#focus on the joy of right now

[whentherewerebicycles]

it's good news thank god 😭😭😭

#iui tag #last time this was the first indication that things weren't going right #because it was only a 30% increase and it needed to be 60-100% for her to think everything was normal #but this time my levels went up by 216% 😭😭😭 #i am weeping in a study room #maybe it's all going to be okay #my ultrasound is next thurs (week and a half) #i am going to try SO hard to stay in the headspace of joy during this brief window where i have no medical encounters #she mentioned that if i am feeling really anxious about the utlrasound i can have one more blood draw done in the meantime #and i think i will try to be chill but will keep that in reserve if i really need confirmation that things are going ok #but JOY JOY JOY #anyway in other news i think i might have a bit of light pregnancy loss trauma 🫠 #the degree to which i was out of my fucking mind all weekend and all day today was just uh #it was a lot #i was so sick with adrenaline i was shaking on the drive to work #but okay #just gonna #focus on the joy of right now

[vargaslovinghours]

And never let you go ♥

Bonus without the overspill lighting:

#💟 #Digital art #Full Art #Art #Edgar #Scriabin #It's that time of year again where I get real sappy about Vargas ♥ Because yes! Once again it is my own personal Vargasversary! 🎊 Yaaaay #Seven years now - I don't know what to do with seven years it feels like a hard to define number haha #Right in the middle between five years and ten years! A while to be certain but hard to define as a Long Time either hmm #Well whatever it doesn't matter <3 The important part is that I still love Vargas and them very much ♥♪ #I actually didn't really have any specific plans for this Vargasversary :0 I haven't been drawing them much again #Other things have drawn my focus and attention hehe ♪ #So I just kinda set my hand loose - no sketches on paper no defined idea - this is just what my hand/brain came up with in the moment #I'm pleased :) I think it accurately expresses how I feel about them hehe <3 #I wrote down what ended up being the text/caption a couple months ago while I was in Big Love in their direction #I don't remember what inspired it anymore other than just - They ♥ Themst ♥ Do love them <3 #I've planned my next reread now ♪ Barring anything drastic (like an update lol) I know when I'll be rereading next #I'm looking forward to it! :D As always hehe <3 #It's still a bit a ways off which works well for recharging :) #And of course I'll be doing my usual in the meanwhile - this and the main anniversary and my sketchdumps and Requestober haha #The caption is as much me as it is Edgar after all <3 #Even quiet and sleeping I still find them as a comfort - a place I find rest and joy in ♥ #Inspiring and lovely and wonderful - pretty and tender and dear! #Oh and #Always finding a way to flip up the bottom of the shirt #Hehe <3

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result #and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master #but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper- #are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like #i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh #as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible #sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness #so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun #but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps #doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you #not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog #but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog #if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck #but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation- #the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines- #then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST #and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them #because now you have the drive to want to do more #now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing #long post #even longer tags #art #drawing #artists #art advice

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS. #MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO. #Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE! #guys…. he my favorriet… #my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM* #yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY? #oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd #also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th #breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to #so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart #and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves #i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this #i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things #so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday #i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers #but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care? #people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better #if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war #anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter] #personal #add to journal #words n rhythm #WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS #cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao #i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes. #anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i #and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would #objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else. #this is a gift i give myself now. #this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do #trauma evolution #mosswrites

[walker-lister]

I just have to remind myself sometimes that no matter what anyone else says, the way a piece of media makes me feel and the positive impact it has had on my queer identity is valid, and that tearing myself apart thinking I have to defend it or questioning my own place within queer communities is not at all important when compared to the almost tangible sense of 'rightness' that piece of media helped me to feel about myself.

#just something i've been pondering the last few days #kind of like no matter how much people debate or i suppose theoretically deconstruct media featuring queer stories #the most important thing is how it makes a queer person feel #and I do think it is of course a good thing to ensure queer stories are executed with respect and authenticity #but there's this grey area in fandom spaces in which people may have found rep from a 'unreliable' source i suppose #or something which is queerbaiting- sherlock springs to mind for example yet if people have been able to explore and nurture their own #queerness through that media does that therefore mean their experience is invalid? i don't think so #and my worry is the more we focus on theory the less we focus on emotion and therefore the actual queer experience itself #and sure theory can inform the queer experience and ensure the media is a 'healthy' site of queer identity formation and identity aid #but at the same time scorning or being rude to those who have found certain media an aid is not the right approach to be taking #especially as queer experiences are so wide ranging that one person's idea of 'good' representation is someone's else's of 'bad' #and that unless a piece of media is clearly offensive in its portrayal of queer experience there has to be some benefit of doubt #I think we're still in a period of progression in media espc tv where queer creators are coming to the fore of their own stories #and we've got to 'live and let live' a little about where people are finding sights of queer validation and joy #and perhaps this a naive and simplistic way of thinking but i think queer people can either recognise when something isn't the best rep #but was helpful for them anyway and therefore in a way confer 'ownership' of the media to themselves in how they engage #or there is variety in queer experiences represented in media so that perhaps not everyone finds a 'site' of rep but that does not #therefore invalidate it or make it 'bad' representation #this is just my opinion and it'd be hypocritical for me to not now mention this is only formed from my own queer experience lol #so i'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel or anything just something i'm pondering

[hearditinapastlife2019]

feeling very conflicted because end of april/early may has been really hard for me the last few years bc it was when my emotionally damaging relationship was at its worst in 2020 and every year i come back a little bit to feeling that small and tender and sad… but also the world is waking up and may 1st is the one year anniversary of m and i moving in together and i have so much to celebrate and be happy about. but instead i’m crying and asking m if they love me still even if i cry over pictures of chihuahuas and over people looking at me weirdly. strange season

#cooking seems to be the only thing bringing me joy… running and yoga are autopilot right now and i can’t hold focus on my other hobbies

[wantbytaemin]

my god i just woke up from THE most detailed gentle and heartbreaking dream about jinki im in my bed like 😮 what was THAT

#so it was way too detailed for me to get into everything but it started with him being sad and like not wanting to speak to anyone #and i was sitting on the floor doing some writing & was like hi come here so he sat down like in between my legs and rested against me #i asked if he wanted to talk but he didn’t so i let it be and kept writing but couldn’t really focus #and then minho got there and was like ‘oh good he’s here’ and i was like what happened #and minho explained that like they were planning to do a world tour and album as shinee but jinki didn’t want to participate bc of the way #it was being handled #like there was a promo poster that was super insensitive towards jonghyun too #and a bunch of other things and then it flashed back to jinki filming a teaser for the tour and it was super intricate and too much for me #to type up right now but he looked so happy & smiley #like to make a point that he had wanted to be there until all the shit went down #and then it flashed back to me holding him and i stopped writing (or pretending to anyway) and just held him #there was no minho at that point and it felt like it was hours #and now i’m up and Shaken a little. not to be off the rails you’ll understand as I’m still affected by the dream but like it was so nice to #see him smile im still feeling the feeling like. relief and joy whew whatever he’s doing rn i hope he takes all the time in the world if he #needs/wants to & im grateful to have seen him smile even as a dream

[dcviline]

I know I don’t have to apologize for it but I still wanna say I realize I’ve been a lot slower at replies this past month and that’s purely because my daily stress levels are at an all time high 😔✌️

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #like it just makes it hard to focus so yeah I am sorry for being slower #please understand I am like a machine in emergency/ back up power mode right now I am not at My Best #but on the flip side I am very glad to still be able to come on here and escape a bit #like truly having this hobby to distract me and consistently give me joy has kept me from spiraling and I’m grateful

[starbuck]

the fact that i don’t have time to fall in love right now is literally SO unfair.

#I AM YOUNG AND FULL OF JOY AND POSSIBILITY!!!!!! #LET ME LIVE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME LIVE #unfortunately in reality i still have ten semesters to go… #and then maybe grad school as well... #and like. i get it… #one part of me says ‘don’t even think about dating until you have your own house’ #but the other part of me says ‘what the hell is WRONG with you????? GET OUT THERE AND LIVE AND LOVE RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY!!!!!’ #so there is what you could describe as a SLIGHT conflict #idk… if i could just casually date someone i think that could be fun #but i know i don’t have time for a serious commitment #and i am an unfortunately serious person #i have to keep in mind that i’m planning to run away for two years at the beginning of 2026 #and do i REALLY wanna put up with something long-distance?? #probably not #it wouldn’t matter to me - but i wouldn’t expect someone else to deal with it #overall i just have to wait for the right person and i’ll know them when i see them and they’ll know me too #and that’s all there is to it #i’m waiting for a Connection #and until then i need to focus and keep up with my classes and work #miserable miserable things - but worth it #and i can continue to build myself up in the meantime with my personal studies #so that when the right person comes along i am exactly who i want to be #and that is why they will love me

[cryoexorcist]

aside from still being on a bbt binge (almost done with s9, just a few seasons left to go!) my stress levels for next month's family vacation are off the charts.

so my activity on here and @mmriesoftvat is going to continue to be sporadic for the short forseeable future. not a complete hiatus, just a small step back so i can focus on me for a bit and try not to let stress & anxiety completely consume me!

i'm gonna try and plug wire a lot more since i'm constantly on my phone as well, as well as discord rp for those of you who really wanna do short fun stuff on those platforms!

#/ ᴇᴠɪʟ ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴄᴏᴡᴇʀ ɪɴ ғᴇᴀʀ / ooc #i'll still do some stuff here #but right now i need to definitely focus on me for a bit #without getting personal family trips do not spark joy #ily all though thanks for sticking with me <3

[incomprehensiblebi]

college courses making me realize i am nowhere near as knowledgable, insightful, or analytical as i could be. i genuinely do not have a problem with this, as it means i can still grow as a thinker, which is one of my favorite things to be. it excites me that i am still learning, that i am still being surprised, that i am still misunderstanding and getting things incorrect, because then, i know. i retain what i can, and am able to apply it to anything in my life. the possibilities are infinite already, but that infinity keeps growing larger and larger. i'm glad i'm here.

#hi hello #biblog #and of course ones value is NOT dependent on being knowledgable insightful or analytical #i know this and still sometimes lose focus of that fact #but - simply put - there is no greater joy to me than contributing meaningfully to other's lives #as a child and as an adult i have always been able to do so best with words written or spoken #i place an extremely high importance on what i say and don't say - when i am lax with my words it feels wrong #not just in vocabulary - but in what i mean to say #thats what im getting the most out of college right now - the ability to synthesize my jumbled mess of a brain into words and concepts that- #fully and completely articulate exactly what i think #anyhow #i simply enjoy talking - sharing myself with others #case in point: i basically just wrote a whole second post in the tags #ANYHOW anyhow - byebye for now! gonna get dinnar 🔥

[thepavementsings]

thats a new man

#sorry ive watched that video 12 times in the 17 minutes since they posted it #🤩 #<- thats him #it's ALL ive wanted this whole year #i cant explain it #it feels like 2018 toro rosso pierre smiles #like he's really so excited in a way that doesnt feel weighed down by expectation #there's focus sure but it was SO heavy and fierce at AT... #im FLYING HIGH right now #JOY. JOYYYYYY

[mielgf]

some vegetables that i used to hate but now i want to eat literally daily bc i learned how to cook them good: broccoli, green beans, & squash

#whoever said adulthood is about learning how to cook veggies in yummy ways… you’re so right #i used to just make stir frys to kinda convince myself i like vegetables but now i ACTUALLY enjoy them more and more yayyyy #cooking has become so much more fun recently i love it it’s so therapeutic #the dishes after… we’ll ignore that and focus on the joy that cooking brings 🥰 #talk time

[bunflora]

addy started a replay of deltarune ch1 for me because i’ve been such a mess of anxiety + illness for days… i started a brand new town in acnl too, so i have something comforting to play when i get stressed. little happy things to combat the everything else going wrong

#tbh a few days ago i had one of the longest and worst panic attacks of my life and it’s been downhill since <:3 #i feel like a failure in a lot of ways right now and i can feel myself checking out emotionally and socially.. #my batteries are just. constantly empty nowadays i rly don’t know what to do about it #am trying to focus on just a couple people and on small things that bring me joy for now. maybe that’ll let me get some energy back #and get my ducks back in a row soon… #moonspeak

[lesbianlotties]

girl help i'm editing the final chapter of my mermaid au but i really don't want it to end 🤧🤧🤧

#but also i need to end it to focus on other fics i really want to write?? #but also if it brings me joy why should i end it?? #i want to write a surprise epilogue but also i'm tired and i want to be done and i can't come up with enough scenes?? #but also technically i could just write these scenes whenever i feel like and just add to it even after it ends right?? #like i dont have to pressure myself to keep writing it Now like there could be a suprise epilogue months later and it's still valid right?? #but also it makes me so emotional i dont want to leave my mermaid besties 😭😭