This is MAG 131 - Flesh. God, I'm not okay. I'm gonna try have good words today.
@a-mag-a-day hi howdy im sooo normal about this episode.
CWs for canon-atypical discussions of canon-typical self-harm & suicidal ideation.
Canon-atypical bc Jon's like "hey" *does really fucked up thing to himself* "anyway"
I'm swearing as little as I possibly can while discussing this episode /hj.
Anyway, the analysis part is at the end, but I say good words in the rambles.
[Tape clicks on.]
(There’s a deep breath. The breathing intensifies, before a determined
exhalation.)
[Thunk.]
(There’s a whimper.)
[A wet ripping, as of extracting a blade from flesh.]
(The Archivist makes a pained noise. Then grumbles as his breathing evens.)
[The tape crackles.]
(The Archivist clears his throat as a second cleaving is attempted.)
[Thunk]
(The Archivist whimpers again.)
[Fleshy extraction and tape crackling again]
JESUS CHRIST WHY DOES IT SOUND SO LIKE- GOOD??? HEARTWRENCHING??? Well done to the editors of this episode, and Jonny for the... pained whimpers -- jesus christ -- but my heart, my soul, how am I meant to emotionally recover from that, good lord Jon put the fucking knife down.
ARCHIVIST
(Pained frustration) Oh, come on… Everyone else can carve up the Archivist, but when he actually needs it…
This line this fucking line. Oh my god I love this line, I hate this line, this line lives in my brain rent free, this line is the worst and best thing to ever happen to me, this fucking line, oh my god.
Something about the lack of control, mayhaps. Like, he can be hurt by others, he's hurt by other's plenty, but he can't hurt himself, he can't cut off his own finger, he can't make his informed decision that throwing himself into the Buried with only his severed finger is better than staying above and being a monster.
MELANIE
(Charged tones) Yes, the bullet was bad, right, but it didn’t make me angry. Anger is… Anger’s been all I’ve had for a very long time. Years. Maybe since… oh, I, I don’t know. But everything I’ve done, everything I pushed for was because I was angry. Angry at being passed over, being disrespected, ignored. That sort of anger, it-it powers you. Right up until it slips out and hurts someone. I hurt someone. And then one day, I suddenly have this thing that takes all that rage, and it holds it, tells me it’s right, that it’s me. It didn’t stay in my leg because of some ghostly masterplan. It stayed because I wanted it.
Right, so, I really like this line because I used to be angry all the time, because of Personal Reasons, and like... that line. Just strikes me right to me core. Anger that becomes you, or maybe you become it. Anger that you love because you love yourself (right?), but you hate because you hate yourself. Anger that feels justified, was justified, but now you're just hurting people.
...
God, I love this show.
ARCHIVIST
Oh, th-the blade keeps going in. And… it hurts. Hurts plenty. But then it heals up. Pretty much the moment I take it out. No wound, no scar, nothing.
Jonnnn stop trying to cut your finger off to save the life of someone who you don't even like and who tried to kill you because you think it'll make Basira think you're useful, and Melanie think that you didn't deserve to die with Tim and Daisy, and Martin stop being so distant. Or just so you'll die, or something close.
God, Jon, like I get why he's doing this, and he's not an idiot but I just want... headinhands.
ARCHIVIST
I mean, you'd think I'd have a better idea how to do it. All these… all these statements and… (Small laugh) You know who I need? I need the Boneturner. (Sighs) Just reach in and grab a rib. Job done.
I like how he says it, he's very funny, I like him. :3 (no way??? kris likes jon??? crazyyyy)
ARCHIVIST
You’re still wearing her face.
yeah um so like Jon sort of watched helen die (?). what's this, 5 people he feels responsible for the death (?) of? christ, no fucking wonder, no fucking wonder he's like this.
ARCHIVIST
We’re not people, though, are we? Not anymore.
headinhands. sure, maybe he's a monster now, an Avatar, maybe he's hurting innocent people but christ... Tim's not his fault, Daisy's not his fault, Helen's not his fault, Sasha's not his fault, the fucking bully's not his fault. Some things are his fault, yeah! He doesn't deserve to die for them! Sure, maybe you're not a person, Mr. Sims, but you're an alright monster, you're a fucking alright monster who's going above and beyond for someone who tried to kill you and you don't have to to prove to yourself and Basira and Melanie and Martin that you deserve to live.
I care him.
JARED
That’s what it says on me licence. Mind you, the picture’s a bit out of date.
Every day I remember that Alex voiced Jared.
ARCHIVIST
Right. But… you know if you do, you're never getting out of this place.
*guy who's only read PJO* I'm getting serious PJO vibes from this.
Like, idk? For some reason my brain thinks "Annabeth" when I hear that line.
ARCHIVIST
Take something out. A bone. A rib, probably. S-Something I won’t miss.
JON YOU FUCKING NEED THOSE.
Jon... Jon... those are IMPORTANT. oh my godd "something i won't miss" ah yes compromise the structural integrity of your skeleton before jumping in the Crush-You-To-Death dimension. Such a good idea /s
Where do you want me to start? Growing up? My folks? How ‘bout that growth spurt when I was nine? It left me taller than all the other kids. I hated them, the way they stared.
I'm actually fairly broad shouldered, and somehow taller than a lot of people, despite being pretty average height, and it always makes me feel really weird when I'm around people who're shorter and/or smaller than me. Like I'm looming over them or something. Bodies are weird. I like being tall though, it annoys my middlest sister <3
But it talked to me about bones and flesh and muscle and blood; the bits of myself I actually knew and liked.
Can't relate (transgender)
Some of my mates, the ones I helped find their proper bodies, they listened, and went to feed the hunger.
The... things in MAG 130 reminded me a lot of Jared's victims from the gym, so maybe those were his "mates."
I don’t blame people for thinking that all bones are the same, most people don’t have much experience, but it’s not true. There are good bones, and there are bad bones, and Regan Hasnain had some very good bones in her. They were solid, healthy, and they jumped at my touch. I didn’t doubt the letters again.
How the fuck did Elias know what bones were good and bad- I mean yeah probably spooky eye nonsense, but still? Asjdfsahf
ARCHIVIST
That’s it? (He snorts) Hardly worth a rib.
Sorry, mate, we're doing body horror this episode, but like not in the statement... oooh sorry you had to find out this wayyyy, yeaahhhh
(The Archivist makes noises of pain.)
[Extended sounds of meat and bone movement]
Here's a moment where the unofficial transcripts are absolutely superior, also here's a moment where I'm like what the hell? The sounds are so??? Disgusting?? /pos. The editors did a fantastic job on this one. And Jonny's quite good at uh... strangled sounds of pain. Jesus, Jon. oh god. it's so. YEA. /pos
Yeah. This episode right? Oh god, Jonny why. Jonny why. Like than you, yk, like 10/10, I like my fictional characters emotionally and physically damaged, but ALSO those noises of pain. They sounded. 10 out of fucking 10.
Anyway, onto the speaking with good words part.
I think a lot about Jon's Flesh mark, and The Flesh in general, because it's one of my absolute favourites of the Fears, and my favourite mark that Jon got, hands down. Because, it's not only got the surface-level, face-value, Flesh thing. You take out the ribs! That's horrifying, Jared reaching into Jon and pulling out his ribs in isolation is horrifying, but it's not in isolation. This happened with Jon's need to prove himself as useful, his belief -- that is supported by the people around him -- that his life is only worth something if he's useful.
ARCHIVIST
Fine. I don’t care if you trust me, but I think I’ve proven at the very least that I’m useful. So, use me.
(MAG 133 - Dead Horse).
And The Flesh mark? He got Jared to take out his rib, he asked Jared to do grievous bodily harm to him, because he thinks his life is only worth something, that he should only be allowed to live, if he's useful. If he can "right his wrongs", if he can save Daisy.
The Flesh mark wasn't just the rib, it was his need to prove himself as useful, made manifest. And in the end, the rib didn't even work. "There wasn’t single suitable cut." He 'made himself useful' by saving Daisy, but the rib was useless. He put himself through that for nothing except serving someone else's purpose. Something to be used and ultimately to discard.
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