#getting rid of discord while I’m at it and just rebuilding from there
Note
How do you feel about the JaviAmelia shippers who hate on OllieAmelia (and Ollie in general)? For me, I think it's kind of silly and we should respect each other's ships/faves even if they aren't for us
I do think we should respect each other’s ships but I would be lying if I said the actions of some Javiamelia shippers haven’t left a sour taste in my mouth. I had someone attack me on a post I made about having a feeling about Amelia and Ollie being cannon as well as quite few people thinking it was appropriate to slide into my DMs about it. Ollie is almost a modern Connor in my eyes, (everyone knows a jerk like this in real life and generally he is also receiving the same character arch as Connor did). I like Ollie a lot he reminds me of my dad for all the good and bad that comes from a guy who told me that ‘it’s only multi variable calculus, it should be easy’ (it wasn’t but I still love him even if he wasn’t too happy with my B-). He’s also really really funny in the context of a show that fully acknowledges mystic force happened in a way similar to Preston believing in magic. I think we should make some fun of him but no more than any other ranger because also it’s a bit like how everyone hated on Dax in Operation Overdrive but when I rewatch, sure I cringe a little but he’s still fun in his own right. There’s a difference between making some light hearted ribbing at a character’s expense and then just whatever’s been going on with some of the Javi x Amelia shippers.
Generally though I didn’t care about Javi x Amelia either way I just figured it was different but nothing else about it until people attacked me just just reading into the subtext of a children’s show which since it for children normally follows a predictable plot. after that even just seeing that ship made me feel rotten inside and I’ve done my best to block it since it’s not the ship it’s self that’s ever made me feel any type of way but the my way or the high way kind of shippers and the way they’ve made me connotate being yelled at online with their ship . As a veteran of the supernatural fandom I can easily say this is not the worst thing I have ever seen on tumblr but it feels different when people choose to call you a bad person just for making one post about a couple in a kids show that was very obvious from a story telling stand point since most of the time when they have two rangers pretend to be a couple early in the show they almost always end up cannon by the end so the psychic scene kinda gave it away for me. It’s a pattern we’ve seen multiple times in the show like with Shelby and Tyler and I thought it was kinda cute so I made a post which opened Pandora’s box of just unwarranted attacks.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the ship and Ollie is a good character and I wouldn’t have him be replaced with anyone else on the show but the way the shippers feel the need to act sometimes does make me actively avoid it block it on all my socials. I don’t have a problem with anyone who ships anything or likes any character as long as they don’t come after me for liking something else or taking something I’ve made for my ship and turning it into something it isn’t to fit their views.
Frankly I only post as much Ollieamelia on my blog as I do now as a way to ward off more people like that. If you don’t like sand, stay out of the sandbox.
#power rangers#dino fury#I was bullied as a kid and didn’t really have many friends growing up and it lead to a lot of anger issues even now#so I really just don’t care for their attitudes#because they really just push my buttons#one of my main ways of dealing with things that makes me angry is just avoiding the people and things that remind me of them#so there’s nothing in my eyes wrong with Javi x Amelia it’s just anger inducing at times#not because of the ship but the shippers#like Pavlov’s dogs that ship is the bell for me sometimes#I’ve never gone after anyone unprovoked#there are times where I do wish I had stayed a lurker on this site because of these people#I have actively considered taking this whole blog down and removing everything from my AO3 because of them#getting rid of discord while I’m at it and just rebuilding from there#I want it to make me less angry though which is why I made that meme#because they should never have that kind of power over me while they hide behind a screen#i don’t owe anyone anything about any ship but if they can be civil I can civil#I am trying to be the bigger person by making that meme to show we do have something in common#it’s the same show we all like after all
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Dream SMP Recap (July 9/2021) - NotDream SMP
Ponk comes to Foolish with a special request.
Tommy and Tubbo work on Tommy’s house and a strange new visitor arrives on the server.
---
VOD LINKS:
Ponk
Foolish
Tommyinnit
---
- Ponk works on the Boom Station and places down signs with instructions along the corridor
- Foolish examines the damage Drista’s pig squad did in Kinoko Kingdom and repairs it
- Ponk calls Foolish as the evil version of himself. Ponk arrives there
- They walk and talk to the tree house, and Ponk breaks some news
Ponk: “You see...I am but a humble servant of this poor world, and you’re a god. Right? Loosely? Well, your godliness is pretty cool, you know? And me being a humble wanderer of this cruel world...it is not my place to take a king’s life, Foolish.”
...
Ponk: “How many kings do you know, Foolish? How many kings?”
Foolish: “I don’t know, is this a trick question?”
Ponk: “I’m pretty sure you know two, alright?”
Foolish: “Wait, who’s the second one?”
Ponk: “Eret and...Sam. You know Sam’s king of the creepers. He wears a crown on his head, do you know that? Apparently he is.”
...
Ponk: “But Foolish...if it comes, a time and a place, would you do that for me? Would you take Sam’s life, yes or no Foolish?”
Foolish: “Well, is there like a good reason for it?”
- Ponk says he’s said enough and goes back down, saying he can get other friends to do it
Foolish: “Is this for the arm? You wanna kill him for the arm? I thought you and Sam were like, best buddies.”
Ponk: “...Best buddies?! BUDDIES?! Are you mad? Are you mad?!”
Ponk: “Foolish, Foolish, if I ripped off your arm and killed you -- he killed me, Foolish! He killed me!”
Foolish: “Oh...did you have it coming?”
Ponk: “I DID NOT HAVE IT COMING, FOOLISH! I DIDN’T! You know what I did? You know what I did, Foolish? I -- it wasn’t even -- ugh, and he did that to prove a point! Now I’m doing this to prove a point, and apparently my point isn’t gonna be proven because you’re not a good friend, Foolish.”
Foolish: “Woah, well don’t you think that’s a lot to ask for? Hey, good friend, let’s go murder someone.”
Ponk: “Well, Foolish, look. You’re not murdering them. You are simply a tool in this revenge plot, Foolish, okay?”
Foolish: “So what would I be doing?”
Ponk: “You’ll have to press a button or swing a sword, Foolish. That is all.”
Foolish: “Press a button or swing a sword.”
- Foolish doesn’t think that sounds too hard. Ponk leads him to the barn
Ponk: “Look, Foolish. Everything will be laid out for you, okay? Everything. Alright? You’ll just have to be there. You’ll have to be there and be square, okay? You know who built this? Come this way, you know who built this?”
Foolish: “Alyssa?”
Ponk: “You know, Alyssa was a good friend of mine. She would have done this for me without asking any questions.”
- They’ve been through so much together, as Batman and Robin, as Holmes and Watson...so if Foolish wants the duo to carry on, he’ll have to help Ponk seek his revenge
- Ponk can’t swing a sword nowadays. She tells Foolish he doesn’t have to help her if she doesn’t want to, but at least he must witness it
Ponk: “We need a witness to prove to the world that this happened, okay? Someone has to write it down in history.”
Foolish: “Do you still -- another question. Do you still have plans for that one thing? On what you want to do with it?”
Ponk: “Foolish, Foolish, Foolish, you see...a good plan comes together, alright? And a good plan master never reveals his plan. It’s all about playing six-dimensional chess. I am ten seconds -- ten seconds ahead of everyone!”
- Ponk asks Foolish to take his helmet off, promising they won’t put a pumpkin on him. They ask Foolish to trust them with a TNT cannon
- They talk about building the tree
Ponk: “When the time comes, can I trust you?”
Foolish: “Mm...you think Sam deserves this?”
Ponk: “Yes. 100%.”
- Foolish says he needs time to think about it before he says yes. The two part ways and Ponk goes to cry in the forest. She’ll ask Niki next
Ponk: “Okay, Foolish...but you’re a god! You’ve killed many people, have you not? You’ve probably had human sacrifices in your lifetime!”
Foolish: “Well -- I -- uh -- I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go now, I’m gonna go now!”
- He leaves the call
- Tommy logs in and sees Puffy’s new house. He promptly tears it down
- Then he rebuilds his own house while talking to chat
- While building the roof, a spider comes over. Tommy is fond of it and names it Shroud. He asks Foolish for a nametag, then Ponk. Ponk is offended at Foolish from the Endermite incident
- Foolish brings over a nametag for Shroud and they get Shroud back to the house
- Tommy finishes the house. Ranboo logs on just to say “cum” and immediately leaves. Then Tubbo logs on and runs over
- Tommy shows Tubbo Shroud
- He decides to go plant some trees around. They head to Las Nevadas to get more and Tommy shows Tubbo how to not be rich. They discuss Mumbo Jumbo, as Tommy claims he is too British
- They return home and fix it up a bit
- Then they decide to destroy Karl’s house. They get rid of the first layer and leave a message saying they’ll get rid of the rest if Karl says he’s using it
- Tommy goes to gather more dirt. Ranboo logs on as the Pringles guy then logs off. They start arguing over Pringles cans
- Ranboo logs in as himself. Tommy and Tubbo start filling in the holes in Tommy’s basement
- They go to get more dirt
- NotDream123 logs on. Tommy and Tubbo go looking for him at Spawn, wondering who he is, but he isn’t there
- Quackity logs on and starts running around Las Nevadas. Foolish is confused
- Tommy and Tubbo bein to run back to the main area when they notice NotDream following after them
Tommy: what’s your name?
???: whats your name
Tommy: tommy?
Tommy: Big Man
???: mine is Tom
- Tommy gets mad and says that his name is Tom, and “Tom” replies that Tommy said his name is Tommy
- Tubbo wants to keep him as a trophy
- Tommy asks what Tom’s interests are. Tom asks what Tommy’s are, and Tommy says “girls,” “Britain” and “dogs”
Tom: Same
- Quackity logs off. Tom likes the Queen as well, and his catchphrase is “POG,” which Tommy is not pleased about
Tubbo: “You’ve got like a little mirror buddy!”
- Tom gets a Discord
Tommy: “He has a stache! I can’t grow a stache!”
Tubbo: “Oh, so maybe he’s the better version!”
Tommy: “No! No!”
Tubbo: “I honestly -- honestly, I can’t even tell you guys apart.”
- Foolish and Ranboo spy on them from afar. Tommy and Tubbo decide to keep Tom for themselves and build “L’Landburg” around Tom to claim him
- Tom joins their call on Discord (his username is “NotDream”). At Tommy’s request, Tubbo goes into the other room to hit Ranboo. Ranboo quits Tubbo’s game and Tubbo disconnects
- Tom knows Dream since Dream whitelisted him. They start walking back to the main area and Tommy asks questions about how Tom joined
- Tom has watched all of Tommy’s streams, even the very first where Tommy joined and got exiled to the snow biome. Tommy presses him on what the very first Hypixel game he played in the first stream was, and Tom says “Skywars,” which he claims is how they say “Bedwars” where he’s from
- Tom is apparently from “Bedskytown.” Tommy pulls Tubbo aside and Tubbo has the idea to put Tom in Tommy’s basement cell
- Tommy reminds Tubbo of the “Tomtract,” which states that Tubbo is only allowed to be friends with one Tom
- Tommy gets Tom and they start walking down the path. Tommy asks Tom if he has a girlfriend. Tom asks if Tommy has a girlfriend and Tommy says yes, so Tom says yes as well
- Tommy accuses Tom of just being Dream. Tommy asks him if he likes smoking. Tom asks if Tommy likes smoking. Tommy says yes and Tom says yes. Tommy then says he doens’t like smoking and Tom doesn’t like it either
Tommy: “What’s your favorite smell?”
Tom: “What’s your favorite smell?”
Tommy: “You first.”
Tom: “Women.”
- They get back to the house and Tommy shows Tom Shroud the spider. Tom breaks a glass block, then grabs an iron chestplate from the chest to wear. Tubbo worries about Tom getting more geared up, but Tommy insists that neither of them wear armor
- Tom puts on some diamond pants and Tommy asks Tubbo to hand him his armor to follow the rules of the Tomtract
- Tom goes into the back room and Tubbo says he’s escaping. Tom asks if he’s a hostage, then asks if Tommy likes Coke. Tommy says yes, so Tom hands him the picture of Coke
- Tommy threatens to fall out with Tubbo if he doesn’t follow the Tomtract, so Tubbo walks away. Tom whispers to Tommy to say something so Tommy shouts to come back, then walks out after into the rain to dramatically ask for the armor. Tubbo cannot argue with a statement like this, so he gives it
- Tommy puts the armor in the chest. Tubbo asks what Tom’s surname is, and Tom says “Simmons”
- Tom runs away while Tommy is explaining his school’s points system and Tubbo tries to chase after him, but Tommy says not to since they should make a good impression. Instead, the two return to filling in dirt
- Tommy turns around and abruptly comes face to face with Tom
- Tommy asks Tom some more questions about why Dream added him and what his purpose is
Tom: “What’s your purpose?”
Tubbo: “To find happiness and eternal bliss.”
Tommy: “...To get bitches.”
- Tom’s purpose is the same. Tommy scolds him because one should not call women “bitches.” Tom agrees with that as well
- Tommy brainstorms fun opinions for Tom to agree with. He likes the Sidemen and thinks they make the best vlogs. He thinks KSI is the best YouTuber and everything he does is incredible. He thinks George is really ugly (Tom pauses, then leaves the game)
- Tom comes back, Tommy repeats it, and Tom pauses for a long time before saying he agrees. Dream would never say that, and Tom is not Dream
- Tom begs for food, so Tommy eventually gives him some after leaving for some time
- Tommy says that the Manhunts are faked and Tom agrees, but he would have to ask his friend Detective Dream. Tommy and Tubbo are confused at why there are so many and ask to speak with Detective Dream
- Tubbo suspects that Dream may be able to clone himself
- Detective Dream arrives and Tubbo wants to interrogate him. Tubbo changes to his inspector outfit and Tommy changes into his suit
- Detective Dream’s first name is “Detective” and his surname is “Dream.” His parents are Mom Dream and Dad Dream. Tubbo concludes the case and decides that Det. Dream is official
- Tubbo looks Det. Dream in the eyes and gets him to say that he is a real detective. If that is true, Tubbo says, Detective would have laser eyes. Detective uses his laser eyes while looking at Tubbo’s face and Tubbo’s eyes get messed up
- Detective gets killed by Tubbo’s dog
- Detective knows about Dream and he has inside info on him that he can’t share
- “Drinnit” is Tommy’s detective name. He has been working on this case for fifty years
- After some more detective talk, Detective leaves. Tubbo tells Tommy he plans to kill Tom, as there can only be one
- NotDream comes back, this time dressed in a duck onesie. He is “John” now, and Tommy does not approve of the onesie
- Connor logs on
- John has a confession: He is actually just Tom. In fact, Detective Dream was also Tom! Tom heard Tubbo say he was going to kill him, so he created John, as he thought that Tubbo wouldn’t be able to kill something so cute. Tubbo says he didn’t mean it
- Connor asks Foolish for help getting back home
- Tom traps Tubbo and Tommy in a box. He does not have Creative mode
- Tommy asks Tom if he is good or evil. Tom says he is good and changes out of the duck onesie
- Tommy asks Tom what he thinks of destroying Karl’s house, and Tom approves as a third party. They watch Tom take down the house
- Connor arrives back home and starts building across from Tommy’s house. They VC him and Connor asks where his house went. Tommy tells him it was for tax purposes
- Tom dies by magic after Tubbo shoots him in midair
- Tommy tells Connor he can’t build on his land. Tom, Connor, Tommy and Tubbo chat about subscriber comments
- Connor starts building his house in front of Tommy’s bench and Tommy doesn’t approve of it blocking his view and destroys it
- Tom asks for food again. The server might be going through a bit of a famine
- Tommy continues filling in the basement and decides to form a Not Funny Club with Tom. They start telling jokes about YouTube
- Tommy gets the idea to do some standup: Minecraft Comedian vs. 3 Hecklers
- Tom gets hungry and takes Tommy’s God Apple to eat, but Tubbo shoots and kills him before can. Tubbo says Tom still has one canon life left though
- They walk down to the theatre stage by the Community House. Tubbo evolves
- Tommy does comedy up on the stage while Connor, Tubbo and Tom heckle from the audience. All of Tommy’s jokes are just pickup lines
- Tommy gets booed off the stage and next up is Tom, who tries but quickly gives up
- Tubbo is up next. He starts reading out information about tax legislation. Tommy starts taking notes
- Then, it’s Connor’s turn. He tries to play off of the audience
- It’s always canonically Tuesday on the Dream SMP
- Connor gives up and Tubbo goes up to keep reading the tax information. Tommy goes up to make it a comedy duo
- Tubbo starts selling his cryptocurrency known as “Piss and Shit, Screw the Children Coin”
- Tommy leaves to speak with Tom by the Community House. Tom says he’ll be back. Tom looks at the poster
Tom: “Look at this. ‘Bee does science’ ...This is groundbreaking!”
---
Upcoming events remain the same.
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Written for the Romione Discord Secret Santa exchange for @honouraryweasley12 - Ron & Hermione’s first Christmas together!
The Best Gift 🎁
Hermione bounded off the Hogwarts Express and straight into Ron’s waiting arms, kissing him deeply before either of them got a single word out. “Oi, could you two get a room?” Ginny teased as she followed a few steps behind. “Where’s Harry?”
Ron’s lips left Hermione’s to answer, but their arms stayed firmly around each other. Two months was much too long to go without her; he was going to have to make sure to arrange his schedule to allow for more Hogsmeade weekends in Hermione’s last term. “Still at the Ministry. Finishing up a report.”
“Left him with all the paperwork, did you?” Hermione asked with a sly smile.
“Might’ve done,” Ron grinned back.
Ginny groaned and hauled her trunk up to start walking down the platform. “You’re such a prat, Ron.”
Ron rolled his eyes and took Hermione’s hand in one of his, her trunk in the other. “Oh, relax, he’ll meet us at the Burrow. He’s probably already there.” Ginny made a rude gesture over her shoulder as she picked up her pace. “You’re sure your parents are alright with you spending Christmas with us?” he asked Hermione.
“Yes, they said that they’re quite content to avoid a London winter for the holiday this year. Apparently my dad has already got himself some reindeer patterned swim trunks for the occasion, if you can imagine.” Ahead of them, Ginny ducked into the phone booth that served as the station’s apparition point, and Ron and Hermione waited a moment before following. “Besides, it’s nothing short of tragic that I’ve never had a proper Burrow Christmas, between one shenanigan or another over the past seven years.”
“You’re going to love it,” Ron promised. “And everyone’ll be here; even Charlie’s coming in.”
“Doesn’t he usually?”
Ron squeezed Hermione’s hand tightly and apparated them to the outer edge of the Burrow’s wards. Ginny had already plowed ahead of them, and their mum’s squeals of greeting drifted out from the kitchen into the yard. “It’s hit or miss with him. But this year...I guess we really all needed to be together, y’know?” Hermione nodded knowingly as they walked toward the house through the lightly falling snow.
After dinner, Harry and Ron set up the chess set by the fire while Ginny and Hermione sat close by their sides. Harry was resetting the pieces after his second defeat when Ron squeezed Hermione’s leg and asked, “So when d’you want your gift?”
Hermione looked up at him perplexedly. “You’re not giving it to me Christmas morning?”
“Well, then it’d be in front of the whole family, and I wanted to give it to you in private.”
“Ew,” Harry and Ginny chorused, causing Ron to roll his eyes.
“It’s not that kind of present,” he retorted.
“It’s not?” The jovial disappointment in Hermione’s voice morphed their best friends’ expressions from mild disgust to twin looks of pure revulsion.
“Well, we could...I mean…” Ron felt his ears turning pink as Ginny mimed gagging across from him. “No, it’s not that kind of present.”
“Hmm. Well, whenever you think is best then, I suppose.”
Ron had spent a lot of time this year picking out Hermione’s gift. It was their first Christmas as a couple, so of course he wanted to get her something special, but they had also had some pretty rubbish Christmases in the past, the two of them, so he felt like he had some making up to do. He had the perfect present, he was sure, so now he just had to think of the perfect way to give it to her.
Of course, he should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.
He wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming when Hermione crept into his room, later that very night. “What’re you doing up here?” Ron asked as she shut the door behind herself and tiptoed to his bed.
“I’ve decided you can’t just tease me with such an intriguing gift and then not let me have it,” Hermione whispered back. She sat down gingerly beside him and nodded over to the camp bed. “Harry asleep?”
“No,” Harry replied sleepily, though his back was to them.
“Well, could you just bugger off for a bit, Harry?”
Harry half rolled over and gave Hermione a bleary-eyed glare over his shoulder. “What for?” he asked indignantly. “I thought it wasn’t that sort of present.”
“Ron said his wasn’t, I didn’t say anything about mine.”
“Ugh!” Harry threw back the covers and reached for his glasses. “Enough said.” Hermione grinned at Ron while Harry made for the door, adding as he left, “Don’t forget a silencing charm.”
“So, you’ve gotten me something naughty, have you?” Ron asked, reaching a hand out to his girlfriend.
“No, I just said that to get rid of Harry,” Hermione replied as she scooted closer to him. “Your gift is down in my trunk.”
Ron sat up and fixed Hermione with a half-hearted glare. “Wait a minute, so I’ve got to give you your present now but I don’t get mine, and we’re not having sex?”
“Honestly, Ron, of course we are, but the idea that I would need to gift you with acts of sexual intimacy is preposterous and unnecessary seeing as we have an equitable and mutually fulfilling physical relationship.”
She made his head spin sometimes, she really did. Ron leaned over and kissed her. “You’re bloody mental, y’know?”
“I know. I’m not sure if you love me in spite of it or because of it,” she teased.
“Bit of both,” Ron grinned back. “So I’ve got to give you your present before the curiosity overwhelms you, is that it?”
Hermione shrugged. “More or less.”
Ron gave her another quick kiss on the cheek as he climbed out of bed. “It’s not really that interesting,” he told her as he rummaged in his dresser. “I just wanted to be able to give it to you without everyone taking the mickey over what a sentimental sod I am.”
“Oh, now I’m even more intrigued. There’s nothing sentimental about the training planner I got you.” Ron glanced over his shoulder at her. “Kidding.”
Ron rolled his eyes and pulled the tiny package out of the middle drawer. “Alright, here you go.” He handed it to her and sat down beside her as her delicate fingers slid under the seam of the wrapping. She was always a careful unwrapper of gifts; Ron by contrast was a tornado of colorful paper on Christmas morning.
Hermione tossed the wrapping aside and gently lifted the lid, revealing the silver charm bracelet inside with a small gasp. “Oh, Ron,” she breathed, “it’s beautiful.”
“Look at the charms,” he encouraged, and she tenderly lifted the bracelet, which had seven tiny charms attached in a neat row on the left side.
“A pumpkin...the cat, must be Crookshanks…is that an otter? And this one...” She was fingering the brilliant aquamarine gemstone on the end, and when she looked over at him, her eyes were glossy, making Ron glad they had done this alone. “The ball of light?” she whispered. Ron nodded. “It’s...it’s us. On a bracelet.” She held it out to him. “Help me put it on?”
He took it from her and fastened the clasp around her wrist, then held her hand in both of his. “There’s actually, um...a bit more to it.”
“What do you mean? Is there a spell or something on it?”
“No, actually, I got it from a muggle shop. Paid with real pounds and everything.” Ron glanced up at Hermione with a smile, then cleared his throat, remembering what he needed to tell her about her gift. “Well, you see how it’s only got a few things on it?” Hermione nodded. “I wanted to leave space. You know, to fill in...over the years.” He met her gaze, suddenly nervous.
After they had finally gotten together in the spring, their relationship had progressed quickly in a lot of ways. They had said “I love you” the day the war had ended, at Hogwarts, and their hands had started roaming that same night, in Gryffindor Tower, and it had only taken them a couple of weeks to work their way up to sleeping together...but then reality had set in a bit, and between the funerals, and rebuilding Hogwarts, and finding Hermione’s parents, and a million other little things, they had been very much rooted in the present. It wasn’t that Ron didn’t think about the future—he thought about it quite a lot, actually—but they definitely hadn’t talked about it. And he wanted to change that, wanted Hermione to know that she was it for him, everything he ever wanted.
Hermione threw her arms around him suddenly, and he leaned back, pulling them both down to his mattress. “That’s the best gift you could ever give me,” she mumbled into his neck. “A future.”
“Well, I couldn’t fit our entire future into a box, but this was the next best thing.”
She pulled back slightly to look at him. “Do you have to have a witty retort for everything I say?” she asked, half glaring at him and half smirking.
“Yeah, ‘course. Do you love me in spite of that or because of it?” Ron teased.
“A bit of both,” she sighed contentedly, laying down and snuggling back into his side. “Definitely a bit of both.”
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A Tale of a Thousand Stars ep 7 thoughts/reactions
so, the whole tian killed torfun thing, here’s my thoughts: I don’t think tian was the one driving the car because the show has refused to actually say it straight up despite implying it multiple times, so they prob just want us to think that, it was prob his friends driving the car or something, but tian is still involved and somewhat responsible for what happened bc he set up the race which is why he feels so guilty
on tian’s guilt, i think it’s a complicated issue and i think he’s not free of blame in the situation but I do think he is taking too much blame if he wasn’t behind the wheel, and, not to put the blame on torfun exactly, but she did walk out onto a busy street at night, you know, it wasn’t like they swerved up onto the sidewalk and hit her
how many more times is phupha gonna have to watch over tian while he’s unconscious
also not a huge fan of detective nam this ep, while i do think he deserves some answers, i do not think he should’ve gone behind tian’s back like that to get them, he should’ve confronted tian directly
love to see phupha in the casual camo
poor tian, he’s just really got it so rough this episode and he’s already got self-esteem issues then more incidents keep piling on which seem to confirm the negative thoughts that he already has
and it’s difficult bc when tian says the bad stuff wouldn’t’ve happened if he hadn’t been there, like, it’s true, which really makes the situation more complex but i like that there isn’t necessarily an easy fix and that this can’t all be solved with the power of friendship, you know?
i really hope there’s a focus on tian’s mental state and that he doesn’t just magically get better when all the problems are solved and once everyone forgives him because it’s not that easy and I want to see the actual process of healing
not me every episode getting distracted from the dialogue trying to figure out the shapes on phupha’s cameo, i just noticed this ep that some of the brown spots are deer
phupha’s hurt puppy dog face when tian returned the shirt
tian’s hurt face when phupha says he’s not going to try to convince him to stay, like he was so hurt at that moment when he thought phupha wouldn’t even try to fight for him
“don’t you miss your home?” not really, my dude
“then you stay here...indefinitely. Can you?” phupha subtly trying to gauge whether tian would be willing to stay in the village with him if they were to start a relationship
that cute scene where phupha tries to hide the tea sachet
the gay panic is strong this ep
“who said i would offer you the bed?” *offers him the bed*
the gay panic continues, phupha really knows exactly what he’s doing
is it just me or has tian just looked so small this ep?
also, tian is in a tan forest ranger shirt which means he borrowed a second shirt
the only reason phupha keeps implying tian is taking the role of his wife is because tian reacts so cutely to it
im sorry but do these kids not know how to brush their teeth? and is he showing them how on an onion?
when did tian learn cook after nearly burning his house down?
please enough with the torfun comparisons, i know they’re just adding them to shake up tian and for the angst, i don’t think they’d actually go the route of torfun’s spirit being part of tian, but like, p’aof, please just leave tian alone he feels shitty enough as is
also excuse me, dr nam, are you, a medical professional, really trying to imply that torfun’s spirit might be in some way affecting tian bc he has her heart??
tian’s doing that thing again where he complains with a smile but he’s not really complaining
i really want tul to meet longtae and then just watch the chaos they and tian create together
phupha risking quite a lot to get rid of sakda so the village is safe enough for tian to stay
super not into the scene where nam, rong, and yod are flirting with girls even tho they are all implied to have partners - like i get that the point was to emphasize that phupha’s in love with tian but the scene still could’ve done that without the three of them flirting, the girls could’ve just flirted with phupha
istg when phupha said he started thinking about something impossible i 100% thought he was referring him feeling like a relationship with tian was an impossibility and then tian would say something ambiguous that clearly implied that it wasn’t impossible and it would be all cute then he opens his mouth and says tian is like torfun and i wanted to smack him
is it really necessary to add in this tian/torfun comparison plotline? is there not already enough angst????
like the scene still could’ve been super romantic but still angsty bc tian would turn away from the kiss bc he feels like he can’t start something while he’s still keeping secrets
(which i know would just add to phupha’s insecurities but tian’s already got enough on his plate)
however, the way the music hits a discordant note then fades as soon as he says it and the way tian’s smile immediately drops, just like the instant atmospheric mood change was really well done
the whole scene was just really well acted on both sides
“are you going to confess your love to me?” just the way phupha prob meant to say this jokingly but it came out more seriously than intended
also as much as i want them to kiss, i am glad they didn’t during this scene, tian needs to tell the truth before anything can happen (not that i really thought they would kiss during this scene anyway
the way the village came together to rebuild the school hurts bc of what’s going to happen next ep
And the children are just so cute, istg if anything happens to them
if nam is actually telling phupha what he found out im gonna be so pissed at him for taking that away from tian, it really needs to be tian who comes clean about it, especially because he was planning on it, he wasn’t trying to keep it secret forever
what really makes this whole situation worse is that not only does tian have to tell them about torfun’s heart and his role in the accident, but he has to tell them about torfun’s death, which should not have to be his responsibility. The forest rangers should’ve told everyone a while ago, and it’s not tian’s fault that they don’t know. So all the villagers are now going to associate tian with her death simply because he’s the one delivering the news. If they had already known and had time to process before tian got there, i think it would be very easy for them to still accept him when he told them about how he had her heart and he was just trying to carry on her wishes, but now all the feelings they have about torfun’s death (which apparently happened months ago) are going to be directed at tian
phupha please stop your flirting, you’re going to give tian heart failure again
still a good ep even tho the angst was pretty heavy, I’m glad the reveal will finally happen next ep so we can get that out of the way and finally move on, can’t wait for next friday even tho it’ll prob just be even more angst
#1000 stars#atots#a tale of a thousand stars#1000 stars spoilers#atots spoilers#1000 stars ep 7#konaizumi reactions
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A Dog by Any Other Name
Rating: T for swearing
Length: 3.2k
Summary: After her boyfriend finds himself arrested, Emma Swan is left with a broken heart, a trashed apartment... and her ex's dog. While she agrees to keep the dog, she draws the line at calling him such a ridiculous name.
Killian Jones, her hot British neighbor, wholeheartedly agrees.
On AO3
Notes: Here is my contribution to @cspupstravaganza! Thank you to @profdanglaisstuff and @kmomof4 for organizing this event, and thank you to the lovely ladies on the discord for making this event so much fun!
Thank you as always to @shireness-says for her amazing beta skills, even though her lack of faith in my puns is disturbing. That John Oliver quote is for you, even though I wholeheartedly disagree with it.
Disclaimer: I do think the dog’s name is terrible, and I designed it this way. I in no way think this is a good pun, or even that you should pun when naming a pet.
Enjoy!
Emma sits on her couch, contemplating the mess that her apartment has become.
(Her life also has gone down the drain, but it’s easier to think about her living room.)
She says “her” living room, but yesterday it had been “their” living room – as in hers and Walsh’s, her now former boyfriend. Turns out she’s got a knack for dating losers, because just this morning as she was brushing her hair and Walsh was putting the coffee on, the police had banged on their door to arrest him and search the apartment.
Walsh was accused of smuggling stolen goods and embezzling. Now she understands why he’d insisted on putting the lease in her name only; bastard wanted to cover his tracks.
Emma looks at the plaster and wooden frame scattered over the floor, all that remained of her ornamental mantle; she’d told Walsh that she’d always wanted a chimney when she was a child to hang Christmas stockings from and to spend cold days in front of. He’d surprised her when she had come back from a three-day stakeout with a new addition to their living room. She’d thought it sweet at the time, even if not what she had meant at all, but she now realizes that he’d had it built to hide money inside. Tens of thousands of dollars. That he’d stolen. Sleazy fucking asshole.
Not only does she have to piece her life back together, but she also has to get her living room wall fixed. She won’t rebuild the chimney; it was gaudy and useless. Who builds a chimney with no hearth, anyway? It was a lie, just like her relationship.
Her second biggest problem yips next to her on the couch. Oh, right. She’d forgotten for a moment that her ex had left her with his dog. His dog, not theirs. He’d had it before they met, and Emma had warned Walsh when they’d moved in together that she wouldn’t take over his dog duties.
Plus that dog has the stupidest name she’s ever heard.
Frantic knocking on the door announces the arrival of Mary Margaret, the dog’s barking picking up in volume. David must have told her – did she mention that it was her brother’s squad who had searched her apartment? Bringing in her next perp is going to be all kinds of awkward, now that Lieutenant Fa knows what’s hidden in the back of her underwear drawer.
“Emma!” her sister-in-law and best friend says as she bustles in, gasping when she sees the state of the living room. “Are you alright?”
Emma snorts. Of course she isn’t alright, but for the moment she’s letting her anger overshadow her pain. Much easier this way. “My apartment is in shambles, my brother’s coworkers snooped through my whole life, and I learnt this morning that my boyfriend was a criminal. How do you think I feel?”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” Mary Margaret says, hugging her. “Do you need anything?”
While an extraordinary amount of alcohol is Emma’s first answer, she swallows it back, not wanting to incur her friend’s disapproval. A bark and a little head bumping her leg give the blonde a more appropriate answer. “Yeah, do you have the number of a good shelter? I have to take care of this guy.”
Mary Margaret gasps as if she had just disclosed her plans to kill puppies in front of babies. “What? Why would you do that to your dog? Poor little Nacy, you can’t get rid of him!”
Emma groans at the mention of the dog’s name. Walsh had wanted to be clever when naming his dog and had called him Nacious in the most terrible pun to ever be uttered. Because his dog was a pug, so he was the pug Nacious. Pugnacious. “A ferocious little guy!” Walsh used to say, elbowing Emma as if she were in on the joke.
Turns out Emma had been the butt of the joke all along. Ha. Ha.
“He’s not my dog,” Emma snaps, “he’s Walsh’s, and right now? I want to get rid of every single trace of that idiot from my life. Including his stupid dog.”
“Emma!” This time she’s being scolded. “I know you’re hurting, but you can’t talk this way about Nacious, he is not stupid.”
She knows he’s not stupid. His name is, though.
Mary Margaret’s wheedling as they clean up manages to overcome Emma’s resolve to get rid of Nacious. Her attempts to get Emma to change her mind culminate in Mary Margaret holding the dog up to Emma’s face and looking at her with big round eyes. She will not call them puppy eyes; she has already had enough dog-related puns to last her a lifetime.
Emma draws the line at the name, though. It has to go.
----
Emma had started looking for a contractor as soon as the apartment had been cleared of debris and everything either put back in its place, or in a trashbag if it belonged to Walsh.
(Except the engagement ring. That had been quite the surprise – one that had made her sob for a whole night as Nacious licked her face, whining in worry. The ring she had kept, planning on pawning it off. It would pay for the repairs to her living room, at least.)
She finds one quickly, right in front of her mailbox while coming back from walking Nacious on the following Saturday morning. She’s on the phone with a building company, arguing with them about the price that they want her to pay for an expert to come assess the work that needs to be done. They seem to be under the impression that she isn’t aware making her pay $200 for a simple estimate is way too much. As she ends the call rather angrily, someone clears their throat behind her, making her turn around to come face to face with one of her neighbors. She’s seen him a couple of times in the lift, but apart from noticing how handsome he was, his striking blue eyes and the fact he was British, she didn’t know anything about him, not even his name.
“I’m sorry to have eavesdropped, lass, but I understand you seem to be in need of a contractor?” he asks her, smiling tentatively.
“Why, are you one?” Emma answers quite shortly, annoyed by her phone call and nosy neighbors.
“I’m not, but my brother is,” he says, rummaging in his satchel and fishing out a business card. “He does very good work, and he provides free assessments too,” he finishes mischievously.
Emma takes the card, still wary, even as Nacious tugs on his leash, trying to get closer to the man. Jones Contracting is written in a no-nonsense black on the card, along with a website and contact info. She could give them a try, she guesses. At least if anything goes pear-shaped, she’ll know where his brother lives.
“Thanks,” she tells him, slightly mollified, “I’ll – Nacious!”
The dog had managed to pull enough on his leash to reach the man’s – Jones, she guesses – legs and had started to play with his shoelaces, pulling on them and slobbering over Jones’ shoes. Ferocious little guy, my ass , Emma thinks disdainfully. The only way it would hurt a fly is if it drooled on it too much.
Jones looks down before squatting, reaching to scratch behind the dog’s ears. “Hello little lad! In a playful mood, are we?” Then, blinking, he looks up at Emma, “Wait, did you say his name is Nacious? Pugnacious? Really ?”
“Oh, believe me, not my idea. Blame my ex for that, he had the worst sense of humor ever.”
“Clearly, if he called his dog that . What that’s quote again? ‘Wit is the lowest form of humor, and puns are the lowest form of wit’?”.
“And also the ‘worst form of human behavior.’ I watch John Oliver too,” Emma says, smiling slightly. “Although I have to disagree with him, as Walsh sank even lower than bad puns.”
“Ah, yes, and got himself arrested for it,” her neighbor nods as he straightens up. Emma winces. So everyone in the building knows about it. Great, as if she needed to be the subject of gossip on top of everything else.
“Sorry, love, shouldn’t have said it like that. Probably shouldn’t have said it at all, to be honest,” Jones apologizes, scratching behind his ear in embarrassment.
“Nah, it’s fine. It’s not like his arrest was very discreet, was it?”
“No, it wasn’t. But still, thinking Nacious is a good name for a dog is criminal in and of itself.”
“Which is why I’m going to change it. Just need to find something appropriate.”
“Oh, as long as it isn’t Ilist, you should be good. Can’t sink any lower.”
Emma snorts despite herself. Who knew the gorgeous Brit had a sense of humor?
----
And so Emma calls Jones Contractors and talks to a bubbly woman on the phone, then a tall Brit in her apartment who comes to assess (for free) what needs to be done. He introduces himself as Liam Jones, and is very professional, despite a twinkle in his eye that is quite reminiscent of the one in his brother’s gaze. The quote is reasonable and in her budget, so Emma meets Belle, Liam’s wife and co-owner to draft and sign the contract.
Work on her living room starts the next week and advances quickly. Liam is a quick worker, and works cleanly. That is, until he accidentally hits a pipe while tearing out the ruined section of wall. He ends up completely drenched before he manages to stop the leak.
“Sorry lass, do you mind if I call my brother? I can’t continue like this and I’ve got a change of clothes at his flat, it would only take a few minutes.”
“Sure,” Emma agrees, shrugging. “I’ll start mopping while you do that.”
The brother – her neighbor – arrives five minutes later, his arms full and his eyebrow raised.
“Hello lass, heard my brother was making a mess?”
Before Emma can answer, excited yips grow closer as Nacious (or Spencer, as she’s started calling him, but she’s not a fan) bounds to the door, running between Emma and Jones excitedly.
“Good morning to you too Nacious, has your mistress found a new name for you yet?”
“Nacious? I thought his name was Spencer?” Liam says as he comes dripping to the door.
“I’m… trying out new names,” Emma explains, taking Nacious in her arms.
“Good idea, Nacious is really weird for a dog.”
“You don’t understand, brother. What kind of dog is it?”
“A pug – oh you gotta be kidding me. A pun, really?” Liam exclaims, scrunching his nose in distaste.
“It was not my idea,” Emma insists. “It was my ex’s own brand of humor.”
“There’s no humor in that, lass, merely mediocrity. That arse deserves every day of jail he’s gonna get, even if only for that pun.”
Emma agrees, even if she can’t believe that even her contractor knows about her terrible taste in men. Then again, his brother probably had filled him in as to why she needed work done in her apartment. Still.
Liam takes the clothes from Killian and turns without another word towards the bathroom, muttering under his breath about arseholes and punsters and bloody crimes against humanity , leaving Emma and her neighbor standing a little awkwardly in her entryway.
“Well, that’s Liam,” Killian says, shaking his head slightly. “My brother has never managed to master social graces, I’m afraid.”
Emma snorts, before looking behind her and sighing. “Better get back to mopping, I guess.”
Killian curiously looks over her shoulder at the living room, and his eyes widen when he sees the mess of water and soaked towels on the floor.
“That’s quite the mess you’ve got there, Swan,” he grimaces. “Would you like some help?”
“Oh no, don’t worry about it,” Emma says, putting Spencer down to grab the mop. “I’ve got it cov– Na– Spencer, no !”
Her stupid ex’s dog has run through the puddle and is now zipping across the whole apartment, leaving tracks everywhere and – oh no, he’s jumped onto the couch.
A light chuckle sounds behind her. “Are you sure you don’t need help, love?”
Without a word, Emma shoves the mop in Killian’s hands and goes to get her wet dog off the couch, wiping his feet with the last dry towel in her apartment before locking him in her bedroom. When she comes back to her living room, Liam has exited the bathroom and is working on fixing the burst pipe and bantering with Killian, who’s wringing the wet towels on the floor into a bucket before dropping them back on the hardwood. It feels… nice, her living room lively again after weeks of being an empty shell for her memories.
Emma joins them after a few seconds to finish taking care of the puddle and clean the dirty tracks crisscrossing her living space. It seriously looks like a whole football team (and their probably less stupidly-named dog) have traipsed through her apartment after practice. Once it’s done, Killian doesn’t leave. They spend the afternoon trying to teach Spencer his new name as Liam pretends to work, though it seems the dog’s not a fan; Even his favorite treats don’t convince him to respond to their call, though they do prompt Liam’s laughter every time.
The next days pass in the same manner, with Killian and Emma trying to find a name that Nacious will answer to, Nacious spending his time either ignoring them or slobbering between them, and Liam alternating between repairing Emma’s wall and bantering with his brother and Emma. It’s nice, it’s comfortable, it’s warm . Emma also learns new things about Killian: he’s a professor of British history at Boston College and is on break right now, he loves Twain, despises Melville, and lost the fight to name his and his brother’s sailboat the Jolly Roger. It turns out, he is a huge nerd.
Emma is disappointed when Liam finishes at the end of the week, already missing her afternoons with the two Jones brothers – okay, one in particular, and it’s not the one covered in paint. Which is why she’s surprised to hear knocking on her door on Saturday morning, though Nacious’ excitement (or Windham, as they tried to christen him yesterday – Nacious isn’t a fan of British Conservatives, apparently) gives her a clue as to who might be behind the door. Seriously, it had been love at first sight for her dog; she’d be jealous of the attention Killian is getting, if she weren’t so vindictively satisfied that Nacious had never reacted this way to Walsh. There’s justice in the world, apparently.
Opening the door does reveal Killian, who smiles at Emma before greeting her dog, scratching behind his ears until Nacious’ tongue lolls out in bliss. Strangely enough, Killian keeps a hand behind his back.
“Killian! Can I help you?”
“Er, no,” her neighbor says, straightening up. “I just wondered if you’d allow me to give a small gift to Winston?”
Emma blinks, nonplussed. Of all the things she had expected, this was definitely not one of them. She watches as Killian gets a squeaky chicken toy dressed like a pirate from behind his back and holds it out to her. Emma takes it and can’t help but squeeze. Windham/Nacious turns towards the noise immediately, his eyes locking on the source of the noise and his little paws shuffling excitedly on the floor. Emma looks at the chicken, completely blown away. She had mentioned a couple of days ago wanting to replace Nacious’ squeaky toy as a throwaway remark, and they’d been joking about trying pirate names next. The guy had listened to her, and bought a pirate chicken for her dog. He was funny, clever, and handsome to boot.
Also, there was no way tens of thousands of dollars were hidden in that toy.
“Would you like to get coffee sometime?” she blurts out, raising her eyes just in time to see a blush steal across Killian’s face.
“Shouldn’t I be the one doing the asking?” he quips, raising an eyebrow teasingly.
“Well, I did it first,” Emma shoots back, smiling slightly. “So?”
“I’d love to, love,” comes Killian’s answer, as he smiles widely at her.
Emma smiles back, feeling giddy. So giddy, in fact, she doesn’t notice Nacious snapping the squeaky toy out of her limp hand and running back into the apartment, squeaks and yips sounding alternately.
----
4 years later
Emma sits on her couch, contemplating the mess that her living room has become. Toys, both for kids and dogs, litter the floor as screams and splashes sound from the bathroom. From the noise alone, Emma guesses she’ll have to take the mop out… again. Her cheeks hurt from smiling.
Just as she’s about to get up to start tidying up, someone knocks on the door. She wonders who would come at this hour on a Sunday night. She hopes it isn’t Mrs Johnson from down the hall again; the last time she had lent her neighbor her toaster, it had come back smelling like cabbage, of all things.
It’s not Mrs Johnson, though – it’s Walsh, of all people.
“Hey Em,” he says, smiling so widely it looks more like a grimace. “Long time no see, eh?”
“Yeah, weird how being locked up kills your social life, doesn’t it?” Emma snaps back, already tired with his shit.
“Look, I’m not here to argue, I’m just here to get my things,” Walsh says, finally dropping the smile.
“Your things? Dude, they were either donated to Goodwill or thrown out years ago, did you really think I would keep them for you?”
“I… what?” The asshole actually has the gall to look outraged for a second before he rallies, frowning. “Half of what’s in this apartment is mine, Emma, you know it. I want my share.”
“Actually, no. According to the lease, this apartment is mine, and mine only. Anything else?”
Even after all these years, Emma is deeply satisfied to see Walsh flounder as he stands in the hallway. She can hear a tell-tale squeak and yip coming from behind her. Walsh hears it too.
“Nacious? Is that Nacious? You still have my dog?” He sounds actually hopeful. As if.
“Not your dog anymore, dude.”
“Damn right it is!” Walsh exclaims, raising his voice in anger. “Give me my dog back right now, I paid more than a thousand for him, he’s mine !” he goes on, thumping on the door. “Nacious! Come here, boy!”
And oh, does her dog come. He comes right at Walsh’s ankle, biting it as his former owner yowls in pain, hopping in place and looking at him with a mix of anger and incredulity.
“Westley!” Emma calls, before Walsh can get it into his mind to kick her dog. Westley jiggles to Emma smugly, visibly proud of himself for saving his mistress. Emma picks him up, and look at Walsh, who’s still jumping and swearing in the corridor. The opportunity is too beautiful to pass.
“Quite the ferocious little guy, isn’t he?” she chirps, before saying in a much sterner tone. “Never show your face here, ever again. Next time, I’ll be the one to take care of you.”
And then she slams the door.
“Love, is something the matter?” Killian asks, exiting the bathroom with their giggling daughter in his arms.
Emma smiles, looking at the sight of her husband completely soaked, with suds slowly dissolving in his hair as Westley and their baby girl yammer at each other.
“No babe, everything is absolutely perfect.”
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Entry 8 (12.20.2020)
Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry on here. My last one was back in September, and man a lot has happened since. First off, My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past couple of days, and in a bit I’ll get to why. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in any of the last posts but, if I didn’t then my goal for the last couple of months has been to get on a (keto) diet and lose some weight, and I’m here to tell you I still haven’t, I haven’t even stuck to a diet for that matter. The only diet I’ve had has consisted of take out and midnight snacks. Anyways, now let’s get down to business. I went ahead and read my latest blog post before this and I laughed at the fact that I said I was starting a diet, yeah that never happened. Im happily at 160 lbs at the moment (not really happy about it but oh well).
I mean covid-19 is still going on, its kinda spiking then calming down, spiking again, and its just this whole repeating situation. Everyone's still wearing and masks and doing everything to be safe, although I think my towns cases are starting to go down. It is around Christmas time so they’re starting to decorate everything, all the parks and stuff; so hopefully that doesn't spike the numbers up again. When going out though I still have to be careful, I can’t catch covid and give it to my loved ones, and I would rather not make history and get sick.
I guess I should start here. I wish my life was still the same as it was during my last entry. I really do. I wouldn’t have known what I do now and I would’ve just been at peace, happily living my life and struggling with school. I ended up getting a D in that biology course, and dropping that math and history course. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty school year tbh. I’ve never been that lazy and unmotivated when it comes to school but man, this fall year really took a toll on me because I legit did nothing all year. In result of it, my gpa went to absolute shit and down to a 2.8. I now gotta make that up during the summer and try to get it as high as i possibly can. I just finished my second fall semester so I’ve been on Christmas break for about a week now, but honestly this break feels so lazy and gross. I am reading my last entry to see what I can catch everyone up on, as things have changed drastically. I mean my friendships are still fine, I still keep in contact with seatbelt and ice and maria. I keep in contact with them almost daily honestly. About my relationship, thats where I wish things were the way they were three months ago. Without going over too much detail, a girl reached out to me and let me know her boyfriend and Mr. were trading girls nudes again. Honestly hearing this a second time broke my heart, but I really didnt have much of a reaction to it. It hurts every here and there, but I guess im forcing myself to open my heart and forgive and forget so I can go ahead and move on already. Mr. and I are in a certain situation trying to avoid law enf*rc*m*nt so things have been kind of hard recently. He’s been seeing me many times this week just because of the fear itself that one day might be his last time to see me, but I think things are starting to cool down with our/his situation, so hopefully he’s not walking on eggshells too longer, because seeing him worried makes me worried and vice versa. He’s looking into going to therapy and having a closer relationship between him and god, in order to get rid of his old ways and make himself into the better person he needs to become. I can’t really get into details about the situation on here as it legit would be the most dumbest thing I could possibly do, but in result of getting closure about it, he told me he was planning on purposing in the near future, like before 2021 is over - but then he had to go fuck it up and put that on hold. After talking about it we’re going to have to attend counseling once again, but in hopes of fixing our relationship and getting closer again. I love him a lot, I do, but man he is one dumb ass person. I really hope and pray he gets his stuff together, because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I guess we’re kind of in an awkward part in our relationship, but its honestly because of the situation we’re in, so we just have to work through this and rebuild the trust he ruined. I know he’s going to be going to individual counseling for sure, but I have a feeling that’s just going to turn into couples counseling the way it happened the first time. I hope I can get myself to go into counseling for myself as well, because man, I really do want to work through these issues I have deep down inside of me, but I can’t find the courage I need at the moment - maybe after all of this is done I will. Mr.’s dad is still really sick, but im still praying to god and the heavens above he gets better. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot and my relationship has been improving, while my moms and I’s is kind of going backwards slowly. About those two discord friends, I dont know why I put “crunch” as one of them. I forgot what his first nickname was, but I know it wasn crunch. I mean his name is cesar, so i guess i got mixed up lol but yeah i’m not friends with c*sar and shr*mp anymore. I mean I got really close with him, and I did consider im an important person in my life, until one day I logged onto Discord to see he kicked me out of the server and blocked me, which eventually resulted in everyone from the server blocking me and deleting me off roblox so, I pretty much had no say in it. There wasn't even a reason TO block me, I legit just logged on randomly and was blocked. Although I found out through someone else who was also in the server before he himself blocked me that apparently I was jealous of shr*mp and I guess calling c*sar manipulative got him upset and thinking so he blocked me lmao. Anyways, because of this I dont really play Roblox that often anymore, but instead I watch anime now. Currently waiting on AOT’s new episode releasing today so, thats something exciting to look forward to. I cant wait for christmas just so i can see the look on my siblings face when they see what I got them lol. I also got Mr. a chain bracelet, so I hope he likes it and actally wears it. There’s not really much else except being on eggshells with Mr. and wasting my life away. I’ll keep you guys updated. I’ll try to post on here more often.
Ended this at 12.20.2020 at 8:27 AM
-jen
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Gingashipping HCs Pre/During Platinum
Some Gingashipping headcanons and general worldbuilding pulled from a Discord chat. It's mostly unedited so it jumps around a bit as a result.
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Alright, so this isn't quite worldbuilding but I've been thinking about this more lately since I've been trying hard to make Ginga work in this verse. I did sorta go the "psychic bond" route to mating. You do the neck bite thing (alpha -> omega while the omega is in heat) and congrats, you're both bonded now. Just as good as marriage (marriage is more symbolic/for legal reasons, but typically bonding would be sufficient and similar to common law marriage). You don't share thoughts, it's more like a low level empathy towards the other person. So you have a general sense of what your partner is feeling if you focus. But you can also practice shutting off the link to not interfere with each other (plus it can get stronger or weaker depending on circumstances).
Obviously, Cyrus would hate this. He already sees emotions as weakness, why would he want someone else's feelings in his head. But I can also see a common wives tale/outdated piece of advice for more angry/emotionally unstable alphas being "get yourself a mate since it will help you regulate your emotions". You'd have someone to understand you more and you'd also have a second set of feelings to fall back on. Ideally to help calm yourself down.
Understandably, this can backfire horribly and be the opposite of what someone would want. Since who would want a violent/angry partner's feelings in their head (thus the learning to block the bond is useful for this reason too). But that's a different tangent.
So back to Cyrus, while I can see that leading him to being like "I'll never bond with someone under any circumstances" he'd also be getting advice that that's what he should try. Years down the line, once he's starting to recover and get past a lot of his more extreme ideas, I was considering if he'd be more open to the idea. Or if it'd flip to more of a not wanting to inflict his feelings on his partner (Saturn). I don't know if they do bond, but it'd be one of those things Saturn would want but wouldn't push for, knowing how Cyrus feels about it.
Also in Cyrus' remade world, he'd obviously change how bonding works. Omegaverse can stay (since useful biologically for conception) but all the feelings nonsense has got to go.
The other thing is while someone could try and ignore their heat/rut and just power through it, it lasts longer if they do this (maybe only by like a day. Two if they're unlucky). It also tends to get more and more unbearable as time passes, but it is technically possible to ignore. But because of this, it's encouraged that if someone doesn't find a partner, they should buy toys and such to help take care of it themselves.
But you know who'd ignore this advice and try to power through it. Cyrus.
At the same time, it's illogical to lengthen the amount of time he'd have to experience his rut. If he can get it to stop sooner, wouldn't it be better to take the steps to get rid of it so he can focus on more important things quicker.
It'd still lead to him putting dealing with it off longer than he should before he just angrily takes care of his own needs. But sometimes he probably will try to ignore it completely. And this is where the whole Cyrus/Saturn thing starts. It's pretty obvious to everyone that their boss will just ignore his rut and continue to work (since not only is he snappier, but the omegas/alphas in the group can tell). Mars is blunter/more forward about offering to help him through it (he'll just look at her and tell her to get back to work), but Saturn, after working up the nerve, eventually asks why he ignores his rut when he could end it quicker if he either found a partner or took care of it himself (although he probably only gets as far as asking why he ignores it before he loses the nerve to finish his whole question). And then, because a part of him is jealous of how open Mars is about her attraction to Cyrus and wishing he could be more open, he brings up that if Cyrus ever needs anything, whatever it is, he'll do it for him (appealing to the whole "better to get back to optimal work efficiency quicker” reasoning).
Much like how he reacts to Mars, he brushes Saturn off and tells him to get back to work. But next time he's dealing with his rut, he can't help but think about it. It's weak to give into these urges and take one of his subordinates up on their offer, but he also just wants these feelings to go away. So he eventually talks himself into it with the whole "it will end quicker this way" reasoning.
Saturn only gets chosen since Cyrus figures he won't make a big deal about it the way Mars would. He's aware Mars is clearly the most emotional of his commanders (although all of your commanders are emotional, Cyrus, what were you thinking!!) , and she'd want more if he did anything with her. He also assumes Saturn will be more discreet about the whole thing.
And thus the whole complicated debacle with them begins. It really is only during Cyrus' ruts that they do anything together. Cyrus doesn't act any different towards him otherwise (which obviously upsets Saturn deep down, due to the whole "secretly in love with his boss” thing).
Cyrus won't even help Saturn with his heats at first (which is another thing that upsets Saturn). Closer to the events of Platinum, he will. Sort of as a final reward thing for helping him rebuild the world (since he's not blind to the fact Saturn is upset he's not reciprocating. That just wasn't part of the initial offer).
And probably, while he denies it, a small part of him grows fond of Saturn as well. But he can tell out of all his commanders, he's the one that won't agree to his "destroy spirit" plan. As a final kindness to him, he leaves him behind when the group heads to Spear Pillar without telling him his true goals (even if he tells himself it's because it's illogical to bring someone along who might oppose him).
The events at the Spear Pillar happen and Cyrus ends up trapped in the Distortion World for a while before Lucas goes back for him (I'm thinking possibly even up to a year, but I haven't worked out this detail yet). Originally, Saturn only visits Cyrus in the hospital as a way of trying to get over him, but once he sees him again, he can't help but get sucked back in. Despite his complicated feelings for the man, he still feels drawn to him. And even if Cyrus himself isn't that open to the idea of seeing Saturn consistently, at this point, he honestly doesn't have anyone he can rely on.
#Gingashipping#Cyrus#Saturn#Mars#Omegaverse Explanations#I have an ask about the ship on my main#but the post would be massive#so I'll make posts here to link#Worldbuilding
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time to set the record straight. there’s a lot here, so more after the jump :3
So I left HarryHook’s Discord channel. Not even 24 hours after I left, someone from the server messages me and tells me about everyone is pointing fingers and blaming others for me leaving.
It’s time to tell my story I guess. I won’t go into all the messy details, but Harry strung me along for nearly 4 months. He gave me the impression that he gave a fuck about me when he never did. The OWL trip that was scheduled for this week was planned all around things we talked about in a Discord call back in February, right after Valentine’s Day. He followed all my social media accounts that he has accounts for (twitter and IG). He made it sound like he gave a fuck about me when he didn’t. I was blinded by the fact that I, at the time, had a massive fucking crush on him that started when @punchtominaga introduced me to Apex. There’s more mess to this story, but if you want it, just message me and whatnot. I’ll tell you the whole thing. That’s not why I’m here to write this message.
I chose to leave under my own free will. I couldn’t work on building my self-esteem and self-love back up while being active in a server that allowed me close contact with Harry. I have been working on re-learning to love myself and get my self-esteem and confidence back after my brain was fucked up because of my brain hemorrhage. I had been working really hard for nearly 3 years. All that work was destroyed in 4 months. The bad days (like yesterday for example) have become more frequent again. The bouts of depression where I was legit stay up until 8 or 9 in the morning on a work day because I have been crying all night have come back. The feelings of me being too fat and that being the reason why nobody will ever love me have returned. So many things I have worked so hard to get rid of have come back, stronger.
I spent a very long time talking to two people I care very deeply about @punchtominaga and @golden-star-kota and they both suggested that I start the process of cutting Harry from my life. To do this, I needed to leave the server. I needed to leave that intimate setting. I needed to leave it and put it all behind me. With it behind me, I can move forward. There will likely be more done, but as of this point, this is what is helping me the most right now. Just distancing myself from the place where all the voice chats happened. The place where all the bullshit was spewed from his mouth. The place where he is at the most. I had to do this for me.
I left for that reason. I did not leave because I was forced to. I did not leave because I was mad at anyone in or related to the server. (Except Ina. go fuck yourself lmfao). Please don’t fight over me leaving. Please do not point the finger at the other members in the server. I’m not worth the emotional distress and added drama. I’m not mad at anyone in the server, not even Harry at this point. I legit did this so I can work on rebuilding my self-worth.
Will I rejoin? Maybe. Once I can learn to love myself again. Once I can rebuild myself. Once I can be confident in myself again. That is when I will come back.
Am I mad at Harry? No. Some of the shit he did was immature and childish as fuck, yes. But I can’t be mad at Harry. He’s a very great OW player. He is a nice guy. I wish him all the best with OWL and his streaming. I do still consider him a friend.
To move forward to the next chapter in your life, you need to stop re-reading the last one. It’s time for me to start a new chapter.
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welcome to the wizarding world, kate!
we’re glad to have you. don’t forget to check the current timeline of events, and send in your account within the NEXT 24 HOURS. most importantly; don’t forget to have fun!
OUT OF CHARACTER
NAME/ALIAS, PRONOUNS — Kate, she/her
TIMEZONE AND ACTIVITY — EST, I’m usually on most days and able to do replies every 1-3 days depending on what’s going on. I also tend to lurk on the ooc discord :)
ANYTHING ELSE? — nope!
IN CHARACTER
— is that TEA LEONI? oh, no it’s just HERMIONE GRANGER-WEASLEY. SHE is a 49 year old MUGGLEBORN witch, whose occupation is HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT. i guess that’s why her former house is GRYFFINDOR. she is prepared for the uprising, her alliance is ORDER SUPPORTING.
BIRTHDAY: 19 September 1979
SOCIAL MEDIA: @mugglebornweasley
RESIDENCE: with her husband, Ron Weasley
EXTRA
CHARACTER NAME —
Hermione Jean Granger Weasley. When she married Ron, Hermione considered keeping her last name, but ultimately to her, family was more important, and she loves having the same last name as her kids.
BLOOD STATUS —
muggleborn — it’s been a thing that has often defined Hermione’s life circumstances, but she’s never let it define her. She’s proud of who she is and where she came from, and she’ll fight to prove anyone wrong who underestimates her because of her ancestry. Her parents may be muggles, but they’re smart, and even more importantly, they’re decent people.
BIRTHDAY —
19 September 1979 — having a birthday so close to the start of term meant that it was never all that specially celebrated during her time at Hogwarts, but Hermione never minded. She’s not one to like being fussed over, so her family still does her a favor and doesn’t make a big deal of it. She appreciates the cake that Molly bakes for her birthday dinner every year, though.
GENDER & SEXUALITY —
cis-female (she/her), heterosexual — Hermione has never been attracted to other women, just men — and honestly, mostly just Ron.
FORMER HOUSE —
Gryffindor — Some think Ravenclaw would have been a better option for someone as intelligent and booksmart as Hermione, but her courage and stubborn tendencies made her a perfect fit for Gryffindor, and she’s proud to have been sorted where she was. She knows that she learned more about what being a good witch truly means from her housemates than she ever would have learned from the more book-loving Ravenclaws.
OCCUPATION —
Hermione never intended to go into politics – she would have been happy mastering various academic disciplines and maybe one day settling at Hogwarts. But Kingsley had other ideas for her, and after she finished up her final year at Hogwarts alongside Ginny (and without Ron & Harry), she didn’t have the heart to refuse Kingsley when he asked her to take a job in his new Ministry that was desperately grasping to reform – and quickly. She’s long since given up hope that there’s any other career path for her, because she knows that walking away before she’s finished making their world a better place is not an option. But sometimes she wonders if Harry is better suited to this job than her – he’s used to people vehemently disagreeing with him, after all. And it’s hard for her to work underneath a Minister that she disagrees with so strongly — Hermione’s never been all that good at holding her tongue, but now it seems that her job often depends on that.
MARITAL STATUS/SHIPS —
Married to Ron Weasley. Some might think they’re polar opposites, but there really has never been anyone else for Hermione. She knows they bring out the best in each other (and admittedly, sometimes the worst as well, but always in order to work on becoming better people). She just doesn’t see anyone else but Ron.
But also, chemistry is fine too LOL.
FAMILY —
Hermione’s parents, Jean and Thomas Granger, both came from small families and were married later in life. After having Hermione, they chose not to have any other children, and she had a childhood that included very little contact with people her own age outside of primary school. All of her cousins were much older than her and her peers never seemed to like her much, so Hermione spent most of her time with the adults in her life or else buried in a book. As a result, Hermione is now often overwhelmed at the enormous size of the family that she married into. She loves the Weasleys and maintains close relationships with them, but she still finds it hard to find her footing among their rambunctious ways. Her parents often left her to her own devices, especially once she began at Hogwarts, so she finds Molly’s tendency to want to be overly involved even in her adult children’s lives to be a little smothering.
Hermione loves being a mother, though. Rose and Hugo are her greatest accomplishments, and she would do anything for them. As unused as she is to a big and bustling family, she loves being a part of it, and is so thankful to the way that the Weasley family has always accepted her as one of their own, especially after she married Ron.
POST HOGWARTS —
Eighteen and suddenly Hermione is free from the pressures of war that she’s lived under since becoming best friends with the Chosen One. Her formative years all took place under this pressure, so it’s hard for her to really comprehend who she is in a world at peace. In their younger years, there was hope that she could become more relaxed and lighthearted, but now she can’t seem to learn how to laugh again, let alone go anywhere without constantly looking over her shoulder. The months that follow the battle find Hermione living with the Weasleys, unable to face returning to her parents and living with people who just didn’t understand. She spends most of her days that summer at Hogwarts, helping to rebuild the castle in time for another year. The time she isn’t at Hogwarts or the Weasley’s, she’s with Harry, trying to help bring him out of his fits of depression.
When the time comes, Hermione returns to school without her two best guys by her side, but at least she has Ginny. She’s disappointed that Harry and Ron aren’t interested in finishing their education, but she’s not really surprised. Ron was never that motivated anyway, and there are too many ghosts here at Hogwarts for Harry to bear coming back so soon. Without them, though Hogwarts just doesn’t feel the same, and though Hermione’s happy to be back in academia, she’s glad when they finish the year and head out into the real world.
Hermione’s real preference would be getting an apprenticeship of some sort in Arithmancy, Potions, or Transfiguration (or all of them, honestly) and then after she masters those, maybe going into the teaching world. But the Ministry still has a lot of reform to go and she knows they need all the help they can get, so she can’t sit back and watch them flounder when she could offer her determination to the cause. SPEW is still very much near and dear to her heart, so she seeks a job in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. It’s hard for her to find traction, but she stays stubborn and persistent, and slowly she’s able to help implement new regulations that improve the lives of many magical creatures, including House Elves.
Hermione and Ron became serious from the moment they kissed in the Battle of Hogwarts, immediately becoming an item afterwards. They never actually had a define-the-relationship sort of conversation, they just fell into each other, like they had always hoped they might. Their relationship wasn’t instantly easier now that they were able to admit they were in love with each other, but it did help both of their insecurities to die down a bit. They were married only a couple of years after Hermione graduated from Hogwarts, much to Molly’s delight and Harry’s slight chagrin. They decided to wait for a couple of years at least to have children, though, because Hermione wanted to advance enough in her career to make a difference before being tied down in that way.
When Ron and Hermione did begin trying for children, she found it difficult to conceive, but after a few years of trying to be patient and not agonize over it, Rose was born, and Hugo followed a couple of years after that. Hermione was delighted to be a parent, and while it wasn’t necessarily the big family she imagined, it was her family, and she loved them dearly. She was happy to have so many nieces and nephews for her children to grow up surrounded by, and weekly dinners at the Burrow were a time that everyone looked forward to.
Eventually, Hermione found herself working her way up in the Ministry (albeit somewhat unintentionally – she was just quick to offer opinions on things, and since she was a part of the Golden Trio, people tended to listen to her and take notice). She was eventually promoted to the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, where she did a lot of good getting rid of some outdated and truly atrocious laws that were in place.
CURRENT —
Hermione was never naive enough to believe that darkness wouldn’t creep its’ way back in, even with all of the reform that their world has done. Still, it’s surprising and unsettling the way that things have developed, especially considering the restrictions that are being put in place to keep Hermione’s two worlds separate.
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got drabble - (it’s us) against the world iii
a/n: i’m finally done with this part! :’D it took me forever omg. remember this is unbeta’d.
iv. in which some secrets are revealed, at last; Jon tries to be strong and reunites with a friend, not necessarily in that order
Arya gives him the details.
Atop the battlements, Jon breathes in the distinctive fresh air of the North – one of the many things he had missed during his stay in Dragonstone, one of the first differences he had noticed too. He breathes and relaxes and prepares himself for yet another morning filled with meetings and plans and what are starting to sound like recycled arguments. He enjoys the quiet, mostly. It is not exactly silent—he can hear the soft sounds of nature and of Winterfell awakening bellow him. He would be able to see the children training under the watchful eye of Brienne in the courtyard if he were so inclined, if he were to lean over the parapets.
As Arya does, next to him, a little smile grazing her face that widens every time it’s a little girl swinging a wooden sword. Usually, she’s down there helping – she has a good eye to spot which of the trainees are best suited to wield a dagger or a short sword, those light of foot. She ought to know, Arya is incredibly quick on her feet, incredibly hard to hit.
And Jon—Jon is unmeasurably proud of his little sister, yet his heart breaks a little more each time he dares to think of the horrors she must’ve seen – must’ve endured to acquire such skills. Though while he can push all those thoughts out of his mind in the moments they manage to train together, he cannot do so at any other time.
Oh, little sister, he thinks, casts a quick glance her way, then turns around to peruse the frozen landscape surrounding Winterfell.
Read at Ao3.
#actuallyjonsa#jonsa#jon snow#sansa stark#arya stark#bran stark#samwell tarly#plus gilly and little sam#and ghost#got drabble#drabble series: against the world#i'm barely awake but i wanted to post this so much#started to think i'd never finish it#beware - there's some angst#i'm still trying to work out how some reunions are gonna work#without having pov characters spy on others XD
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yesterday is another world
relationship: Motojirou Kajii/Yosano Akiko
prompt: Loss / Dancing / “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” - Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind
rating: general audiences
read on ao3
[May, current year]
Evening is fast approaching, its ominous pointed shadows reaching for the riverside right next to a lively street. Its mechanical and beeping sounds get relentlessly drowned out by the curtain of rain that is keeping the girl waiting under a broad bridge, but rather than a jarring mix of discordant noises, it sounds like an elegant harmony that catches her attention and renews itself, not boring at all. Besides, it distracts her from the wait.
A prickly, bubbly, anachronistic energy wells up inside her body at every innocuous detail that reminds her of whom she’s waiting for, and it feels to close to fear to be joy, too close to joy to be fear. Like a teenager waiting for a fantasy that she only dared entertain as a secret of her heart to come true.
And what can she do besides stomaching it, because that’s the only thing to do to keep living, the only way the show can truly go on. So she stomachs it, and bits her lips with an anxious and mature passion, a raindrop rolling down her warm, grinning face. She’s beautiful, and knows this, because… Well, it’s raining. Everything is so damn beautiful under the rain.
“Yosano”, his voice gets to her, loud and somewhat uncertain. She turns to Motojirou, a wry smile on her face, feeling at the same time like the silent director and main instrument of an orchestra. His lab coat hangs from his shoulders, completely damp with rain and in no way useful anymore. His hair is also soaked, and it makes him look like he just jumped out of a swimming pool. Yosano would lie if she declared not to find it even the slightest bit amusing. Lies do not suit a woman like her.
“Don’t tell me you walked all the way here”, she scoffs. “Please.”
“Isn’t it obvious? The trains are out of service.” Motojirou scratches a spot behind his ear where his hair - in a dry condition, see - never quite lies like he wants it to. It’s not exactly a secret, but not even something a very observant passerby would catch, which is why Yosano prides herself in her ability to archive this unnecessary information in the tidy folder of her mind which reads Motojirou. The transition from unflattering labels, associated with his peculiar occupation, happened slowly, probably in spring.
The exact occasion, she doesn’t remember. And she isn’t interested in doing so, as long as Motojirou looks at her with raw admiration setting his gaze ablaze, only when she’s near,and the pride of a moth that fights and struggles not to get alienated by the devouring flame of embarrassment. Slightly speckled with fear, of getting overshadowed, or abandoned.
She wants to reach out and plant a kiss on the cold planes of his cheeks, smooth like a water-streaked glass and lightened by a healthy complexion. But she’s not sure of what would happen.
Tomorrow, I will tell him tomorrow.
[May, current year]
It’s a wednesday. Yosano strolls into the Agency with her habitual pace, the bottom of her heels hitting the floor with a quick, light-hearted cadency. She looks like she just won the lottery, is the thought crossing her coworkes’ mind. Well, maybe not quite as excited; if anything, she looks like she found a penny on the sidewalk on her way here, or like a kid looked over her shoulder as she passed each other and whispered the word “pretty”.
If only Yosano could always be so… radiant.
“I’m tired”, Ranpo complains, chewing listlessly on a potato chip. “The President sent me on a job so early. It’s the third time this month.”
Yosano places her briefcase on her working desk. “The third one already.” She wonders, quite distractedly. She’s in a good mood, and effortlessly slips into her routine, compiling the first stack of papers with ease. She notices Kyouka reading a book out of the corner of her eye. “New shoes, Kyouka?”
The little girl looks up with a strange dullness in her gaze. She seems to be pondering the answer; but finally, her mouth takes the shape of a thin, pale line. “Yes.”
The doctor observes her face for a moment, then smiles. “They suit you.”
Kyouka’s face relaxes only a little.
[May, current year]
Yosano has to wait a few seconds for a reply. The line buzzes, hesitant, and the office is quiet since everyone went home already, almost making her self-aware of the sound of her breathing and the cat-shaped clock’s ticking. Soon they’re in synchrony, and she doesn’t even do it on purpose.
“I… I can’t come to the bridge tonight.”
She knits her brows, staring with puzzlement at the road below, from a window on the top floor of the Agency’s building. “Well, it was nice of you to tell me beforehand.”
“Something cape up at work”, Motojirou sounds exasperated, and a little desperate if Yosano can read between the lines. She doesn’t want to think badly of him.
“It’s okay.”
“No. Really. I would come if I could make arrangements.”.
“I said, it’s fine. My work makes me busy too. It could have happened to both of us.”
He huffs into the phone, and Yosano leans away from it slightly. She doubts it’s his own phone; he probably forgot his in some public place and asked to call her from a colleague’s. He doesn’t seem to understand the concept of amplified sound , and this says a lot about how he sees the world and takes other people into consideration. In a way, he only ever sees himself reflected in the mirror. In another, his vision is what Yosano would describe as disarmingly realistic. If, months ago, she could imagine that they could get entwined in such a close friendship after meeting in bellicose circumstances, she wouldn’t have known how to trust a person like him. Now, she thinks she understands a little better, and yet still eyes the last step with a apprehensive sense of wonder. “I’m sorry, Akiko.”
She makes to answer, but the words remain stuck in her throat.
I’ll tell him tomorrow.
[May, current year]
When Yosano opens her eyes, she instantly feels that something’s off. Her home is warm. The heater must be on. Or maybe, she thinks after some debate, maybe it’s just her body temperature. She has slept wrapped in a heap of blankets, after all. She isn’t sure what it means; spring in about to end, and she doesn’t feel sick at all. Her face is fresh like a rose.
A glass of water stands on the bedside table. Next to it, a leather bound notebook.
She gets out of bed instinctively, taking in a careful breath as she surveys her surroundings. She didn’t turn on the heater the night before, and the nightgown she’s wearing is the one she only takes out of the wardrobe in winter.
The thing is, summer hasn’t even started yet.
The whole circumstance is very confusing, before she looks out of the window, and she feels utterly lost.
It’s snow.
The notebook on the table is a journal. She thumbs through the pages, which don’t make any sense to her. The last page reads just a few sentences, but they’re overall less incomprehensible than the whole book; and Yosano knows that she wrote them herself.
Don’t panic. It’s okay.
Call Kajii. If he doesn’t answer, call The President.
She only notices that her hands are shaking like before her first surgery when she grabs the phone, conveniently placed next to the glass of water.
He picks up after the first ring. “Yes?”
“What does this mean?” She asks, her voice too calm and tight to be natural. “I found a journal. It’s… It’s snowing, Motojirou. What’s going on?”
“I… Huh… I’ll be there in a moment.”
“Tell me–” The line goes still before Yosano can finish, and she closes her eyes.
Motojirou looks like he told this story too many times.
“All right. It was on a subway train. The accident, that is. Believe me when I say I know what it’s like, but what I regret the most is… not being there with you. You were on that subway train. Now, it’s only a matter of seconds if you didn’t die, and hell, you were close…”
“Motojirou.”
“… But no, you only hit your head in the wrong place. And at the hospital, some guys were saying that you could experience various degrees of memory loss… When you woke up, you remembered everything that happened until May 28. But of the day of the accident, nothing. And the day after, still nothing. It’s like your mind is unable to create new memories since May 29.” He draws in a breath, as if to steady himself. “There is more. We got together, that day. You… You never remember that.”
A silence falls between them. Yosano’s fingers slowly massage her temples, the milky morning rays fall on her face like moondust.
That night, Motojirou helps her rebuild the events that occurred in the past months. The times he has had to tell her the whole story all over again are periodic; he stopped keeping count. To avoid making her relive the trauma, they just wait for the days she finds out on her own. She’s still keeping her job as a doctor, helping people under the considerate and understanding wing of the Agency. She wonders if she’s still herself after all, but frankly, giving herself simple, concise answers has always been a remarkable personality trait, which are hard to get rid of. Yosano writes a few more things on the journal. Some pages read, I’ll tell him tomorrow, I’ll tell him that I want us to be more, and they’re the saddest ones. So she writesbabout what she’s thinking, but not necessarily what she’s feeling. She won’t need the journal for that.
They go out in the streets, huddled close together under the blanket Motojirou’s brought. The only detail Yosano can focus on in the strange, cold air loaded with expectation, is his nonchalant touch. It keeps her warm. After a while, the fireworks start, and as the explosions ignite the sky over their heads, over the buildings, over the skyscrapers, Yosano feels Motojirou’s restrained gaze on her. It all clicks in that exact moment.
And perhaps there’s no tomorrow, not for her. The present means Motojirou’s fingers grazing her shoulder, and all the sadness not quite hidden there, the space between them burning out, and the smile he flashes at her when Yosano meets his eyes. If that’s so, and this is the only day she’s going to live for the rest of forever, there’s no beat of hesitance when she leans into him and presses her lips on his.
It feels a little like keeping a promise, a little like making a new one.
[May, current year]
She walks into the Agency with her briefcase in one hand and her car keys in the other, the usual greetings welcome her. Ranpo complaining about some absurdly early job, Atsushi mitigating a quarrel between his seniors, Kyouka calmly studying a map of the city.
“New shoes, Kyouka?”
The girl blinks a few times, looks up. Her dark orbs observe Yosano’s smiling face, almost unresponsive. “Yes”, says Kyouka. “Thanks for noticing, Yosano-san.”
If only Yosano could always be so radiant.
[May, current year]
Evening is fast approaching, its ominous pointed shadows reaching for the riverside right next to a lively street. The red, bleeding sun rays seeps into the river, turning the water a bright color that complements the sky, and the woman who’s waiting under a broad bridge is amused by the color scheme, which perhaps also suits her a little. The trees are in bloom. It is not unusual for this time of the year, but she’s taken aback by the sheer quantity of flowers. They’re tinged a faint sunset-red.
“Yosano?” Motojirou sounds different from usual, more confident, except that’s not the word she’s looking for. He sounds like she knows her better, and he only said her name.
“Don’t tell me you walked all the way here”, she lets out a winded chuckle, staring at him, as a shard of sunlight is still gleaming in her playful irises. “Please.”
“No, I took the subway”, Motojirou corrects her. “Do you even know how far from here my Headquarters are?”
“Vaguely.”
It’s a wednesday evening, the streetlights form ponds of light at their feet and Motojirou looks at her smiling. A pleasant electricity makes Yosano’s spine shiver.
Tomorrow. I will tell him, tomorrow.
#bsd rarepairweek#bsd#bungou stray dogs#motojiaki#yosano akiko#motojirou kajii#day 1#my scribbles#this would have been longer but i had to work on the other days sobs#i hope this ship gets more recognition#it's so precious
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Home, (Bitter) Sweet, Home...
When I got divorced eight years ago, I made the decision to be the one who would move out of our home.
Not typical, right?
No, and I got a lot of hell for it from many people – friends and family – who disagreed vehemently with my decision. But I didn’t care what anyone thought or said. My life, my decision…
And I must add that I’m a huge believe in making choices and living with the circumstances.
There were very specific reasons why I wanted my ex to have the house: he put his blood, sweat and tears into practically rebuilding that house (more than once) and we were able to buy that house mainly because of him. He wanted a large piece of property, which we had, and he cared for that house better than I ever had. I was always an unruly mess since, well… birth. My ex worked like a dog, though, making this house his home and a place that we all could love. Through seven-day work weeks and broken clavicles, wrists and punctured lungs, he built decks, walls, and painted. Our house was his project of love. Aside from that very essential fact, there were other reasons why I chose to be the one who moved and I still stand by them.
Anyway…
It was a task for me to “pack” my belongings, or whatever it was that I wanted. There were two lifetimes’ worth of memories and belongings packed into that home – the one where I was still a child living with my parents and then my sister, and the other which was after I joined my life with a man with whom I had children. What do you bring and what do you leave? Everything had meaning.
We had no list of items in our divorce agreement we each wanted to claim; it was a basic written agreement that we both decided wouldn’t (mostly) apply. There would be no “every other weekend” crap, or holiday schedule. To me, my ex was and always will be the father of my children and as such, he was certainly not going to have to abide by some legal document stating when he could be with his kids. I refused to be “that” woman who hired expensive lawyers so we could go into debt fighting over possessions and money. My ex is a stand-up man and there was no way I was going to make things harder than they had to be. Divorcing someone I spent half my life with was hard enough. We signed our divorce papers and went out to dinner and spent some final happy moments as husband and wife.
Oddly, my ex and my dad-in-law both helped me move into my first home rental. Packing for me was basically throwing random things into boxes and bags – kitchen stuff, some towels and sheets, clothing. It was a surreal experience having the person I’d been with for what seemed like forever moving me out of his life with the help from his dad. And it’s not like they were celebrating the demise of a partnership; they were (and are) just good human beings.
Living alone for the first time in my life (well, aside for my kids who would be mostly living with me because we decided I would be the custodial parent) was bizarre. I wasn’t really sad but also curious how I’d feel being in a home without my parents or my spouse. It was all me. I had to pay the rent and utilities and whatever else. I landed a job as a legal assistant, something I had little experience in, but my starting salary was pretty decent and with my child support, all was good. I had to learn to hang Christmas lights on the gutters for the first time, set mice traps and (sadly) empty them; pay more attention to my spending habits and make my kids feel like this was a home away from regular-home. It wasn’t easy.
When my landlord decided he was selling the house, I was in the middle of some major health issues and work issues. I had to leave asap and it was only a little over a year after I had moved in. I found something quickly and rallied some good-hearted people to help me move this time. I felt so bad for my kids though. Adjusting to a divorce and their mom moving out and then moving again not too long after seemed like a lot to expect from them.
The new place had its perks: it was nicer, closer to town and around the block from my sister. I was still going through a hell of a time personally, work-wise and health-wise, though, but I never really had the poor-me, victim mentality so I licked whatever wounds I had, stiffened my spine a bit and tried to make this new life we were living the best life I could.
Unfortunately, my landlord turned out to be a less-than-stellar human being and the other tenants in the two-family house were verbally abusive and, quite honestly, miserable, selfish, obnoxious human beings. My kids witnessed a horrible excuse for a man verbally assault me. So now I had real estate agents hounding me when they wanted to do an open house when I wasn’t available and expecting me to be home during typical work hours to show the apartment. (Side note: I am currently a real estate agent and I would NEVER behave the way this “power couple” in the industry behaved.)
After dealing with a disgusting, lying, money-hungry landlord and co-tenants who had made living there quite difficult, I decided I needed more stability. I could no longer be a “renter” – I had to be an “owner.” I felt like I was failing my two, amazingly adjusted children by not having a proper, stable living environment.
So the very long, difficult journey began. I needed to purchase a home where we could live and they could live without worrying about moving once again. Thankfully, my ex and I raised two very adaptable kids who went with the flow. Of course, the divorce affected them, but overall, they were rock stars.
I knew it was because they always had a home with their dad and never had to feel displaced. My younger kid sort of thought of moving as an adventure, while my oldest was silently agreeable. He had witnessed the other tenants bawling me out when it was their behavior that sparked the discord to begin with. I will never forget the moment that I sat down on the floor of my then-bedroom and cried because I was just so tired. My son was, and still is, uncomfortable with people crying, but I was just beside myself and at that particular, selfish moment, it was too bad. I was pushing forward with every ounce of mental, physical and emotional energy I had, but I just couldn’t take another life-altering change. He sat down next to me as I cried and put his fifteen-year old arm around my shoulders but didn’t say a word. His silence equated with understanding.
My daughter was little and didn’t quite understand my exhaustion. She told me to take a nap if I was so tired. My son calmly told her that it wasn’t the same kind of sleepy-tired I was talking about. He got it and I was grateful for his suddenly-mature comfort even though it was selfish of me.
After one mortgage snafu with one house, that I winded up losing, I found another that I felt was homey and cozy. I jumped with cautious enthusiasm through many hoops to get this house and the day I closed, five years ago today, I pulled up to my new home and started to bawl. I was overwhelmed; happy; scared; excited. This was our new home! She needed some TLC for sure and she became my work in progress.
I tried desperately to change my ways when it came to organization. I failed and continue to fail. I still have piles of stuff on the dining room table and can’t seem to “remember” to put things away. Laundry baskets remain overflowing; dishes, too. I am still an unruly mess, but I accepted that it’s part of who I am and always was. I am a dedicated mother and hard worker and that always trumps my inability to maintain a tidy home.
But I worked on making things a little nicer: I tore off really old wallpaper and painted; I skim-coated my kitchen by myself and fixed some settlement cracks in the plaster; I got some high-hats in the living room; got a new doorbell – small things. I presented my daughter with a light aqua bedroom I painted on a work night until 1 or 2 am, ordered new carpet and furniture for her new room that I wish I’d had. My son had the attic bedroom, which I’ve gotten him two or three different beds for him over the years, a desk I put together, a memory-foam mattress and a great dresser (even though it was used, but it still proves to be the best Craigslist purchase I’ve made to date). I started doing the unheard of – shopping at Goodwill for work clothing so that I could buy my kids the nice, cooler stuff.
I had to get new appliances, have my huge brick patio-on-patio steps demolished and replace it with standard steps, I’ve dug out bushes, learned to use a weed-whacker, mow my own tiny lawn (with a garage sale purchased lawn mower, of course) trimmed hedges, took out a sink and installed a small vanity, and lastly, installed a floating-vinyl floor by myself. There are many other things I’ve done to my old, 1927-built girl. Amazing how garage sales and a little you-tubing can educate someone about saving money and learning new skills.
I have tried desperately and fervently to create a home for my kids. I have moved eight times in the span of 29 years – certainly not a lot in comparison to many - but the last several were solely based on making my children feel safe and secure in the world of divorce and by far, the most important moves of all. I thought I was successful, but, alas, I’ve not been. Not in my eyes, at least.
I have continued to try to update my home with new paint and I’ve been getting rid of useless things and old mementos that no longer serve any purpose except to be sad reminders of old lives.
But now my “work in progress” is no longer for my kids’ sake, sadly, but only to hopefully pass her along to another loving owner who will work as diligently as I have in to give her a bit of a facelift. When I first got my beloved little house, I cried and cried. I was so happy and proud of this great moment in my life but I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to be my final home. I had a flurry of emotions because I knew that as happy that I was, life would continue happening and finances wouldn’t always be consistent. In my mind, I was on the five-year plan.
And now, it’s been five years.
My children are old enough to make certain decisions and God only knows, I will never EVER hold that against them. They are simply more comfortable in their “childhood” home and they’re living the life as 21-year-olds and almost-17-year-olds should be living. I know there is no competition about who’s the best parent or who they love more, but a subconscious desire to be where its most familiar and comfortable. Neither child wants to make me sad or hurt my feelings and I will never be angry at them for it; I understand completely because I love them.
But the financial and physical demands of owning a home have exhausted me and I sadly have to say goodbye to my old girl. Once again, I have to pack up my life, tossing pieces of the tangible past into black garbage bags and leave them on the curb. I will have to find an affordable place to unpack my life once again, with less actual unpacking to do than I have done each time prior. I will have to find a place, although a two or three bedroom won’t be possible anymore. I will have to find some inner strength to accept the fact that my custodial parent-hood is no longer a factor, even if the divorce decree states otherwise. My Merokian presence of nearly 49 years will dissipate into another past life of many. I don’t know where I will wind up and I don’t know how I am going to survive, but I suppose I will find a way as I’ve always managed to do.
Another chapter of my life has concluded, and the next chapter remains a blank page.
Happy five year, and final, anniversary to my little Orchard Street home.
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