#get paid to click get paid to click ads get paid to click on websites get paid to click on ads earn per click paid to click ads paid to clic
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...AND ON THAT NIGHT!
✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ synopsis: With his account just a few cents from a negative, Toji turns to his favorite site to ease his woes. Until a certain ad gains his attention...and feeds his need for cash. He'll just please a lady who's half a mile away!
✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ pairings: widow!fem!reader x toji fushiguro
✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ cw: 9.2k words, pwp, mentions of death, age gap (toji’s 35, reader’s 27), pet names, grinding, toji has an implied mommy kink, n*pple play, cuņnilingus, cūm eating(?), power play, use of protection
✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ words from chris: part one is here...again! please read up and enjoy! i'm having so much fun with this and i can't wait for you all to share in that love, xoxo!
part 2 • the man for hire m.list
"Damnit...'nother day and I'm still broke."
It's easy to say that Toji is stuck in a trance as his dead eyes are pinned to the bolded words in his palm.
CHECKINGS: XXXX
BALANCE: ¥ 0.45
Toji's thumb has yet to leave the screen of his phone, the illuminated screen shouting back at him. He's dragging along the cracked surface like he's looking for something—something that would change his life right at that moment.
He's so ingrained in his search that he's managed to drown out his current reality—seated on the empty late-night train tracing around Tokyo with only himself to claim as baggage. He's even got earbuds in too, though the only sound in his ears is the tugging clash of the train running along the tracks.
He pulls the hand braced along his knee to comb the messy black crown of his hair, brushing back thick strands away from his strained eyes.
It's a hard pill to swallow and the only urge Toji has at that moment is to spit it out and crush it beneath the heel of his black leather work boots. But for now, he's settling for the warmth of the train cart for peace of mind.
Toji leaned back into his seat, tugging at the gray fabric of his thermal bunched along his chest. His eyes shift from his phone to anywhere other than his despairing reality, only to catch his reflection in the train window.
It's a sight to take in—his fair skin smooth and polished, his black hair frazzled due to his touch. There wasn't a lick of hardship to be found within his visage—all except for his eyes, of course.
His once vibrant azure hues now mimic that of the night sky. He's alive on the outside but akin to that of a zombie within his soul. In his very seat, he's sitting there dead to himself and dead to his surroundings.
So much potential burns at the palm of his hands but opportunities have yet to appear to Toji. So much time and years have passed, and not a single one caught up to him to reap some reward. He could sit here and think about all of his life choices, but he knew better than to dwell on what couldn't be fixed.
That didn't mean he couldn't pout for a minute, though.
"What a life..." he utters, bringing a hand to wipe over his tired features, leaving the rough thick tips of his fingers to pinch along the bridge of his nose.
"How did I get here? Strapped for cash and livin' on the lam...just perfect."
Toji knew one thing though—he needed a get-rich-quick scheme quickly. Not for millions, just enough to get him by and afloat.
His eyes settled back onto the blackened screen of his phone, racking through his brain to decide what could ease his monetary woes: XXXHub.
No matter his mood, Toji can always count on his favorite porn site to brighten his mood. All he needed was a quick peek at the newly uploaded filth that awaited him.
His thumbs went to work, clicking on one of the bookmarks to bring him to XXXHub's homepage. The grin that glows upon his features is devious but the thoughts that swirl his brain surpass all curls of his mouth.
He was already scrolling through the categories, deciding which one would be his sin for tonight...that was true until a certain blinking red banner beneath the website's logo caught his regard.
"FUCK A LONELY LADY AND GET PAID TODAY! SHE'S 0.7KM AWAY!"
"Hm..." he mumbles through a tightened pout. "Is that all I gotta do for a quick dump of cash?"
The title piques Toji's attention, earning a sharp arch of his brow. In better days, he knew better than to click on links like this, but with the reality he's living in, the risk of a virus is worth it.
And so...he did it. His thumb—without a lick of hesitancy in sight, clicks upon the blinking banner, navigating him to a home page of profiles and a lengthy explanation.
"Fuck a pretty lady right now! These women are all lonely and can't please their poor pussies anymore :(!
They're all alone and begging for your cock! So scroll down and pick whose bed you'll end up in tonight!"
Toji merely shrugs his shoulders as he begins his search, his eyes scanning through the first page of profiles. He taps, he huffs, and he flips through all the options, eagerness bubbling deep within his belly. How could he choose between all the pretty faces, the perfect tits, and racy lingerie?
"God these women are perfect! She's got a cute face...that's a nice ass...and oh...who's this? She's a real pretty broad," Toji drones as he taps the profile.
He couldn't explain it, the sudden gravitation to the woman on his screen. She has a single picture on her profile—a mirror picture of her in a black silk robe.
Whatever expression she wore was hidden behind the sleeved arm of her robe, leaving just her eyes to view. Her hues told Toji a different story, a look of innocent doe eyes pawing on his heartstrings. This—this site, this kind of exposure wasn't her cup of tea. She isn't like the other hundreds of other women who had their legs spread first for the camera.
In search of learning more about his new beau, he lingers down on the woman's biography, his lips reading the words aloud.
"I'm Y/N, 27 years old, and a widow. My husband died a few years ago...that got dark real fast...and I haven't had a man in my life since. I'm not looking for anything serious, just for the night. If interested, please call the number below and...I'll be paid handsomely?!?"
"I'm handsome...and she's gonna pay handsomely?!... She's mine!"
That last sentence is all Toji had to read before sending his fingers to race across the screen. He simply had to take up the deal before anyone else did. If all he had to do was fuck a pretty girl for his account to finally see a change, he would've done it years ago.
Toji flipped between apps, punching in each digit of the phone number carefully. A set of sweaty palms and a shaky grip soon creep over him. Nervousness, something Toji hasn't felt in years. Him? Nervous to call a woman? He didn't know what to expect, whether he'd be welcomed by the mere sound of his voice. Should he try to sound different? It's a long shot but with his pockets running on empty, anything's worth trying.
With a heavy chest, Toji gave the phone number a series of checks to make sure he got every digit right before clicking the awaiting green button of fate. Bringing the phone to his ear, Toji brought his attention to his reflection once more, taking in the reality of his choice.
One ring. Two rings. Three—
"Hello?" The voice purrs into Toji's ear.
His grip on the phone grows heavy, the color of his skin fading to a ghostly white. Toji swallowed down the lump in his throat, searching for the words to begin his first impression.
"Hey! I'm calling for the ad on uh...phew...XXXHub...I just wanted to see if you were willin' to...y'know...have me for the night?"
All Toji can hear is the sharp huff of your breath before his question gets an answer.
"I'll text you the address. If you can be here in the next 30 minutes, I'll add 10,000 yen to the overall pay."
With that, the call went dead, leaving Toji with furrowed brows, widened eyes, and his mouth agape.
"She didn't even ask for my name...she must be as crazy as me."
Deep in thought, the flicker of a text message caught Toji's eye.
(XXX)XXX-XXXX:
108 Minato-Ku, TO
I'm on the 45th Floor.
"Minato? She's the next stop!" Toji rises to his feet upon the realization, his hand bracing around the steel pole for balance.
To his luck, the train slowed its pace to enter the station of Minato, the blur of the concrete platforms gaining clarity. The doors opened in time for Toji's newly encouraged stroll as he planted his foot onto the yellow line. Excitement courses through his veins as Toji begins his perilous walk. He inhales the cool Tokyo night breeze, staring down his phone once more.
"Time to get rich 'nd laid!"
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
1:14 A.M.
Your eyes stare at the digital numbers illuminating your phone screen. He called at one and in the fourteen minutes that's passed, all you've done is roam about the penthouse living.
"He's coming...he's actually coming! I–"
"Uh Ms. Y/N?" a voice on the intercom interrupts your nervous ramblings. The call grabs your attention, urging you to walk towards the elevator doors. Your finger pressed against the red response button, prompting your reply.
"Yes?"
"You have a guest coming up. Says his name is Toji. He's tall, kinda an off guy, but he's real attractive, so...have fun!"
"Oh um...t-thank you!" You stammered, leaving your teeth to sink into your bottom lip. It was one thing to have a complete stranger come into your home—but to have your doorman wish you a fun night was one for the books.
Now, a mere few minutes stood between you and Toji— and the pummeling heartbeats flooding your senses didn't begin to calm your nerves. Your eyes scanned over every inch of the living room, searching for some form of relief.
The comfort of your space quickly calmed your racing mind–the polished red granite floor, the fluffy tan pillows, and white throw blankets covering the espresso-colored sectional, and the glimmering chandelier hanging over the glass coffee table in the center. Your eyes fell onto the mirror along the wall, scrambling steps pitting you before it.
"Okay...I look great," you hummed, scanning over your mirror's reflection. A pink silk robe graced your body with a lacy black matching bra and panties hidden beneath.
You're so invested in your reflection that the common ring of the elevator doors falls on deaf ears–until what followed brought your blood to a stilled run.
"This is a nice place! I've only seen these places on TV, never thought I'd be seein' it in real life!"
Your arms dropped to your side, allowing for the white polished tips of your nails to grab at the hem of your robe. You turned around to greet him head-on, yet all the words you had for him weathered down to a few jumbled thoughts.
"Well...hello to you, too...what's your name?"
He came to a standstill, turning around on his heels to meet you. His eyes widened in sheer awe at the sight of you, something he paired with a soft smile.
"Toji, oh and...Hi!" He announced, tugging his hand out of his pocket to wave. "You've got a nice home, Y/N."
"Thanks..." you push off as you direct Toji towards the sofa, seating yourself at the opposing side of the coffee table.
"Please, have a seat. I didn't think you'd get here so fast, I would've made tea or something to eat."
"No need to do anything special for me, Pretty girl. You're already helping me more than you know," Toji grinned as he settled into the sectional, sitting opposite of you.
A sly smile grew across your lips as his words filled the air. You turned away to avoid his gaze but it wasn't enough for Toji to ignore.
He leans back into the ribbed cushion of the sectional, his legs spreading apart to mirror his newfound comfort.
As his arms stretch along the backing, Toji's head fell into a tilt as he took in the full sight of you at last—glossy lips, smooth skin hidden behind that pesky robe he wishes you'd lose already, and all the curves he's dying to get his hands on. But before he could, Toji knew he had to warm you up to some extent.
"So...I know y're husband died, sorry 'bout that. I bet he's looking down at the pretty lady he left behind."
You shrugged his courtesy off, "It's alright. The pain's washed away and I just keep moving on. Can't dwell on it forever."
"I feel ya, just keep on moving."
"You...understand?"
"Lost my first and second wife...trust me, I know."
A shrouding silence falls over you both, with just the subtle stifled breaths filling the tense air. Putting aside his wary means of kindness, you were finally able to gawk at the strange man you've allowed to enter your sacred world.
Your sights finally meet Toji's, the two curious gazes softening with each passing moment. Per the doorman's warning, Toji truly was attractive. Tall, black hair that fell just short to the curves of his ears, azure eyes perfect for the job of enchanting, and that scar along his lip piqued your interest in him more than it should. Just his demeanor alone—the blend of a bold, menacing confidence carrying a timid wave to wash over you.
Until Toji's musing finally cuts the awkward tension in half.
"Y'know...I'm just thinking...this is a really nice place," he notes as he stretches his thumb to graze along his jaw.
"Yeah, Toji, thanks, you said that already," you huff.
"But listen, I'm thinking...why don't we...extend our deal? Would you be willing to have me...past tonight?"
Your lips don a growing grimace, your eyes narrowing a taunting squint.
"That's not what we agreed on."
Toji's hands immediately shot up in defense, waving the invisible flag of surrender.
"Yes, you're right. But think about it, I'm a pretty clean guy—keep myself groomed if I do say so myself. And I'd be here to fulfill any and all of your needs. I can even be your bodyguard! I know some creeps try to throw themselves at you—"
"Like what you're doing right now?" You shot back, folding your arms against your chest.
All Toji conjures is a smirk, "Can't be a creep if I'm here to fuck you, Pretty. But I like the sassy attitude....Like I was saying...I can just...protect you. Plus, you can take down that ad and save yourself the hardship of dealing with another me."
"And how do I know you'll be any good at pleasing me?"
That's when a heavy scoff—dark, heavy, and accursed with scorn rang from Toji's lips. It was almost your question just pricked at his pride, using his laughter to protect the endangered sanctum of his ego.
He broke away from your stare, leaving you to study him instead. He plows his palm to his chest, lazily dragging those rough digits of his to delineate along the hidden contours of his abdomen, right down to rest atop the peeking glint of his belt buckle.
"I told you to trust me either, didn't I?" He rasped lowly. "I know your type and let's just say it's my weakness. I'm gonna please you, sweetheart. Just keep your end of the deal and we'll be getting along."
"Someone's cocky, and what do you mean you know my type?"
"You're doing too much talking," he gripes, "And not enough thinking. I just offered to be your personal toy, what's your answer gonna be?"
You hold back any thought to ridicule Toji further, your teeth sinking into the plush of your bottom lip. He wasn't playing around anymore, not with that blooming dark glint blending with the denim blue hue of his eyes.
"I'm assuming you still expect to be paid?"
"Naturally. I don't need a fortune, just enough to stay afloat."
The tips of your fingers drummed along the wrinkled leather cushion as you mulled over Toji's demands. It wasn't a bad deal, you both did gain something in the end. It feeds whatever he was looking for and it strangely calms some of your nerves.
Maybe having Toji would finally ease your nerves about having a man around again. His conditions truly brought some security to you and your home—unless he planned on robbing you.
You give him one final glance over—hinging over his own tantalizing stare. A risk to say yes, but something told you it'd be a bigger risk to let him walk out once the time came.
"Fine," you sigh, " We have a deal, but the second I even sense that you're crossing the line, you're done."
Toji lays his hand on his chest once more, huddled over his heart. "You have my word. I won't do more than what you tell me. But now that we've struck a deal...I think we should celebrate."
Toji pats at the empty spot beside him, the leather reverberating his taps softly into the air. "Anyways, don't you wanna come sit...near me at least?"
"That's..fair," you agree, standing from your spot on the couch.
A few sauntering steps bring you to sit beside Toji, leaving just inches of space between you both. You couldn't even begin to look at him, but the heat of his stare is hard to ignore. He's taking you in, better than the cryptic profile photo online could ever present you.
The weight of the cushions shifted slightly as Toji leaned in towards you, finally fixing his sight over you entirely.
"This is your first time doing something like this, isn't it?"
"No... What if I'm just quiet in nature?"
A gentle chuckle flooded Toji's chest. "If you were naturally quiet, we wouldn't be here right now. This isn't your type of thing, I know. But hey..." Toji trailed off.
To lure your attention, he places an outstretched finger to nuzzle along the curve of your chin, forcing you to face him without room for interference.
"You've got me now."
The scent of mint floods your nose, accompanied by the robust musk of a cologne. He was so close, and with the stare he voluntarily pulled you into, you had no choice but to bear him for all he was.
A man with such flawlessly fair skin, seemingly invigorated with a refreshing glow. His brows were thin and groomed from what could be seen, hidden behind the fluffy onyx strands of hair. His lips plump, brushed with a sheer coat of pink as he bared a faint smile towards you.
And right there on the corner of his mouth was a rough scar, a crude memory that now complements his charms; the same charm that struck you with awe. He barely had a hold over you, yet you were melting into his whims quicker than you could even begin to think.
Toji's free hand came to lay along the curve of your thigh, his thick, calloused palm settling into the warmth of your supple skin. You study his hand carefully—his hand's easily twice the size of your own, shaped by rough skin and faded scars.
Though, Toji carries a gentle touch, so gentle that the nerves under your skin prickle with sheer anticipation. Your gaze flows from Toji's hold, leading your sights to meet his own.
"This is a better look on you, Princess. Think we can get a little more comfortable?"
"I think we can do that," you grin, freely leaning into Toji's care. Your arms are quick to fold around the nape of his neck, leaving Toji to close the distance as he leads you onto his lap. His hands cup at the hem of your pink robe, the pads of his fingers teasing to slip beneath.
"You said you're gonna be able to pleasure me, right? Then...do it, I'm letting you take control," the astute words rolling off your tongue.
"Oh, I like you already!," Toji smirks, the scar on the corner of his lip curling.
His hands slipped from your back to the rich heft of your ass, his digits finally kneading at the silky plush. "Tell me what you like, or we can spend all night figuring it out together. It's not like we're rushing to go anywhere."
Hearing Toji's question brought a flickering heat to swarm your cheeks. But you've picked up on one thing thus far with Toji—he didn't have a single care for what could be vulgar, or lewd—he just wants what's real and raw.
"Um...well I like being touched...like what you're doing now. I really like kisses, I-"
Toji nuzzles himself into your chest, his breath fanning over your skin.
"So...you like kisses like this?" His lips settle against the crook of your neck.
His efforts were nothing short of delicate, his lips painting peppering pecks about your skin like a brush to a canvas.
"J-Just like that," you mutter, your hands bracing the weakened collar of Toji's shirt.
Your hands slip away from the nape of his neck to cup his face, gently prying him from his splayed mess of kisses. Within your hands, the cushions of your digits are careful to stroke along the contours of his jaw. But your touch wanders a little higher, hovering over his lips. The pad of your thumb sits along his bottom lip, wiping away the glossy sheen of spit.
Toji's eyes remain on you, intrigued by your developing notion. His hands kept busy to ground his drifting mind, roaming about to brace your arching spine. The pit within his stomach churns with suspense, yearning for that fragile touch of yours to engulf him in a world far away from his own.
"What do you wanna do? Got my attention now, Princess."
"Tell me what you like," you croon with a winding smile on your lips.
The faint flare of rouge sprinkled across the highs of Toji's cheeks, his swollen lips bearing a gaping 'o'.
"Oh, you don't gotta worry about me—"
"But I want to. So...I'm waiting to hear something."
"Just making you cum is all I want. Don't worry much about me, you hired me, remember?"
"That's not the answer I want," you brood with a pout.
"But that's the answer you're gonna get. Trying to spoil me, huh? 'M not used to that these days," he murmured as he pressed his pursed lips against your thumb.
"Guess I'll just have to learn, I'm excited too though," you smile.
"I'm not gonna make it—"
Before the next word could roll off his quipped tongue, you push a kiss onto Toji's lips, your fading smile buried within the slew of lust.
You couldn't have imagined Toji's lips to be so soft against your own. He's mimicking your every move, welcoming a fluid tide crashing the two of you. When you push, he pulls with just enough force to leave you chasing for more.
Your tongue swipes along his bottom lip, inducing a shy whimper to trickle from his throat. He tows you in that much closer, desperately trying to contain himself within your care. Your chest smothers against his, the laggard breaths filling his lungs.
Toji gives into you as your tongue slid over his. He couldn't help it, greedily coiling the slicked flat around your own. It's selfish to drag you into his sick urges, but with the way you fit in his hands, your lips dancing with his own, and god—your tongue rolling over his like a binding knot, apologies were nowhere near due.
In the heat of it all, you pull away for a moment's breath—but not without sealing Toji's tongue between your lips, suckling at the limp muscle.
Breaking away from the messy kiss you've fallen into, your thumb drums along Toji's cheek, his fluttering eyes opening to reveal a lust-blazoned glow.
"Guess you like kisses too," you chuckle, planting a peck along the highs of his flushed cheeks.
"Fuck, I can't take it, where's your bed?" he hounds, adjusting you in his hold.
Toji lifts you with sinful ease, your legs instinctively lacing around his waist.
You bury your head in the crook of his neck, taking in the intoxicating
"It's the door down the hall, you're already staring at it."
Your muffled words guide Toji down the dimmed hallway towards your bedroom door, nudging his knee at the agape door to expose the sanctuary of your bedroom.
"Wow, got a nicer room here than out there," Toji marveled as he stood over the bed. He laid you down onto the plush white blanket, the shape of your body imprinting into the fluffy white weft.
"Thank you," you smirk as you perch yourself onto your elbows, peeking up at Toji as he tends to himself. He works quickly to rip the gray henley shirt from his waist over the top of his head off and onto the wine-carpeted floor of your bedroom.
Toji's hand sits along his stomach, wiping his broad digits across the defined cuts of his abdomen—earning a well-deserved gaze from your hungry eyes.
"Go on, I know you wanna touch me," he hints as he dips his body over yours. You drop onto the bed, your hands pawing at the vast hull of Toji's chest as he traps you beneath him. The sheer warmth of his skin lulls you further into his captivating hold. You found yourself in a hypnotic state the more your hands explored along Toji's bare skin.
"I know that look—you like what you see, don't you Angel?" Toji sneered as his fingertips reached out to your visage, stroking the back of his digits along your cheek.
"I-I don't know what to say, I—"
"So...don't. Don't say anything. Just...kiss me like that again...please," Toji pleads, his puffy lips brushing against your own.
A weary grin teases your lips to curl as you nod, your arms encircling Toji's neck. You oblige with a light peck before dragging him back down into the dizzying bliss he's begging for.
Just an hour could have passed since Toji's met you and already he's bound himself to you just like that. He can't understand why either—it's just a kiss. Yet he can't remember the last time when a kiss like this held him captive, wanting more with each passing second.
It's just a kiss but he can't bring himself to stop pouring pitiful whimpers when your tongues coiled around each other. It's just a kiss and he's losing himself to the flourishing desire you draw out from the depths of his being.
Well...almost losing himself.
His hand breaks away from the caress of your features, sending those heavy digits to drift across the silhouette of your body. His wandering touch made itself just shy of your panties, the lacy edge grazing against his fingers.
But he's careful not to break the seal that barriers your navel from the heat between your legs. Rather, he finds himself crumbling what bits of fabric he can between his fingers tips, tugging the panties taut against your cunt.
A lewd wince breaks from your lips, and a smile cracks along his own.
"Aww, you like that?" Toji hums, "Think you've got something to tell me?"
You can only stare at Toji with a mouth wearing a witless gape as he continues to tease you, yanking at your panties with no end in sight. He's lazy with it but that doesn't mean it's not without intent. He's intending to work those thin panties of yours to slip past the fat lips of your cunt and fix whatever friction he can build to drive right up against your poor clit.
Your hand races to find some way to end his selfish exposé, nails clipping into the worked bulk of his forearms. Yet the words you want to say to him come out in nothing but broken gasps and whimpers.
He's leaving the comfort of your lips for something new, laying a trail of kisses down to your chest. Gently, he brings his free hand to your breasts, pushing away the annoying robe to slip his hand into the cup of your bra.
You're so soft, such delicate skin shouldn't have been handled by a man such as he, but for the sake of pleasing you, he'll ignore it for tonight.
He slowly guides the pillowy plush from behind the pesky bra, your tits sitting pretty for his sore eyes to take in. A sight just for him but he can't help but to drag that tongue of his past your nipple, smirking at how the decadent buds stiffen between his lips.
Toji pulls away with a lewd 'pop', overlooking your poor nipple twitches in the room's cool air. He carries his fingers to draft along the curve of your tits, mindless strokes leading him to roll out the stiffened peaks for his ministrations all over again.
But he isn't satisfied by this game, his brows furrowing into a knot. His hues shoot your tested stare—his eyelids heavy enough to squint but fluttering just enough for you to absorb the full intent behind his eyes.
"Oh, 'm trying so hard to be nice, Y/N, swear I am. 'Til you tell me what you want, just gonna keep teasing you," he sings softly as he welcomes your nipple into the gummy hollows of his mouth once more.
"O-Okay okay, let me just—"
Toji's impatient. He can't wait for you to try and find the words, not when he knows they are sitting right there at the tip of your tongue. So he's willing to help you draw it out—by using his own tongue to suck at suckling at the roused bud of your nipple as you speak.
"Wait, Toji 'm trying!" You whine, tightening your grip along his forearm.
"Try harder, 'm not the one making a mess."
Your hand searches for his wrist, lithe digits binding around him. The hold he has over your panties loosens as you pull his hand to sink past the soiled cotton triangle at last.
"Please...touch me."
A chuckle cracks within Toji's throat, "That's what I've been waiting for—Tch, really making me work for my pay."
Without another word breaking into the air, Toji's fingers work themselves into a sweeping whirl about your clit. He's so soft, using a feather-like touch to ease the roused bundle of nerves into his trust.
He's painfully tender from what his mouth leads on, leaving his fingers to drift past your fold and pinned to the stingy slit of your pussy. The tip of his digit pecks at your hole, coaxing your walls to accept his touch.
Bit by bit he's slipping in, stuffing your pussy with the overwhelming girth of his digits. He reaches your sweet with disgusting ease, he would curse his luck if he wasn't so focused on the cute faces befalling your face.
But there was one in particular that he's fond of—your eyes rolling back into your skull, your swollen lips pursed onto a quivering frown. Your hands can't seem to decide where to rest, both palms grasping onto his surging forearm—as if that was really enough to stop him.
"This is all you wanted, isn't it, Princess? You aren't that mean, just can't use those hands of yours to touch yourself like you need to. Let me fix all that for ya," he hums, pressing a kiss onto your cheek.
But Toji doesn't just stop there. He's reeling away from your side completely, standing at the foot of the bed with his hands bracing along the contours of your waist.
"C'mon, lift your hips," his digits tugging at the elastic waistband trolling your hips.
You bring a finger to sit against your lips, biting down on that digit as you follow his words.
The rough edges of your panties sting your legs as Toji pulls the gossamer cloth from its post at your hips and off onto the floor.
He drops to his knees, his hands cupping the supple underside of your thighs. Toji doesn't give you the chance to retaliate or rebel, pushing your legs to swell against your chest.
"Be nice and hold your legs back fr' me, won't you? Need both my hands for this."
A hum serves as your response as you replace Toji's brash embrace around your legs with your own, mustering up all your strength to fulfill his wish.
And Toji was right, he did need both his hands—setting a hand to your hip to keep you at bay and a hand draped over the sticky, plush mounds of your cunt. He's splitting the dripping mess of your lips apart, just to gawk at what's become of you.
He bit back any words that came to mind, they were all just going to come out as mindless drivel anyway. He didn't know where to start, especially when your pussy's already blooming beneath his very eye.
It's so lewd the way he catches everything; the sticky wispy threads of glass barely keeping your lips nuzzled together, how your slit gasps for attention, eager to be filled all over again, and how your clit erupts into anxious twitches over desperate anticipation.
He's itching to feel you, that's the reason his digits ghost along the plushy bead, trailing his touch to sink past your silky folds.
But there's something missing from this equation...
"Y/N?" he breaks out lowly.
"Yeah?"
"Can't see you, mama. Spread those legs open too, 'kay?" he whispered as he laid his cheek against your thigh.
"Mmhm, Toji, you tease me too much." That still didn't stop you from parting away your trembling thighs off your chest, and onto the dipping stress of the bed.
Toji greets you with a ruined smile, "See, that's so much better. Plus...I love an audience."
The words ready to slip off your tongue opted for a breathless moan the second Toji delves into you, his warm breath covering you. He starts off so considerate with you, peppering kisses from the flushed bud down to your gummy slit. His kiss is challenged by the introduction of his tongue, languidly flushing out your folds as your slick drenches his senses.
Toji's working his lolling tongue into steady strides, coiling at the burning nerves to catch every drop of essence dripping from you. His nose knowingly bumps at your clit through all this, earning a slew of scattered moans to chime from your lungs and into the air.
"O-Oh! Mmm fuck, Toji! Feels 's good!
"Aww, I know it is, Princess, 'm hearing you sing my name after all."
But what Toji's after is more–more of that pretty voice of yours crying out his name, more your sweet flooding his mouth, and more of those cute twitches drumming against his lips. So when he's finally ready to pay your clit well-deserved attention, Toji's head falls into a tilt to close any possible gap. He's serious about no distractions, he wants every drop of you he can get.
That's why he's pecking at the raw bulb, teasing your clit into a false sense of security. He's so sweet with it, just barely pushing back with his kiss. He lets the pearl press up against his plush lips for a change, just teasing the hungry confines behind his supple curves. But it's that final tender display is when Toji's trap falls into place, enveloping the perked bud behind the lush seal of his lips.
He wastes no time to draw your clit into the pulsing stream, Toji sucking at the bundle of nerves. He's not too hard, but he's not playing coy either. Rather, he's eager enough to invoke your clit into a silky swell, with methods that suit only his whims.
He's so messy with it too, allowing spools of spit to drip from the corners of his mouth. Squelches ring from the filthy scene—but he makes them even louder just for your ears to hear by ending each reeling tide with a 'pop' of lips. He could stop to clean himself up, but what was the point? Laving your clit in the lewd cocktail of his spit and your sweet honey made it all worthwhile.
"T-Tojiii," you draw out, " I-I'm...'m fucking gonna cum, pleeeease don't stop!"
A frigid heat washes over your body, the pit in your tummy stirring with an addictive pull. There's a weight befalling your entire body, the building high within your core pinning you to the bed. If only he knew just how close you were, maybe he'd take some pity and help you out more–but you knew that was out of the question.
But with desperation taunting your blank mind, you only had one solution to rely on.
Even though Toji's hand clings to your hips, he doesn't stop you from all movement. And with how his tongue laps at your clit in between his taunting treatment, it was the perfect chance to ease your hips into a messy cadence, your hips driving your pussy to ride against Toji's tongue.
Your pussy paints a salacious story all over Toji's face. Your slick glosses over his lips, a sloppy one too, just how he's grown to like it coming from you. Your essence paints his lips, chin, and even the tip of his nose alike in your glossy veil.
It's almost like Toji's receiving a kiss back when your hips start to rock against him. It's disgusting but his eyes are trained to capture every detail. The stutter in your rhythm whenever you nudge against too hard, or those trembling strands of your slick that drips from the tip of his nose whenever your hips drawback too far.
"T-To-ojjjiii, 'm g-gonna cum!"
Every one of your moans hits Toji hard, that dominating nature he wears only ebbs the longer he's nuzzled between your thighs. He can't think straight, not with the throbbing pangs trapped behind his pants.
He isn't one to chase after his own urges during a time like this, but you simply have that effect on him. He has to do something, or else he'd make such a pitiful mess of himself.
He's placing a hand right on your tummy, using just enough force to pin you down while his other hand races to fidget with the buckle of his jeans. It's a hard but successful struggle when he yanks the metal clasp off his hips, allowing him to unbutton his pants.
His hand ravages across every inch of his cock, his fist strumming from the base to the weeping tip. He gives the head just a good enough squeeze to ground him, but it's a fleeting dream when his lips catch your clit in his lips once more.
A merciful whimper croaks from behind Toji's lips, he hopes you'll forgive him but if he doesn't do something more than just squeeze at himself, he'll burst sooner than planned.
And you, well you have no idea of the struggle you've put on him, and Toji knows this. He can see it on your face—donning that cute look he's fond of. You finally found relief and he was selfishly chasing it right beside you.
That building guilt isn't much of a hindrance though, and it certainly doesn't stop Toji's thumb from swiping along the heavy underside of his cock, bringing the flustered nerves lining his fat girth to a brimming stir.
"Go ahead, baby. 'm right here to clean up your mess," he whimpers, sending his hips to buck up into his sheathed fist.
Toji uses your undoing as a distraction from his own as his lips bear one last stride of your hips. You fall back onto the bed, your legs slamming shut from hungered efforts.
Toji grins to himself as he pulls away from you, leaving just one final kiss to skim over your quivering clit. He picks himself from the floor, standing over you with a softened stare.
Your arms drape over your face, covering your eyes behind the sleeves of your robe as you struggle to grapple with steady breaths. You look so peaceful coming down. Toji really doesn't wanna disturb you, but the pangs wrecking his cock tells him otherwise.
"Hey, hey, can't pass out on me yet. Still got more for you, Angel," he calls out, resting his hand over your heaving belly.
"O-Oh, right. Almost forgot 'bout that," you chuckle, sighing as you sit up to face Toji.
And you really did want to, but something else grabbed your attention quicker than he did.
A stretching wet spot on his pants, bounding your hand to mend his troubles.
You crawled onto your knees towards Toji, closing the gap between you both. Your hand moves on its own, gravitating to the opened clasp of his pants. With his briefs in tow, you tug the remaining clothes down his legs with Toji slipping out of the restricting confines at last. His hands fold behind his back, his sign of giving you free-range over him.
"Whatcha gonna do with it," Toji muses as he casts a heavy stare over you.
Before you could even think to reply, your eyes swarm over Toji's cock, hinging on its upright curve. There's a happy trail that leads right down to the base, the thick gathering of hairs neatly trimmed.
He's big, from each inch he carries to the fat bulgy girth, even his twitching red tip's thick enough to flood in your mouth with ease. Even now, the veins melding into your twitch, coaxing rivulets of white to bud from his slit. With nowhere else to go, each drop runs along his underside, curling at the heavy swell of his ball and landing on the bed's blanket.
"You're making a mess on my bed, Toji."
"Oh..'m s-sorry, Miss. Can't help myself, y'know? Your hands are so soft and I..."
Your finger swipes at the spilled tears, drifting that sullied finger to your lips. You peer up at him, just for his deprived sights watching your every move. He's biting down on his bottom lip as he observes, failing at holding back those whimpers leaking from his throat.
"I'll clean up...just this once," you purr, pressing the pad of your digit to your tongue. The rich swirl of salt coats your mouth and numbs your senses. The drops of precum melt nicely along your tongue, down to the last drop as you wash away his presence with a loud gulp.
"Oh f-fuck...'m so sorry. Promise it won't happen agai–"
The last word didn't get the chance to finish off Toji's mind before a striking tremor jolts through his cock. A river of white gushes from out his tip and onto the bed, sinking through the plush material. His poor cock's weeping for that attention, just a taste would satisfy that burning—a taste that you also found yourself starved of.
You roll your eyes at Toji's pathetically faltered apology, setting your lustful eye back down onto the mess of his cock. White's a good color on him, especially when it bled from his poor, dribbling cock.
Your digits grip the base of Toji's cock, lazily pulling into a loose fist as you strum along his tanned length. That tip of his is just begging for attention, and you're more than willing to serve it. You inch your lips closer to the blushing tip, but the sudden hand Toji places under your chin force your sights up at him and only him.
"Whatcha doin' there?"
"I was gonna–"
"Ah ah, can't let my pretty girl do such a dirty job. Just ignore it, I'm gonna cum soon anyways."
You give Toji a stifled nod, your grip over his shaft fading away. For your cooperation, Toji blows you a kiss before reaching down for his pants, searching around in his pockets.
He stands over you once again, this time with a gold foil between his fingers.
"Here," he says, offering you the packaged condom. "Help me out 'nd put it on for me, yeah?"
"Just the one?" You enquire, ripping apart the small foil square.
You press the rim of the condom to the head of Toji's cock, the slickened sheet of plastic rolling down his length. Yet the rolling momentum ends just shy of his base, the condom coming to a staggering halt.
"Toji, it doesn't fit," you sigh as you pay him a stern glare.
He simply cups your cheek, "No, it does. I'm just a little too hard for the condom to handle right now—but it's not gonna break!" he's swift to assure you as he tugs at the stressed slicked latex.
"Alright whatever–"
It doesn't take long for Toji to hover over you, his arms caging you into his world. His brash entrance halts your sentence, but a new conversation takes place when your eyes fall in line with his.
Toji flickers over you, his eyes tracing along every curve to be found on your body. You're perfect, made just for him. His hand crowds along your waist, massaging the supple skin that melts into his grip.
"I don't know why you hid your body under that robe, you're perfect."
"So you wanted me to answer the door naked?" You hinted, lacing your arms about the nape of Toji's neck.
"Well if you did, things would've been a lot different, but let's take this off."
Toji hums to himself as he slowly drags the satin sleeves of your robe off your arms. He quickly bundles the silky fabric into a ball, tossing it out of mind and into the bedroom's surrounding abyss.
He's drunk off some carnal instinct as he settles onto the bed, his arms caging you into his world.
This time, he's the one with the feverish kiss, sending his tongue to grace the caverns of your mouth.
Your legs tether around Toji's hips, pitting his body flush against your own. The thick hull of his chest smothers against your own, but your hands race to outline his dewed skin.
His every breath, the drum of his heart, and the rippling twitch of muscles thaw in your palm. You've seen it since the night started, but now you've become more keen to study Toji's body, tracing over his smooth skin adorned with scars.
"How'd you get these?" the question rolling off your tongue as you peer up to him.
"I'll tell you one day, but for now, just focus on me," he chuckles, stealing a kiss from your pouty lips. Sure, it's not the answer he knows you're looking for, but you're the one staring at him with those pretty doe eyes, rubbing at his chest tenderly.
So it's no shock that this time he's the one with the feverish kiss, sending his tongue to grace the caverns of your mouth. He has a job to see through to the end, but for some strange reason, Toji can't find the energy to part from your lips.
He's adamant on keeping you under him too, at least for as long as the night wills. His arms bracket beside your head as he rests some of his weight over you, his body settling against your own. He slides his digits to your thigh, shifting your weakened legs to lace around his hips.
"Mmph, Toji," you moan as your arms coil along the broad of his shoulders. The weight of his cock sits homely between the puffy lips of your cunt, the weight mindlessly coaxing your hips to rock against him for some friction.
Toji's too ready to reciprocate, easing himself to accompany your lust-ridden rhythm. Your pussy paints him in the same wet kisses he held over you, sending the spry head of his cock into a sputtering frenzy.
"Mmhm–fuck..c-can't wait anymore," Toji seethes as he snakes a hand between your bodies.
"Relax for me, 'm gonna go nice and slow," he murmurs, drawing lazy circles with his tip as he aligns himself with your entrance.
It's the crown of his cock that ruins you, the thick mushroom tip nuzzling to fill your hole. Toji's ever so kind for your sake, using the gentle pace to coax your walls to his girth. Your pussy's even got the nerve to tease him, singing those cute little wet hymns to welcome him.
An outpouring sob breaks Toji from your kiss, his head dropping beside the pulse of your neck.
"Oh f-fuuh—s-so tight, Princess! 'Nd you're squeezin' me like that, fuuuck, Y/N!"
He's hesitant to press on, relying on sheepish bucks to drive his cock deeper inside of you. But Toji's so slow that you can't help but aid him, tilting your hips to ease his descent.
The fat of his cock finds a way to fill your cunt to the hilt, Toji grinding his hips against your own. All you can do is rely on him to ground your fleeting sense of self, your nails decorating his arms in crimson crescents.
"Ooooh! Mmm, Tojii, c-can't! 's too much!"
"'Shhh, 's okay, I got you," he slurs as he lifts his head from the crook of your neck. His hazy eyes find yours, paired with a boyish grin. His hand comes to lay along your temple, reaching to pat at the top of your head
" 'n-nd you wanna cum again, right? 'M gonna do that too, j-jus' lemme fuck you."
"O...okay," you nod as the bubbly string of tears begins to stream down your puffy cheeks.
Toji babies you with kisses, distracting you from the slow reel his hips haul. But he's taking away that infectious stretch that sedated your walls just for the moment, carefully driving himself to the hilt again. You gradually let him have his way, this time his cock sitting between your walls with grace.
"Think you're ready to take it?" he checks, planting a kiss at the corner of your quivering jaw.
"Y-Yeah, I can take it."
You said the words he needed to hear, Toji winding back this gracious for the last time tonight. You did say you were ready to take it—and that's exactly what fuels Toji's reckless symphony.
The barreling strength of Toji's hips snaps against your own, painting bruises you'll have to nurse when the time comes. It's all dizzying—the heat fanning across your inflamed skin the building pressure in your tummy, all of it sends your mind to places beyond reach.
He's not trying to do it, but every inch he bullies your pussy takes leaves your eyes to roll back into your head. He's just so big, but with each stride of his hips, you're taking him so much better, so much deeper than the last.
And Toji knows how well he's stuffing you too–why else would his ears be graced by the precious driveling babbles of your numbed mind? He knows, he knows—but do you know how much better you're fucking him back?
Not with your hips, but the fluttering grip you keep him under is almost too much. He's already flooding the strained condom with weeping tears of precum, but he can't envision the moment when he'd be swept into his nirvana.
And that's a scary fact he has to swallow.
"Mmhph, o-ooh...I-I can't...I can't do it!" his voice grunts, his hips fumbling to a shaky stop. Chills crackle all over his body, zapping away at his welled fervor. He fills your ear with nothing but hot pants— as if he's desperate to catch his breath.
"T-Toji, you okay?" You croak, raking your digits through his hair.
He doesn't respond.
"To–"
Instead of giving you an answer, Toji replies with another grueling drop of his hips.
And then another.
His hips swiftly fall back into the fiendish trance he donned earlier, draining your walls dry of resentment. He's drunk off you–your heat, the velvet bliss of your snug walls, the way your pussy clutches around him when he's working at your sweet spot.
All the things he couldn't afford to fall prey to.
"Y're gonna make me cum first. C-Can't have that," he whines in your ear as he reels back to rest on his haunches. He's keeping busy with sending the mind-breaking girth of his cock to replenish your aching walls. He clips one hand to your waist, the other confronting the sweaty locks of hair that obstruct his front-row seat of your undoing.
The pit of arousal rallies deep in your belly, the explosive burst being teased with each wet kiss Toji plants at your core. Your hand rushes to grasp at the thick of his arms, your nails digging into the flesh. It's not enough to subdue that raging flame flickering about your walls, not when Toji laid claim to your sweet spot the way he did.
"T-T-Toji, 'y're gonna—I'm..." you trail off as your teeth sink into your bottom lip.
"Huh? Can't hear you. Try again, Mama 'm here waiting," Toji taunts with a spiteful grin.
"I'm cu–mmmph-!"
A white, hot streak breaks over you, claiming your body as its victim. Your eyes screw shut and suddenly everything is washed as white. You can't think, can't spell, you can't do anything but revel in the arch-inducing high striking over you.
It's an overwhelming wash that rings chills down your spine. Everything within you stalled—only for a sob to spill from your lolling tongue. As you come down, all you can form is broken breaths, your lungs chasing after the sex-stained air.
Toji wants to make a slick comment about how cute you look with that fucked out face, but how can he when he's finally spilling thick ribbons of white to flush the condom in his salacious shade. It's taking so much out of him, so much that he's hunched over you, burying his lips against your skin to conceal the shameful moan seeping from his lips.
When he's finally drained of all that pent-up stress, his hazy eyes weigh heavy with sleep. He steals a glance down at you, just to see how you've curled up on your side without him.
Kissing his teeth, Toji swiftly pulls himself from your velvety walls, yanking the suffering choke of the condom from his length.
Just as he thought—bleached white, but not a tear in sight.
He ties a knot into the condom before reaching behind him to tuck the used covered back inside the foil.
"Toji?" your voice cracks softly.
"Hm?" He laments as he collapses beside you, draping his arm along your hip.
"Can you cook?"
"Huh?! I mean yeah, but why does—"
"Good, I'm expecting breakfast in the morning."
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Even if you think AI search could be good, it won’t be good
TONIGHT (May 15), I'm in NORTH HOLLYWOOD for a screening of STEPHANIE KELTON'S FINDING THE MONEY; FRIDAY (May 17), I'm at the INTERNET ARCHIVE in SAN FRANCISCO to keynote the 10th anniversary of the AUTHORS ALLIANCE.
The big news in search this week is that Google is continuing its transition to "AI search" – instead of typing in search terms and getting links to websites, you'll ask Google a question and an AI will compose an answer based on things it finds on the web:
https://blog.google/products/search/generative-ai-google-search-may-2024/
Google bills this as "let Google do the googling for you." Rather than searching the web yourself, you'll delegate this task to Google. Hidden in this pitch is a tacit admission that Google is no longer a convenient or reliable way to retrieve information, drowning as it is in AI-generated spam, poorly labeled ads, and SEO garbage:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/03/keyword-swarming/#site-reputation-abuse
Googling used to be easy: type in a query, get back a screen of highly relevant results. Today, clicking the top links will take you to sites that paid for placement at the top of the screen (rather than the sites that best match your query). Clicking further down will get you scams, AI slop, or bulk-produced SEO nonsense.
AI-powered search promises to fix this, not by making Google search results better, but by having a bot sort through the search results and discard the nonsense that Google will continue to serve up, and summarize the high quality results.
Now, there are plenty of obvious objections to this plan. For starters, why wouldn't Google just make its search results better? Rather than building a LLM for the sole purpose of sorting through the garbage Google is either paid or tricked into serving up, why not just stop serving up garbage? We know that's possible, because other search engines serve really good results by paying for access to Google's back-end and then filtering the results:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi
Another obvious objection: why would anyone write the web if the only purpose for doing so is to feed a bot that will summarize what you've written without sending anyone to your webpage? Whether you're a commercial publisher hoping to make money from advertising or subscriptions, or – like me – an open access publisher hoping to change people's minds, why would you invite Google to summarize your work without ever showing it to internet users? Nevermind how unfair that is, think about how implausible it is: if this is the way Google will work in the future, why wouldn't every publisher just block Google's crawler?
A third obvious objection: AI is bad. Not morally bad (though maybe morally bad, too!), but technically bad. It "hallucinates" nonsense answers, including dangerous nonsense. It's a supremely confident liar that can get you killed:
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/sep/01/mushroom-pickers-urged-to-avoid-foraging-books-on-amazon-that-appear-to-be-written-by-ai
The promises of AI are grossly oversold, including the promises Google makes, like its claim that its AI had discovered millions of useful new materials. In reality, the number of useful new materials Deepmind had discovered was zero:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/23/maximal-plausibility/#reverse-centaurs
This is true of all of AI's most impressive demos. Often, "AI" turns out to be low-waged human workers in a distant call-center pretending to be robots:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/31/neural-interface-beta-tester/#tailfins
Sometimes, the AI robot dancing on stage turns out to literally be just a person in a robot suit pretending to be a robot:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/29/pay-no-attention/#to-the-little-man-behind-the-curtain
The AI video demos that represent "an existential threat to Hollywood filmmaking" turn out to be so cumbersome as to be practically useless (and vastly inferior to existing production techniques):
https://www.wheresyoured.at/expectations-versus-reality/
But let's take Google at its word. Let's stipulate that:
a) It can't fix search, only add a slop-filtering AI layer on top of it; and
b) The rest of the world will continue to let Google index its pages even if they derive no benefit from doing so; and
c) Google will shortly fix its AI, and all the lies about AI capabilities will be revealed to be premature truths that are finally realized.
AI search is still a bad idea. Because beyond all the obvious reasons that AI search is a terrible idea, there's a subtle – and incurable – defect in this plan: AI search – even excellent AI search – makes it far too easy for Google to cheat us, and Google can't stop cheating us.
Remember: enshittification isn't the result of worse people running tech companies today than in the years when tech services were good and useful. Rather, enshittification is rooted in the collapse of constraints that used to prevent those same people from making their services worse in service to increasing their profit margins:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/26/glitchbread/#electronic-shelf-tags
These companies always had the capacity to siphon value away from business customers (like publishers) and end-users (like searchers). That comes with the territory: digital businesses can alter their "business logic" from instant to instant, and for each user, allowing them to change payouts, prices and ranking. I call this "twiddling": turning the knobs on the system's back-end to make sure the house always wins:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/
What changed wasn't the character of the leaders of these businesses, nor their capacity to cheat us. What changed was the consequences for cheating. When the tech companies merged to monopoly, they ceased to fear losing your business to a competitor.
Google's 90% search market share was attained by bribing everyone who operates a service or platform where you might encounter a search box to connect that box to Google. Spending tens of billions of dollars every year to make sure no one ever encounters a non-Google search is a cheaper way to retain your business than making sure Google is the very best search engine:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task
Competition was once a threat to Google; for years, its mantra was "competition is a click away." Today, competition is all but nonexistent.
Then the surveillance business consolidated into a small number of firms. Two companies dominate the commercial surveillance industry: Google and Meta, and they collude to rig the market:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Blue
That consolidation inevitably leads to regulatory capture: shorn of competitive pressure, the companies that dominate the sector can converge on a single message to policymakers and use their monopoly profits to turn that message into policy:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/05/regulatory-capture/
This is why Google doesn't have to worry about privacy laws. They've successfully prevented the passage of a US federal consumer privacy law. The last time the US passed a federal consumer privacy law was in 1988. It's a law that bans video store clerks from telling the newspapers which VHS cassettes you rented:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_Privacy_Protection_Act
In Europe, Google's vast profits lets it fly an Irish flag of convenience, thus taking advantage of Ireland's tolerance for tax evasion and violations of European privacy law:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town
Google doesn't fear competition, it doesn't fear regulation, and it also doesn't fear rival technologies. Google and its fellow Big Tech cartel members have expanded IP law to allow it to prevent third parties from reverse-engineer, hacking, or scraping its services. Google doesn't have to worry about ad-blocking, tracker blocking, or scrapers that filter out Google's lucrative, low-quality results:
https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/
Google doesn't fear competition, it doesn't fear regulation, it doesn't fear rival technology and it doesn't fear its workers. Google's workforce once enjoyed enormous sway over the company's direction, thanks to their scarcity and market power. But Google has outgrown its dependence on its workers, and lays them off in vast numbers, even as it increases its profits and pisses away tens of billions on stock buybacks:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/25/moral-injury/#enshittification
Google is fearless. It doesn't fear losing your business, or being punished by regulators, or being mired in guerrilla warfare with rival engineers. It certainly doesn't fear its workers.
Making search worse is good for Google. Reducing search quality increases the number of queries, and thus ads, that each user must make to find their answers:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan
If Google can make things worse for searchers without losing their business, it can make more money for itself. Without the discipline of markets, regulators, tech or workers, it has no impediment to transferring value from searchers and publishers to itself.
Which brings me back to AI search. When Google substitutes its own summaries for links to pages, it creates innumerable opportunities to charge publishers for preferential placement in those summaries.
This is true of any algorithmic feed: while such feeds are important – even vital – for making sense of huge amounts of information, they can also be used to play a high-speed shell-game that makes suckers out of the rest of us:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/11/for-you/#the-algorithm-tm
When you trust someone to summarize the truth for you, you become terribly vulnerable to their self-serving lies. In an ideal world, these intermediaries would be "fiduciaries," with a solemn (and legally binding) duty to put your interests ahead of their own:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/07/treacherous-computing/#rewilding-the-internet
But Google is clear that its first duty is to its shareholders: not to publishers, not to searchers, not to "partners" or employees.
AI search makes cheating so easy, and Google cheats so much. Indeed, the defects in AI give Google a readymade excuse for any apparent self-dealing: "we didn't tell you a lie because someone paid us to (for example, to recommend a product, or a hotel room, or a political point of view). Sure, they did pay us, but that was just an AI 'hallucination.'"
The existence of well-known AI hallucinations creates a zone of plausible deniability for even more enshittification of Google search. As Madeleine Clare Elish writes, AI serves as a "moral crumple zone":
https://estsjournal.org/index.php/ests/article/view/260
That's why, even if you're willing to believe that Google could make a great AI-based search, we can nevertheless be certain that they won't.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/15/they-trust-me-dumb-fucks/#ai-search
Image:
Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg
CC BY 3.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en
--
djhughman
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Modular_synthesizer_-_%22Control_Voltage%22_electronic_music_shop_in_Portland_OR_-_School_Photos_PCC_%282015-05-23_12.43.01_by_djhughman%29.jpg
CC BY 2.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en
#pluralistic#twiddling#ai#ai search#enshittification#discipline#google#search#monopolies#moral crumple zones#plausible deniability#algorithmic feeds
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COLORING + SHARPENING TUTORIAL
someone asked for a coloring tutorial and my sharpening settings, so here it is! there are also a few tips to achieve more HQ gifs. :)
tutorial under the cut!
FOR HIGH-QUALITY GIFS
FILE SIZES
it doesn’t matter what your sharpening settings are if the file you’re using to gif is too low quality, so i tend to look for the best that i can get when downloading stuff.
usually, movies (+2h) look better if they’re 5GB or more, while an episode (40 min/1h) can look good with even 1GB. the minimum definition i try to find is 1080p, but i gif with 2160p (4k) when available. unfortunately, not every computer can handle 4k, but don’t worry, you can gif with 1080p files just fine if they are big enough. contrary to popular belief, size does matter! which means sometimes a bigger 1080p file is better than a smaller 2160p one, for example.
SCREENCAPPING METHOD
this can too influence the quality of your gifs. as a gifmaker, i’ve tried it all: video frames to layers, directly opening video clips, loading files into stack, and i’ve finally settled down with opening screencaps as an image sequence. with bigger files, it doesn’t matter much what technique you use, but i’ve noticed with smaller files you can do wonders if you screencap (either by loading files into stack or opening as an image sequence) instead of using video clips. for example, this gif’s original video file was only 4GB (so smaller than i’ve usually go for), if you can believe it!
here’s a tutorial for setting up and screencapping with MPV, the media player i use to screencap. again, you can keep using video clips for bigger files, but you’ll find this useful when dealing with dire causes. i don't file loads into stack, though, like the video does. i open as an image sequence (open > screencap folder > select any image > click the image sequence button). just select OK for the speed. this will open your screencaps as a video clip (blue bar) in timeline mode (i'm a timeline gifmaker, i don't know about you). you will need this action pack to convert the clip into frames if you're a frames gifmaker. i suggest you convert them into frames even if you're a timeline gifmaker, just convert them into a timeline again at the end. that way you can delete the screencaps right away, otherwise you will delete the screencaps and get a static image as a "gif".
ATTENTION if you’re a Mac Sonoma user, MPV won’t be an option for you unless you downgrade your system. that is, if you have an Intel chip. if you have M1 Max chip (or even a better one), here’s a fix for MPV you can try while keeping that MacOS, because nowadays MPV is skipping frames in its latest build. or you can use MPlayer instead for less hassle. here are two tutorials for setting and using MPlayer. Windows users are fine, you can use MPV without trouble.
FOR EVEN MORE QUALITY
ADD NOISE
here’s a tutorial for adding noise as a way to achieve more HQ gifs if your original material is too low quality.
REDUCE NOISE WITH CAMERA RAW
instead of adding noise, you can reduce it, especially if your gif is very noisy as it is.
the path is filter > camera raw > detail > nose reduction. i do this before sharpening, but only my video file isn't great to begin with. because it’s a smart filter, you can reduce or increase its opacity by clicking the bars next to its name in the layers panel.
TOPAZ AI
i use Topaz Photo AI to increase the quality of my screencaps when i need to. it’s paid software, but there are… ways to find it for free, usually on t0rrent websites. if someone’s interested, i can make a tutorial solely about it in the future.
SHARPENING SETTINGS
here are my sharpening settings (filter > sharpen > smart sharpen). i sharpen things twice: 500% 0.4px + 10% 10px. here's an action for it, for more convenience. here's a tutorial on how to use Photoshop actions. for animated stuff, i use this action pack.
COLORING
here’s the gif i'm gonna use as a base. it’s already sharpened like the way i always do it.
LIGHTNING THE SHOTS
half of the secret of a good coloring is good lightning. i always useCurves (layers > new adjustment layer > curves) and Brightness & Contrast (layers > new adjustment layer > brightness & contrast). the settings depend on the scene you’re giffing, but i always try make my gifs bright and with high contrast to make the colors pop.
CURVES
besides lighting your scene, the Curves adjustment layer has four automatic options that will color-correct it for you. it’s not always perfect and it doesn’t mean you won’t need to do further coloring, but it’s a great start. it’s a lifesaver for most ridiculously yellow scenes. look at the difference! this gif uses the 3rd automatic option (the screenshot below isn't mine btw so that's why the fourth option is the chosen one), from top to bottom. what automatic option you need to choose depends on the gif.
sometimes i like to tweak my Curves layer. not everybody does that, it’s not that necessary and if you’re not careful, it can screw your gif up. to modify your layer by hand, you will need to click and drag points of that straight line in the position you desire. this is the concept behind it:
basically, the lower part of the line handles the shadows, while the upper part handles the highlights of the image. if you pull a highlight point up, the image’s highlights will be brighter. if you pull it down, it will make them darker. same thing for the shadow points. you should play with it to get a grasp of it, that’s what i did when i first started giffing.
BRIGHTNESS & CONTRAST
then i added a bit of brightness and contrast.
CHANNEL MIXER
the scene looked a bit too yellow, so i used the Channel Mixer (layer > new adjustment layer > channel mixer) adjustment layer. here’s a tutorial of how it works. not every scene needs the Channel Mixer layer though, i mostly use it to remove heavy overall tints. in this particular case, the Curves layer got rid of most of the yellow, but i wanted the gif to be just a bit more blue so the Channel Mixer tweaks are very minimal.
SELECTIVE COLOR
now, this adjustment layer i always use: Selective Color (layer > new adjustment layer > selective color). this is THE adjustment layer to me, alongside the Curves one. this is how it works:
ie, you can separately edit a color this way, giving it tints. for this gif, i wanted to make the colors more vibrant. to achieve that, i edited the selected colors this way:
for the reds, i added even more red in them by moving the first slider to the right, making the color more vibrant. for his hat to have a more warm tint, i added yellow to the reds (third slider, moving it to the right). finally, to make the reds stronger, i moved the last slider to the right (more black).
for the yellows, i made them brighter by adding white to them, thus making the tile wall and Paddington more bright as well.
for the cyans and the blues, i just added the maximum (+100) of black that i could.
i wanted for Paddington's nose to be brighter, so i added more white to the whites.
lastly, i added depth to the blacks by increasing their own blackness.
you should always play with the Selective Colors sliders for a bit, before deciding what you want or need. with time, you will automatically know what to change to correct the color grading. it all takes practice!
HUE/SATURATION
i don’t know if you noticed, but there are some green spots on the blue wall behind Paddington. to correct that, i added a Hue/Saturation adjustment layer (layer > new adjustment layer > hue/saturation) and made the saturation of the greens 0%, making that unwanted green disappear from the background.
while the green spots on the wall are specific for this gif, i use hue/saturation a lot to tweak, well, hue and saturation. sometimes someone’s skin is too yellow, i made it redder by tweaking the reds and the yellows, or vice-versa. the hue bar follows the rainbow bar, so the maximum settings (+100 and -100) give the selected color to change its hue to something more red or pink (the rainbow extremities). changing hue can give pretty whacky results, like turning someone’s skin tone to green, so you will need to play with it to get the hang of it. you can also tweak the opacity of your hue/saturation layer to further improve your gif’s coloring. i didn’t do it in this case, the opacity is still 100%. the reds and the blues had their saturation increased to make them pop just a bit more, without affecting the other colors.
COLOR BALANCE
the highlights of the gif still had a green tint to it due to the automatic correction of the Curves layer, so i used Color Balance. this is how it works: instead of giving specific colors some tints, you can give them to the shadows, highlights, and mid-tones. if your shadows are too blue, you counterbalance them with the opposite color, yellow. same thing with the cyan-red and magenta-green pairings. in my case, i added a bit of magenta.
B&W GRADIENT MAP
now, if this gif was a dish, it’s time for the salt and pepper. i always add a Gradient Map (layer > new adjustment layer > gradient map) (black to white gradient) with the Soft Light blending mode, thus giving my shadows more depth without messing with the mid-tones and highlights. it also doesn’t “deep fry” (you know those memes?) the gif too much by adding even more contrast. usually, the opacity of the layer is between 30% to 70%, it all depends on the gif. it always does wonders, though!
COLOR FILTER
finally, i like to add Color Filters (layer > new adjustment layer > color filter) to my gifs. it’s very handy when giving different scenes for the same minimalistic set because it makes them kind of match despite having completely different colors. in this gif’s case, i added a “deep blue” filter, opacity 50% density 25. you can change the density and the opacity of the layer for further editing, again, it all depends on the gif.
VIBRANCE
if i feel like it, i add a vibrance layer (layer > new adjustment layer > vibrance) to make the colors pop. this can ruin your coloring sometimes, especially when regarding skin color, so be careful. i didn't do it in this gif because i felt i didn't need it.
TA-DA! 🥳
AN OTHER EXAMPLE
the color grading of the original scene it’s pretty good as it is, to be honest. let’s see a worse scenario, a VERY yellow one:
no channel mixer this time because the automatic curves option dealt with the yellowness, but you can see it made the gif too green. i needed to correct that with the following adjustment layers:
curves (automatic option) (gif 2) >> same curves layer (tweaks) (gif 3) >> brightness & contrast (gif 4) >> hue/saturation (tweaked cyan+blue+green) >> selective color >> color balance (gif 5) >> b&w gradient map >> (sepia) filter >> vibrance (gif 6)
i added a hue/saturation layer to remove the blues & greens before my selective color layer because i thought that was more urgent than tweaking the tint of all colors. color balance (gif 4) was the real hero here, though, by removing the green tint. the selective color layer was meant to make the red pop more than anything else, because the rest looked pretty good, especially her skin tone (despite the green tint). you can notice that tweaking the curves layer (small gif 3) also helped A LOT with the green problem.
tl;dr 😵💫😵💫😵💫
here's a list of my go-to's while coloring and lightning gifs. it's not a rule, just a guide. there are gifs in which i don't use all these adjustment layers, or use them in a different order. it all depends!
1. curves (automatic option + tweaks)
2. brightness & contrast
3. channel mixer
4. selective color
5. hue/saturation
6. color balance
7. b&w gradient map
8. color filter
9. vibrance
i'll suggest that you study each adjustment layer listed for more info, either with other Tumblr tutorials or YouTube ones. the YouTube ones focus on images, but you can translate what they teach to gif making very easily. you can ask me to further explain any adjustment layer, too! i was brief to keep this short (which i kinda failed lol).
feel free to ask me for clarification or something else about gifmaking wise, i always like to help. ❤️
#*#*tutorial#gifmaker tag#resources#resource: tutorials#ps help#uservivaldi#tuserjen#userrin#userelio#useralien#userzaynab#userchibi#userbuckleys#usertj#userbess#tuserlucie#useraljoscha#userdavid#usershreyu#usernolan#userhallie#userisaiah#tusergio#tusergeo#userjesslynn
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—HOW TO USE CANVA TO MAKE MOODBOARDS
I got a kind message asking how I make moodboards in Canva, so I wanted to do a little tutorial! Canva is a free graphic design app/website, and I use it for everything.
To start - open the app/page and use the search bar at the top to search for a template. I usually use: photo collage, scrapbook, aesthetic moodboard - all of these will pull up pre-made templates for you to use.
[I have a couple linked below that I’ve used and liked, or have bookmarked to try:]
one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight
Anything with a crown is for Canva Pro members - you used to be able to use the templates as a free member (just not the paid assets) but that changed recently. The linked templates above are all free ones that you can use right away.
PHOTOS:
Once you’re in the template, you can press the + in the bottom corner to bring up the menus. The Elements tab have items you can add in (more on that later) - for now you want to go to Uploads, and add the photos you want to use. I mostly get mine from Pinterest and Google Images.
[If you are writing an x reader fic and are looking for tips for creating an inclusive moodboard, there are some awesome resources here: one | two !]
After that, go back to your template and click on the different photo frames, and use the Replace button in the toolbar - it will let you replace the template photos with your own. Double tap to move and resize your image within the frame, (and there are also filters you can use if you want!)
When working on moodboards, I like to move things around. You can replace the frames they use by clicking on the item and then clicking the Trashcan. Then go back to the + menu, and then Elements, and scroll down to Frames. You can scroll through them all, but my fave keywords to use in the search bar is: polaroid, torn, and ripped.
Once they’re added, you can move them wherever you want. There’s a button on the toolbar that says Position, and you can shift the object forward/back between the items around it.
DETAILS:
Once you add your photos, then comes the details! You can change the background color and add/change the fonts (or upload your fave font to use!) Try out all the tools on the toolbar to see what you can do, there’s a lot of options.
I love love layering with my moodboard, so I will go back to the + / Elements tab, and then search for things to layer in. My fave searches for Graphics recently are: ripped paper, grunge patterns (to use in the background), star patterns, dried flowers, and dried leaves.
You can use the Position tool on them to fit them in-between or in front of your photos. I usually use them to hide harsh edges or in places that look a little empty.
I also like adding fabric texture to the backgrounds, to fill the space between the photo frames. There isn’t an easy way to do this - the best way I figured out is to find an image of the texture you want, and then to add a photo frame with a torn or jagged edge in the very back (and then use your new texture there). You can duplicate and move it, to cover the space (you can see some examples below - the beige flower pattern in the Din one, the black velvet for Alfred).
Here are some examples of the original templates, and then what my finished ones look like. You can see what I swapped out, moved, and added:
original image | my moodboard
EDITING:
Once I am happy with the design I download it, and then edit. I love this part - pop it into your fave editing app, and play around with the exposure/contrast/hues/sharpness. I will mess with the color balance & vibrancy as well - this can really take a moodboard I like, to one I love.
Here’s some gifs I made showing before /after editing - both are pretty before but I think the after has an oomph that I really appreciate.
[When you finish with one and want to use the same template, you can click Make a Copy, and it will duplicate it. I began with templates but everything I do now are copies of heavily/edited templates or ones I’ve made from scratch. But for starting off, I think a template is the way to go!]
And that’s it!! I would really suggest just opening it up and seeing what you can do. Not all of mine turn out great, but each time I think I get a better handle on all the different options and what my moodboard style is.
I really hope this helps! And feel free to tag me if you post any you make, I’d love to see them (or drop me an ask if you have any questions!) 💖💕
#please give this a reblog if it was helpful! 💖#and just a note the 4th example is an OC x Character fic moodboard#moodboards#graphics#tutorials#aesthetic moodboard#resources#fic moodboard#fan fic meta#fic writing#writing resources
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Gaz and his Loser as the next part of my Sex Doll AU. This was much asked for and edited by my lovely mutual @shotmrmiller
Gaz’s story of getting bought goes much like all the others. His loser saw an ad on a social media app. She clicked it accidentally and it took her to the sleazy website. He cost a pretty penny but she had the extra cash to spare, so she figured why not. As the girl's cursor hovered over his image on the screen she went ahead and clicked buy.
His arrival was clunky. Getting him through the door was annoying, but he definitely could have been more difficult. She had waited to open him until a special day when she felt she could use the companionship. She did her best to understand the instructions of the manual, which was in some unknown or gargled print of a language she couldn’t recognize.
Gaz awoke with a start, the memories of his previous owner fading away as if it had never happened. Just a flash.
He looked around the unfamiliar room, taking in his new surroundings. It was dimly lit, with plush furniture and expensive decor. He could hear soft music playing in the background.
And then he saw her.
She was standing by the door, looking at him with a curious expression on her face. She was beautiful, everything he could have craved.
His eyes roamed over the silky fabric that hugged her curves, a delicate lingerie in a seductive shade of pink-red. The sight made his breath hitch, and he found himself struggling to keep it steady as he took in every inch of her exposed skin. He could feel his pulse quicken at the mere sight of her, and all he could do was let out a heavy exhale as desire coursed through him.
She seemed nervous under his gaze, his eyes didn't hold scrutiny but she didn't know what to expect... He finally registered how exposed she was. Crotchless panties and a heart shape. Valentine's Day. His poor loser is single on Valentine's Day.
"All ready for me, love?" He teased breathlessly. "Come on, don't be embarrassed."
There was something about him that felt more human, more empathetic. He felt like more than just a sex toy, definitely more than whatever he was marketed as. She could tell he was probably worth more than whatever she paid for him.
"Well, I may not be your ideal Valentine's date but I promise to make it special for you."
She almost couldn't form words as he grew closer, speaking into her lips, "Tell me what you want."
She responded eagerly, leaning to kiss him.
Their lips met in a fervent dance of desire, a tangle of tongues and teeth as they each sought to consume the other. Her hands roamed his body, feeling the firm muscles beneath his shirt, while he cupped her face gently as if she were the most delicate thing in the world. The air between them crackled with anticipation, charged with an undeniable electricity that sent shivers down her spine.
As their kiss deepened, he slowly began to trail kisses down her neck, his warm breath sending tingles across her skin. She tilted her head back in silent invitation, giving him better access to the curve of her throat. With each feather-light touch of his lips, she let out a soft sigh of pleasure, her body responding instinctively to his every move.
He moved lower still, his lips leaving a trail of fire along her collarbone and down to the swell of her breasts. He continued to move down her body and to her crotchless panties, smiling greedily as he dove in.
She was now completely at his mercy, and she relished in the feeling, knowing that he would take her to heights of pleasure she had only dreamed of.
Finally, he reached her crotchless panties and smiled greedily as he dove in. His tongue flicked against her clit, sending waves of electric pleasure through her body. She let out a moan as his skilled tongue continued its exploration, teasing and taunting her until she was writhing beneath him.
His fingers were long and slender, gliding in and out of her with ease. They glistened with her arousal, moving in a steady rhythm that mirrored the rise and fall of her chest.
Her body writhed beneath him, her skin flushed and glistening in the dim light of the room, growing slicker as it went on. His fingers disappeared between her thighs, moving in a quick and skilled rhythm. Pleasure flooded her senses, her mouth watering with the taste of him on her lips.
Her skin flushed pink as he stroked her clit, his fingers moving in a skilled dance. She arched her back and her breasts rose and fell with each desperate breath. His focused gaze on her body showed a burning desire, mirroring her own.
Her mouth went dry as he found her sweet spot, dragging his tongue along her folds and tasting her arousal as his fingers wiggled within. She could taste the salt of her skin on his lips, making her crave more of his touch.
The scent of sex filled the air, a heady mixture of sweat and desire that made her pulse race even faster. As she grew closer to climax, the scent intensified, making his desire for her nearly uncontrollable.
Her moans filled the room, growing louder and more desperate with each moment. The sound of their breathing and the slick movements of his fingers echoed off the walls, heightening the intensity of their passionate encounter.
Just as she was about to reach the peak of pleasure, he suddenly removed himself from between her legs. She let out a whimper of protest, her body craving his touch.
But he had something else in mind. He stripped off his clothes completely, revealing his toned and muscular body to her hungry gaze.
She caught her breath at the sight of him, feeling a rush of desire pulse through her veins. Without any hesitation, he dove back in between her thighs, his mouth hungrily finding hers as he inserted himself between her slick folds.
She let out a gasp at the sudden feeling of fullness, pleasure shooting through every nerve in her body. His spit added an extra layer of slickness and heat as he thrust into her with a steady rhythm. He folded one of her legs up over his shoulder, wrapping around his waist as he began to move after her breathing leveled out.
Their bodies moved together in perfect synchronization, their breathing growing ragged and heavy as they both chased after their own release.
Her mind couldn't wrap around the sex. It felt like he was fitted perfectly to serve the master that is her body. He fit perfectly, like the missing piece to her puzzle.
Her nails dug into his shoulders as she arched into him, lost in the intense pleasure coursing through her veins. The only sounds that filled the room were their moans and gasps for air, mingling together in a symphony of passion.
As they both reached the peak of ecstasy together, their bodies tensed and shuddered in sort of unison. Like his was triggered by her body's release at a deeper level beyond just good sex. An intense wave of pleasure washed over them both, leaving them both breathless and satisfied.
They collapsed onto the floor in a tangle of limbs and sweaty skin, their hearts still racing from the intensity of their encounter.
He pulled her close to him, kissing away any lingering doubts or fears that may have been within her mind.
Masterlist is pinned on profile as always, check out my AU list for more like this. Don’t forget to leave me a comment (i always try to respond) or a request in my inbox (i also try to respond to these when I can), a reblog, or even just a like to let me know what yall want to see!
#cod x reader#call of duty#cod sex doll au#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz x reader#kyle gaz smut#gaz garrick#gaz x reader#kyle garrick#kyle gaz x you
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To those who are confused as to where and how to buy OldXian's new artbook and merchandise, let me try to break it down for you.
A few days ago, OldXian announced the pre-sale of their new artbook which comes in two versions.
Variant A (regular) includes:
- the new artbook
- a poster
- 2x postcards
Variant B (deluxe edition) includes:
- the new artbook
- a poster
- 2x postcards
- 4x buttons
- a shishiki board
- a sticker sheet
- a 24 page booklet
Furthermore there's two new acrylic standees which can be purchased separately. A tianshan and a zhanyi version.
The cost of these items is as follows:
Artbook (version A): 89 Yuan [roughly: 13 USD | 12 Euro | 10 GBP]
Artbook (version B): 189 Yuan [roughly: 27 USD | 25 Euro 21 GBP]
Acrylic Standee: 49 Yuan (each) [roughly: 7 USD | 7 Euro | 6 GBP]
All of these items are available for purchase in their taobao store now, under this link:
https://item.taobao.com/item.htm?ft=t&id=786971367604
But if you have trouble creating a taobao account or your country isn't on the (very short) taobao shipping list [China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Singapore, Japan, USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand] then you have several other options to get your hands on these new items.
1.
You could use aliexpress, koonbooks or any other China-based shopping app/website to buy these things from a 3rd party seller.
Now, keep in mind that these sellers obviously want to make a profit, so you will pay more than in the original taobao shop. However, on the plus side, they usually offer free shipping, which is nice considering that items like artbooks are heavy and shipping costs are based on weight, so if you pay over, some of that money also goes towards covering the shipping costs, which is not bad.
The risk of ordering with such a website is obviously that the independent seller could turn out to be a scammer and keep your money and not send you the goods. I have no idea about koonbook's policies, however in the case of aliexpress you are at least protected by such practices and should you not receive what you paid for, you will be refunded and get your money back.
Also keep in mind that the artbook and merch is still in production at this point!
But Old Xian said the merch will be shipped out BEFORE May 20th. That's less than 4 weeks from now.
That being said - in some cases the merch will be cheaper on aliexpress after official ship-out, because there will be more people offering it, competing for best prices.
However there's obviously also a risk that the deluxe edition will sell out before that or that these re-sellers only ship the artbook itself with none of the extras.
Here's two links where you can have a look at potential resellers, but carefully think about all the pro's and con's I gave you before you consider to buy.
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1005006893284852.html
https://koonbooks.com/products/old-xian-19-days-art-collection-3-chinese?variant=46493038674166
2.
The other option you have is using a taobao shopping agent.
If you google that, you'll find dozens of websites offering their services.
I myself have used parcelup, 42agent and superbuy before.
Here's links to all of them:
https://www.superbuy.com/
https://parcelup.com/
https://www.42agent.com/
What all of these agents have in common is that you need to create an account BEFORE you can start searching and shopping.
All you need for that is a valid email address.
I'll show how it works with superbuy screenshots here.
After you signed up, you can copy the taobao-link I gave you earlier and paste it into the search-field.
What will come up is an embedded view of the taobao listing where you can pick which variant you want and then add it to your shopping cart.
Once you have added everything you want, click on the shopping cart and simply follow all further payment instructions.
They will also ask you if you want them to keep the original packaging or if you want them to remove anything unnecessary and repack everything in order to make it weigh less so shipping will be cheaper.
It's up to you.
You will then be asked to pay for items, domestic shipping (so mosspaca studios can ship the goods to your agent's warehouse) and in some cases a service fee.
For example, superbuy has no service fee, however they stopped offering paypal as payment method recently so you'd need a credit card or other online methods to pay for your order and everything.
Parcelup, however, still offers paypal, but they also charge service fees. (They are fairly low though, if you ask me.)
So after you paid for your goods, they will order the items for you and then you'll have to wait about 4-5 weeks for them to arrive, because keep in mind - like I said earlier - everything is still in production and Old Xian aims to ship everything out before the 20th of May.
There's hundreds, if not thousands of parcels arriving to all agent's warehouses every day, so it will take them a few days to sort through things after your order arrives.
You need to be patient!!
They will get back to you with pictures of your order, trust me. When this happens you need to look at the pics and if everything is okay, you can reply to them to proceed.
You will then be presented with shipping quotes. Usually they offer more than one shipping method and some are tracked, others are untracked, some will take only a week or two until they arrive at your doorstep, others will take 6 weeks or up to two months.
Choose wisely which method you want and consider what is in your budget. (Obviously fast shipping with tracking is more expensive than slow shipping without it, however personally I'd always recommend a tracked service.)
Just to give you an estimate on what to expect when it comes to international shipping - parcels with that amount of merch and weight, will always cost me about 50 USD or more to ship from China to the UK, where I live.
(So keep that in mind before you order. International shipping is very expensive!)
But once you picked a shipping method, you pay for it (that's your 2nd payment) and once they have processed that - your goodies will be on the way to you within a few days.
And that's it. Sit down, eat your food and wait patiently for it to arrive.
If you have further questions, just plop them into the comments and I'll try to answer them.
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When clueless, silence is golden
I was just browsing around while looking for something completely different and stumbled upon this quintessential Mordorian POV:
Disclosing a username is crass and I usually never do this, unless really necessary and relevant. So spare me the ad hominem argument you usually fumble around with, Disgruntled Tumblrettes. Yet, for all its intellectual paucity, this is interesting dissection material, since clearly this person hasn't got the slightest idea of what she is so confidently talking about.
First scenario at play: The Tasting Alliance, 'a company no one has ever heard of', booked and paid for the suite.
Not necessarily booked, nor necessarily paid, madam. In the real business world you are so clueless about, these arrangements are seldom - if ever - monetized. It's rather all about barter.
That company no one ever heard about - except, perhaps, #silly and totally irrelevant Forbes (https://www.forbes.com/sites/joemicallef/2023/04/13/the-tasting-alliance-and-reserve-bar-are-set-to-launch-top-shelf/?sh=b45f7085f6f1) - is the parent company of the San Francisco World Spirits Competition (SFWSC), largely acknowledged as at least one of, if not the world's leading spirits award contest. Google is your friend, you should try it some time:
The operative info here is that this evaluation comes from the Beverage Trade Network, a professional portal for spirit dealers. Having determined this, Tasting Alliance's IG number of followers is completely irrelevant, since we are talking about two very different targets, here. Its real leverage and weight on the global market does not really need the boost of an aggressive social media presence and the kind of events it hosts are not your favorite junior hockey league or elementary school cake and bake sale.
Let's look a bit further. It takes one click to get on the Tasting Alliance's website (https://thetastingalliance.com/). Granted, not all the information you need to understand its business model is right there and I had to go dig a bit (not without some help - merci encore!) to even get a grip on how these wheels are really turning.
The way they sell themselves is sober and confident. And completely disinterested in social media impact, to be honest:
So, in lieu of glitz and sequined bras, we have a success story in its own right, which started in Frisco in 1980, then continued in 2000, with the addition of the San Francisco World Spirits Competition. Further expansion followed in 2018, with the New York World Wine & Spirits Competition and 2019, when Dias Blue set a firm foot on the emerging Asian market, with the Singapore World Spirits Competition.
I doubt an explanatory drawing is needed as to the why of this expansion choice: it's all about baijiu, the old/new Chinese sorghum spirit and the everlasting love of the Far East for anything fermented. Lao-lao, the unspeakable Laotian homemade rice whisky, comes immediately to the mind of this blogger: the last bottle I saw, somewhere along the unexploded ordnance ridden Route 13, had a plump snake inside, as a naïve Viagra of sorts. Took a mouthful and thought I was going to die - but when spending the night in a longhouse with the Tai Lü people, you can't afford a faux-pas, can you? /end of travel memories intermezzo
By all my estimations, The Tasting Alliance is very profitable business. Let's unpack ( for current fees, see source: https://callingallcontestants.com/contest/2023-san-francisco-world-spirits-competition/):
Considering the 500 USD fee /entry (550, in 2023) in the competition and the fact that in 2022 there were approximately 5000 entries in the Frisco spirits' competition, we have a very rough turnover estimation of 500x5000= 2.5 million USD. That figure is just for one of the spirits competitions, mind you, and does not take into account what the winners probably pay for the right to mention their medals on their bottles (I am yet to see them on the SS gin bottles, btw), nor the multiple sidekick profit (e-shop sales, consulting and/or other distribution deals, etc). So, at the end of the day, I would comfortably multiply that base by 4, assuming a similar scale for all the other events they organize, which takes the yearly turnover at around 10 million USD and keeping in mind this is very probably a conservative estimation. I also assume costs are negligible, taking into account the discretion with which major players traditionally operate on that particular niche. Real expenses are probably limited to the activity of a handful of offices, sparingly and intelligently staffed. Advertisement is probably bartered and social media, well... you just saw the effort, haven't you?
But then there's the brand's real power on that market and this is the right time to talk about influence and impact. Perhaps this recent (2021) Men's Journal article will help us see better: https://www.mensjournal.com/food-drink/inside-the-san-francisco-world-spirits-competition
With a bit of luck, this could happen:
Sounds familiar? Of course and I bet that was S's strategy. If you imagined him doing the same exhausting booze tour every year (groping on top and seriously cringe on the sides), I think you might want to reconsider. I told you Sassenach Summer was a sandbox for more serious things to come and until now I have no reasons to change my mind. He did it for a reason and, mind you, that reason is not that the booze did or does not sell. It does. Restaurants start to feature it. Podcasts are being produced. The press starts to mention it (that recent New York Times article is evidence enough). This is not Lucky Luciano dealing in bootleg alcohol during the Prohibition and making obscene money over a fortnight. This is a serious business project that was delayed by COVID. That's all. And it takes time and patience and consistence. We know he has all those aplenty.
We also have the totally inane take on production costs for that podcast. It suddenly made me remember again my media expert past. It is with complete and educated confidence that I tell you: a potential 5K USD extra cost for renting that damn suite for the day is peanuts, even for a two-minute clip (let alone, in reality, a podcast interview, and I stand corrected if wrong), if such costs are covered by The Tasting Alliance. But my money is on a barter with The Shutters on the Beach, which would be, again, common business practice.
Second scenario: 'Shutters comped the room for free promo (...) for an actor most people haven't heard of.' You can throw timelines down my throat as many times as you wish and tell me he already stayed there several times and yell and screech, but here is what I think. Shutters didn't comp that suite for S, an actor most people haven't heard of, a decent, hard working start-up entrepreneur. If so (I doubt it), it would be logical to think Shutters comped that suite for The Tasting Alliance, which has a long documented history of partnerships with hotels that host their competitions:
So Shutters might have comped that room for a major player of the alcohol lobby world, happy that S, a returning client, picked them out of several possible options, because it was convenient. I don't believe for a second he stayed there.
This guy knows what he's doing and C's gin success completely depends and I bet will rely on that relentless networking effort. If anything, the Keepers of the Quaich recent development is only confirmation of all the above. But that's another story - very soon on this page.
IYKYK. The rest is uneducated cackle. But Mordor people were never the brightest bulbs in the fandom's chandelier, were they?
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Hey I just saw a paid ad on tumblr while scrolling for Lucy and Yak 90% off. It sends you to https://servivity.com/ with a pretty good fake website. If you click on an ad and the url is not the same as the offical website do some digging! For me I clocked it because the prices were unrealistic(and no size chart on the pages) and went to the offical website and sorted all items by lowest to highest price and nothing came close. Then i googled the url and found scam reports. This is a credit card fishing website. It sucks that its being promoted by platforms giving it the veneer of authenticity. I reported the ad for being malicious but theres probably more. Stay safe out there.
Just remember to double check before giving payment info even if it seems legit. Countdown timers are to create the illusion of scarcity and override your hesistancy. Take a breath, triple check.
That link came from specifically this tumblr video ad. Notice how it isn't even sponsored by a relevant figure.
Lol I just flagged it for malicious and now I'm getting it even more often.
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that fuckin post from a week or so ago about "oh haha did u guys really think the whole Buggy Clown One Piece Promo on Tumblr was some kinda Sleeper agent Tumblr plan to Betray the Writers Strike" shit still haunts me.
The Actual Reasons Why the Assault of ads like that one on the website (specifically the One Piece shit) is that they're another sign that whoever is in charge and making decisions does Not Give a Shit about actual website design or Layout and is reaching the point where they'll take up empty space with more Forced Ads.
They're whole-hog leaning into the (not commonly remembered due to the prevalence of Adblocker plug-ins) Ad Assault format of web design, where literally any empty space is dedicated to ads that, at best, just waste UI space that could go towards actual functional website features, and at worst, actively cause harm, whether through intentionally malicious design (Ads that launch you to another website or force downloads if you click on them, for example), or through "uninformed" "unintentional" design, like potentially triggering users with visual issues (as seen with Buggy the Clown).
For a very long time, Tumblr has been respectably restrained in their ad usage, at least on the website (or, at least until I started just Ublocking everything). A single header of "Here's this Hot Thing we're getting paid to promote" that only shows up at the top of your dashboard is annoying, but not a deal breaker, and was the standard since literally like 2013.
Now all of a sudden, a website that was formerly 60% Empty Space (a Problem, but not necessarily a Bad Problem) has had that space monopolized by purely ad-driven content, between the forced Pop-up One Piece Netflix shit and all the other bloated, pointless garbage that only exists to hopefully try an extract any money out of either you or your data as possible.
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Gaining new insight
Up ahead will be a stroy cotaining: weight gain and socks tf. Not a fan? Maybe nothing for you :) Now enjoy my new story:
The days went ahead without any new events. Kyle and Thomas just live their lives as roommates in their apartment. Nothing was out of the ordinary. From the outside you saw Kyle as a nerdy guy who spend his days in front of a computer screen. Rarely seen outside the flat. His blonde hair were always a little bit messy. But he paid no mind about his outer appearance. He loved food and that showed a lot around his middle section. He was not just a little bit chubby. You could say he was straight up fat. It took a lot of effort to get up from his gaming chair and go into the kitchen, for the next meal.
Thomas on the other hand kept his body in check. He was just an average guy who spent most of his time reading books or attending some football games from time to time. By all means he was no athlete at all. But at least he was doing something. His brown hair was long and always in good shape. He washed it nearly every day. Like that he was paying a lot of mind to what people were thinking of him. How he looked or how he behaved.
When both guys went to collage they met for the first time in this particular flat. At the beginning they tried to get to know each other better, but decided, that they had not so much in common. So they just lived side by side, without interacting a lot. At least that was what you could see from outside. If you would take a closer looks, Thomas was hiding a secret from his flatmate. And that was a love. A love for his socks. He had no idea why. If you would ask him, he would tell you that he could only love women. And this was correct to some extent. He had no hots for any men. But their socks, that was another thing. It was embarrassing for him to talk about it, so he did it in secret. From time to time, he would take socks from Kyle. Wearing them, using them for other things or just enjoying the smell. Kyle was oblivious to this fact. He would not even care, since he was not interested in anything else then his games.
Many more weeks went by and exams were due. After the last of them, Thomas was feeling relieved and happy that he got through it. The results were still to come but right now he could not do anything else then wait. Kyle was doing the same. He was lucky, he did not have to study. Hearing stuff was enough for him to memorize it and pass everything with flying colors. Back in the flat, both guys went to their rooms and minded their own business. Thomas was reading and Kyle was browsing the internet for nothing in particular. He just went from link to link. Until one ad caught his attention.
“If you could make one wish come true, what would it be? Try our new wish granting website. It will change your life!”
Curios and amused he clicked on the ad and expected to find a site full or commercials for all kind of different stuff. But nothing like this popped up. Instead a blank site with just the phrase: state your wish and an empty box below it. Kyle thought that it was all a joke and just went on with it.
“I wish for a roommate who understands me”, he typed in and waited.
After a short delay the site reloaded and another texted popped up.
“Wish granted.”
Kyle laughed and thought nothing of it. He closed the site and went to bed. Thomas was doing the same. The next day, Thomas woke up with an unusual headache. He got up and went into the bathroom. He washed his faced and looked at himself. Nothing out of the ordinary. He did not even look paler than usual. Strange. Maybe it was just the stress he had the last weeks. His stomach growled and he felt like he had not eaten in weeks.
“Time for breakfast”, he thought and went into the kitchen. The fridge was nearly empty. Only some sweet stuff that Kyle normally kept there.
“He will not be up for another three hours and I can go get something new for him, before he even notices.”
So Thomas began to stuff his face with the sweets. It tasted better than he expected. Usually he hated sweet stuff. But today it tasted different. He could understand why Kyle ate so much of this stuff. But sooner then he would have wanted to, it was all gone. But his hunger was still not sated. So he went shopping. Replaced the stuff he took from Kyle and bought a lot more things. And so his eating started again. After a few hours he was sated and looked around. He saw the amount he ate and was surprised. How could he eat so much all of the sudden? He was shocked and decided it was time to go jogging. He cleaned up, changed his cloths and went out.
Right when Kyle woke up. He just heard the door closing. He was too lazy to get up and so he stayed in bed. After exact an hour, Thomas came back. He was sweaty and out of breath. With all the food in his body it was harder than usual. But coming back, his hunger was awakened again. But he knew there was not much left in the fridge. He took a shower and went to Kyle’s door. He knocked.
“Yeah?” was the answer.
“I am going to the grocery store. You want something?”
Kyle told his friend some stuff he could get him and Thomas left the house. This time he bought a lot more food and filled the fridge to the brim. So he began eating again. The weeks went by and Thomas was discovering a lot of changes. His hunger was only the beginning. Next was his interests that shifted to video games. He noticed that he was chatting with Kyle about his games from time to time. Thomas was feeling lazier and lazier by the day. He stopped going out for jogs or anything else. And became more and more like Kyle. He understood why Kyle like his life so much. And another thing that he was noticing. His belly was gradually growing. First just a little bit. But with the time it became clearer and clearer. Every new pound was a new sensation for Thomas. He never imagined it would feel so good, having his body jiggling with every step. Another week went by and finally Kyle and Thomas were playing games together. And one more week later, Thomas came clear about his embarrassing secret. Kyle seemed to not care at all. He was just happy, that he had someone who understood him and was playing games with him. Until one day, a friend of Thomas visited them, since he had not heard anything of him. He was disgusted when he saw what had become of Thomas.
“Boy, what did you do to yourself? Did you eat someone? You look like a disgusting pig.”
Thomas was hit hard with these words. The opinion of his friends were important for him. But he wanted to feel good as he was. This was him. He just never admitted to it. The next day’s Kyle did neither see nor heard anything of Thomas. He was just in his room and was thinking about his life. Kyle was desperate to help his friend. He went through his browser history and found the wish granting site. He still thought that it was just a joke, but he wanted to make Thomas feel better. So he send him the link with a message.
“Maybe you will feel better, if you can wish for the pain to go away. It is worth a try.”
Thomas received the message and smiled. Kyle was such a sweet heart. He thanked him and opened the site. He knew exactly what he wanted to wish for.
“I wish to be have more supportive friends.”
The site granted his wish. Thomas was already feeling better. He went over to Kyle and talked to him, while taking care of his beautiful socked feet.
A few weeks went by and suddenly Thomas friend was at their door again.
“What do you want? Want to make fun of me again?” he asked.
“I am sorry that I was such a jerk.”
Surprised Thomas asked him to come in and went to his room.
“You are sorry?”
“Yes. I was just, I don’t know. Shocked isn’t even the right word. Surprised and jealous. You can live your live like you want. While I am still stuck at thinking too much about the opinion of others. I am truly sorry. Can I make it up to you?”
Thomas was totally flashed by this. He never thought his friend would say something like this.
“I don’t know” he said, in total awe.
“Maybe I can give you a foot rub?”
With that his friend reached for his feet. Today, Thomas was wearing Kyle’s socks. Just like nearly every day. Since he told Kyle about it, they shared their socks. When his friend’s hands made contact with the socks, a strange sensation hit him. It was like he wanted to be these socks? Yeah that was right. He just did not want to, he needed to be Thomas socks. This was the only way he could make it up to him. Furiously he began to rub his hands up and down. Until he noticed something. His hands were fusing with the cotton. Yeah that was it. The beginning of being his friend’s most supportive friend. Slowly his body began to be engulfed by the cotton. The feeling was indescribable. Like he was not only turning to cotton. He was a living being inside it. Finally it was time to give up his human form and he was sucked in completely into the socks. With that Thomas looked around, not remembering what he was doing. He did not remember his friend who was now trapped as his socks for the rest of his live. The site granted his wish, just not in a way, that Thomas would have expected it. Now he had only supportive friends. Kyle, who was there for him. And the other one who were his socks or better their socks. Thomas wasted no time going over to Kyle for another sock playing session. His socks were eager to experience this and could not wait to be used by both boys, who now owned him.
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This is your brain on fraud apologetics
In 1998, two Stanford students published a paper in Computer Networks entitled “The Anatomy of a Large-Scale Hypertextual Web Search Engine,” in which they wrote, “Advertising funded search engines will be inherently biased towards the advertisers and away from the needs of consumers.”
https://research.google/pubs/pub334/
If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security
The co-authors were Lawrence Page and Sergey Brin, and the “large-scale hypertextual web search-engine” they were describing was their new project, which they called “Google.” They were 100% correct — prescient, even!
On Wednesday night, a friend came over to watch some TV with us. We ordered out. We got scammed. We searched for a great local Thai place we like called Kiin and clicked a sponsored link for a Wix site called “Kiinthaila.com.” We should have clicked the third link down (kiinthaiburbank.com).
We got scammed. The Wix site was a lookalike for Kiin Thai, which marked up their prices by 15% and relayed the order to our local, mom-and-pop, one-branch restaurant. The restaurant knew it, too — they called us and told us they were canceling the order, and said we could still come get our food, but we’d have to call Amex to reverse the charge.
As it turned out, the scammers double-billed us for our order. I called Amex, who advised us to call back in a couple days when the charge posted to cancel it — in other words, they were treating it as a regular customer dispute, and not a systemic, widespread fraud (there’s no way this scammer is just doing this for one restaurant).
In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor hassle, but boy, it’s haunting to watch the quarter-century old prophecy of Brin and Page coming true. Search Google for carpenters, plumbers, gas-stations, locksmiths, concert tickets, entry visas, jobs at the US Post Office or (not making this up) tech support for Google products, and the top result will be a paid ad for a scam. Sometimes it’s several of the top ads.
This kind of “intermediation” business is actually revered in business-schools. As Douglas Rushkoff has written, the modern business wisdom reveres “going meta” — not doing anything useful, but rather, creating a chokepoint between people who do useful things and people who want to pay for those things, and squatting there, collecting rent:
https://rushkoff.medium.com/going-meta-d42c6a09225e
It’s the ultimate passive income/rise and grind side-hustle: It wouldn’t surprise me in the least to discover a whole festering nest of creeps on Tiktok talking about how they pay Mechanical Turks to produce these lookalike sites at scale.
This mindset is so pervasive that people running companies with billions in revenue and massive hoards of venture capital run exactly the same scam. During lockdown, companies like Doordash, Grubhub and Uber Eats stood up predatory lookalike websites for local restaurants, without their consent, and played monster-in-the-middle, tricking diners into ordering through them:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/19/we-are-beautiful/#man-in-the-middle
These delivery app companies were playing a classic enshittification game: first they directed surpluses to customers to lock them in (heavily discounting food), then they directed surplus to restaurants (preferential search results, free delivery, low commissions) — then, having locked in both consumers and producers, they harvested the surplus for themselves.
Today, delivery apps charge massive premiums to both eaters and restaurants, load up every order with junk fees, and clone the most successful restaurants out of ghost kitchens — shipping containers in parking lots crammed with low-waged workers cranking out orders for 15 different fake “virtual restaurants”:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/01/autophagic-buckeyes/#subsidized-autophagia
Delivery apps speedran the enshittification cycle, but Google took a slower path to get there. The company has locked in billions of users (e.g. by paying billions to be the default search on Safari and Firefox and using legal bullying to block third party Android device-makers from pre-installing browsers other than Chrome). For years, it’s been leveraging our lock-in to prey on small businesses, getting them to set up Google Business Profiles.
These profiles are supposed to help Google distinguish between real sellers and scammers. But Kiin Thai has a Google Business Profile, and searching for “kiin thai burbank” brings up a “Knowledge Panel” with the correct website address — on a page that is headed with a link to a scam website for the same business. Google, in other words, has everything it needs to flag lookalike sites and confirm them with their registered owners. It would cost Google money to do this — engineer-time to build and maintain the system, content moderator time to manually check flagged listings, and lost ad-revenue from scammers — but letting the scams flourish makes Google money, at the expense of Google users and Google business customers.
Now, Google has an answer for this: they tell merchants who are being impersonated by ad-buying scammers that all they need to do is outbid them for the top ad-spot. This is a common approach — Amazon has a $31b/year “ad business” that’s mostly its own platform sellers bidding against each other to show you fake results for your query. The first five screens of Amazon search results are 50% ads:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola
This is “going meta,” so naturally, Meta is doing it too: Facebook and Instagram have announced a $12/month “verification” badge that will let you report impersonation and tweak the algorithm to make it more likely that the posts you make are shown to the people who explicitly asked to see them:
https://www.vox.com/recode/2023/2/21/23609375/meta-verified-twitter-blue-checkmark-badge-instagram-facebook
The corollary of this, of course, is that if you don’t pay, they won’t police your impersonators, and they won’t show your posts to the people who asked to see them. This is pure enshittification — the surplus from users and business customers is harvested for the benefit of the platform owners:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys
The idea that merchants should master the platforms as a means of keeping us safe from their impersonators is a hollow joke. For one thing, the rules change all the time, as the platforms endlessly twiddle the knobs that determine what gets shown to whom:
https://doctorow.medium.com/twiddler-1b5c9690cce6
And they refuse to tell anyone what the rules are, because if they told you what the rules were, you’d be able to bypass them. Content moderation is the only infosec domain where “security through obscurity” doesn’t get laughed out of the room:
https://doctorow.medium.com/como-is-infosec-307f87004563
Worse: the one thing the platforms do hunt down and exterminate with extreme prejudice is anything that users or business-customers use to twiddle back — add-ons and plugins and jailbreaks that override their poor choices with better ones:
https://www.theverge.com/2022/9/29/23378541/the-og-app-instagram-clone-pulled-from-app-store
As I was submitting complaints about the fake Kiin scam-site (and Amex’s handling of my fraud call) to the FTC, the California Attorney General, the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau and Wix, I wrote a little Twitter thread about what a gross scam this is:
https://twitter.com/doctorow/status/1628948906657878016
The thread got more than two million reads and got picked up by Hacker News and other sites. While most of the responses evinced solidarity and frustration and recounted similar incidents in other domains, a significant plurality of the replies were scam apologetics — messages from people who wanted to explain why this wasn’t a problem after all.
The most common of these was victim-blaming: “you should have used an adblocker” or “never click the sponsored link.” Of course, I do use an ad-blocker — but this order was placed with a mobile browser, after an absentminded query into the Google search-box permanently placed on the home screen, which opens results in Chrome (where I don’t have an ad-blocker, so I can see material behind an ad-blocker-blocker), not Firefox (which does have an ad-blocker).
Now, I also have a PiHole on my home LAN, which blocks most ads even in a default browser — but earlier this day, I’d been on a public wifi network that was erroneously blocking a website (the always excellent superpunch.net) so I’d turned my wifi off, which meant the connection came over my phone’s 5G connection, bypassing the PiHole:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/28/shut-yer-pi-hole/
“Don’t click a sponsored link” — well, the irony here is that if you habitually use a browser with an ad-blocker, and you backstop it with a PiHole, you never see sponsored links, so it’s easy to miss the tiny “Sponsored” notification beside the search result. That goes double if you’re relaxing with a dinner guest on the sofa and ordering dinner while chatting.
There’s a name for this kind of security failure: the Swiss Cheese Model. We all have multiple defenses (in my case: foreknowledge of Google’s ad-scam problem, an ad-blocker in my browser, LAN-wide ad sinkholing). We also have multiple vulnerabilities (in my case: forgetting I was on 5G, being distracted by conversation, using a mobile device with a permanent insecure search bar on the homescreen, and being so accustomed to ad-blocked results that I got out of the habit of checking whether a result was an ad).
If you think you aren’t vulnerable to scams, you’re wrong — and your confidence in your invulnerability actually increases your risk. This isn’t the first time I’ve been scammed, and it won’t be the last — and every time, it’s been a Swiss Cheese failure, where all the holes in all my defenses lined up for a brief instant and left me vulnerable:
https://locusmag.com/2010/05/cory-doctorow-persistence-pays-parasites/
Other apologetics: “just call the restaurant rather than using its website.” Look, I know the people who say this don’t think I have a time-machine I can use to travel back to the 1980s and retrieve a Yellow Pages, but it’s hard not to snark at them, just the same. Scammers don’t just set up fake websites for your local businesses — they staff them with fake call-centers, too. The same search that takes you to a fake website will also take you to a fake phone number.
Finally, there’s “What do you expect Google to do? They can’t possibly detect this kind of scam.” But they can. Indeed, they are better situated to discover these scams than anyone else, because they have their business profiles, with verified contact information for the merchants being impersonated. When they get an ad that seems to be for the same business but to a different website, they could interrupt the ad process to confirm it with their verified contact info.
Instead, they choose to avoid the expense, and pocket the ad revenue. If a company promises to “to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful,” I think we have the right to demand these kinds of basic countermeasures:
https://www.google.com/search/howsearchworks/our-approach/
The same goes for Amex: when a merchant is scamming customers, they shouldn’t treat complaints as “chargebacks” — they should treat them as reports of a crime in progress. Amex has the bird’s eye view of their transaction flow and when a customer reports a scam, they can backtrack it to see if the same scammer is doing this with other merchants — but the credit card companies make money by not chasing down fraud:
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/rosalindadams/mastercard-visa-fraud
Wix also has platform-scale analytics that they could use to detect and interdict this kind of fraud — when a scammer creates a hundred lookalike websites for restaurants and uses Wix’s merchant services to process payments for them, that could trigger human review — but it didn’t.
Where do all of these apologetics come from? Why are people so eager to leap to the defense of scammers and their adtech and fintech enablers? Why is there such an impulse to victim-blame?
I think it’s fear: in their hearts, people — especially techies — know that they, too, are vulnerable to these ripoffs, but they don’t want to admit it. They want to convince themselves that the person who got scammed made an easily avoidable mistake, and that they themselves will never make a similar mistake.
This is doubly true for readerships on tech-heavy forums like Twitter or (especially) Hacker News. These readers know just how many vulnerabilities there are — how many holes are in their Swiss cheese — and they are also overexposed to rise-and-grind/passive income rhetoric.
This produces a powerful cognitive dissonance: “If all the ‘entrepreneurs’ I worship are just laying traps for the unwary, and if I am sometimes unwary, then I’m cheering on the authors of my future enduring misery.” The only way to resolve this dissonance — short of re-evaluating your view of platform capitalism or questioning your own immunity to scams — is to blame the victim.
The median Hacker News reader has to somehow resolve the tension between “just install an adblocker” and “Chrome’s extension sandbox is a dumpster fire and it’s basically impossible to know whether any add-on you install can steal every keystroke and all your other data”:
https://mattfrisbie.substack.com/p/spy-chrome-extension
In my Twitter thread, I called this “the worst of all possible timelines.” Everything we do is mediated by gigantic, surveillant monopolists that spy on us comprehensively from asshole to appetite — but none of them, not a 20th century payment giant nor a 21st century search giant — can bestir itself to use that data to keep us safe from scams.
Next Thu (Mar 2) I'll be in Brussels for Antitrust, Regulation and the Political Economy, along with a who's-who of European and US trustbusters. It's livestreamed, and both in-person and virtual attendance are free:
https://www.brusselsconference.com/registration
On Fri (Mar 3), I'll be in Graz for the Elevate Festival:
https://elevate.at/diskurs/programm/event/e23doctorow/
[Image ID: A modified version of Hieronymus Bosch's painting 'The Conjurer,' which depicts a scam artist playing a shell-game for a group of gawking rubes. The image has been modified so that the scam artist's table has a Google logo and the pea he is triumphantly holding aloft bears the 'Sponsored' wordmark that appears alongside Google search results.]
#pluralistic#victim blaming#fraud#going meta#douglas rushkoff#ad-tech#local search#wix#amex#thai food#business#rent-seeking#entrepreneurship#passive income#chokepoint capitalism#platform lawyers
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A Breakdown Of How Shitty Etsy Is, for Both Buyers and Sellers
Alright, folks, you win, I’m doing my taxes. 😂
But in case anyone was wondering just how shitty Etsy is these days, the answer is really shitty.
Check this out, from the bottom up:
I get an order for an Ezio belt -- the customer sends me $241.00
Etsy takes the following:
3% of the total as a ‘processing fee’ ($7.48)
6.5% of the total as a ‘transaction fee’ ($13.65)
6.5% of the fucking shipping ($2.02)
12% of the total, again, because the customer once clicked on an offsite ad ($28.92)
So yeah, out of that $241.00 the customer paid, $52.07 went to Etsy and $188.93 went to me. 🙃 Oh yeah, minus the cost of actually shipping it ($31, because it was going overseas), so actually only $157.93 went to me.
(And the offsite ads fee doesn’t even mean they found my listing through offsite ads, just that they clicked on one in the past month, so there’s a cookie on their browser that Etsy takes as the greenlight to charge any sellers the offsite ads surcharge. And as someone who makes over $10k from Etsy a year, I’m not allowed to opt out of that program.)
This is utterly untenable, both for artists trying to scrape a living, and for buyers hoping to be able to afford their work. This is obscene, just absolute naked greed on Etsy’s part.
So PLEASE, for the love of god, don’t click on offsite ads (ie, if you see ads for Etsy on google, facebook, etc), and if the artist has another way for you to buy from them, DO IT. You’ll be paying less to put more money in their pocket.
(My storefront on my website, that uses WooCommerce as the back end? Charges that 3% processing fee, as is standard for credit card transactions on the internet, but that’s it.)
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Everyone should get an ad blocker. There are two I recommend: uBlock Origin (not uBlock, there's a difference) and Adnauseam.
uBO has worked fantastically for me. It was the only ad blocker that could get past YouTube's ad blocker prompt. Supposedly based on uBO, Adnauseam goes further. Before blocking an ad, it will send a request to make the advertisers think you clicked on it. The advertisers pay, the website owners get paid, and your data is filled with noise because advertising companies can't figure out what you're interested in. A win in 3 ways.
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The Consequences of Dating Miya Atsumu
This is one of my lil submissions for @crybabycrisis' Honeymoon Avenue Event. I'm going to post the Tsukishima one right after this. Sorry sorry it's so late. I literally just wrote the date down in my planner wrong because I have a tiny, smooth brain.
Notes/Warnings: None <3! All fluff! Lmk if you want/need something tagged
Word Count: 812
There are consequences for your actions. Choosing to date Miya Atsumu, Star Setter for the MSBY Black Jackals has many consequences.
Your favorite consequence is that you’re never alone. Atsumu is always by your side, whenever you call. His arms are around you at night, or he’s on FaceTime whining about how stupid it is that a losing team made him fly out, away from you, just for the privilege of being crushed like they knew they would be.
You love FaceTime Atsumu. He’s soft and whiny and desperate to remind you that he would much rather be with you. He’s so appreciative that, although you both know he’d always choose you over his career, you’ve never made him make that choice.
But you love Atsumu, even more, when he’s with you. The Star Setter for the Black Jackals dissolves, and you’re left with just.. Miya Atsumu. Chaotic and messy. He’s not a confident flirt, he’s a bashful idiot who flusters himself more often than he flusters you. He’s not the strongest man in the world. He’s weak to you and painfully gentle with you. His voice isn’t clear and cocky, his smirk isn’t there, he stutters and mumbles and pouts and his real smile… is infinitely better than the practiced one he has in interviews. He is just as proud. The same pride he has in his jersey is the pride he has when he wears the sweater you bought him so he could match with you. The same pride he has in his team is the pride he has when he gets to have you by his side. You are his team. His tribe. It’s you and him against the world and he never wants it any other way.
The worst consequence of dating Miya Atsumu is that you’re never alone. When he proudly posts a picture of you on his Instagram, there are thousands of comments, and the ones that stick are never the kind, respectful ones. Having tough skin means only the sharpest words get through. When you’re out with him, there are always people taking pictures. Pictures that were often put on covers of ads for trashy websites with lame headlines boasting unfounded lies meant to boost their clicks. Fame was something you never craved. And while Atsumu looks damn good in the limelight, it frustrates and exhausts you that you have to share it with him. Atsumu always asks before posting about the two of you, but he loves it too much. You can’t say no. He’s aware of the toll it takes on you, so he always stops you from reading comments, and he doesn’t tag you in anything. But how can help himself, when he is the luckiest person alive? He has to show you off. It’s who he is.
But right now, you don’t mind. You hear a few camera shutters behind you and you can’t stop smiling. You don’t mind because this time, the pictures are welcomed. You paid for these photos. Atsumu is swinging your held hands as the two of you walk along the sand, ocean spray misting your side, photographer close behind.
“Alright, I think we have enough of those. Want to take a look?”
Atsumu is a bit too excited and ends up tugging you over to the photographer. Most of them are just silhouettes, which is exactly what you wanted. Atsumu twirling you on the beach. Photos of the two of you walking together, footprints behind you being washed away by the tide, sunset in the back of every photo.
“I love them,” you whisper to Atsumu.
“They’re perfect. We look pretty good don’t we?” He says, smiling down at you.
“Do you want to pose so we can see the ring?”
Atsumu pouts at the photographer, “But I don’t wanna let go of their hand.”
Another consequence of being with this man is the endless embarrassment he brings. You slap his chest softly, “How should we pose?”
The photographer has you face each other, shifting you a few times to make sure the sun is positioned behind you both in the photo. He guides Atsumu’s hands to your waist, yours around his neck, hands delicately resting on his shoulders so the ring is clear in the shot.
Click.
Atsumu smirks at you.
Click.
Your ringed hand slides through his hair.
Click.
And he dips down, and you get to kiss your fiance, while he holds you, one of your legs sliding up his as water tickles your bare feet. That’s the best consequence of dating Miya Atsumu.
Click. Click. Click.
And now you have it saved forever.
Atsumu posts that photo, as well as the one of him twirling you on his Instagram. And you don’t mind the limelight. Nothing can compare to showing off to everyone that you and Miya Atsumu are each other’s forevers.
#honeymoon avenue: the beach episode!#miya atsumu#miya atsumu fluff#atsumu fluff#haikyuu#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu writing#haikyuu x reader#haikyu x reader#haikyu x you#miya atsumu x you#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu x reader#atsumu x you#atsumu x reader fluff#atsumu x you fluff#lila writes 💫#hope y'all like this one!
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Curiosity (Reigen x Female Reader)
Reigen Arataka has always mastered skills effortlessly, well aside from one: flirting with women. When the greatest psychic of the 21st century drunkenly takes an online course for picking up chics he doesn't expect it to actually work.
aka I randomly remembered those wild pickup artist youtube channels from a few years ago and wrote this silly little fic~
Reigen Arataka had always been the kind of man who rapidly learned a new skill, fully enthralled in each new skill until he mastered it and tossed the short lived passion to the side for his next mental adventure. He learned things quickly, easily, and he often found the new skill boring once he learned it. Becoming a psychic was no different. Reigen played with idea until it started to get boring, if anything the skill he had mastered through the endeavor was massage rather than actual psychic abilities.
That was until a young boy wandered into Reigen's office seeking someone who understood him, understood being an esper. So the man continued his shady business, with a new interest that peaked in mentorship. However, he was still doing mostly the same work as he had before he found out spirits and psychics were real, spare the occasional real exorcism. So Reigen decided he needed to find something to fill that innate need of his to learn new things, of course, without stopping the greatest psychic of the 21st century charade for Mob's sake.
The man mastered a few new skills, knitting and sewing being the most useful since he wasn't making enough money to buy new clothes every time his pants ripped or his sweater tore. However, an ad online caught his eye one day. A class for a skill he had never excelled in, in fact a class he had no idea people were actually interested in paying for: picking up girls. Reigen clicked the ad out of curiosity, the same curiosity that always fueled his impulsive nature.
GET GIRLS FAST!
The ad read in large, gaudy, text at the top of a website akin to his own graphic design hell. Many pictures of gorgeous women, almost all of them a few thin pieces of fabric away from nude, hanging on average and below-average looking men. Reigen raised a brow at the obvious scam looking back at him, bright yellow text telling him that if he paid $29.99 he too could have sexy women hanging all over him.
"Yeah, okay sure" he scoffed, scrolling down some more to find a link to MobTube account. Clicking that led him to a channel overflowing in obviously staged videos of some guy picking up girls in various locations. It was a Saturday night, Reigen was sitting alone in his apartment having a beer and mindlessly browsing the internet, might as well waste a few minutes watching the videos.
"Hey there, bad dude nation!" The conventionally attractive man in a tight shirt yelled as the video started.
"I'm sorry, the what?" Reigen laughed, putting his laptop down on his bed to lay down next to it as he watched the video.
"Today I'm going to show you that getting girls is all about confidence! It has nothing to do with looks or what you say!" The man yelled as the camera zoomed out, displaying him on the beach.
"Does he only yell?" Reigen snickered, sipping his beer and kicking his feet back and forth in the air as he laid on his stomach.
"I'll be getting girls' numbers without saying any words to them!" The man shouted before the video transitioned into a long and loud intro sequence.
"Holy shit!" Reigen yelped, almost spilling his beer as he rapidly tapped the lower volume button. Once the intro finished begging him to like and subscribe for clear skin, the man was now dressed as a mime and silently trying to get a girl's number. The girl was, of course, in a tiny bikini with the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Reigen laughed so hard he started crying as the miming turned into just straight up making out with the woman.
"See guys, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do! What women want is a man with confidence!" The man was yelling after a hard cut from the soft core porn to a far too close shot of his mime makeup face.
"Hey, you might want to put a jump scare warning for the people jerking off man" Reigen giggled after finishing his beer. He laughed at a few more, equally ridiculous, videos before deciding he was too curious to not see what this guy was selling on his website.
After returning to the website, Reigen read through what exactly was being offered for the low, low price of $29.99. It was an online course, most likely just more videos like the ones on the MobTube channel, and access to a chat room that the pickup artist himself was in and giving out tips and tricks on. Reigen bit his lip, hovering his cursor over the pay now button as curiosity ate away at him. It was an obvious scam, no way would the course actually make him able to pick up girls. Reigen knew this, he was positive even. Still, he clicked.
After hesitantly typing in his card information, Reigen was brought to a different website. This one was neater, with a menu of the courses he could take. Reigen wasn't surprised to find out that once he finished the first two courses he would need to pay an additional $10 for every course after that, and there were fifty courses in total. His curiosity, and wallet, weren't strong enough to dish out the $480 to complete his training to become the greatest pickup artist of the 21st century.
Though, he did click through the two he had just paid for. Like he thought, they were compilations of the guy's YouTube videos with a few clips of him reading from a script about vague dating tips. However, after he finished the second course he got a pop up telling him he could practice his new pick up artist skill with a real girl online at that very moment. Reigen eyed the pop up for a moment, mulling over what exactly that could mean and if he should click accept or deny. He hovered over the deny button with his mouse, only to get another pop up asking him if he was a pussy. Which was enough to get him to click accept.
As he clicked the button a video chat window popped up, along with a box asking for permissions to access his camera and microphone. Behind that box was a girl, waiting for him to join the video call. Reigen nervously sat up and tried to position the laptop at a better angle so he wouldn't look dumb as he clicked the accept buttons. At this point the man had already drank two beers, which would be the same as finishing a six pack for a person with a normal alcohol tolerance.
"Uh, hello?" Reigen mumbled as his camera and microphone turned on, a window next to the one with the girl in it displayed what he looked like: drunk and tired in a dark room.
"Hi" she smiled back at him, Reigen couldn't help but sweat as he looked over her beauty.
"So, uh, what now?" He asked dumbly as he stared at her.
"What do you mean?" She tilted her head and furrowed her brow, visibly confused by his question.
"So like, is it role-playing or am I just shooting my shot as me?" Reigen asked nervously.
"Um, buddy I don't know what you're talking about?" The girl leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms, "you called me, I assume for tech support."
"What" Reigen narrowed his eyes, fully confused and drunk.
"I'm y/n, from MobCom technical support" she shook her head, annoyed, "I got a pop up here at work that you were calling regarding help with a technical issue with your office computers using our software."
"I uh, I was on a pick up artist website. It told me you were calling me to get hit on" his face went red as the words left his mouth, the realization that the scummy website had set this up as a way for gross men to hit on unsuspecting women while they were working sobering him up quickly.
"You were what?" She raised a brow, a smile trying to tug at the corners of her lips.
"Yeah, I got an ad for this website that said I'd get hot girls all over me if I bought this course from a pick up artist" he began ranting nervously, no thoughts only words, "but it was definitely a scam and it looks like it's hacked into your companies customer service system or something to set guys up with a random girl to hit on" he only stopped talking when the woman on his screen began laughing uncontrollably.
"That's so pathetic!" She chuckled, "what is wrong with you?" Her eyes wet from laughing so hard.
"Hey, I only did it cause I'm buzzed and bored!" Reigen laughed back, "I swear this guy's MobTube channel is pure gold! All scripted videos of him basically just making out with models he's definitely paid to be there!"
"And you paid him money just for fun?" The girl leaned forward with a playful look.
"I'm bored okay" Reigen smiled, "I worked hard for those thirty bucks and I can waste them however I want" he ran his fingers through his hair, a smug smile plastered on his lips.
"Oh my god, you paid thirty dollars!?" She began laughing again, "Dude I wish I had thirty dollars to burn on something that dumb" she doubled over laughing loudly.
"What are you doing working so late on a Saturday anyways?" Reigen asked out of nowhere as he noticed the time.
"MobCom runs all over the world despite being based in Seasoning City in Japan, so I work remotely overnight to help people overseas or people in the country who are having technical difficulties at strange times. We regularly get great ratings for our customer service because of it" she chirped, getting more comfortable in her desk chair.
"So what exactly is MobCom?" Reigen asked, opening another beer. He didn't usually have someone to talk to on Saturday nights, unless he went to the bar, so he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to hang out with someone.
"It's a software company, we make communication software for companies" she shrugged, "normally when people are having issues with the software they get put through to either a phone call or video call, depending on their preference, with me or someone else. I can remotely access any computer with our software installed with permission from the user, most of the time the client isn't drinking beer though" she giggled as he took a long sip.
"Well I'm not a client, I'm some lame guy who got scammed by a pickup artist and you're collateral" Reigen laughed before chugging the rest of the beer, regaining his drunkenness, "you deserve a drink too, a real weirdo could have gotten to you instead of me you know."
"I'm pretty sure you're a real weirdo" she laughed, "and actually I'm already drinking wine" she blushed, pulling the glass into frame.
"You drink while you're working?" Reigen teased, wiggling his finger in front of the camera, "tsk tsk" he feigned disappointment before opening another can.
"I'm pretty sure everyone who works in customer service deserves a drink while they deal with the general public" she laughed, taking a swig of the red wine.
"Oh, I get that" Reigen laughed, "yesterday I had this guy in my office who kept telling me if I didn't lower my prices he wouldn't pay them, after we finished everything! He even knew the prices before he agreed!"
"What do you do for work?" She asked, swirling her cup. Reigen swallowed, he didn't really want to tell her he was a psychic, that could quickly make this conversation weird if she didn't believe in stuff like that.
"I'm a masseuse" he half lied, "I told the guy my prices for massages and he picked one of the more expensive ones, just to try to talk down the price after we were done."
"You should take payment first then" she shrugged, "can't get stiffed if they refuse to pay before you put in the work."
"Well, yeah" he smiled at her dumbly, "you're right, I should do that" Reigen was surprised such a pretty girl had stayed and chatted with him for so long, especially given the rather dubious way the conversation was brought to life.
"You're pretty drunk huh?" She laughed, inspecting him on her screen.
"No, it's sad if you're drunk alone" he rubbed his neck, "I'm just a little buzzed" he winked.
"You're not alone" she smiled, holding her glass up to the camera, "cheers" she giggled before taking a sip.
"Shouldn't you be getting to work? Talking to actual clients?" Reigen teased, hoping she wouldn't actually leave but he didn't want her to feel trapped in their chat.
"And talk to people mad about their computers not working?" She rolled her eyes, "yeah, no thanks! I'll enjoy my little break for a bit longer."
"Well I'm glad I could spend thirty bucks to give you a little break" Reigen smiled, shifting in his bed to lay down. He was starting to get tired, exhausted from the work week and the alcohol settling in his stomach.
"Me too" she blushed into her wine glass, "of all the weirdos to get hacked into my service system I'm glad it was you" she said in almost a whisper before chugging her drink, a little embarrassed she actually said that aloud.
"That's pretty cute" Reigen laughed, "you said you're based in Seasoning City? Me too" he wasn't really sure why he said it, maybe he secretly hoped she would offer to meet up sometime.
"Oh wow, small world" she blushed, "I didn't get your name by the way."
"Reigen Arataka, the greatest psychic of the 21st century" he mumbled sleepily, eyelids getting heavy as he snuggled into his pillow.
"Oh?" She giggled, "a masseuse and a psychic? You sure are talented."
"Mmm, come to my office sometime. I'll give you a discount on a massage and palm reading" he smiled stupidly as sleep began to take him, his words leaving his lips without thought.
"Maybe I would if I knew what your business was called, sleepy head" she laughed, eyeing him as he began to fall asleep. Reigen couldn't get any more words out as he passed out, y/n watched him for a moment and sighed before closing the chat. After another call, with a much more annoying and rude man, she decided to try googling Reigen. To her surprise she got a few results, one of them being the Spirits and Such website.
Opening the website provided her with some more laughter, the horribly designed website looked like something out of a nightmare as she tried to find an address. A soft blush on her cheeks as she paused her scrolling to look at a collage of photos of Reigen with satisfied customers. The blush was in part from the wine, but also the cute dopey face he was pulling in each picture; one she hoped to see again.
Unable to locate the address for the office she decided to just fill out an appointment request form, assuming she would be given the address from that. When a questionnaire popped up about why she was seeking out a psychic she decided to have some fun with it.
Q. What kind of paranormal problems have you experienced?
This really cute guy randomly popped up inside my computer, I need your psychic powers to get him out of the screen.
Q. Have you been to any other psychics to help with this problem?
I'm afraid you're the only one who would be able to help me, so I have nowhere else to go.
Q. Are you a returning customer?
Gees, do people really encounter enough paranormal problems to become regulars? Lol
Q. When would be the best time for you to come in for a consultation?
Anytime before 4pm Monday-Friday and I'm available for dinner or a drink on Saturdays.
Sufficiently satisfied with her responses she submitted the request along with her email address and phone number for Reigen to contact her. Giddy for when he might call or message her, y/n returned to scrolling through the photos on his website while she waited for customer service requests. It had been a few years since she last was in the dating scene, her job had weird hours that made dating hard after all. However, Reigen Arataka had thoroughly interested her.
It was kind of dark in his room during the call, but he didn't look ugly. His laugh was nice, and so was his voice. Besides, how fun would it be to tell people how they met? Y/n spent the rest of her shift giggling to herself about how excited she was to hear back from him. That was until a week went by with no response.
Frustrated, she sent another request form with more serious answers. Sure she lied a little, saying she thought she was cursed and needed the curse dispelled by a professional. Luckily this time she got a response the day after sending the request in, an email from Reigen asking her if an appointment at noon the upcoming Thursday worked for her. Although she was annoyed it took so long to get this far, she excitedly emailed back her approval and finally got the address to the Spirits and Such Consultation Office.
…
"Welcome!" Reigen beamed as y/n walked into the office, he hopped up from his desk to walk her into the space and pull her chair out for her.
"Thank you" she smiled nervously, after so long looking forward to the encounter she had no idea what to say. Especially since he didn't seem to remember her as he explained pricing options for curse dispelling.
"This package is a little pricey, but it's guaranteed to remove the course! If it doesn't, your next package is 20% off!" Reigen shot her a slimy smile as he smoothed down his hair. She tried to hold back her giggling, she wasn't sure what she was expecting when she came in, but it wasn't whatever this was.
"I'll take the guaranteed one" she smiled watching him readjusting some papers on his desk, she did find him attractive and he was certainly interesting.
"Fantastic! I'll show you to the curse dispelling room then" Reigen got up from his seat and ushered her to a side room, "undress to your comfort level, I'll knock before I come in again. If you're not on the table and ready for me just yell out 'no' okay?" His eyes were soft, comforting, as he leaned against the door frame waiting for her confirmation.
"Yes, I'll let you know. Thanks" she couldn't stop the blush on her cheeks, this man she somewhat cyber stalked to get to see was going to be touching her. The thought made her go beat red as he closed the door behind himself.
Reigen took a quick smoke break to give her plenty of time to undress and get comfortable, when he knocked on the door she shouted back that she was ready and he walked back in. The massage was rough, focusing on her stress spots and removing all her tension. It was the best massage she had ever gotten, not that she got them very often.
"So you're still having people pay after the massage huh?" She teased as Reigen grabbed an oil to use on her back, he turned around quickly.
"Ma-massage? No, this is a curse dispelling technique!" Reigen waved his arms dismissively, sweat beading on his brow.
"Oh? But I thought you were a masseuse?" She picked up her head to look over at him, immediately blushing at the sight. Reigen had removed his suit jacket, sleeves rolled up exposed his forearms, his tie was loose around his neck with his top buttons undone. There was no denying she thought he looked hot, his shirt sticking to his sweaty torso as he walked back to her holding lavender scented massage oil.
"Why would you think that?" Reigen laughed awkwardly.
"Because that's what you said" she giggled before putting her head back in place.
"You must have misunderstood at some point" he chuckled as he smoothed the oil over her back, "though this is similar to a massage" his voice suddenly much lower and quieter, "this is actually an ancient technique to force a curse out of someone's soul" Reigen began a softer and slower approach on her back, fingers dancing along her spine as the room filled with the scent of lavender from the oil.
"I guess I must ha- ahh" a moan cut off her sentence as Reigen's hands moved to her sides, effectively tickling her.
"You okay?" He asked, ripping his hands away from her body.
"Yes! Sorry!" She blushed into the massage table, suddenly regretting her whole life.
"Don't apologize" Reigen chuckled, returning his hands to her back. A few quiet moments passed as he finished up, gently touching her skin in a way that made her force down every audible reaction of pleasure that tried to escape her lips. He leaned down, warm palms on either side of her spine moving up from her waist to her shoulder blades, "does that feel good?" He whispered, unaware of how hot and bothered he was unintentionally getting her.
"Yeah" she moaned breathily, the tone making him shiver, "you're amazing" she whimpered.
"I, uh, I think the curse is gone" Reigen nervously removed his hands from her back, suddenly aware of how sensual he may have come across. He wasn't trying anything like that, he made it a habit to never hit on clients and he would never dare try any funny business in the curse dispelling room. Though, he had jerked off several times to the idea of oiled up sex on the massage table.
"You sure?" She looked over her shoulder, desperate to keep his hands on her.
"Yep! 100% no more curse!" He fidgeted as their eyes met, nervous he was close to crossing a line if she let him. It had been a long while since he got any action, and this whole situation was getting to him. Reigen would be lying if he said he didn't find her extremely attractive.
"I don't know, you've only massaged my back" she giggled, "sorry, you've only dispelled my back. What about the rest of my body?" She shot lust filled eyes his way, not bothering to hide her horny intentions any longer.
"No need" Reigen forced a wide toothy smile as his voice cracked.
"You're sure? I think my chest could really use some attention" she smiled coyly, starting to turn over on the table.
"Oh, wow! You don't have to do that" Reigen was sweating buckets, white shirt wet and displaying his nipples as he watched her roll over. Her perky breasts out in the open for him, "here let me cover you" he tried to keep his eyes squeezed shut as he pulled the towel covering her lower half up to her chest.
"It's okay, that's where I need the ma-dispelling" she smiled, placing her palm on the back of his hand to stop him from covering her.
"That, uh, I don't do that" he blushed looking down at his feet.
"You know, for a guy who paid to learn how to flirt with women, you really suck at it" she laughed, watching him shy away.
"Wait" his eyes narrowed on her face, "you're not.."
"Y/n from MobCom" she smiled, watching as realization washed over Reigen.
"Wait, but… seriously?" He laughed a little, mind blown that the beautiful girl put in the effort to see him in person.
"Is that 20% discount still on the table?" She giggled.
"Of course" he smiled, suddenly feeling much more confident, but definitely not ready to touch her in such an intimate way. He cleared his throat, "I think I'd rather take you to dinner before touching you there" he smiled nervously.
"Is that what you learned in pick up artist school?" She teased, making him roll his eyes.
"I'll leave to let you change, come out when you're ready for the palm massage Miss. Tech Support" Reigen couldn't stop smiling as he left the room, his cheeks beginning to burn from smiling too much. That cute girl actually came to his office, clearly had an interest in him, and might even go out for dinner with him. Reigen smiled stupidly to himself as he wondered if he should leave a positive review on that pickup artists website.
#reigen arataka#reigen arataka x reader#mob psycho 100 fan fiction#reader uses female pronouns#reigen arataka does not know how to flirt#my attempt at fluff
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