#he fucking replaced me after all those nights of quick typing and crying and reassuring him that i loved him and would never replace him

[nev3rfound]

before everything -  p.4 : b.b

brief summary: this is about who you and bucky were before the war. before bucky became the winter soldier. back when he was still that boy from brooklyn with all the charm. 

word count: 2k requested: nope, I had this idea a while ago and felt like the angst/fluff warnings: mentions of ptsd, war, torture (all briefly mentioned and not in great depth)

* masterlist of sorts *

commissions

part one / part two / part three / part four 

thank you for reading my mini series. it was just a quick idea I felt like sharing :)

You’d never anticipated moving on would be so painful, resulting in your body becoming an empty shell, a shadow of who you once were. Sometimes you tried to ease the pain, let the night pass with a stranger, but it never feels the same, nothing ever will. 

Opportunities passed you by, chances of moving away rose and fell as quickly as they were offered. You were stuck in Brooklyn, afraid of moving on too soon. 

“Y/n!” Your Mother calls up the stairs and the sound of hurried footsteps sounds from outside of your room. 

You apply the last of your red lipstick, reminding yourself to buy another tube once you get paid. Fluffing your hair up, you take one last look at your reflection. This is moving on, this is how it’s supposed to look. You keep muttering the same thing under your breath, hoping maybe you might believe it soon. 

*

Sitting across from your date, you vaguely listened to his stories of childhood. But all you could see is a group of kids sat in a booth just behind him. They were all so young, so naive. A boy wrapped his arm around a girl and she leant closer into him. “You okay?” 

Zoning back in, Daniel raises an eyebrow in concern.

You nod, clearing your throat before listening some more to his stories, even if your heart isn’t set in this, it’s a few hours away from everything. 

As Daniel walks you home, he slips his hand into yours. You look down at his touch, not feeling what your eyes are seeing. He catches your gaze and removes his hand quickly, apologising under his breath. 

“Why’re you sorry?” You question to him as you stand outside of your house, seeing the light still on upstairs, the sign your Mother is still up waiting ‘til you get home before turning it off. 

Daniel lets out a small sigh. “You’re not ready, Y/n.” He states to you. “And I get that. I didn’t know Bucky, but I’ve been told he was a great man.” 

Avoiding his gaze, your head rocks forward. “He was.” You manage to sniff. “I’m sorry Daniel, I had a lovely evening with you.” You tell him truthfully, even if you weren’t there for most of it. 

He smiles before giving you a hug as you walk up the steps, your lipstick still on your lips and not his as you shut the door behind you. 

“Another one, Y/n?” Your Mother asks softly as she stands at the top of the stairs, watching as you take your hair out, letting it fall down as you shake it. 

“Not tonight, Ma.” You mutter to her as you walk towards her up the stairs. “I’m tired of trying tonight.” 

Closing your bedroom door behind you, you see his shirt neatly laid out. You smile at the sight, glancing back at the wooden door knowing your Mother did this. Stepping closer, you lie down alongside his shirt before closing your eyes, picturing him still in that diner with you and Steve. 

*

Sitting at your desk, you continue to type away. The war was getting worse, you could see the dread in the faces surrounding you as you all typed up various articles. Your bosses visits became infrequent after she reported regiment 107 missing. Most of the ladies left to grieve, but you came back. 

Betty moved desks when you came back, more seats became vacant and replacements were few and far between. She’d taken residence on the desk beside yours. Every now and then she’d ask how you were, but you mostly worked in silence. 

Outside you heard a series of commotion arising. “What’s goin’ on?” One of the women asks another as they rise from their seats, crowding around the window.

You look over to Betty who shrugs her shoulders but nonetheless stops working to ask another girl. “What you seeing out there, Megan?” Betty questions and Megan turns around, her green eyes shining with joy.

“They’re back.” She whispers, tears flooding her eyes as you stare blankly. 

The sudden rush of heels begin to head straight toward the door, and you rise to your feet as Betty stands with you. “What’d they mean?” You mutter as you stand in front of the window.

Your eyes look around, seeing a blur of green, grey, red and brown all following behind red, white and blue. “Oh my god.” You whisper, running out of the office and straight into the streets. 

Pushing through the crowds you watch like a fan, seeing Steve standing tall in the flesh, a shadow of the boy you knew before. And then you see him, standing right by his side with that cheeky smirk on his face.

“BUCKY!” You yell and he stops in his tracks, a few men hitting his back before carrying on through the crowds. 

His bright blue eyes scan through, hoping he wasn’t still hallucinating, that he actually heard your voice, your sweet voice he’s done nothing but dream of. Every night as he was kept hostage, he would shiver and cling to his top. Despite the holes that laced the fabric, he thought of you holding onto him in the dead of night. He would picture your gentle smile in the moonlight, your angelic laugh you hated. 

Then he sees you. You’re still as beautiful as the night he left you. You look older, the pain of the war has hit you as much as it has anyone else. But the look you’re giving him tells him nothings changed. “Y/n.” He mutters, running toward you. 

Despite the pain, the increasing burning through his body he runs. Bucky fights back his cry of agony as he lifts you up, spinning you around in his arms. He knows you’ll be upset he got dirt on your dress, but at this moment nothing else matters.

You stand still, your hands resting on his face. “I, I thought you were lost.” You mumble, trying to be gentle of the bruising and cuts that line his soft face. Focusing on his eyes, you can see somethings changed, something he’s not ready to admit just yet.

“I was doll,” He whispers. “but Steve he, he saved us all.” Bucky turns to smile at Steve who watches like a proud parent. His best friends finally reunited. All he heard were the delirious calls of your name during Bucky’s nightmares on the journey back. Bucky craved you like a drug, not wanting to withdraw. 

Standing up straight, Bucky took a hold of your hand as you walked alongside him still in disbelief. “Pinch me, Buck.” You laugh lightly. “I’m pretty sure I’m dreamin’.” 

Bucky smiles down at you, the smile of a broken soldier. “Trust me doll,” He pauses as he leans down, kissing your lips softly. “you’re not.” 

*

It had been a week of being by his side, day in day out. The effects of him being back were becoming too comfortable as you listened to Steve mutter about one last mission. 

What Steve hadn’t witnessed was the torment that remained in Bucky. In the dead of night, Bucky would lie awake in his bed feeling the flames from the base. He could still see his best friend on the other side of the building, no way of making it out alive. He thought that was it, he was dead. He saw a man rip his skin from his face, revealing a red-faced ugly fuck and never live to tell you.

He would get out of the house, shrug on his old jacket that felt like a stranger’s and walked to yours. He’d pick small pebbles and wait for the sign of life to emerge from your window. You would invite him in, hold him close as he silently cried in your arms, too afraid of saying everything in case the truth was too much for you to handle.

Tonight was another one of those nights. 

Bucky had woken up in cold sweats, seeing men running on the battlefield with no fear. They circled them before firing. He watched men he knew fall whilst he survived. The hallucinations, the sharp tools and twisted laughs. 

Standing outside of your house, guilt began to eat at him. You walked down the stairs, glancing up to ensure no one heard you as you shut the door behind you, reaching Bucky.

“Hey,” You whisper to him as he tries to stand still, but his hands continue to shake. “how about we go for a walk. I know a good spot.” You ease him into the idea, taking his hand in yours as you silently lead the way. 

Since Bucky came back, you never forced him to talk. It was something he had to do in his own time once he felt comfortable enough to speak about the plague in his mind. 

“It was the men on the field this time.” Bucky speaks up, providing details piece by piece. “They tried to break me apart. I don’t remember if they did.” A small laugh escapes his lips as you hold back a sob in yours. “And Steve, he, he saved me from something I don’t even understand.” Bucky continues to explain as you reach the old park from the school you went to growing up. “Now Steve is this hero and I’ve lost myself.” 

Sitting down, you refused to let your hand leave his as you pulled him closer toward the railings. “Bucky,” You whisper softly. “you’re still here, you’re still in there okay.” You reassure him as his eyes cloud over, his mind still reliving events you cannot fathom. “And I’m not letting you go, Steve won’t let that happen.” You chuckle lightly, forcing the tears back as you want to be strong for him, you have to be. 

Bucky nods as he leans closer into you. “One more mission.” Bucky tells you as his eyes lock on yours. He can already see the heartache of the realisation he’s going. You knew it was coming, but you didn’t expect it to be so soon. “Then I’m yours, yours forever, doll.” Bucky places his hand on your cheek as you lean into his touch. 

He wishes he could capture this moment and hold it like the images of torture that line his mind. All he wants is to see you in the mornings when he opens his eyes and your smile before he falls asleep at night. But that is to come, he tells himself. Just one more mission and he can have it all with you. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go, Barnes.” You laugh with him, smiling under the moonlight as he pulls you up into him. 

Burying your head into his neck, you sigh lightly. The sensation sends goosebumps all down his spine, an effect no woman has ever had besides you.”I don’t want you too, Y/n.” Bucky admits, pulling away momentarily to look at you in this moment. 

“And why’s that?” You ask, raising an eyebrow to him. 

His face softens from a slight smirk, the one you grew up resenting. Bucky can feel everything as your hand rests on his arm, the dull pain that is still coursing through his body. He knows this mission might be his last, but for all the wrong reasons. 

Bucky closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, shutting everything out as he focuses solely on you. “Cause I think I’d fall if you let go.” 

Keeping your focus on him, the Bucky before you wasn’t the boy who left. He wasn’t the same before the war. You never witnessed Bucky putting his heart out on a string, dangling it in the hope someone would take care of it like this. Before everything, you never thought Bucky could be capable of love, but here he is. 

You lean closer, kissing him gently. As you pull away, you whisper the encouragement he always desires. “As long as I’m around, Buck, I won’t let you fall.” 

The two of you lie on the ground, limbs tangled under the moonlight as you recount old memories. You avoid living in the now for a little while longer, focusing on before everything, when life was less painful but a lot less beautiful. 

#thank you for reading #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #james barnes #james barnes x reader #james barnes imagine #james barnes imagines #Avengers #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #avengers fluff #avengers angst #avengers x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel fluff #marvel angst #marvel imagine #marvel imagines

[wildroseofarran]

The Accident, Part II || Self Para

He couldn’t sit still. He was tired but sleep wouldn’t come. Hungry and thirsty but unable to stomach anything. Emotional but unable to cry.

He felt like a toy that had been wound too tight, ready to explode at any given moment.

Pete sighed and looked over his shoulder. It was nearing five in the morning, and Stella and Luke were sleeping huddled together on the little couch in their dad’s room. A couple hours ago Pete had covered them with Luke’s suit jacket so they wouldn’t get cold.

He turned back to the battered shell of a man that was his father. After Pete, Sr. had been wheeled into his room, Pete had pulled up a chair next to his bed and hadn’t moved since. If he needed to stretch his legs, he kept his pacing to the perimeter of the bed, just so he could make sure the monitor was still beeping and that his dad’s chest was still rising and falling as he breathed.

Pete sighed again. His dad looked so small and helpless with all those tubes and wires and bandages, so pale and weak. And even after bundling him with an extra blanket and his coat, his hand still felt so cold in Pete’s.

It was like all trace of the man with the warm smile, crinkly eyes, and big, roaring laugh had just…vanished. Like he’d never existed.

And fuck if Pete could keep himself from staring at his dad’s face, trying to look past the cuts and bruises in an effort to reassure himself that he looked like his father and that his father really was his father.

Groaning, Pete got up to pace.

Despite his brother and sister’s reassurances, the doctor’s comment from earlier was still rattling around in his head (along with all the other crap, but that was a whole other can of worms), taunting him, making him wonder and doubt and hate himself for wondering and doubting.

‘Adoptive children rarely have the same blood type as their parents.’ What was that even supposed to mean? It wasn’t like every set of parents in the world had the same exact blood type. It was perfectly within reason that some kids would have their mom’s blood type and some would have their dad’s. He just happened to have his mom’s blood type and Stella happened to have their dad’s, so what? That didn’t mean anything, it was just the luck of the genetic draw. It sure as shit didn’t mean he was adopted.

He looked at Luke and Stella’s sleeping faces. Anyone who didn’t know the three of them would never guess that they were all siblings. Luke looked like their father while he and Stella took after their mother. Again, so what? Not every child looked like a perfect 50/50 blend of their parents. Hell, his nephew Graham didn’t look a thing like Stella except for the color of his hair. He looked entirely like his dad Ryan. That didn’t mean he wasn’t her child. It was just luck of the draw.

Not having the same blood type as his dad didn’t mean jack squat. He probably had his mom’s blood type. And so what if he didn’t look 100% like his dad? It wasn’t like Luke and Stella did, and he knew for a fact that he shared features with both of them. How could that be possible if he wasn’t related to them?

Pete shook his head and sat again, retaking his dad’s hand. “I’m sorry, Pop,” he said softly, giving a small, humorless smile. “Here I am overthinking and worrying over nothing when you’re lying there fighting to stay alive.” He kissed the bruised hand in his. “You hang in there, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine.”

He reached into his pocket with his free hand, checking his phone for messages or voicemails. He, Stella, and Luke had been taking turns all evening trying to get a hold of their mother and still nothing. Her phone was either off or dead, same as their aunt’s, whom their mother was visiting for the week.

Pete frowned. Where the hell were they? Why hadn’t they charged their phones? This was a crisis, Lynnie should either be sleeping with her children or sitting on the opposite side of her husband’s bed.

The phone was put away, another kiss given to Pete, Sr.’s hand. “Don’t worry, Pop. Mom’ll be here soon. Hopefully before you wake up.”

Another hour passed, Pete finally fell asleep, and there was still no sign of Evelyn Graham.

The smell of fresh coffee was already tugging Pete out of a fitful sleep when he was shaken by someone.

“Up and at ‘em, big brother.” Luke’s voice. “I could hear your stomach grumbling from a hundred miles away. Come on, we got food and coffee.”

Pete opened one eye and immediately regretted it, groaning in misery. The sun was shining through the blinds and right into his face. “Christ almighty, make it stop.”

Luke chuckled and went over to close the blinds. “There, it’s safe. You can open your eyes now.”

Pete did, only to groan again when his muscles screamed in protest. Sleeping while slumped over at a ninety-degree angle probably hadn’t been the best idea. “Coffee,” he muttered, rubbing his neck.

Luke handed him a to-go cup from the diner. “Already put sugar in it.”

“Thanks.” Pete drank long and deep, practically feeling the caffeine as it rushed through his system and jumpstarted everything. He blinked at the cup. “You went to the diner? How long have you been up?”

“Ryan went. I’ve only been up for about twenty minutes.”

“Ryan’s here?”

“Only for a bit. Came to bring us breakfast and since Stel was still asleep, he went ahead and took her home. She’ll probably be back later.” Luke gave his brother a once over. “Speaking of sleep, how much of it did you get?”

“Um…what time is it?”

“About eight-thirty.”

“Two hours and change.”

“You should go home, too. Take a nap, shower.”

Pete shook his head and reached for the to-go box with his name written on it. “I only slept because my body was tired.” He opened a package of pepper and sprinkled it over everything. “I didn’t get any rest. And if I’m not gonna rest, might as well not rest here with you and dad and….is mom still not here?”

“Nope,” said Luke, giving a head shake of his own as he took a bite of his breakfast. “Not even a damn text. She gets up early though. Maybe she saw our messages and just decided to get home.”

He frowned at his bacon. “I don’t understand how she had her phone off all night, and Aunt Carol too. What’s the point of taking out the landline and getting a cell phone if you don’t have it on?”

“Aunt Carol still thinks holding an aspirin between your knees keeps you from getting pregnant, don’t ask me to explain how her mind works.”

The brothers were just finishing up their breakfast when their harried, disheveled mother burst into the room. From the look of her, it seemed that Luke’s theory about her leaving Kitty Hawk in a hurry was correct; her hair had been pulled into a quick pony tail and she was wearing jeans and her pajama top under her coat.

“Mom!” they said in unison.

“Oh my god,” she sobbed, hurrying over to her husband’s bed. Pete, Sr. still hadn’t stirred and in morning light, his bruises looked even worse. “Oh, honey. Look at you. I’m so sorry.” She touched a hand gently to his face before turning and giving each of her sons a fierce hug. There were already tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Luke asked as Pete rocked Lynnie back and forth. “We’ve called and texted you ten thousand times and when you didn’t respond we did the same to Aunt Carol! Did you two go on a bender? Did your phones fall into a ditch? What the hell, Ma!”

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.” She pulled away from Pete’s embrace, furiously wiping her eyes with her hands. Pete picked up a napkin from the couch and dried her cheeks.

“It was Carol,” she said, giving her son’s hand a grateful pat. “She pulled the whole ‘no cell phones during family time’ bullshit last night when we went to dinner and made me leave it at the house and I forgot to check it before I went to bed. Then this morning I saw the texts and listened to the messages and I…” Her voice trailed off as more tears streamed down her cheeks. “God, what happened? All Stella said was that he’d had an accident.”

Pete and Luke sat their mother down and together they explained all they knew of what had happened to their father; he swerved, lost control of the car, and ended up in the bottom of the river with part of the steering column lodged in his chest.

As they got to the part about having to donate blood during his father’s surgery, Pete’s antsiness over the doctor’s comment—which Luke had chosen to leave out of the story—returned full force. Somehow having his mother here while he wondered about mismatching blood types and genetics made it all worse, made the doubts seem louder.

And that was ridiculous, wasn’t it? He was sitting here looking at a woman who’d told him stories about the day he was born his whole life, with whom he shared several birthmarks and features and even a couple allergies. There was zero reason for him to doubt his parentage and he knew that.

So why wouldn’t that damn comment leave him alone?

“I’m gonna go get some air,” he sighed, getting to his feet.

Two pairs of concerned eyes turned to him. “Is everything okay?” his mom asked.

Pete tried to give her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, Ma, everything’s fine. I slept kind cramped, just wanna stretch for a bit.”

“He did.” Luke squeezed his mother’s hand. “You go ahead, Pete. I’ll stay here with mom and dad.”

“Thanks. I won’t be long.”

Pete did three laps around the first floor. When it did absolutely nothing to quell the storm in his head, he left the hospital and took to the jogging trail that was spread out all over the park next door. With the brisk air hitting him, the oppressive hospital smell finally out of his nostrils, and the beep of monitors replaced by the sound of birds, he was finally able to think.

Only problem—aside from still wanting to run fast and far—was that he didn’t come to any comforting conclusions. Not about his personal life, not about his dad’s accident, and definitely not about the doctor’s godforsaken comment.

Every area of his life was fucking crumbling to pieces around him and the only thing he could do was walk, which he supposed was better than crying a river at every blessed turn but still. The only way to fix everything was…there wasn’t one really. No way to turn back time. No way to undo what had been done and unmake every shitty decision. No way to see if….wait.

Pete came to a stop. “Maybe there is,” he murmured to himself, turning around and jogging back to the hospital. Maybe he couldn’t unfuck Fletcher Goodman and undiablerize Victoria Harrak and uncrash his dad’s car, but he could give himself a little peace of mind in at least one arena of his life.

“Doctor!” He called down the hall. “Hey, Doc, wait! Dr. Barnes!”

His quarry finally stopped and turned around, blinking in surprise as his pursuer caught up to him. “Mr. Graham. Is everything all right? Has something happened with your father?”

Pete shook his head. “No, my dad’s fine. I was just wondering….do you have a minute? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“Yes, of course. We can talk in my office.”

“Thank you.” Pete followed Dr. Barnes into one of the elevators and up to his office on the third floor. There were two other desks in the room but for now they were the only ones there.

“Have a seat,” said the doctor, waving Pete into one of the chairs in front of the desk by the window. “What’s on your mind, Mr. Graham?”

He sat. “It’s uh…it’s about the blood I donated to my dad. Or tried to donate.”

Dr. Barnes’ brow furrowed. “All right.”

“When you finished my dad’s surgery you said that my blood type didn’t match his so you couldn’t give it to him.”

“Yes, that’s correct. Your sister was a match and we supplemented her donation with blood from our bank.”

Pete nodded. “Yeah, I remember you said that. You also said that adoptive children don’t often have the same blood type as their adoptive parents.”

“Yes.”

“The thing is, I’m not adopted.”

The furrow in Dr. Barnes’ brow deepened for a moment before his eyes widened and his expression fell into apologetic lines. “I’m sorry, Mr. Graham, I shouldn’t have assumed. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Pete shook his head. “It’s okay, you didn’t, doctor. Really. I was just wondering why you did.”

“Why I assumed you were adopted?”

“Yeah. I mean, not every kid has the same blood type as their dad, right? Some can have the same blood type as their mom?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Dr. Barnes said with a nod. “And blood types are determined in such a way that sometimes, a child can have a different blood type as both their parents. But that wasn’t the reason I assumed you were adopted. You and your father have different blood groups, yes, but you also have a very rare blood type. Your father is O positive and you are B negative. But again, I do apologize, Mr. Graham. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Pete nodded, digesting this information. The doctor confirmed what he’d been telling himself all night but there was still something nagging at him. Some feeling he couldn’t identify. “You tested the blood right?” he asked after a while. “To see our blood types matched?”

“Yes, we have a lab on the premises.”

“….Can you do other kinds of tests?”

“Such as?”

“DNA tests.”

“Yes,” said Dr. Barnes, frowning. “I hope I haven’t made you doubt your parentage, Mr. Graham. I would hate for a careless comment to have upset you to such a degree.”

“It isn’t that, really. This isn’t because of what you said.” As he said the words, Pete realized that he meant them. This wasn’t because of what the doctor had said. This was something else. Something he felt deep down in his gut. “I just…I need to be sure.”

The doctor nodded understandingly. “Well, we have your blood and your father’s but if you want a complete profile, we’re going to need a sample from your mother.”

Pete thought for a moment. He couldn’t very well ask his mother for a blood sample when there was every possibility that this really was him just worrying over nothing. “Does it have to be blood? Because I have this.” He pulled a napkin from his pocket. He’d put it in there after drying his mom’s face. “Her tears are on it.”

“That’ll work just fine. Here.” The doctor reached into a draw and pulled out a plastic bag, putting the napkin inside.

“How long does the test take?” Pete asked.

“A few hours. Since we’ll be doing it right here I should have the results for you by this afternoon.”

Pete took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

In a few hours his mind would either be quieter, or he’d be adding more shrapnel to the wreckage.

#The Accident Self Para #petegraham

[merlinficreview]

The Student Prince: Chapter 1-5 Review!

Sorry it’s been 84 years since Romeo or I have posted anything. Romeo is back to school for the semester so her time is limited and work has been really draining on me recently. Never fear, we are still here though and I’ve got a review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Ok guys, this is it. The infamous Student Prince fic. I have read this one before and I liked it because it seems to be the closest fic I’ve found to a modernized version of the BBC show. Plus, as I’ve already said before, I am a sucker for Modern Royalty AUs. This fic also takes place at the University of St. Andrews, which I know nothing about. So google will be my trusty friend throughout this review.

Here we go!

Chapter 1

We begin with Merlin getting hit in the face with some luggage and falling onto some poor elderly lady. Merlin has to maintain an extra sense of control when objects are flying towards his face because he has magic and doesn’t want to out himself. Yay Modern Day Magic Fic!

So it turns out the luggage situation was someone else’s fault. “She glanced from Merlin to the lady and then back again, her face the picture of mortification, and Merlin – who had been feeling a little disgruntled about the whole unexpected-rain-of-luggage scenario – took one look at her huge brown eyes and immediately wanted to reassure her that he had thoroughly enjoyed being knocked half unconscious.” Haha, aww.

The luggage canon introduces herself as Gwen. Yay, Gwen! She is studying engineering at St. Andrews. I think it’s weird that Gwen already has all her textbooks. Have they already signed up for their classes? How would she know what to buy?

Gwen tells Merlin she also has a hammer in her bag. "’Of course there is,’ nodded Merlin, gravely. ‘Who travels without a hammer in their luggage these days? One never knows when a spot of joinery might be in order.’ The corner of his mouth twitched. ‘Stop!’ he said, raising one hand in front of him. Gwen blinked, and after a beat Merlin added: ‘Hammer Time! Dooo doodoodoo! Doodoo! Doo! Hammer Time!’ as he improvised a quick, and truly terrible, attempt at the Hammer Dance in the cramped confines of the aisle.’”

Oh my God. How embarrassing. Stop it, Merlin. Then Gwen tells Merlin that she makes her own jewelry and Merlin is super impressed. Merlin even does the dance a second time and I want to crawl in a hole and die from secondhand embarrassment. Merlin, you JUST met Gwen. Calm yourself.

“’Hey, it's not really Merlin, is it?’ Gwen asked, looking at him sidelong. ‘I mean – really really? You're pulling my leg, right? I mean – nobody's called Merlin. Why would any woman name her baby after an old man with a long white beard and a pointy hat? It's like calling your baby Gandalf.’” This is the second time Gwen has awkwardly expressed disbelief about Merlin’s name. Stop being weirdly obsessed with his name, Gwen. How fucking rude. Poor Merlin. Getting assaulted by luggage and then getting his name made fun of. Good start to college, Merlin. Good start.

Then Gwen points out that Prince Arthur is also going to be attending St. Andrews and she says Merlin and Arthur will become besties. Merlin points out that her name is Guinevere and that she’ll be future queen.

"’That isn't why I applied there,’ she insisted. ‘I mean, I know that there must be thousands of girls who filled in their UCAS forms with St Andrews just because they're living some kind of stupid “Princess Diaries” fantasy and they think they're going to meet him and he'll fall for them and they'll end up with a tiara and a load of corgis, but I'm serious about my career. St Andrews has an excellent engineering department. I was going to apply there long before I heard that's where Arthur was going.’”

But that’s not the plot of The Princess Diaries at all?

I also have the St. Andrews website pulled up because like I said, I know nothing about it, or going to school in the UK, to be honest, and it doesn’t even look like St. Andrews has an engineering department. Man, Gwen is going to be pissed when she finds out she spent all her money on textbooks for a degree her school doesn’t offer.

Then Gwen tells us how King Uther met his wife while they were at Oxford once upon a time. "It's such a beautiful story, isn't it? The way they met at Oxford when she borrowed his jar of Gold Blend, not even realising he was the Prince of Wales at first because he was in the middle of shaving and she was distracted by her friend's dog...oh, they were so in love!" Gold Blend is coffee, by the way. I had to google it too. In what situation would a man be shaving his face next to a container of instant coffee while a random dog is nearby? That’s such an odd scene to imagine. Maybe she knocked in his door to borrow the coffee and she had the dog with her? Were there co-ed dormitories back then?

Merlin is just as suspicious about this story as I am and pops Gwen’s bubble, telling her it was most likely PR. I agree.

"Merlin shook his head mutely, and carefully didn't mention any of the books or magazines he might possibly have read about Prince Arthur and his family. Especially not the outrageously hot photoshoot in GQ magazine that he'd been hiding under his bed for the past three months, and frantically jerking off to most nights. Nope, definitely not mentioning that. Gwen rolled her eyes. ‘Uther and Igraine – it's like a modern day Romeo and Juliet!’" First of all, 100% do not mention that to Gwen. Good decision. Second of all, Gwen has a really hard time grasping plots, doesn’t she? No wonder she decided to major in a non-existent department at her university. She’s not a very bright girl.

We then learn that Merlin is planning to major in physics. That is a department at St. Andrews, good job, Merlin! Then Gwen compares their journey to Hogwarts. “He found himself wishing he could explain about Professor Gaius and Doctor Nimueh, and about the kind of text books he had stuffed into the bottom of his rucksack – but that wasn't going to happen. Magic was secret, and secret it should stay. Nobody wanted to go back to the days of witchburnings.” Poor Merlin. It’s always so sad that he has to hide himself. I will also give him a pass for already having magic books because that’s different.

Gwen and Merlin talk a little more about Harry Potter and then go right back to talking about Arthur and how they’ll probably never meet him. Well…

Then Merlin gets real depressing real fast. "Whatever. All those posh interbred types with more rooms than they know what to do with and flocks of sheep wandering around on their enormous ancient estates - that's who he'll be hanging out with. Not with a physics student from a grotty little council estate in Cardiff, or an engineering student – however lovely – who lives above her dad's garage in Wembley. Face it – we don't have our own flocks of sheep." Brutal Honesty Hour! It’s my favorite time of day!

Merlin then shares some chocolate with Gwen and they enjoy the rest of their train ride.

Chapter 2

“The door was open a crack when Merlin reached his room in St Salvator's Hall, and he could hear voices inside, and what sounded rather a lot like The Rolling Stones.” I looked up St. Salvator’s Hall and holy crap those rooms are nice. According to the photos, the rooms are like twice as big as the dorm rooms of the university I went to. I also decided to compare prices, for funsies, and also to sit and cry about how much more ridiculously expensive it is to go to university here than in other countries. The fee for a shared room at St. Salvator’s Hall is £5,837 which includes a meal plan. That’s 6292.55 USD for comparison. At the University that I went to, a shared room with communal bath is 6,795 USD. This does not include a meal plan which could add up to around 800 USD if you pick the one with the most meals. Those rates are also per semester and not for the entire academic year. Now, St. Salvator’s rate does not state whether the fee is per semester or for the whole year but either way, it’s still way more expensive here in the US. It also looks like St. Salvator Hall doesn’t have communal bathrooms like the one located here that I looked up. Yay not affordable education here in the US!

Anyways, Merlin enters the room and his roommate is none other than the Prince of Wales himself, Arthur. Oh my god. I NEVER saw that one coming!

“’Only – I thought – well, I pretty much assumed that you'd be staying over at New Hall. Where they have single rooms. And ensuites with all the mod cons,’ blurted Merlin. ‘Not sharing a room in Sally's. Why are you sharing a room in Sally's?’ Arthur frowned. ‘Because I lost a bet, if you must know. With my father.’ He stared at Merlin, looking puzzled and a touch irritated. ‘You weren't expecting this, then? They didn't get you to sign things – Official Secrets Act, all that?’” I think that’s a fair question Merlin is asking and I also want to know what sort of bet Arthur lost. How fucking awkward that no one alerted Merlin to who his roommate was supposed to be. Don’t they give out roommate names before the semester starts?

So then Arthur gets bitchy that Merlin hasn’t signed a non-disclosure agreement. “Well – sorry if this sounds, you know, rude, but basically if you touch any of my stuff, or take photos of me or my friends, or tape conversations, or sell your story to the press, or – basically, if you act like a dick, right? Well, we're talking Tower of London, pretty much. That's the Cliff Notes version.”

Calm the fuck down, Arthur. Throwing Merlin in the tower for borrowing your history book is way too excessive. So then Merlin asks if he can make a citizen’s arrest if Arthur does any the aforementioned things to Merlin. Good job, Merlin. Arthur is a complete asshole about that, acting like Merlin’s stuff is grosser than the stuff on the bottom on Arthur’s shoes and tells Merlin he will replace anything he ruins with something of “equal value.” "’Like a stick of gum,’ murmured Kay, sniggering.” Yeah, be prepared to really really fucking hate Kay in this. "’I can see why you have to swear people to secrecy, if this is how you act when you're not around a reporter,’ blurted out Merlin, feeling cheated. ‘You really are a massive prat, aren't you? A smug, self-entitled, patronising git.’” Yassssss. You tell him, Merlin.

Arthur and his friends leave and then Merlin goes to find Gaius. We learn a little about the School of Sorcery. This School can be found in every single building on campus, one just has to find the special door with a dragon on it. Merlin finds the door located in his residence hall. Of course the dragon on the door talks to Merlin, "’Young Merlin!’ it said, in a voice like a rusty gate, blinking sulphurous eyes impossibly as it writhed through the wood like an eel in water. ‘Back so soon?’ ‘What?’ Merlin stared at it. ‘I haven't – this is my first time here, Master Dragon.’” So we get a little hint of reincarnation.

Merlin finds Gaius who tries to shoo him away until Merlin gives him his name. Gaius changes his tune after that and tells Merlin he knew his father. The first thing Merlin does is complain about sharing a room with Prince Arthur. He says it will make it too hard to hide his magic. “Gaius blinked at him owlishly. ‘Then I suggest that you learn some discretion, young man, and quickly,’ he said.’” That is such an annoying adult thing to say. What a non-answer. Poor Merlin. Gaius tells Merlin he is supposed to be rooming with Arthur so he can protect him and that wizards have always protected kings and queens. Merlin is unhappy with this news.

Chapter 3

This chapter opens with:

“Hey, Gwen – how's McIntosh Hall?

Brilliant! How's Sallies?

View good, mattress soft, roommate total plonker. Yours?

She seems OK. Sorry you got plonker. Want to meet later & go to Union together?

God, yes please!” It’s written just like that (italics represent direct quotes and bold represents italics within the fic. You know the drill). I assume they are texting.

Anyways: “It was the tail-end of summer, but apparently that meant something rather different on the East coast of Scotland than it did in Wales, and by the time Merlin got to Gwen's Hall of Residence he was wishing he'd brought a coat, rather than just pulling on a black v-neck jumper.” Does Merlin not know how to read a map, or?

Like… I know the UK is small compared to the US but he can’t really be that surprised that the Northern part of the UK is colder than the Southern part. There’s almost 500 miles in between Cardiff and St. Andrews. I’m glad Merlin isn’t majoring in geography.

So Merlin meets up with Gwen outside her residence hall where she has acquired a gentleman caller. It’s probably Lance. Merlin and Gwen hug. “’Hey, you,’ he said into her hair, feeling something in his chest tighten unexpectedly. ‘I missed you.’”

Calm down, Merlin. You’ve known her for thirty seconds and only been away for her for three of those.

Lance is not happy with Merlin’s presence. “’Hi, Lance,’ he said, ducking his head in Lance's general direction. Lance smiled back – or at least, he bared his teeth, which was almost the same thing. Merlin had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. ‘Hi,’ said Lance reaching out a hand that Merlin rather suspected was going to be bone-crushing. He let go of Gwen and accepted the handshake, and managed not to buckle under the pressure of Lance's Very Manly Indeed deathgrip of macho posturing.” LOL HOW HILARIOUS. Men treating women like objects and prizes to be won. Real knee slapper, that joke.

Gwen tells Merlin that Lance is going to be her Academic Dad and then informs us that there’s only 8 weeks until Raisin Weekend. Thanks, Exposition Gwen! So I also googled this Academic Family business since that’s not a thing we have here. So, basically an Academic Mum and Academic Dad are like mentors for first year students and freshmen are allowed to ask for someone to be their Academic Mother but the Academic Dad has to do the asking to the freshmen. So it makes no sense that Gwen was so shocked about Lance asking her. Whatever. Raisin Weekend is basically just an excuse to drink excessively with your Academic Parents and dress up in costumes that Monday and have shaving cream fights. Typical college nonsense.

“’Well, if I'd known they were giving away hot blokes with every room, I'd definitely have put my name down for McIntosh Hall.’ Lance made a startled noise, and his territorial expression shifted rather quickly into something entirely different and almost maiden auntish as Gwen punched Merlin's arm.” Get it, because Gay Merlin is no longer a threat to Lance chasing after Gwen. No one tell Lance bisexual people exist. I think his head would explode. No, you know what? Someone should tell him. He’s an asshole.

“Lance gave her a slightly sheepish grin. ‘It's okay,’ he said. ‘I'll be your designated driver – I'm not big on the alcohol.’ ‘I don't need a designated driver,’ said Gwen, looking at him sidelong. ‘It's a three minute walk! It would take longer to get a car started than it would to get there!’ ‘Right – well, designated guard dog, then. Or knight in shining armour, or guardian angel, or overprotective Dad – whatever you want to call it. I don't drink, so, you know – I'll make sure you're okay. Promise.’”

Oh my God. Slow your fucking roll and let her do what she wants. She’s not some poor defenseless damsel in distress.

Lance gives off an extreme sense of superiority in this fic. He’s a Buddhist, doesn’t drink, volunteers all over the fucking place as Professional Knight in Shining armor and he’s vegan. “’My Dad disapproves of the veganism,’ he admitted, sheepishly. ‘But it's not so hard, really. It feels good, knowing who I am, and what I want out of life. Being mindful in all things.’” Be more pretentious, Lance. Really, I want to see if you can top all of that.

“Merlin studied Lance, trying not to be too damned obvious about it. He wasn't at all sure if this guy was for real, or if he was playing some kind of elaborate joke, with all this holier-than-thou schtick. There was a disconcerting intensity to the man. Merlin wanted to like him, but he wasn't at all sure what to make of him. He did seem a bit too good to be true.” See, Merlin knows.

Oh and Lance is going to teach Gwen kickboxing. He has classes on Wednesday. Of course he does. Merlin is not into it, especially after meeting one of Lance’s students, Elaine. “Merlin looked at her biceps and swallowed. ‘Yeah – no thanks,’ he said, with a watery grin. ‘I've got a suspicion she'd crush me like a bug.’” Mostly I just included this because I wanted to talk about the phrase, “watery grin.” I see this ALL THE TIME in fanfic and it drives me crazy. What the fuck is a “watery grin?” If your smile is “watery,” swallow your fucking spit. That’s disgusting.

“Gwen bit her lip and glanced up at them. ‘Would you hate me forever if I left you for five minutes?’ she asked. ‘I need the ladies' room. I know I should have gone before we left, but I was caught up talking, and I didn't get around to it. Can you wait for me?’ ‘Until the stars fall from the sky,’ said Lance, bowing with an elaborate flourish that made Gwen roll her eyes.”

I don’t even have a response to this bullshit.

So Gwen goes to the bathroom and Merlin does his, “hurt her and I’ll kill you,” speech to Lance and afterwards they become friends and Lance offers to be Merlin’s Academic Dad.

When Gwen comes back she is absolutely flipping her shit because she saw Arthur. “’ComeOnComeOnComeOnComeOn!’ she said in a singsong voice. ‘You should see him! He's sitting at a table! Drinking a beer!’” Yes, let’s all go and gawk at him like an animal in the zoo. Gwen and Lance are being really annoying so far.

So Merlin tells Gwen that Arthur is his roommate and that he’s an asshole. He then requests that they not go stare at him like total creepers. Gwen is not happy. “He looked at Gwen and sighed. ‘Look, I promise that you'll get to see him again. In fact I'll text you when he's in the room, so you'll know when's a good time to swing by and visit me in Sally's and meet him properly. I'm sure he'd love to pose for a photo with you, and give you his signature, and all that kind of meet'n'greet thing.’” Ok, Merlin. This shit is why Arthur already doesn’t like you. No inviting people over to stalk your roommate and make promises on his behalf. Stop it.

They all go dance and Merlin makes a fool of himself doing the hammer dance, covered in glitter, wearing DIY hammer dance pants (I don’t know) that he got from… somewhere. Arthur stares at him and Merlin falls off the stage.

Chapter 4

Merlin wonders how many other sorcerers are at St. Andrews and we learn that he is there on scholarship. Must be nice. My poor loan debt ass is going to be paying for the two years I spent in nursing school for like ten years. Cheers.

Merlin hears Gwen laughing, “He spotted her over on the other side of the room, in front of a table advertising the St Andrews Fencing Society.” Gwen? Fencing? I mean, I guess. Why not? She’ll have a lot of time on her hands when she realizes the major she’s chosen doesn’t exist at that school. Gwen is with her roommate, Sophia.

“With that thought in mind, he marched purposefully over to the rainbow-festooned table advertising the St Andrews LGBT Society in cheery glittering letters. ‘Sign me up,’ he said, firmly, grinning at a bald girl with enough silver in her various cavities to sink a small ship. ‘I'm a card-carrying friend of Dorothy, and I'm gagging for a shag.’” What a colorful way to introduce yourself, Merlin.

Merlin stops in the middle of registering for his LGBT club to fantasize about Arthur. As you do.  “’Oh, marvellous,’ said a faintly familiar voice behind him, rippling with laughter. ‘Oh, that's just perfect. Does Arthur know yet?’” The person is Morgana, “’Er...?’ he said, trying to think where he knew her from. ‘Sorry, are you talking to me?’ ‘He doesn't, does he? There'd have been even more bitching and whining if he did,’ she said, decisively. ‘Oh, this is going to be good.’” Get it? Because Arthur’s homophobia is such a hilarious joke and it’s going to be SO LAUGHABLE when he finds out his roommate is gay.

Merlin goes out for coffee with Morgana, who I do like in this fic minus her laughing at Merlin’s sexual orientation in the previous scene. Morgana asks Merlin if he is in to Arthur. “He's an insufferable, rude, arrogant, overprivileged berk, and I wouldn't suck his cock if he was the last man on earth and he was paying me, so there!” Me thinks the man doth protest too much.

“Fine. We won't talk about how much you want to get into my cousin's royal boxer shorts. So – magic!” Morgana gives no fucks. I like that about her. Merlin freaks out because you can’t just go talking about magic all willy nilly like that. Merlin insists on calling magic “macramé,” but Morgana is having none of it. They decided that their cover story for being so familiar with one another is that they have played World of Warcraft for years and are finally meeting in person. Sure. We also learn that Morgana is studying Art History. Good job, Morgana. That is also a subject that St. Andrews provides.

“’Now then – word on the street is that you might actually be worthy of that remarkable name.’ She took a long, thoughtful drag, and Merlin watched blue curls of smoke snake out of her nostrils like she was some kind of very small, elegant dragon. ‘Is it true that you changed the seasons?’ she asked. ‘No!’ Merlin said. ‘Or at least – well, not on purpose.’” Yikes, Merlin. I guess Merlin was 10 and throwing a tantrum about cherries not being in season so he changed the season from winter to summer. He also summoned a kracken when he was 12 years old on a school field trip. Poor Hunith having to deal with Merlin. He sounds like an insufferable child.

They then proceed to get drunk and Morgana becomes Merlin’s Academic Mother thingy. Merlin gets Morgana to be Gwen’s as well.

Chapter 5

Merlin gets back to his dorm and Arthur is there. Arthur apologizes to Merlin and suggests they start over. Arthur then realizes that Merlin is drunk. Merlin drunkenly tells Arthur that he is friends with Morgana and they were drinking together and that she is now Merlin’s Academic Mother. Turns out she is also Arthur’s. Who didn’t see that one coming? Arthur admits that he looked Merlin up and knows a lot of stuff about him. Merlin says stuff he shouldn’t say, basically admitting he is a sorcerer and he finds Arthur hot and Arthur doesn’t pick up on any of it. Arthur is stupid.

Merlin starts to fall asleep on the floor and Arthur can’t have that, for platonic friend reasons, and so he gets Merlin into bed and decides to help him drink water and take some pain killers. “There was an uncertain space of time, and then Merlin was being manhandled upright by someone warm and shirtless, who smelled good. Merlin knew he smelled good because he was slumped bonelessly with his nose pressed into the hollow of a freshly-washed collarbone. Because it seemed like a good idea, he licked it, and made a small appreciative sound, and then tried a gentle bite. The owner of the collarbone gave a startled hiss, and flinched away, but didn't drop him; and the voice, when it came again, was decidedly hoarse.”

See, Arthur is fucking stupid. If a friend/someone I wasn’t into randomly bit and licked my chest, drunk or not, I would be like, “yo, that’s not cool.” Because that’s not something someone does with their platonic friend.

When Merlin wakes up, “Another thought wandered idly through his brain, and he was faintly aware that it was significant: he wasn't alone. He was, in fact, wrapped around somebody else in the manner of an affectionate baby octopus, one leg tangled between theirs, one arm hooked firmly around a neat naked waist and his mouth pressed damply into the warm, soft-sharp curve of a shoulder blade.” Arthur is awake too, “Do you have any idea of how much fun and frivolity I could have been having last night, while you were busy cutting off the circulation in my limbs? I'll have you know I was going to have a fantastic evening.”

Umm… you made the choice to stay behind and spend the night cuddling your roommate, Arthur. You could have shoved him over if you wanted to.

Merlin and Arthur go get breakfast together. Merlin texts Gwen to tell her about Morgana being their Academic Mother and that she is also Arthur’s. Gwen freaks the fuck out.

That’s it for this review. It’s a decent set-up to the fic. We get to know a little bit about Merlin and how powerful he is. We also have a rough start to the Arthur/Merlin friendship but then it’s nice to see Arthur actually own up to his shit and apologize to Merlin. Arthur is stupid for not realizing how into him Merlin is. Gwen and Lance have been pretty annoying so far and if I remember correctly, they continue to be insufferable for the majority of this fic because their “will they won’t they” cliché set-up is stupid.

Until next time

#merlin #bbc merlin #merlin fic #review #the student prince #modern royalty au #Merlin has magic #arthur is dumb #gwen and lance are annoying