate perspective, I think Fassad is what he'd grow up into. Resentful, selfish, unable to understand the pain of others. However. Fassad doesn't meet Porky when he's comparable to himself, he meets Porky at the end of a ?????-year long spiral into absolute, inhuman evil. Porky acts like a mentor and a seemingly benevolent friend, but really... it's just Fassad with a banana. Once Porky's squeezed all the use he can out of him, Fassad learns what it's like to be discarded.

So Fassad really ends up in a miserable place. He hates himself, realizing finally that he's driven away everyone. He's alone, pathetic, broken, left to die in the sewers. It's a very harsh lesson, even if he probably deserved it. I do feel kinda bad for him.

But to end off with, there's one more relationship he had that I need to talk about.

The Magi

His "sisters" you could say.

The game doesn't give us much on their relationship with Locria, but goddd it's so interesting to speculate about. They're the people he would've been closest to, and we KNOW they cared about him, since they mention him repeatedly and are concerned about what might've happened to him (it's so sad to me that they all disappear without ever finding out). I think it was complicated. I've talked about how I see Fassad as someone who resented his place in the world, and I think his selfishness plays into that. He wanted the respect and attention of everyone and everything around him, and their love didn't live up to that. He felt isolated and uncared for, so he dropped them and went to live on his own with his mouse.

But I'm sure he also missed them at the end. They're the only people - aside from the mouse, who I'm sure he also misses - who never hated him. Even though he hasn't thought about them for the last few years, I think he'd know that they never stopped caring about him. He'd finally realize what he had, and that he'd just thrown it all away in his greed and selfishness.

Hm...

You know what'd fit really well for this, actually?

I could no longer see you, and for the first time, I knew love deeper than the ocean.

#earthbound #mother 3 #mother series #fassad #locria #emilyart #emilyramblings #i originally drew BOTH of his hands backward in that pic and had to fix them ugh #he's absentmindedly tugging her tail #even to her he's not considerate of how she feels

[bookofmirth]

i know fandom drama is always talked about to death and i'm probably not adding anything new to the discussion, but i feel like the way this fandom treats lucien and mor in comparison to elain and nesta and azriel is very representative of white feminism. i'm growing very tired of fandom discussions that center around uplifting elain and nesta because of girlboss feminism and azriel - their favorite bland man to project a personality onto - while ignoring the struggles of non-white, non-straight characters who are also victims of abuse.

sooo many people in this fandom fall back on choice feminism when discussing nesta and elain - like if you don't support their "choices" (despite being fictional characters with no agency of their own), you don't support women's choices, and thus you are a bad feminist. not only is this a logical fallacy, but it also doesn't allow female characters to be multi-dimensional, to make bad choices, to not just be morally "good" all the time. idk if this happens with feyre too or not, but most discourse i see is around nesta and elain.

whenever certain people in this fandom see sympathetic discussions of lucien and hopes for him to have a happy ending (sometimes with elain, sometimes not), they complain that you care more about a man than a woman that he "inflicted trauma on." they only see the social divide in terms of gender, never examining how race also plays a role in the struggles lucien has faced - never even considering that a male poc could also experience abuse at the hands of tamlin and his family. and so many people hate mor for not being a "girl's girl" towards nesta, because they believe feminism is only about women uplifting women, never considering the way that mor's past struggles with abuse because of her gender and sexual orientation have shaped her to be wary of people that are (in her eyes) unnecessarily cruel.

i do recognize that the feminism in sjm's books is fairly basic, so maybe that's to blame, but it's unfortunate the fandom can't take a more intersectional approach

Anon, I totally agree. Have you read @gimme-mor's posts about this? She did a great job of outlining some of the issues with the ways people talk about female characters in the fandom, and the surface-level feminism that is used in this post and in this one.

It makes sense that the fandom would engage with discussions of privilege and gender (and race and class etc.) on a rather surface level, since, as you pointed out, the flavor of feminism that is featured in the series is very focused on gender and rarely takes other identities, marginalized or otherwise, into account. It's #girlpower with no thought about individual differences that those women might be experiencing that actually have a huge impact on what "choices" each of them can make.

With Lucien, there is also the issue of his disability, but it's quite easy to dismiss him as a villain when all people are looking at is his maleness. It's not as simple as "woman = good" and "man = bad", but that's how people act.

The fact is, none of these characters have a choice because they aren't real people, as you also pointed out. There is no such thing as supporting a fictional person's rights because those rights literally don't exist. They do not have agency or autonomy or.... literal fucking existence in the real world, and so it's absolute malarkey to act like we need to be respectful of a fictional character, and to bully and shit on a real person in doing so.

I remember when I said that Elain is privileged it pissed some people off, but I think that also comes down to a misunderstanding of what privilege actually is, hand-in-hand with this Feminism Lite. There are a lot of great potential conversations to be had about these characters and the world they live in and how they interact with one another, the ways in which they are limited or have access to power, but it's kinda hard when people are more concerned about being right in the ship war.

#acotar fandom #ask #anon

[essayofthoughts]

Scuttles in

I still think about the Tiefling AU ok

And given your recent blorbo-ing of Kash and Zahra, how that might impact Percy's dynamic with the later especially.

Do Zahra and Lilith teach Percy some tiefling culture basics? Thaumaturgy manners, or that one comic with instinctive tiefling head bonks? Tricks for hiding the horns under a hood ir shawl and making it look natural?

(Also, how Vex potentially sleeping with Zahra might throw a wrench in Kashra's development for a lil longer, maybe? 👀)

Ooh fun questions!

I think I've already said to you that contrary to my usual interpretation and belief, Percy and Lillith do bang in this AU bc Percy is dealing with some shit, not only trauma regarding the Briarwoods' attack and the loss of his family and home but also his own dysphoria due to his change of self, his utter loss of autonomy over how he presents himself and is percieved. And. Because of that baggage, he thinks that it's okay with Lillith because she's a tiefling. He's not passing on his corruption to someone else because she's already got that planar influence. He doesn't know why he's a tiefling now when he wasn't before and he's afraid that whatever taint infects him might infect others - but if someone's already a tiefling... it can't hurt them, right? They're used to it.

As for Zahra, I mean.

This Percy speaks Abyssal because of Orthax, and most tieflings speak Infernal. On the one hand this means Percy can listen in on the twins sometimes - they both speak Elvish and Abyssal (canon Percy knows the former and Celestial, in this he knows both and gains Abyssal after his change) - and on the other hand... this stands out as wierd to Zahra! Because she knows tieflings - Zahra, Lillith, Lillith's sisters (her other cousins) - and she knows they speak Infernal. So... it's definitely a first inkling for him that something's significantly usual what happened. Meanwhile for Zahra... I feel like it might make her wonder a little if that's why he's weird by tiefling standards?

She first finds out he speaks Abyssal because she goes to ask him, the other tiefling in the group, a very quiet, casual, in Infernal, "hey, everyone cool here?" kind of question. A "you know these people, they're not shitty about what we are, right? how worried/on alert do I need to be?" - and Percy doesn't understand her. He also made no move to ask her that in turn, which might be because he's familiar with most of the group but packed in with him speaking Abyssal and not Infernal just makes her think Weird and Wrong.

Thing is, Percy is pretty polite for the most part, so I can't really see him committing a social faux pas - he's so exacting about etiquette I can't see him really prying in a way that'd violate any unspoken rules of tiefling subculture - but because it's a new thing for him, I can see him just not observing it in ways that kind of blindside her? And for her, the way he keeps his tail tucked around himself when he doesn't need it for balance, the way he keeps his claws tucked away or under gloves, the way he seems uncomfortable with his tiefling aspects - that'd make her think of abuse (which she is canonically familiar with!) and wonder if he was taught to be ashamed of himself and kept isolated and that being the reason for his ignorance. So I can see her trying to gently teach him to be a bit more at ease with himself (and maybe some more tiefling subculture specific things, like getting a sense of each other's magic and when it's appropriate to use it, the little check in of "these people cool?", virtue names - though I don't think Zahra has one, or Lillith, but they are a tiefling thing).

This all said, on learning there's tiefling subculture etiquette Percy would absolutely absorb it like a sponge; boy gets so specific about social rules and is so careful not to fuck up. I really do get the impression that some of that is fuelled by anxiety (especially given how he splutters and gets awkward at other points - he likes to have a script, so I'd be shocked if he didn't have social anxiety or some overlapping neurodivergency).

As for that last point. Well.

As I figure it, Vex comes onto Zahra after the tomb because she wants somoene who isn't a mess over it and she wants to enjoy being alive! She doesn't want to have to hide her own emotions for sake of everyone else - she was he one who died, for fuck's sake, she should be allowed to feel her own emotions about it! And, well... yeah it hit her hard, but also she is really thrilled to be alive! (She is repressing hard, and has made her expressed opinion her only Allowed opinion.) And. Zahra is similar to Vex. They understand each other. So Zahra turns Vex down, but probably does talk to her a little, help Vex process things she was avoiding, and probably gives her hugs and cuddles. Vex does tend to seek to be alone when she's going through it, but I think someone who understands and doesn't judge her? I think she'd feel safe and also emotionally and pysically knackered, and so... sleep.

This probably does complicate things a bit for Kash though, at least until Zahra clears things up for him. I don't think it'd impede them much, but I do think it might prompt Kash to actually start to think about and process things more, having that tangible example of the kind of decisions one might make when not fully processing things.

After all, if he were to make the decision to take a risk with someone else rather than Z, because he's afraid of fucking up there - well, he'll probably carry that regret forever.

Send me asks about my fic ideas!

#tiefling percy au #tiefling au #vox machina #percy de rolo #vex'ahlia #zahra hydris #kashaw vesh #kash #vex #zahra #blorbologist #ask

[strawberry-crocodile]

Im gonna get real negative for a moment and just say... I fuckin hate Jeritza/Constance. Just on the surface I don't really think their personalities match in a fun way, just kinda in a weird way, and frankly Constance is fun but generally just a poor fit to the world of Fodlan and the game of Three Houses in general.

Also fair warning- I am going to be very critical of the character of Constance. I mean no dispersions on people who like her, I find her reasonable enjoyable outside the context of her relationship with Jeritza, but you have been warned.

But mostly... the entire support Constance is just so fucking awful to Jeritza, and I never get the feeling she feels bad about it, and she never backs down, and she gets nicer but she never gives Jeritza their own autonomy.

The start is absolutely the worst and I assume you're intended to understand it, but in short order she repeatedly calls Jeritza a name they insist she not call them, implies that he's going to commit violence against her for it when he's clearly just trying to escape the situation. In the second support we learn she's been gossiping about Jeritza. Jeritza pushes her to stop meddling in their business, and the strongest answer she can give is "I shall…consider it" in a very noncommittal tone.

And here's the thing- none of this gets a reconciliation or a recount. Constance just continues to deadname Jeritza (even if you're reading Jeritza as cis I don't know what else to call it, she's deadnaming them) and the gossiping is never brought up after Constance's non-answer. The rose story is sweet and Jeritza clearly has some fondness for Constance, but one of the last notes it ends on is Constance deciding Jeritza's future for them.

I've seen the argument made that these things are what's best for Jeritza- that they need to return to the Emile identity, to socialize, and to find life outside of their cycle. And I don't disagree with the last two points! But Constance does not have the right to force those things onto Jeritza in the way that she is doing. Three Hopes even gives us a proper comparison with the Manuela-Jeritza support; Manuela intends to help Jeritza socialize with the soldiers under their command, but rather than go behind their back to do so, she coaxes Jeritza into starting to practice some basic social skills, and most importantly gets Jeritza's permission to do so.

Now I'm going to be reading Jeritza specifically from the lens of someone who is transfem and suffering from AMAB socialization and expectation, which may not be a universal reading, but there are a few things that happen in Constance's first support that, under that light, are genuinely fuckin horrible.

For one, the repeated deadnaming is just, well, that. Jeritza states in no uncertain terms, with incredible emotion, that Constance is not allowed to call them Emile, and her responses are fucking horrible.

Initially, she straight up just ignores the request and keeps talking- already rude. When Jeritza tries to ignore her and leaves the situation, we get this line;

Lets just be clear what is happening; Constance is putting Jeritza in a very uncomfortable social situation. Jeritza is doing a healthy thing here, and rather than confronting her and making things worse, they are trying to disengage. What does Constance do? One, she continues pursuing Jeritza. Two, she implies that Jeritza is going to try and hurt her for this. Three, she then threatens them for this imagined thread. This is, to put it bluntly, fucking horrible, and as a trans woman this is genuinely a nightmare situation.

Jeritza is, in canon, queer and AMAB, someone who has few social connections and is distrusted by many of the people around them, and someone who very much does not want to hurt the people they care about. What is their recourse? Is it to raise their voice at Constance? Because, spoiler alert, they do, and that does not work. Is it, god forbid, violence? Because not only will it be very easy for Jeritza to come across as the bad guy in this situation, even though it was Constance constantly disrespecting their boundaries, but as Constance implies, it might hurt them in the process. The process of defending themself, to be clear. To me at least, this is horribly reminiscent of how cis women wield cis privilage against trans women, acting as aggressors with the knowledge that we have none of the protection of patriarchy and all of the predatory associations of being AMAB.

I'm going to link Jeritza's final "don't call me that" because of Seitz's excellent vocal performance here- Jeritza is clearly incredibly angry, trying their best to restrain themself, but Constance continues to press on.

And hell, I would be more forgiving if there was any sign of this kind of disrespect stopping or changing, if Constance apologized once in this support, but like I said, the B support is just as much Constance disregarding Jeritza's wishes, and the A support shows no sign of real change.

Finally, I've had it heard that the pairing is DID solidarity. And there is exactly one exchange in the A support, but despite that, Constance's refusal to see Jeritza as anyone but the identity she remembers and prefers kinda reads to me as the opposite of DID solidarity, although I myself do not have DID.

I won't lie, I do see the threads and the appeal of the pairing if you're reading on a surface level- opposites attract, the flower is sweet, and frankly by the time you played Jeritza and Constance you've probably got preferred pairs for all the core game Eagles. But there's still a clear pattern of disrespect- even abuse- that runs through the support, beginning to end, and I don't mean this as harassment or a call thereof, but it always makes me wince to see how popular it is as a ship.

#constance von neuvelle #jeritza von hrym #fe16 #not gonna tag the ship because IM NICE #dalucaray

[kariachi]

Five hours into this. Some Kev and Mike backstory-y fic.

Note, this leans heavily into their existance as foils, the canonical bad homelife Kevin had and the implied bad homelife of Mike, mutants being less than well treated to be kind about it, and a bit of a showing of how they ended up in the places we find them in their respective premieres.

~~

Kevin Ethan Levin is all but born sparking, static charges jumping between himself and his twin like storm clouds rolling into their parents' lives. They’d prepared themselves for twins, attributed a hard pregnancy to it, but mutants had never been something they were looking for. Especially not ones who, at the weakest they’d ever be, could still make lights flicker around them and shock you at a touch.

Complications with his powers mean Eric doesn’t make it two months, but this does nothing to ease their ire.

~~

After the sort of pregnancy that leaves those of lower classes dead, Michael Jeremy Morningstar is born too thin, grey, and hungrier than a forest fire. It’s a sure sign that something’s not right, even before he unclenches spindly little fists enough to reveal mouths that shouldn’t exist, shouldn’t be able to exist. He and his mother both spend far too long in the hospital, her recovering and him being monitored closely to see just how much food it takes him to stop screaming himself hoarse.

It's a scary number.

~~

Kevin isn’t a ‘good’ child. He’s enraptured by the funny sounds and strange patterns the house’s electronics make sometimes when he touches them. Heedless of the trails of manipulated matter he leaves in his wake. Doesn’t care if he destroys his cousins’ toys.

One of the pediatricians he’s shunted between- because he’s a mutant or his parents are difficult- points out that he’s just a baby, is physically incapable of knowing better, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. His behavior is worse than other babies, they’ll swear. They don’t go around destroying things, finger painting with the thin wood of the table’s veneer, frying the tech in the house, and no pointing out that normal children aren’t capable of such things sways them.

They ignore him where they can, yell, blame, and punish where they can’t. His dad worst of all, full of the too common conviction that one must be hard on mutant children, lest they ‘go bad’. He learns not to bother crying, it’s even odds whether it will get his needs fulfilled and whether there’ll be harsh words he’s too young to understand. Instead he lets them come to him, supplementing a standard mutant appetite with the electricity in the walls between them remembering to give him a ‘normal’ amount of food. Gets used to the feeling of grime, because who wants to wash a child who sparks in the tub? And as he gets older he fends for himself, tries to restrict himself to his room and the garage.

His mom finally leaves when he’s four and his dad, whether he’s two drinks in or twelve, isn’t afraid to remind him that it’s all his fault.

Same with a lot of grown-ups.

~~

Mike is a difficult baby to put it kindly. Veering wildly between constant hungry crying and eerie silence. His caretakers are up at all hours of the day and night trying to keep him sated, and he runs through them like nothing else. His mom only needs months to wash her hands of the matter, it’s the most time his dad spends at home his entire life trying to pick up the slack from the constant, churning cycle of nannies. They’re hard enough to find for mutants, but ones with such intense care needs, and they swear he’s more exhausting to deal with than he should be.

He's four months and three diagnoses of ‘he’s not making a year’ old before anybody figures out his energy absorption. A power that could have been good on another child, a ‘better’ child, but on him is put to good use feeding off the adults in his life. A baby doesn’t know about cannibalism, body autonomy, basic manners, all he knows is more food and less hunger.

It gets worse when he begins teething. Too many rows of teeth in all the mouths he has means a long, painful process that would spawn more and louder crying if it hadn’t coincided with his first bites. Everybody leaves, and even his dad- though he cares more than anyone- drags his feet when he starts crying. But even for a child under one it’s not hard to realize that a single bite can make them stay longer, fawn over his every need.

By the time he’s old enough to learn better biting and feeding on people is a hard habit to break, and he’s already made a reputation.

~~

Kevin is dirty, poorly socialized, and short tempered when he enters the school system, and they immediately clock him as a future criminal. His powers would be great for doing good, as a mutant should, but he clearly lacks the disposition. The idea this could be fixed doesn’t appear to cross any minds- he has powers, he lashes out, ergo he is and will always be Bad. There’s nothing for it but to punish him for whatever reinforces their viewpoint, as harshly as they can, in hopes of preventing him ending up worse than he’ll already be.

His classmates pick up on this essentially immediately, and like blood in the water it draws the worst ones out. Most don’t care, they just avoid him, but there’s a few- other kids with problems at home who need an outlet, children of bigots who’ve learned their parents’ viewpoints, those who want the security of the ‘winning’ side- who set up to see how far they can push things. Taunting, teasing, throwing insults, starting fights. They all know they can’t win, he’s stronger than them, he has powers, any fight is a losing fight, but it’s not about how they come out of the clash. The goal to get him in trouble, to hold their ability to make his life harder and turn the adults against him over his head.

Everyone knows, soon enough, that the teachers will take their word over his, and dish out firm punishments for anything he does ‘wrong’. Getting him to lash out, to hit back, to snarl an insult or a threat, or damage property in his anger, all serve the cause. Tell a teacher he swore, push him until he does, fight him, it doesn’t matter if you started it. He has powers, he should be better, he should be more patient and forgiving. He’s bad and his classmates are more than happy to help the adults reinforce the message. To turn the power he was born with against him, to build power of their own.

His record is practically a novel by the time he’s gone.

~~

Mike is a pretty child, when he’s eating enough. He’s smart, polite, and charming. Outgoing but not outwardly desperate. One of the richest people in his school. It’s enough, sometimes, to get his teachers to look past everything else. ‘Good manners cover many ills’, as his grandfather tells him, and while it’s clear that most don’t think he’ll turn out ‘right’- good guys don’t have so many sharp teeth, no hero has time for all that eating- most don’t bother themselves as long as he keeps a low profile. Oh, he gets in trouble for being greedy sometimes, mostly with new teachers or subs who don’t understand that he needs every calorie of the snacks he brings, but if he doesn’t make trouble things are fine. They’re paid very good money to ignore things like the school mutant eating like he’s dying.

His classmates aren’t generally so forgiving. Those closer to his social class have grown up hearing their parents and staff gossip about him, and even those schoolmates who don’t hear about his reputation from them can’t miss the locker of food he’s allowed. Can’t miss that he’s barred from gym classes- his enhanced strength apparently making him a danger to his classmates in games of sport. Will eventually notice or hear about all his teeth. Children are fickle, easily influenced by the adults in their lives, and any of the above would be enough to cut his changes of making friends, nonetheless all together. The only one he really gets isn’t even in school, the daughter of his dad’s partner, someone he’s known his whole life.

Elena’s nice to have, but she doesn’t bring relief to the school day. Doesn’t change him sitting alone to eat massive meals sent from home, or sitting against a wall on the playground reading. Doesn’t stop the bullshit his classmates cause him.

There’s no overt bullying, the school has very strict policies and his dad is very wealthy, but that doesn’t mean they don’t give him trouble. People drawing subs’ attention to his snack pile. Snitching when he chews on something when they wouldn’t give a second look to other childish vandalism. Reporting him for ‘threatening behavior’ when he yawns or stretches.

He gets in-school suspension twice over that.

~~

Kevin will never know whether he would have been relieved or wary if his dad stopped drinking. Treated him better.

He doesn’t, not for the time he knows him. Their relationship is all insults, punishment, and blame. For his mom leaving, for his dad’s drinking, for the high bills and every time the school calls him at work. If the car breaks down, clearly he did something to it. If something breaks, it’s his ‘freak brat’s fault. If there’s no food in the fridge, it’s because of the power bill taking up funds, not the case of beer in the living room. And Kevin gets to hear about it on a regular basis, at top volume more often than not.

He's a leech, a waste, and unlovable. He’ll never amount to anything, becoming a two-bit criminal like every mutant who wasn’t ‘good’. Who caused their parents problems, drove their mother off, their father to drink, acted out in school, skipped out all the time. Because it’s Kevin’s fault he gets sick too, that the school keeps sending him home when he’s forced out the door with growls of ‘bum’ and promises to make him need to stay home if he wants to so bad.

The man never actually raises a hand to him, though the threat comes more often than he later learns in normal. More often he throws him out into the yard, come high summer heat waves or fridged New York winter. With no other options, Kevin learns to pick the locks on the doors, to wait until he’s passed out or left the house to slip back inside. To squirrel away what food he can in his room and avoid attracting attention as much as he can.

His diet is supplemented with his dad’s much loathed electric bill.

~~

Mike and his mom’s relationship is what he calls at the time ‘weird’, later ‘complicated’, and after much therapy as an adult ‘abusive’.

She rarely says anything aloud, but it’s impossible for him not to notice her disapproval of how much he eats and what he eats. It’s ongoing proof of the mutations she refuses to discuss, to the point of ignoring him as best she can and leaving the staff to pick up her slack like they never do. The meals she has she and his dad’s chef prepare are light, vegetable laden, full of lean meats and low-fat desserts in direct and pointed contrast to the heavy, fatty meals and dense sweets his own chef prepares. She holds him strict to the proper etiquette of eating at the dining table rather than squirreling away like he does with his snacks, hiding from her judgement.

Despite this, the staff are still under orders to keep him inside if his cheeks get too hollow, his skin too ashy. He can’t leave if he’s not well fed, can’t eat at home without the burning knowledge on the back of his neck that his diet is ‘bad’. In the end he learns too young how to put on makeup, to hide the tone of his skin and give the illusion of depth to his cheeks.

It’s all about appearances. Being a mutant reflects poorly on his mom, so he can’t look the part where people might see. Eating a ‘bad’ diet reflects poorly on his mom, so it must be prevented and discouraged as much as possible. She must do what she can to preserve her own status, by admonishing him at family holidays for taking ‘more than his share’. Tutting loudly with her friends about how fat he’s going to get (he’ll never get past ‘lean’ and it’ll burn more the older he gets). Asking his dentist about the viability of yanking his extra teeth.

That, had not been a fun week.

~~

Eventually, Kevin learns he can scare his dad into backing down. If he pulls enough electricity, if he puts on enough of a light show, he’ll back off and leave him alone. It never lasts long, but it works in the moment. Enough for Kevin to start drawing electricity more often, not just when he’s hungry but any time he thinks he might run into his dad, or his dad might come looking to let off steam.

Things don’t get better, the insults get worse and he spark more heavily with each round, but it’s something. Kevin’s not helpless anymore in the face of his dad’s worse tirades. Any of his tirades. He’s got power now and it feels good to have, good to wield. Good to see somebody else hurt and afraid for a change.

In school it doesn’t work as well, but that doesn’t stop him trying. The teachers get up his ass more, the punishments get harsher, but some of his classmates back off. They start to leave him be, ignore him. It’s as lonely as ever, but not near as stressful. Even as he begins to get antsy at a lack of power under his skin, it’s still better than before. He preferred to be on edge because he hadn’t drained an outlet than because he was waiting for a shoe to drop.

Some isn’t all though. Some look to call a bluff when they see it, hedge their bets on teacher intervention or his own cowardice. Until the moment it stops being a bluff, and people actually get hurt.

The principal takes Kevin home himself that day, filling the time with less a lecture and more a tirade about how horrible a person he is, always has been, and always will be. One that seems to blend seamlessly with the one his dad goes on when he gets home. What a pox he is on the world, how he makes things worse for everybody, a little monster they should have buried alongside his brother-

Kevin has no charge, no extra energy, but at ten is just big enough to shove passed his dad and out the door. It slams and locks behind him, and he knows he’s not going back this time.

He grits his teeth against tears, leans against the nearest streetlight, and gets his power back.

~~

Puberty hits Mike like a mallet upside the head. It’s a stressful time for any child- the drive to fit in kicks into high gear, the million goes through a million strange and life-flipping changes, whatever romantic and sexual interests they’ll have suddenly divebomb them- nonetheless one already dealing with shit.

Elena and her dad vanish from his life for reasons his dad won’t clarify, even as he looks as saddened by the news as he is heartbroken.

His mom begins an affair the head housekeeper assures him it would hurt his dad more to learn about.

His school’s initial sex ed course is more traumatizing than informative, with the girls and boys not even sitting at the same tables for days afterwards, and has to be redone following parent complaints.

As the need to fit in gets worse his classmates put more distance between themselves and his ‘weirdness’.

Growth spurt ranginess, acne, and voice cracks hinder the pretty and charming perception he needs needs needs to maintain.

He’s so fucking hungry.

More than he’s ever been before with added needs of his growth. But admitting it- He can’t eat more, he can’t get fat. He needs to eat, he can’t get ugly. His mom is judging, her boyfriend is judging, everyone is judging, his dad is home less than ever-

He knows better, he’s known better since preschool, but when one of the dogs on the next estate jumps the fence… He can’t help himself. Tells himself it’s fine. Yes, it’s Bad to eat things like that, to bite living things that can be adversely effected, but it’s just a dog. And people have been saying he was bad anyway.

It’s just a dog.

~~

Life on the streets isn’t kind. It’s dangerous and cruel, but then Kevin has never known life to be different. All he knows is he wants to get as far away as he can, and so sneaks onto a Greyhound during a long stop, takes it all the way down to the big city. Vaguely there’s an idea that he can do something there, though he doesn’t know what. He tries not to think about it.

There’s a lot of things he tries not to think about, over the next year. Home, his family, his classmates. Food. Warmth. Doors that lock. The smell of alcohol that seems to permeate wherever he goes. They cause his throat to cinch, his jaw to clench, eyes to sting. Cause him to turn to the nearest power source to wash it all away in the familiar buzz of electricity.

It’s so good, so useful. Electricity quiets the harsh rumbles of his stomach, and when it’s not enough makes vending machines give him food and drink for nothing. Soothes his pains. Turns on the heating of buildings he breaks into at night. Scares people off, and when those it doesn’t-

Well, they always did say he was a bad person.

Life on the streets isn’t kind. He only has himself to count on. Himself and the power he pulls from the machines and lights around him. The only way to be safe is to trust nobody but himself and his power, to care for no one else, don’t let them in. Just electricity, safe and reliable, as much as he needed.  And it always seemed like he needed more.

More.

More.

To soothe his aching stomache, his aching heart, to keep him safe, to keep him warm-

There’s nothing else he needs.

~~

Things are almost better at first. One dog turns into two turns into three and they take the sharp edge of his hunger away. Always come looking, lavish him with attention he can’t find elsewhere. He eats less of his snacks, less at school, and talk of animals is always good to get people chatting with you. He doesn’t get friends, but he starts to situate himself on the edge of social groups, gets fewer sharp looks from his mom.

What does it matter that three turns to four.

Five.

Six.

That he wants to yell when, out of dogs in their neighborhood, he asks to get one of his own and his mom denies him.

It’s fine. He’s not so hungry anymore, he’s getting attention, and the trickles of powers that flow under his skin, the power he has over them, feels so so good. Everything is fine, better, and it’s just dogs-

Then his dad dies.

His mom moves her boyfriend in, remarries as soon as it’s not entirely scandalous.

Moves Mike out, now that his dad isn’t there to insist he be at home where she and her guests might see him.

Fires his chef, since she’s not using him.

He gets a food allowance (he can’t cook) and a house to himself (he’s more alone than ever) and everything is empty. The house, the fridge, him- empty and needing to be filled. Everything is going wrong, he can do nothing against the tide.

Then Meagan comes by after school. They have a project, he has space to spare, it just makes sense. He puts out snacks, doesn’t eat any between his chewing on the local pets and a standard teenage desire to make a good impression. The company is wonderful to have, somebody paying attention to him, and he doesn’t want it to end, wants her to come back later.

He knows how to make it happen.

He’s so hungry.

There’s so much more energy and power to a person than a poodle.

So much more validation to even the hollow desperation of a classmate. A stronger sense of control, more power beneath his skin. More calories to push back his hunger. He wants it. Needs it.

So what if one becomes two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

He needs needs needs validation, attention, food, control, power power power-

Eventually he’ll fill the hole in him.

#fanfic #subspecies 11

[bokatan]

bound, fear, hunt, and wound for reed and mercy?

[ oc asks: not-so-nice edition ]

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

The only time Mercy’s actually been captured was when Benny’s gang got her while she had the package with the platinum chip. That obviously didn’t end well for her, she got shot in the head and left in a shallow grave and she was left with has a pretty noticeable scar on her forehead and various longer term effects from the head trauma. She was able to get back at Benny for having the audacity to fuck it up that badly though- she was beyond pissed over how disrespectful it was that he couldn’t even be bothered to bury her right.

Reed's never actually been captured or imprisoned in any manner so he's exempt from this one.

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

Reed’s main fears are being abandoned and losing self-autonomy. He’s obviously forced to deal with the second one when he starts to ghoulify- there’s an unknown risk of going feral, he has absolutely no control over what’s going on with his body as he continues to ghoulify, and he’s absolutely terrified and doesn’t want to confront the fact that he’s terrified. His commitment issues are treated in a similar manner- he’s afraid that he’s going to get attached to people who later decide he’s too much and leave. His solution is to cut it off when he fees that it’s started to get too serious- obviously he can’t get attached if it’s just a casual fling or they’re just friends with benefits, and if he leaves first then it doesn’t give the other person an opportunity to decide he’s too much and end it. If you couldn’t tell by now- Reed 100% hides his fears, he’s not coping with them in an effective or healthy manner and he’s absolutely hiding it by acting like he’s completely unbothered. He also spends some time basically gaslighting himself and others about the fact that he’s ghoulifying- I mean clearly it’s just scarring from radiation burns, right?

Mercy's initial main fear is being caught by the Enclave, which later shifts into a general fear of her background being found out and other factions catching wind of it. She's obviously not open with it, but does typically open up with people she's very close with so they understand the situation. She often uses aliases and rarely stays in one location for more than a few months, and she frequently keeps an eye out for various factions & locations that may cause issues for her later on.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

Mercy spends a very long time assuming she’s being hunted by the Enclave- I don’t know if she ever even got close to being caught though, because after escaping she immediately fled East and didn’t return to the surrounding area until after she’d ghoulified. She never legitimately lets her guard down, even though she knows the base she’d escaped from has been destroyed and there’s no way they’re still looking for her; she knows there’s Enclave remnants in other many places and she spends a lot of her time hunting them down instead.

Reed isn't really being hunted in any way, or at least in any way that he's aware of, until after he defects from the Brotherhood. Most of the things that follow him are in more of a passive, haunting manner rather than actively pursuing him.

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

Reed has a somewhat high pain tolerance and he typically tries to downplay injuries or ignore them- especially after he's started ghoulifying, because he tends to bruise and bleed much easier than he used to. The worst wound(s) he's ever had were from shrapnel during one of his tours in Alaska and it caused the scarring he has on his face. As far as the types of wounds he has: the majority of what he deals with is mental & emotional, but he is pretty injury-prone due to his impulsivity.

Mercy also has a pretty high pain tolerance and she handles injuries pretty well- she’s typically pretty calm & collected. She may not even initially notice shallow surface level wounds due to nerve damage & scarring from ghoulification. The worst injury she’s ever had was from getting shot in the head. As far as the types of wounds she has: most of them are mental & emotional like Reed.

#ask games #thank you!<3 #reed tag #mercy tag #mercy wasn’t even mad about the chip. she’s mad that Benny had the audacity to fuck up a point blank headshot and didn’t even bury her well #like seriously???? cmon. she probably would’ve just handed it over and went on her way if they’d offered something for it

[shadowmaat]

No magical fix-its

Trying to figure out an AU where Order 66 never happened for handwavy dead Palpatine reasons. The war continues on for a few more years before the new Chancellor get the Seps to the table and manage to hammer out SOME kind of agreement. No one’s really happy with it and there’s bad blood on all sides, but the cease fire holds. The droid army is reprogrammed to work restoration on worlds devastated by the war. Clones become indentured servants, working to pay off the cost of their creation, implementation, and upkeep.

The Jedi fight hard to try and help the clones, but despite a “better” Chancellor being in charge they just don’t have the numbers to do much. Plus there’s a lot of backlash against the Jedi themselves from the Senate, the general public, and the CIS. They lose even more autonomy and a number of worlds ban them from any interference at all.

Thus the Jedi retreat to their Temple and do their best to recover from the war. So very many of them died and more are permanently traumatized. Adjusting back to a “civilian” life is hard on everyone, but especially on the padawans who’ve never known anything but war.

Yoda steps down from the High Council and disappears, seeking to rebalance himself.

Anakin leaves immediately after the cease fire is official. He’s one of the Order’s most vocal detractors and the twisted tale he spins of emotional manipulation, impossible standards, and brainwashing does more damage than Palpatine could have dreamed. The fact that his wife leaves him not long after and takes their children with her makes him an even more tragic figure in the eyes of the public. He may even find himself elected to office.

The decline of the Jedi Order continues. They’re fading into obscurity when the Clone Rebellion reminds the galaxy that they exist. The Senate calls upon them to take up arms once more and defend the Republic from this new threat. The Jedi refuse, ignoring public condemnation and the accusations of cowardice, collusion with the enemy, and malicious intent towards the government. Their right to exist as an organized religion is rescinded and they’re ordered to comply or leave.

They leave. Or go into hiding. A few do join up to fight the clones, mostly the ones who never actually fought with them or who were so damaged by the war they don’t care who they’re aimed at as long as they can fight. Some of them head to the older Temples, seeking to rebuild somewhere beyond the Republic’s reach. Many find ways to help the clones in their rebellion, either joining the fight as advisors or bolstering the Underground to help those who wish to escape.

Not everyone hates the Jedi or has a misinformed understanding of their purpose. Padmè shows up at one of the smaller temples, seeking admission for her children and protection from her ex, who has continued to pursue them from one end of the galaxy to the other. All three are given a safe place to live and grow. The twins learn the ways of the Force alongside others, many of them orphaned by the war or rescued from conditioning camps Palpatine implemented before his demise.

Rules vary from Temple to Temple. Some allow families to live with the students if they wish while others impose a 1-5 year ban on visitations so the students can concentrate on the basics. Education is more varied, with some preparing their students to rejoin the galaxy at large rather than following the path of a Jedi. Help is given to all who need it, although there are a few scattered groups who cut themselves off from everything in order to focus on their own continued healing.

Obi-Wan splits his time between helping the clones and teaching classes at the Temple where Padmè lives (she chose that one because of him).

Ahsoka is at the forefront of the clone rebellion and maintains a fractious relationship with her former Master. She still loves him, but when he speaks out against the rebellion she isn’t the only one left feeling betrayed.

Eh. I just think it’s interesting to veer off from the happily ever afters. The Jedi have fuckloads of trauma and a juggernaut of bad PR that continues to steamroll after Palpatine’s demise. The war doesn’t end instantaneously because wars never do. The clones definitely aren’t going to get rights overnight, either. And Anakin is so steeped in anger and arrogance that even without falling I can’t see him becoming a good father. He’d run hot and cold with them and that’s hella dangerous.

Anyway, fun little experiment. I added some flexibility to the “rules,” but TBH I think the original ones are just fine. The problem is that we’re viewing them through the incredibly skewed and self-centered lens of Anakin Skywalker. ;)

[lamentingpat]

Frank Castle + Consent

I’ve been thinking really hard about this as I’ve read through the Punisher Max series, more specifically the works done by Garth Ennis (Jason Aaron’s stuff is just. bad, so I’m ignoring it).  A very brief summary of how Frank’s own consent and autonomy is handled: poorly.  So I’m going to break it down with sources! Below the read more will contain sensitive issues like: sexual assault, rape, and suicide. Nothing will be graphic, and I will warn before I go over each subject so you can skip ahead/skim as you see fit. 

Basics first! 

- What is consent? An enthusiastic, and verbal yes that’s not influenced by substances or an outside party by able adults. 

This is something very commonly disregarded in adult comics like Punisher Max, especially when it comes to the male leads. This is especially true because repeatedly Frank shows disinterest or outright turns down those who make advances on him. 

Now why is that? 

A core part of Frank’s origin story is the loss of his family, which includes his wife Maria. He was married to her at the age of 18, and loves her greatly. The loss of her and his children changed Frank in many senses, one major factor being his interpersonal relationships. 

Even after he loses his wife, that devotion to her is still there (as seen in the panel below from Punisher Max Issue #4). He’s talking to a neighbor/acquaintance right after his family has been killed, and is being told that his neighbor was leaving his wife (and assumed good life) for the woman he was having an affair with. 

[id: Screenshot of a panel from the comics. On the right is Frank’s face, obscured by shadow. He is looking downward. In a text bubble he says: “I lost my wife.” In the text bubble connected it continues: “And you threw away yours like she was nothing.” /end id] 

Here’s a few examples of him turning down women who flirt at him! 

Punisher Max Issue #29 (This one is more of a dry joke he makes, but it’s pretty true!)

[id: Close up screenshot of Frank from the shoulders up in a diner. His face is somewhat bandaged. In a text bubble he says: “I’m not really dating right now.” The rest of the conversation is cut off. /end id] 

Punisher Max Issue #62 (This is weirdly worded by the writer, and is implying the woman wants to sleep with him as an exchange for his help in their town.He wanted to help even before this and even turned down money. 0/10 very weird.)

[id: A screenshot of two comic panels. Four people are in a hotel room. One man says in a text bubble: “I would be honored if you’d stay in my bedroom.” Another man says in a text bubble: “She will help convey our gratitude.” In the next panel a man looks shocked and the is woman in in the background. Frank says: “No thanks,” as he is leaving with his duffle bag over his shoulder. /end id]  Punisher Max: Get Castled (Outright turning down a proposition.)

[id: Frank is leaving a car towards an empty barn, a duffle bag over his shoulder. A woman sits in her convertible in the foreground. In text bubbles the woman says: “Old farm shed like that, it’ll get awful cold. I could always come...” Frank responds in his text bubble: “Go home to your mother.” /end id] 

‘But I know this guy fucks!’ 

I’m not saying he doesn’t! Canonically he does, I’m not denying that, but often he just uses his own ability to consent and what sex appeal he has as a tool rather than for his own pleasure.  

Here is some of that in action: 

Punisher Max: Little Black Book (He sleeps with this woman - she’s a sex worker -  in order to gain access to her book of high profile clients that Frank is trying to take out.)

[id: A woman is reclining in bed, a blanket covering most of her nude body. The room she is in with Frank is nice, composed of basic brown and black geometric designs. Frank stands at the end of the bed buttoning up his white shirt. There in a text box of the woman’s thoughts reading: “I thought I could work my magic, put him on a leash.” /end id] 

Punisher Max: #69 & #70 (The first two are from #69, the last one is from #70. Frank actively changed his mind from turning this woman away, to seemingly consenting in order to kill her. Important to note: In the last panel she is under the impression that Frank can’t move at all, since he is recovering from a poison. She believes she is making a move on a man who cannot move even if he changes his mind, so its dubious consent.) 

[id: Frank is leaning up against a closed door, his face lumpy and somewhat red. A blonde woman is leaning on his chest, getting close to his face. They are making eye contact with each other. In text bubbles she says: “I used to read about you in high school, you know. There was this cool paperback, by some guy-- And they had a few grainy pictures of you in the middle. Always thought you were hot.” /end id] 

[id: Frank and the blonde woman, Deirdre, are very close to each other, their faces only a few inches apart. They are lit up pink, the background behind them is a light dusty yellow. Frank’s face is still beat up and lumpy. A little blood is coming from his nose and his split lip. He looks indifferent as he says in text bubbles: “You can kiss my ass. Deirdre.” She looks shocked as she responds in a text bubble saying: “Ohhhkay then.” /end id] 

[id: Frank is laying down in the back of a truck, only being seen from the navel down at an angle. Deirdre is partially seen, her hand on the waistband and belt of Frank’s pants. In text bubbles she says: “You know... Ever since I read that book about you.. I’ve always wanted to see it.” /end id] 

Is there a time he consents without ulterior motives? 

Yes, but it’s also complicated. Frank doesn’t initiate it, rather responding in a way that can only really be summarized as “Sure, I guess.” It’s very passive, and he over all seems uninterested. It’s there, he participates, but it’s not something he often, seeks out for pleasure.  We really only see this with the character Kathryn O’Brien, but her role in Frank’s life is very brief. 

Punisher Max #23 (Note: Sure ≠ Yes. In no way are his responses good examples of clear consent.) 

[id: There are two panels. In the one of top, Frank is shirtless and you can see him from the collarbone up. His eyes are closed and expression is neutral. His shoulder is being sewn up by O’Brien, who sits to the right inside his van. She asks in a text bubble: “I’ve been in jail for eighteen months. When we get through here, you want to go jump in the back?” In the panel below that we still Frani shirtless, but his eyes are open and teeth gritted. He says in a text bubble: “Sure.” /end id]

Punisher Max #39 (Once again O’Brien is the one initiating. Frank only takes agrees once the idea has been put out there.)

[id: There are three comic panels. The one on the top is of O’Brien and Frank in tactical gear, eating from cans. O’Brien his hunched over her can while Frank his moving food towards his mouth. In a speech bubble O’Brien asks: “You lonely?” Frank responds in his own speech bubble: “No.” In the panel below to the left O’Brien looks into her can, fork raised. She asks in a text bubble: “You want to jump my bones anyway?” The panel to the right shows a close up of Frank’s face as he’s chewing. He responded in a text bubble saying: “Sure.” /end id] 

Punisher Max #54 (This is a retrospective look Frank takes, and it calls into question his motives to consenting to having sex with her. He never comes to a concrete conclusion, but it shows that even Frank doesn’t exactly understand why he did what he did.) 

[id: An dull colored desert background with two figures walking to the right, carrying various supply bags. Black boxes with white text on the left display Frank’s internal dialogue stating: “Did I like O’Brien? Or did I go through the motions to convince myself-- the response demanded of the human being I once was?” /end id] 

But has Frank’s consent ever been violated? 

Unfortunately, yes. Both times are brushed off, and one is a ‘cavity search’ mainly angled as a joke, while the other he is assaulted and doesn’t protest (an argument could be made that he consented, but not without being influenced) and in that case he couldn’t physically stop her even if he wanted to. 

Sexual Assault, Rape, and Suicide Warning for the next few panels. 

I’ve cropped most of the graphic material and left out some of the more triggering panels. If you wish to look up the full context uncensored that’s totally up to you. 

Punisher Max #49 (Frank is handcuffed to the bed by a woman who had previously been helping him. After using his supplies and symbol to kill people who had wronged her and who Frank had been hunting, she returns and forced herself onto Frank. He initially protests but then gives in. While on him, she kills herself and Frank is unable to stop her, only breaking free right after she shoots herself. This entire part of the comic made me feel sick.) 

[id: On the top panel we see a close up of Frank’s face at an angle, his head is on a pillow. The panel below we see his full face as his head rests on a pillow. His left hand is also visible and curled into a fist as he is cuffed to the bars of a bedframe. /end id]

[id: A cropped panel of Frank laying down shirtless, attempting to sit up but his left arm is cuffed to the bed. There is blood on his face. The background is that of a plain bedroom. An arm with blood on the rist is entering the image on the right holding a gun and a bedsheet. In a text bubble Frank says: “What are you--” /end id]

[id: A cropped panel showing a bedside, bedframe, and the top of Frank’s head. His handcuffed arms his shown breaking one of the screws, freeing Frank. To the far right there is a small amount of blood in the panel. /end id]

Punisher Max: Naked Kill (While trying to infiltrate a snuff ring as a janitor, Frank has to submit himself through rigorous security, including a body cavity search. While he technically consents to this, body cavity searches are still extremely violating no matter the situation. In this case he really doesn’t have much of a choice.)

[id: A plain light green background with Frank in the center. He is angled as if he is bending over, expression neutral or displease, wearing plain clothes. On the right of him is a security guard looking off to the right, holding up one arm as he puts on a long glove. On the left there is a white box with a light blue echo stating in quotations: “Full body cavity searches alert us to any soft weapons hidden inside the body.” /end id

Conclusion 

Frank’s relationship with consent is complicated! His individual right to consent is often obscured by Frank himself (as he doesn’t often think about his individual rights as a person, or that he even is a person) but also by his writers. Things that wouldn’t be considered really consensual are considered that, because Frank is a burly and tough man who can get ladies despite being described frequently as ‘pug-ugly’ and carrying around a huge amount of trauma and baggage. 

It’s pretty reflective of the time it was written, and I just hope that the way his consent is treated changes, or at the very least is addressed with the weight it deserves. 

#frank castle #the punisher #marvel comics #comic analysis #brucewrites #bruce yellin #this is my ted talk #long post #image ids in the post! #punisher

[dalchiid]

Uh-oh! I’m glad to see I’m not the only one weary of Namjoon. I started to feel like maybe I was reading a little too into it, but with Yoongi slightly confirming my suspicions, being that he’s the most “normal” one in the family, it only makes me more certain that Namjoon is not the man that he’s made himself out to be. Y/n is way in over her head, and I just hope she doesn’t realize it too late like she did with Hyun-woo. Also, Namjoon’s ability to turn a human into a vampire? Interesting. Very interesting. I wonder if that’s part of the plan he’s cooking in some way or if once again I’m just reading too into it. Finally, it was really cool to finally get Hoseok’s pov towards the end. From what I recall this is the first(?) time we’ve heard his inner dialogue, and unsurprisingly it’s right on point with how he’s portrayed himself from the moment he first laid eyes on y/n. It’s cute how little things like y/n being open with him has such an effect on his mood. Not to mention hearing his reasoning for saving y/n from the cruel cruel hands of the Baek’s makes a lot of sense. From his pov: she was being overworked in a household where two of the masters didn’t even care for her presence. Hoseok just wanted to give her a better life. It’s a touching thought, but it doesn’t change the fact that he went about it the wrong way and took away her autonomy and ability to dictate her life in the process. Then again, why would y/n know what she’s want when she’s basically completely ignorant about the world around her. It’s like asking a bird whose wings have been broken and bound to its sides its entire life, to fly. At least that’s what I’ve gathered from the morsels of insight Hoseok has provided us.

With that said, thank you for another great chapter as always!! I tune in every week and I’m always excited to read your updates and responses to various asks.

Namjoon is definitely hiding something and Y/N is being too trusting and naïve to see it. She's the type to have to be between a rock and a hard place to learn her lesson. And as for Namjoon it might have something to do with his ability or it might not. Either way it's good to keep an eye on him.

The interesting thing about Hoseok's pov is that things are either exaggerated or he's speaking the truth. Or it could be a mixture of both. He's right about Hyung-Won and Hyun-Sik not liking her but Y/N never had a problem with work despite Hoseok seeing it as her former Masters forcing her to work without a break. Hoseok definitely feels like her savior but he did do everything the wrong way because he let his obsession take control. And like you said what would Y/N know with her being ignorant to the world around her. Did Hoseok help save her because of that or is he just as bad if not worse than the others?

I enjoy writing his povs and we'll see more of it from time to time!

Thank you so much! I hope you'll enjoy the chapters to come! As for the asks I'm always happy to receive and answer them 💜

#ask #covetous

[inthegloomglow]

Hi, fellow anti-anti here, so please let's be friends even if we agree to disagree because it's all fiction anyway :) And sorry about the long ask.

I saw your posts about Joel, and I do get your point - that Joel was motivated by his own feelings, not morality. But I genuinely want to understand why you think Joel was the bad guy in that ending.

The Fireflies didn't ask Ellie if she was ok with sacrificing herself to make the vaccine and didn't let Joel talk to her. The only explanation as to why is because that way Marlene and Jerry could comfort themselves by believing Ellie would have said "yes" rather than risking her saying "no" and having to kill a horrified Ellie explicitly against her will.

If the Fireflies had given Ellie a choice, if Joel and Ellie had the opportunity to talk first, if Joel were unable to convince her to not go through with the surgery/sacrifice, and heard from her own lips that this was what she really wanted... Can you see Joel gunning down the Fireflies in cold blood while dragging a horrified Ellie away from the hospital against her will? I think most fans' gripe with the narrative in Part II that Joel took away Ellie's choice is because the Fireflies were the ones who actually did that.

And yes, later Ellie feels betrayed by Joel's actions and lies, and she says she would rather have followed Marlene’s plan. But let’s invert the original scene: When Ellie is just about to get sedated for the surgery, she hears shots being fired and Joel’s scream. She runs off and sees Joel dead and Marlene holding the gun that killed him. Ellie realizes the truth: nobody had told her that the surgery would kill her and Joel was trying to stop them. Would she still have followed Marlene and accepted her death peacefully, and think Joel was in the wrong for trying to save her? I think it’s natural for Ellie to get mad at Joel for what he did and ignore Marlene precisely because Joel survived and Marlene didn’t, but I fully believe if the scenario was inverted, Ellie would have supported Joel’s actions.

I don’t really see what makes Joel the bad person, I think in the end he was basically a cornered animal who reacted purely on impulse to the Fireflies’ unilateral decisions. Would really like to know your point of view on what makes him bad.

I don't say this with disrespect, but honestly I'm exhausted of having this argument, cause it just goes in circles, so I'm not going to get TOO into all of this.

Joel doomed humanity for his own feelings. Joel disregarded Ellie's agency and autonomy for his own feelings. That makes him the bad guy. He was not panicking when he killed them, he was calm. He knew what he was doing, and his calm demeanor in the car afterward and his unflinching lies only prove that.

I very very very very VERY VERY VERY often see this argument of "The FIREFLIES took her choice because they didn't ask her." But...Ellie told Joel before they got there she wanted the cure made period. At any cost. Did she use the words "including if it kills me"? No. Was that the implication? Yes. Her decision was MADE. (And if they were taking her choice then why is it okay Joel did that too? Wouldn't the answer be he should've broken her out and run off and given her a chance to wake up and decide to go back? But he didn't do that, because it wasn't about that. This is what I mean when I say people push their own morals onto it. Joel did not think for a second about how wrong it was Ellie didn't get to choose, he was thinking how he'd feel if she died. Which is a very normal way for a parent to react.) It doesn't MATTER the Fireflies made a decision instead of asking her (who would want to do that? Let a kid know you're going to kill them? And as saving humanity is objectively more important than ONE life, then what would they do if she said that wasn't okay? They'd have to kill her anyway, yeah you're right it probably was to comfort themselves because they were not psychopaths who wanted to do this, but recognized they had to.) Because Ellie already made that choice.

That was the whole reason for Sam, that plus her experience with Riley. Ellie WATCHED two people turn and die that could've been saved with a cure. (This was further emphasized with the body she finds in the hotel with Joel in the second game). She can't ignore that. She doesn't value her life more than everyone else's, and she SHOULDN'T, because as much as we and Joel love her her life isn't more valuable than every person that won't have to turn, and be killed by someone they love, if a cure and or vaccine existed.

And Joel was already a bad person. The first game told us that before the ending. Tommy's reactions told us that. Joel realizing the guy was faking his injury told us that. How calmly he was able to bludgeon a man to death told us that, (I do not blame him for wanting to stop Ellie being cannibalized and assaulted, I'm talking about his demeanor and how calm it was). Joel was never good.

And that's okay! It's okay Joel is not good and it's okay he did something wildly wrong, that makes him interesting. And he does still love Ellie and in many ways was a good father. That does not make him a good person.

I guess part of the issue with why I disagree with so much of the fandom here is I'm a type of person who sees those "you can kill ten people to save one newborn or sacrifice the newborn to save ten people" questions and go "well sacrifice the newborn. Duh. Needs of the many." So I have never gotten how it could be a debate, regardless of how it went down, if it was right to destroy all possibility of a cure. To me it would never be right. Though I acknowledge that's me putting my morals on the situation lol so I'm not fully above it. But I think it let me step back from the knee-jerk reaction of "but they're killing a kid!" to think about it differently.

I apologize if I sound hostile, I tend to be passionate, and as I said I've spent YEARS seeing people ignore what the story was trying to say, and in the process harass a lot of people (like Abby's face model...) because their headcanons weren't what they chose to validate, even though narratively and tonally the second game was sound. Hell we even all knew Joel would die! The very first teaser trailer we saw everyone went "oh Joel's going to die." But then it happened and everyone acted shocked.

#tlou #tlou 2 #i honestly didn't hate joel once but i am just sooooo tired of him at this point #i don't mind being asked this and i agree to disagree #like i said it's just that this is near verbatim the exact argument i've heard for years upon years now #a lot of it is hypotheticals #joel didn't get shot and we don't know how ellie would've responded #discourse #joel miller #actually if the game wanted us to think they were horrible mad scientists #we would've seen ellie awake and begging for her life #before they forcibly put her under #we didn't because they are not #they didn't ask her because they cared enough to not want to kill her if she said no #enough to not be happy with what they were doing #but that didn't mean it wasn't NECESSARY #csg-iii #i will not be engaging with this further #it's just too frustrating to me after some of the stuff i saw with tlou 2 #with some people being so bigoted (not csg-iii at all) #and it just brings some of that up for me and i get too heated about it #edited some misspellings and some phrasing because i don't like how waspish i sounded

[ablednt]

i hope it's okay to talk about this here, if not, that's okay, you can ignore it, but tw for transphobia, medical abuse, reality checking, psychiatric abuse, medical gaslighting, ableism, sanism, psyism and pluralphobia.

my system basically seemingly all went dormant last night after earlier yesterday our mother's social worker told us that we're a delusion ( when he doesn't even know us, he only knows our mother's side of the story, she told him about our plurality without our consent ) and then he blatantly deadnamed me and refused to call the body's chosen name after i called him out on it ( and this guy supposedly worked with ppl w/ psychosis for a decade now and for some reason he groups psychosis and plurality together and basically used these outdated myths about plurality ) and now she refuses to call us by our true names and only responds to the body and now it's a possibility that we might be given antipsychotics against our will and she's blatantly telling us that "if you don't get rid of them with antipsychotics, you're gonna stay in a group home for the rest of your life." and literally all of these are massive red flags.

now i disowned my mother because i literally can't trust her anymore and im trying to learn lifeskills as much as possible so i can get away from her. im just so angry and upset and feel trapped.

God I'm so sorry that's awful.

I've never gone through anything quite that extreme but I did have people try and pressure me into seeking therapy for delusions and tried to force me to stop believing in my headmates very soon after my syscovery.

Having had that experience I can say that they're absolutely wrong in doing this to you. To start you know yourselves and your experiences far better than anyone on the outside can. I do experience delusions relatively severely but even I can fairly easily tell that my headmates are not delusions (they're too consistent, a delusion isn't going to be a consistent person you communicate with for weeks to months at a time with very little change.).

But to play devils advocate even if you WERE just having delusions this is not at all a safe or healthy way for them to support you. First off delusions aren't always harmful, psychotic people deserve the right to refuse treatment for a delusion and to say reality checks aren't needed. No one should ever force a delusional person to abruptly stop yhr delusion they should be offering a safe space. Ultimately, although I do fully believe you that your headmates are real, this was a violation of your autonomy either way and unacceptable to treat you this way.

Getting out when you can is a good idea and I promise that once you are able to get out on your own there's lot's of us out there and there's more people supportive of systems than it seems. However, it's important to be careful and get all the details straight before you leave. I do not know what the situation here is exactly so I can't give specific advice but you'll need to already have somewhere to go in mind, what you'll do when you get there, and a long term plan afterwards for how you'll keep going. Also be sure you have any legal documents that you need such as IDs, birth certificates, etc. If you're running away try to save up for it in cash.

My plan to leave my house wounded up being trying to stick it out until i can get a job and move out the normal way just because I'm too disabled to really risk anyrhing different and that's still ongoing unfortunately so I can't offer much advice here just be careful and be sure to think things through realistically.

In any case things are pretty bad for you right now and I completely understand how disorienting and horrifying this all must be but I want to say that the main strength of a system is resilience. Your dormant members can most likely wake up again, you'll also form more eventually and meet new people. Even if you're forced to mask again and pretend to be singlet to avoid the abuse you still have each other and you'll still be able to find ways to talk to and support each other. Those connections can never truly be taken from you no matter how hard anyone tries to destroy what you have together they cannot.

The community is always here if you need encouragement, advice on masking and quality of life improvements, etc. We're rooting for you!

#pluralphobia tw #ableism tw #ask to tag #transphobia tw

[ikatako38]

In honor of Asian and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, here’s some artwork of Seyu with his beloved Sorella Brella! (Seyu was born in the Octarian domes, but he has ethnic ties to India and a mix of the South-Asian islands like the Philippines and Malaysia.)

In light of recent events in the United States, I also want to take this opportunity to say that I stand with the women, non-binary people, and trans men fighting for their right to bodily autonomy, especially Asian-Americans, Pacific-Islander-Americans, and other racial minorities who would be affected the most. Seyu is part of this intersection, and hopefully can contribute even just the tiniest bit to bringing awareness of the discrimination and violation of basic human rights these people are experiencing, or at least show solidarity and support.

DISCLAIMER: being that I’m AMAB and non-Asian, I don’t claim to be part of either of these groups. My only goal is to show my support and spread awareness. If you want to support Asian AFAB content creators, two of my favorites are Sakurada Yana (her website) and theonlycaliroll (his links).

(P.S. just ignore the background… it was sorta supposed to be Takosula but I’m bad at perspective and just kinda gave up. In fact, I’ll post a version with a white background as well.) (Also, if the pose looks familiar, I actually used the official Marie art as a base.)

#splatoon #fanfic #this place we called home #tpwch official art #splatoon oc #asian and pacific islander heritage month #aapi month #roe v wade #tako’s art #seyu

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 177 - Wonderland

Jon: When did I become everybody’s satnav?

Hasn't he also complained about being used as the supernatural Google before? Jon, I think you're just everyone's entire smartphone at this point. You even do entertaining little podcast segments about local sights!

Martin: What? No, no, that can’t be right. I thought people weren’t even allowed to die any more.

I mean, that's not strictly true, though, is it? Didn't Oliver Banks explicitly say that the End can't exist as a fear without death remaining real? And really, there's no particular reason why "some people can still die" would only be true in that particular domain...

Martin: He needs to make a statement. Basira: Is that like a euphemism or…? Okay, this is getting very silly, but also I still sniggered.

Hi. How are we doing? - Jon's statement

Oh, the doctor's 'we' is a beautiful touch. So wonderfully condescending, immediately made me feel trapped (and why the FUCK do doctors irl keep doing that anyway? I've never had a doctor who used the 'medical we' who turned out to be any good!)

Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree with you there. That’s not your name at all. Now don’t get agitated, I’m sure we’ll get there.

Oh, and that. That hurts! "No, you're crazy, so you no longer get to decide anything about yourself, not even your very identity. And if that upsets you, that's just another sign of your illness". The ripping away of any autonomy. Yeah, no, that's suitably nightmarish. (You could also read this from a transphobia angle, couldn't you?)

I’m here to help you, to treat you, to make it so you’re less of a… burden to everyone.

AAAAAH!

Jon: Satisfied? Basira: Fuck.

Just, Basira's delivery here. This is the most matter-of-fact way you could possibly say "Fuck".

Jon: It’s sort of, like… gaslighting, but in reverse. This place, it’s built on the fear that your mental health problems aren’t actually real. (...) Bad therapists. Let’s just say it’s the fear of bad therapists, filtered through The Spiral.

Okay, Johny, just, why this? Who in the audience needed the explanatory notes??? Trust your audience to do basic media interpretation. You have so far!

Jon: What, you think he ended up in Wonderland House at random? We’re just going to ignore it, and write him off as a ‘nasty piece of work’? Basira: We don’t have time for this.

It's the fucking apocalypse, you're literally on your way to KILL Daisy because she didn't want to live as a monster, and you still won't even stop to consider that her victims might not have DESERVED the monstrous shit she's done to them? Denial sure runs deep...

Jon: Then we should make time. You want to hear how he ended up blinding that man? Because it wasn’t a robbery. He was running away from Daisy, lashing out in a panic. The court believed it. But you believed her…

Oh, now that's a gut-punch of a revelation if I've ever seen one!

Helen: Not to sound like a squeaky hinge...

... a door metaphor? Really? Pffffft!

My impression of this episode

This episode has some genuinely terrifying moments. The concept of "Let's take the worst parts of the medical / mental health care system and say the quiet parts out loud, then combine that with the worst things your brain tells you" is perhaps a bit on the nose, but also genuinely, deeply, nauseatingly unsettling. This episode just kind of ruins itself by then proceeding to explain the point (which was already pretty obvious) in detail. Just ... there are a lot of episodes that I don't personally connect with, but TMA very rarely makes decisions that I would call "bad writing". Unfortunately this is one of them. YOU HAD A GOOD (and horrifying) THING GOING THERE! Mind, that's still not enough to ruin the whole episode for me, particularly not when that "And now for those in the audience who weren't paying attention" bit is immediately followed by a genuinely hard-hitting conversation about Basira and Daisy.

#the magnus archives #tma relisten