#for a few years now

[grimlock]

the stuff with redbubble honestly finally let me make the push to just take my stuff off there

like genuinely. if one of my designs sold on redbubble, i'd be lucky to see a tenth of it. just about any other site would be better to sell stuff on

#postatoes #they've been keeping money from me #for a few years now #since i basically just used redbubble for old designs i dont exactly do numbers on that site #and they don't send you your check until it's over $2 once a year #or over $15 once a month #and with these new changes? with their fee? that $2 becomes $1 #(also to specify: i only do stickers and they give you about $0.20 max for every $2.65 sticker) #honestly for under $2 i'm just like ''whatever'' at this point #better to cut my losses and get out of there i think #i literally make more from my own stickers per-sticker #whenever I sell 2 stickers for $2 each i make more than i ever have from redbubble #even with paypal + cost of making

[bemamar]

When I was more deeply depressed, whenever I was feeling specially distraught, or the abuse had been specially bad that day, I couldn't make myself sit on any surface other than the floor. In my brain it made perfect sense, that I wanted to be as low as possible, as though matching my feelings to my geographical position was essential, that I needed the solid feeling of the ground, that I even felt undeserving of a seat, and that something about giving up all pretense that I was okay helped. I've sat in bathroom floors before, at my family's houses' bathrooms, when I was having meltdowns. I've sat in my room, endless times because it felt like the only logical place to cry was the floor. I never thought it was weird, I thought it just made sense, though my mother always got mad at me for doing it when she caught me, saying I was being dramatic for attention (even though I was in my room / bathroom and she was the one to barge in like??), she got mad at me for everything so that wasn't special. I now think it might have had everything to do with my autism.

And (I know this is gonna sound weird) but I can feel and am always very aware of my elevation from the ground whenever I'm not touching it, ie lying or others, and sometimes I am so overwhelmed that even that feeling is too much and I need it gone. Which coincides of course with breakdowns of all kinds.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #neurodivergence #i always played on the floor too #but that's more quote unquote normal #I haven't felt the need to sit on the floor #for a few years now #and honestly it's like a measure of my mental health #that's specifically for home tho #sitting on the floor when hanging out with friends etc #that's different #it also helped / helps when my dissociation is specially bad #like literally grounding myself

[catmask]

its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know

#i think this is why ive been so much more geniunely happy these last few years #like. i will never be going to bed alone. i will always have someone who wants me here #i will always have someone to say 'im sorry im not feeling very well now' and they will be concerned instead of being annoyed #at you as if those feelings are an inconvenience #scratchpost #txt

[brotha-lamp]

TW: mentions of ARFID under the cut. No explicate details included.

Oh ok… the MCAS food allergy stuff seriously set off my finally mostly under control ARFID stuff and now I’m just not eating again. 😰

Come on, body. Please stop.

#MCAS #ARFID #tw: arfid #tw arfid #tw: eating disorder #tw eating issues #tw: ed #tw: ed mention #I was finally like #getting back into eating properly again #for a few years now #gently pushing boundries and not being mean when I had those Bad Days #but now my brain automatically switched into Safety Mode #from being super sick before #that it’s like #don’t eat anything or you will Suffer #which is not 100% wrong #I do keep having allergic reactions to shit constantly #or I should say MCAS reactions #the 2-3 antihistamines a day aren’t covering all #the things #but NOT EATING IS NOT A SOLUTION

[kaogens]

static

#vocaloid #hatsune miku #miku hatsune #i live for making her unsettling.. had this concept in my head for a few years now im so happy w how it came out #will be up as a print during my new shop update this month too :P #i havent been updating much on tumblr but im cooking up something good for this months shop update IM EXCITEDDDDDD

[threeheartts]

me lately once again

#my personality lately is being a good omens fan who waited 4 years for season 2 and now is about to lose their mind in just a few days #don't count on me to anything #i'm too busy #good omens #neil gaiman #ren shut up

[hiirenvirna]

tragic news: two guys ruthlessly bully little kitty cat every day

#doodle #comic diary #we got two foster cats recently :) they are sillyyy #i've fostered for a few years now but this is the first time in our new apartment!

[homo-house]

bfrbs have me in a chokehold

#looking back i don't know why i didn't consider having ocd sooner. the bfrbs have always been there i've known they're on the o/c spectrum #for a few years now #i just wish having this knowledge helped me in any way #i know i'm sick i have a disorder i have self control issues but knowing does not help. ssris help just a little just enough #i hardly see how psychotherapy will help but i'm trying to get back to it i guess

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[franeridart]

mishanks from the past two days because I’ve been……………..slightly taken. by them. just a bit. :)

#one piece #mishanks #i am once sgain obsessed with them what’s new #i go through this once every few years or every time I reread nothing new!!!!! #only now i learnt how to draw them so i might never be normal again #it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine #my sketches #btw oda said mihawk big hat and apparently i said not big Enough #that’s fine too

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#selfie bee #good evening friends!! how are you doing! C: #I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself #I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose #I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years #thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!! #not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* #but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint #he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it #my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago #as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds #he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where #I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo #it was heath ledgers face as the joker #at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years #a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ #I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets #can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street? #I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet #he might have special abilities #I hope you're having a good day friends!! C: #I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week #miss you!! ♥♥♥

[rhysiana]

Here's the truth: if this website collapses too, I will never know when a show has finally come out, because I won't suddenly see new gifs from it.

#I haven't seen an actual ad on the internet in a few years now #I am only aware of things if a friend tells me #I love the parallel play network #rhys's stuff

[uncanny-tranny]

This might seem like an "old man yells at cloud" situation, but it's just wild growing up and being told how dangerous distracted driving is - how, at highway speeds, you can traverse the length of a football field (100 yards, 91 meters) in a matter of seconds - how one split second sending a text while driving could result in a potential fatal crash, and then getting on the road as a driver and being surrounded by billboards. Their entire purpose is to catch one's attention, so they're lining major roads, which tend to be highways. How is it that you're told how important it is to never be distracted while driving, but still being advertised to?

At best, this type of advertising is an eyesore to pedestrians and motorists and a general waste of electricity to light it, and at worst, it is an active danger considering they are there to advertise and therefore, must catch people's attention.

I'm not even against advertising in theory, but this particular mode bothers me so much and I hate how pervasive it is - especially in large cities or highways.

#politics #i don't know much about são paulo banning marketing billboards but on paper i want that here in the USA #as a motorist it at best just makes me more anxious driving in those larger cities because i want to FOCUS ON THE ROAD #and passing 5000 billboards per mile isn't helping actually! #i've gotten good at filtering that out of my FOV but it's still fucking exhausting lol #i especially hate those modern electric billboards. despise them actually #i am aware that advertising is a critical aspect to business management in some cases... #...but it shouldn't risk the safety of the populous for you to advertise to them and i see things like billboards as risking safety... #...i feel similarly about online advertising in that so much of it risks internet user's safety... #...such as flashing ads online which risk triggering epileptic seizures in light/photo-sensitive folks #distracted driving (texting): NO >:( || distracted driving (being advertised to): YAYYYY :D #i've been driving on my own for a few years now and i've been thinking about this for ENTIRELY too long

[elvyn]

Idk I just wanted to draw him with long hair

#when it's 2023 and you're experiencing Bleach for the first time #I have a bit of a love hate relationship with this series xD #Buuut in fact I'm lucky that I've only been watching anime for a few years now. #A lot of interesting series with interesting characters are still waiting for me. #my art #anime #bleach #hirako shinji #It's funny that at first I hated his character and now he's one of my favs in this anime

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i am thinking how much poorer, how much less colorful the world would be if art was only made by "professionals." if all the music, all the stories, all the sketches & paintings & craftwork of the world was created only by the small category of people able to make a decent living from their art. imagine if the only people allowed to create were the experts & the renowned & those aspiring to the top. what a grey world that would be. how much joy would be bleached away! i love you people who create for the sake of creating, i love you artists who do art for tiny audiences, i love you people who make things even just for one person, even just for themselves, even if no one's watching, thank you thank you thank you for decorating the world in which we all exist

#not a shitpost #related: the most powerful crafters alive are crocheters who spend 7+ years making an intricate table cloth no one is allowed to eat on #all that arcane magic into making a display object primarily for their own enjoyment #and that of the blessed few lucky enough to be invited into their home to behold what is by rights a sacred object #if you spend a certain number of hours crafting something u have the right to have it put in a shrine or museum of your choosing i think #you have imbued it with your Life Essence by sheer force of concentration and obsession it is Holy now #anyways. old ladies who knit/crochet/embroider etc are a thousands times more powerful and intimidating #than old white dudes who are obsessed with war memorabilia or whatever #i have nothing but respect awe and appropriate amounts of fear towards crafters. my liege

[kaninchen-reblogs]

I think this is the funniest fucking notifications I've ever gotten in Morrowind.

#kanny says things #i have no idea which mod i have installed thats telling me im on my period #i installed most of these mods YEARS ago and i just recently got the urge to play again #so i dont even remember like 90% of the mods i have installed #im literally just in the middle of turning in some mages guild quests #and practicing a few spells #and now i guess my pussy decided to activate #morrowind #the elder scrolls