#harmful shit in our community and harmful shit against our community. would our trans and queer ancestors want this shit? are we really fuck

[urfaveautisticlesbian]

I may lose followers for this but sometimes I wish I was back in 2014/2015 bc I think I’d rather the discourse from then than the weird lgbt discourse we have now. I feel like our unity in online communities is diminished or slowly fading into oblivion. What the fuck happened

#I’ve seen people attack each other over sexualities that have existed for YEARS. #and it’s never been a problem until the last few months. #what happened to us. genuinely. #I mean we’ve never been perfect but I feel like our unity is diminishing in online spaces. #things just don’t feel right. I see people attack each other bi Pan omni #I’ve seen people revert from ‘oh bisexual spans multiple genders’ to ‘it’s half gay half straight’ #we are running in circles. I am seeing discourse from a long time ago that I thought we all sorted out but it’s clear some people are more c #concerned with infighting than the real enemy which is homophobia and transphobia #the next person to argue abt some dumb shit that doesn’t matter owes me $50 I am so tired of y’all commenting on unnecessary shit instead of #harmful shit in our community and harmful shit against our community. would our trans and queer ancestors want this shit? are we really fuck #fucking fighting over neopronouns and asexuality and sexualities that split off of bi? #no offense but Rowan with sock/socks pronouns and Ashton with pup/pups pronouns are just living their respective lives why do you give a gi #give a fuck about someone’s pronouns or gender or sexuality. if it isn’t hurting you shut the fuck up

[decolonize-the-left]

You are literally going to get people killed by pushing them to vote third party. People voting third party is why Trump won in 2016, which allowed him to stack the Supreme Court with conservative garbage which is going to negatively affect us for DECADES to come (already has, since it led to the repeal of Roe v. Wade which has LITERALLY killed people). I'm baffled, because you've done so much good work on this website (like I still go back and regularly reread your posts on whiteness etc because they're so informative), but advocating for voting third party going into one of the most important elections in recent memory is actively harmful.

Like have you heard of Project 2025? In case you haven't it's literally like a 1000 page manifesto for the Republican party to reshape the federal government to essentially let the President become a dictator. It also expressly mentions plans to roll back rights for women, the LGBT community, and pretty much any other minority you can think of. I know things are bad now - not arguing that at all - but if Republicans win next year, things will get EXPONENTIALLY WORSE.

You can sit there and yell about Democrats being "just as bad" until you're blue in the face, but it's literally not true. The Democratic Party itself is obviously just another problematic institution and there are definitely Dems who showed their entire asses with supporting Israel, but like... Progressive Democrats do exist and while they're obviously not perfect, it's absolutely a step in the right direction. Not to mention Republicans literally need to cheat by gerrymandering and attacking voting rights for minorities in order to even get elected in a lot of places, whereas Democrats tend to win when more people are registered and actually show up to vote. They are not the same, and the harm they do is not the same.

Again, I have a lot of respect for the work you do, especially with your recent posts on the Palestinian genocide. But I vehemently disagree with your stance on voting third party in this upcoming election. Ideally I would love if we could vote third party and actually have multiple options that more accurately represent us as a population, but our current system is a two party one and unfortunately we literally do have to vote for the lesser of two evils, because one option sucks but preserves what little democracy we have (and gives us a chance of making it better) and one will literally bring genocide against trans people. I would personally rather not see that happen.

How can you say this and mention the Palestinian genocide in the same ask.

Democrats are getting people killed. In fact they're committing one of The worst crime against humanity possible and then only thing you're worried about is that things might get worse for gay people if a Republicans wins.

I'm the biggest queer I know. I'm native. I'm brown. I'm almost definitely on a watch list. And listen to me and understand the depth of my words when I say: my people have been oppressed the way Project2025 outlines.

And maybe you personally cared or helped us protest that. But most people didn't. In fact I can't remember the last time the US supported native rights at all.

But now that YOURE under threat I'm supposed to risk my life because the queer community can't be bothered to stop discoursing about neopronouns long enough to actual give an shit about saving the community?

Y'all got a lot of damn nerve, let me tell you.

Go bark up some other tree cuz this is not the one.

Also I'm not pushing anyone to vote 3rd party. I'm laying out facts. Facts are a Gallup poll says 63% of people would vote 3rd party. Facts are my Tumblr poll says that number is STILL at least 45% on the hellsite.

And since people are interested in voting 3rd party they should know their options. The people who say "I would vote 3rd party but they don't have support" also deserve to see the articles that said 63% of people would join them.

They deserve to know that 3rd parties currently hold a not insignificant amount percentage of support from the two main parties. 20% of votes. When 33% is an even split are good odds. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sorry, blue Fascists, but this country is in fact still a democracy and just because you Want people to vote blue doesn't mean they have to and you feeling they're the best doesn't make you right!

Other people aren't "wrong" for not wanting your conservative Jurassic party in power anymore.

They can vote how they want.

And if you see a poll that says 63% of people would rather NOT vote for either major party and your first thought is not: wow 63% is enough to elect someone we want, I'll support that.

And instead you go: how can I force them to vote for my party instead.

Then please understand it is not THEM splitting the vote. Biden will get MAYBE 40% votes. You gonna force 63% of the country to vote for someone they don't even want?

There's a name for that yeah?

How'd it work out in 2016 when y'all "forced" us to vote for Hillary by putting her on the ballot? She lost and she wasn't even actively commiting a genocide.

But you think Biden will not only earn votes from that 63% but he'll also win the election. Against trump. Which less blatantly shitty democrats have struggled to contend with?

Democrats are legitimately delusional.

Your problem is you see Democrats as being better than Republicans. While the rest of us see less and less of a difference every year. And you can only say you're "better" if you're different enough.

See this is what happens when you vote for the "lesser evil." Eventually that evil balances back out and you're left with the truth that your two main options are just evil.

Now the only people actually different enough to make that argument are third parties.

Coincidentally, that's what people are drawn to right now.

I know, go figure. It's almost like it makes sense to lose support when you consistently prop up shitty candidates nobody asked for every 4 years.

We do not have a two party system and you know that, that's why you sent this ask.

Cuz you're stressed dems might lose. Cuz you KNOW people have other options.

Good. Cuz they will lose if Biden is the democrat's nominee and Claudia de la Cruz stays in the race, which she will since she's running with PSL not democrats. So there's no competition. Her party is organized and chosen her and a VP already, she's guaranteed every one of their votes because her party works like a union does.

It's a wrap.

Biden can't use his "lesser evil" script with Claudia De La Cruz on the ballot actively challenging his genocide and imperialism.

Vote Claudia De La Cruz cuz you are a scooping water out of the Titanic trying to get 63% of Americans to think voting for a Genocidal warmonger is what's best for any of us, let alone the planet. And we didn't want him BEFORE he did any of this.

#asked #answered #voting

[0w0tsuki]

Hey can we stop pretending like the only feasible reason that a trans woman would not like the term femboy is because she's some puritan anti-kinkster or somehow against men being able to dress femininely?

Like perhaps maybe the group of people who had to go through a phase of having to figure out and explore their femininity while being perceived by society as a man DON'T WANT to police the way men are able to present and express their genders? Like maybe WE DON'T want to make things even harder for transfem eggs. Like maybe we might have an interest in protecting transfem eggs and are speaking from the harm that we experienced as eggs ourselves?

Like maybe it might have to do with the fact that outside of Tumblr your average femboy is a trap fetishist? Like did we all forget the memes of "trying to figure out if the Astofolo icon is a trans woman or a fascist?"

Like some of us were discovering our transness during puberty in the early 2000s. You remember the early 2000s right? Where South Park and Family were at the height of their cultural influence, the R slur was a substitute for stupid, and bigotry was so common that "traps are gay" jokes could be made in polite company without having to worry about backlash. So imagine what kink spaces were like. Especially when you're a teenage trans girl just discovering herself.

I personally was so damaged by that experience that I began to believe that my gender-no my EXISTENCE was a fetish to be embarrassed and humiliated by and to be reviled for. I genuinely did not engage in relationships because I believed I was going to have to give in and tell them that they fell in love with a sex object. I did not believe that I was worthy of love. And it took YEARS of working through that for me to be comfortable with transitioning.

And after I worked through that I still have to deal with them. They haven't left kink communities they had their roots in. To this day there's a kink website I frequent that has community suggestions for tags IE: Unless the OP of the work goes back to delete this feature, anyone can "recommend" deletions or additions to the tags of the work. This is in place to make the proper labeling/searching/blacklisting of kinks easier to help curate content. In practice though it allows transmisoginists to basically graffiti any transfem artwork they come across. And let me tell you Femboy tags are getting added on right after they replace F/F with M/M on a transbians t4t work. And it happens so frequently that I have to check in about once a month to these trans tags to inform the most recent victim about what's happened to their works.

And outside of kink spaces I go into fandom spaces where I have had to deal with trap fetishists positioning themselves as fucking lore scholars when they harass trans positive folks about the Correct and Moral gender of the transmisoginistic character that they've got a fap folder dedicated. I got to see someone rise to twitch fame off the back of trap content turn into a “femboy icon” because he gave some of the trap money to trans charities and has a trans girlfriend. Who is still making trap content by the way.I've gotten to see reddit lose their absolute goddamn minds when the term Trap was banned from r/anime, shitting themselves so hard about it that they made their own separate website with transmisogynistic wojaks on the home page and everything. And then I got to see the fucking Bridget Debacle.

The reason I always talk about Bridgets trans confirmation is that it's the most widely recognized recent event where the exact shit I'm talking about was on full display. The reason why her being confirmed as a trans woman was such a big deal for trans girls was not just because she was one of the anime caricatures with her own folder in the trap enthusiasts masterbation portfolio. It was because she was GROUND ZERO for original coining of the word trap. And the EXACT same guys who deemed her a trap were now coming out in DROVES fuck EN MASS. But this time as self appointed femboys. We had so many examples of fucking Astofolo icon twitter facists trying to drudge up any type of left sounding argument using the femboy identity after having their initial arguments revolving around mistranslation were debunked. Crying that transfems were “stealing femboy representation” and trying to say that it was an “antitransmasculization force feminization trope” ironically. You know the cry of “Let men be feminine!!!!” y'all always bring out in defense of femboys. THAT'S who you're parroting! THAT'S who you got it from! We have had direct evidence of former trap fetishists dawning the term femboy when it became less cool to be openly transmisogynistic and then started appropriating leftist language to give their transmisogynistic arguments an air of legitimacy.

Like y'all need to understand that this magical space we got here is a FUCKING BUBBLE. Femboy communities in literally every other online space are former trap/sissy communities and are fucking cess pits of transmisoginy. I have seen posts by people who's only experience being around femboys was on Tumblr go out and check a place like r/mildfemboys to be horrified by the obsessiveness of the transmisogyny the femboys they interact with. And the femboys here aren't much better by treating being forced to acknowledge that these people exist and that is a still very active part of their community even if they don't personally interact with it as a personal attack on them and their gender presentation.

Y'all just want to pretend it doesn't exist and treat the idea that a Transfem might not WANT to interact with YOU(OH GOSH!!) because of it like it's some sort of personal judgement instead of something you're just going to have to accept happens when there's a large portion of people who share that title who are responsible for traumatizing them. But y'all got to go one step further. Y'all who go on about how femboys are our closest allies and about how “femboys and transfems are actually closer than transfems want to admit”. Y'all treat femboys like they're out little fucking brother in the queer community and it's our personal fucking responsibility to leave behind any personal baggage at the door in order to make them feel welcome.

Y'all can't handle the fucking idea that a trans woman might not be comfortable with sharing community with someone who's average member would call her a trap while jacking off to her selfies if he thought he could get away with it. That's she's not interested in playing the Astofolo icon game with them. Y'all gotta create a backwards narratives where she is against her own interests, where she is for making it harder for eggs in the future instead of you know. Asking for better from the communities those eggs are drawn too.

I have been forced to fucking put up with femboys in nearly every online space I've ever been in. And I

Am sick and fucking tired

Of putting up with femboys

#transmisoginy #trans bridget #bridget #trans #femboys #femboy #f1nn5ter #transmisogyny tw #tw trap #trap tw #trap cw #cw trap #tw sissy #sissy tw #cw sissy #sissy cw

[cleolinda]

Weekend links

My posts

I have been amorphously unwell (migraines, dizziness, aches) this week, which is super great. I am, in fact, daunted by the complexities and unknowns.

See "Personal tag of the week" at the bottom for updates on the Tumblr happenings.

Reblogs of interest

Thousands of Israelis protest in Tel Aviv, demanding a hostage release/ceasefire deal and new elections.

I never know how to segue from a serious news item.

Theseus liveblogs the labyrinth, and it’s heartbreaking.

Before hbomberguy was going after plagiarism, he was playing Donkey Kong for trans rights.

“to touch is to interact, and when you put your hand on your dog the universe does not know that you are separate”

The universe knows you are separate from this cat’s Absolute Terror Field

Cats named Pigeon

The most dramatic cat

Figure out what starts your engine and ride the waves of your brain

This is not van fundamentalism

Lawful good werebears

The Godmother is not committed to the kindness

Escape room employees reveal the worst, or best, things they’ve seen on the job.

“So I explained to him the story of ‘Alice’s Restaurant,’ and he began to get MAD”

It seems that y’all do not understand that the Better Call Saul ads are just how we live in the US, and that I pass five Alexander Shunnarah billboards just to get a quesadilla. 

1) Don’t take your native animals for granted. 2) This jay is the bluebird of happiness, apparently.

Wisdom from a Tumblr longtimer

Benign chain posts: the Money Garf

Video

Every now and then I fall apaaaaaart

Click through for a massive gothic rock playlist on YouTube

It’s a great dance contest entry--but then they tell you it’s also randomly-paired improv

Capybara capybara (capybara)

The sacred texts

You have not seen a sacred internet text until you have seen the Lolrus (2006)

Personal tag of the week

“the happenings” is my tag for all internet platform bullshit. This week, it’s Tumblr, as CEO Matt Mullenweg lost his shit and started harassing a trans user (including on another platform). This is a factual explanation early in the week of what happened and how it started: 

predstrogen (the first blog) was allegedly deleted for “sexually explicit material” despite any posts that may have been labelled as such being marked with a community label and her blog recently being manually approved as NOT containing adult content. she also talks in this post, as well as here, about how she has had a support ticket open for several months for harassment she was receiving that has not been dealt with

the CEO of tumblr made a post wherin he publicly aired information regarding her deletion and threatened legal action against her , showing examples of the alleged death threats where no actual threats were made and telling people in the replies to just leave if they were unhappy with the moderation of the site

Specifically, he was upset by the expressed wish that he perish in a car covered in hammers that would explode multiple times, a serious threat that could surely come to fruition in reality. If you can't tell that I'm being sarcastic, congratulations, you're CEO material.

It spiraled from there, but suffice it to say, it ended with trans employees posting on the Staff account (reblog here with commentaries):

The reality of predstrogen’s suspension was not accurately conveyed, and made it seem like we were reaching for opportunities to ban trans feminine people on the platform. This is not the case. The example comment shared in the post linked above does not meet our definition of a realistic threat of violence, and was not the deciding factor in the account suspension. Matt thereafter failed to recognize the harm to the community as a result of this suspension. Matt does not speak on behalf of the LGBTQ+ people who help run Tumblr or Automattic, and we were not consulted in the construction of a response to these events.

While the post is sincerely emotional and brave, the real chess move is this part:

We appreciate the space we have been given to express our concerns and dissent, and we are thankful that Matt’s (and Automattic’s) strong commitment to freedom of expression has facilitated it. We will continue to fight to make Tumblr safe for us all.

Matt Mullenweg now either has to nod and go, “Yeah, yeah... I’m a great guy committed to freedom...” Or he can, I don’t know, shut the site down in a fit of defiant pique? All I’m going to say about this is that the day all this first went down, I started archiving any posts I’d put significant effort into last year, and I’ll be crossposting them on Dreamwidth and Patreon. I don’t want to lose Tumblr’s culture and unique platform--I mean, I think the Weekend Links themselves make a case for the fact that there is nothing else like Tumblr on the internet. And shutting down is not even necessarily the most likely outcome--but I’m not gonna be caught unprepared, either. 

#weekend links #odds and ends #linkspam #the happenings #tumblr

[anamericangirl]

I recently saw you got an anon from somebody else talking about LGBT stuff. Specifically, those of us who say we just wanna be left alone and exist in peace, but now we have things like kids being exposed to drag culture, which is inherently sexual and not appropriate for children at all. Drag Queen Story Hour, kids being groomed and put on puberty blockers and stuff like that. The anon seemed to imply that everyone in the LGBT community is not only ok with it, we’re actively trying to force this shit on people and expecting them to just passively accept it, and that was our plan from the start. But I’m bisexual myself and I’m friends with quite a few LGBT people and I can assure you we HATE that shit, too, and we really do just want to be left alone. We always have. Every sane LGBT person I’ve spoken to agrees with what I’m saying here because they’re making us look like a bunch of freaks and degenerates screaming “We’re coming for your kids!”.

Don’t let the Rainbow Mafia fool you. Most of us want NOTHING to do with them. Which is why organisations like Gays Against Groomers exist. We’ve literally been fighting against these harmful stereotypes for decades, and we almost won, but then the Rainbow Mafia took over and now MOGAI is a thing. Plus we’ve got pedos pretending to be LGBT, kink at pride and all kinds of disgusting shit the community shouldn’t be tolerating. Most of them aren’t even actually LGBT, they’re some kind of fake MOGAI gender or pretty much anything that’s not gay, bi or trans. Those of us who are legitimately attracted to the same sex and/or dysphoric to a certain degree are mostly just normal people who merely wish to be left alone to live our lives as we wish and love whoever we want without being discriminated against for it.

But apparently that’s too much to ask…not from you, ofc. If it weren’t for the alphabet mob, we could and would just live our lives in peace. But they’re perpetuating all these harmful stereotypes that we’ve been fighting against for generations and grooming kids, et cetera, that make people who are genuinely homophobic and transphobic think they’re right about us.

I can certainly sympathize with those of you who are getting a bad rap because of the degenerates that have infiltrated the community. I know, and I’m pretty sure most people know, that on an individual level most people in the pride community aren’t groomers or pedophiles and don’t support any such thing. And I love organizations like gays against groomers and the work they do in fighting the very real problem.

The problem is the community as a whole is not fighting against those things it is engaging in them. And while there are definitely individuals such as yourself who realize what is going on and hate it, there are also several individuals in the community who just deny that it’s happening or actively support it. I’ve spoken to people like that. And these people unfortunately are the loudest and they are the main face of the community and the organizations that stand behind the pride community also support it.

On an individual level lgbt people aren’t a problem, but the community is and that’s why the sane lgbt people need to distance themselves from and completely reject the community. Their political and social goals are abhorrent and we need the sane people like you to take an active stand against them.

The sane people are the quiet ones unfortunately because understandably you want to be left alone so you’re leaving people alone which is how it should be in an ideal world. But we don’t live in an ideal world and the pride community is creating hostility towards lgbt people and we need more decent people to fight against them and their messages.

#anon #answered

[transexualpirate]

Hi! Saw your post on redberryterf and racism.

I'm not PoC(nebulous USA spicy white but I come from immigrants) but I've been eyeing that user specifically for a fucking minute tbh. Her posts always seemed too edgy and evocative of the alt-right to me, in a way I couldn't quite describe much less prove something wrong with. Lo and behold LOL.

The truth is racism is everywhere there's white people and especially there's racism where there's Not Supposed To Be, like radical leftist organizing.

Queer AND radical feminist spaces host plenty of racism cloaked in whatever politically correct language, because both Queer and Radical Feminist discourse spaces on the English-speaking internet are predominantly white, western, upper middle class and college-educated.

I've seen some women on here try to claim Radical Feminism is *thee* feminism of the rest of the world, but I find that disingenuous. Most American and British radical feminists are nothing like Korean or Chinese radical feminists, and who knows what would happen if we were all in the same conference as those in Mexico, Romania, Greece. A responsible feminist would not try to separate herself from racism in her own movement by claiming The PoC Agree and would instead acknowledge and address it.

Climbed in your inbox because I think it will do us all a service to discuss how racism is enabled in leftist spaces regardless of the rest of our political alignments x have a good day.

hello!! i really appreciate this, so thank you. i agree with what you said wholeheartedly (ill have to look up the poc agree, though, not very familiar with that). i think people assume that just because a space is far left it is automatically exempt from racism, which is just. factually incorrect.

i mean, to begin with, there is no community in the whole world that is fully exempt from any sort of bigotry. that just doesn't happen. there is no community like that. not the trans community, not the queer community, not the radfem community, that's just not real. the thing is that bigots are everywhere. sometimes they do it out of malice, "infiltrating" those spaces aware that what they're parroting is harmful but uncaring, but more likely it's just ignorance, completely unaware that what they're saying is Actually Bad because they've been trained to not question their own thoughts ever.

so whether it's malice or ignorance, it is a lie to say that (x) community is completely free of all bigotry, which is a feeling that i have seen, whether implicitly or explicitly, in a lot of rad-whatever spaces. i mean, have you fucking browsed the "radqueer" tag over here on tumblr? that shit has more intolerance than fucking fox news and it's all completely masked under "radical acceptance", "positivity" and "equality". that is not what you'll find in their communities, though. and though not as extreme or as obvious, the radfem community is like that in many ways.

the fact that your community has a common goal of equality does not mean that your methods are sensible or justified, and it definitely doesn't mean the members of your community are somehow magically exempt from being the sort of people that actively goes against equality.

my problem with the radfem community specifically goes a bit further than just the general lack of awareness and accountability about and to the occasional bigot hiding in plain sight. i believe the entire community is built on a narrative that ends up being a type of "slippery slope" that very often leads to bigotry. so more than the occasional bigot, i think a lot of what is in the radfem community actively leads people to be less tolerant and accepting of others, in many ways.

one of them is the fact that a lot of classic and even some modern radfem writers and activists were and are incredibly racist (and sometimes homophobic as well), which is a fact that is rarely acknowledged in radfem spaces, if at all. and it shouldn't be just acknowledged, there should be some sort of active work to push the ideas influenced by that hate out of the community.

i also believe that when put in practice, a lot of radfem beliefs make people assume that women are the most oppressed group there is, automatically putting them as winners in the oppression olympics and completely disregarding how being negatively affected by one axis of oppression doesn't erase the fact that you can still be privileged in other ways. if women are the True Oppressed Class, then they can't oppress anyone else in any other way. maybe they can acknowledge that certain women can oppress other women, but anyone outside of their class? unfathomable. and this perpetuates many harmful rethorics.

another big problem i have is, naturally, the transphobia, leading radfems to more often than not become terfs. the unwillingness to accept that someone that wasn't Born A Woman(tm) can find genuine joy and comfort in womanhood - it must be a lie to hurt women, or a mental illness acquired through degeneracy, or a mockery, because women are the True Oppressed Class, after all, that's the opposite of joy and comfort. or the unwillingness to accept that someone that was Born A Woman(tm) might not find womanhood suit for them for many reasons, not all of them born from misogyny. but i know that we're talking specifically about the racism in that community and that is fine. im just making a link to how hate is often "intertwined", and one will feed the other.

regarding racism specifically, i do think the radfem community needs to do better in acknowledging and fighting it, more than most communities considering the aforementioned points. unfortunately, the only radfems ive seen on tumblr actively work for that were menalez and another one who's url i cant remember right now.

regarding bigotry in general, i think most radfems need to rethink a lot of stuff and see where their priorities lay. i think all communities would benefit from that, truly, specially left leaning and far left ones that believe themselves to be Truly Good And Pure (free from hate) - including the trans community, for the record.

and i think people of color aren't listened enough in society, which results in us being shut down when speaking about how that reflects in our respective communities, which results in people like redberryterf feeling comfortable enough to share her horribly racist opinions freely and without a care. i personally had already gotten into a debate with her before in which i told her she had to rethink some stuff but naturally i was ignored. which is why i referred to her as a well known person in the community: i don't interact that often but i had already stumbled across her posts multiple times and a lot of them have a LOT of likes. she isn't as big as menalez or that pineapple blog, but she was definitely influential in some way. and yet no one called her out on her bigotry until it was as obvious as it can be. i mean, it doesn't get any clearer than "i don't care that im being racist". she was spoonfed so much hatred that her perception of reality was altered to the point where being racist was probably a bad thing, but it was fine as long as it was towards men. then it's warranted. she's a woman, after all, the supreme oppressed class, she could never oppress anyone else.

anyways, this was a long fucking way of saying To Fight Bigotry You Have To Study Your Roots, Acknowledge Nuance And Different Points Of View, Listen To And Spread Awareness About Marginalized People and Never Ever Assume That You Are Exempt From Bigotry. That's A Sign That You Are Parroting Bigotry.

thank you for your ask. i think it's super important to find common ground with people you disagree with, and fighting racism is always important. im sorry for the long fucking reply, i hope it was at least a little bit coherent. sorry for occasional grammar mistakes or poor english in general, it isn't my first language. and have a good day!

#please note that i use us when referring to people of color but i am very white passing #in american terms i probably wouldn't be since im fully latino but in general terms im a mostly white latino #racially ambiguous lol #im latino with a half black and indigenous and half white heritage #mine #not to be taken seriously #personal #cw discourse #discourse #long post #ask #asks #lovely asks

[nopointic]

crying again out of happiness for megan because she's been through so much. so much. and i know i'm older than her by a few years but i look up to her. i really do. and i've been though shit myself and i always just quit my job after reporting the abuse, because every time i would report, a black woman in power would defend the black man i reported that did the abuse. and use their connections to the christian church to do it.

and i read that the parents of fucker that shot megan were in the court room screaming about the system being wicked and unjust because their son was convicted of shooting megan.

and i need y'all to understand that happens more often than you'd think. and people are so quick to say oh someone's mommy and daddy got them off and that's why white boys don't get in trouble for breaking the law, and i need y'all to know that ALL races do that.

i've seen it. i've cried with other girls who are not my race (i'm black) that have seen it with their own eyes.

it's a problem. too many nonwhite people keep saying it's not fair that their nonwhite sons are being punished for crimes because white people aren't. and that's not how ANYTHING should work.

i want ALL people who commit crimes against others to be held accountable for their actions. that include people with my own skin color. and it sickens me to my fucking CORE that i have to say that. that anyone has to say that.

it's heartbreaking being a black woman and hearing your community say well the white guy didn't get in trouble, so why should our black men get in trouble. they have it hard enough.

that is fucking sick on so many levels.

i pray every day for megan and all of us who have suffered abuse and harm from men in our own communities. i pray that we all heal and get justice one day.

and i pray for our journey towards healing be safe.

please stand up for black women. please stand up for women. this includes trans women because i know how y'all work on social media and i fucking REFUSE to leave out my girls who are like, girls. like i hate i have to add this at the end of posts i write because so many are like "ahh not those TRANS" and i'm like... you're a fucking idiot because i said women. and that included people who identify as women you fucking moron.

anyways thank you megan for not allowing the hate to get you down. and i hate that we've both wanted to die after being abused by men in our communities because our community chose to protect the abuser over believing us.

may the goddesses always protect you megan and may you find peace here on this earth now even though we don't know what we're up against especially as black women, and know you're so loved by so many of us. from the bottom of my heart, i am so proud of you and you give so many of us courage to keep speaking out, even through tears.

thank you. <3

#Megan Thee Stallion #black girl excellence #misogynoir #black lives matter #yes all women

[librarycards]

please don’t feel pressured at all to answer this because i know it’s a complicated + sensitive question, but i’m very new to all this and have learned a lot from your antipsych resources etc and thought you’d be a good person to ask. how are you able to internally reconcile anti-fatphobia and it’s values with having an eating disorder that centers around weight, and wanting to lose/maintain a lower weight? i’ve found this to be incredibly hard to reconcile, knowing that i want to be thinner for a variety of reasons including my own internalized fatphobia, beliefs i haven’t unlearned about body, beauty, etc, as well as my own knowledge of how i will materially exist in the world if i am not a thin person? i do not want to be fatphobic yet to fully embody a liberationist view would also require giving up my ed, which is opposite to my own internal views but also is something that is very entrenched in my life. it feels very hard and impossible, especially because i’m just not ready for recovery yet. sorry if this isn’t a message you want to post/discuss :(

Firstly - I have a piece in @trans-axolotl's antipsychiatry zine that discusses thin anorexic/ed accompliceship in fat liberation politics - as soon as that's up I can add it to this message/send it to whoever wants it!

-

oh anon, i feel this so hard. you're not alone - i think pretty much everyone with a restrictive ed/bdd who has a radical left/body liberationist politic ends up feeling this way, and, of course, feeling an immense degree of shame and frustration that our most visceral lived experiences are at odds with our political commitments. i think about it every day. i will likely continue to, because the desire to be thin at all costs is irreconcilable with liberation for all people, including fat people. so, let's sit with the irreconcilability for a moment.

here is the reality: there is no good, "innocent," or morally "pure" answer here. we cannot and should not be obligated to "fix" our Mad relationships with food/embodiment for the sake of others. neither are fat people obligated to tolerate individual / collective / structural manifestations of antifatness, including those enacted by people whose food/body relationships are psychiatrized (that is to say, if i start talking about how i as an anorexic person "feel fat" around an actual fat person, they'd have every right to smack me upside the head). but part of being in community with other imperfect people under conditions of genocidal violence (against fat / Mad people and intersections therein) is learning about which allowances we can make, which actions we can take, in order to mitigate the harm we do to the people we care about. to employ a tired recovery cliche, the point is progress, not perfection.

here is another truth: every single person mired in a culture of fatphobia has shit to unlearn. for people who are not fat, the stakes of unlearning are even higher, given the structural rewards we reap from antifatness. this is true for any system of oppression. having an antipsych orientation to the idea of "disordered/disorderly eating", i think, has the potential to aid in that unlearning process, not because it means you'll magically "get better" in terms of your own relationship with food, but because it's a bit easier to notice the discourses of disorder that also violently impact fat people. the violence we face in the name of "restoration" and "recovery" increasingly impacts fat people as so-called "ob*sity" is framed as a biopsychological medical condition that must be "cured" via eugenics. shared disorderliness, even allowing for differences in privilege and access, can serve as a site of solidarity - even when our own experiences of disorder are fueled by an erroneous fear of "fat". there is also the important corollary that fat people with restrictive eating disorders, fat people who are terrified of fatness, also exist, and that a radical commitment to imperfection and partiality also benefits people who live in these seemingly-contradictory positions.

to sum, you/i/we don't ever have to recover. however, we can, should, and must fight for a world in which we and others could repair their relationship to food and embodiment if and when we so choose, on our own terms, in our own time, without medical paternalism. this world - a world in which we can eat or not eat what and when we want - is only possible under a paradigm of body/fat liberation. after all, the same systems that seek to eliminate fat people are the ones that seek to eliminate body Madness, to "fix" restrictive eaters through governing how we eat/move our bodies. on the days that it's difficult to imagine yourself as a direct beneficiary of fat liberation (as a fat person or potential fat person) think about the ways fat liberation is simply necessary to all other forms of liberation, including for Mad eaters. likewise, remember that your own personal feelings are in many ways irrelevant to that liberatory fight: what you do, who your accomplices are, and what we can collectively dream, outweigh (lmao) the painful thoughts we experience.

these thoughts, our bodymind relationships, our fears of food and fat, don't define us, even if they take up an outsized portion of our lives. there is always time and space to find community and fight for total liberation as our imperfect selves - everyone else is coming as an imperfect self, too. i think you'll find, as you enter more conversations with people doing this work, that even the "best" advocates share your/our ambivalences and fears, and may desire things that they'd never outwardly advocate for. people are complicated, and we're living in a world that makes living in a body horrifically painful. give yourself the grace to sit with your feelings, and give yourself permission to fight on another day without feeling obligated to "get better." what matters most is the care you're able to share with the people you surround yourself with, and the care you allow yourself to receive by people who love all of you - not just the polished, good-activist parts.

#ask #anonymous #ed m #fatphobia #disorderly eating

[nothorses]

hi! i’ve seen your longer posts on lgbtq+ community, and as someone younger, i’d love to here your opinion on this. i think there’s a trend of the internet where we’ve all “reclaimed” and “normalized” stuff like fruity and limp wrist etc. and often times incorporate queer slang into our online posting, and it’s co-opted by straight people because the queerness has been stripped away from it. what’re your thoughts about that? my main conflict is this: there are terms like “babygirl” or other feminine terms that people use for their favourite male fictional characters or male celebrities they like. and there’s a constant debate about how this mislabeling of cis people is harmful. first of all, i don’t agree that you can mislabel cis people. furthermore, i feel like just like how some queer slang has been normalized, terms like babygirl etc have been stripped of their original meaning which meant feminine. also, a lot of queer people, myself included, who’re not chronically online don’t really care about such discourse. plus, older queer people often subscribe to terms or identities that the internet would say is politically incorrect. so, personally i feel like it’s inconsequential to actual queer issues. but i wonder if i’m wrong in not being bothered by this. i’d love to know your opinion. (even though this ask seems a little all over the place.)

tbh I think you're getting at a couple of different issues:

Straight people "co-opting" reclaimed slurs against queer people because either a) reclamation has made them no longer queer-specific, or b) "co-opting" from outsiders has made them no longer queer-specific.

People taking issue with referring to folks with gendered terms that do not apply, i.e., "babygirl"- your belief being that a) these terms are no longer gendered (through gender-agnostic use), and b) cis people cannot be misgendered.

In general, I don't really think meaning can be "stripped" from a word the way you seem to imply. I do think that words will shift in meaning and collective understanding over time, but this is definitely a longer and less tidy process than what you're talking about here.

People who have been personally targeted by "fruity" and "limp-wristed" are not forgetting those experiences when 16 year olds on TikTok use the words without understanding what they mean. "Babygirl" does not become less painfully gendered to trans men just because you have seen a lot of internet posts using the word to refer to cis men.

I don't really think straight people should be joining in on the "fruity" and "limp-wristed" jokes; I also don't think policing those folks does anyone any good. We don't necessarily know every random internet person's personal history or intentions, and it's not our place to make assumptions or demand explanations. But we can, imo, still spread information and encourage introspection.

People who think they can make those kinds of jokes despite not being a part of the target demographic are usually doing it because they don't agree with those views, and they're arrogant and presumptuous about how they think those views exist or don't exist today- usually because they're young and lack that lived experience. They can learn, and probably want to.

I think we should also apply that to folks using "babygirl" the way you're describing. And I think folks shouldn't be using "babygirl" that way, either. First because you don't know anyone's personal history, you don't know for sure whether random internet strangers are cis or trans, and it absolutely does feel like misgendering to a lot of trans people (myself included!).

Second because cis people absolutely can be misgendered. They can also experience gender dysphoria. They typically don't, because the way society perceives them aligns with the way they perceive themselves, but when we use that as justification for targeting them with shit we already understand to be cruel to trans people, we're really just engaging in garden-variety transphobia in new and exciting ways.

And third because gendering men as women/girls is an extremely common and extremely damaging joke meant to uphold and reinforce gender expectations. Men are compared to women/girls because emasculation is a punishment under misogyny. Applying that punishment as frequently and randomly as possible doesn't mean you are no longer reinforcing that system by engaging in the punishments it uses.

Reclamation is also… not "stripping meaning" from words. I'm not 100% sure that was the implication, but just in case: reclamation is about changing the negative connotation of a slur to a more neutral or positive connotation. "Queer" still means what it always has- but the connotation of the word is now, in at least some mouths, less "you're a freak who I hate", and more "I am proud to be this", or even just "this is a group of people that exists".

This is long enough already, but basically: words do have meaning, we can acknowledge when people are using them maliciously or just ignorantly, and we can talk about that. But don't assume you know everything about anyone- their identities, their experiences, their emotions, their intentions, or anything else. Don't assume you know why someone is using a word a certain way, and give folks the benefit of the doubt unless they prove themselves to be taking advantage of it.

#slur discourse #thats it thats all my thoughts on slur discourse #this is also. why I say i don't fucking care about most of it. I don't know why everyone using every slur is using that slur. #i also do not care. we can say 'people should not do this' and also know that some people who look like they are doing that #are in fact not. #and also do not actually owe you an explanation about it.

[mrsterlingeverything]

So being prejudiced against people from your own community (and other communities) is fine under the guise of keeping it real, speaking whatever we want, and not being afraid? i didn't even know ayesha was trans when i read her tweets about kim being "castrated" as a child, but now it feels worse because she's trans cause she's attacking someone from her own community? she can say whatever she wants, i don't care, it just feels like you really like justifying shitty behavior from singers if you like their music instead of just admitting their behavior is pure shit and you don't really care about how they behave as long as their music is nice.

i didn't even know exactly who ayesha was before i saw someone retweeting about her calling out kim for working with dr luke which I was like "oh, yes, get her ass" but then she tweeted shit about kim's transition and that's when she crossed the line.

"no 12 is when kim's parents got her castrated, 12 is when i was being a kid and growing up x"

"exactly my point. you did nothing with this. while i worked my ASSS off to get any sort of my attention for my music, she was on tv talking about getting axe wounded at 12 by her rich ass parents."

re: azealia - i didnt'even see anything about azealia banks in her tweets, but miss banks can also go away with her transphobic shit. she has a talent with words, for sure, but she consistently uses her talent for evil WHICH SHE'S ALLOWED TO IF SHE WANTS that's up to her morals, but you don't need to justify it as "oh she's just keeping it real, i respect that", you see what i mean? like whichever music you like, you are still someone i really care about and enjoy, it's just odd to go to bat for these singers who keep showing their ass all the time.

This is a funny conversation because i haven't read some of those tweets either until you mentioned them like the axe wound tweet for example... ew. Umm. Its complicated. Maybe not for you... but to me, there's something about... people saying what they think even if other people think its nasty that i find respectable.

I think those tweets from ayesha about kim are disgusting, but im just not the type of person to cancel someone completely from my life when they do something wrong. Everyone does good and bad things, i dont think some bad things negate lots of good things, although lots of people do think that these days.

The way i see it, everyone thinks things that someone else would find disgusting. I dont know you anon but if you spoke or posted all your thoughts theres someone out there who would think some of them are disgusting, because theres people with all sorts of opinions. It doesnt mean you shouldnt speak your mind. Sharing ideas is very important or we end up in our small social media bubbles and dont understand other world views, or other cultures for that matter.

Regarding me saying that ayesha is more qualified to talk about transgender people as a trans person, i mean that while i find her tweets to be disgusting, i know there are some detrans people even on here who think that 12 is possibly too early for the medical transition that kim had. Its not really my place to say as a cis person, thats what i meant. I think at the very least its complicated and while you can say its great for people to transition that early, i think its great for some people to, and probably harmful to others based on personal anecdotes that ive read.

I hope i answered everything, lots of topics here. Also i want to say that i really enjoy conversation like this, i think its good for all of us to be exposed to different ideas :) ily anon

#long post #transphobia

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I can't in any capacity say that I'm an ally to anyone. That's not me being an asshole. That's not me being a bigot. I'm an ally to no group. I'm a friend to people. And I care about people. Someone asked me about one of my asks where I got called a transphobe and a homophobe and it reminded me about the topic in general.

Fact is I don't care what color you are. What religion you belong to. What sexuality you are. What Identity you assume. If you are not a dick to me or to people that I care about, I won't take issue with you. What's weird though is to be called homophobic when a lot of my friends are lgbt. And this is not one of those, "Well I have a black friend" moments. I legit have friends from varying walks of life. One of my best friends from college was a gay black furry. And one of my favorite past times was picking on him in playful ways. Why? Because if was always fun to see him flustered and he actually thought it was funny. Am I gay? No. I'm comfortable in the fact I'm straight. And my friend knew that.

There are going to be a lot of things that people say that I don't agree with. Does that make me hateful? No. It just means that I have my own views on things. I however understand that if I WAS hateful towards certain groups, I'd have to be bigoted against a huge number of my friends. Like my college buddy from Sri Lanka, his friend and our roommate who's have Korean half Black. Several of my ex GF's who've been bisexual. Even friends of mine who are lesbians whom I've defended in public after they have been accused of being transphobes for, and I'm not kidding, "No being willing to suck the dicks of trans women". That's not a fucking joke. And it's sick.

I've made posts about how I'm not an extremist because I'm not. Fact is, and I mean this, I should not be considered an bigot because I don't worship a movement. No one else should either. And on my blog I will cover a lot of topics. Like:

-Groomers -Gun Laws -Radical Feminism -Black Representation in TV and Movies -Race Swapping -Capitalism -Communism -Socialism -Anarchy -State and Federal Powers -Etc.

And there will always be more. I'm not transphobic. I just want kids left alone. I'm also not homophobic, but again leave kids alone. If you are an adult you can love another consenting adult. I take ZERO issue with it. And I never will take issues with it. My only focus on any of that stuff is quite literally "Let kids be kids. Let them figure out who they are without pushing them. Don't sexualize them ever." Simple rules to live by. Anything else? I'm willing to have a discussion about. Hell I've been on record losing my shit at least in one of my reblogs borderline making promises to deal with anyone who would threaten any of my friends/family irl because they are LGBT.

What many don't understand about me is that I'm an angry ginger who is actually pretty moderate on most issues. And it's only in cases where people belong to cult like mentalities that anyone can even REMOTELY consider me hateful or radical. More so when we consider that the only people I actively hate are those that actively seek to harm others. And not just in a weird way that won't do anything. I'm talking people that WILL or would enact actual violence onto people I care about. Like the FBI. Or Antifa. Or real extremist white supremacist's. Or segregationists leftists who have called some of my non white friends "house N-". I typically don't give that word any power myself and most of my friends don't, but believe me when I tell you, I'll make you look like a punk and I won't even have to touch you.

So even the notion, that I'm X type of bigot is hilarious to me. And no amount of this, "Bow to me and my ideology or you are a bigot" will make me change who I am to my friends, my family, and the people I care about. I worship no one. And I will never bow to your cult like ideals. And maybe one day, someone like the person who sent that ask will find it justifiable to kill me. Who knows. I certainly don't. All I do know is that I'm a very caring person. And a lot of the time the stuff I mean get's lost in translation. What I say might be interpreted one way by one person and another by someone else.

That's just reality. But if you can't even come to me and ask for clarification, or you just expect me to placate someone because of the group they belong to, then you are barking up the wrong tree. You are not my friend. You are not my family. And a number of you are people that would actively endorse having me end my own life, or wishing someone would end my life for you.

Why? Because you are tyrants. You believe yourselves gods and that your "moral rights" are and should be everyone's "Moral rights". You will not rule me. You will not control me. You will not make me worship you as if you were gods. I am me, and only me. And I will live me best life not just for myself, but for the people I hold dear.

[lesbianchemicalplant]

the kinds of posts about halakha that get popular with philosemitic gentiles on here are always cutesy progressive-flavored things like “fun fact, in judaism it’s actually the husband who owes sexual pleasure to the wife :)”

that, or PSA For Goyim -style posts, like the ones insisting that halakha actually can’t ever cause harm—“harm from rigid adherence to religious doctrine is only a christian thing 😤”—by massively overstating the scope of pikuach nefesh, a principle which only overrides other laws for certain definitions of direct threat to a person's life, not necessarily anything you think it should apply to. for example, it doesn’t necessarily apply to most abortions (yeah), or recognizing and supporting a trans person's transition (even though not doing so is absolutely life-threatening!)

so as an example of halakha that very much won't appeal to the philosemitic gentiles (or our own social conservatives), causing clear harm despite plenty of fine parsing and nuanced argumentation of the laws:

(^CW: men trapping women in their marriages / refusing to let their wives divorce them. also contains graphic written details of violence, albeit against odious men who entirely brought it on themselves)

(I know some people would see this and just think “haha it's based that a husband withholding a get can be beaten into granting it” but I think it would actually be more based if marriage and divorce weren't governed by religious law in the first place! those men should never have been able to withhold a divorce. those women should not have been trapped in their marriages and had to resort to this (arguably extorted into it) just to be able to divorce their piece of shit husbands. rabbis and/or the community finding loopholes or clever ways to pressure a husband into granting a get does not fix the underlying problem)

#''maybe there are structural problems? no no the gang is good‚ that's all'' #my posts #abuse / #partner abuse / #(<- the husbands not letting their wives divorce them) #ask to tag / #jewish #misogyny

[decolonize-the-left]

If Americans shouldn't vote for Biden what should they do instead? Vote for trump? Vote third party? Not vote?

(I know most people would probably ask you this in bad faith but I'm just really distraught at the state of politics and keep hearing people say "don't say he's the only option and don't support him" but there's never alternatives given and I don't know what an effective alternative could even be)

I think a good place to start that a lot of people are comfortable with is probably volunteering and petitioning for 3rd parties to make sure they Do have ballot access next year. So that ppl Can vote for someone else next year.

And yes, vote 3rd party this election. Or don't vote at all.

Besides that? Learn some basic defense and join protests. Support encampments and do things leftists say like join a union and organize your own community whether it be your schoolmates, coworkers, or all your friends and their friends.

Y'all see the news right?

Censorship and propaganda are rampant right now, along with transphobia and racism and even Nazis are back. Tensions are high to say the least and everyone is worked up about the election and Israel.

Figure out what you wish someone else would do and then do it. Is that de-arresting protesters? Organizing a bail fund, fighting cops and throwing tear gas back at them when they make things violent?

There's a lot to fight against and even more to fight for. Find what's worth fighting for (to you) and actually start fighting for it. Don't let cops or your principal or boss or anyone else stop you.

I think one of the most important things we can do right now is remind the government and those that serve the government that they won't take our rights so easily. That if they want to silence us then we're gonna make sure it'll hurt more than it'll help. That we can and will fight back.

And that's why it's so vital that we show them we won't settle either. We won't vote for Biden.

We settled for Clinton and look where that got us.

Does it feel like voting for more and more conservative blue candidates actually helped prevent harm? Or does it feel like you were manipulated and lied to?

Gonna be real, it feels like the government is a manipulative abuser and we're all it's gaslit victims who don't want to believe things are that bad just cuz he killed someone else instead of us.

Which is like...it doesn't mean good things for us that our government could do that and we'd rationalize it, you know?

How we want to get out of this fucked up dynamic is up to us. We work, we pay taxes, we listen to the governments rule of law, and still our government won't codify rights, our trans friends are being abused by the government, or it's banning apps with censorship. And the whole time it's telling us to shut up and be grateful it isn't worse.

Abusers never ever tell you that it could be better too. And they don't want you to know that. Cuz then you leave. And if you leave then they can't manipulate and abuse you.

So yeah. They'll shit on us for doing Anything that doesn't result in us staying, for doing anything that results in us choosing our own well being instead of theirs.

But that's what we need to do.

And you need support before you do that. That's what organizing is. It's like calling the besties who hype you up to leave your shitty ex. Except it's a bunch of people agreeing to support each other when they choose to stand up for something. Organizing is making sure there are people watching back and making sure if one of you is harmed or arrested that there'll be someone there to help bail you out.

The more people you have to bail you out, the less you have to worry about being outnumbered, spoken over, or physically stopped with force.

So yeah. Do that.

Organize. I hope I stressed that enough. The people on our front lines need us to be there for them as much we need Them to keep fighting for us.

Also since I'm here: make sure you and your friends don't talk shit about protesters even when they get violent and break shit. It's not abuse when the victim finally hits back at their abuser, it's self defense.

#asked #answered #idk #kinda just want politicians to start dying tbh

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/730443258208124929/from-responses-to-4292-it-is-for-everyone-that?source=share technically no unless they identify with any label that isnt just cis/het people on the ace spectrum are apart of the lgbt community. that description of the stereotypical straight relation ship of people who dont agree with lgbt community was just to remind people of the kind of people that have actually caused harm to the lgbt community in the past. if people want that lifestyle that's okay ofc do what you want its your life but historically these are the majority and its these people that have tried to demonize being gay or in anyway different speaking of im going to take this chance to say this to that one person who got offended by me calling lgbt people "deviant" "weird" or "queer" (i can no longer see exactly what you said bcuz i blocked you) its because we are. and me saying that isn't me saying its a bad thing. but there are those that believe that. to a cis/het person who doesn't agree with lgbt, ace people are still considered to be "weird", "deviant", and "queer". Anyway no the people you described are not inherently apart of the lgbt community. this argument is about the fact that some people think if you are not in some way in a homosexual relationship that you aren't actually apart of the lgbt community. like saying "bi or pan people aren't gay enough if they have a opposite sex partner, unless of of them is trans" However the ace spectrum deals more with HOW you are attracted to someone. you can experience no sexual attraction at all (some ace people still have sex for their partners or just because they can but feeling disgust towards sex is also common) aromantic people are much the same but with romance instead then there's Demi which are people who tend to only feel sexual or romantic or both attraction if they have a strong emotional attachment to someone. and there are more but those are the most common three gay people can feel this too. nonbinary couples also so why would there be an exception for straight people???? there's a lot more to the lgbt community than just gays and trans being straight or cis doesn't automatically disqualify you from being queer however however we still shouldn't shit on ALLIES or the concept of being straight or cis in general that description i gave was, again, just a reminder of who actually has caused problems for lgbt from the beginning. in America those are the kinds of people who've harmed us as have worked to make us seem less than human. the people who have tried to put themselves on a pedestal of perfection and normalcy and that being anything but is unnatural and a sin. that's why i say the lgbt community is for everyone but that. 1/2

 2/2 and allies are welcome here. it may not be the right community they need like say a pro kink community for those interested in evolving their sex life but the less we try and push these people away the better because in a way as long as they support us too and are working to tear down that "pedestal of perfection" conservatives have built then in a way they are and always been apart of the community. a community of people who have all felt the effects of being considered "not normal", "sinful", "disgusting". and much worse this is also why kink is at pride parades. they are people who have been considered much of what lgbt people have. and have always helped to fight for our rights. personally i cant wait for a day that lgbt includes cis/ het even without other labels or identities. because they are still both a sexuality and a gender identification. and as lgbt becomes more popular and widely accepted we are seeing more and more a sort of discrimination against cis/het people from members of the lgbt community. very largely seen with bi or pan people. and this heterophobia is not healthy and is often instigated by people who want to remain "different" and want something to bully and make themselves seen better, which is becoming easier to do since your more likely to get backlash for being straight and hating on gays for being gay. so in short, being apart of the lgbt community is more about connecting with people who've had similar experiences as you for your identity being """not normal""" while also fighting for ALL identities to be considered normal. and this includes cis/het people with "micro identifications" like the ace spectrum. (and personally i hope for the eventual dissolvement of the lgbt community entirely and we can all just exist) i am notorious for being bad at explanations so i can only hope this clears things up

This is a response to this ask.

#response to previous ask #response to previous problem

[deandraxon]

The term transmisandry actually predates transandrophobia, the reason people don't use it so much any more is because the discourse around the word transandrophobia already happened years ago with exactly the same talking points. At this point it's clear it doesn't matter what word we use, even if we used something like "blabloopbla" folks would be bending over backwards inventing reasons for why blabloopbla is an inherently problematic and loaded instead of addressing what we're actually addressing, because a lot of people in progressive spaces don't want to acknowledge that the systemic oppression trans men and otherwise trans masculine people face isn't accounted for in their ideological understanding of how patriarchy works. It's easier for them to pretend like we're making shit up or exaggerating our problems or intentionally throwing trans women and otherwise trans feminine people under the bus, than accept that the patriarchy isn't as black and white as they think it is, and calling out token minorities is a much less daunting task than putting in the hard work required that results in progressive systemic changes for the better. I personally think it's more productive to get involved in ones own local community, supporting our vulnerable members, and campaigning against harmful legislature and promoting better systemic protections, than to agonize over petty etymological variance trying to appease people who may not be hand-wringing in good faith to begin with. Super sorry this is so long, I wish you the very best and clink your preferred beverage of choice in exhausted but optimistic solidarity. ー A 30 something year old trans man who stumbled upon your post in the tags (but is stealth on tumblr.)

Y’know what, you’re exactly right. A lot of them don’t care about the term we use, they just love playing the oppression olympics.

It’s honestly exhausting at this point, they don’t seem to understand that bigots don’t care which way we transition, they’re still gonna call us a slur either way.

I appreciate you and am always happy to hear from the older folk in the community 🧡

Exhausted but optimistic solidarity friend

#transgender #disk horse #exhausted yet optimistic #transmisandry #transandrophobia

[dyemelikeasunset]

Dom-kinnie again! After that last comic... *Woah.* I didn't think I'd be able to relate to Dom this much! If you don't mind, I'd like to ask - and it's totally fine if you're not comfortable answering! I was just curious about smth that was brought up, NSFW UP AHEAD - I'm also Asian, and I was raised with very conservative views on sex and sexuality. Recently in my young-adulthood, I've been reevaluating my feelings on the matter and what brings me pleasure (pt.1)

(pt.2) While I don't actively participate, I've found that I can *potentially* find more satisfaction (and fun!) in pleasuring my partner - and that I don't really care about achieving orgasms. How do I know if my feelings are truly *my own* authentically, and not smth born out of social expectations? As in, was I giving in to the harmful conditioning to NOT expect to receive pleasure, or do I truly find personal gratification in making my partner feel good?

HI I honestly don't mind talking about these things. I think being open and honest about sexuality is really important!!

Gonna put this under a read more tho cause it's long as usual

Healthy discussions of sexuality are part of why i started this comic actually!! Recently I finally figured out Dom & Mor's sexual chemistry after like. lol. 15+ years??? And I realized I just had a lot to say. I wanted to portray something candid, relatable, a little educational without being dry-- and ultimately, I wanted to share something human. I'm actually really happy it could touch you this way

Everyone has different experiences that affect their sexuality-- it's the "nature" vs "nurture" argument. And while I know it can be kinda creepy when cishet people ask us about that topic, I think it's important to muse on for our own internal work.

But ultimately, I can't give you any answers-- even though I'm also an ace asian my experiences are very different from yours. I do think many asian cultures (at least east asian, which i am) have shame-related thoughts around sexuality, but there's also a weird undercurrent of hypersexuality as well-- like pressurized steam shooting out of the crack of a sealed container. I went through quite a hypersexual era in my teens and early 20s bc I needed the unhealthy validation and ended up hurting myself A LOT bc I didn't know I was ace. I won't go into it too much, but it was rough and I was really pulled into the exotification of east asian women by U.S culture (also didn't realize i wasn't 100% woman back then either so you can IMAGINE the negative impact it had on me)

But I will say that what you're experiencing-- and what I wrote into Dom-- is something called Lithosexuality, or "Stone" sexuality. In the lesbian community specifically, it's very often associated with the Stone Butch identity, and is an identity that I would also call a "service top." There's a lot of weird pushback against lithosexuality in the wlw community-- along with their counterparts, either High Femmes or the "notorious" Pillow Princesses-- and like honestly I don't get it. People are picky and clique-y about the most specific shit.

This might sound weird, but I actually really wanted to portray a healthy litho top in Dom, like someone who really thrives with a partner who doesn't force her to be pleasured. And that's the thing, is litho came about in the first place because of things like ace/sexual relationships, or trans people with really bad body dysphoria, or like... ANYTHING. It's a valid existence and it's actually really fulfilling for some people!! Sex is weird, it's not straight-forward, and you don't have to tick every box.

Yeah there are a lot of reasons it might have happened, but I also truly honestly believe it doesn't NEED to be psychoanalyzed. So while I can't tell you what's causing your gravitation towards it, I WILL tell you that it's okay. It's fine. If you change your mind in the future that's fine too. But if it feels comfortable and right in this moment I really think there's nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with you

#sexuality help #text heavy