#get milk

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[whoify]

s10e05, oxygen // s11e07, kerblam!

lol. lmao even

#dwedit #doctor who #twelfth doctor #thirteenth doctor #timelordgifs #milk gifs #also i can't get over how much more visually interesting the shot of 12 is and how that isn't just a one off thing #hits #<- unfortunately #kerblam fiasco

[plasticsandwich]

knock you up

#milk #nudity #haiii hawwoooo..... im alive #relatively #i couldve finished this like a month ago #but i just kept getting worse mskdmfskdfs #feeling better now though!!! so #yippeeeeee #i think i wanted to do something else with this but i forgot #i like how it ended up regardless

[yuurionviktor]

My favorite little gremlin

#the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #gideon the ninth #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the 9th #harrow the first #things ive made #honestly pretty proud of this one #this is what getting milk tea does to motherfucker (me) #did it in 4 hours also which is to me honestly crazy?? #tlt fanart

[cuppajj]

rough wippy of an animatic i want to do with shadow milk cookie! i wanted to make them shapeshift because messing with PV's mind is fun like that

#crk #cookie run kingdom #shadow milk cookie #pure vanilla cookie #spiritually: #dark cacao cookie #hollyberry cookie #golden cheese cookie #white lily cookie #beast yeast #cjj anims #animatic wip #might not get to the full thing til after i'm done with the cassie one but i wanted to do this rq because insp hit me like a bus #I did this in one night instead of sleeping lmao #be more chill #pitiful children #wip

[milf-lover42]

I’ll never be over how Shauna sees the group’s faces in her dream after they’ve eaten the baby. It’s such a fascinating insight into Shauna’s mind to me. Lottie looks practically childlike. She makes an attempt to wipe her face but not in an ashamed way, it’s simply a casual motion to wipe her lip, as if the actual amount of blood on her face doesn’t exist to her and it’s simply a crumb that rests on her lip. It seems like she has orchestrated this, but she’s unaware what they are really doing, as if she doesn’t understand this is Shauna’s BABY.

Akilah looks terrified, she’s sorry she’s doing this but she can’t help it. She’s almost about to throw up thinking about what she’s doing but she’s just so hungry she can’t help but eat what’s been given.

Van nearly snarls like a fucking wolf which I find FASCINATING. Van has never been aggressive toward Shauna, but she IS a strong ally to Lottie, and that seems to be enough of a threat to Shauna.

Taissa is very clearly being seen as her sleepwalking self, with the quick movements, sloppy chewing, and animalistic stare. Natalie is desperately ashamed of what she has done, trying to wipe away the evidence and so sorry that she has betrayed Shauna in such a way but she just couldn’t stop herself. It’s as if Shauna knows neither of them could be consciously capable of this, even in her dream. These two have been her strongest allies and Shauna doesn’t believe they would willingly hurt her in this way, but it could still happen somehow. Natalie also has the least amount of blood on her, like she was the last to dig in, or ate the least and most carefully. Being as respectful as possible until the last second.

And Misty. Misty looks at Shauna as if she wants to worship her. She looks for a moment like “ah shit, listen Shauna I know this looks bad” but the most prominent message from her expression is as if she is grateful to Shauna for feeding them again. Shauna has been the one keeping them fed for so long. First with Jackie, and now her baby.

#yellowjackets spoilers #misty and nats expressions get me the most #there is SO much happening in their minds #yellowjackets #shauna shipman #lottie matthews #akilah yellowjackets #van palmer #taissa turner #natalie scatorccio #misty quigley #jackie taylor #yellowjackets s2 #yellowjackets 2x06 #milk talks #milk and laz #milk and laz do yj #tw blood #tw gore #cannibalism #tw: cannibalism

[ventique18]

Book 7 ~ if ~

#I'll wait for this sketch to age like milk when grandma Maleficia gets revealed #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #maleficia draconia

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Oh Skinzun, we're really in it now...

#poorly drawn svsss #SVSSS #shen qingqiu #Skinzun #This was how I announced I was ending my twitter hiatus #Honestly this is why I love the SVSSS fandom. The open permission and acceptance to draw weird shit and have fun. #SQQ as a fleshy skin-cat creature with heavy breasts? And his disciples as milk hungry kittens? Why not! #Do you think love can bloom in the bosoms of skinzun? #I think this might be the fastest I've ever drawn and colours something too. Is it an omen of things to come? #This is going in my queue and if I cant finish today's comic on time it gets uploaded instead <3 #Genuine apologies to people who are avoiding this meme. I really hope you had it tagged before now.

[abyssalcookie]

LE͙͇̥̻̮̟ͅT̨͚ ͞Ḿ͓̰E̷̖͕̣̣͓ H̕E̛͍͕A̩͓͖̥̜͉L ̰͚̮͔̩͈Y̵̜̺̟͍͎O͔͎͙̣̬̪͙U̴R͘ ̞P̶A̙͉I̘N̠͍S̜

===========================

Can someone please get this stupid clown out of my head? He's been living in there rent-free for the last few days and has fed me nothing but poison in the form of memes.

Also, I told you I'd freakin do it. @milk-and-trickery

#shadow milk cookie #pure vanilla cookie #crk #cookie run fanart #cookie run kingdom #This is NOT a ship post. so please don't take it as such. ty~ #GET OUT OF MY SKIN

[groovyfrog420]

"subtle hints"

part 1

part 2

#tbh I get it Shadow Milk - if I were you I'd do everything to see that face again too. PV turned out so funny here sfsdfsfs #shadow milk cookie #cherry blossom cookie #shadow milk #shadow milk crk #shadow milk fanart #shadowvanilla #cherry blossom crk #pure vanilla cookie #pure vanilla crk #pureshadow #vanilla milkshake #the artist is sleep deprived if there's any typos no there isn't #blorbo-time

[hoofpeet]

Girls b drinking iced coffee

#hoof draws #hoofology #*slide 1 is her natural hair btw #if anyone goes to a coffee shop w/ an almond joy thing on the menu get that shit btw #mocha + coconut thing with almond milk . they slap

[98chao]

quick valentines doodle

#last year i made a comic but erm. hand cramp #trying my best to avoid carpal tunnel #happy valentines day to those who celebrate it! im aro. so i dont (romantically at least) #but i get an extra excuse to draw vanilla milkshake #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #crk #pure vanilla cookie #shadow milk cookie #shadowvanilla #vanilla milkshake #my art #clip studio paint #2024

[milkcioccolato]

Poor feral baby Shin has never used a public transport in her entire life, she doesn’t know how they work

#R.I.P. ticket inspector #please respect your service workers and don’t knock them out with your force powers #Ahsoka has to bail Shin out of jail like once every week #she’s mostly getting arrested for assault and battery #Star Wars #milks artsies #ahsoka #ahsoka tano #Sabine wren #shin hati #wolfwren

[horreurscopes]

thirty & flirty & thriving / shower drains HATE them

#horreurart #death note #spent an hour slapping some color on this several months old sketch because i really like it but i don't think it's ever getting finished 💀 #anyway where's morgan's Mello Is Fine posting. because he is. fine. look at him. he works out #also please note i tried to give mello stubble but i hated it so much i got rid of it. sorry im too much of a lesbian. i'm sure he'd #look properly rugged but i can't pull it off #anyway local hot goth who is aging like milk due to severe substance abuse in his youth + his ethereal elfin boyfriend of confusing gender #because mello is Fine near's hair gets done because in this universe he is not grievously depressed (: it's yaoi so i get to decide the #complex ptsd's been [REDACTED] out of him (it has not) #thanks for coming to my ted talk #meronia #near #mello #near dn #mello dn #mihael keehl #nate river #near death note #mello death note

[escaped-goat]

My Tav, Grabbing Gale by the collar: "No, Gale. Don't take off the earring.

I want you to wear the symbol of your ex so she can hear how hard I fuck my whole heart into you, then wonder why you're callin my name and not hers like a prayer out in the wilds.

Let Mystra hear what it's like to actually be worshipped by you."

Gale: *gives a shaky thumbs up*

---Draft snippet from a fic I'm writing---

(Art incoming of my Tav who did said smashing in the wilds. Eventually. I have so much work to do. Wish me luck).

#ayo #fuck mystra #me and all my homies hate mystra #she's such a soggy sack of fish fat #i hate her more than i hate coconuts #which is a lot #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 gale #probably should have stayed in drafts but i needed to get one on that milk-toast she-heathen #love my boi #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale deserves better

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Chap

Debut: Super Paper Mario

For today's post we will be talking about some guy. Just some guy off the street. This is Chap, who sure is a chap. A fellow. Doggone it, he might even be a sort of character! Let's learn about this guy.

Chap loves milk. It is an obsession, quite frankly. He spends all his time at the local milk bar, either drinking milk or talking about milk. And something about this is just so unwholesome to me. There's just something about milk, you know? Maybe you don't. It might just be me. I'm not lactose intolerant or anything, I just don't like the mouth feeling or aftertaste of milk.

Not Chap though! He loves everything about milk! He jokes that milk runs through his veins. He has once worried that it ACTUALLY does, and went to a doctor about it. And maybe it does! We are not explicitly told otherwise. Let's see what the side effects of too much milk are.

Here's Chap looking in the other direction while you wait, if you were really itching for another Chap Image. A Chap Snapshot. A Chapshot, even. That sounds weird, actually! Just a Chap Image, please! Thank you.

Anyway, Milk. You may be thinking Chap's bones must be really strong, with all his milk! He doesn't look much like he has bones, but he does have veins, so sure why not. However, too much milk may lead to increased chance of bone fractures! Uh oh, he's a brittle boy! And if that wasn't enough, it might also lead to increased likelihood of prostate cancer. Oh no, Chap from Super Paper Mario! Your prostate! Everything in moderation! This isn't worth your weird character gimmick!

Super Paper Mario also has a whole different guy whose name is also Chap! But this post isn't about him.

#chap #super paper mario #mario #mario allies #? #he does not really help mario i guess #but he sure would not mind helping himself to some milk! #mario guys #mario fellas #the other chap does not get his own tag #sorry to him #mod chikako