#getting worse yes but also just struggling with thinking its never been good in the first place
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Little one had other plans
Rick Grimes • She/Her Pronouns • Timing is never perfect when it comes to babies coming into the world. Rick just wished the group wasn’t…homeless when his baby decided to make an entrance • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy & Birth / Anxiety / Unbearable pain
A/N: Really bare with me and TWD timeline
Requested by: Anon
“Rick?” Her voice brought the retired sheriff out of his slumber as he carefully sits up from their shared bed.
“Yes darling?” Rick smiles moving aside for Y/N to sit with him as she instantly locked their arms bringing her head to rest on his shoulder. “Are you feeling alright? Missed yea this morning”
“Uhm. I know we just…hitched and we didn’t talk about certain things especially given it’s the apocalypse and Lori but…”
“Y/N. Please just say it”
“I’m pregnant”
Rick’s silence only brewed the fear and anxiety within Y/N as she was about to pull away when he shifted so that he could pull her entire person into his embrace.
“Are you upset?” Y/N frowns holding onto her husband as he started to rub soothing circles on her back feeling her relax. “Rick—-“
“We’re just…so in love with each other that we couldn’t contain it all.” Rick whispers feeling her tighten around him as he did the same. “So we made another person out of that love” he held her as she sobbed in his embrace.
“We’re happy about this?”
“More than happy darling. We’re safe here. I can’t wait for this chapter with you” Rick smiles bringing his lips to her temple keeping her close as the two wouldn’t separate for a while longer.
~
But the luxury of the prison never lasted…
When Rick reunited with Daryl on the road, after dealing with the claimers…the archer brought it up. Brought up the thought that Y/N could be dead and being met with Rick’s silence was his answer meaning he didn’t want to even think about it.
“We’ll find’em.” Daryl states watching Rick turn to him slowly with a low expression before looking away. “She’s a fighter. May be the size of a planet currently but you know she ain’t leavin’ this earth without fighting to get back to you”
“Did yea just call my wife a planet?”
“Am I wrong?”
“Just shut up and let’s follow the train tracks once Michonne and Carl got some rest”
We will find them
And they do. Thankfully not in the mess of Terminus and Rick was extra thankful after hearing a few things about the cannibals that quickly met their end in the chapel later on.
The Grimes boys will forever be thankful to Tyreese with saving Judith and for both him and Carol finding Y/N moments after the two had found each other. Rick handed his daughter to his son quickly but gentle for Carl to get a good hold of her before he ran over to his partner bringing her in his embrace.
“Thank god you’re alive” Y/N sobbed out as she held onto Rick the best she could given the space they didn’t have. Rick pulled away from the embrace to kiss her firmly on the lips before bringing his gaze to her belly and placing his hands on it. “That’s also a bonus…”
“What? The baby kicking?” Rick asks while his gaze still focused on her bump.
“Yeah…Baby hasn’t kicked since the prison fell. Guess it missed its daddy” She breathed out a laugh listening to his follow in suit. He pressed his forehead against hers still staying in this moment as no one dared to interrupt.
The cannibals
The hospital
Beth…
Tyreese…
So many things could’ve been avoided and now the remaining group found themselves struggling with the fact that this could be the end if they don’t find anything. By anything the essentials for survival. Daryl did his best to hunt what he could find but nothing was turning up. The creek within the forest didn’t carry enough water like they hoped when they first planned to check. But Rosita boiled what they could draw up and insisted it be given to Y/N which the peanut gallery didn’t protest.
“Rick we need to prepare for the worse cause scenario” Carol pulled him aside as the group continued its tiresome walk to nowhere.
“What do you mean?”
“She could go into labor. She is that pregnant where it could just happen without any of us prepared. We need to at least somewhat be”
“Or what?”
Carol didn’t say another word and only gave her friend a stressful look littered with fear of losing Y/N to this pregnancy like they did with Lori’s. They wouldn’t know what to do if Y/N needed a c-section or if she lost a lot of blood. Anything could happen and it didn’t take words for Rick to know he could lose the love of his life.
________
Y/N laid tiredly on the makeshift bed in their shared cell as she hasn’t been able to keep anything down for a few weeks. Typical morning sickness but Hershel had his worry about dehydration, not like Carl hasn’t been hovering making sure his stepmom had water. Rick asked him to keep an eye on her and his baby sister when he tended the garden but he didn’t need to be asked to do such. The two grew close when Lori passed and if she would do anything for Carl, he’d do anything for her.
“If your dad is making you hover. You don’t have to” Y/N said almost exhausted as she sat up in the bed when Carl was once peaking from the curtain now fully entering the cell with another canteen.
“Dad didn’t tell me anything. I’m allowed to check on you if I want to”
“I should be checking on you. You don’t have to worry about me” She states patting the empty space beside her while moving the blankets to cover her legs. “I’m okay”
“I know…b-but I want to…I don’t want to miss anything”
Y/N gave him a confused look gently making Carl look at her as he tried to cover his face with his hat. But then Y/N took his hat off lifting his chin to find his tears.
“Carl…love, what’s wrong?”
“I-I…” Carl choked up a bit feeling Y/N carefully wipe away his tears whenever they spilled from his waterline. “I don’t want to lose you too. I didn’t see…a-anything before and I just—-“
“Carl. We couldn’t have predicted what happened to your mom to have happen and I’m always so deeply sorry you lost her.” Y/N gently held his face feeling him ease into her touch letting her wipe away his tears. “We don’t know what’s going to happen, but I will promise you. I’m going to be okay”
“But you can’t…you can’t promise something like that”
“I’m going to anyway. I’m going to take good care of myself and this baby, knowing damn well my boys are going to help me. I’m not going anywhere love…I’m going to be okay”
________
Something didn’t feel right.
Y/N had tried not to think much of the growing pain in her stomach as she thought it was the lack of food in her system or the mild dehydration she was reaching.
Then when the mysterious water appeared and the debate of drinking such was washed away in the little sense of the rain pouring down on them. Her distressed expression matched those who’ve lost since the fall of the prison hence no one second guessed the feelings. Until Carl took note of it.
“Are you okay?”
“Just a little uncomfortable. Keep her covered or she’ll get a cold” Y/N fixed the coat she was once wearing to cover Judith better as Carl took his hat off to cover her head.
“Are you really sure that’s all mo—-Y/N?”
“Yes, I’m—-“ She stopped herself reaching for Rick grabbing his bicep harshly to indicate how much pain she was in as he quickly addressed the matter bringing her close. “R-Rick I think. I think the baby is coming”
“Well that couldn’t have been poorly timed” Eugene commented only for Abraham to smack him upside the head. “You have any better idea where the pregnant woman should have her baby? In the middle of the road with the rain pouring down on us and unable to see the walkers when nightfall approaches”
“Someone shut his mouth” Rick snapped watching Glenn push Eugene out of the Grimes’ line of sight as Abraham and Rosita blocked his view.
“Nah we got somewhere. Saw a barn on my way back to y’all after searching for water” Daryl states before leading the way as Rick didn’t hesitate to pick up his partner bridal style following the archer along with the others following shortly behind.
Once they got in the barn, everything had to happen again. Going in all different directions. Maggie and Carol took care of getting Y/N situated, prepared while Carl took care of watching Judith while the others swarmed respectfully on the other side of the half wall to give Y/N some privacy while she stripped from the waist down.
“Tell me how you’re feeling. Especially if there’s major changes” Carol stated watching Y/N nod trying to take deep breaths feeling Rick gently brush the hair out of the way of her face watching her look at him through anxious tears.
“Your baby will come perfect okay, okay? Nothing wrong will happen” Maggie’s choice of words confused those who weren’t there when they lost Lori, and especially how they lost her. No one questioned. All the focus was making sure that baby comes out okay while protecting everybody.
It felt like a cue. When the walkers came a banging on the barn doors resulting in almost every muscle they’ve got keeping them closed, Y/N was already in the motions of pushing this baby out only for a smooth sailing to reach a jammed complication.
“H-Hurts. Hurts so much!” Y/N shouted as the growling tuned it out except for Maggie and Carol’s ears as they both were checking what is happening. The baby’s shoulder is stuck and in a perfect world they’d have the tools or the operating room to go to that nuclear option of a c-section. Something they didn’t want to do.
“Y/N you have to stop pushing”
“O-O…I…” Y/N sobbed listening to Carol’s words as she gripped onto the blanket she laid on not finding the words to ask for her husband but the anxiety growing in the situation made Maggie shout.
“Rick we need yea!” That caused a few head turns as the pounding shifted the weaker few against the door.
“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Rick instantly asks, taking Y/N’s hand into his feeling the bone crushing grip she was producing as he kept his ground a straight face for her.
“Baby is stuck”
“I have a plan but if it doesn’t go well, we could lose them both” Maggie frowns, remembering an old conversation back from the prison with her father about breached babies and if it ever happened to her then one would have to reach into her while another pushed down on her belly to help the baby progress.
“Take me through it. We’ve got this” Carol states turning to Y/N and her worried expression. “Scream. Scream it out. Everybody’s got our back and you will make it. You both will make it”
The growling grew louder along with the blood curdling screaming as Michonne brought Carl into her arms covering his ears while the two kept their ground against the door. He sobbed listening to his mom’s screaming and those from the beginning of the prison sanctuary were all feeling the old anxiety bubble up inside them.
But once it settled…the growling faded and the anxiety dissipated…the screaming stopped…
Rick pressed his lips to Y/N’s feeling the tears roll off his cheeks as he pulls away to look at their baby boy laying on her chest calming instantly to the soft touch his mother brought with the finger grazes.
“He’s perfect…”
“You did it, darling” Rick exhales a chuckle, kissing her forehead and bringing her close keeping his coat to cover their baby keeping him comfortable in her arms.
“We’re okay” Y/N felt the tears pour as she laughs the anxiety out bringing her gaze to her son when he brought himself to look at his brother. “We are okay, like I promised”
Carl felt the tears return in his eyes as Y/N tiredly reaches to wipe away his tears. Rick smiles at the gentle act admiring his little family as he made this declaration a long time ago…
But he’ll never let anything happen to his family.
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Okay, this started as a rant about Lucifer lore and turned into an argumentative essay on why Lucifer is a bottom. My b.
18+ Smut ahead, lots of angst
•••
Here's the thing about Lucifer. He was an awesome dreamer, fell in love with Lillith, and was banished to Hell. Literally forced to see what the gift of good will can do at its worse. Unless he's made some personal contact with a sinner to get like updates about what the gift of good will did right, he had to be stuck in a depression for centuries, at least until Charlie was born. And while that would've definitely given him a new passion, he'll never feel confident in dreaming again.
With how much he dislikes sinners and what they represent, i wonder if there had to be some strain on their relationship when it came to Lillith taking control? They never really talk about if they had a fallout or if she just disappeared, but i dont think they really got divorced either.
When Lucifer looks at that family picture and winces, does he feel bad about not contacting charlie? About something he did to make lillith leave? Or maybe he feels bad about being upset at lillith for leaving in the first place? There's so much to umpack there i live for the lore.
Love Interests:
But when that comes to potential love interests in the future, Lucifer hasnt had to court anyone before like ever. Not in the circumstances that they live in a big city like Hell. So when he finally ends up catching feelings, he has no idea. People around the hotel literally need to pick up on context clues for him and have an intervention to tell him he's in love again.
Even if he hasnt seen lillith in 7 years, their relationship had to be a drastic change compared to new love. I think that his love interest would also pick it up before he does, and you would let him work at his own pace. Fuck, it is so important that he goes through this process at his own pace.
With so much strain on his past relationships with loved ones, he fully gaslights himself into thinking he doesnt deserves and isnt allowed to feel affection anymore. I hate making characters i love suffer. But i feel like in his state of mind he'd go through depressive episodes and panic attacks, maybe some night terrors. Theyed be about his past and his subconscious would essentially tell him he has feelings again, and he shouldn't act them in case he scares you away and abandons you, like heaven. Or drives you away like lillith. Or purposely blocks you out like charlie. Mans is struggling i swear. He needs some comfort.
After finally coming to terms, hes a nervous wreck about every decision he makes. He'll constantly stare in the mirror in the mornings, making sure he looks his best, would plan mental scripts before even having a conversation with you, and would become a bumbling mess just trying to make jokes out of the situation, some base level actions, like how we saw in the show. He'll manage to finally ask you out, but all he really knows how to do is profess an undying love (i feel like his confession to lillith was hella dramatic) so it was a little awkward, but still cute. And of course you said yes.
So let's say its been 5+ years since he moved into the hotel, met you and finally managed to confess his feelings. When it comes to the actual relationship? You give him reassurance and support him through his mental episodes, and laugh at his jokes and praise him for everything he does. He has such intense imposture syndrome though, that even other demons have to reassure that theres no way you dont love him with all your being. Because it is literally obvious to everyone but him.
He's pretty good at doing the romantic fluff stuff in public, he loves to make a big show out of treating you like royalty and even trying to embarrass you when you become close enough. He's always more charasmatic in public, it seems easier than doing that alone.
Not in a negative way, but Lucifer is so never to be alone with you. You take the lead a bit more in those scenarios, suggesting ideas like movies or just coming up with small talk yourself. He needs someone who'll be patient with him. Being alive for millions of years AND being left or shamed by all your loved ones during that time is literally the definition of Truama.
Of course he's been bottling all that shit up, he has no one to confide with. There's no one who's been alive and witnessed it all the way he has. So bless you for loving and caring for him even without understanding all hes been through.
You'll have some rough patches, where this emotional side locks him away from you and everyone else. It might be a few days before you see him. He'll lock himself in his office, pumping out ducks by the dozen just to keep himself from sleeping, because he's scared he'll have night terrors if he feels asleep. He's in a constant loop;
"what if i fucked up?"
"what if i try to talk about it and then they realize how bad i fucked up?"
"what if that's enough of a reason for them to leave me?"
"what if i scare them away?"
"what if that fucks this up?"
"what if i fucked up.. Again..?"
After he leaves his office, youre excited to see him out and about, but you cant make a big deal out of it. You have to speak to him calmly, make sure he's physically okay before talking to him about his thought process. It might take awhile, but he'll eventually trust you enough to open up. And of course it'll never be bad enough for you to leave him, he's just struggling.
Physical Contact:
It takes him an even longer time to become physical with you. He hasnt been intimate for over a decade at this point, but as soon as he becomes comfortable with little affections like hand holding, cuddling, wrapping his arms around your waist, and kissing? Hoo boy, he melts after your first kiss. It couldve been even a small peck and he would still become a nervous wreck just trying to ask for more.
He'll ask for physical touch more than provide it at first. You'll give him a quick kiss and he'll look up at you super eager just like, "another?" He'll grow into tastful pda's, linking arms, quick hugs and smooches, holding hands all that.
He becomes putty in your hand when you're alone though. You'll nudge him to lean against your shoulder or even lay his head in your lap while youre lounging or watching movies. He becomes so relaxed in your presence, that you'll want to suddenly peck him just to see his suddenly flustered reaction.
You'd give him massages that he would always be hesistant over. He was always a little nervous that he wasnt giving enough to you, but you were quick to assure him that wasnt the case. You'd straddle his hips while giving him a slowww massage. It starts with light touches, tracing your fingers over his shoulder blades and spine. You'd trace your fingers over his chest when you would cuddle too, depending on the position. Or stroke his back sweetly. It was enough of a distraction to keep his mind occupied, away from any spiraling thoughts he might be having.
He purrs. Convince me that he doesnt purr. (You cant)
Being secluded for so long probably means that he doesnt fly as much as he used to. It was probably a passion of his, and he was especially delighted to share it with lillith and charlie.
So during those 7 years he barely flew, he also didnt take care of his wings. I feel like theyre something to be summoned, so they arent constantly tucked into his back. You'd basically scold him sometimes to just let you clean his wings.
You'd do it in like a spring-type bathhouse that Lucifer would have in his castle somehow. It was one of the first intimate moments he's experienced in years, so he was generally going insane. Feeling your hands and a little comb rake through the feathers on his giant wings? You'd have to tap his shoulder sometimes to keep him from falling asleep to the relaxation alone. After the first time, the water you used was pretty dirty and he had a lot of loose feathets that were combed out. Damn, he needed this.
Intimacy:
After awhile, you sit down and would have a discussion about being intimate in bed. Lucifer would be absolutely nervous about overstepping by asking this, (even though you've been together for about a year at this point). He would use his mental scripts and basically practice what he wanted to say.
It would mainly be him saying he wants to do this because he loves you and youve done so much for him that he wants to give back to you in this way. It would consist of him saying its okay if you dont want to, or if you ever want to stop to just say so. But of course you want to, how could you not?
It would start slow, he actually tries taking the lead in this specific situation. He would kiss you first, his lips trembling at the thought that this is actually happening. Feeling his nerves, you'd cup his face and stroke his cheeks with your thumbs lightly. That will help him ease up enough to start letting the passion take over more.
He'd become more confident in slipping his tongue into your mouth and placing his hands on your hips to pull you closer to him. Lucifer would get lost in the moment, pulling you to straddle his lap as he kissed and licked and bit his way across both your shoulders and down to the softeness of your breast. After leaning back to look at the damage his eyes would become increasingly wide, looking up at you with a flustered expression. Seeing you losing it as much as he was, gave him enough courage to keep up at it.
He would almost hesistantly take a hold of your breasts and would massage them softly, running his thumbs across your nipples and becoming absolutely delighted at the reaction you gave. The adrenaline from the pleasure would make you start grinding against his lap, which would make lucifer's hands on your hips pull away for a moment and make his breath stutter. Lucifer would look you up and down as if he didnt know what to do next, studying your body with darting eyes. You'd press a small kiss on his forehead before guiding his hands back onto your hips with yours, keeping your eyes on him the entire time.
"Are you okay, Luci?" He would gulp before nodding his head and turning ridiculously red across his face, maybe from the idea of what was to come, maybe just from your voice alone. You'd keep your hands ontop of his at your hips as you'd keep moving, letting out breathy moans. He would be holding his breath without realizing, an absolute nervous wreck just from the view.
He would already be hard just from the previous make out session, so this would cause him to lean his back against the bed, his strength giving out. You'd keep up at it, feeling his hips jolt up to meet yours at times.
He was a sweaty, twitching mess in front of you and you hated to admit how much that excited you.
His scripted plan was immediately forgotten, but he was quick to remember that he wanted to please you.
He'd snap out of his state of intense pleasure, to carefully switch positions, him looking over you with your back against the bed.
You both discuss it, of course, attempting to set boundaries before hand. Even just the tender discussion would get him riled up. So he'd lean foward and kiss you again, showing off his forked tongue before peppering kisses down your entire body, until he was close enough to let his hot breath heat up your folds.
You'd feel his nervous breath on you before delving in. He would be hesistant of course, but would be quick to get used to your entrance after running his tongue across your entirety multiple times. Lucifer loves providing pleasure this way, so his brain immediately knew what to do once the nerves past. He was quick to take a tight hold onto your thighs to keep you in place as he entered you with his demonic lengthy tongue. He would look up at you as he sort of aimlessly dug around at first, waiting for a reaction. Once he'd see you dip your head back with a muffled moan, he would close his eyes to focus all his attention to that one spot. He'd reach his thumb around to circle and massage your clit that he would find far too quickly. You'd arch your back and try to get more friction against his tongue, but it's easy to forget that he is quite literally the strongest being in Hell. You weren't going anywhere.
He'd love feeling your hands in his hair and would absolutely lose it feeling you pull hard when he'd hit just the right spot. As soon as he set a steady thythm and was hearing your voice become more unhinged, he'd speed up to an extent that you didn't realize was possible after going for so long. You discussed cumming before and he made it very clear that he was okay with you finishing on his face. Fuck, he wanted it. You still warned him, moaning out his name to get his attention, "I-I'm almost there- K-Keep doing that.. like that..! Luci-" you'd almost direct him though the whole process, but were quick to become a moaning mess unable to communicate with words. You'd reach your limit and he would let you buck up into his face this time, loosening his grip on your thighs. He'd pull away after licking you clean, sending overstimulated pleasure across your entire body, with a line of your juices following his tongue as he lifted his head. He would pant with his tongue still sticking out of his mouth, and even through hazy eyes you loved seeing his demonic tongue and thinking about how it just drove you to climax.
Things would switch up again, and you'd sit him against the back of the bedframe. you'd have another quick discussion before seating yourself slowly on his length, which had been throbbing for any contact since the night started. The first few times, he'd do his best not to cum immediately. He hadn't been touched like this in a while, after all. You'd only begin to move once you made sure he was okay since his struggle was written all over his face.
The moment you began to keep a steady space, he would jut his hips upwards, becoming needy to feel this sensation he hadn't felt in over a decade. The first time didn't last long. It was sweet, and he would constantly moan out your name and babble on about how much he loves you. The entire time, you'd be praising him through every move until he was going too fast for you to get a sentence out.
He'd cum inside of you, another previously discussed topic. You essentially had to beg to convince him it was okay. You'd collapse onto his chest, a position he didnt see often. While the two of you always cuddled, you were so focused on making sure he was comfortable, Lucifer realized you didnt often get the chance to just relax on top of him. So after realizing that? Aftercare was amazing.
He'd let you sit with him inside you for a while, before pulling you off and immediately cleaning you up. Some nights, when he felt especially dominant, he would lap up his own cum from your incredibly sensitive cunt. He would swallow some of it, but was mainly pushing anything that dripped out back into your entrance.
After cleaning you up, he would wiggle his way back underneath you and pull you onto his chest, enjoying taking care of you the way you took care of him.
After the first night, lucifer would be much more confident. He'd have that healthy glow, but would be more assertive during meetings, more communicative and wouldnt shut others out as often. It really helped him realize how much you gave to him, and he was determined to give all that and more back to you.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin hotel smut#lucifer hazbin#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer magne#lucifer morningstar x you#lucifer x reader smut#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer
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i don't think we talk enough about the two most mysterious characters in the whole novel:
the author and the reader, airplane shooting towards the sky and shen yuan.
yes, we know a lot about Airplane and Shen Yuan's lives post-transmigration, and we got a few details of their first lives, but those details are so scarce that to this day we still theorize about what was going on with them. we don't even know Airplane's birth name.
what we know is how different their economic and family situations were: shen yuan had a loving family and enjoyed the life of a rich second-gen, while airplane's parents divorced, he was unloved and neglected and struggled to make a living.
airplane lived off his novel, and shen yuan lived to consume it.
and i think that this happens because this two characters hide themselves behind The Story. Author and Reader use the Story to forget about themselves; or at least the version of themselves that they suppress, because there's a lot of underprocessed and internalized trauma and pain associated to it.
this is much more obvious in shen yuan, as his emotional repression has been talked about a lot already. even after the extras there are a lot of things that he'll simply shove into a mental box to never touch them again, but the same goes for airplane. I'd argue his case is worse, because his two lives have been so difficult.
airplane submerged himself in the world of his novel while he was writing, and then literally when he was forced to live in it.
escaping into the novel, first figuratively and then literally, was necessary for airplane to keep himself alive. his novel allowed him to live and gave him a goal, something to live for and be proud of. he made a story that was wildly popular and that had lots of people talking about it. pidw was such a big hit it inspired more novels that followed on its steps. he was so drunk on the attention, enjoyed it and craved it so much, he'd go to read what his fans talked about in the forums.
this is the way the author escaped into the story, because the story gave him money and a twisted form of adoration and attention, the only he could aspire for.
there's a very good meta by @/inefectualdemon about how PIDW could be seen as a reflection of Airplane's traumas, personality and worldview, and how you can infer a lot about how he portrays this characters and their relationships with each other.
shen yuan too participated in this form of escapism, just from the other side of the equation; it's not normal to read a novel in 20 days and get so obsessed with you die ragging about it. why is a guy who seems to have everything he needs, a loving family and a stable life, losing himself into the world of a novel he claims to hate?
i'm of the opinion that shen yuan's issues have to do with his lack of purpose in life, but i'd also argue that they may be related to his blatant sexual repression that derives the extreme compulsive heterosexuality and homophobia we see reflected in his narration. he's obsessed with sex, but with "straight" sex, so it's okay to read about it. it's okay to think about dick if it's in the context of heterosexual sex. it's okay to think about the protagonist's attractiveness and beauty if he immediately tags it with a "that's why women fall for him".
so, going back to the main point. i think that, just as the world of pidw reflects airplane's inner world, the way shen yuan relates to it and projects himself into it and its characters, says a lot about his elusive inner world.
(it's getting long, so continue under the cut)
at the end of the novel, shen yuan thinks that pidw, with all its plotholes filled and backstories revealed, is just tragedy after tragedy; for airplane, this is just how the world works from his point of view. there's no end to the tragedy, there's no happiness simply because he himself has never experienced it.
shen yuan's solution to the tragedy and cruelness of the world is kindness and understanding; airplane's is apathy.
another example: shen yuan admires yue qingyuan for his dedication, reliability and kindness; he sees him as good old brother, subconsciously projecting and relating to him in the same way he did with his real older brothers. this is not to say his feelings are not genuine; they are, but they arise from his own need to have that type of siblings relationship again. that's why he's so invested in cang qiong, among other things.
but how does airplane view yue qingyuan? a kind fool, someone who's easy to take advantage of. yue qi is the boy that failed to save his most important person (for a good reason, apparently) and yue qingyuan is the adult that allows disciples to be abused to assuage his own guilt.
the way shen yuan treats kids and teenagers, the way he perceives the women as aesthetically beautiful, and distant from himself, unless they fall in the category of family. the way he makes a point to comment on the appearance of every man he meets, specially the ones that reflect his own repressed tastes.
shen yuan care a lot about everything, from the plants to the monster to the people in pidw; he struggles trying to force himself to believe they are not real, that this are just novel characters, and fails every time (well, except when it came to binghe's agency, ironically). airplane is the complete opposite. almost everything in pidw was his own creation, and he can live through the tragedy and death unperturbed (well, with a couple of exceptions), unless this one character he got attached to gets in danger, in which case he'll do everything to save them. mobei-jun is the character that cracks airplane's shell of apathy. he cares so much about him it almost gave him a heart attack.
pre-transmigration, airplane escaped into his novel out of need; post-transmigration, he's apathetic, sometimes even resentful of his fate, but mostly doesn't care unless it's related to his own survival.
pre-transmigration, shen yuan view everyone as characters that served a purpose in the story; tropes and archetypes. but post-transmigration, as early as the demon invasion, he is incapable of viewing the characters as fictional, and is deeply affected by what happens to them.
we joke about svsss being fanfiction of pidw, but if we look deeper into it, isn't fanfiction a reflection and projection of the fic writer, a way to reinvent the story in a way that resonates with you? don't we sometimes have a love-hate relationship with a popular media that inspires both admiration and criticism in us?
this was a very long-winded way of saying how intrigued i am by airplane and shen yuan's lives pre-transmigration, the things that made them into Airplane and Peerless Cucumber, the way both Author and Reader escape and project themselves into the story, and how this is a reflection of who they are.
if you read until the end, thank you! :D and let me know what you think.
#svsss#svsss meta#airplane shooting towards the sky#shen yuan#peerless cucumber#the scum villain's self saving system#zykamiliah-svsss#cumplane#(well sort of)#shang qinghua#shen qingqiu#long post
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fic rec friday 37
hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
1. Fade to Black by @yokohogawa
Things between Keith and Lance are changing but Keith is restless, especially with Shiro still weak, and ends up taking a bad decision: he leaves Lance alone in the Castle with a Lion he cannot pilot. Unable to form Voltron without the newly appointed Red Paladin, the four Paladins left struggle against the sudden attack of a Galra ship and later on take damage from the explosion of a star in close proximity. Lance, on the other end, is left to defend the Castle by himself and has little time to succeed: without energy, the Lions have only 6 hours of breathable air. Beyond that point, his friends will be dead.
okay yes technically this series is unfinished. HOWEVER the first two works ARE finished, and they are amazing showstopping incredible etc. tbh im not much of a black paladin lance fan, i genuinely think solo leadership is not what he is suited for, but this fic made me way more open to it. the way he handled severe crises was as fear stricken as it was awe inspiring highly recommend
2. once again i am a child by @lilaclavenders
“You’re not a spare tyre,” Adam interjects.
“I know that,” Lance says, too unsure to sound completely defensive.
“That almost sounded like a question.”
“No... it didn’t,” Lance says.
Lance and Adam talk.
i have always been a fan of lance and adam even tho its the most evidence lacking fanon thing in this fandom. its truly just so interesting. and to have lance as a young cadet getting slammed so badly just in so many different directions being given at least one grownup in his corner...its a good read.
3. Lance the language man by @irish-vampire-blog
Lance didn't really try to learn a language. He just, kind of, picks up the basics and then works from there. Its usually unintentional. Ish.
He isn't stupid though. He isn't an idiot. He just isn't the same kind of smart as his friends are.
this kind of smart for lance is so REAL bc no he cannot do like quantum physics or whatever probably but the way he seems to have a pretty innate ability to successfully do many things that he tries. he just can u know?? thats the autism with the gay audacity i would imagine but i love seeing fics like this
4. my boyfriend's back (and you're gonna get in trouble) by teacupfulofbrains
hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back
Keith Kogane has never heard of Vine. Lance McClain takes personal offense to this, and makes it his personal mission to teach his boyfriend to meme. Keith is confused, mostly.
(OR: several instances of Keith not getting the meme™ and two times he did)
I LOVE THIS FIC SO BAD I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT RECCED IT BEFORE. yes i am a cringe zillenial who still finds vine funny and quotes it on the internet but truly idc idc. this fic is funny. this fic is cute. established klance my love and light. also keith comparing lances eyes to the star of bombay is some of the gayest shit ever and also the only time i will entertain blue eyed lance
5. The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love by running_downn
Last time something like this happened to Lance, Keith wasn’t there. He’d thought he would have been able to do something if he had been there, or at least if he was, the guilt wouldn’t be so heavy on his chest. But this time he was there. He was right fucking there and he decided that it was infinitly worse.
~
Basically there's a new threat after the Galra and it almost kills Lance. Desperate making out ensues, but it's okay to recognize when it's not the right time for it. Keith cries a lot cause he's older and grizzled and therefore not as emotionally stunted.
green sock reality? team still out fighting as adults and lance isn’t a fucking farmer while the rest of the team isn’t? keith’s abandonment issues treated with respect and dignity and also the acknowledgement that he’s older and therefore mature enough to handle those issues in a way that doesn’t risk a relationship that is important to him? lance understanding all this and using the supportive nature he is known for??? yes yes yes. stellar fic that should have way more hits than it does
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
#more than one author this week lol#and sorry it took forever and it’s rushed!!#summers almost ending and i’m burnt out and also wary of change as always#i’ll mellow out soon#vld#voltron#lance#lance mcclain#keith#keith kogane#klance#established klance#bamf lance#black paladin lance#langst#keith angst#klangst#adam & lance#fic rec#fic rec friday#longpost
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Why TOH really doesn't want a theme of discrimination.
Every demon in the show is depicted as evil, dumb or as good... because they don't want to be a part of demon culture.
That's the thesis and it's not an over exaggeration. In the main cast, the only demon of the DEMON REALM is Hooty who is treated as slow, less intelligent than the other members of the cast, and as a joke by the writers as he never elevates himself above being simply comic relief. Association with him seems to be the earliest sign that Lilith is meant to be seen as a joke and her relationship with Hooty ostracizes her from the rest of the cast. Makes her appear weird because she's the only one who can like the bird tube.
Otherwise, they're all antagonists. Most of them are just one note villains for that matter. In S1, every demon with a real speaking role is a villain. The monster hunters, Warden Wrath, Tibbles, the basilisk, the publisher for King and even Boscha if her third eye denotes demonic heritage. Anyone who we see at least as neutral are pretty much just background characters. The ones from the prison in the first episode are really the only ones who get a moment of heroism.
Now you might say: What about Bat Queen? She's the richest person on the Isles and she... Isn't a demon. She's a palisman. Made by, or at least for, a god with the insinuation they give. Bare minimum: Not for any demon known to the Isles. So she doesn't count.
There ARE witch antagonists in S1 thankfully. They're Matt, who goes on to obviously be a good person at heart, Amity who... Duh and Lilith who is also redeemed. None of this happens to any of the demons though even if ostensibly this is their world since the entire dimension is named after demons.
Which, as a note, also is part of why saying TOH is anti-colonial means ignoring an entire race.
Even KING, who should have been the demon representative in the main cast, was then retconned not to be one. Worse yet, only once that retcon began did the show start treating him with any real respect. As a demon... He was just a dumb comic relief character as far as the show is concerned.
So when we FINALLY get a reoccurring demon... It's Kikimora. That should be all I need to say there.
Now the final argument: Vee. Vee is a good person, right? She's not a villain or antagonist, just a good person. And you would be right. The framing on Vee is the problem. As the ONE genuinely just good demon, we have to evaluate how she is different. She is different... Because she rejected the Demon Realm. Her parallels with Luz are even supposed to make it clear that she is better at being a human THAN LUZ. Which has the awful implication, if we want to say TOH has anti-discrimination theme, that the only good demon, is a domesticated demon. One who wants to be a human.
That's. Fucking. Awful.
And just to cover my bases: Yes, discrimination is more than a race thing but the concept of discrimination on race is actually pretty much the only one ever brought up. The fact that no one gives a shit about ethnicity or sexuality or gender actually hurts the theme because you have to project those things onto the show instead. And any allegory to discrimination is explicitly done through races. Fantasy races but that still frames it as a racial issue so its theme on anti-discrimination is going to struggle to branch out beyond racial lines because it effectively ignores that any other form of discrimination might even EXIST.
And for the finale!... I don't think any of this is on purpose by the writers. Yes, they bring discrimination into the show but just like how real life conflicts will often ignore the complexities of all the groups present, such as us referring to all Native Americans as one whole group rather than their separate tribes and histories, the show effectively forgets about the demons. They're just there for flavor because if literally all of the characters of the demon realm were elves, it wouldn't feel like it fits the name at all. It adds spice to a scene and adventure if you have demons of all sorts and sizes.
But the witches are the conventionally attractive characters who are easy to latch onto and so they are the main cast. Everything that looks other becomes a target for villainy because of that juxtaposition. Unfortunately, none of this helps any sort theme of inclusivity. That we are supposed to look past the outer shell and see the person within, regardless, race, gender, sexuality, etc. like that.
Instead, TOH tells a very basic fantasy story and in doing so, falls into the fact that a lot of classic fantasy was written by racist white dudes and the fact that the term demon is charged due to LOTS of religions that paint them out as wholly evil. Without actually interrogating these concepts, it can be easy to fall into them.
So yeah, I think this is a theme people need to stop trying to apply to TOH.
======+++++======
I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!
I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.
I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.
If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
A Twitter you can follow too
And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.
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Rodimus having a fire outlier he barely uses because they’re seen as bad and a curse by autobots. But when decepticons see it they know its a gift and maybe Deadlock or Soundwave help him through the trauma he received for having such a gift?
Also either one or both seeing him being able to light himself on fire & that he is fire proof
They were in the training room working together to take down Quentessons. They had recently passed their highest score and things were intense. The two of them were back to back fighting off twelve Quentessons each.
It was difficult and he found himself getting tired from all of the training. Which caused his glitch to get worse. One moment he was training and the next he was back in the parade.
He heard a crash and what sounded like.
"Watch out!"
He was tipped to the side which released him from the loop. Looking around confused. He could see Hot Rod above him and injured.
"Come on!"
Hot Rod helped him stand.
"I think it's best if we end training."
He wanted to argue. However he was distracted by Quentessons attacking. Still out of it from the loop. He found himself having a hard time. Hot Rod who'd been trying to turn it off. Looked at him in panic.
"It's not working!"
The Quentessons kept coming and they were overwhelmed. They were taking more hits then actually fighting and he felt his glitch start up again.
"Hot Rod!"
The Autobot looked at him only to get slammed into the ground. He ran towards him and also hit the ground. Where he was attacked by multiple Quentessons. He didn't know how much more of this they could take.
Black spots entered his vision and when he looked at Hot Rod, he could see him panicking. He was being held down and beaten. Struggling against his captors. He suddenly released fire from his body.
The Quentessons nearest to him were burned to a crisp. While others melted from the heat he gave off. It was enough to finally stop the training exercise. Hot Rod collapsed, his sudden fire power gone.
He stared at him in shock. Because he didn't know Hot Rod was an outlier. He never knew the Autobots had outliers. He always assumed they joined the Decepticons at the beginning of the war. Because of the injustice they faced on Cybertron.
"Hot Rod?"
The Autobots head snapped over so quickly he winced. Watching as his optics widened in fear. Hot Rod dragged himself backwards, pressing himself into a corner. He brought his legs up like a shield, shaking his head and mumbling to himself.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I'm not a monster I swear. Please don't turn me in. They'll hurt me. Please. I'm so sorry. I'll never do it again."
He stared at him in shock. Watching as he broke down. Sobbing and scratching at himself in a panic. Completely oblivious to his presence.
"Hot Rod?"
The Autobot stared up at him with tears streaming down his face.
"Please don't hurt me!"
He begged and he took a careful step forward. Only to freeze when the Autobot panicked more.
"What's wrong?"
"You can't tell the others I'm a filthy outlier. Please Soundwave. I'm begging you. I'll do anything just please don't tell them."
"I'm not going to tell."
"Promise?"
"Yes of course. I don't understand though. Why don't you want me to tell them?"
"Because I'm dangerous. A monster. Outliers are a curse, who can only hurt others and I promise I'm good. I'll be good for you. Just please don't tell."
Hot Rod cried rocking back and forth, hugging himself.
"What happened to the outliers who joined the Autobots?"
He felt his spark spin rapidly. He tried not to think of his own outlier ability, as he looked at Hot Rod. Who was usually so brave and confident. Now reduced to a sobbing mess, quivering on the floor in fear. He could only imagine what the Autobots have done to people like them.
"Outliers are monsters who have to be controlled. Too dangerous to be with others. There are these chips that control outliers. They shock you when you're bad. Outliers can only be weapons and that's exactly what their turned into. Experimented and sent to die on the battlefield."
He looked at him in horror. Suddenly too many things he once shrugged off adding up. Times when Autobots acted strangely, almost like they wanted to die. Their optics haunted, from what he assumed was war. As they were sent to be slaughtered. Having no chance of survival. Wounds all over their bodies. He thought were from previous battles.
He shuddered and took another step forward. Hot Rod pressed himself further against the wall. Staring at him with wide eyes and hyperventilating.
He crouched down so he was at eye level, trying to be reassuring.
"It's okay Hot Rod, I'm not going to hurt you. Decepticons believe outliers are special. That we've been given our gifts for a reason."
"Really?"
Hot Rod stared at him in shock and he nodded.
"Do you want to know a secret?"
"What?"
"I'm an outlier?"
Hot Rod immediately shook his head looking panicked.
"You're lying. It's a trick. I've heard that trick before and I won't fall for it. I won't let you experiment on me. I'm good. I promise. Please don't hurt me. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Not a monster. Please. I'm sorry. Don't hurt me."
"Hot Rod no, it's true."
He reached for him and then thought better of it. Seeing the way it made Hot Rod panic more. He gently brushed Hot Rods mind. Using his outlier ability to soothe him. He watched as Hot Rod relaxed slightly.
"What?"
"I'm a telepath."
Hot Rod closed his optics and shuddered swaying slightly.
"Can I see yours again?"
Hot Rod frowned. Opening his optics he glanced at the door and then back at him. He seemed to be debating it for a moment. Before finally he lit himself on fire. He watched the flames dance across his frame. Hot Rod completely unharmed, as he played with the flames in his hands.
"Beautiful."
Hot Rod looked at him with wide optics taking in a sudden influx of air.
"Really?"
He tentatively asked, looking at him with hope. He carefully moved closer and Hot Rod put out his flames. Allowing him to touch him.
"Yes. You and your outlier ability are beautiful. You are something special Hot Rod a gift and you shouldn't have to hide it."
He watched Hot Rod bite his lip trying to hide a smile and then he lundged at him, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. He pulled him closer rubbing his shaking spoiler in comfort.
"You are so beautiful."
He held Hot Rod as he sobbed in his arms. Letting out years of tears and pain, as he was forced to hide his gifts and feel ashamed.
If you liked this one here's something similar.
#soundrod#transformers#soundwave#hot rod#transformers cyberverse#rodimus#hot rod x soundwave#cyberverse soundwave
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I am apparently just really really soft on the inherent eroticism of caring for even baby and silly wounds. Also this is established Fit/Pac and ex-fuckbuddies-now-bffs Fit&Philza, with Fit being very supportive of Pac getting himself more sexy men The actual ship forming most of this fic is Pac/Philza.
Err I guess... Pre-Pac/Philza, with pre-Fit/Pac/Philza, established Fit/Pac and ex-Fit/Philza? For the slash ships. For those wanting to know before poking. Set after the eggs are back! (But still no Mike...)
"So, all you need to do is ask him to help you with weapons practice," Fit slowly explains. "He's a bit of a dumbass, but he loves helping people."
Pac nods, "okay, got it."
"And don't worry about Richarlyson - I'm taking all the kids to the gym for a 'yoga session' that might end up a pillow fight."
"I trust you," Pac replies.
"Yeah that still confuses me," Fit shrugs, his face quirking a bit.
Pac hops up onto his toes, leaning forward and kissing Fit's bald head. It earns a laugh and banishes the frown at least.
"I get it, I get it; your place or mine tonight?" Fit squeezes his hands in return - Pac knows he loves him, now, just that Fit sometimes struggles with the more obvious affections. It's enough, though, its more than enough to be trusted to spend the night together.
Night's a long way off, but Pac knows its Fit's way of reassuring him he supports his endeavor and doesn't mind at all.
"I was thinking... The other place? You know?"
Fit nods, "alright. So. We head up the wall, you approach Philza, I'll drop some hints and steal the kids - then it's all on you."
"You make it sound worse than it is," Pac giggles, nerves winning for a moment.
"Go get that ass, Pac, you deserve it."
Fit's already warped away before Pac can process the words, let alone recover from the blush and the stuttering.
---
By the time Pac gets atop the wall, Philza is sat waiting on the trampoline, a slightly confused look on his face. Fit and the children are already gone, and Pac mentally curses his roommate for the lack of support he's been left with.
"Hi Phil," he waves a little awkwardly instead.
"Hey Pac," the confusion is morphed into a smile. "Fit said you have something to ask me?"
"Yes, um," Pac tries desperately to remember what Fit said, how to get close to Philza in a way they're both comfortable with. Ask for help with weapons, was it? "You are good with sword, right?"
"I get by - Etoiles is better," Philza shrugs - and oh, how Pac knows how Philza does more than just get by. "Why? Axes are better here anyway, less risk of hitting an egg."
"Ah, I know, I know," Pac swishes his hand a bit as he thinks. "I just want to be better, you know? So - So I can protect Richarlyson!"
"You really don't want a sword then, king," Philza laughs a bit. "And you're good with an axe! You don't really need help with that."
Pac wants to object, he even starts going to; it's not just about helping Richarlyson, its about learning, about protecting himself and all his loved ones, its about finding an excuse to spend time with a man who never thinks to ask others for company.
"How do you feel about archery?" Philza follows it up with. "Much easier to keep the eggs safe when nothing can get close, you know?"
"Like... a bow?" Pac queries, and thinks. Remembers Philza shooting him from his boat, and that was terrifying - terrifying, horrifying, but also kinda hot. "I do some. I'm not good, though."
"So long as you can see shit, you can learn," Philza shrugs. "We could set some targets up along the potato farm, if you want a go?"
Shooting arrows through the potato farm sounds like a waste of food, but Pac also knows just quite how much the man on the wall has. He's not rich like many of the islanders, but his family are always the last which will go hungry.
Nobody Philza cares about ever goes hungry, love written in baked potatoes and avocado toast.
He nods to the suggestion, and something in Philza's face softens a little.
"I'll meet you up there, king; I've got some shit bows we can use, rather than waste our good ones."
"Alright," Pac nods. "I'll wait here?"
"You got top of the potato farm? I know some of them have enchantments, and I'd rather not set the house on fire."
Pac checks, and responds in the affirmative as he finds the waystone listed there.
"Great. If I just give you these..." Philza pulls out a stack of targets from his backpack, and passes them over. Their fingers brush, and Pac's heart does an awkward flip. "You start getting set up; I'll be there in a just a tick."
"See you soon!" Pac waves as Philza warps away; Philza laughs and waves back, even as he is taken in purple light.
Brushing over his hands, Pac gathers up the targets. Warping to the far end of the wall is easy enough, which only leaves finding where to put the targets. Unsure he places them along the side of the wall, sat on the raised lip for a little height.
He's put ten out when the waystone sounds and Philza appears, a bundle of half-broken bows in his arms.
"Sorry to use you to clear out my trash," he grins. "No idea why there's so many in the sea, but its good to get a feel for different ones anyway."
Pac just nods, finding it easy to agree. He knows Philza has not had a life like his, but still the man scrapes together every resource and uses every scrap - a near broken bow is good for practice, thousands of pounds of andesite mined from the wall can be used to bridge and to fight, rotten food goes back to the land and makes soil to grow life again on a dead, stone wall.
"Can I see your bow? I want to make sure I get you something similar to practice."
"Okay," Pac finds it in his inventory, passing it over.
Philza looks at it, turning the weapon over in his hands.
"Nice," he says. "It's well made, working with the wood. Let me see..."
Pac's bow is handed back, and his insides squirm happily at even the slight compliment. Philza's focus is entirely on the bows, allowing Pac a moment to squee out some feelings.
A couple of the bows are tossed into another of Philza's backpacks, before he makes a neat pile and grabs one for himself.
"Pick one to start with, and we'll see how long before it breaks," he says. "You got arrows?"
"Sim."
"Alright. Show me what you do, first - can you hit that target for me?"
Philza places a warm hand on Pac's shoulder, leaning in close as he points to one of the targets. Pac knows why - there's no good way to describe them, and getting close means more reliable pointing - but it still brings a blush to his ears.
"I'll try."
He shrugs Philza's hands away, and the man steps back. Pac raises the bow, aims, and shoots. It's not an exact bullseye, but it's close enough a monster would have taken serious damage.
"Nice work," Philza praises as easily as water flows. "Just a thought, though - in combat you don't get to stand still and aim. Try doing it moving."
"Moving?"
"Yeah moving," Philza grins a bit, twirling up his bow. "Like in a fight, you know? Gotta still dodge their arrows, else you aren't doing much good."
Philza doesn't wait for more answer, just starts moving. His turns are sharp like dodging imaginary arrows, as he backs and forths. After a few seconds he crouches, shoots a single arrow, then immediately starts running again.
The arrow lands about as close to the centre as Pac's did, and he knows this is really where it makes the difference. Pac's alright on a target and in calm conditions, but as soon as something is moving or a monster scares him? It gets trickier then.
"Your turn," Philza says. "Don't worry about which target, just try hit something - this sort of shit is worst when you get mobbed, anyway."
Pac tries to copy what Philza was doing, but cannot quite make the same patterns it seemed Philza made in his mind. So, instead, he settles just for running backwards. It's hard to take aim on the move, but he tries, drawing his bow as he runs and twisting to fire it behind himself.
He thought his aim was good - the arrow hits the ground a good way before the target.
"Right," Philza's word is stretched out a bit. "Okay, I see - good tactic, shooting while running, that'll save your ass. You would have hamstringed anything close to you with that shot and that's a great method to survive by. Honestly, getting out alive is more my thing so I'd say you're fine, but... Come back over here?"
Not feeling in the slightest bit deserving of the praise, Pac still returns. He wasn't aiming to hamstring a nearby enemy - he was aiming to hit a target! Philza's point sort of makes sense, and he has to agree surviving is more important than winning, but it still feels bad.
"Okay, just let me," Philza squints at Pac, then at another of the targets. "Draw the bow for me? But hold it - don't fire."
"Okay," Pac does as he's told, pulling it up and pointing it down the wall.
"Let me see..." Philza squints at him, circling him - even if he crouches out of the arrow's direct path. "Your posture is fine for short distances and stationary, but with the twist you're not getting all the power in your arms. Can I touch you?"
"Um, okay?" the question completely blanks Pac's mind; before he even realises he agreed warms hands are on him, adjusting his elbow and his arms.
Philza's head his close to him as he helps adjust Pac's posture; he can feel the breath on his neck, and a strong chest at his back. The tugging is insistent but gentle, even as Pac's limbs object somewhat to the postures.
Pac wants nothing more than to curl into the touch, to become one of Philza's people - warm and protected and fed and /loved/.
"Here you go," Philza smiles. "You should be able to get power into it easier with your arms like this, and keeping your balance should be a bit less shit. I'd fix your legs but we're talking about doing it running, so not much point right now."
Pac thinks of Philza's hands between his legs and, yeah, he might need a bit more warning before facing something like that. He tries to concentrate on how everything feels, before letting the bow down and stretching his arms.
"Thank you," he says.
There's laughter in reply, "that's not nearly enough time to have remembered it, but okay if you're done we're done."
"We could have a contest?" Pac suggests, already knowing he'll loose. "Speed shooting - just hit the target, not points?"
"You wanna?" Philza leans down and picks up one of the bows in the pile. "I can take left, you take right, we go until we break all these crap bows?"
There's a decent sized pile - Philza loves to fish - but Pac grins anyway. It's not a fight, not the adrenaline in that way, but he still loves competition. Maybe he and Richars could make some sort of archery range, possibly with moving targets in quirky colours or on a minecart rail! A rail shooter, like a theme park! It would be good practice, and fun, and someone can surely automate fixing the bows and making more arrows.
"Maybe half of the pile?" is what he says, mind already thinking and wondering if he should invite Philza to join in the building, if Richars likes the idea - Fit doesn't really build as much, but Forever speaks the world of Philza's abilities. Given Mike is still sick...
Philza must see Pac's face fall, because he says, "yeah sure, but are you okay?"
"Just thought of something Mike would like," he knows his smile is thin.
"Write it down," Philza suggests. "He'll be back soon enough, and you can just give him the book of funny crap he's missed. Might kill him, though, this island has so much weird shit being said and going on."
"I'll ask Richars," he replies, not entirely thinking about the book idea.
Philza looks confused, but shrugs and picks up a bow, "'right. You want to count us down?"
Pac takes a bow as well, and checks his arrows are easy to reach. As he counts Philza draws his bow back, and Pac copies the motion - it's only the first shot they get to aim, just like an ambush.
"Go!" he calls, and they do.
Five minutes and an inventory full of shattered bows later, Pac is exhausted and Philza is bent double, laughing - he lost, of course Philza was going to win, but Pac did better than he expected to.
His fingers, however, are starting to bleed, and maybe he should not have pushed so far.
He holds them up to the sky, watching the burst blisters now drip blood onto his face.
"Alright, alright," Philza finally gathers himself. "No more shaft jokes, though, I don't think-" the pause and drop in his voice is almost instant when he looks up. "Pac? You good?"
"Ah, sim, sim," Pac pushes himself to sit up again, fingers catching on the floor. "Just did too much, yes?"
"Yeah the stamina takes years to train," Philza comes and sits on the floor beside Pac, fishing about in a backpack as he does. "Ask Fit if your back hurts - he gives amazing massages, if you haven't had already - but for now..."
A potion bottle is held towards him.
"It's okay," Pac smiles. "Just blisters."
"On your fingers, which are fucking shit. Give me your hands."
Pac hesitates, but under the glare he does.
(Philza looks after what is his, does this make Pac his? At least by association?)
Philza takes Pac's right hand first, scowling at the blisters on it with an "aw, mate, you could have just asked to stop early". The potion is poured onto a cloth, and then gently dabbed against each blister - bleeding or not in turn. Then there's a box of children's plaster's in Philza's lap, and he picks out all of the green and blue ones. He alternates finger to finger - green and blue, green and blue - and... and...
And each time he presses a plaster down, he presses a tiny kiss to the padding over each wound.
By the time all ten fingers are tended to, Pac is sure he resembles a strawberry.
"All better," Philza promises, refusing to make eye contact as he tidies the waxed-paper packaging into his inventory. "With the potion, they should be all healed up by morning."
"Ah, um," Pac isn't sure how words work any more, but he wrangles them in the end. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," a grin, and Philza does look up this time.
Just as their eyes catch Fit returns, all four eggs in tow. Pac waves - Fit's eyes narrow on the plasters before relaxing at the sight of all the broken bows - and the kids run over.
"Fit!" Philza calls, instead of a greeting. "Pac here needs a massage, and I've told him of your amazing skills!"
"Oh did you now," Fit wriggles an eyebrow at Philza, before softening as he looks at Pac. "Come down to the gym, then; I'm sure Phil can manage the kids."
There's a mock protest, but it's only play pretend; as they walk away Philza blows them a kiss each, only to squawk in protest at something one of the eggs says.
Pac goes to look; Fit cups his hand behind his back and continues leading him away.
"He's Philza Minecraft," Fit says. "He can manage some kids; let's go have some fun."
"I really do need an actual massage," Pac quirks half a smile. "Not sure I'll be up to much."
"You say as if seeing your face isn't enough for me."
Pac is going to die. These two men are going to kill him, and he's going to die.
It might even be a death Mike only teases him over, not disapproves of, when he finally finds out.
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i only ever saw a playthrough of the first game but i do have a friend who was a kokichi/kaito fan for a long while so i think i can probably construct plausible deaths in harpers fic. not the executions (the anon who wrote those did good though) but the deaths. and also how i think harper would write them instead of what would work best.
Suki: death is very similar to the pop girl who died first in the first game, but instead of floyd having to throw a baseball at the incinerator button he left an eyeshadow smear somewhere that becomes the cincher for the piece.
Viva: since her death is canonically written as just a way to get her out of the picture and thus likely didn't have a lot of thought into it,,,,, Biggie kills her by shoving Mr. Dinkles down her throat while she's unconscious, causing her to suffocate. Harper's breathplay kink strikes again 😞
Cooper: Since Smidge had it in her head that he was gonna kill Poppy i imagine it would have been something brutal, fast, and almost impulsive given the way harper's completely murdered smidge's character for her fic. and since he's the ultimate baker it probably happened in the kitchen,,,, thinking either shoved into the oven or stabbed with a knife. or both. his second line in the entire fic is him greeting smidge seconds before she kills him
Trollex: the real trick is how the hell harper managed to have one twin do the killing without the other noticing. UNLESS the innocent twin Does Know and is struggling to keep quiet all throughout the investigation and trial. either way the death i feel harper would write for him probably involved,,,, well idk how creative harper is, maybe she could have written him having his gills slashed up and then drowning in his own blood, or maybe he got garroted with a ribbon the twins were gonna use in a dress they were making
Branch: given what harper's like i feel like a) his title of "Ultimate Survivalist" plays ZERO role in the fic/he doesn't get to show off a single skill in favor of more prose of the breek foe-yay and b) bc creek killed him and bc harper was writing toxic breek wherein creek explicitly killed branch so they could be "together forever" AND bc she's a fujoshi with a breathplay thing,,,, i think that harper wrote it as creek strangling branch with his hair but she went into heavy detail on creek's body pressing into branch's from behind, arms wrapped around him and then went into excruciating detail of branch's final seconds from branch's perspective. and then bc creek wanted to get caught he made sure to leave his comb in branch's hair. yes i know i just gave a lot of details but i imagine the fic as harper wrote it was even worse. like "very clearly meant to arouse" worse 😟
the main reason biggie took so much offense to the fic that he did a "serious stream" on it is because, in his words, "i would NEVER endanger Mr. Dinkles like that!"
THESE ARE ALL GOOD... one thing though, i did actually think about what the evil twin's murder method would be:
the other twin is asleep (or maybe knocked out, maybe with sleeping pills) and the blackened drags her body out of their room after hours. it was dumb luck that trollex was also out of his room (maybe also planning a murder, but idk). the blackened uses her and her twins hair to strangle trollex, so there is no weapon left. the perfect crime... except they figure it out pretty soon into the trial, and the rest is spent determining which twin is the one guilty of murder
i thought of this before they said that there was a common theme of suffocation, so its fun how that works out isnt it
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day 309
no actually i wont stop inserting my blorbos into other properties.
anyway.
i saw hadestown on tour this summer and im never going to emotionally or spiritually recover. and i have a lot of thoughts about this au!! long-winded rambling under the cut
so casting:
Orpheus: Jade
Eurydice: Aradia
Hermes: Rose
Hades: Jane (Crockertier mode, primarily)
Persephone: Roxy
The fates are representative of like. Aradia's ghost voices. I don't super know how to convey that visually.
ANYWAY!! I just think that the dynamic between Orpheus and Eurydice in the way Hadestown tells their story gets very much to the heart of what I think is so interesting about AraJade, and that's the like.... Conflicting worldviews they have. I think that conflict, despite frustrating them at times, is part of what pulls them toward each other.
Aradia (and Eurydice) are like... Kind of tragic characters! They have been through a lot, and while Aradia is very positive, and Eurydice is prepared to crack jokes, their worldviews boil down to "The universe is uncaring, and fate bears down on us no matter what choices we make. But FUCK it, I am going to live anyway. I'm going to do whatever the hell I have to do to keep going as an act of rebellion."
Jade (and Orpheus) however, still manage to be optimistic, not just about their own prospects, but about the world. When problems arise, they're not just going to ignore them and try to press on as things get worse. They're going to try to solve the problem! They're going to put that responsibility on themselves. It might speak to a level of overconfidence, or naivete, sure. But it also speaks to an overabundance of compassion for the people around it. They're not just going to fix things for themselves, but for everybody.
So when they meet, and Jade says "YES the world is difficult, the seasons are wrong, the world is out of tune, but I am going to write a song that will fix it." Aradia is understandably skeptical! She doesn't believe it until Jade shows her proof that her music has some otherworldly power (which. shakes her worldview obviously and she kind of fucking LOVES that?) But Rose (Hermes) says this girl will make her feel alive again, and to Aradia, "that's worth a lot"
Speaking of Rose, idk. I was torn on who to put in Hermes' place. But Rose is established as both a Seer, and a storyteller. To repeatedly narrate a story whose tragic ending she's already seen play out a thousand times, just because it's beautiful and hey, maybe it'll turn out different this time (even though it never has before.) IDK ITS JUST A ROSE VIBE 2 ME! Plus Hermes has a friendly relationship with Orpheus, he wants him to succeed, but he's also not afraid to pull punches when criticizing him. I think that's a good dynamic for Rose and Jade.
I also waffled around for a while about Hades and Persephone, but in the end Persephone really HAD to be Roxy. It's not just about the alcoholism recovery arc they both share, it's about Persephone as a daughter missing her mother, and as a figure known to everyone around her as funny and generous and just kind of this universally-beloved figure who behind the scenes is REALLY struggling to cope with her own emotions. The Roxy vibes are truly off the charts. So given that, Jane made the best Hades, I think. Jane as Hades isn't the MOST compelling matchup in this to me, but I think she fits into the role well enough. First off, she really DOES love Roxy. But as they drift apart over time, and in the absence of any other real positive influences, she just kinda... Falls into the capitalism thing a little too hardcore. She misses Roxy and maybe to start with she really DOES think that if she can make enough progress in her work that it will impress Roxy enough to maybe stay a little longer than usual, but well. Industrial progress is not what impresses Roxy! And Jane is.... A little stubborn about her worldview, and has become extremely busy with her work, and doesn't really pay close enough attention to Roxy's feelings to notice all that, so. Things decay rapidly, and it becomes a point of conflict between them. But in the end we DO get to see them taking the first steps towards resolving things. Because frankly I think they would! They just care too much about each other at the end of the day.
Anyway listen to the Hadestown soundtrack if you haven't yet, please, I'm fucking begging
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🔥+ Derek Hale
YES THANK YOU MY BLORBO MY SCRUNKLY MY BABYGIRL. LIGHT OF MY LIFE AND KINDLING TO MY SOUL. I LOVE HIM AND I HAVE SO MANY OPINIONS, HERE IS A LIST:
- idk how unpopular this truly is but that man is demisexual to his core. i understand how ppl see him as bi and that’s valid but in my heart of hearts he is demisexual and also fighting for his life every single day struggling to understand what people (read: erica and stiles) are talking about when they find strangers attractive. until he gets to know someone and cares for them the most he can muster up is “that sure is a face. on a body, even.”
- he was closer to peter than he was to talia or even laura, pre-fire
- he’s actually very emotionally intelligent and in touch with his feelings. you know. when he’s not literally in survival mode 24/7 and living in essentially a tent but worse and hasn’t been able to process an incredibly huge trauma bc of all the other traumas happening in real time. he just doesn’t know what the fuck to do with those emotions once he’s tapped into them.
- on that note, he’s actually very expressive. its just subtle and when he’s next to stiles “elastic face” stilinski it doesn’t come across as obviously
- he respects stiles and stiles’ abilities more than anyone else in the pack
- his fatal flaw is that he trusts too easily and sees the best in people, no matter how hard he tries not to and no matter how many times life has punished him for doing so
- derek is, at his very core, a decent and well-intentioned person. no matter how misguided he is, he is never truly malicious towards anyone but those who have wronged him and those he cares about over and over again. and even then the malice is more about stopping them from doing more damage than real vengeance. he’s just a little bit of an asshole at the same time as being a good person.
- he’s a switch but when it comes down to it he prefers subbing. he just doesn’t feel like he can sub for anyone bc it makes him so vulnerable and he thinks he looks weak, so he doesn’t actually discover this preference until he’s years into his relationship with stiles and they’re uncomfortably comfortable with each other and he’s done enough weird sexual shit for stiles (cough werewolf kink cough cough) he knows stiles won’t judge him for like. wanting to wear lace and be told he’s a good boy
- when he’s NOT in survival mode he’s actually really snobby about hygiene and neatness and personal care products. stiles uses a 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash and derek is so offended by it they almost break up (but then stiles switches to something fancy and unscented and derek finds he kind of misses the weird artificial tree smell of the 3-in-1)
- autism be damned my boy can work a grill
- he’s actually really good with kids. not in a traditional sense bc he’s awkward with them mostly but most children under 12 seem to love him anyways
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Thoughts on DM3. Don’t hate me. 😂
DM3 was not a bad film, I have seen a lot worse and I even went to see it at the cinema a few times. I’d rate it a 6/7 out of ten.
The problem was with it, it felt outdated with an 80s obsessed villian. Don’t get me wrong, I think Bratt is a great idea and I get the concept of it but just maybe with his own film, not in DM.
Aswell, I felt they took a lot of things away from us that were just getting started.
- Agnes sold Fluffy the unicorn though in DM2 she would have screamed the house down if anything happened to him and he was such a big part of the merch. But no, gone, sold to some lil blonde.
- We didn’t see much of Grus freeze-ray nor his tank of a car. - not a big deal but these lil things make the film what it is.
-There was no Fred. - again like the point above. I would have also have liked to have seen Jillian, I thought she was a great and (annoying) addition to DM2.
-Gru didn’t really bother with the girls or interact with any of them, well a part from Agnes. He didn’t even put them to bed like he used to and just left Lucy to do it all. He didn’t really seem supportive of her with her trying to be a mum I thought. If that was my husband I would have kicked his arse lol!
- Margo got engaged to some weird kid and Gru was nowhere to be seen but in DM2 he was this overprotective dad that would have broke his nose or something lol! I know Lucy had it in hand but…..ya know. I wanted to see the overprotective dad mode.
- We didn’t see much of the house which we seen a lot of in DM1/2 and I thought that was such a shame. Why couldn’t Dru just come to Grus house or something lol
- I disliked how the writers wrote out Dr Nefario (we won’t mention the actors name and no one would of cared if someone else was voicing him) but what a lazy way to just freeze him in carbinite. Gru didn’t really seem that upset over it though the Dr had been like a dad to him. Like ?????
- Dru wasn’t bad, it was kinda nice seeing Gru have some male company as if he was down the pub with a mate but I also found it odd they had all of a sudden put on him the temptation to go back to villainy when in DM2 he had that temptation but he wasn’t interested in the slightest. He just wanted to be a father, get a job, get his girl and that was it. Every scene was perfect, the actors, writers etc put all there heart and soul into it and you couldn’t have put anymore into it really, even if you tried. Gru was really at his peak in DM2. Maybe I’ve got it wrong. Idkkkk.
- I didn’t mind the Minions and personally I never do, I think they just add to the film and I don’t find them annoying. I actually liked the prison scene, I thought that was a pretty good idea tbh.
It even felt like at times the animated characters didn’t want to even be doing the storyline in DM3. 😂
3 obviously made a lot of money because everyone was still hyped around DM2 but came out of the cinema or wherever they first watched it empty handed.
Yes it’s ok chucking in a scene here and there with a treehouse or an Agnes and Gru moment to put in some heart but it was almost forced. The writers said themselves they struggled and just wrote for themselves which I found really sad as there is so much you can do with this franchise I think.
I’m ngl, I am a bit nervous about DM4 as I think this will be its last chance to survive but the trailer looks amazing and I’m already won over by the baby Gru Jr. I wanted them to have a baby in DM3!!!!! Really DM4 should have been 3.
Should have rhey aged the girls up. Yes and no. Maybe a bit? Tbh personally, I don’t really care. It keeps there innocence but I would like to see Gru bonding with them again.
It wasn’t all bad though, I liked Lucy trying to be a mom and the animation has definitely stepped up a notch to the point that Gru is pale AF now and they all look a bit different. Aswell the actors, Carell, Kristin did a great job as always.
This is all my own opinion so don’t come at me 🤣.
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[39 weeks later]
well all right then. I owe some explanations and some updates, so let's just get straight to that.
1. "what the hell, makeste. you can't just disappear for nine months and leave a sign on your blog that says "gone leavin'.'"
yeah I know. sorry guys.
so there are a lot of reasons for my long absence, but when you boil it all down, the essence is basically as follows: at its absolute max capacity, my ADHD brain is capable of keeping up with any two of the following: (1) work; (2) school; (3) tumblr. that's it. only two. no more and no less.
and for years this has not mattered at all because school was no longer in the picture! but as mentioned in my last two update posts, as of this past January, I had to start taking classes again for career advancement reasons, meaning my brain was quickly overloaded and something had to give. so yeah. I can assure you the past nine months have absolutely sucked and I am not AT ALL sure that it was worth it, but it is what it is.
I also want to add that I never intended to basically fall off the face of the earth anywhere near to this extent, let alone for this long. but in retrospect I probably should have seen it coming, seeing as this is not the first time it's happened, sob. and also in hindsight, towards the end of last year (during which I was already struggling to keep up with the weekly BnHA reactions) someone mentioned that it sounded like I was showing signs of being potentially close to burnout. turns out that observation was spot on lol.
so yeah. tl;dr, burnout + an obnoxiously busy real life schedule + a sprinkling of good old-fashioned ADHD "somehow I always underestimate how hard it is to restart something after taking a long break from it, and the longer I go without returning the worse it gets" brain shenanigans (more on that last part further down).
2. "MAKESTE. WHILE YOU WERE GONE, IN THE MANGA, THERE WAS A THING -- "
yes I have unfortunately been spoiled about The Thing.
3. "so wait, exactly how spoiled are you?? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE THING"
I will make a separate post to talk about The Thing! I expect that many people will want to talk about this, and tbh I've really been wanting to talk about it too! I'm telling you, when I say the past nine months have sucked, I mean they have truly SUCKED, you guys. school is so fucking boring and I miss rambling about fandom stuff so fucking much.
anyway but with that said, ~*~PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANY SPOILERS IN THIS POST~*~. I don't want to delete anybody's comments! but I will if necessary because I am a spoiler narc and I don't want to risk accidentally ruining stuff on the off chance that a non-spoiled person comes across this post. so yeah. however please do feel free to message me or comment in my other post (which I will link once it’s up; eta: here it is) if you do want to talk about The Thing.
4. "so aside from The Thing, are you otherwise caught up with the BnHA manga currently?"
so here's the hilarious part: no, I am not caught up. not even remotely. literally the last chapter of BnHA I read was chapter 339, which is the most recent chapter that I liveblogged, all the way back on December 31, 2021. I literally have not read a single new BnHA chapter in the year of our lord 2022 lol. :') basically for the same reasons I mentioned in my previous update post. tl;dr, reading/liveblogging a single new BnHA chapter is a minimum 4+ hour commitment for me, and by this point I have accrued a backlog of... oh sweet lord. 35 total chapters lol. so yeah. that's approximately 140 hours of catch-up that I need to do, which is paralyzing just to think about.
I do still plan on catching up, obviously! I'm just not sure how, lol. I may have some time to spare this weekend, so I might try to binge a few chapters and see how it goes. then I'll have to come up with some sort of sustainable posting schedule. I've been thinking about this for a while and I might try to do a Mon/Wed/Fri thing if I can swing it, but I don't want to commit to anything for sure yet until I see how those first few chapters go. fingers crossed, though.
anyway so I guess that's it. post is getting long. anything more will just be rambling.
sorry again, guys. how is everyone? what did I miss. aside from twitter dying and tumblr welcoming the refugees into our culture by inviting them to participate in the newly created fandom of a nonexistent 1970s mafia film.
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Reasons for Link(s) To Be A Yandere
In Relation to this request I did (rather the reblog reblog)
Link is hard to pinpoint since he's a vessel for the player. Headcanons Based on the game's worldbuilding/lore, a bit of their mangas and very much lotsa imagination from my side.
(Romantic)
SS! Link: His constant worry for Zelda's safety, unknown of Hyrule below, too naive, seems like a good boy, unexperienced, someone who might long for ACTUAL connection since Fi is a bit too much beep boop master linkkkk
OoT! Link: Very much naive and still childlike when sent into the future, confused by all that is happening and needs an anker of reality (maybe even an escape to simpler, childish times since he doesn't want to face all the actual real horrors, daydreams a lot), BEARS THE BURDEN OF THE WOOORLD, wishes for some kind of positivity/sunshine, you might think he is weird for his age, protective since he doesn't know what this future has in store for him, ALL THAT HE KNEW AND CHERISHED IS GONE NOW
TP! Link: GUY GOT TURNED INTO A WOLF, IMAGINE JUST; YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS UPSIDE DOWN FROM HUMAN TO BEAST ALL THAT YOU KNOW WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO LIVING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AS SOMETHING ELSE AND THEN YOU DIE
THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, THEY FEAR YOU AND PRBLY THINK YOU ARE DEAD OR WENT MISSING. AND ON TOP OF THAT YOU ARE EXPECTED TO SAVE THE WORLD
ITS A LOT OF STRESS.
Maybe naive, aware of his strength and ready to protect others, courageous to the point nothing will stop him, maybe bit of a Country pumpkin, soft, so soft he holds animals like babies, internally frustrated and scared? Unsure? NeedING COMFORT AND ASSURANCE? ONLY HAS A FEW LOVED ONES. Needs acceptance.
BotW! Link: My man has SO MUCH LORE. Survivor's guilt? Amnesia? Unsure if he remembers everything correctly? NOT SURE IF HE STILL FEELS THE SAME AFTER LEARNING ABOUT HIS PASSED LOVED ONES? Unexperienced and curious, open and lets himself be amazed by the world, letting all the pain that he doesn't even remember (YET) go and just live the life he couldn't have? A part of him not wanting to go through everything all over again after finding out the truth? Doubting his abilities and believing he'll fail again? Slowly becoming his old, stoic, mute and emotionally closed off self through time? Yes to all the above.
Also talks more at the beginning, eats a lot, happy to help and learn new things. Tries to distract himself from reality.
(Platonic)
LA! Link: You're probly in the island too, just as his imagonation however. A memory of a friend he knows and missed? Cannot EVER see again? Well, you are here, in this mystical, fun island. He can be here with you. Indulges in the dream and pretends its the life he wanted to have with you. Friend, best friend, sibling, whatever, it's you and him now forever. No destiny or Calamity can keep you apart when he is dreaming. Will not listen to the owl. He was forced to grow up when defeating evil but here he can indulge in whimsical, childish games. Fishing, stomping on weird creatures (he finds them funny and names them goombas!) Getting all kinds of funny knick-knacks...all with you. Might shape the dream you to make you into the 'you' he remembers, or worse, desires.
FS! Link: uh-oh four Links is double the trouble. Something might have happened during the Split and each of Link's best and worst characteristics show. Your friend gets agGreSSiVe then overprotective, cheery and kind and then clingy and emotional. Smart and giving advice only to be possesive the next. He struggles to maintain his emotions/doppelgangers and it makes it even worse when he tries to hide his true feelings from you. Each Clone might just spit out a thought/opinion they have of you without thinking that has been residing in Link's heart forever. Each get jealous on who gets to spend more time with you (although they're the same person).
MM! Link: Has the wits and maturity of a grown-up and finds it hard to let himself indulge in anything. Lonely since no one understands him and kids 'his age' are too immature for him so he can't find any friends, any connections. Has immense feeling of duty and responsibility that HE is the hero of everything and everyone. When a Problem arrives, HE must solve it. HE must endanger his life to save others. You must be special to have any connection with him. Longs for a normal life but thats not possible anymore. Zelda unwittingly gave him another terrible fate.
#Yandere#yandere link#Yandere legend of zelda#Link#Tloz#Yandere tloz#The legend of zelda#Suggestions#headcannons
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Similar situation to you.. I am also 32 turning 33 this year and I still live in my childhood home with my mother. It has been really hard because there has been societal pressure and judgement from people for never having moved out. I also have internalized it over the years. I do feel I'm coming to the age though where it's more ok to live with your parents? Like you say oh my parent is getting older so I want to be there for them and people understand. I have also never told anyone (literally this anon message is the first) that my mom struggles with her mental health and isn't able to live on her own. It's been really hard for me because I've had to give up a lot of things in my personal life to be here for her (dating, etc.). My two sense is, if you don't feel that living with your dad is stopping you from living the life you want to live (relationships, living as an adult) then think about staying. It is nice to have someone to come home to and like you say, you take care of each other. I don't know what you're looking for in life but if you met someone could you all live together? Maybe you'd have to move at that point but you could all move together. With the cost of living now I think its smart to have multi generation homes. At the end of the day, do what feels right for you and anyone who would judge you for that is not worth your time.
Plus it's totally a cultural thing that we have to leave home. The people I know with Asian or South Asian backgrounds are always like, yes of course you still live at home, why would you leave. So don't let societal pressure force you to do something you don't want.
These are just my immediate thoughts on the topic. I have a lot of opinions on it but you don't need a formally written essay so I'll leave it there lol. Basically do what feels right, if it doesn't feel right now another opportunity will come along. Sending you lots of love as you make this decision.
Thank you for this message! Truly!
It has been so nice reading messages from people in similar situations as me. It makes me feel like I'm not weird for living like this and actually enjoying it.
And you're actually so right about how it's getting sort of to the age where it starts to get OK again, from a societal point of view. Like, my dad is getting on in years. He'll be 71 in about a week. His mind is younger and you'd never guess his age, but I notice his hearing is getting worse and there's a lot of stuff I help him with that he just... wouldn't know how to do if I wasn't there (mostly IT stuff). That's at least a good excuse to give people if they wonder why I choose to share an apartment with a parent.
And you taking care of your mother through her struggles with her mental health is lovely. I hope you can find a way to get more time to do what you want to do though. If you want relationships etc, you should be able to have them!
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About that Tumblr Bullying
I know I said I was going to do a whole call out post about the bullying that happened to me. Complete with receipts. But a funny thing happened after I posted my little preview post yesterday. My DM’s blew the fuck up with people reaching out to me with, support yes but also, and unfortunately, their own stories of having been bullied. Like a lot of people.
That got me thinking, what happened to me is a drop in the bucket. This problem is much more prevalent than I ever would have thought and that is so disappointing and unfortunate. This is supposed to be fun. Grown adults are not supposed to act this way.
A hate post was made about me, and I was, in fact, clueless to its existence until my little anon friend gave me the heads up. A move that seemed desperate for my attention. I have decided not to give it to them. I have decided that they don’t get any more of my time, attention or energy.
I want to focus, instead, on those being bullied. Because this issue is way larger than just me. I can handle it. I have been through some shit in my life and come through it with flying colors. A little Tumblr hate isn’t about to break me. But I know not everyone has the same level of resilience, not everyone is in a good place, not everyone has a good support system filled with loving, supportive people. I know there are people out there struggling with depression, anxiety, grief, stress, and worse. I know there are people for whom toxic internet bullying could cause a major mental health crisis, or set off a depressive episode or hell, even just seriously mess with their self esteem. My inbox is full of stories of writers doubting themselves, their writing, their worth as a human being because of the atrocious things said to them (way worse than what was said about me).
I want to do a couple of things here. The first is simply to let each and every one of you know that you are worthy. I know my platform isn’t that large, I’m no one special, but to those this does reach, I want to tell you that you do matter! You are worthwhile!
Secondly, I’d like to remind you that you own no one anything, not your time, not your attention, not a response to their messages, not an acknowledgement of their complaints (real or imagined). Literally, nothing.
My advice?
Surround yourself with positive people. Block the negative ones. You lose nothing by cutting toxic people out. Out of your Tumblr feed, out of your Facebook feed or even out of your real life. Sometimes, blocking and moving on with your life is self-care. There are people who thrive on drama and negativity. They can’t live without it, they feed on it. Don’t feed them. Cut off their access to you. Save your energy for those that make you smile, those that see the beauty in you (even when you don’t see it yourself).
When you have the energy/spoons for it, pay it forward every chance you get. Give compliments, prop up other people. You never know when that compliment might be the thing that turns an otherwise dull day into a bright one. And bonus, you’ll feel good about it too! I believe that what we put out in the universe comes back to us. So, send positivity out there every chance you get.
Engage in aggressive self-care. Block out time for yourself. Do the things that you enjoy, eat the foods that you love, allow yourself time to watch that TV show that makes you happy, even if the laundry isn’t done. Take a hot bath, go for a long walk (if you’re able), draw, write, paint, do whatever it is that feeds your soul. And don’t apologize for it, or feel guilty for doing it. Your happiness counts. You count!
If you are struggling, please reach out to someone, talk, tell someone. Don’t keep it all inside, let it out. I know that can be hard sometimes, but it’s crucial for healing. And let’s face it, most of us have unresolved trauma of some sort or another.
The last thing I want to do here is give a little practical advice. I want to offer some tips for how to lock down your account to better protect yourself against being blindsided by anon hate. Here they are:
This is the most obvious one. Turn off anonymous asks. To do this, go to “Account” (little gear icon in upper right hand corner on mobile) and scroll down to “Allow anonymous asks” and toggle it off. <- I did this, because I had witnessed others getting anon hate. I thought it was enough. It wasn’t. Someone determined to stalk, bully and harass you will find another way. So keep reading.
Take away the ability for an anonymous, fake, blog to message you. Yes, you can make it so that only blogs you follow can DM you. To do this, go to “Account” and click on “Account settings” then click on “Messaging”, here you can choose who can message you, pick “only Tumblrs you follow can message”. <- Wish I had known that sooner. Never occurred to me that someone would make an entire fake blog just to send me hate.
Next, if you want, you can limit who may comment on your posts. Go to “Account” then to “Account settings” and click on “Replies” choose “only Tumblrs you follow can reply” <- This is tricky for me, because the whole point of Tumblr is interacting with new people/content. But if you are being stalked, harassed and/or bullied, I would recommend taking this extra step.
This is just a privacy issue, but if you don’t want others to know when you’re active, go to “Account” then “Account Settings” and click on “Privacy”. You can toggle to turn off “Let others see that you’re active”<- Not really going to keep anyone from bullying you, but if you have anxiety about people being mad if you don’t respond when they can see that you are active, then it’s a good thing to deactivate.
If you’ve taken the above steps, then you are safe from anon hate in your asks, your inbox and the comment sections of your posts. <- someone can still create a fake blog and make a nasty comment in a reblog of your post, but at least they have to show their nastiness publicly.
If anyone has more tips that I’ve missed, please respond with a comment or reblog and let us all know!
I’m going to leave you with this little gem. No Time for Toxic People by Imagine Dragons. Lyrics are under the cut.
Lyrics:
The way they look at me, I know exactly
What they talk about when I'm not around
Got no time for that, as a matter of fact
Every day's my birthday, oh, I hope you heard me
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Take a real good look, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
So spend your hours on what you think I've done wrong
I know I'm in your mind, I've been here way too long
I want to spend my life with those who's done me right
Your heart is frozen over, I'm a four-leaf clover
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Take a real good look, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for that, I
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
I, I've got no time for toxic people
Move along, move along, move along, go
Let me go to the clouds below
'Cause they're callin' me up to higher ground
What a teacup sound, even mighty drown, oh
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Take a real good look, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for that, I
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
I, I've got no time for toxic people
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cw: dubcon, pet whump, substance abuse, ableism, classism, sexual conversation and flirting
He walked a lot looking for that prostitute last night, and it took its toll the next morning.
He can feel the awful ache on his hips and knees before he even opens his eyes, worse than the headache he got from crying.
But he also has the pet in his arms, and it gives him a wonderful smile, always so grateful for the small gentleness he gets. It seems over the moon today, having been rescued, bathed and allowed to sleep cuddling with its master on the bed.
Farlan smiles back, pets the white hair. Sometimes he regrets allowing himself to care about the pet as it only made things worse for him. Other times, seeing that devoted smile, he thinks it was worth it.
“M-m-mmor…mor…”
“Morning pet” He sits up and looks around the room wondering where he left the damn thing “Get me my cane, please”
The pet nods and rushes out of bed, walking oddly and with shaky legs. Maybe he needs the help more than Farlan does today.
Still, with some struggle it manages to complete its task.
“Good. Back to bed now” He grants him that small mercy “I’ll bring us breakfast”
The pet nods, grateful that he wasn’t ordered to go back in the middle of those people.
Farlan groans as he gets up, a sharp pain setting through his hips, but that was the harder part, as he makes his way to the wardrobe and as he struggles to get dressed he almost considers abandoning his plan and just calling room service.
But no, he wants to see if the whore is still down there and how well it survived. He doubts anyone respected any of his limits, or cared that he was drugged out of his mind.
Not that it was his problem… after all the whore had betrayed him for a little extra money. But he felt a little responsible being the one who brought him into this wolf den.
“T-t-t-t….-t-thank….” pet stutters, wrapped in blankets like a little nest.
Farlan lifts his hand and it silences and tenses up. Then he sighs - he shouldn’t do that anymore. Their therapist had said the… incident rendered him partially mute, and stopping him from his attempts would make the condition worse. Even if Farlan didn’t often want to hear what a pet had to say… he wanted to fix that. He did promise to fix their relationship, after all.
“Don’t worry, I know what you mean. I’m not mad” he explains “I just have a bit of a headache right now. So why don’t you try and get some more sleep?”
He expected a little ‘yes master’, but the pet nods and quietly seeps back on the sheets. So he fucked up that too, and might not hear pet speak again today.
He sighs, making his way to the elevator, ignoring that it still hurts. He is not using a wheelchair today, not here where all of them will fucking stare at him.
The hotel staff worked fast.
He expected to see a mess when he arrived at the hall, but they had already cleaned up most of it and set up the usual decorations and an extensive selection of breakfast food in the dining room.
Farlan could see why his father liked to throw parties here.
He scanned the room. Only a fraction of the guests were here, looking horribly hungover. He guessed the rest was still asleep or had called for room service. And thankfully his father wasn't here.
But he did find the whore.
He wasn’t allowed on a table. There were plenty of empty ones, but they would never let someone like him take it.
He figured that at least, he wasn’t kneeling by their feet licking the food out of their fingers, but sitting in a corner on the floor, surrounded by plates of every type of food. He already had eaten way more than what seemed to fit on such a scrawny body.
He’s starving, Farlan realized.
He tried to access his state, but someone had given him a shirt and briefs, both too big for him. The black dress hadn’t survived the night. His eyes were hollowed out and surrounded by black bags. He was pale and sickly looking.
Feeling the star the whore lifts its eyes and bares teeth at him, clutching a donut and groaning like he’s afraid Farlan will take it away.
“...Easy boy, easy. I’m not taking that” the whore narrows its eyes “I just wanted to see if you were still here”
“...Just barely”
“Well. Why don’t you tell me what the fuck last night was about? We made a deal”
Out of habit Farlan hits the tip of his cane on the floor twice. It’s a warning to his pet, but it means nothing to the whore.
“I don’t fully remember, to be honest” he puts the donut aside and chooses a cupcake out of the pile, licking up the icing slowly, batting his eyelashes “But you know… I’m not exactly known for my loyalty”
"Lesson learned"
“Besides” he continues, licking his lips exaggeratedly “You seemed disgusted by me last night. You only wanted me because I was the most repulsive thing you could find”
Farlan averts his gaze. It 's kind of true.
The whore sighs.
“Whatever, I don’t care. I can afford a taxi today. And I got some new contacts. It’s a good day”
“Look… did they hurt you?”
Once again he narrows his eyes, stares at Farlan for a long while, before picking up some coffee.
“A little. Nothing I can’t handle. There were just too many of them” he shrugs as if it’s nothing “I don’t know how many fucked me last night. I might need to take an STI test, I don’t know”
“How can you be alright with that?” He twisted his nose.
“Eh. It was kinda hot. Sometimes I bite more than I can chew and I have to swallow it either way” he winks.
“Oh I’m sure you swallowed a lot” he rolls his eyes.
“Anyway, what’s even your deal” he takes another cupcake, licking the icing off it and ignoring the rest “What was that all for? Your dad does seem like an ass but he wasn’t really all that upset about it”
Farlan smiles, shakes his head.
“Well, it backfired yesterday. But looking back, I think it still worked out. I got my pet back”
Orfeu makes a pause, searching his scrambled memories for it.
“...There was… a little guy tied up…?”
“Yeah. Him. He 's mine. But my father doesn’t seem to be able to keep his hands away from him. Even worse when… it’s for this”
He gestures to the tables filled with guests.
“Ooww. You love your little guy, hm?” He smirks “In love with a pet, dear?”
Farlan blushes.
“NO. NO- I mean. He’s mine. And I don’t like when they touch my things” he crosses his arms “That’s just it”
The whore just lifts an eyebrow.
“Enough to get your father to hit you for it?”
…He sees red. The audacity to talk to him like that… He tries to kick him, but his legs hurt far too much and he can’t keep balance, the whore just curling up and protecting its face, while he falls on his butt.
He groans, burning in shame as the guests have their eyes on him now. Orfeu tries to help him get up and he just slaps his hand away, struggling but managing.
“How much would you charge to just let me beat the shit out of you, freak?” he whispers.
“...Hm. Same as yesterday” he shrugs, kind of setting Farlan back. He wanted to threaten him, he wasn’t expecting this reply “...But I can’t right now. Hurts too much”
He sighs, anger subsiding.
“Man… you’re really fucked up aren’t you”
He gets no replies back.
“I’ll get going” he picks up some of the food, stacking it on his shirt and reading to leave.
Farlan follows him to the hallway.
“Wait - wait. Do you want a ride?”
He turns, frowns.
“Why the fuck would you offer?”
He doesn’t have a good answer for that.
“I just want to leave this hotel for a bit” he tries. He figures the pet will be okay for a little bit.
“Fine. But I mean it. If you try anything funky, I’ll stab you”
“I’m sure you will”
He drives according to his instructions. It leads them to the edge of the town, to a creepy looking gravel road in a forest, and he starts to wonder if he actually plans on stabbing him.
Finally they reach this tiny run down shack. Truly the stuff of nightmares. Seems appropriate for that guy, anyway.
“Thanks” Orfeu purrs “You know… I still owe you a fuck. I did take your money… and I’m not giving it back”
Farlan lifts an eyebrow. The guy looks destroyed.
“Can you even after all that?”
“Well. Honestly, I think my poor ass deserves a break. But I’ve got fingers, and a greedy little tongue” he licks his teeth and winks “Or if you are up for it, we could surely invert things a little”
“Invert?” He frowns.
“Yeah! Have you never considered getting topped?” he winks “Maybe even a little dommed, love?”
He nearly chokes, his cheeks getting hotter.
He’s never even been with anyone who wasn’t a pet. And being topped by a pet felt like an insult.
“That’s ridiculous”
“Well. You seem embarrassed” he teases and giggles, leaning closer “I’m good at figuring out what people desire. I can make you melt under my hands…”
“No. No I would not enjoy that- stop” He blushes harder, realizing he’s pressing himself against the door.
Orfeu leans back and gives him space, so he can fucking breathe again.
“Well if you don’t want that, it’s alright… But it seems to me that you are just afraid~”
“I’m not afraid” he groans.
“...Shame goes a long way to make your life miserable. There’s nothing wrong with subbing. I know what you associate it with but - it’s cathartic. It feels so intimate” he shrugs “And we can take as many breaks as you like. Go slow. Safeword if you need. You’re the boss after all…”
“Yeah - yeah I’m the boss and I want you to stop-” he demands, sweating and gripping the wheels “I need to go back now - I want to take my pet home”
“Well. Thanks for the ride then” he shrugs, opening the door ”You know where to find me”
He doesn’t reply, just speeding off from there as fast as he can.
@whump-blog
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