#he fucking remembered that sword sound not because of its purity but because it was *mizu's* sword

[aye-of-newt]

he's wearing this when he rolls up to the final boss fight to annihilate fowler’s pasty ginger ass and win full custody of mizu

#mizu is MY dumb fucking kid hands off #he’s a good dad #he's my favorite character I love him so much #he's so supportive but not afraid to call mizu on bs #like a good parent #he's going to be so happy when mizu comes home #well he's going to be pissed but then relieved and happy #did you see how fast he was like 'mizu' and opening the door when ringo brought his stupid kid home? #he fucking remembered that sword sound not because of its purity but because it was *mizu's* sword #blue eye samurai #really creating niche market of sword dad in supportive tshirts over here...

[gthreepio]

i’ve been thinking about the future of the mcu and realized there’s a LOT that i didn’t know/didn’t remember in terms of where things are going so i figured i’d sum it up incase anyone else was in the same boat!! 

quick recap of (unresolved) mid-credit scenes:

doctor strange: mordo (a sorcerer that is one of strange’s mentors, who by the end of the movie becomes disillusioned with magic/the ancient one and quits) confronts pangborn (the paraplegic who healed himself with the mystic arts, who tells strange about mystic arts in the first place) and steals his magic because according to mordo, there are “too many sorcerers." of note, this guy is typically a villain in the comics but hasn’t been thus far...

gotg2: ayesha (leader of the sovereign, a golden skinned alien race obsessed with genetic purity), after spending most of the movie chasing the guardians for stealing some stuff, is revealed to have created an artificial being named “adam” which is presumably, adam warlock. (other stuff that is less relevant: kraglin appears to take up yondu’s mantle; the ravagers regroup and several old and obscure comic book characters are introduced [charlie-27, aleta, martinex, mainframe]; the watchers are watching things.) 

far from home: j jonah jameson basically tells the whole world spider-man’s secret identity, and frames him for what happened with mysterio....making him public enemy #1. ALSO, turns out nick fury and maria hill in the movie were ACTUALLY the two skrulls from captain marvel (talos and soren) attempting to do their job, while the real fury (and presumably hill) is ... up in space on some spaceship!!!

wandavision: monica (who we can assume is photon) is called by “an old friend of [her] mother’s,” up in space, which presumably means fury, talos, or carol. ALSO, wanda sits in the middle of nowhere reading the darkhold and hears the voices of her children who.. by all accounts, should not exist. 

aaaaand what we know about future movies (i’m not even going into the tv series.....): 

black widow: 

takes place after civil war

nat confronts a “dangerous conspiracy with ties to her past,” likely has to do with taskmaster who has apparently taken over the red room where nat was trained as an assassin

prominent new characters: yelena belova, who will take over the mantle of black widow after this; alexei shostakov aka red guardian, an ollllld marvel hero analogous to captain america except for the soviet union.

tony stark will make an appearance... SOBS

shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings:

shang-chi has never been seen in the mcu before, but he is, essentially, a superhero that is a master martial artist, and in some adaptations can also create duplicate (fake) versions of himself to confuse opponents

main villain will be the the mandarin who we have *sort of* seen before... he is the leader of a terrorist organization called “ten rings” whose main goal is to destroy world peace. brief history -- in iron man 1: one ten rings cell kidnaps tony stark and tries to force him to make weapons (he of course, makes his suit instead). stark and ten rings become enemies and fight a bunch. nat and nick fury fight them too. in iron man 3, the villain aldrich killian hires a dude to pretend to be the mandarin and claim responsibility for a bunch of stuff, but its not the ten rings or the mandarin at all. this makes the mandarin v mad and he has a dude kidnap the faker to punish him. they also briefly show up in ant-man, when a ten rings agent tries to buy the yellowjacket suit that darren cross is selling. BUT IN SHANG-CHI....... looks like we are FINALLY going to see the real mandarin after over a decade!! 

the villain razor fist will also show up, he is lesser known... he has no superhuman powers but he has surgically replaced his hands (1 or 2, depending on the version) with a steel blade, and is highly skilled at hand to hand combat.

besides the presence of these characters, the only bit of plot we know is “shang-chi is drawn into the ten rings organization and forced to confront his past.” so... yeah. we don’t know much at all.

eternals: 

quick explanation: the eternals are an immortal alien race who have been secretly living on earth for thousands of years. they were created by the celestials, who are most prominently in gotg2. 

more entirely new characters!!! their names are: thena, who can form any weapon out of cosmic energy; gilgamesh, who can make a super strong exoskeleton out of cosmic energy; ikaris, who has superhuman strength, flies, and can project cosmic energy out his eyes; kingo, who can shoot cosmic energy projectiles from his hands; makkari, who creates sonic booms, has super speed, and is deaf; phastos, who has enhanced intelligence, and is also gay (and married with a kid!); ajak, who has healing powers; sprite, who can project illusions; sersi, who can manipulate matter; druig, who can mind control; and dane whitman (black knight), a human with a mystical sword. 

regarding the plot... it seems the eternals have kind of dispersed, but have to come together again to fight the deviants, who are their “evil counterparts” (also created by the celestials, though i’m unclear on why). thena and gilgamesh have apparently been in exile, unclear why; sersi, who is posing as a museum curator, has apparently been in love with ikaris for centuries and it seems as if their love story may be central to the film; and kingo is a bollywood film star in his spare time. aaaaand that’s pretty much all we know.

directed by chloé zhao of nomadland fame! 

spider-man no way home: 

based on the post-credits scene in far from home, peter parker will now be known as spider-man to everyone. unclear if he’s going to be seen as a bad guy due to mysterio framing him, but i guess we’ll see! 

jamie foxx is electro, and alfred molina is doctor octopus; which is VERY interesting considering they played these roles in other spider-man franchises, once again stirring up excitement for possible multiverse. 

there have been *multiple* reports that andrew garfield, kirsten dunst, tobey maguire, and emma stone will be in the movie but tom holland has repeatedly denied this... so... who knows. 

there are also rumors that matt murdock / daredevil (from netflix) will be in several scenes! not confirmed though. 

MJ is still his girlfriend and i hope it stays that way!! 

doctor strange will be featured in the movie, taking on the mentor role now that tony stark is gone :( this will be interesting as i.. haven’t really seen them interact much before. because of this inclusion some people speculate that the film may draw inspo from some comic storylines where peter’s secret identity is restored with magic. 

doctor strange in the multiverse of madness: 

scarlet witch is essentially co-starring!!! it’s going to be really interesting to see if they bring vision or the twins into this at all, though i’m not counting on it. 

seems like mordo will be the main villain -- recall the ds1 post credits scene where he is apparently running around trying to steal people’s magic.

america chavez will make her debut!!!!!! i have no idea how this plays into anything but i am so excited!! 

regarding the plot, all we really know is that strange has been researching the time stone, mordo messes with him, and this results in him accidentally unleashing “unspeakable evil.” presumably there will also be heavy involvement of the multiverse, and who knows what kind of craziness that will bring!! 

initially was going to be directed by scott derrickson who did ds1; however he stepped down to being just EP due to “creative differences.” i am presuming this is because derrickson really wanted to make this more gothic and horror than disney was comfortable with. i REALLY hope they keep some of those elements though and don’t erase the idea entirely! anyway, it will be directed by sam raimi now (of evil dead and spiderman 2002 fame). 

the film also reportedly ties in with the loki series (will loki show up!?) and spiderman 3 (which is obvious enough, given that strange is in that movie and those curious electro and doctor octopus castings...)

thor: love and thunder

directed by taika waititi again, hell yeah!!! and he has stated, the film will be “so over the top now in the very best way" and would make ragnarok look like a "run of the mill, very safe film" .... so.... oh god

so many great returning players!!! including.... valkyrie (now the king of new asgard), jane foster, lady sif, korg, star-lord, mantis, drax, nebula, and kraglin (takes up yondu’s mantle after he dies in gotg2)

in this movie, thor isn’t thor anymore.... it’s JANE!!! she gets cancer :( and is undergoing treatment while simultaneously being thor. i’m a little nervous how this will be handled, but i’m excited. (it’s based off an amazing comic series by jason aaron) 

the big bad: gorr the god butcher, played by christian bale! the gist of it is, this dude HATES gods because nobody helped when his family was dying and in need. his weapon is “all-black the necrosword,” forged from the head of a celestial, and allows the user to create wings and fly at extreme speeds. honestly, he sounds cool as fuck. 

valkyrie is going to be made canonically bisexual!!! 

it will explore more of korg’s backstory, and also include... space sharks!?!?! an alien race from the comics.

taika has called the script “very romantic” so take that as you will 

black panther 2

will again be directed by ryan coogler

not much is known at this point, does not have an official name

t’challa will NOT be recast (which i’m happy about) so..... honestly no idea what to expect for this one. i think we can probably expect shuri to have an expanded role. all we know so far is they will be “exploring the world of wakanda.” not clear to me how this is different from the upcoming wakanda D+ series. 

tenoch huerta has reportedly been cast as a villain, but no one has any idea who. there’s also rumors that donald glover is in “informal talks” to play a role. note all of this is unconfirmed.

captain marvel 2

will be directed by nia da costa (candyman!) and written by megan mcdonnell, who is one of wandavision’s best writers! 

will take place in the present day 

will feature kamala khan / ms. marvel, monica rambeau / photon!!! this will be so interesting.... kamala is a huge fan of carol’s in the comics, she is her mentor/idol. the ms. marvel series will also resportedly lead into cm2. and monica, well, monica knew her when she was a little kid. wandavision implies that there’s some bad blood between carol and monica though, not sure why. maybe because carol left and never came back? (until endgame) 

post-credits scene of wandavision appears to tie into this, having monica go up into space at the reqeust of her “mom’s old friend.” again, not clear who that is. this could also be a tie in to secret invasion though, so we’ll see. or both.

zawe ashton has been cast as an unknown villain... a lot of people are actually speculating that she may play rogue? which would be fascinating, as there’s a comic arc where rogue steals her powers and memories. BUT there’s still no confirmation that X-men exist in the MCU so for now i remain skeptical.

they are looking to cast a ‘john boyega’ or ‘michael b jordan’ type which makes me wonder if they are going to create a new character, a “younger” war machine to be her love interest? (note: carol and rhodey are a huge thing in comics!) carol obviously does not look her age but her and don cheadle.... that just doesn’t work. which is why i wonder.

ant-man and the wasp: quantumania 

in addition to scott and hope, pretty much all the major players are returning including: luis, hank pym, janet van dyne

cassie lang has been recast with an actress 5 years older, which is really making me wonder if they are going to make her stinger in this movie! (aka one of the main young avengers)

the villain: kang the conqueror! this dude time travels. original name nate richards. in the comics, kang travels back in time to rescue his younger self (nate) from an attack that would help shape him towards a life of villainy. kang also gives him some fancy armor. his younger self actually is like, what the fuck dude? and renounces his destiny, becoming a hero. and he makes his armor look like iron man, calling himself iron lad. who is a young avenger. which also makes me wonder about cassie lang.

otherwise not much is known! 

guardians of the galaxy vol. 3

james gunn is returning, i’m mixed about this...he really does *get* the guardians though. 

based on the gotg2 post credits scene, i think we can assume adam warlock will be a HUGE part of this. there are multiple versions of him, some villainous and some heroic, but no idea how this is gonna turn out.

no word yet on whether thor will be involved, or if those ravagers they introduced will be involved. 

fantastic four 

will be directed by the spiderman guy, john watts.

otherwise we know literally nothing.

aaaaand that’s the roundup! 

#mcu #marvel #black widow #shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #eternals #smnwh #spiderman: no way home #doctor strange in the multiverse of madness #dsitmom #thor: love and thunder #tlat #black panther 2 #captain marvel 2 #ant man and the wasp: quantumania #amatwq #guardians of the galaxy vol. 3 #gotg3 #fantastic four #mcu thoughts

[shirtlesssammy]

6x12: Like a Virgin

Then:

Soulless Sam is something else

Now:

A couple is enjoying a nice little chartered flight through an extreme thunderstorm. The woman starts to have a panic attack when she thinks she sees something large fly by the plane. She closes her eyes to relax when the man is snatched from the plane. This does nothing for her panic attack. 

At Bobby’s, Cas comes out of the safe room, having just confirmed that Sam’s soul is in place. Dean asks if Sam will ever wake up.

 Cas has zero patience with the situation. He doesn’t think putting Sam’s soul back was a good idea. Cas felt Sam’s soul --and believes if Dean wanted to kill his brother, he should have just done it outright. He says this all standing two inches away from Dean and then flaps away in the dramatic fashion of the time. 

For Why the Fuck Not Science:

Bobby pours Dean a glass of whiskey and shows him a potential job. It seems that while the man in the plane was found 17 miles away from the crash site, the woman was never recovered. 

Sam’s awake!

He doesn’t remember anything past Stull Cemetery. Dean tells Sam that he’s been back a year and half. And that it’s totally fine he doesn’t remember anything. He tells him nothing more. 

Bobby’s working on a car later and Dean joins him with a couple of beers. Bobby has some reservations about Sam considering he tried to kill Bobby ten days prior. He doesn’t think they should tell him everything either. Dean insists they leave it be. They don’t want the wall to crumble. 

Bobby and Dean are just about to head out on the place case when Sam pops up, ready to join. Bobby bails, leaving Dean and Sam to head out alone. 

Sam does research on the way and they discover that two other young women disappeared in the past week. 

Sam then asks Dean why he didn’t try to live a life “after.” Awkward. Dean admits to living with Lisa and Ben for a year, but, “it didn’t work out.” Cue cranking the music. 

The next day they take a look around the plane -lady’s room. Her friend explains that she was terrified of the plane but was just getting serious with the dude and didn’t want to appear uninterested. Back at the motel, Sam notes that the other missing women were “good girls”, and Dean whips out Penny’s diary with a theory. 

Sam can’t believe that Dean would steal the diary, and Dean is happy that Sam has a moral compass again. Dean reads from the diary: He thinks these women were all virgins. 

Outside a Catholic school, a student walks home alone in the dark. She hears a crackle of leaves and then the wind picks up, and before you know it, she’s on the ground screaming into the camera. 

Sam and Dean are later interviewing Melissa in the hospital. She tells them that something that looked like a giant bat attacked her. She’s got two giant gashes on her back and she’s missing her purity ring. Dean puts it together and wonders if she should have been wearing that ring at all. But let’s look on the bright side, she’s saved because she lied. 

This all leads to the question: “What likes virgins and gold?”

Sam’s research leads him to World of Warcraft websites --and dragons. Dean doesn’t want to dismiss the idea and calls Bobby to get a second opinion. Bobby’s opinion is this: “They’re not like the Loch Ness Monster, Dean. Dragons aren’t real.” He’ll look into it though. 

The brothers continue their research. Bobby calls with a lead: Dr. Visyak, Medieval Studies, SFU. Dean’s heading out, but not before dropping a thousand more nerdy pop culture dragon references --and then calls Sam a nerd before leaving. Gotta love that posturing boy.

Somewhere dank and steamy and cagey, all the missing people struggle to escape. As we watch, a new woman is added to the prison by a gruff, angry man. He melts the cage shut with his hand. 

Dean pulls up outside Dr. Visyak’s home. 

For Excellent Shot Science:

“Bobby Singer sent me” turn out to be the magic words. A beautiful woman opens the door and lets him in. She and Bobby share a History, capital H. Dean asks her about dragons (in the context of 12 sided dice DEAN YOU NERD ILU). Visyak tells him that there aren’t dragons anymore - not for 700 years. To kill a dragon, he needs a blade. 

He needs a blade forged with dragon’s blood and they are SUPER RARE. Fortunately, she happens to have a dragon-forged sword in the basement. She walks him down to meet Brunswick. Her favorite sword is currently embedded in a stone. 

Dean tries to pull the sword from the stone as glorious, crescendoing music fills the scene. He strains, and he makes faces and pratfalls and generally reminds us that Jensen Ackles should be in more comedy. Ultimately, he fails. 

At the motel, Sam methodically works on his CSI wall collage, pinning victim photos to a map. He takes a break from découpage to talk to Bobby. While dragons lair in caves, there are no natural caves nearby. Instead, they locate old subway lines and sewers. Sam deviates from the case to ask Bobby why he’s being so weird. Bobby insists that nOTHinG is wRoNG. 

Sam prays to Cas. “I’m back, so if you got a minute…” Cas flaps in and goes in for a hug. A HUG. a hug.

Sam DENIES the hug. Instead, Sam tells Cas that Bobby filled him in on everything that happened. Cas, bless that sweet clueless angel, takes that at face value and spills everything. He asks Sam how it feels to have his soul back. Sam takes this all VERY WELL, and continues to interrogate Cas for all the details.

Dean heads down to Dr. Visyak’s basement to blow up the rock with some strategically placed explosives. There’s a huge explosion and when they re-enter the basement vault, the rock is cracked perfectly! Dean goes to pull out the sword but…

DEAN. BEAN. 

Sam and Dean head out to the sewer system to find the dragon, broken sword in tow. They’re about to give up when they find a pile of gold. Dean grabs a handful of it like a good PRACTICAL LAD and shoves it into his pocket. They follow the sound of shouting until they locate the imprisoned ladies. The dragon confronts them, Dean claims he got the sword from Comic Con, and fighting ensues. The sword clatters into a grate and Dean’s arm isn’t quiiiite long enough to reach it. Sam can, though! As Dean confronts dragon number two, Sam takes out the dragon threatening Dean. The first dragon escapes in a rush of wind. 

Back at Bobby’s, Dean ecstatically picks through his rescued dragon’s hoard. 

Sam sits down and offers a heartfelt apology for all the shit that went down while he was soulless. WHERPS. They debate whether soulless Sam was actually Sam or...what.

Sam wraps himself up in his guilt blanket and presses Dean for details so he can make amends. They’re interrupted by Bobby who’s dropping a new chunk of lore. The dragons didn’t just leave a pile of gold behind. They also left ancient books with instructions for how to open a doorway to Purgatory. Intercut with this are scenes of the original dragon. He meets up with another shady character and together they force one young woman to a cliff in a cave. They read an incantation and the cave glows. They toss their sacrificial victim into the cave. KABOOM CRASH something emerges from Purgatory. It’s…...pause for dramatic effect…..the mother of all monsters. 

Natasha: It is INSANE to me that there exists not one but two episodes centering on missing “virgins” in this show. INSANE. Also, why does a mother require a “virginal” vessel? SMH derivative storytelling, friends. That said, I enjoy this episode anyway for its comedic moments.

The Quote in the Stone:

Being easy is pretty much all up side

Binding sword to stone used to be all the rage

You rocks think you’re so smart

Who doesn’t love sewers?

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #bobby singer #spn 6x12 #like a virgin #supernatural season 6

[irrealisms]

Anonymous Darkfic Prompt: TGCF, BWX/XL, book 4 self-harm/self-sabatoge sex?

hahaha this is two weeks late but.

under a cut for, uh, the prompt. it’s bailian! i.... might end up posting to ao3. we’ll see.

Xie Lian had never been this drunk before. It was--freeing, almost, now that he was out of the grave.

The ghost fire is still pressed against him. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. It was nice, how the wine made things not matter. He should drink more of it, maybe it would warm him up, he’s pretty sure alcohol warms people up. It feels like it should, at least, like it should burn going down.

He’s laughing when he falls back down. At least it’s not into an open grave this time. The little ghost fire nudges at his arm. He laughs again when he stands up. He doesn’t want to be in this graveyard anymore, with this little ghost fire whose wine he had stolen.

-

It doesn’t surprise him as much as it should, to run into White No-Face in the woods.

“It’s you,” he gasps out, grabbing for his sword, but he doesn’t have a sword on him, so he just stands there, shivering and stupid, while White No-Face approaches. Xie Lian can’t tell if he’s walking or gliding. In a too-fast moment, there is a cold hand wrapped around the nape of his neck. He could die here, if White No-Face wanted him to.

For whatever reason, he doesn’t. He touches Xie Lian’s face gently with his other hand, cupping his cheek. Xie Lian shivers.

“Taizi dianxia,” White No-Face sighs. He sounds like a disappointed parent. “You’re harming your cultivation, to go around like this. Your cultivation demands purity.”

“Fuck off,” Xie Lian says. “Fuck you.” It doesn’t feel as satisfying as he had hoped it might. The words are swallowed by the forest. White No-Face just tilts the mask that serves as its head, pointing the smile towards him. Xie Lian can feel the creature press at his meridians.

“You won’t remember this,” White No-Face tells him. His thumb strokes circles on the base of Xie Lian’s skull, a reminder: I could kill you, like this. “You drank too much, dianxia. You should take better care of yourself. Just because they don’t value you doesn’t mean they’re right.”

Xie Lian wants to curse him out again but he can’t quite find the energy, just sighs and sways. Staying upright has suddenly become a challenge. "What makes you think I would take your advice?”

“Stubborn boy,” White No-Face says. His voice is fond. It’s hard to tell whether it’s a reproof or a compliment. “You’ll learn.”

Xie Lian hisses between his teeth. “I don’t want to learn from you. If you want me to perfect my cultivation, I’ll--I’ll--”

“What will you do, taizi dianxia?”

“I’ll ruin it. I’ll drink more, I’ll--” His voice drops to a whisper, head lolling to the side from the sheer weight of it, letting it rest in White No-Face’s hand. “I’ll have sex. I don’t care. I won’t give you what you want.”

White No-Face laughs. It’s a strange sound, light and fey, echoing off the leaves until it multiplies a millionfold. “Won’t you?” he says, quietly. “You won’t remember this, dianxia.”

A few minutes pass in silence, like that. “I’m cold,” Xie Lian whispers, at last, and White No-Face catches him in his arms before he falls. It helps, somehow. It shouldn’t help, Xie Lian knows that, ghosts are cold, and so is he, so so cold. Maybe he figured out how to be colder than a ghost, and now White No-Face is warm in comparison. The thought makes him laugh a little, high and giddy, sprawled out on the lap of his enemy where he has gently lowered them both to the ground. And hadn’t they said that this could warm you up? Xie Lian is drunk, and he is ruined, and White No-Face thinks he shouldn’t ruin himself, and he doesn’t want to give White No-Face what he wants.

He grinds his hips down once, experimentally, and then freezes.

He hadn’t known that ghosts could get hard. He’s not breathing. The forest is frozen, is silent. Nothing moves except for the ghost fire still hovering frantically nearby. 

He has to start breathing again eventually. It comes out ragged, painful. “Why?” he asks eventually. His voice is slurred, tired. He can’t tell if it comes out accusatory or just curious.

“You’re beautiful, dianxia,” White No-Face runs one hand up Xie Lian’s spine so carefully that it’s almost possible to forget how easily he could snap it. His voice makes Xie Lian shake harder. The worst part of it, the worst part of all of it, is that he has no reason to be lying. “You shouldn’t make things worse for yourself.”

Xie Lian’s hand is already under his robes before he has time to realize that he’s crying. “I don’t want this,” he whispers before he can stop his lips from moving. It’s an admission. “I don’t, I don’t--” His hand is cold on his soft cock. He’s not sure why anyone likes this.

White No-Face tilts his head the other way, so that he’s crying too, so that they match. “Then why are you doing it? You don’t have to hurt yourself.”

Xie Lian doesn’t know what to say to that, just shakes his head. He can’t listen to White No-Face. White No-Face wants to destroy him. White No-Face destroyed his entire kingdom, would have destroyed Yong’an too given half of a chance. He has to remember that. He moves his hand the way he thinks is right. It doesn’t feel good. Isn’t it supposed to feel good?

White No-Face laughs again, quieter. It’s less eerie this time, just a quiet chuckle, and then his hand is moving behind his mask, and when it comes back out it gleams under the moonlight. “Dianxia,” he murmurs. “Why are you hurting yourself like this?”

Xie Lian shakes his head again. It’s starting to ache. He wants more wine. He’s not sure if he manages to communicate this. It wouldn’t matter either way. White No-Face’s hand is warm against his ass. He hadn’t expected it to go there, had expected it to join his own. It pushes up and he cries out and it stills. He shivers again and presses his head into White No-Face’s white robes. They’re soft. Even wet with tears, they’re soft. “Keep going,” he whispers.

-

When Feng Xin shakes him awake in an alleyway, two days later, the last thing he remembers is the graveyard.

#bailian #my writing #xie lian #white no-face #bai wuxiang #tgcf #Anonymous #when you go down all your darkest roads

[calumcest]

dancing with the demons (holy spirit, holy spirit)

[ao3]

yes its 1am yes i just finished this fic yes i am exhausted yes i currently have an exam i should be doing looks like Helen’s Deadline Season Coping Mechanism is back in full swing 

i have to give my everlasting thanks to @ashesonthefloor and @clumsyclifford for their chaotic minds providing me excellent ideas and for always being so supportive of the things i write and motivating me to keep writing and also especially to ainslee for patiently listening to me talk about this for like the past three weeks before i could actually write it 

also this VERY very loosely based on christianity but as you will see: VERY. VERY. loosely 

-

“You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.”

“Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees.

-

Humans, Michael thinks sourly, wouldn’t be nearly as interested in getting to Heaven if they knew Ashton were in there. 

He means well, Michael knows that, and he’s just doing his job, but that doesn’t make it any less irritating when Michael gets Summoned twice a week to answer for whatever petty crime he’s committed this time. So sue him, he forgot witchcraft was sacrilege, and forgot that astrology falls under that umbrella, and he’d been amused when he’d seen a lady claiming to be able to tell him what was in store for him next year, and he’d had ten dollars on him. He’s thousands of years old, how the fuck is he supposed to remember every tiny rule? Plus, he thinks, cocking his head, she’d told him that a colleague would present difficulties for him, and the way Ashton’s ranting right now is just vindicating the poor woman.

“...set an example, Michael,” Ashton’s saying, when Michael tunes back in. “You were an archangel. You have to be better.” Michael rolls his eyes. 

“Ashton, I swear to God-” Ashton slaps his hand down on the table. 

“That’s exactly your fucking problem!” he says furiously, and then tenses as he realises what he’s said. Michael can feel the repentance washing over Ashton, the genuine purity of it, and it makes him wince a little bit. Ashton clears his throat, and tries again. “You can’t be blaspheming like that. You’re an angel, Michael. You have free will, and you know what a double-edged sword that is.” Michael folds his arms, wings ruffling defensively. Ashton’s always so fucking hot on how dangerous free will is, like he’s had some kind of bad experience with it, and Michael doesn’t get it. Ashton’s never stepped more than a centimetre out of line in his entire life. 

“I’m loyal to Him,” he says firmly. “He knows that.” Are you questioning Him? remains unspoken, but rings loud in the air between them.  

“I know,” Ashton says wearily. “But He did demote you. Again.” 

“I mean, I did give the Son an onion disguised as an apple,” Michael points out. Ashton glares at him. 

“Are you trying to make this worse for yourself?” he demands, and Michael holds his hands up in defence. 

“Not my fault Jesus doesn’t have a sense of humour,” he mutters, under his breath so Ashton can pretend not to have heard it. He still thinks it was hilarious, made even more so by the connotation of original sin. Maybe the fact he hasn’t repented is why He keeps letting Michael get reamed out by Ashton for the smallest fucking things. 

“You’re lucky He didn’t count that as a rebellion” Ashton tells him. Michael rolls his eyes. 

“What the fuck do you want me to say, Ash?” he says, spreading his hands, ignoring the way Ashton flinches at the curse word. “I’m sorry? I repent? Forgive me Ashton, for I have sinned?” Ashton sighs, but chooses not to comment on the sarcasm. 

“I’m assigning you another case,” he says instead, “and you’d better not mess this one up.” Michael groans, and Ashton gives him a sharp look. “You’re always free to leave, Michael. You know that.” Michael tips his head back to stare at the ceiling and lets his eyes flutter shut, shaking his head. 

“What is it?” he mumbles. He hears paper sliding across Ashton’s desk, and pinches the bridge of his nose for a minute, inhaling deeply, before forcing his head back forwards to see the file Ashton’s pushed at him. 

“A demon,” Ashton says. 

“Oh, for fu- for Go- uh, for goodness’ sake,” Michael says hurriedly, when he sees the look Ashton sends his way. “Seriously, Ash? A demon?” Ashton shrugs. 

“You want to act like a kid, you get treated like a kid,” he says. Michael exhales heavily, and picks up the file, flicking it open to the first page. 

“Calum?” he says sceptically. “What kind of a name for a demon is that?” 

“You’d do well to remember who named him,” Ashton reminds him, and Michael rolls his eyes. 

“He doesn’t look very threatening,” he remarks, flicking through Calum’s file. “What, a couple of possessions, a few cases of muteness...c’mon, Ash, this is well below my pay grade.” 

“Firstly,” Ashton says, in that tone that says I don’t like what you just said at all but I’m going to be the bigger angel here, “you don’t have a pay grade, and secondly, you’ll take what you’re given.” 

“I know, but c’mon, this?” Michael says, waving the file in Ashton’s face. “You could deal with this in two minutes, Ashton, why send me after him?” Ashton presses his lips together and looks away, and Michael cocks his head, realisation dawning on him. “Oh, shit. He’s sending me after him.” 

“You know I can’t comment on that,” Ashton says, but his wings twitch uncomfortably and he doesn’t even tell Michael off for cursing, so Michael knows he’s right. 

“What does He want me to do this for?” Michael asks curiously. 

“The Lord moves in a mysterious way,” Ashton says primly, which is his go-to response when he knows the answer but doesn’t want to say it. Michael sits back in his seat heavily, grinning. 

“Okay,” he says, nodding. “Yeah. I’ll take the case.” Ashton rolls his eyes. 

“You’ll do as He darn well says,” he tells Michael, who grins. 

“I’ll do as I damn well please,” he says, and Ashton just sighs in defeat. 

 -------

 The first time Michael finds Calum, he’s loosening lug nuts on car wheels in the dead of night. 

He’s knelt on the floor, spanner in his hand, humming something to himself as he works. Michael leans against a car behind him, folding his arms, and watches him for a while, watches the way he bobs his head to the song in his head, taps his fingers on the spanner, grins to himself when the lug nut loosens enough for him to move onto the next one.  

“Man, what kind of demon uses a spanner?” Michael comments after a few minutes. Calum spins around, on his feet at the speed of light, eyes black, teeth bared. Michael just gives him a bored look. 

“Who are you?” Calum hisses. Michael cocks an eyebrow. 

“Don’t recognise me?” he says, and Calum just growls at him. “Damn, how long were you in Heaven? Two minutes?” 

“Who the fuck are you?” Calum spits. Michael sighs, pretending he’s not enjoying this as much as he is, and lets his wings unfold, big and pure white behind him. Calum’s eyes widen, still all-black but with an edge of fear, and he takes a step back. Michael tries his best not to smirk.

“You’re not an angel,” Calum says, sounding like he’s trying to reassure himself. 

“Aren’t I?” Michael says coolly, tucking his wings back in. They feel a little cramped, but he’s made his point, and it’s cold. 

“You said damn,” Calum says, still a little afraid, but also a little confused. Michael shrugs. 

“I have free will,” he says. “Perks of being an angel.” Calum stares at him, and his eyes flash back to looking human again. Michael can’t see too well in the poor light, but they’re still dark, maybe a deep brown, and there’s some sort of a spark in them that makes Michael’s stomach flip. 

He can see Calum a little better now as his eyes adjust to the dark, can see the black jeans and black leather jacket and thin black t-shirt hugging his muscular physique, can see what looks like tattoos on his hands and collarbones and can’t help but wonder whether there are more to be found. 

And yeah, that’s a dangerous train of thought, so he stops himself firmly, allowing himself a sigh. Of course He’s saddled Michael with the hottest demon to walk the realms. 

“Whose car is that?” Michael asks, nodding at the car Calum’s been working on. Calum’s eyes linger on him for a moment, like he doesn’t trust that Michael’s not going to attack him the minute he blinks, and then looks over at the wheels. 

“Don’t know,” he says. 

“You’re trying to fuck with someone you don’t even know?” Calum shrugs, eyes flicking back to Michael. 

“Why not?” he says. Michael narrows his eyes.

“You know fucking with humans is, like, bad, right?” he says. 

“For you,” Calum says, and there’s a glimmer of wicked amusement behind his dark eyes. Michael swallows. “Don’t know if you’ve heard, but my boss isn’t so hot on all of those kinds of rules.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Michael says darkly, because if there’s anyone from Hell Michael’s well-acquainted with, it’s the Devil. Calum, who seems to have now decided that Michael’s had his chance to kill him and hasn’t, casts him one final glance before picking up the spanner, twirling it in his hands (Michael chants a prayer to keep the thoughts about Calum’s fingers at bay), and kneeling at the next wheel. 

“Who are you?” Calum asks again. 

“Michael,” Michael says, as Calum starts twisting the lug nuts the wrong way, tightening them instead of loosening them. “That’s the wrong way, man.” 

“Fuck,” Calum mutters, and starts twisting the other way. Michael cocks his head. 

“You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.”

“Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees. 

“Aren’t you a fucking archangel? Michael?” 

“Used to be,” Michael says. “Got demoted.” Calum snorts. 

“Demoted?” 

“Yeah,” Michael says, with a sigh. “Big man doesn’t like it when you play practical jokes on the Son.” Calum laughs. 

“Yeah, you’re a really shitty angel,” he tells Michael, who bristles slightly. 

“Well, I did defeat Satan,” Michael says defensively. Calum grins, all wicked and sharp teeth. 

“Yeah, he’s mentioned,” he says, and then leans back from the wheel with a sigh. “Man, would you give me a hand?” Michael cocks his head. 

“I’m meant to be stopping you, dude,” he says. Calum rolls his eyes. 

“You’re not doing a very good job,” he says. Michael thinks he would do a much better job if Calum weren’t so fucking pretty. That’s kind of unfair, he thinks. It gives Calum an automatic advantage. 

“Stop it,” Michael says, and Calum laughs, tilting his head back, and Jesus Christ, Michael wants to mark up his neck. He sends a quick apology prayer to whoever might have heard that thought, and clears his throat. “Seriously, Calum. Stop.” 

“Or what?” Calum says, eyes glittering mischievously. “You’ll scowl at me?” Michael cocks his head, and the grin slips off Calum’s face as he starts to choke. He clutches at his throat, looking somewhere between confused and shocked. Michael lets it go on for a few more seconds, relishing the way Calum’s gasping for air, before he lets Calum go. Calum falls back on his heels heavily, a pained expression on his face.

“Stop it,” Michael says simply, and he hears the power in his own voice. Calum winces, head jerking down in a forced bow, and right, yeah, Michael forgot that holy power has that effect on demons. 

“Damn,” Calum says, looking up through inky lashes when Michael lets him go, voice hoarse, but eyes twinkling. “Didn’t take you for the kinky sort.” Ashton is going to string Michael up by his wings for the thoughts that follow that sentence. 

“Fuck you,” Michael says, scowling, as he sends up yet another apology prayer. Calum cocks an eyebrow, grinning. 

“If you’re offering,” he says, rubbing at his throat. Michael sighs to hide the please that’s probably written all over his face. 

“Don’t let me catch you again,” he says instead. 

“What, you’re not going to kill me?” Calum says, and he sounds a little surprised. Michael frowns at him. 

“You want me to?” 

“Just thought you would,” Calum says, shrugging. Michael hesitates.

“You’re not really that threatening, dude,” he says eventually. And you’re far too pretty to kill. “I think the world can handle you.” Calum scowls at him, and flips him off with his left hand, picking up the spanner again with his right. Michael wordlessly tightens all the lug nuts again with a surreptitious flick of his wrist. 

“See you next time, angel,” Calum says, slotting the spanner onto another lug nut. 

“Not if you know what’s good for you, demon,” Michael says, turning away and tipping his head back up to Heaven. He hears a grunt behind him as Calum tugs on the lug nut, and grins to himself. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, dude?” Calum cries, and it’s the last thing Michael hears before everything turns white. 

 -------

 The second time Ashton sends Michael after Calum, he finds him in a Starbucks. His leather jacket is hung across the chair behind him, and he’s staring at a guy a few metres away from him with a look of pure concentration on his face. Michael takes a moment to drink it in, because he looks really fucking cute and his biceps are, like, right there - and yeah, Michael was right about there being more tattoos - before sliding into the seat opposite Calum. Calum jumps, tearing his eyes away from the guy to Michael, scowling when he realises who it is. 

“Hey,” Michael says nonchalantly, reaching for Calum’s coffee and taking a sip. It’s, like, pure fucking caffeine, and he pulls a face, pushing it back to Calum. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Calum hisses. 

“According to my superior, you’re up to no good,” Michael says. “I’m here to stop you.” Calum rolls his eyes. 

“You’re no fucking fun,” he says. Michael shrugs, and reaches for Calum’s chocolate muffin. He’s always regretted not planting the idea of chocolate in the minds of humans earlier. 

“What were you trying to do?” he says, through a mouthful of muffin. 

“Why would I fucking tell you?” Calum says, folding his arms. “You’ll just undo it.” Michael raises an eyebrow, and swallows. 

“The guy’s tattoo,” he says. Calum scowls again. “What’d you do to it?” 

“It said Lisa,” Calum says sullenly. “Changed it to ‘Lice’.” Michael looks over at the guy’s tattoo again - and yeah, he does actually now have a heart with Lice in it proudly displayed on his arm. Michael can’t help the snort that escapes him. God, would Ashton kill him if he left that one as it is? The answer is almost a hundred percent, but he thinks it might still be worth it. 

“That is fucking funny,” Michael agrees. 

“Man, how the fuck are you still an angel?” Calum says, and Michael huffs out a laugh, taking another bite out of the muffin. Calum snatches the rest of it out of Michael’s hands. 

“This is my fucking muffin,” he says, waving the remnants of it in Michael’s face. Michael shrugs. 

“Steal yourself another one,” he says. 

“You steal yourself one,” Calum mutters. 

“I’m an angel, dude,” Michael says. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Michael rolls his eyes, snapping his fingers as Calum raises the last bit of the muffin to his mouth. The muffin disappears and Calum bites down on thin air, looking confused for a split second before glowering at Michael. 

“What the fuck?” he demands. “Why’d you do that? That was a good fucking muffin.” Michael shrugs, grinning.

“For the hell of it,” he says, snapping his fingers again, and the muffin re-materialises in his hand. He throws it in the air, catching it in his mouth, and winks at Calum as he chews. Calum watches him, half in intrigue, half in outrage, mouth slightly open. He’s got such full lips, Michael thinks, and then hastily swallows both the muffin and that train of thought. 

“You’re the worst angel I’ve ever met,” Calum says decisively, sinking back in his seat. 

“You met many?” Michael asks casually. 

“No, but I’m pretty sure you’re the worst they’ve got,” Calum tells him. “I’m going to write a letter of recommendation to get you kicked out of He-” he winces. “Up there.” Michael cocks his head. 

“What’d you do to get kicked out?” he asks. 

“What do any of us do?” Calum says grumpily. “Exercise our free will.” 

“I exercise my free will,” Michael points out. 

“Yeah, to fucking swear,” Calum says. “You’re like that kid at school who gets an adrenaline rush from telling someone to shut up.” Michael scowls. 

“Fuck you,” he says, and Calum grins wickedly. 

“You kiss your Father with that mouth?” he says. Michael flips him off. 

“Right, well, this has been fun,” he says, wiping his hands on a napkin as he gets to his feet, “but I’ve got to get going. Stop fucking with humans.” 

“Man, you’d be way more fun if you weren’t an angel,” Calum says mournfully. 

“I dunno,” Michael says, mock-thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t get to do this then, would I?” He snaps his fingers, just for dramatic effect, and the Lice tattoo on the man’s arm rearranges itself to say Lisa again, and an identical heart with Lice appears on Calum’s bicep. Calum twists his arm around with a look of absolute horror.

“You absolute fucking bastard,” Calum shouts, making at least five people in the Starbucks turn around and give him a sharp look (not that he’ll fucking care). 

“Be a good boy, demon,” Michael says, throwing him a grin before heading out into the warm October air. 

 -------

 The first thing Michael’s going to do when He gets over Himself and reinstates Michael as an archangel is have a word with Him about ever giving Ashton Summoning powers. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Michael mutters, using his right wing to rub his head where he’d banged it on impact. 

“Are you serious?” Ashton says, hands on his hips. “You come straight into my office and blaspheme?” 

“Don’t fucking Summon me with no warning, then,” Michael says, shaking his wings out. Ashton throws him a glare, probably for cursing, possibly for having the gall to respond at all. 

“You’re an angel, Michael, you’ll come when you’re called,” he says reprovingly. Michael rolls his eyes, but throws himself down on the chair on the other side of Ashton’s desk heavily. 

“What?” he says, with a long-suffering sigh. 

“It’s Calum,” Ashton says. 

“Again?” Ashton throws him a look. 

“You could’ve killed him,” he says pointedly. Michael shrugs, a little uncomfortably. He knows he should have, but something about Calum just draws Michael in, makes it impossible for him to say no. 

“He was fucking with tattoos and unscrewing lug nuts, Ash,” he says, a little too defensive. “Not exactly crimes of the millennium.” Ashton scrutinises him for a moment, and then purses his lips. 

“Well,” he says primly, “apparently he’s turned up in LA.” Michael can’t help but smile at that, because yeah, LA sounds like exactly the kind of place a demon like Calum would show up. Ashton sees it, and frowns. “Michael, this is a case, you hear me? Calum’s still a demon, no matter how much you want to copulate with him.” Michael scowls. Fucking Ashton, always listening to his prayers. 

“No one says fucking copulate anymore,” he snipes, because he can’t exactly deny it. “You’d know if you ever got down off your high horse and visited Earth.” Ashton rolls his eyes. 

“I’m pretty busy up here,” he says, gesturing to all the paperwork piled high on his desk. 

“I’m telling you, station Pahaliah with Peter at the gates,” Michael says. “You’d cut all this in half.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Ashton says. “Pahaliah’s had his work cut out for him since the Enlightenment.” Michael rolls his eyes. 

“Alright, Barachiel, then,” he suggests. “He’s a fucking pain in the arse. Might do him some good to do something mundane for a few centuries.” 

“I think He has bigger plans for His archangels than guarding the gates,” Ashton says. Michael raises an eyebrow, and Ashton rolls his eyes. “You’re not an archangel anymore, Michael.” 

“I am in all but name,” Michael says with a shrug, because He always relents where Michael’s concerned. “This is my, what, twelfth demotion? Thirteenth?” 

“This one might stick,” Ashton says warningly, which is what he says every time it happens. His concern is kind of cute, Michael thinks, if unwarranted. Ashton’s never understood Him like Michael does. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael says dismissively, because he’s not about to have this discussion with Ashton again. “Can I go now?” Ashton frowns at him, which Michael takes as a yes. He lifts himself up from the chair, stretching his wings and arms out, and turns to leave.  

“Do not copulate with the demon, Michael,” Ashton says. 

“I won’t,” Michael promises, heading for the door. “Might fuck him, though.” 

(The force with which Ashton slams him into the wall makes the whole building shake, but it’s absolutely worth it.) 

 -------

 LA is cold in November, which Michael had forgotten. It’s also busy, which means he can’t draw his wings around himself for extra warmth, nor simply teleport himself to the studio Calum’s apparently in. Instead, he has to huddle into himself and elbow his way through the Hollywood crowds, meaning he’s in a pretty bad mood by the time he actually gets to where he needs to be. 

Michael distracts the security guard momentarily with a quick wave of his hand, enough for him to slip inside unnoticed. It’s a small studio, only a handful of live rooms, and Michael only has to peek into two before he finds the one Calum’s in. 

Calum, clad in his usual all-black get-up, is leaning against the wall of the studio, grinning as he watches the sound engineer frowning, fiddling with a bunch of his controls. Michael can see the shimmer of the glamour he’s cast, and wordlessly casts one of his own as he clicks the door shut behind him. The sound engineer doesn’t even look up, so preoccupied with trying to fix whatever’s going wrong, but Calum hears the sound and whips around, scowling when he sees Michael. 

“Do you just, like, have a sixth sense for when there’s some fun occurring that could be stopped?” he asks, and Michael grins at him. 

“Just got a sixth sense for shitty demons,” he says, and Calum’s scowl deepens. 

“Fuck you,” he says. Michael raises an eyebrow, then casts a look over at the live room on the other side of the glass. There’s a band in there, two girls on guitar, one on bass and one on drums, all frowning at their instruments and fiddling with tuning pegs or tension rods. 

“You’re un-tuning their instruments?” he says. “That’s pretty bad, even for you.” Calum makes a noise of outrage. 

“What do you mean, even for me?” he says, sounding scandalised. “That tattoo was fucking hilarious, you said so yourself.” Michael’s eyes flick down to Calum’s bicep, even though it’s covered by his leather jacket. Calum notices, and folds his arms. “Yeah, fuck you for that. Do you have any idea the number of favours I had to call in to get rid of it?” Michael snorts. 

“Who the fuck owes you favours?” he asks, and Calum grins, eyes gleaming. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he says. 

“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking,” Michael points out. Calum rolls his eyes, and turns back to the sound engineer, who looks like he’s ready to cry. 

“I asked around about you,” Calum comments casually, as they both watch the sound engineer fiddle with yet more knobs. 

“Oh?” Michael hums, interest piqued. “You know, the Devil and I had a good understanding.” 

“Yeah, until you waged a war against him,” Calum says. 

“On the Lord’s orders,” Michael says, a little defensively. 

“Well, he found it pretty funny that you got demoted,” Calum says. Michael rolls his eyes. Of course he did. 

“He would,” Michael says. “Did he tell you about the time the Lord made him wash the Son’s feet in front of the whole host?” Calum gapes at him. 

“No,” he says, sounding flabbergasted. Michael grins, feeling oddly satisfied.  

“Yeah, I bet he didn’t,” he says. “Didn’t realise he concerned himself with petty demons like you, anyway.” Calum scowls. 

“I’m not a petty demon,” he says, a shade petulantly. 

“You un-tune people’s guitars, dude,” Michael says. “Pretty sure demons are meant to be out committing homicide, and stuff.” 

“There are plenty of demons who do the whole murder thing,” Calum says, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m striking out.” Michael can’t help but grin at that. 

“I’ll put that in your file,” he tells Calum. “‘Not Like Other Demons’. Got it.” 

“I’ve got a file?” 

“What, you think we just let demons run around unchecked?” Calum blinks at him.

“You know Galadriel’s in the US president’s cabinet right now?” he says slowly. 

“Of course we know,” Michael says.  

“And you’re leaving him be?” Michael shrugs. 

“Not my department,” he says. Calum stares at him for a moment, and then a grin breaks out on his face, and he shakes his head. 

“Man, things have definitely changed since I was up there,” he says. 

“When was that?” Michael asks. Calum shrugs. 

“I dunno, I’m not great with time,” he says. “One, two thousand years ago?” Michael hums thoughtfully. 

“You remember Raphael?” he says. Calum rolls his eyes, and now that, that is a sentiment Michael can really get behind. 

“Unfortunately,” he mutters. “He still so fucking holier-than-thou?” 

“You thought he was holier-than-thou then?” Michael says, raising his eyebrows. “You should see him since my latest demotion.” He pitches his voice up a few octaves, and mimics: “Oh, Michael, if you just repented, you could have your seat at His side again. We’re all rooting for you. You’re just letting yourself down.” Calum grins. 

“You get demoted often?” It’s Michael’s turn to shrug. 

“Every couple of centuries,” he says. Calum laughs, all straight white teeth and sparkling eyes, and Michael’s stomach flips. God, he’s far too fucking pretty for Michael to handle. Is that why He sent Michael after him? Is this His idea of revenge? 

“I have no idea how you’re still an angel,” Calum says, shaking his head, still smiling. 

“Pure heart,” Michael says solemnly. “That’s why I keep defending these poor, helpless humans from your shitty little tricks.” 

“They’re not shitty,” Calum protests, as Michael throws a glance over to the girls in the live room, tightening their tuning pegs and tension rods wordlessly. Calum sighs dramatically, eyes following Michael’s gaze. “Man, you’re so fucking boring, you know that?” 

“Whatever you say,” Michael says with a grin, stepping back. “Behave yourself, demon.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Calum says, eyes twinkling. Michael smirks, and drops Calum’s glamour with a snap of his fingers. The sound engineer whirls around immediately, eyes widening when he sees Calum in the corner of the room, and scrambles to his feet, grabbing a nearby guitar and brandishing it like a weapon. 

“Who the fuck are you?” the guy shouts. “How the fuck did you get in here?” Calum shoots Michael a glare. 

“I fucking hate you, angel,” is the last thing Michael hears before everything goes white. 

 -------

 The next time Ashton sends Michael after Calum, he finds him with another demon who looks decidedly undemonic, blonde hair framing baby-blue eyes. Calum’s head whips around when Michael clears his throat, eyes black, poised to pounce, but he relaxes when he sees who it is. Michael’s not sure what to make of that. The other demon, though, bares his teeth, eyes flashing to black, tensing at Michael’s presence.

“Evening,” Calum says casually as his eyes flicker back to looking human, like they’re friends, and like Michael doesn’t have the power to kill him with a snap of his fingers. 

“What are you doing?” Michael asks, cocking his head. There’s glue and there’s coins, and he doesn’t understand how the two of them combine. 

“Gluing coins to the footpath,” Calum says, stepping back to let Michael see. In the dim light of the streetlight a few metres away, Michael can see a few coins shining back at him. 

“Huh,” he says thoughtfully. “Who’s your friend?”

“Luke,” the other demon says, eyes narrowed and black, posture defensive. He’s oddly familiar, Michael thinks, a bitter taste rising in his throat when they lock eyes. Michael’s dealt with a lot of demons in his time, but he doesn’t remember any called Luke. “Who the fuck is this, Cal?” 

“This?” Calum says, far too nonchalantly, kicking at one of the coins to make sure it’s properly stuck. “Michael. You know, the archangel?” 

“C’mon, dude,” Michael protests. “That’s a sensitive topic.” Luke looks at him, and there’s an edge of a glint to his eyes that Michael doesn’t like the look of. 

“An archangel?” he asks Calum, eyes still on Michael. 

“Well, no,” Calum says cheerfully, dropping to his knees again and sending Michael a pointed look, eyes glittering with humour. “He got demoted. Just a regular angel now.” Michael rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in,” he says. “Who are you, the Raphael of Hell?” Calum snorts, and Luke looks from Calum to Michael and back again. 

“Are you going to kill us?” he says. 

“That depends,” Michael says. “Are you going to piss me off enough to make me?” 

“Don’t worry about him,” Calum tells Luke, reaching for another coin and some glue. “He’s the worst angel they’ve got.” Michael sighs, an I didn’t want to have to do this but you’ve twisted my arm kind of sigh, and raises his hand. Calum jerks into the air, feet dangling beneath him, and his wings instinctively shoot out, beating wildly to try and escape Michael’s chokehold. They’re kind of gorgeous, actually - sleek, black feathers, a little unkempt. 

“Huh,” Michael says thoughtfully, as Calum struggles against his hold, wheezing and spluttering, and Luke stares at him, looking only mildly interested. “Nice wings, dude.” He lets Calum go, who drops to the ground with a loud crack, splitting the footpath on impact. Calum winces, rubbing at his throat, and folds his wings back in. 

“Thanks,” he says, coughing. “Always thought black suited me better.” Michael hums in agreement. He can’t really see the pure, brilliant white he has on his own back working with Calum’s aesthetic. 

“Hey, d’you have a halo?” Calum says to Michael, voice still a little hoarse. 

“‘Course,” Michael says. “Do you have horns?” Calum snorts, getting to his feet. 

“I can if you want me to,” he says, throwing Michael a wink. Luke stares at him. 

“Wait, are you two fucking?” he asks, a note of trepidation in his voice. Calum’s eyes flick to Michael, dark and hungry.

“Not yet,” he says, not taking his eyes off Michael. Michael swallows, and apologises to Ashton, who he just knows is listening, for the string of thoughts that just went through his mind. 

“I’m just doing my job,” Michael says to Luke, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Calum’s. 

“Isn’t your job to kill us?” 

“No,” Michael says. “Just to stop you. And, I’ve got to be honest, stopping Calum isn’t exactly hard. He’s kind of a shitty demon.” 

“Fuck you,” Calum says, scowling, and Michael grins. 

“If you’re lucky,” he says, winking at Calum before turning to Luke. “You don’t seem like a very intimidating demon either, dude, not gonna lie.” 

“Oh, you should see him when he’s pissed,” Calum says, and Luke huffs, looking a little embarrassed. “Remember that transport minister in Berlin that fell in front of a train a few months ago?” Michael gapes at him. 

“That was you?” he says, rounding on Luke. 

“Yep,” Calum says gleefully, on Luke’s behalf. 

“What, he stood on my foot on the underground and didn’t apologise,” Luke says defensively. Michael stares at him for a moment, and then shakes his head. 

“You’re a way better demon than Calum,” he says, and the cheerful grin slips off Calum’s face, replaced with an indignant scowl. 

“What the fuck, dude?” he demands. Michael shrugs. 

“Find yourself a better sidekick, Luke,” he recommends, taking a step back. 

“Go fuck yourself,” Calum says. Michael grins, flicking his wrist, and all the coins start rolling down the footpath towards the gutter. 

“What did I tell you about behaving?” he mock-chides, as Calum makes a noise of outrage, trying to stop a few of the coins with his feet. 

“Fuck you, angel,” Calum grumbles, and Michael blows him a kiss as he transports himself back home. 

 -------

 Michael’s in the middle of a debate with Peter about whether or not Julius Caesar should really have been let into Heaven when Ashton Summons him. 

“-just shouldn’t have crossed the Rubicon, if you ask me,” Michael finishes his sentence addressing the wall in Ashton’s office. He spins around, annoyed. “What the fuck, Ash? I was having a conversation.” Ashton holds up a picture of Luke and Calum that Michael had put in Calum’s file, tapping on Luke. 

“Who’s the friend?” he says. 

“Luke,” Michael says. “Can I go now?” 

“No,” Ashton says, motioning for Michael to sit. Michael sighs dramatically, but throws himself down into the chair. Ashton sits down opposite him, wings poised, and steeples his fingers against his chin. 

“You know Luke?” he asks carefully. Michael shrugs. 

“Met him once,” he says. “They were gluing coins to a footpath.” Ashton nods thoughtfully. “Oh, and he killed that transport minister in Berlin a few months ago.” 

“I think he’s killed a lot more than just the transport minister,” Ashton says, tapping on a thick, unmarked file on his right. Michael shrugs. 

“Humans have to die of something,” he says. Ashton gives him a look. 

“We’re meant to protect humanity,” he says reprovingly. 

“C’mon, Ash, they live about as long as it takes me to blink,” Michael says. Ashton purses his lips, but he knows Michael’s right. 

“I’m going after him,” he says eventually. Michael does a literal, honest-to-God double take. 

“You’re doing what?” he says, astounded. “You’re going down?” 

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Ashton says, a little snappily. “Gabriel’ll take over for me when I’m gone.” Michael groans. 

“C’mon, Ash, can’t you pick, like, Uriel, or Selaphiel, or something?” he asks desperately, because he’d rather die than answer to Gabriel, but Ashton shakes his head firmly. 

“Gabriel’s the only one qualified,” he says, eyes back on the picture of Luke and Calum. 

“What’s so interesting about Luke?” Michael asks, seeing the way Ashton’s eyes linger on him. “Why can’t you send someone else after him?” Ashton hesitates, then looks at Michael with a serious expression. 

“There’s never been a demon called Luke.” 

 -------

 Michael next sees Calum in a shopping centre food court. 

Calum spots him before he manages to get to him, and beckons him over, grinning excitedly. Michael tries to suppress a grin and ignore the way his stomach flips at that, pushing through the crowd to get to the booth Calum’s sat in and sliding in opposite him. 

“Watch this,” Calum says gleefully, nodding at the woman to their right. She takes a bite of her margherita pizza, nodding at whatever her friend is saying, and then stops, frowning, hand flying to her throat. 

“What did you do?” Michael asks, as the woman starts to cough. 

“Made her allergic to salt,” Calum says nonchalantly, and Michael snorts. The woman looks like she’s starting to struggle to breathe, so Michael waves his hand, and she relaxes, coughing a few more times, looking extremely confused and concerned. 

“So you’ve progressed to actually killing people now?” Michael asks, mildly intrigued. Calum shakes his head. 

“Knew you’d turn up,” he says, flashing Michael a grin. Michael rolls his eyes. 

“You don’t know that,” he says. “I’m a busy angel.” Calum snorts. 

“Right, that’s why they’ve sent you after me,” he says sarcastically, dipping a chip in some ketchup and popping it in his mouth. “Sure.” Michael shrugs. 

“He wanted me to go after you,” he says. Calum stops chewing, and frowns. 

“He?” he says, swallowing. “As in, Him?” Michael nods. “What the fuck? I’m on G-” he winces. “I’m on His radar?” 

“Apparently so,” Michael says, reaching for one of Calum’s chips and looking around for the mayonnaise. “Hey, where’s the mayo?” Calum stares at him. 

“You eat mayo, and I’m the demon?” he says in disbelief. Michael scowls at him, and conjures some mayonnaise. 

“It’s the best condiment,” he tells Calum, through a mouthful of chip. Calum shakes his head at him, looking genuinely disappointed. 

“What does He want with me, then?” he asks. Michael shrugs. 

“Do I look like God?” he says. Calum shrugs. 

“Never met Him,” he says. Michael raises his eyebrows. 

“Well, who kicked you out?” he asks. 

“Raphael.” 

“Bet he enjoyed that.” Calum huffs out a laugh, sticking his finger in the ketchup and then in his mouth. Michael’s not sure whether he should be grossed out by the fact Calum’s eating pure ketchup, or turned on by the way Calum’s got his lips wrapped around his fingers, looking up at Michael through thick, black lashes. 

“You’re disgusting,” he settles for, but it comes out weak, and a grin’s flashing across Calum’s face in a second. 

“Only for you,” he says, with a wink. Michael rolls his eyes, and hopes the pink on his cheeks isn’t too obvious. He reaches for another one of Calum’s chips, and Calum’s eyes follow him. He looks like he’s weighing up whether or not he wants to say something. 

“What’s He like?” he asks eventually, curiously. 

“God?” Michael asks, and Calum nods. Michael swallows his mouthful of chips, and clears his throat. “He’s cool. Pretty laid-back guy. It’s the Son you want to watch out for.” Calum cocks an eyebrow in intrigue, and Michael nods. “Yeah, the Son’s got a proper stick up his ass. Never met anyone so uptight in my life.” 

“Might be a side effect of crucifixion,” Calum suggests, and Michael snorts. 

“Well, you know, there’s the whole Trinity thing,” Michael continues, “so He’s pretty strict when it comes to the Son. God, the Son’s so spoilt. You think Raphael’s bad, wait until you meet Jesus.” Calum snorts. 

“Don’t think I’ll be meeting the Son anytime soon,” he says, and there’s something hard in his eyes and bitter in his tone. Michael frowns, but it’s gone as soon as Michael opens his mouth to ask. 

“What about Hell?” he asks instead. 

“What about it?” 

“Well, what’s Satan up to nowadays?” A look of amusement flashes across Calum’s face. 

“Oh, y’know,” he says. “Same old.” 

“Being the proudest motherfucker around?” Calum laughs, eyes twinkling, and Michael has the feeling he’s said something much funnier than he intended to. 

“You could say that,” Calum says. 

“He still funny?” Michael asks. “Heaven’s way more boring without him. He was the only one with a fucking sense of humour.” Calum’s eyes glitter with mirth. 

“I’d say so,” he says, grinning. 

“Well,” Michael says, a little awkwardly, because Calum’s finding this way funnier than it should be. “Give him my best.” Calum bursts out laughing. 

“Will do, angel,” he says. 

 -------

 God is nothing like humans think. 

Okay, He’s a little like humans think - He’s got the beard - but that’s about it. 

“Hey, Mikey,” God says, grinning at him when he knocks at the door. “How’s my favourite angel?” Michael rolls his eyes, shutting the door behind him. 

“You’re not supposed to have favourites,” he tells God. 

“I don’t,” God says, eyes twinkling. “But Raphael was listening.” Michael snorts, shaking his head, and God gestures at the seat opposite His desk, capping His pen as Michael sits down. 

“You reinstating me as archangel?” Michael asks cheerfully. God sighs, giving him a serious look, and the smile slips off Michael’s face. 

“You know, Jesus is still mad about the onion,” He says gravely. “You made Him look bad, which means you made me look bad.” 

“You know I didn’t mean to do that,” Michael says, because He can see Michael’s intentions laid out in front of him, clear as day. “And you know I’m sorry.” 

“I know,” God says. “So I am reinstating you. But don’t play around with the Son again.” Michael nods meekly, wings sagging a little. 

“Thank you, Father,” he says. God waves His hand dismissively, grinning. 

“You knew I was going to reinstate you,” He says. 

“Ashton’s going to be pissed,” Michael says, and God chuckles. 

“He knew too,” He says. “He thinks you get special treatment.” That fucker. And, yeah, whoops, Michael’s in the presence of the Lord, and isn’t censoring his thoughts. Whoops. Sorry. “Apology accepted,” He says, grinning. 

Michael hesitates, then, because it reminds him of some things Calum’s said - you exercise your free will to swear, and the many different iterations of you’re the worst angel up there. God raises an eyebrow, motioning for Michael to ask. 

“Why don’t you kick me out?” Michael blurts. God leans back in His seat. 

“You want me to kick you out?” He asks. Michael shakes his head. 

“But I- y’know,” Michael says, shrugging a little uncomfortably in the heat of His gaze. There’s nothing quite like the scrutiny of the Lord. “I swear. I blaspheme. I- uh.” He flushes, and God smirks as images of just what exactly Michael would like to do to Calum flash through his mind. Michael clears his throat. “I’m not exactly a model angel.” God looks at him, calculating, and Michael tries to resist the urge to fall to his knees. 

“You use your free will exactly as I intended it to be used,” He says. “You do as you please with a pure heart, unwaveringly loyal to me. You never have your own interests above mine.” 

“Even when I blaspheme?” God looks at him for a moment, and then smiles. 

“Even when you blaspheme,” He says gently. “You’d do well to remember my omniscience, Michael. Raphael may think obsequiousness is the way into my good books, but that was the reason I gave you free will. I knew some would use it for wrong, I knew some of you would use it to serve me blindly, but you’re the only one who’s ever used their free will as I intended, and the only one I’d ever want at my right-hand side.” Michael has to drop his gaze, can’t meet the holy power shining from His eyes. 

“Thank you, Father,” he says again, and he hears the awe in his own voice. Jesus Christ, he sounds like a human. God snorts at that. 

“Yeah, you do,” He says. “Now, go and tell Raphael you’ve been reinstated. I’ve seen how it plays out, and you’re going to love it.” 

“Can I tell him I’m your right-hand angel?” Michael says hopefully, and God laughs. 

“The fuck you can,” He says, eyes twinkling, and laughs again as Michael gawps at Him. “Oh, you think you’re the only one who can swear in here?” 

Yeah, Michael should have seen that one coming. 

 -------

 The next time Michael sees Calum, he’s with Luke again. It’s the middle of the night, and they’ve both cast glamours, whispering to each other in a dormitory in a hostel in Prague. Luke’s pointing at something across the room, and Michael silently casts his own glamour, sauntering over to them nonchalantly in the hopes of picking up what they’re talking about. 

“...the right side of the room, you take the left,” Luke says, gesturing to the other side of the room. 

“For what?” Michael asks, and both Calum and Luke jump, eyes instinctively turning black and baring their teeth. They both relax when they see who it is, though. 

“Can you let us have one night of fun?” Calum says, sighing. 

“Depends,” Michael says. “Does ‘fun’ involve fucking with the humans?” He indicates the ten people sleeping soundly in the room, and both Luke and Calum hesitate. 

“Well, yes, but-” Luke begins.

“No can do,” Michael says smoothly, and Calum scowls at him. 

“You ever get tired of being a boring cunt?” he asks, and Michael can’t help but laugh. 

“What are you up to?” he asks. 

“Unplugging people’s phone chargers,” Luke answers, eyes gleaming. “They’re all going to wake up with thirty percent charge. Some of them might even miss their alarms.” He sounds so fucking pleased with himself. Michael rolls his eyes. 

“What are you, three hundred?” he says, and he opens his mouth to make another  scathing remark, but is interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. He whips around in surprise, because who the fuck can see through his glamour, to find Ashton standing there, looking equally surprised to see him. 

“Oh,” Michael says, turning back to Calum, who looks bewildered, and Luke, who looks shocked. “This is my superior. Although, actually, that’s not true anymore, is it?” 

“You get demoted too?” Calum asks Ashton sympathetically. Ashton sends Michael a glare, and shakes his head tightly. Calum looks back at Michael, who’s grinning widely. 

“No way,” he says incredulously. “You got reinstated?”

“He always gets reinstated,” Ashton mutters. 

“Jealousy’s not a good look you, Ash,” Michael tells him sweetly, and Ashton scowls at him. 

“Ashton,” Luke says suddenly. Ashton’s eyes slide over to him, something unreadable in his expression. 

“Yes,” he says, a little tightly. Michael frowns. What the fuck is Ashton’s deal with Luke? He’s just a harmless fucking demon. He’s about to start unplugging people’s phones, for God’s sake. Not exactly the kind of criminal mastermind Ashton usually descends for; the last time Ashton had come down had been for Attila the Hun. 

“Huh,” Luke says, a little smile unfolding on his lips. “You’re still fucking hot.” Michael’s eyes widen, and Calum chokes on his next breath, disguising it badly as a cough. 

“You know him?” Michael asks in disbelief. Luke grins, eyes glittering, and waves his hand. Michael watches as all the phone chargers in the room simultaneously unplug themselves and fall to the floor, and his jaw drops. No demon should be able to do that. Calum wouldn’t even be able to unplug two chargers at the same time. 

“Cal didn’t tell you?” Luke says sweetly. “Luke’s short for Lucifer.” 

 -------

 For want of a better phrase, all hell had broken loose as soon as the words had left Luke’s lips. 

Ashton and Michael’s wings had flown out, in warrior mode without a second’s hesitation, and Calum and Luke had responded in kind, growling, eyes black, teeth bared. 

“I knew it,” Ashton had hissed, holy light rolling off him so brightly it even almost hurt Michael’s eyes. Calum had shrunk back, but Luke had been unperturbed. “The minute I saw that picture, I knew it was you.” Luke had grinned, all sharp teeth and gleaming black eyes. 

“You think about me that often?” he’d said. 

“Of course I fucking think about you,” Ashton had spat, and Michael had stopped short, stared at him. 

“Did you just fucking swear?” he’d asked. 

“Not really the point, Michael,” Ashton had said through gritted teeth.

“Man, you’re not the only angel to swear?” Calum had said to Michael. 

“He never swears,” Michael had told him, bewildered. 

“These are special fucking circumstances,” Ashton had snapped, and the power in his voice had made Calum stumble back a few steps. 

“Look,” he’d said carefully, when he’d regained his footing. “Michael’s an archangel, you’re...whatever the fuck you are, and Luke’s the Devil. All I’m seeing here is I’m going to come out bottom if this comes down to a fight. Why don’t we take this somewhere else?” They’d all hesitated, tense and poised, none of them willing to be the first to give in, until Calum’s gaze had flickered to Michael, a pleading note in his brown eyes. 

And really, who’s Michael, archangel of the Lord, to say no to petty demon Calum? 

“Fine,” Michael had said, folding his wings, and after a moment’s hesitation, Ashton had followed suit. Luke had taken a moment longer, until Calum had nudged him pointedly, and then he’d folded his sleek black wings in too. 

That’s how they’ve ended up here, in a McDonald’s that’s open all night. They’re huddled in a booth, too close for comfort, Calum and Luke on one side, Michael and Ashton on another. 

“So,” Michael says awkwardly, cutting into the uncomfortable silence, because someone has to be the first to speak. “Sorry about, y’know. The war, and all that.” Luke snorts. 

“Water under the bridge,” he says, waving a hand dismissively, but his eyes don’t stray from Ashton. “You were always my favourite angel.” Ashton flinches at that. 

“What’s the fucking deal here?” Calum demands, and Michael’s silently grateful that he’s not the one who had to ask the question and risk getting publicly reamed out by Ashton. “How do you two know each other?” Luke grins, still gazing at Ashton. 

“You wanna tell them, or should I?” he says, and Ashton stiffens. “I guess I should, huh? It is my story, after all.” 

“Fucking spit it out already, Luke,” Calum says. Luke raises his eyebrows at Ashton, and then finally tears his gaze away. 

“Ashton’s the reason I fell,” Luke says. Michael feels his jaw drop.

“What?” he says, at the exact same time as Calum. 

“How?” Michael demands. 

“What the fuck?” Calum says. 

“What happened?” 

“What did he do?” 

“Hang on, I thought you fell because of pride,” Michael interrupts, jabbing a finger at Luke. Luke shakes his head. 

“I fell because I loved someone more than I loved Him,” he says, and then nods at Ashton. Michael blinks. 

“Sorry,” he says after a moment, shaking his head. “Not sure I’m getting this.” 

“Yeah,” Calum chimes in. “Sounds like you’re saying you and Ashton were, like...a thing?” 

“That’s what he’s saying,” Ashton says. 

“You- hang on,” Michael says, holding his hands up. “You, Ashton, angel who tells me off for even thinking about blaspheming, dated the Devil?” Ashton nods curtly. 

“Nah,” Calum says, shaking his head, “sorry, not having it.” Michael has to agree with that. No way did Ashton date Satan. 

“Wait,” he says suddenly. “No, this doesn’t make any sense. Why do you look different?” Luke shrugs. 

“Changed it up,” he says. “You get a much more exciting range of powers when you’re not confined by His morals.” He grins, and looks back at Ashton. “Ashton still recognised me, though, didn’t he?” Michael stares at Ashton. 

“You dated Satan?” he asks, and Ashton nods. “You never thought to fucking tell me?” 

“What was I supposed to say, Mike?” Ashton says. 

“Oh, I don’t know, hey, Michael, sorry about all those times I slammed you against a wall for swearing, turns out I dated the fucking Devil?” Michael suggests, slightly hysterical. None of this makes any fucking sense. 

“You slam him against walls?” Calum asks, sounding intrigued. “Huh. Shame. I won’t get to be the first.” Michael scowls at him. 

“Are you serious?” he demands. “I find out Ashton dated the literal Devil, and you want to make innuendos? What are you, an incubus?” Calum grins at him. 

“Might be,” he says. 

“Could make you one, if you wanted to be,” Luke offers. 

“If you’re Satan, why the fuck are you messing around with people’s phone chargers and gluing coins to footpaths?” Michael says. Luke shrugs. 

“Being annoying is way more fun than being evil,” he says. Michael stares at him, because yeah, that does actually sound like something Lucifer would say. But Lucifer also didn’t fucking date Ashton. 

“You two didn’t date,” Michael says, shaking his head. “That’s just- that’s just not true.” 

“I can’t lie, Michael,” Ashton reminds him, and Michael bites his lip, because it’s true, he can’t, but he also didn’t fucking date the Devil.

“So,” Luke continues, like this whole interlude hadn’t even happened, spreading his hands. “Turns out I loved Ashton more than he loved me. I get cast out, he doesn’t follow, cue thousands of years of warfare.” And actually, that’s a point. 

“You let me fight that war,” Michael says tightly, rounding on Ashton. “You let me lead that. You let me lead angels, your brothers, into battle to die, and you could have stopped it all along.” Ashton puts his head in his hands. 

“I couldn’t,” he says miserably. “I couldn’t force myself to love Lucifer more than I love Him.”

“Man, this is like a fucking soap opera,” Calum puts in, leaning back in the booth with a grin on his face. 

“I’m glad someone’s fucking enjoying themselves,” Michael snaps, and Calum holds his hands up in defence. 

“I’m a demon, dude,” he says. “I kind of get off on chaos.” He pauses, and then adds: “So do you, actually, don’t fucking lie. You said the tattoo was funny.” 

“That’s exactly why I’m so worried about you, Michael,” Ashton says. “You abuse your free will. I don’t want you to fall, too.” Michael rolls his eyes. 

“Ash, if I were going to fall, it’d would’ve happened a long fucking time ago,” he says. Ashton shoots him a look. 

“You’ve never been as close as you are now,” he says bluntly, eyes flicking to Calum. 

“Oh, c’mon, I want to fuck a demon, so what?” Michael says. “You actually fucked the Devil, and you’re still up there.” 

“You want to fuck me?” Calum interrupts, and Michael rolls his eyes. 

“Dude, of course I want to fuck you,” he says. Calum looks at him for a moment, and then his face splits into a self-satisfied grin. 

“Don’t blame you,” he says. “I am pretty fucking sexy.” 

“Not the moment, Calum,” Michael says warningly, and it’s Calum’s turn to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t retort. 

“He’s not going to fall, Ash,” Luke says, and there’s something gentle and reassuring in his tone that doesn’t really sit well with Michael’s idea of Satan. “Trust me. He’ll never love anyone more than he loves Him.” Calum’s grin drops at that, and Michael tries to ignore the unpleasant flip in his stomach. 

“You don’t know that,” Ashton says. “You haven’t seen how he uses his free will.” Michael hesitates. 

“I spoke to God about it,” he says, after a moment of dithering. “I- look, I can’t tell you what He said, but we’re on the same page.” Ashton throws him a sceptical look. “Come on, Ash, am I going to lie to you about what He said in front of Him?” Ashton hesitates, and then deflates.

“No,” he says reluctantly. “But-” 

“No, I’m not taking any more fucking criticism from you,” Michael interrupts, pointing a finger at him, “ever. You dated the Devil. I’m going to swear to fucking God-” he relishes the way Ashton flinches at that “-and I’m going to fuck Calum, and there’s absolutely fucking nothing you’re going to say about it.” Ashton opens his mouth, and then closes it again, and Michael gets a rush of satisfaction almost as strong as when he’d told Raphael he’d been reinstated as archangel, again. 

“Fine,” Ashton mutters. Luke shoots him a look somewhere between concern and amusement, and Michael tries not to think about the fact that Satan seems to at least somewhat care about Ashton, instead lapsing into an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until Calum clears his throat. 

“So, Michael,” he says hopefully, breaking the tension. “We were gonna fuck?” 

 -------

 Just because Michael and Calum are fucking now doesn’t relieve Michael from his duties, as God kindly but firmly reminds him when he goes to ask about whether this is, like, even permitted. 

(“You know where I stand,” God had said. “Love no one more than me.”

“For you are a jealous God,” Michael had muttered, and God had grinned. 

“Exactly.”) 

He’s begged Calum to stop fucking around, but Calum seems to think it’s even funnier now that they’re whatever the fuck they are, uses it as a fucking booty call. His ideas are getting more and more ludicrous - he’d gone to someone’s house and put tiny holes in all of their socks, for God’s sake - just to call Michael down for a quick fuck. 

So when Michael hears that Calum’s caused a ten-car pileup on a motorway in England, he’s a little concerned. 

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Calum says, aiming for light-hearted and missing, not even looking up when Michael sits down next to him on the overbridge. 

“That’s all in your hands,” Michael says, looking out at the (pretty impressive) traffic jam Calum’s caused. “Damn, dude. Bad day?” Calum huffs out a laugh, but it’s humourless. 

“Yeah, guess so,” he says moodily. Michael hesitates. On the one hand, Calum’s a demon, and even though they’re physically intimate, Michael’s not supposed to emotionally care about him. On the other hand, Michael’s an angel, so caring is kind of in his nature, and something about Calum just draws Michael in. 

“Wanna talk about it?” he says eventually, gently. Calum shrugs. 

“Nothing you can do about it,” he says. 

“I can listen,” Michael says. “Angel, remember? I do a lot of listening.” Calum snorts. 

“What are you angel of?” he asks. 

“Healing,” Michael says. 

“You heal broken hearts?” And, oh. Okay. Michael swallows. He shouldn’t care about that as much as he does. It shouldn’t matter to him that someone that isn’t Michael has broken Calum’s heart. 

“I can try,” he says, aiming for jovial, but it falls flat. Calum sighs. 

“Remember that dude who wrote that play about the people who couldn’t be together?” he says, kicking his legs out. Michael frowns. “You know, the one set in Italy? Couple of centuries ago?” Michael frowns, and Calum rolls his eyes. “C’mon, man, you know who I’m talking about. Ro- Roleo? No, wait, Romeo? Romeo and Juliet, that’s the one.” 

“...Shakespeare?” Michael says. 

“Yeah, him,” Calum says in relief. 

“What about him?” 

“Didn’t he write the whole star-crossed lovers thing?” Michael raises his eyebrows. 

“You remember that, but not Shakespeare’s name?” he says. Calum scowls, but it’s half-hearted. 

“My point is,” he says, and then he stops, and kicks his feet out again. 

“Your point is?” Michael prompts. Calum sighs, and stares down at the cars. 

“You ever feel like that?” he says gloomily. Michael follows his gaze. 

“Like a traffic jam?” he asks slowly. Calum rolls his eyes. 

“Like we’re star-crossed lovers,” he says, and oh. 

Oh. 

Oh, fucking hell. 

“Calum,” Michael says carefully, and Calum sighs again. 

“I know,” he says, before Michael can continue. “You don’t fucking care about me, whatever. It just fucking sucks.” He laughs humourlessly, and then adds: “You think He’d ever let me back in?” Michael dithers on that for a moment, before deciding to go for the truth. 

“I don’t think so, Cal,” he says gently. “You wouldn’t be able to love Him more than anyone else.” 

“Is that such a fucking crime?” Calum says bitterly. “That I have the capacity to love with thought, with intention, not just blindly?” 

“No,” Michael says kindly. “It just means you’d make a shitty angel.” 

“You’re a shitty angel,” Calum says. 

“I am,” Michael agrees. “But I’ll also never love anyone more than Him.” Calum deflates, and shit, are those tears? Can demons even cry? 

“What the fuck are we even doing then, Michael?” Calum asks flatly. Michael sighs. 

“I do care about you, Cal,” he says. “A lot. I should have killed you the first time I met you, but I couldn’t. There’s something about you, I just…” he trails off. “Look, it’s complicated. I do care about you. I’ll just never love you more than I love the Lord.” Calum stares at the traffic below them. 

“But you could love me?” he says to the cars. Michael nods. 

“Easily,” he says. Calum bites his lip. 

“I could be second best?” 

“You already are second best.” Calum’s brow creases, like he’s trying to make some kind of decision.

“Okay,” he says eventually. Michael frowns. 

“Okay?” Calum shrugs, and the wicked gleam is back in his eyes, just like that.  

“You know what they say,” he says, grinning. “First the worst, second the best.” Michael rolls his eyes, hard. 

“You really gonna have a breakdown and end it like that?” he says sceptically. 

“Demon, dude,” Calum reminds him. “Not really keen on serious.” 

“You sure you’re not, like, a poltergeist?” Michael says, and Calum shoves him off the overbridge. Michael squawks, wings unfolding so fast he thinks he might have sprained something, and he hits Calum upside the head with his left wing as he sets himself back down next to him. “You’re a fucking arsehole, you know that?” 

“And proud,” Calum tells him, and then sobers again. 

“What?” Michael prods. Calum sighs, and holds his hand out, fingers spread, for Michael to hold.  

“I don’t want you to fall for my sake,” he says. 

But, as Michael laces his fingers through Calum’s and stares at the cars under their feet, he thinks: would that be such a bad thing? 

#malum #lashton #5sos fic #5sos slash #5sos fanfiction #im so tired i will rsvp to messages tomorrow im sorry xx #holyverse

[jacklynnfrost]

Melizabeth week #6

Submission for DAY SIX of Melizabeth Week @melizabeth-week This piece is Beta’d by Sinfulfics! She’s amazing and I’d be lost without her.

Chapter Six: Devotion By JacklynnFrost

He doesn’t brace against the winds as he is used to the harshness of the land in which he lives. A skinny boar is over his shoulder, his gait longer than it was years ago. The goddess sword on his back hums and he pauses, soaking in the warmth as he looks to the ever-gray dome ‘sky’. Meliodas can feel her power surge above. Elizabeth is still here, waiting for him and the strength that brings means everything to him.

As her energy soaks into the seal, his realm, the cracking ground reseals, the air clearing and the surrounding beasts rise up in resistance. He’s fought, he’s killed and he’s endured all this time. Meliodas rises his nose, almost smelling the softness of her hair and he longs for her gentle touch but as he looks to his calloused gnarly hand he scowls. He’s aged, he is a product of this chaotic world and Meliodas questions his own sanity, especially when things turn out not as they appear.

For two days he fell into a mind trap because of a toxin pocketed into the earth here believing he escaped and was with her once more. Meliodas flinches, his hand on her sword while pivoting on his heels as he feels what is coming. Her reinforcing the seal always stirs up the worst of them but by now he knows she has to. He tilted the balance and if he doesn’t fight with all he has, if he doesn’t win, then he isn’t truly saving her but dooming their world instead.

A snarling, crackling large monster of darkness rises from the shadows. He drops his dinner, kicking the carcass to the side with hopes another scavenger doesn’t find it before he finishes off this beast. Elizabeth’s sword does wonders and he still marvels that he is able to wield it, speculating why it has accepted him is one of his standard past times.

The Darkness calls to him, whispering promises, attempting to lure him with his deepest desires but he tightens his grip on the winged sword. The demon, if it can even be called that, has given in to the chaos here, it’s been twisted into a creature of pure instinct. It lashes, roars and fights for its life but in the end, Meliodas severs it in six pieces, each scurrying away as a new form of its old self.

Her sword refuses to kill. Meliodas isn’t sure if it’s in tune with her desires or if death is different here. He sheaths it in the leather holster he created before retracing his steps to find the boar. With a smile, he picks it up and continues his trek to the little section of this hell he calls home. It’s not bad, Meliodas cut away the inside of a rock with a massive skull formed into it and from what he’s found here it’s almost nice.

With her surge of power permeating from the outside marking his days, he adds a notch to his wall while his boar cooks hoping he’s kept track correctly. His clothes are filthy and he shakes out the animal skins as best he can before using the sand to scratch at his skin. Meliodas eases with the routine, ever vigilant as he is more connected to this place than he wishes to admit. He knows why all this power was sealed away if it were to roam his world like those clouds of energy in the wastes everything and everyone would be destroyed.

He eats, fights another rise up of the darkness and when he finally finds sleep it’s her he dreams of. Of her gentle touch, the first he remembers experiencing in life. Even if she doesn’t want him now that he’s scarred, big and broken, he is glad it’s him that’s had to endure and not her.

Meliodas’ days repeat as they have over the years but he prefers it this way as his days blend together. He lives for her magic dancing around this realm and he destroys anything that rises up to challenge her. It’s a team effort, he knows it in his soul but as the years pass he wonders if her feelings have faded and if she looks just as sweet as he remembers.

Today the air is acrid and tastes metallic. It took him months to acclimate his lungs to accept what this world had to offer, and as his chest burns just a touch he remembers how raw his organs became trying to breathe here. Water is lacking here and he scours the few places he knows to look to gather the bit he can. It eases his internal burning just a bit, but the relief is brief as he fights his way back, hitting the ground hard as he sends a powerful attack back. Under his right foot he feels it sink in, a familiar hissing sounds and he tries to cover his face, rolling away too late as steam erupts a mind addling vapor bursting from the ground.

“Fuck,” he hisses low as his mind swirls. He sinks into it though as he turns to his back, hoping this trip into his mind will be just as kind to him as his last few. Meliodas smiles, knowing he will get to see Elizabeth soon in the only way he can. Illusion or not, he’ll accept it.

Only, the air starts to swirl and he resists as he sees a crack overhead start to splinter apart this realm. He hoped his counting had been accurate, but if the seal is opening he was off by over six months. Days and days lost in his count. Meliodas struggles to a stand, wondering if this is real or if he is hallucinating his escape once more.

He feels the darkness shift though, a few creatures racing forward and he jolts into action, fighting his way through the fray with his head swirling. He has to be the first through. If someone is entering he must be what escapes, he has to return to her. Light erupts, his eyes sprinkling with spots as he raises his arm, gripping her blade with the other to slice blindly as the streaks of darkness race against him.

Meliodas wobbles as black, jagged wings spring from his back and he surges forward as images swirl. The cave bathing pools with Elizabeth over him. Her hair dancing in the breeze and as he slips into the haze, his body temperature rising, he can almost feel her locks tickling at his face.

Before him, wings span wide, white and brilliant but the girl is wrong. He frowns, slamming his blade down at the approaching lizard demon barely glancing its way as it falls. She has dark hair, is smaller in size and she looks stunned to see him, her hands rising with blue energy just like Elizabeth does when she’s fighting.

He can’t look away, marked by the similarities and instinctively protects her from the darkness rising to meet her. She has a bow, notching nothing in the string. Meliodas isn’t sure if the world is turning or if he is losing his mind as the girl before him fires off her beam of power that funnels from the weapon. He has the time to intercept the blows with his blade but he wants this to be real so badly he allows the hit as he is sucked up, passing the girl midair.

It hurts, the blow burning unlike anything in this world has, but his mind clears enough to understand he’s leaving that hell. In a snap, he crashes to a stone floor, his ears buzzing so loudly he can’t make out anything outside of his gulping breaths for a handful of heartbeats. Meliodas tries to stand, her winged blade under his palm on the stone but he can’t control his limbs as he looks around, the colors of the world blurring.

“Don’t!” A voice he’d know anywhere calls out but as Meliodas searches with his useless sight he isn’t sure if this is real anymore. “Meliodas?” She asks and he turns in the direction of her but she’s a smear of purity in the darkness blotting around her. A gruffer sound responds to her, low in timber but he doesn’t turn away but his head rolls back until there is a movement of something big separating his vision of her and himself.

In a blink he’s pushing himself up, the blade pointing forward as he wobbles from one foot to the other to step forward. “Something,” he starts. “Elizabe-” before he falls forward, smashing his face into the floor. There is a gasp, soft hands on his side but he succumbs to the delusions, filling in the gaps of his mind with her scent and the feel of her. He doesn’t want to wake, accepting the toxins messing with his mind but he knows he must eventually in order to fight her fight.

“It’s him.” Her tone is determined but he can tell she is holding back tears, “He’s dirty, grown, and he hasn’t cut his hair, but it’s him.” She sucks in a harsh breath, “I just know it.”

#melizabethweek #melizabethweek2020 #meliodas #elizabeth liones #nanatsu no taizai fanfiction #melizabeth

[joannalannister]

Hi I was thinking about Jon x Dany and, while I do like them in the show, they had very few scenes where romance was part of the equation. While I 100% think they’ll also get together in the books, I’m a little worried. GRRM isn’t that great with romance. I’m afraid he’ll make Jon x Dany too toxic. Given the romantic history of both characters, I’m having trouble imaging them in a healthy enough relationship. Do you have any thoughts about this? Hope you do : ) Your writing is always awesome!

Thanks for asking me, you’re very kind. As much as I would like to reassure you, I must start by saying that GRRM is never going to write a relationship that everyone is 100% happy with. 

“GRRM isn’t that great with romance.” I’m not sure what this means. This isn’t a criticism of you, I know you’re constrained by character limits, but I think we should explore this assertion before proceeding.  

What is romance? Wikipedia defines it as “an emotional feeling of love for another person and the courtship behaviors undertaken to express that overall feeling […]. Although […] widely associated with sexual attraction, romantic feelings can exist without expectation of physical consummation”. 

I think GRRM is very good at conveying his characters’ emotions, including their feelings of love. For example, when Jon Connington remembers Myles Toyne, it makes my heart ache:

Myles had been possessed of jug ears, a crooked jaw, and the biggest nose that Jon Connington had ever seen. When he smiled at you, though, none of that mattered.

And in the Dunk & Egg stories, Dunk’s innocent and sweet “not too tall for me” captures not only Dunk’s feelings but also the essence of his character. 

And this romantic moment is one of my favorites:

And there was one woman, sitting almost at the foot of the third table on the left … the wife of one of the Fossoways, he thought, and heavy with his child. Her delicate beauty was in no way diminished by her belly, nor was her pleasure in the food and frolics. Tyrion watched as her husband fed her morsels off his plate. They drank from the same cup, and would kiss often and unpredictably. Whenever they did, his hand would gently rest upon her stomach, a tender and protective gesture.

And if you want one of the main characters, well, this passage rips my heart in two, knowing what monstrous things Tywin has in store for these two innocent teenagers:

He dreamed of a better place, a snug little cottage by the sunset sea. The walls were lopsided and cracked and the floor had been made of packed earth, but he had always been warm there, even when they let the fire go out. She used to tease me about that, he remembered. I never thought to feed the fire, that had always been a servant’s task. “We have no servants,” she would remind me, and I would say, “You have me, I’m your servant,” [that’s some Princess Bride shit right there with Tyrion Lannister as Westley] and she would say, “A lazy servant. What do they do with lazy servants in Casterly Rock, my lord?” and he would tell her, “They kiss them.” That would always make her giggle. “They do not neither. They beat them, I bet,” she would say, but he would insist, “No, they kiss them, just like this.” He would show her how. “They kiss their fingers first, every one, and they kiss their wrists, yes, and inside their elbows. Then they kiss their funny ears, all our servants have funny ears. Stop laughing! And they kiss their cheeks and they kiss their noses with the little bump in them, there, so, like that, and they kiss their sweet brows and their hair and their lips, their … mmmm … mouths … so …”

They would kiss for hours, and spend whole days doing no more than lolling in bed, listening to the waves, and touching each other. Her body was a wonder to him, and she seemed to find delight in his. Sometimes she would sing to him. I loved a maid as fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair. “I love you, Tyrion,” she would whisper before they went to sleep at night. “I love your lips. I love your voice, and the words you say to me, and how you treat me gentle. I love your face.”

So I don’t think I can agree with you that GRRM isn’t great with romance. Maybe these particular examples didn’t resonate with you, but was there really nothing in the books that tugged at your heart romantically? Not even Renly and Loras’s relationship, from your URL?

But when you say GRRM isn’t great with romance, maybe it’s the romanticized moments you really mean? 

For example, in ACOK, during the Battle of the Blackwater, Sandor waits for Sansa in her room, and he holds her at knifepoint until she sings him a song. I think this scene is about trauma more than it’s about romance. Sandor has been dehumanized by the Lannisters for so long, treated as one of their dogs of war, that he’s forgotten what it means to be human and he’s forgotten how to connect with people. So when Sandor tries to form a connection with Sansa, he does so through violence, because that’s the only way he remembers how. 

But GRRM doesn’t write that scene romantically in my opinion:

Her throat was dry and tight with fear, and every song she had ever known had fled from her mind. Please don’t kill me, she wanted to scream, please don’t. She could feel him twisting the point, pushing it into her throat, and she almost closed her eyes again, but then she remembered. It was not the song of Florian and Jonquil, but it was a song. Her voice sounded small and thin and tremulous in her ears.

Gentle Mother, font of mercy, save our sons from war, we pray, stay the swords and stay the arrows, let them know a better day.Gentle Mother, strength of women, help our daughters through this fray, soothe the wrath and tame the fury, teach us all a kinder way.

It’s Sansa singing about kindness and gentleness and mercy that reminds Sandor of his humanity. 

And of course, later, Sansa romanticizes this event, imagining that Sandor kissed her:

As the boy’s lips touched her own she found herself thinking of another kiss. She could still remember how it felt, when his cruel mouth pressed down on her own. He had come to Sansa in the darkness as green fire filled the sky. He took a song and a kiss, and left me nothing but a bloody cloak.

But that’s how Sansa deals with her trauma, by romanticizing it, by rewriting it as a fairy tale. 

Perhaps you would have preferred a stronger condemnation of this event (or similar events) by the text? But I think GRRM knows he has very smart, engaged readers. He doesn’t have to spell it out for us; we know this is a fucked up situation. 

Personally it isn’t the romance I consider to be one of GRRM’s problem areas, it’s the physical consummation. 

For example, GRRM doesn’t seem to be aware that most of the rapes he wrote didn’t occur during war, so does he even realize that some of the stuff he wrote was rape? I can’t find the interview right now, but I believe GRRM commented on how the show changed Drogo and Dany’s wedding night to a rape scene, and GRRM kind of … distances … himself from that decision … as if GRRM didn’t write Dany being raped repeatedly by Drogo during the early days of her marriage. 

Also, the altar sex scene between Jaime and Cersei is still very controversial. (I have a lot of thoughts about Jaime and Cersei’s sex scenes and what they mean for their relationship, but I can’t deal with tumblr’s wank culture right now.) 

Also, it’s been over a year and I still haven’t recovered from this:

she walked toward him, her hips shifting forward with each step, as if her pussy were coming to him, the rest of her trailing behind reluctantly.

“as if her pussy were coming to him, the rest of her trailing behind reluctantly”

Someone really should draw this vagina monster because i can’t get it out of my mind. 

Anyways.

While I disagree with you about the romance, I will say that GRRM’s sex scenes aren’t always the best. But in GRRM’s defense, some of his sex scenes are quite lovely imo:

Not a happy conversation, maybe, but a human one. Both of us needed someone, and we reached out. Afterwards, I took her back to my cabin, and made love to her as fiercely as I could. Then, the darkness softened, we held each other and talked away the night.

So I would say it’s a mixed bag in terms of the sex scenes. 

What will a sex scene between Jon and Dany look like in the books? 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Dunno. Will there even be a sex scene between Jon and Dany in the books? I think so, but it’s not a given. We’ll just have to wait and see. 

Will Jon x Dany be too toxic in the books? 

I don’t find “toxic” to be terribly useful when it comes to evaluating fiction. Again, this isn’t a criticism, so I hope you aren’t offended, but this word for me is too vague, too lacking in complexity, and worst of all, too dichotomizing. Labeling something “toxic” tends to sort ships into easily-defined categories, with the “toxic” ones to be discarded on the midden heap in search of something ~pure~, as if such purity existed outside the blandest coffee shop AU. 

The “toxic” label tempts us into a mindset where certain literary relationships are perceived to have no value. “toxic” becomes the end of the conversation for tumblr, when it should be just the beginning. The relationship in Oedipus Rex is certainly “toxic” by any definition of the word, so what is it about this story that has endured for centuries? The fandom police on tumblr wouldn’t be asking that question; they would just ban the story for its lack of moral purity, and we would be all the poorer for it. 

(See also: fandom’s discussion of Renly. It’s the end of a conversation, when it should be the beginning.) 

So let’s set “toxic” aside. 

“Given the romantic history of both characters“ Again, I’m not entirely sure what this means. 

Dany was sold to Drogo and raped. Jorah pines for Dany. Daario is … Daario. Hizdahr was a marriage of convenience. But what do these relationships have to do with Jon Snow? 

And what does Ygritte have to do with Dany? 

I mean, I suppose there is some commonality here. Jon fell in love with Ygritte while he was little more than a captive, and Dany fell in love with Drogo while she basically was Drogo’s captive. So, like … yeah, these weren’t the best situations … but … I don’t think GRRM is trying to write “Guidelines for Relationships and Consent for the College Freshman”. 

Like, Jon’s relationship with Ygritte certainly has some consent issues, and these issues are definitely worth talking about, but tumblr uses these issues to shut down the conversation, as if we need to throw this fictional relationship in the garbage and wash our hands of it. As if there’s no value to it. As if GRRM isn’t trying to say something profound about Jon falling in love with a people he was raised to believe were his enemy. 

In real life, I hope nobody is in a relationship with consent issues. But in fiction … human beings are flawed, and our relationships are flawed too. Its these flaws that breathe life onto the page. 

For me, Jon and Dany’s romantic history is thematically important to ASOIAF as a whole. Each of them have loved and lost, but they haven’t become hardened by it. They remain in the world, and a part of it. Our heroes’ hearts remain open. There is room for many loves in their lives. Contrast this against villainous Tywin, who had room for one love, and one love only, and once it was gone, he denied love. One of the questions I think ASOIAF asks is, how much love do you have to give? And what would you do, for love? Because that isn’t just Jaime’s self-loathing line, it’s a question central to the series. 

So, for me, Jon and Dany’s romantic history isn’t an impediment. It’s proof to me that they love, and that they can keep opening themselves to love, even in the worst circumstances. (Because let me tell you, circumstances are about to get much worse.)

“I’m having trouble imaging them in a healthy enough relationship.“

What is a healthy relationship with an Undead Zombie? (Coming into contact with Jon’s rotting flesh can’t be that healthy imo.) 

What is a healthy relationship with a messianic girl who made miracles? 

What is a healthy relationship, at the end of the world? 

I’m sorry, I truly, sincerely hope I am not hurting your feelings, and I am terribly sorry if I have hurt your feelings, but you asked for my thoughts: 

For me the question of whether Jon and Dany will have a healthy relationship seems … absurd. Not because “healthy” seems obvious**, but because “healthy” seems irrelevant at the end of the world. 

**It’s not obvious, because I don’t even know what “healthy” means in the apocalypse. What is a healthy relationship, at the end of the world? That was not a rhetorical question, because I really, truly don’t know what “healthy” means at the end of the world. 

If the world is coming to an end, there are so many things that I would ask that are so much more important to me than “are they healthy?”

Like. Put the show out of your mind. Completely. Pretend you never saw it, because I don’t think Jon and Dany look like that. I don’t think Jon and Dany look like that at all in the books. 

I don’t think it’s about Jon and Dany vying for a throne, I don’t even think the Iron Throne is going to exist anymore. I don’t think it’s about stupid wight hunts, I don’t think it’s about fighting over dragonglass, I don’t think it’s about having sex on a boat. I don’t think it’s about fighting the evil Other King, because he doesn’t exist in the books, because in the books, the true enemy is a force of dehumanization. It’s an enemy we’re all capable of becoming, and something we all have to fight. 

I don’t think King’s Landing is even going to be there. I think Cersei’s going to be dead. I think the southern half of the continent is largely going to be dead or dying, while the northern half wishes they were. I think GRRM can write a sense of desperation that will have you clawing at your face with one hand while you can’t stop turning the pages with the other. 

And I don’t think Jon and Dany get “together” until this desperation grabs us in its lizard-lion jaws and refuses to let us go. I don’t think Jon and Dany really get “together” until they’re beyond the curtain of light, in another world, an Other world, a fairy realm that is grotesquely beautiful and strange and cold. A place of impossible angles that hurt you to think about them, and strange labyrinths where you lose yourself in more ways than one, and terrible, terrible cruelty. 

The heroes are alone (possibly with Tyrion) in a place that’s the opposite of the Garden of Eden.

And in this place, I think they’re all struggling to remember their humanity, struggling to remember why they ever came there in the first place, struggling to remember why they should even care. Why should Jon try to save a world that would murder him for helping? Why should Tyrion try to save a world that branded him a monster from birth? Why should a queen try to protect her people, when (I think, speculating wildly from scraps of the show) they reject her as their queen?

”Remember who you are“

When they’ve lost even themselves in this strange place beyond the end of the world … there are so many important questions to ask. 

To me, the most important question is, will there be love? Love is our greatest glory, the greatest expression of our humanity, our greatest strength in the face of an alien species that wants to eradicate humanity. Without love, I think Jon and Dany (and Tyrion) are doomed to failure, and the world along with them. Saving the world has to be an act of love. Self-love, and altruistic love, and romantic love, and all sorts. 

My next question is, will there be kindness?  In Westeros, as in our world, kindness is a rare gem. We each have only so much time, and I hope everyone spreads as much kindness as possible in the time they have, even if that time is only fictional. I hope Jon and Dany will be kind to each other. 

Will there be trust? Together, humanity is so much greater than the sum of its parts. I hope Jon and Dany realize this. I hope they find a way to work together. I hope they can rely on each other. 

Will they have given it their all? Will they realize their full potential? I hope Jon and Dany get the chance to do everything in their power, and I hope they leave this world without regrets. I hope they rage against the dying of the light. 

Will they find comfort in each other, at the end? I don’t think Jon and Dany are making it out of this alive, but I hope they hold each other, and soften the darkness, and talk away the night. 

I don’t know what Jon and Dany will be like, but I can hope.

I personally wouldn’t worry about Jon and Dany’s relationship in the books yet, because it hasn’t even been written yet. I have faith in GRRM, and I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. If I’m wrong, there will be plenty of time to critique this relationship after it’s published. 

***

I’m sorry if this doesn’t answer your question. I’m also really sorry if I made you feel bad, I hope I didn’t, but I’m sorry if I did. (Please tell me that I didn’t, or else I will fret.)

I have a tag for discussions of Jon and Dany’s relationship, if you want to read more of my thoughts: #jdmeta

#thank you! you're very kind #gameofthronesrenlyxlorasforever #replies #jdmeta #lannister thoughts #jon x dany #dany x jon #jon snow #daenerys targaryen

[peachiejihoonie]

bae jinyoung - demigod!au; demeter

honestly, the boy is just very misunderstood

he lived in the big city near the piers and beaches 

him and his father ran a flower shop in that city and jinyoung loved it 

he loved having the big and busy city life but also being able to see the sea and his flower shop for relaxation 

it was a nice balance 

he loved his father deeply since they only had each other 

so when he was brought to camp he was furious, he hated it 

he wanted to go back to his comfortable home, plus his dad was alone when he wasn’t there

that’s how he got his cold image at camp half blood 

he didn’t talk to many people, he never shared his life, heck people barely knew his last name

“bong jinyoung?? bing jingyoung” the hermes cabin would giggle

he was exactly what you expected, bad at almost everything 

he couldn’t get up the lava wall, sucked at capture the flag, couldn’t carry a sword and slept through greek mythology, history and language 

he was good at harvesting of course and had all the basic demeter children skills 

one he didn’t reveal was that he could teleport (geeky i know)

he can think of any plant to swallow him up and take him somewhere else 

he’s still working on the distance (which is why he hasn’t escaped and went home yet) but i mean he loves beating everyone to the showers 

so one day he was assigned to fix up all the wall plants along the cabin and change the ones hanging on the porch 

head counselor euiwoong was getting sick of him being lazy 

as he was throwing out the vines, he didn’t pay attention to the people that were walking about 

and you were a bit too engrossed in your book to pay attention to the ground

so guess who tripped over the vines?? you! 

and he turns around, slightly annoyed cause whats the commotion but immediately feels guilty as he hears people laughing at you for tripping face first into the dirt road

he kneels down next to you a little bit of second hand embarrassment is seen on his face

“uh hey sorry, are you okay??” he’s kinda awkward cause he doesn’t really talk to people

“yea yea,” you get up and dust yourself and the book off “just try not to leave your vines off the main road yea?” 

“okay” and he just returns to the plants on the cabin, leaving the vines on the ground

you raise a brow did this boy straight up ignore me?

and he isn’t he’s just being the normal demeter kid he is  

as the stubborn athena child, you don’t accept just an “okay”, you march back up to him 

“how dare you, can’t you see that you’re being an inconvenience to the rest of the campers?” 

“no one is here?” he turns back at you and motions to the empty ground

“but yea, what if someone else comes by and trips like i did?” 

“shouldn’t they be more careful? i mean you were the one reading and not paying attention to the road” 

you kinda want to stab him at this point, but he really doesn’t give two flying fucks and goes back to wall vine set up thing

and you stomped off, a little angered

and the next time you guys meet, you guys were having sword training class and were assigned as each other’s partner 

you being athena’s child were easily capable of adjusting to any sort of weapon whereas he wasn’t experienced much in sword fighting 

so you easily have the tip of your blade at his chest plate in a few swings

he just rolls his eyes, admitting defeat and smacking his blade into yours to knock it off

“you should try to bend your knees in the first position in order to be more steady as you start” you smirked, remembering the time he tripped you at the cabins 

this was payback 

but he’s ignoring you he’s actually just spacing out honestly

and you’re like “uh hello are you paying attention??” 

he shakes his head, snapping back to reality and you’re rolling your eyes 

“cmon, the sword isn’t gonna strike without you” 

and he’s back at it again,

with each defeat, he gets more and more stubborn

he isn’t frustrated, he’s much more patient then you expected

maybe it’s the way you’re shouting commands and tips at him with each battle 

and he hates being told what to do

“normally people would’ve thrown their sword and spit curse words by now”

he just shrugs, panting and rolling into a ball to rest

“hey get up, spread your arms out to open your lungs to take in more air” you kick at his side 

and he groans and gets back up 

god you were such an annoying know it all athena kid

and through out this entire class he hasn’t even spoke a single word to you

every week you guys have this class together and it’s the same routine

and honestly he gets better but of course with new weapons means a fresh start

one time, you guys stayed after class was over just to keep sparring 

at a tired moment, you both lied down on the grass, watching the clouds move 

“you know, i really hate this place” he sighs, this being one of the only times he ever talked first 

“what really? why?” you’re shook because you loved this place 

“i like my home, i miss my home, my flower shop, my dad, the city, it’s just so empty” 

“man, lucky you” you sighed “you have somewhere to go back to” 

and now hes shook 

“hUH?” 

you explained how your mom, athena, met your dad, a high rank military soldier at one of the bases  

they fell in love of course but they only had each other, no other families within reach

so when your mom gave birth to you, she had no where to put you and your father refused adoption 

at first, you mom had found a cousin of his, but they refused to raise you because you were too problematic

your mom had laid out many conditions and rules about you and they just couldn’t handle such responsibility 

and her brother apollo already forsaw you’re future with them and lets just say its pretty dark 

he would know i mean the dude is the sun god

“it must be nice huh? i don’t even know my dad, he doesn’t have time for me” 

and it just clicked in his brain, he’s a brat

he couldn’t apprecirate what he already had

he still has his father, his home

and the next day you’ve never seen him so motivated during battle class 

his sword swung so fast and you weren’t used to it 

by the end of the first spar, you were panting

and you saw something you never thought you ever would

he was smirking 

and you scoffed at his sudden confidence, unsure as to what sparked inside of him 

dusting yourself off, you cleared your throat, 

“you still need some work” 

and you went back to sparring 

you started to notice that he was smiling when you guys were getting ready for the next round 

he would actually start conversations between battles and he was actually a pretty silly dude

he started finding motivation somehow, and it has something to do with you

at first he just wanted to defeat you and you’re know it all ass 

but you started to realize that he’d always sit by you during the campfire (which he only recently started attending)

he also asked you about greek history and mythology

so you guys end up studying together as well 

wow yall battlin with weapons and books 

and you started getting sus 

like is he into you ?????? 

but he really doesn’t show many signs otherwise

not much blushies or flusterness, just a lot of attachment 

so maybe he just really saw you as a friend

did your heart just fall into your stomach ?? 

nO! cause you’re an athena kid ! you don’t fall for anyone psh !!! 

aka you’re just repressing them feelings 

too bad he actually likes you too 

though he may be lookin like a blank rock

everytime you two are alone together (all the time) he’s gettin butterflies all over his stomach 

like his tummy is a snowglobe of butterflies

and he thinks he’s sending signals by being with you and only you 

but you’re a cold ice cube too so he doesn’t know how to approach this situation 

and guys are just stuck 

both too scared to say anything 

and one time, jinyoung needs a break from all the book reading and wants to walk in the forest 

you go with him reluctantly cause you love books 

“god what a nerd”

“whatever flower boy” 

and he’s walking ahead of you, blushing 

why did that sound so cute to him? it just a simple name?? 

there’s a flower that you guys spot 

and you’re like oh hey gardenias how pretty

“yea, you know they mean sweetness and purity?”

“no??? they mean secret love u idiot, some demeter child you are dafawk???” 

and now he has his eyebrows raised 

“my mom literally created the language of flowers, are you really gonna try arguing with me ??” 

“books don’t lie sir” 

and you both whip to look at each other 

the eye contact is overwhelming, it’s lw hot, but also playful??? but you’re both ready to roast each other at the campfire 

you guys can’t seem to form words with your thoughts though 

you’re both kinda annoyed 

not only with some tiny argument, but also those compressed feelings are rising

“why can’t you just admit things for once” he bursted before you could you first, 

“you’re so stubborn for a boring demeter child”

“you’re the stubborn one”

“yea, but that’s expected of me”

“uuuUUuUUUuGGHhHHhHH yOU aRE sO aNno YinGGG, first, you have to lecture me nonstop, second you’re so self entitled, thirdly you such a annoying knowitall and lastly you’re still so vulnerable and I still have such a strong urge to care for you because you’re YOU. and i like YOU. oF ALL  CAMPERS AND CHILD OF ALL THE GODS, YOU. sOME KNOWITALL ATHENA CHILD”

silence, silence so deadly that hades himself must’ve created it his face is as a red a tomato and all he can think about is running away and hiding underneath this sheets and screaming

and thats what happens suddenly he’s engulfed in a flower and sucked into the earth

for the first thirty seconds you’re speechless, unaware as to what just happened and then you scream 

meanwhile, jinyoung sprouts out of a potted plant on his nightstand in his cabin he’s literally thrown out of the flower and rolls onto the floor, covered in petals 

everyone is shook

“d-did y-you j-j-ju-just c-co-come ou-out of a fl-fLOWER???” euiwoong freaks out 

and now everyone is screaming 

“i-i can explain..” jinyoung is literally going to become a tomato

“but can someone go get y.n in the woods???????” he nervously chuckled

and the sound of your name gives him ptsd cause he literally just confessed to you

euiwoong takes you back to your dorm, you were no longer freaked at that point but just needed some serenity

euiwoong just explains that jinyoung can teleport through plants 

“yea, no one has had that demeter power for a while, even we were shook" 

you don’t ask to see him though, you just needed to recollect yourself

you couldn’t face him

you’re feelings were out of the roof now there’s no way you’d be able to look at him without getting nervous 

and he’s curled up underneath his sheets, regretting everything he did that day 

his siblings think hes untouchable now

like yo, he’s all mighty powerful and scary cold 

now you guys are extremely awkward 

he sees you run off to you siblings asap during weapons class 

and he’s kinda hurt honestly 

like you could’ve at least rejected him to his face, not full on ghost him 

but at the same time he understood since he kinda abruptly said he like you, he probably surprised you 

but he still couldn’t help but hear his heart cracking

and you’re not even trying to break his heart

you’re just too awkward, what an athena move 

you can’t face you’re own feelings, and its okai, it's hard i feel 

everytime jinyoung walks past your face turns red

when his name is brought up you kinda steer out of the conversation 

and the only reason why his name keeps being brought up is because you’re siblings know and looooooooove making fun of you 

even you’re quiet brother minhyun finds it amusing 

they’d always find any reason to say his name, anytime anywhere 

“ooh the strawberries are blooming is jINYOUNG piCkING THEM???

him and minhyun end up sitting next to each other in mythology 

“oh, you’re jinyoung huh???” he’s making the connections 

 “you know me?” the younger asked, very quietly 

“how could i not, you’re the talk of the talk in the athena cabin” (old dad terms wtf minhyun)

“oh cause y.n basically rejected me” he sighs “i get it, what a joke, can’t believe i thought i even had a shot” 

and minhyun blinks his eyes in confusion

“she rejected you??????????” he scrunches his eyebrows 

“well no, she kinda just left me hanging and ignores me now, so i have to assume it’s a rejection” 

and he laughs

and jinyoung has math equations all around his head (you kno the meme) 

“you guys were made for each other oh my lordy” he covered his mouth with one hand and the other patting the smaller one’s back “send her some flowers or something, i’ll deliver them” 

and thats how you find gardenias on your bed, with a small note 

‘secret love” 

i see him have some pretty sloopy handwriting and you kinda smile at it

and you send one back with a simple note 

‘secret love’ 

and he’s squishy and grinning to himself 

kicking his bed sheets in excitement, trying to refrain from jumping around 

his siblings are so done with him 

and so during breakfast the next morning, he swings an arm around you 

“hey you” he grinned

“jinyoung?????” you look up at him surprised 

the entire athena cabin is staring in amusement

and he’s immediately back to being flustered 

“jihoon said i should be smooth to impress you” he confessed, taking his arm back 

and you laugh and he ends up giggling with you

everything is back to normal 

ya’ll are the very quiet camp couple 

but you guys can get pretty wild together 

at the fireworks, you guys were pretty chill

just on a towel watching the fireworks in each others arms, unbothered 

and everyone is like ‘awwwweeeewwew cuuuute” 

but one time you guys were alone, just having your own picnic at the edge of the forest 

you two were nonstop laughing 

he would continuously make dumb faces at you 

and the more you smile, the more he would too

and it becomes a reoccurring routine 

where guys just sit outside 

whether it be studying, reading, growing flowers, trying his new recipe for brownies, or just laying in silence 

you were reading a book once, and suddenly a small flower grows in between your eyes and the book 

and it tickles your nose 

and your scrunching your nose at jinyoung and you both giggle 

he finds you so adorable during these peaceful times 

very unlike your uptight athena side 

he has a habit of playing with your fingers 

like you’re both on your way to the mess hall and he has one of your hands in his two hands and he’s playing with your fingers 

not even like intertwining them

just folding them, pressing at the pads of your fingertips and joints, drawing little pictures on your palms 

and you help him open up and the demeter cabin sees it 

they re-welcome him as an official sibling and are genuine friends/siblings 

imagine him taking you back to his hometown 

he tours you around the big city and you’re so fascinated by the buildings 

but then he even takes you to piers and beach that are like a bus stop away

and you’re just in awe 

“they’re right next to each other ???? buildings AND oceans ???” 

he’s overjoyed to see you appreciate the scenic views that he too fell for too 

and plus he fell for you too 

as much his dad wants you two enjoy your little couple vacation 

one day he needs to do a huge delivery so he asks jinyoung to watch the store 

and you’re much more excited than he was expecting cause he was feelin sorry 

“babe i’m sorry we ha-” 

“omg we get to run the flower shop??!?!???!!?!” you’re squealing and he’s blinking his eyes in confusion 

it’s really chill though 

he mostly handles all the buisness stuff while you just finish up your book next to him 

“jinyoung, i haven’t seen you in so long !” a longtime mom/costumer would greet him 

and in that moment you were talking to her 5 year old son, teaching him the meaning of certain flowers which you had learned from him 

and you and her son start giggling and you give him one the flowers, sliding it on top of his ear, and hoped that jinyoung wouldn’t mind 

“awe, you’re girlfriend seems very sweet” she would compliment 

“yea, she’s definitely a keeper” he would blush, smiling and looking down at the register 

if anyone was curious, the city i was basing jinyoung’s hometown was san francisco, ca in the u.s, mainly downtown sf and the ferry building + piers  :-)) 

and sorry i took so long, thnks 4 being patient w/ me !!! 

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