#fyi i do like some vegetables. i just tend to like the kinds of vegetable i grew up eating. and i live in a place with minimal for produce-

[detroitwhatitmeanstobehuman]

Chapter 8 - November 7th

Part 8/17 of What it Means to be Human

Word Count: 7204

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex.

Genre: Self-insert/Fluff

Pairing: OC (Detective Rachel) X Connor

Rating: Teens and Up

Summary: Waking up at Detective Rachel’s home, Connor wakes up earlier than she does and opts to make her breakfast. While he and Lieutenant Anderson take care of something for her, Connor decides to spend a whole day with Rachel to look after her and spend time with her. Both as a partner and as a friend.

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

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Date: November 7th, 2038  Time: 08:30 AM Rachel - Partner Objective: Spend the Day with Rachel

At the time he had set for his stasis to be interrupted, Connor awoke. However, when he had opened his eyes, to his surprise, he found himself face-to-face with Rachel.

He remembered very clearly that she had his back to him the night before. He also remembered that her arms were not currently woven around him the night before. Which meant that in her sleep, she turned over and wrapped her arms around him.

Software Instability ^ Taking in the features of her face, he took in every detail. Her outline was round and soft, quite delicate which didn’t accurately portray her fiery nature underneath. Her eyebrows were rather thick and there was evidence that she regularly managed their shape. 

All over her face were scars, a couple that were slashes underneath her left eye that seemed to be very very old faded scars. But they mostly appeared to be acne scars. 

His eyes then drifted to her lips. They were small and to the upper left under her nose was a clearly defined beauty spot. There was a bit of hair on her lip that while visible wasn’t noticeable. Given that she regularly shaped her eyebrows, it seemed that it was a conscious choice to leave her lip hair alone. 

As he carefully catalogued every aspect of her face, he couldn’t help but notice the small soft smile on her face. She looked so peaceful, undisturbed, and blissful.

Software Instability ^ He tried to pry himself away to start the day, but she let out a small sad moan as she wrapped her arms tighter around him. “No...” She murmured, still half-asleep. “No leaving...not allowed...”

Connor sat there, somewhat taken aback as she continued to nuzzle herself into him. He thought for a moment if it would be better for him to stay there until she woke up, or if he should risk disturbing her. Though that second option made him feel unpleasant at the thought.

Wake Up

Stay

Leave

Taking painstaking efforts to detach himself from Rachel’s grip (of which was very persistent), he slipped out of her grasp without waking her and walked over to the bureau where he put his clothes the night before. Quickly getting dressed and placing the robe she allowed him to use back where he found it, he opened one of the drawers and found a pen and some paper.

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I blinked my eyes open slowly. I still felt some exhaustion, but I was at least trying to break the habit of going back to sleep once I started waking up. I was very much not a morning person, but it didn’t exactly feel great to waste so much of the day on sleep.

I then realized that something was missing, and the events of yesterday began to resurface and I quickly tried to suppress a blush. Connor spent the night. In my bed. With me. How tired was I?

Actually, speaking of which, I reached over to the nightstand to check my phone when I noticed a piece of paper folded perfectly to stand upright written in perfect font there in front of me.

Reaching over to grab my glasses, I picked up the note and started reading it.

Dear Rachel,

I had set the time for 8:30 AM for my stasis to be interrupted, and when I awoke, you were still asleep. I didn’t want to disturb you, so I took it upon myself to begin preparing a healthy breakfast for you. By my estimation, it should be ready by the time you awake properly. I hope my absence doesn’t alarm you, but I would have found it regrettable to disturb you before you properly woke up. Rest assured that I did not leave you and that I’m here for the whole day for whatever you wish of me.

Regards, Connor.

I smiled uncontrollably, feeling my cheeks bunch up. “Awwww, that’s actually really sweet.” I said out loud, placing a hand on my chest. But as I put the paper back on the nightstand and slipped out of bed, I realized I was...confused.

It was one thing to spend the night, I asked him to do that. It was another to make me breakfast. After all, it would be pretty rude and selfish to just take off in the morning without saying anything, and he had an advanced enough social program to know that. That at least struck me as a formality, even if breakfast was a little much.

But it was entirely another to decide to spend the entire day here. Just...for me. I didn’t ask him to do this. He just...decided he wanted to. I tried racking my brain for any possible relation to his mission. Any reason this could be related to apprehending deviants, but...I couldn’t find any.

He seemed to just be doing this because he wanted to.

Shrugging, I made my way downstairs, immediately noticing the unmistakable smell of frying bacon. Making my way into the kitchen, I saw him, clear as day at the stove frying up some bacon strips. His LED flickered yellow occasionally, but he seemed to be focused on his task. He noticed me enter and turned to see me, a slight smile on his face. “Good morning, Rachel.” He greeted. “I’m sorry, I expected you to be asleep for longer. Lieutenant Anderson mentioned that you were a heavy sleeper and tended to sleep in on mornings off.”

“Usually.” I replied, rubbing my eyes and taking a seat at the table, noticing Bear over by Connor, sitting in the way he sits when he wants food. “Bear!” I shouted, snapping my fingers. “Over here!” The dog sauntered over to me and I sighed, rubbing his head. “You know you’re not supposed to beg for food, you silly baby.” Then I realized. “Oh! I have to feed him! Sorry, baby.”

“Actually, I already have.” Connor replied, turning to me once again. “As per your instructions. I’ve actually taken care of all your early morning tasks as they are listed.”

He then pointed to the list of tasks I had posted on sticky notes on the wall of the kitchen above the counter. “Oh, you didn’t have to do that.” I said, feeling sort of light-headed from all this attention. 

“This is your day off.” Connor replied rather coolly. “I thought it best you have as little to do today as possible.”

I couldn’t stop the smile on my face. “Well, thank you...that’s really kind of you, Connor.” It was so...strange. This was so domestic and I settled into it pretty immediately. I guess I just...missed having someone else who I could share a day with and took to it out of that loneliness. I then glanced over at him. He went back to preparing breakfast. I noticed the plate already had some strips of bacon on it as well as some slices of yellow bell pepper. I widened my eyes at him in surprise. “How did you know yellow peppers were my favourite?”

“They were the only vegetables you had.” Connor pointed out rather matter-of-factly, a tinge of disapproval to his voice. I then sort of stared at the space on the table in front of me in embarrassment. Oh. Right. Yep, that makes more sense. “Speaking of which, I’ll have to take a trip to the nearest grocery store to stock up on ingredients for tonight.”

I snapped my head in his direction again. “Y-you’re cooking dinner?” I asked him in surprise.

“Of course.” He answered immediately, putting the last of the bacon on my plate. “How do you like your fried eggs?”

“Sunny-side up.” I replied without hesitation. “And I like my yolks to be runny.”

“Got it.” The sounds of the crack of eggs and the sizzle of them hitting the pan immediately followed. It was really weird that he glossed over the whole “making dinner” thing without much thought. As if that was just a normal thing he did. It was said so casually that it really threw me off. I glanced over at him from time to time and decided to open my phone. There was a text message from Bianca.

Hey, Rachel. I didn’t get a text from you last night, but I know you’re probably busy. Just text me when you wake up, okay? - 11:12 PM

I smiled and started to write a text back to her. Hey, Bianca. I sent. Sorry, yeah. A lot happened, but don’t worry, I’m good. Thanks to Connor. I waited for a moment before a thought crossed my mind. Could we FaceTime, actually?

I waited for a moment, glancing over at Connor again. “Hey, just a quick FYI, I asked Bianca if we could FaceTime.” I let him know. “I was going to text her last night, but...well, you know.”

“Of course.” Connor replied curtly. “Breakfast should be ready in just a moment.”

“Cool cool. Thanks, Connor.” I said casually. I checked my phone again, and sure enough, Bianca texted me back.

Sure - 9:32 AM

Navigating through my phone’s home screen, I found the icon and tapped on it. I then tapped on Bianca’s contact and propped the phone up on the table and waited for her to pick up.

And sure enough, she did. “Hi, Bianca!” I greeted brightly, smiling.

“Hiiiiiii!” Bianca said, once the connection settled for a bit. “How are you?”

“Doing pretty good, it’s my day off.” I replied casually, sighing. “How are things going with you?”

“Good! Good.” She replied in the way she usually replies. “Just, y’know, about to go to work. I wanted to see how you are.”

“Yeah, I had a fucking crazy day yesterday, holy shit.” I said, feeling a lot more comfortable now. If there was one person I trusted and felt like I could tell anything, it was my sister.

Connor then broke my attention when he set my plate down in front of me. “Your breakfast is ready.” He said, hovering a little bit behind me to get a good look at Bianca.

“Thank you!” I said, chipperly.

“Hiiiiiiii!” Bianca called, seeing Connor behind me.

“Hello!” Connor greeted curtly. “You must be Bianca. Rachel’s told me about you.”

“That’s Connor.” I explained. “He was assigned to work the case with Hank and I. Well, he and Hank were assigned the case and I was put on it yesterday.”

“Oh, okay!” Bianca said, smiling. “Well, it’s nice to meet you!”

“Likewise.” Connor nodded and stepped away. “How do you take your coffee, Rachel?”

“As black as my soul.” I replied with no hesitation.

He was quiet for a moment before he replied. “So, does a French vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar sound acceptable?”

I then heard Bianca start breaking into a fit of laughter on the other end as I grumbled at him, grabbing his tie and yanking him down to me. “Listen here, you little shit!”

I expected at least some reaction. Or maybe nothing at all. But the smug son of a bitch just tilted his head with a smirk and a quirk of his brows. “Yes? I’m listening.”

I glared at him as Bianca kept laughing. But the longer I stared into his warm chocolate eyes, the less I could keep up an angry front. He was too damn cute to stay mad at, and I think the fucker knew that. I just let out a defeated sigh and looked up at him with a gentle smile, letting go of his tie. “That actually sounds nice. I’d really appreciate that, thank you.”

“I’ll get started, then.” Connor said, walking away as if nothing happened. “You should eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned at him. “Yes, mom.”

“I like him a lot already.” Bianca said from the other end, still giggling. “Oh my God, that was so funny.”

“Oh, he has quite the sense of humour.” I said, mostly sarcastically as I stole a glance at him.

Bianca was on the computer while she was talking to me and I could hear the absentminded typing on her end. “He’s cute.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, scanning him over as he had several coffee ingredients prepared. “No argument here.” I begrudgingly agreed. “Just don’t tell him that. He’s enough of a smug bastard as is.”

Connor then caught my eye and flashed me another one of his accursed smirks. “You don’t seem to mind.”

“Don’t you sass me, you microwave!” I snapped, narrowing my eyes and pointing at him while Bianca started laughing at me.

“Oh my God. That’s too funny.” She sighed, getting the laughs out.

I scoffed. “Yeah, hilarious.”

“He’s an android, right?” Bianca asked curiously. “He seems way more advanced than the other androids I’ve seen.”

I snickered a bit. “Yeah, that’s ‘cause he’s a prototype.” I explained. “An RK800 model. He was sent by CyberLife as an android detective designed to assist investigators to help us with this case. The police department, not us specifically.”

“No no, I get it.” She took in, nodding her head. “What case are you working on right now? You never actually told me.”

“No! I didn’t!” I exclaimed, realizing my mistake. “Sorry, I kept forgetting to. We’re investigating a bunch of incidents of crimes involving androids that turned deviant. It’s basically androids who’ve broken through their programming and think and behave more similarly to humans than their original programming.”

Bianca was quiet for a moment, listening and I was assuming that there was some lag in the connection. “Holy shit! That’s kinda scary.”

I sort of shrugged. “It sounds scary, I’ll admit.” I conceded. The concept of machines breaking free and developing their own free will was indeed a frightening concept. “But, once you actually talk to one, they just...seem like any other person. They’re surprisingly not that much different than us.”

“Huh.” Bianca responded. “Guess that goes to show what I know about androids.”

I sort of blinked at her and made a baffled look at her. “You worked with androids!”

“Yeah, their hardware!” Bianca pointed out. “Not their software. I know how to fix damaged parts and how they work, but I don’t know shit about their programming or how their brains fucking work.”

“You code for a living!” I retorted.

“Not super advanced android AI. That shit’s way fucking harder than video games!” Bianca clarified.

I nodded. “Yeah, okay. Fair point.”

A moment of lazy typing went by before she said anything else. “Speaking of which, how’s your arm, by the way?”

I deskined my arm and flexed my hand to show it off to her. “As per the usual, pretty good.” I replied, giving her the update. “No issues, just the occasional tune up. Although...I did come across something kind of unusual last night.”

Bianca took a little bit to give any indication that she heard what I had said. “Like what?” She asked, curious but also worried.

“Well, last night, we were investigating a homicide in an android sex club downtown.” I started explaining, glancing up at Connor, seeing that he was busily mixing the coffee.

“Oooooh, fun!” Bianca teased.

“You’d think so, but it wasn’t.” I said bluntly. “Anyways, we were investigating a deviant who had killed a patron approximately an hour before we got to the scene. We discovered that it was hiding out in the club still, and,” I glanced up at Connor who was giving me a knowing look, “something happened and I went to go hide in the warehouse where they kept the androids and the parts that came in. Apparently that’s where the two deviants were hiding as well. Now, because I was having a bad time, they saw me and...approached. And they were trying to help me.”

I then saw Connor approaching from my peripheral vision and he placed the coffee in front of me. “What do you mean?” Bianca asked.

As I took the coffee to give it a sip, I then glanced up at Connor, noticing that he was just...standing there. “Are you not gonna sit at the table?” I asked him, raising a confused eyebrow at him.

He seemed to be taken aback a little, shuffling in place. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to sit with you.”

“We slept in the same bed last night.” I emphasized to him, trying to shove down the slight embarrassment at the memory. “You can sit with me while I have breakfast, Connor.”

“Wait, what?” Bianca said, her eyes wide and her eyebrows furrowed together.

“Not like that!” I shouted at Bianca as Connor pulled out the chair and sat down next to me. “You know I don’t roll that way. Last night was just really rough and I needed emotional support.”

“Okay, sorry!” Bianca said hastily.

I sighed. “Anyways, the thing that happened.” I continued, trying to get back on track. “Because last night was sorta real bad, I was curled up having a panic attack in the warehouse when the two deviants approached me. I don’t remember a lot of what they said to me, but the one with the brown hair - they were both girls - she deskinned her hand and grabbed my prosthetic hand. And...I could feel everything that she could feel. And she could feel everything I could feel. And we understood each other through just what we were feeling.”

“You were interfacing.” Connor said, a tone of astonishment in his voice.

Bianca blinked in surprise. “What’s that?”

Anticipating Connor’s explanation, I turned my phone so that we were both in frame. “It’s how androids interact with each other and other forms of technology.” He began explaining. “Androids can take and give information through physical contact and give inputs to other services such as phone calls and online orders. That’s likely what happened with Rachel when she was interfacing with that deviant.”

“But...I’m not an android.” I said with confusion.

“No, but,” Bianca interjected, “I designed your arm to be connected to your brain through the connections to your nerves. It was tough, but that’s how you’re able to move your arm the way you can.”

“You likely can’t receive information the way androids can because you’re human.” Connor added. “But you were able to feel its emotions. That’s something you can process and intake.”

“Huh.” Bianca said. “That’s super fascinating.”

I shrugged. “I guess that makes sense, huh.”

“Yeah.” Bianca said, but I could hear a disappointment in her voice that I knew meant she had to go. “I should let you go, then. I gotta get to work soon.”

“Yeah, yeah. No worries, Bianca. I get it.” I assured her, feeling that same disappointment.

“I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing.” Bianca said.

“Yeah, no, of course.” I then remembered something. “You’re still coming for Christmas, right?”

Bianca was quiet for a moment before she responded. “Yeah, yeah! Definitely. I just need to figure out what days to book off from work. But I’ll let you know once I figure that out.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay. Byeeeeeeeee!”

“Bye!”

“I love you!”

“I love you too, Bianca!” The call then dropped, and I let out a sigh. “I miss her a lot, but it’s nice when we get to have a moment to chat.”

Connor nodded, a surprising glimmer of understanding in his brown eyes. “In a way, I understand that feeling.” He said.

An interesting answer, but the smell of my breakfast was making me realize I was hungry and I decided to dig in, taking a piece of the egg white. I realized that he did the thing where you use the bacon grease to fry the egg to give it extra flavour.

Oh. I thought with a sharp pang to my chest. The way they used to make it.

Trying to push the feeling down, I kept eating my breakfast that was generously made by Connor, occasionally taking a sip of the, honestly really delicious, coffee he made for me.

The moment was quiet as I finished my bacon and eggs, left with the slices of yellow pepper I was absentmindedly nibbling. “Can I ask you a personal question, Rachel?” Connor asked, breaking the silence.

I regarded him curiously for a moment, my eyebrow raised. “Sure, go ahead.” I said with a shrug, taking another bite of a slice of pepper.

“Why don’t you have sex with androids?”

I nearly choked on my pepper and started coughing as I just looked at him with what I was sure was the most baffled look on my face he’d ever seen. “Excuse me?”

“You’ve mentioned multiple times that you don’t have sex with androids.” He continued, seemingly not noticing the sheer gauche nature of this conversation. “But you’ve also mentioned that you’re rather promiscuous, to use more delicate phrasing than you, but that your personal issues is the reason you haven’t had a partner in that time. But renting an android wouldn’t require any personal feelings or trust to be required.”

I sort of narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. “Are you asking because you’re curious or because you’re interested?” Despite his blunt question catching me off-guard, I still couldn’t help but tease. “Because I’m afraid that rule also applies to you, sorry to disappoint.”

His LED flickered red for a moment before he responded. “Just curious, that’s all.” He replied coolly. “I’m always interested to hear your perspectives and reasons for your stances.”

I blinked at him a couple times, fighting the uncontrollable urge to smile. A weird question, but a fair one, I suppose. His face was so innocent and curious that I couldn’t help but feel obligated to give him an answer. “Alright, I’ll bite.” I conceded, finishing off a slice of pepper. “To put it simply, I do not feel comfortable having sex with someone who is incapable of rejecting or withdrawing consent. It makes me extremely uncomfortable.”

Connor’s LED was spinning yellow for a moment before returning to a neutral blue. “I see.” He said. “But, how is it different than perhaps purchasing a human sex worker?”

“Very!” I replied enthusiastically, continuing to munch on my pepper slices. “When you purchase a prostitute or an escort, you don’t just get to do whatever the fuck you want without complaint. First of all, they sort of know what they’re getting into beforehand, so they’ve already consented when you’ve made the purchase. However, they still maintain a certain modicum of control over the situation, in case things get too dangerous or go too far.” I explained, Connor’s LED spinning yellow, showing he was taking in the information. “But androids can’t do that, at least ones that aren’t deviant. They’re programmed not to refuse and certainly not to withdraw from intercourse. If someone cannot withhold or withdraw consent, then their consent has not been given in the first place. And that makes the prospect of having sex with androids extremely uncomfortable to me.”

Connor nodded, folding his hands on the table. “I think I understand.” He said.

As I was finishing my pepper slices, I noticed he was just staring at me. There seemed to be an uncertainty and a curiosity in his expression, and I finished my breakfast and properly looked over at him. “Was there anything else you wanted to know about?” I asked him.

“I was sort of curious about your prosthetic arm.” Connor admitted, his eyes fixated on my left arm. “An android’s biocomponents are powered by thirium, which is regulated by its thirium pump. However, I’m struggling to understand how your arm functions without any of that.”

I sort of scoffed at him, giving him a patient smile. “Just let me put my dishes in the dishwasher, and I’d be glad to show you.” I said to him, starting to get up from the table before he quickly intercepted me, taking my dishes from me.

“No need.” He interjected hastily, walking over to where the dishwasher was. “I’ll take care of it.”

I was about to protest, but I had a feeling he wasn’t going to hear any of it, so I just kept myself seated and went back to sipping my coffee. It was strange to be taken care of...but it wasn’t unpleasant. At least for one day, I could let someone else look after me.

After a moment, Connor returned, seated next to me, and I gave him a shy smile. “Alright, so.” I deskinned my arm to show him it. “Like you said, an android’s biocomponents are powered by thirium and regulated by a thirium pump, which functions like a human heart but for androids. But, considering I am not an android, how does my arm function?” I then quickly located the two buttons on either side of my forearm and pressed them, causing my arm to go stiff and I was able to remove it, showing Connor the two parts of it. “Well, since there’s obviously no thirium going through my body, Bianca had to come up with a creative solution. The part that’s actually attached to my stump is where all the inputs go. It was a really complicated process, but it’s through here where my brain tells my arm to do things. But my arm only accepts input once it’s actually clicked in.” I put my arm on the table and opened it up to show Connor the inner workings of it. “Because I obviously don’t have thirium running through my body, Bianca actually modified this arm to have a much smaller version of a thirium pump so that it can regulate its own thirium and thus not have to rely on an external source of power. But it only activates when it’s attached to my arm.”

Connor’s LED was spinning yellow as he was analysing my arm, seemingly taking note of its unique design and build compared to other android arms and committing it to memory. “Fascinating.” He whispered.

“Isn’t it?” I said with a rather confident tone in my voice. It was definitely some great work, and Bianca never ceased to impress me. I then closed up my arm after Connor was done examining it and took it and slotted it back into place, flexing my hand as it reactivated and started to skin over again. It soon looked no different than my other arm. “It’s definitely the best prosthetic I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I took another sip of coffee, settling into the quiet of the moment again. Clearly Connor had run out of things to ask at the moment, and I honestly appreciated the comfortable silence. That was one thing I really valued about certain friendships. The ability to be completely comfortable in each other’s presence, even if you weren’t doing or saying anything.

All you needed was each other. And there was something special about that sort of connection.

Soon enough, I had finished my coffee without saying anything, Connor took the empty mug and placed it in the dishwasher. “So, I was thinking,” Connor started, looking over at me with his hands neatly behind his back, “it is rather cold today. Approximately -3° Celsius and 6 centimetres of snow on the ground. But if you’d be interested, I was going to suggest that I accompany you for a walk this morning.”

I glanced outside towards my backyard. It was still snowing, but casually. The sight of the white crystals blanketing the rooftops and the trees made me let out a contented sigh. There was something to be admired about the quiet gentle nature of winter, even if it was associated with harshness and unforgiving landscapes and stories.

But it was that sense of solitude and silence that I loved about snow and winter. The sort of delicateness of it all. For as harsh and unforgiving as winter could certainly be, it was also remarkably beautiful and pure. If there was a Heaven, I usually imagine it as something similar.

“That actually sounds really nice.” I said softly, looking back at Connor, who was still standing there patiently with a smile on his face, regarding me carefully. “Was there anywhere specific you had in mind, or did you want me to pick?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.” Connor replied.

I thought about it for a moment. I wasn’t really in the mood to go anywhere specific, and I didn’t really feel like interacting with a lot of people today. Honestly, just a walk around the neighbourhood sounded like enough for me. “Well, the park’s really nice this time of year.” I suggested. “And it’s not too far from here.”

The android then nodded. “Then it’s settled.”

I then got up from my chair, stretching my back, and letting out a groan. My back felt stiff, so like I typically do, I wrenched my torso in both directions harshly to give a hearty crack of my spine. Immediately after, I cracked my neck, as my neck also tended to get stiff after awhile. “Ahhhh, there we go.”

Connor’s eyes narrowed in concern as he approached me. “You should see a chiropractor if you’re having issues with your spine.” He suggested.

I rolled my eyes at him and shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”  I was making my way towards the closet in the hallway before I remembered I was still in my pajamas. “Oh! Right! I should probably get dressed, shouldn’t I?”

“That would certainly be ideal.” Connor replied. “I’ll wait down here until you’re ready.”

“Cool!” I quickly made my way up the stairs and went into my bedroom, picking what I was going to wear.

--------

Date: November 7th, 2038  Time: 10:12 AM Rachel - Partner Objective: Go for Walk with Rachel

“Are you sure you’re not cold?” Connor asked Rachel, concerned. She didn’t leave the house in typical winter attire, just a simple thin winter coat with a hood and the leather boots she had worn the day before. “My scans are indicating that your outer body temperature has dropped significantly and that your core temperature has risen to combat it.”

The shorter woman scoffed at him, her arm hooked around his. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine.” She assured him. “I like the cold. I’ve always been a winter person.”

While they were walking, Connor was getting updates from Hank all morning and Connor’s been researching and relaying information to Hank. Last update was that Luis was known to have his own apartment in Detroit and even his own android, but nothing in regards to any evidence. That part was Connor’s job, and it wasn’t easy. 

“Although November’s always been my favourite month, despite it not being technically winter.” Rachel continued, the snow gently fell on them as they walked, the cold chill of the air permeating Connor’s sensors. He couldn’t really feel the cold. He could only really be aware of it. “Fun fact, I may have spent most of my life on the west coast, but I was actually born in the prairies. I spent my early childhood there. And trust me, there have been some real tough winters there. Blizzards started in October.” 

Software Instability ^ Rachel then smiled softly, her eyes racing the snow that was on the bushes and hedges of their path. “Novembers in the city I was born in were absolutely breathtaking.” She continued. “It was October when the blizzards started, but in November, the snow would sort of come to a standstill. The result was fields left almost completely untouched and blanketed by the purest of white softness. Sunrises were one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing. The way the snow just glimmers like a thousand tiny stars scattered on the ground and how the warm glow of the bright rising sun paints the pure white landscapes in soft hues of oranges, yellows, and reds. But the shadows would always be left in their dark cold blues and violets closest to the sun’s edges. But even in the shadows, the snow still glistened like little embedded diamonds.” She let out a contented nostalgic sigh, a cloud of her warm breath filling the space in front of her. “November was always that moment of respite in between the late October flurries and constant December blizzards. That one period of absolute peace and quiet. It’s still my favourite time of year.”

Software Instability ^ He couldn’t help but notice the blissful expression on her face. The android was fairly certain that he hadn’t seen her so at peace. He then noticed her breath in the air and realized it was much more than one should typically exhale.  Upon further analysis, he realized she was doing it on purpose. “Why are you doing that?” He asked bluntly.

She then blinked at him in confusion. “Doing what?”

“Breathing.” He clarified, earning a baffled look from her. “You’re exhaling excessively.”

Her eyes widened as she then finally understood what he meant. “Ohhhhh! Okay! Sorry, you asked that in a really weird way.” She apologized, leaning into him more. “I like seeing my breath in the cold. It makes me feel like a dragon. Though that’s probably something that you can’t quite understand. But it’s something small that just amuses me personally, I suppose.”

Software Instability ^ She was right in that Connor couldn’t understand that. But he nevertheless found it endearing that she found such amusement in something so small and seemingly insignificant to most humans. In fact, that was something that Connor couldn’t help but admire about Rachel. The fact that she paid attention or found strong feelings in things that seemed so small and insignificant to other humans.

She was right in that she was unique in the way she thought. And he could see it both in her casual demeanour as well as her detective work.

However, he was quickly pulled from his thoughts by a cold impact to his head. He registered the ice crystals that slid off his skin and embedded themselves in his coffee brown hair that it was snow that had hit him.

And when he looked over in the direction it came from, he saw Rachel intentionally avoiding his gaze and staring up at the white cloudy sky whistling nothing in particular. Due to her suspicious behaviour, Connor had easily deduced that she was the one who had thrown snow at him. But her demeanour didn’t suggest that it was malicious and all her behaviour towards him prior suggested it was out of mischief.

Tease

Ask

Throw

Ignore

Software Instability ^ Casting glances aside at her, to make sure she wouldn’t notice, Connor was able to scrounge up enough snow to make a decent snowball, and quickly chucked it at her at the earliest moment.

The snowball had hit her on the side of her hood, and she quickly turned around to stare him in the face. For a moment, Connor was concerned that he had hurt her when she stared at him wide-eyed in shock. 

Software Instability ^ But instead, she narrowed her eyes at him as a small smile spread across her face. In a much lower voice than Connor was used to hearing her speak in, she responded to the android. “So, you have chosen to answer the call to battle.”

--------

Dodging snowballs and taking cover behind trees and cobblestone walls, Connor was locked in a heated battle with his partner.

The android was expecting to have had to let her get away to preserve her ego, but she was actually surprisingly adept at dodging him. Not perfect, of course, but she had good reflexes.

And her aim was not much different. Certainly not perfect, but good enough to actually get some hits on Connor. He couldn’t help but be mildly impressed with her.

Software Instability ^ But the thing he couldn’t help but remain transfixed on was her laughter. It was pure joy. It was comfort. And it was genuine. It wasn’t the kind of laughter when she found something funny, or the kind of nervous laughter one did when they were uncomfortable. Her giggling was pure unadulterated happiness.

Something Connor couldn’t know or feel, really. But something he couldn’t help but want to. Something he couldn’t help but feel drawn to when he saw it so freely given to him in this brief moment of human enjoyment.

The android was aware of the ways humans often sought enjoyment. They were certainly interesting beings that found amusement in the smallest of things. They invented a whole plethora of games each with different rules to follow. But some games were done out of pure instinct, with no real rules to follow. This was one of those games.

Software Instability ^ It was one thing to vaguely know about such concepts. It was another to observe them. And then it was something completely different to be an active participant, and Connor couldn’t deny that it felt...pleasant. There was a certain warmth that bloomed in him to not just be included in, but invited to participate in something so innocent and joyful done for the sheer sake of it. It was something so foreign to Connor to engage in this game with Rachel just because she wanted to. Because she wanted to share this joy with him.

Managing to target and hit Rachel, she let out a shout. “OW!” She exclaimed, dashing behind a tree, clutching her back where Connor had hit her. “You shithead!” She yelled, throwing another snowball at him and missing him.

Tease

Apologize

Throw

“That was 30% strength at most!” He shouted back at Rachel.

“Oh, I’ll show you 30% strength, you Goddamn toaster oven!” Rachel yelled, responding with another thrown snowball in his direction.

Connor peaked around his cover and saw Rachel making a run for the next tree. Deciding to take the opportunity that presented itself to him, he made a hearty throw at her and managed to knock her down, and she quickly folded down into the snow.

Software Instability ^ And she stayed face down in the snow. After a moment of being unresponsive, Connor suddenly felt compelled to end this game and rushed over to her, worry for her consuming his actions. “Rachel?” He called as he approached her lifeless body. “Rachel!” He repeated, shaking her and turning her onto her side to see her face.

Her eyes were closed and she appeared unconscious.

Until she suddenly opened them and grinned at him, whipping her arm out and suddenly he fell onto his back, his vision going white for a moment as he felt a cold impact on his face. The only sound that could be heard was a triumphant laugh from Rachel. 

Software Instability ^ “HA! Well, well, well.” She bragged, her pride audible as the android felt her crawling up to him to tower over him, her arms caging his head. “It would seem that the human detective has bested the RK800 android detective prototype sent by CyberLife. I bet that must be pretty embarrassing for you.”

Scold

Concede

Continue

Connor then smiled up at her. “Indeed you have.” He praised, looking up at her. “A well fought match, detective.”

Software Instability ^ Rachel then rolled her eyes, pushing herself off of him with a scoff, sitting up. “You’re such a good sport. It kinda takes the fun out of this.”

He then raised an eyebrow at her as he sat up as well. “I’m sorry.” He apologized briefly. “Would you rather I appear upset?”

“No!” She cried, clutching his shoulder. “I’m sorry! I take it back! I don’t want you to actually be upset!”

Software Instability ^ Connor couldn’t help but smile at the transparency of her care before she pushed herself to her feet, extending a hand to help him up off the ground.

As soon as they were both back on their feet, both of them looking a bit disheveled, Rachel started waving her hands, sucking a breath in through her teeth seemingly in pain. “Ah!” She gasped. “I really should’ve worn mittens before doing this. This was kind of a bad idea.”

A scan revealed that Rachel’s hands had both dropped in temperature significantly compared to the rest of her body. Connor quickly took both of her hands and clasped his own around hers.

Software Instability ^ A blush quickly formed on her cheeks as she blinked up at him in confusion. “Wh-what are you doing?” She stammered.

“Androids have their own temperature that is maintained. However they’re typically at a much lower body temperature than humans, but they can overheat. While androids don’t technically need to breathe, it helps to prevent overheating. However, we do have some control over the heat our bodies produce.” He began explaining, noticing the intense focus in Rachel’s dark brown eyes fixed on him as he spoke. “Some androids are built to survive in harsh conditions, such as the ones that are sent on space explorations too treacherous for humans. But in general, androids cannot survive in extreme cold or extreme heat, as it damages their biocomponents and potentially causes them to shut down. With the circumstances of your hand, it would be unwise to allow it to remain cold for a long period of time.”

As she stood there, glancing down at his hands that were wrapped around hers, she then slipped her hands out of his and then grabbed them.

Software Instability ^ And to Connor’s surprise, she took them and placed his hands on the sides of her face, her hands resting overtop of his. She then closed her eyes, pressing his hands further into her cheeks, bunching them up as she settled herself further into them. “Warm...” She hummed contentedly, looking as though she might fall asleep in his hands.

Suddenly, Connor was getting another update from Hank. Android’s coming in to confess. Apparently she’s got a lot of evidence against this bastard. The android then tilted Rachel’s head up slightly, getting her to open her eyes at him. “We should probably head back.” He suggested gently.

She then nodded at him, pulling away from his touch. “Yeah, we probably should.” She agreed, making her way towards the path again. “Bear probably needs to go out, anyway.”

Software Instability ^ As they began making their way back towards her home, she linked her arm around his again, leaning more into his shoulder. “This was a really nice walk.” She murmured. “Thank you. I hope you had a good time, too.”

Honest

Indifferent

Software Instability ^ Rachel - Partner ^ “I did enjoy myself.” Connor replied, glancing down at Rachel, who was looking up at him with a meek and soft smile. “I was not designed with this purpose in mind, but I will admit that it was...pleasant to be able to break from my intended role if only for a day.”

---------------------------------

Next Chapter

#connor #connor dbh #dbh #dbh connor #detroit: become human #rk800 #self-insert #self-insert fic #self-insert x connor dbh #oc x connor dbh #dbh what it means to be human #connor x reader #reader x connor

[trustyourgutblog]

❁ Intro. Q&A with S&C ❁

❁ What is your favorite type of movement?

S: I struggled with movement for a long time. Exercise was categorized as a chore in my brain growing up. I had parents who LOVED running, yet running always made me feel like I was dying. I discovered yoga in late high school. Last year, I completely fell in love with a studio that incorporates HIIT, core, and heat to create a dynamic workout. I'm obsessed! It's my therapy, workout, community, and whole heart in one. I also love that yoga is a competition against yourself - constantly bettering your own practice, rather than focused on competition against others.

C: Growing up I was always active and involved in sports like basketball and track. I’ve ALWAYS hated the running aspect, but every now and then I’ll go for a jog outside if it’s nice out. Now that I get to choose my workouts, I enjoy a combination of lifting, yoga, and HIIT workouts. My workout split typically looks like 4 days of lifting and HIIT and 1-2 days of yoga. On rest days, I always start my mornings with a short yoga flow or light stretching. I also enjoy the hot yoga classes that S talked about above! Hot yoga is what brought us together :).

❁ What is your favorite way to de-stress?

S: Oh god. Anything alone. Seriously. I am extroverted until I hit my limit and once I hit that limit it is a hard crash. I recently moved to a really friendly neighborhood and have loved riding my bike to the library, curling up in my hammock, and reading a great book while listening to some instrumental tunes. 

C: So many different ways! As a social worker, in order to be effective, I have to be on top of my self-care at all times. Journaling, meditation, yoga, reading, walking, and playing with my dogs and cats are some of my favorite ways to de-stress. I also find that using ear seeds helps when I’m experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety. Stay tuned for more ear seed info. in later blog posts!

❁ What is your favorite self-care strategy?

S: I need to be organized. I like knowing what food I'm going to eat the next day, having everything written out and color-coded in my planner, etc. I do really well when everything is put in its place and prepped for the next day - to a fault. I tend to deal with my high maintenance personality with obsessive organization because it is the type of self-care that directly combats my ADHD brain and keeps me functioning.

C: In addition to the ways that I de-stress above, I find a sense of calm in my weekly routine. At the beginning of the week, I enjoy cooking and meal prepping lunches for work, cleaning, and journaling my goals and intentions for the week. I have a Panda Planner that I like to use to stay organized. I also feel my best when I’m taking care of myself (i.e. focusing on eating well, being active, and maintaining my beauty/skincare routine).

❁ What are your health passions?

S: I have been on and off vegan for 6 years. I decided to start it back up at the beginning of this year, and 99% of the time I follow veganism. That's a HUGE passion of mine. I also recently started cycle syncing and I can't shut up about it!! I'm so excited to see what benefits it will provide. I'm a RYT200 yoga teacher with certifications in trauma-informed, children's, and teen yoga - I'm particularly passionate about incorporating vulnerability and mental health aspects into my practice. Lastly, I struggle with physical health (Endometriosis diagnosis) and mental health (GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder & ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder diagnosis), this has been a huge journey for me over the past two years. I am currently at a point where I manage these diagnoses really well naturally and it's important to me.

C: GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH! That is what inspired the name for this blog! I find that my gut health impacts my skin, moods, weight, energy level, and my overall well-being. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and IBD in 2016 and have been focused on healing myself with a combination of Western Medicine-based medication, nutrition and journaling food sensitivities, vitamin supplements, movement, and strategies to improve my mental health. Don’t get me wrong - I’m very passionate about mental health in general as I’m a practicing therapist, however, I tend to get burnt out on focusing on mental health only as it is often difficult for my consumers to incorporate a holistic approach. I am also passionate about movement and working on my fitness, as Fergie would say. There’s something uplifting about accomplishing a new fitness goal whether it’s increasing my weights in lifting or holding a headstand in yoga (still working on that one lol).

❁ What led you to wholistic wellness?

S: I had parents who made a huge lifestyle change right after my freshman year of high school. As a family, we went vegan cold turkey (or is it cold tofurkey? pls laugh) and my Mom poured her heart and soul into researching natural alternatives. I have had my own battle with balancing traditional medicine with more holistic results. I very strongly believe in wholistic approaches - I'm not against medication by any means, but I believe it's so so important to treat the whole person and that there is no "one size fits all" approach.

C: Growing up, I didn’t think there was anything particularly “unhealthy” about my lifestyle, but reflecting back as an adult, I can definitely say that we were not a household that was focused on optimal nutrition. We drank gallons of milk and Sunny D and ate maybe a serving of canned vegetables per day. We were active, so no one in my family was overweight, but I think my parents were just raising us on foods that they grew up on (that and canning became all the rage in the 90’s). I would say that I became passionate about holistic approaches to my health shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s and was trying to learn to manage my symptoms. I had a lot of inflammation in 2016 and was prescribed a low dosage of steroids until my doctor prescribed immunosuppressants to keep my immune system from attacking my colon. I began focusing on more holistic approaches when I noticed that medication alone wasn’t making me feel 100%. Sure, it stopped my active inflammation, however, I was still struggling with stomach cramping, diarrhea, and chronic fatigue. About 1 year after I was diagnosed, my husband and I moved to a larger area where I had access to more specialized medical providers. My new gastroenterologist (GI) referred me to a nutritionist who helped me to learn to identify my food sensitivities. She also referred me to a behavioral health psychologist who provided me with an outlet for my stress and anxiety. I began to learn that I was holding chronic tension in my stomach whenever I was stressed or anxious about something. That’s when I began to understand the importance of holistic health.

❁ What is your personal social media?

S: @sarahlhively on Instagram

C: @cassandruh_dee on Instagram

❁ What kind of posts can I expect to see on this blog?

S: I'm really excited to talk about managing mental health naturally (particularly anxiety), possible book recommendations, self-care, and healthy meal prepping while on a broke college student’s budget.

C: I look forward to sharing my personal experiences with navigating my chronic health issues, nutrition, FODMAPs, gut health, mental health, the gut-brain connection, fitness/movement, and self-care.

❁ Why social work?

S: It's nice to not have this question followed up by "you know you'd make much more money as _______. Is it too late to change your major?" But for real. I started college as a special education major, quickly realized I'd rather do pretty much anything other than write lesson plans, and switched to being a WGST major. I expected to be able to get a job doing advocacy work with a particular focus on LGBTQ+ & women issues. I soon realized the WGST track is for students who eventually want to do research and social work was more what I was looking for. I never looked back. The multiple directions a social work degree can be taken in, the continually changing cases, the advocacy, vulnerability, and seeking justice for people all capture my heart. 

C: I have always been passionate about having a career centered around helping people. I became interested in therapy after having a particularly negative experience with a therapist that my dad sent me to when I was getting caught in the middle of my parent’s divorce and I experienced some trauma. I originally pursued psychology, however, fell into social work when I figured out that there are so many different opportunities available for MSWs.  I truly love my job and feel grateful to be compensated (FYI times have changed and not all social workers make next to nothing - thank the universe) for serving the children and families on my caseload

#wellness #holistic #vegan #health #health & fitness #nutrition #self healing #mental health #social work #yoga #movement #guthealth #chronic disease

[some-cookie-crumbz]

I really love the Kidge Child HCs, I honestly can't get enough of them! Do you have any Grandma Krolia headcanons? Or headcanons for the rest of the Paladins?

REMEMBER HOW I JUST SAID THIS WAS COMING SOON?? IT’S FINALLY HERE, EVERYBODY!!!!!

First, for those who may not have seen my other posts, here are the links to all my other Headcanon posts.

Kidge Married Pre-Babies: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.1: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.2: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.3: [here] *There’s a little angst in this one, FYI

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.4: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.5: [here]

I’m gonna go the full monty with thisone; we’re taking about the kids with Krolia, Sam, Colleen, Matt, the Paladins(and any/all of their children), and all the other peripheral people involvedwith them! This is gonna be a little bit of a longer one, as such, but I wantto be as thorough as possible!

Also, mentioning this here, but there will also be mentionsof Shatt (I have two sets of headcanons for Shiro and Matt, both as a coupleand in relationships with other people, but don’t want to have to write downboth alternatives), Hunay, and Allurance, as well as me talking a little bitabout their respective families, so be aware.

The order will be as such; Krolia, Sam and Colleen, Matt andShiro, Hunk and Shay, Lance and Allura, Coran, Romelle, Kolivan and Slav.

Krolia

As I know I’ve mentioned in my previous parts, the kidsrefer to Krolia as “Nana Olia”. Amber was the one who started it – obvious, asshe’s the oldest – because, when trying to say Krolia’s name, she couldn’t getthe “Kuh” sound right, gave up, and opted into the part of her name that shecould pronounce. The other kids follow Amber’s lead because she’s their bigsister. Krolia loves having a special name that only the kids use for her.

So, being a grandma was never something Krolia ever thoughtshe’d get the chance to be, but she absolutely loves it. Part of this is because she gets to come over and engage withthe grandbabies at an age she didn’t get to with Keith, which is bittersweet.She comes over to visit as often as she can and loves playing with the kids;specifically, she loves taking the kids to the park and going on little walkswith them. She’ll admit in private that she has a soft spot for Kaden – due tohow much he looks like Keith – but she loves each of her grandkids equally.

So, for each of the kids, Krolia goes on the harrowingsearch for more luxite mineral to get them each their own brand new blades.Amber and Kaden are the two who make the most use of theirs; Newt keeps his incase he gets himself in a hairy situation, and Aria keeps hers mounted in herroom for safe keeping.

In regards to Amber, she absolutely adores what a fiestylittle thing she is. She often remarks that Amber carries in her the fire ofthe ancients in her, remarking that she’ll certain accomplish great things inher future. Krolia is absolutely correct about this, but that’ll be somethingwe talk about in later posts. She always starts their little training sessionswith a small meditation session to help get Amber grounded, and this actuallybecomes something that Amber implements in her every day; especially onstressful days. Krolia enjoys teaching her how to properly use her luxite bladeand teaching her about what, exactly, being a successful Blade member entails.

She never admits that Amber wouldn’t be the best atespionage due to how short-tempered she is, but she still loves how enthralledAmber gets to hear her stories.

Kaden breaks her heart in some of the harder ways during hisinfant and toddler years, simply because watching him interact with the worldis a physical mirror to what it looked like with Keith at that age, and shemissed out on all of that. She admits this to Keith and Pidge, who both trytheir best to help comfort her. As Kaden gets older, he becomes equallyinterested in the lessons she does with Amber, so she starts training both ofthem. He’s also a bit more interested in their Galran heritage and the historyof the Blade; including how long their Galran family had been involved and ifthere were any relatives of notoriety. This leaves her absolutely thrilled andshe’ll often tell him about their long family-lineage of involvement.

Kaden actually writes a history paper discussing his great,great, great, great grandfather, Tulore, for class. He got a perfect mark andgave it to Krolia to keep when it was returned.

Her relationship with Newt is a bit strange at first butdevelops much better as he gets older. At first, Krolia sees him as a littlehellion since he’s almost always a shrieking little grouch, and is very meekabout engaging with him. Due to what occurred when he was born and his infantilepersonality, she thinks this means that he’s much more delicate than hissiblings were, and she worries a lot about hurting him. Once he starts to getolder and his tears transform into tricks, she sees how clever he is and findsit entertaining. Something about a child constantly outwitting his parents andsiblings is entertaining.

She’ll occasionally bring him materials from other planetsto help improve his pranks; taking the time to explain how he safely use it, ofcourse.

Aria is a bit of an odd duck when it comes to Krolia,specifically because of how drastically different she is from her siblings. Herbeing such a delicate little thing makes Krolia hyper-aware of how she is withher, but the fact that she’s the clingiest, most affectionate of her siblings?Oh, Krolia loves nothing more than getting to snuggle up with her littlegrandbabies. Additionally, small footnote, but Aria and Krolia share a distainfor the snow. Krolia lived her years on Earth in the desert and she tends toprefer warmer climates in general. During the wintery season, she’ll oftenhunker down in the house with Aria is the other kids want to go play in thesnow, sipping cocoa and playing with her inside.

She teaches Aria a lot of old Galran lullabies, as well asactually teaching her their language, too.

Sam and Colleen

For the Holts, the kids call them “Nanny” and “Pappy”.Sometimes they’ll use their names as well, but since they have different titlesfor their grandparents, it’s not always needed. When they do add the names,they’re “Nanny Collie” and “Pappy Sammy”.

Being grandparents was something Colleen and Samuel had beenhyped for the minute their kids got into serious committed relationships. They’rerespectful and understanding to the situation, of course, but there’s a secretbetting pool between them on which of their kids will yield grandkids first.Colleen loses because she bets on Matt and Shiro, banking on the fact she knewthe two of them had been having more active conversations about it than shethought Pidge and Keith were. Samuel banked on it being Pidge and Keith morebecause he’d noticed the subtle things; Pidge looking at baby clothes whenparoozing the mall, Keith making the throw-away comment about what kind ofthemes he think would be cute for a nursery, etc.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Colleen knits littlebaby blankets for all the little Kidgelings, using colors that arerepresentative of the respective season they were born in. Samuel also does alittle crafty thing for them; he makes little ceramic ornaments of the kidsfeet when each of them after they’re born.

So, Amber is probably just a little bit closer to Colleenthan Samuel, but it’s a very slim margin. As I’ve mentioned, she tends to helpKeith with tending to their garden and yard at home. When she goes over tovisit with the Holt’s, she loves seeing what latest new flower or vegetableNanny has introduced to her garden. During the summer, Amber will also drop inunannounced to help Colleen take care of pulling weeds and such, since sheknows it can be hard for her.

With Samuel, Amber explores an interest in space travel andwhat, exactly, that entails. Pidge and Keith will tell the kids stories abouttheir time as Paladins, but they don’t talk about the really difficult andfrightening missions, and they don’t necessarily encourage the kids to followin their footsteps. As she gets older, Amber is a bit more aware of herparents’ apprehension, so most of her interest is only ever explored underPappy’s watchful eye. He tells her about the things he’s seen, the ships he’spiloted and helped to build, and occasionally sneaks her onto the Garrison baseto fly simulators. Samuel keeps this all secret from Pidge and Keith, though,because he thinks they’d be terrified at just how skilled their daughter is.Amber never outright asks him to keep this under wraps, but she appreciatesthat he does.

Kaden’s naturally reserved demeanor leads him towards morequiet hobbies, but also ones that are a bit more hands-on. Much like withKeith, Kaden bonds with Samuel about making models, but with Samuel it’s moreclassic vehicle models such as old trains or boats. They’ll typically sit withsome soft music playing in the background, but as Kaden gets older they’lloccasionally have more conversations about whatever’s going on in their livesat the time. It’s mostly just pre-teen angst and post-retirement gossip, butit’s nice and Kaden enjoys it.

As for Colleen, she bonds with him over painting, actually!Kaden’s not very good at drawing with a pen or pencil, but he’s pretty good atdoing landscapes with paint. I like the idea that Colleen was a hobbyist whoused painting as a form of stress relief, and she ends up passing this on toKaden. She’ll show him all the little tips and tricks she’s figured out for herown, and he’s always happy to take her advice. Colleen likes to hang some ofher favorites of his paintings in her office at work and, upon retiring, shekeeps them hanging in the guest room of the house. It always makes Kaden superembarrassed but also super flattered by it.

So, Newt’s cheeky and mischievous nature make him prettygood at things that require a high level of trickery; this includes poker,which he’s taught by his Nanny. Colleen actually tries out a couple ofdifferent card games with him – War, Uno, Spoons,etc. – but poker ends up being the one that Newt enjoys the most. The kid justloves getting to be a sneaky little shit, and he’s incredibly skilled with hispoker face. Colleen takes him with her sometimes for her weekly poker gameswith her friends and he usually makes a killing in hard, caramel candies.

With Samuel, he enjoys playing more tactical, contemplativegames, such as Risk and Clue. Newt has inherited Pidge’sinquisitive nature, but also ends up developing a huge fascination withmysteries and scandals and such. He likes the idea of breaking down lies anddeceit used for malicious intentions, inheriting his Dad’s sense of morality.He may be a little shit who likes to prank and tease his family, but he’s alittle shit for Great Justice™. One time, for the fun of it, Samuel hide aplaque he received upon his retirement and pretended it got stolen for Newt toinvestigate. During his investigation, Newt uncovered that one of the Holt’sneighbor’s was involved in helping with human trafficking.

So, since Aria’s the family oddball, she ends up with someodd interests that she shares with her grandparents, too. With Sam, they bondover researching old, classic amusement park rides and innovations,interestingly enough. While Aria isn’t a big fan of mechanics or engineering,she finds the lore and developments of entertainment technology to beabsolutely fantasy, and I headcanon that Samuel was a total theme park fan boyin his younger years. They’ll watch videos and documentaries, and one time theyactually broke into an abandoned amusement park to take pictures and videos ofhow far dilapidated the place got.

With Colleen, they learn how to make special effects propstogether. One of the little troops Ari attends for her performances is short onstage hands, so Colleen volunteers to help, and sometimes the cast have to helptoo. Part of this requires masks and other such things, but because the Holt’srun under the mantra of “Go Big or Go Home”, they become super invested in thequality of their work. They watch tutorials, take classes, watch tons of Face Off on Sci-Fi, and, of course, learnfrom some level of trial and error. Ari’s group put on Beauty and the Beast once and they actually had to remake theBeast’s face piece because the mask was deemed too realistic and terrifying forthe grade schoolers that would be coming to see it. During Halloween, Ari andColleen also end up creating the scariest haunted house in the town with howrealistic they make the make-up look. Especially zombie-with-head-axe Amber,who is surprisingly dedicated to her role.

Shiro and Matt

Mkay, so, I’m not going to get into all my Shatt headcanonshere, but I will give a brief overview of their family and their relationshipswith the Kidgelings. So, I headcanon that Shiro and Matt have three kids; a setof twins – one boy and one girl – and a second daughter; names are Akihiko,Auryon and Hikari respectively. The twins are born in the gap between Amber andKaden, placing them about a year and a half younger than Amber and a year or soolder than Kaden, while Hikari is born the same year as Newt, but at the tailend of the year. The children are biologically Shiro and Matt’s, born throughwhatever means is most comfortable to the viewer. I’m sure Altean tech could beadvanced enough to allow this sort of thing, or one of them could be trans. Ipersonally love Trans!Character headcanons but that’s just me.

So anyway! We’ll start with Shiro, then Matt, and then I’lldo small notes about the relationship between the cousins.

I mentioned this in my last post and said I’d elaboratehere, so here we go! Amber talks with Shiro a lot about sexuality and thestruggles that come with it. Keith and Pidge are completely supportive of theirdaughter, and she’s fine talking with them, but sometimes she likes getting totalk to Shiro about it. I’ve always headcanoned that Shiro is someone who isincredibly comfortable in his own skin and simply saw his sexuality as oneother part that made him who he was, and never shied away from that. It’s thatconfidence in himself that makes him so easy to talk to for Amber.Additionally, Shiro being a bit more of a modest and well-spoken sort – whereUncle Matt is a bombastic disaster – makes him a bit easier to talk to aboutwhat’s going on in her head. They tend to gossip all the time and Shiro, who isattentive to those he cares about, always remembers the stories about herclassmates and crushes that she shares with him. Aside from those talks, Shiroalso bonds with her over helping her a bit with her classical literaturereadings for school, because she finds the classics dull but I think Shirowould really respect those pieces himself. He mostly just helps her by lettingher bounce thoughts off of him and give her some additionally insight to thedifferent ways the pieces art interpreted.

Keith appreciates the help, since sometimes Amber can be abit stubborn and ill-tempered when she struggles with her homework, and Shiro’sa bit more patient.

As for Kaden, Shiro helps him a lot with his training forthe teams he joins and doing workouts. Once the kids are a bit older andindependent, Keith is able to pick his workout schedule back up and Shiro tendsto go along with him. As Kaden starts getting interested in sports and, byproxy, starts taking how well he maintains his physical health more seriously,he starts asking questions about it. Keith knows a decent amount, but admitsthat most of what he knows is from Shiro helping him out, which causes him togo ask Uncle Shiro his questions. From there, Shiro offers to help Kaden figureout his schedule to help keep him in peak form for his teams and such. Sometimesthey’ll work out all three of them, but more times than not it’s just Shiro andKaden, since Keith tends to get busy doing other things with the other kidswhen they’re gonna do their workouts. From the workouts, Shiro eventually endsup helping Kaden out specifically with his training for baseball. Shiro sees itas a good way to keep himself active, as well as pass along his own knowledge.Sometimes, he and Matt’s son, Akihiko, will join them, too.

This helps Aki and Kaden bond as well, but I’ll talk moreabout that later.

Newt is a bit of an anomaly when it comes to hisrelationship with Shiro. Between Uncle Shiro and Uncle Matt, he’s mostcertainly closer with Matt, but Newt very much loves his Uncle Shiro and findsa unique way to bond and help him. Much like a majority of people like to talkabout, I like the idea of Shiro benefitting from having a service animal.However, I also see Shiro as being someone who doesn’t like the idea of lettinghis weakness show; because he didn’t want his illness to hold him back when hewas younger, because he had to be in charge both with Voltron and later theAtlas, and in more recent times because he has three little babies of his ownto look after. I plan to write a fic about this, but Newt finds out aboutShiro’s situation and starts looking into what it takes to train a dog to be aproper service animal. He ends up adopting a young pup from one of theirneighbors, with Keith and Pidge agreeing, and starts working with specialiststo get the little pooch trained up to help Shiro cope with panic attacks andnight terrors he gets on a somewhat regular basis.

Shiro is absolutely floored but also incredibly touched bythe gesture. He ends up naming the little pooch Leia.

With Shiro and Aria, they bond over something a bit on theodd side. So, this was a headcanon that was inspired by a talk with my oldersister that I absolutely fell in love with. Shiro is a huge fan of theprohibition era style; speakeasies, mobster/gangster organizations, the wholeshebang is just wildly fascinating to him. Aria herself has a soft spot for theaesthetic and the Big Band sounds of the time. And, since Shiro is a big fan ofthat time period, he has a huge collection of music from the time period. The twoof them bond over it. One year, for Halloween, he actually helped her make hervery own flapper costume from scratch.

So, what about good ole’ Uncle Matt?

Matt and Amber bond over space travel, much like she doeswith Sam but on a drastically different note. He talks a lot with her about theworlds he got to visit with the Rebels and what all he learned. He teaches hera lot about different cultures and customs, different strategic approaches theytake and the like, as well as how to read the stars in some of the othergalaxies he’s traversed to. He and Keith have a few serious conversations aboutit, as Keith is highly uncomfortable with his kids taking an interest in spaceexploration, but Matt continues to do it anyway. After the fifth or sixthconversation, he just gets better at lying about it.

As for Matt and Kaden, they bond over medical training andmedical shows. As I mentioned before, Kaden becomes fascinated by the work ofEMTs and medical professionals after he breaks his arm. Matt, through both the Garrisonand the Rebellion, has a pretty decent wealth of knowledge on the subject. Heteaches Kaden how to do CPR properly, how to make a short-term splint forbroken bones, and other such things. In regards to programs, they watch tons ofHouse, Untold Stories of the ER and Scrubs.With the drama shows, they mostly just make fun of how ludicrous it is, whilefocusing on the diagnostics. With the reality-based shows, they enjoy seeinghow the case develops and the ultimate outcome. Sometimes Auryon will jointhem, just to have something to do, but that’s incredibly infrequent.

Newt and Matt go together like peanut butter and chocolate,to say the least, and they have the most shared interests. The big one theyshare on, though, is a love for all things Star Wars and Star Trek themed; theshows, the comics, even a couple of podcasts that talk about the lore of eachrespective series in depth. Newt likes Star Trek a bit more than Star Wars –and he really likes Captain Picard – while Matt is the opposite – with a hugeaffinity for Han Solo – and they like to tease one another good-naturedly aboutit pretty often. Other than that, Matt is his biggest helper when preparingLeia to be a proper service dog for Shiro when he gets the idea and is the oneto first suggest it to Keith and Pidge.

Lastly, Uncle Matt and Aria bond about her cheerleading,interestingly enough. I like the idea that Matt, despite being a bit of stringbean, was on the cheer team in his high school years. Back then, he wasn’t verygood at helping with the flyer stunts, but as an adult who has lived throughfighting with a rebellion and being a Dad to three kids? He can most certainlylift up his petite little niece to practice her flyer routine. Aki joins thecheerleading squad as well, so he’ll help out sometimes, too. Additionally,Matt played the violin, so sometimes they’ll do duets together. They typicallypick pieces where the cello takes the lead, as he hasn’t really kept up withplaying over the years, but also because it’s good practice for her.

Now, as for how they bond with their cousins, the dynamicsare interesting, to say the least.

Aki gets along well with Kaden and Aria the best, gets alongdecently well with Newt, but actually butts heads a lot with Amber. Aki’s alittle bit of a rebel and tends to get himself into a lot of trouble, whichAmber often times tries to dissuade him away from. And, if he doesn’t listen,she tends to be the one to narc on him. As they get older, she’ll typically goalong and have Hikari, his sister, record his stupid stunts and show them offlater. Many times, she’ll end up using it as either blackmail or showing it tohis parents without showing it to him first. Her favorite was the time when hewent to a party, got drunk underage, and face-planted doing a keg stand. Asmentioned before, he bonds with Kaden and Ari over baseball and cheerleading,respectively. He’s a bit more of a physical activities kind of kid, with apassion for those kinds of things visible since he’s young. With Newt, they don’thave a whole lot in common, but Aki still looks after him because he’s hiscousin and is also a smol. Newt also occasionally helps him with his mathhomework, since he struggles a bit with his academics.

As for Auryon, she gets along pretty well with all of themequally. With Amber, they bond a lot over the ideas of space travel. WhileAuryon herself isn’t particularly interested in engaging with travelling, shedoes find the way the now-unified galaxy operates, and how the unification effectseach different planet within the Coalition, which leads to some interestingconversations between them. Auryon and Kaden bond over, interestingly enough,martial arts and hand-to-hand combat training. She admires Amber’s eagerness tofight to protect her friends so she decides she wants to learn as well. Sinceshe and Kaden are a bit closer in age, he tends to be her sparring partner moretimes than not. With Newt, they share a passion for animals. Auryon actually hastwo ferrets – named Boo and Radley – that she loves to pieces and Newt happilyjoins her with playing with them and has even helped her with cleaning up theircages every now and again. With Ari, they actually bond over learning foreignlanguages. Specifically, they both learn Italian together, but Auryon alsolearns how to speak Japanese. Sometimes, she’ll translate songs from Japaneseto English for Ari to do covers of for her YouTube channel.

Hikari, as opposed to her brother and sister, is an artistictype with a decent relationship with all her cousins. She and Amber have thebiggest rift between them, due to the moderate age gap, but they enjoy makingher brother miserable. Like most little sister’s, Kari lives for teasing her brother. So, when Amber offers her theperfect chances to do that? She’ll be there with a camcorder in a heartbeat. With Kaden, she recordshe and Auryon’s sparring sessions to use as reference for some of heranimations. Additionally, Kaden enjoys just talking with her about his lovelife. I won’t go into too much about it here, but she offers him significantlymore practical advice than his other source of information coughAlforcough. WithNewt, he’s pretty good for sound boarding her ideas off of. While he’s workingon this or that, or training the dogs, she’ll settle in and just kind oframble. If he thinks something is dumb or needs more thought, he’ll say asmuch, which she appreciates. She and Ari bond over the aforementioned YouTubechannel. She helps record and edit together the music videos that Arioccasionally makes for the songs that she performs, as well as handling thedirectorial responsibilities. She loves getting to have the experience andreally enjoys how she and the rest of their little group work together.

Hunk and Shay

Much like with Shiro and Matt, just a quick rundown of theGarrett family! Hunk and Shay had two children together; one son named Richterand one daughter named Morganite. Richter is a few months younger than Amberand Morganite is a few months younger than Newt. The reason for the huge agegap between to the two siblings is due to another headcanon of mine, in whichthe less similar two alien races are, the more difficult it is to reproducesuccessfully. Galra, Altean and humans are all somewhat similar in geneticmake-up, so it’s easier for them to conceive, but since Balmerans can bedrastically different based upon their environment. Due to this, while it’sclearly capable, it is a bit of a struggle. They’d been trying long before anyof the others to conceive Richter, and are delighted when he’s born. They weren’tactually trying to conceive Morganite and view her as a happy accident.

So, let’s talk about Uncle Hunk for a moment or two!

In regards to Amber, Hunk is actually appreciative of whatan abrasive personality she is. He knows that Richter tends to be on the morereserved side, which makes him an easy target for bullies, but she’s alwaysthere to protect him. As a sort of repayment for how good of a friend she is tohis son, he tries to help teach her how to cook and bake. Kaden ends up joiningin the little lessons, too, simply out of interest to learn how so he can helpout more at home. Amber’s downright awful at anything culinary-themed, but withHunk’s help she ends up getting decent. She can’t do anything particularlyfancy or extravagant, but she can make meals without burning down the kitchenand those meals taste well enough to not leave her paying homage to the porcelainGods.

Kaden actually ends up being a lot better than Amber, aswell as being a bit better at baking than cooking. He can make some of the mostbeautiful multiple-layer cakes out there. When the extra-curricular activitieshe participates in do fundraising bake sales, he always volunteers to help makeproduct for sale. A lot of the time, Hunk will help him as well. They alwaysend up making asinine amounts of baked goods, but they also end up selling allof it, so it never goes to waste.

With Hunk and Newt, he gets to work with him on his roboticsprojects and such. Newt and Morganite end up joining the robotics club andalways work together on the projects they’re completing. Team Punk often getsback together to help the pair out. Hunk takes the time to really explain thenecessary components to create an engine that’ll allow the robot to do whatthey intended purpose is, as well as occasionally smuggling themGarrison-issued supplies that they probably shouldn’t have access to. Do thejudges at the competition need to know that? Absolutely not. And Hunk wouldn’t breathea word of it, even if he was asked.

So, we all know that Hunk is ultimately the beacon of peaceand unity that the universe truly deserves. As Ari gets older, she seeks Hunkout for advice and suggestions on better ways to approach conflict-resolution.This is due to how some of her friends – outside of the other Palababus – like totalk smack instead of just dealing with disagreements in a more civil approach.While Ari can certainly understand that sometimes being a little petty can helppeople get over things, when the problems start causing rifts and involvingmore members of their group, she feels the need to intervene. Hunk, who wasalways the Voice of Reason on Team Voltron, he can sympathize with her. Whilehe didn’t have to deal with too much of that, he knows how it can be whenothers are using little things as an excuse to be mad and cause furthertrouble.

I see Shay as being a very affectionate and doting mother,and that extends to all the children of their friends as well. I really lovethe idea that Shay, Allura and Romelle get super invested in trashy daytime televisionprograms like Maury and Jerry Springer and such. There’s even spaceversions where different alien species go on and the trio love to watch andcommentate. The Allurance kids find the shows the most interesting, thoughthere is a level of entertainment in it for Morganite, Newt and Ari as well. Richter,Amber and Kaden tend to spend more time with her learning about the legends ofthe Balmera of crystals and how to distinguish which types of crystal are goodfor what purposes.

Richter gets along best with Amber and Kaden, and sees Kadenas a pseudo-little brother. The three of them grow up running in the samecircle and, even as they get older, remain close. When Amber’s still reallyyoung and bad at controlling her temper, Richter’s the best at getting her tocalm down. He’s also the one who deals with the petty squabbles between she andAlfor the most often. When the kids play pretend, they take it very seriously.Richter’s really good at constructing stuff out of cardboard and buildingblocks, so when they have tons of play-props that he and Kaden have built and coloredtogether.

Last note, he’s a pretty big boy who certain could defend himself, but he’s just agentle giant. There’s something really cute and funny about this really big,sweet guy being protected by these smol little firecrackers.

Now, Morganite is closer with Newt and Aria; especially sowith Newt. As I’ve mentioned, Newt’s a bit stand-offish with other people, butshe sees beyond all that to what a sweetheart he actually is. At one point, he thinksthat she’s only his friend because their parents are friends, but he realizesthat she genuinely does like him. This allows their friendship to develop evenfurther and the two of them to actually focus on the many things they have incommon. Consider them to be Team Punk Version 2.0. Lastly, I mentioned this inmy last headcanon post, but Morganite is really talented at making jewelry andother accessories. She teaches Ari how to make them, as well as helping herfigure out which accessories are best for this or that situation.

Lance and Allura

Let’s get the little notes about the McClain-Altean Heirs outof the way first! Lance and Allura end up having five kids; Alfor, Raya,Coriander, Paige and Anthony. Alfor and Raya are each a few months younger thanAmber and Kaden respectively, Coriander and Paige are a few months older thanNewt and Aria respectively, and Anthony is about two years younger than Aria. Ioriginally planned for them to have six kids, but decided to cut Anthony’s twinbrother, Ben, from the equation simply due to the fact it felt like too manykids. Additionally, since I started this before season 8 dropped, this isn’tnecessarily compliant with that; though, admittedly, it could easily just be aslight deviation where Allura saves the universe without having to sacrificeherself. But I think that we’re all mostly in agreement that that who spiel wasa little lacking, yeah?

Anyway, let’s get in to it!

I can’t talk about Lance and Amber’s relationship nearly asmuch as I want to. Initially, while Lance doesn’t hate her, he does get a bitmiffed by how she and Alfor always seem to be at odds with one another. As thekids get older, though, Lance starts to see a bit of his own struggles in Amberand becomes a pretty good source of reassurance for her. Amber clearly wants tobe someone who does great things for others, like her parents, but is unsure ifshe’ll ever have her chance to. She also worries that her abrasive personalitywould prevent her from being a very good source of comfort, even if she did getinvolved in any kind of work like that. Lance is able to help reassure herthat, so long as she’s willing to work hard and dedicate herself, she’ll beable to accomplish her goals.

Kaden goes in a bit of different direction than his sister;Kaden’s leaning towards being reserved but typically pretty polite, Lance hasno problem with him. He isn’t as aggressive as Amber can be in his issues withAlfor or Raya, and even when they do, the most that ever happens in the way ofphysicality is knocked over drinks or water fights. In regards to bonding,Lance actually offers him little tips and tricks to help him with his drivingduring his soap box races. I like the idea that Lance liked go-cart racing inhis youth so he knows a little bit about how to maneuver a smaller vehicle.Keith greatly appreciates this, as his own experiences prior to meeting Shiroand attending the Garrison is limited.

Lance actually teaches Newt a lot about farm animals. It’skind of implied by how Lance knew how to deal with Kaltenecker, and is apopular headcanon that I’m fond of, but I like the idea that he came from afamily in which his mother was a successful business owner and his father rantheir successful farm. As such, growing up, Lance had a lot of first-handexperience with the ins and outs of how to care for barnyard animals. Newtlatches on to him so he can learn all that he can about cows, horses, chickens,goats, and any other animals. While Lance doesn’t actively work on the farm anymore – what with now being one of the ruling monarchs of New Altea/ living alife as a Garrison recruiter on Earth – he has a lot of fond memories of hisexperiences caring for animals, as well as finding Newt’s passion to beendearing. He specifically regales him with the tales of his favorite animalthey ever owned, a goat named Hoppie, who would scream at you when he wanted atreat and had a bad habit of hopping fences; including a hilarious time hejumped into the pig’s pen and got coated in mud.

As for Ari, he probably likes her the best, simply becauseshe tends to be around the most due to her friendship with his daughters. Whenthey have sleepovers, he’ll often be brought in to help with braiding hair,doing facials, painting nails, etc. He also occasionally helps out with thechoreography, costuming and music for Ari’s YouTube videos; specifically, withthe music, he’ll help with the balancing of the audio and occasionally offerback-up vocals. We’ve already seen how well Lance can… Put on a show, to put itlightly, so he’s got a lot of creative ideas to help Ari catch attention. Pidgeis the one who tends to step in and rein him in if she thinks his ideas aregetting a little too salacious.

Now, what about our favorite Altean royal?

Allura gets along with Amber a bit better that Lance does,simply by virtue of seeing that her son needs someone to call him out. Sheloves her son to pieces – he is her first born and her baby in general – but sheacknowledges that he has inherited his father’s ego from their youth, whichmeans he needs to occasionally be reminded that he isn’t the greatest thingever. She doesn’t always agree with how she goes about it, and is happy tovoice her opinion, but also finds Amber’s interest and skill with fighting tobe admirable. She helps to teach her some Altean combat moves, along with herteaching them to her own kids as well, and admires what a quick study she is.

Now, her and Kaden actually bond over something kind ofinteresting; superhero comic books. Of all the Earth literature that she checksout, I think that Allura would find comics to be incredibly interesting. Thestories, the characters, the situations that cause them to gain their powers,all of it just kind of amuses her; both the campy stuff and the more seriousstuff. This hobby of hers is one that she ends up getting to spend a lot oftime bonding with Anthony, she and Lance’s youngest son, as well as Kaden.Kaden’s favorite characters end up being Spiderman, because he’s super smartbut super snarky, and Captain America, because he’s so moral. Allura’sfavorites are Thor – which is shared between she and Anthony – and Storm. Oneyear for Halloween, actually, the three of them all dressed up as their faveswhen they went trick-or-treating.

Newt, being intelligent and having some interests similar tohis Mama, talks with Allura a lot about how, exactly, she developed Shiro’sprosthetic, as well as how the Castle Ship worked. He also talks with Coranabout this, but he likes to talk with Allura about it a bit more since she wasthe one who made the ship able to jump through wormholes. He’s absolutelyfascinated by the idea of technology and magic being melded together to theextent that it was with the Alteans. Due to his lack of Altean heritage, he can’tdo anything involving alchemy, but he still finds the practice to be absolutelyfascinating and loves listening to Allura talk about everything she’s learnedfor hours on end. Additionally, Alfor is the only one of the Allurance babiesthat inherits any Altean alchemic ability, so Newt will often sit in whenAllura’s working with him just to see how, exactly, it’s done.

Much as I mentioned before, Ari in the Kidgeling thatprobably spends the most time around the Allurance babies because she gets alongso well with the girls. Much like with Lance, she’ll join in for slumberparties, but she also likes to take the girls out for mani-pedis. Pidge enjoysoccasionally going out for pampering, but she’s not nearly as big into thatstuff as Aria is, and Allura is always more than happy to bring Aria along.Pidge is grateful because she wants Ari to be able to enjoy herself in herinterests. This is also good for Allura, as she sees her friends and their kidsas her family, and loves getting to spend time with all of them. Allura is alsothe one that takes the girls clothes shopping at the start of each new schoolyear, since Pidge loathes having togo shopping.

Alfor and Amber’s relationship is completely complicated.They absolutely love each other and will shank someone for bad-mouthing them,but they’d also happily roast each other until they’re a well-barbequed chickenthigh. As kids, they constantly bicker and butt heads because they’re bothincredibly stubborn and have huge egos, but as they get older and become moretempered, they’re more like caddy frenemies. There is a point where theirfriendship almost implodes on itself, but that’s something I intend to touch upon my final headcanon post coming out soon. Alfor gets along pretty well withKaden and Newt, as well. With Kaden, he takes on an older brother role andoften tries to help give him love advice, because he considers himself to be areal Casanova like his Daddy even though he’s never asked out Akihiko,who he has a HUGE crush on. With Newt, he actually really likes how hesits and watches his alchemy training. Newt will take notes and, through thesenotes, Alfor can often figure out what he was getting wrong when he’sstruggling. Alfor likes Ari, but he sees her more as his sister’s friend, so hedoesn’t really hang out with her much.

Raya is the Queen Bee of the little Girl Gang that is formedby the Palababus. While she and Amber don’t really spend a lot of time hangingout in their youth, there’s a sense of mutual respect for one another, and theydo become closer as they get older and get to know one another better. In theiryounger years, she always tries to include Amber in their activities, butnormally the older girl isn’t too terribly interested. Raya and Kaden havedrastically different interests and tend to not get along at all – due to Rayahaving a “little princess” personality and Kaden finding this annoying – thoughthey do grow to admire one another and become significantly closer during theirlate teens, as mentioned before. She and Newt don’t really talk much; shethinks he’s kind of weird and he thinks she’s a spoiled brat. Aria is theKidgeling she gets along with the best and, as I’ve mentioned before, looksafter her just as much as she does her own sisters. She helps Aria with herYouTube music videos, as well as helping her work on her cheerleading routinesand preparing for try-outs.

Coriander, much like her older sister, isn’t very close toAmber but has some respect for the older girl; though, admittedly, she thinksAmber can go a little overboard when she sticks her nose into a fight. It mightbe a little bit of a crush, but she never acts or speaks of it to anyone, andit fades relatively quickly. She also respects Kaden a lot, given hisreputation of being the Bullier of the Bullies, but is also a bit intimidatedby him. Due to her own tendency towards being a sociable and outgoing character,she finds Kaden’s quiet personality to be a bit unnerving. With Newt, she goes tohim and Morganite for some help with her academics, as she struggles a bit withscience and geography classes. Lastly, as I know I’ve mentioned multiple timesnow, but Ari gets along best with the Allurance girls. Since Cori is such asocial, outgoing girl who likes the spotlight, she ends up becoming a hugetheater kid. She’s not the best at musicals but she loves getting to do regularshows, and Ari always helps her with her lines. In return, when they domusicals, she helps push Ari to audition, as well as practice her songs/ linesonce she gets cast.

So now we get to the youngest little lady, Paige! Unlike hersiblings, she lacks the outgoing personality. She’s really sweet and friendlywith her friends, sure, and she gets along well enough with others, but she isn’tquite as interested in expanding her social circle like they are. She’s notreally passionate about it, but she does join the swim and volleyball. Herinterest in volleyball isn’t particularly big – most just doing it because sheknows how helpful extracurriculars are for college applications and such – but Amberstill helps her get ready for the team tryouts. She’s grateful for this,especially since Amber doesn’t once chide her for signing up for something justby virtue of being signed up for something. Paige is ambivalent to both theboys, though she does think that Newt’s fascination with Altean alchemy isweird. She really enjoys writing poems and actually goes to Kaden for hisopinion, since he’s the bluntest and most straight-forward person she knows, soshe knows his criticisms will always be his honest opinion. She has a huge softspot in her for cheesy romantic comedies – even the ones with awful writing –and she’ll happily marathon them with Ari. Sometimes the two of them just enjoygetting settled in nice and comfy and having themselves a squeal-fest.

Last, but certainly not least, is little Anthony! Anthony isan absolute Momma’s boy who talks a big game but will back down pretty quickwhen he knows he’s about to get smacked down. Due to how much younger than theother kids he is, he doesn’t really know Amber and Kaden all that well; mostlyjust knows what the kids say about them. At one point, after finding out he’sbeen dealing with some jerks at school, Amber outright tells him to just useher and Kaden as a threat to any potential bullies, and he actually does and itseems like enough to dissuade them from pestering him too much more. He ends upactually joining the local scout’s troop and goes to Newt for helpful tips onwhat to expect from the wildlife they encounter. Through this, he grows toreally admire how much care and effort Newt puts into learning about the thingshe’s interested in, and decides to do the same. He gets really passionate aboutdoing little magic tricks and slight-of-hand things. Aria ends up agreeing tobe his partner when he participates in shows and charity events and such. Also,instead of pulling a rabbit from his hat, Auryon will occasionally let himborrow Boo and Radley and he pulls them from the hat.

Coran

Now, I see Coran as being significantly more invested in theAllurance babies, simply by virtue of him Palababus, too. These last few willprobably be a bit on the short side, but I hope it’ll still be good!

Coran loves getting to tell the children about everything hedid and saw throughout his many years of travel. He’ll often regale them with thetales of shenanigans that their parents, as well as the OG Team Voltron, got upto. Does he occasionally embellish the stories to make their parents seem alittle more imposing? Maybe. But the kids don’t even care and the parent’s coughLancecoughappreciate being seen as total badasses by their kids. Additionally, he teachesthem how to do all the strange, alien-animal calls that he knows just for thefun of it. None of the parents thank him for this; especially not Pidge andKeith, who end up getting the worst of it because of how much Newt loves making the strange noises.

Additionally, he ends up hitting it off particularly wellwith two of the Palababus through offering them more insights in to Voltron andhow the Lions work, but, again… Subject for later! ;3c

Romelle

She ends up becoming super in to video games and Eaeth boardgames; specifically I think she’d be really in to Sorry!, Monopoly and anyRPG games she can get her hands on. Her being into games makes her a favoritewith Kaden and Newt, who loves having little gaming tournaments. She’s kickedtheir tales at literally every game they have but they still enjoy getting toplay with her. She also loves teaching them the different games they playedback on the colony when she was a child. She teaches Amber some meditationtechniques to help her calm down and help rein in some of her violenttendencies. She also teaches Aria how to play some Altean instruments,including a strange tuba-accordian hybrid.

Additionally, she tells them cautionary tales about her lifeback on the colony and lies they believed about Lotor. The kids are aware thatLotor was a bad guy, but they don’t know the extent of it. She saves thosestories until they’re a little older, just to avoid causing them nightmares,but they take what she says to heart.

Kolivan

So, I have a lot of headcanons about Kolivan that I won’t begoing into great detail about right now, but I will state I think he has atleast one child of his own, but they have an estranged relationship. Betweenthis and how close he is with Keith and Krolia, when he opts to retire fromactive Blade assignments, he ends up settling on Earth and taking up Grandpa Privilegeswith the Kidgelings.

Much like with Krolia, he helps teach Amber and Kaden aboutself-defense techniques and other such things. He decides pretty early on thathe likes how the two contrast but complement one another, what with Amber beingan enthusiastic little spitfire and Kaden being a sneaky little tactician. Theymake for a good team and he can see that the two of them have greatness laidbefore them. With Newt, he really enjoys listening to him go on his ramblesabout the tech he’s working on; specifically, he likes when he goes on hisrambles about the prosthetic limbs he wants to develop for humans and animalswith missing limbs. He thinks it’s really cute how this snarky little bratactually has a very soft and compassionate heart underneath it all. With Aria,he really loves letting her play with his hair. Since it’s so long, she’ll sitfor hours and comb it out and then restyle it. Sometimes she does simplebraids, or twists it into a bun, or even busts out her curling iron and leaveshim with a cluster of bouncy silver curls. Sometimes they’ll talk while shedoes, and other times she’ll just put on music and they’ll let the quiet musicfill in the peaceful space.

Slav

Slav is literally only here for one hilarious footnote.

One week, for show-and-tell, Aria actually smuggled Slav toschool with her. At lunch, she swapped candies and lunch tray desserts forreadings of their possible futures from the alien genius. This led to a bunchof the children going in to complete panic and the school hadto call in Pidgeand Keith.

They’re both impressed with the fact their daughter managedto sneak Slav to school, as well as how she managed to carry around a backpackwith him inside for the entire day.

#crumbles grumbles #Keidge #Kidge #Peith #Kidgemas #half baked headcanons #This ended up 13 pages long! #And I had wanted to talk about more interactions about the Kidgelings extended family members #*coughAcxaEzorZethridVeronicacough* #But I started this before S8 dropped and it was already getting crazy long #Maybe I'll do another post about them if there's an interest???

[sanguinarysanguinity]

@possibility221​ said they would enjoy a commentary on the various ACD canon references in my story A Handsome and Generous People, in which Sherlock Holmes is thrown a few centuries into the future and reads the ACD Holmes stories, looking to see if Watson has any insight on how to get back. There is a fair amount of snarkiness about canon along the way.

Most of the ACD stories referenced in “A Handsome and Generous People” are pretty popular, as I wanted the story to be halfway accessible without knowing a great deal about the canon stories. Thus, if you already know the Sherlock Holmes stories moderately well, this may not be that interesting of a commentary? (Although you may take this as an invitation to argue about canon with me, if you like. Your choice.)

Beneath the cut, spoilers for a goodly number of ACD cases, as well as for “A Handsome and Generous People”...

I had even attempted re-reading A Study in Scarlet... my refreshed memory of what a terrible novel it was.

A Study in Scarlet (STUD), the first of the sixty Sherlock Holmes stories, has a strange narrative structure: right smack in the middle of the novel there is a five-chapter-long flashback to decades earlier on a different continent with characters we’ve never heard of. (The first time I read Scarlet, I thought there had been a printer’s error whereby pages from some random other novel had gotten bound into the middle of the book. It doesn’t help at all that the chapter numbering starts over again with the flashback.) Even worse, that extended flashback is an old-fashioned Western store, and just fyi, whenever Doyle tries to write Americans it gets pretty painful. Fic authors love making fun of STUD for that random gawdawful Mormon section, and I’m no exception.

Wt’sn’s assessment of the novel might be a bit strong -- I personally enjoy the first half of STUD, and STUD was popular enough to get the whole Sherlock Holmes phenomenon started. But it amuses me to imagine that Wt’sn is one of those people who has never managed to make it through the Mormon section of STUD. :-)

The imp in me could not resist: I told him about a place that I had an eye on, one that I thought would suit us right down to the ground.

Wt’sn is quoting Watson and Holmes's first meeting. Watson writes in STUD:

Sherlock Holmes seemed delighted at the idea of sharing his rooms with me. “I have my eye on a suite in Baker Street,” he said, “which would suit us down to the ground.”

“Watson was a terrible liar,” he said. “You’ll be comforted to know I have never once been tempted to poison a fellow lodger.”

In STUD, Stamford introduces Watson to Holmes, but he isn’t prepared to vouch for Holmes’ character. Stamford says:

“I could imagine his [Holmes] giving a friend a little pinch of the latest vegetable alkaloid, not out of malevolence, you understand, but simply out of a spirit of inquiry in order to have an accurate idea of the effects.”

Some authors and adaptations use that line as evidence that Holmes definitely would cold-bloodedly and without consent poison or injure someone for science. For myself, I have never been convinced by that reading, mostly because the convo is raw speculation by a man who admits to not knowing Holmes well. Also, it’s clear over the body of the canon that Watson isn’t above fibbing about Holmes’ character in the early pages of a story for the sake of heightening dramatic tension later.

“You already know Watson was an incorrigible liar. You’ve read the one with the snake, haven’t you?”

In “The Speckled Band” (SPEC), Watson claims that a snake did several things that snakes don’t actually do. (Drink milk, hear a whistle, climb a rope...) The usual theories explaining this is that Watson is a) stupid, b) sloppy, or c) a liar, but there are also a few authors who assert that Holmes messed the case up without realizing it. (I recommend “...Could Fill A Book” by @plaidadder, who sends Holmes back for a second go at SPEC.)

For myself, I generally prefer to presume that Watson was a liar rather than sloppy or stupid, mostly because the narrative possibilities are better in that direction. (Why did he choose to tell that particular lie, and in that particular way?) Whatever the reasons, the impossibilities like that milk-drinking, rope-climbing snake pop up all over canon. The snake is perhaps the most well-known of them, which is why I used it here. “The Creeping Man” is another excellent example of Watson making shit up and attempting to pass it off as truth (albeit a much less well-known example). But we’ll get to Creeping Man soon enough...

“His dates are a disgrace. Always have been.“

You know, I’m not even gonna try to give you a list of all the dates in canon that are out-of-whack. It’s legendary in the fandom, and even Doyle himself admitted that they were a disaster. The man couldn’t even get the internal dates within individual stories right (see the so-called eight weeks between April and October in The Red-Headed League), never mind his failing to cross-reference his dates from one story to the next.

If you spend much time messing around with canon, you either blow off the dating inconsistencies or you build stories around them. I have an unfortunate tendency to roll them into my stories, which is why you occasionally run into a passage like this coming one, sorry. I tried to keep it as brief as I could.

“You fell in 1893?” I asked, consulting my notes... “Dr Watson wrote it was 1891.”

For some unknown reason, Sherlock Holmes in the 23rd Century sets Reichenbach in 1893, whereas “The Final Problem” puts it on May 4, 1891. Yeah, I dunno. But like I said, I tend to roll these things into the story...

“In 1908 Dr Watson published a case of that description including the detail you just gave me, set in March of 1892, titled ‘Wisteria Lodge.’”

According to the two Reichenbach stories, “The Final Problem” and “The Empty House,” Holmes was fake-dead from May 1891 to sometime in 1894. And yet in “Wisteria Lodge,” Holmes and Watson randomly have lunch together in Baker Street in March of 1892. I’m admittedly kind of obsessed with that particular weirdness; more sensible fans shrug and move on.

“The Cox and Company despatch box,” I whispered, reverent.

In the opening lines of “The Problem of Thor Bridge,” Watson writes:

Somewhere in the vaults of the bank of Cox and Co., at Charing Cross, there is a travel-worn and battered tin dispatch box with my name, John H. Watson, M. D., Late Indian Army, painted upon the lid. It is crammed with papers, nearly all of which are records of cases...

People who write case-fic, whether as professionals or amateurs, love to reference that dispatch box. “The box has been found! Here is a case from it!” Even the movies sometimes go there: The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes begins with Watson’s heir being called to Cox and Company to witness the unsealing of the fabled dispatch box.

I personally am not a fan of the dispatch box as a narrative device: I know what my folder of unpublished stories looks like, and it’s much closer to the open-ended, low-context mess depicted in Circadienne’s Primary Sources than the complete, polished, and fully-contextualized stories that allegedly keep bursting forth from that legendary dispatch box. 

“The Musgrave Ritual.”

“The Musgrave Ritual” (MUSG) is pretty much exactly as I describe it: it’s about a treasure map that most people inexplicably fail to recognize is a treasure map. Usually you just have to roll with things like that while reading the canon stories, but here I decided to add it to the list of lies Watson told.

“The abominable Mrs Ricoletti, for god’s sake!”

Watson loved to tease us with cases that he never mentions again; the abominable Mrs Ricoletti is one that he dangled in front of us in MUSG. Yes, I’m doing here pretty much what Watson did: suggesting there’s a good story behind that, and then refusing to tell you about it. :-P

“You are theorising ahead of the facts,” I said...

Wt’sn is paraphrasing Holmes back at himself:

“It is a capital mistake to theorize before you have all the evidence.” (Study in Scarlet)

“It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data.” (Scandal in Bohemia)

“I had,” said he, “come to an entirely erroneous conclusion which shows, my dear Watson, how dangerous it always is to reason from insufficient data.” (Speckled Band)

“The temptation to form premature theories upon insufficient data is the bane of our profession.” (The Valley of Fear)

“Still, it is an error to argue in front of your data.” (Wisteria Lodge)

Wt’sn claims to not have read the stories, but given how often Holmes says this kind of thing in canon, I think we can presume that Holmes has kept right on saying it during his years in the 23rd century.

btw, I wrote this story in four days, start-to-finish, and I had no time to look up the actual canon quotes. I was surprised and a little embarrassed to discover while looking the quotes up just now that Holmes usually says “data” and never “facts.” OH WELL.

It was painful to watch Holmes read ‘The Final Problem,’ but ‘The Empty House’ was worse...

Respectively, the story where Holmes fakes his death, and the story where he reveals to Watson that he was alive all along.

...despite my fears that ‘The Dying Detective’ would reignite charges of Dr Watson’s mendacity, Holmes snickered from one end to the other like a schoolboy.

“The Dying Detective” is the one where Holmes fakes a mortal illness, sends for Watson, refuses to let Watson treat him, holds Watson hostage, makes Watson hide behind his bed and then forgets about him, and is generally a manipulative unfeeling asshole from one end of the story to the other. There are a number of stories in which Holmes lies to manipulate Watson (The Hound of the Baskervilles and “The Retired Colourman” both spring to mind), but Dying Detective is nothing but lies and manipulations, and a particularly cruel instance of it, to boot.

Whether Holmes is giggling because Holmes is just so much of a dick as to pull shit like that and laugh about it later (which is what Watson says he did in the similar part of Retired Colourman), or because Dying Detective references a private joke between him and Watson, is reader’s choice.

“He claimed that he was only— He likened himself to my cocaine!”

In “The Creeping Man” (CREE), Watson writes:

The relations between us in those latter days were peculiar. He [Holmes] was a man of habits, narrow and concentrated habits, and I had become one of them. As an institution I was like the violin, the shag tobacco, the old black pipe, the index books, and others perhaps less excusable. When it was a case of active work and a comrade was needed upon whose nerve he could place some reliance, my role was obvious. But apart from this I had uses. I was a whetstone for his mind. I stimulated him. He liked to think aloud in my presence. His remarks could hardly be said to be made to me -- many of them would have been as appropriately addressed to his bedstead -- but none the less, having formed the habit, it had become in some way helpful that I should register and interject. If I irritated him by a certain methodical slowness in my mentality, that irritation served only to make his own flame-like intuitions and impressions flash up the more vividly and swiftly. Such was my humble role in our alliance.

For many of us who love Watson, that’s a painful passage. I always read “others perhaps less excusable” as a veiled reference to Holmes’ cocaine addiction, and then when Watson goes on to refer to himself as a stimulant and a habit... Well.

“And the ape-man was frankly a disgrace, I might have been reading Shelley or Stoker.”

CREE again! Creeping Man is a blatant genre change from the rest of canon, in that it is Victorian science-fiction/horror. Creepy shit happens until it is eventually revealed that an elderly professor has been injecting himself with monkey-serum Viagra and turning himself into an ape-man every few days. (No joke. That is the actual "solution.” Monkey-serum Viagra. Shape-shifting into an ape-man and back.) CREE unashamedly borrows from Frankenstein, Dracula, and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, hence the “Shelley or Stoker” reference.

(ETA: for another view of the monkey-serum thing, see @violsva’s comments here about hormones being a new and exciting thing in 1920s medicine.)

I had enjoyed the jellyfish story, albeit by proxy...

“The Lion’s Mane” (LION) is perhaps the most-reviled story of canon. It’s allegedly written by Holmes (Watson doesn’t appear at all), and Holmes spends the story running around trying to figure out who is murdering swimmers before he belatedly realizes that it’s only a poisonous jellyfish that got itself trapped in the swimming hole. “Behold, the Lion’s Mane!” Holmes shouts, and then crushes the poor thing with a rock.

Yeah, I dunno. The Case-Book is a fucking trip, man. In addition to the jellyfish story, it’s also got the vampire and ape-man stories, both hurt/comfort stories (Watson gets shot in one; Holmes gets the shit beaten out of him in the other), a story in which a lady gets her face eaten off by a circus lion, another with a guy who gets his face melted off with acid... Doyle was fucking tired of writing Sherlock Holmes stories by the time he got to Case-book, and he gave no shits. Also, as Wt’sn suggests in the story, these were all written after WWI, when Doyle was still mourning the horrors of the war, so they run dark.

...the surprisingly racy version of what had happened at ‘Shoscombe Old Place.’

“Shoscombe Old Place” is the second-to-last story in canon. It’s weirdly grotesque in its own right (as is most things in Case-Book), but it has cross-dressing and no murders, which makes it a much better candidate for shenanigans than the horrorshow that is Retired Colourman. 

The illustration showed an elderly gentleman clinging by one arm to an ivy-covered wall, three stories above the ground...

From “The Creeping Man”:

The professor was clearly visible crouching at the foot of the ivy-covered wall. As we watched him he suddenly began with incredible agility to ascend it. From branch to branch he sprang, sure of foot and firm of grasp, climbing apparently in mere joy at his own powers, with no definite object in view. With his dressing-gown flapping on each side of him, he looked like some huge bat glued against the side of his own house, a great square dark patch upon the moonlit wall.

Frederic Dorr Steele’s illustration:

“Come, find a pencil, you must help me work out the dates...”

There are a fuckton of dates in CREE, to the point that Leslie Klinger’s Annotated Holmes has to organize them into two tables at the end of the story. As per usual with Doyle, the dates don’t quite make sense. More hilariously, Watson says this at one point during CREE:

“As to your dates, that is the biggest mystification of all."

Watson isn’t actually lampshading the nonsensical dates there; he’s only asking Holmes to explain his deductions. Nevertheless, the fandom loves to quote that line whenever the issue of Doyle’s self-contradictory dates comes up. BECAUSE APPROPRIATE QUOTE IS APPROPRIATE.

And with that, we settled in to making sense of Dr Watson’s dates.

Because it would take Sherlock Holmes to make sense of Watson’s dates. Certainly no one else has ever managed it. :-D

#'handsome and generous people' #acd canon #dvd commentary #things done by me

[hurt-care]

An Unexpected Allergy

Written for a request from @terrestrialyarn who asked for Bill Weasley :) I have another great request from @damenemo and I promise I will get to it soon!

You don’t have to have read the Harry Potter series or have seen the films to follow this. The only background you’ll need is that Bill was injured by a werewolf NOT on the full moon, so he’s not a true lycanthrope but the injuries did cause some side effects.

Also...you’ll notice I didn’t write Fleur with an accent. Mostly because I find that really annoying. Just FYI.

Enjoy!

--

It's been a bit of trial and error figuring out the quirks surrounding Bill's injury and resulting “lycanthropic-induced symptomatic response” (as it has been dubbed by the healers). There's, of course, the drop in iron count prior to the full moon and the associated craving for red meat. When the moon is particularly close or strong, he'll feel a general dull ache and occasional flu-like symptoms. When the perigee moon hits and the lunar orb is closest to earth, he spends the majority of the three days around the full moon lounging in bed or in the bath, plagued by sore muscles and a low-grade fever.

All in all, it's a little bit of a inconvenience but nothing compared to actual lycanthropy. There is, however, one unexpected symptom that proves to be more than a little annoying.

It comes to light on the fourth or fifth moon cycle after his injury at the Battle of the Astronomy Tower. He'd finally settled back into Shell Cottage with his new bride, Fleur. The war was still on, but at the seaside in the shelter of their little home, things felt peaceful.

On Saturday, the full moon was set to rise that evening and Bill got out of bed in the morning feeling a little stiff and restless. After a cup of tea and breakfast, he kissed Fleur on the top of the head as he stood and stretched his arms widely.

“I need a bit of activity,” he declared. “I think I'll tackled that back garden if you don't mind.”

“I don't mind at all,” Fleur replied, leaning up to return his kiss with one on the lips. “I'll shower and then come help you.”

He trudged out the back door and down the path to the back stone wall that divided the main part of the yard from a rambling and wild-looking garden. The thick, hot air was hazy and filled with the sound of buzzing cicadas. Bill pushed his way through a patch of lavender and over to a stubborn-looking bush of small white flowers that was certainly a weed.

Tending a garden as a wizard meant there was less digging and pulling at weeds, but a certain level of concentration had to be maintained to prevent severing the wrong plants at the root. He'd destroyed half of the family pumpkin patch as a boy before Bill had learned that lesson.

Wand in hand, he bent over and inspected the plant's base, pushing his long red hair away from his face. The area around the bush looked clear of other plants and so he flicked his wand with expert precision and yanked the offending weed out of the soil. It popped out with a satisfying snap and sailed upwards and over the fence, training a cloud of pollen into the already yellow-dusted air.

Bill wrinkled his nose absentmindedly and gave it a light nudge. He'd never suffered terribly from hayfever, but on occasion the yellow clouds gave him a mild itch. Today, his eyes were already starting to feel gritty and irritated. He pressed a palm against one and then the other, rubbing vigorously.

His eyelids swelled in response, sending tears brimming to the edges. He sniffled and rubbed again, wiping away the moisture and blinking to regain his sight. With his wand, he severed another plant and sent it on its way to the reject pile.

A tickled blossomed deep in his nose, instantly growing in urgency until he was unable to concentrate enough to find more weeds. Stooped over in the garden, he pawed at his nostrils, trying to stop the itch but to no avail.

Wriggling his nose, he trudged onward, fighting the irritation with each sniffle and nose twitch. There was a patch of yellow dandelions poking up among the more desirable poppy flowers at the far end of the garden. Bill extended his wand arm, pointing it towards the weeds as if he were about to break a curse in one of the Egyptian tombs where he'd once worked.

His arm wavered, reacting to a more insistent pest. The tickle in his nose, which once was manageable, was quickly peaking. He let his arm drop and took a gasping breath, chest expanding widely as he built up to a wrenching sneeze.

Hurrhhh-TSGHHTT!

He was thrown forward, stumbling, as the explosion burst out of him. Immediately, his head reared back and he sneezed openly towards the soil once more.

Huhrrrr-TSGHHHH! He felt his nose start to stream and he pressed his wrist to his nose, sniffling thickly. What the hell? He'd never had this kind of reaction before. Perhaps there was some new foreign flower to which his nose took a particular dislike.

He was distracted by wiping his nose with his shirtsleeve when Fleur's voice called out from the back steps.

“I made lemonade! Do you want yours out there?”

He swallowed thickly and tried to call back, but his voice barely registered as a thick croak. Instead, he raised one hand and waved, giving a thumbs up.

And then immediately was caught up in another sneeze.

Urh-TSGHHT!

He bent forward, catching it in cupped hands.

From his nostrils dripped a thin, rheumy liquid and from the corners of his eyes, the same slow leak was creeping down his cheeks

Hurhh-TSGCHHH!

Each sneeze tore out of him more violently and throatily than the last, ripping at his vocal chords.

Fleur emerged from the thick vegetation and stopped in her tracks at the sight of him, setting down the two glasses of lemonade in her hands on the path.

“Bill! What's wrong?”

He shook his head, as if irritated by flies, and pitched forward in a motion that was quickly becoming uncomfortably familiar.

Hurh-TshGHTT!

“Bless you!” she exclaimed.

“I think I'm---ahh” Bill stammered. “allerg—hehhh---ehh-TSCHOO!”

Fleur dug into the pocket of her sundress and drew out a small laced-trimmed handkerchief. Bill took it without hesitation.

Eh-TSGHHTT!

He took a ragged breath, alarmed at the slight wheeze in his lungs. With the small handkerchief pinched over his nose, he stifled two more itchy outbursts.

TSH-NXT! NH-GXTT!

Fleur was at his side, one hand gently pressed to his lower back with the other pushed stray red strands of hair from his face.

“Love,” she said. “Sit. You look like you might knock yourself over.”

She guided him to a nearby stone bench and got him settled before she went to get his lemonade.

Hurhhh-TSGHTT! Urrhhh-TSCGHHT!

Before he could say anything, he was bent over, arms resting on his knees and hands cupped over his face, lost in the fit once more. The scars on his face from Greyback's attack were beginning to ache from the constant strain of being stretched and contorted with each itchy sneeze. Where they skimmed up and to the edge of his nose, his skin had turned angry red and chapped.

“Here,” Fleur said, sitting at his side and offered a glass of lemonade. “Try to drink.”

He snorted loudly, trying to clear his head enough to drink. He took a sip, eager for the sweet juice to distract from his irritated throat.

With only half the glass finished, he suddenly thrust the cup back towards Fleur.

“S...ssheh--sorry, I… hh… I need to… huhh… to s-sneeh…!”

He gasped with a desperate-sounding inhale as Fleur took the cup back just in time to allow him to pitch forward, eyes fluttering shut and hand raising to shield his face with Fleur's now-damp handkerchief.

Nhh-TSCHOO! Hehhh-ehhTSGHHHT!

“I think you should probably come inside,” said Fleur.

“Hhh....hhold on,” he stammered. “I'm not f—fehh—finished—heh-TSGCHH!!”

Fleur smoothed more tendrils of hair from his face, watching with with growing concern.

“I didn't realise you had such bad allergies, love?”

“I didn't either,” Bill confessed, pressing his palms to his eyes, which were now so swollen and bloodshot that he could barely see.

“Come. Inside.”

Fleur kept a hand gently against his back and guided him back towards the cottage. Bill stumbled along through the dense garden, stopping only for the occasional sneeze.

When they were safely back inside Shell Cottage, Fleur sat him down on the sofa and went for a washrag from the bathroom. She returned with it and a small vial of potion.

“No allergy potions. I'll send an owl for some in a moment. Until then, this should help with your eyes. Lean back.”

Bill reclined his head against the back of the sofa and allowed a few droplets of the potion to be squeezed into the corners of his eyes before Fleur spread the washcloth over them.

“Just try to relax,” she said. “I'm going to send Isadore for the potions.”

Isadore was their owl who was currently asleep in the fig tree at the side of the house. Bill made a sound of agreement, trying to stay still despite a still-present tickle deep in his sinuses. He pinched at the bridge of nose and gave his nostrils a small rub upwards to relieve some congestion. It did nothing to quell the itch, however. He felt his chest expand rapidly as his breath sucked inward in preparation for what he estimated would be his fiftieth sneeze that morning.

Hrhhhh-CHHTTT!

The sneezes were beginning to sound more and more exhausted as his respiratory system continued to swell and he stopped fighting the outbursts.

He reached out blindly, searching the couch with his arms for a pillow. When he finally found one, he raised it to his face and muffled the rest of the fit into the small, soft square.

Hrhh-TSCMPHH! Mhh-CHMPHHH! Tehh-CHUMFFF!

Fleur returned and sighed at the sight of him.

“Oh, love, what are you doing? Here.”

She replaced the pillow with a fresh handkerchief.

“The potion should come soon.”

She sat at his side, pulling him against her. He slumped in exhaustion, defeated by the allergic assault. Sniffling miserably, he let his head tuck into her shoulder and she stroked his hair soothingly.

“Have you ever reacted like this before?” she asked, gently untangling strands of his hair from the hoop-and-fang earring he wore.

“No,” he replied, handkerchief held to his nose. He blew noisily, trying to clear his head, but it was in vain.

“Perhaps it's the moon?” she suggested. “You're somehow more sensitive to the pollen?”

“Seems like an odd reaction, but I'll write Lupin when I'm able and see if he's ever had anything like this happen.”

“If that's not it, I think we'll have to hire a gardener to help out.”

Bill made a sound of protest and sniffled.

“What? You want to be a mess like this all summer? Suit yourself.”

Normally, Bill would have responded with something witty but instead, he sat with his hand hovering over his nose, his face contorted in a look of pre-sneeze agony. He pushed the washcloth off his eyes.

“Bless you,” said Fleur preemptively.

“Don't,” Bill hissed through gritted teeth. “It won't come.”

He sat up, wavering on the brink of a fit, fanning his hand slowly as the tickle built and built but would not be relieved.

“You're too swollen up,” Fleur said.

“Godddd,” Bill moaned breathlessly. “This is torture.”

He pressed his palm to his glistening nostrils, forcing them upwards and snorting miserably.

“It tickles,” he groaned.

“Just breathe,” Fleur coached.

“Easy for you to say,” Bill grumbled. “You face doesn't look like it got mauled by a bunch of stinging nettles.”

He coughed in desperation, respiratory system on overload.

Finally, after what felt like eternity, he gasped with a wheezy and urgent sound before the sneezes began to tumble out.

They began rapid-fire and weak, his swollen nose's futile attempt to rid itself of irritants.

Nh-TCHHT! Heh-TSCHH! TCHHHT! Nhh-Hehh-TSCHXXT!

Fleur could do little to help beyond rub his shaking shoulders and encourage him to breathe. Bill took a ragged breath and launched into a lengthier fit.

TcCHHT! NghXHTT! Ehh-TSCHT! NghTSCHHT! TsxCHT! CSCHHT!

“Oh my god,” he moaned, teetering on the brink of more sneezing. Fleur touched her wand to his handkerchief, performing a cleaning spell on it. Bill blew his nose with a series of productive honks and returned to the grips of the fit.

Hhrr-TSCHOO!

The sneezes began to slow. Between each, Bill sat, breath hitching and shivering with anticipation, totally wrapped up in the cycle of build up and outburst.

Ehhhh—hehh-hhSCHTTTT! Heh-TSCHXHHT!

He closed his eyes and pinched at the top of his nose, fighting over a growing dizzy feeling.

“Shh,” Fleur soothed.

Hrhhh...huhh-TSCHGHXXHHTTT!!

The final sneeze tore out with such intensity that Bill could feel his throat ache from the force. He slumped back against the sofa, utterly and totally spent.

There was a rapping on the window. Isadore was perched on the sill with a package from the apothecary in her beak.

“Thank Merlin,” Bill said, relieved. “How do Muggles possibly survive this without potions?”

“I'm not entirely certain,” Fleur replied, retrieving the package and tearing open the brown wrapping. “Here. It says to take two vials.”

Bill dosed out the potion and swallowed the two droppers full of shimmering blue liquid. Almost instantly, the colour faded from his eyes and nose and the perpetually-congested swollen look of his face returned to normal. He took a deep, long breathe and smiled.

“I'm glad it's the weekend,” he declared. “I'm exhausted from that. Back to bed for me.”

Fleur kissed him and smiled back.

“I might just join you. We've had enough excitement for the morning.”

#DustyFic

[ibreathedisney]

Sunday 26th June – Ellis Day Two

Today was the second day of 8.00 – 17.00 Ellis Lifeguard Training at Mickeys Retreat. As I mentioned in the previous weekly blog, I am going to be writing a dedicated post regarding Ellis Lifeguard Training as there is quite a lot to cover and not a great deal of info online.

Once we got back to Patterson Court we had dinner and then met at the pool to practice for our test the next day!

Monday 27th June – Ellis Day Three (Test Out Day)

Today was our Ellis test out day and another 8:00 – 17:00. However, you might get to leave early if they get through everyone quickly! I was really apprehensive about the test out day and was worried I was going to forget everything. In hindsight, you really don’t need to be – Ellis prep you so well in such a sort space of time. Safe to say I passed and was officially a Disney Lifeguard!! As I’ve already mentioned, I am going to be writing a more detailed post on the whole Ellis Lifeguard Training process.

Tuesday 28th June – Day off (Outlets, Publix, Welcome Party)

After three long and tiring days of Ellis Lifeguard Training, I was glad to have a day off. Becky, Eleanor and I went to the outlets for a little mooch around. We also needed to get some appropriate footwear (i.e. ugly crocs). I also needed some black sunglasses and a black waterproof watch for work. (FYI – you can buy a black waterproof watch for $14 at the outlets!) We also went to Publix for the first time and spent way too long chosing what American foods we wanted! I then realised how expensive fresh fruit and vegetables are – poptarts are cheaper than a bag of grapes! My weekly shop was around £20 in the UK – over $50  in Publix really? You can walk to Publix from Patterson Court in about 10-15 minutes, but there is also a transtar bus if your shopping is too heavy.

That afternoon Becky and I also headed over to costuming to collect out lifeguard gear. They were really short on the sizes I needed so I ended up grabbing whatever I could. You can take up to five of each item (i.e. five swimming costumes, five pairs of shorts etc). If you find a size that fits, then keep it!

Once we got back to Patterson Court we decided to have a lil fashion show trying on all our stuff with our ‘fanny packs’. Lifeguard, ready!

That evening, Becky, Suzie, Eleanor, Emily and I went to the Disney Housing Welcome Party at Chatham Square. There was lots of music, character meet and greets, a photo booth and free Pizza – they even had gluten-free slices for me!

Wednesday 29th June – Welcome to Operations a.k.a The Worst Day Ever

Today, we headed back to Disney University for our Welcome to Operations class. The day was from 7:30 – 16.00, so it was a very early start for us all. Let me tell you now, this is one of the most boring days off your entire life. The class is a mixture of CP’s and non CP’s. They teach you a bit more about the company and then some incredibly basic things like how to tell the time using the 24 hour clock (I thought everyone knew this). We also learnt about Disney’s Safe D Begins With Me policy. The ‘Safety In Motion’ portion is probably one of the most patronising and boring portions of this class. Good luck, and try not to fall asleep (honestly, it happened to people).

After we stopped for lunch, we had more recreation specific induction. It involved a presentation and some questions from Disney trainers. We then had to complete some readings online followed by multiple choice questions. It’s all rather straight forward and largely common sense. They also set you up on the hub and get you linked to the cast member wi-fi across Walt Disney World – this is much better than the guest wifi, so use it!

Once Welcome to Operations was finally over, we headed to costuming to collect our free lifeguard shoes. Lifeguards get the choice of receiving a free pair of either white trainers (sneakers) or crocs. I would highly recommend choosing the white trainers over the crocs. The crocs that Disney provide have no holes in and are terrible for getting lots of water trapped in them. I also knew of people who burnt their feet through the crocs because they got so hot! It’s best to collect the free shoes and buy you’re own crocs/tevas – the Croc store at the premium outlets always have some kind of offer available. Generally speaking, resort guards tend to wear trainers, whereas water park guards (who tend to be in the water a lot more) will wear crocs or tevas.

Thursday 30th June: Typhoon Orientation

I met Chris (another UK CEP at Typhoon Lagoon) at Chatham Bus Stop and we headed over to Typhoon Lagoon for our ‘Forecast Typhoon’ class. You are required to wear clothes similar to Traditions attire. My advice is to make sure you have something that is both smart, in Disney look and comfortable in crazy florida heat.

The class ran from 8:00 – 12:00 but because of the bus timetable, we ended up arriving really early. (Transtar is the devil). It was quite strange entering the backstage area of Typhoon Lagoon as I hadn’t even visited the park in the day! We went into one of the training rooms and had a presentation on the story behind Typhoon Lagoon.

The legend goes:

“A furious storm once roared cross the sea Catching ships in its path, helpless to flee Instead of a certain and watery doom The wind swept them here to Typhoon Lagoon.”

All of the theming in Typhoon is based on this ferocious storm; that’s why Miss Tilly is impailed on the mountain (the highest centre point in the park). The stories goes that the mountain still tries to dislodge the boat with an enormous geyser of water every half and hour!

The orientation involved some quizzes such as looking at a map of the park and answering where was the nearest QSFB location, the nearest first aid, the nearest restrooms etc. After a quick break it was time to head out ‘on stage’ and to see the park for the first time.

Typhoon Lagoon is beautiful. I couldn’t think of a more well themed water park and (although I am bias) I definitely prefer it over the theming at Blizzard Beach. Walking around Typhoon Lagoon did feel like a bit of a maze. I thought ‘how am I ever going to remember my way round or be able to get from the backstage area to one of my furthest stands in time!’ It also made me realise how busy the parks and the aquatic areas were going to be. I was excited, but also quite nervous.

After work, I headed to Magic Kingdom to meet the girls. Suzie’s roommate, who works in Fantasyland, had given her loads of fast passes for Magic Kindgom rides so we were able to beat the queues!

I went on Buzz Lightyear for the first time on my programme and lost miserably – I’m used to the Disneyland Paris Version, ok?

We also watched the Main Street Electrical Parade and despite the annoying music, I love it! It’s a love hate thing for sure.

We also watched Wishes from across the lake in Frontierland. I’d definitely recommend trying to see Wishes from different locations in Magic Kingdom!

Sadly,  Eleanor and Suzie left early as they had work the following morning. However, I had the next day off and Becky had a PM shift so we decided to stay to watch the Kiss Goodnight. Of course this meant that we had to take some photos in front of the castle and I got my first Mickey Rice Krispie Treat of my programme. (The first of many, may I add).

Friday: Day off!

I had a day off, but everyone else seemed to be either at work or at training. I decided to head back to Typhoon Lagoon for opening and experience the park as a guest. I felt that if I was going to be working there for the summer, I may as well get acquainted with all of the attractions myself. I would really recommend going to either of the water parks for opening as you get on the attractions very quickly – I had managed to do just about everything by lunchtime!

I headed back to housing and decided to go lay by the pool in Patterson Court for some more sunbathing and swimming – I could get used to this life!

I decided to meet Eleanor after she had finished work. She was lifeguarding at Wilderness Lodge which is a Magic Kingdom area resort. I caught the bus over to the Contemporary and met her in Magic Kingdom. We didn’t get into the park until pretty late in the day. There was also a massive rainstorm and we got absolutely drenched walking from the Contemporary to the Magic Kingdom main entrance. As soon as we arrived, we ended up spending $8 on the most touristy Disney ponchos.

The good thing about the storm was that Magic Kingdom had emptied out considerably. The bad thing about the storm was that a lot of the rides were closed. At one point, the lightening was right on top of us and struck right next to the castle. Everyone (including us) let out a little scream!

We decided to ride The Little Mermaid ride, It’s A Small World and Enchanted Tales with Belle. Enchanted Tales with Belle is one of my favourite attractions for a couple of reasons. Firstly, Beauty and the Beast is my favourite Disney film and Belle is my favourite Disney character. Secondly, Belle’s house is so well themed – I loved all the little details inside. Thirdly, I absolutely adore seeing the kids reactions to Belle when she comes to welcome us in her library. The parents reactions to their children reactions made Eleanor and I get all teary. There was one little girl dressed just like Belle and she was in complete awe of Belle when she entered the room; the little girls mum was beaming with happiness! That is what Disney is all about. I love seeing magical moments like this because it reminds me of my own family and all of our amazing memories in Disney.

Overall, our rain filled evening was one of my favourite evenings in the parks!

Saturday 2nd July – My first day of OTJ Training

Today I had training at Typhoon from 8:00 – 16.30. It was also my first day in costume – exciting! I was up at 6.30am ready to catch the 7am bus to the Typhoon Lagoon cast entrance. I didn’t officially start until 8am and the bus only takes 15 minutes from Chatham Square to Typhoon. However, the buses aren’t that reliable so it is best to get to work early. You are also given a 15 minute grace period to clock in and they encourage you to clock in at the earliest convince. However, don’t clock in before your 15 minute grade period as you’ll end up with a Disney point. Three points and boom, reprimand. Three reprimands and boom, please leave the country within 48 hours.

I am going to compile all of my On the Job Training in one post as there is quite a lot to cover and I never found a great deal of information on the process before I started.

That’s it for another week working for the mouse. Stay tuned for the weeks that follow!

What did I get up to last week?

______________________________________________________________

Instagram: @anniebelleymcd

Twitter: @_TheDisneyBelle

YouTube: AnnieBelle – TheDisneyBelle

  Finally posting my weekly diaries from my time as a Cast Member at #WDW! #CEP #DCP🌟 Sunday 26th June - Ellis Day Two Today was the second day of 8.00 - 17.00 Ellis Lifeguard Training at Mickeys Retreat.

#blogger #blogging #cast member #cep #dcp #Disney #disney ellis training #disney lifeguard #disney lifeguard training #disney university #disney world #ellis lifegaurding #ellis lifeguard #ellis lifeguard training #ellis training #icp #magic kingdom #random #typhoon lagoon #wdw #working for disney

[beckypatterson1]

Can’t eat beans or lentils? 8 ways to replace them (+ bean-free refried beans, bean-free hummus recipe)

“Your recipes look great, but I cannot eat beans or lentils because of a digestive issue (Dr. recommended diet). What could replace these ingredients if I sign up for your meal plans?”

OMG, do I feel you on that.

In the last three years both my husband and I had periods where we couldn’t eat beans or lentils.

Fortunately, we’ve healed our guts and improved our digestion enough to be able to eat most beans and lentils now, though there are a few my husband still chooses to avoid. (He has a chronic GI issue not related to diet that requires extra care and hypervigilance).

Replacing Beans and Lentils

#1 Tofu (and soybeans)

Tofu is the most universal replacement option, and what my husband favors. It tends to work with all flavors and cuisines, plus you can cube it, bake it, crumble it, etc.

On the Meal Mentor app, any recipe using tofu can be replaced with chickpeas or white beans (such as navy beans) if you have the reverse issue.

There’s also canned black soybeans which will work in pretty much every recipe.

#2 Sourgum

This gluten-free grain is a fantastic substitute for beans and lentils IF they’re just being mixed into a recipe, meaning the beans and lentils are staying whole. If you’re supposed to mash the beans or do anything else with them, this isn’t a great option.

I would say I used sourgum the most and still find I ‘crave’ it even though we’re back to eating beans and lentils regularly.

#3 Cauliflower Florets (or cauliflower rice)

There’s a bean-free chili in two of my cookbooks (it’s called “Rustic Chili”) and the “secret ingredient” is cauliflower florets that you mash up with a fork or potato masher into coarse crumbles. It’s one of my favorite recipes to serve guests -- they cannot believe how delicious and filling the chili is even without meat or beans!

It’s my husband’s favorite and what he kept requesting over and over during his recovery.

I find mashed up cauliflower florets (or cauliflower rice) are incredibly universal (goes with all flavors and dishes) AND provides a nice rustic texture and ruggedness that beans often provide.

#4 Tempeh

Tempeh is another fairly universal replacement. Like tofu, it tends to work with all flavors and cuisines.

It’s also a great replacement for sturdy lentils and split peas (brown, black, green--anything but red lentils which are soft and mushy) since tempeh can be crumbled into little hard bits like lentils.

One caveat, the lentils need to be a component of a dish and not the main flavor ingredient. For example, you can’t substitute tempeh (or really anything) for split peas in “Split Pea Soup.” It’s like trying to make cornbread without corn. Save yourself the disappointment and frustration and make something else instead :)

There are a million options out there for you (and hundreds in the App). Swap it out!

#5 Nuts like cashews and walnuts (or sunflower seeds)

Raw cashews and walnuts (soak overnight to help with digestion) are a fairly universal option as a replacement for beans and lentils. Sunflower seeds are another choice if you have a nut allergy.

The upside to raw nuts is I found we needed a lot less to feel satiated. For example, I could usually add ¼ cup nuts to a recipe that called for about 1 ½ cups of beans. It takes a little trial and error to find how much you need to feel satiated afterward, but you’ll find what works for you. If I had to pick one, I’d say cashews work the best.

#6 Quinoa (and other grains)

Quinoa, like sorghum, was a wonderful, easy replacement for me. I bought the precooked frozen kind so all I had to do was add it in at the end. If there were other grains (i.e. rice) already used in the dish I didn’t do the quinoa, or I did but then replaced the rice with cauliflower rice.

Farro, barley, and other “chewy” grains can help make a dish much more hearty when you pull out the beans and/or lentils. I was surprised how much I liked using steel cut oats and/or barley instead of beans in my chilis.

#6 Peas (or edamame)

With Indian, Asian, Italian and some American-style recipes, I tend to use peas instead of whatever bean or lentil is called for if I need a replacement.

I also like how peas add a nice pop of color and are ready for me in the freezer. I don’t need to do anything else, which is nice.

With Asian dishes, I tend to use shelled edamame instead of peas unless my guest is soy-free.

Peas are a great soy-free alternative to edamame, hence why it’s always an optional ingredient in the App! I like to make sure everything can be made soy-free and gluten-free for you too.

FYI--Green beans have worked great as a substitute for me in Asian and Indian dishes as well, but since green beans are (quite literally) immature beans, you may need to avoid those as well if you can’t eat mature beans and lentils.

#7 Mushrooms or Eggplant

Mushrooms and Eggplant are a great plant-based vegan/vegetarian replacement for meat. When I come across an old family recipe using steak or beef strips, for example, my brain reads “portobello mushrooms.” Same for pork, my brain switches to tofu.

The downside is these two ingredients tend to end up on people’s “yuck” list, so unless you like it and you’re serving yourself, it can be a challenge.

I also don’t find them to be as flexible and universal as other options. For example, I’ve had dishes where I substituted eggplants or mushrooms and thought it was weird or “off.” (And I like mushrooms and eggplant!) Before using either as a substitute now, I make sure that eggplants or mushrooms tend to be used with that cuisine/flavor profile. (A quick google answers that).

In general, mushrooms tend to work in place of black beans or kidney beans (or beef and pork if it’s a non-vegan recipe). Eggplant tends to work in place white beans or chickpeas or lentils used in Italian dishes. Zucchini is a pretty fair substitute for eggplant if you need that, which brings me to the last replacement:

#8 Add more vegetables!

Instead of using a substitute for lentils or beans, increase the vegetables (or grains) in the recipe. This is the simplest and often easiest approach, though it may not be the highest in protein. If I didn’t add one of the more protein-centric options above at a meal, I usually sprinkled sesame seeds on top, nutritional yeast, OR I served everything over steamed spinach or kale.

Now for the big kahunas:

Bean-Free Hummus

When my husband wasn’t digesting beans well, he missed hummus terribly.

I found I was able to make a “passable” bean-free hummus with zucchini, 1-2 tbsp tahini, and spices (like cumin and lemon juice). Blend together and voila!

For a thicker texture, I also blend in roasted eggplant OR oven-roasted cauliflower or roasted cauliflower rice. Oven-roasting anything drastically improves the flavor and the dryer vegetable helped a lot with the bean-free hummus’ texture.

Even if you make hummus the ‘normal’ way with chickpeas, adding roasted cauliflower would be a great way to add additional flavor and thin out the calories or fat content, if that’s a goal of yours.

Bean-Free Refried Beans

If you can have the real thing, honestly, don’t mess with this, but if you can’t have beans and are desperate for a substitute, this will work for you:

2 zucchini (or yellow squash) diced ½ small onion, diced 1-2 garlic cloves, minced 1-2 tbsp taco seasoning ½ tsp apple cider vinegar (optional)

Saute the vegetables together until tender. Add spices and stir to coat. Keep cooking until liquid has cooked off. Blend together in a blender, leaving it somewhat chunky if desired. Stir in vinegar and heat over low until warm, adding salt and pepper or more seasoning to taste.

Note: I would often add a drop of smoke or dash of smoked paprika. You can also add soy sauce (or other) instead of salt and/or hot sauce. I never tried it, but I think 1-3 tsp of tahini or almond butter and chia seeds would help with the texture.

from Recipes Blog https://happyherbivore.com/2018/12/cant-eat-beans-or-lentils-8-ways-replace-them-bean/

[organiclifestylemagazine]

How to Detox From Plastics and Other Endocrine Disruptors

The soles of your shoes, the fabric of your clothing, your contact lenses, your chewing gum, your phone, food containers, mattresses – all are made with plastic. It’s everywhere. It’s in our salt and it’s in our water. Plastic may be the most insidious and enduring product we’ve ever produced.

While plastic improves our daily life in countless ways, it is also suffocating our planet and causing catastrophic pollution, much of it hidden and microscopic. Just how bad is it?

Bottled water samples were collected and analyzed by scientists over a ten-month investigation. The study analyzed 259 bottles from 19 locations in nine countries across 11 different brands and found an average of 325 plastic particles for every liter of water being sold.

In one bottle of Nestlé Pure Life, concentrations were as high as 10,000 plastic pieces per litre of water. Of the 259 bottles tested, only 17 were free of plastics, according to the study.” – Drinking Bottled Water Means Drinking Microplastics

This study comes just after a damning study of plastic found in sea salt brands was published in the scientific journal Scientific Reports. Theyanalyzed seventeen commercial salt brands from eight different countries on four continents for plastic particles. They found plastics in all but one brand.

Contents

BPA’s Replacement, BPS, Likely No Better

Microplastics, Endocrine Disrupters, and the Environment

How to Avoid Plastic Toxicity

How to Detoxify Plastic Byproducts

Supplements for BPA and BPS, Heavy Metal Detox, and Other Endocrine Disrupters

BPA’s Replacement, BPS, Likely No Better

BPA is the starting material for producing polycarbonate plastics. We found out it leaches into the ground and water and causes all kinds of problems. Of course, the manufacturers denied and lied until the mounting evidence was incontrovertible. Then BPS was developed, and was a favored replacement; they thought BPS was more resistant to leaching. But BPS is leaching. Nearly 81 percent of Americans have detectable levels of BPS in their urine. Once it enters the body it can affect cells in ways that parallel BPA.

Microplastics, Endocrine Disrupters, and the Environment

Microplastics are most likely, to varying degrees, already in all of our drinking water and in all of our bodies. Microplastics absorb toxic chemicals linked to cancer and other diseases and release those chemicals into animals that consume it, like fish and humans who eat those fish. Experts say since these fibers have been found in most of our water supply, they have to be in our food as well. From fish to organic vegetables, microplastics are everywhere. At this time, there is no known way to completely filter or contain them.

Plastic waste doesn’t biodegrade. Instead, it breaks down into smaller pieces of itself, down to the nanometer scale (one billionth of a meter). Science knows that particles of this size migrate through intestinal walls and travel to lymph nodes, glands, and bodily organs.

Plastic is toxic. It has been proven to cause cancer. Plastic toxicity weakens the immune system, metabolism, and affects people’s skin, weight, behavior, and much more.  Plastic particles will leach into food and drink and is also absorbed through skin and lungs. Plastics leach endocrine disruptors, meaning plastic screws up our hormonal system.

Most plastic products, from dishes to plastic bags to food wraps, have been proven to release estrogenic chemicals. These chemicals are endocrine disrupters that act like the sex hormone estrogen, according to a study in Environmental Health Perspectives. Excessive estrogen, estrogenic chemicals, and other endocrine disruptors have been linked to cancer, fertility problems, male impotence, heart disease, and many other conditions.

Endocrine disruptors (EDs) are chemicals that mimic our own hormones. They bind hormone receptors and disrupt the body’s normal hormonal actions. Endocrine disruptors may cause a more powerful response than the natural hormone would have or a diminished response. In some cases, they cause a completely different response than its natural counterpart would have created. EDs are typically measured in parts per trillion, which is indicative of the fact that very small amounts can have a disrupting effect on us. EDs are very stable. They don’t break down quickly. This is, in large part, why they are in so many products. They also get stored in our fat cells. They tend to stick around for a long time.

The dangers of plastics have not been studied adequately, and the plastic industry has no desire or intention of doing so. A study looking into the effects of BPA on rat testicles found that lipoic acid exerted antioxidant effects that can protect against BPA damage. In the study, BPA was shown to reduce testosterone, testicular weight, protein content, antioxidant activity, and beneficial enzyme activity, while damaging the mitochondria. Fetal exposure to BPA has been associated with obesity, altered reproductive function, and cancers later on in life. BPA was accidentally discovered to be carcinogenic when medical researchers came to find that rats were getting cancer during a study for something else.  They found out that it was caused the BPA in the water bottles. And now we are supposed to trust BPA free plastics?

How to Avoid Plastic Toxicity

Many manufacturers have stopped using BPA to harden plastics, replacing it with “BPA-free” alternatives like the most common replacement, BPS (Bisphenol S).

Our research showed that low levels of BPS had a similar impact on the embryo as BPA. In the presence of either BPA or BPS, embryonic development was accelerated. Additionally, BPA caused premature birth.” –Nancy Wayne

You probably can’t avoid plastics. Even if you go to another planet plastic is going to take you there and contaminate that ecosystem. But you can limit plastic consumption and keep your body in a homeostasis state that detoxifies itself at all times.  And the good news is that with the right diet and a healthy body, BPA and BPS can be flushed out of your system quickly, some say within 24 hours. A properly working body can process and dispel a lot of toxins. An unhealthy body rids itself of toxins at a slower rate than the toxins are consumed and produced.

Ways to Limit Plastic Contamination & Plastic Use

Keep your home clean, and vacuum regularly

Filter tap water

Always avoid artificial fragrances

Stay away from warm or hot plastics, don’t even breathe near them

Avoid canned foods

Avoid conventional personal care products like shampoos, soaps, moisturizers, makeup

Avoid conventional and big-ag produce (pesticides and herbicides have plastic residues)

Cook your own foods using whole-food ingredients

Stop using plastic straws, even in restaurants

Purchase food, like cereal, pasta, and rice from bulk bins and fill a reusable bag or container

Use paper or your own reusable shopping bags, bulk goods bags, and bring your own mesh produce bags (FYI: I suspect that many paper bags contain BPA and BPS)

No more chewing gum, it’s made of plastic

Buy boxes and glass instead of plastic bottles whenever possible

Use a reusable bottle or mug for your beverages or coffee and soda refills (but you don’t drink that crap, do you?)

Boycott any restaurant that still uses styrofoam – Why is that still a thing?

Use matches or invest in a refillable metal lighter – avoid the plastic disposable ones

Eat real, whole foods – fresh foods equates to less packaging and less previous plastic contact

Don’t use plasticware ever, bring your own if need be

Use cloth diapers – disposable diapers are extremely toxic to the environment and your baby

Make your own cleaning products

Pack your lunch in glass containers and reusable bags.

Use a razor with replaceable blades instead of a disposable razor

Find other disposal products that can be replaced by their non-disposable counterparts

Avoid seafood

Avoid cheap supplements and be wary of sports supplements

Also, Avoid BPA receipts!

Did you know that some receipts contain 250 to 1,000 times the amount of BPA typically found in a can of food?  If that isn’t scary enough, BPA transfers readily from the receipt to skin and cannot be washed off. Different types of receipts contain varying levels of BPA. If you aren’t sure whether or not a merchant uses BPA in their receipts, either ask directly or let them know early in the transaction that you will not need your receipt. Gas station receipts are particularly notorious for containing huge amounts of BPA.” – Home Maker Chic

How to Detoxify Plastic Byproducts

To eliminate BPS, BPA, and other plastic residues from the body, one must  first and foremost, make sure your gut is not leaking! A healthy gut microbiome will breakdown toxins into inert substances. See How To Heal Your Gut for more on that.

The second most important thing you can do is consume lots of salads like these. Incidentally, salads are part of building a healthy gut microbiome. A large salad with 15 different vegetables and herbs will chelate toxic chemicals from the body while providing nutrition and feeding a healthy, diverse microbiome.

Also, eliminate heavy metals and other toxins as well. Toxins tend to disrupt the endocrine system. The endocrine system is your hormonal system (click to learn more), which includes glands like the thyroid, adrenals, and the pancreas. Heavy metal toxicity and other toxins will also inhibit the body’s ability to detoxify other chemicals including plastic residue.

Most people living on a modern, refined diet suffer from candida overgrowth, and consequently, a leaky gut. Ingesting pesticides, GMOs, antibiotics, alcohol, and other toxic foods kill our natural, beneficial gut microbiome. The refined sugars and flours we ingest feed the microbes that survive our toxic lifestyles. These microbes thrive in our toxic bodies because they feed off of simple sugars and weak cells. They also feed off of plastics, heavy metals, and all kinds of toxins. And they are not the microbes that optimize our health. THe best gut bacteria just happen to like the healthiest foods. Nature wouldn’t work if it were any other way.

The diet I recommend may sound extreme. It’s the same diet I advocate for those suffering from cancer, diabetes, depression, any other autoimune disease or infection, or for those who just want to detoxify. If you are sick, no amount of supplements will fix that. But with the right diet, supplements will radically speed up the process of getting well. If you want to live life disease free, save the following articles:

Detox Cheap and Easy Without Fasting – Recipes Included

Start Eating Like That and Start Eating Like This – Your Guide to Homeostasis Through Diet

How to Make the Healthiest Smoothies – 4 Recipes

More

Even if you’re not feeling ill in any way, detoxifying plastic or anything else is done best with raw, fresh vegetables. The right salad will chelate heavy metals, BPAs, BPS, and more, all while replenishing the minerals we need. Garlic, parsley, cilantro, and many other foods show promising chelation properties, but their effects alone are weak. Thr trick is to combine many healthy foods with their many health benefits for a holistic approach. Taking a few cloves of garlic a day will not significantly reduce levels of toxins any more than taking a supplement. In other words, don’t underestimate the importance of the right diet. It must contain a wide variety of fresh, whole foods.

Supplements for BPA and BPS, Heavy Metal Detox, and Other Endocrine Disrupters

Without a proper diet, the right supplements will work, but only to a certain extent, and only for a little while. On the other hand, supplements taken with a healthy diet can radically speed up healing time.

Plastic Detox Supplement Stack

Abzorb or Syntol AMD

SF722

Elmnx (diatomaceous earth, bentonite clay)

Total Nutrition Formula

With a proper diet, the following is probably overkill (but if the budget allows it…):

IndolPlex

Calcium D-Glucarate

Activated Charcoal

Keep reading for an explanation of these supplements:

Probiotics

1.) Get thee some probiotics – pronto. I’m not talking celebrity endorsed yogurt here. Chose fermented foods like kimchi, natural sauerkraut, and kefir. A refrigerated, concentrated probiotic supplement helps. Drink kombucha. Bifidobacterium breve and Lactobacillus casei were found to extract BPA from the blood of mammals and were excreted out through the bowels. That is very good news!

Beneficial bacteria strengthen the gut and help break down chemicals like BPA so they can be cleared out. As a bonus, they break down pesticides, another major endocrine-disruptor, and other toxins as well. Probiotics are becoming well known for breaking down endocrine-disruptors and other toxins in the body.

My recommendations (pick one depending on the budget):

Syntol AMD (powerful probiotic with prebiotics and enzymes)

Activated Charcoal (AC)

Chelators are small molecules that bind very tightly to metal ions. Activated charcoal is proven to attach to heavy metals including beneficial macrominerals, so mineral supplementation is recommended when consuming activated charcoal, though this can be mitigated with a healthy diet like as mentioned above.

Activated charcoal is highly negatively charged. It seems to bind with positively charged particles. Pathogens typically have a high positive charge associated with them, and so do plastics. Activated charcoal filters have shown to remove BPA from water, but I don’t see any research on its ability to filter BPA from the body, but I think it works.

My recommendation:

Activated Charcoal

Bentonite Clay

Like activated charcoal, bentonite clay is negatively charged. Unlike charcoal, bentonite clay provides minerals and other nutrients to the body while it sucks out toxins, as it helps repair the intestinal tract.

My recommendation:

Shillington’s Intestinal Detox

If clay slows down bowel movements you may also need Shillington’s Intestinal Cleanse

Diatomaceous Earth (DE)

Another chelator, and much more. Any self-respecting eco-friendly health-nut has a bag of food-grade DE somewhere. Take it with water to kill pathogens in your gut, and use it outside or indoors for pest control.

Food grade DE is approximately 80-85% silica. Life cannot exist without silica. Most people are silica-deficient.

There are tons of uses and benefits of using DE. Read more: Diatomaceous Earth – Mother Nature’s Secret Weapon: What Is It, How to Use It

Chlorella

Chlorella has a well-documented history of helping remove heavy metals and other toxins like dioxin from the body expeditiously. Its high concentration of chlorophyll and fiber seems to be a big part of its exceptional detox benefits. It’s almost certain, considering the mechanism, that Chlorella (and spirulina) help pull out BPAs and other plastic residue.

Chlorella is a good source of protein, GLA, and phytochemicals, B12, B2, B3, iron, magnesium, Beta Carotene, and a bunch of powerful phytochemicals. Chlorella stimulates the growth of friendly bacteria. Furthermore, chlorella’s cell walls act to absorb toxic compounds within the intestines, restoring proper gastrointestinal pH and helping to promote normal peristalsis. And it is another chelator, as it is also very negatively charged, attracting positively charged molecules.

Phytochemicals found within Chlorella pyrenoidosa support the complex network of enzymatic reactions that drive the human detoxification system. This detoxification network involves the Phase I and Phase II enzymatic reactions that take place in nearly all cells in the body, though they are concentrated in the liver cells. Phase I detoxification reactions change non-polar chemicals that are not water-soluble into relatively polar, water-soluble compounds. The Phase I process can result in the formation of reactive chemicals that are typically more toxic than the original compounds. Phase II detoxification is necessary therefore to add chemical groups to the toxic intermediates to make them water-soluble so that they may easily be excreted via urine and/or feces. Phase I and Phase II detoxification pathways must remain functional for the removal of toxins from the body. This research focuses specifically on the Chlorella pyrenoidosa species of green algae recognized for its detoxification properties. – King Hardt Academy

Spirulina

Chlorella is green algae, but spirulina is more of a blue-green in color. These two algae have a lot in common. Chlorella’s green hue demonstrates that it’s richer in chlorophyll than spirulina, and chlorella is said to have stronger detoxification properties. But spirulina is an even better source of protein, and it offers iron, B1, B2, B3, B6, B12, calcium, potassium, zinc, and a host of microminerals.

My recommendation:

Total Nutrition Formula (contains spirulina and chlorella)

Related: Total Nutrition – Make your own Homemade Multivitamin and Mineral Formula

Enzymes

Digestive enzymes break down food. Metabolic enzymes, also known as systemic enzymes, break down foreign proteins, fibrin, and other toxins, and they clean the blood of impurities. Consider the ramifications of this. Probiotics and enzymes together help breakdown nearly everything in the gut that doesn’t belong. Read more about systemic enzymes here.

My recommendation:

Abzorb

Indolplex – DIM

Diindolylmethane (DIM) is naturally present in cruciferous vegetables such as cauliflower, cabbage, broccoli, and brussels sprouts. It helps metabolize estrogens and hormone-disrupting estrogen mimics. Indolplex is a dietary supplement that contains a patented, bioavailable form of diindolylmethane.

My recommendation: 

Indoplex

Calcium D-Glucarate

Calcium glucarate (calcium d-glucarate, calcium saccharate) supports the glucuronidation detoxification process.

Glucuronidation is a major metabolic reaction, and mainly takes place in the liver, for disposal of a variety of endogenous (such as TH) and exogenous substrates (such as PCBs).

Comprehensive Handbook of Iodine, 2009

Calcium glucarate is naturally found in fruits and vegetables, especially cruciferous vegetables. Calcium glucarate helps rid the body of toxins and excess hormones while it protects our cells from carcinogens.

My recommendation: 

Calcium D-Glucarate

Conclusion

My family and I do avoid it as often as we can. Years ago, I spent considerable time trying to completely eliminate plastic from my life. I found that my overall environmental footprint went up a little. Plastics make things so easy and convenient that sometimes it just doesn’t make any sense to do without it. I’m careful, but plastics don’t scare me. The body can handle a remarkable toxic load when the diet is right. I trust my diet to eliminate the BPA, BPS, and whatever else gets in there that shouldn’t be.

That said, I cannot wait for the day when our plastics come from hemp or some other sustainable alternative. There are much better options available to us if we can just get out from under this petroleum-based economy.

Recommended Reading:

Holistic Guide to Healing the Endocrine System and Balancing Our Hormones

Sugar Leads to Depression – World’s First Trial Proves Gut and Brain are Linked (Protocol Included)

Detox Cheap and Easy Without Fasting – Recipes Included

Start Eating Like That and Start Eating Like This – Your Guide to Homeostasis Through Diet

How to Make the Healthiest Smoothies – 4 Recipes

Sources:

Image courtesy of Endocrine Disruptors by Business As Usual

Plastic Contaminating Water – Rodale’s Organic Life

Invisibles – The plastic inside us – Orb media

7 Ways to Drain BPA from the Body – Activist Post

BPA-Free Plastic Containers May Be Just as Hazardous – Scientific America

Transport and release of chemicals from plastics to the environment and to wildlife – NCBI

The ameliorative effect of black tea extract and quercetin on bisphenol A-induced cytotoxicity – Research Gate

Nutrients that Protect Against BPA – Beyond Health News

Toxicology and Industrial Health – Sage Journals

Maternal nutrient supplementation counteracts bisphenol A-induced DNA hypomethylation in early development – PNAS

Chlorella vs. Spirulina, Which Algae is the Best? – Radiant Life Catalog

How to Detox From Plastics and Other Endocrine Disruptors was originally published on Organic Lifestyle Magazine

#BPA #endocrine disruptors #Endocrine Health #Hormones #Plastic #Plastic Toxins

[greggsdiabetes-blog]

The World's Most Unhealthy Health Foods

New Post has been published on http://www.greggsdiabetes.com/the-worlds-most-unhealthy-health-foods/

The World's Most Unhealthy Health Foods

Once upon a time, the rules of clean eating were pretty straightforward: eat lots of plants, get your protein from lean sources, don’t stuff yourself. But thanks to a ballooning packaged-foods industry and a never-ending desire to make healthy eating even more convenient, it’s actually harder than ever to make good nutrition choices.

It’s easy to identify the healthy and harmful foods on the extreme edges of the spectrum—French fries are bad, kale is good—but things get blurrier in the middle. While one yogurt in the dairy case might be innocuous—or even healthy—its neighbor may bear more resemblance to a candy bar than a glass of milk.

When it comes to food, details matter. So too does being up on the most recent nutrition literature, as the tide turns quickly in dietary research. Take, for example, agave nectar: a few years ago, it was heralded as a better, safer sugar. Today, it’s considered just as bad as all the other sweeteners.

Here are ten foods consumers often consider to be “healthy,” even though the research says otherwise. Avoid them.

Gluten-Free Products

The Claim

Gluten causes all sorts of bodily evils like gastric distress, bloating, inflammation, and weight gain. Swapping your favorite grain-heavy products for gluten-free options will improve your overall health.

The Problem

If you suffer from celiac disease or are gluten intolerant, gluten-free foods are a lifesaver. Eat them as you wish.

For everyone else, they’re—at best—a waste of money. A 2008 study in the Canadian Journal of Dietary Practice and Research found that, on average, gluten-free products were 242 percent more expensive than their traditional counterparts.

At worst, they can be harmful. “The number of Americans who are eating gluten-free has tripled over the past five years to 2.7 million Americans, as the term has become synonymous with healthy,” says Adrienne Youdim, MD, an obesity specialist and an associate professor of medicine at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine and the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. She adds that many people assume cutting out gluten translates to cutting carbs.

That’s simply not true. “Many packaged foods labeled ‘gluten-free’ are not, in fact, healthy.” She adds that things like gluten-free pasta, pizza, bread, and cookies can be loaded with preservatives, sugar, and fat to replace the wheat or gluten. And gluten-free diets are not associated with weight loss, period. Plus, many of these products are missing the fiber that whole-grain wheat possesses, so the same amount of the gluten-free version won’t fill you up like a bowl of the real stuff.

Peanut Butter

The Claim

Fat is calorie dense, with nine calories per gram, but it’s the “good” kind of fat, so you can eat spoonfuls with no shame.

The Problem

Peanut butter is a high-calorie food, and as long as you’re sticking to the all-natural, no-sugar-added varieties, you’ll benefit from the good-for-you fats found in this spread. “It’s the type of fat, not the amount of fat overall, that really matters when it comes to health,” says Jessica Levings, an Orlando-based registered dietitian. “Monounsaturated fat is one type of ‘healthy’ fat that helps reduce your risk of heart disease, and it’s found in greatest amounts in foods, such as peanuts and peanut butter.”

That said, there are healthier nut butter options that give you more nutrition for the same amount of calories. Walnut butter is much more nutrient dense than its peanut-derived cousin: it has the highest concentration of omega-3 fatty acids, says Levings. Almond butter has more calcium than any other nut butter, adds Meghan Windham, a registered dietitian at Texas A&M. Your best bet is to mix things up by reaching for different jars each time you find yourself in the nut butter aisle.

Green Juice

The Claim

Pressed kale, celery, and apples will “detoxify” your body. Weight loss, clear skin, better sleep, and enhanced mental clarity are all touted as results of juicing.

The Problem

Your body doesn’t need much help getting rid of the bad stuff. “The liver naturally detoxes our bodies, and if we eat real, whole foods that are rich in antioxidants and fiber, then our body systems will run efficiently and promote optimal wellness,” says Kelly Puryear, a Tampa-based registered dietitian. “When you juice, you remove fiber and leave the sugar behind. Sugar in the absence of fiber will promote a rapid rise in blood glucose levels,” says Youdim. Eat the whole fruit for a steadier rise in blood sugar that will give you more sustained energy.

In moderation, green juices can provide lots of nutrients—they’re not as bad as downing a pack of Twinkies. If you aren’t actively trying to lose weight, Youdim says it’s fine to slam the occasional glass of juice. Just don’t make it a daily habit.

Veggie Chips

The Claim

They’re made from veggies, so how bad can they be? Some companies even boldly proclaim that their snacks should count toward your daily servings of vegetables.

The Problem

“A fried chip is a fried chip. It does not matter if it’s a fried potato chip, a fried beet chip, or a fried taro chip,” says Youdim. “The harmful ingredient is not the thing being fried but the saturated and trans fats being used in the frying process.” But also, if you look closely at the labels of most veggie chips, starchy ingredients—like potatoes—are listed way before green ones. This one, for example, is made up mainly of potatoes and corn meal, plus oil. “Veggie powder” is almost an afterthought as one of the last ingredients in the list. And even that doesn’t sound healthy.

Lunch Meats

The Claim

Many, like pressed turkey, are lean and high in protein. At first glance, they seem like the perfect option for Atkins-style eaters or those trying to cut calories.

The Problem

Lunch meats are soaked in sodium, often containing 300 milligrams per serving. Plus, many use fillers versus whole muscle, says Windham. Things like bologna and salami are especially guilty of this, containing “mechanically separated chicken and pork.”

Also problematic is that companies douse most sandwich meats with synthetic nitrates, which act as a preservative, as well as artificial flavor and colors. If you’re addicted to the quick and easy lunchtime sandwich, Levings recommends looking for “no nitrate added” offerings, or check out the deli counter and ask them to lay out any additional ingredients that may be in their offerings that day.

Microwave Popcorn

The Claim

As a whole-grain, fiber-rich snack, popcorn can fill you up with lots of volume but not a ton of calories.

The Problem

Some brands of popcorn can absolutely equate to a virtuous snack, says Levings. But reading the ingredient list is key. “Many microwave popcorns contain partially hydrogenated oils and excess sodium.” And FYI: kettle corn is basically candied popcorn, with lots of added sugar.

When shopping, look for brands that use olive oil and try to keep the sodium levels under 150 milligrams per serving. For a better option, Levings has her clients make their own popcorn. “Place a quarter-cup of popcorn kernels into a paper lunch-size bag. Fold the top over a few times and microwave using the popcorn setting.”

Instant Oatmeal

The Claim

According to a 2014 review of studies in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, oats can reduce levels of LDL cholesterol, thanks to its soluble fiber. Plus, soluble fiber is filling, meaning you’re less likely to do the “it’s 10 a.m., I wonder if there are donuts in the breakroom” shuffle.

The Problem

Plain, unsweetened instant oats are an excellent choice. “Instant oatmeal has just been chopped up more finely to where it cooks quicker than something like steel-cut oats,” says Windham. Unfortunately, most of us don’t dig into a bowl of plain oats and think, “This is delicious!” So we tend to reach for the sugar-saturated flavored varieties. Many popular brands contain up to 12 grams of sugar per packet—just slightly less than the 14 grams you’d get in a serving of Oreos. Rather than succumbing to store-bought flavored packages, try adding your own mix-ins so you can control the sweetness and watch the nutrition. A classic combo? Almond butter and banana.

Meat Substitutes

The Claim

Plant-based diets have a ton of benefits, from lowering risks for cardiovascular disease to reducing cancer risks. Soy nuggets, veggie burgers, and tofurkey all promise meat-like taste and texture without all the ethical and health concerns that accompany a rib eye.

The Problem

“The majority of ingredients in most processed meat substitutes are really just isolates and concentrates (predominantly soy), which have far less nutritional value than plant-based foods in their whole, unprocessed form,” says Levings. You’re much better off making veggie burgers from scratch. You can find Levings’ favorite black bean burger recipe here.

Meal Replacement Bars and Shakes

The Claim

These grab-and-go, protein-rich items are perfect for refueling after a workout or noshing when you’re too busy to make a real lunch.

The Problem

Most of these shakes and bars are full of highly processed ingredients, like denatured proteins, artificial sweeteners, and sodium. Also, “most have too much protein per serving for your body to process and use at one meal and not enough carbohydrates to assist in the metabolism and utilization of the protein in the body,” says Puryear. She adds that research has shown that most humans can metabolize only about 20 grams of protein at a time—a shake with 60 grams will just overload your system.

Plus, your body has a harder time absorbing denatured proteins compared with whole-protein counterparts. If you do need the convenience of a shake, Puryear suggests “selecting protein sources that are most efficiently digested and absorbed by the body, such as whey protein isolate and egg protein,” and look for whole-food ingredients on the label whenever possible.

Agave Nectar

The Claim

It’s a natural sweetener with a lower glycemic index than sugar, meaning it won’t spike blood sugar as drastically as other sweeteners. Plus, it sounds natural. Right?

The Problem

Wrong. This is one of those examples where it pays to keep an eye on nutrition research, because things change quickly. Although agave nectar is high in fructose, which moderates blood sugar better than eating straight glucose, it’s not a worry-free way to satisfy your sweet tooth. “Recent research has found that fructose may actually increase insulin resistance in diabetics and nondiabetics alike,” says Puryear. This could be potentially worse than just spiking blood sugar. Finally, sugar is sugar, and if someone is evangelizing about a healthy version, it’s best to be skeptical.

Original Article