#google doesnt say anything abt that

[ihatebnha]

uhm so like.. tried making saint hildegard von bingen’s cookies of joy.. substituted spelt flour for coconut flour.. and used an empty religious candle as a cookie cutter.. and rolling pin.. end result was tasty but.. not great😭

do u think bakugo would bash me over the head with the same cookie cutter candle i used for this omg😭

hmmmmmmmmmm... i think he'd dock you points for using improper tools and the fact that it doesn't look like the picture (also are those... crosses? on your cookies? bakugo would say "instead of ALMONDS?")......... but WOULD give u credit for uniformity and the fact that they're edible.

so i wouldn't say beat. maybe just... yell at u for not asking to use his rolling pin and cutters. Also he'd probably only eat like. two. but that's most likely a meal plan thing, idk.

#LOOOOOOL PLEASE #i hate people who sh*t on other ppl for trying to cook #so no he wouldnt be mad at u #just ... disappointed when he has a whole kitchen you couldve used #he'd be mad abt the three burned ones tho #probably more so at ur oven for cooking them irregularly rather than u #i want one tho so he can shut up #gimme gimme #also what does an empty religious candle even look like #like... a glass? with mary on it? #or what #and who did the crosses #google doesnt say anything abt that #askdljfajksdn im sorry but i do think they look good #i wanna make some #ask #caitie chats #cognacqueen666 #food tw

[graceful-not]

SORRY IM INSANE??????? WHAJT THE FUCK??? I CANT EVEN FOCUS ON WHATEVE NYA AND JAY ARE DOING RIGHT NOW THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING ZANE???? MY BOY???? EXHO???? DI WE EVER SEE HIM AGAIN??? ISTG IF THEY JUST LEAVE HIM IN THIS LIGHTHOUSE AFTER THIS WHY ARE THEY NOT FREAKING OUT?!?????? HE WAS STUCK HERE THIS WHOLE TIME?? WHY DID DR JULIEN NOT SAY ANYTHING IM INSANE?!?!?? HES SO RUSTED IM. I. ok I actually really like the steampunk vibes VS zanes more modern ones but HUH???? JULIEN JUST LEFT HIM HERE?!?!??? ok good they're fixinyg him up but ????? WHYAT???? I LITERALLY. HUH. HUH SO DOES ZANE HAVE ABROTHER THEN??? IVR NEVRR HEARD OF TJIS GUY WHICH MEANS HE ISNT RLLY IMPORTANT BUT I. THERE ARE SO MABY GODDAMN IMPLICATIONS THIS SHOULD BE SO IMPORTANT I. WHY ARE THEY BRUSHING THIS OFF??? I UUST GOOGLED IT AJD HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN ARC BUT IT WAS TOO COMPLIXATED SO THEY CUT IT??? WHY ADD HIM??? THE ROLE COULD BE FULFILLED BY TAI-D WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME TJIS AND THEM RIP IT AWAY FRO ME. IM SO WORKED UP IM DOING THE FLAPPY HAND STIM AND I /NEVER/ DO THE FLAPPY HAND STIM. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. IM INSANE ABOUT ECJO?? AND THEN THEY JUST LEAVE HIM??? I DJONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT NADAKHAN WHRE IS MY BOY? MY SON?? WAS HE JUST IN THE SECRET BASEMENT WHILE JULIEN GREETED THE OG ZANE?!?????? I CAN'T DO THID WHAT THE FUCK. THIS IS SO TRAGIC. WHERE IS HE GIVE HIM BACK TO.ME. WHY WERE THEY ACTING LIKE HES JUST SOME CONVENIENT WEAPON OR TOOL HES A WHOLE ASS PERSON?? LIKE THEYRE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT IT ALL "aww awesome we have another Zane at our disposal!" HES A WHOLR PERSON. HE HAS FEEKINGS??? LIKE HE FEELS THINGS HES NOT JUST A COOL WEAPON??? IF THAT WAS A HUMAN CHILD THEYD HAVE BROUGHT HIM WITH THEM???? I CANT DO THIS WHAT THE FUCK

ECHO ECHO ECHO MY SON IS BACK MY BOY MY SON MY DARLING MY SWEETHEAR COME HERE I NEED TO PICK YOU UP AND KISSYS YOU. he seems. okay with being in there??? has he ever left the lighthouse??????? does he KNOW what's out there??? HE CANT HAVE UNTIL JULIEN LEFT BC OF THE KRAKEN THING SO??? HAS HE EXPLORED SINCE THEN IS THAT WHY HE SEEMS SO CONTENT THERE??? HE DOESNT MIND BEING LEFT THERE?!???? I DONT UNDERTSTAND. HES JUST CHILL. LIKE *salutes* yessir! NO ECHO!! ASJ QUESTIONS!! I LOVE YOU BUT RHAT WHOLE SEQUENCE WAS FOR NO REASON HE ADDS NOTHING TO THE REPLACEMENT NINJA TEAMM. WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS WHOLE ASS CHARACTER WITH 300000 IMPLICATIONS AND THEN JUST NOT MAKE HIM RELEVANT AT ALL!! HE DIDNT EVER NEED TO BE THERE I HONESTLY WISH HE DIDNT EXIST BC NOW IM GONNA BE THINKING ABT HIM FOREVER!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! ZANE WHY ARE YOU CHILL ABOUT HIS EXISTENCE "I see you brought some friends" YOU SHOULD BE FREAKING YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW!!!! WHAT THE FUCK???? YOUR DAD BUILT THAT DUDE THATS SO FUCKED UP. TJATS UR BROTHER. THATSUR FUCKING BROHTER. AND THEN THEY JUST RESET TIME???? SO HES STILL IN THAT GODDAMN LIGHTHOUSE IM INSANE??? HES STILL IN THERE IS HE FUCKING ALIVE??!???? WHAT??? IS HE OKAY??? IM INSANE IM LITERALLY INSANE. AND UR TELLING ME TJEY NEVER MENTION OR DO ANYTHING WITH HIM AGAIN?!??? IM INSANE ABOUT THIS. IM INSANE. I CANT DO THIS WHAT THEFUCKN????? AUUAUAUAU. WHAT? HUH. WHATA???I need to find contebt of him right nowwhy is it all just shipping with Morro. good for them I guess but I don't CARE about the gay ghost what the FUCK is echos DEAL!!! WHAT IS UP WITH HIM???? ITS LITERALY ALL CITRUSSHIPPING ART WHERE IS ANY SPECULATIVE LORE??? WHAT ABOUT HIM AND ZANE WHATS THEYRE DEAL WHAT IF THEY METM WOULD TJEY BE BROTHERS?? IM HAVING SO MANY THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW. Zane deserves a little bro dude... another one I mean. falcon and Tai-D can be bestfriends. I'm insane I'm fucking insane. I love Morro and all but goddamn that's really all there is here shdbsjdb. it's cute and all but very "what if errytjung was ok and they were alive and we didn't have to worry about canon" but WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS??? DO JAY ABD NYA JUST NEVER TELL ANYONE?!?!?? THATS A WHOLE ASS SAPIENT BEING??? HES LITERALY CONSCIOUS??? WHAT THE FUCK. YOU LEFT A WHOLE ASS PERSON BEHIND THATS SO FUCKED UP. IM INSANE.

#ninjago #jay walker #nya smith #echo zane #zane julien #IM INSANE #grace gvoices gthings (nothing starts with g and i wanted alliteration) #ninjago liveblog

[meruz]

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

#ask #too much art talk in this one

[yasminewestbank]

all movie asks answers from the ask meme post bc it was fun

Your favorite movie released this year DIDNT WATCH ANY 2023 MOVIES YET.. CRIES

A movie you think is underrated - obliged to say An Elephant Sitting Still by hu bo bc i can never find it in dvd stores and i unfortunately honestly dont know if i will find a screening of it in a cinema available to me ever again but i dream of it

A movie you think is overrated - going to put two, one new and one classic. first one is parasite. im bitter abt this movie bc it was advertised like crazy and the reviews were so hyping and then i went and it was average. its not a bad movie but not only doesnt deserve the hype the hype ruined it for me bc if i went with the proper expectations i wouldnt have gotten so disappointed. a classic is alphaville of godard... obviously its a good movie and im sure it was groundbreaking at the time but by now the story doesnt feel as sophisticated bc this genre of story is at this point.. i wouldnt say overdone bc its still a great genre but its not fresh or suprising by now without making it more complex. this movie felt like a blueprint to the 1984 book soviet dystopia genre so it didnt keep up with the times. many classic movies are still exciting and fresh just like when they came out including other movies of godard but this isn't one of them. but i can also see how it was probably one of godard's top commercial movies, bc it was easier to digest and more basic than his other work

A movie you like but wouldn't recommend - stalker of tarkovsky and tarkovsky movies in general bc i think it would probs be boring to most ppl (its slow and not much plot) + tarkovsky movies r slow and the kind of movies u have to watch in the movie theater

A movie musical you like - annette of leox carax. and its not only a good movie the music is so good too

A horror movie you like - audition by takashi miike . love japanese violence

A sci-fi movie you like - high life by claire denis. AND it has robert pattinson in it!!!!!!!111 and hes amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fantasy movie you like

A movie in your native language you like - Life According to Agfa by Assi Dayan. one of the only good israeli movies that exist bc i didnt see so far any good, worthwhile or complex israeli movie besides this one (not including documentaries).

A foreign-language movie you like - (i put a bunch already so ill do one in a language i didnt put yet) tori and lokita by the dardenne brothers. takes place in belgium in french about a young refugee woman and a refugee child from africa who pose as brother and sister. this is going to destroy you but its such a good movie i cant recommend it enough but i still cant recover

A movie you wish you could un-watch - the disney secretariat movie. it was so bad oh my god it was so fucking bad im in pain. i want disney to give me back the braincells i lost. this actor horse deserves so much better

A performance you think is underrated - Vicenç Altaió (yeah had to google this one) in story of my death by albert serra. his acting was insane. probably one of the best acting perfomances ive ever seen, specifically the toilet scene stuck with me. so it's a period movie about casanova. there a scene in the movie that all of it is just him taking a shit. and of course it sounds goofy but it was actually a really human and sensitive depiction and his acting was so natural i completely forgot i was watching a movie. he really made this scene what it is. and tbh i think even from those other photos u can see what i mean on him

A performance you think is overrated

A movie made better by the ending - only thing that comes up in my mind is barton fink of joel coen.. i can barely remember this movie bc i watched it years ago but (spoilers) i can just remember there was a twist in the middle that flipped the whole movie on its head and it was super enjoyable. besides this i cant think of anything

A movie ruined by the ending - the holy mountain of jodorowsky... at the time i watched it i was so disappointed by the ending it was so anticlimactic. i think he thought he did something but it just didnt work. (might be spoilers) same vibes when a story pulls "and then he found out it was all a dream". like.. in this case it just didnt feel fitting it was disappointing. but i watched it years ago so i wonder if i would feel the same now

A trilogy/franchise you like cant think of anything

A movie you never get tired of talking about - drive my car by ryusuke hamaguchi. its fun to talk abt this movie bc even tho there are a lot of themes and details that make it what it is, its not too complex to not be able to grasp and pinpoint them. so its complex enough to be a good movie but not too complex to not be able to talk abt it, both abt the good and bad things (bc there r also choices the director made that i dont like). and there's also so much to talk abt that stems from this movie not only in the movie itself but also what it shows abt japanese cinema, contemporary japanese cinema/this generation of japanese directors versus the previous generations. also i love this director in general i recc all his movies

A movie you never wanna hear about again - if i hear one more thing abt any marvel movie im going to kill myself

A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not) - aki karutismaki's fallen leaves that came out this year

A movie you think looks beautiful - red desert of antonioni. i adore the aesthetic of this movie. tbh its probably my favorite movie visuals wise. i just cant stop adding photos from google bc i love everything slkfdsflsfgds

A director you think is underrated - tbh hard to think of anyone.. i think any director i like got some kind of recognition, and if i think ok which one doesnt get mainstream recognition it would be basically most of them. so im trying to think.. who do i rlly think doesnt get recognition. maybe the crown should go to the photographer petra collins who actually directed the first season of euphoria before sam levinson kicked her out and claimed he did it and stole all her work

A director you think is overrated - HITCHCOCK!!!!!!! HES NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES TRULY NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD PULL UP 10 DIRECTORS FROM HIS TIME AND BEFORE HIM THAT ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HE IS THAT ARENT AS HYPED UP. godard and kurosawa made movies so much better and decades before him so the reason hes hyped cant even be that what he made was groundbreaking for the time. hitchcock is MID

An animated movie you like - the cowboy bebop movie... its so fun and satisfying to watch i watched it so many times dsfdf

A silent movie you like cant think of anything

Your favorite movie - possession by andrej zulawski. im speechless abt it. dont read a summery go into this blind. its such an insane experience (sin look my fav movie is a polish movie)

Your least favorite movie i dont rlly have one i have a whole bunch of movies i dont like but i dont have THE hated movie

[ssho197]

Modern au xiao brain rot rn can't even anymore.

my pfp and header won’t load in properly and idk why

i wrote this during school and in class so

I would so kin a high school au xiao bc he’s smart asf but still super creative art-wise AND FUCKIGNFNJNKJD ATTRACTIVE ASF SJFLKKJVEK.

Anyways i think i used to have a list of all the senior subjects he would have but i “lost” the list so imma try to recreate it. Im pretty sure his list of subjects was literally almost the same as my subjects :skull: anyways i think it was, advanced english, advanced maths + extension 1 or 2 maths, sor cant remember how many units, visual arts, chemistry, biology or physics. PLS I CANT REMEMBERRRRRRR. HE WOULD SO LISTEN TO ODETARI. ODETARI XIAO SUPREMACY. Anyways he would not know how to talk to anyone for shi. Prolly acts super cool but either gets super flustered or cold if you were to help him with picking up smth, def DOES NOT get bullied bc hes so cool and way too attractive (also scary) for anyone to do anything mean to him. IM FUCKING TELLING YYOU. GIRLS WOULD DROOOLLLL OVER HIS ASS. (i wouod) AHEM AHEM AHEM. this whole paragraph is me on something. The only thing making it barely readable is google’s autocorrect. NOW THEYRE TELLING ME TO CAPITALISE THE G IN GOOGLE AW HELL NAW. IM HERE TRYNA TALK ABT XIAO. he probably tried to fail religion so he didn;t have to do it but then someone told him its mandatory and him failing RE affects his whole grade soo. Teahcers can’t decide whether to hate him or love him cuz he does the work quietly but he's a sassy little B-I-T-C-H. He also probs gets cautions and detentions bc of his shirt being out but prob rarely gets cautions bc he says to the teachers face that he looks better with it out and most teachers don't have the BALLS to tell him off or give him a caution. Probs only the same teachers giving him cautions anyways but theres always gonna be one girl in his class telling the teacher that xiao does look better with his shirt out. Now, would xiao play video games? Ngl probably not since hes like too busy doing his work. OMG HE SHOULD SKATE HE SHOULD SKATE. YES, OK SO. HE SKATES IN HIS FREETIME AND THATS WHY HES SUPER BEHIND ON SOCIAL MEDIA TRENDS. He does have an instagram but his pfp is still just the plain og grey one. He has no posts but he does post on his story sometimes. He follows you and definitely stalks your acc whenever he gets the chance. He looks through your acc THROUGHLY like he def examines everything, where you are, what you're eating, who your friends are and everything. he srsly doesnt have anything better to do with his time. Theres only so much work you can do before you go out to skate, then theres only so many cuts and scratches your body can take before you have to go home, and there are only so many posts on her instagram you can stalk :( I LOVE XIAO!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS MY FAVOURITE AND I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bro def got forced to go to the counsellor once, he hated it and was very aggressive the whole time but its ok bc hes pretty.

OMG IJOWRFBJKKJLNSFVLJSVKSJKJBSFSKFBBFKJ MAGINE LAWYER XIAO

I CANT EVEN ANYMORE RKLOJEFJKVBELSKLNKLSDKL JUST FUCING QDJFW [K J just imagine xiao in a suit and like lawyer xiao. But then i mean like, all lawyers are old and wrinkly and as old asf so idk if i could do that to my bb xiao

#xiao x reader #genshin xiao #modern au #brainrot #sho xiao dumps

[bright-and-burning]

for your fic title ask game! gimme something texas hold em related. add some more fuel to this here fire.

(send me a made-up fic title and i'll tell you what i would write to go with it)

ok this has been rotating in my mind w logan/alex for the last day and i kind of went insane bc why is this a thousand words of blather...

i went to a research university in like the north eastern part of the us right but there was this bar named after a city in the south that . ok i just googled it to double check and the home page calls it a "rockin country redneck tavern" lol. there were line dancing lessons in the evening that old people LOVED before the night hit and it became like fully a bar scene, lots of country music, a massive dance floor. so like . picture rustic raw wood walls, a big ass dance floor, a second floor overlooking half the dance floor, and a whoooole lot of college students.

in my mind this is like, college au. logan is a junior, alex is a senior or smthn. alex gets dragged to a frat party by idk lando who then immediately abandons him to play pong w martin... alex is feeling big lost just standing around, downing a solo cup of punch way too fast to feel busy. logan's like 'i got next!!' except his pong partner was oscar who disappeared so he's like fuckkkk and then lando volunteers alex for it, and logan's like sure you can keep up kind of vibes and alex drains the last of his drink and grins before grabbing another. so it's lando and martin vs logan and alex.

and alex is TRASH but it's ok bc martin and lando are mid and logan is good so it like all balances out. so they go back and forth the whole time, and logan and alex are teasing each other sooo bad oh my god. just like annoying to everyone else in the room levels of flirty mocking. (we played with water in the cups bc otherwise the balls get DISGUSTING, so you just move the cup to the side of the table when it's made. but if you get a ball in one of the side cups you have to dance? idk if this is a common rule but we called it dance cup lol. also an important rule: if you dont make a single cup you have to do a naked lap). alex is Struggling he is not making anything. he manages to get it into dance cup like three times tho. somehow it gets down to like lando and martin only need to make one more cup and logan and alex have two to go. alex Has to make it on this round or he's in grave danger of naked lap... idk some like logan giving tips etc. logan goes first on their turn and sinks it perfectly which leaves them 1-1... alex closes his eyes n takes a deep breath... shoots... nails it. he and logan lose their shit lol but martin and lando have a shot at redemption.. and they BOTH MISS! logan and alex W. some other duo is like we got winner but alex is like ok i'm done for the night lol i don't need any more chances at a naked lap. and logan also steps from the table so like lando and martin keep playing.

from there there's two directions i think it could go:

they go to a "rockin country redneck tavern" that night after logan is like oh i've got actual liquor up in my room if you want...

OR this is actually better i guess given how many more ideas i have abt this lol

alex actually leaves not long after the pong game for some reason (that i haven't decided on yet). but then the next weekend he gets dragged out to said country tavern by lando n george who are like dude we have to experience all of the bars here before we graduate and scatter to the winds!!!! (well. lando says that. george spent the last weekend + week frantically studying for an exam so he's like can we PLEASE go out and get shitfaced. PLEASE) anyways. alex doesnt really ask what this place is and they dont tell him so they get there and alex is like what the fuck is this. what.

they get drinks and sit down at a table for a bit, logan gets in w some friends and walks past and is like yoooo and chats w alex for a minute, except george and lando disappear to "get drinks" (with lots of eyebrow wiggles from behind logan). they r flirting obviously. lots of alex being like of Course you're here, all american boy vs logan being like and what country are we in right now, hot stuff? and then a line dance-y song comes on and the announcer is like 'last line dance of the night folks' (bc this bar switches over at abt 10pm to like. pop and rap etc.) and logan is like !!! and alex audibly groans but lets himself get dragged out bc logan is like you gotta have the full [i have not come up w a bar name that wont doxx me but pretend there's one here] experience. they do a silly line dance w alex just clumsily copying logan at first but by the end enjoying it laughing his ass off trying to mess logan up etc.

and then idk maybe the next song switches over as theyre like collapsing into each other dying laughing all breathless... and it's a very grind-y song (to stick w the beyonce theme... a la partition even tho that's not super 'realistic' im just struggling off the top of my head to come up w something better. fill in the blanks w ur imagination if u r smarter than me i guess) and they have this moment of like 'so are we doing this orrrr' and the dance floor gets hella crowded so theyre up on each other anyways so. they are in fact doing this. and then they dance for a While it's hot they get real sweaty lean in to each other's ears from time to time to point out funny things happening around them etc etc.

after a long while of that alex is like i need another drink. and logan is like yeah same so they go to the bar together. and alex buys their drinks. and then they just stand leaning on a wall for a bit, chatting and taking a breather. and logan is like 'cards on the table' and then tells alex he likes him. or is interested in him or whateverrrr and alex is like oh thank god. and then they go home and fuck nasty. basically!

#this got... long. LOLLLLLLLL #2302 #once more not actually fic but if i ever have any hopes of finding this again lol #mine.snip

[aliensmoothie]

I WPULD. LOVW TO KNOW SO MUCHABOUT BALONEY . i think the fact that he's in the bg3 universe is amusing to me . i hope hes been getting up to shenanigans . i love that he outdrank some guy

HE HAS IN FACT BEEN UP TO TONS OF SHENANIGANS . him and ast*rion are on slightly less thin ice than usual which maybe doesnt bode well for baloney's moral compass atm but he is pleased to be getting more info abt the man at any rate . he gave shadowheart a flower and it reminded me of the flower scene from tftb and i cried a little . i dont think baloney has romantic feelings toward shadowheart . but it was cute nonetheless HER LITTLE ' HA JUST KIDDING ' AFTER SAYING IT WAS POISONOUS WAS SO CUTE . i was pretty neutral on beloved shart at first but now i belove her alot . he has still not stopped travelling with wyll they are besties forever to me . baloney is like wyll's pet decrepit old man who has mostly good intentions and is only sometimes overly violent .ALSO FUN FACT HE HAS OUTDRANK PEOPLE BEFORE HE DID IT IN A DND CAMPAIGN I PUT HIM IN . he ALMOST outdrank the whole party . but the ( i think ) warlock just barely beat him .

also . coughs . let me go dig up the summary i wrote about his backstory . grins completely insane .

ok . smiles . SO . Bloney is from a town called bone-dry ( which also has it's own whole lore google doc but thats another story ) which in short is a small town surrounded by it's own graveyard in the middle of a salt desert . he is the middle child of . like 13 ? i dont have the number written down anywhere but i think that is right . anyways he's somewhere in the middle . he has always been just a very strange child . standoffish and always smiling at inappropriate times and not very good at talking with people , and spends most of his time reading whatever reading material passes through the town through trade , and then cataloguing all of it . HE ALSO catalogues any stories he can get out of the travelers who pass through ., and anything the people in town tell him . that said . he is standoffish and people in town are just kind of made Uncomfortable by him . so this effort does not ever bear much fruit for him . can youtell i am projecting my autism experiences onto him BAD . one day when he is a fairly young adult , his eldest brother dies under somewhat mysterious circumstances . on that same day , baloney finds himself lost out in the desert , and almost dies too . all he remembers is wandering , trying to find his way back home for hours and hours , and as the sun beats down at him he collapses and goes unconcious . he wakes up to a raven pecking at his head , and when he wakes up it starts to fly away , but stops and lands a few feet away and looks back at him . and when he follows it , it leads him back to town . from then on , he does not remember how he ended up wandering through the desert , and he does not remember that his eldest brother is dead . they never find his body , and with nothing to bury they just erect a gravestone in their vast graveyard with nothing underneath it . this whole experience combined with baloney's newfound memory issues give him a . warped view of death . where he never fully believes someone is dead , just missing , sick , or is generally in some kind of denial about it . ( BG3 BALONEY I THINK THIS GOES ANOTHER WAY WHERE HE BECOMES SORT OF OBSESSED WITH DEATH . though i dont know much about the durge stuff yet SO we'll see . we are talking about canon baloney for the most part here anyways though . if the durge stuff doesnt spell completely otherwise there should be some overlap still smile ) ALSO since that day , a small number of ravens have been appearing in town , which tend to folow baloney . or maybe the other way around . at any rate , baloney find that the ravens are most interested when he tells them tales of the dead ( or in his mind the sick or the missing ), which starts when he talks to them about his eldest brother . over the years he spends nearly all his time combing through the town's graveyard , and telling whatever stories he knows at the dead . he gets *really good* at piecing together stories of these people's lives from what limited information he can get from the rest of town . and without him knowing , the raven following him and listening to his stories were a weak manifestation of the raven queen , who was over time building him up to be her cleric . after many years he notices the ravens have started flying away from the town and not returning . at this point he is familiar enough with the ravens that their message is clear : he needs to leave town and seek out more knowledge of the dead . his one wish being to figure out how to heal these " sick " people , to talk to them and find their stories from the source . all of that building up to him being a death domain cleric LARGELY FOCUSED on necromancy . smile . also i have been playing with the idea that he is the one who killed his oldest brother . my only roadblock being that im not sure Why he would have done it . alas . it is a neat concept !

#¿ #I ENJOY HIS BACKSTORY i was sad i couldnt make him his exact class in bg3 but oh well 💔 #bone-dry is fun for me also . fun fact the desert it's in used to be a salt water lake #ive never ironed out the fine details of it but in my mind it was all pretty quickly evaporated by ..some kind of magical cataclysm #again ive never ironed out the details . but bone-dry was established when the lake was still there it was built In the lake #okay sorry there is like a whole google doc of stuff about that town . baloney is so important to me i think about him very often . #my ocs #baloney watertower #hesitated posting this i feel SO CRINGE sharing my oc lore . but im going to make myself do it anyways . im SO POWERFUL

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Idk abt lore but have u ever considered muu and amane parallels

They both mention either “magic of sorry”( according to google translate) or “sorry spells” respectively, and sorry seems to be a recurring thing for both of their first trial songs, tho muu more then amane

Theyre both rlly childish and while amane was raised in an actual cult muu was in kinda cult of personality situation. Amane asks if shes a good girl and if she can be weak/spoil herself while muu does both those things on her own terms and wonders if shes a bad girl.

Both of them seem to admire their parents a lot, etc

Also, according to the amane minigram abt her parents, i kinda wonder if her dad was one kf the four leaders if it translates to “his people”. If thats true then it wld imply that tho amane holds a lit of respect and admiration for him, she doesnt see him as a father, thus why he appears like a robot thing in magic

Also while on amanes mv i definitely agree that riyone staged the accident but i think her more official role in the cult might be rituals, or more specifically healing ones, bc her pigtails are bandaids and shes the kne who first suggests praying for the orange cat.

Also the four faces behind the hurt orange cat seem ro be colorcodes for the four leaders praying for him, maybe suggesting that the cult believes that the four leaders can heal any wounds?

That wld mean that amanes treatment not only goes against the cults beliefs but the leaders authority as a whole

Anyways just some randkm thoughts that have been fermenting srry!

Hello again!

I definitely think that there's high overlap between Amane and Mu. They're also similar in the fact that they both had to endure a lot of pain (seemingly emotional and physical) before they got to the point of murder (Mu with the endless bullying, Amane with being literally tortured for indoctrination). I think that a lot of Milgram prisoners have some parallels between them; honestly, I think it could be really fun to take a look at how I could pair the prisoners up in terms of similarities, so thanks for that idea!

I'm not sure about translations and such, but I've always been under the impression that Amane's dad was away a lot? I don't remember where I got that from, I feel like she mentioned something about it though. I'd thought it was a "I respect my dad but he's always busy so these other people (the four robot leaders) basically raised me."

I think that Riyone running rituals makes a lot of sense! My interpretation of the prayer scene isn't necessarily that they believe that the leaders can heal all pain or anything, but rather that everything happens for a reason/God can injure and heal as desired so they shouldn't mess with it. Instead of using medicine, which is considered evil, they should pray and ask God to handle it for them. That's definitely what the cult leaders were preaching, though, so either way, Amane was definitely directly opposing them by healing the cat (you can especially tell because she puts a finger to her mouth as if to say "it's a secret" right before she's found out).

#milgram #ミルグラム #admin venus #thanks again for the ask!!! #i got your other one too btw but it seemed like this was the one to respond to #don't hold back on asking cause i like yelling into the void #also apologies if my interpretation of the cult/prayer stuff is off #the interpretation i have is actually extremely similar to the world premise of a novel i'm writing #so that's a whole thing #legit though i think i'm gonna write that pair of similarities in prisoners theory at some point cause i think there's a lot to talk about

[satoruhour]

t!! how are you!! am here with some flowers and sparkles to brighten up the season!! ✨💐 i hope you’re having a wonderful weekend 🥺

and i am curious!! (again 🤭) if you were to receive/give a gift from/to your fave/s, what would it be!! 🥺

heheh youre welcome to be curious in my inbox any time sel 💟 im watering my flowers and giving them back to you my love! i hope theyll thrive cause im not sure if its snowing where you are 🥹 i hope you had a wonderful weekend muah x

i have trouble making decisions always but i would love a lego flower set from either of the boys!!! i feel like more gojo bc then we would build it together <3 i mean it’s nice to receive something i like - like maybe a keyboard for writing or new watercolour brushes but.. i dont work on my hobbies enough to be confident in them so usually i have no idea what i want 🥹

things to do however are just great to do in general!! like gojo would enjoy the lego. i think geto would enjoy puzzles together. both of them would love those mystery solving books or mazes?? idk!

i think both of them would appreciate hand made gifts quite a bit since my side job involve paper crafting 🥹 i actually planned to make my boyfriend a paper bouquet before shit happened lol, so i didnt have the opportunity to. purchasing wise, geto would love things that is functional to his apartment/dorm or whatever. like a google home, or something to aid in his hobbies (easel, typewriter) or whatever!

gojo would just be cheesy and say my presence is enough lol but tbh give him anything and he would be grateful, i think its just the way he was brought up ... hes been shown a lot of things but when it’s coming from someone he cares about he cherishes it a lot ❤️ even if that something (that the product is known to be popular and expensive for one brand) is bought from a smaller, less expensive shop, he would love it sm bc he doesnt care abt the price 😭😭😭😭 like im p sure his sunglasses cost literally a mortgage but if u just wanted to buy him smtg similar at a cheaper price i promise you he would wear it at every take 🥹

send in an ask! 💌

#gross this turned into headcanons and being mushy HHDFNSNDN #but thank you for the ask dear sel 🥹💟💟 #asks #shotorus-interact #shotorus

[gay-salt-amber]

So, what if Firestar knew Tallstar before joining TC? And other human things

(human au btw)

So, one of my MANY human hcs for warriors is that each clan has its own weapon of sorts, TC uses bows and shorter things like daggers, RC uses pikes, SC uses wider things like broad swords and WC uses spears (there's a difference between spears and pikes, google it.)

Before Rusty joins TC, Tallstar teaches him the basics of how to use a spear and how to hunt very basic things with one when he gets to babysit Rusty because the kit was genuinely curious, “Just like your father.” Tallstar often said. So, when he becomes Firepaw and Bluestar is officially his mentor, she asks him to show her if he already knows any basics because with his other mentors they mainly focused on teaching him the territories before the whole fighting thing. And Firepaw proudly shows her his quite good aim with a spear and how he uses it. Bluestar is frozen and when he asks if he did anything wrong, she goes, “That's a Windclan weapon.. Where did you get that?” And Firepaw goe silent too like, “Anything that is said here stays here, right?” Bluestar nods and Firepaw tells her how he's Tallstars kid

(also longfire ahead if you dont like, dont read on)

—

So, another hc having to do with this, Longtail and Fireheart have to share a room and this is when Longtail still kinda hated Fireheart so he still picked on him and Fireheart gets a call from his sister and while they’re on the phone talking Princess asks if he is interested in anyone in TC yet and when he answers with, “I think I have feelings for Longtail..” Princess squeals and asks him how it started and Longtail walked in when Fireheart was now talking abt it with both of his dads who were now talking on speaker with him and Fireheart says, “I don’t know how I started liking him, I mean, it's Longtail! He has so many cats already fawning over him! But I guess just he's just so pretty and the rare times that he doesnt call me ‘kittypet’ my chest gets all fuzzy and-” And he keeps going on like this till the call ends and he says his goodbyes and love yous and Longtail is sitting on his the orange hairs bed and goes, “So, what's this about you liking me?” and Fireheart is SO red

Another hc! So I feel like Tallstar often took Rusty (and Tiny but we’re not talking about him atm) to Windclan to babysit him and Windclan just fell in love with this child. All the queens are all, “Awh! Aren’t you just the cutest thing!” But nobody says anything to the other clans because they dont want them to find out and use that to their advantage. Windclan has also met Jake and Barkface has told him stories abt him and Tallstar when they were kids and Tallstar is just chuckling while holding Rusty going, “Let's hope your childhood isnt as chaotic, Rusty.”

—

After BC lost the fight for the forest with the clans and scourge recovered (yes this is a Scouge lived au) he makes an agreement to Tallstar that in future conflicts, he’d not attack WC, he acts like this isn’t biased but he just cant face the idea of facing his dad, aka one of the only 2 tolerable family members that he has in a battle on opposing sides. Tallstar also helps Scouge transition cuz trans Scoruge.

—

When Fireheart and Graystripe went to go rescue WC, Scourge just popped out from the shadows, and said, “What are you looking for?” And Fireheart goes. “Windclan, their scent is near here..” And Scourge is instantly concerned (he hides it but ye) and points them in the right direction and mentally makes the note to call later to check on him and make sure everything is ok with Tallstar

#Firestar #Firestar raised by Tallstar and Jake au #Scourge #Warrior cats #Tallstar #Jake #gay #headcanons #Warrior cat headcanons #Longfire

[abra-ka-dammit]

Anyone here know of a good copycat of the Logitech G600 MMO mouse? ive gone through like 6 of these over the years and they (almost) always croak in the same way but i literally have not been able to find a similar mouse

now dont jump to tell me abt other mice with the 12 button thumbpad. bc thats only PART of it. the other VERY IMPORTANT FEATURE is that the G600 has a "third click" off to the right of your right click (not the wheel, ignore the wheel) which i map to CTRL and hold down to access my second skillbar. without that feature my gaming capability will legit be crippled bc i cannot hit modifier keys on the keyboard accurately enough to be useful lol

i googled but literally everyone who i find asking and even specifying they want that 3rd click gets nothing but answers completely ignoring that. i dont just need the thumbpad-- i need THAT SPECIFIC BUTTON TOO

seriously anything that doesnt fit in 24 slots gets relegated to Clicking and the only reason its not just 12 is because of that third mouseclick button. (needless to say high level versions of jobs in xiv are stressing me out bar-wise bc like. some things are okay to be just a clicker. rez. limit break. but when my rotation spills out im fukked lol)

#stupid shit #idk how to tag this to get it in front of people who might know but #gaming #pc gaming #gamer mouse

[chaotic-queer-disaster]

Hi, I hope it’s alright if I ask for some advice. My boyfriend is autistic/has aspergers and he has a lot of internalized ableism i think. This is making it difficult because he never shares what he needs from me. And the few things he told me he wanted me to ignore a couple months after. When i moved, he was so incredibly uncomfortable in my new flat that i thought he was going to break up with me bc he just stopped responding to me and was clearly incredibly unhappy and it took him months 1/2

to tell me whats wrong. We went on a trip with friends and i think he didnt enjoy most of it bc we didnt really accomodate him but i dont know how to because he doesnt share anything with us. Hes having some mental health issues that make this even worse. I dont want to break up with him but i genuinely dont know what to do & i dont want to rely on googled info abt autistic people when its such a big spectrum. Id be willing to change almost everything abt how i behave towards him but idk how 2/2

ok so uh. you need to tell him that you're worried and that you don't know how to accommodate him, and you need to tell him that directly. Like, very very very directly.

a lot of autistic people don't realize when we're not sharing enough information, making other people worried, etc, and even those of us who do realize tend to learn pretty quickly that our needs don't matter to other people and that we should just learn to live in the stress. I think the best thing you could do is to tell him you're worried about him, tell him you're willing to listen & accommodate him, and tell him you are genuinely there for him. Have a straightforward and clear conversation about it--don't just hint at it or imply it.

There are things you can do to prove this, too. If he doesn't like change, try to warn him in advance as much as possible that something is going to change (even just things like "I'm dyeing my hair next week!). If you've noticed from context clues that he has sensory issues with, say, sound, don't play loud music when he's at your flat. If he fidgets a lot, find him a real fidget toy. If he doesn't naturally make eye contact, don't try to make him do so. & so on & so forth.

I don't know enough about his mental health issues to actually give solid advice on that, but if it's like, depression, google depression handling tips and give them to him. Same with anxiety, same with any other mental health issue. A lot of those tips still work for autistic people.

I hope something I said helps. Have a nice day :D

#asks #anon

[kxmikomrade]

oh ho ho

why hello there

I just read through a bunch of the stuff you have about yourself, and now you have to deal with me <3

so first of all: i saw that you really liked blue period, and I was wondering how you'd recommend it? I keep on wanting to watch it but my mind goes "but you have this thing" and "what about the other three animes you're watching" but who cares! It looks really pretty tho. Also me and my partner are going to watch Bungo Stray Dogs together (eventually-) bc it's his favorite anime lol.

ok next point: WATERMELON IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS I LOVE WATERMELON. MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP ICE CREAM IS THE BEST. and i agree, winter and autumn are the best seasons. rain. rain is nice :).

third and i think final thing: you're learning japanese, you say? ok, i have a few questions for you. what are you learning it on? (i'm learning it on the demon bird app, aka duolingo). what words have you learned? what do you know about the grammar/word structure? and the scary one: have you started learning the terror that is katakana? (if no, it's just another alphabet with the same order and sounds, except different characters. i hate katakana :,>) because i can't type in japanese on my chromebook, i'll just use the romanji. But expect me to send you random hiragana and have you say what it is!

Kimu-san, yahho! Anata ga kakkoii to karai desu yo! (i promise you it's a compliment <3)

try to tell me what that means, and expect more random japanese in your future :)

anyways have a lovely day byeee <3

when i saw the 'oh ho ho' i heard french venti LMAOOO 💀💀

omg new moot guys NEW MOOT !! u match my vibe so <3

BLUE PERIOD IS SO SHHEHEHEHHE esp if ur an artist like myself, it gives u a different and probably more professional view of art ^^ For wat i like abt it, i'd say da characters and how theyre written. The main character is pretty relatable. Theres another character who has family issues and may be trans (or genderfluid? it isnt confirmed but she was born male, currently dresses feminine and hates it when people uses her dead name). Another one who was born a 'Genius' but doesnt really understand art, hes only doing it bcs its basically wat he can only do. Another character who'm gets compared to her older sister and so on. Even minor characters have well written stories I suggest u watch da anime THEN read da manga from da beginning :>> Sanaol may partner- jkjk ur prob fil but imagien having a partner 😭 my lonely ass could never U SHOULDD WATCH BSD!! I LOVEEE DA ENDINGS ITS SUCH A VIBE AND DA OPS R BANGERS UGH THE CHARACTER DESIGNS AND PLOT I WANNA 👊 ITS INTERESTING BUT I SUGGEST ALSO READING THE MANGA FROM THE BEGINNING SINCE THE ANIME SKIPS ALOT OF THINGS AND IT MIGHT GET U CONFUSED 😭😭 Also, hes so true for that, hes DEF a keeper 💪 unless hes a mori/fukuchi stan then ew no

YESSS WATERMELON AND MINT CHOCO CHIP ICECREAM LOVERSS <333 Honestly, cold weathers >>>>>>

Im currently just memorizing da basics; hiragana and katakana before i continue off where i left off in grammar and vocab (i'll most likely start over since its been arounf half a year and i have goldfish memory 🥲) Ive already memorized hiragana, now im going with katakana but im focusing on art lately since i just got my stylus back so im prob not gonna do it for awhile but i'll try to before may >:DD I currently only use 'Write it Japanese!' app on mobile, its REALLY useful, idk anything to help with grammar but my jp speaking friend recommends da book 'Minna no nihongo'. She used to be my jp study buddy but shes been VERY busy with uni lately so :'''D AND YES BBG (can i call u dat??) LETS PRACTICE TOGETHER <33 tbh it would be better if we use hiragana/katakana/kanji (i literally dont know kanji SOBS) since it helps us learn!! AND DAT WOULD BE FUNN

From just my understanding: 'Kim-san, Yahoo/hello! Youre a cool person [smth smth]'

from google: 'Kimu, Yahoo! It hurts to think you're cool' (pls get ur shit together google 😭😭i couldnt call my friends bitches lovingly bcs of u)

YES I'LL BE EXPECTING THEM <33 I HOPE U HAVE A LOVELY DAY TOO HON

LMAO WAT DO I CALL U?? I WANNA ADD UR MOOT TAG

#man dat was fun to answer #I WAS SMILING DA WHOLE TIME

[tiger-in-the-flightdeck]

jsyk i think the wording of your jewish descent post is really really gross and comes off as u being philosemitic invasive goy. jews dont need ppl like you asking Who Is A Jew? in 2023 bc ur scared to do research urself. the first page of returns for "rules for jewish descent" doesnt even have any hateful links&has some of the most commonly referenced sites for jewish information. chabad myjewishlearning jewfaq are all credible. if ur a goy writing fanfic abt interfaith couples n their kids u dont need to be writing abt their childs identity struggle ur clearly unequipped just make them jewish and be done with it

This just in, everyone! Being curious about things and not using Individually Approved Language is now gross and bigoted!

Who said anything about identity struggles? Who said I was scared to do research? I specified that my experience in doing research on google frequently yields a shit ton of websites that contain hate. Which is why I thought, hey, let's ask people instead of a search engine which organisations can pay to have their results show up at the top. And wow! Who would've thought? It started people conversing and answering, and a bunch of other people saying 'Interesting, I'd like to know this too!'

You can be touchy that I didn't use language that you personally think is appropriate, that's perfectly understandable, and I'm sorry that you found it to be offensive. But hell, you've just used a bunch of language that I personally don't think is appropriate. So here's what you should do. It's really easy, too.

Block me. Delete that post if you've reblogged it trying to start arguments, so you don't have to see it, and go do something to put a smile on your face.

#replies

[iagreewithlilithsrightsnwrongs]

ok so. in my college au, theres no supernatural elements, yes? so ive been thinking abt ava n how in the shadow her being paralysed, alone, an orphan with poor caregivers is an integral part of her character. and i dont know how to incorporate smth similar in this au.

i’ve read abt conversion disorder. you can google it n have a better understanding but basically “Conversion disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous system (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.”

“conversion disorder happens as a way for your brain to deal with emotional stress. It’s almost always triggered by upsetting situations and other mental disorders.” and “It also happens more often to people who have a history of emotional stress or who have a hard time talking about their feelings.”

the most common symptom is “the loss of one or more bodily functions. Examples include: Weakness or paralysis. Loss of balance or difficulty walking.” also: movements that you can’t control, tunnel vision or blindness, loss of smell or speech, numbness. 

(this got long but this is useful for me n shit so yeah)

common signs: a debilitating symptom that begins suddenly, history of a psychological problem that gets better after the symptom appears, lack of concern that usually occurs with a severe symptom, they affect your movement or senses, and you can’t control them, hey can’t be explained by any other condition, medication, or behavior, they aren’t caused by another mental health problem, they cause stress in social and work settings.

“The physical symptoms are thought to be an attempt to resolve the conflict the person feels inside.”

here’s some examples (which i need a lot of cuz its kinda hard to understand all those medical terms n shit, from all the sites i’ve read on it): “For example, a woman who believes it is not acceptable to have violent feelings may suddenly feel numbness in her arms after becoming so angry that she wanted to hit someone. Instead of allowing herself to have violent thoughts about hitting someone, she experiences the physical symptom of numbness in her arms.” “For example, imagine taking a hard fall off your bike and then not being able to move your arm. But your arm isn’t injured. Neither is any other part of your body.Your body converted the emotional and psychological stress of your fall into the physical response of a paralyzed arm.” “Physical symptoms can sometimes help with an internal conflict. For example, if you’re struggling with the desire to hurt someone, conversion disorder may cause you to become paralyzed, making it impossible to act on that desire.”

now back to ava. it started to happen after the car accident that took her mom. because of how stressful it was, for weeks, ava was paralysed n doctors were confused cuz every test didnt show how the fuck that can happen. some episodes last days but sometimes its weeks, n they might be gone just as soon as they appeared. 

lil 7 year old ava was terrified n it just kept being amplified everytime she thought it was getting better. her mom was dead. the doctors told her her dad wasn’t coming to pick her up which shocked her cuz she thought he was dead (very awkward for the doctors). both parents only children so no help there, grandparents either dead or in care homes. 

then she gets send to the orphanage, all alone and confused since they were in Spain on vacation n now she doesnt understand anything. most workers n kids dont even speaking spanish since the orphanage specializes in misplaced children, so now shes learning english, n spanish, and she thinks shes still paralysed for weeks, months UNTIL. she makes a friend, a kid in another room who found out abt her n befriended her. 

and ava only starts feeling better when this friend, diego, who’s such a sweet boy, but so sick he’s not gonna live that much longer, and he knows it, says “jsut because you cant move doesnt mean ur not fun!! i think ur cool, ava silva.” n ava moves. its a miracle, diego is an angel, ava is saved n all the kids are ecstatic, ava is crying in pure relief but also confusion because what???

doctors label it as a freak accident n dont want to think much of it since what does it matter, ava is just a girl. but the childcare workers now label ava as the attention seeker n never trust her abt anything. some older kids do it too, but most of them are agaisnt the ladies there out of principle n spite. still, it sucked, n now ava cant trust any adult to save her life n cant even trust her own body to work how its supposed to.

as she gets older she both gets better and worse? she definitely knows when and how to calm down, n the episodes go away if the main source of stress gets resolved, except for any stress caused by ptsd, which ava definitely has from yknow the fucking accident n her moms death. she also, however, has a very yolo mentality, n will get in trouble n in stressful situations most of the time. she’s a menace to herself, n it normally results in one or more limbs to go numb or paralyzed. 

she was homeschooled tho, since it two maybe 2 years of her being bullied, picked on, critiqued, n having the overall stressful n horrible experience that is being a new kid in a new school after ur mom died, for the teachers to beg the childcare workers to keep her at home and safe so she stops showing all these upsetting symptoms. its freaking everyone out and it disrupts the class. so yh, ava was struggling.

when she turns 18 n ages out of the orphanage, she scrambles to find a job n a home n shit. father vincent, a local priest, helps her and shelters her. she shows her the beauty of religion n its practices n the glory of god, but ava is more fascinated by the art there. like sure shes seen movies n read things, but shes never stepped foot in a museum. in fact she didnt go out much just out of precaution n also cuz the ladies most of the time forbade her (if she got hurt they could come under fire n they didnt want that with her symptoms n their unpredictability)

vincent tries to teach ava all abt religion, meanwhile she’s studying the architecture, the paintings, the sculptures. vincent wanted a student, but he didnt have that in ava. so he decided to embrace that n help ava with this calling. its also vincent who tells ava to go to therapy n research abt her symptoms n possible disorder. ava does it more out of the fear vincent would get fed up with her not following his rules n getting kicked out for it. it actually helped tho, and she wont admit it to no one ever. 

i rly like this hc for this au, since it stays true to the character while remaining realistic to our universe n world n shit. HOWEVER. if anyone who has this disorder wants to criticize anything ive written, pls dm me, ask me, whatever. im open for constructive criticism always!! 

also this got long apologies

#warrior nun #warrior nun au #warrior nun college au #ava silva #oh hey im writing #i think its nice to have one of the main characters if not THE main character have a disorder like this #it impacts her life n her body but shes still positive n keeps on living. its also not the main focus of the story #but it is there n it is relevant to this version of this character so. yeah.

[elytrafemme]

hello hello hello ! hope youre doing well :) did you know that mare means sea in latin? though it's pronounced like mah-ray. i remembered this out of nowhere while playing tetris probably and i thought id tell you :] though perhaps you already know! either way! i love when words have meanings :)

its cool to think about also! because a mare is a female horse right? but in greek/roman mythology neptune, god of the ocean, was said to have created horses from seafoam! so maybe there's some connection there? or maybe its just a coincidence? and then you have the word nightmare which your name is from im pretty sure! and it makes you wonder. i mean nightmare is a compound word right? "night" and '"mare." and its parts arent something obvious like with watermelon - its not baddream or antidream or anything like that, it is the word night plus the word horse, more or less. where do you think that comes from? is there some old story about like... a bad horse in the night or smth?

okay i googled it. apparently it comes from the old english word mare, which was a demon goblin creature who gave people scary dreams. and this doesnt have any associations with the word mare meaning horse. huh. the more you know!

i think etymology is soooo cool. like. where words came from. i guess that makes sense - im very much an english and history kid, and that's kind of a combination of the two: the meaning of words and the history behind them. wow

HSDFJ sorry abt the ramble, if asks like these are annoying lmk! as anyone who knows me irl will tell you, i am very good at talking... and talking.... and talking...... so if you ever need me to shut up, just say so KSHDFJ

how're you doing? has life been treating you kindly? sending you a bouquet of gomphrenas and flossflowers and bachelors buttons and lavender !! i dont know flower meanings i just think theyre pretty :) also you are just the color purple to me and most of those are/can be purple :) yeah!

absolutely no worries, i loved reading through this :] yeah the reason I'm so fond of the name mare (even over my other names that i go by which i still love but it isn't the same) is because of all those different meanings. i have a longstanding inside joke with SEVERAL people at this point about me being related to horses, and dreams as a whole are really interesting to me. i enjoy being in forests more than i enjoy being by the sea, but i would without a DOUBT equate my temperament to that of a sea. there is a rhythm in the way that a forest moves and similarly to the sea, but both look different when disrupted and i am much more adjacent to a tempest than anything else

nws!!! i am really slow at getting back to asks because 90% of the time i am REALLY bad at talking and just, remembering to do that, but you're always free to send things here and i'll reply to them whenever i can!

i'm alright as of right now! about to sleep in like, two minutes or something, which is good. physical health being weird as ever but i'll live! thank you so much for all the flowers; i'm actually really horrible with flower meanings even though in theory i love that kind of stuff, it's just a lot to remember and many overlap in a way that's kind of suboptimal. i remember not enjoying doing flower meaning research for old fic ideas of mine but regrettably it's in character for a surprising amount of characters.

i much prefer the whole generalization of purple flowers; that is easier to understand. you are very pink to me but like distinctly cool-toned pink, like closer to purple than red. and also light in tone. can't really explain it but it's a pretty shade i'll tell you that.

hope you're having a lovely night; always happy to see you around

#nightmare.fave #i've been awful at tagging people too but at this point i've given up