#for help or needing help because 'if i need what i cant have im doomed either way why bother it hurts' was understandable

[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry! #i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc- #-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)- #and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back?????? #we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro.... #and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end) #but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider) #wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

[wat-zu]

Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.

Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,

Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny

#Oouugh i have thoughts abt the hollowhead siblings. How theyre so intricately tied to eachother since their birth but they'd be #Eachother'd downfall. Esp when it's Dark and his relationship with the others #Dark would never understand what chosen went through. Mainly bc i think chosen is used to fighting his internal battles on his own #While he was in captive as an ad blocker. He loves Dark. He's grateful for Dark bc without him he wouldn't be free #But Dark isnt exactly someone reliable enough for Chosen to get the necessary healing he wants and needs #But that won't stop Dark from trying to fix him. Creates the virus for revenge. As chosen watches his brother spiral and spiral #As he watches him drift further away. Unable to get him back without a shouting match. As he watches with his heart heavy and cracked at- #Their stiffed interactions and strained relationship. He can't remember a time where they shared geniune laughs. #Then tsc coming came and changed everything. #Because this is someone who went through Chosen's pain albeit a lil differently. Someone who knows. Someone who /understands/. And this- #Someone is so much more younger than them and had to go through that pain in such a short amount of time since their birth #He sees himself in them. And he's rather walk up to alan demanding to get his hands cuffed than let tsc fester in that pain. #So tsc became chosen's priority. Healed eachother in many ways than one and are at echother's beck and call if need be. #As for Dark. I think he'd manipulate tsc into using him for his revenge. After stalking out his code and finding out about his potential #And TSC cant help but fall for his manipulations. Since this person is very very important to Chosen and they want so badly to impress- #Them both. They agreed and overtime grew to love eachother. And overtime Dark shifted his goals just a tad bit. Getting TSC more and more- #Involved. Since hey if Chosen doesn't like touching alan with a 10 ft pole why not let this kid do. And TCS agrees to this thinking that- #This is it. This is can finally heal them completely. Finally out of sight and out of mind. Finally can't live without the pain lingering #And chosen watches them with a sense of deja vu. At loss at what to do and so so afraid to lose two of his lil siblings #Then shit hits the brick UBSJDBSJSN #They make me so ill im not even kidding when i said theyre so so very very doomed!!!!!!!!! #This is abt the au btw BAHHAHAHABHA

[teddybeirin]

I cannot sleep at all ;w;

#it has not fully settled in but i think it will just take a long long time #i keep expecting something bad even though i am so comfortable here #it isnt even a present time feeling i dont think #i am afraid even though there is now distance.. the little one does not feel the distance maybe #does not realize. it has not fully sank in because not every part is aware of #the present. and then on top of that this is just so much #after everything i am okay only because other people made it so. and somehow it feels as if it could reach back #and touch the past. i am okay because other people made it so. a loop has finally been closed #that i didnt even realize was left open. i cant say i dont understand why i was so avoidant of asking #for help or needing help because 'if i need what i cant have im doomed either way why bother it hurts' was understandable #coming from that kind of nightmareish perfect storm. it feels like a nightmare now #that i have just woken up from. it doesnt feel real even though i am trying to hold onto at least #that i still need to go to therapy even if 'well *I* am not [part] so that never happened to me go away' is taking hold again #with more denial being even easier because now nothing bad is happening currently to me #what a trip. there was always fear and now its absence causes it somehow #there was always fear. and i was so obsessed with death because it was a comfort to at least get to know what i felt so close to me always #and now its breath is off my neck and only because people have been kind. it was not for any of my struggling on my own #all of that aside from what kept me alive was really fruitless. i have always needed others. it feels really strange #to say that now looking back at how i managed despite having no-one but it was not like the need was not there #it was even worse for being so totally unfulfilled. this is all so strange #some part of me feels afraid that the only way something this good could happen is if we are about to die #but i think that is a little silly. and it is so lovely to be able to say to the younger selves that it has gotten better #and they can be here with me where it is better. and nobody will hurt us anymore and it is safe and they are loved and every single wish #has been granted. it sounds so corny to say it that way but it really feels like it is so miraculous as to be impossible - if not for #experiencing it id have never believed this possible. that we can be safe at least from those harms #that time was all nothing.. it was nothing. 22 years full of barely anything worth living up til a few months that changed every single #thing. every single thing. how did i even live? it feels like breathing air for the first time #i have gone my whole life without feeling this and now i think i dont know how i ever made it through #but oh my god i am so glad i did #i am so glad i did.

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying #the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored #but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either #so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do? #how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask #but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao #i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make #me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go) #but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response #then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up. #so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does #that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings. #i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people #and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught #or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting #oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words. #hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in #but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like #lee rants #im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff #only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation #but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭

[i-cant-sing]

Just thinking about Yandere Todoroki clan and reader's random moments.

Reader coming home after a particularly bad day, but poor girl cant even cry or complain without everyone immediately overreacting and pulling you out of school/college or even keeping you from going out at all. So now, reader has to either cry in self pity before she enters her home, wipe her tears and fix herself just enough to show that she hadnt just bawled her eyes out moments ago. That, or do the more risky thing and go home, go to your room and cry under the covers, but then theres always the chance of Rei or the others walking in on you any moment.

Also thinking about baby/toddler reader being sick, just a common cold or flu, nothing major. But with reader whining and being so young, the family's infantalisation goes through the roof and theyd treat you as if you were immunocompromised. I wont lie, but I think Rei is almost kinda... glad when you get sick? She enjoys you being dependant on her for the most things, even when you grow up and are able to handle a cold, she still deludes herself into thinking that you need mommy to come and help you.

I think the one person who is most affected by reader getting sick, no matter what age, is Enji. The man just cant help but view you as a fragile, starving Victorian child the moment you fall ill. In his eyes, even a harsh blow of air is too much for a fragile thing like you, let alone something as bad as the flu. He just- he's holding toddler reader in his arms, who snuggles into his warm body, your tiny nose pink and he cant get the image of you crying and vomiting and being oh so feverish- thats just way too much for your small body. Oh how he almost cried when he took you to the doctor for a shot and you clung to him, trying to bury yourself into him as you begged him to make you feel better, cried to him that you didnt want to get the "big scary needle!" He just had to hold you there in his firm grip as you writhed, had to look away when you looked at him and he saw the feeling of betrayal in your eyes, had to keep himself from not strangling the fucking doctor for not being careful, had to walk out of the clinic and hand you to Rei because he couldnt hear you cry anymore, had to have Rei console both you and Enji (assuring him that "no, Enji. Y/n doesnt resent you for making her get a shot.") and he couldnt even sleep a wink that night because he was standing by your bed, holding your tiny hand with his pinky as a tear finally slipped out of his eye.

ALSO thinking about adult reader going out of the house to meet up with friends, except shes meeting up with them at a club instead of at their house like she told Enji and Rei, and now shes standing outside, abandoned by said friends, and shes now running because a group of pervy men are chasing her and she doesnt know who to call, so she just speed dials Shotou, except someone just changed all your speed dials to one number, and you think youre doomed when Shotou doesnt say a word to you and just hangs up when within minutes, someone comes in front of you-

"Dabi?" He tells you to cover your ears and look away, and you know well by know what that means, so you obey, feeling a bit regretful as those men begin to scream in agony. You dont know how long its been until Dabi pulls your hands away and examines your wounds. He lets you crash into his chest as you sob, and this time, Dabi simply decides to take you home quietly without a lecture.

Hmmm, also thinking about Natsuo who is usually cool as a cucumber, the most normal being in the family, except for his very rare episodes of unbridled rage where he suddenly becomes the Hulk. Good thing for you is that this anger is never directed towards you, rather towards people who actively threaten your life (except Rei cause she gets to play "Im your mom who became mentally unstable because of your abusive dad") The only time NAtsuo is stern with you is when it comes to your health. He's just looking at you with those strict eyes when you refuse to take your multivitamins, or dont want to get a flu shot, or try to make up an excuse so that he cant check your vitals. And when he just grabs your wrist and pulls you to sit down so that he can do his checkup, its in those moments that you realise just how strong your brother is... and how easy it may be for him to overpower you and sedate you if he ever followed through Rei's threats.

#yandere bnha #bnha headcanons #yandere mha #bnha imagines #yandere dabi #yandere todoroki clan #yandere endeavor #yandere natsuo todoroki #yandere enji todoroki #yandere rei todoroki

[mcyt-trios]

SEMI-FINALS

PROPAGANDA:

Familoier:

I CANT SPEND THE NEXT HOUR TYPING

THE TRIO OF ALL TIME TRULY- ALL 3 OF THEM LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH- LIKE ROIER AND CELLBIT ARE MARREID YEAH BUT THEY STILL CONSIDER JAIDEN PART OF THEIR FAMILY SHE IS IMPORTANT TO THEM AND THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO HER- ROIER AND JAIDEN WILL ALWAYS BE PARTNERS NO MATTER WHAT

theee relationship of all time: roier is husbands with cellbit and jaiden is his qpp, they are all so caring for each other and they have had their tension and their bad moments but there's a genuine want to communicate and grow better all the time :( <3

Cellbit and Roier are romantic married, Roier and Jaiden were platonic partners raising a child together, and all 3 are chaos together! But get along so so well! They support each other so much and care about each other so deeply and they are all Sillies

this is jaiden, and this is jaiden's partner/ the father of her child roier, and this is roier's cannibal husband cellbit

Eclipse Federation:

i dont like them. they ruined my life. Subz and Vitalasy had already partnered in previous seasons but this one, Vitalasy ended up leaving for a few months, leaving Subz alone, and Zam ended up getting close to him after immense trauma at the hands of his former teammates. Zam has done SO many wrongs, including to Subz himself and Subz STILL took him in and made him join Eclipse Federation after Zam died 14 times in a row and got banned then revived by the same player who's been killing him all this time. And it could've been perfect but no, Zam had betrayed his previous team due to them using dupes via exploits, and now Eclipse Federation ALSO has exploits! And he decided that yeah his morals were more important than being loved! And so he murders Vitalasy when he's at his most vulnerable point, lets everyone gaslight him into thinking Vitalasy is an irredeemable evil monster who will never change, even as Vitalasy SAID he was ready to change before the betrayal even happened, Eclipse threw out their whole revenge plans because of Zam's positive influence and he just broke everything. Subz couldn't be with Zam but also couldn't see himself at Vitalasy's side, leaving him alone. Vitalasy hated Zam and yet never killed him or hunted him down, despite Zam acting like he did. And when Vitalasy left, banning himself off from the server, Zam had some time alone to think and realized he fucked up SOOOO bad. And Subz revived Vitalasy and told him to kill him. And ban him. His last wish. His Deliverance. And to make up with Zam. And Vitalasy tried, and they kind of did make up over Subz's death, but then Zam was like "actually im going to kill everyone and destroy the server now. because i want subz back and also because i always do extremely drastic things when i don't need to because i have unchecked mental illnesses i refuse to get help for". And surprisingly when Subz came back he didn't like that! And they ended in tragedy! Eclipse is fucked up. It's a trio that's always about the absence of one person, it's a team that could only happen in one timeline and it was doomed from the very start. But the love was there. It made everything worse, truthfully. But it was there. And that matters. Also as a fun fact Zam himself on twitter has referred to eclipse as a throuple, which is not canon but that's pretty funny. he also stated on stream he didn't want to get therapy because it'd ruin his lifesteal character. and there was a saga where they would "marry" (challenge lost kinda shenanigans) and zam was the only one happy about it. he's not normal. there's something wrong with him. love that for him though sorry for the block of text. I really dislike them. They're my beloveds :3

#mcyt-trios #mcytblr trio bracket #polls #round 5 #mcyt

[milowave]

there is a weird sort of comfort i find in any/all/most of jon and martins more lighthearted or loving conversations never being caught on tape... like imo the eye is totally uncaring of any of jons feelings that it cant use to help itself, it doesnt deem it as important and therefore whnever they say i love you to each other its never in front of a tape recorder which is. GOOD yeah but it adds a layer of sort of privacy and protection to it ??? because like there is no way during the whole of s5/the safehouse period neither did anything romantic for each other, no matter how small. but like im almost happier we dont get to see it because i feel like it makes it a lot more intimate??? like . its a THEM thing. were not meant to see it. the affection they hold for each other isnt meant for the benefit nor the viewing of others. it definitely separates thwm from everything/everyone else a little since they are the only two able to see each other at their most vunerable but idk i think its kinda nice. like they reserve all of this only for one another idk i think its sweet (adds a bit of normality into their lives too yk like they can kiss and whatnot without needing to be reminded of doom looming over them) and i mean id say both of them are generally pretty closed off?? like we know jon is HORRIBLE with expressing his feelings and while martin is more encouraging of jon doing so hes still not an open book (or at least i think so idk) . so i think its nice that when in love theres still this like. air of mystery around it. ESPECIALLY since they both already are shown to find comfort in solitude in like kind of a ritualistic way imo??? like jon always records his statements alone and ik part of it is martin not wanting to hear them but like in the safehouse he doesnt really seem scared and his main reason genuinely seems to be that jon wants to read them alone. martin also records his poetry alone! he has one of his biggest reflective sessions alone! twice! ik this is a little different to what i was talking about at the beginning of the post cause its caught on tape but still i hope it kinda makes sense and still connects??? idk i just think its really sweet how aware they are of the space they both need while also having such strong feelings for each other . privacy is such a big thing for them!! i never wanna see them on tape again!!

#i miss jmart #oomf asked me to post this sorry if it doesnt make sense #jmart #jonmartin #tma #HOLY SHIT THIS MINI BANGER?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta for telling my mom im tired of her self deprecation?

for context, my (17m) mom (??f, probably in her 50s or so if i had to guess) has various mental illnesses and a lot of them were passed on to me. within the past couple years my moms mental health has stayed the same, but ive recovered way more than i ever thought id be able to. the thing is, if im around people who are constantly negative and doom-and-gloom frequently enough it irritates me and my mental health starts to dip. me and my mom have other things we dont agree on/argue over pretty frequently, but this is something i havent brought up to her

every once in a while ill mention something to her entirely neutrally -- did you remember to pick up this thing from the store, are we gonna do this thing you said wed do, have you returned that thing with a steadfast deadline to be returned before yet, etc. -- and shell be like "no i havent because im a horrible mom/im a shitty person/im a bitch/etc" unprompted. i understand that she goes through a lot all the time but it feels like shes putting words in my mouth and like she only thinks negatively of me, not to mention that i feel awful for not knowing how to help with her mental struggles (and even if i did she dismisses any suggestions i make to her about her life)

im considering telling her that i dont like when she says things like that, obviously in a far gentler way than the title suggests, but im worried that itll worsen tensions between us or make her feel worse about herself. at the same time im so tired of having to constantly reassure her that she isnt a bad parent for things she cant control (forgetting things we need from the store, not wanting to go anywhere because of her mental state, the post office being closed when she gets there, and what have you) when she also knows i dont think of her the way she says i do. its an unmanageable standstill -- either say something and risk worsening the issue, or shut it and let her keep putting herself down, making us both feel worse in the process

wibta?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[emmyrosee]

hiya emmy :D i was reading ur dad aus, and i thought ‘what if emmy wrote older sibling aus?’ and i wanted to request one :) somehow im a complete softie for ur bakugou, so i wanted to request an older brother bakugou who ten years older than his lil sis, and she absolutely adores him. i think shed be like ‘katsu-nī’ all the time, and be around five? six? when he gets into UA. idk why but im imagining him calling her ‘kid’ or ‘brat(in a nice way, u know?)’ and when hes rlly soft, maybe ‘sweetheart’ when she has nightmares? and maybe when he gets captured, shes so scared that she cant sleep well, and after he comes back, she begs to sleep with him, and mama mitsuki finds her kids sleeping together during the night, with bakugous lil sis clinging to him like her life depends on it and bakugou having an arm around her. and maybe when she was younger, shed enter bakugous room randomly, and sit on his lap while he does hw or study? and shed have all kinds of nicknames for his friends, for instance, she likes to call midoriya ‘zuku-nī’ and kirishima ‘aka-nī’ cuz he had red hair and calls the rest of them by their first names and ‘san’ at the end :) thx for listening to my rant and i hope ur having a good day, and u stay healthy :)

-sky :D

WAIT NO THIS IS ACTUALLY LIKE. REALLY REALLY CUTE-

Because like. Yeah, the last thing the boy needs in his life is a new sibling, he needs that like he needs a UTI.

But then she comes along and he’s like… like he’s obsessed with her.

He tries to hide it under indifference, he doesn’t really care that there’s gonna be a new, tiny presence in his home, he’s got enough to take care of.

That is, until Bakugou Kaida comes into this world.

Until the smallest, sweetest bundle of pink blankets is passed into his arms and it’s then and only then he realizes that he’s doomed, because this kid was going to absolutely have him wrapped around her finger, and come hell or high water, he’d keep her the happiest little brat to walk the face of the earth.

And he is sure to have her grow up with that knowledge.

One time, when she was three, someone pushed her on the playground, and Katsuki nearly punted a four year old- he, instead, told her how to push back (which wasn’t appreciated by his parents) and stand her ground.

However, said ‘happiest brat mantra,’ she knows exactly how to make it curve him for her benefit.

When he’s left to babysit her, she flashes him her biggest set of puppy eyes to make him play with her; his parents have come home god knows how many times to him with a table cloth draped over his back, playing Horsies- she does it more when Midoriya is the horse, because he can’t say no to her either, but anytime she says “Zuku-ni would do it” to Katsuki, he immediately drops on his hands and knees with a snarl on his mouth. Like hell he’s gonna let Midoriya win her heart like that.

And listen, the kid is cute, and she’s got that classic Bakugou charm. She knows how to work it! But Katsuki can’t help the absolute rage down his spine when she’s got her tiny arms curled around Kirishima’s thick neck and they tease him about when they’re gonna get married because yeah, of course, she wants to marry his friends, because why can’t she be disgusted by them like he is?

(”Yeah, bakubro, you’re cool being my best man for it, right?”

“I’d rather skin you alive and drape you over my banister before I let you come near her with a ring pop, do not test me-”)

But obviously, no matter what, for Kaida’s happiness, Katsuki is willing to move boulders, move mountains, part seas, and swallow the stars if it meant she would smile for him.

So, when he gets taken by the LOV, it’s wild how much Kaida deflates. Mitsuki catches her, more times than not, curled up on his bed to sleep for her nap, and at nighttime, she stares longingly outside of her window to wait for him. They try to be gentle and explain that he’ll be back soon, but she doesn’t believe them, she wants to see it with her own eyes.

They put her back to bed, but she’s up a few hours later, perched at her window and whimpering softly. They try to keep her in their bed, but all she does is ask questions about Katsuki until the early hours of the morning, things they don’t always know the answer to.

Those were the longest days of her little life, and when they finally get the call that he’s alright, he’s alive, it’s an extremely tearful reunion. And Katsuki, the hellion and wall of impenetrable rage, screws his eyes shut to fight the stabbing of tears that want to fall into her hair.

Kaida absolutely refuses to let him out of her sight after that.

The entire time they’re talking to the school, her big, crimson eyes are blinking up at him, tiny fingers curled in his shirt collar. Completely unfazed by the snapping between her parents and brother, she just. Stares. She doesn’t smile, she doesn’t frown, she doesn’t pout. It’s just a simple, blank face with all her emotions and relief in her eyes.

Even after the whole ordeal, there’s a part of Kaida that treasures Katsuki (somehow) even more. Anytime he’s home, she’s clinging to him, be it physically by dangling to his back and legs, or simply being in the same room with him: next to him at the dinner table, sleeping on his bed while he’s at his desk, playing with his fingers while he watches tv.

He’d be annoyed by it if she wasn’t so cute.

If he didn’t miss her almost as much as she missed him.

It’s different when he’s away at school and can call her whenever he wants; he hates how much he loves the little snot.

Even now, curled into his side and sucking her thumb while they watch TV, Katsuki knows that if he gets up to merely pee, she’s gonna follow him and sit on the outside of the door, talking to him under the door. (The first time Deku saw that in action, he cooed audibly, and Katsuki nearly ran out of the can with his pants undone to blow him to shit.) and he’d never be able to complain about it.

Sometimes, he can’t help but putting off whatever it is he needs to do, to keep her comfy.

It’s what big brothers do.

“Katsu-ni?” She hums around her thumb. Big eyes look up at him, and he scratched her hair gently.

“What’s up?”

She pauses, as if trying to find the words, her tiny brows furrowed in thought. Then, she speaks, words warbled from the digit in her mouth.

“You think mumma gon’ notice if I go back ta’ school wiff you? In your back-packie?”

He snorts and tightens his arm around her, burrowing his face in her hair to hide the sound. She squeals and bats him away affectionately, completely crawling in his lap when she deems he’s too far from her.

“I think she might, stink.”

Kaida pouts and thunks her head against his chest, the fingers of her free hand fisting his collar. “Do ya have to go…?”

“You know I do,” he grumbles, hooking a lock of hair behind her ear, once again burying his face in her hair. The only noise for a moment comes from the TV, and he focuses on the rhythmic breathing from his little brat.

“You don’t have to think about that for a few more days,” he says, planting a kiss to her head and choosing to fight the way his eyes water when she sniffles softly. “You can use me as a jungle gym for a few more days.”

This, has her giggling, and he angles his head up at the ceiling because this is always the hardest part about being home, especially since he was kidnapped.

“I don’t like when you leave, Katsu-ni,” she mumbles.

“I know, baby.”

“Make me miss you…”

“I know- you know I miss you too.”

“Wish you didn’t have to keep goin’ ‘way…”

He swallows again.

“I know.”

#okay so #this was actually a lot longer #but the phasing and pacing was making me angry bc I couldn’t get it right??? #so Imma start with this #and hopefully we can visit little Bakugou Kaida again 🥹🧡 #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki fluff #bakugou katsuki imagine #bakugou katsuki bnha #bakugou #bakugou fluff #bakugou imagine #bakugou bnha #bakugou katsuki brainrot #bakugou brainrot #bnha #bnha fluff #bnha imagine #bnha au #sibling!au #big brother!katsuki #big brother!bakugou #idek how to tag this LMAOOOOO- #also just be ready #I probably won’t do a *TON* of sibling au’s #but every now and again mayhaps ❤️

[fairycosmos]

hey sorry if this is invasive but how do you know you have depression? things have been harder to cope with for the past month but i am incredibly ashamed of asking for help or even saying out loud because i feel dramatic, attention seeking etc. even realising how much it is affecting my life. do i really need to get it out to get better?

ive had it since i was a kid and my doctor has been aware of it since i was like 11 so it was just smth i grew up with - when im in a particularly bad episode i can tell because im extremely lethargic, unmotivated, don't look after myself, am prone to severe hopelessness and a sense of impending doom following me everywhere + self destruction, i drink more, i get paranoid, i dissociate and feel disconnected from the world around me and from my own body, im numb/sad most of the time, i have panic attacks and cant get out of bed even for things i would usually want to do, im very disorganised and have a flat affect/tone of voice, i don't interact with people much....honestly the list goes on LOL.

it's important to understand that depression manifests uniquely for everybody and if youve noticed a difference in your own behaviour/thinking patterns that is actively and consistently impacting your life negatively - then that is enough of an indicator that something is going on. it doesn't need to be any worse. if it's already difficult, then it's already difficult, and you deserve support with it. to some extent it's some normal to feel ashamed/afraid of reaching out - we're raised in a world that stigmatises mental illness and we've received that messaging for a long time. which makes it feel like the truth, but doesn't mean that it is actually true. i think the bottom line is that you need to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. you wouldn't want them to cut themselves off from asking for help because they've bullied themselves into silence over what people might or might not think of them. if we want to live in a world that truly supports people with mental health issues in an effective way, then we need to hold ourselves to that same standard. i know it's incredibly overwhelming, and im not saying it's wrong to be anxious or scared about reaching out. i just think actively trying to frame it from a more objective mindset could help you accept what is happening and what the right next step is for you. if you have the opportunity to talk to someone - a hotline, your doctor, a local support group or therapist, even a friend/family member to begin with - i really encourage it. even write down what you want to say or bullet point what's been going on so you don't feel like you're being put on the spot. im sure you're imagining all sorts of reactions, but in my experience, professionals are very accepting of what you're going through and just want to work with you to see how you can process and cope with your current mindset more healthily. whether it's medication, talking therapies, showing you new coping skills - there's a lot that can be done for someone in your shoes. you're not stuck and they're not going to judge you. even if, in some alternate reality, you just wanted some attention - that's not a crime. i think it's natural to want someone to witness and acknowledge us when we're hurting anyway. sorry to ramble - there are a lot of depression self help and coping pdfs that are free and available to download online which offer a bit of support. maybe that could be a good stepping stone if you're feeling super uncomfortable with the idea of talking to someone. we all work on our own timeline and thats honestly ok. but if you're looking for truly personalised and effective help then i think working towards talking to someone is your best option. it's okay to not be happy about that and still do it, like swallowing a medicine that tastes gross. otherwise the thoughts just rot inside you and you get lost in a spiral of depressive thinking patterns and it weighs you down having to manage it all alone inside your head. you become at risk of losing all objectivity and sense of self, which happens to me often and is fucking horrible. if it's possible, i really hope you eventually bring this up to a loved one or a professional. im really sorry you're going through this and i truly hope better days are ahead. sending a lot of love. X

#anon

[sloshys]

HI I WAS THE FIRST ANON AND YOURE SO FUCKING RIGHT. GOD.

I just think that Daan has this kinda like. Need to be towered over? I think thats why he interacts with the people who are kinda cold/uncaring/powerful most. I mean. He's found himself almost in every aspect of his life in a position where someone was constantly telling him what to do, and I feel like strong characters (like O'saa or karin) kinda fill that niche of "I need someone to boss me around and tell me what to do because I've lived my life at others whims and while I can hold my own for a good bit after a while I'm not sure what to do but asking for help would be too vulnerable so having someone be a higher up towards me gives me a sense of security but i will also kinda be a little shit about it so it doesnt seem so vulnerable" and with O'saa he's super blunt. Very much "I will do things my way wether you like it or not and you will follow my lead or get out my way." and I mean, hell he was a leader! He very much outwardly has control and leadership tendencies, even if inside he doesn't feel like he can ever truly fit the bill. Which is what Daan is looking for yknow? And O'saa, i just kinda think for O'saa its one of those things of he cant for the life of him figure out why he likes him so much, but then Daan starts talking to him about scholarly topics and they have discussions of religion, medicine, science, war, and other things and theres this draw of Daan's Intellegence paired with this strange need of "i want to see him happy, because his whole life hes been miserable and part of it reminds me of me and if i cant be happy then perhaps i can make someone else happy to fill the void" (touching on the whole joking between the two) but being as O'saa has an enlightened soul, i feel like he would be incredibly interested in what Daan has to say. If the two ever got the chance i feel theyd definitely debate between eachother. Imagine that one reaction meme image of the two scholars talking to eachother. Thats them i think. I feel like the two compliment eachother but in a way of like. They fill a niche the other is searching for. Neither are good with words, much less pda, but alone? I feel like if there ever was time alone in a different time in a different place their intimacy would be intense, passionate, and wordless. Nothing would really need to be said, just intimacy, a smoke on the balcony, and dinner in a perfect world. Other people may find their relationship seemingly loveless, but they just couldn't understand the wordless display of trust, of closeness, and of tenderness. How could they? The two have only ever really been truly vulnerable with the other, and I feel if conflict was to arise, they may argue, take a heated break, and then come back with a wordless apology and cook for eachother. Acts of service, cooking, and gift giving i feel would be something that again, if given the chance, the two would indulge in regularly. I feel if O'saa was being particularly sappy he'd maybe get Daan some expensive alcohol he'd been eyeing. As for Daan, I feel he'd get O'saa a nice clothing piece the other had been admiring. But that's in a life they'd never get, I suppose... sorry for rambling in your inbox, I care for them dearly PFT

Anon rn:

BUT FR LIKE IM SOSO GLAD TO RECIEVE THIS RESPONSE BC YOU EXPLAINED SO WELL WHAT I WAS THINKING

I put my thoughts down there i hope i was able to cover everything

Im going to start off in a daan analysis tangent real quick

Daan has been neglected by his cultist parents ever since he was a baby. He probably never got the proper feeling of security or personal growth as a child because he was always living to survive. Which worsened even more after the death of his parents, and was doomed to child labour very young. Im sure he never got to properly play or express himself as a kid until he got closer to Elise. But The only thing about himself he found worth talking about were his insane cultist parents. His life at the Baron’s mansion was everything he had, as were his studies of modern medicine. That's why he feels attracted to powerful and determined people like O'saa and Karin (and Marcoh too, I believe), who seem to know exactly what their own goals are and think they still have control over what is happening. Despite trying to do things on his own, he still craves company. He also wants to protect the younger ones, like Levi and Marina, because his ass is projecting! But the sad thing is that Daan can't be too dependent on these people and doesn't want to share too much of his past with them because it's very traumatic for him.

If the discussion had taken place, I think O’saa would have been very interested in Daan and his upbringing. Daan never followed the religions and cults of Europa and is aware of their danger. He prays to Sylvian not as an act of worship but to help those who are sick. He also ran away from Pocketcat his whole life and never wanted to give himself to him until depression hit him harder than before. This makes Daan rational, smart, and inquisitive. Which seem to be attractive traits for someone who possesses an enlightened soul.

TOTALLY AGREE ALSO ABOUT THESE TWO HAVING BIG BRAINED DISCUSSIONS O'saa proves himself to be a good listener to others feelings in the booth; Daan can be a very open-minded person; and they both have similar views about the use of magic. I agree that the way they show affection is when they’re both very intimate with each other. O’saa does not trust people lightly because, in his case, his greatest fear is manipulation due to the fact that his country is being invaded and controlled by Europa's religions, wars, and cults. So he only ever relied on himself, which is why he chose to be a yellow mage. I imagine it might take a great deal of time and trust for him to share his vulnerability and feelings with Daan. But they seem to both crave social interaction since they're both lonely at heart, so there might be a chance (we’re winning, girlies!). Either way, I agree with sappy O'saa, that's such an adorable concept and somehow fitting since he finds his own jokes funny. I hc that he’s very genuine when he talks about his emotions, and no matter how embarrassing they are, he always says them with a straight face. But Daan is so sappy too. They would write each other love letters; you cannot tell me otherwise.

Also, I thought of an ending for these two surviving the festival: Daan confessing to O’saa that he doesn’t have anything that waits for him and O’saa noticing the true meaning of those words. He feels a tinge of sympathy because Daan has lost everything to war and religion, and he can't bear to see him give up after surviving the gruesome festival. So O’saa proposes to make a deal to be his personal doctor because he plans to travel dangerously, defy the authority in his country to establish his own teachings, and rise to the top. Since Daan doesn’t have anything to lose, he agrees to it. I think that it is during those travels that they will slowly fall for each other. They might also find some closure on their pasts during those trips.

#long post #i apologize super hard for the time i took to respond to this bc i couldn’t formulate my thoughts back then ihad sm to sayyy #O’saa/daan #daan #O’saa

[silenthillbunni]

i rlly do wanna die tho. i am broken, i will always be broken. if i'd even have any kind of chance to live somewhat normally w this disorder, i'd need years of extensive therapy. rn even tho im begging for help, they all dismiss me nd say they cant do anything for me. im irrepairably nd fundamentally broken. no aspect in my life is smooth or good. i cant do anything, im completely useless nd worthless. my entire existence is pointless. i dont make an impact on anything or anyone nd if i disappeared rn it wouldnt make a difference. it wouldnt even be noticed. it's just so frustrating bc im so fkn broken. no matter how hard i try to explain myself or try to connect w ppl it never works. im way too broken to be understood. im too much too handle in the way that im not worth it, im not worth any amount of patience or effort. im not worthy enough of salvaging things with. if i do one thing, bam im completely written off. whatever i do, whatever i say i remain unheard. it's been like that my entire life. nobody ever truly sees what i do or why i do it. nd that is more alienating nd isolating than anything. sure i can have shallow conversations but my soul craves deeper things than that. but thats not possible bc i am broken. whenever i think of myself nd my life nd how little i have i feel such intense dread for the profound loneliness that hangs over me everyday that i just wanna die to escape it. even if i did get therapy, how tf could they make me not lonely? how tf could they reverse all the damage thats been done to me to ruin me this way? i am a lost cause. the fight i'd have to keep up for the rest of my life..... is not worth it. i dont want to. bc the one thing i want is the one thing i'll never have bc im too broken for it. and truth be told if i cant have that i dont want anything. nothing even comes close to it and nothing can make up for the lack of it. i dont find anything worth living for. nothing. the only thing that keeps me tethered to this existence i was never meant to come into is the overwhelming guilt of the grief i'll cause my mother. i just cannot bring myself to do that to her. but i want to. i want to...... it doesnt matter what anyone says. no empty positivity platitudes matter to me. i just want someone next to me, holding my hand, listening to me, not judging me, not hating me or getting mad or disappointed with me for being what i am. i'll never have that. because i am too broken!!!!!!! i am broken, that's rlly all i can say. there isnt even rlly any treatment for this disorder lol, it's just all empty promises. i'll never heal this. it's impossible to heal or treat. and it took away the thing i want the most... companionship. no one can ever know me and not want to turn away from me. im doomed to a life being suffocated by the darkness crying hugging my knees rocking back nd forth and dying a slow death all on my own with no one to hold me and thats that on that

[zapsoda]

we hope we're remembering right that you've done classpects before. if not ignore this delete us. otherwise, have you ever classpected your own characters.. would you be willing to indulge us.. (any of the ones you want meow)

yes i loooove classpecting i actually used to classpect my ocs all the time during my peak homestuck phase (i would also get their mbti, zodiac signs, prolly some other shit, i was really into personality tests).

i havent done it w any of my current ocs though and if i have i dont remember so i shall indulge you spontaneously! with the spaceguyz rn cause they have an amount of lore which helps eheheh.

bax is a knight no fuckin question easy peasy. i cant explain it hes a knight. im leaning towards life as his aspect. given his relationship with death ahaha... i think it would be beautiful thematically.

clam im less sure on but im leaning towards thief of mind. i think he is very selfish inherently and his lust for knowledge makes it fit very deliciously i think.

roy is a seer or heir tbh i cant choose. i think her aspect would be light. the double meaning of fortune and knowledge is just soooo perfect for her imo and she is def a passive class 1. because out of all of them she probably is the most altruistic even if its not an intentional thing aha and 2. she isnt very meddlesome. i think her effects on others around her are unintentional

kip i think is also a knight -- maaaybe a rogue but i feel like knight fits so well because of his need- moreso requiremennt -to protect others. his aspect is ABSOLUTELY breath this is another one that took no thought there is no other alternative.

tally was reaaaally fucking difficult for some reason but ive decidedd i like page of time for him. i think it makes sense for him to be kind of passive classwise and i love the implication of him having this huge mine of untapped power that might never be utilized. i think the exploitation part is good also.

ive read that pages may lack their aspect at the start of a session- i think that works really well for him + time is related to inevitably, timelines, fate, etc which i enjoy, i feel like it makes him the heart of the group in a way. it means hes needed :D

you may notice: they dont have a space aspect. their session is doomed. however! what if their lawyer/kips ex got in on the session.....

auggie is a mage of space i think. he is a knowledgey guy. and in a literal sense he is not a part of the main crew giving a sense of "space" ahhaha. i dont feel like saying much more about this one i think it fits great though.

do you like classpecting? would/have you ever classpected your guys.....

#asks #ty for the ask btw evil laughter #oc stuff

[ship-discourse-confessions]

genuinely have to wonder what these people who are so staunchly anti non-offending paraphiles want to happen to said paraphiles. like... what, do you want them to be killed for their thoughts they cant control? you think they deserve to die because theyre mentally ill? do people with homocidal intrusive thoughts deserve to die too, for an act they have not and likely will never commit? i hate to break it to you, but paraphilias are way more common than you think, and the people who have them are humans just like you. some of them seemingly come from nowhere, but a lot of them stem from trauma, which yall dont like to think about because it reminds you that if things just went a little differently, you couldve ended up like the inhuman, irredeemable monsters you advocate for the murder of. either way, its literally not something that the paraphile can control. fundamentally its unlikely any of them will ever be able to shirk their attractions. they can, however, just like you, control their actions. they are people with mental illnesses so stigmatized that its socially acceptable to publicly call for their slaughter. if you fancy yourself someone who thinks that people can be reformed and rehabilitated, someone who identifies as a prison abolishionist or an anarchist, you cannot also advocate for the involuntary killing of people with mental disorders. and you cannot perpetuate this culture of shame and fear and hostility, because all it does is push paraphiles who desperately need help further into isolation, away from the help that they need, and closer to actually offending. if someone is outed as a paraphile, their entire life is ruined. all of their connections are severed. theyre met with constant active hostility for something they never asked for and something they cannot control. so why, then, would a paraphile ever feel comfortable asking for help? how could they ever feel like they can reach out to a professional or even just to their friends and family when the risk is so high? when theyre told that theyre going to hurt people no matter what anyway?

full disclosure, im a paraphile. i wont specify anything beyond that. but for the longest time i really did feel like an irredeemable monster who was doomed to hurt others, that it was only a matter of time. that mindset, unsurprisingly, is not very conducive to recovery. it was only when i found other paraphiles online, learned i wasnt alone, that i didnt have to feel like the only option was death, that i finally felt like i could take control of myself. the isolation was the biggest hindrance to that. feeling like i was entirely alone in the world aside from people who had committed heinous acts, because the paraphiles who havent obviously cant talk about it. except they do, in small corners of the internet, where they still face incredible harassment and shame. still, knowing i was in the company of good people and knowing that my attraction wasnt some conscious choice on my part that made me into an inherent monster helped majorly. i didnt choose to grow up in the environment that i did. i didnt choose what i was exposed to as a kid. i didnt choose how any of that would affect me. i didnt choose to be a paraphile. but i am choosing to be a good person despite it, and im choosing to let other paraphiles know that they can do the same. i know there are some reading this. youre not alone, you can get help, and you can choose to be a fantastic person. youre not doomed. you dont have to die to keep others safe.

to summarize: paraphiles are human beings with mental illnesses just like many of you. and just like you, they need help and support, but its incredibly difficult to get that when the public opinion on them is generally "you deserve to die no matter what." we are incredibly common. you probably know a paraphile. and if that deeply upsets you on a moral level, i hope you know thats the reason why paraphiles hide it and just get worse and worse.

paraphiles are always going to be here no matter how hard you wish they were all dead. thats just a fact. so you can keep making graphic threats against mentally ill people, literally only causing further harm to them and to others, or you can show compassion and a genuine desire to see things get better by at the very least not perpetuating obvious anti-recovery, pro capital punishment, pro thought crime propaganda.

.

#shipping discourse

[ineffablebros]

so i just finished Angels Before Man by rafael nicolás recently and it was such a beautiful read. If you love good omens, i mean i cant help but recommend this book if you want to read more queer retellings of the biblical stories. Now, i’m an avid mitski listener. I related Abbey to Lucifer and it’s driving me crazy.

guys there’s some spoilers in this so pls don’t read if you plan to read this book. and ik this is being posted on my good omens blog idk deal with it.

the lyrics really speak to his first thoughts and emotions when first becoming conscious.

i am hungry.

i have been hungry. i was born hungry. what do i need?

In the first chapters, he feels lost. and wants and craves God’s attention and guidance through this existence he was forced into.

I am something.

I have been something. I was born something. What could I be?

As lucifer meets God, he finds purpose as being the angel of worship. With Micheal, he finds purpose within love and himself.

There is a light that I can see

But only, it seems, when there's darkness in me

as we get deeper into the book, Lucifer is finding identity. he comes to love himself. but god has made him for another purpose. whether Lucifer could have avoided the darker energy within him or hidden his emotions of Michael is inevitable and impossible to know. because god did not allow question. whether this is destiny for lucifer or choice enforced by god, will not save him from what god put in him.

There is a dream that I sometimes see

That only appears in the dark of sleep

his thoughts towards sleep changes throughout the book. which correlates to his fall and his becoming of lucifer. his nightmares as he changes and resigns to his anger and hatred towards God.

I am waiting

I have been waiting

I was born waiting

I was born waiting

i related this more how lucifer seems to question his full potential. who can he be? what are the limits? does he have limits? and can he push them?

For that something

Just to want something

Can he have what he wants? will the powers around him allow him to have micheal? running off with him. he didn’t know that this was what he was made for and it was. he was made to love. deeply. obsessively. hungrily.

I was born something

I was born

There is a light, I feel it in me

But only, it seems, when the dark surrounds me

i related this part of the song with several parts of the book. maybe the belief in himself that micheal has allowed him to feel for himself. he feels himself change. the angels clearly see lucifer change and remain wary. the loss of his former identity that would so easily bow his head and demean himself has morphed. and he is being punished for having such feelings. surrounded by light but he sees darkness.

There is a dream and it sleeps in me

To awake in the night, crying, "Set me free"

And I awake every night, crying, "Set me free"

it really speaks to the heartbreaking part of Lucifer’s metamorphosis as the beast consumes him. he sees the beast within his dreams like an impending doom and he fears sleep like those who fear sleep as example of their death. the inevitable and ominous destiny.

dear @nicosraf

your book was beautifully written and it left me in shambles! keep up the good work <3 but fr im very excited for the next book i’ll buy it the moment it comes out and i hope you didn’t mind my ranting. hopefully it makes some sense because i just wrote this in a frenzy 💀

#angels for man #bookblr #mitski lyrics #abbey mitski #mitski abbey #lush mitski #my fellow good omens ppl pls read this

[rxttenfish]

PLEASE tell us more about virina mishra im such a sucker for nextgens

OOPS FUCK I GOT DISTRACTED AGAIN AND FORGOR TO ANSWER THIS

virina!!! my beloved virina!!!! littlest froggy!!!

aaravi and miranda very much both wanted to actually, you know, have a family. its one of those things where you come from someplace so shitty and so terrible, that you just cannot imagine someone else going through that same thing, and you cannot bear the thought of making someone else go through the same thing. to be fair, they are both TERRIFIED of just repeating the past and ending up in the exact same loop that their parents did, terrified of just heaving back on the same generational trauma and wreck of a childhood, but there comes a point in being afraid of something where you just need to get rid of this fear. its too constant, its too forever, its too eternal. sitting through it and avoiding it isn't making it go away, and they already fucked up avoiding it by finding each other and loving each other, so dancing around the issue isn't helping. instead, what they mutually land on is just... a want to prove that fear wrong. a want to prove that fear wrong, to prove that they aren't doomed to be just a weapon and just a source of death in all its forms, that they can hold something in their hands and make it grow. best way to avoid repeating the past is to take responsibility by the leash, after all. they want to go back in time, to give themselves the childhood that they always missed, and the best way they figured to do that is to give that to someone else.

this is something that very much existed since their relationship started to get serious with each other, and something that's been in the background the entire time since, so its not like its a mystery or anything. if anything, they've been using this want as a motivation, as a need to keep going even at the worst of times. they will have this happy future. they will make it through this together. they will make it work. no more ifs, no more buts, no more doubt. stop living in the doubt and start acting as though their happy end is a foregone conclusion and something that they are going to have no matter what, give no room for fear or guilt or shame or depression or self hatred to sneak in. they will be happy. they will make someone else happy. they will be someplace safe, not just for themselves, but for their loved ones too. they will be good. they will be.

even after everything blows over (mainly from miranda's family, she is still crown princess and stepping away from that was never going to be an option they gave her), it still takes a few years for them to broach the topic of having a kid for-real. just to make sure everything's settled. just to make sure everything's safe.

they have virina later in life than some of their other friends or just in general, but they were planned and wanted for so long that the wait is worth it. the name, as i've mentioned, comes from aaravi. she knows her mom was a... complicated woman, she knows her own raising wasn't perfect and that there were things that she still cant fully forgive her mother for, but she had a hard life too. she too deserved better. despite it all, aaravi still loves her mom, despite despite despite. and so she does the best thing that she can to honor her mom, to honor her memory, to give her the life that she never had the same as aaravi herself, and gives it to virina. the mishra last name was a no-brainer already, miranda already look aaravi's last name and preferred being a mishra over a vanderbilt anyday.

years later, virina also earns the nickname of "froggy" - primarily because of their own love for the animal, constantly finding them and bringing them in from outside. likewise, miranda and aaravi decide to raise them genderless, and to let them decide for themselves how they want to be referred to when they're older.

virina doesn't really take much after either of their moms, though. mostly they're quiet, shy, keep to themselves. where both of their moms are brash and dominant, very confident in themselves and willing to bowl over quieter personalities, virina seldom speaks, and when they do, its soft-spoken. they get easily spooked and cry easily, especially when it comes to other people. they cling to their moms legs, hide behind them when other people come around, prefer the company of animals over other people, tend not to like new things or new people and greatly prefer sticking to their simple, easy routine. they just can't figure out other people, seemingly, not understanding them or how to make friends or even what's appropriate or not to say in a conversation.

this isn't to say they aren't deeply intelligent and curious. they quickly learn to love venturing outside with their moms, playing in the garden or chasing bugs and frogs. they come in with sticks and rocks, make mud potions, try to build things out of sticks and befriend birds. they prefer books over people, ending up much more of a bookworm than either of their moms ever were, and ends up a very big nerd as they get older. theyre close and affectionate with the friends they do make, but this is a small handful of their very most trusted, and they never get much better at figuring out social norms.

in time, they lean a little bit more towards the femme side of things, growing their hair out long and liking long, swishy skirts that they can spin and sway over and over, that doesnt cling too tight to their legs. they end up needing glasses, and end up picking a pair thats large and circular, making their eyes seem all the more owlish. they settle on they/she, but never have particularly strong opinions about gender regardless. they can be blunt and quick to frustration, especially if they feel people arent understanding them, and are forever going to be deeply embarrassed over how their moms dote on them. i very much see them getting intensely interested and starting to study either linguistics, literature, history, geology, or any biology that takes them closer to the marshes and wetlands that they love.

they never think very much about how one of their moms used to be a princess, heir to a kingdom. beyond an instance as a kid that ended with them dropping a training sword repeatedly and crying, they never get very interested in following the slayer line of work. they fuss over small stakes, have their moms grate on them sometimes in both of their old ways, and they live a normal life.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #miravi.txt #monster prom #asks #Anonymous #anon #you might notice this as a theme with my fankids #in that i very much LOVE making them be the opposite of their parents #or otherwise be a personality that would have - if it were one of their peers - have annoyed their parents #because thats just the nature of kids! you have no promise that theyll be just like you! #theyre just their own little people! and you cant control that! #and hopefully. you come to accept that and love them regardless. #because theyre still just little people. they have no control over this. they need you to take care of them. #and thats okay actually. #...... also yeah it annoys me to no end when people make fankids and just. fuse the parents. #instead of having them be their own character with their own feelings and personality.... #like! nah thats a whole ass other person! they came from these other two people but that doesnt mean shit! #also tbf i think miri and ravi would be THRILLED that virina would get annoyed by them sometimes #specifically in the sense of FUCK YES LOOK AT HOW FAR THEY'VE COME #they have reached the point where the habits that they developed out of necessity and a need to survive #are now just annoyances and no longer appropriate for the world they created together #THEY MADE IT. LOOK AT HOW GOOD THEY'VE DONE!!! #fully the type of moms to kiss all over virina's head and hug them to death while they squirm and whine that #MOOOOMS. YOU EMBARRASSING THEM. #what bliss to be embarrassing!!!