#girl failed talking to a robot and decided ‘guess I’ll die!!’
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They’re so prickly I love them
#still not over croque in like. ch2 or smth#girl failed talking to a robot and decided ‘guess I’ll die!!’#cherrybomb.png
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It’s A Low Number
Cassian Andor x Reader
Welcome to the first fic I’ve ever written for one Cassian Andor. Rogue One is one of my top favorite Star Wars movies and Cassian was immediately crowned as another Space Husband.
Warnings: Blood, shooting Imperial Officers and Stormtroopers, female masturbation, K-2SO’s legendary sass
Summary:
You never expected to be any kind of medic, let alone one for the resistance. You had once tried to tell a crewmember you weren’t a medic (more of a simple first aid person) when he shoved you onto a mission with Captain Cassian Andor, and then you managed to save the captain’s life. And now you’ve been put on every mission Cassian has ever put together, which made you, Cassian and K2 very happy. K2 loves to make you squirm about your little crush on Cassian, but you had no clue about Cassian’s true feeling towards you. All you both needed were simple calculations.
The ship rattles as it speeds away from the failed mission, various alarms warning that something is about to go wrong or the ship needs fuel. No one has said a word since you boarded, not even K2. Thankfully the same amount of people you left with are also coming back; but the resistance is no closer to winning the war.
Captain Andor had managed to connect with someone who has information, and who needs protection in return. Unfortunately when you all had gotten there the imperial troops were crawling all over the city; leaving you no choice but to run.
The ship gives one last jolt before touching down in paddock 5. No one moves at first, you all brace for (another) tongue lashing from Captain Andor. But he remains seated, only nodding his head to the crew. Everyone shuffles about, gathering their things, noting what needs to be repaired and heading back to their rooms.
“Everyone get some rest, and be ready.” Captain Andor shouts as everyone hops out of the ship.
You quietly shuffle about, making a list of any supplies you need to replace as well as if any equipment indicators that are flashing red. K2 runs diagnostics from the port next to you, still surprisingly not saying anything. You take a look at where the med kit is stashed, it’s a wreck since you had to patch up your crewmates arm. You sigh and dump everything out onto the seat, you pick out everything covered in blood, tossing it into the trash bin. You sneak a glance at Cassian… Cassian, you wish you could call him that. You did, accidentally, once; he assigned you to clean the ship for an entire month! Although after that, he started using your first name whenever he was talking to you. Threw a few people off guard since he was so strict with everyone else.
You refocus your eyes from the memory and see he’s currently taken his puffy jacket off, his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his head is completely inside one of the side panels of the ship. He reaches around to grab a tool from the box on the seat, his hands already covered in grease.
“The probability of him discovering you staring at him is about 80%.” K2 mentions. You side him, only to hear Cassian bump his head and curse. You both turn to him, waiting to see if he’ll stop working, but he continues.
“What’s the probability he’d sleep with me?” You sarcastically whisper. You let yourself focus on the movement of his arms. His forearms are flexed, his hands steadily working on whatever is broken in the panel.
“It’s a low number.” K2 loudly whispers next to my head. You go sass him back when what he said actually registers. He was NOT supposed to hear that! Let alone calculate it!
“K2. I swear. IF you say ANYTHING to anyone I will rip your circuit board out.” You growl, poking a finger into his chest.
“K2 I’ll be back, have to grab a part.” Cassian says as he walks out the door, giving you a small nod.
“By my calculations you have a high chance of being sexually frustrated. Is that why you’ve decided to fixate on Cassian?”
“K...”
“If you look for a partner at a lower rank your chances of not being sexually frustrated go down significantly. Although you don’t like lowering your standards of washing detergent, so why would men be any different.”
You turn to look at K. He may not have eyebrows but if he did they would be raised, begging you to challenge his analysis. You move your jaw, trying not to punch him in the face; which you did once, it was not a good recovery process for your hand or your ego. You finally let out a sigh and turn back to the med kit.
“K, I’m fine. But every once in a while a girl just wants a really hot guy to screw her really good. It’s not like a lot of us have a big future ahead.” You shove all the med kit contents back into the bag and briskly walk out of the ship.
_______
The next few hours continue as normal; you refill the med kit, grab some dinner and finally get to take a hot shower. You let the water run over you, relaxing every muscle and taking the feeling of failure down the drain with it.
You replay the mission in your head, having to comb over every detail. The morning you left, Cassian had come to get you himself. He had said he finally made contact with someone and that he was assembling a crew to leave before first light. When you got to the ship you recognized some familiar faces, most of whom Cassian worked with often.
“Good to see the Captain finally picked a medic he trusts.” One of the crewmembers commented, patting your shoulder as he pulled himself into the ship.
“(Y/N), ready?” Cassian asked, raising his eyebrows at you in that super adorable way he does. You lost any ability to talk so you simply nodded. The journey to the meet up was fast, Cassian and a few of the soldiers coming up with a plan for how each member of the team would move.
“(Y/N), You’re with me.” Cassian comments, continuing to study the map of the city.
“Captain?” You frown, sharing a look with the guy who talked to you earlier.
“In this part of town,” He points to what looks like a marketplace, “it looks suspicious to be traveling alone. Since you’re the most inexperienced out in the field, you’ll stick with me. Everyone will pair off and take the following routes” He points at a few sections of the map.
“And let me guess, I stay with the ship.” K2 sighs. Cassian nods and continues to work out as much of the plan as possible. You feel the nerves work their way up your spine; you have to get out of the ship and into the line of fire. You sit on your hands, trying not to squirm too much. You’ll be with Cassian, it’ll be fine.
You jump a little as the ship touches down. Cassian lets the others jump out ahead of both of you.
“Take this, It’s set to stun.” He whispers, placing a small blaster in your hand. He hops out of the ship and you holster the gun.
“Try not to die, I don’t hate you.” K2 whirs from the pilot seat. You roll your eyes a jump from the ship, jogging to catch up to Cassian. He leads you through the city at a leisurely pace, his gaze steadily moving around the area. You pass a few imperial robots, no sorry, soldiers. And then you start to see more the closer you move to the meeting place.
“Captain...” You whisper, he looks at you following your gaze. Stormtroopers, and a lot of them. He grabs your hand and changes your route to intersect with the others. You happen upon a pair of your crewmates and then Cassian shoves you into an alcove as he runs for them. He tackles both out of the way of oncoming fire. You wrestle your way out of some wooden crates as the shooting gets heavy. You see one of the guys has been shot in the arm and the other has taken off to find the others.
And you run... towards Cassian.
You run until you stand back to back with him, gun out and ready.
“(Y/N) get him out of here!” Cassian demands, blasting two troopers.
“Only if you’re coming with me.” You shout, blasting an officer that comes around the corner. Cassian grunts and turns to help you move your crewmate. You manage to get him into the alley when more troopers start firing at you.
“We have to buy some time.” You look down the alley, seeing the rest of your crew running towards you. You point your blaster up, taking it off stun. Cassian nods and the two of you walk back out, dodging blasts and fighting back. A few manage to get close enough for you to fight hand to hand, easily kicking their asses with your karate skills.
Cassian peels you off the stormtrooper and takes you by the hand, running back to the ship. Thankfully everyone else made it back and K2 takes off as soon as you hit the floor of the ship. You immediately start tending to everyone’s injuries, the one who got shot already has blood everywhere. You manage to get every patched up to survive the journey home.
You sit in your seat, strapping yourself in so that if you fall asleep you don’t tip out onto the bloody floor. You look over at Cassian in the copilot seat, he has the faraway look he always gets when you’re coming back from a mission...
You realize you’ve been in the shower so long it’s gone lukewarm. You quickly get out and get dressed. And then you remember your conversation with K2. Damn him! He said your chances with Cassian were low... but not zero, those odds aren’t the worst. But you would have no clue how to get from where you stand with Cassian to being in his bed.
His bed. It probably smells like laundry detergent, you can’t imagine him spending any time in it; not with the war going on. Although you have heard rumors about him going back to a few different women’s rooms. And for a brief moment, you wish he would come to yours. Your mind begins running wild with things he would do to you, and you would do to him. You lay down on your bed, letting your hands trail over your body. You peel your clothes off, your fingers eagerly moving to your throbbing clit. You imagine they’re Cassian’s skilled fingers, gently toying with you, making the right patterns and using the perfect amount of pressure to make you
“Cassian...” you whisper to the four walls of your room as the warmth of your orgasm spreads leisurely through your body. You sigh, any tension you had left is quickly being replaced by exhaustion.
Knocking? Is there actually someone knocking at my door? You open your eyes to look at the ceiling. It comes again, so you quickly pull your clothes back on, take a few steps across your tiny apartment and swing the door open.
“Y/N.” Cassian says. You feel your jaw moving up and down but no sound seems to be coming out. “May I come in?” He raises his eyebrows the smallest fraction.
“Yes of course, Cass- Captain.” He moves the corners of his mouth just enough to make a smile.
“Using my name recently?” He gives you a sly smile. You mash my lips together and cross your arms, if he only knew. He steps toward you, his fingers lightly grazing the thin fabric around your hips. “Were you cursing my name?” he presses his palms to your hips, the heat shooting through you like lightning. “Or moaning it?” His lips lightly graze your ear, the fan of his breath sending a shiver down your spine. You close my eyes and mash your lips again. Fantasies really do… come...
Oh.
No.
No no no nonono!
“Mi Amor?” Cassian gently whispers, stepping back to look at you, brushing your hair away from your neck. He looks concerned... not like when you’re on a mission; like the only thing that matters is how you feel.
“What did K2 say?” You whisper back, laying your hands on his chest.
“Something about calculations and you and me.” He lets out a small laugh. You push a little on his chest to give yourself room to breath. After a few seconds you look up at him.
“Are you doing this because of what he said?”
“Yes.” And with that you can hear your heart shatter into a thousand pieces. Of course, now you’re easy so why would he not seize the opportunity? “Mi amor, I want to be with you.” He tilts your chin up so he can look at you, “What K2 said gave me the push I needed to go after you.”
“You’re not here just for...”
“I’m here for the possibility of us.”
#captain cassian andor#cassian andor x reader#k-2so#star wars fanfiction#rogue one fanfiction#plus size reader#female reader#cassian andor x female reader#rebel scum#space husband
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dear dream
“After spending half of your life with your crackhead friends, the last year of highschool finally pounds on your door. At first, you’re more than eager to finally finish school without regrets, but as the year comes to an end, you realize that you’re running out of time.”
tags: fluff, comedy, a bit of angst, 7dream assemble, highschool!au, bestfriends!au, a lot of references to HSM, Camp Rock, MCU, disney animations, and Naruto (you don't have to know all of them, those are just extras)
warnings: a lot of swearing, drinking, shitty past relationships, mentions of mental problems, implied parents issues
word count: 25,5k
10 Months Until Graduation
“I’m sad and lonely, can someone please— “
“No.” Renjun interrupts you, not even letting you finish your sentence. You pout, showing him your best puppy face and your cringiest aegyo, but he doesn’t bat an eyelash, already used with your bullshit “For fucks’ sake, what is it?”
“I need human contact. 'had a sad, depressing thought last night.” You whine, dramatically leaning your head on his shoulder and making a scene. Renjun doesn’t waste a second before pushing you off him, and you just sulk around for the sake of drama. "I'm going to die as a single cat-lady"
“And? I like being single, and I also like cats, so I don't see the problem here” Jeno pops his tongue out, trying really hard to open the kimchi jar his mom packed for him. You blink twice at that, but you decide to not question why the fuck Jeno has a big jar of kimchi to eat at 9 fucking am, preferring to focus on your issue. "There's more important things to think than getting laid. Exams and Basketball, for example,"
"I disagree, but do your best" Donghyuck mocks him, fake saluting as he takes a bite of meat in his mouth.
"I don't see why you're making a scene" Renjun groans, also taking the time between bites of food to voice his opinion "It's just high school. You'll have an awfully long time to find your destined one later on life. They say that high school relationships never last long anyway,"
“First of all, fuck you Renjun,” You narrow your eyes at him, the male snickering amusedly at you, making you roll your eyes. “C’mon, guys. It’s senior year, there’s prom! I just realized no guy in this school will have the guts to invite me because of my fuckin’ ex and all of you"
"Why are you blaming us?" Jaemin asks, quite bewildered. You shrug at him.
"Dunno. Why don't you tell me? I don't understand how the male species work!" You roll your eyes, poking your vegetables with your chopsticks, but not making any move to take them to your mouth. "Just heard some guys in the tennis club sayin' that the expectation bar was too high because I hang out with you. It doesn't even make sense, what the fuck?!"
"I still don't see how your love life problems involves us—" Renjun chips, drinking his juice.
"You guys do know that you have to invite someone, right?” You wriggle your eyebrows at them, grinning like a mad woman.
“Not going to invite you.” Hyuck immediately deadpans and you roll your eyes at him
“Ew! Are you insane? I’m not going with you— That’s, like, incest!” You pretend to vomit, scrunching your face. "I'm not asking any of you to invite me. I'm just saying that, if I don't get a date to prom, I'm going to concentrate all of my efforts on getting y'all a date!"
"Ten bucks says you'll forget about this plan in less than two months" Jisung raises his eyebrows and you gasp dramatically at him
"I'll give her five weeks" Chenle grins and you also give him your best betrayal look. “Well, Jisung and I are going together anyway, since we're not actually seniors—” Chenle announces, exchanging looks with the younger one and crossing their arms in the most bro-way possible. "By the way, how are we going to sneak in?"
You try to ignore them for the sake of your sanity and you narrow your eyes at the rest of the group, half-expecting them to say something.
“Chill, we have more than half of the year to get a pair.” Mark says with his mouth full of watermelon, making you crunch your face in disgust at him.
“Why are you so obsessed with prom anyways? It's not, let's say, mandatory to every girl to have someone to escort them to the party. It won't be a big deal if you go alone” Jaemin shrugs and you glare at him
"It's not about having a date to prom. The point is, we're graduating! We have to make it special, right? A night to remember, the night of all nights and everything! We're ending highschool—"
“If we pass, which is not easy as you sound—” Mark shivers, but you ignore him for sake of your speech
"...and we have to make it special! So, I'm getting y'all dates to prom!"
“Can I quit?”
“Shut up Injunnie. And no, you can’t”
9 Months Until Graduation
It’s a sunny, tiring day. You’d gone through two tests today, one in chemistry and another in physics, and you were sure you’d failed both of them. You and the rest of the squad go to a nearby coffee shop, your mind still working non-stop in a foolproof plan for setting up your friends with someone, lowkey feeling bitter about Chenle, who was right saying you were almost giving up in less than five weeks.
You realized too late that your friends were hopeless when it came to their love lives. You tried playing cupid, but no one was successful, except for Donghyuck, who had a notorious reputation of being a fuckboy. Jisung was too shy to even talk to the girl. Chenle had absolutely no chill, treating the girl in a bro way. Jaemin was lowkey rumored to be gay because of the way he interacted with Jeno, and those rumors made no one take you seriously when you asked to go on a date with him. Jeno’s love was clearly limited to his three cats, Bongshik, Seol and Lal. Renjun didn’t even try.
So, in summary, Mark was your last hope.
"Go ahead, she’s single" You said, pointing to a pretty girl that was in the waiting line for her iced tea. Mark awkwardly stood up from your table, moving almost like a robot to talk to her.
“So… Sooyoung, right?” His face is a mix of embarrassment, cringiness and fake confidence as he leans on the wall awkwardly, trying for the cool guy image but doing poorly on it. The girl is confused and takes a few steps back, slightly creeped out.
“Hmnn, no? I’m actually Soyeon, but nice try, I guess...”
Donghyuck had his fist stuffed into his mouth trying to conceal his snorts. Jeno and Renjun had curled into themselves, heads buried in their arms, hiding behind the backs of two unsuspecting girls on the table ahead of them. Jaemin was smiling openly, whispering new ideas, while you try to suppress a giggle behind your hand. Chenle’s rich ass is recording everything in his iPhone 11 Pro Max with 512GB, making sure he captures everything in the highest quality possible— even if all of you know it will be blurry in the end, because he keeps giggling and his hand is shaking— and Jisung is half amused, half cringing at all the judging stares they’re receiving from everyone else in the store.
“Oh, yeah, right, Soyeon, totally knew that, hahah!” Mark’s glare turns back to your table and sends a middle finger behind his back, and everyone loses their mind. He messes with his hair, trying really hard to not cringe as he speaks the next sentence. “So... I’velostmyphonenumbercanIhaveyours— ”
“What?” Soyeon frowns and Mark turns so red that Jeno chokes on his own saliva and Donghyuck has to muffle his laughter on his hoodie. Renjun pokes you and points towards his phone, who has Jaemin’s contact on it. The other boy is messing with his settings, changing his ring tone and putting on the loudest volume possible. He gives Renjun a thumbs up, exchanging a smirk with him.
“I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours instead?” The poor boy manages to say, regretting all of his life choices. In that exact moment, Renjun presses the call button,
“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy~ But here’s my number— ”
Call Me Maybe blasts off as Jaemin’s ringtone making everyone crack up, even Soyeon, who seems to understand the situation in the moment your squad— aka, mainly you, Donghyuck, Chenle and Renjun, — falls to the ground howling. She glances at your group and gives a peace sign to Chenle's camera(that now was in Jisung's hold), amused as fuck. She gives Mark a pity pat on the back and leaves him behind with slumped shoulders.
“I hate y’all” He says as he comes back to your table, sitting next to you and burying his head between his arms. You give him a pat on the head, smiling slightly.
“Well, at least that was funny” You tease, sipping on your iced cappuccino. “Never thought I would see someone being more awkward than Jisungie when it comes to speaking with girls, what the fuck”
“Sooyoung, right?” Renjun mocks, not bothering to hide his cackles. Jaemin mimics a disgusted expression, putting his hand on his chest
“My name is Soyeon! How dare you?!” He overreacts, slapping Renjun’s shoulder sassily. You laugh as Mark’s nose scrunches painfully
“It’s not my fault!” Mark whines, cheeks red. You sigh, shaking your head. Again, your friends were hopeless after all.
“I give up,” You admit bitterly, pouting when Chenle smirks. He extends his hands to both you and Jisung, wriggling his fingers quite cocklily. Both of you groan as you give him a ten dollars bill each.
8 Months Until Graduation
You don’t know how the fuck things turned out this way. At first glance, it was one of those days where you’d think that nothing could go wrong— and that’s exactly when everything went to shit.
You were okay until now, it had been a long time since one of your ex-friends wasted their time spreading rumors about you. But today, at least half of the entire school was somehow convinced that you were some kind of child problem who raided innocent convenience stores?
Donghyuck was also in deep shit. He had this fling going on with some girl you didn’t know personally, and he was really interested in making things serious with her, something that wasn’t very common to happen in his fuckboy life. Then, karma came kicking his butt, the girl saying she didn‘t want to have any serious relationship right now.
Jisung was lowkey in one of his bad days, when he’d let mean comments get into him. This time, he was feeling bad about the boys in his and Chenle’s class, the assholes ones. In general, Jisung was a shy kid, so the other kids took that as an advantage to make fun of him behind his back, and today, they messed with his lunch box when he wasn’t looking.
You don’t know who suggested it, but at the end of the day, all eight of you were buried under the blankets in your house. You pushed the sofas to the wall, leaving enough space between the couches and tv to lay down mattresses in the floor. Chenle bought enough snacks for all of you, including McDonalds fries for Jisung, and Haribo gummy bears for you.
Avengers Endgame was playing on the big screen, a classic that you’d watched and cried a million times before, being a great fan of the MCU and the greatest Iron Man agenda between your friends, who were all Captain America supporters, except for Donghyuck, who was your only ally in this war.
Talking about Donghyuck, the boy was feeling especially cuddly tonight. He convinced Renjun to lay down on the couch with him, but both of them were fighting constantly to see who was going to be the big spoon (Renjun won). Jisung and Chenle were sitting down on the mattress, with their backs also on the couch, taking their sweet time with the food Chenle had bought. They weren’t paying that much attention to the movie, but rather, making fun of Renjun and Donghyuck arguing. Jaemin and Jeno took over another couch, and the pink haired boy had his legs all spread over Jeno’s lap without a care in the world. Jeno didn’t seem to mind that, tapping rhythmically on Jaemin’s knee while paying attention to the movie. You and Mark were laying on the mattress, at some point, you had asked him to cuddle as you were lowkey feeling needy for human contact.
Welp, no one can be a cold hearted bitch for too long, you thought amusedly.
The mess of limbs was strangely comforting. You had your back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapping around you firmly, keeping you close enough for you to feel his muscles moving when he took a deep breath. For a moment you wondered if his arm that was under you didn’t feel numb because of your weight, but you didn’t ask, as Mark never voiced a complaint about that.
"Y'know, I lowkey feel like you're the Black Widow of our group," Mark whispers as the camera zooms on the red haired woman's worn out state in the Vormir planet. You blink slowly, confused, turning your entire body to face him, adjusting your position, so now you can snuggle into his warmth, your hands slowly finding a good spot to rest in his back.
"But she’s the one that dies in the end? Are you implying that I’m gonna die?" You tease, smiling at how Mark quickly becomes flustered.
"That’s not what I meant!" He whines, playfully pinching a bit of your skin. "It's just that you share a lot of things. Like, she dies for the sake of her family—"
"Yeah, she still dies. Am I supposed to be flattered by that?"
"Oh god, shut up and let me finish" He groans, the muscles on his neck moving with the deep sound he lets out of his throat. You try to not focus too much on that, concentrated at how his face muscles move at each unique expression he makes. "Natasha is one hell of a woman, no one can deny that. She's strong and badass, and sometimes, her humor actually reminds me of you? The part when she dies, she is sacrificing herself for the soul stone and for all of her friends-slash-family, because she wants all of them back, even if she doesn't know if the plan is going to work out in the end"
"Hmm, that's true" You hum in agreement, raising your eyebrow questiongly. "But I still don't get how you think we look alike. Except for being the only female in a group full of testosterone, of course,"
"You're pretty, strong and badass." Mark says, as if stating the obvious. You feel your heart beating faster, being your turn to feel flustered with his straightforwardness. "And I think you would be a team player too, the type of person to go to that extent to save everyone else, to put a hundred percent of faith in your family just like that"
"Wow," You chuckle nervously, looking away for a moment to recover your posture. You fake a cough on your fist, staring at the screen— That’s the exact scene where Natasha's sacrifice happens, the beautiful scenario and its color palette stunning you for a single second. Then, you remember that you’re still talking to Mark in hushed whispers to not annoy anyone else, and he half-expected you to continue the debate. "Hmmm, If I’m Natasha Romanoff, I guess you would be Peter Parker, then?"
"Why?" His eyes shine with curiosity at your words, and you can't help but to feel lured in his gaze, almost as if he was some time of magnet you couldn’t take your eyes off.
"You're almost the real life version of him," You let out a tiny chuckle, impressed with your own analogy. "You're both nerds, awkward as fuck, but still a sweet and pretty good looking bastard— Like, how the hell can you get the best of the two worlds? Being handsome and smart at the same time, that's like, cheating, but in real life" You complain pettily, pretending to be upset just for the sake of drama.
Mark smiles, and you’re shy enough to let the topic die just like that. You turn around again, thanking the gods that the room was dark, so no one could see the color difference in your heated cheeks. His hands never leave your waist, and you feel safer than ever in his arms.
"Are the babies asleep?" Jaemin asks after the post credits scene finishes, the black screen of the tv staring back at them.
"Chenle and Jisung passed out before the Battle of Earth, pussies" Renjun teases, taking the opportunity to jab freely at the unsuspecting boys. He looks at you and Mark, both of you in deep slumber in each other's arms. "Awww, how cute. I'm going to puke, but it's worth it"
"Indeed" Jeno nods, smirking at your peaceful expression. Mark moves around his head and groans, making the four awake boys tense up, afraid of the older waking up. He mutters something incomprehensible under his breath, but quickly settles in burying his nose on your hair, making everyone let out relieved sighs.
"Well, now that the babies are all asleep, it's time for us to watch some real grown man stuff" Donghyuck states, taking the tv remote on his hand.
"Are we going to watch Frozen or Tangled?"
"Tangled, what type of guy do you think I am?"
7 Months Until Graduation
“I’m going to die!” Donghyuck cries dramatically, shaking you by your shoulders and you just let him do whatever he wants, your head bouncing to every direction possible without resistance, soul almost dead at this point. “I’m going to be crushed— Oh dear lord, please, save me from being stomped by giants on court—”
“Oh shut the fuck up, no one has ever died playing basketball” Renjun sasses him. Renjun would never admit, not even on his deathbed, but he was also scared shitless of the players of Busan High.
He was pretty sure he had a clear reason to be intimidated, after all. One of the players was almost 2m, and at least four of their team had over 185cm. As if that wasn’t enough, they were built like titans, not resembling high schoolers at slightest.
“Is this fucking anime?” You couldn’t help but hiss, making people laugh at the bitter tone you had. While Busan’s players were all damn trees, Jeno, Donghyuck and Chenle were at the average height for teenagers— something between 170 and 175. The only member on their team that was above 180 was Yukhei and some another freshman that was almost 190 or something, but that freshman wasn't exactly on the good side of the ability spectrum, so he was pretty useless.
“Think positive” Everyone turned to Mark, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He scrunched his nose and seemed to think hard, trying to come up with an excuse “If everything goes to shit, you can sub Renjun in. A great strategy if you were to ask me, because they won’t notice him running between their long ass legs!” He grins proudly at the reactions, being successful at helping their friends to relax before the game. His bliss barely lasted three seconds before Renjun had him in a chokehold, making everyone burst out laughing again.
“Being serious, now,” Jeno’s face morphed to an early defeat with a heavy sigh “I doubt we’ll be able to do something against them. Height is a big advantage in basket. They also say that Busan are the favourites to win the championship, so we're in deep shit”
The changing room was in a tense silence at his words, everyone silently agreeing with him and not quite knowing what to say as comfort.
"You could say this is a championshit— Ah, Park Jisung, why did you hit me?!"
"That was absolutely horrible, even for you" The younger one grimaces, while Chenle rubs his shoulder, the grin on his face unwavering despite the disapproval of the pun. You were in deep thought, until you suddenly gasp and clap your hands, expression lighting up as having a great idea.
“Let’s dye our hair!”
“Suddenly?” Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, but you just smile at him
“No, no! I’m being serious!” You say proudly, closed fist hitting your open palm “Let’s make a bet! If you guys win, I’ll let you do whatever you want with my hair— dye it the most ridiculous color to ever exist, make me bald or shave one of the sides— you can choose, I don't really care!”
"You already want to do it, there is no point in betting on that" Renjun deadpans. You prompily ignore him.
“Actually, I think that’s a good idea—”
“Great! Jaemin will also do it with me!”
“What?! I never said anything—” He protests indignantly. You give him a smug peace sign
“Ya, hyung is screwed~!”
“Oh, am I hearing right? Our Jisungie will also do it for the sake of the team? What a cutie!” You tease him in aegyo, making it extremely cringy as your fingertips poke him from the sides.
“Cutie? Ha, never in a million years—”
“Ah, Injunnie, no need to be shy! We all know you also want to do this~!”
“Ah, shit—”
Before you could trap Mark into dying his hair, the manager from the basket team came into the room searching for the three missing players. Donghyuck, Chenle and Jeno stood up from the bench and were about to leave, before Mark called up to them, silently pleading with the girl to give him more time. She sighs heavily and nods, lifting three fingers to wordlessly say that you had three minutes.
“Hey, come here for a second~” He said cheekly, forcing everyone to form a circle and join hands in the middle “Let’s cheer up, will ya? Nothing is lost until the very end as long you have hope. You guys can win, believe it"
"Is this Naruto or something?" You joke, raising your eyebrow and high pitching your voice "I'm gOiNg tO bE hOkaGe, BeLieVe it!" The boys laugh at your impersonation as you made a hand sign for the sake of anime weeb antics
“Stop that, I’m being serious!” Mark whines, nudging you slightly on the shoulder.
“Hyung, are you daydreaming?” Chenle deadpans and everyone bursts into laughs again
“Maybe? Dreaming or not, I still believe in you—” He sighs in defeat "...dattebayo."
“That’s cheesy” Donghyuck teases, his face reveals how touched he actually is.
“That’s cringy as hell, but lowkey heartwarming. How the fuck?” Jeno is exasperated. “Fuck it. Our dear Lee Markie took the precious time of day to bless us with this amazing and inspiring Naruto speech, so, daydreaming or not, let's win this shit, dattebayo!” Jeno laughs with his whole chest and we all cheer.
"By the way, if we actually win, you're going bald" Donghyuck nudges you, making you whine dramatically. “A bet is a bet. No backing down, pussy”
“Ha, as if!”
"Hm— Three minutes are up, can you please, wrap this up?" You tilt your head to see the manager, awkwardly standing on the door. She seems uncomfortable interrupting your group moment, so you take pity on her and gather everyone’s attention on you again.
"Alright~ Let's do a cheer" You say you stand up, closing your fist and motioning to everyone to form a circle. "What are we going to say? Team 7? Konoha Ninjas? Ninja Alliance? Or maybe we can do something like Wildcats? Like, from High School Musical—"
"Hell no!" They groan and you giggle satisfied with their reactions. Chenle mutters his suggestion quite hesitantly "Well, if we're aiming to win, let's do this properly. So, how about Dream? Because we're being highly illusional, or whatever—"
"I like that" Jeno encourages him, putting his arm around Chenle's shoulders reassuringly. He sends a look to Mark, eyes turning into crescent moons “Hyung, you can do the honors~”
“Alright, let's wreck this shit. Yo, Dream!”
“Jjeoreo! Juja! Fighting!”
“Am I allowed to reference High School Musical 3 now?” You ask no one in particular, although Mark, Jisung and Renjun all let out a groan at your antics. Jaemin just chuckles, amused. "This is just too perfect to let it pass without any references. Senior year, tense basketball game and everything. We just need someone to dramatically shout some encouragement out of nowhere"
"Are you going to suddenly sing Now or Never?" Jaemin teases, but he instantly regrets when he sees the look on your eyes. "Wait, shit, don't do that!"
"Why? It's a great idea!" You whine, smiling. Your voice is drowned by the screams and cheers, but you still hum to yourself as you watch the fast-speed plays in court “This is the last time to get it right, this is the last time to make it all night—”
“First of all, you got it wrong. It’s this is the last time to make it or not, not all night. If you’re going to sing this shit, at least do it right” Jaemin scolds lightheartedly and you pout at him, sticking your tongue childishly
“Whatever— Oh, NICEEEE CHENLE!" You suddenly scream at the top of your lungs, also hearing the boys screaming excitedly with his successful basket. After that, Jeno made an awesome steal that made the crowd roar again, passing it to Hyuck, who scored a 3-pointer. Everything was great until Chenle was knocked back harshly by the 2 meters guy, falling on his back into the ground.
You swore loudly, worry consuming you, but Chenle was okay. He got up with Yukhei offering him his hand and the referee gave the team two free throws, which were the points you needed to tie with Busan High.
"Quick, Jisung, you have to stand up and shout Troooooooy!” You nudge his side, teasing him now that you were reassured that Chenle was fine. Jisung looks at you startled, caught off guard. "C'mon, think of that as public demonstration of love for your bestest friend in the entire world—"
"No way" He shook his head, cheeks burning. You chuckle, deciding to take that task for yourself.
“Chenleeee!” You scream in a singing tone, making everyone around you turn their heads. You see the boy squeezing his eyes through the benchers, trying to find where that came from, until he found you and let out a snort of amusement. You’re satisfied when he gives you a thumbs up, even more when Renjun hides his face behind Mark’s back, extremely ashamed of being friends with you.
Even if you made your friends want to lowkey kill you on the spot, you still sang loudly Gabriella’s part everytime Jeno, Chenle or Donghyuck got a free throw in game, which gladly weren't that much. It didn’t matter if your friends had second-hand embarrassment, because in the end, everyone else was extremely amused for your antics. Also, they crushed the Busan team. 106 - 94.
Ps: you were almost sure the school’s cheerleaders also sang with you a few times, chanting WILDCATS as a joke, but Renjun refuses to believe in you.
6 Months Until Graduation
“We’re really doing this, huh” Jisung cringed at the volume of bleach sitting on the pot, sniffing it and scrunching his nose at the horrible scent. “Hey, Chenle, smell this”
“Why— OH GOD! Park Jisung what is that—”
“I didn’t think you would keep the bet, if I’m being honest” Jeno admitted and you just laughed, taking the coloured dyes out of their boxes
“Nah~ This was a win-win situation for me. I always wanted to dye my hair, and now I have an excuse to do it without anyone coming for my ass!” You say smugly, smirking satisfied as you put all the bottles on the table.
“By the way, where are your parents?” Mark worries and you try very hard to not grimace, heading into the bathroom to properly prepare the dyes and hiding your expression from view for a few seconds. Your eyes are fully concentrated on the task, so you don’t notice that Mark can see your expression by the mirror.
“They’re out, again. Some meeting in Kyoto or something— I don’t know. But we have the house to ourselves, so it’s okay.” You say it nonchalantly, even if it’s fairly obvious that you actually care about not having your parents here. Before Mark or Jeno can say anything about it, you give them a big smile, passing by them and returning to your bedroom, where everyone is messing around “The bleach is ready! Who wants to go first?”
“Me!” Chenle shouts, jumping in a plastic chair you placed in the middle of the room, with a journal already covering the floor and a towel on his shoulders. You smile tenderly at him, running your gloved hands through his hair and imagining yourself washing his scalp— except for the fact that you had bleach, not shampoo on your hands. You were really counting on the youtube tutorials for this one
“I bought every single color I could find on the shop” You giggle, trying really hard to not forget any step, but also paying attention to Renjun and Donghyuck bickering to decide what game they were going to play on your tv. “What color do you want, Lele?”
“Injun-ah, we’re all tired of playing Overwatch~ Let’s play Just Dance for once~!”
“Are you out of your mind? How can we put that if you all will dye your hair—! The dye will just fly around!”
“Green” Chenle replies with a shit eating grin, ignoring all the noise that the duo were producing “They say, go big or go home, right?”
“Well, technically, we’re in my home already, so—”
“You know what I meant!” You snicker at him, smiling like a proud parent for some random reason.
“I’m going for pink!” Jaemin decides all of sudden, taking the pink bottle in his hand and messing with it. You gasp dramatically and hit his hand, forgetting that you have bleach on your gloves and making a small splash on his skin
“No, no, crap, you’ll drop it—!” You scold him, scarred for life, and you take the open bottle from his hands, seeing that the few seconds were enough to make a big pink stain on Jaemin’s hands. You sigh like a tired mother
“I know I don’t need to, but now I also want to dye my hair!” Donghyuck pouts, eyeing the bleach on Chenle’s hair as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. Chenle sends the older boy finger guns, winking smugly.
“Do we have enough bleach for extras?” Jeno asks and you nod, already wrapping aluminum paper on Chenle “This is dumb, and I’m propably going to regret it tomorrow— but screw it, I want blonde.”
“Okay, okay.” You agree, internally screaming, because your hands were going to suffer bleaching everyone’s hair, including yours. “Mark, put something on your phone?”
“What kind of vibe do you want?” He asks in return. You hum, distracted by the sounds of Call of Duty on the tv, the controller in Renjun and Jaemin’s hands.
“Dunno. Your call,” Is your response. Since you’re not facing him, you don’t see Mark sending you a shit eating grin before he decides on a playlist.
It’s not long before We’re All In This Together is blasting on your room, the most iconic and cheesy song possible, and you can’t say that you hate it. As Jisung and Donghyuck try to remember the original choreo, accidentally slapping each other in the process, the rest of you scream the lyrics on the top of your lungs, and for a moment, it seems like the world’s problems don't exist inside of your house.
For once in a long time, your house finally feels like home.
(Chenle and Jisung decide later to try to make a cover of Breaking Free— Jisung as Gabriella, of course, and the charming Chenle Bolton with aluminum paper on his hair. It went viral on your Instagram, thanks, Chenji!)
5 Months Until Graduation
“Would you rather have no ears or no fingers?”
“Totally no ears!” Jaemin giggles, his fingers itching in the air and pinching Jeno’s cheeks with affection “If I didn’t have my fingers~~~I! Wouldn’t! Do! This!”
You choke on your spit, laughing your ass off at the state of Jaemin, his messy pink hair shining a different tone with every light of the party. He was long ago drunk and you and Jeno had to take care of him while everyone else wandered around some random guy’s party. Jung Taehyun? Jeon Taeyeon? You didn’t know exactly his name, but you knew that he was an older friend of Mark.
“Nono~~ y/n~~ You guys know I love you~~ right?” Jaemin whined, giving up on standing still and plopping down on top of Jeno. The sober male sighed and gave a few pats on Jaemin’s back, already tired. You couldn’t stop your laughter and he flipped you off, continuing to sip your drink giddily. You were careful to not be completely drunk, tho.
“Wait a second, it’s that Renjun?” Jeno asks, pointing to a spot far from you three. You squint your eyes and you confirm that yes, it was Huang Renjunnie making out with some girl you didn’t recognise in the middle of the dance floor.
“Junnie? Whaaaat. Where? I can’t see himmmm~”
“Holy fucking shit” You grin like a madwoman, ignoring Jaemin’s frustrated whines and you cup your hands around your mouth “Yo! Renjunnie! Let's! Get! It!” You scream, even if you know no one will hear you because of the heavy bass. You laugh and take a sip of your drink, extremely amused with yourself.
“I’m going to puke…” Jaemin chokes out and you blink in alarm. Jeno sighs and puts Jaemin’s arms around his shoulders, supporting almost all of his weight and standing from the bar with a bit of difficulty.
“I think it’s time to go home, Jaemin-ah” He states, already moving. You follow both of them, catching Jaemin’s phone that he almost forgot behind and putting it in your jeans’ pocket.
“No! But I’m having fun here~~ I don’t want to go home” He whines, pouting, and you chuckle at his aegyo, making funny faces at the back of his head just for the fun of it
“Chenle and Jisung texted me, they already went home” You speak, cringing at the brightness of your phone when you unlock it. “Mark and Hyuck said before that they were going to crash somewhere, I just don’t remember where. And Renjunnie is having fun~ Not going to interrupt that!”
“Just text him. He’s sober, so it won’t be a problem” Jeno says and you agree “Jaemin, do you think you can hold it for a while? The puke, I mean,”
“Maybe. Maybe yes, maybe no—” Jaemin almost crashes with a random stranger, and you cringe, saying sorry before rushing both of them to the exit
“Very helpful” Jeno deadpans and Jaemin chuckles dreamily. You smile and open your mouth to say something, just to be suddenly startled by a hand on your shoulder
“y/n? Is that you?” You freeze at the voice, grin vanishing off your face. You turn around with a blank expression to meet Hyunjin, his eyes glinting with so much hope that your heart was crushed in a single second.
Jeno notices that you’ve stopped moving, turning around and grimacing at the sight of the other boy. All of the previous cheerfulness disappears from his face in milliseconds, and you can’t say that you don’t share the sentiment.
“Wow— You look really good tonight” Hyunjin says, eyeing your exposed legs, and you roll your eyes, suppressing the urge to slap his beautiful face
“Yeah, I know” You fire back sassily, glaring at him and trying really hard to not let your real emotions show on your expression. Your chest squeezes painfully at the sight of your ex-boyfriend, and all you want to do at this moment is to cry and shout all your pent-up frustrations at him, but your voice is lost somewhere deep in your throat.
“Blue hair looks good on you” Hyunjin compliments after a few awkward seconds of silence, not even intimidated by Jeno’s glare and your clear discomfort, never ceasing eye-contact. His hand comes closer and cups a lock of your hair, admiring the blue, almost purple shade, and you falter slightly as he pushes it behind your ear.
Deep down, you hope that Hyunjin can see what he has done to you. You hope that he can see the mix of anger, betrayal, heartbreak, disappointment and pain in your eyes. You hope that he knows every seed self-doubt he has planted in your chest since the two of you broke up last year, and that he feels guilty for every painful word thrown on you.
But you also hope for things that you know aren’t right. You search in his dark eyes for something— anything that could convince yourself he still loved you, that he knew what went wrong last time. Even if you passed half of last year crying and moping around the corridors, forcing your friends to give a long pep talk to assure your self-worth every two weeks, ten seconds of eye contact with your ex were enough to break down long eight months of healing, resurfacing old wounds in your heart.
“Y/n, let’s go” Jeno calls you, breaking the magic between you and Hyunjin. You sigh, reality crashing on you like a heavy, unforgivable truck. You push his hand away quite harshly and bite your lips, already feeling the familiar burn of tears in the back of your eyes.
“Yeah, right. Sorry.” You mumble under your breath, not sparing Hyunjin a second glance and turning around to the exit, following Jeno with a heavy heart.
You find a sealed can of beer on top of a coffee table and you scoff, taking it without second thoughts.
“Fuck, I’m not drunk enough to deal with this shit”
You open the backdoor of Jeno’s car and you help him set Jaemin in the backseat, both of you ignoring the pink haired boy’s drunk whines and protests as you let him lay down with his head on your lap. You also ignore the lightheadedness caused by the alcohol that you consumed and the worried glances Jeno throws you every fifteen seconds. You know that he has good intentions, but you can’t help but to feel overwhelmed with everything— it’s not like you were going to break down any second now!
Okay, forget it. You don’t know if you can hold your tears until you arrive at home.
“Jaem, is auntie at home?” You ask, stroking the pink strands softly. He groans, burying his face on your belly
“Nooo… Don’t take me home… Mom will kill meeeee! She said last time that… if she catches me drunk again, she’s gonna...” He whines and closes his eyes. You wait for him to continue speaking, but it takes a few seconds for you to notice that Jaemin had fallen asleep on your lap.
“Can Jaemin crash into your house for tonight?” Jeno asks, looking at both of you through the mirror. You know that he is hesitant about bringing Jaemin to his own house because his parents are quite strict with drinking.
“Yeah, but I don’t know if I can carry him” You say without making eye contact, looking at the world outside the window. Your fingers make loops in Jaemin’s hair, almost like a nervous tick to ground you in reality.
“Don’t worry about that, I’m helping you” He states, eyes focused on the road. You don’t notice his eyes looking at you every once in a while checking your facial expression, as your mind keeps backtracking to Hyunjin and your past relationship, along with all the hurtful words both of you exchanged when it ended.
Jeno lets out a sigh, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel and forcing himself to stop looking.
“No one is looking. You can cry now.”
4 Months Until Graduation
“y/n, the smartest and beautifulest person I have ever met—” Donghyuck speeds down the corridor, tacking you and grabbing your shoulders as if there is no tomorrow
“...what did you do?” You deadpan, not taking any of his bullshit. The boy straightens up and moves his neck to search something in the crowd of students that are in the corridor, sweating bullets
“You know Kang Mina, right? Pretty, cute, same biology class as you—”
“And Mark’s crush since middle school?” You add, raising an eyebrow and not really caring for the skinship, since it was usual between you and Hyuck.
“Yes, that one!” He whisper-shouts. “I heard from Seulgi, who heard from Joohyun, who was in the bathroom when Eunwoo and Nayeon were talking about Sejeong, who said—”
“What—”
“Kang Mina is going to confess to me!” You blink, trying to process the information.
“ ‘the fu— Wait, I thought Mina liked Mark back?” You’re open mouthed, the surprise showing clearly on your eyes. Hyuck nods, wanting to pull his hair off his scalp “Did you tell Mark?”
“No! What do you think I am?” He is almost offended, but you just shrug it off. “I don’t know what to do! I didn’t do anything, but Mark will kill me and—”
“Just dump her nicely, it’s not that hard” Donghyuck whines and shakes you again, making you dizzy
“But I don’t want her to confess!” He argues, saying as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “If she confesses, everyone will hear about the rumors— so, the solution it’s quite simple! If we can stop her before she finds me, we can—” Hyuck pauses, his eyes widening and seeing something above your head. “Oh my fucking god, Mina’s coming in this direction!”
“Ah, Donghyuck, can I talk to you—” You hear her voice, a bit far, and you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes burning on your back. She’s pretty and a really good person in general, but you can’t help but pity her in this moment.
“Put your hands on my waist.” You whisper quickly under your breath and he nods.
You raise yourself on your toe tips and catch Hyuck’s cheeks on your hands, trying to not cringe outwardly. You place a peck almost on the corner of his mouth, hearing a shocked gasp behind you, and you know that your plan worked. Based on the angle Mina was, she probably thought you were kissing him on the lips.
You’re quick to distance your body from his, disentangling your shoulders from his grasp and you sigh, lowkey feeling bad for the other girl.
“Is she gone?” Just for the sake of the drama, you pretend to clean your lips from all traces of Hyuck, sticking your tongue out “Disgusting— Really, I thought I was kissing my grandma, what the fuck—”
“C’mon, I don’t kiss that badly~” Donghyuck whines and you narrow your eyes at him, noticing a bit of your lipstick on his face.
“Shut up!” You made a move to slap him on the shoulder, but he barely moves out of the way, making you huff. “You’re owing me lunch”
“WHAT? But you’re loaded! Why do I have to pay~?”
“Jesus fucking christ—” Renjun plops down on your usual lunch table, dumping his bag on the bench without ceremony.
“Injunnie, you’re not even christian” Donghyuck snickers, not bothering to swallow before talking. You make a face at that, but you don’t comment on his horrible manners
“Fuck that too. Why the hell is everyone saying that you two kissed in the corridors? And Mina’s name is on the rumors too, but I don’t get how the hell is she involved?” Hyuck chokes at Renjun’s words and you chuckle, deciding just to sip your tea peacefully and watch the drama unfold.
“Well, you see—” In that moment, Mark arrives, a puzzled and slightly annoyed expression on his face. Donghyuck panics even more at the sight of the older male, already planning his testament on his mind. You guess Mark heard what happened too.
“So, you two a thing now?” The canadian boy raises his eyebrow and you double over, fake puking with the absurdity of his suggestion.
“Oh god, please no. I may be single since last year, but I still have standards!” You whine, putting your hands on your chest feigning hurt. You notice Mark’s face changing and he’s not annoyed anymore, just confused. You don’t even know what caused that— It was almost as if he was relieved...?
“So why is everyone saying that you’re together?”
“That’s what I was asking too,” Renjun adds. You and Donghyuck exchange glances, and you shrug it off, silently saying that he should settle this mess on his own.
“Uh— I just needed help to solve something”
“Hi, I’m something~” You can’t help but tease, laughing obnoxiously loud. Hyuck shoves you slightly, but you don’t stop cackling “Relax, we didn’t kiss. I just took one for the team and did a self-sacrifice of my public reputation— By the way I’m a great actress, aint I?”
“No one thinks that,” Renjun deadpans and you pout. “Why the trouble, tho?” Hyuck sighs and you focus on him on the corner of your eye, wondering what he was going to say
“I’m sorry, bro” He decides to be fully honest with the oldest, who is confused as fuck. “Mina likes me and was going to confess. I panicked.”
Renjun is just surprised as you were when you first heard that. You carefully observe Mark’s reaction, expecting him to be angry or hurt, but he isn’t. He has an unreadable expression and just shrugs, shaking his head.
“Ah. It’s okay, I already knew.” You’re dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth wide open. The other two have similar reactions to yours, and Mark chuckles at that. “I found out last year. Not gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch— But it’s okay now, I moved on”
“Wow.” Hyuck looks half surprised, half pissed. “So all of the suffering I passed just to make sure you wouldn’t be mad was useless?”
“Yes?” You chuckle, amused. Donghyuck lets out a groan, dramatically falling on the table and Renjun smirks
“You’re a dumbass.” He snorts, making Hyuck whine. You cross eyes with Mark for a millisecond and you send him a smile, which is returned immediately.
“It’s not my fault that Mark fucking Lee doesn’t tell me things!” He cries out, sniffling. “Everything would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to run away from Kang Mina for the entire fucking day!”
“Well, in my defense, my pride was really hurt—” The canadian tries to defend himself, scowling
“In your defense, I think you should shut up or I swear to god I’m gonna fucking kill you—”
3 Months Until Graduation
It’s 11:27pm. You should be asleep at this time— or at least, ready to go to bed, but you don’t think you can sleep any time soon. Your gaze is fixed on the ceiling of the bedroom when you hear your phone ringing under your pillow. You stretch your hand blindly under the covers until you find it, not checking the caller before accepting it.
“Noona?” Jisung’s voice breaks the quiet of your house, and you’re immediately alarmed by his tone. It’s almost as if he’s tired, throat hoarse after crying for a long time. You know that tone very well.
“Hi…” You trail off softly, not knowing what to say. You hear a sniff form the other side, making your worry increase ten times.
“Can I come over? ...please?” He asks and you’re already out of your bed, the socks on your feet protecting the skin from the cold floor as you soflty agree.
Exactly seven minutes and forty three seconds after, Jisung arrives at your home. You furrow your eyebrows as you take in his light clothes and the cold weather outside. His nose is red and his eyes are puffy, the usually neat hair reduced to a bird nest.
“What happened?” You urge him in, catching a fluffy blanket from the sofa to throw on his shoulders and forcing him to sit on your couch. “Where is your car? Where were you? Your house is too far to come here on foot, Jisung-ah!”
“I was at a park nearby, not at home” He mutters, head down.
You purse your lips, deciding to shut up for now and give him space to think seeing as he doesn’t seem very comfortable to say anything for now. You go to the kitchen and come back quickly with a mug of warm milk and chocolate in your hands, which you give to him. You sit down beside him on the couch, turning on the tv and searching something on Netflix to put as background, while you wait patiently for him to open up. The film starts, and the soft piano music that plays in the start of Inside Out successfully manages to make Jisung relax a little bit.
“Do you look at someone and wonder,” You say simultaneously with the woman’s voice, wiggling your eyebrows playfully at Jisung.
“What’s going on inside their head?” The corner of his lips lift and he completes the sentence, his whole posture softer and slightly happier. You’re proud of his mood change, humming satisfied.
Three minutes into the movie and you hear a sigh escaping from Jisung’s lips. It’s a subtle gesture, but when he moves closer to lean his head on your shoulder, you know that he’s ready to talk. You lower the tv’s volume a bit, just enough to have it as background, but not disturbing your conversation.
“Are you going to forget me?” His voice is small as he speaks with hesitation, as if he fears saying out loud would make it become true.
“What do you mean, Jisungie?” You face him, not daring to point his childish choice of words.
“In three months, you and the hyungs are all going to college. The next year, it will be Chenle and me, and then—” He chokes, tears staining down his face, and all of sudden you feel your heart break in a million pieces. “Are things going to change? Between us, I mean”
You fall silent at his words. As you think hard about what to say, you rub circles on Jisung’s back, as it is the only thing you can do to provide comfort for now.
“I don’t know, Jisungie…” You admit, sighing heavily as you feel the emotions growing on you. You don’t dare to actually cry, feeling that it would be extremely selfish of you to not be the stable one right now.
“You guys are all I have…” Jisung breaks down, sobbing, and you pull him in a tight hug, hiding your own face on top of his head. “I’m afraid— Noona, what’s gonna happen? Our paths are too different, are we going to depart?”
“I don’t know,” You start, the tap of your fingers creating a rhythm on the back of his head “We all have different dreams— for starters, Mark wants to pursue music. Renjun is going to do art. Jeno? Probably something along the lines of profissional basket. Hyuck is trying for Journalism, I think, and Jaemin is going to be a physician. I don’t think all of us can go to the same college, but that’s okay.” Jisung hiccups “No matter the distance, we’re under the same sea of stars every night. If someday, you feel lost, we’ll be here to guide you. We’ll be your compass and your lighthouse.”
He stays silent, and you make a lot of circles on his hair, tangling the blonde locks between your fingertips.
“There is a saying that I really treasure... Ohana means family. And family means—”
“...no one gets left behind or forgotten”
“Yeah, that’s right” You let out a weak chuckle, “You’re my family, Jisung. I—, no, we won’t ever leave you behind or forget your name.” You let go of him to stare directly at his eyes. When Jisung looks at you, he’s surprised to encounter a small smile on your lips, despite the light tears making their path through your cheeks. “Time may pass, we may go different ways— But we’re always going to be each other’s home.”
2 Months Until Graduation
Girls and boys are separated during P.E, everyone knows that (it was a pity, because surely you would’ve loved an free-opportunity to throw a ball at Donghyuck’s face), but one day, when the teachers decide to merge the class, you’re dumbfounded. All of the seniors are in the gym, separated into girls and boys on opposite sides of the benches. There are big speakers connected to an old and beatdown radio, making you shudder, lowkey knowing what is going to happen.
“So, as all students already know, the date of your prom is coming soon!” Mrs.Park claps her hands loudly to shush a bunch of girls that couldn't stop giggling, sending a dirty look at the girl's side of the students.
You pretend you don’t notice Hyunjin staring at you from across the gym, praying internally for every single god you know to save you from this situation. You accidentally make eye contact with Mark and you mouth “save me” to him, forcing a panicked expression, trying to use your eyes, then your chin, and soon you’re shaking your head like a mad-woman to point at your ex, while not actually pointing to him. However, Mark was far from understanding your failed (and pitiful) attempt to use telepathy.
“It’s a tradition of more than fifty years in our school that we vote on a king and a queen for prom. The fortunate pair are the ones to open the dance floor, so, it’s quite mandatory that all students learn how to properly dance, as everyone has a chance of becoming king or queen!” You don’t miss how Hyunjin’s eyes spark with hope at Mrs. Park’s words and you shudder, groaning.
“If you already have a pair, please, go towards them and help yourselves to an empty spot. We have the entire sport court for us, so feel free to use the space, as long as you don’t leave the gym, of course.” Mr. Jung, the Male P.E teacher says. “If you haven't invited anyone yet, you can practice with a friend, that’s okay too.”
“Shit” You whisper dreadfully, your fingertips trembling on the side of your body. As the first students break out from the groups to join their pairs, you try to conceal yourself between the bodies in the crowd, your eyes traveling to anything that could possibly help you.
You could hide under the bleachers and pray that no one catches you. Or you could make a run into the locker rooms. Or you could beg to a random stranger to pretend to be your pair— no, that wouldn’t work, knowing Hyunjin, he wouldn’t stop even if you were engaged to someone.
Okay. Lockers it is, you decide, already turning in that direction with adrenaline in your veins. That didn’t last long, as you feel a cold hand grabbing your wrist before you can make a run for it. You freeze on your track, cursing every single divinity above. You’re certain that they were mocking you in this exact moment, saying something like “oh, look at that dumb, stupid kid!” ang giggling as they watch you suffer.
“y/n. Can we talk?” You slowly turn back, meeting Hyunjin’s dark eyes with your own. They held so much sincerity and fondiness that almost made you believe that maybe, the two of you could be happy. Almost.
“No—” You try to free yourself from him, but his hold on your wrist is firm. You give up and look away, but you can’t force your body to reject his touches. It’s been a long time since Hyunjin last touched you like this, without anger or resentment. For a single second, you’re caught up in the past again, dreaming awake of when you and Hyunjin were the perfect couple.
“Please… I just want to make things right this time.” He pleads softly. When he notices that you refuse to meet his gaze, his hand cups your cheek with all the care in the world, gently turning your head to look at him. You want to scream and cry, but surprisingly, you also don’t feel the need to.
“How so? Are you finally going to apologise?” You can’t help whispering those harsh words, surprising even yourself by your boldness. Hyunjin has a surprised look, eyes wide and lips parted, but you don’t feel as bad as you’d have felt if it was last year.
“What—” He mutters, but quickly composes himself, sighing. “Look, y/n, I know you were hurt when we broke up—”
“That’s an understatement.” You interrupt him pettily. He glares at that and you surprisingly feel nothing. If anything, you were lowkey satisfied that you were giving him a hard time.
“...but I regret that. Everything.” He continues, ignoring your words. You inhale sharply, already feeling the annoyance build up. “I had a long time to process things. Nothing is the same without you— We were the best things that happened to each other. You’re the piece that was missing in my puzzle.”
“Wow. Nice speech.” You force your expression to be blank, your words being filled with all the sarcasm you could reunite. “But you had almost one year to think about things and you only realize that now? That’s impressive, even for you. Einstein would be impressed, ha!”
“It was at that party, two months ago. I tried everything, but nothing could fill the empty space on my chest. On the start of the year, I tried leaving a letter on your locker, but you never answered, so I thought that was it. But seeing you again made me understand what I had lost.” He takes a deep breath and moves his body to come closer to yours, still ignoring every word that you said. “I still love you. Please, y/n…”
“Don’t do that.”
In a second, you’re out of his arms. Hyunjin blinks, seeming lost, and you scoff. His hand that previously was on your face now is hanging in the air, as you slapped it away. You see from the corner of your eye people hushing around both of you, trying to peep, but you ignore them easily.
“A year passed, and you still don’t understand anything, Hyunjin!” You almost spit the words, glaring at him. “You were the one who broke up with me. You were the one who said you deserve someone better than me, who said that I wasn’t enough for you. You also were the one who thought that I had sex with my childhood friends— oh god, that makes me sick just remembering it— and forced me to choose between them and you!”
“I’m sorry—”
“No, you’re not.” You hiss lowly, self-conscious of the fact that you were still in the gym. “Did you know? Since last year, I have been trying to understand what went wrong with us. I cried, every fucking night for two months after we broke up. I thought the problem was me— Hell, you made sure to highlight in your speech that day—, and for a long time, I hated myself for not being enough! Then, when I thought I was getting better, you come out of nowhere to suddenly say you regret everything? Fuckin’ shit—!”
You’re crying. You realize that too late, aggressively wiping your tears with your blazer. A quick turn of neck and you also realize that, gladly, people didn’t make a crowd around you. However some of the students noticed the argument and were stealing sneaky glances.
“But in the end, I have to thank you.” You don’t see around any of your friends, and you’re lowkey glad for that. “If you weren’t such a shithead and said all those things now— I think I would’ve never really understood what everyone always says about you, Hyunjin. Hell, you don’t even care about me, you just want someone to kiss your fucking feet!”
You take a deep breath and you’re more than ready to continue your monologue, exposing yourself emotionally after everything, but a hand on your shoulder breaks you from the rush of adrenaline, bringing you down from the adrenaline in your blood.
“That’s enough, y/n…” Mark whispers, squeezing your shoulder as a reassurance, and you’re startled by his sudden appearance. You inhale and let out another sigh, wiping your face again, trying to remove all traces of the previous breakdown. “You made your point, hm? By now, I think Hyunjin understands that things won’t end well if he tries to approach you again.”
You let out a chuckle unintentionally with his slightly threatening tone and both of you walk away from Hyunjin, Mark’s arm wrapped around your shoulders to carefully guide you between the students, knowing that you weren’t paying attention to anything right now.
You’re lightheaded and a mess of emotions inside. You feel like you’ve said too much, that you exposed ugly parts of yourself that you’d rather no one knowing about it, but you also feel like you didn’t rant enough to be satisfied. Many words are stuck in your throat, feelings that you would’ve preferred to be thrown on Hyunjin’s face like a petty revenge, just to see him flinch, instead of being bottled up inside.
But you’re okay. It hurts, but your heart is slowly healing. You’ll be okay.
“By the way, I already asked, but Mrs. Park won’t let us skip off the slow dance practice… And almost everyone already has a pair, so…” Mark says sheepishly and you let a small smile appear on your face. He shyly offers you his hand, the other one behind his back like a gentleman. You carefully put your hands on top of his, finding amusement on how his doe eyes widen, as if he didn’t expect you to actually take him.
“I guess we’re stuck together” You complete his sentence shyly
You would kill yourself if anyone else had seen you in this vulnerable state, but when it’s Mark, you guess that you don’t mind his company.
1 Month Until Graduation
It’s been a while since you last used the school’s music room. Senior year and exams were taking a toll on you, even if you tried to deny it, and you almost had no time to properly have fun.
But exams were over. All you had to do now was wait for the results— and find someone to take you to prom, but you didn’t want to think about that.
“Hi, sweetie-pie!” You say, in a honey-filled tone that would make yourself gag if it were in another situation
“What the fuck, y/n—”
“Shut up, I wasn’t talking to you!” You snap at Renjun, looking at the piano again changing back your expression to the loving one. You lean on the black, elegant, and probably expensive instrument that the school had, giving it a full peck on the lid. “Oh, my love, I missed you too much~ I’m really sorry for not visiting you soon”
Renjun furrows his eyebrows and pretends to puke with your antics and you let out a big laugh by that. He has a paper on his hands with a big logo full of mandarin characters on behind and he stares intensely at it, as if he wished it could bring itself to life and give him the answers he needed. You sit on the piano stool silently, your hands moving swiftly through the keys in a warm-up, without actually playing any song.
“I actually feel like Kelsi” You hum, your voice taking him out of his concentration on the paper.
“Who?” He raises his eyebrows, confused
“High School Musical. The pianist, shy girl.” Renjun sighs heavily and you giggle at his tired eye roll
“After all these years, you still reference High School Musical at every fucking opportunity you get” He complains, making you grin
“Of course!” You beam, your hands producing a soothing and calm background noise. “We like music. Also, we’re in high school. And, the cherry on top: some of our squad are on the school’s Basketball team, the most cliche thing to ever happen. It’s almost a sign from the gods, saying ‘Do it!’. It’s only natural that I should be following the legends’ example, right?”
“No” He deadpans
“Ah, okay then,” You say, pouting. You shift your attention to the piano again, “I won’t sing or play to you anymore!— You’re also banned from this room. Yeah, yeah, that sounds right— Leave, you’re not allowed to listen what I’m going to play!”
“If you sing any of High School’s discography again, I swear to god—” he ignores your childsh remarks, scoffing and mumbling quite bitterly, also appearing on your peripheral vision and sitting beside you on the bench. You drop the brat attitude and stop playing for a second, making a comfortable silence fill the room.
“No, it’s not that” Your tone is uncharacteristically soft. You watch as recognition flares in Renjun’s eyes right in the firsts notes you play, and you look away. “It’s been a long day, without you my friend.”
“And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again” He joins in, the harmonization of both of your voices not failing to make a chill run down your spine. The good kind of chill. You let him continue the song, bobbing your head and smiling slightly. “We’ve come a long way from where we began. Oh I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again. When I see you again”
“Damn. Who knew? All the planes we flew, good things we've been through. That I'll be standing right here, talking to you about another path. I know we loved to hit the road and laugh. But something told me that it wouldn't last, had to switch up, look at things different, see the bigger picture. Those were the days, hard work forever pays. Now I see you in a better place” He raps, but his voice lacks the edge that a rapper normally displays. Instead, his tone is soft, almost singing rather than rapping. That style suits him, you think.
“How could we not talk about family, when family is all we got? Everything I went through you were standing there by my side. And now you gonna be with me for the last ride” You join him, even if your voice is on the weaker side as you’d have liked to let him have this moment solo. He notices this and nudges you, signalling to take the next part.
“So let the light guide your way, yeah… Hold every memory as you go” You sing with confidence and emotion, your voice vibrating, but not cracking. You lock eyes with Renjun, hoping that he could understand all of your feelings. “And every road you take, will always lead you home… Home”
“It’s been a long day, without my friend. And I’ll tell you all about when I see you again… When I see you again.”
Your hands leave the piano and fall limp at your sides. You purse your lips, feeling your eyes starting to water and you suddenly can’t bear to maintain eye contact. Renjun has his neck upwards, looking to the ceiling.
“What’re you doing...? You look stupid...” You mutter, still mocking his position despite your own emotions. You watch him from the corner of your eyes, as a single stray tear escapes and he gulps. You feel yourself breaking apart with him, the pain in your chest being ten times more intense than when you broke up with Hyunjin last year.
“...nothing” He manages to say, his hand searching in the air for a few seconds before he catches your own, intertwining your fingers for reassurance. You also feel your throat closing and you finally let yourself cry, lowering your head and making your hair cover your face from the sides.
“...did you tell anyone yet?” You whisper, afraid that if you say the words out loud, they’ll be even more frightening.
“...no.” He sobs, covering his face with his other hand. You whip your head back, throwing all your hair behind your neck and rubbing your own palms harshly through your face as if punishing them for breaking down would solve anything. “I don’t even know what to do yet… I don’t want to leave, but—”
Renjun leans his head on your shoulder, crying freely. You wonder, if the pain on your chest was already insufferable, how was he feeling? You didn't want him to leave, and neither did he wanted to do so, but if things were to this point… How could you ask him to stay? How could you be selfish?
Reality was cruel. Renjun was an exchange student. Deep down, you already knew since the beginning that things weren’t set to be permanent. You knew that he wasn’t like Chenle, whose parents came to live in Korea. Unlike you, Renjun had his own father, mother, sister and grandfather waiting for him to come back to home. Knowing that, how could you hope for him to stay?
You bring him to a tight hug, burying your head on his shoulder and crying your eyes out. You didn’t want to, but you started to fear the future. You wanted time to stop, to never graduate, to never go to college, so you all of you could be together without worries. You were being selfish and you also knew that, but you couldn’t find in yourself the willpower to stop that ugly feeling.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Renjun chants like a mantra, and you feel a wet patch on the fabric of your shoulder. You don’t mind, as your tears had already formed a bigger stain on his blazer.
“This is not a goodbye” You choke, swallowing with difficulty “We’ll see each other again”
3 Weeks Until Graduation
“Mrs. Park asked me if we could do something to perform in prom” You say as you enter the music room, counting the presence of all seven heads before nodding satisfied to yourself.
“And why should we do that?” Hyuck whines, laying down on the couch and facing you upside down “School is almost over, she can’t bribe us with extra points!”
“Well, I think we all forgot that Chenle and Jisung aren’t seniors, and theoretically, can’t attend prom—” You giggle nervously, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear “But Mrs. Park said that if the music club performs, she can let it slide”
“It’s not that bad” Jaemin arches his eyebrow, glancing at the two youngsters and shrugging it off “We were planning on sneaking them from the kitchens, but this works too— It also prevents anyone from getting to jail from food poisoning”
“What the fuck Jaemin” You deadpan, the boy just sending you a peace sign. For the sake of your mental health, you decide to ignore that for a while.
“But it’s still such a bitch” Donghyuck sighs, rolling his body so he is now with his belly on the sofa. He supports his hands on his elbows in the classic flower position, which, may you add, makes him appear more innocent than he’ll ever be. “We have 3 weeks to come up with something original? Are you kidding me?”
“She said it’s alright if we cover something, as long we perform it live” You explain, breathing deeply to not lose your patience
“But it’s no fun if we do it like that~~!”
“Then why are you complaining in first place?!” You bicker, glaring when Donghyuck smirks, fluttering his eyelashes innocently. You roll your eyes and flip him off, making him snort.
“What are you? Five?” Renjun deadpans, shoving the other male on the side. Hyuck pouts, sending finger hearts at him(Renjun ignores all of it.)
“Guys, I think I have something—”
“We all know Lee Haechan has a single-digit IQ” Jeno mocks, earning another whine from Hyuck.
“Don’t use my artistic name like that!”
“Artistic my ass” You pretend to cough, “It’s more like a nickname you made when you were in middle school because you thought it was cool, but backfired badly when you grew up"
“Who even calls themselves Full Sun?” Renjun teases. Donghyuck gasps dramatically, fully sitting up so he can put his hand on his chest.
“Excuse me, Haechan is a fucking amazing name!” He pouts, his reaction making you snort ungracefully
“Guys—”
“Hey, children, let’s stop bullying your friend~” Jaemin speaks in his aegyo tone, taking Donghyuck’s cheeks in his hands and making kissing faces at him “Let’s spread love~”
“No, fuck! Mooooooooom! Save me!” Hyuck screams, terrified. You smirk amusedly and finally turn to Mark, who had already given up on trying to speak.
“Sorry, what was it?” You tilt your head, noticing the papers in his hand. You take a seat on the office chair beside him, sneaking a glance through the computer and the music files in it. You don’t understand anything about producing, but Mark was good at it, so all of you could record songs even if you were just highschoolers.
“I have something in my drafts that could help us” He says, giving you the paper with the lyrics on it. Both of you ignore the chaos rising behind you, already being used to the loudness that came up with your group.
You raise your legs into the chair, sitting cross legged, leaning slightly forward. You don’t even notice yourself resting the back of your hand on Mark’s thigh, fingers playfully wiggling around as a silent request for him to take his hands in yours. He takes your demand in no time, tangling his fingers smoothly with yours in a firm, but gentle grip. You smile at that, a warm feeling consuming your body entirely.
“Puzzle piece? That sounds cute” You giggle, watching as Mark clicks in a file that you see that hasn’t been edited in more than a month. He stretches out for a headphone, putting it on your ears carefully before starting the track. The entire time your eyes are glued to his face, observing each feature in him as he’s distracted. Suddenly, you’re afraid of being caught staring for more time than it should be considered okay for friends, so you quickly turn your eyes to the computer, feeling your chest bubble with something you quite don’t know what it is.
“I started working on it before finals, but I didn’t do much because I had to study” He explains as you squint your eyes through the multiple layers and notes that you didn’t understand. Your eyes travel again to the lyrics sheet, a smile spreading in your lips unconsciously.
“You’re my missing puzzle piece~ Finally I solved it. You filled every piece of my heart, even the scarred part of it to the fullest. And somehow, you’ve become my everything, my missing puzzle piece” You test, the lyrics leaving your mouth quite smoothly with the incomplete song melody. “I liked it” You say, spinning your chair to face the dreamies again, noticing that they had calmed down and were quietly enjoying your voice. You feel shy with the sudden attention and you clear your throat with your fist in front of your mouth to hide it, passing the lyrics sheet to Jisung, who’s the closest. You lowkey miss the feeling of Mark’s hand trapped in yours, and that realization makes you even more shy. You take a deep breath, calming yourself down.
“Jaemin and I to wrote the lyrics” Jeno announced proudly, Jaemin nodding with him
“You did a good job” You smile proudly, raising a high five to both of them. Jaemin came to hit his hand with yours, but you troll him in the last second, changing your fingers to scissors.
“You’re impossible” He deadpans and you roar with uncontrollable laughter. Jeno smirks, giving Jaemin sympathetic pats on the back
"I did something just for the overall feeling, but it's pretty nothing yet" Mark says, not seeming to be affected by the general chaos. "But I think we can finish it in less than a week? So there will be time to practice,"
“So, what were you thinking about? The melody, I mean” Chenle asked and you gave space for him to come closer, moving your chair. Mark pulled out his guitar supporting it on his thigh.
“Mostly C, E, A minor, G and F” He says the accords as he plays, switching the order to get other verses, but not playing any note besides those. The difference between stroking up and down the strings, along with the occasional change of chords are enough to bring a simple and aesthetic feeling. “Since it’s more in the heartwarming side, I think we could try for an acoustic vibe, y’know?”
“It’s good” Renjun nods, holding the sheets. “”Hello, it’s been so long, isn’t it?” The small piece that I put in my pocket and carry around everywhere, please be with me so it can be fuller and prettier. Na Jaemin, what the fuck are these—”
“Hey!” He protests, pouting “What’s wrong with my lyrics?”
“It’s cringy as fuck”
“The whole song is cringy as fuck, I don’t see your point here, hyung” Jisung mocks, and you giggle, agreeing with him
“But it’s cute” Chenle shakes his head, smiling slightly. “More than having everything, not losing that one thing is more important.” He reads the lyrics, nodding along
“Whoop whoop— Who were you thinking about when you wrote it, hm,~~? Was it me?” Hyuck leans down to support his weight on Jeno’s back, much to the other boy's dismay.
“Ah. I won’t say, you’ll tease me to the end of the world” He sighs, earning a giggle.
“I knew it!” He exclaims, deep down already knowing the answer without even asking.
"Ah, shut it, will ya?" Jeno grunts, rolling his eyes. "It's not about just one single person. It's more about us. There's eight of us, a pretty big group, might I say, but it somehow feels empty if a single person is missing. That's why, Missing Puzzle Piece"
"Wow." You say, caught off guard. Your lips curve upwards and there is a soft look in your eyes as you take in Jeno's flustered face by his own confession. "Why are you so good at writing lyrics?" You tease him lightheartedly.
"Maybe it's because Lee Jeno is the most awkward person I have ever seen" Renjun ponders, smirking.
"Nah, that's just Mark. Jeno comes in a second close, he's more like, the type that doesn't know how the fuck are you supposed to express yourself" You argue, Renjun having no choice but to agree with you.
"He's one of those talented composers that uses music to confess their feelings!" Chenle giggles like a teenager girl, poking Jeno's biceps. The latter has a suffering expression, apparently, giving up on having a peaceful environment.
"I can totally see Jeno using music to confess to someone" Jisung ponders out loud, making you cackle. "Imagine this: it's two am, Jeno has a guitar on his lap and is sitting on the couch. In front of him, on the center table, are Seol, Lal and Bongshik. They're the only ones he loves anyway, so he's serenading them!"
You think you're having an aneurysm from the intensity you laugh and shake your shoulders, feeling your belly burn with every snort you let out. Your eyes travel across the room and they stop at Mark’s expression, admiring how his muscle faces contort with every laugh that escapes from his lips.
“Ah, fuck, why am I being so attacked right now?” Jeno curses, slightly pissed but his body completely still against the couch.
“Don’t worry, Jeno-ah, everyone has their moments” Donghyuck teases. Jeno narrows his eyes at him, gripping his shoulder in a tight grip and applying force enough to make the other boy whine, while giggling happily “Ah, ah, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, don’t— Ack!”
“We’re getting off track” Mark warns, although his smile reveals that he’s having fun watching Hyuck suffer. “Guys, let’s focus right now, right? We can mess later”
You’re scared of what this fuzzy feeling in your chest means. But at the same time, you feel safe, as nothing in the world could hurt you. It’s a giant mess of feelings that you didn’t want to tackle right now, so you just let it be.
2 Weeks Until Graduation
All of you were reunited in Chenle's backyard. His house was big enough for you to decide suddenly that you wanted to do a sleepover— More exactly, you wanted to sleep outside. The first option was to go to a beach, but you still had school to attend, so camping on the grass with multiple tents set up seemed fair enough. (Also, Chenle’s parents were the only ones that had a house big enough for eight teenegers and didn’t care if those eight teenagers were screaming and being hormonal kids)
Three tents were set up. You didn’t mind sharing with one of the boys, but Mrs. Zhong was really worried, so you decided to at least give her some peace of mind. You had the smallest tent to yourself, while Chenle and Jisung shared another small one and the others shared the large one. Mark brought his guitar from home and was mindlessly playing with the strings, producing a soothing background music to fulfill the silence. The rest of you were sprawled on the grass, looking at each other, or in your case, the starry sky. There were some lamps on the outside of the house, but you guys chose to put a cheap yellow lantern in the middle of the circle just to set up a sappy mood, almost like a city-version of camping.
“Did you guys get your exam results?”
For almost a month, all eight of you made a silent deal to never mention college and exam results. It was painful to even consider that you weren’t going to see each other every day, so it was easier to pretend that it wasn’t going to happen any soon. That, and you were silently trying to not upset Jisung. The episode of three months ago was still clear in your head— you hated yourself for it, but his words messed with your emotions. It was hypocritical as fuck of you to assure him that everything was going to be okay when even you didn’t know if it was true or not. You didn’t spill the tea directly to Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck or Jaemin, but they already knew that Jisung and Chenle were highkey worried about all of you graduating.
So, when Jisung finally addressed the elephant in the room— To say that you were tense was an understatement.
“I passed. Seoul National.” Jaemin breaks the silence, a grin on his face.
“What?!” You exclaim, immediately rolling around so you were on your belly and you could face him. You had the biggest and proudest smile on your cheeks.
“SNU? Wow” Jeno exclaims, punching him on the shoulder, being joined by both Renjun and Donghyuck. Jaemin whines, but his smile never leaves his lips even once.
“That’s amazing!” You feel your shoulder relax a bit at the news, beaming at him.
“Yeah. And it’s not that far either” Jaemin adds, you notice that Renjun’s expression falters a bit. You don’t dare to mention his change out loud. At least not for now.
“It’s not a big one like Jaemin, but I passed too. Hanyang University. I tried for Architecture, actually. Changed my mind at the last second.” Jeno giggles shyly and you also beam at him.
“What do you mean ‘it’s not big’?” You whine, being your turn to slap his thighs. “It’s seventh in South Korea! Be more proud of it!”
“I thought you were going to go after basketball” Mark wonders, tipping his head
“I was.” Jeno shrugs at him. “But there are a lot of things to take into consideration when you choose a sports career. The most obvious of them is height, and well— I have 1.77. It’s pretty good for the average korean man, but I don’t think I would’ve made it into a basket team.”
“Ah, true. That sucks, tho” Chenle groans, tucking his leg into himself. “I have 1.78. It’s not a lot either.”
“It happens.” Jeno finishes “I’m not upset about it, actually. I’m really looking forward to study architecture— I have an uncle that works at a construction company and if I do well, he said that he can take me under his wing”
“Well, as long you’re satisfied—” Hyuck pats his back, also using the situation to snuggle into him. “We’re happy for you”
“Thanks” He smiles, his eyes turning into small moons.
“Music, Sungkyunkwan University. ” You take the cue, announcing proudly with a peace sign. “It’s not the closest, but still is around Seoul, so it’ll be okay. At most i’ll have to take long rides on the train to meet you guys, so it still works”
“Sungkyunkwan is awesome” Jisung’s eyes sparkle and you let out a shy chuckle, nodding “I want to try for them next year, but I’m not really sure”
“Whoa, imagine that? Park Jisung as my super duper cute junior?” You tease, poking his leg. Jisung makes a face at you and you laugh.
“Well, for me, I’m at Kwangwoon. I’m going for Journalism and communications” Donghyuck announces, pulling you closer and forcing you to sit up for him to sneak his arm around your shoulders. “It’s far as fuck from the other Universities here in Seoul, but at least, we’re close.” He says that last part directed at you, making you nod.
“I passed in Music in Chung-ang” You widen your eyes at Mark, but not in the good way
“You’re going to Anseong?” Your voice wavers, but he just chuckles.
“Nope. They have a Seoul campus.” He explains, chuckling “If you guys think Kwangwoon is far, just wait until you see on the map where it’s located—”
“I’m going back to China.”
Mark’s voice dies and you almost break your neck with the speed you turn to look at Renjun. His gaze is fixed on the grass, not daring to maintain eye-contact with anyone.
“Sorry...” He mumbles. Before you can say anything, he sniffles and wipes a stray tear. “I— My parents—” Jaemin engulfed him in a tight hug. Renjun buries his head on Jaemin’s shoulders, sobbing. You don’t even notice when the tears start to flow down your own cheeks.
“It’s okay… We aren’t mad, Injunnie…” Jaemin soothes, tapping the other male’s back.
“It’s just that... I miss them… Too much”
Renjun was an exchange student, you remember again for the nth time this month. His parents still are in China. He was living almost three years on his own, going home only on holidays. You can’t even imagine what he’s thinking or feeling, being conflicted between his biological family and his heart family.
“I got into Sichuan Conservatory of Music. They’re great and have an interdisciplinary background in music and art, so I was really conflicted, but—” He chokes. Chenle and Jisung also come closer to comfort him as he talks. ”I spoke with my mom. She said I could choose to stay in Korea if I really wanted to, but I miss her and my dad too much”
“Oh, Injunnie, that’s amazing…I’m proud of you” Jeno encourages and you lift yourself from the ground, immediately tackling Renjun, hugging him from behind. After a few seconds, everyone is in a big and messy group hug. You hope that Renjun doesn’t care about tear stains on his shirt the next day.
“When are you leaving?” Jisung’s questions break your heart in countless pieces, making you bury your face even more in Renjun’s back.
“Three weeks after graduation.” He mumbles almost incoherently and you sniff.
The hug lasts a good ten minutes before Jisung complains that his back was hurting from bending it to reach Renjun’s height, making everyone let out a good laugh. Renjun wipes his face and you follow his example. His face is slightly swollen and his eyes are red. You notice that Donghyuck also has reddish eyes, but you don’t comment on that because you’re also certain that you look worse. Jeno was trying to hold it together, but even he couldn’t hide the sorrow in his eyes. Jaemin was consoling Jisung, who was still sobbing despite the earlier joke, rubbing the younger one’s shoulder. Chenle had an arm loosely above Renjun’s shoulders, not crying, but obviously affected by the news. Mark sighs loudly and takes back his guitar, back to playing some random tune on it, trying to make the atmosphere less depressed and awkward.
“There isn’t a campfire here, but…”
You recognize the first strums, as your lips quirk up.
“Camp rock? Really?” You laugh, but your chest starts to grow warm with the choice of music “That’s, like, the cheesiest thing in the story of cheesy things.”
“I hate to admit, but it fits the moment.” Jaemin mutters, a teasing tone.
“Shut it, both of you” Mark scolds slightly, but you just widen your smile.
“So let’s sing na, nanananana, hey~, yah” Donghyuck starts. He makes eye contact with Mark, and both grin. Mark joins him, their voices blending softly in the night “C’mon and sing na, nananana, hey, ya.”
You sigh, pretending to be annoyed, but the smile on your face can’t fool anyone.
“This is our song, that’s all it matters, cause we all belong, right here together, there’s nothing better than singing along~ This is our summer” You grin, maintaining eye contact with Mark and Donghyuck at all times. “This is our song”
“And this is our song~” When all of your voices join, you can’t help but to feel emotional. All of your hands (except Mark’s) maintain a nice rhythm, clapping as your voices fill up the backyard. Hyuck takes charge of the adlibs, his honey-tone enhancing everyone and perfectly synergizing with all the voices.
You take a look at everyone’s faces. There’s a kind of understanding, even if no one said anything out loud. The song is happy, but it holds an emotional baggage to it as each one of you already knows that you won’t be able to sit down and sing carelessly like this in the future.
You all sang multiple times together. None of you were professionals yet, but you liked to think that music had an important role in holding your friendship together. You couldn’t count the amount of random moments when one of you was humming a song, and out of nowhere, there was a full choral singing, even if it was the silliest song humankind has ever produced.
“This is our song…” Mark finishes, his hand falling limp on his lap.
“Wow. Out a whole list of emotional, happy, but sad songs to choose from, you take one from Camp Rock.” Jisung sasses, even if it’s clear that his words don’t hold a real bite. “Real shitty taste, if I must say, even more for someone who’s going to take music”
“Excuse me? Camp Rock is great!” He defends, offended. You giggle at that.
“You’re going to be a professional musician one day. You’ll write your own songs, right? If you don’t do anything else inspired by us, I swear to god, I’m ending this friendship” You joke, nudging his side.
“I’ll think about it” He smiles at you, making your chest fill up with warmth. His fingers suddenly pause the music and you watch as he gulps nervously and looks directly at the eyes of everyone “Even if we’re physically distant from one another, let’s try to be in touch, right?”
“Yeah…” You mutter along the boys and you lift your head so you’re staring at the stars. They twinkle and shine at you, almost as if they understand the bittersweet situation you have on your hands.
“Markie-poo” The older boy is startled as Hyuck brings back the old nickname he had given him when they were children. “Why don’t you do a chant for all of us?”
“What— Why me?” He whines and you chuckle.
“You’re the oldest. It only feels right.” Jeno interferes, half teasing, half touched.
“C’mon, Markie-hyung~~” Jaemin shakes his shoulders, forcing aegyo with a full pout that makes you cringe. Mark groans, shaking his head,
“Ah, you guys—” He scolds, but there is a fond smile on his cheeks. You smile, taking your time to admire your friends.
When you first met Mark, you thought that he was a goody two-shoes. You were ten, and at that time, you were constantly upset with him because he was the type of student that would remind the teacher that she had passed homework last week(and you also weren’t the type that would actually do your work sheet). You don’t even remember when you two started to be actually friends, and you don’t even know where you would be right now if you didn’t have him in your life.
Jaemin and Jeno kind of came like a package. You’d known them since you were children— since you were five, actually. You remember playing with them sometimes in the playground, bickering because you thought insects were gross, while they loved to hunt for butterflies and bugs. Sadly, you’d moved from the neighborhood when you were eight, and your parents decided that the tiny house wasn’t enough for them. Despite that, five years after that, you find them in the same school and class as you— Also, same class as Mark and Donghyuck.
Although they were inseparable, they were different on their own. Jeno was more laid back, the chill kind of guy. His humor was underrated— but that was expected, considering that you had a lot of pranksters and screamers on your group—, his jokes sometimes passed over your heads as not everyone had enough braincells to actually understand.
Jaemin had some crazy mood swings. One day, he was the calmest person to ever exist, and another, he spoke as if he was high on drugs and would say questionable things. He was either a patient and loving guy, or he would nag you until you rip your ears off. It was slightly unsettling how good he was at reading you and giving advice, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.
You hated Donghyuck at first. He was a cool guy that made everyone laugh, but you couldn’t stand his teasing jokes at some moments. You and him formed a friendship only when he dropped his carefree mask. You found him crying behind the bushes of the garden because of a mean comment some kid made when they thought he wasn’t listening. In fifteen minutes of real, heart-to-heart conversation, you’d finally seen that he wasn’t just a jokester, and he wasn’t always happy, like everyone else assumed.
Chenle came when you were 13. He was a cute junior, but he had slightly language barrier problems because he didn’t know how to speak korean well. As a canadian kid himself(but living in Korea since he was a child), Mark took upon himself to help Chenle adapt to school, even if their languages weren’t the same. You thought that Chenle was cute— and that didn’t change even now, almost in adulthood—, and you did all you could to help him. He was thrilled and hyped for everything, making your heart melt for him like ice cream on a sunny day.
Jisung came almost at the same time as Chenle. Both of them were in the same class, and Chenle took the other boy to meet his older friends when he realised that Jisung hadn’t any friends in school. Your mother instincts were activated almost instantly. He looked up at you as an example (you were a mess at studying and procrastinated to do every single assignment, but he still idolized you) and you pushed yourself to not disappoint him. You and Jaemin also bickered, trying to compete for Jisung’s love, but at some point you had achieved a mutual agreement of sharing his heart—much to Jisung’s dismay.
Renjun came much later, in freshman year of high school. He first met Chenle, as both of them were chinese, but he had more practice in speaking korean then the other boy at the time he had arrived. He was the one you clicked with the quickest. You thought that he was a shy, innocent boy at first, but his witty remarks matched perfectly your group dynamics, and everyone warmed up to him in no time.
For three years, the group was complete. You took them for granted— You thought you were going to be each other’s anchor for the rest of your lives, and you’d never separate even if you had the biggest fight. You didn’t consider that you didn’t need a fight to go on different paths.
The sound of bickering and teasing was so familiar to your ears that you were afraid of the future, when you wouldn’t hear Chenle’s high pitched laugh, or Jaemin’s whines and aegyo everyday. Or Donghyuck’s teasing, Renjun’s sass and Jeno’s deep chuckles. You wouldn’t witness Jisung’s nose crunching when he cringes, or Mark’s entire face blushing when he was embarrassed. You would lose that.
Maybe you were being dramatic. It’s not like any of you were dying— You just were going to college, for fucks’ sake. But you couldn’t help the painful squeeze of your chest, as you were missing something that was still here.Renjun was staying in Korea for 3 weeks after graduation. That gave you exactly a month until you’d have to say goodbyes.
“Okay, okay, I’ll do it.” Mark gave in. He straightened his posture. “Yo dream!”
A single tear made his path down your cheek, but you didn’t bother to wipe it off.
“Jjeoreo! Juja! Fighting!”
You still had time
Five Days Until Graduation
“Hm, hi—”
“It’s three am,” You state groggily, “Why the fuck are you calling me at three fucking am, Mark Lee?”
You hear a gulp and the line stays silent for a whole minute. You close your eyes for a few seconds, dazed, not even registering the time passing as you’re half asleep. Mark finally speaks after two minutes
“—an we meet up?”
“...what?”
“I said, can we meet up?” He repeats, slightly exasperated. You yawn and he sighs. “It’s important, I swear,”
“...how important…?” Your voice is muffled by the pillows and Mark can’t help but to release a deep chuckle. You swear you’re in dreamland again, as you think that his laugh had some kind of spell that made your entire body relax at the same instant.
“I’m at the front of your home” Your eyes are wide and you immediately jump out of the bed, kicking the warm covers to the floor and rushing to your window. You push the curtains, looking through the glass
“What the fuck— Mark, why are you outside? What in the world—”
“It’s okay. Just come down, please…”
Your eyes soften and you sigh. You have known Mark Lee for more than nine years by now. You were sure you could recognize every emotion that passed in his eyes— That’s why you believe that he holds some kind of emotion that you’re not even aware of, and he desperately wants to hide it from the world. It’s almost like you’re in middle school again, when he lied about being fine, and insisted on being the perfect student, overworking himself to the limit and refusing to admit that he was human too and was likely to fail sometimes.
But it’s also different this time. His chuckle is bittersweet, most likely not sincere, but it’s not a hundred percent fake. The only thing is you can’t point out why you think that.
“Also, it’s cold outside, so wear something warm, okay?” He adds, interpreting your silence as agreement. You catch a hoodie that was thrown on your chair and you wear it over your pajamas, putting your fluffy slippers on your feet.
You quickly go downstairs, not really caring if you made any noise. Your parents weren’t home anyways, so you didn’t have to worry about that. You unlock your door, only to see Mark in your yard, staring at the road. He’s not looking at the cars, you realise, he’s looking at the stars. Mark has only a white t-shirt, jeans and a black blazer that you guess that doesn’t do wonders, considering the way he hugs himself searching for warmth.
“Wear something warm, that’s what he said” You mock him, but deep down, you’re slightly concerned. “What are you doing? Come inside, quick!”
“Sorry” He apologises, but you give a light slap on the shoulder as he passes by, muttering something about he shouldn’t apologise under your breath. He makes a beeline for your couch, hiding his face in his hands that were supported on his thighs.
“What’s up with you and Jisung, coming at my home late at night for pep talks?” You try to joke, failing as your voice cracks. Your chest is squeezing and you feel like you can’t breathe properly even if Mark hasn’t said anything yet
“I’m sorry” He mumbles again. You bit your lower lip, frowning.
“It’s all right, you know I don’t mind if you guys decide to raid my home at random times—”
“It’s not that... I’m going back to Vancouver.”
You go blank. Mark raises his head, doe eyes wavering. He’s not crying, but all the pain and despair are clear in his gaze.
“W-what…” Your own eyes are wide. You feel your throat dry and you can’t think of any words that made sense to be spoken out loud, the living room suddenly spinning and closing on you. “As a travel…?” You know it’s not, but you still hoped that, somehow, you had overanalyzed and misunderstood all of his red flags.
“No… I’m moving”
You suddenly can’t breathe. You stumble back to the table room, your knees giving up and forcing you to sit on the glass. The first tears drop from the corner of your eyes, but you barely register them.
“Fuck, I’m sorry—” Mark pleads again, standing up and walking around the room nervously. “I wanted to go to college with you guys— or at least be here in Korea, but—” He massages his forehead, hands dropping down to his lower face to drown a scream.
You force your legs to stand up, slightly wobbling in your steps as you walk to him. You launch yourself at him, circling your arms in his waist and clutching him as if your life depended on that, drowning yourself in the sensation of being squeezed between his own embrace while you had the chance to.
“It’s my grandma,” He talks after recovering his composure, burying his chin on your shoulders. You lay your forehead on his collarbone, afraid of letting him see your own despair “She has alzheimer. We thought she was doing okay, but last night, my auntie called… She said that grandma had an episode. She wasn’t eating, and was almost forgetting how to breathe during her sleep, so she was rushed to the hospital” You finally feel his tears dripping down your hoodie and you raise your hands to his upper back, drawing circles on his skin. “Mum and auntie agreed that granny probably doesn’t have much time… So we’re going back.”
“W-when—” You choke on your saliva, moving away for a second so you could cough and wipe your ugly tears. Mark catches your hands in his, not wanting to completely cease contact “W-when you’re going?”
“...wednesday.”
“But that is—”
“Five— No, actually, four days from now.” His hold gets tighter and you slowly process the information.
“So… You won’t attend prom, right…?” You want to slap yourself for that question, shaking your head. His grandma is passing away and the first thing you say it’s about some stupid party. Wow, way to go, you thought bitterly. “Sorry, ya’ don’t need to answer that.”
“I’m sorry” he shakes his head
“Stop apologising!” You scold, breaking down in tears once more. You feel your shoulders shaking and you try to wipe your face again, but you can’t win against the flow down your cheeks. “It isn’t your fault, so stop being so sweet and caring and everything! Shit, why the fuck am I the one crying—?! I should be the one supporting you, not the other way around…I’m so stupid, why—”
“Don’t say that, you’re not stupid...” Mark brings you again to his chest and you sob, your fingers gripping the fabric of his t-shirt fearing for the future. His left hand snakes up to your neck, making you lean your head on his shoulder again as he plays with his fingers through your hair strands. “Prom is important, I know that… If I could choose, I’d stay one more day, just to wrap things up properly, but…”
He doesn’t finish his speech, his voice dying a bit. You feel a gentle tap on your shoulder, and the next thing, you’re staring directly at Mark’s eyes. Despite the overall depressing situation, he still gazes at you fondly, wearing his heart on his sleeve without any second thoughts. His hand is nothing but caring as he moves the hairs on your face behind your ear, leaving traces of warmth in your skin in the trail. He withdraws a bit, only enough to tinker with his phone quickly.
“Y’know… We were partners at that dance lesson a month ago... And since neither of us has gotten ourselves a date to prom, I guess we’re still in game, right?”
You recognize the first notes of Perfect easily. A little laugher escapes from your mouth, your lips curving themselves to match Mark’s own smile. He drops his phone somewhere on the couch and casually messes up his black hair, somehow managing to make himself twenty times more attractive than the usual, also making exaggerated motions of fixing his blazer before curving down to an elegant bow from the 90’s.
“It’s not exactly what I had in my plans, but…” He reaches out, his hand open right in front of you. “y/n...Can I have this dance?”
You wipe the corners of your eyes one more time before nodding quite shyly, which is a feeling so foreign that you suddenly don’t know how you’re supposed to act. Mark seems to notice that as he takes upon himself to connect your hands, his fingers intertwined with yours and his touch burning through your skin. He lets out a content hum, slowly taking some steps back to reach a free space, far from both the couch and the table. You watch mesmerized as he confidently guides your hands to his shoulders, his arms wrapping around your waist with ease, almost as if your bodies were meant to complete each other.
You’re dumbfounded, to say, at least. It was almost as if the roles were reversed. Since you were children, you had always been the confident one, while Mark assumed the more awkward type of boy— You’d made fun of him more times than you could count, repeating the iconic quotes he spilled when he was pressured and nervous (“this is so high, it’s like my grades!”). Suddenly, he’s not horribly awkward with skinship anymore, and you don’t know what exactly to think. Did you like it? Yes. Did you hate it? Also, yes.
“Cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was.I will not give you up, this time” You whisper the lyrics, swinging side-to-side. You don’t dare to sing the next verse, though. Mark nods, looking at you as if you were the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his whole life. His hands are nothing but gentle as he spins you around, something that was never taught in Mrs. Park’s class last month.
You hate the things he makes you feel. Your heart is full, but at the same time, it crushes within itself painfully every single time you’re reminded that Mark is going back to Canada. His hands made your skin tickle— in the good way. It brings chills, because it’s cold, but it also is extremely warm. You’re hyper aware of his arms circling your waist tenderly, your fingertips squeezing his shoulder with tenderness. Deep down, you already know that this isn’t how friends would interact with each other, but you’re too afraid to acknowledge that, and eventually make things even more difficult.
“We are still kids, but we're so in love, fightin' against all odds… I know we'll be alright this time” He sings, his raspy voice echoing in the walls. You feel the tears coming back to your eyes, “Darling, just hold my hand, be my girl and I’ll be your man. I see the future in your eyes”
You’re tired of crying. You’re afraid that you were being overdramatic with all of this graduation thing, and for a second, you started to question if you were being annoying, all of your self-confidence dropping for a swift moment. You bring your arms upwards from Mark’s shoulders, wrapping them around his neck in a deep embrace, taking the opportunity to hide your face in his collarbones again. Mark lets out a tired sigh, unspoken words flowing around you with a deep melancholy.
You’re tired of people leaving you behind, you finally realize. Some old memory comes flying in your mind, one time that Jeno mentioned that you might have some abandonment issues, and you had denied it back then with all your might. However, if he said the same thing to you today, you would have no choice but to agree with him.
First were your parents, who had never cared for you in the first place, leaving you behind while they went on long business trips since you were eight. Then your girl friends at middle school, who ganged up on you one day and said that you weren’t cool enough to hang out with them. Hyunjin, your ex, who made sure to blame you for all mistakes made in your relationship. Maybe all of that justified your anxiety of losing your friends, the only ones who had stayed until now. You knew that people could easily keep being friends, even if they were in different countries, because they had the internet to chat even if they were miles apart. A part of you screamed inside, extremely dull as you couldn’t help but to think that you wouldn’t talk to any of your friends if you weren’t in the same classroom everyday.
“We’ll be okay” Mark whispers in your ear, as if he could sense your thoughts going spiral.
You close your eyes tightly, letting yourself imagine you and Mark, in prom, with fancy clothes. You imagine him wearing a tuxedo, leading you into the dance floor, the fabric of your dress swaying in the air as if you were in some kind of Hollywood movie. Your friends would be cheering you on, and everyone else from school would be looking at you dreamly, as if they wanted to be in yours or Mark’s place.
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listenin' to our favorite song
When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight
Zero days until graduation
“Yah, if you don’t stop crying, your eyes will get so puffed that not even the best foundation in the world will help you”
“What you’re talking about, Jaemin, I’m not crying—”
“Yeah, sure, everyone believes that—”
Your last week has passed in a blink of an eye. Before you could even process what was happening, you and the rest of your friends were in your house, drinking and spending your last hours with Mark before he had to leave for Canada.
It was dramatic. Since his flight was at 2 am (who the fuck thought that flights at 2 in the morning were a good idea?), you decided to spend the whole day together. Once every three hours, one of you would burst into tears, mainly you, Donghyuck and Jisung, the crybabies of the group.
You didn’t go to the airport to see him off. In fact, Mark didn’t let any of you see him— He said it would be more painful that way. That didn’t prevent you from crying your eyes out anyway, and at this point, you think you actually dehydrated yourself from the alarming amount of tears you spent in the last 48 hours.
“Fuck you then,” You hiss, hearing the laughters of Jaemin and Chenle from your computer. You were on discord, in a server that had all of you, including Mark. Just seeing his name appear on the members’ list made a jab straight into your chest, your eyes watering effortlessly. “—not gonna cry tonight. My tear ducts are dry already”
“I smell bullshit” Jisung pops out of nowhere and you sigh.
“Anyway, not gonna happen. Not crying tonight, nuh-uh” You shake your head, slightly pissed “First, it’s extremely humiliating to cry on prom— Even more if you’re alone, that’s just… Sad.”
“And who the fuck said that?” Jisung roasts, making you sigh. Ah, so much for raising him, you think.
“I did” You counter, extremely concentrated on your current task: putting on your makeup. The boys were playing PUBG, not bothering to prepare themselves, for now. You still had more than four hours until prom, but you were anxious and couldn’t help yourself. “Whatever, what I’m trying to say here is that I won’t cry tonight. I don’t need to make everything more depressing than it already is, so I’ll just dance my worries away. It sounds like a good plan to me”
“Wow,” Chenle gasps suddenly, and you pause your artwork to briefly look at his icon flashing on your screen— A childhood picture of him holding a giant gun, smiling brightly as if nothing was happening. “Your levels of bullshit just hit the fan”
“Ah, you’re both so mean to me~” You whine, pouting even if they can’t see it. You’re unconsciously trying to deflect the situation, even if you’re not aware. “Both of you are younger than me, but why am I being so disrespected like that?”
“Because you’re lame” Jisung fires and you let out another whine. Chenle yells something about Jisung’s poop hands almost killing them on the game, but you’re not paying enough attention to understand whatever they’re arguing about.
“Okay, now, back to the topic,” Jaemin cleans his throat and you feel your shoulder tensing up. “I’m worried”
“You don’t need to, I’m fine” You’re a bit defensive. Jisung opens his mouth to say something sassy, but you don’t understand what he said, as Jaemin’s voice drowns him.
“I think we know each other long enough to know that’s completely, utterly, totally, entirely, absolutely full of bullshit”
“Wait, doesn’t all of that mean the exact same thing?” Chenle pipes up, confused. Jisung, Jaemin and you let out a synchronized sigh. Right, foreign problems.
“Like I said, you don’t need to worry, Jae” You spoke in a soft tone, halting your hand that was blending the foundation. “I will be fine, I guess. There’s not much to do about Renjunnie and Mark leaving anyway, so it’s no use to waste your time worrying about me.”
“Don’t put yourself down like that,” He scolds, but his words didn’t hold a real bite. It kinda reminds you of how a mother scolds her child— You didn’t actually experience that, but you suppose that’s how it’s meant to be. “It’s okay to feel hurt, even if there’s nothing to do about. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t bottle it up. Renjunnie was really worried these days, because you wouldn’t say anything about your feelings.”
“Yeah” Jisung butts in, only because he didn’t know what to speak, but he felt the need to be verbal. You can almost see Jaemin rolling his eyes in his house, but that thought doesn’t humor you like it should.
“Well, it’s just that...” You start, but you can’t find the exact words to express the mess in your head. “All of us are passing for the same thing, so I feel like it’s unfair of me to be complaining and crying at all times while you guys are not”
“And why the fuck do you think we don’t complain and cry at all times?” Jaemin is quick to counter, making you sigh for the nth time. “Hyuckie didn’t answer anyone yesterday because he was busy crying and eating ice cream while he watched Toy Story 3 and 4”
“Toy Story is sad, it’s normal” Chenle defends, as he cries every time single time too.
“Yeah, he also cried over Spiderman: Far From Home and the last episode of ICarly. You know, the one when Carly goes to live with her dad and everything” Jaemin shrugs, but you don’t actually see it, you just imagine him doing that.
“That’s tough, buddy” Jisung mutters
“Well, do you see a pattern there?” Jaemin continues, ever patient “That’s Hyuck’s way to cope with Mark leaving. He’s not that good either, but at least he lets himself feel bad and he talks to someone about what he’s thinking. That’s way more healthier than closing yourself and not talking at all, if you ask me.”
“So, do you want me to spill all my inner insecurities and ugly cry again?”
“Basically, yes”
“What the fuck Jaemin” All four of you chuckle at that, even if it wasn’t the best moment to actually be funny. Somehow, you feel a bit less overwhelmed with everything, as Jaemin’s words helped you understand that you weren’t being annoying, as your low self esteem suggested. You fall silent for some seconds, taking your time to process everything— Chenle shouts again at Jisung for dropping the wrong item and you take a deep breath, their casual bickering grounding you to reality. “... and thank you, I guess…”
“It would make me ten times happier if you kept on talking, but that’s also okay, I guess. Can’t have everything we want,” He jokes, using your own words and a light hearted nagging tone, making you smile a bit. “We can have more deep talk some other time, when you feel like you’re ready. Just, please, don’t cry again. You’re going to have giant dark circles and puffy eyes on prom night,”
“Fuck you, they’re not that bad” You pout, returning to your task of preparing your skin.
“By the way, do you want a ride? Jeno’s mum offered us,” Jaemin changes the topic and you can also hear shuffling and muffled voices in the back “Hey, auntie, I’m talking right now with y/n, can you say hi?”
“Oh, hi my dear!” Mrs. Lee says, giggling. Your heart warms up at the woman’s voice, her sweet image being always kept on your brain as a comforting one. “It’s been a long time since you last came to visit, right?”
“Yeah, since the beginning of the year” You nod, not registering that this was a call and no one could see you. “How are you, auntie? Are you good these days?”
“Yes!” She shouted, her voice distant from the microphone. You heard water running, so you presumed she was washing something—Maybe the dishes? “I’m proud and very emotional today, you see. I remember taking watch over you, Jaemin-ah and Jeno when you were just children playing in the park, and today, you’re going to prom”
“Ah, yeah, auntie! About that, I was just convincing her to go to prom with us” Jaemin adds, and you can see his scheming face from miles away
“Oh, that’s right, dear!” Mrs. Lee agrees, the water dying down and her voice much closer this time. “Jeno told me your parents were in Japan this week, so we can take you and the boys. I will take a lot of photos, don’t worry!” She giggles and you smile
“Are you sure I won’t be a problem? I don’t want to intrude” You say shyly
“Nonsense!” Mrs. Lee assures, her tone indicating there was no other option “It’s always good to see you, honey. Don’t tell Jeno, but I love you more than I love my own son~”
“What about me~~?” Jaemin whines, making you both chuckle.
“At this point, I think you’re like our adopted son” Mrs. Lee muses out loud “Well, anyways, it’s been good to talk to you. I need to iron Jeno’s clothes, so we can speak later~ Ah, Jaemin, can you go bang on the bathroom’s door? Jeno’s taking too long on the shower!”
You chuckle as Mrs. Lee’s voice starts to fade in the background, the male probably walking off to the bathroom. Chenle and Jisung continue to bicker about PUBG, and right now, your heart is unexpectedly warm and fuzzy, unlike the feeling of emptiness you had until some hours ago.
“Yah, Park Jisung, how could you miss that shot?!”
“He was moving!”
“HE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!”
You and Jaemin snicker, amused with the duo’s antics. At some point, Chenle’s words became slurred enough for you to not understand his chinese accent, while Jisung kept making strange and confused noises. You hear some shuffling on Jaemin’s end, background voices, and something that seems like Jaemin taking off his headphones.
“Are you on the server?” You recognize Jeno’s voice and you suppress the urge to scream in everyone’s ears just to annoy him.
“Yeah? Why?” You doze off for a bit, staring at the wall in front of you expressionless. You don’t understand what Jeno says next, only waking up from your daydream when the Jaemin says “Hey, I’ll have to go now, and it’s better if the kids also start to get ready for prom too.”
“I’m not a kid anymore” Jisung mutters, and you can imagine the pout on his lips even if you don’t actually see it.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that—” Jaemin snorts, “Anyways, y/n, I’ll text you later whenever we’re picking you up or if it’s better to come here to Jeno’s house”
“Tell them I said hi!” You hear Jeno scream and a smile pops up on your face without even realizing it.
“Jeno said he hates all of you” Jaemin lies shamelessly, and you hear the other boy screaming at him while he laughs his ass off. “Whatever, bye!”
The party was mesmerizing.
You weren’t going to lie, you’d thought the school wouldn’t spend this much effort on prom, judging by the ex-students that graduated last year, who said the school barely paid any effort on decorating the hall. But his year, they seemed to be redeeming themselves for their previous mistake.
There was an elegant chandelier hanging from the ceiling right in the entrance, each shard reflecting a different light in the walls that made you mesmerized. The hall was decorated in golden tones, giving the ambient a luxurious vibe that really made everything feel like you were finally entering adulthood. Each table had a delicate flower arrangement with candles, which honestly, made you flabbergasted.
The moment your eyes laid on the dancing floor, you felt an inexplicable unease deep down in your stomach. The lights were perfect, the DJ contracted by the school had only played good songs in the short five minutes you were in the party, and everything was absolutely flawless, so why were you upset?
“Do you miss him too?” Donghyuck’s quiet voice snaps you out of your trance, only then that both of you were frozen right in the entrance, where everyone was taking their pictures. You eye Chenle and Jisung, both going ahead, already saving a table for all of you. Their fancy tuxedo contrasted with their green and pink hair, making a funny sight overall.
“Stop talking like Mark is dead” Jeno laughs weakly, elbowing him. Renjun had his eyes lost in the view, obviously, head flying over the skies. It didn’t need a genius to guess what was going on inside his head.
“It feels incomplete” Renjun mutters, and you swear you saw his eyes watering. You purse your lips and look away, already feeling the emotions wanting to pour out. “I mean, we started as eight. Why are we ending with only seven?”
“Actually, we started with six— Chenle and Jisung are younger, even if we forget that sometimes” Jaemin shrugs off and Renjun rolls his eyes.
“You know what I meant, don’t try to be funny!” Renjun snarls, making grabby hands at Jaemin, wanting to choke him.
“Well, let’s stop this depressing conversation. I miss Mark, but it’s really lame if we end in ugly tears right on prom night.” You finally say, taking a deep breath. To try to lighten up the mood, you smile teasingly “Ah, by the way, my mascara is waterproof, but I’m not sure about the rest of my makeup, so you fuckers better behave!”
“Won’t promise anything,” Donghyuck chuckles and you slightly slap him. He runs his hand through his hair, making a mess on top of his head, but you had to admit that he looked good that way “We have a show to do, right? Let’s do this, so we’re free to drink”
“They have drinks here?” Jeno raises his eyebrow, surprised. Hyuck smirks knowingly, a shit eating grin that you knew too well.
“Nah, I brought them” He snorted, and you couldn’t help but to laugh along. Chenle and Jisung came back, the latter without his blazer, as he used it to mark the table you were taking as occupied. At the sight of them, Hyuck smiles and raises his fist to the center, nudging everyone to form a circle. “Let’s do a cheer, hm?”
“Who will lead this time?” You can’t help but ask, a bittersweet feeling taking over your emotions. You observe quietly as they gaze at each other’s faces, silently debating who was the most proper one to take the honor.
“You should take this one, noona,” Jisung says after seconds of silence, making you widen your eyes in surprise.
“What?”
“I agree,” Jeno nods approvingly, a proud smile on his face that you don’t quite understand. He exchanges glances with Jaemin, who has a similar expression on his face, and you can’t help but to feel left out of some hidden information both of them have. “It’s only right. The one to lead the cheer has to be some type of leader, and you fit that profile.”
“Ah, fuck” You raise your face suddenly, looking up to the ceiling and wiping tiny tears from the corner of your eyes. Your voice wavers a bit and you hear the boys laugh fondly, a tiny smile also appearing on your lips. “I said I wasn’t going to cry now, why the fuck are you guys making it so difficult for me?” You whine, sounding more like a crybaby than teenager-slash-adult.
“C’mon, let’s end this properly, right?” Renjun laughs and you feel his hand resting on your shoulder, squeezing it softly. You gulp, taking another deep breath and extending your fist alongside the other ones. Your hand is slightly smaller than theirs, but the image of them forming a circle is something you’ll certainly hold deep in your heart for a long time.
“Yo, Dream!”
“Jjeoreo! Juja! Fighting!”
“1, 2, 3… Testing, 1, 2, 3” You send Chenle a pointed look, but the boy just giggles cheekily. You shake your head, smiling with his antics, and you take your sweet time to adjust the microphone stand to your height.
The lights dim slowly, until nothing could be seen upstage. You sigh, closing your eyes for a second and allowing yourself to take in all the things. Every student’s expectant gaze, some school staff and buffet staff who were also enjoying the moment and the weight of the future on your shoulders. All the uncertainty and fears you held deep inside your chest, along with the unsaid feelings for someone who was out of reach.
For three minutes and forty seven seconds, you let go of all of that.
“As the world I’m heading towards and matching up to is getting bigger, it makes me feel an emptiness somehow”
“As if solving up the scattered pieces, we are matching up our stories. Inside the empty spot in my heart, there’s a piece called you taking place”
“You’re my missing puzzle piece, finally I solved it. You filled every piece of my heart even the scarred part of it to the fullest and somehow, you’ve become my everything. My missing puzzle piece”
“The fact that I have a flaw, the truth that I am imperfect. All of it makes me feel small. But in between those gaps, we can fill one another with it, so I don’t even realized that it was empty”
“More than having everything, not losing that one thing is more important. Through you, I came to know that”
“You’re my missing puzzle piece, very dazzling, it becomes one scene inside the world that I’ve been trying to put together alone. Like the hands that are interlocking tight together, because without you, it can’t be completed, so that we won’t lose each other, my missing puzzle piece”
The performance runs smoothly, your voices complementing each other in beautiful harmonies. You pour all of your emotions into each part, feeling like you’re letting go of a burden. When the music ends, you feel slightly lost, but at the same time, as if you’d never lose your direction in the future.
"Thank you, the music club, for this heartwarming performance." The principal says as you leave the stage with a bow. He clears his throat to continue with his speech "Friendships like yours are beautiful and incredibly rare, so I advise you, young ones, to treasure all the tiny moments you spend with each of your friends. High School is the first time you came in contact with a bit of the adult world. And sadly, High School probably is the last time you're still able to be a kid freely, to live without worrying about responsibilities. From now on, you're adults. You're responsible for every action and every decision you take, being them wrong or rightful ones. You're free to choose whatever path you want to pursue in your life, and which ones you will want to have with you in your journey. Hard times will come— but don't forget everything you lived until now. It's okay to lean on your family and friends when things become too heavy to handle alone. Hold each other close, and I'll assure you, you're going to be fine"
You can't help but to feel touched by the principal's words. The corners of your lips curve upwards and you take a quick glance through the faces of your friends, memorizing them in your mind.
"Okay, now I'm skipping the cheesy part. I'm sure no one wants to hear the long speech I prepared about college and responsibilities anyway" The principal fumbles with his papers comically, erupting a roar from the crowd. He smiles satisfied. "Now, for the interesting part you all waited for! For years now, our school keeps the tradition of choosing a king and a queen to prom. Now, I'm inviting our dear Mrs. Park to come up to the stage to help me announce who is the charming couple who will receive the title of king and queen!"
"Hello, our dear graduates!" Mrs. Park cheered, the happiest you have ever seen her in your life. "As you know, the voting took place one week ago in the end of day at school, and today, we will have the pleasure of meeting our most loved couple—"
You tune her out, the principal’s speech still lingering in your head and making your thoughts run a hundred miles per second. The party’s walls felt too suffocating, almost as if they were closing on you, and you knew you couldn’t stay there for much longer.
“Are you okay?” Jaemin whispered, his hand squeezing your shoulder comfortably. You sighed, shaking your head
“Yeah,” You said, your voice wavering and clearly stating that even you weren’t sure “I just need some fresh air”
“Alright” He nods, tapping lazily on your head. You take that as a good sign and you flee your group discreetly. You pass the golden arch by the side entrance, admiring silently the shiny decoration that made the hall look ten times more illuminated than it really was.
When you finally cross security and find somewhere more private, you’re at some kind of garden. It’s not fully in the open, as you can see the tall walls that limit the building, but it’s a nice spot to admire the night sky. The first thing you notice is the chilly air— You clearly remember the weather being warmer when you were outside, so you guess that the sun fully setting was enough to make the temperature drop.
The stars are bright in the sky. They twinkle at you, and for a second, you think that they’re trying to pass a hidden message to you. Strangely, you feel your shoulders relax, releasing all the tension you built for the past minutes just by being with the comforting presence of stars. You close your eyes, breathing deeply and taking a few seconds to calm down the flood of anxious thoughts that invaded your mind.
“Oh, you’re here”
You go blank. You feel frozen in place, your entire body refusing to move a single muscle. Your eyes are wide open and you feel like you’re not physically able to turn your neck, almost as if there was something on it preventing you from looking behind you. That something was anxiety, you soon realize, ready to cry on the spot.
Your lower lip starts to tremble and you feel thousands of different emotions burning in your chest, ready to burst at any moment. Taking a deep inhale, you shyly turn your head, afraid that the voice was just a cruel prank of destiny.
“Mark” His name leaves your lips along with all the air in the lungs. You don’t cry— You were shocked enough to make all brain power short circuit completely.
Mark Lee stood in all his glory, right here, right now. Less than three steps of distance. In Seoul, not in Vancouver, like you were thinking until a minute ago. You were sure this was an image you would be able to see only in your dreams, but somehow, you were living the real thing, seeing Mark Lee attend the school’s prom. His dark hair was styled handsomely, parted exactly in the middle and showing his forehead for the entire world to see. He wore a black suit, his blazer left open lazily showing off the navy tie and the white blouse under it.
“What— Mark—” You gasp, the words losing themselves in your throat, “Weren’t you supposed to be in Canada right now? What the—”
“Hm?” He raises his eyebrows in surprise, and you’re more confused than ever “Didn’t Jaemin and Jeno tell you?”
“Tell me what?” You shriek, almost screaming on the spot. Mark chuckles at your reaction, making that annoying, warm feeling bubble up again. He takes a timid step forward, so you’re face to face, an arm's distance from him. You hear a tiny voice in the back saying that you were dreaming— Maybe you were still in bed, probably in deep slumber, that was the only fucking way—
“There was a problem in our plane,” He starts explaining, doe eyes never leaving yours. His stare slightly overwhelms you. It’s full of unsaid feelings and memories, and you’re afraid of what will change if you admit your own feelings. “I got one more day until the next flight, so here I am"
"Wow…" You say, not being able to think of anything else to express yourself out loud while trying to understand what the fuck was happening. Mark smirks, amused with your shocked expression and lack of words. "Why didn't you say that sooner? Oh fuck, wait, you said that Jaemin and Jeno already knew? What the actual fuck— Why did you get late? Well, I'm not complaining, since you're here when I actually thought that I would never see you again because you were going to stay with your family and there was no guarantee that you would actually come back, and if you even came back to Korea how was I supposed to deal with— Oof"
Mark efficiently shuts you up by bringing you to his chest by the shoulders, your face hitting his body gently in a hug. He is chuckling fondly, and you note (quite embarrassingly, if you were to add) that you can feel the way his heart beating fast because you were leaning directly on his chest.
"Calm down, you're hyperventilating" He whispers in your ear, making a chill run down your spine. Again, you have to actively remind yourself to breathe properly. You take in his scent, burying your nose in his collarbone, and you feel his fingers tracing random patterns over the fabric of your dress. "Well, for starters, I was in the airport since midnight— The flight was supposed to be at 2am, but it was delayed to 4am. After that, they delayed again to 6am, and then to 8am. At that point, my parents were pissed and decided to speak with some manager, and he said he was sorry and that he could reschedule us into a first class that was going to leave tomorrow, so boom! Here we are,"
"That's great—" You choke out. Mark's face softens and he removes one of his hands in your waist to carefully wipe something in your face. Shit, were you crying? "Ah, shit, I had a bet with Jisung that I wouldn't cry today. You're making it really hard for me, Mark Lee!" You whine, and the boy just chuckles.
"I guess I'm sorry?" He smiled sheepishly. "By the way, I called Jeno and Jaemin his afternoon after a good nap and told them. Didn't they tell you?"
"No!" A pout appears on your face. You sigh, wrapping your hands in Mark's waist and burying your head again in his collarbone. For some reason, you really liked the smell of his cologne. "Can I murder them?"
"Nah, at least hear their reasons first. Then you can do whatever you want" He shrugs off. You hear the music booming inside the hall and you don't even notice when Mark starts swinging around lazily. "By the way, you don't have to worry too much, okay? It sounds bad if I word it like this, but I'll be back from Canada in no time"
"Are you implying that your grandma—"
"Damn, I already said that it isn't like that!" He whines, making you chuckle. He sighs deeply, leaning his chin on the top of your head. "I mean, I don't plan on staying in Canada for too long. Even if my parents decide to stay back there, I'm still coming to Korea after all the mess finally gets finished. My whole life is here, after all"
"...whole life…?" You repeat, leaning your head back so you can stare at Mark's dark eyes directly. He blushes, a shy smile appearing on his lips
"Yeah," You smile at him, your chest covered in warmth despite the chill weather "I grew up here in South Korea. I might be born in Canada, but what Vancouver has to offer is absolutely no match for what I already have in Seoul. You and the other kids"
You don't say anything, although it is more like, you can't think of anything good enough to express what you're feeling right now. Mark breathes deeply and his face changes to something more serious. He breaks the hug gently, instead, going for your hands and taking them in his own.
"Y'know, five nights ago, when I told you I was going to go back, I said that I wasn't going to say anything," He shakes his head, as if reviving a memory "I told myself that it would be too selfish to burden you with my feelings and to go away for months or years, with no predictions of when I was going to come back."
"I already knew, tho" You reveal shyly, staring at your connected hands. "Your feelings, I mean"
"Yeah, I'm not the best when it comes to hiding them—" Mark laughs and you chuckle, raising your head to look directly at him again. "Anyway, that night, when I left your house, I felt horrible. You know, those anxious thoughts? I didn't know anymore if I was sure of what I was doing. For one part, I want to see you happy, more than anything in the world. Even if that happiness lies with another person, that would be okay for me as long you were happy and satisfied. But the other half of me is selfish— What if I had lost my chance? What if I messed things up? What if the long time really tears us apart?"
"It won't" You assure weakly, gripping his hands more firmly. He nods, agreeing with you.
"Those were like, 3 am insecure thoughts." He clarifies, "I was going to leave without saying anything, I swear. But this plane problem came up, and fuck, call me stupid or any shit like that, but I feel like it's a sign? Like, really, what are the chances that something happens exactly like this?"
"Maybe the airport manager is some kind of angel?" You joke, making him chuckle with you.
"Yeah, maybe" He takes a deep breath before returning to his monologue "So, fuck everything I thought was right until like, a night ago. I'm going to be really selfish, and I'm really sorry for it, but... I love you. I don't know how, or when it happened, but I love every part of you, no matter how much you dislike them."
"Mark—"
"No, please, let me say everything at once, okay?" He pleads. You nod, letting him have his moment "I realized it too late. All the protectiveness over the whole Hyunjin thing, I thought it was a normal thing to feel as friends, because the other kids also hated him— But there was a moment that everything clicked, and I was like, fuck, I really like her, and then, it was like a switch being activated. I started seeing everything from a different point of view and slowly it came to me why I wasn't upset about Kang Mina back then. It was never her, y'know? There is such a big difference between the things I thought I felt for her and the things I actually feel for you— Wait, why are you crying again?"
Mark pauses his speech, looking at you bewildered. You sniff loudly, the tears pooling on the corner of your eyes, and you shake your head.
"It's just—" You look upwards overwhelmed, trying to reduce your tears "Sorry, this feels too much like a dream and a nightmare at the same time. I'm scared of what I feel about you— I'm scared that I'll love you too much, and then you'll end up leaving"
"I'm sorry" Mark's face falls and he has guilt written all over his eyes. "I'm being extremely selfish right now"
"No, no, it's okay" You reassure quickly, shaking your head, "I'm just a crybaby, as usual.. Ah, is my makeup fucked up right now?" You chuckle nervously, trying to change the tense mood.
“It’s a bit smudgy here, but you’re still pretty” He says, his thumb wiping the corner of your eyes with so much care that you feel like you’re going to melt under his touch. You take a deep breath, locking your own eyes with his and forcing yourself to maintain them there
“Look, I don’t know if I made it clear enough, but…I do like you—” You shake your head at your own words “No, wait, I think it’s safe to say that I love you at this point. I feel like I’m about to combust every single time, and I lowkey hate it, because at the same time you make me feel funny inside and also trigger a lot of anxious thoughts— Those aren’t your fault, of course, but they still happen every once in a while”
“What are you worried about?” His voice is quiet, almost as if he was stepping on eggshells. You’re again, reminded that Mark Lee was one of the sweetest and most caring boys you’ve ever met, and that he was worried about you.
“I feel like I’m not enough. Like, hell, you’re fucking Mark Lee and I’m just same, old, me” Your voice cracks painfully “Jeno was right— I think I have some abandonment issues, and lowkey speaking, I think I’m a big burden to carry around, even more if you’re going to the other side of the globe in less than one day”
“You’re not a burden” He is quick to counter, his grip on your hand making a good job on grounding you to reality. “Having abandonment issues or not, you’re still you at the end of the day. I think I already said this before, but I love every single part of you, even the bad ones that come around. I’m not going to leave you behind for anything in this world— Fuck, I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if I did that”
“...” You’re speechless, feeling the urge to cry, but also not wanting to ruin what was left of your makeup. Your nose scrunches into a cute pout and Mark lets out a soft chuckle at your funny expression.
“If you’re up to it… I think we could try something?” His voice wavers, slightly hesitant. “You don’t have to feel pressured to agree, of course! It’s just that— I want you to know that I’m willing to wait until we can be together properly. That I won’t meet anyone else, because you’re the one that—”
“Yeah, it’s a good idea.” You cut Mark’s ramblings, a small smile appearing on your lips. His shoulders relax immediately, relieved that he didn’t make a fool of himself. You stood in a comfortable silence, taking your time to process all of the information that was dumped on you in the last fifteen minutes. Mark suddenly gasps and looks at you with wide eyes
“Holy shit, does that mean that now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” He squeaks, making you raise your eyebrows at him amusedly
“You were the one who asked!” You can’t help but to tease him, finding extremely cute how his cheekbones moved around in his many expressions
“Oh yeah, right,” He mutters to himself. “Does that mean that I can kiss you? I mean, now that we’re boyfriend and—”
You raise yourself on your toe tips, your hands cupping Mark's cheeks and bringing his face closer, connecting your lips and efficiently shutting him up. It feels strangely like a bunch of fireworks being set off in your chest, with sparks of electricity running in your body by every second. Mark's lips are soft, perfect against your own. All of his previous awkwardness disappears in question of seconds, as he pulls you by your hips against him, your own hand moving from his cheeks to the back of his head, messing with his hair mindlessly. His tongue is the first to ask entrance in your mouth, and you part your lips without second thoughts just to feel his tongue clashing directly against yours in sync.
The kiss breaks off with your lungs burning, both of your breaths heavy, but that doesn't stop you from giving one last affectionate peck on his lips before backing down with your feet fully on the ground. You give him a bright smile, not paying any attention to how you feel your entire face and neck burning, focused only on Mark Lee and how your heart feels like it's going to burst out of your rib cage soon.
"That was… great," His smile makes his entire cheekbones go upwards, exposing some cute dimples on their way. He looks at you like you're his entire world, and for a second, you're lost in the way his eyes twinkle, almost if they are lost brothers of the shiny stars in the night sky. He leans his head towards you again, his forehead against yours and eyes staring at your soul. His left hand goes to his blazer pocket, taking a red pendrive from it and offering to you.
"What is this?" You take it, fingers carefully touching the device as if they were some kind of lost treasure. Mark grins at you.
"It's called Dear Dream, actually—"
“MARK FUCKING LEE, HOW DARE YOU”
You let out a high pitched scream, feeling someone throw all their weight on top of you, almost making you lose your balance and fall down if it wasn't for Mark and his spidey-sense reflex, supporting you with his arm behind you.
"LEE DONGHYUCK, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
You finally come down to earth after near death experience— Is your heart still beating? Just to be sure, you put your palm on your chest, feeling the unsteady beats combine with the deep breaths. Donghyuck has one arm around you, and another in Mark's shoulders, crocodile tears on his face. You see Renjun running through the entrance, screaming something at the other boy, Chenle and Jisung after him with some big smiles and Jaemin and Jeno at the back, grinning like some twisted version of proud parents™
"You absolutely fucking bastard! How dare you?!" Hyuck shrieks, and you take a step back just to make sure you're not caught in the crossfire, however, you don't let go of Mark's right hand. "I come to make sure y/n hasn’t killed herself and suddenly you appear out of nowhere?! What the fuck— I'm feeling extremely betrayed right now what the hell"
"Hyung!" Jisung exclaims, wide eyed "What are you doing here?"
"None of you actually know?" Mark gasps, glaring at Jeno and Jaemin, both of them shrugging off "What— I thought I asked you two to deliver the news?"
"Nah, too much work." Jaemin smirks innocently, making his best to show puppy eyes to be let off the hook. "We were like, debating if we should let the crybabies know, because it would be really cool if we were drowning in tears in one moment and in the next— boom! Mark Lee is fucking back! Oh, no, not actually back, but you got the hang of it"
"What do you mean crybaby?" Hyuck whines, still clutching Mark as if he was afraid of letting him go. "I'm not a crybaby, what are you saying? I’m suing you for spreading wrong rumors about my cold, totally devoid of emotions—"
"You're crying" Chenle deadpans, an amused smile decorating his face.
"Besides, it was a nice surprise, wasn't it?" Jeno grins sheepishly, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "The plan worked— Hyuck is crying, y/n is crying, Jisung is trying to disguise his tears but we all saw it anyway and Injunnie is crying somewhere deep inside!"
"I cried a lot and ruined all of my makeup, I hope you're proud," You sniff bitterly, making everyone laugh at your miss fortune. You feel Mark's thumb caressing the back of your hand fondly.
"Donghyuck has the worst timing ever, I swear to god—" Renjun rolls his eyes, glaring at said boy who whines again in response. You feel the heat going back to your cheeks, suddenly shy under the knowing gazes of your friends
"I dunno what you're talking about?" You pout childishly, hoping that they save you from all the teasing and embarrassment, but of course they won't.
"Good try, our dear y/nnie!" Renjun smirks at you, finding amusement on how your cheeks redden up, along with Mark's neck turning a slight pink colour. "But well, you see, Mark has his lips tinted in red, and he hasn't let go of your hand since we found you two— So tell me, are you finally together after all this time of simping for each other like some kind of dumb Disney movie?"
"Fuck you Renjun," Mark sighs, earning another laugh from the dreamies. He raises your connected hands in the air, showing them to the world, and you watch with a dumb smile as your friends' faces lighten up one by one until all of them have that same genuine smile.
"It happened?" Jisung mutters rhetorically, awestruck. You feel your eyes water with all those overwhelming emotions, but you limit yourself to a simple nod, curving your lips upward. Mark smiles shyly, not answering the youngest with words, but rather with actions. He gives you a light peck on the top of your head, proud with how their faces soften.
"I'm happy for you. You deserve someone good, hm? Not that our Markie is the bestest example, but c'mon, he's at least decent!" Donghyuck says teasingly, letting go of Mark to envelop you in a bear hug with a little laugh, his hand messing with your hair. You nod against him, not trusting yourself to come up with a verbal response, "I still hate Mark for not telling us earlier that he was coming to prom, but I guess that everything ended well, so perhaps we can forgive him, right?"
"Yeah," You chuckle, amused with Hyuck's antics and your boyfriend's absolutely done expression.
Boyfriend, hm? That sounded good in your ears.
"Hey, now that we sorted this mess, let's go inside" Jeno pleads, sighing. "We're kinda losing the whole point of prom being outside like this—"
You hum in agreement and all of you set off to go back inside, your hand finding Mark's one naturally as you match each other's pace. He suddenly stops, clearing his throat and successfully gaining the attention of everyone.
"Hey guys, let's do this" His voice is firm, confident. You send him a confused look, but he just smiles proudly at all of you. "Yo, dream!"
it's all flooding back, this is only one part
this is just a bit, believe this is our bookmark
we were swept away by the current so naturally
but i don't want this to sound like
we're about to depart
if i ever get lost
i won't turn to dust
i'mma call back,
don't forget my tone
whenever you shout out like we used to
hope we always feel like,
“Let´s do it! Fighting!”
#nct#nct dream#mark lee#renjun#jeno#haechan#jaemin#chenle#jisung#nct angst#nct fluff#nct x reader#huang renjun#lee jeno#lee donghyuck#na jaemin#zhong chenle#park jisung
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Essential Avengers: Avengers #216: “... To Avenge the Avengers!”
February, 1982
"Avenge us, Tigra! The Molecule Man must die!”
Eesh, the Avengers plus Silver Surfer have gone full Hamlet’s Dad on Tigra and she’s gonna cat Molecule Man and his plush himself to death. But he’s ready for it.
But why? Well...
Last time: Silver Surfer inadvertently gave Molecule Man the idea to eat Earth. The Avengers and the Surfer teamed up to stop him but he just Molecule Manned their sweet gear into nothing, captured them all, and then stomped them under a giant boot-o-matic crusher! Except Tigra who he kept around because he wanted someone to talk at and because Tigra had claimed that she liked him!
This time: “Tigra... the Last Avenger!”
Nice touch that the book name inside the book has been changed to match even if the cover hasn’t.
That is a tough hat to wear. Did you know its only been a little over a week since she joined the team?
And in that time she got thrown into space by an Elf-Queen, watched a founding Avenger have an emotional breakdown and try to kill his friends to make them like him again, had her soul set on fire, been repeatedly harassed in public, and watched the whole team be killed with her life only being spared because she begged for her life!
Is this the worst week and change in Avengers history? IT MIGHT WELL BE!
“She was spared. The fear of death has drained away now, leaving only emptiness behind. She has never felt so alone.”
This narration set in the same panel where Molecule Man is all but slapping the giant boot and going ‘this bad boy can crush so many fucking Avengers in it.’
Well really, its more like
Molecule Man: “Well, cat-lady, they’re dead! Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and that Silver Surfer guy -- squished flat by my giant boot-o-matic crusher! You know, I made this thing out of molecules from a scrapyard! Yessir, I believe in recycling!”
But that’s about the same level of dissonance between jolly goofus villain rambling and hollow despair.
Anyway, Molecule Man calls her out on being such a bummer because she’s moping over there when he’s feeling good about killing the Avengers and really Tigra try to consider how he feels geez.
So she shakes off the despair and asks hey what exactly is Molecule Man going to do with her?
Tigra: “Am I going to be your mate or...”
Molecule Man: “What? Nah! I never got along with girls! I mean, you know... that way! Yessir, mom always warned me about... that! And she was right! You can be my friend! No! Make that -- my pet! Here, kitty, kitty!”
Wow.
That. That dodged a bullet in a cool Matrix bullet time way right into another bullet.
Let’s please not get too creepy with this, huh? You listening to me, comic published nearly forty years ago? Let’s not get creepy!
Molecule Man decides to be a responsible pet owner and feed his pet. He can control molecules so obviously it should be no trouble to just rearrange them into any configuration he--
Okay, its apparently really hard to make food! Way too complicated!
He’s going to be an irresponsible pet owner and not feed Tigra. And meanwhile he’s going to chow down on some undifferentiated mush or possibly a pile of dust. Its all molecules so its all the same to him.
Tigra didn’t even want food but asks him where the bathroom is.
Molecule Man: “Bathroom? Hmm... well, I really don’t understand how plumbing works, so I couldn’t make a bathroom! If you want, though, I could sort of fake it...”
Tigra: “No, I’ll be all right! i just feel a little sick...”
Molecule Man: “So go be sick for a while! I’ve got to get started on my little project anyway! If I’m going to eat this stupid planet -- I’ve got to prepare by clearing away all the living things from a few square miles of land.”
And he gets started! A giant ridge of land just peels up from the ground, like Molecule Man is skinning a fruit before eating. Also a volcano erupts. Pretty sure there weren’t any volcanoes in New Jersey before now.
Fairly sure.
Outside the dome, thankfully the army has been evacuating everyone in a fifty-mile radius or else a lot of people would be dead. VOLCANO.
Then the Fantastic Four arrive.
Yayyyyy! Oh whoa whoa, Fantastic Fourrr!
They’ve got the best Molecule Man mashing record so they’re here to do what they do do.
Which in this context is fail like champs.
Ben Grimm the Thing tries to shatter the dome with a punch and no dice. Then Human Torch cranks up to nova flame and applies the heat of a sun on one little spot on the dome.
Johnny about wears himself out doing it and still no result.
Guess Iron Man, Thor, and Silver Surfer > a pinpoint miniature sun.
Meanwhile inside, Molecule Man tells Tigra hey get a load of this. And then he levitates a couple billion gallons of water from the Delaware River and dumps it on the Fantastic Four, plus the army, washing them away.
Invisible Woman: “Reed, it -- it doesn’t seem possible!”
Mr. Fantastic: “Everything is made of molecules, Sue! Anything is possible for the Molecule Man!”
Molecule Man far too hax.
But meanwhile, gasp, the Avengers weren’t actually all killed in a book with their name on it! This is unprecedented!
And Silver Surfer is ready to explain their unlikely survival of giant crushing boot.
See, Silver Surfer wasn’t quite as knocked unconscious as the three Avengers so he played possum. When Molecule Man put the Avengers plus Silver Surfer in the crushing boot and when it was just about to crush, Silver Surfer used the Power Cosmic to disintegrate the bottom part of the boot so that the Avengers and him fell to a lower floor. Completely uncrushed!
So that’s good.
The bad is that Silver Surfer has to report that Tigra is still in Molecule Man’s clutches.
The awkward is that Iron Man and Thor lost their armor and hammer respectively so Cap is like ‘wait, what are Tony Stark and Perfectly Normal Dr. Donald Blake doing here??’
So Tony and Don come clean about his secret ID.
Tony Stark, Actually Iron Man: “I feel a little foolish about keeping that secret from you till now! I’m sure Don feels the same way...”
Donald Blake, Dr. Thor: “Right, Tony...”
So now Cap is in on the secret which previously bound Tony and Don together as the Best Friends Avengers Who Aren’t Beast and Wonder Man.
Remember when they discovered each other’s secret IDs? Good times. Well, weird times. That was the issue when that hates-robots group suicide bombed Vision for dating a meat woman.
Also, Tony was only wearing underwear under the Iron Man armor so Don gave him his suit jacket to wear as a loincloth. Mighty nice of him.
Silver Surfer has just been standing on the sides not caring about all this secret ID nonsense or personal drama so he chimes in to point out that Molecule Man is going to eat the planet unless they stop him.
Cap decides that he and the Surfer have to strike before Molecule Man realizes they’re alive. Tony and Don have the important mission to hide somewhere safe.
Tony and Don object to being sidelined. Strongly.
Tony: “You think Iron Man is just a suit of armor, Cap? Is that what you’re saying?”
Don: “I found this rod to use as a makeshift cane! It won’t change me into a thunder god, but it’ll help me get around -- if only to draw fire!”
Tony: “Like it or not, we’re with you!”
Don: “The Avengers stand assembled, Captain America! Now, lead us!”
Cap: “All right! I get the message! I should have known better than to think you’d -- I mean, you two are the best...”
Tony: “Save it, Cap! We’ve got work to do!”
Aww.
This is everything I could have hoped for out of secret ID reveal. Cap starts thinking of them as civilians now that they have real person names but ultimately it brings them closer as teammates.
I love it. Granted, I love it because my favorite form of Avengers is a group of friends and set of interpersonal dramas roughly shaped like a superhero team.
Later, in the nighttime and in the room that Molecule Man made for Tigra.
... Wow, Molecule Man.
Wow.
So we’ve got a giant cat shaped bed. A giant, terrifying cat head on the wall. And a giant ball of yarn. But not giant sized cat tree? Fie and shame.
Anyway, Tigra is sitting on bed lamenting and decrying the Fantastic Four’s failure. Especially as it pertains to her situation.
Tigra: “I -- I just can’t believe the Fantastic Four failed! How could they let me -- and the world down like that? How could they? Right now, Reed Richards is probably locked in his lab trying to invent a gizmo that’ll pierce the dome! Hmf! Who knows how long that might take? The Molecule Man plans to eat the Earth tomorrow morning!”
Nothing like a nice filling breakfast, I guess.
She grants that Reed doesn’t know there’s an everyone’s-deadline so instead Tigra bemoans that it’s all up to her.
Tigra: “I should have tried to jump him today! I can’t believe I didn’t! I was standing right next to him a couple of times! I’m cat-quick! Why didn’t I lunge at him and claw him to shreds before he could move? Could it be because my muscles felt like jelly -- ? I was trembling -- ? In shock -- ? Afraid of him? Hey, shouldn’t I be? I mean, I saw him crush my friends to a bloody smear! And I had a spooky feeling that he was somehow, secretly ready for an attack -- and hoping I’d give him an excuse to dice me into furry cubes!”
And because this is a Tigra character beat page, she also thinks about how easy the hero gig used to seem when it was for smaller stakes. But with the actual literal fate of the world at stake... “I never thought that when the big test came I’d be a scaredy cat!”
But she remembers what Cap said during the Ghost Rider story that its not wrong to be frightened if you don’t let fear dictate your actions.
So she creeps out into the night to Molecule Man’s bedroom.
Oh, that’s a neat touch.
Her shadow on the wall looks a lot like a tiger because her hair curls at the end like a tail.
Neat.
So anyway, she doesn’t understand how Molecule Man can be so confident that he’s just sleeping with his door wide open and with no defenses and wonders if there’s a trap or whether he’s just counting on her to think that there’s a trap.
She’s about five seconds from a full-blown I know you know that I know that you know episode.
The only way to find out is just go for it so she creeps into the room. The garish room.
This is even more wow than Tigra’s room.
But as she creeps into the room and up to the enormous, ridiculous bed, she realizes that she has to kill him. If she attacks and doesn’t kill him with the first strike, what he could do is too horrible for her to imagine.
But what she doesn’t realize is that Molecule Man isn’t sleeping soundly and isn’t unprepared.
He’s stretched monomolecular filaments across the room, too thin for even Tigra to spot.
Now usually monomolecular filaments is one of those ‘oops I’ve been cut to pieces by invisible wires’ thing. You’ve probably seen it in a couple of anime. But this is more like a bunch of cans on a string.
Tigra breaks one of the filaments while she creeps forward. Something that she couldn’t possibly know but which instantly alerts him.
And his response is a “Oh, ho! Just wait’ll she tries it! This’ll be fun!”
Because Tigra’s instinct was correct. Molecule Man was keeping her around just to kill when she finally tried anything. Its been a game. See how far he can push Tigra and how messily he can deal with her when she loses.
This is pretty tense stuff! Well, it lasts a page so it doesn’t overfocus on this specific tense scenario but still!
Tigra: “I’m in range! All I’ve got to do is spring and... and kill him! He murdered my friends! He’s going to destroy the whole world! I’ve got to kill him! Come on, lady! Do it! What’s wrong? He deserves it! He’s a murderer -- ! A rotten little wimp! He calls you ‘kitty’! Kill him! I hate him! I hate him! but... i just can’t kill him!”
And apologizing to Cap for not being able to go through with it, she slinks out of the room trying to think of another way.
Inside the room, Molecule Man sits up disgruntled, just not understanding at all why she didn’t go through with it. There’s no way she could have known that he was ready for her so why wouldn’t she try to do a murder!
And then as Tigra is wishing she had someone to talk to, someone grabs her and pulls her around a corner.
Boom, a comedy after all that one page of tension.
And it’s Cap because there’s like four people it could have been.
Tigra is elated that the Cap is alive, that she’s not alone anymore! And she tries to confess that she attempted to kill Molecule Man to avenge the Avengers. That maybe she should have because now she might lose them again!
Tony: “You did fine, Tigra! Relax!”
But she doesn’t feel like she did fine so she tries to explain that she let the Avengers down by giving into cowardice. She told Molecule Man she liked him to stay alive.
Cap: “Good strategy, Tigra -- preserving your life so you’d be able to carry on the battle!”
She tries to explain it wasn’t strategy so much as being terrified but she gets distracted because she’s just realized that in this group of Cap and Silver Guy there’s two people she doesn’t know.
Cap: “Dr. Don Blake, who’s secretly Thor and Tony Stark who is Iron Man’s alter ego!”
Her mood immediately flips.
Tigra: “You guys are really Thor and Iron Man? Really? And it’s okay for me to know? Really?”
Tony Stark: “Why not? Somehow those secrets seem pretty trivial, what with the world on the verge of being the Molecule Man’s breakfast!”
He says that but he still looks pretty annoyed at Cap just blurting it out.
And geez, Cap, you gotta let people reveal their own secret identities. Or make up some dumb excuse that everyone instantly believes.
Its the done thing.
In terms of Avengers drama though this is pretty good. Thor, Cap, and Iron Man have been working together for a really long time. Even though Cap didn’t form the Avengers he’s basically been there so long they consider him an honorary founder.
Cap learning Iron Man and Thor’s secret identities can be a ‘we should have told you sooner!’ thing.
Tigra just joined the team! Like a week ago!
They need to work together now and there’s probably no smooth lie that could paper over where Iron Man and Thor went and why these two are here now but its probably still a little galling that Cap just blurts it out to the newest person on the team.
Its great. I’d love to see the repercussions of this.
Anyway, time is short so Tony gets to explaining the plan.
He found his broken armor and managed to scavenge enough bits and pieces to make a little device he’s calling a screamer. It’ll emit a high-pitched noise that should disorient Molecule Man.
And then the device just poofs into smoke in Tony’s hand.
Whoops, Molecule Man overheard their plan to beat up Molecule Man and also heard Tony call him names.
So he pulls together all the loose dust in the room and uses it to strangle Tony.
Wow, they’ve gone from having a “layered assault” to watching someone literally choke on Molecule Man’s dust. That’s got to be the quickest turnaround from hope to nope.
Tigra goes wild, rushing at Molecule Man and screaming that she shoulda killed him before and she’s damn well going to scratch his face off now!
But Molecule Man asks her to talk to the hand. Zing.
Puns.
Although “Don’t scream at me, Kitty! ‘Cause I’ll slap you down!”
Sure. That’s good wordplay too.
Having just been comedically (although seriously) WHAP!’d across the room, Tigra has her own words to say.
Tigra: “You -- you weak, slimy excuse for a human being! How could I have stooped so low as to humble myself to garbage like you? So you’ve got power! Big deal! You were a nerd before -- you’re still a nerd! You were a mistake! You shouldn’t even have been born! You crybaby! All you do is blame the world for your own inedequacy! Go on, kill me, nerd! I despise living in the same world with you!”
Wow. She really took all those personal details he shared and slapped him upside the head with them.
Goes to show. Don’t try to destroy the world. People will have rude things to say.
Meanwhile, Cap and Silver Surfer are trying to save Tony but can’t clear the super condense dust faster than Molecule Man gathers it.
Cap tells Tigra to get Molecule Man because that’s their only chance but Tigra is too hurt from being slapped by a giant hand.
Molecule Man: “I’ve got to hand it to you guys, it must’ve taken some doing to escape my crusher! This time, I’m going to make sure you’re dead! Hmm... someone’s missing! But who?”
And he’s done process of elimination and realized that the guy Thor turned into is missing and figures he ran away when Entirely Normal But Furious Dr. Donald Blake tells Molecule Man to grit his teeth.
And then Molecule Man runs off yelling because Dr. Donald Blake can throw down. He possibly broke Molecule Man’s nose with that one punch.
Good job, Dr. Donald Blake.
With Molecule Man not focusing on the dust thing, Tony is free of the dust thing but unconscious. Dr. Donald Blake tells the others that he’ll take care of Tony and that they should go chase Molecule Man since they can run better than he can.
So Cap, Tigra, and Silver Surfer go off in pursuit of Molecule Man.
Silver Surfer reminds that he can track Molecule Man’s unique energies. Cap helpfully points out that they can also just track the trail of blood drips from Molecule Man’s nose. And Tigra goes ‘also I can smell him’ because its good to have three different ways to find a guy.
They find him in some sort of throne room (curled up in pain on the throne) and charge at him. But he’s not in the mood for their shenanigans.
So he sends a tidal wave of molecules at them.
Cap shouts for Silver Surfer to do something and he does do something indeed.
The Surfer blasts the wave of matter with the power cosmic so hard that it transmutes into raw energy and just explodes through the top of the palace in a beautiful pyrotechnic display.
It also completely exhausts the Surfer and he just kind of plops down for a nap right there on the ground.
Cap tells Tigra to watch the Surfer and then goes to take the Molecule Man on alone.
This isn’t a great plan but also their already small roster has kind of dwindled to this point.
And maybe Cap sort of doesn’t want to throw Tigra at Molecule Man when she’s already been hurt and was voicing all those doubts earlier. Can’t say for sure. She’s about to offer for help but Cap is like ‘WHOOPS NOW OR NEVER!’
Molecule Man must be in a whimsical mood, I mean more so than usual have you seen what he’s been getting up to? Because he converts some of the furnishings into a bunch of stars to shoot at Cap.
Its funny because Cap wears a star. It’d be ironic if he got smacked in the face with one, probably.
But Molecule Man activated Cap’s speechifying and that buffs him because nobody likes hearing Cap talk about freedom and justice and doing right more than Cap probably.
What I’m saying is that he leaps and gambols between the stars and I feel its because he has Stuff To Say that he’s doing so well.
Cap: “You make me sick, mister! They say power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, and you’re living proof of it! You might kill me! After all, I’m just an ordinary man -- but men like me have always found a way to bring high-and-mighty tyrants like you to their knees! There’s never enough power to save madmen like you -- from ultimate, bitter defeat!”
WAK!
And perhaps it wasn’t just his agility that was improved by inspirational speeching himself. Because he knocks Molecule Man down with that one punch and he doesn’t get back up.
Or maybe Molecule Man just has a glass jaw.
Don Blake and Tony Stark show up and Silver Surfer wakes up but he runs in with the rest anyway for some reason. Tony tells Tigra to watch Molecule Man while he has an Important Debate with Cap.
See, Tony has realized something. Knocking down Molecule Man is just the first step. If Molecule Man gets back up, he might start eating the Earth again and the Avengers might not be able to stop him.
So he asks Don Blake if there’s a medical way to just sort of keep Molecule Man knocked out.
Don Blake: “How? We can’t just keep hitting him on the head -- this isn’t a T.V. show! I mean, how hard do you hit him? How many times can you do that before causing serious brain damage... or death?”
Realism? In a comic book? What are YOU doing here??
Anyway, Tony doesn’t see any other option but to kill Molecule Man.
Cap protests that Molecule Man is a human being with rights to due process and a trial by jury of his peers!
But Tony is convincing the others. As an Actual Doctor, Don Blake doesn’t like to hear this. He wants to save lives. But he can’t refute Tony.
And Silver Surfer also seems on Team Tony.
Silver Surfer: “I understand what it is to sacrifice one life so that a multitude, a world might live! It seems clear that this Molecule Man cannot be imprisoned or held in check! He... must die to save the Earth... though I could never bring myself to slay him!”
Don’t you have the power cosmic? Surely there’s a power cosmic option available?
To be fair though his the power cosmic might be exhausted at the moment.
Still. Geez, Silver Surfer. ‘He gotta die but 1-2-3-not-it’ is really how you’re playing this??
Meanwhile, Tigra has decided that being asked to watch Molecule Man implies a certain duty perhaps even responsibility to tell him how much he sucks. Which is a lot.
And recall that she’s already told him how much he sucks earlier in the fight. So she has found a second wind in telling him how much he sucks.
Tigra: “You little jerk! Don’t you see? Cap was wrong! Power very seldom corrupts! It usually doesn’t change anything! It just magnifies what’s already there, whether it’s good and noble or evil and petty!”
“You were a nerd before... now you’re a powerful nerd! Big deal! Dummy! The shame of it is that with your power you can build... you can contribute! You don’t have to be a loser anymore!”
“Why are you such a fool? Why can’t you see that killing a planetful of people doesn’t make you even -- it just make you lonelier than ever!”
Wow. It feels like Tigra could hypothetically be talking about all different kinds of entitled nerds who then become the jerks as adults!
Anyway.
Tony and Cap are still arguing.
Tony, at least, isn’t going to ask someone to do something he wouldn’t do himself. I.e., he’s going to kill Molecule Man himself and save four billion people.
Cap: “Tony... please! I can’t let you do this!”
Tony: “You can take me in for murder afterward, Cap, but for now, stand aside! I’m warning you...”
Cap: “You’ll have to go through me, Tony...”
You’re warning him, Tony? You don’t have armor. You don’t even have pants. What are you going to do to supersoldier Captain America?
Logic aside, what strikes me is how much this foreshadows.
Before Civil War contrived that superhero registration, the big hot button superhero debate issue is whether superheroes should kill in extreme circumstances.
Spoilers for the NINETIES but the Regular and West Coast Avengers will come to schism and Cap and Iron Man will basically break up over whether or not to kill the Kree Supreme Intelligence after it engineered a war that killed 90% of the Kree people on purpose.
Shooter is long gone by that point but I guess someone is going to pick up the thread.
Because the debate doesn’t get settled here or rather does, sorta, in favor of Cap but not in a way he expects.
Interrupting the sad fist fight between Cap and a nearly naked man, Molecule Man pops up and tells everyone that Tigra has convinced him to turn his life around.
Tigra: “Guys, Mr. Owen Reece and I have talked, and, well, I convinced him to give himself up!”
Mr. Owen Reece: “Yes, I want to start seeing a therapist!”
Cap: “huh?”
Mr. Owen Reece: “I know I’ll have to go to jail... but that’s okay! It’ll give me time to think things out! I’ll make an opening in the dome now so you can call the authorities!”
Don Blake: “s-sure!”
God, that is just great. I love this as a resolution so much. This is a resolution that Squirrel Girl would bring us, although we’d get more of the actual convincing.
Still very, very good. Good to be optimistic in comics sometimes. Sometimes villains can seek redemption if only a cat yells at them long enough.
Although I think the best part is how baffled everyone is by the plot twist.
So with but a “Soon...” caption, the police have come to pick up Mr. Owen Reece and brought Miss Hanrahan who is going to be his therapist.
Holy crap, a therapist in Marvel who isn’t Doc Sampson but will work with superpowered nonsense!
Can we bring Miss Hanrahan back??
A couple things I like here.
One is that Mr. Owen Reece has changed off-panel into a suit instead of his supervillain costume. Now that’s him making an honest effort.
Two is Very Annoyed Tony Stark in the back of the pack of Avengers. He’s wearing a handkerchief as a mask because someone might recognize him as Tony Stark and then wonder ‘hey why is Tony Stark here.’
Three is the proud smile from Tigra when seeing Mr. Owen Reece meet his therapist.
Melts my heart a little.
Before he goes away to jail, Mr. Owen Reece takes a quick sidebar with the Avengers.
He retroactively feels just awful about ruining their various gadgets so he decides to make right.
He reintegrates Mjolnir, Toomie the surfboard, and Cap’s shield exactly as they were. Original molecules and all! They were so weird that he remembered where they all went.
As for Iron Man’s Iron Man armor.... look, he did his best.
Mr. Owen Reece: “But your armor, with all those complicated electronic gadgets is just too tricky for me to reassemble! You needed something more proper to wear till you get home, though -- so I whipped up some red and gold cloth and made you an Iron Man leisure suit! I hope it’s okay!”
Amazing. Simply incredible.
Although I think my favorite part was Mr. Owen Reece realizing ‘hey Iron Man should be wearing pants!’
Anyway, he also takes apart his Molecule Man Doom Fortress and puts those molecules back where he found them. More or less. He tries.
And, yes, he does rebuild the entire town of Netcong, New Jersey. Except the plumbing.
In a funny call back to Reece admitting he doesn’t really understand plumbing, none of the plumbing in the rebuilt town works.
Later, back at Avengers Mansion, Silver Surfer is offered a spot on the team but turns it down.
FOR THE PATHS OF DESTINY DO BECKON HIM DOWN A LONELY ROAD THAT MUST BE TRAVELED ALONE
Its the only who he has ever known. Except for all the time he spend with Galactus. Or the Defenders. Or later on when he has a companion to take on space nonsense.
Tigra also takes this time to say farewell.
Tigra: “I’m just not in the same league as you guys! I mean, sure I’ve got lots of super-ability, and, usually, I'm even pretty heroic -- but not up to your standard! I mean two of you, without your powers, no less, really showed me what it’s all about back there! And let’s face it, you guys mess with some heavy-duty opposition! I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead!”
=C
Noooooooooo
But but but Tigraaa you were a source of joy and fuuuuuuuun
You only joined at the end of #211! It’s only been about a week in-universe!
Darn.
The three other Avengers all say their goodbyes.
Thor reminds her that she was the one who turned around Mr. Owen Reece but Tigra says she got lucky.
Iron Man gives her one of Tony Stark’s cards and tells her to call Tony Stark who is definitely not him anytime she needs anything.
Jarvis even tears up at her leaving, although he denies it because a good butler never dies on duty and then blames his allergies.
And then Tigra is off. Damn. If I didn’t know who might be joining the Avengers soon I’d be completely inconsolable instead of just very.
So now the Avengers are down to just three members. That’s not a team. That’s a crossover. Probably why Jarvis wonders if a membership drive is in order.
NEXT: The return of... Yellowjacket, the Wasp, and Egghead!
I’m game for Wasp coming back! Don’t think it likely that Yellowjacket is just going to come back to the team just like that! And Egghead? The villain who blew up a city with a killsat and killed Hawkeye’s brother? Unlikely recruit!
(No I know that’s not what the NEXT means)
Hey, follow @essential-avengers because the Hank Pym just keeps happening. Like and reblog too please. Be sad with me that Tigra is gone.
#Avengers#Molecule Man#Tigra#Captain America#Iron Man#Thor#Silver Surfer#essential avengers#essential marvel liveblogging#Tigra the Last Avenger#would be a good name for a book#Molecule Man is bad at bathrooms and being nice#never before has a flimsier plan so immediately fallen apart#the Fantastic Four have a brief cameo and they don't enjoy it
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"A flower is no flower”
Word count: ~3k
Characters: Lucien (plus MC mentions? In any case, it’s Lucien-centric, lol)
Warnings: It’s about hanahaki disease, so there is choking, a blood mention, and mentions of puking. Oh, also, tiny note: I wrote this before chapter 12, so I probably don’t have all the characterization down. (but I vibe with Lucien, so it should still be acceptable…?)
Summary: Lucien being his usual stoic self while refusing to ask for any kind of help and using himself as a study subject for his own research.
«Uh? Are you feeling alright, Lucien?» she turnt to him, her brows creased in worry.
«Of course, why the question?» he smiled. He gulped down quietly, making sure not to show any other sign of distress.
«It’s just… You’ve been coughing a lot and I was starting to get worried.»
Ah, that expression– No, gulp down. Just a few more minutes. Lucien tightened the grip on the pen recorder in his pocket.
«It may be the pollution, I’ve been going around the city a lot for research these days.» he smoothly lied through his teeth, his expression ever so serene. Could she tell his throat was burning the more he talked to her?
Her expression relaxed for a quick moment, and the scientist didn’t fail to notice it. «Oh, okay then, but… You should be more careful, then. I don’t want you getting sick, okay?», she smiled at the end of her question.
His chest ached, but he chuckled. «Of course. I’ll take some days to rest.»
She furrowed her brows once again, this time in a more joking tone, though. «You mean you’ll lock yourself in your home or lab? You know that’s unhealthy in the long term, as well.», she shook her head.
He couldn’t help but smile more at her attitude while his pain only sharpened. It felt like having a stick through his chest. «Then I’ll make up for it by taking a walk somewhere with you.»
She blushed and hurried to look down, «U-uh, of course.»
Luckily, she noticed the time and hurried to the meeting Lucien had accompanied her to. «See you next time, then!» she waved her hand joyfully as she got out of his car.
He simply smiled back.
Once he was far enough, Lucien hurried to take out his recorder pen, starting to record after he coughed in a handkerchief and cleared his throat.
«Day 35, the pain reappeared when I talked to her, this time sharper than the previous. I would say it’s almost unbearable, but if I don’t get caught in a coughing fit I can still manage. My throat is dry and there are petals of…», he looked at the elongated and slightly curved white petals in his handkerchief, «white lilies. There are traces of saliva, but not blood.»
He took a deep breath, steadying himself, «There are occasional petals of another flower, most likely camelia, colour…» he furrowed his brows as he looked at a single, rounder petal on the handkerchief. It was a weak and light colour, that much he could tell, but…
«…Colour unknown», he ended the recording.
He fell back against the driver seat, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He needed to be aware of every symptom, no matter the pain it caused. The clearest and most persistent one, which began a little over a month before, was breathing difficulties. At first, Lucien really thought it to be a seasonal cough, but he soon turnt suspicious when it didn’t seem to disappear after a few days. It brought sensations definitely not related to a normal cold, so he began to research it and keep it tracked. It was… Interesting, all things considered. He had read studies and papers on it, but never actually researched it. Coughing up flowers? Who wouldn’t be interested in such a research topic?
It was a rather rare phenomenon, but existing nonetheless. It also seemed linked with the psych of the person suffering of it, so it was related to Lucien’s field of study. Then again, how could flowers simply… Appear in one’s lungs? Well, Lucien chuckled, he didn’t really have a right to question it seeing how, despite an apparently normal eye, he couldn’t see the colours of the world. Except when- A coughing fit hit him, forcing him to double over the steering wheel. He covered his mouth with a hand, while the other gripped onto the wheel, his knuckles whitening. His throat burnt.
Slowly, he managed to get a hold of himself, going back to taking deep, deep breaths. He cleaned the traces of saliva and flowers on his mouth. There were a few petals on his legs.
Apparently, even just thinking of her was enough to cause a fit, who would have guessed? He pondered on it as he headed home. He needed time to think.
The pain wasn’t so bad. He wasn’t dead yet, so that must have meant something. Apparently, one could die from this disease, and Lucien had done his researches on all the announced and testified victims. The cause of death was usually asphyxia, which made sense since the lungs (and in a few cases even the throat) of the victims were covered in flowers and plants. Another cause of death was blood loss, because in certain cases the plant would grow in a way to pierce the lungs. This happened when the victim grew certain kinds of plants, usually with thorns. Those were the main causes of death.
From what he knew so far, Lucien wasn’t much at risk for the second, and the first one usually happened after a year or more. He had some time to study it on himself.
As he entered his apartment, Lucien caught the scents of flowers. It wasn’t that unpleasant, but it was still bothersome to a certain degree. He sighed as he leaned back into a chair and skimmed through a recent article, related to the disease he was currently researching. A cure was being researched. There was a method that seemed to work, but it had a few… Heavy complications and side effects. This cure consisted in surgically removing the flowers and plants from the patient’s lungs. It made sense, Lucien reasoned, but he found it peculiar how the side effects consisted in an inescapable apathy, which would practically make the patient a living robot of sort. Of course people could ask to be cured that way, but not many chose it, for a reason or another: some fearing the apathy and others fearing the possible memory loss of the people they had known in their life.
In the evening, when he noticed his stomach grumbling (and his throat drier than usual), Lucien decided to take a quick snack. He glanced at the clock: it was almost midnight. As he wondered about his plans (precisely, all the books and things he would have better researched) while sipping on some tea, he heard movements outside his apartment. More exactly, a most likely big box crashing in the corridor. So, he placed down his cup and walked out to see what the commotion was about.
«Uh? It’s you» he smiled as he noticed his clumsy neighbour who, apparently, was also the cause of his disease.
The girl laughed as she hurried to put stash of papers into a box, «Ahh, sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you!»
She hurried to get back up and bow in apology.
«Don’t worry, you would never. Let me help», he walked to her side and started gathering some lost papers, «You brought unfinished work home?»
«Ahah, yeah… We had a few troubles during the shooting this week and I have to check all these papers are compiled correctly. Ah, sorry–» she stopped as she brushed hands with Lucien while they were reaching for the same paper. He laughed, managing to cover a cough. He noticed she was wearing a blue necklace, the same colour of the stripes on her shirt. An idea came to him.
«Ah, thank you for bringing this in, Lucien. You always help, I don’t really know how to repay you.»
«Well…» he looked around her apartment, thinking of something. «What about a payback tea?» he smiled.
She blushed, «Ah! Of course! I’ll get it ready immediately!»
Her apartment smelled of flowers. He noticed a few vases on the table and one next to the entrance. She was so… pure…
«In the meantime I’ll go and check a thing, is it alright by you?» he asked, a step already out of the door.
«Oh, uhm… Sure», she was surprised, but she didn’t pay any more attention than that.
He used the short time by himself to take deep breaths and put a handkerchief in his pocket, a few petals on it. On his way out he closed the folder with the documents on the cure.
«Why did you choose these flowers?» Lucien nodded towards the vase on the table, containing white and pink lilies. His attention was completely consumed by the petals and their details, though. It was so painfully familiar.
«Ah, Anna gifted them to me, actually!» she lighted up as she talked about it. She had the adorable habit of straightening up and opening her eyes wide shortly before talking about something she was interested in or that she liked. Her eyes seemed to have a certain sparkle to them in those moments.
«Oh, really?» Lucien casually brought a hand next to the flowers, as if to caress them. The purest flowers… Shouldn’t be touched.
She nodded enthusiastically, «Mm-mm. We are also having show about flowers and their meanings, so I was pretty excited when she gave them to me.»
Her laughter could be considered contagious. It was a kind of shy chuckle, as if she was self-conscious of her childish joy, and yet she was unable to help it.
«And do you know what the meaning of lilies is?» Lucien had rested his chin against his hand, his fingers barely covering his mouth when he wasn’t talking.
Her eyes sparkled once more as she took on a more confident tone. It was amazing how she could look not tired even after a whole day of work. «Yup! I know lilies are a symbol of modesty. And while pink lilies are used as a gift of admiration, white lilies are for innocence and purity!»
Lucien chuckled, «Yes, but they are for funerals, aren’t they?»
She was taken back for a moment, but then answered with even more determination: «Well, yes, because we hope the dead will find peace and have their souls pure once again. They are also used for rebirth and new beginnings, like weddings.»
Her soft smile left him disarmed. A itch started to annoy him, at the back of his throat. Not now, he mentally scolded himself as he quietly gulped down. He looked down at his pocket, where his handkerchief was neatly hidden.
«Lucien? Everything alright?»
He saw her leaning a little towards him, her brows in a tiny, tiny crease. The itching at the back of his throat worsened. «Ah, yes. I just stopped to think about what you said. Life and death are more intertwined than we think.»
She slowly nodded, lowering her gaze as if to ponder on it. He used the occasion to take out his handkerchief, turn in the other direction, and fake (not even that much) a cough. He quickly took a look at her and then back to the piece of cloth.
Pink.
«Have you had your cough checked by a doctor?» she was worried once again.
He laughed, «I am a doctor.»
She puffed out her cheeks, «You–», but she didn’t know how to proceed, so she laughed. Her laughter was crystalline. How many notes he would have taken on her, given the chance.
His throat itched more. It was dry and he didn’t want to talk any more than needed. Her worried expression was fascinating, but he would have liked to avoid seeing it, especially if it was caused and directed towards him.
His chest had started to burn while she talked of her day. It was like needles in his lungs. He didn’t want to be there with her, he really didn’t. But at the same time he wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
Why had it started to be all about her recently? His researches involved her in a way or another, she asked for his help as a consultant for her productions, he would have passed hours just observing and chatting with her.
And she liked him. That was what he had started to think. That was what her body language said. And he found himself always searching for signs which further proved his thesis.
But it wasn’t important. All that is nice always comes to an end. Much like flowers.
For some reason he was… Impatient to see how the disease would have developed. It must have been his scientific curiosity and ambition talking, but he really was impatient to record more of it. All that suffering… It would have been worth something: for science, for the future of research.
Although she would have been- he coughed more. This time he felt on the verge of puking.
«Right… Excessive coughing… may cause vomit…» he slowly muttered to himself as he stood doubled over the sink in his bathroom, taking slow and careful breaths. His voice never lost his calm and controlled tone. After all, what was the point of fussing over it? Getting upset was a thing, but why bother with showing it?
In any case, his thoughts went back to what would have happened once he… Disappeared. He couldn’t really shake off the thought of her getting sad over it. He already had a habit of occasionally disappearing, even for… Well, quite long periods, but she still somehow found him. Or was it him who left himself be found by her? He would try to distance from her, but they’d always find each other in a way or another. Was it fate…?
No, he… He had a longing for her. A fascination he would have never admitted openly, limiting it to a scientific interest.
As he thought of this, Lucien smeared a few traces of blood on the bottom of the sink and took a petal, turning it around his fingers. «Pink camelia, uh…»
Camelias were pretty flowers. Lucien associated them with the garden near the university during spring. And he associated pink camelias to the pink cardigan she wore when she came to visit him one spring day after one of his lectures.
Lucien closed his eyes as he rested on his couch, head thrown back and one hand through his hair. On the coffee table in front of him were all the documents he had been gathering the past month.
He hoped for summer to be gone soon, so he could go back to working in his lab without many problems.
As more months passed, his condition worsened, but he had grown more resilient. There would be more blood when he coughed, and he had to vomit a few times. On the worst occasions, he needed to take up to a good hour to take back control of himself. His throat would burn so much that he struggled not to scratch at his own neck, in a vague hope to relieve the pain. He lost to the temptation one winter day, only because he reassured himself he could have covered it up with a turtleneck and a scarf. That day he met her while coming back from the lab. He hadn’t seen her in almost a month. She invited him over for dinner, but he refused, saying he had to turn in a research. Truth be told, it was a research related business, but he actually had to go visit a few people who had his same condition and offered themselves as guinea pigs.
Those people were interesting. He had them describe to him what they felt, how long had they been sick for, and what their flowers were like.
«You can’t see colours?» a young patient, only a few years older than him, commented at one point, realizing he asked the description of the petals although she had just coughed.
Lucien simply smiled, «Is there any colour in the world worth seeing?»
The patient shrugged. «I don’t know, I think flowers’ colours are. It’s painful but it keeps me company in the city, you know?»
He had never seen it that way, but he realized he also left a few petals (the cleaner ones, at least, those untouched by his blood) around his apartment. A touch of nature among his papers and suffering.
Spring slowly arrived. And his condition, after what seemed like a brief improvement, worsened once again. He could always smell flowers everywhere he went, to the point it started to be bothersome. She noticed that once, while they briefly met in the hallway. «Have you bought a new cologne? It’s nice», she blushed and entered her apartment. He coughed and smelled blood.
When changing clothes for the day, he noticed his neck had light bruises around it, much like his chest. They were mostly scratches he had done to himself. He thought he had been restraining himself well enough, but apparently months of occasional scratching had started to take their toll. His palate and the inside of his cheeks also had signs of bruising, just barely noticeable. Now he coughed up more flowers than leaves, unlike during the winter. That was an interesting thing he had jotted down in his notes.
He was determined and diligent as ever, but spring made him… Tired. Very tired. Like all his energies were being drained.
«Day 250…», he breathed heavily, «It’s only 11 a.m. and I’m more tired that what I should be. No particular changes were made to my routine, but…»
He furrowed his brows, «I have been having intermittent sleep because of occasional cough fits.»
Actually, a little more substantial change was made to his habits: he slept less than he did. Which, talking about Lucien, meant he would go even a week without a proper one night rest. He didn’t make a big deal out of it, though. He didn’t think it would have had any big repercussions on his future because he never really thought, for one reason or another, to live long enough for his lack of sleep to become a problem. He simply dived into his research and took occasional power naps to keep himself functioning.
Still, he felt tired. Which led him to his decision of taking a break during the day to take a walk in the university garden. There was no one around, which made it all the more pleasant.
250 days were a lot, he reasoned. Not that long of a time period for a scientific research, but still quite long for a person.
«Ah, the camelias are blooming.» he muttered to himself when he noticed the bushes filled to the brim with flowers. He wondered what colours they were. It looked a little more vivid than the colour of the ones he coughed, so he suspected it to be either a strong pink or some kind of red.
His step slowed down as he had more difficulties breathing, so he decided to rest nearby a tree. But while he was walking towards it, he heard new steps not far from himself. A light clacking of heels. He felt a knot in his throat, but he wouldn’t have dared to turn. He didn’t want to cough either, simply holding the handkerchief in his pocket tighter. He could have sworn of smelling metallic traces of blood along with the sweet fragrance of the flowers. He gulped down, slowly, carefully, as his step became heavier. Moving was… Getting difficult. His only thought in that moment was that he wanted, he needed to record it all.
«Lucien!»
That voice. He saw the world swirling for a moment, colours flashing in front of his eyes for the briefest instant. A sharp pain crossed his chest as he slowly turnt around, a grin on his face.
And there he saw her. Face as radiant as the sun, red camelias behind her. He took a sharp breath, his whole throat burning, he could feel the petals tickling it, as if they were supposed to soothe his pain. He felt… Light headed. No, focus, Lucien.
«Ah, I’m… I am so happy to see you.» he muttered as he tried to take a step towards her. But he couldn’t stay next to her, that was not how it was supposed to be. He took a miscalculated step and he found himself falling forward, his world crashing down. And as he smelled blood and jasmine, he heard someone shouting and hurrying somewhere. For a moment, colours were smeared everywhere, like watercolours laid down by a confused painter, then his vision blurred and his world went black.
#so here it is#it's kinda strange posting it on tumblr lol#also i wanted to put in something about poetry? but i know basically nothing about chinese poetry orz (i did decide to look into it though)#mlqc#mr love queen's choice#mlqc lucien#mlqc fanfic#hanahaki disease#uhhhh what else do i tag#my writing
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Lacuna | Chapter 10
“I guess I should have asked the Civil Corps to check out the cave first.” Mayor Gale frowned.
Kahli’s gaze narrowed on him. “I want hazard pay.”
Gale grinned. “Yes, of course, I suppose it’s the least we can do. Gotta hand it to ya, though, you really took care of things down there. I’m glad to see you’re alright.”
It was late, nearing midnight, and Kahli had just gotten Dr. Xu’s approval to return home, but not without answering all of Gale’s questions, first. She thanked Dr. Xu, then let herself out of the clinic. The night air was warm and humid, and to her surprise, the town was relatively quiet. No loud laughter came from the Round Table, and everyone seemed to be in their homes for the night. She was more or less alone. But not for long.
“How ya feeling?”
Kahli looked up, surprised to see Arlo watching her. She wasn’t sure how long he had been there, but she was too tired to care. She kept walking down toward the plaza, and Arlo fell in step beside her.
“Like I was slammed against a damn wall,” Kahli muttered. “Do you think blood stains are easy enough to remove from clothes?” She held an arm up, the sleeve covered in dried blood.
“I may know a few secrets for that,” Arlo said.
Kahli sighed and blew her hair out of her face.
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“Hm?”
“Took on a hoard of bandirats.”
Kahli glanced at him and smirked. “Impressed?”
“A little bit. But you should know.” He paused. “You did say you were going to try to kick my ass tomorrow.”
“Oh.” Her lips pursed. “I’m kinda thinking of taking the day off. You know, to rest and recuperate from my battle with the rat king.”
“Phew,” Arlo said. “I was worried.”
“Oh, keep worrying,” Kahli said. “Your ass kicking is coming. Just not tomorrow.”
Arlo smiled. “Well. I’ll sleep with one eye opened, then.”
“That would be wise,” Kahli said with a nod. “Never know when I might strike.”
“If you ever get tired of being a builder, you’d make a good Civil Corps officer, I think.”
Kahli glanced at him. “I bet the Flying Pigs will be begging me to join them.”
“You keeping that sword?”
They paused in the plaza. Kahli held the blade out before her, then swung it around her. She tried to spin it, but failed miserably, and it dropped. She reached out to try to catch it, but instead, tripped on her own two feet. Arlo caught her before she could fall on top of the sword, pulling her into him. They froze for a moment, then Kahli quickly pulled away. She cleared her throat, scratched her head, and turned away to hide her blushing cheeks. She picked up the sword and turned it over, as if inspecting it.
“Maybe you shouldn’t play with deadly weapons,” Arlo said.
“Maybe you shouldn’t play with deadly weapons,” Kahli mocked.
Arlo crossed his arms. “That’s mature.”
“That’s mature.”
“Are you done?”
“Are you done?” When he didn’t respond, she glanced at him, then smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” she muttered. “I’m a child.”
“Clearly.”
She let the sword rest against her shoulder and marched away from him. “I guess someone’ll just have to teach me how to use it,” she said.
Arlo watched as she disappeared around the corner. When he turned, he was met by Emily and Sonia, grinning ear to ear.
“Arlo,” Sonia said in greeting. “Whatcha doing? Saving damsels?”
“No,” he muttered, then turned away abruptly.
They giggled, and Emily hurried to catch up with Kahli.
“So,” she started. “What did you do all day?”
“Got my ass handed to me by a bunch of rats,” Kahli muttered.
“Word on the street is you’re the one that did some ass kicking,” Emily said. “But you know that’s not what I want to know.”
“My brain has been jostled around,” Kahli sighed. “No guessing games, please.”
“Are you just going to pretend that didn’t happen?”
“What didn’t happen?”
“C’mon, Kahli, Sonia and I saw it all.”
“So I embarrassed myself with a sword.” She rolled her eyes.
“If there weren’t clothes between you both -”
“Oh my god,” Kahli muttered. “Shut up.”
“He likes you,” Emily sang.
“Why the hell would you think that?”
“Because that was the most tragically awkward thing I have ever witnessed.”
“It could have happened to anyone.”
“So why were you both so blushy and weird?”
They stopped in front of her house. Kahli turned to her. “He was blushy and weird?”
“What do you care?” Emily grinned.
“I don’t!” Kahli snapped.
Emily laughed. “That’s the most action you’ve gotten in years.”
“Shut up!”
“I can’t wait until the day where I can say I told you so.”
“You’ll die waiting.”
Emily started walking backwards, smirking. “I don’t think so.”
*****
Kahli debated leaving her house the next morning, fearing that she may run into Arlo. She wasn’t sure if what Emily said was true, or how awkward things may be between them. Maybe she was way overthinking it all. Maybe he didn’t think twice about what had happened. That was the more likely scenario; he was just a guy stopping a stupid, idiot girl from killing herself with her own sword. There was nothing more to it than that.
But she couldn’t hide away in her house, either. Without a distraction, she would surely go crazy trying to analyze every moment between them. So she decided the best thing to do was busy herself in her workshop. A quick trip to the commerce guild may provide the distraction she needed; she just needed to get in and out of town before seeing anyone she didn’t want to see.
She made it to the commerce building with no issues, and Presley greeted her enthusiastically.
“The mayor has secured the funding to make five dee-dee transports,” he said. “This will be a big task; are you up for working on one?”
Transportation seemed a daunting project. Building bridges and fences, while challenging, at least didn’t require anything more than wood and tools. Vehicles, however, were an entirely different story. They required engines, and wiring, and gas and oil to make everything run. She knew her father had some detailed notes about these things in his notebooks, but still, she hesitated.
“Give it a try,” Presley said, sensing her hesitation. “It’ll be good to learn something new, hm? I’m sure the gals at the research center could help ya out.” And with that, he left Kahli alone.
“Psst.”
Kahli glanced over at Antoine, who was grinning just as Emily and Sonia were the night before, and she sighed. She approached him slowly, and Antoine leaned against the desk.
“How was your night last night?” he said.
“I spent it alone,” Kahli hissed at him.
“If Dr. Xu ever held me like that -”
“There was no holding!” Kahli barked.
Presley looked up from his desk, catching Kahli’s gaze with curiosity, and she slid down in front of Antoine’s desk in an attempt to hide herself. She poked her nose over and glared at him.
“I swear to god, Antoine -”
Antoine leaned over and grinned down at her. “Don’t make that dee-dee blow up or anything, kay?”
Kahli returned to her feet and snarled at him. Then, without another word, she turned on her heels and stormed out of the building.
She couldn’t return home right away, however; she was sure she would need Petra’s help if she - as Antoine so gently put it - didn’t want the dee-dee to blow up.
Petra didn’t have much information that she didn’t already know, however. The vehicles would require more of the small engines buried in the ruins around Portia. Petra did, however, offer some helpful advice.
“There are still some of those ancient robots roaming around in the ruins,” she explained. “They’re dangerous and they will attack, so you’ll need to be careful.”
Of course there would be more things that wanted to kill her. It seemed if she wanted to have any luck building the dee-dees, she would need to improve her fighting skills. And that wasn’t a task she was quite ready for, since it would require talking to Arlo.
Or Sam. She could talk to Sam. Sam did offer to teach her a thing or two, after all. And she had heard a few times that Sam was equally as skilled as Arlo - if not better. Arlo probably would never admit it, but she got the sense that it was probably true.
To her relief, Sam was in town on patrol when Kahli left the research center, and Sam greeted her excitedly when Kahli approached.
“There she is!” Sam said. “The Bandirat Killer! The Hero of Portia! I am not worthy!” She bowed dramatically.
“Are you done?”
Sam laughed. “To what do I owe this honor, oh Great One?”
Kahli hesitated. “I, uh, maybe have a favor to ask of you?”
Sam raised a curious brow. “Oh?”
“I’ve gotta go find some engines in some ruins for Gale,” Kahli started. “Petra said they’re full of nasty robots.”
Sam nodded. “Yup.”
“I was wondering… you know, after my adventure with the bandirats and all… if you could, maybe…”
Sam grinned. “You wanna learn how to not kill yourself with a sword?”
Kahli blushed. “How’d you know?” Had Sam seen the awkwardness unfold, too? Her stomach twisted; would she be the talk of the whole town?
Sam shrugged. “Well, you’re not exactly a trained fighter, right? You just picked that thing up off a dead rat and nearly got yourself killed.”
Relief washed over her. Kahli cleared her throat. “Right. Exactly. That’s exactly it. I am ill prepared for this. Please help me, Great One.”
Sam laughed. “You are wise to come to me for this,” she said. “No one is better than I. I’ll make a fighter outta ya. I’ll make you so good, you could kick even Arlo’s ass!”
Kahli smiled. “That’s all I could ever hope for,” she said.
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Sins of the Father
Shego meets with her father. Heavy angst.
Warnings: Child abuse and forced eating disorders, some gore.
The phone at the robotics workstation rang, startling Drakken, causing him to solder through the motherboard.
He groaned loudly. He had been working on that motherboard for days!
“What?” He snapped, answering the phone.
“Stephanie?” The voice on the other line questioned.
Drakken leaned back in his seat, “Listen, pal if you think I sound like a Stephanie we both have issues.”
“Is Stephanie Gordon there?”
Drakken’s eyes narrowed, “How’d you get this number?”
“Is she there?” The voice asked, getting tired of Drakken’s perceived runaround.
“No, she’s not.” Drakken was getting suspicious and it sounded in his voice. GJ had sent her on a short mission for the day.
The man on the other end sighed, “Just- just tell her to call me. My number is still the same. I’m her father.” The call abruptly disconnected.
Drakken sat back up in his chair and thought. Shego and her father Sam had been estranged for longer than Drakken had known her. She had divulged little tidbits of his parenting which were less than stellar at best and abusive at worst.
Through the GJ computers, Drakken could run a full background check on this guy. He didn’t trust him. What did he want all of a sudden? Drakken knew criminals (the irony was not lost on him) and as much as Drakken hoped he wasn’t, Gordon could be up to something. If he so much as sneezed near a traffic camera, GJ would show it.
Samuel James Gordon, divorced from Shego’s and her brother’s mother for several years, a failed MMA fighter, terrible credit score, lives in the not so good part of town, unemployed but has self-published a book on Team Go. No criminal history and no weapons registered to him. This guy was a Loser with a capital L who lived vicariously through his kids, mostly Shego. Drakken was satisfied that Gordon probably wasn’t up to anything. It was up to Shego if she wanted to speak to him.
Midevening rolled around, and the lab began to shut down for the night. Techs and assistants turned off their computers and all unnecessary equipment shut down. Paul was fed and put in her kennel for the night. Overnight security began to show up. Drakken never noticed the lively hum the running lab emitted until it was gone.
Shego walked in with a few other GJ agents who had friends or partners that worked for him, the burning sun shining behind her. In her catsuit and flowing raven hair, laughing with one of her colleagues, she looked absolutely beautiful. And powerful. Stars, what did she see him?
“Hey loser,” She greeted, walking up to his workstation. ‘Loser’ had somehow become a term of endearment from her to him long ago. “What do you want for dinner? Heath gave me more Bueno Nacho gift cards for my birthday and it sounds kinda good right now. That sound good to you? I don’t feel like cooking.”
Drakken was a million miles away. He had no idea how he was going to tell her that her father was asking for her. He would never keep anything from her, but he also wanted to protect her from any emotional trauma Gordon’s presence brought about. Once again, Drakken reminded himself that it was up to her to decide what to do.
“Yeah, sounds good.” Drakken answered.
“Sweet,” Shego replied, going off to change.
As much as Drakken was annoyed with GJ’s restrictions, the little amenities assuaged him, like a laundry and tailor service. Apparently, his lab gear and her suit needed to be laundered a certain way? It took him a very long time to figure out that leather cannot survive the rinse and dry cycle. Shego had only been at his side for a week when she commented that he looked like he was mottling. The leather of his lab coat was dry and cracked. Once he thought about it yeah, it made sense, he dealt with biohazardous and/or corrosive materials on a daily basis, things he really didn’t want to bring home on his clothing. Every morning in his office, he was greeted by a fresh lab coat hanging up and his lab boots expertly shined. Shego’s own suits were cleaned as well.
Shego emerged in a black tank top, her hair pulled back and comfy shorts, her purse slung over her shoulder. Soon, they headed home.
Shego had her long legs kicked up on the dashboard, soaking up the dying sun, her sunglasses on and her shoes off as she scrolled through her phone. Drakken saw the opportunity.
“Get any weird calls lately?” He asked, swallowing hard.
“No,” Shego replied casually, “Our provider is pretty good at filtering out spam and robocalls.”
“Really?” Drakken paused, “I did.”
“Oh yeah?” Shego said, still looking at her phone, “What was it?”
“Uh, it was your dad, looking for you.”
Shego froze. “What?”
“I didn’t give him your number. He said he wants to talk. His number is still the same.”
Shego sighed, “I’m not talking to him.”
“You don’t have to,” Drakken replied.
There was a tense silence.
“What does he even want?”
“I dunno.” Drakken shrugged, “He didn’t say.”
Shego threw her head back against the seat and pouted, “Would I be a bad daughter if I ignored him?”
“I don’t think I’m the greatest moral compass, Stef, but from everything you told me, you don’t own him anything.”
Shego’s head rolled to look out the window. She groaned. “I guess I’ll talk to him. It might be important.”
~*~
Shego drug her feet on contacting her father, but Drakken didn’t push her. She had been tense and quiet and snappy the entire week. Late Thursday afternoon, she made the call and arranged to meet with him that Saturday at a café. Shego didn’t linger on the line for conversation. A café, public but non-committal, you weren’t stuck there through the appetizer and entre round if things went south.
Drakken parked in front of the café. Shego sighed and grabbed her purse from the floorboards.
“Want me to go in with you?” He asked, hoping to offer support.
“No. Keep the car running.” She said, pushing her sunglasses to her head.
Drakken hoped this went well, for her sake.
Shego went in and ordered a black coffee and sat down. Shego took a seat and from where she sat, Drakken could see her and her table fine, minus a glare. She just wanted Drew there without actually being there.
They both sat for a few moments when a scrawny but still somehow paunchy man with salt and pepper hair passed by the car and walked inside. That could not have been Shego’s father. She must have gotten her looks from her mother. Geez, even Drakken himself could beat this guy up. Drakken dropped down, not wanting to be seen, fearing that he could be seen even through the car’s tinted windows.
Drakken’s phone rang and it was Shego. Confused, he answered, “Hello?”
“Stephanie, look you great.” He heard Gordon say. The man made a move to hug her, but Shego didn’t make a move to reciprocate. Drakken felt second-hand embarrassment for the guy, watching the hug slowly die. Shego wanted Drakken to hear their conversation as she placed her phone to the side.
“How long has it been?” Gordon asked, sitting down.
Shego shrugged, saying nothing.
Her father looked around, nervously drumming on his thighs. “I heard you got married. Eloped. I’m not surprised. Not crazy about you not telling me…”
Shego cut him off, “What do you want?”
He looked flabbergasted. “You’re my daughter…”
“No, I was your pet project. You didn’t pay any attention to me until I nearly died in that treehouse and came out with powers. Then, you made me into what you wanted, what you couldn’t be. The boys,” Shego shook her head, “they were extra, bonuses, just along for the ride. Hell, you even told me I was radioactive, some Radium Girl, to keep me under your thumb.”
Shego’s black painted nails drummed on the side of her coffee mug, “God, how much did I miss because of you? All kinds of parties, birthdays, dances. Mom had to convince you to let me do anything, even to go to Prom. You said everything was a distraction.” She said, carefully, drawing out this man’s torture. This meeting was not going as well as he hoped and it showed on his face.
“I just wanted what was best for you. You had, have so much potential. I thought that that was what you wanted…”
“Did you ask?” Shego exclaimed, her eyes wide, “How many calories was I allowed to have? A couple a hundred? A healthy teenage girl needs 2,200 calories a day and I sure as hell wasn’t getting that. Remember that earthquake in Tokyo you pulled us out of school for, so we could do search and rescue?”
Shego paused and when she spoke again, her voice was strained with emotion, “I’ll never forget the smell of leaking gasoline, a little girl’s cries for help from under the rubble of her school, her hand sticking through the debris, clawing for help. I told her it would be alright, I don’t know if she understood me, I just learned a few Japanese phrases on the flight over, I took her hand and it wasn’t connected to her anymore. I held her bloody, dismembered hand, Dad.” She said through gritted teeth, tears streaming down her face, shaking her own hand. “I was sixteen. I still remember.”
“I don’t know what to say…”
“There’s nothing you can say,” Shego replied. Her fingers started to twitch and constrict, subconsciously, she wanted to lash out, to light the café up with green plasma. “There are just some things you can’t undo.”
They sat for a moment in silence before Shego grabbed her purse, “Don’t contact me. Ever again.”
She hurried out of the café and back into the SUV with her husband.
Drakken knew better to say anything to Shego as she got in. She needed her space and he would be there for her when she was ready. He looked at Gordon through the windshield and the café’s window and he was looking back. Gordon couldn’t see Drakken through the tinted windows but knew it was him behind the wheel. Drakken held the man’s eyes before putting the SUV in reverse and pulling away. Shego pulled her sunglasses back down over her eyes, tears on her cheeks reflecting in the afternoon sun, and remained silent the entire way home. Drakken did what he could to keep her comfortable, making sure the temperate in the vehicle was good, that it wasn’t blowing on her too much, that the radio volume wasn’t too loud. He wouldn’t press her to talk.
When they returned home, Shego went upstairs. Drakken gave her some time to herself before he went up to check on her.
She could never accept his apology if he offered one. There was a finality she felt. The last time she saw him was when her Mom asked for a divorce when Shego was nineteen and he left with only an old suitcase. She hoped he’d just turn to dust and leave her be. Now, it was like he finally was dead. She sobbed and beat the bed with clenched fists, mourning for her father and what she never had. Drakken merely held Shego as she painfully mourned her father.
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Journal Entry N.02 || Chapter 1
|| This journal will act as a recap for everything that has happened during Chapter 1. This means there will be information that Airi would not realistically know. This is only for the sake of the recap. If you’re confused on who’s who, here’s a link to the roster page. ||
@despot-despair
It’s been some time, hasn’t it? A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal. This may take a while and my wrist will probably hurt from writing this much, but I’ll survive~
I was able to get around and mingle with lots of people after we escaped that wretched dungeon! I have a sneaking suspicion not many of them like me. It’s a bit upsetting, to be honest :’(
However! I’m not the most hated person here, since Yuu decided to stir the pot even more. During our first conversation, which got rather heated, he threatened to rip my nails off. My beautiful nails! Thankfully, I escaped with all my nails in tact.
Apparently, he also got into huge shit with Hitomi and Ivy too. Yuu grabbed the rabbit girl by the ankle and started dragging her across the courtyard so he could dunk her into one of the ponds. Hitomi was there and, in an attempt to stop the local blue menace, hit him right in the neck with his gas tank. Ivy was freed, but I guess that encounter scared her pretty bad. Hitomi must’ve felt guilty too, ‘cause he stormed off the second Yuu was knocked to the ground.
That isn’t all. He also bullied Tsuguyo, the small origami artist, by giving her the same treatment of grabbing her to drag her along the grass. Apparently he was trying to throw her into the nearby pond. Only after Tsuguyo bit and threw rocks at him did he let go, due to being knocked half-unconscious.
Yuu’s honestly such an annoyance, and that means something coming from me.
A day or so passed and Raiouji announced that he prepared a feast for everyone. Some sort of welcoming party, maybe? Either way, it was far from welcoming, as the dinner quickly took a turn for the worst when the dead body of Sujaku was discovered underneath one of the serving domes. He told us that we needed to investigate what happened to the phoenix or face punishment, aka mass execution.
Safe to say, not many were pleased with that. But we had no choice, so everyone split up to investigate.
I had paired up with Kliment Holloway, the Clarinet Boy. All was going smoothly, when, in one of the stalls in the restroom, we found some graffiti that said “Airi x Koko best ship.” I still have no idea who wrote it. Kliment had absolutely no idea what it meant. At the time, I was disgusted. Funny how much my feelings have changed since then. I’ll... get to that later.
z̵̬̩̳̾͛̏@̸̫͉̠̼̭̪̇̐̉͊Ȇ̷̮̠̠̥̰ͅ@̷̡̼̝̫͍̔̏̀͗͑̉͗̇͘̚C̷̛̙̦̓̅̍͂̆̀̍:̴̬̜͓́̽̆̉̈́͐̎͗̈̈́͠͝]̷̢̢͔̲͎̻͍̩̲̱̝̘͆͗̽͊̌͐́]̵͔̬̦̑͂̂͛̾̒̃̋̒͘]̷̬̦̈́́̈́̏͛̊̇̑
In any case! We were going to have a trial. A trial for a robotic bird. It was a joke, so I treated it like one. To add onto the stupidity of this mock trial, Klim entered the graffiti we found as actual evidence. I wanted to die of embarrassment. Explaining what a ship was took forever, and I still don’t think he gets it.
The trial ended pretty quick - faster than any trial I had been to. Turns out Yunime stomped Sujaku to death because Sujaku had spoken ill of Raiouji. As stupid as it sounds, it was written in the rules that it’s forbidden to insult him. No one was killed for it, as Raiouji deemed Yunime’s actions as acceptable punishment.
In the end, we avoided execution and were to resume our lives in captivity. Mukuro, Sujaku’s mate, was pretty upset about the whole thing. Not sure why she’d stay loyal to Raiouji after that.
Raiouji, however, wasn’t going to sit around and just wait for a body to appear. So he prepared a motive - an incentive to kill. After gathering everyone in the foyer, what could only be described as the screams of the damned started blasting throughout the castle. Mukuro confirmed that it was Sujaku’s mixtape. Yes, his mixtape. It sounded awful.
Remembering what happened after that... really annoys me.
I made a joke. One simple little offhand comment about how Koko should die first. Then those witches decided to swarm me while pretending to uphold some bullshit justice. Sakura and Mari especially. Sakura hit me twice, yet she pretends to be some righteous hero who opposes violence. What a bunch of hypocrites.
x̶̢̡̰̻̜̪͇̝̠͇̥͇͖̓̍̇͊͘͝ͅ ̵̢̨̛͕̬̼̘͈̯͍̜̩̏̆̔͊́̑̋͜9̵̧̧̜̱͇͍͍̲̩͔͔͎̗̿̂̍̽̄͑͗̋͋̋͜2̴̛̦̫͗͂̆̾͛̉Ę̶̼͔͇̰̮͗̽̍̿̾̈́̿̈́̍͗͝6̵̩̭̱̻̈́ ̵̢͈͚̥͎̰͎́̐̈̂͑̓͒̆͗͜E̷͖̭̱̯̞̥̼̠̞̬͔̘̍̓̉͋̍̾̏̾̉̎̈͆͘̚͠9̶̡̙̪̘̺̯̙̯̪̰̱̏̕͘͘6̶̡̞͖̭̱̖͕̈́͊̋͆́̀̇͌͝͠>̶͙̩̯͉͍̹̜͍͉̺̟͊ͅ]̶̧̛͎͈̗̩͇̼̤̦͙̐̔̃̅̉͜ͅͅ
I was so mad and I had to get out there before I did anything reckless. So I left to the dining room, where I found Ivy looking downcast. She tried to comfort me, in a way. Ricky Boy was there too, but I’m sure he was only wanting to hear some gossip. He isn’t sincere in the slightest.
I cracked. I freaked out and told them about how I was going to make their lives miserable. I even snapped one of my nails off. Writing about it like this reminds me of how crazy I must’ve looked. Ricardo and Ivy panicked and took me to the bathroom to wash the blood off. Though Ricardo only came after I promised to give him what he wanted: that scalding hot tea. (I hate myself for writing that.)
Ivy retrieved a ribbon from her room and used that as a makeshift bandage. Honestly, I’m really grateful for it. I wouldn’t be able to stand having some ugly wound ruining my perfect appearance. Ricky left after we subtly threatened each other and that was the end of it.
I still haven’t forgotten though. Of the unfair treatment I received simply because I’m deemed the villain. Oh no, this was only the beginning.
Once the motive was dropped, there was tension hanging everywhere in the castle over whether or not someone would truly kill over this. Hitomi, %̷̨̢̍̔̅̃̕9̴̲͙̹͓̑6̵̭͇̯̊͐̈́ ̸̨̭̗̥̈͑3̷̛̻̘̘̬̋̎̓͜@̵̞͂̃͌̾͝@̴͔̼͕̞̙̓Ě̵̥̜͠ ̷̻͝=̴̛͈̀̇̿̕͝:̵̢̧̜̞̉͋̅͛4̵̭̻̻͇̯̱̍̅̌<̴͓͓̽͐͊̉6̴̟̜̰͈̣̄̏̂͘̚͝C̷̡͙͎̯̊ Sakura and %̴̩̥̖̌̈̀̾̚ͅ9̸̧̛̿̌͗6̴̩͙̘̣̈ ̶̠̐3̸̛̥̓:̸̢̺͔͙͎̓͜E̵̛̦̱̗̣͓͉͗͋̑̑̕4̶̤͖͙̳̗̼̊9̵͛͌̃̏ Mari tried to brainstorm some way of preventing such a killing from taking place. They created some rules to enforce - rules they never bothered to tell anyone else. Quite the oversight I must say~
Their plan failed.
But that’s enough about them! Time to talk more about me ★ And Koko. She’s pretty important to this equation.
If I could trace back a specific point in time which was the trigger for everything, it would be that fortune telling session Koko hosted for all who stopped by. I, of course, don’t believe in any of her garbage spirit talk, but I was interested in what she would say. I went second, after Gam, and I was given a rather positive reading. The reading itself wasn’t the start, but a simple comment meant to tease me. Koko joked that she was 0.1% attracted to me. I’m not sure why it bothered me as much as it did, but I was quite distressed over it.
Later on, I went to her room, Room 7, to confront her about it. Call it petty, but I needed to clear the air. We were supposed to be rivals! Everything changed with that single visit to her room.
Koko confessed to me. Koko had feelings for me. That Koko, who berated me and I insulted in turn. She liked me, for some reason I couldn’t comprehend. I kissed her, after she dared me to. I don’t think she expected me to go for it, since her face turned bright red. I’m sure mine was just as red, too.
We talked for a while. She gave me a name, her real name. Kotori, she said. Told me that she and I were quite similar. It opened my eyes. For the first time, I found someone who knew what it was like. Though it was slightly different, she knew. She understood. I had an ally and I couldn’t let her go.
The following event was one I honestly wasn’t expecting, even though I was the instigator. After getting into a slight argument with Cai Collins in the group chat, he challenged me to a fight out in the courtyard. Of course, I wasn’t going to back down. We met outside, with a few others watching.
I taunted him quite a bit, as he seemed hesitant to hit me. I know how to take a punch, so I wasn’t afraid of him. He did hit me, though it was only in the gut. That was when I decided to turn up the heat. I took a nearby rock and smashed it into my head, throwing it to Cai’s feet in an attempt to frame him. I passed out shortly after, so I’m not sure what happened between then and when I woke up. Kotori and Liya were by my side in my room, having patched me up. They told me my plan failed, as everyone believed Cai’s side of the story. I was really disappointed. Although, I took some satisfaction in knowing that I traumatized Cai-chan just a little bit. It was worth the concussion I gave myself. Does that make me a horrible person? Hahaha~
One night, I found a tarot card taped to my door. It was The Lovers, with some drawings on it. An apple and a star. Not a difficult riddle. I went out side and found Koko waiting for me. She said we were to stargaze for a bit. I didn’t quite understand, but I agreed. So we laid next to each other, looking up at the sky and talking about lots of different things. We kissed a second time. I believe that was the trigger for my own feelings to start bubbling to the surface, though I wouldn’t realize it until the next morning.
When I did, I needed to tell her. It was so early in the morning and no one was awake, but I needed to tell her. She didn’t seem surprised. Was it so obvious to everyone but me? I’m honestly a little embarrassed, but I’ve never had these feelings before, so how could I know what they meant!? In any case, we were now an official couple.
If only I knew that I would soon lose her.
The next day, we were met with quite the horrid sight. Ami Mochizuki, the SHSL Librarian, was found dead atop the chandelier. The killing game had started and we were to have a real trial after some investigation. I have to admit that, as a detective, I was a bit excited to expose the mystery behind this murder.
I did my investigation with Ivy, who was rationally upset and scared by the killing. She didn’t like to approach anything relating to blood or the body, which was fine by me. More investigation work for me~ I got to jump onto the chandelier, so that was fun! Ami was clearly stabbed with a knife, but the question was who did it and how the body got onto the chandelier.
The evidence we found wasn’t much, but it was all we had as we went into our first official trial with a real trial grounds. Though this one was different from those I was used to. We were all standing in a circle. I guess it was so we could see one another as we accuse each other.
The trial went on for some time as new evidence came to light. Ricardo had the room key to Ami’s room, and Yuu’s Primpod was missing. Both were suspicious, so they were two major suspects in the case. I even accused Ricky Boy. Hopefully he didn’t take it to heart~
The damning evidence was a piece of cheap gold found in the Treasure Room. I immediately knew who it belonged to and my heart had sunk into my gut. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it!
Kokoro-koro was voted to be the killer. And it turned out she was. She killed Ami by stabbing her in the Treasure Room. Ami had apparently threw herself onto the chandelier. I have no idea why, but I didn’t care. Kotori was the killer.
And she was to be executed for failing to get away with her murder.
Before that, she had approached my podium. She gave me her final words, as well one to remember her by. I... I need to figure it out what it meant. It wasn’t a Japanese word. Kotori kissed me one last time, before knocking me out with a punch to the jaw... so that I wouldn’t have to see her execution.
Apparently it was rather horrible and depraved, one that humiliated her before she died. I’m glad I didn’t have to see it. I know I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
When I woke up, she was gone. Kotori, the girl I liked and wanted to be with, was dead. I still struggle to accept the fact that she’s never coming back. I could never hear her voice or hold her in my arms.
I lost it. Consumed by my grief, I went off the deep end. To be honest, I don’t remember much of what I said. I know that I made a promise. A promise to bring everyone else here to their knees with despair. They took my happiness away and I wasn’t going to let them get away with it.
I will see it through. Until my heart stops, I will assure that I destroy everyone here, no matter the cost.
Signed,
Airi Akahoshi
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Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 4.5
Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.
Last time in chapter 4, Maki opened up about her past, she and Shuichi and Kaito were ADORABLE FRIENDS, Kaito was a huge hypocrite on the topic of burdens, twice, Kokichi helpfully suggested some improvements to Monokuma’s script like an absolute moron, and Kaito’s bonus training for his sidekicks was totally not him desperately trying to prove that they still need him or anything.
Now for the last of chapter 4’s free time!
Shuichi: (What can *I* do? The only thing I’m good at is solving mysteries, but I can’t figure out this academy.)
That’s not the only thing you’re good at, Shuichi! Your detective’s brain also makes you pretty good at coming up with plans. That plan with the cameras in chapter 1 was really not a bad plan if you ignore the fact that the entire premise of it (that the mastermind wouldn’t have a way of knowing about it) was flawed. But of course Shuichi wouldn’t think that or want to attempt something like that again since it indirectly got Kaede killed.
Keebo: “What can we each do to make sure that we all survive…? We all possess Ultimate talents. There *must* be something we can do.”
YES IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE ULTIMATE ROBOT COULD GET US OUT OF HERE OR SOMETHING.
Geez. I was mostly not being too mad at Keebo because I figured he was largely oblivious to the difference his weapons could have made anyway, but this makes it a whole lot less excusable. (And again, there is no indication given that he’s not doing so because of his inner voice, which is the only truly justifiable reason that would make sense within the story.)
So that’s even more reason for me to not hang out with Keebo here like I wasn’t going to anyway, because that should by all rights lead to Shuichi persuading him to use his weapons and get everyone out of here today. And that’s obviously not in line with canon.
Gonta: “Hi, Shuichi! How can Gonta help you today?”
Heh, this mostly just sounds like a polite, gentlemanly greeting, but in this chapter’s context, it definitely has undertones of “please tell Gonta he can help you today, Gonta really wants to be able to help you today”. Sorry, Gonta, I’d love to, but we’re already best friends; Shuichi needs to spread his friendship around others too.
Miu is in the computer room as she was all day yesterday as well, but interestingly, right now Kokichi’s hanging around in the corridor not too far from it too. He does apparently help her set things up for their Virtual World trip, so maybe that’s what he’s doing right now.
Despite Kaito not showing up anywhere on the Monopad’s map due to what is presumably a programming oversight (even characters who aren’t available should have their locations shown, with the understandable exception of Kokichi in chapter 5), he does exist during this free time slot and is perfectly available to hang out. The wiki says he is unavailable right now; the wiki is wrong. He’s in the warehouse. You’re welcome.
(The first time I played through this game myself, during which one of my missions was to find every piece of optional dialogue I might not have seen from Youtube playthroughs, I was determined not to give up on finding Kaito here and resolved to manually check EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THE SCHOOL IF I HAD TO. Thankfully I started from the bottom up and the warehouse is on the first floor.)
Kaito’s reason for being in the warehouse probably has something to do with the fact that it apparently contains medicine. Like, you know, painkillers and stuff.
Kaito: “I can see my training is already having results for you and Maki Roll.”
It is, and Kaito has every right to be proud of himself for that!
But it’s also interesting that while a lot of the characters are focusing on thinking about what they can do, since that’s what they discussed at breakfast, Kaito is instead focusing on what he already has done. Almost as if thinking about what he can do in future is painful and discouraging because there’s almost nothing he can do (short of suggesting even more bonus training for his sidekicks, which still isn’t going to help them escape), and so he doesn’t want to dwell on that.
Kaito: “But don’t slow down here! It’s important to keep up your training every day.”
It is! Shuichi and Maki (with the addition of Himiko) are absolutely going to keep up their training every day when they get out of here.
(Also, remember back in chapter 2 when I mentioned that I’d started doing exercise myself thanks to Kaito? I’ve been doing that every single day for a little bit over a year now, and it’ll be several months more than that by the time this part I’m writing actually gets posted. Kaito is the best.)
Anyway, we’ve been on a roll with Maki lately in the rest of the story (pun totally intended), so let’s continue that by hanging out with her, shall we?
She happens to be in the dining hall, which is just across the corridor from the warehouse and therefore tantalisingly close to where Kaito is. They could all hang out as a trio again! Kaito would also want to hear more of Maki’s heartbreaking backstory! No? No. Silly game mechanics.
Maki: “Something only I can do… I can think of just one thing. …I know what you’re about to say. But… that’s the reality.”
Oh, Maki. That’s not the only thing you can do!
Maki: “Of course, I’ll think about… other things I can do.”
Exactly! You can fight and protect us!
Shuichi: “I didn’t know that assassins were scouted.”
As the event proper begins, Shuichi just straight-up continues the conversation they were having last night. This is why I had to save Maki’s third FTE until now at the earliest – because having this before that scene just does not make sense.
Maki: “It’s better if you didn’t know. Also, there’s no need for you to know.”
I dunno, Maki, if more people knew that there were child-slave assassins out there then maybe some people would be able to do something about it and this horrendous practice might stop. She just can’t see it that way, because she’s had to accept this as her reality in order to cope.
Maki: “The orphanage I was raised at was run for that reason.”
Shuichi: “…What do you mean?”
Maki: “To raise potential candidates for assassins.”
Yup, that’s the truth of her orphanage. That’s not remotely fucked up at all.
Shuichi: (How much is Maki carrying on her shoulders…? Such small shoulders…)
Heh. You sound like Kaito, Shuichi.
Maki: “The basic training forces your body to go beyond its human limitations. They physically beat us to help us withstand torture, and taught us how to die when needed…”
Happy fun Free Time with upbeat music as our friend casually tells us about how she was tortured.
(It really is a shame Kaito couldn’t be here to hear this too. He would 1000% want to help her carry this awful burden just like Shuichi is doing, even though all they can do is listen.)
Maki: “The only option left when you fail a mission is to die, right? Dying sooner is the nicer way out. It’s much better than being tortured alive.”
…I mean, she failed that one mission with the katana and didn’t have to die for it. I guess what she’s really talking about is if she were to get captured by an enemy of the assassin cult that would use her for information.
At least this means that when they’re all considering group suicide in chapter 5, Maki would know how to also kill herself painlessly at the end of it. You know. Reassuring thoughts.
Shuichi: (I can’t bear to think of what Maki had to go through…)
I know, Shuichi. It may have never really happened to her, but she’s still having to live now with the memory of it, believing that it really happened to her, and that’s not fucking fair at all.
Maki: “They tried to drag my dignity and tear it… To make me feel empty…”
They were trying to turn her into an empty, cold-blooded killer without a heart. And they didn’t succeed.
Maki: “I wouldn’t have accepted the job in the first place if I knew I couldn’t do it… But most importantly… If I broke, then *that girl* would replace me…”
We’ll hear more about this next time, but she’s talking about her best friend from the orphanage. She put herself through what she knew would be literal torture and refused to break under it because if she did, then her best friend would go through that instead. God, Maki is amazing.
(Again, technically none of that really happened to her, but thanks to those fake memories, the person standing here is someone who really would do that kind of thing.)
Shuichi: “That girl?”
Maki: “… Sorry… Pretend you didn’t hear any of that just now.”
But it seems like, at least for right now, she’s not quite ready to open up that much. She’ll get there, though.
Kokichi: “I bumped into Kaito, and he ended up giving me a lecture. He told me to think of a way to escape…”
Kaito has still been trying to get through to Kokichi! He still hasn’t given up on Kokichi and believes there’s some semblance of a decent person inside him who actually wants them all to escape! Kaito is so good.
(It also seems that, despite his earlier declarations, Kaito realised that punching him again might give off the wrong impression and decided to just stick to words this time.)
Kokichi: “But the only idea I can think of is becoming the blackened myself.”
And… Kaito’s not wrong about Kokichi, but he is underestimating how massively, completely inconceivable it is to Kokichi to actually acknowledge that buried part of himself and start being co-operative. What’s about to happen tonight isn’t going to be for lack of Kaito trying to stop it, but even Kaito isn’t enough here.
Kokichi: “That’d entertain everyone.”
Which is exactly what Monokuma wants, you are playing right into his hands and you should know this, you goddamn idiot.
Gonta: “Nrgh… Gonta tired… Gonta think too much…”
Awww, Gonta. He’s been trying so hard.
Gonta: “Rest is important, too… Gonta have to make sure he not useless when everyone need him!”
“When”. He’s still managing to stay so optimistic that that time will come. (Which it will. Sooner and far more tragically than you think, Gonta. Gaaaaah.)
Anyway, this time, in the very last chance we have for it, we’re hanging out with Kaito. Come on, now – you didn’t really think for a second I was going to go through the story without maxing out his FTEs, did you?
Kaito: “O-Oh, Shuichi… What’s the matter?”
Just like he did a day ago, Kaito doesn’t seem super-thrilled to suddenly encounter Shuichi wanting to talk to him.
Kaito: “Yeah, I don’t mind talking, but… My stomach hurts a little. Can we talk somewhere I can rest?”
But this time, he’s actually being somewhat honest about what the problem is. That’s pretty remarkable. Sure, for Kaito to be admitting to Shuichi that his stomach hurts a little, it must really be hurting one hell of a lot, but still. Kaito being willing to show even just a tiny bit of vulnerability in front of his sidekick is such a big deal and warms my heart. It’s okay, Kaito. Shuichi isn’t going to be any less inspired by you just because you’re struggling with a lot of things yourself, you absolute wonderful moron.
Shuichi: (I spent some time with Kaito… Didn’t he say his stomach hurt last night too? I hope he’s okay…)
I’m sure Kaito hates the fact that his tiny nugget of honesty is making Shuichi worry about him and doesn’t want him to do so at all… but Shuichi absolutely should be worried about his friend.
Kaito: “Hey, you got a minute? I got something to talk about.”
Shuichi: “Ah, okay…” (He seems upset…)
Shuichi’s already getting the sense that there’s something more forceful about Kaito than usual as we start the event proper, and boy is there a reason for that.
Shuichi: (Did I do something to make him angry?)
This, however, is not that reason. But of course Shuichi is lacking enough in self-assurance that he would immediately think this is somehow his fault. Of course it wouldn’t ever occur to him that maybe Kaito has issues and problems of his own and that might be what’s at the root of this rather than Shuichi having done anything wrong. (And this won’t be the only time Shuichi misunderstands Kaito in literally exactly this way.)
Kaito: “I’m just gonna say it! What are you moping around for!?”
Shuichi: “What?”
Kaito: “When my sidekick is moping, it really ticks me off!”
Shuichi: (I’m… moping?)
Shuichi isn’t moping. He’s still not a shining paragon of confidence or anything, but he’s been able to be a lot stronger and more positive lately. His own reaction to Kaito’s accusation just now shows that even he didn’t really think there was anything he was being particularly negative about, even though Shuichi is usually his own biggest critic.
Kaito disapproves of moping because it’s just wallowing in your negative feelings without making an effort to make it better. But in this context, the effort to make it better that Shuichi is supposedly avoiding would be asking Kaito for help. Right now, “Why are you moping?” really translates to “Why aren’t you letting me help you?”
Kaito: “I told you, man! Don’t hesitate to talk to me if something’s wrong. But you’re still keeping stuff from me! Am I not reliable enough!? Spit it out! If you bottle everything up, it can’t get fixed!”
What this whole thing really is is Kaito projecting weakness and worries onto Shuichi in another desperate attempt to show that Shuichi still needs his help. His “Am I not reliable enough!?” in particular shows what’s really going on. Kaito is terrified that he really isn’t reliable enough, not now that he’s dying and Shuichi solved the previous trial entirely without him and is seemingly strong enough that maybe he doesn’t really need Kaito’s support any more.
(It could also perhaps seem like Kaito is projecting his own behaviour of hiding his illness from his friends, but like last time, I don’t think the fact that he is incidentally being hypocritical here is the point. If the point was Kaito deflecting, that’d mean that acting like he wants to help Shuichi would just be an excuse to distract from his own problems. But of course Kaito wanting to help Shuichi could never be an excuse – Kaito always wants to help Shuichi, and that’s the real problem.)
Shuichi: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not looking for advice…”
Kaito: “You’ve got some guts trying to lie to me.”
Shuichi: “…”
He’s not lying! Shuichi wouldn’t lie to Kaito, not about his own weaknesses and struggles, nor about wanting Kaito’s advice for his problems. He may sometimes hesitate to talk about what’s bothering him until Kaito prods him a little, but he has never and would never outright lie about it once prodded if something really was wrong. And if that wasn’t proof enough, Shuichi’s staring at Kaito here with a sceptical face like he’s wondering why Kaito even thinks this.
Kaito should know perfectly well that Shuichi isn’t lying here. So it’s really quite delightfully messed up that he would rather tell himself Shuichi is lying to him than face the idea that Shuichi doesn’t need him.
(Even though the only way in which that’s really true is that Shuichi happens to not particularly need his help right now. That’s a completely different thing from not needing him at all… but Kaito doesn’t seem to realise that.)
A couple of times previously, Kaito did a similar thing of starting off a conversation with someone by trying to make it about him listening to their troubles and helping them – once with Kaede in an invitation dialogue, and once in his first FTE with Shuichi. Both those times, though, when they didn’t need to talk to him about anything, he accepted that and was happy to start talking about something else. But not this time.
Kaito: “Fine then! Listen up…”
Shuichi: (Kaito encouraged me, complimenting me about my talent.)
If Shuichi isn’t going to ask for Kaito’s help despite Kaito insisting that he totally should be doing so, Kaito’s going to help him anyway, aggressively complimenting him and telling him he’s awesome so that Shuichi can see how inspiring and encouraging and important Kaito still definitely is. (Really, Shuichi had no reason to have ever stopped thinking that about Kaito in the first place, but apparently Kaito doesn’t see it that way.)
You may have noticed from the way I’ve been talking about this event that I’ve been casually assuming despite the flexibility of FTEs that this is definitely taking place during chapter 4, and that all of this is a part of Kaito’s canonical arc that I’ve been talking about the rest of the time. And the thing is, this event really does have to take place in chapter 4, going by the keeping-FTEs-in-line-with-canon logic I’ve been using. Kaito’s fourth FTE mentioned Shuichi being his sidekick, putting that in chapter 3 at the earliest, and while there are two slots in which Kaito is available in chapter 3, the second of those has him already feeling too unwell for it to be believable that a proper FTE would have canonically happened then. So this fifth and final one has to happen, not necessarily this late, but definitely during this chapter.
But even if that weren’t the case, I’d still consider this event practically a canonical part of this chapter. While nothing in it explicitly mentions chapter 4-specific details, this is so clearly written for Kaito’s chapter 4 state of mind as he desperately tries to compensate for the fact that he’s dying by being as helpful as he can to his sidekicks. It fits in beautifully with the rest of the hints toward that we’ve had so far up to this point – in fact, this event is significantly less subtle about it than anything else has been, which is why I’m happy I saved it until the end like this.
Shuichi: (I should tell him… Then he’d understand why. I told him all about the case that got me the title of Ultimate Detective. I told him everything… so that he would know how untalented I really am.)
However, it seems like all of Kaito’s aggressive compliments just made Shuichi feel like he doesn’t deserve them and actually start to feel bad about himself. Now, at least, he has something to talk about that Kaito might be able to help him with, even though he genuinely didn’t need to talk about this when this conversation began.
(I don’t think Kaito was deliberately intending to bring Shuichi’s issues out by complimenting him, though. That’s far too underhanded and manipulative for Kaito to do no matter what state of mind he’s in. Plus, I’m not sure he’s even that consciously aware of the reasons he’s been acting this way, which he’d have to be for this to be deliberate.)
Kaito: “I see… So you were chosen after you solved a case.”
Shuichi: “Yes, and the most important part… I just happened to find some evidence that was missed. I accidentally solved the puzzle. It was all coincidence, happenstance…”
As soon as Kaito says something that puts things in a vaguely positive-sounding light, Shuichi’s immediately jumping to insist that no, that’s not the point, he barely even deserved to solve that case. It’s hard to know how true it is that it was all just a coincidence, but I’m inclined to think it wasn’t. Even if it is just a matter of Shuichi noticing something everyone else missed, that’s still him having better observation skills than anyone else on that case, which is something that’s important for a detective to have. Shuichi’s just likely to not want to give himself enough credit what with how much the outcome of the case traumatised him.
Kaito: “Geez… You worry about the most trivial stuff, man.”
Kaito, you’re the one who was fishing for Shuichi to be worrying about even the tiniest thing so that you’d have an excuse to help him.
Shuichi: “You have no right to say that! You don’t know what I’ve been through!”
Kaito: “Hah! Nice! It’s good to see you actually have some bite to you.”
Shuichi’s response is a dialogue option that I picked, but I like this one, because I enjoy Kaito being proud of him for being able to stand by his own feelings, not even caring that Shuichi doing so involved snapping at him.
(Mind you, Shuichi was also standing by his own feelings earlier when he was asserting that he didn’t need any advice from Kaito right now, and Kaito was much less on board with that, but, you know.)
Regardless, when Kaito said “trivial”, he was really talking about the culprit’s feelings.
Kaito: “He killed someone and was trying to get away with it! He’s a bad guy!”
This is an instance of Kaito’s often fairly black-and-white way of thinking, but even so, him putting things this simplistically helps Shuichi move away from worrying about how the culprit felt. Even if the guy wanted revenge, that still doesn’t justify murder, so Shuichi was right to expose him for it. Kaede and Kirumi’s crimes so far during this killing game were much less black-and-white, such that Shuichi has a decent reason to feel at least a little bad about cornering them, but that one guy? Screw him, he’s nothing like them.
Kaito: “If he’d gotten away with it, he’d be crushed by the weight of his guilt. But you got him before that happened! He should be thanking you!”
It’s also very appropriately Kaito of him to see Shuichi’s job of catching criminals as important because it forces the criminals to take responsibility instead of running away from their own actions and the pain they caused. I especially love that Kaito even sees this as a good thing for the culprit himself. This will be a very relevant idea during this upcoming case in particular, in terms of a certain someone Kaito has already been trying to get through to a lot.
Kaito: “I’ll support you all the way! I know you did the right thing!”
This might still be Kaito overzealously trying to compensate for his own feelings of inferiority, but it’s adorable all the same. This is all Shuichi really needs from him at this point – not necessarily major advice on specific problems, but just knowing that Kaito’s there for him and on his side no matter what. You’re already doing enough, Kaito. Just keep being you.
Kaito: “And not just with that guy! From now on, if anyone holds a grudge against you… I’ll kick their ass!”
This is not ironic foreshadowing to the extent that one might think, because Kaito is never going to hold a grudge against Shuichi, however much it might seem that way. Of course, Kaito would also definitely want to kick the ass of anyone who even seems to hold a grudge against Shuichi, even briefly, just because doing so would hurt him. So… that’s a thing.
Kaito: “So you just gotta follow the path you believe in! You’re my sidekick. So don’t hold back, and rely on me whenever you need to!”
These are Kaito’s voiced lines for his final event, and they couldn’t be more appropriate. They’re adorably full of him believing in and supporting Shuichi, with just a dash of that delightful undertone of him desperately wanting Shuichi to still rely on him even if maybe Shuichi doesn’t need to quite as much any more.
Shuichi: “Kaito… thank you.” (Alright, so he’s foolhardy. But he supports me and expects nothing in return… He does so much for me… I could never turn my back on that. I will never betray his support and trust. I will never break my bond with Kaito!)
While Shuichi is completely oblivious to what’s going on with Kaito and why he’s being so aggressively supportive right now, it’s still just absolutely heartmelting how grateful he is for everything Kaito does for him and trusts him so wholeheartedly in return. For all of Kaito’s issues that this event has been subtly full of, they’re still incredible, adorable friends, which comes across so strongly here. Most FTEs, when they end on emphasising how much the protagonist has become friends with the subject, are kind of dampened by the knowledge that this is just an optional side thing that isn’t really there in the canon storyline. But here, this just serves to highlight the canon adorable friendship between these two even more and I love it.
And if only Kaito could hear everything Shuichi is thinking here. He would never turn his back on you, Kaito! No matter what weaknesses you might have and no matter what mistakes you might make! You have so much less to be afraid of than you think.
Shuichi: “…I understand, Kaito.”
…Shuichi doesn’t really understand. He only understands the fact that Kaito will always be there for him, and while that’s true (or at least, Kaito has no intention of ever making it untrue), that’s not remotely the full picture here.
Shuichi: “I will always depend on you.”
This sounds adorable on the surface, but is potentially pretty messed up if you think about it too hard. Ideally, what Shuichi means is, “I will always depend on you when I need to”, which is the healthy way of looking at it – everyone needs to depend on other people sometimes, and it’s great that Kaito will always be there for him during those times.
But… that might not actually be what Shuichi means. I’ve mentioned multiple times that Shuichi is pretty overly dependent, hence him latching onto Kaede and Kaito so easily… so he might be okay with the idea of always needing to depend on on Kaito. Which he shouldn’t! Nobody should want to be constantly dependent on someone else their entire life, and it’s especially unhealthy if it’s on one single person, no matter how reliable and genuinely well-meaning that person may be. Shuichi should want to become someone who doesn’t need to depend on someone else most of the time, even if that someone else is Kaito.
Kaito: “Yeah! Just leave it to me!”
Under normal circumstances, Kaito would probably be able to pick up on this and recognise that it’s unhealthy and assert that Shuichi should be striving to become more independent. After all, his former sidekicks he mentioned last FTE no longer need him any more, and he seemed perfectly happy with that.
But in the state of mind Kaito’s in by this chapter, he’s not about to do that. Kaito may be a little bit like this even at the best of times, but right now especially he has become incredibly co-dependent – meaning, he’s pathologically dependent on the idea that someone else depends on him. He needs to be needed. And that’s pretty messed up of him too. There is definitely a large part of Kaito that’s worried Shuichi already doesn’t really need him any more – but he’s not letting that part have a say and continuing to insist that of course Shuichi should be constantly depending on him.
Shuichi’s dependency and Kaito’s co-dependency make them a perfect match for each other in a wonderfully messed-up kind of way, and that dysfunctionality lurking beneath the surface is another of the many reasons I enjoy their friendship so much. If it weren’t for this, things wouldn’t be about to fall apart like they do, and this chapter and the beginning of the next wouldn’t be nearly as delightfully heartwrenching.
Shuichi: (Kaito’s smile was as bright as starlight. I couldn’t help but smile back.)
Bright like he’s a luminary or something! Space imagery! FRIENDS.
Shuichi: (…Everything is going to be okay. As long as we have this, we can move forward.)
Oh boy, it sure—
isn’t going to be even remotely okay barely twenty-four hours from now.
Shuichi: (Sometimes I feel as though I’m dragging him down, but I know I’ll catch up one day.)
You’re not, though, Shuichi! This could not be more completely opposite of how Kaito sees things! Kaito feels like he’s the one dragging Shuichi down, which is precisely why we just had this whole event of him desperately trying to show that he isn’t and that Shuichi can still benefit from his support! But Kaito has apparently managed to successfully convince Shuichi that he’s completely invincible and doesn’t have any problems of his own, so Shuichi has no goddamn clue.
Shuichi: (I bet he’d laugh and tell me I have a lot of nerve for a sidekick.)
He wouldn’t, though. The entire point of Kaito’s sidekicks is supposed to be that one day they’ll reach even greater heights than him – we went over that in his previous FTE. Kaito should laugh and then tell Shuichi how proud he is of him for coming this far. I guess Shuichi genuinely never did realise that most of the reason Kaito was telling him about his former sidekicks was to imply that the same thing applies to him.
Or, at least… Kaito should show pride in Shuichi if Shuichi ever overtook him. But that’s Kaito at the best of times, and those are not the times he’s in right now.
In the report card summary for this event, there’s also a very similar line to the one from before:
“Kaito, I know it seems as though you’re dragging me along, but I’ll be right there beside you.”
This is such a delightfully ironic line, and the writers clearly knew exactly how important it is since they essentially included it twice. Oh, Shuichi, if only you had any idea just how completely backwards you have it. If only Kaito would tell you what’s really going on in his head, and then you could support him in return and help him figure things out. But then, this is Kaito we’re talking about here.
All of Kaito’s previous FTEs featured him talking about himself, like FTEs are supposed to. And in general, the final event in particular is meant to involve the subject talking about their biggest issues now that they feel comfortable doing so because of their growing friendship with the protagonist, and maybe having the protagonist help them a little with that. But in Kaito’s final one, he doesn’t talk about himself at all. Because of course Kaito would never talk about his issues, especially not to Shuichi, who needs to see him as strong and invincible in order to be able to rely on him, or so Kaito is irrationally convinced. (And if he somehow miraculously did talk about his issues and Shuichi helped him with them, that’d probably mean that what’s about to happen in the main storyline shouldn’t happen the way it does any more, which we absolutely can’t have.)
Yet this final free time event of Kaito’s still manages to be thoroughly about his issues, not even despite the fact that he doesn’t talk about himself and makes it all about Shuichi’s issues instead, but precisely because of it. It is so appropriate for Kaito that things should be this way, and I love it.
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Wendip Bits from the GF Complete Series Commentary/Lost Legends Comic
Hey all! @ddp456 here!
So, in between helping Kenzoe64 with the last few pages of the Protector comic and working on chapters of DBR3 (yes, I swear it’s still coming) I’ve had a bit of a secret project I’ve been working on (and to be honest, I’m kinda surprised no one else beat me to it)
Over the last few months, I’ve had a chance to rewatch Gravity Falls through the newly released Complete Series Blu Ray set, and for this, listened to every commentary created for each episode, as well as those made for the special features disc (which forgive me if I’m wrong, but was for the BD set, right?).
While the tracks give a HUGE insight on all things GF, it also unveils the curtain on many things Wendy and Dipper related; some things I guessed correctly from the very beginning (see my personal notes for bragging rights), and some, well, that kinda shocked me, and left me uncertain about a few details. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
As you can guess, think of this as a dissection of the commentaries given, focusing on our favorite duo from the series, and afterwards, I’ll include a few questions of my own. Fair enough? Let’s get started:
(Tidbits in the first few episodes)
-Alex Hirsch states that Dipper’s crush on Wendy was always meant to be a big part of the series.
-Hirsch wanted to drop Wendip hints in the first episode (Tourist Trapped), but Rob Renzetti (Supervising producer director, creator of My Life As a Teenage Robot) talked him out of it, saying that he was doing it way too soon.
-The age difference between Dipper and Wendy was the very first conflict that came to mind in the writer’s room, so therefore, it was used.
-The persona of Wendy herself was crafted like that of a “cool camp counselor” so that she could do cool adult stuff, and be able to do “kid stuff” as well without being out of place.
(The Inconveniencing)
-The Cold Open for Episode 5 (Roof Time!) was created at the last minute because the writers realizes that the Wendy/Dipper connection really wasn’t justified. The roof sequence was to make not only Dipper fall in love with Wendy, but the audience as well. (D’aww! - Editor’s note)
-At the end of the episode, the second “Zipped Lips” motion between Wendy and Dipper symbolized many things. It shows that Dipper (despite lying) is accepted by Wendy into her social circle, and given her friendship. Her lying to the other teens is just as important, as she does so without Dipper asking her to. This was done to make Wendy as real as humanly possible, showing that she is just as cool as Dipper (and we as an audience) make her out to be.
-Hirsch often laments on the fact that they didn’t do a full “Wendy-themed” episode. He explains that the point of many episodes is that a said character “learns a sin” and they were afraid to do so with Wendy, in fears that it would ruin her chemistry. (more on this later - Editor’s note)
-They foreshadow the conflict over Robbie and Dipper (involving Wendy) and recognizes that things weren’t always realistic (e.g. how Dipper can beat up the Multi-Bear, but how he was deathly afraid of Robbie). Hirsch’s reasoning is that the audience seems forgiving with such exaggeration as long as everyone appeared to stay in character ( again, more on this later - Editor’s note)
(Double Dipper)
-Originally, Double Dipper had nothing to do with Wendy (GASP! - Editor’s note) The original premise was about Mabel trying to set up a party so she could mingle with the citizens of Gravity Falls, and make new friends, and Dipper, being the anti-social opposite of her, tries to prevent this at every turn, only to fail. It was only when at the last moment, someone suggested to have Dipper’s story be about Wendy.
-During the slow dance scene, the animators specific added a shot of Wendy from Dipper’s POV so that we (the audience) could understand and feel the same anxiety that he did at that moment.
-At the dance of the episode, Hirsch and the rest of the crew theorize about what happens when Dipper goes back inside the Shack at the end of the night. He specifically asked, “Do you guys think he asks Wendy to dance?” The rest of the crew disagree, saying they can picture Dipper trying to dance on his own, and Wendy cheering him on, sprinkling confetti on him from afar like in the beginning of the episode.
(Cute, but what about this?
is it non-canon, now? Did the commentary happen before the real Journal 3 was written? Or is it presumed that Dipper lied in the journal? What the fuck? - Editor’s note)
(Irrational Treasure)
-Going off on a tangent, Hirsch describes Dipper’s crush on Wendy as “creepy” and “over-the-top.” He details that it’s Dipper’s seriousness that leads to misfortune, and for that, he takes a lot of lumps.
-The Zodiac is mentioned here, and the writers explain that the Ice wasn’t always related to Wendy. The symbol was random.
-And as a cute sidenote, the “binkies” that the Pines twins have at the back of their heads were taken from the same ones that the Mario Bros. have.
(Time Traveler’s Pig)
-Alex Hirsch goes hard on Dipper here. He explains that Dipper has a very naive, yet forgivable, but wrong idea about romance.
-He feels that Dipper would die a thousands deaths to have Wendy feel the same way about him.
-Dipper is desperate to have this perfect moment, this perfect day with Wendy, because he believes that he’s not perfect on his own (told ya’ all! - Editior’s note)
-Hirsch says because of this, Dipper doesn’t deserve to get what he wants. This idea of how the world works shouldn’t be rewarded.
-He adds that creating the lessons above was the hardest part of writing the episode.
(Fight Fighters)
-Hirsch knew that the “crush” angle was getting old, but he loved the story presented here. He says that “Dipper’s heart was in the right place” when defending Wendy against Robbie. (again, take that, internet! - Editor’s note)
-Hirsch was blown away by the internet’s response to the episode, shocked to see how many people have had a negative reaction to it. At this point, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper) responses, “What?! Love doesn’t die, guys!
-Alex goes into how he doesn’t care for “shipping,” that the “Wendy/Dipper” stories come from need for conflict, but not from character relationships. With Wendy involved, Dipper is motivated, desperate, and will do the most insane things.
-He agrees with internet that the crush wasn’t really going anywhere, but he loved the W&D scripts that kept coming in.
-Robbie’s calling out Wendy like a dog (C’mon, out, girl!) was ad-libbed by TJ Miller.
-Hirsch believes that if left alone, Robbie would have never fought Dipper. He was jealous that his girlfriend was going off on all these weird adventures with this kid. (Wait, so there are untold Wendy/Dipper adventures out there?! - Editor’s note)
-The height difference between Wendy and Dipper literally comes from Alex’s real life (and his twin, Ariel, was taller, like Mabel), where he was the smallest kid in class, and his science partner in school was regular sized, and also, his secret crush.
(The Deep End)
-The episode was always meant to be a non-serious, low-stakes piece. Dipper’s having a good time with Wendy was not meant as romantic, but as friends.
-Wendy was originally meant to have a two piece bikini, but the network made them change it (So, wait, it wasn’t a homage to the Sandlot’s Lifeguard Wendy? - Editor’s note)
(Boyz Crazy)
-Hirsch regrets not clarifying the Robbie/Wendy/Dipper portion at the end.
-He insists that the hidden message in the song was mere coincidence. Wendy was not hypnotized.
-He sees the situation as follows: Dipper is jealous that Wendy is into Robbie’s music. For this, Dipper figures there has to be a sinister reason for this.
-Robbie definitely stole the music, but didn’t know that the message was there. Hirsch says as a child, he was personally fascinated by rock bands having hidden messages in their records.
-At this point in the commentary, Ariel Hirsch chips in, saying that in the end, “Dipper wasn’t thinking about Wendy.” Jason Ritter (Dipper himself) agrees, “He’s only thinking about calling out Robbie.” (told ya’ all x3. - Editor’s note)
-Alex Hirsch’s quote about the hidden message: “Backward messages can’t control people’s behavior because you can’t understand them!”
-His notes on Stan and Dipper bonding in this episode: “Both would rather believe that there is a huge conspiracy rather than they’re bad with women.”
(Land Before Swine)
-Hirsch says as side-notes that Wendy had a running bet with Grunkle Stan about who would eat the corn-unicorn first (he didn’t bet on Waddles). Also, he says that Ford has a fear of women because after a bad experience involving someone being freaked out by his six-fingers.
(Gideon Rises)
-Hirsch admits that Gideon’s speech to Dipper is bullcrap. Dipper has beaten plenty without the aid of the Journal 3, but his insecurities make him believe otherwise.
(Scary-oke)
-Wendy has two cut scenes that are shown in the Special Features disc. At the beginning of the episodes, she (along with Soos) is interview by the news and she is chided for using the word “Jerkface” on live TV. She then goes into a huge rant about her “freedom of speech.” The second shows that Wendy was given the blow-horn by Mabel to be the official hype person of Scary-oke.
(Into the Bunker)
-ITB won an Annie award?! (Didn’t know that - Editor’s note)
-Hirsch wanted to keep the Dipper/Wendy crush going, but could see that the audience was getting tired of it. The writers decided to have Wendy become a member of the team and go on adventures, choosing to have Dipper deal with heartbreak sooner than later.
-It was considered to be the third priority for the second season. (Reveal Author, Revisit Switch in the Woods, and Kill the Crush)
-Speaking of, the Bunker’s staircase was taken from the video game classic, Myst
-The script for “Into the Bunker,” was given to Matt Chapman (of “Homestar Runner”/Strong Bad fame), because all of his GF scripts happen to have heartbreak in them, earning him the nickname, “Shipwrecker.”
-Wendy and Dipper’s movie night/Cold Opening was the very last thing to be added to the episode. They needed something to tie Dipper’s investment to both the adventure at hand, and the Wendy crush
-In this, Dipper’s confidence grows by defeating Gideon, and when Wendy says she doesn’t need guys, it brings him to turmoil by the impossible and hopeless.
-The symbol room was originally the “Gonna Die” room.
-This episode is in Alex Hirsch’s top 5 GF episodes, because of its darker tone.
-He details: there are so many good moments in this episode where Dipper is suffering at the hands of this girl that’s so much cooler and so much beyond what he could even understand.
-The GF team knew that this had to be a stand-out episode for Wendy. We had to spend a lot of time with her, showing that she could hold her own and make a valuable addition to the Mystery Crew. Hirsch regrets not doing that more. For this, every time Wendy is added to the team, she’s awesome.
-The most amount of takes in the entire series was the “Dipper crying over dead Wendy” scene. Hirsch explains that it was a hard thing to sell, and a really vulnerable moment.
-ITB’s ending was one of the hardest endings to write. The commentary says they rewrote it 5 times to get it right.
-An idea used was “Love is temporary, but friendship is real love?” (Hell, that’s what I use about 90% of the time - Editor’s note)
-The line “Don’t be itchy.” was added super late to the script. The team tried to avoid as many cliches as possible.
-The first time the Wendy/Dipper confession scene was watched in animatics, Hirsch and crew felt that it was “too romantic,” like a romcom.
-In the Special Features disc, we see a sneak peak of the deleted scene. In this, Dipper goes in on a rant of despair, pledging to Wendy that he’ll try to avoid the Gift Shop from now on, and that she’ll never have to talk to him again, before she stops him and tries to calm him (Dude, Dude, it’s okay...) (Poor baby... - Editor’s note)
-The scene was meant to reflect Alex’s own puberty, which wasn’t romantic, but nightmarish.
-”It’s meant to be terrifying for Dipper. His heart is in his throat as he has to have this talk with Wendy. He’s frozen, waiting for it to pass, and Wendy can see this pain, and she’s doing everything she can to show him, “Nothing’s different. Everything’s normal. You’re normal. These feelings are normal. I’m a couple years older than you, and I’ve seen this. I’ve been around the block. We all go through it. You’re going to be okay.”
(Kinda wish they went this route instead of the whole “age” thing. It’s beautiful - Editor’s note)
-It couldn’t be a “will they/won’t they” situation. The real question was “will they be friends after this?”
-The writers could see a very legitimate path where Wendy is like, “Dude. you’re creeping me out. Maybe we should take a little time from each other because this is not healthy, etc.” The fact that she was so beautiful and cool and treats Dipper so well shows that she IS the awesome kind of person that Dipper thinks she is.
(The Golf War)
-A quick note about Dipper and relationships. Dipper’s normal social fear melts away when he’s around someone he hates so much. Someone like Pacifica brings out pure sass and rage. (HA! - Editor’s note)
(Little Gift Shop of Horrors)
-There was a possible story being tossed around where Wendy gets a tattoo and gradually, it overtakes her/she becomes the tattoo herself. Alex Hirsch loved the idea of a living tattoo, stating that it’d fit with Wendy’s rebellious teen nature, and that she’d learn a lesson at the end of it.
-The writers passed, saying that Wendy is very hard to write for. When we see her, she’s cool and controlled, and for a short story concept, finding that depth to make it valuable would be difficult. Plus, they didn’t want to be compared to Moana (or the fact it’s almost exactly like a Goosebumps story? - Editor’s note)
(Society of the Blind Eye)
-Hirsch and the writers loved the Wendy/Mabel scene because there’s not many of them throughout the series. To them, it was great to show Wendy as the “cool, older sister.” Hirsch dug Wendy’s complete disregard of boys. “Don’t worry about them. Yeah, whatever, they’re a dime a dozen. I’ve had so many boyfriends...”
-The writers discuss what kind of man Wendy would end up with. “He’d have to be something - some kind of specimen. She’s so confident and having a good time, comfortable in her own skin; if a guy’s cool, she’ll be “Yeah, I’ll try it out,” and when she’s bored, “Yeah, no thanks,” leaving a bottomless scar inside their heart,” going on to cite Robbie as example.
-Alex Hirsch added the line about Wendy’s being stressed 24/7. It’s obviously not what she shows the world, and yet, it shows how you can vaguely see it there. (Tell me about it - Editor’s note)
(Blendin’s Game)
-Alex Hirsch’s view on family: “Friendship is thicker than water, and family’s something you can create.”
-Hirsch’s further thoughts on shipping: He tells the writers that it’s meaningless. He rather ask if they have a compelling story instead. He doesn’t care about love, saying “Love isn’t the end - it’s a story turn.”
-A member of the writing cast was going to comment on the baby Wendy and Tambry scene, when she was interrupted, and the point is never bought up again. (Dammit! - Editor’s note)
(Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons)
-Hirsch debated about having a scene where Dipper reveals his real name to Ford. The consensus said no. The same happened for “Dipper and Mabel Vs. the Future.”
(The Last Mabelcorn)
-Originally, the episode was going to be a Wendy-eccentric episode involving her family and her relationship with Manly Dan. On top of that, she was going to gain magical weather powers as well. The team decided against it, not wanting to be compared to the movie, Frozen, as well finding it hard to balance considering Wendy’s grounded character.
For this, they made it up to her by having Wendy (and her influence) take over the episode after the first third.
(Roadside Attraction)
-The Special Features disc shows an alternate opening that doesn’t showcase a Dipper/Wendy angle at all. Dipper asks a group of ladies to borrow a quarter and instead, gets beaten up for it. Mabel and the gang figure from this that Dipper needs help talking to women.
-The whole point of the episode (to Hirsch) is that Dipper gets advice from Stan when Dipper is only trying to move on, while Stan has no idea what he’s doing, stating he is not a role model by any means. The lesson is not to present false affections and learn to hear other people’s feelings. “Stan lives alone for a reason!”
(Dipper & Mabel Vs. the Future)
-The Mabel/Wendy scene was created so that if someone as cool as Wendy doesn’t like High School, it immediately changes Mabel’s perspective on the matter.
-One of the Government agents were originally going to offer Dipper an apprenticeship/”advanced learning path,” in due to all of his discoveries and research.
-Hirsch figures that Ford’s speech towards Dipper is similar if not the same that he gave to McGucket. Ford takes advantage of hero worship - it’s not so much as he needs an apprentice, rather to have someone that’ll do anything he says. (So where are those people that says Ford doesn’t have a mean streak in him? - Editor’s note)
-Upon Dipper rescuing Ford, Jason Ritter laments on commentary, “If only Wendy could have seen that moment...” to which the room explodes with laughter.
(Weirdmageddon Part 1)
-Hirsch explains: “Wendy is the most grounded character in the series, so in this ungrounded scenario, she is able to make the most of it. She can handle just about anything.”
-Wendy’s speech to Dipper was struggled with for a while. It had to be a speech not about Dipper’s self-confidence, but about how he needed Mabel back (which the writers says there’s truth in)
-The live action Wendy and Dipper scene (with Jason Ritter and Linda Cardellini) had lines cut from the final version (Son-of-a-... Editor’s Note)
-The Gideon/Dipper speech represents the full completion of Dipper’s Wendy arc. It’s a real-life lesson that Hirsch says many people in real life still don’t get.
(Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality)
-A deleted scene in the Special Features disc expands on the beach scene, where Mabel zaps Dipper, Wendy, and Soos’s ruined clothing into gaudy swimwear (though Wendy has a cute flower in her hair ala Hawaiian). They go to the beach and Wendy begins to admire the hunky volleyball players, leading to a jealous Dipper.
-Alex Hirsch explains that the fantasies offered in Mabelland aren’t fantasies, they’re easier outs. Wendy’s is teen rebellion rather than facing reality. Soos’s is the dad he always wanted.
-With Dipper, what was originally going to be behind the door was Ford and the offer of the apprenticeship. They would go off on adventures and discoveries, only to stumble upon a now-alone Mabel, growing up in High School, and having a real life. Hirsch axed the idea, believing that Mabelland, and by extension, Bill Cipher, wouldn’t show the downside of any fantasy, rather Dipper would have to discover it himself. For this, the writers had to go back to “the Wendy Well.” (Special note: we at @wendip-week have to use the phrase, “Wendy Well” more often - Editor’s note)
-Earlier versions of the episodes had different “Wendy wants,” including one where we find her writing deep poetry. The writers go on about her fantasy, saying that it couldn’t be a “perfect guy,” because she’s self-realized. But at the same time, they admit that Wendy “exhibits destructive character flaws that she has to get over.” They add, “She really loves that aimless teen rebellion, that it’s hard to turn down all that chaos.” (So, why the hell didn’t they make an episode about that?! And I wanna see Poet Wendy ASAP! - Editor’s note)
(Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls)
-Alex Hirsch: “Gravity Falls was always meant to have a bittersweet feeling to it.”
-Weirdmageddon was about giving everyone a hero moment. Part 1 was Wendy and Dipper’s. Part 2 was Mabel, and the Mystery team as a whole. Part 3 was the Stan twins and the town united.
-Jason Ritter marvels at the Wendy and Rumble sequence, noting how all the other characters are fighting with machines, and yet Wendy is going at it bare-handed.
-Weirdmageddon was approved to be a made-for-TV movie, but Disney demanded another 3 episodes for regular air. The team declined.
-There was never an official plan for the Zodiac. It was something the team made as a tease, but after seeing fan response, they knew they had to do something with it. Linking Wendy with the bag was a last minute decision simply because of the scenes involving her and ice throughout the series.
-A quick note about the original quote of the Llama, versus the final one given by Larry King, “Llamas are dumb, blonde, beautiful, and they spit!” (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! - Editor’s note)
-Hirsch is a big believer in visual aid. The Pines twins changed on the inside, and he wanted something to show that on the outside as well. Mabel got to keep Waddles, and for that, Dipper received Wendy’s hat, as a symbol of their friendship.
-Rewatching the scene, Jason Ritter says that he believes Dipper never takes off Wendy’s hat, and is too shy to tell anyone its origins. (”When people ask him, he’s like “Don’t you worry about that...”)
-Alex Hirsch says the switching hats idea came from a storyboarder’s sketch, in which he said, “That feels right.” (Uh-huh. Just a sketch... - Editor’s note)
The Wendy’s note scene was meant to be ambiguous about two things. The first being “Mystery.” It gave Dipper one last question to ponder in his head. (Had to do one last tease, eh? Editor’s note)
-The second was “Endings.” “Did something just die here? Are all these things we love really gone?” HIrsch says not quite. “Endings are new beginnings.”
A few neat points of interest (non Wendip related)
-Jason Ritter is a HUGE gaming fan, where he was able to name almost all the references in “Fight Fighters.” He also played and completed the Gravity Falls 3DS game twice (where Alex Hirsch admits he never has...)
-Hidden in the Double Dipper episode, there is a secret commentary track, where Jason swoons over Wendy for part of the episode, only to be interrupted by his clones (including one that had to camp out for “The Legend of Zelda - Breath of the Wild)
And lastly, I want to address the new comic, Lost Legends. While it didn’t have a hint of Wendip in it:
(sorry, fam, Wendy making a crack about Dipper wearing a skirt doesn’t cut it for me. And didn’t mean to mooch. @fereality-indy. - I couldn’t find a real scan)
But it does contain two other important pieces of information (besides Mabel getting her just-desserts).
The first is a code that gives the hint, WENDY'S MOM: IN ANOTHER
DIMENSION?
Such a thing would explain a ton. One would guess that Wendy and her family believes that her mother just vanished, meaning she could have abandonment issues. (and yes, kids, such a thing can affect how people have relationships)
And to add to the tease, there’s a second hint as well in the first story:
(and thank you, GF Team for giving me another canon point to add to the Protector comic by stating the BES still exists!)
But back to the task at hand, we see that the far right vital has Wendy’s mom’s memories. Is this in conjunction with the above point? Or its own theory?
Hopefully, this plot point is exploring in the next piece of GF related media. All I can guess is this, if Wendy’s mom really is stuck in another dimension, the Pines better pray they didn’t have anything to do with it...
The only other interesting thing to note is that at the end of the second story, Wendy makes an comment about “overthrowing the government,” which kinda sounds like the cut scene from “Scary-Oke” mentioned above. Is it a statement of the politics taught in the Corduroy home, or is it a reflection of current views from Alex Hirsch and the writers? (It’s fascinating either way, IMHO).
So, with everything said and done, I’ll admit, reader, I’m a bit mixed up, feeling wise.
On one hand, Alex Hirsch himself confirmed a shit-ton of Wendy and Dipper info that makes me feel like:
But at the same time, it seems like one of my favorite parts of the show is the one he could care less about - that it’s an end to a means. The closest feeling I can relate to is how the Professor in the 2nd TMNT movie inadvertently tells Donatello that he was an accident.
And I get it, the series is based on the dude’s real life, and that includes nearly every aspect of Wendy and Dipper, rather it be good or bad (or as he describes it, mostly bad). But that’s kinda of why I love it, too, that I can relate to that as well, as I’m sure many of you can. I can say with full honesty that I’ve been both a “Dipper,” where I’ve followed along with a way-too-cool-for-me-girl like a lost puppy, and I’ve been a “Wendy,” too, in which a small ball of wonder looked up at me like I was a gift from God, and I tried my best not to sour or pervert that, and yet, remain honest. It is an interesting story, even if it’s not the main story.
Man, he wasn’t kidding when he said “Gravity Falls was about being bittersweet,” eh? But still, the fact remains: while it wasn’t perfect for ol’ Dipper, at least he wasn’t Patti Mayonnaise-d.
Between the numerous essays and questionnaires I’ve whipped up this summer, I still believe that there is ton of info to be asked and answered, especially involving our non-official favorite duo. We can only hope that the powers that be may want to wish about that “Wendy Well” one day in the future. Nothing is ever certain, and with that, I’ll leave you with some of the truest words out there, straight from Dipper Pines himself (and because I can’t find the damned gifs.)
Until next time.
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so yesterday i saw the infamous emoji movie, and let me tell you, it was bad. like, i’ve seen worse things, and this movie isn’t on the level of a lot of them, but on its own? it’s astounding how bad this is. a lot of this movie sucked, but here’s what i can remember from the top of my head:
-the movie becomes an advertisement about 20 minutes in, and it has a lot of the apps you can think of; youtube, twitter, facebook....it’s almost insulting in its transparency, even worse when you remember that this was made for children.
there’s no jokes or any bit of self-awareness. it’s just ‘oooh, there’s an app’! there’s one moment where they make fun of the shallowness of facebook....everyone’s done that, movie. what do you want, a medal?
-gene is...well, for lack of a better term, meh. he’s too bland and generic to be hateable; what i really hate about him is how he gets away with destroying not only several apps (and the innocent people in them), but nearly wiping out the entire phone. which would have murdered the entirety of his people. he never shows any sorrow or acknowledgement of this.
-the villain, smiler (oh, poor maya rudolph :<) was honestly pretty boring too, but by the climax of the film, i started to understand where she was coming from. yeah it’s crappy of her to wipe out gene for simply existing, but his antics could have (and DID) risked not only the safety of their home, but their ENTIRE EXISTENCE.
-james c0rden’s character was awful. i normally like the guy but hi-5 is the worst. he’s a dick, he’s a nuisance, and the film clearly thinks he’s funnier than he is, because he never shut up. he spent most of his screentime acting selfishly, yet is treated like he made a change at the end....uh, hello. movie? can i actually SEE that, pretty please?
-this film clearly tried for a female empowerment angle with jailbreak (and her arc)...and this failed in so many ways.
for starters, jailbreak claims that female emojis can only be brides or princesses. ....except that smiler is a female. there is also a female emoji, gene’s mom. like if you’re going to call out gender roles, make sure it’s supported by your setting and its rules--not just through dialogue.
jailbreak and gene’s romantic arc. ignoring the fact that the movie doesn’t give them nearly enough time to bond (or even try to do so), and the transition is really sloppy....jailbreak ends up rejecting gene’s proclaimation of love, so she can follow her dream of going to the cloud. gene’s response? turn completely meh. this doesn’t get solved until jailbreak, under the threat of the phone’s wiping, breaks through to him by telling him she loves him.
in short: the film guilt trips jailbreak for not returning gene’s feelings, and strong arms her into making a confession.
and that’s not even the worst part of how this arc ends--jailbreak starts the movie wanting to discard the idea of being a princess, in favor of making her own identity as a hacker--even when her past identity is revealed, she greatly resents it. and on paper, this is actually fine--until the climax. not only does she have to reveal herself as a princess to save gene--this again--but she ends up staying that way, completely discarding her hacker garb.
so basically, jailbreak has to give up her dream and the identity she made and liked, for a designation she clearly hated. not to mention she’s constantly told ‘you’re fine the way you are!’/’be yourself!’ which is clearly meant to be interpreted as ‘don’t disregard your previous identity!’
it flies right in the face of the movie’s message at best, and at worst sends a terrible one to any girls in the audience. boys get to be interesting and unique, and embrace the fact that they are, but girls? just sit down, shut up, and conform to the role society gave you! that’s being your TRUE self!
jailbreak was actually one of the few things about this movie i tolerated, and seeing her so poorly treated by the narrative was just another sprinkle on the doo-doo sundae. and that’s not even getting into all the cringeworthy ways this movie tried to sprinkle feminist topics in its dialogue (’men are always stealing women’s ideas!’)
-speaking of characters treated terribly....the just dance avatar, voiced by christina aguilera. she essentially served as a minor helper character...until smiler’s robots get into the app, looking for gene. the app gets destroyed, aguilera’s character with it...and that’s it. the next time we see her, she’s in a trash app, dancing (it’s heavily implied that’s all she’s capable of doing, even KNOWING she’s been left to die). and that’s the last time she appears. ever. gene’s antics resulted in the destruction of her home, and possibly her own death, assuming the trash gets wiped out.
even worse? gene eventually goes to the trash app...to rescue hi-5, who was caught in the destruction of the just dance app. he only shows concern for hi-5.
that’s one thing, but hi-5 being an exceedingly unlikable character is another. and just like above, it’s another example of gene getting away with the destruction that came from his adventure.
-this movie is STUPID. stupid, in so many ways. from the user character, alex, deciding to wipe his ENTIRE phone when some apps act up, to a lot of the representations of apps being inaccurate at BEST (there isn’t actually an app of the just dance game--not one that doesn’t serve as another controller anyway). for a film that’s a love letter to smartphones and the internet, it gets a lot of stuff wrong.
-there is so much.....pompousness in this movie? especially when it comes to the emojis. the movie acts like they’re the ULTIMATE form of communication, to the point where the kids in this film almost never communicate through speech.
(‘words aren’t cool!’--an actual quote of the movie) this is so SO not true, it’s laughable! emojis are basically sentence enhancers, like undersea swears. they’re not shortcuts for actually talking to people with, you know, words. (example of this: the emojify feature tumblr tried out. turn that on and just LOOK how incomprehensible everything becomes.)
overall, it was well intended as a film conveying individuality, but those intentions are killed by EVERYTHING about its execution--the derivative way said message is presented, the treatment of jailbreak, and the fact that there's nothing about this film that wasn't done before or better. it’s a little hard to internalize a ‘be yourself’ message coming from a film that is a frankenstine-ing of wreck it ralph, toy story, and inside out with a splash of the lego movie.
if anybody’s interested in seeing this for a good laugh....well, i guess i can’t stop you. but i’ll tell you--you will have a lot less fun with this than you think. as for me...this is one movie i am never touching again.
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Steve/Tony, number 19 for the AU meme!
When Steve gets there the classroom is mostly empty. “You’re the second wave,” a cheerful young woman in a rainbow plaid shirt tells him. She has a clipboard. “Parents A-M have left already and we’re starting on the back end of the alphabet now. Grab a seat, have some coffee. There’s crackers and stuff if you get hungry. And feel free to look around the classroom if you like. We had the kids decorate so you could see some of what they’ve been working on.”
He’d left Jamie in the gym where a handful of harassed looking teachers were trying to get a hundred kids under the age of six to play dodgeball by the rules. The odds hadn’t looked to be in their favor when Steve left.
The classroom is bright and cheery with artwork on the walls and shelves full of storybooks and art supplies. There’s a corner in the back of the room with a throw rug and a bunch of pillows, and lots and lots of toys. Steve’s been in the room before but it had been over the summer when Dr. Foster was still getting her classroom set up. This was the first time he was getting the full impact of it and it hit him, hard, like a punch to the sternum that Jamie was going to school here, that his kid was getting the chance Steve hadn’t.
He’d gotten lucky. Natasha had found out about the Maria Stark Foundation from a friend of hers who worked at Stark Tower as an admin, and the friend had managed to get the application directly to the head of the program. Steve had had to pay application fees and for Jamie’s school uniforms, but Jamie’s tuition was guaranteed through fourth grade.
And now his kid went to school in a warm, dry, clean building full of toys and staffed with men and women who were at the top of their field.
It wouldn’t solve all their problems, but Steve knew how the world worked. Hard work counted for a lot but connections counted for a lot more. It was cheating, and for himself Steve railed against it, but all bets were off for his kid’s education.
He walked through the classroom slowly, running his fingers over the shiny covers of the picture books on the shelves, and feeling vaguely like a giant next to the tiny chairs and low tables.
The back wall was a huge corkboard covered in artwork. Crayon, pencil, markers, watercolors. Steve’s eye was drawn to it instantly and he gave up resisting the urge to investigate. There were literally dozens of drawings, arranged in bundles of five or six, all by the same kid. Steve saw a bunch of flower pictures by a girl named Suzie and lots of pictures of houses and families and things that were either horses or dogs (or very large mice, Steve couldn’t tell).
There was a surprisingly good drawing of a bright red robot fighting a dinosaur and Steve traced his fingers over the bright red and orange fire the dinosaur was shooting out of its mouth (dragon?) with a strange sense of wistfulness. As a kid, having access to art supplies like that would have been… heaven.
Oh, he didn’t regret joining the Army or anything that came after, but part of him had always wished he hadn’t had to give up on art, that he’d had the supplies and the training and the talent to pursue it further than as a hobby.
There are a few other drawings, all in colored pencil. The same robot versus unicorn, robot versus a tank, robot versus a clown and robot versus something Steve couldn’t for the life of him identify that looked like… one of those adjustable desk lamps maybe? He looked at it a little closer and that was when he noticed the child’s name.
Jamie.
Steve almost felt like his heart was skipping a beat. He’d never known Jamie liked to draw? Or that he could draw so well - it’s obviously the work of a kindergartner but there’s a real sense of perspective and dimension, a bit of natural talent mixed in with the robot enthusiasm.
He was excited, honestly. This was something he knew about, he could really share this with Jamie. He was already planning a trip to Michael’s on the way home, to stock up on supplies: paper, sketchpads, maybe some charcoals and pastels. Did they make child-sized easels? They must somewhere, he could look on Amazon when they got home. And Crayola of course, one of everything so Jamie could experiment and get a feel for his favorite medium.
“Thank god for trust funds, huh?”
Steve started, so absorbed in his planning that he hadn’t even noticed the other man come up beside him. “Sorry?”
The man smiled. He was handsome, in a way Steve couldn’t help but appreciate. Steve’s height, give or take an inch, with very dark, wavy hair that turned to curls at the very end and was stylishly disheveled. His eyes were a vivid shade of blue and his features were just a little too sharp to be really classic. His mouth was pulled into a sideways smirk - more amused than sarcastic, Steve thought, though the goatee gave him a bit of a devilish look to him. He was wearing a black t-shirt under a worn blue flannel and a pair of jeans that looked like they’d been designer before someone spilled motor oil on them. They were worn at the cuffs and thin around the thighs and knees, worn in.
The guy crossed his arms and the material pulled tight across his shoulders and biceps. Also this guy had a gym membership somewhere. Steve blinked and dragged his eyes back up to the guy’s face.
“I hear the whole starving artist thing isn’t as sexy as they make it look on TV,” the guy said. He studied Jamie’s drawings. “I mean, okay, it’s early years yet, the kid might have a knack for something more marketable down the line. But this screams “future comic book artist” to me, so probably better to just start saving now, right?”
“What’s wrong with being a comic book artist?” Steve snapped. He took a step forward, partially blocking the guy’s view of the pictures. His heart was beating fast, and he could feel anger surging through his spine. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Who thought it was okay to talk shit about someone else’s kid’s (any kid’s) artwork? “If Jamie wants to draw comic books when he grows up that’s fine. The world needs more art in it and I’d rather have my kid grow up and actually create something in this world than be marketable off the backs of other people’s work.”
The guy gave him a sideways look. “She.”
Steve stopped short of his next sentence - he’s not sure, actually, what it was going to be but he’s probably perilously close to saying something that’s going to start a real fight. “What?”
“Jamie,” the guy says. He doesn’t look mad. A little bemused maybe. “Jamie’s a girl. And you’re right, if she wants to draw comic books when she grows up, that’s fine. I was trying to joke and obviously failed. Sorry. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess you’re an artist?”
“I’m a cop,” Steve said. “Jamie’s a boy.”
The guy lifted one perfectly shaped brow. “Um.”
“Jamie’s dad!”
The cheerful teacher’s assistant was standing in the doorway of the classroom with her clipboard. She beamed in their general direction. “We’re ready for you!”
Steve nodded and stepped forward.
And so did the handsome guy.
“What-” Steve started to ask, but the teacher’s assistant cut him off.
“Sorry! Sorry! We’re going alphabetically today, Mr. Stark. Jamie Rogers’ dad is up first.”
The guy - Stark, gestured for Steve to proceed. “No problem, Darcy. I didn’t realize there were two Jamies this year.”
Steve felt his stomach drop and almost closed his eyes in embarrassment. Oh no.
She grinned and rolled her eyes at him, obviously long-acquainted. “Oh, the terror twins. We can’t let them sit next to each other anymore, you know. They just team up against all the other kids and rule the classroom like tiny despots. It’s super cute, though, I have video. I’ll show you after.”
“It’s been less than a month!” Stark said. “How much terror could they really have wreaked?”
Darcy stuck her tongue out at him. “I was there for pre-K, Tony. Your kid convinced the entire class that we were all going to die in a black hole when they turned on the Large Hadron Collider last year. We had to send home notes. And half the parents didn’t even know what the Large Hadron Collider was and thought we’d let their kids see porn. Dr. Banner turned so red I thought his head was going to explode.”
Tony was grinning, clearly proud. “Embarrassed or angry at their shameless lack of basic knowledge of scientific and current events?”
“You know which one,” Darcy said. “Go away and stop distracting me. Mr. Rogers, come this way, Dr. Foster is ready for you.”
Tony was already turning away, attention back on the wall of art and studying Jamie’s - the wrong Jamie, Steve realized with a little pang of disappointment and more than a little embarrassment - artwork again. Steve wasn’t quite sure how to apologize for the misunderstanding and Darcy is waiting, so he went off to meet Dr. Foster.
She was wonderful - bright and pleasant, but very serious as they discussed Jamie’s progress. He was already spelling words - Steve had been reading to him and working on the alphabet at home, so he was pleased to see that he was ahead of the class there - and he was good with numbers and other basic skills. “He doesn’t like nap time though,” Dr Foster said with a smile. “He likes to get up while the other children are asleep and play with the ball.”
She gave him some materials to read and a progress report more complicated than some of the arrest reports Steve had to fill out at work, then presented him a folder full of Jamie’s schoolwork - and there were a few drawings in there, Steve saw, but nothing like the ones on the wall. Steve studied them; a firetruck, a football, a picture of Steve, Bucky, Natasha and Jamie standing next to Natasha’s F1 car from last season.
Steve decided he rather liked these even better than the robot drawings.
Afterwards, he lingered in the classroom for a while longer, waiting until Dr. Foster was done with “Jamie S’s dad!”
“Sorry about earlier,” he blurted out as soon as Tony came back into the room. “I thought the drawings were by my Jamie and I got defensive.”
“Hey, no worries.” Tony looked pretty laid back, but Steve thought he saw some tension seep out of his posture. “I totally get the mix-up. It’s my fault anyway - next time I’ll introduce myself before I go straight to roasting the five-year-old.”
“That’s… probably a good idea.”
Tony grinned. “I’m completely cool with the art thing, on the record. She wants to be President when she grows up, so honestly, starving comic book artist is a step up. I was just trying to break the ice because you’re the only other parent here who didn’t look like the came straight from the country club in Stepford, if you catch me.”
“Well, that’s probably because they wouldn’t let me in the country club, most likely.” Steve offered Tony his hand. “Steve Rogers, former US Army, currently Detective 3rd Grade with the NYPD. Jamie and I are here thanks to the Maria Stark Foundation.”
Tony grabbed his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “Oh hey, I remember you! You’re Natasha’s friend.”
“You know Natasha?” Steve blinked. “Wait, you’re that Tony Stark. I can’t believe I didn’t realize.” He gave Tony a second once-over, taking in the grease under his nails and the old, worn clothes, then comparing them to the wildly expensive watch and leather motorcycle boots. So that was what a billionaire looked like when he was dressed casual, who knew?
Tony shrugged. “I’m told the camera adds ten pounds, fifteen years and at least six tons of sleazebag. And yeah, Natasha’s one of my favorite test drivers. She’s been driving prototypes into the ground for me since she wrecked her ankle and had to quit the ballet. How do you know her? She never said.”
“She married my best friend.”
Tony gave him a look that could best be described as delighted. “You’re Bucky’s roommate? Man, why weren’t you at the wedding?”
Steve sighed. “Getting drunk married on some random guy’s back porch at four in the morning five days after you meet is not a wedding. Oh my god, you were the guy in the bathrobe in the cell phone video weren’t you? You performed the ceremony!”
“I love weddings,” Tony said with relish. “But yeah, we were all super wasted. I still don’t remember how we got back here from Monte Carlo.”
“Daddy!”
Steve turned to face the door, aware of Tony doing the same beside him. The voice had been a girl’s, and there was a tiny little slip of a girl standing in the doorway. She had long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail, light brown skin and the same bright blue eyes as her father. She was wearing a purple t-shirt with a unicorn on it, a bright blue tutu, and leggings with a universe pattern on on them. She also had a pair of costume bat wings strapped to her back and was wearing several plastic bead necklaces. “Daddy, you can do weddings?”
Steve’s own Jamie was standing right behind her. He was wearing the same jeans and red t-shirt he’d been wearing earlier, but had at some point acquired a top hat and a cape. “I thought you two were supposed to stay in the gym?”
“Dodgeball is stupid,” not-his-Jamie declared. Jamie nodded in agreement, though Steve knew for a fact that Jamie loved playing Dodgeball. “We’re gonna get married instead but Modi and Magni said we had to get a priest if we wanted to get married for real.”
“Why are you getting married?” Tony asked.
“Cause you’re supposed to marry your best friend,” his daughter replied in a tone that indicated she felt her father should have known that without having to ask. “Uncle Rhodey said so when he and Aunt Carol got married. And Jamie’s my best friend now plus our names match so we hafta.”
“Sound logic,” Tony said. “But I refuse to pay for your wedding until you have at least one college degree.”
“How long does college take?” she asked, eyes narrowed.
“For you? Two years. But you have to graduate from kindergarten first.”
She sighed heavily. “Fine. But someone’s gotta get married, we already decorated the book nook to make it the church and promised Thrud she could be the flower girl.”
“Why don’t you just marry Thrud?” Tony asked.
“I don’t want to be related to Magni and Modi,” his daughter said.
“That’s fair,” Tony said. He leaned in close to Steve. “Imagine a six-year-old frat boy who’s basically a nice guy but has no volume control and unlimited energy. Then give him an identical twin.”
“Smart girl,” Steve said.
“You guys can get married instead,” Jamie said. He had his hands jammed in his pockets. “I want to see a wedding, I didn’t get invited to Uncle Bucky’s.”
“You were two,” Steve said, “you wouldn’t remember it even if you had gone.”
“Pleeeeease?” Jamie said. Not-his-Jamie turned on her father with a wide-eyed look that would have gotten an entire pound full of puppies adopted.
Tony turned to Steve with a raised eyebrow. “Well, what do you say? Wanna go get hitched by a bunch of ankle-biters?”
Steve studied him for a moment. He looked relaxed and happy. His Jamie was standing on his feet and tugging on his shirt as she bounced up and down and he wasn’t trying to get her off his expensive shoes. He’d taken the whole misunderstanding thing earlier with a sense of humor and he hadn’t cared at all that Steve was there on charity, unlike the few other parents Steve had met that year.
Plus, he was still damned handsome.
“Sure, what the hell, I always wanted to get married.” Steve leaned down to pick Jamie up and sit him on his hip. “But you have to let me buy you guys ice cream afterwards.”
Tony gave him a slow smile. “First date after the wedding, huh? I knew I was going to like you.”
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ch4 (pt 1)
is that fire or is it like one of those public school yearbook picture backgrounds from the early 2000s (idk what they’re like now)
why am i even getting to see this, where did it come from
also i know that he was specifically saying this isn’t his first killing game because i understood what he was saying in Japanese and he said 殺し合い. hm. it’s obvious from context anyway, but still.
i guess i’ll find out more whenever the game feels like showing me more. back to Shuichi!
he went to the dining hall right away the next morning, but the mood’s pretty bleak. there are only two people that seem to have lighter moods this morning.
Gonta isn’t a cannibal! ...probably.
haha, why did Shuichi react that way to what he said...
speaking of Gonta, though, he’s not in the dining hall right now. Kiibo says he’s probably still sleeping.
Himiko is actually also relatively energetic this morning; she tries to rally the others to be more lively. she’s obviously still depressed about what happened, but she’s trying to live positively for the sake of her friends.
Gonta shows up and tells everyone that there are more letters on the rock or whatever that thing is he keeps looking at.
this world is mine? this world is fine. this world is pine. this world is vine? this world is online. this world is--oh wait, if i found this rock in Japanese at the same point i might be able to actually piece it together.
...that doesn’t feel fair, though, so i won’t. also, i’d probably end up spoiling myself on everything accidentally while i looked for this exact rock.
my game just crashed! it loves doing that.
back to where i was... they don’t know what’s up with the writing. Monokuma and the two remaining cubs show up with some prizes:
i know where that brush is probably used! not sure about the other things, though. since the card key is somehow a motive, most of them don’t think they should mess with it, but--
you better be careful with that thing.
he runs off before anyone can stop him and Kaito goes chasing after him. the others tell Shuichi that they’ll also go track Kokichi down, so he should focus on the other two items (and the newest flashback light) for now.
oh, wait, i do know where the blue thing goes! i think. first the brush, though.
fifth floor!
:o oooh...
Tsugumi’s lab is up here!
and i guess she and Shuichi are going to have some non-alcoholic cocktails for no reason!
she says she used to make them a lot at her old job. hmm.
yeah, do it, Shuichi! cosplay with Tsumugi!
Shuichi says he’s in the middle of investigating right now, but Tsumugi just says he can do it later, then.
:D! Shuichi’s lab is up here, too! what a cozy little area~
Maki says she gets a bad feeling from this place, though. the music is all weird too.
:O
haha. a detective could easily be a criminal, given all they need to know to be effective at their job. oh! Maki basically just said the same thing.
on the other side of the room there are some files about various murders that detail the tricks used in each one.
Shuichi starts getting kind of depressed about how his talent’s only useful after people die, but then Kaito shows up. the three of them chat for a bit--Maki warns Shuichi that he’s done so well that the next culprit might aim for him, Kaito says he’ll ~protect his sidekicks~, and also apparently Kaito lost track of Kokichi. Kaito did find the flashback light while he was chasing him, though.
there’s still the other place to go to, so Kaito goes to the dining hall to wait for Shuichi to be finished.
are they flying bugs? are they actually bugs at all?
no answers there yet, either.
robot lab!
it’s very sci-fi in here, which Kiibo doesn’t like.
the game automatically goes to the dining hall after that, where everyone remaining (sans Kokichi) is gathered.
nevermind, Kokichi’s here now too. he claims he couldn’t use the card key, so he just gave up.
he goads Kaito into using the flashback light once he notices it’s there and then they all get another memory... thing.
which i tried to screenshot, but it didn’t work. oops. it was the news thing about the meteorites from before + some people rioting or something.
oh, there are the people again!
they also remember something called the “Gofer Project” that was supposed to save humanity or something, but Kokichi says he heard it failed (which some others also remember hearing). they can’t remember anything more than that.
Kaito’s reacting to Kokichi saying a bunch of things about how he wouldn’t be surprised if they were all dead and this was the afterlife or if some weird virus spread because of the meteorites or something, considering the other weird things here.
there definitely is a lot of weird stuff here, and honestly, i’m not expending the effort to figure out what’s going on. the game will tell me whenever it wants and speculating isn’t going to get me anywhere; i don’t trust that it won’t come up with some kind of ~twist~ after what it did to Kaede.
anyway, free time happens after that!
orphan assassins are pretty common in fiction! it makes sense, i guess, orphans don’t really have anything they can do about their situations and they don’t really have anyone that will object to them being trained as assassins...
she talks about how the training was a bit--how they tortured them and taught them how to die, because that’s what they had to do if they failed a mission.
Maki mentions something about how “that girl” would replace her if she ever failed, but she apparently didn’t mean to say that much, because she tells Shuichi to forget what she just said.
aw, that’s the only bit of free time i get. i was going to hang out with Tsugumi because i feel bad that i completely forgot about her in the last chapter when i was trying to figure out how many girls were left... i guess i’ll just have to do it the next chance i get.
😒
aren’t you two technically siblings or something... i don’t really know how the bears work. then again, Korekiyo was a normal human and he was in love with his sister, so whatever.
a waste of time, that’s what.
oh, they’re doing sit-ups this time! c:
...well, two of them are, anyway. Kaito eventually gets up and says he has to use the bathroom. Shuichi notes that he doesn’t seem to be in much of a hurry; Maki asks if he wants her to go check on him, since she finished her 100 sit-ups already. Shuichi points out that he’d be in the boys bathroom, though, which apparently didn’t occur to Maki.
Maki decides that now is a good time to ask Shuichi if he liked Kaede. she thinks it’d be weird for him to like someone he’d only just met. Shuichi asks when it wouldn’t be weird to like someone, then. Maki doesn’t have an answer for that. she tells Shuichi to forget she asked about it, which Shuichi isn’t very happy about.
Kaito wanders back before they can talk more.
no!
he convinces them to redo their sit-ups, though only Maki can redo them all in the end.
the next morning, Shuichi runs into Maki again. she doesn’t apologize for asking what she did and upsetting him, but she does say that he assumed she didn’t actually care and that he shouldn’t have done that.
Shuichi also runs into Himiko. i guess he’s going to watch her train in the dojo now?
what
seriously, why do i ever talk to Miu. i should know better by now.
haha, Shuichi’s wondering if she’s on drugs or something... who knows. possibly.
let’s go to the dining hall!
Gonta wants to fight Monokuma. everyone else thinks that’s a terrible idea.
including Kokichi, though he thinks it’s just pointless; he says it wouldn’t stop the killing game and starts talking about who great/exciting it is and how if no one else kills someone he’ll do it, etc.
hey! you can’t just punch him like that! i mean, you can and you did, but you shouldn’t. one, he’s super tiny, that’s not even fair. two, you shouldn’t just hit people because you don’t like what they’re saying, you brute. :/
Kiibo gets him to back off by saying violence is unacceptable and can lead to murder.
um... are you okay
surprisingly, Miu steps in when Gonta says he definitely has to fight Monokuma if people are going to be fighting like this. Miu says that she’s going to ~save everyone~, so he shouldn’t be reckless like that. she claims she’s going to bring them to a world where the killing game doesn’t exist.
oh, yeah, she’s been messing with that world computer or whatever. good luck with that! hopefully no one kills you now because you let them know about it. well, vaguely. she didn’t spell it out or anything. also, hopefully that thing doesn’t do something terrible instead.
things are weird and awkward in the dining hall now after what happened! let’s leave.
:D
that was Himiko’s training! it was mostly posing and stuff, but hey, at least she’s doing better.
after that, free time! but before i do that for real, i wanted to see what Kokichi was up to, so:
haha.
i reloaded after that, since i already have all of the little friendship pieces for him or whatever.
time to see Maki again!
oh, i see. :o Shuichi’s relieved to hear that.
haha.
apparently Maki volunteered to take that girl’s place, because the scouts wanted the other girl first and Maki knew she could never be happy there. aw.
aww, she played house with the other girl! that’s so cute!
Maki, Champion Dad
(she just tells him to be quiet and stop imagining whatever it is he’s imagining.)
next up, Tsumugi! to make up for forgetting her before.
...but that’s why, you’re so plain that i actually forgot about you and then i felt bad...
Shuichi tells her she’s not plain (and he means it), but she says she is. weirdly enough, she seems to take pride in how plain she supposedly is...? she doesn’t like Shuichi explaining away things like store clerks not noticing her in a busy store.
once that’s over, it’s nighttime. Kaito seems to be feeling off again.
and so they do!
...the way the shine is in Kaito’s hair is so weird...
Kaito asks Maki what her favourite bloodtype is, which confuses her and makes Shuichi tell him he’s bad at asking questions. Kaito tells Shuichi to ask Maki something, then.
Shuichi does actually have something he’s curious about--he wants to know why she introduced herself as a Child Caregiver. Kaito says he asked that way too suddenly and they should ask her about her favourite spaceship instead, but Maki starts replying to Shuichi’s question.
she talks about the orphanage and how she used to look after the younger kids. that wasn’t a lie, then.
one day some dudes started showing up and offered to donate a lot of money to the orphanage if she went with, so she felt like she had to go.
it was extremely difficult and draining at first, but eventually she just got used to it. she still wonders what she would’ve been like if she’d just stayed at the orphanage.
after Maki shares that, the three of them just talk together about whatever comes to mind. ~they’re having fun~
gee, i wonder what Kokichi is up to
he’s having some kind of secret meeting with Monokuma about a way to make the game more ~exciting~... i guess he’s having fun too, in his own way.
the next morning, Shuichi eats breakfast!
okay, geez, you really don’t need to be like this.
i had a sword, so i get to hear about Maki’s failed katana mission. apparently she was mistaken for a cosplayer.
both Shuichi and Kaito say that the story is cuter than they expected. it wasn’t cute for Maki, since she was worried about the whole “funding for the orphanage” thing, but she’s not upset about them saying that.
speaking of Maki! time to talk to her again.
oops.
it’s kind of okay, though, because Maki thinks she died happy saving someone else, and she lives on in Maki’s memories.
Shuichi feels bad that Maki’s stuck as an assassin and wishes she could live a normal life. he offers to investigate the assassin cult, but Maki tells him that people use assassinations to deal with complicated situations. ...so he can just do his best as a detective and maybe find ways to solve those kinds of problems without assassination. then she might have to quit.
~friends~
ooh, money. i don’t really need a ton of coins or anything, though...
i decided to hang out with Himiko after that. i don’t know who the next to die will be; i might as well try to hang out with everyone left at least once if i can...
it’s kind of inconsistent due to her change in personality (she’s back to being lazy again), but that’s okay.
later, someone is at Shuichi’s door! he thinks it might be Maki or Kaito looking for him.
it’s Miu, though. she says she’s got a way for them to leave, so he should head to the computer room on the 4th floor. ...well, she’s more vulgar about it, but that’s the only important thing she’s saying.
that light was green before :/a
what the heck
didn’t you guys already put something on your heads in your flashback memories or whatever, though... are you just going to continuously go into weird computer programs or something... that doesn’t seem like an actual solution to any problems. also, what if someone does something to you while you’re in the “other world”? also also, seriously, what does this actually fix. how is this a good idea in any way.
Miu says that she didn’t even make it. Shuichi asks her who did and Monokuma pops up--apparently he did. Miu says she stayed up all night making sure nothing dangerous was left, though, so it’s completely safe.
after hearing Monokuma created it, most of them want nothing to do with it. Kokichi says there might be ~secrets~ in there, or something Monokuma left for them.
Monokuma confirms there is--if they get their hands on whatever it is, they’ll instantly know what’s going on outside of the academy.
now people want to go. eventually all of them agree to go, some more reluctantly than others (Tsugumi’s the last one to agree, with Shuichi and Himiko also being some of the last to give in).
this is going to be too tiny to see, but Kokichi’s got a little “c:” face right now and it’s cute.
this seems like it could easily go wrong.
wow, this has been tested so well
oh gosh, they’re so cute!
Maki’s super cute too~
TINY
you could just put them all in your pocket--HE JUST SMACKED KIIBO RIGHT IN THE FACE
which lets them know they can feel pain, i guess, but geez. ...actually, why can Kiibo feel pain, he’s a robot. how is that useful for him in any way.
what do you even do here, though...
:O i can run around as Shuichi.......
Miu’s got some extra stuff to explain: objects are unbreakable, they can’t be injured (though they can be hurt), and everyone’s got equal strength here to make things fair. also, to leave, you use the phone. you have to use that phone and it’s only in this room.
...so if objects don’t break and the only way to leave is via that phone, could you hypothetically bar someone in a different room and they’d never be able to escape? if they can’t break down the door or whatever’s keeping them in there and they can’t log out, they’d just get stuck, right? that seems like a legitimate concern. i’d be too afraid to leave the room with the phone, tbh
map! the salon is where the phone is.
there’s also another map that shows the rest of the world. it’s surrounded by a wall of nothing, basically. Kokichi asks Miu if she made the maps (not Monokuma) and she says she did, but Shuichi thinks something seems off about her response.
Kokichi starts to go running off so he can explore. he can’t really be stopped; Gonta decides to watch over him and make sure he doesn’t do anything weird.
once they’re gone, everyone else decides to go check out the roof.
it’s snowing and apparently it’s also cold.
i understand, Tsugumi
let’s check out the shed on the roof!
and some rolled up carpet, which he also points out.
not really relevant to this or the game, but there was an incident a while back of a kid dying in a rolled up gym mat and no one could figure out how it happened. i think they ultimately determined he just fell in and couldn’t get himself out, but people thought it was suspicious...
anyway. i tried to look through the binoculars, but it wouldn’t let me look everywhere i wanted because i accidentally got to the border. u_u
speaking of the border, it makes Kiibo think of the wall at the school.
time to go to the river~
...she’s referring to Shuichi and apparently all of the other girls agree with her... why... Shuichi did nothing to deserve this reputation...
well, whatever. he’s getting a sign so it can be used as a bridge. it can’t break, but if it falls into the river, they won’t have a way back across.
Kokichi and Gonta show back up just in time to cross the river.
the squiggly line represents a loading point.
makes sense.
chapel! Miu is apparently deciding where everyone goes when they split up. she tells Kaito to go to the roof and he protests until Kokichi implies he’s too delicate to do it, basically, at which point he’s 100% for searching the roof. u_u
Kokichi is sent to the salon, where the phone is. Gonta, Tsugumi, and Shuichi end up also going along to search the mansion. (Kokichi tells Gonta to come with, Tsugumi wants to make sure Kokichi isn’t abusing Gonta somehow, and Kaito tells Shuichi to come to the mansion.)
Maki seems pretty upset that Kaito didn’t ask her to go to the mansion. he’s oblivious, though, and asks Shuichi if he did something to upset her. u_u
MIU, NO
now Miu, Kiibo, Himiko, and Maki are stuck over there...
since there’s nothing they can do to fix it right now, the other five go investigate the mansion like they planned on doing originally.
hmmm.
that’s never a good sound.
no one has any idea what it is, though, because they can’t see anything that would’ve made that noise. Kaito’s the only one from this side that didn’t come outside and react to it, though.
there’s the board for the bridge, since the others are still stuck on the chapel side.
apparently something happened with Miu and her avatar isn’t moving.
they decide to all log off; Maki goes to the roof to look for Kaito (telling Shuichi he’s cold for not getting him in the first place). she doesn’t find him up there, though.
:/a
being completely honest here, if i could have him do that i would. not that i dislike Kaito, but i hate that ~*MANLY MACHISMO*~ stuff and it’s just baaaaaaarely balanced out by him believing in the power of friendship and whatever else.
i think Kokichi is fun and interesting, which matters more to me in fiction than someone being a helpful and good person. oops.
idk why Shuichi’s upset, it’s not like Kokichi said anything terrible to him.
you do you, Kokichi.
...except maybe don’t strangle him, because i don’t think he’d appreciate that much.
anyway, Shuichi has logged off now! and i’m going to split the post because while it’s not lagging yet, it’ll probably start up soon.
(next part)
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Maybe the girls and guys as the mastermind and their s/o reacting to it?
That’s a lot of people. I’ve started with the girls, and I’ll do the guys later. I hope that’s fine for now. I tried to keep this as spoiler free as possible, so any deaths I talk about may or may not have actually happened in game.
-mod Shinguuji
Kaede Akamatsu
“But Kaede, you always wanted us to escape right? You couldn’t possibly be-”“It’s true, I’m the mastermind. The talk of escape was to trick you, to make you trust me. And it worked didn’t it? Remember when Saihara accused me of being the murderer, but you all turned on him instead? You should have listened to him.”“You killed her? Why would you do that? Kaede you’re being forced to say this right? It’s not true.”“Why won’t you believe me? Why can’t I be the mastermind? Or do you hate the idea of falling for a killer, and that’s why you deny it. I’m a shouldn’t pity me! I’m a horrible person! I was sick and tired of everything, so I dreamt up a killing game, where I led a group, only to stab them in the back. It was fun you know. The best part was meeting you.”You didn’t know what to do, you loved her, but she had done terrible things. “Come with me, and turn yourself into the police.” “No thanks. After all I’ve done it’d be better if I just died. I’m sure these monokubs can handle one more execution. Thank you S/O, but don’t feel too sad for me.” And with a smile, the metal collar fastened around her neck and pulled her away to her horrible death.
Miu Iruma
“Iruma, you’re the mastermind aren’t you?” You didn’t want to believe it was your girlfriend’s doing, but all the evidence was there.“"Bingo! I mean, who else could craft such fine robots? No one! So yes, I am the fucking mastermind. I thought you would’ve figured it out ages ago but whatever. I’ll try not to be too offended.”“Why?”“Because I could! I was bored, I had some killer robots I was itching to try out, and voila, we’re here. I guess this is game over for me then. I should turn myself into the police, or maybe just kill myself here. Is that what you wanted me to say? No way! I’m leaving here with my freedom intact.” As she spoke, the remaining survivors circled around Iruma to prevent her from leaving.“You’re not going anywhere.”“Are you underestimating me? I’ll have you know I placed a bomb inside Kiibo, so if you try anything, I’ll push the fucking button and send you all to hell! They moved away from her instantly. As she ran off she grabbed your arm and dragged you along. "We’re going to have so much fun together from now on.”
Tsumugi shirogane
“Why Tsumugi? Why?” You yelled at her. You couldn’t believe that your girlfriend, the SHSL cosplayer, was the one responsible for the deaths of your friends. “Have any of you heard of Danganronpa? I suppose not, or you would have mentioned it sooner.” She pulled out a wig as she said this, a blonde wig, with two side bunches. “That was the risk I took with this. If any of you had heard of it, it would all be over for me. Very well, I shall explain…” As she told you about danganronpa, you couldn’t believe it. I front of your eyes, she turned into the so-called shsl despair, Junko Enoshima.“I’d hoped a few more of you would die before I was revealed, but never mind. Now, as a true fan of Junko, I will execute myself and you will be able to leave this place.”That’s when you started to beg, pleading with her to not do this to herself. “What you did was wrong, but I don’t want you to die. Despite everything, I still love you.”But your words couldn’t reach her, and she died in the most gruesome way imaginable, all whilst wearing her cosplay, and a false smile.
Tenko Chabashira
“Tenko, it isn’t true right? You wouldn’t…” Words failed you, your girlfriend could only smile at you sadly.“I wanted them to die. Those male scum are the reason this world is a miserable place, and I wanted to kill them all. Haven’t you wondered why all of you survivors are female?” You did see what she meant, all 8 boys had died, the 4 that were victims, and the 4 that were executed, swearing their innocence until their final breath.“Were they really guilty? Or did you frame them, Tenko?” “Ah, you caught me. I tampered with the evidence to cast suspicion on them, but you were the ones who sent them to their deaths. You know, I’d planned to release all of you tomorrow, to make it look like the monokubs had suddenly shut down, but then you found me out. Ideally, this game would have been 15 males and me, but that would have looked suspicious, so I chose you instead.”“Tenko, I loved you but this isn’t right. You claim to be the strongest Neo Akido master, but I can only see you as weak, hiding behind your lies.”Tenko then reached into her pocket, and tossed a button to you. “This will open the gate, goodbye.” Then she ran off into a secret passageway, closing the door behind her.You never saw her again, but you often heard reports of men being brutally killed, and knew that she was still out there somewhere.
Tojo Kirumi
“Don’t get me wrong, I never wanted any part in this twisted game, but I was forced to.” She didn’t even deny that she was the mastermind. “My master ordered me to continue the killing games, even after her death, and I am bound by contract to comply.”You were shocked, your girlfriend was on the verge of tears. “Couldn’t you just disobey her? You could still leave her, and escape with us.”“No, the world is filled with horrors, and there are many who would kill me if the games ended. My master, Junko Enoshima, died in the very first killing game, and I’ve been left to hold 52 more without her. I was able to stand the pain out of loyalty to my master, but recently I’ve grown sick of it. I’ve wondered whether the games would end if I died, but I feel that she has more henchmen that would continue the job.”“Tojo, come with us, we can end the killings together, fight those filled with despair. I’m sure everyone agrees.” The survivors nodded in approval. “See! You should join us. I love you, and I don’t want to see you so sad.”“You don’t know what’s out there. But I will join you, even if it means my death. Let’s put an end to these killing games!”
Maki Harukawa
“Maki, it’s not true right?” Your girlfriend, who had been so quiet up until this point, turned to you and spoke.“I must tell you now, I’ve been lying this entire time. Maki Harukawa isn’t my real name, and I’m not the shsl childminder. I’m the daughter of the former shsl murdeous fiend, and I have continued her work. You heard stories of how the future foundation eradicated despair from this world, but it still remains within some people. Me included.” “So it was all a lie? Even our love?” The thought of her having tricked you all this time was horrible. “Yes it was. Think about it, how would I ever fall in love with someone like you? It was just convenient for me to have you around, so I didn’t object to it.” This was another lie. She had loved you, but she thought that this way you wouldn’t mourn too much. “Now just go, I’ve opened the gate.”“But Maki, I-”“Go now, before I change my mind.” The other survivors urged you to hurry, and so you did, pausing to take one last glance at her, wishing it hadn’t turned out this way. After you left, you discovered it had all been broadcast on television, and the final video was Maki’s execution
Himiko Yumeno
“Oh so you figured it out? Took you long enough, I was getting bored of you. Ah well, you figured it out, so why don’t we leave this place now S/O. Let’s leave the others behind to die.”“Himiko, why would you do this? How could you do this?” Your girlfriend’s suggestion was out of the question, betray your friends? Only a crazy person would do that.“Why? Because I was bored I guess. I have real magical abilities you know, but whenever I showed people they believed it was a trick or illusion. I found this series called Danganronpa, and I decided to create my own version of a killing game. It was fun, but it’s becoming predictable.”“But your magic isn’t real! You’re deluded!” “If it wasn’t real would I be able to do this?” She raised her hand, and as soon as she pointed at him, his head exploded. “I’m real annoyed now, so I’ll kill the lot of you, except S/O of course.” She raised, supposedly with magic, a boulder above her head, big enough to crush someone.“Himiko don’t! Please stop!” As she was distracted, she ran out of MP.When her body was crushed, her magic ended alongside it. The monokumas stopped working, and the cage was opened. You were free, but you mourned for Himiko, and your dead friends.
Angie Yonaga
“Nya ha ha! You caught me! Yes, I’m the mysterious mastermind behind all these killings.” As she spoke, she bounced over to Monokuma’s class trial seat and sat down on the throne. “Why would you do this Angie? People have died, I’m sure that’s against God’s wishes.” You were horrified that your wonderful girlfriend was the one who caused all this pain and misery,“Well, well, you’d think that, but you’d be wrong. In fact, my God was the one who told me to do all this. He said that filthy sinners like you must be punished. Even you S/O, I love you but my God said you must die, so I was planning to eventually kill you too.” “What are you going to do now? We found out who you were, even though there are still 6 of us alive, will you set us free since we solved the mystery?” You still remained hopeful of survival, and wanted to escape the school with your remaining friends.“Of course not! God said you must die, so you will die! The fact that you discovered my identity is only a minor setback. I could let the killing game continue, but as you know I want you all dead, I might as well just kill you now! It won’t be as fun, but it will fulfill God’s wishes, so I’ll be happy about it!”And then you were all executed as she watched, laughing and hugging the Monokuma.
#mod shinguuji#mod kork#kaede akamatsu#miu iruma#tsumugi shirogane#tenko chabashira#kirumi tojo#maki harukawa#himiko yumeno#angie yonaga#dangnaronpa#new danganronpa v3#mastermind au
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Essential Avengers: Avengers #170: “... Though Hell Should Bar The Way!”
April, 1978
Oh, hey, Jocasta is back! Good ol’ unfortunately named Jocasta!
And this is a very good DC Silver Age-esque comic cover. Heroes acting inexplicably only to be sort of explained kinda on the inside. I can’t wait to see how this scenario does not even come about.
Remember the cover where Mantis was protecting Libra from the rest of the Avengers but inside she tried to beat him up for pulling a Vader on her?
Also, “The Return of the Bride of Ultron” is a very Hammer Horror-esque title. Drop the definite article and its basically one.
But enough admiring the cover. Lets get into it.
Last time: Back in issues 161-162, Ultron gave Hank Pym amnesia as part of a weird plan to trick him into turning the Wasp into a robot for Ultron to marry. It was foiled when the robot wife summoned the Avengers with ants and Iron Man threatened to destroy her, forcing Ultron to back off.
But also recently, there’s some unrest in the house of avenge. A series of overpowered foes have been battering the Avengers esteem and as a result one stalwart chums are at each other’s throats. Cap blamed Iron Man for his absentee leadership but then Scarlet Witch went OFF on Cap’s own performance recently.
The Avengers consist mostly of hurt feelings and bruised egos at this point, basically.
So we start with Cap taking his frustration to the gym.
Beast also tries to cheer him up, in his own inimitable way.
Problem: I don’t think Cap has ever been a fan of Beast’s sense of humor. There’s been several instances since Beast has joined the team where Cap has told him to stop clowning.
And he once again does so here.
So Beast tries a different strategy. He offers to tell him about some sexual escapades.
Because in the past, Cap seemed into it. It’s the closest they’ve come to bonding as teammates.
But Cap is in a Mood so he fakes a fall to freak out Beast before catching himself on the uneven bars.
Not cool, Cap.
He then angrily pumps some iron.
Because as someone pointed out to him, he’s been useless lately. And he doesn’t have superpowers unlike some people he could mention so he’s got to keep his few skills sharp.
Beast: “You know, Cap, you’re a lot like Witchy in a way -- you both take everything way too seriously! Now, me, I never take --”
Cap: “Get lost, Beast!”
Rude.
And then Iron Man shows up which just gets Cap more tightly wound.
Iron Man just wants to have a word with Cap in private.
So Beast, in his own display of pettiness, effortlessly picks up the 500 pound weight that Cap was working out with to put it away.
Savage.
Anyway, as soon as Beast is gone, Iron Man tries to start the word in private with Cap but Cap claims to be busy and passive-aggressively starts working out with the mobile stunblaster while Iron Man is trying to talk.
The mobile stunblaster is, of course, a work out machine that follows you around and tries to shoot you with punch beams while you have to block it with special gloves.
I expect that all gyms have one. Its basic workout equipment.
Cap isn’t really receptive but Iron Man manages to get out what he wanted to say.
Iron Man: “Look, Cap, what I came to say --”
Cap: “Let me guess, Tin Man -- you want to tell me I was way off base criticizing your leadership -- since I haven’t been earning my keep lately!”
Iron Man: “No. I came to apologize for myself and for Wanda! None of us have been setting the world on fire lately! She had no right to judge you!”
Cap: “It doesn’t matter! I’ve judged myself... and in my own eyes, I’ve fallen short! Maybe I’ve been lax lately --! It won’t happen again, Tin Man! Never again!”
Iron Man: “Fine! I want you to know Cap... I feel the same way about the job I’ve done as chairman! I’ve made some bad decisions... let other matters occupy time I owed the Avengers... and when I was around, I tried to do it all myself! I guess I felt guilty... and I kept trying to prove my worth! Just wanted you to know -- I’m aware of my failings! I -- I’ll try harder, Cap... or, if you think I should, I’ll step down! You can take over!”
Cap: “Wait! Iron Man, I guess my problem is that I’ve seen too many friends die in battle -- and when it seemed as if your job with Stark outweighed your Avengers’ duties -- as if you were taking your responsibilities lightly --!”
Iron Man: “I wasn’t! But... about Stark. Cap -- I should have told you long ago that --”
Cap: “No... keep your secrets, Iron Man! You lead... I’ll follow -- that’s enough!”
MmmMMMM. That is some good open and honest communication.
I love it. The me who first read this a couple years back was a fool to come off this run with the impression that it was just the Avengers getting their asses kicked and yelling at each other.
Its the Avengers getting their asses kicked, yelling at each other, and then having productive, emotionally honest conversations. It is my JAM.
Canonically, the first Civil War wouldn’t even have happened if Cap and Iron Man had set their feelings out like this.
I like that Cap passive-aggressively working out during this conversation keeps it from being talking heads because we get a bunch of unnecessary ACTION POSES as Cap works out.
But while Cap and Iron Man SOCIAL LINK GO or perhaps SUPPORT CONVERSATION depending on where your interests lie, out in the living room some other Avengers have less dramatic bonding.
Vision and Wonder Man play a game of chess together, Jarvis and Scarlet Witch admiring what good friends they’ve become off-screen. Much improved from existential angst causing Vision to try to punch him a lot and then they have to fight a gravity jerk.
They do, after all, have a lot in common. Like a brain.
But they get a phone call from Hawkeye who reveals that Two-Gun Kid has vanished. Disappeared even!
He tells Scarlet Witch not to bother coming. There’s nothing to find at the scene of the crime. So he’ll come to them.
Meanwhile, in Attilan, the Inhuman city in the Himalayas, Quicksilver is moody. But that’s nothing new, he was like that before.
He’s sitting on a balcony gazing beyond the city.
His wife Crystal asks if Attilan confines his spirit, having to stay in a secret city after all the glory and daring of being an Avenger. The battles, the thrills, the running full speed into a wall and breaking every bit of your skeleton bone.
But just as Quicksilver is saying he would never leave her, he vanishes mid-reassurance.
No, he didn’t run away in the most supremely dickish way ever. Like Two-Gun, he’s been disappeared.
What is going on here?
A story for later.
But for meanwhile we’re back to the Avengers Mansion where the Wasp shows off her new costume.
I don’t know what to say about it. Its not the worst she’s had. You don’t see as many superhero costumes that are orange and yellow. And Jan knows that branding is important because she put W for Wasp all over herself. Her gloves are cut to suggest Ws as are her boots. She’s got cleavage W and an abdomen W too.
Yellowjacket actually warns Wonder Man that if Wasp notices him in civvies, she’ll get him in a new costume so fast!
Wonder Man defers. He’s decided he’s not the costume type.
The thing about the Wasp is even if she makes a costume for someone else, she often makes it to appeal to her own tastes. Like when she made a costume for Angelica Jones, Firestar, with a pluuuuuuuuunging neckline. To Firestar’s lament.
So what I’m saying is that if Wonder Man let Wasp dress him, he’d definitely end up in thigh boots and with W’s all over his clothes.
Although, Wonder Man does become an actor later on who plays oiled up big muscles tiny shorts roles. So he’d probably rock it.
And then some colorful comic relief blue collar characters show up.
Wasp put her foot down and told Hank that she would not live with a Real Doll version of herself in the house so Hank hired Meyer and Mack to move her into his lab in the mansion.
Meyer is a real ‘seen it all’ type. Nothing impresses him. Avengers? Pssh. He moved Neil Sendaka’s ‘pianer’ once. Yellowjacket starts monologuing “[Jocasta] was conceived in evil, and yet while Ultron was transfering Jan’s life into her metal body, she unselfishly gave up her own existence by summoning us in time to stop the process and save Jan!” and Meyer all but taps his watch and reminds Yellowjacket that he’s on a flat rate.
Now Mack on the other hand? Mack is sure impressed.
And possibly discovering he has a new fetish.
Elsewhere in Saugerties, New York, the Guardians of the Galaxy secretly watch over a young Vance Astrovik. They’re sure that any day now evil cyborg from the future Korvac is going to try to knock off Vance to prevent the Guardians of the Galaxy from ever forming.
That is, if young Vance doesn’t manage to get himself killed first.
Since he’s playing baseball in the middle of a dark street and if Charlie-27 hadn’t been there, a truck would have run him over.
How he survived in the original timeline without future people being his guardian angels is a bit of a mystery.
Charlie-27: “It’s a wonder anyone reaches maturity in this idiotic backward era!”
An era where people toss spheroids in the middle of the road and where strange pieces of paper can be exchanged for food items. What strange customs.
The takeaway here is that, yes, the Guardians are busy guardianing Vance Astrovik and even though Korvac actually has bigger fish to fry and their vigil over Vance is misguided, its not pointless.
But meanwhile, back at the plot, Meyer and Mack finish carting the Jocasta crate into Hank Pym’s lab.
And just as Mack is marveling at how ‘real’ Jocasta looks (presumably for someone made entirely of metal with silly metal hair tentacles and also robot eyelashes) the robot girl awakens and OH YEAHS through the crate.
Jocasta: “He has awakened me! He calls! I must go to him! Let nothing stop me!”
Meyer and Mack flee the lab and run into an unhappy Yellowjacket who heard the crash of the OH YEAH and assumes that they fucked something up.
Which is probably not the case.
After escorting the movers out, the Avengers (Vision, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, Yellowjacket, and Wasp) run towards the lab.
But listening to the voice in her head, Jocasta finds the button that locks down the lab and then obviously locks down the lab.
Yellowjacket and Wasp managed to slip through the door before it closed. Doors never really bothered Vision anyway. But that leaves Wonder Man and Scarlet Witch locked out.
And the door is really tough! Its made of a special alloy almost as impenetrable as adamantium. Although the fact that it doesn’t get a name here sort of implies its going to be back to the drawing board.
But either way, the whole lab has been reinforced with it. For security reasons.
Scarlet Witch is sure that if she concentrates her probability altering powers, she can get the door to crumble but in the meantime, Wonder Man is going to keep punching like it personally insulted him.
Inside the lab, the three Avengers discover Jocasta up and about and creepy. She talks with Jan’s voice except cold and metallic. (Its never discussed whether Vision sounds like Wonder Man but since his body was the Human Torch’s I think probably not).
Vision isn’t creeped out. Somehow Ultron activated the Jocasta robot from afar and makes her speak like Jan hoping the Avengers will hesitate. But Vision won’t.
Drama is passed down in the family and as Ultron loves breaking Hank Pym’s things, so too will Vision break Ultron’s.
Except apparently Ultron planned for this. When he does the thing he always does and tries to intangible inside the robot to disrupt her circuits, he discovers an anti-matter booby trap.
It fills him with deadly energies and also copious amounts of pain.
Meanwhile, Beast has arrived at the door. He’s been looking for Thor but Thorry no Thor to be found.
That’s not one of his jokes. I just couldn’t resist.
Scarlet Witch is finally ready to do the thing she do and make probability weep but apparently the door has personally insulted Wonder Man by now. He proclaims a grudge match and finally punches it down.
Maybe its because it didn’t initially fall when he reminded everyone that his punches are approximately on the level of Thor’s hammer.
He says that a lot. That and the fact that he was created to fight the whole original Avengers roster.
I think its to remind the audience what Wonder Man’s deal is. But it also fits in with him being insecure, especially since nearly every time he talks about his fists being on the level of Mjolnir, the fight goes bad for him.
Inside the lab, Wonder Man, Beast, and Scarlet Witch find the Vision who tells them not to touch him because of the deadly energies. But that they need to pursue Jocasta.
Who has left the lab and is in the courtyard.
...
So all that effort to punch down the really expensive door was for naught? Did they really have no one guarding the other exit from that room?
Geez.
In the courtyard, Wasp and Yellowjacket fail to do anything to prevent Jocasta from strolling away, punching random plants.
Wasp: “Hank, I’m afraid Ultron’s strategy is working. I can’t bring myself to hurt her! It’d be like hurting myself!”
Yellowjacket: “I -- I know what you mean!”
Lets ignore, for once, the obvious and terrible irony involving future events. Lets go right in and focus on Jan not being able to hurt anything bearing an image of her.
Her one weakness. She just loves what she sees in the mirror too much to ever raise a hand to it.
The two heroes try to use their respective ranged attacks at low power to drive Jocasta back into the mansion but then Yellowjacket makes the mistake these two heroes always make and flies in too close.
She nabs him out of thin air and starts squeeeezing
Then Beast do what Beast do. DYNAMIC ENTRANCE, BOOT TO THE HEAD!
Then because Yellowjacket distracts Beast asking him not to smash Jocasta if he can help it, Jocasta shoots him in the face with eye lasers.
Because, of course, Ultron built her with eye lasers.
The family that slays together, right?
Wonder Man goes to punch her to scrap but she has a force field. Of course she does.
And even though he could punch through it eventually, in the here and now she shoots him in the face with eye lasers.
Scarlet Witch uses her power over nature (I guess she does just have both skillsets interchangably. Neat) to wrap Jocasta up in a tree in much the way a tree does not and cannot do.
Jocasta just flexes her way free. Because she has robot super strength.
Ultron, your wife is too powerful. You’re shaming the rest of us with your unstoppable killing machine wife.
The Avengers regroup and think about this. Maybe if they use teamwork and work as a team, assemble if you will, maybe if they strike as one they can overcome this robot lady.
Before they can, Iron Man comes in blasting.
Not at her, at them.
Iron Man: “Leave her alone! The first Avenger who harms her answers to me!”
And then Thor appears out of nowhere, calling it a long-delayed return (weird time stuff is still going on with him). Instantly deduces a battle is happening and decides that it would be a really cool way to enter the battle if he smashes this mysterious robot woman with his hammer.
I’m not saying that Thor always goes for the move that will fit best on an album cover but I’m sure that it runs through his mind sometimes.
Captain America is confused that Thor doesn’t recognize Jocasta since he was there when they stopped Ultron from putting Jan’s soul in her. And he’s not sure where he’s flying in from since he was just in the mansion minutes ago.
BUT HE HAS TO SAVE ROBOT GIRL!
And he throws his mighty shield and even Mjolnir must yield.
Also, after their little talk, Iron Man and Cap are back in the whole friendly pal/chum kind of thing. Like. Almost exaggeratedly so. Like Cap is making a real effort.
-Iron Man catches Cap after he jumps off the roof to throw his mighty shield-
Cap: “Thanks, Iron Man!”
Iron Man: “Good work, Cap! Took a heck of a chance, though!”
Cap: “Not really. I figured someone would catch me! After all, teamwork’s the name of the game!”
It practically screams I’M GOING TO BE POSITIVE!!
The other Avengers criticize Iron Man and Cap for letting Jocasta go. Which she does by literally walking through the wall. Geez. Ultron your wife is so strong.
Anyway. Iron Man explains the obvious thing. His armor sensors have locked on to Jocasta’s electrical patterns. Obviously they’re going to follow her and she’s going to lead them to Ultron!
Hot damn! Avengers being proactive! Kinda! I mean, Jocasta waking up was on Ultron but instead of just letting the killer robot lurk around somewhere and make a new plan to be murdery and oedipal, Iron Man is going to do something about it!
Unless this is a trap!
But that’s just the hazards of the job.
Also, I guess the cover was more or less accurate. The exact scene didn’t exactly happen but the spirit of it basically. Although Iron Man never blasted Wonder Man. In fact, he apologized that he had to blast near him to stop him.
So this is my second read through this run on Avengers. So like the brown bear I know ALL. But the first time around, I’m pretty sure I didn’t see Jocasta coming back.
I mean, it was only eight issues back. But that’s over half a year. Generally a loose end like Jocasta either comes back in the next issue or is teased throughout to remind the readers that its totally going to be a plot device.
If not, usually the loose end doesn’t come back so soon. And just gets brought back by the first writer who remembers it was a thing.
Apparently Jocasta has just been propped up in Hank Pym’s living room the whole time with Jan growing more and more disgruntled with it.
There’s not much to say about Jocasta herself. She’s kind of like the Wonder Man zuvembie. More plot device than character right now. But an intriguing one.
So next time: more of this. The Revenge of the Return of the Bride of Ultron. But it won’t be called that, alas.
#Avengers#Korvac Saga#Jocasta#Captain America#Iron Man#Scarlet Witch#the Vision#Yellowjacket#the Wasp#Beast#Thor#Guardians of the Galaxy#reminding us that they're here#Essential Avengers#angry exercising#open and honest communication#rampage of the real doll#this one is weirdly paced in that it has really good pacing#the Wasp's only weakness#feels very part one of a story which it is#Essential marvel liveblogging
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