#good thing I mostly work in the back lol

[fantasiavii]

I’m almost done with The Ministry for the Future and I gotta say it has made me nearly cry with how much I want that future

#like that one chapter where all the ppl got together and said which earth healing projects and groups they represented from which countries #i was nearly in tears at work #good thing I mostly work in the back lol #the ministry for the future #l’histoire de ma vie

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

#cats #I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol #I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh #I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day #so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the #writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird #to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in #it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something #''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way #you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj #Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future'' #things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up #with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just #stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house #in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty #that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn #There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not #even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy #birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public #ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take #anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some #things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like #2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were #playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol.. #Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my #evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas

[orcelito]

Done with the funeral 👍

It was rough at first, & there were a few Strange moments (like seeing my ex step family for the first time in like 8 years), but... in the end, it was actually kind of nice? I cried 3 times total, two during the service, but Thankfully not during when I spoke.

Which. That was actually not that bad. I ended up just reading what I wrote last night/this morning, which is usually not my presentation style, but I didn't have time to practice it lol.

I made people cry, though. Several people shared that with me. One person told me that I should be a writer, and I was like "Well, Good News about That!" I hadn't thought about the fact that my experience with writing would make a good eulogy, but apparently it did!

We played Linkin Park's Shadow of the Day at the end, since Linkin Park is something we grew up listening to because of him. And I'm just always gonna have that memory of it, now.

Yeah.

#speculation nation #there was a Lot of people. so much of my dad's work union showed up. like some 75 people or so. idk #i wasnt entirely sure bc i was just Not looking up lol. but the 100 person room was pretty full #i have never hugged so many random strangers in my life. #it was sweet though. my father was well loved. #it was a rough time starting out but. it was a good experience in the end #understanding why people do this now. it doesnt fix the fact that he's dead. but it feels... healing i guess #like a step in the right direction. a step towards healing. #need to text my ex step sis. she said she wants to get back in contact. #they... *were* family for 7 very formative years of my life. so maybe. maybe. i could talk to them again. #my family definitely has been dwindling. i need to cling to what i have. #anyways. yeah. things are mostly just melancholy now. and i can finally rest tonight.

[sagittariangirl27]

This reminds me of one of my first tumblrs. I started with erotic art, and ended up finding myself. I will be back here soon.

#ok a couple things #not scrolling yet #because I don't wanna get sad #BUT #well for one everything looks like a penis to me right now omggg #I have used my vibe a couple times but mostly I just sit in the feeling #also #I fucking forget how much I LOVE this industry until I get back into it #why do I DO this!? #I just got my boudoir photos back #they are so good #we slapped that shit together and I was a hot mess and they still look fantastic #it's really cool that we used the vintage camera and that they were developed by hand #he scanned them so I can have computer pictures #I guess that's how that works #I've almost gotten to the excited anticipation stage #I've never felt this disconnected #I wonder if my telepathy worked #lol #I am doing all of the things #because I know that's what he would want me to do #and for me too #but fuck I miss that man more than anything #I have really learned to be truly alone #good news is I like myself #so that's cool #bad news is that I need to feel like a hot girl again #that's only bad news because do you know how much work it takes to be a hot girl!? #but it's my favorite thing to do in the world #I have come full circle back to self 🧘🏼‍♀️💋

[vargaslovinghours]

Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there

The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual

I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!

Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)

I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute

Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!

The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest

Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪

Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!

Wanna play? :D

Menacing :(

Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!

Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark

Look at him being a good dad!

Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby

Best timeline, thank you

While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss

“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3

Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪

Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D

Get a load of this guy lol

He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh

Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!

He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0

And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft

Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3

#The Sims 2 #My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol #These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family #The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls #Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪ #It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3 #Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything #Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there #I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program! #It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know #Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3 #I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank #I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child! #It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd #I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move #So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting #If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol #Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough #If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol #I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D #There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass #Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm #It's an idea :)

[adore-gregor]

my football team is so hopeless

#not dortmund lol i mean the club i play at myself #it makes me want to quit ngl #there are just so many things i'm fed up with #at times it's not fun anymore #i like playing football but there's just a lot wrong with this team #but i'm mostly just hanging around because i don't want to let my coach down like he cares and genuinly seems like a good coach #the only thing which gives me a bit of hope #and i hate letting people down 😅 that and also i hate giving up #but i have never seen a team more hopeless or felt more hopeless playing a sport 😅 #and he apparently thinks i'm kind of important to the team which i kind of get but also it doesn't really make a difference... #we're just so hopeless i can’t turn this around lol #i always start and i hope it continues but there's not much i can do #we just have too many people who don't care last match so many have given up #some of our team just refuse to run or move at some point it's awful #like why can't you try #we always loose so high like what's the point but still don't give up #besides that the endurance (and also sprint speed) of most is awful which could be trained to a point #but whenever the coach tries to do that almost no one shows up 💀 #and i usually play wing or outside midfielder but i'm supposed to also be a defender apparently what #whenever we get a goal on my side and i'm not back in defence someone moans at me like that's my fault #i get working back but i can’t be everywhere especially when some people don't move #and i actually try to get the ball foreward or try to get the ball back in the front because i don't give up when we're behind #i want to score goals and not settle with loosing and only sit back to do defence anymore #naturally there will be open spaces when i try to do that but how is giving up better even when it's hopeless we could still try scoring #and i can't be everywhere they should try my position they would never last 90min running like i do #besides i'm already exausted each week from my training before like i do sports 2-3 hours 6 or 7 days a week #unfortunately i have to because once again i'm trying some entrance exam (for sports to become a teach in sports and english hopefully) #asides from that i don't like most of the people at my club 😅 it feels a bit like highschool again and i didn't like highschool #so many are ignorant and judgemental #like the girl i told you about with her comment about the cleaning lady instead of wanting to clean up her stuff herself 🙄

[electric-plants]

having a lot of characters in genshin kind of sucks like i don’t have enough materials to build all of them but i like them all too much to pick just one to work on at a time

#genshin impact #genshin #i want all my five stars built cause i like them #but i have a lot of four stars with good constellations #but also i need to focus on building one of my shielders #but also what about my favs that don’t really work in any of my teams?? #but also i’m prefarming for some #and that all takes second priority to alhaitham of course who still needs a few talent levels and better artifacts #i have mostly been juggling alhaithams talents with general wanderer/venti/tighnari building #and am very broke lol #so i am putting everything on pause while saving and farming for cyno #and hopefully i’ll get a few things stocked back up whenever i have extra resin or whatever lol #annoying decision since wanderer just needs better artifacts and im SO close to having all of ventis last ascension materials #but the lack of organization is killing me lol #gotta shut down the whole account for a 20 day grinding period lol #except for alhaitham i will continue to work on him cause i love him😌

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things. #thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me. #working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning & #prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st. #task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

[astrxealis]

good morning ^___^

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i'll work on my homework for the coming week raghh only a bit left and then the next week after this next one #is the second to the last week but also most tasks are due then so hip hip hooray but also noooo #anyway my point is i'm stressed at the idea of more homework ... most of them are group projects so i'm kinda chill though #mostly just worried about doing my parts so i get good scores in yk. peer evals and shit. uhh and the indiv ones ew #i have time to work on that one the whole of next week but i'll try to finish the other three by this weekend #and then during the week wnvr i get new tasks i'll do them asap #but fuck projects lol i hate getting more homework come on #anyway i'll also try not to be harsh on myself for just getting a simple One mistake ..... this is a big problem with me it really sucks #but yeah that's it. sorry for rambling about me with school AKSBJDBAJD ANYWAY i dmed a bit w a good friend yesterday and #THEY ARE BACK INTO GBF AND FE3H LET'S FUCKING GOOO what a coincidence those are my favs at the very moment #+ xv hehe. anyway. YEAH like. so yeah. and then bestie but the wifi stopped working at night so i left her NOOO then played xv tho so ok #okay that's all i'm tired of typing HIII HAVE A GOOD DAY NOON EVE EVERYONE !! #don't forget you're important. for a lot of reasons but if you need one atm then it's you're important to me AYEEE <3 but fr yes #and then... take care of yourself! even if it's hard just the little things help and then you feel really good afterwards :] 💗✨ you got this

[rubberbandballqueen]

had one of them "quarterly work meetings" just now and what i have learned is that i am severely lacking in the genre of social script that dictates how to behave when first joining a group of people you will be working with regularly from that point on

#i think mostly my coworkers are all people who are fairly neurotypical and so they like. Know how to do this stuff i guess #n so i'm kinda just standing there. like a vampire. needing to be invited in for lack of practice w/these scripts #n like i briefly mentioned this in the tags of a post on my other blog yesterday but like i notice smth similar in my chem lab #it's like i'm missing the first scene of a script to a play but have the rest of it memorized blocked n ready to go #as Soon as i know that my entrance isn't like a disruption of the expected flow i'm fine!!! i can do that shit!!!! #and more recently i've been learning n mastering the opening scenes to the play of 'making online friends' #which is different from real life bc online friendship is asynchronous. realizing now that's why online/irl friendships differ sometimes #n this is also why i tend to be more actively inviting at the start of smth new like a class or semester #bc those are the periods when the ~flow~ is setting itself n if i can manage to integrate into *that* i'm good i can do this #but i don't know how to *slip in* to an existing current as an active participant. i just know how to observe n absorb #bc it's ~personal sharing time~ (lol) but like obviously being Neurodivergent(tm) i misread a lot of cues growing up #n so now the goal feels like 'transition seamlessly into thing so that you're not a despised disruption' #which is why i've become so grateful to the kinds of people who make active efforts to include new people #like. thank you communications majors. i love you communications majors. i owe you my life communications majors. #bc it's so!! 'i promise i'm not snubbing you it's just that my direct instructions were to work Here so even though you are three feet away #'literally on the other side of this wall i'm not gonna come out n initiate conversation w/you bc those are Implicit Instructions' #'/Individual Expectations that i'm too afraid of reading incorrectly but if you come talk to me i will be normal abt it i promise' #the worm speaks #like pretty frequently these days i find myself thinking abt that one post that's like #'yeah back in the olden days being a good host was a learned skill n it involved these sorts of specific things' #'like matching up n introducing guests to each other by saying 'this is x this is y you both like turtles :)' #like i feel like that's the Spirit of icebreakers these days but even if you have interests in common w/someone across the circle #it can be kind of awkward to cross the room afterwards to talk to them so you just end up talking w/whoever's nearest or no one at all

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

embarrassed to report that, 2.5 years later, i have realized it's probably NOT that driscoll is an exceptionally difficult book to write (i mean, it is Hard, but it's not like Unspeakably Difficult).

it's probably that literally Every Single Time i've made this The Project(tm), i have been in the midst of an Upheaval/Subpar Working Conditions. that, uh. That Would Do It.

#text #personal #writing #in btw #driscoll #listen this hit me like a ton of bricks last night lol #nano draft was gr8 and fun and fast (i was just lonely as fuck but the writing was good!!) #draft 2 was the first thing i started working on as panini hit and then i was in the process of moving back in with my parents (ugh) #draft 3 was 2.5months of fighting my dad for the writing room (which mom offered me as such since it was HER BEDROOM) #(dad didnt realize that was the deal because his head is so far up his own ass hes oblivious to anyone else :) ) #so then i moved my desk into my room and that helped #draft 4 has been starting a new job and simultaneously losing ALL ACCESS to a Quiet House #and apparently the Quiet was the major support pillar of making words go #(which makes sense because once bro was up and gaming id have to tap out of words and then mom got home and all bets were off) #(so writing hours were morning/afternoon when i could pretend i was home alone) #getting off after 5 or 6 means everyone is awake and loud by the time i get home #so #no wordsing success :( #anyway my mom has said a few times Driscoll Is Too Hard Try Something Else :( #and yes its hard but. its mostly hard because fucken environment #so not setting it aside is a good call because the environment wont change 🙄🙄 #gosh i need to get the fuck out of heeeeere #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

[myrfing]

i genuinely. have zero respect for the "empathy helper" professions where people stroke themselves over how they want to heal the world and Truly Help Others I'm realizing. spending 2 seconds in social work is making me feel like 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

#sitting in trainings flashing back to all the stupid unhelpful social work shit as a kid and watching it be repeated to the new gen #even though they're like we're ~innovative~ about our care #Lol. social work is one of those things that is like yeah it's necessary and better than nothing but good fucking god is it like #in its current iteration mostly a bias ridden semantics obsessed extremely unnatural and ultimately conciliatory response to. #everything #the system makes you feel inhuman on one end while your life makes you feel inhuman on the other. it's cus they're companions #anyway. yeah. whatever dude. i hoped this job would be different i guess #because of the fact it's meant to directly replace police response but #man. no #tbf im just skewed because i sat on the line where my situation wasn't bad enough to warrant real intervention besides like #putting me in The Room sometimes

[alphalesbian]

.

#................................................................................................................................. #so another update on my skin i guess . . . #about a week in and its basically everywhere on my chest and terribly on my back and legs and butt : - ( worst its gotten so far is itchy as #all hell on my side but thankfully so far thats really it....... ive maybe been tired n had a sore ish throat like when i first felt it but #not really anymore.... now its just my skin looking. awful lol everywhere #but....... i found out about this skin thing that looks Exactly The Same As Mine Looks Right Now and that ! was a major relief considering ! #its not a serious skin thing and my symptoms almost entirely align with the process so far ! ! ! #as much as i am still skeptical im just. i dont know that helped a lot i guess. everything else id found n been thinking it could be were #oretty serious things for the most part which honestly raqcking my brain about that for the past week uh #probably wasnt the best mental health decision to make OTL............... #still gonna go up the mountain for some cheap blood work tommorow..... then back to urgent care on wed/thurs to really make sure its nothing #serious which will also immediately improve my headspace regardless so. thats good too #and the help from my best friend . . . . . . . . . i am so so lucky to have him he is literally so special. i was right at the bottom and he #didnt even hesistate . crazy how that can feel so nice and hurt so much at the same time #hurt really from just honestly how immensely empty i was and how much i really needed that support #still though absolutely heated from. the initial situation and how my main support just kinda fucked off in response lmao! but #all that greif and sadness and ugly crying aside today has been a mostly good day in comparison. let alone finding out something it could #absolutely very well be and its Not Super Serious Necessarily and Pretty Common all things considered #is a big plus. . . . a lot to think about and a lot to do as always just really really gotta keep my head on my shoulders . . . . . . . . . #okay and honestly all that aside ladies it looks. so crazy. i really actually maybe am gonna take pictures of this to really document it nd #even if its a serious thing its like. so crazy looking #feels pretty ridiculous dont get me wrong it literally feels like my skin is fucked up where its raised n swollen but the pattern is #idk medically fascinating to me i guess is the best way to say it lol #how would that be for my first selfie in like 4 years teehee 😌 anyways enough of my ranting but in case anyones interested here ya go . . .

[sysig]

It’s all Fanfic silliness if you back up far enough (Patreon)

#Doodles #It all comes back to fanfics! #Well at least words and reading and writing - mostly fanfics anyway lol #I wanted to finish Animorphs 14 before reading any more fanfic stuff since the digital versions are always more difficult to get through #Physical copies? I will eat those in like four days and that's when I'm pacing myself #So that I don't run out too quickly :') #Admittedly I was able to get through an Animorphs book just by reading before bed in about three days until I got sleepy #So I'd say that's a pretty good average #But anyway!! I finished 14 which meant that opened the floodgate lol #I was going to draw myself lolling around in the feels because ow ♥ But I was too busy crying and doing other things lol #Mostly being inspired and then getting distracted with writing #I had already started working on the SCII fic again by that point - I remember because I was like ''How am I gonna write ;;'' lol #And then I wrote more and it was fine pfft #Which the last one is about ♪ Very indulgently using specific phrasing because I like it so much #DAX's ''So you say'' means everything to me ♥ #I'm pretty sure I used it correctly lol but even if I didn't I wanted to use it so badly!! I love it #I'm planning on writing some Behind the Scenes/Making Of stuff too but who knows when I'll finish that lol #Hopefully soon! I'm finally back up and running after all my brains fell out my ear from finishing it lol

[honeyvenommusic]

.

#the idol system is such a fascinating and scary thing to me #like hearing shit over the years it's like how does anyone survive it? #(i'm staying away from all the anti-blackness of kpop & their fandoms rn so just the system) #((that was more for me bc my brain wants to go in that direction bc hooooooo. it's the main reason i cannot vibe w more than a few songs #over the last almost 15 years cause like knowing.... anyway)) #like i just got groundfloored w a group rn via jbrekkie shoutout michelle like literally their debut is 24 hrs from now i've rabbitholed #since i heard their snippet on her vid and like the way ppl talk about it already like... as an outsider it's like alriiiight here we goo #they're (mgmt) pipelining another group of ppl let's be sure to support it! streamstreamvote!! oo it looks like their taking the toy/doll #route w these girls super aesthetic let's goo. & like......????? and ppl are already rabid about it. it's wild. and like this is the system #this is it. they make groups and then tease and the people who follow the conglomerate see it and are waiting to #be fed another x amount of folks doing formations and looking cute/hot open wide and consume #(like ik some (or a lot) of those accnts are bots/plants to pad the release and gain traction against algos but like also real folks too) #like not to discredit their vocal work (&dancing though some (alot) of these grps are not nearly as lit w 'dancing' as folks hype em up to #be Frfr. good movers/formations/camera motion & body rolls do not a dancer/good choreo make) but it's really secondary for a lot of #folks atp it's so strange & fascinating. and like i dug the song that's why i'm here so no knock against that but just the factory of it al #it's so damn WILD to me. but at the same time let's be real here. same dish different kitchen for a lot of western pop #they're just more transparent about it and have streamlined finding their popstars & having the public be great w it #it's just... i think it would be less strange if stan culture wasn't a thing or at least more mild than it is now #if it wasn't blown up to this unfathomably massive ever-churning industry by people in literal droves #idk idk i have a lot of thoughts on kpop it's truly a very interesting thing and to have been aware of it and into it to #an extent a while before the sonic boom in the west is an incredibly wild thing to look back on #like i wanna follow this (mostly cause i wanna hear the whole song) but also v curious but also like man the system is bad for many #reasons & here's another batch on the conveyor belt. idk :/ #like as long as the participants are happy and healthy and being actually taken care of and not advantage of then great but #yk. the music industry at large is horrible (and esp to women) so like. god ide wanna think about the disparities btwn girl & boy groups #(like to start are they not referred to as 'male groups' on the reg but 'girl groups' more often than 'female'? always w the infantalizing #like given girl group has way more ring than female group but the words still conjure up different things it's just how language works #but boy group idk if i've ever really heard someone use that? and there's been a long time battle w the reclamation of 'boy band' #like it's still dirty for a lot of folks but anyway v western context but there's a large fanbase here so many fans speak as such #this is what we call our own pop groups etc. and it's just interesting and sad idk anyway it's just... huuuhhh a lot.) ok gn lol

[manasurge]

Oh how I wish caffeine worked on me. I've been drained all day and have been drinking earl grey all day (it's my cold weather drink of choice, and I think I'm on cup #4 and I double the teabags bc these ones I tried out aren't that flavourful sobs) and yet. Still feel drained. I mean, caffeine never works on me on a good day, but also sometimes the adhd meds don't do much either so that's fun. SObs. Been trying so hard to do stuff today but instead all I got was a migraine and then I had to lie down a million times, even though I had today off and already slept in. I got a little bit done today I guess, but it's extremely frustrating bc I always seem to get regular migraines on my days off and I just can't win, haha.

#can barely concentrate still #I want so bad to just have fun and engage with friends online #but I can barely focus or keep my thoughts going #was so sure this morning that I might be able to concentrate more #but i have once again lost the battle #I am SO BAD at functioning or doing anything #if I don't have a good day soon I'm gonna get into a negative feedback loop and I don't want that #mostly just venting so not really looking for suggestions bc my body is just really stupid and I've tried many things over the years #just frustrated lol #also only having a few days off before i'm back at work means I rEALLY want my days off to matter or It'll destroy my morale